3 April 2017

a student newspaper of the university of tulsa

april 3, 2017 issue 22 ~ volume 102

photo by Adam Lux graphic by Elias Brinkman

This year’s TEDx event was entirely student-organized and featured a variety of talks and performances from TU’s brightest and best. Hannah Kloppenburg Editor-in-Chief Last Friday, TEDxUniversityofTulsa continued a tradition of bringing TU students and professors’ ideas to the public eye. Katie Snyder and Hannah Hutchinson, two students in the NOVA Fellowship, founded and organized the first TEDxUniversityofTulsa in 2014. The event, now in its third year, is intended to bring great minds together in the Lorton Performance Center to share their ideas. It’s mostly composed of short talks around 10-15 minutes in length, modeled after the TED talks that have become popular in recent years. When Snyder and Hutchinson founded TEDx, they did so because “[TU] had great ways to showcase research, but not a lot of ways to show other things that people are doing on campus,” Sam Beckmann, one of this year’s organizers, shared. “We think it’s incredibly important to have an event like this.” TEDx events differ from TED events in that they are independently organized using a TED license. TU’s event gives students, professors and other TU affiliates the chance to share their ideas on a public platform. 100 tickets were sold for this year’s event at $10 apiece. Beckmann contends that TEDxUniversityofTulsa is uniquely important in that it’s student-led and not faculty-advised, giving participants and organizers an opportunity to lead an event that they might not receive in college otherwise. “We’re proud of being entirely student-run,” he said. The 2017 TEDx effort was lead by Beck-

mann and Aaron Krusniak. “It takes a team. This year we had a core team of six,” Beckmann said. Beckmann explained that an incredible amount of planning went into the event. “Aaron [Krusniak] and I met to look at themes last May.” He said that speakers auditioned from August-October 2016, interviews were held and speakers were selected before Thanksgiving break and the speakers turned in outlines of their speeches before Christmas break. The venue was booked an entire year in advance. They had to arrange for videographers and photographers, “...plus the gift bags, getting the food, and I think it was like 36 total hours of laser engraving,” Beckmann continued. The organizers also met several times with the speakers to go over their talks. Speakers practiced four times per day in the weeks leading up to the event. “We can conservatively estimate that the speakers have given their talks 100 times before giving them onstage [at TEDx],” Beckmann said. The event began at 11 a.m. with empanadas from MASA food truck. Attendees were given a notebook and laser-cut name tag. Emcees Haley Anderson and Reeza Redzuan kicked off the talks around 12:30 with a welcoming video about TED and TEDx. For Anderson, emceeing was a great opportunity to get involved with TEDxUniversityofTulsa for the first time. Anderson said that the emcees were given a lot of creative freedom, which she liked. “Most of the talks are pretty serious, so it was nice to be able to incorporate humor as emcees,” she said, pointing out that the dialogue between the emcees was meant to emanate a late-night vibe, similar to SNL. “Reeza [Redzuan] is hilarious and I sort of act as an anchor,” she joked. The first speaker, Deborah Bradshaw, led the charge with a talk about the possibility of being able to prevent Down’s Syndrome. Bradshaw urged the audience to think care-

fully about what a world without people with Down’s Syndrome would be like. She used her own son as an example, saying that while she helped her son become the best he could be, he also taught her how to be her best self. President Clancy shared his research on the health disparity in North Tulsa. He began by asking the audience two questions: “Can you improve the health of an entire community?” and “Can you improve the MENTAL health of an entire community?” According to Clancy, Oklahoma leads the country in percentage of the population with serious mental illness. Clancy and his colleagues managed to raise life expectancy in North Tulsa by three years over a period of 10 years. He emphasized that prevention is key in changing the way we treat mental illness. The talks were interspersed by a video of a TED talk by podcaster Roman Mars, who explained the principles of flag design and showcased some examples of good and bad flags (one of which was the current Tulsa city flag, which is due to be redesigned this spring). A well-designed flag is important because it’s something for people to rally around, Mars concluded. Zachary Fullingim spoke on the importance of coaching kids. Children in Oklahoma are at an educational disadvantage due to budget cuts and a lack of resources. “True coaches are educators,” Fullingim said. He explained that youth sports are an outlet for teaching children valuable lessons in determination and self-efficacy. “Children will believe in themselves until someone tells them not to,” he concluded. Autumn Slaughter performed two works of poetry about mental disorder in a talk entitled “Stuck Between Here and There.” Her work is based on her own depression and years of research in psychology. “I am not okay … I can be smart and beautiful and not okay,” she declared.

Gunsmith Grayson Lynch cleared up some common misconceptions about gun ownership and use. He explained that guns are actually very safe, addressed the differences between military assault rifles and similar civilian-legal models and explained the legal importance of open carry as a buffer between closed carry and potential brandishing charges. Dr. Denise Dutton explained that she had discovered the words “MY GPA DOES NOT DEFINE ME!” written on the chalkboard near her office, which made her think about how GPAs are actually a barrier to some of our most important work. She contended that grades enforce the wrong relationship with coursework and with professors. They end the learning conversation and reaffirm the idea that we should look to an external authority to determine the value of our work. Dr. Dutton referred back to the title of her presentation and cheekily suggested that everyone say “F Grades.” The group Dance Everywhere, led by Luis Eduardo Garcia and Deena Burks, wowed the crowd with native African dancing and drumming. After a brief intermission, Lauren Miller spoke about Tulsa’s response to the shooting of Terence Crutcher by a TPD police officer last fall, praising the police department’s transparency and the public’s peaceful protest. She lauded those two responses as the standard to which other cities should aspire in the future in order to reduce police/ civilian conflict. Luke Crouch explained the many ways in which corporations track your online activity, buying habits and even your location. Though the situation seems dire, you shouldn’t resign yourself to it, he said...

See TEDx, page 6

The Collegian: 2

News

3 April 2017

From TEDx, cover ...providing a list of websites and resources internet users can use to disguise their online activity. This included private browsing, Adnauseum, Trackmenot and 10 Minute Mail. Asura Oulds demonstrated vocal performance on a loop pedal. He performed a piece entitled “Mama’s Proud” which incorporated countless layers of vocal effects to create one seamless body of music. Katie Hoffman spoke about mindfulness as a tactic for sustaining healthy relationships. She explained that practicing mindful thinking involves making yourself aware of what’s going on and how you’re feeling before you react. Mindfulness results in nonjudgemental awareness, clearer communication and healthier relationships. Hoffman, who has been researching romantic love for the entirety of her time at TU, was an emcee for the first TEDxUniversityofTulsa event in 2014. As an emcee, she said, there was more of an opportunity for “fun improv.” Speaking required “a lot more practice because there was a very powerful message I wanted to get across.” She says she would definitely recommend speaking at TEDx to other students. “If you have a topic you’re passionate about, it’s an opportunity to inform … [The speaker process] allows you to learn about your topic on a deeper level.” Dallas Elleman used a Swiss army knife as a metaphor for the question “Why Am I Here?” He explained that you should take this question with you everywhere in order to address life’s most pressing issues, much

The presenters discussed various topics using different modes of communication, but overall, they challenged the audience to take action.

like a Swiss army knife is a tool that you can bring everywhere to solve a variety of problems. Elleman contended that the question relates to finding meaning and answering it well can lead to clarity and a happier, more fulfilling life. Another video of a TED talk was shown featuring Derek Sivers, who used an analogy about how addresses are based on streets in the US and on blocks in Japan to explain that “Whatever brilliant ideas you have or hear, the opposite may also be true.” The final presenter, Ellen Emeric, spoke

President Clancy, left, spoke about his work on the health disparity in North Tulsa, and Sam Beckmann, right, was one of the organizers.

on public transportation as the solution to many of the public’s problems. A case study she conducted in Dayton, Ohio indicated that decline issues (such as poverty, hunger, and crime) decrease the closer you get to a bus station. Transportation is treated as an individual issue, but it should be treated publicly, Emeric said. Beckmann and Krusniak wrapped up the show around 4 p.m. by thanking a long list of contributors. Every speech, Beckmann explained, included a “call to action.” He and Krusniak urged the attendees to use the

photos by Adam Lux Autumn Slaughter performed poetry inspired by her depression and research into psychology.

Yevgeny Yevtushenko remembered A letter from Joseph Bradley, Professor of History and Director of Russian Studies, in remembrance of his colleague Yevgeny Yevtushenko, who passed away last weekend.

On April 1 nature played a cruel trick on us by taking away Yevgeny Yevtushenko. Zhenya, as everybody called him, was Russia’s most famous living poet, and he had been teaching literature and cinema courses at TU for 25 years. What a life he led! He was born in Siberia in 1932. This was the time of the nationalization of private farms in the Soviet Union and of a catastrophic famine, as the regime punished its most able farmers, known as kulaks. A few years later Stalin’s purges claimed both of Yevtushenko’s grandfathers as victims. After World War II, Yevtushenko moved to Moscow to study literature at an institute and began writing poetry. He became famous in the 1950s for poetry recitals in public squares and in soccer stadiums. He spoke to Russians, especially the young, desiring a breath of fresh air after the death of Stalin in 1953. To use the metaphor of the age, writers like Yevtushenko represented a “thaw,” a Russian spring, after the long winter of repression and terror. Yevtushenko was also a “child of the 20th Party Congress” in 1956, where Nikita Khrushchev gave his famous Secret Speech denouncing some of the crimes of the Stalin era. The speech and Khrushchev’s policy of “Destalinization” gave hope, especially to the younger generation, that the Communist Party would loosen its grip on Soviet life and allow greater freedom. Yevtushenko took advantage of both “thaws,” the literary and the political, and tested the limits of the freedom of expression and the regime’s tolerance of public criticism. In the early 1960s he wrote two of his most famous poems. The first line of “Babi Yar” boldly stated that there was no monument at the site of the massacre of more than 30,000 Jews in Kiev during World War II. The poem exposed Soviet anti-Semitism and criticized the regime for

