2 April 2018

Student newspaper of the University of Tulsa

April 2, 2018 Issue 22 - Volume 103

TU utility overhaul, pg. 7

TEDXTU: local ideas, global scales, pg. 6

Professor privacy, point/ counterpoint, pg. 22

graphic by Madeline Woods

American League preview, pg. 11

Concert reviews, pgs. 4, 5

Variety

The Collegian: 2

TU Indigenous Society hosts kaleidoscopic Pow Wow President Clancy intends to replicate the energetic experience in future years.

Kayleigh Thesenvitz Editor-in-Chief

TU’s pulse pounded Saturday night in the Reynolds Center for the first annual TU Indigenous Society Pow Wow. A team of drummers and singers sat in a tight circle around three large drums in the center of the court, and dancers gathered around bouncing on the balls of their feet as they stepped from one foot to the other.

The timeless performance drew dancers of all ages to the floor, with children as young as two dancing next to silver-haired grandparents in traditional garb.

In the entrance, several traveling Navajo vendors sold handcrafted jewelry and pottery.

A long line formed for Indian Tacos, a dish of puffy friend dough topped with kidney beans, ground beef, lettuce, tomato, onion and cheese.

Most of the dances honored specific individuals in attendance.

One extended song and dance honored Head Singer Jimmy “Ducky” Anquoe Sr., a Kiowa man who has been singing at Pow Wows in and around Oklahoma for decades.

Anquoe spoke about age and continuing ageless traditions.

Once he started dancing and singing, dozens of people came forward and laid money

at his feet, then circled around and stood behind him where they danced as well.

“Giving is the biggest honor someone can have,” Master of Ceremonies Tim Tallchief explained. The money placed before Anquoe was given so he can add it to his donation to a cause of his choice. “Jim deserves great honor.”

Tallchief encouraged the whole audience to take part in a friendship dance, which had the head dancers making an inner loop around the drummers while Indigenous and non-Indigenous people marched around the outer loop side by side.

TU Indigenous Society President Jennie Stockle said the idea for a Pow Wow came from the popular support of TU’s native students.

“We wanted to share the rich cultural heritage and our pride as native students with the rest of the campus,” Stockle said.

Representatives from 11 tribes, including Muscogee Creek Nation Principal Chief James Floyd and Kiowa Legislator Rhonda Ahhaitty attended.

The tribes and the Tulsa Pow Wow club honored Stockle and TU student and veteran Megan Lowry with decorative shawls for organizing the event.

TU President Gerard Clancy said, “I hope this is something we can do every year.”

The TU Indigenous Society meets once a month. Their next meeting, which is open to both native and not-native students, is Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the Multicultural Resource Center, Hardesty Hall.

2 April 2018

Native American culture continues to thrive in Oklahoma. Citizens of 562 federally recognized tribes hold dual citizenship in the U.S.

Left to right: TU President Gerard Clancy, TU Indigenous Society President Jennie Stockle, Paula Clancy and TU Student Veteran Megan Lowry brought the Pow Wow to TU as a celebration of culture.

Embrace an Exciting Career!

The University of Tulsa

Certificate in Paralegal Studies

prepares students for a career as a paralegal in as little as eight months.

TU’s program is approved by the American Bar Association.

Questions?

Contact Pam Mitchell, manager of legal programs, at 918-631-2524 or pam-mitchell@utulsa.edu.

photos by Kayleigh Thesenvitz

Traditional outfits and dances embued vibrancy into the Reynolds Center.

Fun fact: TU originated as Henry Kendall College, a school for Muscogee Creek Nation girls. The bell in Bayless Plaza was transported from the Muscogee Creek Nation capital when TU was incoporated.

the university of Continuing Education Division of Lifelong Learning

utulsa.edu/paralegal Paralegals may not provide legal service directly to the public, except as permitted by law. TU is an EEO/AA institution. TU18083

Variety

2 April 2018

The Collegian: 3

New of Montreal album conceptually flawed “White Is Relic/Irrealis Mood” is spotted with moments of lyrical efficacy and snappy synths but finds itself burdened by bloated track lengths.

Emily Every Apprentice Editor

The indie rock band of Montreal has been going 21 years strong under the direction of frontman Kevin Barnes. Barnes’s last decade of musical releases has found him oscillating between obscure muses and shifting genre between each album, and Barnes’s newest release, “White Is Relic/Irrealis Mood,” is no break from this trend.

Forming in Athens, Georgia, in 1996, the band found inspiration from psychedelic pop music of the 1960s. Early band members tapped in and out of performing and recording for the band frequently, leaving Barnes alone to spearhead the writing and producing of the band’s music. Their works spanning into the early 2000s generally have a sunny disposition with minimal instrumental layering and a lower production quality. Into the mid-2000s, Barnes began experimenting with complicated musical layering and increasingly unusual lyrical structures, both of which are now staples of the band’s otherwise unpredictable discography.

Barnes has yet to divorce himself entirely from his psychedelic pop roots, but he removed himself considerably from the sound of his early works with his 2007 breakout release, “Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?” Following a temporary separation from his wife, the work that Barnes was producing grew lyrically dark and drew inspiration by the then blooming revival of electronica music in popular media. At that point, Barnes had broken his original formula of melodic pop songs and developed a new sort of anti-pattern: every album completely divorced from the others in sonic and lyrical quality.

ody that can quickly become grating. This problem is especially evident on “Writing the Circles/Orgone Tropics,” in which the first four minutes rely on a somewhat barebones drum and bass instrumentation backing a hazy, reverberated female vocalist repeating the song’s hook of “Not a lot.” The complexity of the instrumentation increases as the song progresses, especially during the chorus, but not enough to completely break up the monotony.

This isn’t to say that the song isn’t lyrically interesting or that it doesn’t sound good, but it does definitely showcase the fact that the longer the songs go on the harder they are to listen to. Most melodies overstay their welcome by a minute or so, and this would be a real problem for someone who’s not a fan of the ‘80s extended dance mixes from which Barnes drew the album’s inspiration.

The track lengths seem overlong just to fit in the format of Barnes’s decades-dated muse.

Barnes’s lyrical approach is hit-and-miss, though it’s more or less to be expected from him at this point: his entire discography is leaden with esoteric references mixed with his own life experiences and grammatical complications. One of the worst lyrical offenders off this newest album is the chorus of the album’s opening track, “Soft Music/ Juno Portraits of the Jovian Sky.” The opening lyrics of the track are about “trawling” through DMs and “wasting weekends,” which is all pretty standard fare for an EDM track like “Soft Music.” The chorus then starts up and lyrically combines gentrification, “summer love,” The Bushwick Collective of street art in New York and trying to stop “the triggering of one’s self-destructive urges” within just six lines.

If it sounds incomprehensible, it’s because it kind of is. The track is ostensibly about white ignorance in relation to the ostracizing and gentrification of black culture; but that’s a pretty big concept to fit into the chorus of a dance song, especially when the surrounding verses don’t seem at all related to the subject matter. As is, the lyrics aren’t

“...[T]he album often slips into overrelying on a single, extended melody that can quickly become grating.”

Though under Barnes’s control since its conception, of Montreal has increasingly become a vehicle for Barnes’s own often bizarre, musical imaginings over the last decade. This means that lyrics are often borderline nonsensical — at least to the audience. It seems that Barnes himself is the only one in on the joke. It also means that Barnes is wont to prolong songs to build up intricate musical compositions.

And these are the exact pitfalls that “White Is Relic/Irrealis Mood” fall into.

With each of its six tracks spanning over five minutes and two of those breaching the eight-minute mark, the album often slips into over-relying on a single, extended mel-

particularly catchy and slow down the song, and the song isn’t an effective vehicle for the socially concerned lyrics.

When Barnes isn’t overwriting his lyrics to hell and back with incongruent concepts and allusions, they can really catch you off guard with their relative simplicity and efficacy. One of the better moments of writing on the album is nestled in the chorus of “Writing the Circles,” in which the narrator advises, “Don’t complain about your personal hell / You should be grateful you don’t have to share one.” The brevity and wit of this section, and the few other lyrical moments like it, stands above most of the album; it’s a shame that although Barnes

courtesy Polyvinyl Record Co.

“White is Relic/Irrealis Mood,” of Montreal’s 15th studio album, gets muddled in its cryptic songwriting.

is capable of such efficient writing, he more than often opts for an over-involved, occasionally clunky style.

The central premise of the album itself tends to lengthen the tracks. Barnes has stated that the lyrics of “White Is Relic/Irrealis Mood” are about his experiences over the last year, in which he entered a serious romantic relationship and also became enamored by “simulation theory,” or the idea that our reality is the result of some higher being’s computer simulation. These are pretty disparate ideas, and by trying to combine them, Barnes has created a somewhat tonally and sonically lopsided album.

Mirroring the album, each of the tracks’ titles are essentially two different titles separated by a slant. The juxtaposition also affects the musical composition of the album as each song is effectively split between different sounding front and back ends. This structure pulls out the length of the songs for a gimmick that sometimes creates interesting musical progressions, but usually just makes one half of a song more successful than the other.

“Paranoiac Intervals/Body Dysmorphia,” the album’s first released single, particularly suffers from an ineffective, incongruous ending being plastered onto a way more enjoyable front end. The first five minutes of the track might be the highlight of the entire album. Barnes’s vocal performance is high and lively over an energetic synth and drum combination that gains energy as the four minutes go on. The chorus of the track isn’t burdened with Barnes’s trademark lyrical complications, instead focusing on the simple, effective hook of, “You should be fucking with no one else.”

Had the song ended after its first four minutes, it would have been an effective

earworm of a single. But because Barnes is committed to overlong EDM tracks about both love and, somewhat confusingly, the unreality of reality, there’s a shoehorned outro that kills the track’s energy. The last two minutes quicken the drum speed while slowing down the synths to sound eerie and alien. Barnes’s own stretched out vocals are layered in with the track’s mixing, adding to the sense of unease that’s suddenly thrust on the track. Over this, the lyrical subject matter and delivery change: Barnes chants “I know how it feels / It feels, feels ugly / Body dysmorphia,” which is a real left-turn from the preceding lyrics of the track that dealt more with distrusting government than gender issues. And while the sudden shift in the song is an interesting experiment, it becomes a disservice to the first half of the track.

“Paranoiac Intervals” is a fun song, but the overlong outro becomes a slog to listen through. The exact opposite is true of “Sophie Calle Private Game/Every Person Is a Pussy, Every Pussy Is a Star!” in which the first half is six minutes of slower synth pop that’s fine but not great. Contrasting its front end, the latter half is as fun and snappy as the beginning of “Paranoiac Intervals.” The dichotomy of quality and sound in every track makes it hard to recommend the album to people not already desensitized to the vagaries of Barnes’s discography.

And while “White Is Relic/Irrealis Mood” isn’t as fussy or hard to get into as some of Barne’s other recent works, it also doesn’t seem to care about audience impressions.

Ultimately, the album has spots of really enjoyable EDM but more filler than quality.

That’s frustrating, because there’s a great album in there somewhere buried beneath all the excess lyrical work and track lengths.

“Pacific Rim: Uprising” outdoes itself with special effects Giant monsters and robots battle in this colorful, simply entertaining sequel with optimistic themes.

Michaela Flonard Managing Editor When the apocalypse comes, I want it to turn out like the “Pacific Rim” series.

Mostly because I love the idea that when threatened with giant monsters, humanity does the most sensible thing and builds giant fuckng robots (jaegers) to punch those monsters (Kaiju). And the new “Pacific Rim: Uprising” provides even larger monsters and robots than before.

Seeing the first of the series isn’t really necessary, as this movie, set 10 years later, opens with the protagonist, Jake Pentecost, narrating how humanity defeated the kaiju and the repercussions. Introduced as a par-

ty animal and thief, Pentecost soon meets Amara Namani, played by Cailee Spaeny, who’s built her own jaeger just in case the kaiju return. Their adventure takes them back into the hands of the PPDC (Pan Pacific Defense Corps), a international alliance that runs the jaeger program. Which, Pentecost and Namani soon learn, is about to be shut down as the Shao Corporation innovates drone jaegers to avoid human error and the necessity for drift compatible pilots.

With the breach that let in the kaijus closed, the sequel at first seems to be adrift, reliant on corporate espionage to propel the plot forward. But this is Pacific Rim, and eventually, kaiju do return, although their reasons and shape must stay unknown for spoiler reasons. Returning to the kaiju allows “Pacific Rim: Uprising” to outdo itself in an effort to get the largest monster and the coolest way a giant robot can beat said

The movie doesn’t betray any artistic expectations: it’s robots that fight monsters.

monster, with a bit of suspense thrown in.

The sequel mostly focuses on fresh faces. While Jake Pentecost, played by John Boyega, is related to both Stacker Pentecost and Mako Mori of the first, he wasn’t in the first. Namani and the other recruits are child-warriors who’ve not known a world without kaiju. The scientist duo of the first, Newton Geiszler, played by Charlie Day, and Hermann Gottlieb, played by Burn Gorman, return but are separated for much of the movie, eliminating any of their fun banter from the film.

Instead, the banter comes between Jake and his copilot, Nate Lambert, played by Scott Eastwood, who have an unshared but antagonistic history. But as the jaegers only run with drift compatible pilots, the movie eventually edges all characters closer towards friendship, meaning that tension isn’t really there. They eventually have to be

like family; the giant robots wouldn’t work without it.

This sequel, like its predecessor, has a unique color palate. Unlike many action movies, which tend to run dark and gloomy, “Pacific Rim” seems to be cooler, brighter colors, primarily blues and greens. Honestly, the colors are one of my favorite pieces of the movie, along with the unique designs of the monsters and robots, because they reinforce the film’s tone.

The series is not one of the weirdest to come from Guillermo del Toro’s mind, but it’s certainly one of the more enjoyable, less cerebral ones. It’s a nice statement about how if humanity came together, we could defeat pretty much anything, with a speech that drives that point home. It’s a genuinely fun watch; Boyega brings charm and humor to it, and all the characters seem to be at home when inside the jaeger.

courtesy IMDb

The Collegian: 4

Variety

Flogging Molly a memorable show, even for those unfamiliar with band Irish punk rock band Flogging Molly’s concert was a heartwarming banger.

Brennen Gray Apprentice Editor Tiocfaidth ár lá! Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day, Flogging Molly arrived at the Cain’s for an Irish punk rock jam on March 11, 2018. It was wild, loud and truly Irish.

Rockers filled the venue to its capacity, and that was before people started dancing.

If you have never been to a punk rock concert, there is a fine line between dancing and rioting. On occasion, it crossed that line and people stopped rioting to dance.

Frontman Dave King and his band had quite an ensemble: three electric guitars, a drum set, a few microphones, an accordion, a fiddle and a pin-whistle. Awesome.

King and his band began with some opening tracks unfamiliar to me before addressing the crowd. I loved his dialect as much as what he said.

“So this is Tulsa on a Sunday night!” he yelled above the crowd. The fans cheered back in an excited roar of indistinguishable sounds.

The first song they played that I recognized, “Drunken Lullabies,” surprised me with its timing.

Usually a band waits to play their most famous song until a little bit later. I assume they wanted to get the mosh pit started early.

It worked.

About three yards from where I was standing brewed a violent mosh pit of millennials having the time of their lives.

I felt the urge to experience it, but this feeling felt too akin to veering your car into oncoming traffic on a two lane road at night.

Maybe next time.

King then introduced his wife as the lady playing the pin-whistle, an essential in-

2 April 2018

strument in any good punk rock band. She played a quick solo that led to the next song.

The night’s wildest song came with the second one I recognized, “Devil’s Dance Floor.” That song’s catchy rhythm and punk sound could get a grandma to go nuts. The mosh pit expanded to dangerous ferocity, and the concert was better for it.

King addressed the crowd again by calling out someone on the front row.

“I love the people who made their own Flogging Molly T-shirts. Especially that guy with the one that says, ‘Who the Hell is Dave King?’” The audience laughed again, with King pretending to look a little mad.

He forwent a segue into his next statement. He talked about Irish Mother’s Day, and then about his mother.

“She passed away,” King said. The crowd sighed and gave a long “Aww.” King responded quickly.

“No none of that! I’ll tell ya, she’s having a hell of a better time wherever she is now!” I’ll be honest, this guy grew on me.

He continued.

“Before she died, she gave me one piece of advice: enjoy your life.”

The vignette set up the last song I recognized of the evening, “Rebels of the Sacred Heart.” With everyone singing the verses together, I felt like I was a part of something.

That something was reliving my teenage rebellious phase but with an accent that made me sound like a drunken leprechaun.

In my defense, proper Irish accents are hard to master.

Flogging Molly represented something unique. A hearty and excited rebellion, hellbent on trying to have the greatest time possible in life.

“Go mbeire muid beo ar an am seo arís.”

May we be here at this time next year.

Backed with oscillating lights and a receptive audience, the Flogging Molly concert was an awe-inspiring experience.

photos by Jennifer Smith

The Decemberists’ new “The Bomb” multimedia album breaks tradition piece haunts with truth The Decemberists trade their acoustic, folky sound for a more involved, electronic aesthetic.

Emma Palmer Apprentice Editor The Decemberists have never shied away from dark subject matter, but that darkness was usually fictional, or at least came from stories that took place much further in the past. With “I’ll Be Your Girl,” the band’s newest album, lead singer and primary songwriter Colin Meloy breaks tradition and embraces the influence of recent real-world events. The album has less to do with suicidal lovers and chimney sweeps and more to do with political resistance and Donald Trump. But “I’ll Be Your Girl” stands apart from The Decemberists’s previous discography not just in lyrics, but also in the entire sound.

The Decemberists have been around for a long time — 17 years, to be exact, and “I’ll Be Your Girl” shows a marked attempt to come up with something new. One of the ways in which it differs from the rest of the band’s discography is the change in producers: rather than recording with Tucker Martin, who has been working with them since 2006, The Decemberists enlisted producer John Congleton, known for working with decidedly non-Decemberists-sounding artists like St. Vincent and Modest Mouse. “I’ll Be Your Girl” trades accordions for synths, and while some fans might worry that this may detract from the classic Decemberists sound, the album emerges as less of a diversion and more of an expansion of the band’s boundaries.

Meloy confronts dark themes with melodic glee, jauntily singing the catchiest song on the album, “Everything is Awful,” with gusto, and bringing in a chorus of children to sing the titular lyrics of “We All Die Young.” Meloy’s fatalistic lyricism set to snappy tunes is reminiscent of the current nihilism that can be found on pretty much any corner of the Internet. In fact, perhaps the most accurate summation of the album is as Meloy describes it: “an apocalyptic dance party.”

Of course, not all songs are death and resistance, and there are plenty of interludes that fans of the old Decemberists’s narrative style will find satisfactory. “Rusalka, Rusalka / Wild Rushes” is an eight-minute, dirgelike song that takes its inspiration from the Slavic myth of the Rusalka, a siren-like creature that lure men to their deaths through song. “Your Ghost,” while not quite a narrative, evokes a sense of being in haunted old dungeons to a hyped-up guitar riff. One of the album’s best songs, “Starwatcher,” combines all the themes of political resistance, prophecy of apocalypse and a narrative of sorts. The song follows the idea of a starwatcher looking up at the sky and warning the populace of danger while simultaneously calling to “hold your ground.”

Not every song on the album is a winner.

“Sucker’s Prayer,” which Meloy stated was originally a country song, does not have enough substance to it to stay particularly interesting, and “Once in my Life” feels too repetitive without being intentional about it. Ultimately, the creative risk to experiment keeps The Decemberists relevant to the themes of today. The boat is sinking, but The Decemberists will play till the water engulfs us all.

“...‘I’ll Be Your Girl’ shows a marked attempt to come up with something new.”

In light of TU hosting investigative journalist Eric Schlosser for the Presidential Lecture Series March 15, the university screened “The Bomb,” a film he co-produced.

Alex Garoffolo Student Writer

Investigative journalist Eric Schlosser is best known for his books “Fast Food Nation” and “Command and Control.” “The Bomb” is based on the latter. It explores the terrifying destructive power of nuclear weapons while educating the audience with facts many don’t often hear. TU held a showing in the Meinig Recital Hall on the Monday evening preceding his lecture.

The film itself is quite a multimedia experience. There is no dialogue, no spoken word, save for old newsreels and news broadcast transcripts. An electronic group named The Acid wrote and performed the entire soundtrack. Their melodies are at once both haunting and enticing. The upbeat yet edgy bass constantly makes the viewer wonder what will happen next. I went to the screening with a friend, and he reported that several times, he felt so spooked by the tunes that he had to briefly look away from the screen.

The film opens with scenes of armies marching in formation in countries like China, North Korea and Russia. Nuclear missiles, carried by military vehicles, trail right behind the soldiers. The Acid’s haunting, pulsing chimes add some attitude to this part, daring the audience to acknowledge that in world powers’ pursuit of nuclear superiority, they came to worship these weapons like gods without taking care to fully understand them.

Next, the audience sees file footage of missile launches in various countries gone wrong, including explosions on the launch pad and in mid-air. In turn, “The Bomb” shows how the United States tested its

nukes ever since the first explosion in July 1945 during The Manhattan Project. Entire fake towns were built to model how buildings would stand up to shockwaves. Scientists used farm animals to approximate the effects of radiation on humans. The grand culmination of this segment? Repeated slow motion footage of various atomic bomb blasts throughout the years. We watch, in painful detail, as the shacks are destroyed, trees crack in half, shockwaves rush over land or through water. Of course, a vast amount of mushroom clouds also makes the final cut.

“The Bomb” also profiles Hiroshima and Nagasaki with footage of what the cities looked like after the United States dropped the bombs, the breadth of injuries inflicted upon the Japanese people, and US newsreels proclaiming how good it would be to finally take ultimate victory from the Japanese.

At the conclusion of the film, white script on black screens tell the audience the film’s shocking information: the number of nuclear weapons in the world is increasing every year. They have incredible destructive power and have several times, due to operator or technological error, almost gone off or been dropped by the United States on its own people. Schlosser wrote in his book, “Command and Control,” that for the incredible power these weapons have, it is astounding that we have such a lack of discussion or debate on the topic. One technical glitch at a missile silo or one error on the part of an air force operator could inadvertently launch one of these missiles. And once that happens, there is no way to bring that missile back.

Thus, “The Bomb” is both a haunting, artistic piece and a startling, eerie call to action. In a creative way, it tells viewers that something must change in the rhetoric surrounding nuclear weapons and more people must educate themselves on the topic. Only then will nations make moves towards rolling back mankind’s global arsenal of the perfect killing machines.

2 April 2018

Variety

The Collegian: 5

Sylvan Esso concert “Ready Player One” passionate, infectious a pretty, aimless film Sylvan Esso swept through Tulsa in a dizzying swirl of lights, electronic beats and charisma.

Raven Fawcett Commentary Editor

Sylvan Esso’s Tulsa debut featured familiar favorites from their first album (self-titled “Sylvan Esso”) and some new and catchy tunes from their most recent album (“What Now”) to a sold-out Cain’s Ballroom. After the first half hour, it was impossible to stand without brushing shoulders with someone if you weren’t in the shadowy back corners of the room.

Their opening act, Suzi Analogue, dropped some delightful beats that admittedly left me a bit out of my depth. An electronic performer, her neon sign rotated through phrases like “I hope my momma is proud of me” and “My favorite color is yellow,” which did, admittedly, endear me to her. She remixed a few radio hits and played a few of her own original mixes.

A disco ball lit up during her set, transforming the room into something out of a middle-school-me’s idea of the perfect blend of roller derby and the scene of an awkward slow dance in the school gym in the best kind of way. It was charming, amid the crowd, the strobing lights and synthetic beats.

Her energy seemed like it would be a hard act to follow. Cain’s Ballroom went dark for nearly half an hour, waiting for Sylvan Esso to start. The area duo comprised of singer Amelia Meath and instrumentalist and backup vocalist Nick Sanborn. The room was already littered with empty bottles here and there, a wrapper or two and a steady trickle of latecomers into the already packed main floor.

In that time, a trio of teens checked their Instagrams. A middle-aged couple talked about their to-do list. A man in a denim vest (which featured someone punching another person and, in stark white letters, “I’M NOT SORRY FOR ANYTHING”) joked with a

group of people who also looked like they’d be more comfortable at a Riot Grrrl concert.

The disparate crowd didn’t prepare me for the confidence and charisma of Sylvan Esso. Their music sounds like something you would hear at Starbucks — it’s genuinely good, a little offbeat, with a soothing sound that lets you tune in and out as you focus. In person? They exploded.

They walked onto stage in simple clothes; Meath was in a black tank top and matching jeans, while Sanborn was in a graphic tee and jeans. There was a keyboard-and-assorted-effects setup on stage and little else. The air was fuzzy from vape and the occasional joint that someone had snuck in. The place smelled more and more like fruit, weed and sweat. A humble start after a modest wait, I wasn’t sure what to expect out of one of the few bands I’ve listened to for years.

