february 3, 2014 issue 15 ~volume 99
T U L S A 2 0 2 4
THE COLLEGIAN’S GUIDE TO THE TULSA OLYMPICS
Masterpiece by Anna Bennett
Tulsa may have withdrawn its proposed bid for the 2024 Summer Olympics last year, but that won’t stop us from dreaming. Above is the 2024 Tulsa Olympic village, as envisioned by the Collegian, towering, idyllic and exuding art deco. For more Tulsa Olympic coverage, see p. 6–7. While the Olympics probably won’t make it to Tulsa, you won’t believe what’s coming to ACAC, see p. 4.
3 February 2014
the Collegian : 2
U.S. Olympic uniforms a horrible mess The uniforms Team U.S.A. will wear to the Opening Ceremonies of the Sochi Winter Olympics are awful.
Fraser Kastner Staff Writer
Ralph Lauren revealed Team USA’s Olympic Opening Ceremony uniforms on Jan. 23, and the outfits are just awful. So awful, I felt compelled to go deeper, to take up pen and paper to try to decipher how and why such a silly idea made its way into reality. I should begin this article by stating that I have absolutely no expertise or interest in the fashion industry. My personal wardrobe is very small, and limited to articles of clothing that I am reasonably certain won’t look stupid together. Until last week I didn’t
even know that Ralph Lauren was an actual living person. That said, I like to think that I possess at least some good taste. I can usually tell when someone’s clothes clash, don’t look right, or are poorly chosen. It is this power of basic common sense, rather than any knowledge of fashion, that I will rely on in this critique of Team USA’s Olympic uniforms. The first thing I noticed about the uniform is the cardigan. One must congratulate Mr. Lauren here. The many eye-catching pieces of fabric subtly evoke the clashing advertisements splashed on a NASCAR driver’s jumpsuit. If this cardigan was a person, that person would be chanting “USA! USA!” during the opening ceremony, during sports events, in the snack line, before they go to bed and in their sleep. The genius of Ralph Lauren is once again displayed in the sweater under the cardigan. Like some kind of fashion wizard, Mr. Lauren has concocted the perfect bad holiday sweater, only somehow worse. The model wearing it looks uncomfortable and, frankly, itchy. Hard-to-look-at geometrical patterns
are interrupted by a duo of moose, framing a snowflake. Of course, Ralph Lauren added “POLO” in big letters on the chest, because a sporting event intended to promote national solidarity is a perfect opportunity to promote one’s personal brand. The overstated cardigan is offset nicely with the clean, white pants, the only mark the Sochi 2014 logo tastefully placed on the lower right leg. It is a shame that the pants look like they belong on a yacht club member. These are the pants of a person who eats hors d’oeuvres. These are the pants of a person who can taste the difference between different types of wines. The person who wears these pants has probably never met the hyper-patriotic NASCAR fan embodied by the cardigan. After the pants, a pair of red-laced, black boots that look like they belong on a skinhead. This association with violent stupidity is probably why the athletes chosen to model the clothes look so frightened. The most important piece of the whole
Jesse Keipp Staff Writer
In a suspected attempt to imitate the basketball skills of a seven-year-old last Wednesday against the Chicago Bulls, San Antonio Spurs point guard and NBA Finals champion Tony Parker failed to reach even halfway to the hoop on a free throw attempt. Parker was fortunate enough to be in front of a home crowd; otherwise, the mother of all air balls might have sent him into therapy. So next time you play HORSE with your friends and embarrass yourself, know that your shot wasn’t as bad as NBA pro Tony Parker’s. Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning added yet another personal award to his trophy shelf with his record fifth Associated Press NFL Most Valuable Player award. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, considering that for the second time in his career, Manning set the singleseason mark for passing touchdowns, while topping the all-time list for single-season passing yards. For comparison, Manning finished the year with 55 passing TDs—a whopping 36-percent more TDs than the second-place finisher, New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees (39 TDs).
Photo courtesy Sidelines
Payton Manning is one of the best quarterbacks in the history of the National Football League, and his status as a legendary quarterback will not be affected by the Seahawks blowout of Manning and the Broncos in Super Bowl XLVIII.
Photo courtesy United States Olympic Committee
The United States Olympic team will wear these uniforms during the Opening Ceremonies of the XXII Winter Olympic Games Friday night in Sochi, Russia. The uniforms, designed by Ralph Lauren, have drawn both fire and praise from U.S. fans.
ensemble, however, is the hat. The ski cap, while easy to miss, puts the entire schizophrenic outfit into perspective. The cap conveys a sense of irony and of hipness to the entire outfit. It’s all clear now: the clothes are intended to look stupid together. Only a really cool person would wear this terrible, awful outfit, because a really cool person doesn’t need to have dignity. It doesn’t matter that the boots make our athletes look like they listen to racist punk rock, or that the sweater looks like something that came from the worst part of the thrift store. The silly, silly hat with its logos and frills pushes it over the edge, making it impossible for anyone to take the uniform seriously. In conclusion, I believe that these uniforms will dishearten our opponents before the games even begin. How can one compete against a nation that doesn’t even care what it looks like at the most important sporting event in the world? How can any combination of fabrics, colors and athletic prowess measure up with someone cool enough to raid Goodwill on the way over and call that a uniform? For the sake of fair play, I hope someone shows up to the opening ceremony looking as stupid as us.
Each year, up to $500,000 is
To the one guy who voted for New England patriots QB Tom Brady over Peyton Manning for MVP, come on, man! Sure, the Uggs For Men model had a decent season. I mean, it was OK at best. The guy didn’t come close to even touching Manning in any of the meaningful passing statistical categories. Brady mediocrely sat at 21st in completion percentage and 16th in passer rating. And you honestly thought he had a better year than Manning? A vote for Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Nick Foles would’ve been more acceptable. Foles, in a breakout campaign, threw only two interceptions on the entire year, while Manning tossed 10. Foles even had a better passer rating than Manning. Players on Northwestern University’s football team have reportedly begun the attempt to unionize in a fight for player compensation in college football. As I argued earlier in the year, college athletes deserve pay for the hundreds of millions of dollars they earn for the college sports industry. While none of the group’s official goals are to earn pay, it’s no secret that they want to. If approved by the National Labor Relations Board, the union will be known as the College Athletes Players Association, or CAPA. Additionally, CAPA will receive support from the United Steelworkers, just in case NCAA president Mark Emmert needs a little convincing, if you know what I mean...
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the Collegian : 3
3 February 2014
TU basketball plays well, still room for improvement The Golden Hurricane men’s team rebounded with a crushing defeat of UNT while the women’s team fell to a top-25 ranked team. Catherine Duininck Staff Writer
The Golden Hurricane men’s basketball team brought down the North Texas Mean Green Saturday 94–63 afternoon in front of 4,425 fans. TU was an impressive 16–19 from the free-throw line and had 14 offensive rebounds against a team which is currently the 35th best rebounding team in the country. These stats have greatly improved since earlier games when it seemed as though the fundamentals would never click for the Golden Hurricane. This game shows they have been working hard in practice to eliminate little mistakes which in turn produces favorable outcomes on the court. In an interview after the game sophomore D’Andre Wright said “Coach was telling us all week we had to get back on track and play team ball and team defense,” which
proved to be true in the matchup against North Texas. This was the first game that Rashad Smith was back with the team after an injury put him out of the lineup for the past six games. He certainly pulled his weight, playing a total of 22 minutes and scoring 17 points. D’Andre Wright put up 19 points for the Hurricane and James Woodard was on the court for 28 minutes of play, more than any other TU player, during which he scored 19 points. Head coach Danny Manning is pleased with the outcome of the game, but made it clear his team still has work to do. “We rebounded well,” he said. “I’m a little disappointed in our turnovers and assists, but when you shoot the ball the way we shot it, it covers up a
lot of those mistakes.” This win against UNT was important for the team following its loss to UAB a week earlier, as Tulsa goes on the road for its next two games. The trip begins at 8 p.m. Thursday with the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs. The game will be televised on CBS Sports Network (Channel No. 249 on Cox). The Hurricane continues its road trip against the Rice Owls two days later. Tip-off is set for 3 p.m. The Golden Hurricane women’s basketball team was disappointed after its loss to the No. 25-ranked Blue Raiders from Middle Tennessee. The team is full of potential and talent, but did not come out energized or fired up enough to get the job done. This team can come together and play with a sense of urgency that creates beautiful plays, but by the time that happens it can be too late to save the game, which was the case in Saturday’s 67–57 loss. Kelsey Grovey, however, did have a careerhigh 23 points. The Golden Hurricane travels to Norfolk, Va. to face Old Dominion Wednesday Feb. 5 with tip-off at 6 p.m. Tulsa returns to the Reynolds Center Saturday to host Florida Atlantic at 2 p.m.
Catherine Duininck / Collegian
Young Hurricane fans dance to the music in Reynolds Center with copies of the Collegian during the men’s game Saturday against the UNT Mean Green.