ignoring the Holocaust. “Stalin’s Heirs” expressed the fear that mentality of Stalinism was still alive in the Kremlin. Other writers, most notably Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, went farther in their criticism of communism and the mendacity of the regime. Yevtushenko, however, was an “in-system” reformer in that he believed that the Soviet system was capable of reforming itself. He also believed that socialism expressed certain ideals of a just and equitable society that had been hijacked by revolutionaries and dictators and mocked by privileged Party bureaucrats. Already a celebrity in the Soviet Union, Yevtushenko became world famous, charming audiences in many lands with his poetry readings. Few are the major American college campuses that Yevtushenko did not visit at one time in his life. Early in my career in Russian studies I had two Yevtushenko “moments,” long before I knew the man. In college I took a Russian literature course and wrote a paper on his Precocious Autobiography, in which the young writer declared himself the “Till Eulenspiegel of the atomic age,” that is, a gadfly tweaking the nose of the authorities or, as we might say today, speaking truth to power. Later, while a graduate student on an exchange program at Moscow State University, I took a trip to Kiev, where I found, with some difficulty, an almost unmarked Babi Yar. By then there was a small monument, but not to Jewish victims of the massacre. When I created the Russian Studies program at TU in the 1980s, it was inconceivable that Yevgeny Yevtushenko would ever teach courses for us. (It was also inconceivable that the Soviet Union would collapse in a few years.) But former TU president Robert Donaldson, who had met Yevtushenko earlier, invited him to come to Tulsa for a visit, and the rest, as they say, is history. For a while we were tennis partners until injuries sidelined both of us. In his home near Utica Square he continued to write, and he returned to Russia every summer to give poetry readings. Although I did not see him often, whenever we got together we had long, far-ranging conversations back and forth about Russia and America, back and forth

knowledge they gained during the event. “We hope that you take this experience with you,” Beckmann said. Attendees were given a gift bag at the end of the event with various TEDx-themed souvenirs like coasters, stickers and a t-shirt. Student Viviana Abrego commented that she enjoyed the experience as a productive forum for sharing ideas and current social issues. “It brought up a lot of different societal issues … In a setting like this, it’s very accepting because it’s more about learning. We’re all trying to learn,” she said.

between English and Russian. For a quarter of a century he shared his love of the human creative spirit in the classroom, while teasing out the creativity of TU students. Several of his poetry classes gave inspired staged readings of Russian poetry, often accompanied by music. Zhenya would read his poems in Russian, and then students would read the English translations. And poetry “reading” is hardly the word. Zhenya was a master performer, who knew how to work an audience. He would dash up and down the aisles of a theater, his voice booming one moment, barely audible another, to heighten the dramatic effect of the words,

as he paused to charm unsuspecting members of the audience. His face expressed a full range of human emotions. But what I remember most were his magical eyes dancing across a room. If the eye is the window to the soul, then his zest for life was there for all to see. Yevtushenko’s death is a loss for TU. It is even a greater loss for humanity. Joseph Bradley Professor of History and Director of Russian Studies

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

3 April 2017

News

The Collegian: 3

Planning expert gives city blueprint for improving downtown TU students offer opinions on planning expert Jeff Speck’s suggestions. Michaela Flonard News Editor The Downtown Coordinating Council paid planning expert Jeff Speck to prepare a detailed plan on how to implement a downtown master plan. Speck walked and reviewed almost every block of downtown Tulsa, and came up with multiple improvements. Speck’s plan came with several suggestions such as changing one-way streets to two-way and adding more parking. The report emphasized how changing downtown Tulsa could attract and retain millennials. His report can act as a roadmap for city officials to change downtown with concrete steps supported by research. Many of the proposed changes hope to increase safety for those traveling downtown, as well as make it a more enjoyable experience. The first part of Speck’s plan involves the “reversion of all one-way pairs downtown.” One-ways, according to his research, can raise safety risks and also damage retail districts. Ellen Emeric, a student who’s done research on city planning, mentioned that two-ways can be safer because “anything that makes traffic feel like there is ’friction’ against their lane is be considered a trafficcalming device. Curbs do this, trees do this, medians do it and two-way roads are the same concept.” Another student, Bella Stark thinks such a change could be confusing, but other students, like junior Ashley Bailey, favored it. “There’s not really a good way of them planning it out so you always know which way is gonna be one way and which is gonna be two way,” Bailey said. Another potential improvement to downtown is adding bike lanes. This would increase safety for cyclists and encourage biking, according to Speck. Stark thought such a change wasn’t necessary, as “with all the one-ways it’s easy for people to see you and move out of the way.” While Natalie SantaPinter, a senior, approved of adding more bike lanes, she also acknowledged, “I don’t

know if Tulsa’s there yet,” mentioning the lack of funding and how the city is trying other venues to encourage outdoor activity. While Emeric also supported the idea, she wasn’t sure how many roads could fit a bike lane. Providing on-street parking was also important to Speck’s recommendations. People walking feel safer with a barrier between them and the street, he said, and parking also

seems like a high price to pay for parking your car is actually an investment in quality local infrastructure, which will typically pay off much more in the end.” Bailey added that parking meters with short limits — such as two hours — should be changed. The time limit, she argued, causes people to not spend as much time downtown, as they’re worried about going over their allotted time. Nicole Davos, however, thought the issue might be

courtesy JustTulsa/Flickr Speck suggested most downtown streets should be switched from one-way to two-way.

encourages successful shopping districts. Tulsa, however, lacks parking because of driving lanes that are too many in number or too wide. With this parking, Speck encouraged planting trees, which improve safety and potentially act to slow drivers. Students had varying opinions. “I think parking is fine, if you’re willing to pay for it,” Stark said. “But I think there should be more parking where you don’t have to pay for it.” Emeric acknowledged that “parking is never completely free. The asphalt must be maintained, the paint kept fresh … what

more to do with drivers, saying “the real issue is whether students know how to parallel park and I know many Oklahoma natives have no clue how to do it. The main reason for that is because the only place you really need to know how to parallel park is in downtown.” With parking, Speck suggested that improving transit could have a positive impact on Tulsa. A dependable, accessible transit would free people from car ownership, and could improve safety, such as preventing drunk drivers. Bailey agreed that more

transit would be valuable to those who can’t drive. Students suggested that changes to the structure of downtown might also increase their enjoyment of the area. “Honestly, I think they have a lot more restaurants than actual stores and I think it would be nice to see more shopping districts than restaurants,” Bailey said. As a native of the area, she noted downtown has improved since she was younger. “Before they brought in BOK, it wasn’t a big area. I do think more people are interested in being downtown. It’s become more of a social gathering place than it used to be.” Santa-Pinter echoed this view, saying “If there were a lot more, it’d be a lot easier to just say, ‘hey, let’s go downtown, and just walk around.’” She mentioned Oklahoma City’s Bricktown as an example of an area with a variety of shops, restaurants and sights that encourage walking around. “In Tulsa, you almost have to have your destination in mind,” she continued. But, she said, the city is growing so that just walking around downtown and stopping at a restaurant is possible. Emeric emphasized this, saying “no one will ever just go downtown simply because it *is* ‘downtown’.” Davos noticed that food has taken over downtown, but believes “there should be more shopping stores in downtown. The stores can be anything, clothes, souvenirs, antics, art, anything. Overall, I think adding stores would help increase downtown.” Other parts of Speck’s plan involved decreasing the width of city streets for safety reasons, limiting sidewalk curb cuts (where driveways cross a sidewalk), replacing signals with all-way stop signs and changing the number of driving lanes. One of the other, less discussed issues was increasing the amount of housing downtown so that it would match the amount of jobs available. The original 250-page study with 300 pages of appendices is available at downtowntulsaok.com. Speck’s presentation to the Downtown Coordinating Council is also available at that site. Those interested are welcome to share their input at FeedbackTulsa.org. The city hopes for public feedback before the final draft can be completed.

ACAC changes: Sodexo has agreed to two changes to dining options in ACAC as a result of resolutions discussed in last week’s article, “SA passes three dining resolutions based on recent student survey.” Benvenutos will be open for dinner starting Wednesday, April 5. The restaurant will now remain open until 10 p.m. rather than closing at 2 p.m. as in the past. Spicy chicken sandwiches will be offered as an option at Chik-fil-a beginning Thursday, April 6.

SA polls students in Whatcha Thinking Thursdays SA uses the program to reach a broader range of students by going to them instead of waiting for the students to come to SA. courtesy Wikimedia Commons

TU mourns loss of Yevgeny Yevtushenko This message was sent on behalf of the Rev. Jeffrey Francis, Sharp Chaplain: It is with deep sadness that we acknowledge the passing of TU Distinguished Professor of Literature Yevgeny Yevtushenko, who died at Hillcrest Medical Center on April 1, 2017. He was 84. Yevgeny was an internationally renowned Russian poet and had been a faculty member at TU since 1992. He spent time outside of class teaching and conducting readings of Babi Yar and other works in New York City, the former Soviet Union and elsewhere around the globe. Yevgeny was admired and respected by students, faculty colleagues, fellow writers and world leaders alike. Despite health setbacks in recent years, he continued to teach at TU and often traveled to cities where he was feted with awards and accolades. TU recognized Yevgeny with a Doctor of Fine Arts Honoris Causa in 1993 and by induction as an honorary member of the university’s Beta of Oklahoma Chapter of Phi Beta Kappa in 2000. Our thoughts and prayers are with Yevtushenko’s widow, Maria Novikova, and his children. A campus memorial service is being planned and information will be shared with the TU family once finalized. His body will be buried in Peredelkino, a writers’ colony near Moscow.

Conversations with An American Writer Yevgeny Yevtushenko ‘You have courage,’ they tell me. It’s not true. I was never courageous. I simply felt it unbecoming to stoop to the cowardice of my colleagues. I’ve shaken no foundations. I simply mocked at pretense and inflation. Wrote articles. Scribbled no denunciations. And tried to speak all on my mind. Yes, I defended men of talent, branding the hacks, the would-be writers. But this, in general, we should always do; and yet they keep stressing my courage. Oh, our descendants will burn with bitter shame to remember, when punishing vile acts, that most peculiar time, when plain honesty was labeled ‘courage’...