Lights frizzled, popping out into greens and purples and pinks in time with the beat, twinkling white on their slower songs and jumping out in neon starbursts during songs like “Hey Mami.” The audience jumped more than swayed to each song. In the second half, someone threw glow sticks in time to the beat for a couple songs. Meath danced to every song, channeling Florence Welch in parts. She asked the crowd to howl before the song “Wolf,” and laughed herself into the opening bars of the song when the crowd was louder than Sanborn’s music. Later, Sanborn reminded the audience to buy merch from his “best friend Bobby” who was running the booth. He was “handsome, and has a beard ... he’s handsome and his beard is handsome,” Sanborn corrected, to chuckles and a shout from the back.

The crowd trickled out of the concert and into downtown’s flooded streets just before 11. People huddled under the overpass just down the street to smoke and chatter about the songs, the lights, to wash out some of the energy that still sparked around them even as sheets of rain continued to splatter on the ground. Sylvan Esso’s vibrancy and passion were infectious, a feedback loop that lasted even after the mics were shut off.

“The disparate crowd didn’t prepare me for the confidence and charisma of Sylvan Esso.”

Despite some nostalgic pandering and impressive visuals, “Ready Player One” lacks substance and purpose.

Nathan Gibbons Student Writer

Teenager Wade Watts, like most people in the world of “Ready Player One,” spends most of his time in the Oasis, a virtual reality world created by the deceased James Halliday. Players stand to win a fortune and control of the Oasis if they can find three keys Halliday hid in the game world. When Wade starts solving the puzzle, he catches the attention of evil corporation Innovative Online Industries, IOI, that’s willing to do whatever it takes to get the prize and the power that comes with it. Some spoilers follow.

This movie stumbles a fine line between YA dystopia and kids’ entertainment. On the one hand, IOI runs so-called loyalty centers, where indebted people enter virtual slave labor enforced with real physical punishment. IOI’s CEO, Nolan Sorrento, and his enforcer discuss killing children to stop them from finding Halliday’s prize. On the other hand, players fight alongside Batman, Tracer from “Overwatch” and Ninja Turtles.

Players seem unusually concerned with losing inventory and coin, despite real world concerns. Sorrento poses a plot to cover displays with the maximum amount of advertising possible without inducing seizures.

Halliday is a source of idol-worship, both by the film’s characters and the movie itself.

This is mostly problematic. By Halliday’s design, much of the contest requires extensive knowledge of his life and interests in popular culture. In a world where the Oasis dominates society, merit is supplanted by trivial knowledge. What’s Halliday’s favor-

courtesy IMDb

ite map on “GoldenEye”? Have you seen “The Shining”? How many times have you seen “The Breakfast Club”? These are all essential questions for those hoping to escape poverty.

The references in this movie are often obtrusive. A character may stop what they’re doing long enough to say, “Dude, is that Batman?” The references don’t carry any specific themes, either. Warner Brothers likely filled their movie with anything they had the rights to or could get their hands on in the hopes of appealing to the widest audience possible. In one scene, an IOI representative tries desperately to convince the snobbish Wade Watts they’re a real fanboy while a think tank barks pop-culture knowledge in their ear. This is either the most or least self-aware content in the whole movie.

In science fiction, details often make or break a movie. The details of “Ready Player One” can make a man restive. For instance, Wade and others possess multi-directional treadmills of sorts so that they may move freely in game without real world obstruction. However, the film often portrays Oasis players running, visor equipped, through the real world. God help them if there’s a cliff.

That being said, there are plenty of details to be enjoyed. More expensive suits provide higher-quality experiences. Real purchases can be ordered within the Oasis for delivery.

Our protagonists find themselves juggling the Oasis’ s contest and escaping IOI employees in the real world on more than one occasion.

The movie’s production value and nostalgic throwbacks might be worth your time.

More than half of the movie takes place in the Oasis, which likely involved a hell of a lot of work getting it to look the way it did.

Spielberg’s name is often synonymous with big budgets and good technical work. I just hope the director of “Jaws” and “Schindler’s List” has more to say next time.

Tulsa Ballet’s “Cinderella” delightful, changes story

The “Cinderella” adaptation beautifully simplifies the story with their magical styling and staging.

Lizzy Young Student Writer

The classic fairytale of Cinderella centers around the kind-hearted but mistreated Cinderella. She is a beautiful girl who is bullied by her stepmother and ugly stepsisters.

However, on the night of the prince’s ball, her fairy godmother shows up and magically transforms her rags into a beautiful ball gown. At the ball, she meets her prince, and after an unfortunate shoe incident, they live happily ever after.

Tulsa Ballet’s production of “Cinderella” showed a simpler version of the classic Cinderella fairytale. It is not a major motion picture “Cinderella,” but the story stripped down to its most simple and elegant. This ballet was performed in three acts, which was a nice change of pace. The two intermissions helped build suspense for the audience, and made the magical production feel longer than it actually was. The music used in the ballet is not the light, whimsical music that is usually associated with Cinderel-

la. The music was more intense and heavy, which created a darker, more serious tone for the ballet.

The ballet’s timeline took place the night of the fateful ball. It begins with Cinderella’s family getting ready for the ball. The stepmother is knitting, and the ugly stepsisters are teasing Cinderella’s father mercilessly, who is still alive, unlike in the movie versions. The stepsisters are portrayed by men, a refreshing gender-role reversal. They are dressed up as extremely unattractive females with clownish stage makeup. They are clumsy, very dumb and hilarious. Their antics were an audience favorite.

The stepmother and sisters are abusive toward Cinderella and her father. The two have a loving relationship, but the father is portrayed as a weak character who cannot really stand up for himself and his daughter.

They have beautiful moments together in the first act where they look at a portrait of Cinderella’s mother and cry over their loss.

The first act concludes with Cinderella meeting her fairy godmother, who enlists the help of the seasons in this enchanting number to get Cinderella ready for the ball.

Cinderella’s dirty rags are transformed into a beautiful pink tutu for her to go to the ball.

The change of dress color was a departure

from the movie versions and a little disappointing for audience members who were expecting the classic blue dress. However, the white pumpkin carriage was immense and magical and did not disappoint. It was led by dancers dressed up as horses and it was everything the audience expected out of a magical carriage to carry Cinderella to the ball.

Act two consisted of the ball scene. The court jester began the act with jumps and acrobats. He was highlighted in this scene and through the ball sequence and had a hilarious role interacting with the guests by playing matchmaker and making fun of the ugly stepsisters. The stepsisters each had uproariously awful solos much to the delight of the audience.

The ball scene also included a part where the prince handed out oranges to all of the ladies at the ball. This was a fun historical tidbit included in the program, which said, “Oranges were the rarest fruit in the land.”

It brought some reality to the story and tied in nicely.

Cinderella’s entrance to the ball was grand and magical, just like “Cinderella” is supposed to be. During Cinderella and the prince’s dance, one could tell they had chemistry, and it was beautiful to watch

them fall in love through their dance. At the end of Act two, the clock strikes midnight, and Cinderella departs from the ball in tears.

Act three opened back at the stepmother’s house. Coming home from the ball, the ugly stepsisters taunt Cinderella and her father, but finally Cinderella and her father manage to get the upper hand. As the argument concludes, the prince comes in with his entourage and the shoe. After the stepsisters try on the shoe, the prince realizes Cinderella is his true love when she reveals the shoe is the one she had from the ball.

Act three concluded with the prince finding Cinderella and the two living happily ever after. In this version, Cinderella forgives her mother and ugly stepsisters, and the prince finds the two lovable dummies husbands.

It concludes with a grand wedding scene that embodied the magic of the classic “Cinderella.”

Tulsa Ballet’s performance of “Cinderella” was for one weekend only, but there are still a couple of more opportunities to see them before their season concludes.

Their Emerging Choreographer’s Showcase is April 13 – 15. They conclude their season with their Signature series May 3 – 6.

courtesy Tulsa Ballet

The Collegian: 6

News

2 April 2018

TEDxTU spotlights footnotes from Tulsa speakers

photo by Adam Lux

The TEDxUniversityofTulsa speakers included not just students and faculty, but many Tulsans totally unaffiliated with the university.

TEDxUniversityofTulsa once again allows TU and the Tulsa community to share ideas on local and global scales.

Emily Every Student Writer This year’s TEDxUniversityofTulsa talks mark the event’s fourth anniversary and its first time inviting all of Tulsa to participate.

The running theme of this year was “Footnotes,” meaning each of the event’s fourteen talks called to attention topics and problems typically overlooked. Among these topics were abuse within the eldercare system as discussed by TU sophomore Catherine Aaronson, D.C. Hegdales’s exploration of the pitfalls of modern maternal health care, and Tulsan Katie Plohocky’s attempt to minimize local food waste and food insecurity.

The talks this year were unique so far in the history of TEDxUniversityofTulsa in that they were the first to open up the event to the city of Tulsa. While the previous three TEDx events taking place at TU largely featured faculty and student speakers, eight of the fourteen of the speakers for this event were not affiliated with the university. Attendance was opened up to a much larger audience as opposed to previously being limited to only 100 attendees within the auditorium of the Lorton Performance Center.

The last three TEDx talks at TU did not require tickets due to being smaller events, yet this year’s saw long lines of general attendance forming to purchase tickets. The event, which took place Friday, March 16 from 1 p.m. through 5 p.m., in the auditorium of the LPC, was host to a large audience of TU students and faculty, as well as Tulsans interested in hearing local speakers and ideas.

Local artist Written Quincy kicked off the afternoon with a spoken word performance exploring the relationship between artist and the time that may limit them. Backed by musicians playing cello and djembe along the rhythms and swells of Quincy’s words, the performance set a meditative mood for the remainder of the evening.

Echoing Quincy’s performative approach several speakers later, doctoral student Autumn Slaughter reenacted three mundane conversations and analyzed the unsaid undertones of each. The last of the three examined the vagaries of trust within interpersonal relationships by presenting a situation in which one person reassures another, “Of course I can handle this.”

For the event to grow beyond the 100 attendees limit previously in place, the university sent a representative to 2017’s TEDFest. There, the representative attended a live TED program and met other representatives from TEDx conferences around the world. With the information and experiences brought back to Tulsa, our own TEDx talks could officially expand past the attendance boundaries. Dr. Wood attributes this growth to the aspirations of President Clancy, who has “always wanted to have a greater connection between TU and the city, so he funded a person to go to Brooklyn’s TEDFest.”

The idea of TU building connections to the city of Tulsa seemed to be baked into

of refugees within host countries following an arduous relocation process. The presentation followed the story of a mother’s long-term struggle to receive asylum in the United States with her children at the cost of leaving behind her husband, who had been indefinitely stalled for further interviews.

Once in the U.S., the family continued to face high risk of poverty and discrimination. Chaza-Jangira concluded with noting that Tulsa has done well to be accepting of refugees, but large-scale improvement in empathy is yet possible.

The above TED talks, as with all of the event’s, discussed some facet of society or culture that could be better understood.

TEDx exists as a global marketplace of

“The idea of TU building connections to the city of Tulsa seemed to be baked into the very theme of this year’s TEDx event.”

Directly following Slaughter, Nehemiah D. Frank related his journey to discovering his personal excellence within. Frank, founder and Editor in Chief of “The Black Wall St. Times,” discussed how he views education as an opportunity to help the community. Especially in light of his own struggles with literacy, being helped by a perceptive teacher in the fifth grade, Frank advocated uplifting Tulsa for the community to achieve its own inner excellence.

On the subject of the opening the event up to the Tulsa public, Dr. Charles Wood, associate professor of Marketing at Collins College of Business and the advisor of TEDxTU, commented that since the event’s conception, the university “wanted TEDx to go to the city and be about the whole of Tulsa.” With performances like Frank’s, it seems this vision has already come to fruition.

the very theme of this year’s TEDx event.

Footnotes, as a broad topic, is about raising awareness, building bridges and telling the untold. Just as TU is inviting in and connecting with the city of Tulsa, the speakers invited the audience to expound their horizons and examine preconceived notions.

In this vein, TU senior Toni Burris explored the relationship between media exposure of disabilities and the general societal understanding of disabled experiences. Burris emphasized the necessity for disabled people to be seen in all types of narratives, not just of those lamenting their disability.

The BBC’s staffing of disabled employees was given as a positive example of what’s possible in the field.

Lindiwe Chaza-Jangira was the third-tolast speaker of the evening and addressed one of the most culturally and politically pressing issues of the event — alienation

ideas, and that aspect of TEDx was amplified by particularly strong, well-delivered presentations.

TEDx itself couldn’t have happened without the intensive efforts of TU students Aaron Krusniak and Amelia Som de Cerff, the organizers of the event this year. As their advisor, Dr. Wood praised the passion of both students and commented that the event “pretty much runs on their backs.” Amelia Som de Cerff will continue to organize TEDxTU in the 2018 – 2019 school year, along with a new co-organizer.

If you’re interested in seeing any of the talks from this most recent TEDxUniversityofTulsa, they will be posted digitally about a month following the event at www. tedxuniversityoftulsa.com, along with talks posted from the past three years.

tucollegian@tucollegian.org editor-in-chief

Kayleigh Thesenvitz managing editor

Michaela Flonard news editor

Trenton Gibbons sports editor

Justin Guglielmetti variety editor

Ethan Veenker commentary editor

Raven Fawcett satire editor

Adam Lux photo & graphics editor

Madeline Woods

business & advertising manager

Brian Kwiecinski

social media & web manager

Hannah Kloppenburg distribution managers

Amber Bunnag-Stoner Katelyn Baker and Nathan Gibbons copy editor

Bryant Loney

@TUCollegian

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News

2 April 2018

The Collegian: 7

TU aims to reduce its utility and energy costs

The roof of the Case Tennis Center, topped with solar panels installed in 2016.

TU works to lower its electricity and gas costs in various ways and implements renewable energy when possible, but student interest could help matters.

Michaela Flonard Managing Editor Running a university is not a cheap endeavor, and the electricity, gas and other utilities costs do not help matters. But the university also works to lower its bills for these necessities when it can.

The Physical Plant is the center of most of these efforts. This facility pumps water across campus and is responsible for the heating and cooling of much of the air across campus. Inside, engineers are able to monitor electricity and temperature usage in buildings, even specific rooms, across campus, and they are notified when something is out of whack. Centralizing these efforts saves money, according to Jason Grunin, associate director of special projects and energy conservation, because it allows one central, larger device to work, instead of multiple smaller units that may use more energy collectively.

As such, the Physical Plant uses the most energy on campus. TU is powered by electricity and natural gas, as well as solar panels on the roof of the Pat Case Tennis Center.

In 2017, the university used 36.7 kWh of energy. From 2013 to 2017, the university was able to reduce usage of electricity by 13 percent, while adding over 100,00 square feet of conditioned space. For 2017, the university used about 12.7 kWh hours per square feet. According to Madison Gas and Electric, the average college in the U.S. uses 18.9 kWh of electricity per square foot.

While this average was for 2015, TU used about 15.8 kWh per square foot in this same time period. According to Madison Gas and Electric, the major usages of electricity are computers (18 percent), lighting (17 percent), cooling (10 percent), ventilation (22 percent), miscellaneous (27 percent) and

refrigeration (6 percent). TU does not have sub metering for the majority of campus, but the central plant accounts for the largest use of energy.

Grunin explained these decreases in electricity usage to multiple factors: “management of temperature controls and installation of automation equipment that monitors and controls fan speeds and makes adjustments based on environment.” Automation equipment, Grunin explained, are sensors that are installed in an area of a building to monitor electricity usage, which sends information back to the Physical Plant, which can control and notice any irregular behavior.

Not all buildings are on the same system, but as older buildings, like Keplinger, are updated, new sensor systems are installed.

These new systems are digital and can report much more information than older systems. Unfortunately, renovating these buildings costs a great deal of money, and because the buildings are still functioning, buildings like Lottie Jane, the Mabee

courtesy University of Tulsa

Conditioning Engineers (ASHRAE), which sets goals based on comfort level and energy usage. These new targets did not affect libraries, dorms, the LPC or Gilcrease.

In addition, the university is in the process of moving most of its data center from TU to a hosted site in Oklahoma City. This move will reduce energy consumption by over 75 kWh, eventually a $100,000 annual savings. All campus web, file and application processes run from this location. “Our facility was never designed to run as an efficient data center with thousands of servers like the facility to which we are moving our servers,” Grunin said.

The data center was built in the 1950s and 1960s, an old fallout shelter that’s been retrofitted to accommodate new technology.

“Computers have gotten smaller,” Grunin explained, “which means more heat requirements because it has been miniaturized.

That applies all over campus.” The university expects the move will be complete by the end of this year, after two years of work.

A limited number will remain in the univer-

“‘Placing sensors allows the university to ‘further track energy usage, capture overall usage, and make more targeted decisions.’”

Gym and Fisher South are not required to switch to the new systems immediately. But, Grunin pointed out, “what we’re building to put in is going to be a 30-year system,” so it will serve its use. Placing these sensors allows the university to “further track energy usage, capture overall usage and make more targeted decisions.”

The implementation of new heating and cooling measures standardized temperatures across campus, further saving energy.

Last year, the university set new temperature controls; instead of 72 degrees for both winter and summer, the targets were 70 degrees in the winter and 74 degrees in the summer, with some variance allowed. These new standards were based off the American Society for Heating Refrigeration and Air

sity’s data center, that either can’t move or are management tools.

Occupancy sensors and LED lightning are other measures the university uses to reduce energy consumption. These measures are in all new buildings and are added as places are renovated. If there’s no movement for 20 minutes, the light shuts off. In Hardesty and John Mabee, these sensors also control the heat and air conditioning, dropping the temperature to a comfortable level after a period of inactivity. The same goes for ACAC. The university tried, in 2015, to run a “turn off the light” campaign, but “found that most places still did not comply.” Sensors are a relatively inexpensive way to control the human element of energy savings.

It’s difficult to control temperatures in

class buildings the same way. In Keplinger, for instance, three classrooms might be in the same zone and used at different times, so after hours, temperatures are raised or lowered based on the time of year. “If we had one scheduling system for the whole campus, and people didn’t go into rooms to have a meeting,” Grunin said, then they could control the temperatures of the zones throughout the day. Vending machines also have similar sensors that detect sound and motion.

Gas usage by the university has decreased 23 percent from 2013-2017. In 2017, the university used 151,556 MCF. According to the Madison Gas and Electric company, about 76 percent of natural gas is used for heating, while 14 percent is water heating and the remaining usage is miscellaneous.

Water usage on campus is on a downward trend, but it’s more difficult to control, Grunin said. “It’s almost always a humandriven item. We can’t just make a couple of adjustments and drop our levels down,” he noted. The university has installed “sprinkler irrigation controls, a weather station to control sprinklers, management of chilled water cooling system, water shutoff automation valves and low-flow urinals.” Lowflow faucets are in most buildings and apartments. Again, the Physical Plant uses the majority of the water to cool, heat and run irrigation.

Solar energy represents the university’s use renewable energy. The panels on the Case Tennis Center were completed in September of 2016, in a joint project with the Public Service Co. of Oklahoma. Last year, these panels produced about 50,000 kWh of energy.

According to Grunin, these panels produce approximately 585 kWh daily during winter months and 1600 kWh a day during the summer. Because TU regularly pays 10 cents per kWh for power, Grunin said the university was able to reduce its reliance on PSO utilities by about $50,000. The university doesn’t pay for maintenance costs, as they are included in the 30-year lease agreement with PSO. PSO then maintains, inverts and fixes damaged panels and other internal components. The lease payment is derived from annual building energy usage.

When the university builds its next building, Grunin said installing solar panels is “not off the table.” Case Tennis Center was chosen because it had uninterrupted roof access and could structurally could hold the panels; Collins Fitness Center was a close second, losing out because of its roof angles.

The final decision on whether to install panels on the next building would come down to construction costs, PSO involvement and overall roof design, Grunin said.

Wind power is another option. To be completely powered by wind would cost the university about a million a year. To switch to wind power requires a discussion of what the university is willing to sacrifice to run by wind power.

Grunin emphasized any changes to the university’s energy usage could be driven by student voices. While the university will try to reduce its usage, for many reasons, the university is also somewhat governed by students and will respond more strongly to their will.

TU’s newest clubs for global professionals, gaming and EMTs New clubs will advance students’ careers and the social life of campus.

Michaela Flonard Managing Editor Over the course of the semester, SA has chartered several new clubs. Among them are the TU EMS club, Society of Global Professionals and TU: Magic the Gathering.

The TU EMS club gives students firsthand medical experience. Srivats Srinivasan, the founder and president, said the long-term vision of the club is to run a 24/7 medical on-call unit that would work with Campus Security. Campus Security, in a medical emergency, could then send students over or take care of the situation.

This year, the club had CPR/first aid training for their officers and is planning how to operate on campus. In the future, the club plans to host CPR/first aid training twice a semester, potentially with subsidized cost, as well as medical seminars twice a semes-

ter, detailing topics like how to deal with alcohol poisoning.

Several other universities have student EMTs, and Srinivasan contacted them for some advice. To maintain a 24/7 service at a university this size, the team will need about 45 to 50 people.

As as the club grows, he expects it to evolve from foot or bicycle transportation to potentially having an ambulance. Because of the size of the campus, medical emergencies aren’t as common, but Srinivasan also believes the club could be on call at SAsponsored events or as a trainer on standby for intramural games. Interested students should watch for more information on the club as it finalizes its plans.

The Society of Global Professionals hopes to help international students find jobs after graduation. The club plans to have info sessions with career services, talks by TU alumni with jobs that take them abroad, visiting representatives from industries not always seen at TU and job application roundtables. In roundtables, students will search and apply for jobs together. Renan Kuntz, the president, was motivated to start the club because finding a job can be difficult after

graduation, and collectively, students may be able to achieve more than separately.

The club also hopes to dispel the misunderstanding by companies that international students need a sponsorship to continue to work in the U.S..

Optional Practical Training and their student visa allow students to stay another year, and STEM majors can stay another two years. After this time period, if the company has an international location, the students could relocate there.

“If we show employers that TU is the place to hire such unique professionals, we will see our alumni doing great things and occupying important roles outside the U.S.,” Kuntz said. He hopes this club will assist TU in creating globally ready professionals.

“With an international student population of twenty-five percent of our campus, affordable and available study-abroad programs and internationally-renowned research programs, TU students have the best environment for developing skills for the global market,” he said.

For their first event, they hosted an immigration specialist from the International

Student Services office to tell students about applying for the Optional Practical Training. The next event will be a resume/cover letter/LinkedIn training. Any students interested in global careers can join the club by reaching out to their email, sgputulsa@ gmail.com.

For students who love or are interested in the deck-building game Magic: The Gathering, TU has a new club solely dedicated to it.

The club will have weekly meeting dates as well as monthly or bimonthly tournaments.

They’ll also have “limited format events where we play with booster packs and build decks from what we open,” according to founder Justin Sohl. The events will be for those who have never picked up cards in addition to experts. Sohl was motivated to start the club because he realized “the absence of but need for a Magic community on campus.” The first event will be at the Heartland Gaming Expo on April 7, where they’ll have a booth to teach people how to play Magic.

If you don’t have a deck, Sohl assures you’ll still be able to play, as many members have multiple decks and will share. Those interested should email Sohl at justin-sohl@ utulsa.edu to be added to the GroupMe.

The Collegian: 8

News

2 April 2018

Dr. Tao Wang enhances child Tulsa mental health report development practices A committee has finished its study on Tulsa’s ability to help its citizens suffering mental health problems.

They’ve reached a diagnosis - now they’re designing the treatment.

Trenton Gibbons News Editor

courtesy Tao Wang

Dr. Tao Wang seeks to fill a void in China’s childhood development by hosting programs educating parents on how to raise their children.

Thomas Von Borstel Student Writer After spending an hour in an office with Dr. Tao Wang, it was abundantly clear that his passion for educating is second to none.

Dr. Wang, a faculty member of TU’s education department, was raised in what he calls a “typical, traditional Chinese intellectual upbringing.” With his background, he had many reflections on his experiences as a child. This drives his desire to study psychology and childhood development.

A seventh-generation teacher, Dr. Wang first received his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in China in human developmental psychology. Later, he would attend Harvard to receive his doctoral degree, and join the TU faculty in 2005.

Dr. Wang recognizes a very unique challenge in Chinese parenting. Traditional Chinese education is “strict and very authoritarian” and often “oppressing.” The country now maintains a one-child policy. With the change, he sees parents switching from one extreme to another; spoiling becoming very prevalent as a result, “yielding huge social and family problems.”

“The parents give the most important education. They impact young lives profoundly, yet it is ironically universal that they are the least trained of educators,” says Dr. Wang. He goes on to explain that “the child’s brain is chiseled by the early parenting, and their later success is largely

dependent on the earliest developments.” In the States, there have been many wonderful parenting programs since the 1970s, according to Dr. Wang, but China was missing similar programs.

Seeing the void in China’s educational system, Dr. Wang began lecturing in 2008 during in his summer and winter breaks.

His lectures have been given in over ninety cities in China. One of these lectures lasts three hours without a break, yet he explains that “Chinese parents are the best, most eager students” he has ever encountered.

“Once you become a parent, you have this unreal motivation,” he says.

With the help of the early education center, Gymboree, he has given a lecture to a class of 1,600 people, absolutely free to the public.