Internet funds Jamaican bobsled Olympic team Nikki Hagar Staff Writer
Tulsa’s terrific triathlon team TU’s triathlon team competes with schools from across the country and is welcoming all with open arms. Zhenya Yevtushenko Staff Writer
As students begin the semester, many have noticed flyers and advertisements for a new organization at the university, TU’s Triathlon team. A triathlon is a three-stage endurance race in which participants swim, cycle and run in succession. John Phillips, a graduate student at TU, got the idea to start a triathlon club. “During my time as an undergraduate at the University of Central Michigan, we had a big Triathlon club and we had a small team but we competed with big schools like Michigan, Ohio State, and we even went to nationals,” Phillips said. Austin Boardman, an undergraduate biology major, had tried to start a cycling club, and so “a Triathlon Club/team seemed like a logical extension. John talked me into it.” Currently, the team has four people that have competed, but about 14 work out and train together. “We’re a fun group, and we hope to have more people race with us. We have training events five times a week,” Phillips said. “If you’re out of shape, don’t necessarily have all the funds or equipment, we can help out and
get you fit,” Phillips continued. “Ultimately, our Triathlon team is what you make of it. If you are committed and willing to find the time to travel, you’ll get a lot of fun from it.” Prospective members should note the significant financial commitment in addition to the time spent competing and exercising. Boardman noted that, although they are not an official division in the Athletic Department, “our peer institutions, like Rice, have student-run club sport grant programs to help with things like extra funding to offset some training and equipment costs. SA helps a lot, but it would be great if TU had a similar student-run grant program.” The group competes in Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana and Oklahoma. The first race of the spring will be the Mean Green Sprint Triathlon/Conference Championship on March 16, which will consist of an 800 m swim, a 20 km bike and a 5 km run at the University of North Texas. Their biggest in-state competitor is Oklahoma State University; the University of Oklahoma does not have a Triathlon team. “Our goal would be to qualify for USAT Collegiate National Championships on April 5 in Tempe, Ariz. That’s an Olympic distance race (1500 m swim, 40 km bike, 10 km run),” Phillips said, “ We’re really looking forward to recruiting more and race as much as possible. I’ve also had the chance to meet a lot of great people.”
News and Notes •
The temperature at kick-off of Super Bowl XLVIII was 49 degrees, making the game the third coldest in Super Bowl history. The coldest Super Bowl was Super Bowl VI at Tulane Stadium in 1972. The Dallas Cowboys defeated the Miami Dolphins 24–3 in frigid 39-degree weather.
The Golden Hurricane softball team will be participating in the Florida Atlantic University Kick-Off Classic in Boca Raton, Fla., beginning Friday. The team first faces St. John’s followed by Ohio State Friday morning. TU will then take on Louisville and Florida Atlantic Saturday and then finish the series against Northern Illinois Sunday.
NBC will air the Opening Ceremonies of 2014 Winter Olympics tape-delayed Friday at 6:30 p.m. All Olympic competitions will be streamed live on NBCOlympics.com and NBC Sports Live Extra app. The first event is Men’s Slopestyle Snowboard Wednesday night running from midnight until Thursday at 2:25 a.m.
If interested in joining the team in competition or would just like to workout with the team, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
Will Bramlett / Collegian
Photo courtesy Austin Boardman
The Tulsa triathlon team poses for photos following one of the team’s races. Join the team to be with this group of proud people.
TU tennis top-tier team The Golden Hurricane is a serious threat to the topranked collegiate tennis teams and is working hard to finally pass the round of 16. Kimberly Poff Staff Writer
The women’s tennis team rang in the season by winning the conference tennis player of the week twice in a row. Senior Samantha Vickers took the honor on Jan. 21, while her freshman teammate Marcelina Cichon won it Jan. 28. Vickers has won several athlete of the week awards, and last year was named the Conference USA Women’s Tennis Athlete of the Year. “Its nice to know that I’m still getting recognition,” said the senior. Aside from the C-USA awards, the team has had a good start to the season. It opened the year with an invitational at the Case Center, beating both Oral Roberts University and Brigham Young 7–0. They then traveled to Ann Arbor, Mich., where the team faced Yale and Virginia Tech in the 2014 Intercollegiate Tennis Association Kick-Off Weekend. No. 28-ranked TU was beaten 4–3 by 31st-ranked Yale, but beat No. 54 ranked VT 4–2. The ITA Kick-Off Weekend was a bit of a downer given TU’s superior ranking. This past weekend, however,
Tulsa beat No. 31 OSU in Stillwater 4–3. Despite not a single tennis player at TU being from America, players on the women’s team expressed excitement at home-state rivalries. “I’m most looking forward to the matches against OU and OSU,” said UK native Vickers in an interview last Tuesday. OU will play Tulsa at the Case Center on March 12, one of eight home matches left in the season. Other teams traveling here include SMU, North Texas, Kansas State, Kansas, Wichita State, University of Texas at Arlington and Memphis. The number of home events this season (the fall competition schedule featured none) is a good opportunity for fans to come out and enjoy the Case Center, as well as cheer on their team. “Fans are really a big help in close matches,” says Kazakhstani freshman Yelana Nemchen, “it would be nice if there were more of them.” Aside from the rivalries closest to home, the biggest goal of the women’s team is to make it to the Sweet 16 of the NCAA championship. Last year Vickers and her doubles partner Isaura Enrique fell in the round of 16 to a duo from Arizona State in the doubles championship. Tulsa has made it to the round of 32 for the past four years, but has yet to break the round of 16 as a team.
Such rhythm. Very bobsled. Wow. Bob Marley, Bud and beaches typify what most Americans associate with the Caribbean. Bobsledding? Not so much. The 1993 Disney classic “Cool Runnings” tells the story of the 1988 Jamaican Bobsled team. Aside from coming from a poor, tropical nation, the original four-man team had very little practice time and so few economic resources that they were forced to borrow other teams’ equipment. Jamaica has since sent bobsled teams to the 1992, 1994, 1998 and 2002 Winter Olympics. The team failed to qualify in 2006 and 2010. The teams have never finished particularly well against more established programs, but for coming from an island whose average citizen makes approximately $5,500 per year, the nation has well exceeded expectations. This year they’re back. Winston Watts and Marvin Dixon will represent Jamaica in the two-man bobsled event. The team has yet again faced enormous financial difficulties. “Right now, we’re at zero,” said Watts several weeks ago in an Associate Press interview. Thanks to Internet donors, the team surpassed its $80,000 goal. They raised $184,000 between Jan. 18 and 22. Their campaign was in part financed by Dogecoin—a virtual internet currency valued at approximately $0.00146 apiece. The currency is similar to Bitcoin but meme-themed. “Doge,” a wideeyed Siba Inu with Comic Sans font captions, was one of the most popular memes of 2013 (and the new profile picture of popular Facebook page University of Tulsa Confessions). The currency started as a joke around seven weeks ago when creator Jackson Palmer tweeted about it. Dogecoin is now the fifth-largest virtual currency, with a total value of around $60 million. Dogecoin is also funding Shiva Keshavan, a five-time Olympic luge athlete from India. Within hours of a Reddit post to a Washington Post article, 465 people donated over 4,464,978 Dogecoins, which at the current exchange rate is around $7,000. In addition to being funded by Dogecoin, the Jamaican bobsled team also financed by Crowdtilt, a website devoted to group funding. The site is often used to fund private events like vacations and fundraisers. According to Crowdtilt cofounder James Beshara, the Jamaican Bobsled Campaign was one of the fastest campaigns to reach its goal in the website’s history. Nearly 3,000 people donated over $100,000, with money coming from 50 states and 52 countries. Thanks to the Internet, Cool Runnings 2 may be in the works. Now casting for the part of Doge.
3 February 2014
the Collegian : 4
Renovations will revitalize ACAC food choices Big changes to ACAC will bring new brands and more choices to students. The renovations are slated to be finished in time for the beginning of the next school year. Nikki Hager Staff Writer
A spate of new dining options are coming to TU’s Allen Chapman Activity Center this fall. According to director of dining Mike Neal, the first floor of ACAC is gonig to be completely renovated over the summertime to accommodate several new dining options. “The brands that are slated to come to TU in August of 2014 are Panda Express, Einstein’s Bagels, Pizza Hut Express, AFC Sushi (or a similar brand), a new Mexican Burrito concept, (and) a new c-store,” Neal said. Other changes will include the relocation of Benvenuto’s pasta to the first floor and a “healthy food station.” On a normal weekday lunch hour, ACAC is extremely crowded. The line of students waiting to order Subway sandwiches extends well beyond the restaurant’s doors, stretching down the north side of ACAC. Students cram into the cstore area, waiting in several lines for Pepperwok, the salad bar, hot and to-go options. The line for Chick-fil-A winds around the south side of the building. “I avoid ACAC around lunchtime,” junior Gabriella Pierce said. “Basically, ACAC is too small for current enrollment. Compared to other student unions, like University of Central Oklahoma, we’re severely limited in space, options and other amenities,” she continued. TU administration has been working alongside the Student Association to come up with dining options that fit TU students’ needs. There are very big changes in store, with the number of dining options to be expanded to 12. Benvenuto’s, in addition to being moved, will be expanded and will include gluten-free and whole-grain options. Student meal plans will also be receiving updates. Currently, meal plans include between 50 and 100 dining dollars. Following the changes, plans will start out with around 400 dining dollars, allowing students on meal plans to eat more frequently at ACAC.
Meal plans will also have 50 “Game Day Dollars” built into the plan, which can be used at concession stands at football and basketball games and other TU sporting events. “It is safe to say dialogue about each addition to TU has been a long time coming. Branding of the food court has been studied for several years, but the feasibility for a complete overhaul has only recently been considered,” said Neal. Neal highlights the complexities of bringing new, branded restaurants to campus. TU administration must work with the companies, taking into consideration revenue expectations, population density, proximity to other restaurants in town and the amount of space available. “This same level of input and consideration was also given to Subway and Chickfil-A before they landed on campus,” Neal said. “Each was a direct result of a healthy dose of dialogue between students and the administration, much of it started in the student government,” Neal added. “Both venues are doing well at TU and their companies are very happy with the outcomes of their investments, as is the University’s administration and student body as a whole.” Additionally, The University Bookstore will be moved out of ACAC and relocated off-campus to the corner of Eleventh and Harvard. “The bookstore, in addition to being available to students and faculty, will be available to the community as well,” Vice President of Enrollment and Student Services France said. The Student Association began its efforts to expand dining options in ACAC this fall. “Senator Lauren Holmes wrote a survey that asked students what kind of branded concepts they wanted to see in ACAC,” said Student Association Vice President Brett Baumgartner. According to Holmes, there was a general consensus that students were interested in having a restaurant similar to Chipotle, pizza, breakfast, Asian and some kind of sandwich-and-salad restaurant. Additionally, Senator Danielle Medearis authored SA legislation acknowledging the organization’s concerns with ACAC and stating their interest in working with administration to improve the dining options available. The resulting plans have been a product
of the open dialogue between the Student Association and the administration. “I had a lot of conversation back and forth with SA leadership, Mike (Neal) and a few students about what they wanted. Both (the Student Investigative Committee) and I were very pleased with what Mike brought back to us,” Holmes said. Baumgartner also cited the support he received from university administration. “Once (President Steadman Upham) found out that the Student Association was backing this creative endeavor, the project was quickly approved,” Baumgartner said. “The approval of this overhaul has been well-received, and all of the university ad-
Meal Plan Options
ministration, including President Upham, has been enthusiastically supportive of the new dining venues,” said Neal. “They believe this plan will enhance the life of campus for our students and elevate our dining facilities among some of the best for institutions our size,” Neal added. The student response has been positive as well. “I am very pleased that this is happening. It is a much-needed improvement to our student center,” Pierce said of the upcoming changes. “I am also happy that the changes will happen so fast. I will get to enjoy them before I graduate,” she added.