Alex Garoffolo Student Writer The next time you have an idea for SA, save it for Thursday and it could be worth its weight in sugary goodness. As students exit classes on Thursdays this year, they may see people in golf carts driving around campus, inquiring as to if anybody wants a FREE doughnut. Yet, as everybody knows, most things in life aren’t truly free. In exchange for the doughnut, SA representatives of the program “Whatcha Thinking Thursday” will ask questions relevant to current events on campus or to TU in general. After homecoming, SA asked students about their impressions of the activities, what went well and what could have been planned better. Administration asked SA to get opinions on whether students felt safe on campus, which is a big issue for all universities across America, especially with regards to sexual assault. The program also assists SA because students give general feedback about SA and its operations on campus. According to Manlove, “the feedback has been pretty fruitful.” The program’s original intent was to reach a broader spectrum of students to see what they want from Student Association

and the university as a whole. Manlove expands: “while SA has Student Investigative Committee (SIC) and the Student Experience Council (SEC), they still only generate feedback from a small portion of the student body and require the students to come to us. With Whatcha Thinking Thursday, we come to them.” For those students wishing to receive free sugary treats, Manlove advises checking around the academic buildings on the Old U or Samson Plaza outside ACAC. “Whatcha Thinking Thursdays” came from a leadership conference that Manlove and other SA members attended this past summer, adapted from a program at another university cleverly titled “What Do You Want Wednesday.” The ultimate goal of the program, as Manlove puts it, is “to get a more general idea of what the entire campus is feeling, rather than that small subset of students that have enough motivation or time to bring an issue to us because in a perfect world, that would happen, but it’s not realistic.” In addition, the program helps SA make connections with students face-to-face, something the organization has been “trying to improve because many of our operations are behind the scenes.” As for the future of the program, Manlove says it looks bright. “We plan to continue the program in the future as SA continues to develop our transparency and relationship with the student body. It was a good first year, and we’ve learned a lot on how to improve it. We hope to see it grow and improve in the years to come.”

News

The Collegian: 4

3 April 2017

Student Maureen Haynes elected state delegate Freshman Maureen Haynes discusses her position with the Democratic Party of Oklahoma and encourages fellow students to get involved. Kayleigh Thesenvitz Social Media Manager Youth rarely prevents students from accomplishing impressive things. Freshman Maureen Haynes proves this. Haynes was elected by her neighbors as an Oklahoma Democratic Party precinct chair for precinct 454 in south Broken Arrow. Even more recently the precinct chairs elected Haynes as a state delegate to the Oklahoma Democratic Party Convention in a caucus on education. During the May convention Haynes will be connecting with prominent Democrats in the state, working on the party platform, passing resolutions and electing leadership for the next two years. Haynes was elected for the purpose of championing education at the state convention. Haynes believes the biggest education concern in the state is funding. “We’re seeing TPS putting out surveys asking parents and local citizens what they would do to fill a 12 million dollar budget deficit. Teachers are fleeing the state for states that pay much better,” she explained. “So really our job this year and next year is all about getting the legislature to pass measures that will allow education in Oklahoma to be better funded — to really just meet the minimum adequate standards,” Haynes said. Haynes attended high school at Union Public Schools and so has firsthand experience with the Oklahoma education system. “Union Public Schools are very insulated from the general issues of Oklahoma because they have a lot of private donations and they tend to manage the money pretty

well, but even they are having cuts,” she shared. “Last year the science department at Union HS went from a $30,000 to a $15,000 budget,” and it expects to lose all of that funding for the next year. “Quite literally $0,” she said. Haynes emphasized the impact these cuts will have on students who plan to pursue STEM fields in college. “Education in Oklahoma, particularly public education, affects pretty much every issue in the state,” she said. Haynes mentioned incarceration and recidivism rates, student entrance into higher education, student retention and workforce readiness and

student suitability for open jobs already available in the state as issues that stem from poor preparation in public primary and secondary schools. “The reason I joined the education caucus is because all of these issues in Oklahoma could be ameliorated if we were to adequately (and then do even better at) support public education.” Haynes is excited “to start working with people that are at all different levels in the state whether it be right in my own neighborhood, in Tulsa County or the state of Oklahoma as a whole to try to fix education.” “It’s really interesting to me as a citizen

courtesy Maureen Haynes

Haynes, pictured above holding the documents officiating her chairperson position, was elected to focus on education at the state convention.

and as someone who’s only 18 and has only been eligible to vote once at this point to really start to have these conversations,” she enthused. Haynes is a sociology major. “As someone who is politically active,” she said, “I chose it over political science because it looks at how society is right now and the problems we face pragmatically rather than with political theory.” “It’s really helpful in a state like this where things are kind of spiralling a little bit to look at people the way they are rather than how things should be,” she continued. Haynes spoke with particular hopefulness about ways that students can become active in politics. “There is a neighborhood just a little bit west of TU that has their State Representative seat open in the upcoming election and I know that the candidates running for that need help,” she shared. Haynes also suggested joining the political groups on campus like TU Young Democrats or College Republicans, as a tool for networking and getting involved. In addition, she emphasized the importance of contacting your state legislators. “Figure out who your representative and your senator are and contact them, because you only get a voice at the table if you make yourself be heard. Regardless of your political affiliation, regardless of what you believe in, they are tied to you because you are their constituents.” A particular incident surrounding her nomination and election to the May convention proved to Haynes the importance of having young people like TU students actively involved in politics. An older man and fellow precinct chair at the local Democratic party meeting whom Haynes had never met before was the person who nominated her for the delegate position. He told her, “I’m doing this because you’re young and you’re a student … I want you to have a voice at the table.”

Mock excavation teaches class reality of archaeology

During the Research Colloquium, students from Dr. Odewale’s class held a mock excavation for visitors to witness. Michaela Flonard News Editor

Students in Dr. Alicia Odewale’s “The Archaeology and History of the African Diaspora” class experienced a few hours in the life of an archaeologist during a live mock excavation. The four students participated last Thursday as part of the university’s Research Colloquium. Held outside of ACAC, the excavation was done by the students but others were encouraged to stop by and ask questions. The excavation had four stations: digging, sifting, documentation and public outreach, meant by Odewale to mimic a historic site. The students had done research on other sites and had posters displaying their findings at the excavation as well. Odewale made the digging station herself with artifacts from her education collection that are no longer tied to any site. The dig had four layers. The top layer didn’t have anything in it, which is “typical of a surface find,” Odewale said. Layer two was meant to look like the inside of a house, while the third layer had agricultural tools, like a hoe. The final layer was the remnants of a house. “You can imagine going down to the foundation of a structure, so you’d find things like bricks, nails, hinges,” she said. Having a mock excavation was important to Odewale, who’s taught the same course at another institution with the mock excavation. “You can read about it all day,” she

said, “but until you go out and do it you haven’t learned how to apply all the theories and discussions you’ve been reading up for.” The students agreed. Amanda Chastang thought the dig was more difficult than she’d imagined, partly because they got off schedule and partly because of the cold weather. She also mentioned time as a factor. According to Odewale, this was typical of archaeology, saying, “you start out wanting it to be perfect, but then you have to realize you have to do your best within the time limit, and it’s cold and all these other external factors are affecting how you want the end product to be.” Michael Trotter was surprised to find that he enjoyed, and even favored, the digging section. “It was interesting to read it in the book and then get to do it. It’s actually hands on, not just, ‘this is how to use a trowel,’” he said. Nkem Ike also liked the digging, as the experience of finding something new in each layer was rewarding. The last layer was most fun for her. The students did note that their work was easier than a real excavation, as they knew they would be finding artifacts. The excavation also made Chastang realize that archaeology requires teamwork and coordination. “Which is why it’s so crazy that every archaeology movie has some lone guy in a bucket hat digging by himself or robbing a grave and running away,” complained Odewale. “It’s just not what we do. Without teamwork you just can’t do it,” she continued. Trotter summed up the experience as “definitely difficult, but definitely doable.”

The mock excavation made the students realize that archaeology requires teamwork, unlike how it is portrayed in the movies.

The artifacts used in the dig were from Odewale’s own education collection.

Visitors stopped by and asked the students questions about what they were doing.

photos courtesy Alicia Odewale The digging station consisted of four layers: a surface find, the inside of a house, an agricultural layer and the foundation of a structure.

News

3 April 2017

The Collegian: 5

Professor awarded for achievement in social justice by YWCA During her acceptance speech, Professor Janet Levit discussed how implicit bias negatively affects everyone’s social and professional lives. Alex Garoffolo Student Writer

On Friday, February 24, former Dean of the TU Law School and current Law Professor Janet Levit received the Anna C. Roth Legacy Award at the Women of the Year Pinnacle Awards, hosted by YWCA Tulsa in partnership with the Mayor’s Commission on the Status of Women. The award is “reserved for outstanding, highly-deserving candidates who are able to reflect on a lifetime of worthwhile contributions to the field of social justice.” In her keynote address, she spoke about how implicit bias unfairly impacts the lives of women and, as a result, distorts their (and everybody else’s) social and professional lives and potentials. Implicit bias “operates subtly, beyond the purview of not only the law but our consciousness,” stated Levit. She told the crowd a well-known riddle to illustrate an example of this. “A father and son are in a car accident. The father dies at the scene, and the son is quickly rushed to the hospital. In the operating room the surgeon looks at the boy

and says, ‘I cannot operate on this boy. He is my son.’ How can this be?” Think about the answer that first comes to mind after a moment. A most likely answer, that the surgeon is the boy’s mom, eludes most people upon first hearing the question. Put another way, it’s “implicit (unconscious) gender bias” that surgeons are normally men. Levit described implicit bias as a coping mechanism: since our brains deal with so many pieces of information constantly, daily, they create easy pathways to assist in processing it all. “So, our brains devel-

is what the justice system was designed to address. An example of explicit bias: when Levit’s mother was told — in 1964 — that she would only be allowed to pursue her master’s in chemistry at Northwestern if she promised she would not pursue a Ph.D. Why? “The male professors told my mom that it was not appropriate for a woman to take a slot in the doctoral program from a qualified and deserving man,” Levit told the crowd. Levit went on to say that our “brains implicitly associate men with leadership and

op shortcuts,” she explained. Immediately thinking the surgeon in the riddle was a man is a perfect example. Others include “Asian=intelligent, black male=criminal, Muslim=terrorist or poor=lazy,” Levit added. The human fight or flight response is hardwired to make decisions in nanoseconds based on physical appearances of other people — implicit bias is an outflow of that. Does this make all humans bad? No. But it is something of which people must stay aware of each time they judge others. In contrast to implicit bias, explicit bias

power and women with softness or weakness incompatible with leadership.” She cited facts showing that women attend college at a much higher rate than men, yet the amount of women in leadership roles in corporate America (20 percent) and female lawmakers (24 percent) shows the plateau in women’s professional career paths. Often, this plateau is attributed to implicit bias in the interviewing process. Still, there are steps one can take to “bust the bias” as Levit put it. “Own it. [Recognize] we’re all biased and take the implicit

association test to open your eyes.” Remain cognizant. “Be vigilant and vocal. When you see bias, call it out,” Levit continued. Keep others accountable for their actions. She concluded: “the struggle against implicit bias is not over. Now is the time we must recognize it in ourselves — and understand our own personal responsibility in becoming bias-busting agents of change.”