Dr. Wang saw a necessity for continued support, stating, “Sometimes I couldn’t leave the theaters because of the number of parents who had questions.” To satisfy this demand, he began a blog in 2009, now with over 300 articles and over 500,000 page hits. The lecture series grew so popular, he would go on to write it in book form.

Published in 2012, his book, “Discipline and Love”, focuses on parental education combining the optimal scientific education while addressing the human level of how to discipline a child with love, loving a child with discipline and incorporating traditional Chinese concepts. It has now sold over 100,000 copies and was a nationwide bestseller in China in 2013. His main approach to the topics is through traditional Chinese philosophy. Dr. Wang says that it is to take “two conflicting components that can compromise and work together to yield the best result.” He then displayed the example of “yin and yang.”

“(Wang) explains that ‘Chinese parents are the best, most eager students’ he has ever encountered.’”

On March 28, Tulsa leaders met to review the results of a study analyzing Tula region’s mental health care delivery system, and to discuss a potential 10-year plan for improvement. The study was conducted by a steering committee, formed in 2017 and composed of The University of Tulsa Oxley College of Health Sciences and numerous Tulsa philanthropists and mental health experts. Also collaborating was Washington D.C.’s Urban Institute, a nonprofit organization, and the project had the funding of Anne and Henry Zarrow foundation. The report’s most important conclusions include that “mental illness is a major driver of poor health and low life expectancy across the region,” that “children and youth are an increased risk of mental illness and lack a strong foundation for lifelong mental health,” and “many mental health programs track closely to the geography of disadvantage, reflecting areas of concentrated poverty, economic underinvestment and social exclusion.”

President Gerard Clancy, who is the chair of the Tulsa Regional Mental Health Plan

steering, said of the report, “People living with mental illness in the Tulsa region die 27 years earlier than all Oklahomans, and within TPS, a suicide note is received from a student nearly every day. But behind each of these numbers and so many other startling statistics is the personal suffering of our friends, our family, co-workers and neighbors in Tulsa…We must come together as a community and use this report as a blueprint to take action to correct those wrongs and make Tulsa a healthier place for .all of us to live.”

Among the goals of the 10 year improvement plan were the reduction of the sizable gap in life expectancy between Tulsans living with mental illness and those without, a reduction in the rate of suicide attempts and overdoses, and the instatement of programs to aid Tulsan workers who experience poor mental health.

“Tulsa is a forward-thinking community that has taken on a complex topic many other communities are facing, and while the report is alarming, Tulsa has considerable strengths from which to draw,” said Laudy Aron, senior fellow at the Urban Institute. “Tulsa has cutting-edge treatment programs, strong collaborations, existing efforts to provide alternatives to incarceration, and passionate leaders ready to tackle these issues head-on.”

This article was written with significant contributions by the news release for the Mental Health System report.

Other findings of the study: -1 in 7 Tulsans has a mental illness.

-1 in 20 Tulsa adults has a serious mental illness -1 in 12 Tulsa has a serious emotional disturbance.

-Tulsa’s overdose rate is almost 2 times its rate of homicides.

-Tulsa has the highest suicide rate among a group of peer counties in the U.S. -Less than 50 percent of children receive follow-up care within one month after a psychiatric hospital discharge.

-1 in 3 Oklahoma children experiences two or more adverse childhood experiences such as abuse, neglect and household dysfunction, before the age of 17.

This is the highest rate in the nation.

-13 percent of Oklahoma teens report experience a major depressive episode.

-Over 85 percent of people with mental illness in Tulsa are not working.

-Only 103 beds are available to public mental health clients. This is less than a quarter of tthe public beds needed in greater Tulsa.

-Oklahoma spends $23,000 per year to incarcerate someone with mental illness while it would cost just $2,000 per year to treat him or her.

TU offers free and reduced summer tuition to students For the first time, TU is implementing a reduced summer tuition program intended to help students who are behind on hours and increase retention.

Hannah Kloppenburg Web Manager The University of Tulsa is implementing a program which will allow students to take summer courses at a free or reduced rate.

An email was sent to the TU community on Feb 26 announcing the changes in summer tuition. Freshmen and sophomores who finish the school year with less than 30 or 60 credit hours, respectively, can take whatever courses they need to reach that amount tuition-free. Any courses they take past the 30- or 60-hour limit will be offered at a halfprice rate of $726 per credit hour.

Any other underclassmen who wish to take summer courses can do so at the halfprice tuition rate.

Full details of the program and a complete listing of rates can be found at utulsa.edu.

This is the first time TU has offered free or reduced summer tuition to students. Janet Levit, TU’s vice president for strategic initiatives, said that the program is intended to help students regain lost hours.

“Data shows that if freshmen have completed at least 30 hours by the end of their first year and if sophomores have completed at least 60 hours by the end of their second year, they are much more likely to earn their degree in four years than those students who do not,” she explained.

According to the Office of the Provost, a total of 355 students who started at TU in fall 2015 had completed fewer than 30 credits by the end of their first two semesters. 393 fall 2016 freshmen had completed fewer than 30 credits by the end of their first two semesters.

The program is intended to help students regain lost hours, thereby addressing related issues like retention rates.

“Students may drop courses for a variety of reasons – some beyond their control,” Levit said.

“Universities recognize that the first two years of college often pose the most challenges for students. This summer program provides students with an opportunity to get back on track with their peers and better adhere to degree requirements.”

The Office of the Provost reports that students who complete 30 credit hours by the beginning of their second year of study return to TU at a rate of 96 percent. Students who complete 30 hours by the beginning of their second year graduate at a rate of 88 percent.

Levit said that the university hopes to see freshman-to-sophomore and sophomore-tojunior retention rates increase.

Administration is prioritizing the reduced tuition program despite TU’s recent budget issues. “When confronted with tough budget decisions almost two years ago, the university made some strategic cutbacks in areas that largely were not felt by students and then decided [to move] forward to focus on growth rather than continued cuts. This initiative is part of our growth effort,” Levit said.

The reduced tuition program is a pilot at TU, but Levit said that other universities have implemented similar initiatives “with great success.”

“We want to help students graduate on time and save themselves additional expenses such as tuition and housing,” she said.

Levit anticipates an increase in enrollment for summer courses because of this program. “We also hope that some Tulsaarea students who are not currently attending TU but are home for the summer might enroll at TU with the reduced tuition rate,” she added.

Though the program is in its early stages, TU administrators are confident that it will benefit students and are prepared to explore alternatives if it does not have the anticipated effect.

News

2 April 2018

Medical Services Authority. The individual stated a friend would take them to Urgent Care at St. John Medical Center for treatment. Officers accompanied the student to the McFarlin Lot where the student left campus with their friend.

Mar. 7 9:05 a.m.

University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to the Law School for a report of a banner that had been suspended from the roof of the building. Officers located the banner and discovered two additional banners on the roof. The banners were impounded at the Security Office. Officers were unable to determine any suspects at that time.

2:30 p.m.

University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to the Delta Gamma Sorority for a report of an item that was left by the house. Officers arrived on scene and discovered a trough belonging to a fraternity. Officers met with an officer of the fraternity and explained where their missing trough was located. Members of the fraternity moved the item back to the fraternity house.

Mar. 8 7:15 p.m.

University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers spoke with a student who was having an allergic reaction to some food they consumed in the lobby of Chapman Hall. The student said they did not need Emergency

Mar. 9 11:50 a.m.

While on routine parking enforcement, University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers noticed a vehicle with two parking permits active for the year 2018. Officers made contact with a friend of the owner of the vehicle and retrieved the permit that did not belong to the vehicle.

6:10 p.m.

University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Dietler Commons for a report of individuals consuming alcohol in public view. Officers located the individuals, who were all TU students, and confiscated the remaining alcohol. The students were informed that they would be receiving a student misconduct for the violation of the university alcohol policy.

8:20 p.m.

University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to the Norman Village Apartments Lot for a report of damage to a student’s vehicle. Officers documented the damage with photos and took a statement from the student. There was no evidence of paint transfer or debris near the damaged vehicle. Officers were unable to determine the responsible party for the damage.

The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.

Emma Palmer Student Writer

Fire in Russian shopping mall kills at least 64

The Collegian: 9

TU dining services initiates meal swipe program Under new program, students can anonymously use the leftover mealswipes of other students.

Michaela Flonard Managing Editor The meal swipe donation program, innovated by TU student Conner Bender and director of dining services Mike Neal, started in the past two weeks. The program allows students to donate up to five of their guest meal swipes each semester. These swipes are then turned into vouchers that other students in need can use.

Neal said in the first week, students donated 30 meal swipes. The second week, 18 swipes were donated. Vouchers will accumulate every week and roll over the semesters to remain active for the whole academic year.

The vouchers were distributed to four departments on campus: CSAS, the dean of students, Financial Aid and the director of housing. These departments are allowed to give vouchers out at their discretion with total anonymity to prevent students’ financial aid from being affected by receiving vouchers.

“One department has already asked for more,” Neal commented, and he plans to give that one more next time. Giving vouchers to multiple departments was intentional, Neal said, because it makes it easier for students to access and removes potential for stigma. With continued awareness, Neal hopes the stigma against receiving help will be eliminated.

Sign-up sheets to donate swipes will continue to be located by the Caf, and students are encouraged to give as much as they can each semester. If a student needs help, they’re welcome to visit one of the departments mentioned to receive vouchers.

Students are also welcome to contact the Kendall-Whittier Emergency Food Pantry.

The pantry will take your information and prepare a box of a week’s worth of food four to five times per year that will be dropped off at your location. True Blue Neighbors, located on sorority row, has expressed interest in potentially being a drop-off location for prepared boxes, if anonymity is a concern. Check with their office for more information.

Monday, April 2 at 12 p.m. to 12:45 p.m.

Keplinger Hall, M8 Make a Difference Engineering (MADE) Meetings Hear about current MADE projects and learn how to get involved!

Project and volunteer opportunities with Tulsa’s Little Light House for ALL majors!

Bring your friends!

Email Lah887@utulsa.edu for more information/to join the email list!

Monday, April 2 at 7:30 p.m.

Lorton Performance Center, Gussman Concert Hall TU Vocal Jazz Recital and Concert The University of Tulsa School of Music will present a vocal jazz concert.

Jazz voice students, under the direction of Professor Sarah Richardson, will be featured in an evening of popular songs and jazz standards accompanied by members of the jazz faculty.

A deadly fire broke out in the theater of the Winter Cherry mall in Kemerovo, Russia, on March 26, killing at least 64 people, with many others being reported missing and feared dead. The fire started on the upper floor of the building, where a bowling alley, movie theater and shops were full of people. 41 of the victims from the fire were children who were trapped in the movie theater, according to reports. No fire alarms sounded, and exits were blocked. Additionally, the fire extinguishers in the building did not work. Many victims took to calling family and loved ones in their last moments.

The cause of the fire is unknown, but according to Deputy Governor Chernov, “The preliminary suspicion is that a child had a cigarette lighter which ignited foam rubber in this trampoline room, and it erupted like gunpowder.” However, many believe the fire started from faulty electrical wiring, as has been the case with most of Russia’s deadly fires. This tragedy has sparked protests, with thousands of citizens holding the Russian government accountable for the fire.

Tuesday, April 3 at 3:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m.

Helmerich Hall, 121 Adulting 101 Series: Real Estate and Home Buying ALL BUSINESS STUDENTS are welcome to attend this workshop presented by Tim Barnes, Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Realty. First-time home buyers have a lot to think about. From credit checks to determining a down payment, and he will be sharing tips to help you with the processing and buying your first home.

Israeli government kills Palestinians during protest

Wednesday. April 4 at 8 p.m.

McFarlin Library, Front steps

According to the Palestinian Health ministry, 12 people have been killed and over 750 injured during a six-week protest on the Gaza-Israeli border. The Israeli military cites “rioting” in six different places as the reason for firing on thousands of Palestinians who have set up camps along the border during what has been called the Great March of Return. The Israeli government claims to have only fired on protesters who attempted to attack the integrity of the border fence.

According to the Israel Defense Forces, there are about 17,000 Palestinians at the border. The protest is scheduled to last until May 15, the anniversary of the displacement of hundreds of thousands of Palestinians in 1948 during the conflict of the creation of Israel.

Chilean scientists condemn research on mummy After researchers published a study on a tiny mummy originating from Atacama, Chile, the government of Chile began an inquiry into the legality of the the mummy’s acquisition. The mummy had long been rumored to be an alien due to its cone-shaped head and six-inch stature; however, by sequencing DNA from the mummy’s genome, the study found that the mummy was in fact the body of a stillborn human girl with a mutated bone structure. After publication, many scientists from Chile called into question the ethics of how the mummified body was obtained, worrying it was stolen from a grave and smuggled into America illegally. Records from Chile indicate that the body was indeed plundered from a graveyard by a man named Oscar Muñoz and ended up in a private collection in Spain.

The authors of the study, Garry P. Nolan, an immunologist at Stanford University, and Atul Butte of the University of California, San Francisco, claim they had no idea of the illegal origin of the mummy. Cristina Dorado, a biologist at the University of Antofagasta, contends, “If samples are obtained unethically, any resulting science is not ethical.”

Take Back the Night An event supporting sexual assault survivors and ending sexual assault.

This event is sponsored by Advocacy Alliance, SAVE, GSA, Little Blue House and SA. Thursday, April 5 at 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Oliphant Hall, 302 Movie Night with La Tertuila Come enjoy an Argentinian film, “Relatos Salvajes,” as we engage in Spanish conversation. There will also be catered Ecuadorian food with vegetarian options included.

All levels of Spanish speakers are welcome. You don’t want to miss this night!

Friday, April 6 at 5 p.m. to 8 p.m.

Dietler Commons (formerly “the U”) The Amazing Race at TU Inspired by the reality TV show, The Amazing Race, AIS brings you a chance to compete and test your knowledge of the world.

Groups of 2 - 4 people will start at Dietler Commons and work around campus in a series of challenging activities just like the real deal!

Compete for the prize — a $100 gift card — and enjoy free dinner from P. F. Chang’s, Zoes Kitchen and la Madeleine afterwards.

Saturday, April 7 at 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Reynolds Center Heartland Gaming Expo The Heartland Gaming Expo (HGE) is a one of a kind educational event that seeks to bring together students, educators, professionals, and enthusiast in the field of computer simulation and gaming.

The Collegian does not produce all event descriptions in the Community Calendar.

Contact us at news@tucollegian.org with events.

The Collegian: 10

Sports

2 April 2018

Pirates founder in the Golden Hurricane After starting conference play 0-3, the Golden Hurricane swept the East Carolina Pirates behind the dominant pitching performance of Emily Watson.

Tulsa scored five runs in the bottom of the 5th inning and Emily Watson struck out 11 batters as the Golden Hurricane captured a 5-0 win in game one of the three-game series against the East Carolina Pirates Thursday night at the Collins Family Softball Complex.

Both teams’ bats were pretty quiet until Tulsa’s plate appearance in the 5th inning.

Rylie Spell’s home run over the outstretched glove of centerfielder Tyler King came with one out in the bottom of the inning gave the Hurricane a 1-0 lead.

“Rylie had a great at-bat the first time up. She’s really come on and starting to see the ball well and putting good swings on the ball. She’s so strong. She can hit the ball with authority all over the ballpark. It was good to see that from Rylie,” said Tulsa head coach John Bargfeldt.

Tulsa’s 8-9 hitters, Shannon Hughes and Mikayla Whitten, followed Spell’s solo home run with singles, while Morgan Neal’s double to to left centerfield scored both Hughes and Whitten.

After those two singles, ECU’s Whitney Sanford came into the game to replace the Pirates Erin Poepping. Poepping went 4 1/3 innings, allowing 5 hits and 3 earned with 2 strikeouts.

Tulsa’s Shelby Estocado walked to put runners on first and third. Tori Stafford’s double to right field scored Neal and Estocado. Stafford advanced to third base on a throw to the plate, but Estocado slid underneath the tag.

Watson won her 12th game as it was also her 5th shutout of the season. She faced seven batters before allowing her first hit, as Kendra Ziemba was ECU’s first base-runner in the 3rd inning.

“With Emily, you have a pitcher that can hold you in a 0-0 game until your bats do get going. Especially when the hitters see the pitcher for a third time that’s when better swings start happening,” said Bargfeldt.

Sarah Briers went 3-for-3 with an RBI and Haley Meinen hit two doubles as Tulsa

two runners in scoring position in the bottom of the second, but the Hurricane broke through with its game-deciding four-run inning in the third.

Mikayla Whitten and Hollingsworth singled to start the frame before Morgan Neal tied the score with an RBI grounder. Shelby Estocado then put Tulsa ahead for good with a double to right field that plated Hollingsworth.

An ECU error brought another run home and Meinen scored on Briers’ hit after her

“With Emily, you have a pitcher that can hold you in a 0-0 game...” claimed a series win with a 4-1 victory over ECU on Friday night at Collins Family Softball Complex.

Samantha Pochop improved to 7-5 in the circle with one run allowed on three hits over four innings to go along with five strikeouts for the Golden Hurricane. Emily Watson finished off the game with three scoreless innings to pick up her first save of the season.

Meanwhile, Julia Hollingsworth also helped fuel the offense with a pair of hits and a run scored as TU plated all four of its runs in the bottom of the third.

The Pirates jumped ahead with a run in the top of the first off of two hits and an error. TU was unable to score after putting

second double of the night.

After recording a perfect top of the fourth, Pochop gave way to Watson and the senior scattered three hits over her three innings and tallied four strikeouts to close out the 4-1 contest.

Tulsa scored seven runs in the 4th inning and Emily Watson pitched a one-hitter as the Golden Hurricane captured a 9-0 runrule win over the ECU Pirates on Saturday afternoon at the Collins Family Softball Complex.

The only hit that Watson allowed came with the game’s opening batter, as ECU’s Tyler King singled to left field. Watson went on to strikeout 8 of the remaining 16 batters she faced.

Jordan Korphage Assistant Director of Athletic Media Relations Watson improved her season record to 13-6 with the victory and also increased her career mark against the Pirates to 8-0 with two wins over the weekend, while eight Tulsa batters scored runs for the Hurricane.

Tulsa improved to 22-14 overall and 3-3 in The American, while ECU fell to 15-21 and 10-5 in league play.

Tulsa got on the board in the bottom of the 2nd inning as Rylie Spell and Shannon Hughes drew walks before advancing a base on Mikayla Whitten’s single to center field. Shelby Estocado’s single to center field scored both Spell and Hughes for a 2-0 Tulsa lead after two innings.

The big inning for the Hurricane came in the 4th, when three of Tulsa’s first four batters walked, thus loading the bases for Tori Stafford, who singled in the first two runs. After a pitching change, Haley Meinen knocked in a run with a single, a Hughes walk brought in one run, while in her second at-bat of the inning, Whitten put a single down the right field line scoring Sarah Briers and Meinen to make the score 8-0.

Hughes scored on a Julia Hollingsworth’s fielder’s choice as the Hurricane closed out the 4th inning with 7 runs and 3 hits, while four batters walked and one, Brier, reached base on a hit by pitch.

Tulsa will be in action Wednesday night for a non-conference game at Oklahoma State, before traveling for another American Athletic Conference weekend series at Wichita State, Friday-Sunday, April 6-8.

Men’s and women’s track finish 4th and 6th at ORU invite Tulsa posted strong individual performances at California meets and claimed five victories at the ORU Invitational.

San Francisco State Distance Carnival Roderique posted a time of 14:20.65 in the 5,000-meters. Roderique’s time earned him a ninth-place finish out of 226 athletes.

Stanford Invitational Caitlin Klopfer placed seventh in her heat of the 5,000-meters with a time of 17:02.95.

Ben Preisner finished 17th with a time of 29:08.17 in his heat of the 10,000-meters.

ORU Invite Kiarra Reed notched a time of 1:00.06, as she led the field in the 400-meter hurdles.

Kassidy Shuaib placed fifth with a time of 1:04.91.

Henry Visser ran the 400-meter hurdles in 52.62, as he placed first overall.

Aaliyah Birmingham led the field in the 400-meters with a time of 54.10. Candalyn Lyons came in fourth with a mark of 56.62.

In the 3,000-meter steeplechase, Ashley Barnes recorded a first-place finish with a

time of 10:46.95. Alyssa Bolliger placed third, as she ran 11:00.19.

Aleks Rapp claimed the top spot in the hammer throw, with a throw of 55.42 meters (181-9.88). Rapp added a sixth-place finish in the discus, with a toss of 47.76 meters (156-8.31).

Reed Sahadevan collected a second-place finish in the 3,000-meter steeplechase with a mark of 9:54.25.

Bailey Stewart placed second with a time of 48.01 in the 400-meters.

Mark Middleton ran the 800-meters in a time of 1:53.10, as he finished second.

Braydon Rennie came in fifth with a time of 1:54.48.

Ellis Coon placed second in the 1,500-meters with a mark of 4:00.00. August Bont placed eighth with a time of 4:07.55.

Steven Salvano came in second place in the 5,000-meters with a time of 15:22.04.

The team of Birmingham, Lyons, Breonna Hall, and Ca’Purnika Galbert combined for a time of 46.19 in the 4x100 meter relay, good for second.

Hutch Helbig tied for second in the high jump with a mark of 1.93 meters (6-3.98).

Helbig notched a jump of 6.58 meters (217.05) in the long jump, good for sixth place.

Ali Lund posted a throw of 36.21 meters (118-9.58) in the javelin, as she placed third.

Visser, Stewart, Joseph Nemec, and Zachary Adee came in third in the 4x100 meter relay, as they combined for a time of 41.52.

Bont, Grey Howard, Luke Moran, and Robert Tully combined for a time of 3:20.96, as they placed fourth in the 4x400meter relay.

Nicole Lee and Amanda Heard placed fourth and fifth, respectfully, in the 5,000-meters. Lee posted a time of 18:07.90, while Heard ran an 18:08.03.

Chad Smith Media Relations Assistant Avery Culpepper ran the 1,500-meters in 4:49.85, good for fifth place.

Reed added a sixth-place finish with a mark of 14.63 in the 100-meter hurdles.

Baylor Reese recorded a mark of 41.28 meters (135-5.19), as she placed sixth in the hammer throw. Reese added a seventh-place finish in the discus, as she recorded a toss of 42.98 meters (141-0.12).

South Dakota led the women’s field as it tallied 146 points, followed by Oklahoma State with 108.5, and Oral Roberts finished third with 103 points. The Golden Hurricane finished with 81 points, for a sixth-place finish.

On the men’s side, Oral Roberts placed first with 148.5 points, South Dakota had 127 points, and UMKC totaled 105 points.

The Hurricane accumulated 91 points on its way to a fourth-place finish.

Rowing has strong invitational showing, dominates UCO After facing off against some of the best teams in the country at the Louisville Cardinal Invitational, the Golden Hurricane returned home and swept UCO. Tulsa’s Varsity 8+ and 2nd Varsity 8+ each earned a second-place mark at the Louisville Cardinal Invitational on Saturday at Melton Lake in Oak Ridge, Tenn. The regatta will conclude tomorrow with the final day of races.

Racing this weekend is about learning where we want to be as a team,” Head Coach Kevin Harris said. “With the teams that are here, it’s a high level of racing as five teams competed in the NCAA Championship last year. We race them because we want to be one of them. I am proud of how the team handled it. There is a lot of speed in this field, and one of our goals this weekend is to prove that we can hang with this group. The women have done a great job in accomplishing the goals we’ve set for them, which was to solidify the race plan, stay on top of the speed and not get behind the strokes, and every boat is working hard to accomplish those goals.”

The five NCAA Championship teams from a year ago are Michigan, Yale, Wisconsin, Virginia and Notre Dame.

Sam Barber, Helen Leigh, Ellie Russell, Lucy Coleman, Veronique Ulrich, Taylah Eder, Paige Hallam, Sophia Camara and Hannah Vissers raced the Varsity 8+ to a second place time of 6:19.08, topping Miami and Notre Dame in the afternoon set of races. The Varsity 8+ turned in a time of 6:20.39 for a fourth-place mark in the morning event.

The Golden Hurricane’s 2nd Varsity 8+ also finished ahead of Notre Dame and Mi-

ami in the second set of races with a time of 6:42.97, and recorded a fourth-place finish in the morning.

TU’s Varsity 4+, which consisted of Lindsey Smith, Mikala Burns, Julia Dunn, Madeline Lyons and Amy Pitzel tallied a third-place mark in a time of 7:20.22 for a two-second lead over Notre Dame.

In the 2nd Varsity 4+ races, Tulsa finished ahead of Minnesota and Miami.

The Tulsa rowers concluded the Lou-

changes and changing weather conditions incredibly well, and the attitude they had though it all was great to see. We aren’t as fast as we’d like to be, but this is a good baseline to set us up for the season ahead.”

Sam Barber, Ellie Russell, Lucy Coleman, Hannah Vissers, Helen Leigh, Veronique Ulrich, Taylah Eder, Paige Hallam and Sophia Camara raced the Varsity 8+ to a third-place mark in a time of 6:13.87. Yale earned the top finish with a time of 6:04.60,

“This is a good baseline to set us up for the season ahead.” isville Cardinal Invitational with a strong performance against tough competition on Sunday morning at Melton Lake in Oak Ridge, Tenn.