Price per Semester
21 Meals per week/400 Dining Dollars/50 Game Day Dollars 17 Meals per week/225 Dining Dollars/50 Game Day Dollars 12 Meals per week/400 Dining Dollars/50 Game Day Dollars 20 Meals per week/650 Dining Dollars/50 Game Day Dollars 8 Meals per week/375 Dining Dollars/50 Game Day Dollars 165 Meals per Semester/500 Dining Dollars
$2,950 $2,313 $2,183 $2,527 $1,977 $2,664
Above are the meal plan options the university is planning on offering to students next year. One large change is a hike in dinning dollars, a response to the new ACAC choices. Also, next year will bring the introduction of Game Day Dollars, which can be spent at concession stands at TU sporting events.
Flash astounds audiences
Caught Reading The Collegian Anna Bennett / Collegian
The TU Dance Department debuted its latest show this weekend to much student acclaim. Flash: Dance in the Digital Age explored the changes the art of dance has undergone in the era of Facebook and YouTube.
Go for Olympic gold
Olivia Blankenship / Collegian
This week, we caught Kerry Nierenberg reading The Collegian on the second floor of Keplinger Hall as she was waiting for a friend. Kerry is a physics, mathematics and Spanish triple major who is in her last semester at TU. She plans to attend graduate school in pursuit of her Ph.D. in physics this coming fall. She loves the opinion articles and the Collegian’s Campus Crime Watch and prefers coffee to tea. Kerry received a $20 QuikTrip gift card for participating in this week’s Caught Reading The Collegian! Read the Collegian and you could be next!
Channel your inner Olympic champion with this challenge of massive proportions! Force the numbers 1–9 to bow to your will and place them in each row, column and box. Manifest your destiny to be their lord. Only then will you be successful and raised before the world as the first-place, gold medal winner for our glorious United States. Victory is yours!
the Collegian : 5
3 February 2014
Eye on the world: Magdalena Sudibjo Staff Writer Asia China Last week, Chinese officials prepared for a potentially large outbreak of the H7N9 bird flu as billions of people travelled across the country to celebrate the Lunar New Year, which began last Thursday. According to the World Health Organization, more than 240 people have been infected since the first human infection last year, with a fatality rate of about one in three cases. On Tuesday, Hong Kong workers started culling chickens after one bird tested positive for the virus, and the government has banned imports of poultry to the mainland. Shanghai and other cities in eastern China have also temporarily closed down their live poultry markets after a rise in cases in recent weeks. According to AFP, a French news agency, 22 people have already died from the bird flu this year. Europe Ukraine The Ukrainian government decided early last week to repeal several of the anti-protest laws that incited a massive demonstration in the streets of Kiev when the laws passed on January 16. Protesters first took to the streets in November after the government refused to sign a deal that would strengthen the country’s ties with the European Union. On January 22, two demonstrators died from gunshot wounds, which provoked another bout of violent protests across many cities. On Wednesday, President Viktor Yanukovych offered to give amnesty to arrested anti-government activists if protesters left
the government buildings they had occupied and removed their blockades within 15 days. Opposition leaders refused the amnesty’s terms and demanded the president’s resignation. “We are not here for the amnesty,” protester Borgan Kurtiak told Al-Jazeera. “We are here to get rid of the mafia in the country. It doesn’t really matter whether they release the activists or not. The revolution will continue.” Germany
Built-up methane gas from 90 cows’ flatulence and burps caused a farm shed to explode last Monday in Rasdorf, Germany. According to the local police, “A static electric charge caused the gas to explode with flashes of flames.” The explosion damaged the shed’s roof and injured one of the cows.
Helen Patterson Staff Writer
Oklahoma is not generally considered a progressive state, but Senator Connie Johnson might change that with Senate Bill 2116, which would allow adults 21 and older to legally possess up to one ounce of marijuana. Rather than being strictly illegal, marijuana would be regulated and taxed like alcohol currently is. In a world where marijuana is widespread, Johnson advocates a different approach to the current zero-tolerance drug policies. “As taxpayers, we’re spending over $30 million
Fire Department and EMSA were contacted to do evaluations. EMSA transported the person to the hospital for a mental health evaluation, and the person has been trespass banned.
Australian authorities have approved a plan to dump millions of tons of dredged sediment near the Great Barrier Reef, a World Heritage site, as part of a project to expand a major coal port. The Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority, which rubber-stamped the plan, said that the disposal operation would be “subject to strict environmental conditions.” Many environmentalists worry about the impact to the fragile coral reef ecosystem and the effects to Australia’s tourism and fishing industry. “When you dump sand and sediment, a lot of it is suspended in the water. It will travel out to the reef, and that is our concern. The sediment will cut out light and make it much more difficult for sea-grass and coral to survive,” said Felicity Wishart, a member of the Australian Marine Conservation Society. Earlier this year, 233 scientists signed a letter asking GBRMPA to reject the plan.
14:25 Officers and EMSA responded to the DRC after a person collapsed walking to the building. Upon arrival, Officers determined the person was suffering blood sugar issues. EMSA paramedics evaluated the person who refused transport to a hospital and was escorted home by their spouse.
Oklahoma Senator fights to legalize marijuana OK Senator Connie Johnson has proposed a bill seeking a limited legalization of marijuana. To promote this idea, “Marijuana Rally Day” will be held on February 12.
Photo courtesy alphacoders.com
The plan approved by Austrailian authorities to dump sediment near the Great Barrier Reef, pictured above, could have a fatal impact on the fragile reef system. The sediment could block light and make it difficult for the coral to survive.
each year policing, jailing and incarcerating our citizens on marijuana-related offenses,” Johnson said. “More importantly, we can stop arresting adults simply for using a substance less harmful than alcohol and focus our law enforcement resources on violent crimes and real threats to public safety,” Johnson said. This is the ninth consecutive year that Johnson has proposed a bill regarding limited legalization of marijuana. However, despite this discouragement, the senator intends to keep pushing the bill. “It typically takes 8–10 years to achieve change in policy,” Johnson wrote in an email. “I’m determined and tenacious and believe the reasons that I first introduced it are still relevant and valid.” The senator invites interested parties to the “Marijuana Rally Day” by the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee on Select Agencies on Feb. 12.
18:15 Officers responded to a Fisher Hall West room after receiving a report of an odor of marijuana. Officers and Housing Officials attempted to make contact with the resident and conducted a health and safety search of the room. Officers discovered a small amount of marijuana and smoking paraphernalia, all of which were destroyed. 19:25 Officers and Tulsa Fire responded to a dumpster fire in the US South parking lot. Officers were able to control the dumpster fire with fire extinguishers until Tulsa Fire arrived to douse the entire dumpster. It is unknown at this time what caused the fire. Jan. 26 0:25 An Officer on patrol observed a non-injury motor vehicle accident in the Mayo Village Lot. The Officer observed a vehicle, attempting to back out of a parking space, strike a parked vehicle causing minor damage to both vehicles. The Officer facilitated the exchange of information between owners. 1:45 An Officer on patrol observed a non-injury motor vehicle accident in the Mayo Village Lot. The Officer observed a vehicle, attempting to back out of a parking space, strike a parked vehicle causing minor damage to both vehicles. The Officer facilitated the exchange of information between owners. Jan. 27 12:50 Officers, Tulsa Fire and EMSA responded to the D. W. Reynolds Center after a student suffered a head injury during practice. The student was transported to a local hospital for further treatment. Jan. 28
Last week in the Collegian we accidently created two more pages of content than usual. Instead of our standard ten or twelve pages, last issue contained a whopping fourteen pages of content for your perusal. Humble apologies for the deluge of information. We shall attempt to restrain ourselves from such extravagance in the future in order to not overwhelm our readers with tantalizing facts and titillating articles. The Commentary section would like to apologize for suggesting that the Guthrie Green is better than the entirety of the city of Kiruma, Sweden. In actuality, the Green is better than Kiruma’s city center.
Send in your Valentines Do you have a brief message for a special someone in your life? Need to proclaim your affection to the world? Want to reassure a perennially single friend or roommate?
Send your valentine to email@example.com, and we might just publish it in next week’s Collegian.
11:45 Officers responded to a mentally disturbed person who had last been reported walking northwest from the Financial Aid Office at Collins Hall. The person was stopped and detained by officers outside Fisher Hall. Because of the person’s questionable mental health and possible malnutrition, the Tulsa
14:00 A faculty member turned it what appears to be a wedding band. The property will be kept at Campus Security for safekeeping. 15:24 Officers were dispatched to LaFortune Hall in response to an upset student. Officers escorted the student out of the building. Jan. 29 10:00 An Officer conducting parking enforcement in the Brown Village Lot observed a student’s vehicle with 2 parking permits. After confirming only one permit was issued to the student, the Officer made contact with the student and confiscated the permit that was registered to another student and vehicle. The permit was returned to the Parking/ ID office. 12:48 A student’s vehicle was impounded from the McFarlin Lot by Officers after they observed the vehicle parked in violation and having been previously identified as a frequent violator of the University’s Parking Regulations. 18:00 An iPad was found on a shuttle bus and turned over to Campus Security. The property will be stored for safekeeping. The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.