“‘[Our] brains implicitly associate men with leadership and power and women with softness or weakness incompatible with leadership.’”

courtesy University of Tulsa

Levit suggested multiple ways for each of us to reduce implicit bias.

Professor Smith hopes lawsuits can bring funding to Okla. schools With a new court makeup and a 30 percent cut to public education over 10 years, Yale National Initiative Planning Director Dr. Elizabeth Smith wants to start a conversation on how the judicial branch can intervene in the situation. James Whisenhunt Commentary Editor Dr. Elizabeth Smith works with TU as the Planning Director for the Yale National Initiative. The project started at Yale in 1978 but has since expanded to the University of Pennsylvania, University of Delaware and TU. The program, slated to begin next fall, brings in university professors to teach seminars to public school teachers to improve their work in the classroom. Smith notes that teachers are able to select the topics for seminars, which range from “modern self-

invention” to “the science, history and impact of DNA.” On March 13, a guest article by Dr. Smith titled “Using lawsuits to fund our schools: Is it time to try again?” was published by the Oklahoma Policy Institute. The piece focused on the Arkansas Supreme Court case “Lake View School District no. 25 v. Huckabee,” which found that the state was guilty of both inadequate and inequitable funding for schools. As a result, the Arkansas public school system received a funding overhaul. During her time living in Arkansas, Smith notes that she saw “actual chicken houses that had been converted to schools in rural places.” After the court case, the state put together “a new funding formula that funds

in the monetary gaps for schools with lower funding from property tax. Though the situations in Arkansas and Oklahoma aren’t exactly the same, the Oklahoma Education Association sued the state in 2007 for inadequate funding. Smith explains, however, that the OEA lost the case because the court ruled that they didn’t have standing, meaning there wasn’t sufficient evidence that there was significant damage as a result of the funding. “Ten years later,” Smith notes, “and we’ve been cut by 30 percent. I think we can find someone to make the case.” Schools are using teachers placed into schools through a last-resort emergency certification, extracurricular programs are being cut, and

and, in Smith’s eyes, become more dire. In an October article published by Oklahoma Policy Institute, “When K-12 schools are underfunded…,” she notes that the money spent on education “amounts to $211 less per student per year in each school.” She feels that “we are shooting ourselves in the foot if we don’t fund K-12” because it hurts higher education attendance and the state’s economy. By cutting funding at earlier years, Smith argues, it sets up barriers for higher education by making students less competitive candidates for university admission and forcing them into remedial classes, which often don’t count for college credit. This also affects the jobs Oklahomans are able to get: according to a recent Oklahoma

“‘...we are shooting ourselves in the foot if we don’t fund K-12’” everyone at a higher rate,” allocated more funding for ESL and special needs students and created a state building fund that filled

FREAKY FAST! FREAKY GOOD! ®

school districts are being forced down to four-day weeks because of the decreases in funding since 2007. Since the OEA case, there have been four new appointments to the Oklahoma Supreme Court, which may provide a new perspective on the issue. The Supreme Court also set up a “separation of powers” argument, that the issue of school funding comes down to the legislative branch instead of the judicial. Smith mentions, however, that 30 states in the US have ruled on this issue and she hopes that the new court makeup will mean a change of the court’s opinion on the topic. Since the issue was last brought to the court in 2007, the situation has evolved

Swilling case appealed to the 10th Circuit Court A 2014 sexual assault case involving a suspended basketball player and perceived negligence on the part of the University is in its second trial at the 10th Circuit Court. Kayleigh Thesenvitz Social Media Manager

WE DELIVER! TO FIND THE LOCATION NEAREST YOU VISIT JIMMYJOHNS.COM ©2016 JIMMY JOHN’S FRANCHISE, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Works report, around 60,000 jobs requiring a Bachelor’s degree are unfilled in the state. Smith hopes that a new legal case with the Supreme Court will help the education system in a state with legislators that cut the budget and voters who turn down propositions to fund schools like the recent State Question 779. In her view, the most important part of the case, and part of what made cases like Swan Lake work, is an individual focus. In 2007, the OEA was representing three school districts, and Smith postulates that “we might have good luck if we can find a group of students or bring it down to the individual level.”

This article serves as the latest installment in an ongoing story about a series of trials entitled Abigail Ross v. The University of Tulsa. Ross was a sophomore at TU in January 2014 when she approached campus officials to report that TU basketball player Patrick Swilling Jr. had raped her. Swilling was given a disciplinary hearing by the university, was suspended from the basketball team and cleared of all violations. Ross argued that despite having access to Swilling’s previous history of rape allegations, the university refused to take them into account in their decision. The statement in Ross’ Complaint to the US District Court for the northern district of Oklahoma was that, “despite its knowledge of at least one, and as many as three prior allegations of sexual assault and misconduct perpetrated by Swilling, TU undertook zero

investigation of his conduct and permitted Swilling to continue to attend TU.” Ross’ suit included five counts of violations and negligence of Title IX requirements as they relate to sexual violence and a sixth count of intentional infliction of emotional distress. In April, 2016, District Judge Terence C. Kern ruled in favor of the University of Tulsa saying, “A jury could not conclude that TU acted intentionally or recklessly in response to Ross’ report.” Kern explained that the Title IX does not obligate the appellate court to reexamine TU’s factual findings or examine their investigation process for possible errors. “The Court happens to agree with Ross that portions of the decision reflect strained reasoning, particularly the conclusion drawn from the students’ text exchange. However, Taylor’s decision hinges primarily on credibility assessments, which are beyond the scope of judicial review under Title IX,” he concluded. Ross appealed the decision and on Wednesday, March 22, Ross’ lawyer John Clune and TU’s lawyer John David Lackey sat in hearing before Circuit Judges David Ebel, Paul Kelly and Robert Bacharach. Information about the conclusion of the hearing and the date of the appellate trial is not yet available to the public.

News

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Feb. 23 9:30 a.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Mabee Gym to take a report of possible harassment. A student reported being called on by an unknown individual as she crossed the intersection at 4th and Harvard Ave. The student continued onto campus and was able to get a description of the individual. 2:10 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers discovered a vehicle displaying a parking permit that had been previously reported stolen. Officers made contact with the owner of the vehicle and were able to take possession of the permit. Feb. 24 6:50 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers received a report of a young child wandering around lost near Hardesty Hall. Officers made contact with the child and an additional 3 unaccompanied children on bicycles near Sorority Row. It was determined the 4 were exploring campus as a group. Officers then escorted the 4 children back to

their residence near E. 4th Street and Florence Avenue. Officers spoke with a parent who was present about concerns for their well-being riding unsupervised.

ons. Officers cleared the buildings and did not find any immediate threats. The communications center received two more calls. The calls were determined to be a prank.

Feb. 25 12:50 a.m. While on routine patrol University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers found a note wrapped around a key fob on the windshield of a Security Patrol Unit. Cameras showed two individuals placing it on the vehicle. The owner was unable to be determined or contacted so the property was placed into the property locker for safe keeping.

12:50 a.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to investigate a report of an individual sleeping inside Kendall Hall. Officers made contact with an individual who was under 18 years old, and admitted to running away from home. The Tulsa Police were contacted. Upon arrival, TPD took custody of the minor and transported them from campus.

Feb. 18 8:00 a.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to the Mayo Village Apartments to assist the Physical Plant in the evaluation of a possible water leak. Officers and Physical Plant maintenance entered two residences to search for the cause of the leak. A damaged washing machine was located on the second floor that overflowed and created a water leak in the first floor residence. Maintenance employees were contacted to clean the spilled water and the resident was advised to discontinue using the machine until a replacement could be delivered.

Feb. 28 9:50 a.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to investigate a suspicious individual walking out of Mayo Village Apartments. Officers made contact with the individual inside Lorton Village. The individual had 1 previous contact and had been trespass warned from the University of Tulsa. Tulsa Police Department was contact and cited the individual for trespassing.

Feb. 26 3:20 a.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to all dorm buildings regarding a caller stating that they were going to kill people in the dorms with weap-

Nathan Gibbons Student Writer

South Africa’s financial minister calls for reform Malusi Gigaba, South Africa’s new finance minister, said last Thursday that the Treasury has belonged too long to “big business, powerful interests and international investors.” In his first conference since President Jacob Zuma fired Gigaba’s predecessor Pravin Gordhan, Mr. Gigaba said “this is a people’s government.” Pravin Gordhan’s ousting led to a five percent drop in the value of the nation’s currency, the rand. Cyril Ramaphosa, the ruling African National Congress’ deputy president, said the drop was “totally, totally unacceptable.” Despite the ANC’s purported adoption of “radical economic transformation” policies in 2014, Gigaba said the process has been “too slow and in many instances superficial.” The former home affairs minister said “the ownership of wealth and assets remains concentrated in the hands of a small part of the population” but added that he did not “seek to implement a reckless lurch in a particular direction.”