“I am a happy coach,” Head Coach Kevin Harris said. “The point of this race was to learn how to race against some of the top teams in the country, figure out early on in the season the strategy and places we need to work on in our race plan, and work on our lineups. A lot of teams in this regatta either raced in the NCAA Championships last year or were close to racing in the Championships, and we want to be in that group. I think our rowers equated themselves really well. We improved throughout the weekend, but we still have a lot of work to do.

The team handled the lineup changes, boat

but TU only trailed Wisconsin’s time of 6:12.26 by a second and topped fourth-place Clemson by nine seconds.

“We were ahead of Wisconsin in the Varsity 8+ at the 800-meter mark, but they came back on us,” Harris said. “We stayed with them down the course and put together a solid race.”

The Golden Hurricane’s 2nd Varsity 8+ also finished in third place behind Yale and Wisconsin, but earned a win over Clemson.

In the 2nd Varsity 4+, Elizabeth Natho, Daniela Fusco-House, Emily Williams, Nicole Workman and Nichole Backus captured a third-place time of 7:10.78. TU followed Notre Dame and Louisville, but crossed the line before Minnesota and Miami.

Stephanie Hall Director of Media Relations Tulsa finished fourth in the Varsity 4+, and was second behind Notre Dame in the 3rd Varsity 4+.

The Tulsa rowing team dominated all three races in a duel against Central Oklahoma on Saturday morning at the J. Bird Sr. Shell Nest on the Verdigris River in Catoosa, Okla.

Lindsey Smith, Mikala Burns, Kristy Covre, Colleen Giesbrecht and Amy Pitzel won the Varsity 4+ race, turning in a time of 8:42.03 for first place. TU’s 2nd Varsity 4+ was second with a time of 8:48.71, followed by the UCO boat with a time of 9:11.25 and the Golden Hurricane’s 3rd Varsity 4+ in a time of 10:09.44.

In the Varsity 8+ race, Sam Barber, Helen Leigh, Ellie Russell, Lucy Coleman, Veronique Ulrich, Lauren Vander Hoeven, Paige Hallam, Sophia Camara and Hannah Vissers registered a time of 7:34.71, more than 21 seconds faster than Central Oklahoma’s time of 7:55.86.

Eva Trabucco, Alessia Ruggiu, Taylah Eder, Elisa Vandersloot, Elizabeth McCabe, Nicole Workman, Madeline Lyons, Sydney Pirkle and Madeline Oleksiak captured a top finish with a time of 8:08.37 in the 2nd Varsity 8+. The Bronchos posted a time of 8:39.29.

Tulsa will return to action on April 6-7 at the Sunshine State Invitational in Sarasota, Fla.

Sports

2 April 2018

Crystal (base)ball, AL edition Sports editor Justin Guglielmetti and student writer Zane Cawthon tell you exactly what is going to happen in the American League in 2018.

Stay tuned next for our take on the NL.

East New York Yankees: You’ve got to love it when your favorite teams are good enough for you to tout them without being accused of homerism. When some incompetent Marlins executive named Derek Jeter traded reigning NL MVP Giancarlo Stanton to the Yanks for a tub of Bazooka bubble gum, he all but handed baseball’s marquee division back to the Evil Empire. Aaron Judge haters can harp on his inevitable regression all they want, but this team has the potential to be the most potent offense we’ve seen in years, and I’m calling my shot right here that they will shatter the team record for home runs in a season. Oh, and did I mention that they have one of the most talented rotations in the league and possibly the most overpowering bullpen ever assembled? Sorry, Astros fans, but your emerging American League might not make it any further than year one.

Boston Red Sox: Welcome to Bahston, J.D. Martinez! Beantown hasn’t had a petulant, no-glove, righty masher in front of the Monster since Manny Ramirez, and his arrival bodes well for an offense that ranked dead last in the AL in dingers. The Sox will surround Martinez with a terrific core of under-30 stars, and I expect Mookie Betts and Chris Sale to be in the thick of MVP discussion at year’s end. Still, look for this team to fall well short of 90 wins. David Price and Rick Porcello are never going to come close to their Cy Young forms, and should Sale’s second-half failings prove to be a pattern rather than a fluke, the Sox could be relying on inconsistent knuckler Steven Wright as their ace. Scary thought.

Tampa Bay Rays: Yeesh, who’s left? The Marlins weren’t the only team to complete a fire sale this offseason, and the Rays will return almost none of their key offensive pieces from 2017’s surprise 80-win season.

So why pick them third? Well, for one, this is now a two-team division with the remaining three practically an interchangeable crapshoot. But even that aside, there are things to like in Tampa. The team retained its best overall player in Kevin Kiermaier, who’s still just 27 years old. I don’t buy the noise that his defense could have declined as precipitously the advanced numbers suggest, and a small offensive leap gets him in the top-10 MVP conversation. Hot-headed Carlos Gomez might return to an All-Star level now that the pressure is off and he’s playing in front of only 37 fans. And how could you not root for a squad that’s only trotting out four starters and rolling with an all-bullpen crew for the fifth game?

Toronto Blue Jays: Jose Bautista has left the building, and it looks like the end of an era in Toronto. Their underrated rotation remains surprisingly good, led by the rock-solid trio of Marcus Stroman, Aaron Sanchez and J.A. Happ, but all the pitching in the world won’t save a team that can’t put runs on the board. The Blue Jays ranked dead last in the AL in runs scored and parkadjusted offense last year, and while a full season from perennial MVP candidate Josh Donaldson will help in that regard, they just don’t have the personnel to move into league-average territory. It’s not impossible for the Jays to be hanging around the playoff picture come midseason, but even if that’s the case, the most likely scenario is Donaldson gets shipped off for prospects and a true rebuild begins.

Baltimore Orioles: After their surprise Wild Card appearance two seasons ago, the Orioles were cellar-dwellers in 2017. Expect more of the same this year from a team that will trot out the worst starting rotation in the American League. There is plenty of power in the lineup in the likes of Manny Machado, Chris Davis, Adam Jones and Jonathan Schoop, but the team will trot out a core of free-swingers who should once again rank near the bottom of the league in OBP. That effort is not going to be enough when you’re coughing up six runs a game.

Like Donaldson, Machado will probably be on his way out to a contender at the trade deadline.

Central

Cleveland Indians: Coming off two consecutive division titles, the Tribe is the class of the Central and it isn’t particularly close.

They boast the best top-to-bottom pitching staff in the league led by reigning Cy Young winner Corey Kluber and could top their own record of most strikeouts in a season.

Offensively, they have a balanced attack including a 2-3-4 of Francisco Lindor, Jose

Ramirez and Edwin Encarnacion that rivals the hearts of the Yankees’ or Astros’ orders. Look for Lindor as a dark horse (a.k.a. “non-Trout”) MVP candidate after a ninth and fifth place finish his last two years. In 2016, the Cubs snatched a World Series triumph right out from under the Indians’ noses. Last season, it was a flukish homer off the unhittable Andrew Miller that proved their undoing. Could this be the year Cleveland finally breaks through and wins it all?

Minnesota Twins: Nobody really knows what to expect with the Twins, who have been engaged in a rebuild for nigh on a decade. Their last four win totals: 70, 83, 59, 85. But I believe they will build on last season’s Wild Card success and once more be right in the thick of the playoff hunt come October. Byron Buxton finally lived up to his superstar potential in the second half and will be in All-Star in 2018, Jose Berrios will approach 200 innings and top 200 Ks, and Minnesota’s sneaky-great free agent class (Logan Morrison, Lance Lynn, Jake Odorizzi, Addison Reed, Michael Pineda) will provide experience and leadership to the second youngest team in the league.

Chicago White Sox: They got a lot in return for him, and his rookie season wasn’t so hot, but I still think the Red Sox are going to rue the day they parted with Yoan Moncada. He and third baseman Matt Davidson, another breakout name to watch, have the potential to combine with Jose Abreu to form the best slugging infield in baseball. But that’s the best-case scenario, and even if it pans out, they’ll be getting the support of a bunch of beerleague softball pitchers on the mound.

James Shields as an opening-day starter, really? 23-year-old Lucas Giolito is the only exciting name of the group, and though talented, it’s tough to rely on a guy who hasn’t posted more than 50 innings or a FIP below 4.9.

Kansas City Royals: Royals fans are still riding high of their 2015 World Series win after decades of misery, so you can’t blame them for remaining optimistic about their team’s chances. They’ll talk about intangibles and a terrific home crowd and cling to the remaining guys from their championship run: Mike Moustakas, Salvy Perez, Alex Gordon, Kelvin Herrera. The only problem is Perez and Gordon are old and overrated, Moustakas is going to be

The Collegian: 11

WHERE

FRESH & FAST MEET ®

WE DELIVER! VISIT JIMMYJOHNS.COM TO FIND A LOCATION NEAR YOU bullpen in the American League, led by Justin Verlander, Dallas Keuchel, and new kid Gerrit Cole. As long as Lance McCullers, Jr. and Charlie Morton stay healthy (which, granted, is easier said than done), it will be tough to put up runs on this team. It will be even harder with reigning AL MVP José Altuve and George Springer and Yuli Gurriel and Carlos Correa constantly finding ways

“Derek Jeter... all but handed baseball’s marquee division back to the Evil Empire.” fuming after failing to snag a big offer in free agency and Herrera can’t create bullpen magic on his own. Bright spots exist!

Speedster Whit Merrifield is a joy to watch, even if age and peripherals suggest he won’t match last year’s out-of-nowhere success, and KC should still boast an excellent defense. They just won’t be enough to get the Royals anywhere near .500.

Detroit Tigers: Still, as long as the Tigers exist, they won’t touch the cellar. Michael Fulmer and geezers Miguel Cabrera and Victor Martinez aside, practically none of

to tap home base (I got chills typing out that lineup). If the newly resurrected Yankees are baseball’s Evil Empire, I guess you can call the Astros the Rebel Alliance … and we all know how “Star Wars” ends.

Oakland A’s: This is a weird place to put a team with a 75-87 record last season. But hey, the Twins grabbed a Wild Card spot last year after losing 103 games, so it’s not as weird as it may appear. You know what also may not be as weird as it appears? Oakland’s roster. Fun fact: the Athletics were a top 5

Detroit’s biggest names from the start of last season remain. It’s a roster composed almost entirely of scrubs and washed up vets, and the only decent youngsters will more likely than not be dealt for prospects who better fit the club’s competitive timetable.

Fielding wizard Jose Iglesias and Nick Castellano (he of the 30 homers, 100 RBIs and 1.5 WAR) weren’t going to save this team, but dealing guys like them could be the difference between semi-respectability and a 60-win dumpster fire.

offense after the All-Star break last season.

With new addition Jonathan Lucroy behind home plate, and infield wunderkinds Matt Chapman and Matt Olson returning to the dreadful multi-purpose cave that is the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum, expect this team to be better suited to score some runs and make some plays. It is ambitious to put a very young, inexperienced team like this in second place (especially with such a raw, unschooled bullpen), but what’s the fun in sports predictions if you don’t put your head in the lion’s mouth every once in a while?

Los Angeles Angels: Call me stupid, call me crazy, but the LA (which really stands for “Less-Anaheim”) Angels (… of Anaheim?) are going to finish in third place this year. To say the Halos had a busy offseason would be a bit of an understatement.

Then again, when in recent memory have

“Hope springs eternal every year ... at least until mid-April.”

West

Houston Astros: Your defending World Series champions are coming off a season of dreams. There’s absolutely no one in this division who can bring their team even close to competing with the ‘Stros. There’s depth at every position. They have the strongest

the Angels NOT had a crazy offseason? I’m talking of course about the acquisition of Ian Kinsler and Zack Cozart to help bolster the infield. Just kidding. Japanese sensation Shohei Ohtani, who will start on the mound and round out the hitting lineup as DH without any game experience on this side of the Pacific, is this year’s grand baseball experiment. He’s the biggest name in foreign prospects since Ichiro, yet I find myself underwhelmed by his spring training performance. Of course, preseason doesn’t mean anything come Opening Day. In any case, it will be exciting to see if Ohtani can breathe some life into an otherwise aggressively mediocre bullpen and make Less-Anaheim truly competitive on both sides of the ball.

Ganbatte!

Texas Rangers: I wonder if GM Jeff Banister’s “complete bullpen” strategy will truly work out in the long run? My gut says it won’t, though it might improve their win count by a small margin. What won’t improve their win count is their complete lack of offense. Who do the Rangers have? Adrian Beltre? Shin-soo Choo? Robinson Chirinos? These are the names Texas is hanging their ten-gallon hat on, but all of these players are also 34 and over and are either fragile or slowing down. With the youthful vitality of Oakland and the sheer mountain of talent in Houston and LA, there doesn’t seem to be a window for the Rangers to make any sort of competitive push in this division, especially if OF Rougned Odor and starting pitcher Cole Hamels continue to underperform.

Seattle Mariners: As my friend, longsuffering Mariners fan Mario Lanza, always says, “Hope springs eternal every year … at least until mid-April.” Indeed, Seattle looks just as poised for misery as they are pretty much every year. They went the entire offseason without so much as a sideways glance at their bullpen. But hey, after six years in the Bronx, Ichiro’s back! *crickets* Wait, no one’s excited to watch a 44-year-old future Hall of Famer quietly limp to his career’s finish line with the club he catapulted into relevance 18 years ago?

Oh well. Then again, there’s definitely a possibility this could be the year the M’s finally prove everyone wrong and defy all odds on the way to their first World Series appearance. *laughs hysterically*

Sports

The Collegian: 12

2 April 2018

Justin Guglielmetti is…

Write for Sports!

the

bleacher creature?

You may have noticed we’ve started using articles from the athlet-

ic department’s website because we don’t have enough student writers to cover all our sports. Help make The Collegian an all-student paper again, get press access and get that good-good cash money!

Mixed results for women’s golf TU follows up a poor showing at the BYU Entrada Classic with a 5th place finish in Georgia.

The Tulsa women’s golf team, playing with only four golfers due to injury, finished in 13th place at the BYU Entrada Classic on Tuesday. The Hurricane carded a final round 314 to finish the 54-hole event with a total score of 935 at the par72 Entrada at Snow Canyon Country Club course.

Tulsa’s Olivia Jackson finished in 28th place overall with a total score of 225, following today’s round of 79. Fellow junior Johanna Samuelsson turned in Tulsa’s best round of the day with an even-par 72 and finished in 29th place overall with a score of 226.

Anneke Strobach carded a final round 78 and finished with a score of 229 for

37th place, while Nicole Marquardt completed the event in 71st place with a score of 255.

Host BYU overtook second-round leader Kent State for the team title as the Cougars shot a final round 286 for a two-stroke victory. Kent State’s Pimipa Panthong won individual medalist honors with a score of 8-under 208.

The Tulsa women’s golf team carded a final round 302 on Tuesday and finished in 5th place at the 17-team field of the John Kirk/Panther Intercollegiate. The Golden Hurricane finished the 54-hole event with a total score of 918 at the par-72 Eagles Landing Country Club.

Tulsa’s Johanna Samuelsson turned in

Don Tomkalski Senior Associate AD for Communications the best individual round of the tournament for a Hurricane golfer Tuesday with a two-under par 70 and finished in 11th place with a score of 225.

Olivia Jackson and Nicole Marquardt tied for 17th place at 230, as Jackson carded a final round 74 and Marquardt turned in a score of 78. Anneke Strobach placed 27th overall with a final score of 233.

Jacksonville led from start to finish, while totaling a score of 882. Three Jacksonville golfers placed among the top three for the event, including Amanda Detmer, Maria Brunzell and Michelle Forsland.

Tulsa’s next tournament action comes at their own Dale McNamara Invitational, April 9-10, at the Tulsa Country Club.

Hurricane Scoreboard Men’s Tennis Mar. 11: Tulsa 4 - Drake 2 Mar. 11: Tulsa 5 - Omaha 2 Mar. 16: Tulsa 4 - BYU 3 Mar. 17: Arizona St. 4 - Tulsa 1 Mar. 18: Baylor 5 - Tulsa 0 Mar. 23: Baylor 4 - Tulsa 0 Mar. 25: Texas 7 - Tulsa 0 Women’s Tennis Mar. 11: Texas A&M 5 - Tulsa 0 Mar. 17: Wichita St. 7 - Tulsa 0 Mar. 23: Tulsa 4 - SMU 0 Mar. 24: Tulsa 4 - Tulane 0 Mar. 28: Texas Tech 4 - Tulsa 1

Tuesday 2

Women’s Golf Mar. 25 - 27: Team: 5th place, +54 Individuals: 11: Johanna Samuelsson, +9 T17: Nicole Marquardt, +14 T17: Olivia Jackson, +14 T27: Anneke Strobach, +17

Wednesday 3

No No Events Events

Fantasy Baseball With homework, projects and the job search all piling on at once, this is the first year since middle school that I won’t be participating in a fantasy baseball league. I’m not crying, you’re crying! Nonetheless, I won’t let my loyal readers down, who I know rely on my flawless advice to dominate their leagues. Without further ado: don’t overpay for Aaron Judge, who’s more likely to hit 35 homers than 50. Bryce Harper, on the other hand? He’s in for another MVP campaign, proceed full-speed ahead. Odubel Herrera is a toolsy top-of-the-order hitter on a talented team who has already vacillated between over and underrated about 50 times in his three-year career.

You can get this potential top-20 outfielder at an absurdly cheap price. As is the case every year, don’t overpay for top closers. There is too much annual turnover, and talented and reliable names like Wade Davis and Cody Allen will be available late. Don’t fall for the new uniform and the big name — everything about Jake Arrieta screams decline. I feel like I predict a Yasmani Grandal breakout every season, and maybe this is the year, I’m finally right. If you’re looking for an educated opinion on Shohei Ohtani, I can tell you this much: he won’t be as good as Babe Ruth. Aside from that, who knows? Don’t ignore Nelson Cruz just because he’s 37 and will clog up your utility spot. The man has averaged 155 games and 42 homers over his past four seasons and has shown no signs of slowing down. Sean Manaea might be put on a pitch restriction once we get into the dog days, but he’s definitely got the stuff to break out. Javy Baez is a superstar in name only. Excellent defense doesn’t mean squat in fantasy, and that .273/.315/.453 line in a hitter’s park leaves a lot to be desired.

Softball Mar. 13: Missouri St. 7 - Tulsa 6 Mar. 14: Tulsa 6 - Ill. St. 1 Mar. 16: Tulsa 8 - Omaha 0 Mar. 16: Tulsa 7 - Iowa St. 1 Mar. 17: Iowa St. 12 - Tulsa 1 Mar. 17: Arizona St. 4 - Tulsa 1 Mar. 21: Tulsa 2 - OSU 0 Mar. 23: UCF 1 - Tulsa 0 Mar. 24: UCF 2 - Tulsa 1 Mar. 25: UCF 2 - Tulsa 1 Mar. 29: Tulsa 5 - ECU 0 Mar. 30: Tulsa 4 - ECU 1 Mar. 31: Tulsa 9 - ECU 0

Apr. 2 - Apr. 8

Softball vs.

Northern Iowa 9 a.m.

Monday

4

Softball @ Oklahoma St. 6 p.m.

Justice for Jean!

I hate Michigan. Not the state, which I’m told has at least a few decent people. No, I’m talking about the university basketball team, with their pretentious-ass blue and maize uniforms (come on, who uses a color named after corn?), which has done nothing less than suck all the joy and goodness out of the college sports world over the past three years. First, because they lacked the cajones and/or talent to otherwise succeed; second, they paid off the refs in order to beat TU in the First Four in 2016, subsequently robbing our school of the chance to rub our inevitable deep tourney run in Joe “indefensible by every known standard” Lunardi’s face. Then last year, they knocked out OSU in the first round of the tourney with a flukish and historic three-point shooting performance, which I will pretend to care about as a good adopted son of Oklahoma.

And now, finding themselves unjustly in the Final Four when by rights they should have been knocked out by Houston, they had the AUDACITY, the TEMERITY, the UNMITIGATED GALL to knock out Loyola-Chicago. One of the all-time great tournament Cinderella stories, the 11th-seeded Ramblers represented perhaps the last truly bipartisan entity in the country. Really, is there a person anywhere who wasn’t rooting for this team? They carried themselves with the swagger of a marquee program, hit clutch shots like they had a coaching staff of Jordan, Ortiz and Vinatieri, and boasted America’s favorite nun/grandmother in Sister Jean. If they had won it all, it would have been among the most magical moments in sports history. Think the sun stopping in the sky, dogs and cats getting along, Donald Trump and Joe Biden agreeing that their penises are equally massive. But no, the Michigan Hugh Jackmans just couldn’t abide by that, could they? By the time you guys read this, the championship will have been decided, and hopefully, Villanova will have been the one to cut down the nets. If I see Moritz Wagner derpily singing along to “One Shining Moment,” I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to cope.

Thursday

Saturday

Friday 5

No Events

Sunday

7

6 Softball @ Wichita St. 6 p.m.

Women’s Soccer vs. UCO 11 a.m.

Women’s Tennis @ Oklahoma St. 6 p.m.

Rowing Sunshine St. Invitational

Men’s Tennis @ UCF 6 p.m.

Softball @ Wichita St. 2 p.m.

Rowing Sunshine St. Invitational

Women’s Soccer vs. Rose St. 4 p.m.

8

Softball @ Wichita St. noon

Women’s Tennis vs.

N. Texas 2 p.m.

2 April 2018

Improve TU

The Collegian: 13

37 Suggestions to Improve the University of Tulsa This year marks The Collegian’s fifth annual Improve TU issue. In the past, this issue has been used to affect real change on TU’s campus.

From suggestions in our 2014 issue, Campus Connection became a far less clunky Portal, events hosted by student organizations now rely less heavily on students fronting the cost, the McFarlin computer lab was upgraded, a bulletin board was placed in the Student Union, course evaluation due dates were pushed to more reasonable times and the commuter lounge was replaced and updated.

From 2015, students became more politically engaged, dining dollars donations to those in need was implemented and domestic minority outreach increased with the hiring of Jacqueline Caldwell as vice president for diversity and engagement.

From 2016, our recycling bins became easier to access, SA made real efforts to engage students during election time and there became no question about our right to hang in a hammock.

From 2017, the course evaluation link went from being underpublicized to being the first pop up when you log onto a library computer, McFarlin received a 24-hour study lounge and gender-neutral bathrooms were added across campus.

We are not so presumptuous to believe The Collegian is solely responsible for these changes. They are the result of students making their opinions heard in a variety of ways, not only through the paper but through direct appeals to SA and the administration.

As students we are a powerful force to be reckoned with. It may be a cliche, but we are agents of change. Keep up the good work.

#1: Improve admin transparency

Students and the university would benefit from open administration meetings.

Kayleigh Thesenvitz Editor-in-Chief For the average student at the University of Tulsa, administration is often unseen.

We know the president, Gerard Clancy, and there is an off chance you may have met Vice President for Enrollment Earl Johnson, but unless you have spent a significant amount of time researching university employees, you rarely come across the names Kevan Buck, Roger Blais, Jacqueline Caldwell, Kayla Hale, Derrick Gragg, Susan Neal, Janet Levit, Richard Kearns, Scott Holmstrom, Winona Tanaka or any of the hundreds of other employees who work for the university in administrative positions.

Not only do we not know their names, we don’t know what their jobs are and what important decisions they are making for the university. As students, we may not necessarily care to have complete oversight of the day-to-day functions of the university. We have classes to attend, papers to write, exams to take, but the tuition we pay requires us to take an interest in university operations. Our bank accounts and the quality of our education are dependent on how this private organization chooses to handle its finances.

The University of Tulsa has executive meetings once a month that include the board of trustees, the president and the executive staff. They also have committee meetings like finance and athletics that each meet four times a year. All of these meetings are closed, and only include high-level people in each department. It is also highly unusual for the meetings to result in so much as a press release about important issues that were discussed.

Even if you are not inclined to care what

the university does with your tuition money, the secrecy itself is pernicious.

In New York, the state’s Supreme Court ruled that Department of Education school leadership team meetings should be open to the public. The decision was hailed by the plaintiff, Public Advocate Letitia James, as “a victory for parents, students, educators and all of us who believe in transparency and accountability.”

James also said, “Important decisions about our schools must be made in sunlight with input from parents and teachers.”

While this instance is about elementaryaged children, transparency, accountability and the ability to provide input are just as important to college students whose future careers are reliant on the continued prestige of the university.

TU should follow in the footsteps of Oregon State University, whose Board of Trustees and committee meetings are open to the public. In Oregon’s meetings, the board deliberates on important issues and then opens the floor for a brief comment period before casting votes.

Several state schools across the United States are already subject to open meetings laws.

There are a few understandable reasons why the university might not be inclined to open meetings to the public. The university

has a responsibility to protect the personal information of students and faculty members. The university might also be concerned that open meetings might stifle free communication between the board and executive staff if they feel the need to be cautious with their words.