AccredidAtion Meeting The University of Tulsa master’s program in speech-language pathology will host a meeting for public comment as part of the reaccreditation site visit on February 17th, 2014 from 4 – 5 p.m. at the Mary K Chapman Center, 2820 East 5th St., Tulsa, OK. The Standards for Accreditation and/or the CAA’s policy public comments may be found at asha.org/academic/accreditation
3 FEBRUARY 2014
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2024 Tulsa Olympics:
The city of Tulsa was considering making a bid for the 2024 Olympics, but withdrew this summer when the bid garnered national attention. This week the Collegian is going beyond mere coverage of the facts and imagining the possibilities: what if Tulsa had won the bid for the 2024 Olympics? What would the U.S. team uniforms look like? How would the games affect Tulsa’s economy? Would the Olympic Village be an art deco paradise? Could Tulsa move past its oil-laden past and find some other way of defining itself? Find out in this week’s feature; the 2024 Tulsa Olympics. Kimberly Poff Staff Writer
Tulsa was splashed across the national news this past summer when its Olympic Exploratory Committee for the summer 2024 games was profiled in the New York Times. The headline, “London, Tokyo, Athens, Tulsa?” brought a firestorm of media attention to an otherwise unassuming city. The article ran in the Times on July 1, and by July 3 Mayor Dewey Bartlett held a press conference denying that Tulsa could make a serious bid. “The world Olympics is a little bit out of our reach,” he said, “we know that.” The Olympic dreams began in February when the U.S. Olympic Committee sent letters out to 35 cities, including Tulsa, to evaluate their interest in hosting the 2024 summer games. The cities included in the mailing were mostly what you would expect—New
York, San Diego, San Francisco, etc.—but they also included some smaller cities like Rochester, N.Y., and Indianapolis, Ind. This move came following the unsuccessful New York 2012 and Chicago 2016 bids. The Chicago bid was shortlisted for selection and garnered high-profile support from Oprah Winfrey and the Obamas. Despite celebrity endorsement, Chicago ended up losing to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. The games have not been hosted in the U.S. since the Salt Lake winter games in 2002. The last stateside summer games was in Atlanta in 1996. A total of eight Olympic Games, winter and summer, have been hosted in the U.S. After Tulsa received the letter from the USOC, which detailed strict requirements for hosting, the mayor and the city council responded with a letter asking the USOC for a bid application package. They also named an official
Olympic exploratory committee. Tulsa does have some history of large sporting events, despite not having a professional sports franchise. Tulsa recently hosted the Bassmaster Classic with much success and has hosted several PGA tournaments in the past. At the press conference Ray Hoyt, the Executive Director of the Tulsa Sports Commission, expressed interest in landing more NCAA events before reaching out for an international event. The theming for the bid, as well as some of the logistical particulars, can be seen on the committee’s website, aptly named Tulsa2024. There, a Native American-centric games is outlined including a torch relay that would follow the Trail of Tears. Despite the choice of cultural emphasis being similar to that of the Salt Lake games in 2002, the decision to include the Trail of Tears has come under fire. “Using the Trail of Tears as part of an Olympic bid is outrageous,” said the blog ThinkProgress, “but it’s also just an extension of the thoughtlessness the sports world has applied to Native Americans for decades.” There has been equal skepticism about the logistics of the bid. In order to bring in the requisite hotel rooms for the event the committee proposes anchoring shallow-draft cruise ships at the Port of Catoosa and the Port of Muskogee. Soccer events would be held as far away as Reynolds Stadium in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Tulsa’s bid is modeled after the ‘96 Atlanta games, which the Tulsa2024 website argues was in a similar infrastructure position
at the time of its bid. For the ‘96 games, soccer events were hosted as far away as RFK Stadium in Washington, D.C. The city would have to build an Olympics-size stadium, a natatorium (swimming venue) and velodrome (indoor cycling) in addition to improvements and expansions of the airport, roads and public transportation. It has yet to be decided what would happen to the buildings and infrastructure once the spectators left. One of the benefits Tulsa does have is its medical system. There are a number of hospitals in Tulsa to handle athlete injuries, spectator accidents and drug testing requirements. The committee spotlights the OSU med school as a primary center for both human and equine drug testing. A good portion of the Tulsa2024 website is devoted to debunking the “myth” that the ‘96 games bankrupted Atlanta. The argument is that Tulsa in 2024 and Atlanta in 1996 are in similar positions with respect to population, i.e. labor force. Unfortunately, the website does not take into account the size of the metro areas of the cities. Atlanta’s suburbs were larger then than Tulsa’s are now. This dramatically impacts the ability to pull funding and labor. The dreamer behind all of the Olympic hype is Neil Mavis. A man of eclectic talents, Mavis is presently an instructor in telecommunication technologies for ITT Tech and APT College. He also does freelance work relating to search engine optimization, i.e., making sure a site comes out at the top of relevant searches. He was previously part of the management
at SeedTechnologies, a web design company. Most interestingly, he wrote a book entitled “Deorbit the Space Shuttle: Stem Cell Rescue,” a novel about stem cell cancer research on a disintegrating spaceship. The book’s website says he did most of his writing at the Flying J truckstop at the 244-44 intersection. Having lived in Atlanta at the time of their Olympics, Mavis has apparently been on the Olympic hunt for quite some time. His privately funded committee of local business owners first pitched the idea to the city council in 2009 for the 2020 games. The USOC decided not to bid that year, but Chicago’s 2016 failure encouraged Mavis that the time was right for another U.S. bid. The 2024 bid was originally endorsed by the city, with Mavis being named as the Tulsa representative, but was dropped after the Times article. While a bid is currently unfeasible for Mavis’ committee given that the USOC requires local government support, the official bidding process does not begin until 2015. The winning bid will be announced in 2017. When asked for a comment, Ray Hoyt confirmed that the official position is still not in favor of hosting the Olympics. “From our perspective we are not pursuing any such effort nor supporting it for the Tulsa region,” Hoyt said. There is still time for minds to be changed and the upcoming Sochi games may play a role in how the city feels about such a large, international event, but a 2024 Tulsa Olympics seems unlikely.
Rowing event comes up on rocks
Graphic by Nikki Hager
The U.S. rowing team struggles to get off the ground at the beginning of the 2024 Olympic rowing championship. In what has been seen by many as an error in judgement on the part of Tulsa’s Olympic planning committee, the event was held in the Arkansas River, which has grown only sightly deeper since Tulsa made the bid in 2014.
Tulsa’s Olympic Uniforms Nikki Hager Staff Writer
Ralph Lauren has officially released the designs for the upcoming Tulsa Olympic Opening Ceremonies. While there have been concerns that the uniforms were made in China, Lauren reassured critics, announcing they were actually made in Taiwan. This year, since the games will be hosted in the United States, Lauren took real inspiration from the
Graphic by Nikki Hager
Tulsa’s Olympic cauldron features an oil derrick whose top is alight with the Olympic flame. Or a highly dangerous oil well explosion.
local Oklahoman culture. “For the lady’s outfit, I sought to emulate the style found at the Oklahoma state fair,” said Lauren. “There’s even an annual photography competition on ‘The Lost Ogle’ website. Of course I still wanted to keep the outfits very patriotic.” Lauren has yet to comment about the fluorescent orange male jumpsuit, but people across the state are speculating. “I think it’s modeled after the jump suits they wear in the oil fields down in Oklahoma,” said Nancy Grace on CNN last week. As the amount of speculation has increased about the suits, the price of obtaining one has gone through the roof, even for the athletes competing in the games. “I really was unsure
if I was going to be able to afford one,” said U.S. Bobsled athlete Steven Holcomb. Luckily, internet donors stepped in. Thanks to the cryptocurrency Grumpycatcoin, the team was not only able to purchase the orange suits for the whole team, but were able to buy hats as well.
The Olympic Committee has yet to comment on whether or not the U.S. Olympic team will be able to bring their guns to the opening ceremony. Graphic by Nikki Hager
At 85 years old, Ralph Lauren still has an impeccable sense of framing, contrast and irony, as demonstrated by his designs for the U.S. team’s uniforms.
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3 FEBRUARY 2014
What might have been? Tulsa’s Olympic Mascots
Tulsa Olympics: economic boon or fiscal fiasco?
Though the infrastructure and prestige Tulsa would gain from hosting the Olympics would be a boon, the cost in stadium construction could be disastrous. J.Christopher Proctor Editor-in-Chief
Graphic by Jill Graves
From Turin’s personified ice cubes to London’s amorphous white rodents, mascots are a fixture of any Olympic event. Symbolizing Tulsa’s rich and diverse past, Derek the Derrick and Earl the Oil Barrel are a pair of wellmates that share fun-loving adventures and cause mischeif around the local oil field.