Germany rejects pressure to increase military Last Friday, Germany rejected calls from some who say the nation must increase spending on its military output. In response to the Trump administration, which has been pushing for Germany to spend two percent of its output on defense, Foreign Minister Sigmar Gabriel said it was “quite unrealistic” to increase spending on defense. Gabriel also used the fact that Germany currently has spending devoted to development aid as a rebuttal against Trump’s administration. NATO Chief Jens Stoltenberg, however, also called for member states to pay equally in proportion. “Diplomacy, development aid, economic co-operation can be important to help stabilise a region … We have international targets and guidelines, for development aid, 0.7 percent of GDP [gross domestic product], and then we have a NATO agreement on moving towards two percent. But those are two different things ... It is not either development or security, it is development and security.”

Landslides in Colombia kill hundreds At least 154 people have been killed and many more have been injured by landslides in the Putumayo province. Rivers burst their banks and flooded homes after hours of heavy rains Friday night and early Saturday morning. Whole neighbourhoods have been buried, according to the region’s governor Sorrel Aroca. Damaged infrastructure and continuing bad weather have hampered rescue services. One police officer said “There are mobility issues on almost 80 percent of the roads, and from where the road ends, it is three hours to where the landslide took place.” President Juan Manuel Santos declared a state of emergency, and after arriving in the area, said “My heart and the hearts of all Colombians are with the victims of this tragedy.” A representative of the National Disaster Risk Management Unit said the mudslides were caused by the rise of the Mocoa River and three tributaries. In neighboring Peru, landslides and flash floods caused by unusually heavy rainfalls have killed more than 90 people this year.

Paraguay’s parliament set on fire by protesters Protesting against a bill that would lift presidential term limits in Paraguay, demonstrators ransacked and burned the nation’s congressional building during violent protests last Friday. They stormed the offices of those who supported the bill, according to officials. Police used mounted units, rubber bullets and water cannons against the crowd. Saint Carneri, a journalist in Asunción, where the building is located, said it had burned for more than two hours. He added that there were “a lot of battles between people and the police in the streets.” One activist, Rodrigo Quintana, was killed from a blow to the head that activists allege was caused by a rubber bullet. “The police barged in, threw people face down to the ground,” according to Efrain Alegre, leader of the opposition Liberal party. “They came in aggressively, breaking the doors, it was savagery.” In Paraguay, a head of state may only serve a single five-year term according to nation’s 1992 constitution. However, current president Horacio Cartes is trying to run for re-election and remove the restriction.

1:00 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Hardesty Hall for a report of a drug and alcohol violation. Officers searched the room where the contraband was reported. Officers found drugs, alcohol, and paraphernalia. Officers collected the items and secured them in the property room.

3 April 2017

Mar. 1 1:13 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers towed a vehicle off campus from the University Methodist Church Lot. A vehicle was found parked contrary to university policy and officers verified that the vehicle had been previously tow warned. Towing of the vehicle was authorized by the on-duty supervisor. While Storey was in possession of the vehicle, the owner arrived on scene and paid for their vehicle to be released. Mar. 2 3:10 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers completed a report after a student made an obscene gesture towards Officers. The Officers had just finished explaining parking regulations to the student and then the student made the gesture as they left the parking lot. 9:30 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers conducted a pedestrian check on an individual who was behaving erratically at the entrance to Mayo Village Apartments. The individual had no identification in their possession, but the name and birthdate they provided did not return any results. Having no prior contacts on file, the individual was trespass warned from University of Tulsa property and escorted off-campus. The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.

Tuesday, April 4 at 7:30 p.m. Reynolds Center Evan Osnos Presidential Lecture New Yorker staff writer and National Book Award winner Evan Osnos is an investigative journalist specializing in politics and foreign affairs. Since joining The New Yorker in 2008, Osnos has reported on the most topical of current events, spanning the United States, the Middle East, East Asia and China. Currently headquartered in Washington, D.C., Osnos has covered pressing American concerns, from gun control and modern conservatism to the Flint water crisis and the 2016 presidential election. On the campaign trail, Osnos closely followed the presidentelect, forecasting the implications of a Trump presidency in his extensive New Yorker piece, “President Trump’s First Term.” Osnos consulted economists, scholars, and presidential historians to outline the very first hours to the first 100 days under a President Trump. “President Trump’s First Term” is one of the 16 most-read New Yorker articles of 2016. A book-signing will follow Osnos’ talk. Wednesday, April 5 at 8:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. Keplinger Hall, M1 Last Lecture: The End of Education Mortar Board’s Last Lecture series invites top professors to present what they would say if they only had one lecture left to give. This week’s speaker will be Avi Mintz, TU associate professor of educational studies. Friday, April 7 at 12:00 p.m. to 1:00 p.m. Gilcrease Museum, Gallery 18 From My Point of View: Black Bodies in Propaganda Dr. Tukufu Zuberi, the Lasry Family Professor of Race Relations and Professor of Sociology and Africana Studies at the University of Pennsylvania, will discuss the changing messages of race and politics as seen in propaganda posters from the Civil War to mid-20th century African Independence movements. From My Point of View is an informal presentation and audience participation is welcome. Bring a sack lunch to eat while you learn! (Note: Food/Drinks carried through the museum must be in closed containers.) Saturday, April 8 at 6:00 p.m. Lorton Performance Center, Gussman Concert Hall World Icons: International Night 2017 Witness historical icons from around the world come to life through stunning choreography, breathtaking music and epic storytelling. Hors d’oeuvres and refreshments. Presented by the Association of International Students (AIS). AIS’ International Night is an event that happens every year that allows for student organizations to share their culture through the fashion show or performing on stage. Since the event started years ago, there has been everything from dancing to theatrical productions. This past year, we also had a childrens’ group perform the Korean fan dance and a local group perform a Hawaiian Hula dance. Traditional food was served during the intermission and performances were judged by TU faculty. Saturday, April 8 at 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Reynolds Center Heartland Gaming Expo The Heartland Gaming Expo is a hands-on experience featuring gaming tournaments and more than 100 games produced by up-and-coming game developers. Multiple age and game categories for middle and high school, college/university and indie game makers will be available. Those interested in learning to create games can attend tutorials taught by leading industry experts. The expo will also include a a 24-hour code jam. The Collegian does not produce all event descriptions in the Community Calendar. Contact us at news@tucollegian.org with events.

Sports

3 April 2017

The Collegian: 7

Justin Guglielmetti is… Softball beats Memphis in first Expansion in the the American? home conference series of season bleacher If you follow American Athletic Conference moves you are probably aware of the rumors circulating about Wichita State joining the conference as a nonfootball member. A move from Wichita State, the top basketball program in the Missouri Valley Conference, would be good for both the American and the Shockers. The Shockers are consistently undervalued as a basketball team because they play in a weaker conference. The MVC is not known as a basketball power, especially after the loss of Creighton to the Big East, and because of this even when the Shockers finish 30–4 in the regular season and won their conference tournament, they were given a 10 seed in the NCAA tournament. They have proved in the past that they are much better than their seed indicates. Joining the American would bolster their strength of schedule, increase their athletics program profile and increase their public perception. The American would bring a strong basketball program into the fold which would bring more revenue and make them a stronger basketball program. The end goal of the American is to become a power conference, and adding stronger programs is the way it will happen. Nothing will happen until after new champion is determined on Monday (Go Zags!), but a decision could take place in the next month with the Shockers joining for the 2017/2018 season.

The Golden Hurricane had their first home conference series of the year when the second-place Memphis Tigers traveled to Tulsa. The Golden Hurricane took two-ofthree to win the series. Matt Rechtien Sports Editor

After the game against Missouri State was cancelled on Wednesday due to inclement weather, the Golden Hurricane welcomed the University of Memphis into town for their first conference homestand of the season. Though they snapped their 10-game winning streak against the Tigers, they won the best of three series to remain first in the American Athletic Conference. The tenth and final game of the win streak was another shutout for the Golden Hurricane, their tenth of the season and the seventh for Emily Watson, who was named the Conference Pitcher of the Week for the second consecutive week. Watson struck out 11 Tigers in the win, as she moved to 17–3 on the season. The 202 strikeouts that she has this season sits currently at fourth all-time for the Golden Hurricane single-season record, and the 451 career strikeouts is sixth all-time for the Golden Hurricane. Tulsa got on the board in the third inning when sophomore Morgan Neal moved Maggie Withee to third with one out and Tori Stafford hit a sacrifice fly to bring her home on the next at bat. Memphis’ best opportu-

nity to score came in the fifth inning when the Tigers hit a deep fly ball, but Shelby Estocado took the home run away at the wall to keep Memphis off the board. Tulsa scored in the home half of the fifth after an error by the Tigers on a single from Withee allowed Julia Hollingsworth to make it home. Watson finished the game off striking out the last batter with runners in scoring position to give the Golden Hurricane the 2–0 win. In the second game of the series the Tigers exploded offensively putting up 12 hits against the Golden Hurricane’s three and snapped Tulsa’s win streak, handing them a 4–0 loss. The Golden Hurricane flipped the script in the series finale, the second game of the double-header, knocking three hits in the first inning to take a 1–0 lead early in the game. Hollingsworth led off with a double and took third on her 14th steal of the season to move into scoring position with no outs. Withee had her first hit of the game with an RBI single to drive in Hollingsworth. The Tigers tied in up in the top of the second, but Estocado smoked a sole home run in the bottom of the fourth to put the Golden Hurricane up 2–1 which would stand as the final score of the game. Watson earned her 18th win of the season pitching another complete game in the win. The Golden Hurricane sit at 25–11 (5–1 AAC). Tulsa will hit the road next week to take on Oklahoma State, Wichita State and Arkansas.