However, TU could reserve confidential topics for private meetings organized specifically for the intent of addressing such topics.

Freedom of speech is an important right for TU’s administration and trustees, but it does not inherently outweigh students’ rights to transparency of university administration. Especially when you consider that being listened to is not a serious infringement on the right to speak one’s mind.

As students, we have a critical role to play in the function of a university. While the administration and faculty provide an important service for us (a prestigious private education for which we are grateful), we also provide a hefty tuition and the potential to increase the prestige of the university as alumni. We have a real interest in seeing that this university is the best institution it can possibly be, and therefore deserve a seat at the table to see that progress take place.

Young people have always been a force for change. As anyone who remembers the sit-ins and other protests of the 1960s and

1970s can attest, it’s hardly unprecedented for students to come forward with demands for their colleges. College students were once responsible for nationwide protests against segregation, single-sex education, the Vietnam War and apartheid.

Three years ago, during the peak of the Black Lives Matter protests, a graduate student at the University of Missouri at Columbia began a hunger strike to demand the resignation of the university system’s president, Timothy M. Wolfe, who the student said had done nothing to “shift the culture of Mizzou in a positive direction.” Six days in, his protest attracted the support of the football team, who said they would neither practice nor play until the student’s demands had been met. The following day both Wolfe and the campus chancellor resigned.

According to “The Chronicle of Higher Education,” demographic changes have given students tremendous financial and political power on campus. As a small school, TU is ever more reliant on our tuition dollars to pay the bills. We are in a position, now more than ever, to force the university to be real with us.

We aren’t asking for giant recreational centers and expensive campus-wide reforms. We are asking for transparency and respect.

The University of Tulsa needs to open up more to students, particularly when the administration has done nothing wrong.

photo by Ethan Veenker

#2: Open access to information a necessity

As a private university, TU lacks transparency, limiting access to staff and not adhering to the open records act.

Michaela Flonard Managing Editor Access to information is a cornerstone of good research and good governance, and TU, if it wants to be a great school, should implement a policy of increased openness.

This would involve both following the Open Records Act and Freedom of Information Act, as public universities must, but also altering the practice of getting information from faculty or staff.

Currently, as a private university, TU isn’t

obligated by federal or state laws to provide much information to interested students or members of the public. Private universities must release the IRS Form 990 report, as well as their accreditation reports and follow the Clery Act. The Clery Act requires a record of the “what, where and when” of serious crimes.

Public universities, meanwhile, must provide any information that the public requests, with exemptions based on state and federal law, but generally having to do with protecting personal information of students, faculty or donors. University Relations deals with media requests, including student media, for further information. This department finds the person(s) of interest and then provides the media with responses to the media’s questions; rarely does a faceto-face interview occur.

As student journalists, the staff of the “Collegian” have attempted to get information an untold amount of times from the university. Kayleigh Thesenvitz, the editor-inchief, described the process like this: “We ask for information, they examine the information and may tell us the positive parts about the information.” Hannah Kloppen-

burg, the social media manager, said “access to in-person interviews is limited, and usually the responses we get are pretty canned, PR-type responses over email.” In my experience, I have been able to meet with some staff members in person, but have also received emails of interviews, as described by Kloppenburg. Further, Thesenvitz added, “I have never once gotten a physical document detailing information I’ve asked for, only canned statements or interviews.”

By limiting and controlling what information is given out, the university can control their image very carefully. It can ensure, like any corporation, that the image it puts out is its best one.

But is putting out the best image always the best move? Transparency in a university promotes a culture of accountability and allows students to be better informed about what’s going on. If the university knows its business could be examined at any minute, then they might do things a step above what they currently do. The university, ideally, has nothing to hide, and thus nothing to prevent it from becoming more transparent.

A university owes accountability to its students, who, in part, fund its operation.

Plus, government grants fund some of the research at TU, furthering the argument that TU should be transparent to the public.

Allowing student journalists, at least, the ability to reach out directly to staff, without going through university relations, would be a step forward the university desperately needs. At the same time, TU should also adhere, in spirit, to the open records act, by providing actual documents when requested.

These moves would be a step towards transparency at TU and would allow student journalists to better inform their fellow students of how the university works. Many times over the years, the “Collegian’s” stories haven’t been as strong as they should be, because of a lack of transparency from the university and inability to get responses in a timely fashion, as they must be filtered through University Relations first. Changing two practices would help our university community be more open and let students know what they’re paying for, and shouldn’t be much of a concern if the university is running as it should.

The Collegian: 14

Improve TU

2 April 2018

#3: Reduce campus #4: Early core classes strain students, professors bureaucracy

Bureaucracy complicates students’ lives, making it more difficult to find information or accomplish tasks.

Lizzy Young Student Writer

In any organization there is bound to be bureaucracy. With the intricacies of running a university, there are a lot of things that bureaucracy is supposed to help with, things that students do not realize are necessary for the university to continue on successfully.

However, the problem with the complicated campus bureaucracy is it makes it difficult for students to find out information and accomplish things.

The problem with bureaucracy is it breaks everything up into small departments that only deal with small, specific things so that the people helping in one department only deal with one specific aspect of something and must refer to another department to fully accomplish a task.

A prime example of campus bureaucracy would be transfer credit. A student who is transferring credits from another college or university must first submit their official transcripts to the office of admissions. The office of admissions then sends the transcripts to an enrollment advisor in the student’s specific college. The student meets with the enrollment advisor and discusses which credits are transferable. After the discussion, the advisor must then send the transcripts and information about accepted

credit hours to the registrar’s office. The registrar’s office enters the official information into the student’s TU academic record.

Finally, the credit hours are counted to the student’s University of Tulsa academic record. All of these steps are necessary in the transfer process but there must be a way to simplify the process for the university and the student. This is just one example, but there are many others issues where multiple people in different departments must get involved in order to accomplish something.

One of the biggest issues with campus bureaucracy is figuring out who to talk to.

A student may know they need to do something but not know who to talk to and there is not always a simple way to figure that out.

The problem is not the people in the bureaucracy, it’s the system itself. Every person I have interacted with has been pleasant and willing to help. However, they may not be able to fix the problem, and a student can be sent through a maze of people just to get one thing accomplished.

Another problem with campus bureaucracy is the cost involved with having all of those paid positions. Every bureaucratic role increases the campus’s budget and as the university grows, the bureaucracy only gets bigger continuing to increase costs for the university. Simplifying the bureaucracy would not only reduce the steps to accomplishing task, but also allow the university to cut costs.

There are a lot of ways bureaucracy can be helpful but it can also unnecessarily complicate things. If TU could consolidate and eliminate some of the bureaucracy, then it would be easier to get things done.

TU should also implement a help desk that deals with all of the departments for students to direct people to the right department. Reducing campus bureaucracy would lessen confusion and improve campus life by simplifying the process, making it easier for students.

Requiring students to attend classes before they are fully awake needlessly complicates their lives.

Raven Fawcett Commentary Editor

Every major has core classes that are required for graduation. They range from classes that gently prep students with the knowledge they’ll be expected to know for their upper-level courses, to grueling requirements that weed out the kids that will soon change their major. These are the classes that students need to take seriously.

Unfortunately, many of these classes are offered in the mornings, a challenging time of day for many students. At 8 or 9 a.m., many students’ brains are just starting up, and they’re groggily reaching for their first (or second) cup of coffee. They’re shaking off last night’s study session, bad dreams or

When classes are only offered in the first few hours of the day, students are faced with a slew of bad choices. They can attempt to adjust their schedule until they can function tolerably in the morning (which requires discipline, patience and a great deal of arguing with their internal clock to get to bed when they need to). Alternately, they can schedule times to nap during the day and continue to stay up like they usually do (which also means they are generally less alert in their morning classes and have to build their lives around this class). Or, finally, they can accept the inevitability of suffering for the semester (at which time they’ll likely skip a lot of class and also develop a deep and abiding hatred for the course).

All of these options strain students and impact their performance in the class. If that weren’t enough, their resentment for the class is generally apparent. Professors notice this. They were students once, too, and while they might like or not like these morning classes, I’m willing to bet they’d much prefer an engaged class to one of scowling young adults watching the clock like its hands are offering salvation instead of a time count. Professors who don’t like their class are less excited to teach and are fighting an uphill battle to make the class a positive experience.

“When classes are only offered in the first few hours of the day, students are faced with a slew of bad choices.” just the morning fog. Students shouldn’t be punished for not being morning people.

Commuters don’t have it any easier. Not every commuter lives just down the street.

Students drive anywhere from ten minutes to an hour to get to classes. Add parking and walking to class, and the time adds up. 8 a.m. classes can mean that a student needs to get up before sunrise just to make it to campus on time. Students shouldn’t have to outpace the sun just because morning classes conflict less often with other classes that are offered at other times of day.

Administration could fix these problems by shifting the classes an hour or two, so that core classes are offered between the hours of 10 a.m. and 2 or 3 p.m., times where students generally have few obligations and are much more likely to be alert.

Leave the morning and night classes to electives, where students can personalize their schedules to times that meet their own individual needs.

#6: Require bystander intervention training for clubs Administration should cut the red tape and the stress level of students by streamlining their services.

courtesy Wikipedia Commons

#5: Cross-count courses for double majors

Double majors have enough difficulty meeting their graduation requirements without taking extra, arbitrary classes.

Ethan Veenker Variety Editor A frustrating issue that needs to be addressed in our Improve TU section is being able to double up on credits, or more accurately not being able to. It’s been historically difficult for double majors to gather all their credits at TU. Take my situation for an example. As a double major in English and Creative Writing, my Intro to Creative Writing course can only count toward one major or the other.

If I count it toward my English major, I’ve completed my Block I but I need a different course to complete that requirement for my Creative Writing major. If I count it toward the CW major, I need a different course to complete my Block I for my English major.

On a certain line of thinking, this makes some sense. You need a certain amount of credit hours to get a degree, plain and simple. It stands to reason that to get two degrees, you would need that amount of credit hours times two. That makes sense in theory.

In practice, however, its sensibility starts to break down. There are many courses, all across each of the degree plans at the university, that can count toward multiple degrees. If you find a course that can count toward both of your majors, then it should be allowed to count for both of your majors.

It’s a skill/subject you’ve studied that is applicable in both cases; there’s no real reason it shouldn’t be able to count for both.

A large problem this ends up posing is the issue I mentioned at the beginning of the article: double majors often have trouble getting all their credits by the end of their time at TU. For some people this isn’t that big of a problem; they can just take another semester or two. For others, particularly those heavily dependent on financial aid, a ninth or tenth semester just isn’t financially viable. The university alleviates this by offering summer courses, but these are uncovered by most financial aid, and the courses are free only for freshmen and sophomores, who don’t always have the most concrete plans for their futures and the courses they should be taking.

TU is a small university and, as such, has a small faculty. It’s a common issue in the College of Arts & Sciences that required classes — classes that one could take to finally finish their degree — just aren’t offered in the crucial semester. Planning in this college is more specific and difficult than it should be, and double majors feel the brunt of this difficulty. The university simply doesn’t offer enough courses for double majors to afford their credits not applying to both degrees.

Every club should have at least one member who has attended a Bringing in the Bystander training.

Hannah Kloppenburg Web Manager Advocacy Alliance bystander training and related programming have historically suffered from low attendance. TU can engage student leaders in this programming and increase the number of informed students on campus by requiring one person from each student organization to undergo Advocacy Alliance training.

TU has recently been exploring program-

suspect, due to lack of interest, but because TU students are notoriously busy with scholastic and extracurricular obligations.

We could increase attendance at assault and harassment prevention events by requiring one student from every organization to undergo training each year.

One student from each organization is already required to attend an annual SA meeting about organization funding. Bystander training would take roughly as much time — an afternoon at most.

With approximately 150 student organizations on campus, this would ensure that at least 150 students undergo bystander training. Social groups at universities are often formed based on clubs or organizations. By requiring one student from each org to attend, we can ensure that students trained to recognize harassment are evenly distributed across campus social circles.

By targeting student orgs, we can catch student leaders who have the disposition to take action in a bystander situation but might not attend training of their own volition just because it isn’t at the front of their mind.

We could also consider offering some sort of incentive for organizations that send

“Bystander training would take roughly as much time — an afternoon at most” ming options to supplement online education about sexual assault and harassment.

Bystander training programs and self-defense training programs have successfully been implemented at other schools. These programs are intended to fill campuses with students who are prepared to act when they see or experience assault or harassment.

Advocacy Alliance holds bystander training events throughout the year, and Campus Security holds RAD for Women Self-Defense courses periodically. These programs tend to suffer from low attendance — not, I

more than one student to training.

Requiring a single student to undergo training isn’t a huge drain on an organization’s time or resources. It increases the number of trained and informed students on our campus, which will help carry the overall campus culture toward one in which students aren’t afraid to speak up when they see harassment.

This will ultimately contribute to the prevention of assault and harassment on campus, which is certainly a worthwhile cause.

2 April 2018

Improve TU

#7: Apartment rates closer to market value

The university should lower apartment rates to be closer to a semester’s worth of off-campus rent to keep students on-campus and involved in the TU community.

Hannah Kloppenburg Web Manager TU could keep students in campus housing and better foster a campus community by lowering apartment housing rates to be closer to market value.

Searches on forrent.com and apartmentguide.com reveal that 12-month leases for most local two-bedroom apartments range from $400 per month at the lowest to about $900 per month at the highest. This amounts to a rent cost of between $1600 and $3600 per four-month semester; split between two students, that amounts to anywhere between $800 and $1800 for rent before utilities.

TU housing rates for two-bedroom oncampus apartments cost $3,214 at the least (US South, US West and Norman Village)

and $3,449 at the most (Lorton Village Townhouses) — per person per semester.

Based on the most expensive off-campus rate calculated above, $1800 for a semester, a student could save at minimum $1,414 by living off campus. If they pick an apartment on the cheaper end of the spectrum, they could save $2,414. That’s not chump change.

The West Park apartments are an exception at $2,691 per semester, but they’re a) off campus and b) still significantly more expensive than the most expensive off-campus two-bedroom apartment.

There is a similar discrepancy in the rates for one-bedroom and three-bedroom units.

TU does its best to keep students living on campus. It’s a good priority — it helps foster a community, something that is certainly attainable on our already tight-knit campus.

However, the cost of on-campus apartment housing may not be affordable for many students, which drives them to seek more reasonably priced off-campus housing.

I understand that it may not be feasible for TU to lower its housing rates for whatever reason, but making the rates more competitive with market value will allow more students to maintain their ties with the campus community, as well as provide them the convenience of living near their classes and extracurriculars.

“...making the rates more competitive with market value will allow more students to maintain their ties with the campus community...”

The Collegian: 15

#8: Teach health and sex ed classes

Students’ health and futures are on the line when considering ways to inform them about their anatomy and safe sex.

Raven Fawcett Commentary Editor

“Pulling out isn’t an effective method,” my friend said, tilting his head over a GroupMe message he was about to send.

He’d meant it as a joke. Someone had said they had just pulled in, and he’d joked that they should remember to pull out. It was a dumb comment, but there was something to it. Misunderstanding about sex penetrate all levels of society and our conversations.

Freshman year, I had to explain to a girl that, no, a tampon cannot “take your virginity” or “pop your cherry,” and that all hymens (what so many people call “a cherry”) don’t always have to be broken; they’re a fairly rigid membrane that come on all shapes and depend on the person. From the look on her face, you’d think I’d just told her Trump would be President in a few years.

So many of the ways we talk about and think about sex are funny in all the ways they aren’t heartbreaking. Even in college, many people don’t understand their bodies or how to protect themselves and their partner or partners during sex. The easiest way to fix this is to teach sex ed.

Of course, sex education should be a priority because sex plays a vital role in many people’s lives, yet it is so rarely discussed frankly and with facts. Incorporating sex ed would allow students to prepare for the future and take better care of the themselves., The best time to teach people about sex is before they start having it, in middle and high school, so that people are more informed as they grow up. The second-best option is to teach them now, in college, about anatomy, contraception, STIs and the most common myths about sex and the truth behind them.

We already know that many college students are having sex. All the abstinencepeddling in the Bible Belt won’t change that.

What we can change is how safe people are when they engage in sexual activities. Now is the time to make sure that sexually active students know how to protect themselves, where to go to get tested for STIs and what to do if they get them.

These lessons could be part of the mandatory, one-credit-hour orientation class that every student takes, which is in the curriculum already and would not suffer from devoting a few classes to a different kind of education. Sex ed could also take the form of a more voluntary class, and faculty could integrate it into student life in the same way that Bringing in the Bystander teaches classes about consent and bystander intervention. Professors could invite groups in to teach about sex ed in their classes for an hour, which is more than enough time to cover the basics.

The biggest embarrassment is not in talking about sex, but in not educating people enough to ensure that they are educated enough to make informed decisions about their own bodies.

#9: Offer healthier options, hard alcohol at the Hurricane Hut

TU’s on-campus bar would flourish if they gave students a better experience with nutricious food and a better drink selection.

Alex Garoffolo Student Writer The Hurricane Hut has a decent premise: the only on-campus dining that’s open after 9:30 (another problem for a different article) where students can use dining dollars to procure alcohol and sports bar-style cuisine.

However, it has a few issues.

First, a majority of the Hut’s menu is full of caloric catastrophes. If it’s deep fried or can be dipped in ranch, the Hut likely serves it.

A quick scan reveals the few healthy options: salad (side, chicken Caesar, chicken club), a cup of fruit or seasonal vegetables.

Caesar salad falls out of the running immediately because, as any health-conscious person knows, Caesar dressing is nothing but fat, while Caesar salad is nothing but parmesan cheese and some paltry spinach leaves.

Once doused in said Caesar dressing,

you’ve lost most of the salad’s nutritional benefit.

Most dressings at the Hut, with the exception of the in-house ranch, are Newman’s Own brand. Newman’s Own balsamic vinaigrette, for example, has 130 fat calories out of a total of 140, 15 grams of fat (including 2 grams of saturated), and 20 percent of your daily value of sodium at 410 mg. This is all in just a 1.5 oz package! The fruit and veggies are a nice touch, but in my four years here, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen someone go to the Hut and order vegetables. And as a presidential scholar, I eat there quite often.

Leaving behind the salads, what’s left on the Hut’s menu? There are sides like onion scoops, french fries, onion rings and tater tots. All of those are deep-fried. There are the appetizers, including: loaded nachos, fried pickles, fried jalapenos, “Frito pie,” cheese tots or fries and mozzarella sticks.

For the uninitiated, mozzarella sticks are literally solid chunks of cheese that get breaded, deep-fried and dipped in either ranch or marinara sauce.

For entrees, there’s fried chicken, fried chicken wings, a calorically-dense “philly cheese steak,” burgers (one option is a healthier turkey burger) and sandwiches.

The Hut even serves a sandwich called “The Monster.” It’s a burger with two patties and three mozzarella sticks on it. Is this really what TU should be feeding students?

The sandwiches include the pseudohealthy offerings of that bunch: the BLT and the turkey-avocado club. Even then, the club has enough bacon on it to overshadow the healthy fats of the avocado.

All of these come with a student’s choice of side, a majority of which are deep fried.

As a side note: after 10 p.m., most of the only menu items a student can get at the Hut are deep fried. The grill closes down entirely In summary, most of the food the Hut serves is quite unhealthy. The athletic department has nutritionists for its athletes.

Would it be so hard to pay one to spend a few weeks rewriting the Hut’s menu to make it something healthy for all students? After all, if we have the money to help athletes eat properly, shouldn’t we also have the money to care about all students eating properly?

The fixes wouldn’t be that hard. Cut out most of the fried sides to favor sides like baked potatoes, steamed vegetables, salads with healthier dressing options, soups and turkey chili along with beef chili. Offer more grilled options, period. Switch dressing brands or commit to serving low fat dress-

you have a full liquor license, since you are the on-campus bar?” has been “Our manager is working on it.” Well, I use to work at Chili’s, and let me tell you, a manager can only work on something for so long in the food industry before it’s simply a pipe dream gone up in smoke.

Hard liquor options at the Hut would help in a variety of ways. First, students could pregame at the Hut instead of at apartments, which helps TU monitor intoxication levels because workers can cut off students. Second, alumni would love liquor options upon their return to campus. Third, it keeps students safer by convenience: walking to the bar and getting drunk cuts out entirely the need for a vehicle. Thus, TU does its part to reduce drunk driving among students. Last, liquor adds incentives for students to spend

“Neither fried cheese sticks nor fried chunks of onion help anybody combat the freshman 15...” ing options. Neither fried cheese sticks nor fried chunks of onion help anybody combat the freshman 15, especially when combined with the lack of sleep and elevated cortisol levels that accompany the stress college students experience.

The second problem is one that the Hut has, reportedly at least, been attempting to solve for approximately two years: a lack of hard liquor. For my first two years at TU, the only alcohol one could buy at the Hut was 3.2 beer and a few bottled options and some imports. Now it has Blue Moon on tap, still imports, higher point beers and still the classic standby 3.2 selections. Since my sophomore year, the answer to “When will

money on campus, which might entail more cash in TU’s pocket to then reinvest in more liquor options and, oh my God, maybe even a professional bartender.

All told, providing healthier food and hard liquor would do nothing but benefit the Hut and create a more thriving business.

As TU is still a wet campus, there would not be a stigma about the university making hard liquor available to students. And of course, think of the talking points for all those spirited University Ambassadors who run around campus preaching the positives of this place. “Welcome to TU, where you can spend scholarship dining dollars on hard alcohol!” Now that’s a message I can get be-

#10: Change the University Ambassadors’ speeches, training

To best market the university, university ambassadors’ tours need to be accurate and show off more of the university’s assets.

Michaela Flonard Managing Editor

University Ambassadors show off the University of Tulsa to prospective students; however, some of their standard tour lines should be updated or changed.

• The computers are not updated every two years, as UAs tell students. If they mean to say the operating system is updated every two years, say this, and honestly, most operating systems, like Windows, automatically update every so often. The physical computers have not been updated that often.

• Take tours into academic buildings. This should be tailored to the students’ interest, to see what place they’ll be spending the majority of their college career.

• There should be more than one showroom available. Currently, they only show Hardesty, which isn’t

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representative of most other dorms.

The bathrooms for this dorm should also be kept cleaner. The communal bathrooms are also not cleaned twice daily.

In training, there should be more emphasis placed on personal interaction and connection with students. If the tours are more one-on-one, as they are now, each tour should be more personalized to the students’ interest, not rote memorization.

The gym is probably not built for a student population twice our size.

Given that there’s only two squat racks and one Smith machine to do squats on, it’s quite unrealistic to believe 9,000 students or so could use that gym and be content.

Allow prospective students to fill out a checklist of their interests so they

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can see more specific things on their tours. If a student is interested in seeing an apartment, they could check this off and see one on their tour.

Don’t be afraid to talk about some of the negatives about campus or discuss how things on campus have improved. As someone trying to decide between graduate schools currently, I can promise students notice if the school has negatives, no matter how well UAs portray the school, and value honesty much more than hiding the truth.

Don’t say each dorm has three levels of security. Hardesty, for instance, has the side door and your room door, only two levels of security, and for other dorms, the side doors may not always be locked.

The Collegian: 16

Improve TU

2 April 2018

#11: Stock bathrooms with #12: Install student ID feminine hygene products scanners on all buildings

TU bathrooms are currently illequipped to deal with the needs of its students.

Kayleigh Thesenvitz Editor-in-Chief Not to be a 77th-wave feminist or whatever number we’re on, but can we please have easy to access feminine hygiene products around here? Pads and tampons are a fact of life for many of the women in your life. We need them at the special time each month where we bless the miracles of modern day birth control while simultaneously cursing our own existence.

If you have never had the pleasure of menstruating, let’s play a game. Imagine getting intense lower stomach pains right in the middle of class and then standing up to feel a trickle of blood run slowly and unexpectedly down your leg as you rush to the restroom. As you run out the room and down the hall, you try to subtly bend your head over your shoulder to make sure you don’t have a massive red stain on your ass.

And also, with your legs moving together

and apart in quick succession, the odor is starting to spread out into the world, causing further embarrassment. After all, you’ve basically peed your pants, but instead of urine, it’s blood.

Now you’ve arrived at the bathroom, heart racing and cheeks flushed, to find that you haven’t replaced the pads or tampons or whatever disposable device you use in the secret pocket of your purse or bookbag. If you were in a regular public restroom, there is fair bet that somewhere in that room with you is a little metal box attached to the wall with a coin slot and contents that will assist in your return to cleanliness. However, you are not in a regular public restroom. You are in a restroom inside of TU’s academic buildings. The first floor women’s restrooms of Oliphant Hall, the Student Union, Kendall Hall and Tyrrell Hall do not have tampon dispensers. There are no dispensers in Keplinger Hall, and the dispenser in Chapman Hall is long empty.

So what do you do, young, menstruationfree individual? What do you do when you are all covered in dark, stinky, sticky blood down there and have no way keep it from sullying and perhaps permanently dying your pretty purple undies?

While you’re solving that problem … let’s talk about getting feminine hygiene product dispensers in all the female and gender-neutral bathrooms. By talk about it, I mean just fucking do it.