2024 Olympics not held in Baku, clearly inferior The following excerpt, taken from the August 12, 2024, issue of Baku Today, shows one correspondent’s perspective on Tulsa’s chance at the world stage. Abigail LaBounty Staff Writer
The 2024 summer Olympics were a series of surprises from the beginning. The first was the failure of the glorious city of Baku, Azerbaijan, heart of the highly beloved motherland, to win the Olympic bid. Baku’s elimination in the first round of voting despite obviously surpassing such candidates as Paris, St. Petersburg and Istanbul, can only be attributed to corruption. Clearly Tulsa, recognizing the superiority of Baku, bribed the Olympic selection committee to eliminate Baku from the running early, before its superiority could be unequivocally demonstrated. After losing to Rio De Janeiro in 2016 and Tokyo in 2020, no one could even contemplate not beating the tiny, obscure Tulsa, a city that most people had to Google after hearing its name on the shortlist. Indeed, after the preliminary vote, many in Baku were convinced the announcement was a joke by officials trying to “mess with” Baku after its history of failed bids. The next disappointment came during the days leading up to the opening ceremony. As visitors began to plan their visits to Tulsa, it soon became apparent that they would have to stay in neighboring
towns for the games, as Tulsa did not have sufficient accommodations for all. Some spectators even ended up driving for multiple hours to make it to sports venues built on the outskirts of town. This, of course, would never have happened in the spectacular city of Baku, where eight new luscious five-star hotels, a beautiful new Olympic stadium and an elegant, state-of-the-art aquatics center have opened since the 2016 Olympic bid. The venues for the games in Tulsa could only be described as quaint. The city showed off its short history with romanticized themes of cowboys of the Old West and hundreds of indistinguishable tribes of Native Americans. Of course, as Tulsa is part of a country that is only a few hundred years old, no one could expect it to have rich themes like those of London, Tokyo or Baku, with histories dating back to the medieval period. There’s just no way Tulsa’s cliche “Cowboys and Indians” theme could ever be blamed for not stacking up to the glorious “Meeting of the East and West” that has been ingrained in Baku culture for centuries. Despite losing to Tulsa, Baku already has plans to continue its fight for Olympic glory. The city has bids in for the 2032, 2034, 2036 and 2038 Olympic games. City officials have taken a firm stance that they will continue their bidding to host the Olympics until the city is bankrupt, at which point the hotels and game venues will be sold to the federal government as training areas for future Olympic teams.
No Olympiad can come and go without some punk economist postulating on the effect the games will have on the economic wellbeing of the host city. Some renditions of the games seem to have been wise long-term investments—see Los Angeles 1984, Barcelona 1992 and Salt Lake City 2002—while others have been unequivocal financial disasters: the Greek government could probably find a good use these days for the estimated $15 billion they lost on the 2004 Athens games. However, most modern Olympic host cities seem to fall into a more complicated grey area, where losses on unneeded venues (Water Cubes and Bird’s Nests) and short-term costs like security are roughly offset by revenues gained during the event itself and the long term improvements in local and regional infrastructure. While our good friend Vlad Putin is not being completely transparent with the cost of the current games in Sochi, most estimates put them around $50 billion, a monster expenditure compared to the $14 billion spent in London in 2012 and the modest $9 billion spend in Vancouver in 2010 (the Sochi games are also costing roughly 250 million kegs of Pabst Blue Ribbon for those of you following along at home). So, all of this brings us to the pressing question any daydreamer wanting to bring the Olympics to Tulsa needs to answer: can it make money? Or more realistically, can the amount of money lost be offset by infrastructural improvements? The answer? Well, maybe. But due to its low population (and thus lower long-term demand for things like sports venues and additional hotels) Tulsa certainly faces an uphill battle. The three major sporting venues every city seems to have to build to host the Olympics are a gigantic national stadium, a world-class natatorium and a velodrome (the facility for the indoor bike racing). Other sports can usually be accommodated by previously existing venues with some minor alterations—think Horse Guards Parade in London hosting beach
volleyball. There’s also the Beijing approach of building completely new, and often entirely unnecessary, venues for every event. If Tulsa hosted the games it would almost certainly have to be a budget Olympics that made extensive use of existing resources both within the city and in the region. Tulsa’s main problem would be in building a national stadium that could find a reasonable use after the games. It is likely that the city would opt for a small base stadium with large temporary seating so that once the fans left we could break down the additional seating and have a reasonable-sized venue that would be appropriate for something along the lines of a Major League Soccer team. Where Tulsa really stands to gain from the games is in infrastructural improvements, especially in transportation. The state of Oklahoma currently has 556 structurally deficient bridges. If Tulsa somehow managed to put together an Olympic bid this would have to change. The city would also be faced with the Herculean task of ensuring that athletes and fans could reasonably get everywhere they needed to go without relying exclusively on automobiles. This would mean trains, and lots of them. If Tulsa could manage to put together a roughly revenue-neutral bid, it could come away from 2024 with the best public transportation in the Midwest,
and a well-developed regional rail network at virtually no cost to the city itself. Finally, Tulsa would also stand to gain from one of the more elusive and intangible benefits of hosting a major sporting event: a boost in international prestige. Transforming itself from a city that is largely unknown on an international and even national scale to a household name could do wonders for businesses and institutions in and around Tulsa. Students attending the University of Tulsa would no longer be faced with blank stares and a response of “where is Tulsa?” when traveling to the East and West Coasts. This is a very hard benefit to measure, but it does have real value and can be seen in the dramatic changes in the international perceptions of cities like Barcelona, Atlanta and Salt Lake City after hosting the Olympics. Hosting the Olympics is usually thought of as an expensive international party at best and a crippling boondoggle at worst, and while this may be the norm, it is by no means the rule. If Tulsa were serious about putting together an Olympic bid, it could do so in a thrifty way that would benefit the city and the region for generations to come. Or it could build a massive oil derrick that spouted the Olympic flame hundreds of feet into the air for two weeks straight. It really all comes down to the details.
Graphic by Kimberly Poff
The Tulsa 2024 medals will feature the black gold that put Tulsa on the map. Each medal will be a clear container filled with oil featuring the games logo and local landmarks. Each medal will feature the same image with 1st, 2nd and 3rd place being differentiated by size. “Gold” medals will be Golden-Driller-belt-buckle-sized, “silver” Flavor-Flavclock-sized and “bronze” McNellies-burger-sized.
What new sport would you like to see played at the Tulsa Olympics? Football—Will Bramlett, Sports Editor
Cow Tipping—Anna Bennett, State Run Editor Polo—Stephanie Hice, Variety Editor
Chess Boxing—Kalen Peterson, Copy Editor
Synchronized Oil Drilling—Patrick Creedon, Barricade Editor Chese Sculpting—Conor Fellin, Managing Editor
Tornado Chasing—Morgan Krueger, News Editor
Noodling—Nikki Hager, Arbitrary Writer of the Week
Blowing ’Cane—J.Christopher Proctor, Editor-in-Chief
Graphic by Nikki Hager
Former Tulsa mayor Dewey Bartlett poses for a selfie with former German prime minister Angela Merkel and current Russian president Vladimir Putin. Supreme Court justice Barrack Obama refrains from participating to show his disapproval for the Palin/Bartlett 2024 presidential ticket. Bartlett’s use of a vintage iPhone is meant as a homage to the historical feel of the games.
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Comfortable atmosphere, reasonable prices at Maxxwell’s Located at 11th and Birmingham, adjacent to the Campbell Hotel, Maxxwell’s is an elegant and intimate bar within walking distance of campus. Featuring extensive cocktail, wine and beer menus, it is the perfect place to have an enjoyable evening. Kimberly Poff Staff Writer
For the most part, it is very unlikely that you like drinking at the Buck. And unless you have a motorcycle, it is even more unlikely that you feel comfortable walking into Ed’s Hurricane Lounge. As a result, this leaves only one drinking establishment within walking distance from campus: Maxxwell’s. Maxxwell’s opened in Sept. 2013, and is part of the Campbell Hotel, located at 11th and Birmingham. Despite it’s proximity to campus, Maxxwell’s is not really a college hangout—most of the patrons on a Thursday night were over the age of fifty. Aside from drinks, Maxxwell’s features a lengthy menu with many options. The food is diner fare: burgers, meatloaf, sandwiches and the like. This is unique— with respect to walking distance from campus—given the closure of Campus Grill and the appropriation of Route 66 Subs by Alibaba’s Hookah Lounge. Although this reviewer did not sample anything from the menu, the prices were fair, about $7–14. Moreover, Tulsa Food reviewed the restaurant positively when it opened. The real reason Maxxwell’s would be of interest to college students is the full service bar, featuring a range of beers, custom cocktails and, more impressively, wine. Given that the eatery closes
at 10 p.m. Maxxwell’s is certainly not a place to drink the night away. However, with reasonable prices, it is a great place for evening drinks. Cocktails and wine sit in the $7 range, while beer is a few dollars less. The drinks sampled were the Banker’s Lunch, featuring clementine vodka and grapefruit juice; the Root Beer Float, consisting of root beer and vanilla vodka; the Not Manhattan, which is made with rum and apple juice; and finally the Tipperary, concocted with Green Chartreuse, sweet vermouth and Jameson. All of the drinks were wonderful, and covered a wide variety of pallets. The Banker’s Lunch is a perfectly fruity sipping drink, very similar to a Cosmopolitan. The Not Manhattan—which tastes astonishingly like a true Manhattan—and the Tipperary are harder nosed drinks. The vodka in the Root Beer Float is undetectable, and the drink should only be tried by those with a hankering for sweet things. The ambiance of the bar is incredibly comfy, yet lacks the smokiness of a place like Arnie’s. There are no pool tables, and the music is a pretty poor, yet quiet, mix of pop hits from the last halfcentury. On the other hand, the local Tulsa decor and the art deco chandeliers were a nice touch. Yet the real jewel of Maxxwell’s is the staff. Everyone was friendly, helpful and eager to please. We spent hours talking to the bartender. The manager, despite needing to read the cocktail recipe from a sheet behind the bar, was happy to mix us drinks while the bartender was otherwise occupied. Students looking to stay out later can visit the hotel lounge, which is adjacent from Maxxwell’s. The staff are the same, but the lounge does not serve food. Open until 2 a.m., the lounge is also not a place to stay out all night. However, both it and Maxxwell’s are nice neighborhood establishments where one could have a lovely evening.