Too-early MLB award predictions After 152 days, opening day is finally here! With one game out of 162 played, we feel pretty comfortable handing out the end of season awards now. Justin Guglielmetti Apprentice Editor With the 2017 MLB season kicking off yesterday, let’s take a minute to lay out the favorites for the major year-end awards. As always, my predictions have been scientifically proven to be 100 percent accurate. You’re welcome TU. AL MVP Mookie Betts - It would be so easy to pick Mike Trout here. And not just easy, but smart too. I’ve written many times before about just how unappreciated Trout is, how we’ve all seemed to collectively ignore the second coming of a less injury-prone and more responsible Mickey Mantle and labeled him something as demeaning as “one of MLB’s brightest young stars.” If I was picking which position player would have the best year in 2017, he would be my guy. But the reality is that MVP doesn’t go to the best player — it tends to go to the guy who best combines statistical greatness with team success and a compelling narrative (highlight plays and a great personality don’t hurt either). Betts has everything going for him. He’s young, he’s cool, he’s got a great sports name, he could go 30–30, he’s the franchise player of one of the most popular teams in the game who also happens to be projected at 95 some-odd wins. This thing is Mookie’s to lose. AL Cy Young Corey Kluber - Further to the point that these awards don’t always go to who they should, Justin Verlander was absolutely robbed last year by Rick Porcello, pretty

Monday

much entirely because Porcello won 22 games. I thought this was 2017, we’re supposed to know that pitcher wins don’t mean anything by now! If he can prove that his resurgence was no fluke, Verlander should again be in the mix for the Cy Young, but I think he loses out to his division rival Kluber this time around. Consistently underrated, Kluber is a workhorse (an average of 224 innings over the past three years) with a hammer curve, and to appease those old folks, he’s as good a bet as any to win 20 games behind the Indians’ revamped offense. Hot on Kluber’s tail will be Chris Sale and Masahiro Tanaka, with Chris Archer and James Paxton acting as a couple of dark horse candidates as well. AL Rookie of the Year Andrew Benintendi - This pains me to say as a Yankees fan, but Benintendi looked like the real deal for Boston in his brief callup last year. Kid is on his way to becoming the next great Red Sox left fielder, following the likes of Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Rice, Manny Ramirez and the immortal Carl Crawford. NL MVP Bryce Harper - Bryce is back baby, and it’s not just because I have him on my fan-

“As always, my predictions have been scientifically proven to be 100 percent accurate.” tasy team! In the wake of his miserable 2016 season, we seem to have forgotten that Harper put up the best offensive numbers since peak Barry Bonds the year before, and that he is arguably the most hyped talent in the history of the sport who is still just 24 years old. He’s going to hit 50 home runs, toss his glorious mane back out of his face after every one of them, lead the Nationals to the best non-Cubs record in baseball and

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continue on his noble quest to “make baseball fun again.” Oh, and he’ll be accused of steroid use by naysayers along the way. NL Cy Young Noah Syndergaard - That’s right, neither the best pitcher on the planet nor the reigning champ are taking home the Cy this year! Clayton Kershaw will always be the favorite when he’s healthy since he’s literally a longer-tenured reincarnation of Sandy Koufax, but I can’t shake the feeling that his back injury is going to be a lingering ailment. And Max Scherzer … well … he’s going to be great again, no getting around that. But Syndergaard, aptly nicknamed Thor for his flowing golden locks and musclebound frame, is armed with some of the best raw stuff I have ever seen in a pitcher. He led all of baseball with a 2.23 FIP last year and is poised to take on a full workload in his third big league season. With a fastball that touches triple digits and a trio of devastating offspeed pitches, he’ll also strike out 300 batters and firmly establish himself as the baddest m’fer on the planet. NL Rookie of the Year Lucas Giolito - I don’t know why, but I’m a sucker for Italian last names. Giolito is the top pitching prospect in all of base-

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ball, which means a hell of a lot even if he struggled mightily in his six-game cup of coffee last year. His frame and pitch repertoire project a lot like Syndergaard’s and he’s already proven his dominance in the minors, with 9.7 K/9 and 3.0 BB/9 ratios and a 2.73 ERA. Giolito won’t just be the runaway RoY winner, he’ll get his name in the Cy Young conversation as well.

Thursday

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Women’s Tennis vs. Wichita Softball State @ Wichita No Events No Events 5:00 p.m. State Softball @ Oklahoma State 6:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m.

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And Your NCAAW Champion Is… Not UConn? Wow, I did not see that one coming! I can’t exactly call myself an aficionado of women’s college hoops, but I felt pretty safe in projecting the Huskies to repeat as champions for the fifth year running, seeing as they have been one of the most consistently dominant groups in team sports history. Before their stunning loss to two seed Mississippi State on Friday night, UConn had won an unfathomable 111 games in a row (including 108 by double digits and 61 by 40 points or more) in a streak that stretched all the way back to the 2013-14 season. That’s a long time ago, gang. LeBron was still on the Heat, Donald Trump was still on the “Celebrity Apprentice.” “Glee” was still on TV for God’s sake. When they played Tulsa earlier this year, I watchedstood in awe from the band section as their entire roster seemed to tower over our centers, then watched them put on an absolute clinic in fundamental basketball that would make the San Antonio Spurs cry tears of joy. As easy as it would be to hate the Huskies for their dominance, it was impossible not to enjoy them from the perspective of a pure basketball fan; it would be like an English major hating Shakespeare. Don’t shed any tears for UConn. Coach Geno Auriemma was remarkably gracious in defeat as he always is in the rare occasions where it’s necessary, and we should have no doubt that the school’s next big winning streak is just a few months away. TOP OF THE MORNIN’ TO YA! What’s that? The Cavaliers are no longer in first place in the Eastern Conference? A certain historically successful, green-clad, best-player-is-5’8” team has taken over the lead? That’s right everybody, strap in because the next Celtics dynasty train departs momentarily!!! Will Boston actually managed to dethrone the Cavs and become the first non-LeBron team to make the Finals since the Big Three-era Celtics in 2010? Well, my mind’s telling me no… .but my boooddddyyy… .my boooddddddyyyyyy’s tellin’ me yeeeeeeesssss. Any team with a LeBron who is still in his prime (or relatively close to it) has to be the favorite, but Cleveland looks legitimately vulnerable right now. They are dead last in points allowed per 100 possessions after the All-Star break, which doesn’t bode well given the fact that playoff teams tend to be pretty great at putting the ball in the hoop, and their offense has fallen apart as of late when James take a seat. They have a worse record than the Brooklyn Nets over the past month. The Nets! Can you even name a single player on the Nets? One thing is for sure, the Eastern Conference playoffs are going to be one wild ride, the first time that’s been the case in about half a decade. Oh, one more thing: Even if the Celtics don’t topple Cleveland this year, they can take solace in the fact that they are almost definitely assured a top 3 pick in this year’s draft, which has the most loaded class since the 2003 one that brought us LeBron, Wade, Carmelo and Chris Bosh. Oooooooh baby. Gettin’ Steamy in Iceland And finally, ladies and gentleman, Icelandic newspaper Visir recently announced that the island country has experienced a recordbreaking birth rate in March, which comes nine months after the nation of 300,000 defeated England 2-1 in the 2016 UEFA Euro tournament. Sex. That is all.

April 3 – 9 Saturday

Friday

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Men’s Tennis @ Tulane 4:00 p.m.

8 Women’s Tennis vs. Minnesota 12:00 p.m.

Track & Field @ Baylor Invitational Rowing @ Knecht Cup Rowing vs. Creighton

Women’s Soccer vs. SWOSU & UMKC 11:00 a.m. & 4:00 p.m.

Sunday 9

Rowing @ Knecht Cup

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Commentary

3 April 2017

Drug sentencing another misstep for criminal justice

regarding drugs, because believe it or not, I don’t believe a 20-year-old accounting major is qualified to speak to the minutiae of this topic. As many people who conduct agenda-driven research are wont to do, I could cite for you Portugal’s heralded decriminalization policy dating back to 2001, in which they removed criminal offenses for any and all drug use, replaced them with fines and mandatory counseling, and have subsequently seen their overdose death Criminalizing low-level drugs rates fall to less than a fifth of those in the like marijuana is ineffective at rest of the EU. stopping their daily use and Despite claims from people like Dr. Joao doesn’t follow the powers laid out Goulao, the leading figure behind decriminalization in Portugal, who said “it’s very in the Constitution. difficult to identify a causal link between Justin Guglielmetti decriminalization by itself and the positive tendencies we have seen,” the jury is still out Apprentice Editor on the effect of the policies in countries that Last week, the Tulsa World reported on followed Portugal’s lead (the Netherlands, two local women — Damita Price and Shei- Italy, Spain), as well as the feasibility of the la Royal — currently serving life sentences policy in less similar countries. Still, there without the possibility of parole for drug is plenty of room left to criticize America’s offenses. Neither Price nor Royal has ever drug policies and come up with at least a been convicted of a violent crime, yet both general idea of how we should move forface the possibility of dying in prison due ward, starting with the constitutionality of to their repeated drug-trafficking offenses. any and all anti-drug legislation. They are just two of the 57 inmates curThe most notorious example for disasrently serving life sentences in Oklahoma trous anti-drug legislation in this counfor non-violent, drug-related crimes. Is this try is of course Prohibition, when alcohol what justice should look like in America? was criminalized from 1920 to 1933 in reFirst things first, if anybody ever offers sponse to a populist movement spearheaded you a definitive answer to that question, by rural Protestants and various progresthey are probably lying, delusional or some sive groups. Prohibition was a monumencombination of the two. Drug use is a se- tal disaster, failing to achieve its intended rious and incredibly complicated issue to purpose in significantly curtailing alcohol legislate, and every country in the world consumption (which was deemed a moral grapples with the balancing act between al- transgression at the time). It simultaneously lowance for individual liberty and protect- created a market ripe to be taken over by ing the public good. an emerging criminal enterprise, the ItalianAbout the only thing settled on this sub- American mafia. Many parallels can be ject is that so-called “hard drugs,” those drawn between Prohibition and the modern substances that are both highly addictive drug war, dating back roughly to Nixon’s and offer the potential for substantial physi- presidency: chief amongst them the stable cal harm such as heroin, crack cocaine, and rate of drug usage and the rise of organized methamphetamine, are unequivocally bad crime (this time, Mexican cartels). for you. But even then there is a great deal However, there is one important distincof debate as to how this fact should be ad- tion to be made. In the case of Prohibition dressed. Do you criminalize the drugs and — such a radical infringement on individual institute harsh prison sentences, or treat liberty wherein Congress took to regulating these dangerous addictions as a public what a person could decide to put into their health issue? The arguments for both sides own bodies for their personal enjoyment — could fill a library. actually required a Constitutional amendWith all this subjectivity, I am not going ment to be deemed legal since there is nothto use this space to advocate for a specific ing in article 1, section 8 of the Constitution policy that I think our country should take (the Powers of Congress) that gives the federal legislature such authority. Another amendment was subsequently required to repeal the first. No such amendment has ever been made to the Constitution regarding laws about drug usage, which seems to indicate that federal legislation regarding drug usage may be a blatant overstep of congressional jurisdiction. Since Congress’ authority in this area has rarely been questioned, even by anti-drug war advocates, I would presume that most people look to either the first or third clauses of article 1, section 8 for their justification. The latter enumerates The drug war started by President Nixon led to severe criminal the power of Congress to regusentences for possession and use of marijuana.