Sincerely, the Menstruating People of TU.

#13: Accept pet fees, not expensive punishments

The university would save more money, and students would be happier, if apartments created new guidelines for legal pet ownership.

Nathan Hinkle Student Writer Currently, there is no system that would allow students to have pets on campus without a disability accomodation. The current system pushes a fine of $500 dollars on any student, besides those in the West Park Apartments, who has a pet inside of their room. The only allowed pets are fish that are located in a tank no more than 20 gal-

lons, service animals or emotional support animals. While the goal of the system is to prevent damage to the buildings, prevent allergic reactions and noise complaints is good, there could be a better way to accomplish this. Instead of a fee for being caught with a pet, the university should instead impose a smaller pet owner’s fee, which the resident has to pay in order to have a pet in their room. This would also include a contract that makes them liable for any damage that their pet does.

There are several options that could be created to allow pets into apartments. All apartments could be allowed to follow a similar model to the West Park apartments, where students apply for pet ownership. Another option could be requiring pet-owning students to get signatures from all their fellow residents before pets are allowed. This would allow the pet owners to have their pets with them without infringing on the rights of their fellow residents.

Through this new system, people would be allowed to have their pets without fear of being fined, other students would not be bothered or injured and the university would not be forced to pay out specific funds for

Every entrance that students need to use at night should have a scanner for easy access.

Conner Maggio Apprentice Editor

The entrance to Phillips Hall requires that you call campus security to verify that you are an art student and that you belong there.

This is a waste of time for you as a student to wait for security, as well as a waste of time for Campus Security, who most definitely have better things to be doing than heading to Phillips. ID scanners would be helpful here, which already identify you as a student and could then also be used to identify you as specific type of student who should have access to the building during that semester if you are in an art class or registered to be in the building. This could be handled over email with someone or done automatically with art students, or even by doing it online on CaneLink.

The current system is very inefficient and can cause delays for students. I personally

see students who call Campus Security from their dorm and then head over to Phillips as a way to save time, but that is not even a good compromise. You do not want to leave our officers waiting when they could be responding to other calls or patrolling campus.

If the ID Scanner system is good enough to be used to protect the computer lab in the library 24/7 and all the lobbies on campus, then it should be enough to protect the things in Phillips. And if it is not enough, we should not be using it to protect ourselves and our assets in the lobbies. Phillips security would in fact be better served because they would be able to see who had accessed the building. So if something was stolen, we could track down everyone who was inside at the time.

ID Scanners should also be used in places like Fisher South, which still uses door codes for every door. They also have a problem with the first-floor men’s floor having no security whatsoever because it houses the laundry facilities. If there was a scanner, then anyone who has access to the building could also have access to the hall.

Even other academic buildings could have ID scanners, because there are reasons that you should be in a building late at night, especially when finals week approaches.

For example: there may be Kendall students who require use of the theater at night, or Collegian editors needing access to their office.

#14: Grant week of leniency for parking infractions

A buffer period for parking tickets prevents busy or out-of-town students from being punished for parking.

Hannah Kloppenburg Web Manager

Currently, TU begins ticketing on the first Monday of the semester. Students and other TU affiliates register for and purchase their parking passes during the preceding semester or summer break. They then pick up their passes at the Parking and ID Office before the semester begins.

This can be tricky for out-of-town stu-

dents who can’t make it to campus until the weekend before classes start. They then have to navigate class schedules during the first week of the semester to pick up their passes, hoping that they won’t get ticketed before they can return home and put the pass in their car window.

Students who are ticketed before they have a chance to get their pass can appeal the ticket; however, having to deal with an appeal is a nuisance and one more thing to stick on a to-do list.

These complications can be avoided by allowing a week-long buffer period before ticketing on campus. This gives all students the opportunity to collect their passes. (If you don’t have a pass after a week, it’s your own fault.)

Allowing a short buffer period will prevent students who couldn’t make it to campus early from getting slapped with an unjust and inconvenient ticket. I propose a week, but even just a couple extra days would be helpful for busy students trying to manage beginning-of-the-year responsibilities.

“... having to deal with an appeal is a nuisance and one more thing to stick on a to-do list.”

#15: Ditch Writing for the Professions as a required class

Students should be able to test out of ENGL 3003, which is required for graduation for any major outside the Arts & Sciences college.

Alex Garoffolo Student Writer Writing for the Professions is to my collegiate career what the “Caddyshack” sequel is to the original film: a painful ending that should never have happened. The class is required for people who are graduating with degrees not from the College of Arts & Sciences, even double majors. Even double majors like myself, who have one A&S degree and one business degree. You read that correctly. Even though I’m graduating with an A&S degree and came to TU with AP English credits (and write for the student newspaper!), I still need to be taught how to write.

In my syllabus, the class’s purpose is to “provide students with practice in the kinds of writing expected in the professional world.” Our first assignment? Properly draft a work email. That’s right, an email. Nevermind that all of us are collegiate juniors and seniors. Nevermind that many of us have gotten internships, had interviews and

have written hundreds of emails in our lives to multiple professional entities. Instead, TU believes it important to spend our time teaching us how to write proper emails.

The English department has a convenient attendance policy for its Monday-Wednesday courses. Three unexcused absences?

That’s a drop of a letter grade. In my syllabus week classes, my instructor actually said that for us to get credit and have an excused absence for a death in the family, we’d need to bring a copy of the funeral program.

In my class, five minutes late is a tardy.

Three tardies? That’s an unexcused absence. I can understand this seriousness for a capstone course that’s integral for my major. But for a class that’s, in part, teaching me how the English department believes a proper business email should be written?

You’re kidding me!

For the course itself, my final assignment is a 30 – 40 minute presentation on an issue that affects young people, in a group of four. I’ve talked to enough businessmen and financiers alike to know what the finance industry likes: clear, concise, to the point. I’ve yet to meet a single finance professional who told me he wants to hear a 40-minute presentation.

In fact, the industry is famous for the elevator pitch for a reason: knowing how to sell yourself and your information in 45 seconds could be the difference between a job on Wall Street and flipping burgers for the golden arches. Nobody in their right mind wants even the CEO to drone on for 40 minutes about a topic in a meeting. Likely, the CEO would not want to inflict this kind of pain on himself, let alone his employees.

Sure, the class has its rare useful days.

Teaching us how to write proper memos is (surprise!) actually important. Learning how to write a professional letter, even though the Collins College of Business holds workshops on professional correspondence, is actually important. Because business people write memos. And business people write letters.

Yet this is writing for the PROFESSIONS. Do stock traders and entry-level analysts often write 12-page research papers? Brevity is the name of the game in the financial industry. Nobody wants to read twelve pages of information that could have been easily condensed into one. Does a CFO, COO or CEO have enough time in the day to scan a 15-page paper to make a decision? Of course not. Will I get a promotion because it took me 20 minutes to tell you something that could have been intelligently articulated in four? I think you get the picture.

So when weighing what I can give my best effort towards, either ENGL 3003 or sixteen hours of courses that make a difference in my career, which do you think I’ll choose?

I’m not saying TU needs to trash this class completely, but TU needs to set up a system by which students can test out of the course so we don’t waste our precious time in such a class. Perhaps this looks like a test that asks you about parts of speech, proper etiquette on memos and letters and asks questions about presentation technique. Maybe it’s a written test that asks you to write a sample memo or paper, and if it’s error-free enough, you pass. Maybe it’s a simple grammatical exam that asks you to fix comma splices, run-ons and dangling modifiers. Maybe it’s even easier than that: if a student brings in AP credit from AP Language or AP Lit (like I did), maybe he already knows how to write an email? Crazy logic, I know.

“Nobody in their right mind wants even the CEO to drone on for 40 minutes with a topic in a meeeting.”

ENGL 3003 is a class with assignments that have more bearing on the English world than the business one. This is a problem, since the course is literally intended to assist you in writing for your profession.

On top of the asinine attendance policy, junior and senior students in that class have serious workloads outside of it. For instance, I have 19 hours this semester so I can graduate in four years. That means I have fifteen hours of senior-level finance classes, capstone, a Russian class and ENGL 3003.

Business professors know what the business industry requires of its workers. Maybe the solution is offering a class that each college, in turn, helps create with less input from the English department and more input from the department that knows the most about business students’ future careers.

Whatever it is, TU needs a way to make sure people don’t have to suffer through this travesty of a course unless they absolutely have a proven lack of the alleged skills the class claims to teach.

2 April 2018

Improve TU

#16: Offer fairs for students to shop for majors

Students who have not yet decided on a major will be able to get an indepth look at each with a fair.

Brian Kwiecinski Business Manager In university life, someone’s major tends to play a large part in their identity. One of the first questions many students ask when they first meet is “Oh, what’s your major” and the answer will usually affect first impressions. However, there are some people who have not yet found their answer yet, so they simply say they are undecided.

There is nothing wrong with someone being undecided; it is much better to be exploring your options than trapped in courses that you hate. However, there are benefits as well when someone finally finds out what it is they want to do. Having a specific direction lets them optimize their focus, coursework and even résumé to be more attractive to potential employers and/or graduate schools.

Many people who are undeclared majors are those who have yet to find their true passion. From their perspective, there are a lot of options in front of them, yet none of them stand out.

These students are likely getting help from their advisors, but sometimes it is difficult to convey all the experiences one may have of a major if the advisor does not have firsthand experience in each. A more indepth way for these wandering students to find what lights their fire is for them to get an actual experience of that major.

Ideally, they could immerse themselves in each major until they found one they could be passionate about, but that would be far too time-consuming.

The realistic approach is to have an event that presents just a taste of each major.

Just as job-seeking students and companies benefit from career fairs, undeclared students and departments alike could greatly benefit from having something similar.

This “Majors Fair” could be split up into areas based on departments with professors and/or graduate assistants from each major present. They will be there mainly to answer questions and show off their discipline’s greatest features. If scheduling is an issue then each department could stagger when their majors are presented (e.g. Accounting, Marketing, etc. at 11 a.m.; CIS, Management, etc. at 12 p.m.).

Another feature of the fair could be a showcase of sorts. For example, Mechanical Engineering could show off their catapult projects and even explain the mechanics behind it to curious students. Adding this dimension to the fair would help to bring reallife examples right in front of the searching students.

Many universities already have taken this approach, such as Oklahoma State University, Pennsylvania State and the University of Washington. With these fairs, these institutions have had even greater success with converting their undecided students earlier than their respective mandatory deadlines.

There is no reason why the University of Tulsa cannot do the same.

By having these “Major Fairs” every semester, undeclared students will be able to get a more personal look at each of the disciplines. Additionally, they will be able to meet and connect with professors that they may have never seen otherwise. Bringing about better student-faculty connections will only serve to benefit the overall culture of the university. And, in the end, that is so incredibly important in these formative years.

#18: Add a Tulsa history Block II class

A Tulsa history class would encourage discussions on important issues, which have and will continue to affect the U.S. as a whole.

Nathan Hinkle Student Writer

One missing element in the University of Tulsa’s history curriculum is the option of learning about local history. While discussing events in world history is obviously extremely important, a Tulsa history course could be a new avenue for students to learn about their city’s past. There is a rich amount of information that is being left out due to the lack of this class. While it may

be argued that the interest and educational worth of this course would be of little importance to some of the student body since not all students are from Tulsa,, Tulsa and its history are a micro example of the larger issues that the United States has and will continue to face in the future. This can be seen in particular in three different fields: race relations, activities with native people groups and the economic boom of resources in the modern age.

For example, discussion on the plight of minority groups could be seen through the event of the Tulsa Race Riot of 1921.

Through this event, students would not only learn about the specific historical event of the early 1900s but also key themes such as mob justice, racial biases and historical bias.

Other events such as the Creek Council Oak Tree and the oil boom of the 1920s could provide a similar result that would provide worthwhile discussion on issues that have mattered throughout history.

With a class on Tulsa history, the University of Tulsa would not only provide a look into the history of our local region but a broader discussion into the problems of the United States as a whole.

The Collegian: 17

#17: Cut the shit: Improve TU’s toilets

While functional, some bathrooms on campus aren’t necessarily places you want to use.

Justin Guglielmetti Sports Editor A wise sports editor once said, “You can judge an establishment based on the quality of its restrooms.” To be fair, I was commenting on one of my grandparents’ favorite burger joints rather than a university, but I feel that the point still stands. Cleanliness in a place that’s not immediately visible is usually an indication of that facility’s an overall level of quality control.

In related news, one of the very first restrooms I ever visited at TU had no doors on the stalls. I was a wee freshman baking outside in the August sun during marching band rehearsal and had to take a break after some classic Pat Case Dining Center burri-

tos for lunch. Usain Bolt himself couldn’t have outsprinted me as I took off for Mabee Gym, but it almost wasn’t worth it when I got there and found myself staring directly at a nasty discolored linoleum bowl instead of a door. Look, I know some people call the toilet their throne, but that doesn’t mean it should be visible to everybody!

Mabee Gym is only the most extreme example of a bathroom that could use a serious makeover, at least after the disaster zones that used to exist in Kendall Hall were renovated two years ago. Chapman Hall has restrooms so cramped you could smack somebody washing their hands in the back of the head when you swing the door open to walk in. Keplinger’s look like prisons, complete with rusty urinal separators ready to fall off the minute anyone brushes against them.

Oliphant got rid of separators altogether (in addition to having those urinals that stick way out from the wall) because, and this is true, oil magnate A.G. Oliphant is on record bemoaning “the lost art of talking to another man while he’s peeing.” Crazy stuff, right?

I’m fully aware that TU has all sorts of other issues and budgetary concerns that are more pressing than the bathrooms, which, at least in most cases, are still fully functional. Still, having facilities such as this reflects poorly on the image of the school. We shouldn’t have to just accept it and move on.

“...having facilities such as this reflects poorly on the image of the school.”

#19: Promote meaningful feedback for essays

Students deserve to know what they can improve on and what they did well at when recieving their grades on essays and long-form assignments.

Raven Fawcett Commentary Editor My first grade in college was an essay for Governing Ideas in America by Professor Hockett. He’s slightly infamous in political science for his harsh grading and the detailed analysis that he adds to it. There was red ink on every spare page, and he stapled an extra page to the back to leave further comments. I got a C+.

Professor Hockett, and many professors like him, explains to classes that he doesn’t get paid to give you an A and let you go on your way. He’s preparing you for harder classes and graduate school. He’s challenging you to do better, to write better, to give your best possible arguments.

writing process. When I know what works, I don’t have to spend so much time guessing on what professors want from me, or what will get me the best grade. It’s also made me more aware of the things I need to learn about writing — how to use grammar and punctuation and to follow my own thought until the end, and then restart.

Essay feedback also gives students a sense of fairness. I would never argue with Hockett’s grading because I understand why he gives out the grades he does. It makes sense, even when I wanted to do better. I’ve had professors use code and attach a sheet to the back explaining their system, type up notes or just leave longhand comments.

And in every case, I’ve seriously considered their feedback.

It can be difficult for professors to give students serious feedback. They have classes, and grading, and their own research on top of home lives and all the other complications that come with daily life. It can be just as difficult for students to push for additional feedback. No one wants to complain about not knowing why they got a good grade and seem self-serving any more than they want to complain about not knowing in excruciating detail why they got a bad grade. It can be anywhere from embarrassing to downright humiliating to hear genuine criticism on something you’ve worked hard on. That doesn’t make it less important to hear.

“When I know what works, I don’t have to spend so

much time guessing on what professors want from me.”

At first, it was soul-destroying. The lowest essay grade I’d ever gotten before that was a 92 percent. The notes on my paper looked harsh, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with them, or how to feel about them. A lot of kids here have similar experiences. It can be difficult to understand that a professor isn’t giving an emotional critique, but an academic one. Their comments aren’t often harsh, just honest — and when students go without genuine feedback for too long, they can lose sight of the difference between the two.

I’ve come to see Professor Hockett’s feedback as the gold standard of feedback.

Whenever I get a grade from professors, I look at the notes. I see what they hate and what they thought could be improved and what I’ve done well.

It’s helped me knock time off my essaycourtesy Wikimedia Commons The Tower of Reconciliation at John Hope Franklin Reconciliation Park is a perfect example of a monument that students should learn more about.

Every assignment turned in for a grade deserves serious consideration. If it didn’t, I shouldn’t have to complete the work. And if a professor is expected to evaluate my work, I should know how to do better next time and learn how to evaluate my own work by learning how those who are more educated will go on to evaluate my work. Evaluation and emulation are important steps in the learning process. I don’t learn anything from essays I’ve finished and forgotten about without someone pointing out the ways I could’ve improved. Many professors on campus already provide genuinely helpful feedback. The rest should be encouraged, by both faculty and staff, to provide more precise and insightful feedback, especially before the next essay is due.

Improve TU

The Collegian: 18

2 April 2018

#20: D1 athletics drains Golden Hurricane #21: Let them share paper D1 athletics often cost schools more money than they make and don’t serve as a draw for potential or current students.

Justin Guglielmetti Sports Editor

Schools that have D1 athletics absolutely love to point out that they have D1 athletics.

They love talking to parents and potential students about D1 athletics, they love having one whole ad (!) air over national TV because of D1 athletics, they love building

industry may seem to the casual observer, with gargantuan television deals and merchandise everywhere you look, a shockingly small percentage of athletics programs are actually profitable. A 2015 study from the NCAA itself identified just 24 schools out of 346 in Division 1 that generated positive net revenue, and while the study did not name any of the specific schools that were operating in the black, it’s a fair assumption to make that TU, the smallest FBS school in the country, was not among them.

Why then do we subsidize college athletics in the first place? It’s a fair question to ask, not just for TU but for all of the other 1,000+ NCAA programs that lose money year-after-year. A lot of it has to with exposure and advertising, creating a national brand for the school that will ideally attract a diverse body of students from across the country. It’s a nice idea in principle, but you have to wonder how effective this strategy is for the vast majority of schools that aren’t athletic powerhouses like Alabama or North Carolina. I’m just one person, but as far as

“Athletics are also said to be important to student morale, but again, I wonder how true this actually is.”

expensive new facilities and spending exorbitantly on the athletes who participate in their D1 athletics. They just love the idea of D1 athletics so much that they never stop to consider an interesting possibility: maybe they shouldn’t have D1 athletics.

What do we know about the fiduciary state of college sports? As booming as the

anecdotal case studies to test this idea go, I’m a pretty good one coming from New England. When I told my classmates and teachers that I would be attending the University of Tulsa, the most common response I received was “Where?” In other words, I would venture to say that TU’s reputation for excellence remains confined to a region-

al level rather than national. And I doubt a trip to the Miami Beach Bowl would change that.

Athletics are also said to be important to student morale, but again, I wonder how true this actually is. As a member of the marching and pep bands, I go to most of the games for our highest-profile and best attended sports, football and men’s basketball. How many students do you think are left in the stands when it’s a hot day, or when the football team is down at the half, or when basketball is playing a so-so opponent? How many attend women’s basketball even when the athletic department gives away free clothing items? I couldn’t give you an exact figure, but the answer wouldn’t be pretty.

The truth of the matter might be that we just don’t have a large enough student body to make sporting events any sort of meaningful campus activity. And I know that it’s a nice thing to be able to brag to prospective students on tours that we are D1, but honestly, did anyone choose to come here for the sports? Again, we’re not Alabama.

Let me also note that I am referring above to the general student population. I do not mean to imply that student-athletes, many of whom would not be here were it not for their respective teams, are not real students.

But obviously every student currently studying at TU would be allowed to finish, and it’s not as if the school would have to resign itself to having a student population one-tenth smaller in the future. They would instead simply take in fewer students whose primary focus is on athletics. Is that such a crime?

That probably sounds like sacrilege coming from the sports editor, and maybe it is.

I confess I don’t know a whole lot about the inner workings of our athletic department (I’m not sure anybody outside of the administration does) or what it would take for us to drop out of the American Athletic Conference. This is more of an exploratory idea, a vague pitch to the people who have the knowledge and authority to make this change to at least reconsider the status quo.

Students should be allowed to transfer their unused printing pages to students who have run out of pages to print.

Nathan Hinkle Student Writer At the University of Tulsa, each major has different academic needs. One that is consistent across majors is the access to paper and the use of a printer. Due to the necessities of their classes, some majors, such as political science, require the use of more paper at the library than other groups.

However, all students, regardless of necessity, are given the same 1,000 pages. If students run out of their assigned pages, they are required to pay a fee. While this system provides an equal field for all students and usually fills the need of most of them, there are still problems in terms of equitability for certain students at the university.

In an attempt to fix this issue, TU could provide a new transfer feature that allows students to give pages away to certain individuals or a large university pool that could be used by students who have used up all their pages. Through this system, there would be less of a disparity between different students. It would help fix the current system where some students end the semester with over 900 pages while some run out. One’s participation in their class should not be affected by the amount of pages they have left to print.

photo by Kayleigh Thesenvitz Over spring break, Oliphant Hall cleaned up its flyer board, but very quickly these boards will become cluttered without change.

#22: To clean up campus, get rid of old event posters

Too often, event posters are left up for far too long; a stamp system might lead to cleaner boards.

Ethan Veenker Variety Editor A small, almost unnoticeable issue on TU’s campus is our handling of posters in the halls around campus. Full disclosure: I can’t really speak for Keplinger or Hardesty Hall in this article, as my travels usually don’t take me there.

I recently landed an internship that has me hanging flyers around Tulsa a lot. An easy and effective place for me to hit up is campus. When bringing these posters or

ways, it’s an utter frustration, because outdated posters coat the walls and the boards of some of these halls. It’s a mess of paper and tacks, making it nearly impossible to read any of them. I never feel comfortable taking down old flyers, and perhaps that’s just my problem, but I never see anyone else doing it either. Flyers just stack up and up on these boards until it’s a nightmare to hang new ones.

I do have to give the university some credit, though: they really cleaned things up over spring break. Hanging posters up the other day, I was amazed at how clean the boards were in Oliphant particularly.

There does appear to be some cleaning and updating, but it’s coming much too late.

The boards are just unsightly most of the time; they hardly seem palatable and worth reading when walking to class.

OSU circumvents this issue bureaucratically, but effectively. To hang a poster in a hall, you need a stamp from that hall’s secretary or manager. They’re usually easy to find, and they dispense stamps pretty liberally. It might not be the worst idea to

“Flyers just stack up and up on these boards until it’s a nightmare to hang new ones.” flyers around, specifically to Zink, Phillips, Chapman and Oliphant — especially Oliphant — I find absolute messes on the bulletin boards.

There’s little moderation in these halls as to what goes up. In some ways, this is more convenient for me, as I can typically just tack them up and go on my way. In other

implement this at TU. True, it would make the whole process slightly more inconvenient at the outset, but I think flyer-runners will find their jobs easier overall when the boards come under stricter moderation and updating, thus offering more space.

#23: Make ACAC, ACAC Again graphic by Conner Maggio

Allen Chapman Student Union should be renamed back to Allen Chapman Activities Center.

Conner Maggio Apprentice Editor Allen Chapman Student Union, renamed when it was renovated in 2014, is still mostly referred to as ACAC by students. Now that most everyone who went to school before this change has graduated, the name “ACAC” still continues to be used. Why has it stood up so well when it no longer makes sense? I attribute most of its popularity to the generation of TU students who were there for the name change and thought that it was a terrible name. I remember being told as a freshman by my orientation leader that it “is the Allen Chapman Student Union, but if you are cool, you call it ACAC.”I have only called it ACAC since.

For all my time at TU, not one person has

been confused when I referred to it as such, and even freshmen now somehow get told to call it ACAC by upperclassmen. I think that there is something to be said about the average TU student with this example.

When you get a bunch of smart people together, who love the thrill of the mildist rebellion and have the humor and maturity typical of college students, you get a special blend that was perfect for keeping ACAC alive.

So why was ACAC changed to Allen Chapman Student Union in the first place?

According to Zane Hight, a former university employee who worked as a Residence Director in housing when the change happened, “[They] wanted something that made more sense and was more common among universities. Everyone knows what a Student Union is, nobody knows what an ACAC is.” I would agree if I were in their situation. But as a counter, the culture of TU is very pro-nickname. Nobody calls the Pat Case Dining Center by its name —they don’t even call it “the cafeteria,” they call it “The Caf,” which to an outsider may sound odd. But the students all stick with it.

Since people are already going to refer to the Student Union as “ACAC”, we should just re-rename it. ACAC should remain ACAC forever, as long as the students demand it. At the end of the day, this school should stand with the student body, and what they want within reason.

2 April 2018

Improve TU

#24: Public gardens would enhance TU community

Many universities embrace community gardens, as they serve a multitude of purposes. Why can’t TU be next?

Michaela Flonard Managing Editor Community gardens serve many purposes. Students and faculty can use the produce they grow, get their hands dirty for a little while or use the space as a relaxation zone.

And increasingly, colleges and universities across the U.S. are recognizing this and implementing it. In 2010, over 100 colleges and universities had some form of community gardens. Why can’t TU be next?