By Helen Patterson Getting stir-crazy from sitting in your apartment doing homework all week? Take a break and check out one of these awesome local events! This Week: 1. Featuring local musicians, The Jazz Hall of Fame’s Monthly Musicale will be Feb. 3 at 7 p.m. The event is FREE, so be sure to add it to your calendar. 2. TU’s Concerts with Commentary series continues on Feb. 6 at 7:30 p.m. in the Lorton Performance Center. This series is always free, but it can fill up, so be sure to show up early! 3. For some authentic old-school classics, check out “Tulsa Symphony: Saint-Saëns and Mozart” at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center on Feb. 8 at 7:30 p.m. Bring your ID— students get a discount! 4. If you are having trouble deciding between the circus and the symphony, look no further than “Cirque de la Symphonie” featuring Signature Symphony and some talented performers, at VanTrease PACE Feb. 7 and 8 at 7:30 p.m. 5. The University of Tulsa Symphony Concert (always free and open to everyone)
will be on Feb. 10 at 7:30 p.m. in the Lorton Performance Center. Upcoming: 1. TITAN (The University of Tulsa Institute of Trauma, Adversity and Injustice) is screening “The Witches of Gambaga” at The Circle Cinema on Feb. 13 and Feb. 17 at 7 p.m. 2. Tulsa Ballet’s “Cinderella” plays at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center (Chapman Music Hall) on Feb. 14 and 15 at 8 p.m., a great way to bring classy romance to your Valentine’s Day plans.
Photo courtesy Infinity Ward
Aside from new map packs and weapons, “Onslaught” features the first of four chapters in the “Extinction” mini-campaign, which consists of an enjoyable, yet predictable story. A challenge for many, “Nightfall” makes for a great opportunity to play with friends.
Infinity Ward’s “Onslaught” an action-packed, worthwhile DLC
With the addition of exciting maps, powerful new weapons, “Halloween’s” Michael Myers and even extraterrestrials, Infinity Ward’s “Onslaught” proves to be a thrilling expansion to 2013’s “Call of Duty: Ghosts.” Elliot Bauman Staff Writer
On Jan. 28, Infinity Ward and Activision released “Onslaught,” the first expansion downloadable content for “Call of Duty: Ghosts,” which hit shelves in Nov. 2013. “Onslaught” is the first of four expansions coming to “Ghosts” throughout the 2014 content season. The expansion was released simultaneously with a number of free new features and updates to the core game. For a price of $15, or as part of the Season Pass, the DLC offers four new multiplayer maps, two new multiplayer weapons and the first chapter in the new four part “Extinction” mini-campaign. Following with the Call of Duty tradition, the DLC contains four new multiplayer maps: “Fog,” “Bayview,” “Containment” and “Ignition.” “Fog” is set around a campsite and cabin, in a gloomy swampyforest environment. Advertised as being “straight from a horror film,” the release version definitely supports this claim. In addition, “Fog” plays very well; both active and more passive play strategies are very viable. This, combined with the environment, makes “Fog” the standout, and best, multiplayer map offered in the DLC. Unfortunately, the case is not
5. Ido Aharoni, the Israeli ambassador and consul general of Israel in New York, will be presenting a lecture, “Israel: Broadening the Conversation” on campus at Tyrell Hall, Feb. 17 at 2 p.m.
to play, especially with friends. The difficulty of the mission is scaled according to the number of in-game players, so solo gamers can enjoy the experience as well. Fair warning: “Nightfall” is challenging enough that it will take numerous attempts and strategies in order to complete. Moreover, there is a surprising amount of replayability and incentives to entice one to play through “Nightfall” a second time. These take the form of searching for back-story elements, or playing the mission with Relics active, which hamper the players in numerous ways, such as making the aliens more resistant to bullets, or forcing gamers to only use handguns to complete the mission. “Nightfall” can be played cooperatively with up to two players locally or four online. The next chapter of the “Extinction” mini-campaign will release with the second “Call of Duty: Ghosts” expansion. As a whole, “Onslaught” is a solid DLC. The mediocre multiplayer content is offset by a very exciting experience in the form of “Nightfall.” The decision to purchase this DLC ultimately condenses down to the gamer type. Hardcore fans may want to strongly consider picking up “Onslaught” as part of the Season Pass, which, for a one-time fee, grants players access to all expansions as they are released, and at a discounted price. For more casual players, this DLC is not worth purchasing, although “Nightfall” is good for at least three hours of entertainment. “Onslaught” is currently available for the Xbox 360 and Xbox One, through the LIVE service for $15, or as part of the Season Pass. The DLC will be available to PC, PS3 and PS4 players in late February, due to a one month exclusivity deal between Microsoft and Activision. “Onslaught” earns a 7/10.
Nichols’ “The Graduate” an uncomfortable look at the real world Studio 54: A weekly review of all things retro. Patrick Creedon Barricade Editor
3. Located on Brady Street, Living Arts of Tulsa is featuring “Love and Lust,” an erotic audio-visual poetry, dance and singing production Feb. 15 at 8 p.m. 4. “A Streetcar Named Desire” is also playing at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center (John H. Williams Theatre) on Feb 14 and 15 and Feb. 20–22 at 7:30 p.m.
the same with the others, particularly “Bayview” and “Containment.” Two urban setting maps, they are both uninspired and bring nothing new to the table. There are opportunities for some interesting engagements, but most of the time, the two seem very bland. The final multiplayer map is “Ignition,” a re-imagination of a fan favorite back from 2009’s “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.” Thankfully, “Ignition” stays faithful to the original and is great across all multiplayer modes. The re-imagination has transformed the previous scrapyard setting into an abandoned rocket testing facility, which gives the map a nice new touch. The final competitive multiplayer component of “Onslaught” is the addition of two new weapons: the Maverick and the Maverick-A2. Available in the Assault Rifle and Sniper Rifle categories, respectively, the two weapons are solid options, but not overpowered to the sense that it feels like a pay-to-win experience. Simply put, players that do not have the two weapons will not be at a disadvantage. While the multiplayer content is certainly enjoyable, the highlight of the DLC is the first chapter of the episodic “Extinction” minicampaign. Aptly titled “Nightfall,” the mission takes players to a remote research facility in Alaska, where a government organization has secretly been conducting research on vicious aliens that surfaced when an extra-terrestrial body impacted Earth. Prior to the mission, all contact to the facility was lost, and it is up to the players to determine what happened. Without spoiling much, it quickly becomes apparent that the research team met a gruesome and unfortunate end. While not by any means an original story, “Nightfall” is fun
That classic tune goes, “Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson. Jesus loves you more than you will know.” It’s funny that such a song became popular when the woman— whom the song is nearly deeming an acceptable person—is essentially a villain in the 1967 film, “The Graduate,” where Simon & Garfunkel’s famous tune first appeared. Life is funny like that. We do not necessarily get what we deserve. Directed by Mike Nichols, “The Graduate” follows the story of Benjamin Braddock, the eponymous graduate, portrayed by a
30-year-old Dustin Hoffman. In the film, Braddock has just graduated from college. He was an award-winning track runner, an editor at the collegiate newspaper and a star student. However, Braddock is socially awkward, pockmarked by genetics and stuttered by his larynx. Following graduation, Braddock finds himself anxious, not sure what to do with his life; yet his controlling parents essentially demand that he relax, brushing aside his worries for the future. Braddock is considered by some to be the first protagonist aimed at the Baby Boomer generation, but he’s more than just that. He is a tableau for anyone who has experienced the horrendous existential doubt brought upon by the simple act of aging. Braddock’s experiences after the beginning of the film might be harder to empathize or even sympathize with, but those experiences are indicative of the follies of, well, being a stupid twenty-something in a society that promotes an extended adolescence. Sure, not everyone is seduced by a married woman, nor has everyone subsequently torn apart a family by eloping with their daughter. That sort of hyperbolic plot is almost better suited for a
soap opera than a critically acclaimed film, often part of “BestMovie-Ever” lists. Nevertheless, the beauty of “The Graduate” is not in a bone-dry recitation of its plot but in its characters. Braddock, when given freedom from the parental domination that helped his success, falls into bed with Mrs. Robinson and a life of uncomfortable secrets with which he is unable to deal. Mrs. Robinson clearly pines for days when she could be young again, not only to experience the joys of vivacious fulfillment but also to escape her loveless marriage in a socially acceptable way. Her daughter, Elaine, is a victim. Braddock’s disjointed nature and her mother’s selfishness have condemned her to the same loveless, wistful life that her mother struggles through daily. In short, “The Graduate” is good, but it is not a happy film. It did not make me feel good. At its best, it instilled in me an uneasy nostalgia, but in its dregs, it reminded me of the existential terror of finding my place in the world, which will begin in a few short months. I intentionally watched the film due to my nigh inevitable graduation in May, but who knows if I will ever choose to watch it again.
the Collegian : 9
3 February 2014
Welcome to The Barricade, a section attempting to provide informed, thoughtful analysis of both large and small-scale political issues: all the information you need to take down a tyrannical government.
Charter schools opportunity for innovation Though they don’t have a typical structure, charter schools can produce amazing results for students. Fraser Kastner
Recently, charter schools have become more popular across the United States, despite early misgivings about this unconventional form of education. A charter school is a school that is funded publicly and managed privately. Typically receiving less money than public institutions, charters are allowed more freedom in their methods and curriculum,
though administrators and teachers are held to the same academic standards. Some, such as Dove Science Academy, choose to focus on math and sciences, while others, like the Tulsa School of Arts and Sciences (TSAS), focus on liberal arts or college preparation. Charter schools exist in many countries and 41 US states. There is enough variety among these schools to make them difficult to typify. Some have met with soaring success, while others have floundered.Oklahoma is home to 25 charter schools, the majority of them in Oklahoma City and Tulsa. Many believe that charter schools are the way of the future, especially for underprivileged children living in low-income areas. Charter schools have, however, received some criticism.