late commerce between states, foreign nations and “Indian tribes,” which would thus cover drug trafficking across state lines. For individual drug usage, however, one must take certain liberties with the wording of the former clause, which describes the power to “provide for the...general Welfare of the United States.” Therefore, as long as one can point to drug usage as a detriment to the welfare of the nation as a whole, antidrug legislation may fall under the param-

old interview with John Ehrlichman, one of Richard Nixon’s top aides and a key figure in the Watergate scandal, revealed that associating hippies and Black Americans with certain drugs and then criminalizing said drugs (marijuana and heroin respectively) could be used as a means of destabilizing their communities. Nobody is in any position to say if this was the true intention of the president, as it contradicts Nixon’s official stance from the

eters of the Constigraphics by tution. The only Madeline During Prohibition, alcohol was criminalized and problem is that the Woods disposed of in mass quantities. extent to which nationwide welfare is affected is a matter of time, but it lends credence to suspicions that hot dispute. have existed for decades. All of this seems I’ve already stated enough for me to say that simply on Conthat it’s a matter of stitutional principle, the federal government unequivocal fact that should remove itself from the business of certain highly addicdrug criminalization, at least until it aptive and dangerous drugs are detrimental proaches the situation with enough resolve to society. But what about so-called rec- to look at a Constitutional amendment. reational drugs like marijuana, ecstasy, or Admittedly, this is a stance that I do not LSD? None are considered particularly feel entirely comfortable with, a sentiment detrimental to one’s long-term health, espe- that I believe is still probably widely felt. cially when compared to some already-legal It’s certainly not one that would make my drugs such as tobacco or alcohol, which parents particularly proud. There are legititogether are responsible for the deaths of mate fears I have with decriminalizing hard 8.5 million people a year, according to the drugs, most significantly their normalizaWorld Health Organization. Is it consistent tion, which would effectively remove all with the principle of maintaining the pub- possibility of ever eradicating their recrelic good that less harmful drugs be heavily ational usage. Look at Prohibition. If we penalized while deadlier ones remain legal? are being honest, it would be an objectively Even in the case of clearly dangerous good thing if alcohol were illegal and there and addictive hard drugs the case is more existed a mass social stigma against drinkmuddled than it first appears, as there are ing. You could say goodbye to all those all sorts of negative externalities created by tragic drunk driving deaths, stupendous their illegality. Renowned economist Mil- health care costs and broken homes. ton Friedman, a Nobel laureate, estimates But the reason Prohibition was such a dithat criminalization results in the death of saster, and why any future attempts to ban over 10,000 people a year, as well as higher alcohol will likewise fail, was that it was incarceration rates, ineffective pain man- already an integral part of the daily lives of agement and a disproportionately adverse millions of Americans. These for the most effect on the African-American community parts weren’t addicts but simply the multi(it’s worth noting that I don’t see any incon- tudes of people who couldn’t imagine their sistency with the Constitution in creating lives without it. We should all be wary of laws regulating drug treatment, as it is be- the possibility of this one day being used reft of the externalities of criminalization). to describe a drug like cocaine. However, With all this ineffectiveness and hypoc- given a lack of evidence that this dystopian risy, it might still be argued that at the very future would result, as well as respect for least the intentions of drug laws are pure — the enumerated powers and intentions of the to keep substances that were at one point be- United States Constitution, a decriminalizalieved to be harmful out of the hands of the tion policy seems to me the sensible course public — but even that has fallen into some of action at this time. dispute as of late. Just last year, a 22-year-

Prosecutor firings controversy a real example of “fake news”

Media outlets aren’t addressing context when covering the Trump administration’s firings, which are actually a standard move for power changes. Trenton Gibbons Variety Editor When the New York Times ran the article “Trump Abruptly Orders 46 Obama-Era Prosecutors to Resign,” its headline failed to convey an integral truth: that abruptness was in fact the only unique facet of this occurrence. Then picture this — and a myriad of similar articles run by other media sources — paints is a familiar one. It depicts Trump as something more of a tyrant than a democratic leader. The scandals, both the innumerable real ones and innumerable fabrications, that have dotted his campaign and now his term have followed this pattern. In other words, it’s in many ways an image he’s earned. In other cases where the media accuses him of such practices, however, it’s

“fake news,” a term whose usage I’ll attempt to justify later. So why, then, is Trump’s firing of 46 attorneys “fake news”?” The practice of purging US attorneys in a presidential transition is standard and furthermore sensible. Presidents rely on federal attorneys to uphold their policies, so it is only natural that presidents would want to rid their administration of federal attorneys with an ideological or professional connection to previous administrations. Bill Clinton fired 93 US attorneys in a single day. Bush similarly fired nearly every one of his attorneys upon taking office. When Obama took office in 2009, a writer for Politico ran an article accompanied with the headline, “Obama to replace US attorneys.” Now the same writer runs an article titled “Trump team ousts Obama-appointed US attorneys.” In this particular instance President Trump has made headlines, as he doubt-

keeping them. Many of these same prosecutors have been rightfully reluctant with their resignations, creating more frustration for the administration and fodder for the media. Still, the scandal here is not so grand as some might have you believe. Trump’s presidential term is bound to be plagued by a number of scandals brought on by his megalomaniacal behavior. But that doesn’t mean the media should go out of its way to exaggerate or fabricate any. In other words, I am in fact accusing this piece of being, at least in the manner many publications covered it, fake news. The term “fake news” has been the source of much contention in domestic politics as of late. For one thing, it was coined by a megalomaniac who meant to dismiss most, if not all, news sources that took up issue with him. He’s used it as an excuse to blatantly lie to the public, to ban news sources from covering executive actions and to increase the public’s mistrust in any institu-

“Bill Clinton fired 93 US attorneys in a single day. Bush similarly fired nearly every one of his attorneys upon taking office.” lessly will for years to come, by deploying a normal presidential power in a hurried, disorganized way. Many of the prosecutors who had been fired had been told, or so they claim, that the new administration would be

tion not under his control. It’s for this reason that I hesitate greatly to say, let alone put in print, the term “fake news,” especially when I consider journalism an important part of any functioning society.

More important, however, is that these news sources be unbiased and honest in their reporting, and this is not the case. So I use “fake news” to spite anyone whose opinions and viewpoints are reinforced by the current media leanings, and who are quick to dismiss the idea of a dishonest media as some false construct of a crazed president. You can watch compilations online of reporters from CNN, supposedly one of the most trustworthy mainstream news sources, cutting off interviews whenever the interviewee says something that might run against their narrative. Among these are a man providing statistics on immigrant crime, another who referenced wikileaks, and even Bernie Sanders, who dared to even joke about “fake news” live on the air. This isn’t some a crackpot conspiracy theory, it’s blatant bias in the media, an effort by news reporters to shape public opinion to fit their normative truths. I suppose I must follow this problem closely with some sort of solution. I would suggest skipping one step here entirely, the period of disenfranchisement in which one might learn to hate both the biased media and their effectively brainwashed audience. I try to read every article with a sense of skepticism, to research the precedent or context of an event. It’s especially important to filter out the editorializing these papers once considered bad journalism, but now publish en masse.

3 April 2017

Commentary

The Collegian: 9

Diamond Pipeline endangers burial grounds, water supply

The pipeline’s economic incentives fail to outweigh the environmental and cultural problems construction would cause. Nathan Hinkle Student Writer Recent controversy has erupted over the building of the new Diamond Pipeline. The Ponca tribe, Seminole Nation and environmentalists such as Bold Oklahoma oppose the pipeline because it threatens the environment, rivers and Native American unmarked graves that were created during the Trail of Tears. These two groups argue that this pipeline will be harmful to the states through which it passes: Oklahoma, Arizona and Tennessee. The Diamond Pipeline, created by the Plains All American Pipeline and Valero Energy Corporation, will start in Cushing, Oklahoma and head east to Memphis, Tennessee. On its 440 mile journey, it will pass through seven counties in Oklahoma: Lincoln, Creek, Okmulgee, Muskogee, McIntosh, Haskell and LeFlore. Once leaving Oklahoma, it will pass through fourteen different Arkansas counties until it reaches its destination in Memphis. The pipeline seeks to carry crude oil from Cushing to Memphis where it can be processed into gasoline or other petroleum needs. The companies in charge of the pipeline argue that the pipeline will be both economically valuable to the communities it passes through as well as extremely safe to the surrounding environment and areas of cultural importance. In a statement about the pipeline, Plains American Pipeline argues that the Diamond Pipeline will provide “approximately $11 million in property tax revenue per year to communities in its route.” In addition to this addition of tax revenue, it is estimated that around 1,500 potential construction jobs will be needed to build the

pipeline. Once it is complete, there will be 15 permanent jobs created to work on the pipeline during its lifetime. The company also argues that it sent out information about the pipeline to about 24 different Native American tribes and worked with the US Army Corps of Engineers to fix all potential problems that the tribes had with the plans. Groups like the Arkansas River Valley Safe Water Coalition, Arkansas Water Guardians, American Indian Movement, Sierra Club of Oklahoma, NoPlainsPipeline and Bold Oklahoma argue that the pipeline should be not created for a variety of reasons. The first reason proposed by Native American groups is that the pipeline will cross through sacred areas and burial grounds. In a conflicting statement versus the one given by Plains American Pipeline, Bold Oklahoma argues that while the pipeline has been approved by the U.S. Army

rivers and streams, which will become a major issue if the pipeline is destroyed and the crude oil leaks out. In response to this claim, Plains American Pipeline stated that

it. The company was indicted on 46 counts based on the oil spilled and the amount of wildlife destroyed by the incident. The spill was supposed to have killed more than 100

“...while the pipeline would be economically useful for Oklahoma, it is a large risk to take.” they will be drilling horizontally instead of vertically. In the process of drilling horizontally, one is able to create a relief well which will potentially relieve pressure on the pipe, resulting in a smaller possibility of the pipe bursting and leaking out crude oil into the ground. This pipeline is problematic because it passes through water sources across Oklahoma and Arkansas. While Plains American

marine mammals and spread for miles on the Refugio State Beach in California. In this spill, the alarm was turned off during maintenance of other issues involved in the pipeline. The company only received the info after groups of people visibly saw the oil come on the surface. The company paid around 96 million in cleanup but the spill is still problematic because the spill was

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

The Diamond Pipeline would cut across over 20 counties in three states and would have significant environmental effects.