A community garden could have fruit, vegetables and herbs for students to pick up on their way home for a snack or an addition to a meal. Lettuce, summer squash, tomatoes, potatoes, melons and strawberries are among the best to grow in Oklahoma, along

with herbs like parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme grow well in small containers. (I can confirm this, after growing basil, thyme and peppers on my balcony.)

The garden by The Little Blue House would be one of the best areas for a garden, but other options are available. The grassy areas in Norman Village, around the Law building and Keplinger, or the space by the Hardesty parking lot are all areas that are currently empty and could be easily turned into a community garden. With the university’s permission, students could turn these spaces into planted areas.

A student club or individual students could tend to the garden, providing a sense of responsibility. Stressed students could use the experience to calm and center themselves. For students who are at all interested in sustainability, the project represents a concrete way to increase sustainability on campus. An honor system would ensure the garden is not over-picked. Composting could become a more viable option if a community garden was established. Compost could enrich the soil, avoiding artificial fertilizers.

If TU wants a community garden, students and administration need to discuss a host of issues, but bringing up this conversation is the first step.

The Collegian: 19

#25: Replace cloned trees with fruit trees

Fruit trees on campus would provide students with free snacks, without costing the university additional upkeep.

Conner Maggio Apprentice Editor Many college campuses around the United States have planted fruit trees across their land, which would be a great improvement from our campus’s cloned trees, which do not actually offer students anything other than aesthetic value. As the want and need for greater sustainability increases, planting fruit trees is a simple idea that many campuses are adopting. Places like Stanford even have an unofficial guide made by students for eating fruit on campus.

The University of Louisiana at Lafayette is one such college. In 2013, their office of sustainability planted 18 fruit-bearing trees for students. Their reasons for doing so were varied, ranging from wanting students to be more environmentally and agriculturally conscious to simply feeding students, following a simple system of taking only what you plan to eat and leaving the rest for others. The University of Louisiana at Lafayette has an on-campus population of around 19,291 students, a little more than four times the number of students that we have. If 18 trees were enough for their efforts, then the same amount should be more than enough for the University of Tulsa.

Even if not all students want to take advantage of free fruit, we would still be better off. This is because we would spend the

same amount of money watering the trees, whether they were the cloned trees or the fruit trees. Perhaps fruit trees on campus would also benefit us by teaching us about when fruit is ripe, when each fruit is in season and how easy growing produce is for the average person. Fruit trees would simply be more sustainable because they actually produce something that can benefit this campus.

The cost that would make the main difference for these trees would be the initial setup cost, which would depend on how many trees are planted and if the other trees must be removed to do so. The younger the tree, the less expensive usually. However, tree removal can cost over $1000 depending on height, so for optimal pricing the trees could take root somewhere else on campus where there are not as many trees currently. Some ideas could be planting them by Keplinger, Fisher West or by the gym.

The other costs would include things that the university already does for its other trees, including general upkeep. The only real downsides are the amount of time that would have to pass for the trees to grow to maturity (2–5 years) and that they may need to purchase a different insecticide, fungicide or fertilizer to have actual edible fruits. Additionally, only certain fruit trees will produce in Oklahoma, which mainly consists of apples, peaches and pears. So we will not be able to get just any tree that we want; it has to be a certain variety. Occasional food shortages for college students are common.

If, in addition to cheap and unhealthy food, students could go out and pick fruit, they would be able to have a more balanced diet, which is important to advocate for in an academic environment.

It would be nice to see the university going more out of their way to try to positively benefit its students, even if the gesture is small. The only real reasons for the cloned trees seems to be that University Ambassadors can tell people that they are cloned trees and that they look nice.

courtesy Wikimedia Commons A community garden serves as a place for students to destress by tending to the crops or sitting peacefully within the greenery.

#27: Do SOMETHING to make game day parking easier

Students with on-campus parking passes struggle to find parking on game days, and the university could easily improve their experience.

Adam Lux Satire Editor Any student on campus with a car knows the struggle of parking on a big game day.

There are a number of situations which may cause a student to find themselves being prohibited from parking in thea lot, for which

themselves or their child, little things like the hassle of parking on game days instantly fill my mind. I think to myself, “Yes, TU has amazing academics, wonderful professors and a beautiful campus, but I’m sure this kid could get into a similarly amazing school that also lets them park in a lot they pay to park in whenever they want.”

I know that TU wants non-students to come to games and wants them to have the best experience possible while there. I also want this. But there has to be a better way to accommodate both visiting fans and students.

A few years ago, in an Improve TU article, the idea of letting people park in the TU-owned field across Harvard was posited. It’s not too far of a walk from these fields to the Reynold’s center, or if the adminis-

“...there has to be a better way to accommodate both visiting fans and students.” they paid money. Lots that aren’t reserved on game days fill up quickly with exiled cars, and now suddenly students with passes for these lots have no room to park. Maybe a student does find a spot in an unrestricted lot and then forgets about it until Monday afternoon, and now they have a ticket.

Now I understand that this isn’t a major concern. This isn’t going to ruin anyone’s time here at TU. However, it affects a lot of students’ negatively, and I think that should concern the TU administration.

It always seemed odd to me that a university of TU’s caliber would, at any time, not let students park in lots they paid for.

Whenever I have a potential student, or parent, ask me if i would recommend TU for

tration was more comfortable making students park there, at least we wouldn’t have to worry about getting ticketed.

Maybe we leave half of each lot still open for students to come and go as they please, that way students wouldn’t feel trapped on campus during game days and visitors still had parking spots.

Another idea, crazy as it might sound, could be to try just not restricting student parking at all, just to see if it really would be such a parking nightmare for visitors that they stopped coming to games.

Making game day parking less of a struggle for students is a relatively easy and important way to improve the University of Tulsa.

Apples, peaches and pear trees will all grow in Oklahoma and could be grown on TU’s campus.

courtesy Flickr

#26: Consider donating unused dining dollars

Students with an excess of dining dollars at the end of the year could buy items to donate to charities.

Michaela Flonard Managing Editor Presidential scholars often have so many dining dollars to spend it’s become a joke at TU. “Befriend a prezzie,” someone might say to another who’s complaining about lack of food or running low on their own dining dollars. Because these individuals have $5,558 allocated for housing and dining, they can have a range of dining dollars available.

Burning through that amount of money in a semester, even buying for friends or random goods from the C-store, could be

difficult. If students, by the end of the year, are still looking for a way to spend all their money and have gotten sick of ACAC’s offerings, or if they don’t need another set of pots and pans from the library cafe, they instead could buy non-perishable foods and household goods from the C-store or cafe and donate them to places in need.

If you have extra money to spend and are planning on just raiding the vending machine for candy at the end of the year, consider raiding the C-store first. According to various news outlets, some of the best items to donate, other than common canned goods, are toilet paper, bath essentials, dental hygiene essentials, feminine hygiene products, first aid items and school supplies, all of which the C-store offers.

Next time you stop in there, consider adding one of those items to your shopping bag, and by the end of the year, you’ll have a huge collection to drop off at a food pantry. There are several close by: the Community Foodbank of Eastern Oklahoma, Helping Hand and Catholic Charities of Eastern Oklahoma, along with countless others.

Plus, if you’re lucky, the dorms will be running some sort of donation-based program and you won’t even have to leave TU’s campus.

Improve TU

The Collegian: 20

#28: Critical thinking skills a vital life lesson

Students need to take the time to think through the facts before flinging themselves into an unfounded opinion.

Raven Fawcett Commentary Editor Few things in life are as uncomfortable as someone who is sure that their opinion, founded on few facts and little contemplation, is better than your informed and studied opinion.

As college kids, we’ve all seen this happen. We study a subject intensively, we grapple with its real-world implications in our spare time through internships or volunteering and we spend our time talking through it with other well-informed people. And then it

happens. Someone wants to talk to you about this thing you know so much about. You’re thrilled!

You know this! You have great ideas, and maybe not all of them are perfect, but you’re prepared!

And then the person is obstinate, and uninformed, and worst yet — they can’t imagine or acknowledge the depths of their ignorance. They won’t accept that the premise of this conversation is flawed: they believe they are equipped to start a disagreement based on what they already know.

There are all sorts of issues that feed into this problem. It stems, in part, from the insidious echo chambers we’ve locked ourselves into, wherein we only hear one side of the argument unless we make a true effort to hunt down other opinions. It comes from a culture that has made ignorance a sin that we cannot set aside our pride long enough to admit to. And most of all, it comes from a lack of critical thinking and reading skills.

We’re pressed for time and flooded with information. The Internet has only added to the overwhelming amount of information we are expected to wade through.

And so we do the best we can. We skim, check URLs for credibility

and move on. The issue is that so many people skim too much, trust too easily and wildly oversimplify what they’ve gathered.

It’s not enough to read a headline of a news article if you expect anyone having a conversation with you to take your opinion seriously.

You have to know your facts and understand context. Why is this an issue at all? Why do people not agree with your stance? If something were genuinely simple, everyone would agree about the issue. You have to understand the opposition to have an informed opinion.

It’s not enough to see where an article or a paper or an argument came from. You have to understand what surrounds it. Is the newspaper liberal or conservative?

Does the website you’re on factcheck? How reliable is it? Where did they get their information?

All of these things take time, I understand. But we have something of a cultural blind spot when it comes to opinions. We have the tendency to believe that everyone is equally entitled to their opinion, and everyone’s should be treated as equally valid. Opinions are not all equal, though. Opinions can be bigoted, short-sighted and misin-

formed. It falls to all of us to check ourselves, to weigh the merit of our opinions and know when to admit that we need to know more about a subject. We need to base that criteria on what we know, and what we know should be informed by critical thinking.

Take some time to seriously interrogate your own beliefs on the things you feel strongly about.

What are the foundations of your beliefs? What assumptions have you made, and can you support those assumptions with facts?

Stop assuming that everything you know is true. A skim of an article isn’t the same as an in-depth reading any more than a conversation spent crafting your rebuttals is a learning experience. They’re both ways of only internalizing what you already wanted to hear, not evaluating the other’s opinions or facts on their own terms.

We come to college to learn.

So often, what we learn is more than what’s on the page. It’s how to evaluate facts or create frames of reference. Most importantly, we should all learn how to think critically, and admit when we’ve arrived at conclusions too hastily.

The McFarlin South Door: infamous in its endless emergency exit-ness. It frustrates all of us that wander from Oliphant, Zink, Kendall, or any other assortment of southwardly oriented buildings on campus. How convenient would it be to simply walk directly through the gaping double doors opening into the main arena of the library?

Enter from or exit into the courtyard made to enjoy a brisk spring afternoon with an engaging book?

This concept seems to be a dream to me; some wild wandering of my mind one afternoon.

Why should that be the case? Yes, I am being melodramatic, and it is merely an inconvenience. It seems

to be an entirely unnecessary inconvenience though. Those doors were not originally intended as an emergency exit, and it would surely be quite nice to walk directly into the café when I am sprinting to classes in the mornings.

Perhaps the logic is that it is an unnecessary door because it does not face a parking lot, or even the main fairway. There is a decent size populace walking from the southward direction: athletes, apartment-livers, English, Communications, Languages, Anthropology majors, so on and so forth.

Additionally, people walk to the library in the daylight hours because of a lack of a McFarlin park-

ing pass. Of course, it’s a matter of walking a hundred yards or so further, but those steps are crucial at 8:54 and by god, you need a cup of coffee! Or you desperately needed to print something and you have to hotfoot it to your class in Tyrell Hall. Every second counts when you are racing the clock, and those exit doors could be the shortcut you needed, rather than going out of the front steps and trying to parkour your way over the bushes.

So maybe there is a determinate reason for those southward-facing doors to be ever occupied by emergency exit signs, but if there is not, let’s pop those bad boys open and let us experience our library to its

#29: Open McFarlin’s South door to students

McFarlin’s South door is currently labeled for emergency exits only, but opening it for regular use would make students’ lives easier.

Thomas Von Borstel Student Writer

#30

Screenshots courtesy TU alumni J. Christopher Proctor, Jesse Kiepp, Elizabeth Proctor and Will Bramlett

2 April 2018

Short submitted ideas

On computers -Fahad Ansari, “IMO, TU should stop using cheap components for the library computers.

The use of decent low capacity SSDs would solve half these problems. Although SSDs won’t solve all these problems, they will greatly reduce load times for most items and even speed up the login process along with application open times.”

-Kate Tillotson, “The idea that the library is the central place to get something printed is crazy.

There should be standalone computers scattered across campus and printers that use ID cards to pull up print jobs. The College of Saint Rose in Albany, NY had it in 2012.”

On Student Involvement/Student Association -Lynda Linscott, “University of Tulsa collegians rallying out for TU sporting events would make the university more cohesive and fun-spirited. Having the student section filled with loud, screaming fans means so much to your fellow students representing you and the university on the football field, basketball court, tennis courts and running trails. It pumps them up and makes them play that much harder to get that win for you and for TU. The football players have told me that they play harder when the students have their back.

Signed, parent of three TU grads.”

-Alexander Denard, “Think about hiring a private contractor for spring festival. There’s some people in town that with a half million-dollar budget could at least throw an insane concert that would blow people’s minds. Like what do 20-year-old kids know about party planning? While it looks good on their resume, if there was someone who actually knew what they were doing just showing them what to do ... might be good.”

-Kayleigh Thesenvitz, “The majority of Springfest’s budget every year goes to hiring a musician that nearly half of the campus is guaranteed to be unhappy with. Meanwhile, TU is full of fantastic young musicians. SA could save so much money and simultaneously highlight student talent by turning the Springfest Concert into a Springfest Concert-Competition. TU’s various formal and informal bands and singing organizations could all perform and compete for cash prizes. With the right tech, TU students could vote on the winner from their phones while chilling in the audience.”

On Food There really aren’t enough vegetarian and vegan options on campus, and this isn’t helped much by the cafeteria salad bar being a Russian roulette of vegetable freshness. God only knows how long that spinach has been exposed to the air, and as much as I may want a green salad, sometimes the prospects of my lettuce not being sneezed on don’t feel great. The other thing is, and let’s all be honest with each other for just a minute, I’ve seen the gnats that get into the salad bar — you’ve seen them, we’ve all seen them at this point.

It’s an open secret. If the cafeteria would just put some lids or something over the food at the salad bar, I would feel so, so much better. I just want to eat some pineapple without having anxiety about it.

On Mental Health -Emma Palmer, The Tulsa World stated that one out of every seven Tulsans has a mental illness. Access to proper mental healthcare is crucial, and not just for the clinically mentally ill. The college student’s life is filled with day-to-day stressors that can be greatly reduced through the kinds of coping skills that mental health professionals teach. The University of Tulsa currently has almost 4,500 students enrolled for the 2017-2018 year; however, for all these students, only two clinical psychologists work at the Alexander Health Center. It is impossible for the University of Tulsa to reach its entire student body when it’s so severely understaffed. There simply isn’t enough time in the day.

TU would be greatly improved by adding one or two more clinical psychologists to its staff, allowing all students greater access to the mental health-care that they deserve.

Commentary

2 April 2018

LEGISLATIVE

DIGEST

The Collegian: 21

The Legislative Digest is your weekly look at the happenings of Oklahoma’s state legislature and upcoming bills and the terms to know.

Raven Fawcett Commentary Editor

With a little less than two months left in the second regular session of the 56th legislature, Oklahoma’s lawmakers are making headway on key bills. Here are a few simple breakdowns of bills with a big impact.

HB3081: This bill, passed in the House and recommended to pass in the Senate Education committee, would formally espouse the restraint and subduing principles laid out by the Department of Education. The Department of Education says that restraining and subduing students should be used as a last resort, in cases where students pose a threat to others. School boards of education in Oklahoma would have to adopt the Department of Education’s principles on this matter if it passes in the Senate. Seclusion rooms have long been a source of contention in Oklahoma. Students and parents alike are skeptical of their efficacy, and there are reports that these punishments disparately affect students with disabilities.

HB2932: Among other things, this bill would establish a work requirement for people between aged 19 – 64 who receive Medicaid. They would need to work, volunteer or some combination of the two 20 hours a week or more in order to qualify for the health coverage. The bill provides exceptions, but exceptions will never cover all necessary circumstances. Call me a radical, but I believe that it should be a priority to ensure that all people can receive medical help if they need it. Their ability to get help shouldn’t depend on their ability to work (which often requires a car, time, the mental stability to keep said job and the physical health that can hold up to the work or qualify for disability). It shouldn’t depend on their ability to pay for healthcare, because if someone can’t pay for healthcare, they likely cannot afford a host of other helpful goods that would allow for a healthy lifestyle. Government insurance should create a meaningful healthcare floor, or it doesn’t fully serve its people. The bill was passed in the House and is currently in the Senate Appropriations committee.

SB1581: The Leave of Last Resort program would expand on leave sharing for state employees. It redefines who can get extra leave and how that process would work. Employees could opt in every year to participate in the program and donate whatever time they choose to the program. Among the most important changes, the bill would allow for paid parental leave. The bill walks a delicate line between the needs of the government (to function) and its employees (to live human lives with their human problems and disasters). While there’s still much to be desired in terms of incentivizing government work to create a scintillating bureaucracy, this is a great step. Employees need to apply to get donated hours and days, but they will be able to take time off for a greater number of reasons after they’ve exhausted their own allotted time off. It was engrossed in the Senate, and currently awaits its fate in the House Appropriations and Budget committee.

Okla. teacher walkout sorely needed Teacher protests are another symptom of a state government that’s completely failed its duty to public education.

Alex Garoffolo Student Writer On March 13, the Tulsa Public Schools Board voted unanimously to support a statewide teacher walkout beginning April 2.

The walkout was originally planned to happen only if the state failed to pass a bill raising teacher salaries. But, last Wednesday, the state legislature passed its first tax hike in almost three decades to fund a pay increase for teachers who haven’t seen a raise in over ten years. The bill includes

county’s six largest school districts all voted to approve the walkout, meaning about 103,000 students will be out of school starting April 2.

March 12 marked the first day that teachers went to work under a “work the contract” policy, meaning they only work their contract-mandated seven hours and 50 minutes per day. This means after 3 p.m. in Tulsa, the schools are empty. This also means no after-hours tutoring or student help of any kind. Teachers here reported that they were incredibly surprised by the public support for their actions.

I’m not.

This state has at long last found the straw that broke the education camel’s back.

Oklahoma routinely ranks in the bottom four states (or dead last) in the nation for teacher pay. For the 2017-2018 school year, the state hired over 400 emergency-certified teachers. 91 out of 512 districts have moved to four-day school weeks. A representative for the Oklahoma Education Association estimates that Oklahoma loses about 200 teachers every month, who either leave the profession entirely or move states. The 2016 Oklahoma State Teacher of the Year even left for Texas.

ma’s public schools is state testing month, a strategic time in which it would be quite intelligent to have teachers actually in the schools.

Sand Springs students staged a walkout in the first week of March to show support for their teachers. It lasted 22 minutes to symbolize the proposed $22 million in cuts to the educational budget for the state’s fiscal year. On March 15, Tulsa Mayor G.T. Bynum spoke to a large crowd who turned out to rally for teachers. On deadline day (April 2), there are plans for rallies at the state capitol and other major metropolitan

areas in Oklahoma in support of public education. This is not an issue that will simply go away until the next budget cycle. Lawmakers have finally failed Oklahomans one too many times.

The overwhelming public support for teachers makes it clear: enough is enough.

Hopefully we will see a new bill pass this coming week that more robustly funds Oklahoma’s school system and its tireless employees. But I’m cautiously optimistic.

After all, I’ve lived in this educational cesspool for 22 years.

“Oklahoma treats its teachers so terribly that it loses them every year to neighboring states like Kansas.” about $6,000 per educator and $50 million in education funding.

However, teachers’ union groups say that while the bill is a step in the right direction, it’s not enough. Thus, the walk out will commence as planned on Monday unless the legislature passes a new spending bill. The Oklahoma Education Association’s plan calls for a $10,000 raise per teacher, $5,000 increase in support staff salaries and $200 million in education funding.

Tulsa’s neighboring school districts, including Broken Arrow, Union, Owasso and Sapulpa, gave the green light as well. Tulsa

Current high school seniors have seen cuts in education funding each year for the last decade of their educational careers. And what did the state legislature, the people we’ve supposedly elected to lead us, do?

Not a damn thing. Oklahoma treats its teachers so terribly that it loses them every year to neighboring states like Kansas. Kansas!

Teachers actually get paid more in Kansas than they do here.

The teacher walkout, modeled after similar strikes in West Virginia, commences April 2 and continues indefinitely until the legislature decides it cares. April in Oklaho-

graphic by Conner Maggio Oklahoma has long been awash with education problems, going so far as to cut the school week. Teachers are protesting for themselves and their students.

Tax bill requirements dampen competition in legislature

Lack of comptition in state legislature largely springs from the stringent requirements imposed on tax bills.

Nathan Hinkle Student Writer In the upcoming Oklahoma midterm elections, there is a lack of declared officials running for the Oklahoma House of Representatives and the Senate. Currently, there are only 41 candidates running for 24 Senate seats. Three of these open seats have candidates that are running unopposed. In the House of Representatives, seven seats have unopposed candidates and one seat in southeastern Oklahoma has no candidates at all. The question must be raised of why there are so many few candidates running

for office. There is currently a wide variety of reasons, from low pay and citizen backlash to enforced term limits and government standstill.

While all of these reasons are valid, I believe the biggest problem with our legislature and lack of candidates concerns the power of the minority. It is extremely difficult for lawmakers to get anything accomplished because, under the Oklahoma constitution, all tax increases have to reach 75 percent approval, or they will not be passed.

This high bar makes it ambitious for any tax-raising measure to pass. This deadlock can be a source of frustration for officials attempting to raise money for important needs, such as education. In a statement about the issue with the Tulsa World, Republican representative Pat Ownbey stated simply, “Basically, a minority of people (in the House) are driving the train, and that is what is frustrating.”

The House of Representatives has been throttled by this requirement throughout the years. A new tax increase, passed March 26, was the first tax increase passed in the House of Representatives since the 75 percent requirement was put into place 26 years ago by State Question 640. Because of this requirement, the government has been ground to a standstill.

Some may argue this requirement is important and removes the issue of the tyranny of the majority. The legislature will be forced to come to a consensus on important issues, such as tax raises. The majority of legislators are not able to disregard their fellow legislators because they have the strength and numbers to do so. Tax raises are one of the most impactful forms of legislation that a government can produce, so they should be treated with extreme diligence and total support. By removing this requirement, you are removing the rights of legislators who were duly elected and

bill receives the approval of three-fifths of the membership of the House of Representatives and three-fifths of the membership of the Senate and is submitted to the Governor for appropriate action.” This resolution provides an important compromise between both positions in that it allows important revenue bills to pass through the legislature more easily while not completely destroying the power of the minority in the process.

Under this bill, both legislatures are now required to have 60 percent of the vote rather than the extremely daunting 75 percent that is in the current Constitution.

“... we can alleviate the concern of potential candidates that the legislature is at a constant standstill ...” fall outside of the majority. Some fear that removing this supermajority requirement will allow the majority to quickly run bills through without due process.

I believe the best solution to clearing this gridlock, while not subverting members of the legislature, is House Joint Resolution 1032, proposed by Representative Harold Wright. In this resolution, Wright states, “Any revenue bill originating in the House of Representatives may become law … if such

By fixing this issue in both legislatures, we can alleviate the concern of potential candidates that the legislature is at a constant standstill and it is impossible to get anything done. There are still many issues and reasons why the legislature has few declared candidates, but by fixing this crucial issue, a major roadblock for many potential candidates can be removed, and people will regain the right to choose their own representatives rather than be given one.

The Collegian: 22

Commentary

2 April 2018

Students should respect Professors don’t have professors’ privacy special privacy rights

Professors do not agree to become the subject of scutiny and speculation by virtue of teaching.

Kayleigh Thesenvitz Editor-in-Chief The Internet has made it incredibly easy to access a plethora of personal information about absolutely anyone. With the majority of the U.S. population on Facebook, it is highly likely that you can find your classmates, colleagues and even your college professors on it or any number of alternative social media sites. But should you really go looking for them?

As students, we are normatively obligated to fill the social role of the pupil in our classrooms. Professors earn our respect before we even step foot in the classroom because they have knowledge we don’t and are in a position of authority to share that knowledge with us.

Outside of the classroom, we ought to respect them as private individuals, because they are exactly that.

Intentionally searching out our professors on social media accounts and researching their interests is a direct invasion of their privacy both as a professor and a private individual. Unless they accept your friend request or follow you back, they have not consented to you prying into their personal lives.

There are plenty of cases where people

have been fired for what they post on their social media accounts based on the premise that social media is a public space. Perhaps there is some truth to that.

However, the difference between those cases and the case of students and teachers is interest. Employers have a vested and legitimate interest in making sure their employees don’t act in way that reflects poorly on the company. That interest is deemed to be sufficient to overcome the employees right to privacy. In right-to-work states like Oklahoma, people can and have been fired for getting obtrusive tattoos or piercings because of how it would reflect on the company.

As students we don’t have a legitimate interest. What could we want to know about our professors that would impact our education enough to outweigh the professor’s right to privacy?