Detractors note that some of the schools are run by for-profit companies called Education Management Organizations, but still use public funds. These critics fear that the educational system may be exploited for profit, rather than used for the good of students. Others point out that charter schools that have failed to fulfill their goals are, in some places, allowed to continue despite their failures, and that many lack a system of accountability. Despite these concerns, many charter schools are met with great success. In 2012, Tulsa’s own TSAS received the city’s highest average ACT scores. Additionally, the Oklahoma Department of Education recently gave it a perfect 4.00 on its yearly school report card. The strength of the charter
school lies in its ability to create its own unique culture. This allows the students to leave behind their home lives to focus on learning and growth. This is especially important in poverty-stricken areas, as the private lives of students may be difficult, while the schools create safe places to develop. It would be dishonest of me not to mention that I am the product of a charter school. My alma mater, TSAS, is a place of which I am exceedingly fond. I count myself extremely lucky that I was given the privilege to be a part of such a community. I witnessed firsthand the unique environment fostered by a charter school. Students from many walks of life intermingled and shared ideas. Students and teachers enjoyed a relationship that was informal but mutually respectful. Academic standards were high, and the teachers expected much from the students while still being supportive, rather than demanding.
I don’t want to give the impression that I’m just reminiscing about high school. Surely, the school was not without its faults. The school had very little money, and until recently it was held in an old office building. In addition, the informal atmosphere sometimes made discipline difficult. Nor am I saying that all charter schools are destined for success. Many never achieve their stated goals due to mismanagement or outside interests. Charter schools are not and should not be treated as a surefire recipe for success. The quality of a charter school, like any school, is largely dependent on the quality of its staff, its resources and its standards. The secret to success is hard work and creativity. Successful charter schools do not become so on their own, but because they allow talented teachers and administrators the opportunity to excel in their work.
Photos courtesy of News on 6, tsas.org
The schools seen above, Dove Science Academy and Tulsa School of Arts and Sciences, are two of the more successful charter schools in Oklahoma. Though they do not necessarily represent typical results for charter schools, the schools can serve as a model for the good that can be accomplished by alternative forms of education.
Barricade of the Week: Sochi
Reading requirements bad for students Forcing students to repeat a year for not having certain reading levels is harmful to social development. Morgan Krueger
Photo courtesy of New York Daily News
Protests in soon-to-be Olympic host city Sochi, Russia, against the government’s policies concerning honosexuals—specifically a law condemning “homosexual propaganda”—have grown violent over the past several months. Protestors have been reportedly attacked and beaten, and vehicles have been lit on fire.
Starting this year, if Oklahoma third graders cannot pass the state reading tests, they may be held back for up to two years. This is the first year that third graders are subject to the thirdgrade reading retention qualifier, an amendment made to the Reading Sufficiency Act in 2011. This act aims to lower the illiteracy of Oklahoma and aid children in gaining skills for success. According to the Tulsa World, Janet Barresi, the state superintendent, warned parents that “we do no favors for students who are passed on to the next grade without having the most fundamental ability to read. The ability to read is a gateway to success in academics and in life. Reading isn’t just a subject, but the foundation of all learning.” Barresi claims that the Oklahoma State Department of Education is working to prepare the districts for the move towards a stronger emphasis on reading skills. Third graders who earn scores of “unsatisfactory” on the reading portion of the OCCT will not be passed to
fourth grade and instead will repeat third grade up to two times. The only exception is if they fit into the Six Good Cause Exemptions. The Six Good Cause Exemptions include being an English Language Learner, having certain disabilities, providing a student portfolio to prove a mastery of Oklahoma state standards, or if the student had “previously been retained for a total of two years and…received intensive reading instruction” during those years, as ok.gov explains. However, if the student does not pass after the extra two years, they will be given the option to be placed in a “transitional instructional setting.” Students can also be promoted using an alternative standardized reading assessment. Of course, all of these requirements have very specific guidelines the child must meet, or they cannot continue to fourth grade. By not passing the children, this law hopes to provide the child with time to catch up to their proper reading level through intensive training. During this time the reading skills targeted include spelling, vocabulary, phonics, comprehension and reading fluency. It is recommended that the RtI (Response to Intervention) model, be used for children who are held back. This model has three tiers. Tier I Intervention calls for “a minimum of ninety minutes of uninterrupted, daily scientific-research-based reading instruction,” according to ok.gov. Tier II Intervention requires an
additional 30 to 45 minutes of instruction, while Tier III requires 45 to 60 minutes of instruction above Tier I. For Tier III students, this could amount to 2.5 hours. That’s longer than I would want to spend reading scientific-research-based material. And they’re supposed to do it each day? Parents have commented on the new policy with fears that holding children back could damage their self-esteem. The state has emphasized they are holding children back not because they have failed but simply to help them exceed. Still, children may not see it that way. Instead of empowering students to work hard to catch up, holding them back may dishearten them and cause them to give up or stop trying. Beyond the possibility of harming students, this new law has another problem. Schools in low socioeconomic areas, such as TU’s close neighbor Kendall Whittier, find themselves facing large numbers of students not passing. If such schools find a large number of students getting stuck in the third grade, this could pose massive problems logistically and harm both the students getting held back and the students trying to move forward. Summer school could be a better alternative to holding students back. This would provide time for students to catch up on reading without repeating a grade, hopefully avoiding harming their self-esteem while providing a fun learning environment.
3 February 2014
the Collegian : 10
Prison overcrowding due to poor legislation
Oklahoma’s notoriously overcrowded correctional institutions are due to laws with misplaced sentencing priorities.
Giselle Willis Staff Writer
“We love to lock people up,” begins a Channel 4 News segment on Oklahoma’s overcrowded prisons. Oklahoma has the highest female incarceration in the United States, and since the United States has the highest overall incarceration rate in the world, that makes Oklahoma a world leader in imprisoning women, according to Justin Jones, director of the Oklahoma Department of Corrections. Channel 4 went on to explain how Oklahoma’s general population increased by 24 percent from 1980 to 2010, but that Oklahoma’s prison population increased by “over 450 percent.” Yet the number of actual index crimes in the state dropped by nine percent from 2000 to 2010, according to the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation, while the number of violent crimes increased by two percent. Oklahoma County Public Defender Bob
Ravitz first blames “Oklahoma’s sentencing structure” for the overcrowding, specifically “the sentences that our drug users and addicts” are receiving. Ravitz called the duration of Oklahoman drug-abuse sentences “crazy long,” and Jones agreed, saying that while in other states “after a second offense [a criminal] would get regional jail time up to two years for drug cases… We [in Oklahoma] give them 10, 15, 20 years.” Jones added that “the number one reception crime every year is possession, felony possession of drugs.” Ravitz argued that “all the studies have shown that there is no increase in public safety when you lock up a bunch of drug users. Frankly, I want to lock up violent people…I don’t want to lock up somebody
related to socio-economic status include “population density, unemployment, and the percentage of people from different ethnic groups.” Basically, people who live in denser parts of town, are unemployed, and belong to an ethnic minority are more at risk of experiencing violence because Oklahoman laws are too focused on criminalizing weed smokers. Meanwhile, those who work in these correctional facilities are also at a higher risk of receiving longer workdays, less pay and even physical harm. According to the Oklahoma Legal Group Blog, “corrections workers are expected to work 60 hours per week at a starting rate of only $11.83 per hour,” and “current prison staffing is at only 60 percent of recommended levels, and the
“Oklahoman laws are too focused on criminalizing weed smokers” who’s an addict.” Ravitz is right. The problem with prison overcrowding is threefold; it places an economic, societal and security strain on the state of Oklahoma. Studies by criminology professor Dr. Cynthia Lum at George Mason University demonstrate a correlation between violence and socio-economically disadvantaged and disorganized communities. Additionally, Lum concluded that factors
state corrections budget would allow staffing at only 67 percent.” Moreover, the blog lists Oklahoma as “dead last of 49 states surveyed, with a ratio of inmates to corrections officers that is nearly twice the national average.” This in part explains how, last month, “an inmate at the Joseph Harp Correctional Center, the state’s largest medium-security prison” assaulted “a female case manager in
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As a Senior Film Studies major who realized pretty early on she had no interest in going to L.A., becoming an indie producer or shooting weddings, justifying my major is something I’m used to; it’s a heated discussion I’ve had with myself on many occasions. Don’t get me wrong, I love film, and I enjoy working on projects. But I’ve always known I was born to perform. So why Film Studies? Partially, convenience. Having come a certain distance, one might as well finish out a nearly-completed degree. And initially, I really thought it was what I wanted to do. But what I’ve learned about a liberal arts education, film studies included, is that a field of study provides a frame of reference, a lens, if you will, through which to make sense of one’s experiences. Ultimately, my technical skills with Final Cut and knowledge of film theory, while inherently useful, are not what I will ultimately take away from my education. Film is essentially an exercise in problem-solving; things will never, ever go as planned on a shoot, so it’s as much about being adaptable as it is about writing a flawless script. Another reason I ultimately chose Film over any of the other myriad arts I have an interest in is because of its inherently crossdisciplinary nature. I’ve never been content to do one thing alone, and film simply cannot exist in a vacuum. Studying film has allowed me to increase my skills in many other fields, and my preexisting skills in said fields have made me
Collegian is the independent student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law in its programs, services, aids, or benefits. Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700, 918-631-2616. Requests for accommodation of disabilities may be addressed to the University’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Taylor, 918-631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpreter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accommodations. Advertising Policy: Advertising appearing in this publication does not imply approval or endorsement by the University of Tulsa or The Collegian for the products or services advertised. For advertising information, email The Collegian at email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org. The deadline for advertising is 12 p.m. on the Friday prior to the publication. Editing Policy: The Collegian reserves the right to edit all copy submitted by all writers. This editing may take place in many forms, including grammar corrections, changes in paragraph structure or even the addition or removal of sections of content. Editorial Policy: Columnists are solely responsible for the content of their columns. Opinions expressed in columns may not represent the opinions of the entire Collegian staff, the administrative policies of the University of Tulsa, the views of the student body or our advertisers. Letter Policy: Letters to the editor must be less than 500 words. While we do not require it, letters sent via e-mail to the Collegian are encouraged. Under no circumstances will anonymous letters be published. The name of the person submitting the letter must be published with the letter. We reserve the right to edit or reject all letters. The deadline for letters is 5 p.m. on the Saturday prior to publication.
her office,” breaking her nose, according to the legal group blog. Finally, overcrowded jails also result in economic struggles. Channel 4 News mentioned that “each year, Oklahoma taxpayers spend around $16,000 to keep [a single inmate] locked up,” translating to millions spent daily on keeping all of them detained. In any other state, the drug users would be out after a few years and the prison crowds aren’t as ridiculous as ours. All the money we spend on our correctional facilities looks even worse when compared to how underfunded our public schools are. Thankfully, Oklahoma State Speaker of the House Kris Steele believes “we can be much smarter with the resources that we have available through community sentencing for those low-risk, nonviolent offenders and ultimately produce better outcomes and increase public safety in the process.” He and others in the House of Representatives finally did pass the Oklahoma Prison Overcrowding Emergency Powers Act last year, which allows state prison officials to have the governor “declare a state of emergency when the prison population reaches 95 percent of its inmate capacity,” meaning the release “of some 300 inmates convicted of non-violent offenses” with the governor’s signature, according to OKNews. Unfortunately, Steve Mullins, general counsel to everyone’s favorite governor Mary Fallin, said she “is not concerned about the situation in the prisons,” reported the Oklahoma Legal Group blog a week ago.
a more well-rounded film student. Photography. Music. Acting. Writing. All essential to film. It probably has a lot to do with my need to literally do everything, which my therapist attributes to a core belief that I will never be good enough. I think it may be because I am an extraterrestrial robot. These days, there is definitely a self-interested bent in my degree plan; I’ve always wanted to act, and studying film puts me in much closer proximity to the directors of tomorrow (and the projects of right now) than a student in the theatre department. I’ve gotten to act in some really interesting, varied and challenging roles because I’ve established a good rapport with TU’s best directing talent. A basic knowledge of equipment and an understanding of how film shoots work certainly doesn’t hurt. I know what people say about Film Studies; it’s an “easy” major. And if you’re going to phrase it that way, then yes, it’s true. It’s not very demanding as far as credit hours, and it is definitely possible to half-ass your way through much of the course work and still receive good grades. But as with any field of study, you get out of your education what you put into it. And let me be the first to tell you that many of us put in hours and hours of work over details that would never occur to the average person. That being said, the seeming “easiness” of the major itself has made me able to do a lot more than just Film Studies, both academically and extracurricularly. By finishing up my credits quickly, I have opened up my education so that I was able to study abroad and pursue two minors (dance and theatre) and a certificate (creative writing). Not to mention, working at the Collegian, performing on the Tulsa improv scene, codirecting a show, being an Orientation Leader and many other endeavors, all of which are just as much a part of my education as Film Studies.
1/27/14 11:40The AM
editor-in-chief—J.Christopher Proctor managing editor—Conor Fellin news editor—Morgan Krueger sports editor—Will Bramlett variety editor—Stephanie Hice editor of the barricade—Patrick Creedon satire editor—Anna Bennett photo & graphics editor—Jill Graves copy editors—Will Boogert, Amy Bunselmeyer, Kalen Petersen business & advertising manager—Liz Cohen distribution manager—Kalen Petersen web manager—Alex White
The Collegian : 11
3 February 2014
Housing Selection Starts February 14 ♥
Exciting New Dining Options — Fall 2014 TU has announced that Allen Chapman Activity Center will undergo renovations this summer, including relocating the bookstore to a building on 11th & Harvard, to make room for a brand new food court opening this Fall. See the conceptual drawings and look for these new dining options: Pizza Hut n Panda Express n Einstein Bros. Bagels n Sushi venue n Mexican venue n Chef ’s Table n Green (salad venue) Along with these current favorites: n Chick-Fil-A n Subway n Benvenuto n Simply to Go and Convenience Store n
“Living on campus has really helped me feel like I belong to the TU community. I’ve met so many great people that I know I otherwise wouldn’t have had the chance to meet.”
u d e . a s l u t u . k n i l e can
- Meg Smith Class of 2016
Introducing Game Day Dollars
Included with most new meal plans in the fall, Game Day Dollars will allow students to use their meal plan at any Sodexho-run concession stand at university athletic events. Visit the housing and dining website at www.utulsa. edu/housing for complete details on the ALL NEW dining plans. @TUCampusHousing
For more information, visit canelink.utulsa.edu or call the housing office at 918-631-2516.
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1/31/14 8:14 AM
3 February 2014
The State-run Media
State-Run media Gold Medalist in Skating Around the Truth.
Texas makes Olympic debut
Graphic by Anna Bennett
Senior Ronda Jomb performs in “Barre-ly There,” the ballet number from “Flash.” Says Jomb, “I’ve never gotten that sort of applause whilst keeping my clothes on. The experience has opened up a whole new world of artistic possibilities!”
“Flash” dancers bare all TU’s dance concert ends up being exactly what it sounds like. Anna Bennett
Just trying to pay for college Students, faculty and community members were shocked when the dance department’s recent concert, “Flash: Dance in the Digital Age”, did not feature high-tech projections and commentary on the intersection between art and modernity, but rather, full-frontal nudity. According to Ara Besk, head of the dance department and director of the collaborative show, the decision to drastically change the approach to the production occurred about a week before the opening. “We had a production meeting before dress rehearsals, and the creative team made the tough realization that no-one goes to dance concerts to see quality student work or to have their ideas on art and society challenged,” Besk intimated, “Let’s face it, they’re just there to see limber young things jump around and do
kicks and stuff.” That, combined with the extremely limited costume budget, led to the decision to drop the pretentious tagline from “Flash” and simply produce a high-tech titty show. Sophomore dancer and choreographer P.K. Turning was initially skeptical of the show’s new direction, saying that he’d “put in countless hours” to perfect his “technique” and create “thoughtprovoking art.” But after Thursday’s dress rehearsal resulted in over $20 in tips being stuffed into his lime-green G-string, he was singing a different tune. “When you really think about it, shockingly low-brow entertainment is exactly what the audience would never expect from this school—we’re really challenging artistic preconceptions here,” Turning said. He also added he was thankful for the grocery money. The show was a box office hit, with several audience members asking questions like “Why don’t they do this every year?” and “How can my child audition for dance department scholarships?”
However, not everyone was sold on the show’s titillating approach. Ray LeVey, the only person who came to appreciate dance, found the amount of bare skin “gratuitous and distracting.” “The choreography in many of the pieces was very groundbreaking, especially coming from undergrad students,” LeVey insisted, “but it was hard to discern to the untrained eye because of all the jiggling boobs and bouncing packages.” He believes that dance is about personal expression, visual metaphor and physicality as a means of communicating the unspeakable and profane. Weirdo. The success of “Flash” has led the dance department to totally rethink its curriculum. Starting in the fall, Poledancing I and II will be required courses for the dance minor, as will an independent study in either Advanced Striptease or Tassel-Turning. Says Besk, “We’re very excited to bring a degree of relevancy to our department, and hopefully make our dancers more employable.”
After years of struggling for freedom from the United States, the recently founded Second Constitutional Republic of Texas will make its debut in the 2024 Tulsa games. The Texans, who intend to bring the third largest Olympic delegation after the U.S. and China, will ride horses in the Opening Ceremony’s Parade of Nations wearing the traditional garb of their rustic homeland, as pictured above.
S U P E R B O W L
Graphic by Nikki Hager Fans nationwide were bored this weekend by one of the least competitive Super Bowls in recent memory. Fans in Seattle and Denver however were thrilled by every incomplete pass, curiously unfunny commercial and Pete Carroll smirk. With the recent decriminalization of marijuana in Washington and Colorado, the “Bowl” in Super Bowl took on an entirely new meaning for fans and players alike, as the victorious Seattle Seahawks received the prize pictured above in addition to the more familiar Vince Lombardi Trophy.
North Korea makes bid for 2022 Olympics Following the success of South Korea and Tulsa’s Olympic bids, North Korea throws its hat in the ring. Kimberly Poff
No relation to Kim Jung-un
Graphic by Anna Bennett
As a part of his 2022 Winter Olympic bid, dear leader Kim Jung-un of North Korea has had the monuments in the country’s capitol, Pyongyang, modified to reflect the spirit of the games. Says the leader, “I really want the Olympic Committee to see how serious I am about hosting the Olympics. I’m not just like, just trying to impress South Korea.” Critics of the bid cite the government’s lack of transparency and the country’s frequent food shortages as possible reasons the location would be unsuitable for the event. Proponents insist the conditions would help “toughen up” the athletes.
Following the Republic of Korea's successful 2018 winter Olympics bid for the city of Pyeongchang, their northern cousins have decided to make a play for the 2022 Winter Olympics. The Democratic People's Republic of Korea has identified Rangrim, a lakeside town in the Rangrim mountain ranges, as the host city. Like Russia, North Korea hopes the Olympics will bring notoriety to this town with a population of 40,000 people and help to popularize it as a winter ski destination. Supreme Leader Kim Jongun has addressed the security concerns of critics with reminders of the size of his army, currently the fourth-largest in the world
following China, the U.S., and India. Infrastructure issues have also been raised, but the Supreme Leader is confident in his people. "Other countries do not understand our work ethic," he declared in a recent video press release. "The spirit of Korea has been diluted by western influence in the south, but here in the north we can change the very shape of the land." Rangrim Lake is, in fact, man-made. Dennis Rodman has been appointed as the head of the bid committee. Applications were due in November, and a selection will be made in 2015. "My whole goal right now is to make people happy," Rodman said in a recent CNN interview, "the Olympics are a great way to make people happy." Following Rodman's appointment as bid chair he pledged the support of his commercial enterprises. His children's book, action figures, vodka and smoothies will be the official products of the North Korean Games.