Their political views? If a professor makes an argument in their lecture that you think might be politically biased, then you already have the freedom to challenge them on based solely on the merits of their argument. There is no need to delve into their personal life to notice and challenge political views.

Opinions that could make students feel uncomfortable? Unless a professor expresses that opinion in the classroom or in earshot of you or another student it isn’t your business. If you do hear them say something offensive by all means report them, but don’t go digging for it.

No one can force you not to look up your professor on Facebook or follow them on Twitter, but please don’t.

And if you happen across one of your professors on a dating app or accidentally run into them in a potentially embarrassing situation, there is absolutely no need to share it with the rest of the class.

It boils down to this, respect your professors by respecting their privacy.

Sexual Assault Awareness Month begins April 4 Denim Day, April 4 — For this rape prevention education campaign, we ask community members, elected officials, businesses and students to make a social statement with their fashion by wearing jeans on this day as a visible means of protest against the misconceptions that surround sexual assault will be held here on our campus all day April 4.

Then, beginning at 8:30 a.m. in the Student Union, the student researchers who conduct the Campus Climate Survey will present the data from the survey. This is a great opportunity to support TU research and to learn about how our students are answering the survey.

8:30 a.m. — Chelsea M. Cogan, Jenny Y. Lee and Joanne L. Davis — A brief overview of the Campus Climate Survey and Executive Summary.

Moderating what professor information students can and cannot look up is an impossible standard to uphold.

Justin Guglielmetti Sports Editor Let me put my on my old-man cap for a minute and yearn for the way things used to be. If you ask me, we have access to entirely too much information nowadays. You can play a thousand faux-inspirational IBM commercials, talk all you want about how great smartphones are, and social media, Google and all the rest, but it’s not going to change my tired old mind about one precept: that this sea of knowledge at our fingertips only makes us more miserable and leads to a host of annoying ethical dilemmas. I would give it all back just so we don’t have to be faced with the choice of whether to access the personal information of our professors.

Who’s being facetious, me? Okay, fine, you got me, I’m not that much of a Luddite.

In the grand scheme of things, this is such a non-issue compared to all the benefits that technology has wrought in the 21st century, that it’s hardly even worthy of discussion.

Of course, you should be able to look up your professors on Facebook and check out their favorite sports, TV shows and — gasp!

— political views. That’s just the way things are in our modern, interconnected world.

There was a time when such details of a person’s private life were just that — private. Even after you went through that middle-school realization that your teachers were human beings who existed outside of the classroom, there was little difference in what you actually knew about them.

After all, if they kept to themselves and conducted their personal affairs in a nonpublic setting, you wouldn’t be any the wiser as to what went on behind closed doors.

I suppose you could have spied on your teachers if you really wanted, but just as a general rule, following a person around the mall or hanging from the branches of a tree with a pair of binoculars is pretty bad form.

That is what we call “invasion of privacy,” and crazily enough, it’s a concept that still holds up today. But you know what’s not invading somebody else’s privacy? Looking at their social media presence.

Over the past several years we’ve heard several stories of teachers getting in trouble or even losing their jobs over controversial statements they have made on Facebook or Twitter. Whether these punishments had merit is a question that we cannot answer with a sweeping generalization, as it requires looking at what was said on a caseby-case basis. But what we can establish is that, to some degree, all these teachers were hoisted by their own petard. It did not require the work of a private detective to unearth lurid details from their past; all it took was a quick glance at a publicly accessible status or tweet. That’s the whole point of social media: you’re putting something out there so that others can view it.

It’s true that we’ve all posted things that we might not want everyone to see. That picture of you in scantily-clad party attire might offend your grandmother, and your like of a pro-choice group would probably disappoint your pastor. Too bad! If you are willing to broadcast something on social media, you must be prepared for others to see and potentially judge you for it. All rights to privacy have been waived.

What’s the alternative here? Bar students from looking up their professors online?

Putting aside the implausibility of such a measure being effective, it would be a terribly repressive and counterproductive one to implement. Not only would it be an imposition on students’ freedom, it would be giving educators free reign to say and do whatever they please, a license to act without fear of consequences. I can complain about the pitfalls of the information age all I want, but even I have to admit that it has a way of keeping us all accountable.

Of course, it must be noted that my last point could be taken to an extreme where it would then reek with fascistic undertones.

Even as we hold people accountable for their actions, we must be cautious in adjudicating what is worthy of punishment, and what simply constitutes a diversity of opinion. This goes back to my earlier point of examining these cases in context, but we should make sure never to punish an individual simply for having an unpopular opinion (even if it is related to a contentious topic like religion or politics) that they express over social media.

The potential for finding out this type of personal information about your professors is always there if you choose to look into their private lives, and is representative of the balance and caution one must apply when doing so. By all means make use of the public record that is social media, just don’t go in thinking you are going to like everything you are going to see.

8:50 a.m. — Jessica LaPlant, Jenny Y. Lee and Joanne L. Davis — A correlational study of sexual assault, institutional betrayal and gender related experiences.

9:10 a.m. — Shianne J. Andrew, Chelsea M. Cogan and Joanne L. Davis — The consequences of drug-facilitated/incapacitated rape: a unique threat to mental health?

9:30 a.m. — Savannah L. Phillips, Chelsea M. Cogan and Joanne L. Davis — An exploration of the relationship between sexual assault prevention programming at the University of Tulsa and student perception of campus response to sexual violence Noon — Veggie Lunch at the Little Blue House just north of Chapman Hall. It will be hosted by United Campus Ministries. If you have not had the chance to stop by the House this is the perfect opportunity, as it is considered by many people to be home to some of our kindest and most inclusive students.

8:00 p.m. — On the steps of the McFarlin library, TU is having our Take Back the Night March. This event is cohosted by SAVE, the Advocacy Alliance, GSA and the Little Blue House. Anyone is welcome to walk with us, we will have some speakers and refreshments at the end of the march.

Friday, April 6 — During First Friday, our community partner Domestic Violence Intervention Services Tulsa (DVIS) will have an exhibit called “What Were You Wearing” at the Woody Guthrie Center.

Professors’ social media presence can be a great way to connect with friends and colleagues or a way for students to pry into their personal lives. graphic by Madeline Woods

2 April 2018

The State-Run Media

#5: Replace ACAC with Caf 0.5

TU students are craving more food from the Caf and would much rather have a second Caf than ACAC. Madison Connell Caf’s number one fan

Almost every week ends with not enough meal swipes and too many dreaded dining dollars. However, the location of ACAC is so convenient to students that they are forced to eat at these popular chain establishments.

Thus, I have devised a plan to satisfy everyone: scrap the ACAC completely and put in another Caf. I know what you’re thinking: how could the university possibly have the money to substitute such high-quality products?

That’s where the genius of this plan comes into play.

First, to ensure the school can fund the renovation, the university could go from the Sodexo second-worst food-quality level out of five to the worst option, which is often served at prisons. If it’s good enough for inmates, it has to be good enough for students taking out a lifetime’s amount of loans!

The second brilliant part of my plan is that instead of having an entire buffet of far too many options, a meal swipe would get you into one of many stations that are in place.

At Tossed, for example, you can still get a salad, only with the quality of produce that you get currently at the Caf, mold and all!

Another station included would be a mys-

tery station, where it never serves what is on its menu and uses the scraps of the other stations as its main source of ingredients.

Why have so many options of when to eat? This just encourages unhealthy eating schedules. Instead, the Caf 0.5 would have even shorter hours, with only an hour opening for each meal. It would be open 7 – 8 a.m. to ensure that the students with early morning classes have time to get their meals, 11 a.m. – 12 p.m. for lunch to fix the dreaded noon rush created by students not having classes at that time, and 5 - 6 p.m. to ensure students don’t create unhealthy patterns of eating sugary foods before the average student bedtime of nine o’clock.

Also, to encourage healthier diets, an extra meal swipe would be required to get a dessert.

Due to the extra kitchen space needed, the hut would also close permanently. This way, college students wouldn’t have to deal with being tempted by alcoholic beverages on campus ever again.

In the mornings, to eliminate the long lines that the omelet station brings, Caf 0.5 would instead have a station where they just hand you an egg to cook at the convenience of your spacious dorm or apartment kitchen.

This plan also helps promote businesses and economic growth by allowing students to pay their own money to get their favorite chains.

The future is now. Let your local SA member how much you want Caf 0.5 to be the change you want on campus.

The Collegian: 23

#6: More 8 a.m. classes, maybe even 7 a.m.

An increase in the number of 8 a.m. classes students are required to take will improve the quality of lectures, modernize student fashion and have no ill effects on campus mental health.

Brennen Gray Runs on coffee and good vibes The beloved 8 a.m. makes its way into the average TU student’s schedule once a year or so. Some lucky students get to experience the magic of an 8 a.m. once a semester or more, but some never do. This is a problem.

The University of Tulsa should deprive students from sleep, not 8 a.m classes. Early classes help students regret staying up late the night before, facilitating a better campus with students who go to bed on time.

Seeing students half-dressed and hungover early in the morning will surely brighten the faculty’s day. The more students sleeping through their first class of the day, the better the lectures they miss.

Consider the increase of Monster sales on campus. The vending machines would be used again, and students would enjoy that all day caffeine rush. We would be the most energetic campus community in Tulsa.

Student Stella Hastings gave her thoughts on the issue.

“Well, 8 a.m. classes are just dandy because…” She nodded off to sleep before

being woken up to finish the interview. She continued. “Because golly, I think not getting enough sleep is just swell!” She expressed a sentiment every student should connect with. After all, college students enjoy not sleeping because it increases their productivity.

Some naysayers have expressed that more 8 a.m. classes would be a detriment to students’ mental health. However, the smart students on campus know sleep has no connection with mental health. An interview attempt with one such enlightened student failed because he hallucinated some rather disturbing images during the questioning.

Perhaps the most controversial topic in the idea of more 8 a.m classes comes a certain strain of radicals who want fewer 8 a.m. classes. This rebellious rabble has been trying to burn down the establishment TU students know and love.

“Long live the revolution!” commented one such follower of the “No 8 a.m.” insurrection. He declined to say anything else of intelligence and insisted on rambling on about logical arguments and a better school.

One last reason to increase the number of 8 a.m. classes: the 8 a.m. outfits. Students enjoy wearing pajama bottoms with a top from last night, and their hair resembling a work of modern art. With their brains not yet functioning, the outfits fit the occasion.

This may only be the beginning. Many students hope that this movement, faculty permitting, will pave the way for the next big thing at TU: the 7 a.m. class.

#8: Make dining dollars great again Dining dollars don’t have enough buying power, specifically buying power for prescription drugs.

Madison Connell Needs her fix

PUUUUUUUUUUSHH!!!!!!!!!!!

graphic by Conner Maggio

#7: Let’s take TU and push it somewhere else!

TU is a great school in maybe not the best location. Here are five locations where TU could thrive.

Sara Serrano Is completely unbiased

Who even let Oklahoma be a state anyway? It’s riddled with heart disease and tobacco and drug use and alcoholism and human trafficking and lousy pay for teachers and incessant use of the word “y’all.” In my opinion, a lot of the problems that people have with the University of Tulsa can be easily remedied by picking up the entire institution and plopping it in another, less pitiful state. So until the board of trustees finally replies to my email correspondence, here are my top five contenders for TU’s new host: 5. Texas Texas has a lot of the same problems as Oklahoma, but they somehow make it seem way cooler.

Obesity? “Bring it on, Randall! Put another rack of ribs in the smoker!” says the pitmaster.

Alcoholism? “Sweetie, the only thing coming between me and a frozen margarita after I drop the kids off is the Lord,” says the tired soccer mom.

Drugs? “Hey, man, you know what they say: ‘Keep Austin Weird,’ amirite?” says the liberal.

I say we slide TU right in next to UT and just make everyone even more confused.

4. Louisiana Often, I find that Oklahoma is grouped into the South without really being all that southern. So to truly embrace our southerness, TU could move to Louisiana, a decidedly more southern state. And we won’t even miss the constant barrage of tornados, as we’ll have hurricane season to look forward to.

3. Washington With TU firmly situated in Green Country, I’m sure that there’s nothing that its students would love more than moving to an even greener country. With thicc trees. And real mountains. And rivers with actual water in them.

2. California In-N-Out. 1. Perdido Oil Rig Okay, you got me. This is the world’s largest offshore oil rig, not a US state. But is this really so much of a stretch? There are some amazing benefits to moving TU here.

For starters, selling TU to Shell would bring down tuition costs! And the university could FINALLY kick out all of the other filler majors and focus only on the one true path: petroleum engineering. And spring break would be a breeze as TU would be right in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico.

There is literally no downside to this plan.

Since the beginning of dining dollars, students have wanted more uses out of their meals. First, it was for access to the fast food services on the edge of campus. Next, it was to buy alcoholic beverages at the hut.

Now, it is for prescription medications.

Students have mixed reactions to these ideas. Some say that allowing dining dollars to go toward prescription medications will be too costly for the school.

One administrator, Tanya Winters, claimed, “If we allow students to transfer money to local pharmacies, the school will go broke from too many students using all of their dining dollars.”

A self-proclaimed amateur pharmacist on campus, Brock Hampton, claimed that if this proposal passes, he will go out of business.

“Students will start to take their businesses to Walgreens and CVS, and I will lose my sole source of income!” said Hampton.

Presidential scholar Veronica Brady felt the exact opposite. “I will finally have some way to monetize my scholarship without having to pimp out food for dates.”

The allowed medications would include Xanax, Adderall and a list of antidepressants, which sources claim 95 percent of

The Kraken hanging out in her new home.

campus students are currently taking, 60 percent of which through legal means.

Others complained the list did not include enough substances. “Where’s my weed, bro,” stammered student Fraser Kushner.

However, those in favor of the bill outweigh those opposed to it.

“It just makes sense,” said computer science student Ashley Carnahan. “If school causes 90 percent of the mental illness in students, why shouldn’t they reimburse us?”

Part of the proposal includes having vending machines on campus for the sole purpose of containing the prescription medications, accessible by your ID. The C-store would include it behind the counter, and the Alexander Health Center would hire a doctor for prescribing and administering the new medications.

After hours, students could go to the Hut to get a benzo margarita in the flavors of Anxiety-Relieving Apple and StomachPump Strawberry.

In the library, ADHD medication would be available at the coffee shop. The most anticipated drink is the triple espresso laced with Adderall, perfect for an all-nighter.

Some want the drugs, but only the brand name. Brady added, “If I get the name brand, I can easily get two bucks more a pop, three if from the frats and srats.”

Overall, the response is positive. After all, the vast majority of campus is already on the medication, so why not use your parent’s and the school’s money to buy your drugs?

graphic by Conner Maggio

#9: Make campus less accessible for all students

Students are far too free to just walk around campus willy-nilly. Here are nine ideas to prevent students from getting around campus.

Brennen Gray Walks around with a blindfold

The University of Tulsa campus stands as an example for mediocre accessibility. To solve this problem, the school needs to put in the effort to be extraordinary; we must make campus less accessible in every way we can. Below lies a list of suggestions that would fit our home.

1. Put a moat around ACAC. After renaming the building to its true acronym, TU must execute the next step in improving the facility. By encircling it with a medieval-style

trench of water, students would never get to eat Chic-Fil-A again. Throw some sharks in there, a couple alligators, and we have a new and improved ACAC. 2. Turn every tree into a Womping Willow. Wingardian Levio-suck-it, guys. Genetically engineering them cannot compare to real magic. Not only does this make the avenue of trees to the south of the library the best obstacle course ever, but the possibilities are unlimited for cooler UA tours.

3. Replace the library patio with a pit of spikes. Much of the hole for this one is already dug out. Just expand it to the whole patio and add a rope-swing. Any student unable to channel their inner Tarzan would be skewered.

4. Replace all stairs and elevators with fireman’s poles. Add some Crisco for lube, maybe some flame-throwings along the el-

evator shafts, and there we go. Added points for allowing professors to take students to their offices with a hearty “To the Batcave, Robin!

5. Require students to solve “Legend of Zelda” puzzles to enter buildings. We need complex puzzles one can only solve by being a highly intelligent elf-boy with an impossibly extensive tool belt. Considering that describes like 50 percent of mechanical engineers, this one may be ineffective.

6. Replace the Hurricane fountain with a Kraken. It may sound like it would not be in the way since nobody walks on the fountain, but the Kraken could grab students walking from ACAC to Hardesty and eat them for lunch. What a spectacle! The only problem is trying to afford a container large enough hold the monster. Plus, TU would have to pay someone to shout, “Release the Krak-

en!” which is not what we need in this budget crisis.

7. Electrify the sidewalks. Students could also plug their phones and laptops in to charge them. But make no mistake, it would still add to campus inaccessibility. Picture playing campus-wide “The Floor is Lava,” only within our budget.

8. Death Star. Do it.

9. Add Super Mario Bullet Bill cannons to the Old U. Students walking to class would have to avoid slow-moving masses of metal with angry faces painted on them. Given the inability for these to stop even a single Italian plumber, this one may not pass.

Turn Stephenson into a real-life “Doom” video game. Give every student a pixelated gun and let hell break loose! Sorry if this idea is infernal, I thought it was sure-fire.

Too many hell puns? Damn.

The State-Run Media

2 April 2018

the

State-Run media We had Improve TU first.

9 Suggestions to Improve The University of Tulsa

We asked our writers and students to present ideas to improve TU. These suggestions went through an extreme vetting process and are considered State-Sponsored Facts™.

#1: Get rid of The Collegian

The Collegian is a complete rag that needs to be driven off of this prestigious campus.

Adam Lux Head Propagandist

First off, The Collegian actually pays their writers with real money. What a bunch of entitled little pricks. They think they deserve monetary reimbursement for their using their time and talents to produce written content? What chumps.

Here at The State-Run Media, we pay our writers with Xperience™. It’s a bit like experience, but instead Xperience™ is completely worthless instead of just mostly worthless. Every once in a while, we give them a little sticker that says, “You leveled up!”

Second, The Collegian is fucking trash.

Did you know that they let students write down their opinions about almost any topic (current events, campus life, etc.) and then they’ll print these “opinion pieces”? Ugh, what garbage.

That’s not even the worst of it. So as to not confuse their readers (stoned slacker btw), The Collegian separates these “opinion pieces” from their news story and puts each article type into sections called “Commentary” and “News,” respectively. The absolute nerve of some people.

We here at The State-Run Media only serve our readers State-Sponsored Facts™.

These are facts that have gone through an EXTREME VETTING process by our government. We want to let the good facts in and keep the bad facts out, and the best way to do this is EXTREME VETTING. And of course, we would never, ever let an opinion piece work it’s way into our paper.

“Now Adam,” you say to me stupidly, “Isn’t this piece you’re currently writing, a piece about how you think TU would be better off without The Collegian, isn’t this an opinion piece?”

Oh, dear reader. I know it might look like that. But it is an accepted FACT that the University of Tulsa would be better off without ww. I have the government documents to prove it.

#2: TU needs more websites

Everyone knows that the true sign of a good web presence is a large number of disparate, disconnected websites. TU could use some help in this department.

Sara Serrano Your friend in the digital age

The University of Tulsa has a great variety of websites to service its students’ every wish, want and need. And while the current selection is incredibly useful, I sometimes feel like it not enough, that everyone could use a couple more URLs floating around the utulsa interwebs. I’ve taken it upon myself to compile a list, by no means exhaustive, of domains that TU should acquire immediately and put to good use.

The food here is great, but TU could really enhance the overall gastronomic experience with these sites: w w w. I s T h e L i n e F o r C h i c k F i l LaLongRightNow.utulsa.edu www.CafQualityMeter.utulsa.edu www.FreeFoodFinderToday.utulsa.edu www.IsTheACACFinallyTheACACAgain.utulsa.edu www.HowManyDaysCanISurviveOnJustBreakfastBars.utulsa.edu But we don’t just go to TU to gain the

freshman 15. Administration can really help alleviate the stress of school with these handy tools: www.WatchYourStudentLoansAccumulateInRealTime.utulsa.edu www.UnitentionallyPrintToARandomOnCampusPrinter.utulsa.edu www.WhatWillThisDoToMyGPA.utulsa. edu www.RateAwkwardProfJokes.utulsa.edu www.PrivateCampusCryingSpots.utulsa. edu I can’t justify these sites, not even to myself, but I also know that we desperately need them in our lives. www.WhereIsTheNearestBidet.utulsa. edu w w w . W h a t s R E A L LYA t T h e T o pOfTheMcFarlinLibraryTower.utulsa.edu www.Utulsa.utulsa.edu www.CampusCatLocator.utulsa.edu w w w. H e l p I T h i n k M y R o o m m a t e I sInACultAndPlanningToSacrificeMeIKeepOnWakingUpToTheSoundOfABladeBeingSharpenedAndTheyAlwaysSmileReallyWideWhenIComeBackFromClassPleaseSomeoneHelp.utulsa.edu And of course, none of these websites should be listed in an easily accessible location to ensure that only TU’s best and brightest can find and use them.

#3: Don’t let students park in the lots they paid for … ever

Artist’s rendition of a field of $1 bills.

graphic by Conner Maggio

#4: Replace all grass on campus with $1 bills to reduce water usage

To conserve water, we should just replace grass with cash.

Conner Maggio Living under a rock

Students have voiced their concerns for years now: our lawnspace is ridiculous.

The university must spend at least a billion dollars on plant care, and students do not want their tuition to go toward a bunch of oxygen-producing leaves. Think about how much we would save if we just replaced all of that grass. I have not done any sort of research, but I am sure that it is a kind of high number.

We don’t need to use any actual grass on this campus — we just need to see our tuition in action. And by action, I mean that we want to see our actual money being shredded onto Chapman Commons. I could just google the amount of money that the university spends on water, but gosh, that is a lot of work, and it might be hard to find, so I’d better just not.

As a concerned TU citizen, I think that our water usage is exorbitantly high. We need to think about the environment and the effect of TU on our carbon footprint on our world. I am sure that grass is great for the environment or whatever, but I don’t think that it is that great. Granted I do not actu-

ally know what sort of steps TU has done to be more sustainable, and I will not take the time to google it, because it is probably in a lengthy PDF in some obscure part of one of the websites, and you know how hard that can be. I do not have time for that. I have to study.

Now students, we need to make sure that we do our due diligence on these matters, by calling on the university to be better and requiring that they change. To what? Eh, I’m not sure, but it is clear that there are other things which could be better. Maybe for, like, the environment or something. I don’t know, who picked me to be the spokesman?

I do not know anything about TU — they just kinda found me walking around here and offered me $10 to write an article at the last minute. I just live behind the Tennis center. I get woken up every morning by a sprinkler in my face, which is ridiculous and unfair. And the ground is always wet! How am I supposed to live like this? Also, I never have money for the vending machines. If the lawn was made of money, I could purchase some potato chips from a vending machine, and then I would not be so hungry. This is a surefire way to improve TU, because I would feel better, and you can’t spell “Hey, Mom, I am going to The University of Tulsa to live and get a degree, I swear” without “me.”

TU is already doing an amazing job of making student parking more complicated than it needs to be, but with some careful planning, all student vehicles could be off campus by 2021.

Adam Lux Head Propagandist

Listen, the University of Tulsa, I see you out there. I gotta say, I really like what you’re doing. Not letting students park in lots that they paid to park in on game days.

It’s brilliant, it really is. I mean that completely genuinely. It’s the little things like this that really let us know that you are committed to making students’ lives more complicated than they need to be. And if you pocket a little extra cash in the process, that’s just a win-win.

I have to say, and it hurts but to do this because I admire you so much, but I have to say, from one totalitarian regime to another, you can do better. Students can still park in their paid-for lot, like, 98 percent of the time. You know what that is? That’s just complacency on your part.

“What more can we do?” you ask. Here’s what you do. Don’t let students park in the lots they paid for … ever.

Now you couldn’t just drop this change on the student population all at once. They would protest. No, just like a frog with its brain cut out, you got to boil these students slowly.

Start by increasing the number of Game Day scenarios. Start restricting parking for away games. People might think this is asinine at first, but honestly, who’s going to make all that big of a deal about it?

Next, start blocking off lots during intramural games. Because visitors really want to see a bunch of students play C-league softball.

Is someone, like, literally anyone, playing basketball at the Collin’s Fitness Center? If yes, then shut those lots down, baby!

Now, it goes without saying that the timing of these incremental changes has to be just right. I suggest that they each be made around midterms or finals. That way students are two busy bribing their teachers …

I mean, studying … to really note the changes at all. When they final awake from their fugue state of exams, they’ll just accept the changes as normal.

At this point, parking lots will be blocked for a portion of almost every day of the week. Now you just start taking out entire days all together. You could start by saying no parking on Sundays, because God says it’s against the rules. At this point, just kick out Friday and Saturday, because who needs to drive on the weekends anyway. Keep knocking off days, each time providing some bullshit reasoning, until finally, voila!

No student can park on campus ever! Isn’t it beautiful. So many spots open for all those rich alumni to come and watch our sports teams.

With a little hard work, and a lot of planning, we can completely remove all student cars from campus by 2021! Let’s go improve TU!

“You can start by saying no parking on Sundays, because God says it’s against the rules.”