Corps of Engineers, the company did not properly inform or ask the opinions of nearby Native American tribes who would be negatively affected by the pipeline running through their land. According to Bold Oklahoma, the company should have informed Native American tribes better before going through with the project. On the environmental side of the argument, Groups like the Arkansas River Valley Safe Water Coalition are worried that the pipeline will have to pass through local

Pipeline argues that the pipeline will not burst due to different drilling mechanisms, water sources in America are extremely important, whether that be for agriculture or the environment, and should not be tampered with if possible. Another problem with this potential pipeline is that Plains All America has had problems in the past with oil spills. Back in 2015, a pipeline broke in the Pacific Ocean and caused a large spill, endangering the wildlife as well as the livelihoods of fishermen in the area surrounding

located in several marine protected areas. These areas are extremely important because they are one of the most studied areas in the United States due to its unique attributes. Therefore, while this pipeline would be economically useful for Oklahoma, it is a large risk to take when thinking about the potential problems that will occur with Native American burial sites as well as water resources.

Okla. students unprepared for college and the workforce

The education system needs to be re-evaluated in light of the thousands of jobs available to increasingly few people. Raven Fawcett Apprentice Editor According to Oklahoma Works, an initiative created by Governor Mary Fallin to improve Oklahoma’s economy and labor market, there are not enough people with current or future degrees to fill the needs of the workforce by 2020. This deficit is echoed by state officials who note a current lack of qualified candidates for thousands of jobs — around 60,000 jobs are unfilled because of the lack of applicants’ degrees. The organization Complete College America confirms these findings. The organization aims to increase the number of people who graduate with a degree from a college or university, particularly people from minority groups. The available jobs are

graphic by Madeline Woods

Failing to provide properly funded K-12 education sets students up for failure and leaves thousands of Bachelor’s-level jobs unfilled in Oklahoma.

ganization should theoretically increase the number of people with degrees. However, Oklahoma had less degree-earning graduates than expected this year, even working with Complete College America. Theoretically, this sounds like good news. College graduates can rejoice. The paper they spent years working to get their name

“...there are not enough people with current or future degrees to fill the needs of the workforce by 2020.” concentrated in the STEM field — areas of science, technology, engineering and mathematics. Complete College America works with 33 states, including Oklahoma. The or-

printed on will be worth a job. However, those empty jobs are mostly for STEM majors. Students of the humanities are far from guaranteed a job. STEM majors are not

guaranteed a job that they will like, or even that jobs will be open in their specific fields or areas of interest. All that is certain is that there are too many jobs currently available because of a larger problem. College debt in America is growing. Higher education is wildly expensive, leading to students graduating with more debt or foregoing college entirely. The available jobs might be due to the inability of many people to cope with the costs of college. With the state in a budget crisis, education is struggling at all levels. It is also entirely possible that many find higher education more difficult, or merely impossible, after their education in high school left them without the tools to succeed in college. Complete College America reports that 60.9 percent of first year students at two-year colleges enroll in remedial classes, and 48.4 percent of first years at

four-year, non-flagship universities enroll in remedial classes. Education is difficult to attain for even the most dedicated of students these days. The education system needs improvement at all levels. From funding to curriculum, it is clear that there are problems with the system as it currently stands. The evidence is in the vacant jobs that remain available for want of qualified applicants. Until the education system can be fixed, the available jobs can be seen as an opportunity for otherwise only moderately qualified candidates. The money that could be earned in these positions is not going towards paying back workers’ college debt or paying for their groceries. If there is a positive outcome of the issue, it is the possibility that people with degrees but little experience, or a lot of experience but no degree or an irrelevant degree, might have better luck scoring a job.

The Collegian: 10

Commentary

3 April 2017

LEGISLATIVE

DIGEST

Raven Fawcett Apprentice Editor

The Legislative Digest looks at the bills and resolutions passed by Oklahoma’s state legislators.

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In the past week, Oklahoma’s Congress proposed bills, suggested engrosses on bills they feel need to be updated and created resolutions that state facts or opinions of the Legislature. HCR1006: House Concurrent Resolution 1006 condemns pornography as a public health crisis and, if that’s not shocking enough, the resolution is pretty convincing. In fact, Republican Representative Travis Dunlap said something I’d expect to hear from my friends after a long day at my liberal arts college. The resolution argues that women and children are objectified in porn, that abuse is normalized and that sensationalism has led to worse treatment of women and children in pornography. These behaviors are internalized by people who watch porn during their formative years. The resolution also includes references to sex addiction and other problems arising at least partly because of increased pornographic influence in daily life. You don’t have to buy this entire argument to recognize that pornography is often highly problematic, and that a government that recognizes these problems is more likely to create better solutions in the future. The Resolution has not yet been voted on. HB1005: The House continued to critically examine society this week as Representatives Scott Biggs and Mike Ritze and Senator AJ Griffin engrossed a bill that defines first and second degree rape. Under existing law, bodily harm must be done in order for rape by instrumentation to be considered first degree rape. Rape by instrumentation is the non-consensual penetration of the anus or vagina by something other than a penis. Obviously, physical harm can be difficult to prove or be proven harmful enough to warrant the harsher sentence attached to first degree rape. The updated law would not require proof of bodily harm and offer less leeway for people who rape by instrumentation. SB228: This bill tightens the language surrounding what the Office of Juvenile affairs can and will do, particularly in regard to community centers, which would be certified by the office instead of created by it. The bill removes the hard deadline of moving delinquent children out of detainment facilities when they reach legal adulthood (18 years old), so long as the court notifies the facility of the decision at least five days before the child’s birthday. This move allows children to stay in the care of detainment facilities until they reach 19 if the court deems it necessary. The extra year of detainment occurs in cases where the child needs extra time to finish rehabilitation programs or other court-ordered activities. Republican Senator Ann Griffin and Republican Representative Mark Lawson sponsored the engross, which is approved in the Senate and awaits its fate in the House. HR1008 & SR6: Tinker Air Force Base’s “Diamond Anniversary” came and went this week as it turned 75, and the House of Representatives and the Senate were duly congratulatory. Both chambers proposed resolutions, though the House’s resolution is slightly more detailed. The base, located in Oklahoma City, includes the Air Force Sustainment Center, and as much as that sounds like a recycling operation, it effectively means that it provides supplies for the Air Force and 65 other militaries around the world. The base is one of the larger job suppliers in the state and is overseen by Lieutenant General Lee K. Levy II, who was also recognized by the resolution for his work on the base. HB1104: Currently, guns are only allowed in areas such as colleges with permission and licenses. Under this engross, elected officials could carry guns in courthouses, a place where guns are not permitted, so long as the officials are properly licensed and they are doing their job. They will not be allowed to bring handguns into individual courtrooms. This seems an odd distinction to make, but the updated bill would ease officials’ travel through the courthouse while still banning guns in the actual courtrooms, where emotions can run high and guns might pose an increased risk. The bill was passed in the House and is in a Senate committee at present. HR1009: The House proposed National Crime Victim’s Rights Week. The resolution acknowledges the suffering of victims of crime in Oklahoma and sets a theme of “Strength, Resilience, and Justice.” The Federal Bureau of Investigation has reports of 16,506 violent crimes in Oklahoma in 2016. It is difficult to quickly pass legislation that will help to decrease violent crime rates, and in that spirit, acknowledgement of the problems within Oklahoma seems a decent start to standing with and supporting victims.

High schools should require four years of math

The Oklahoma State Department of Education has placed more value on a fourth year of high school math, but their efforts are not enough. Nick Rethford Apprentice Editor The Oklahoma State Department of Education and State Superintendent Joy Hofmeister have revealed a new college math prep course that Oklahoma schools can offer to high school seniors. This reveal couldn’t have come at a better time, due in part to the state’s whopping 39 percent of first-year college students who have to take remedial math. With OSDE’s current graduation requirement of only three years’ worth of high school math courses, it’s no wonder

that high school seniors are skipping out on math and then going into college behind. Not only does this course come as a much needed blessing, but the OSDE should take it one step further and add a fourth year of math to Oklahoma’s requirement. The math course, called College Career Math Ready, will act as a transition course that builds off of the concepts from prior math courses and prepares students for college-level math. This is super important for students who want to further their education, because colleges do actually look to see if students maintain rigorous schedules throughout high school, and a student who took a math course their senior year is going to look a lot better than a student who didn’t. Plus, taking the math prep course is going to save a lot of time and money for a student who would otherwise have to pay to take a remedial math class that they will not receive any college credit for. That might not sound like much at first, but Oklahoma families shell out about 22.2 million a year for remedial classes for their children who decided to slack off their senior year. The College Career Math Ready course, as well as any senior-level math course, can provide benefits that reach beyond high school and college. Organizations such as Achieve, Inc., Sparrow Point HighA fourth year of math can provide a better under-

Only requiring three years of math in high schools leads to remedial classes and a loss of skills for students.

standing of math in everyday life, strengthen analytical and critical thinking skills and lead to increased career opportunities. By the year 2025, three-fourths of Oklahoma jobs will require a postsecondary certificate, meaning some sort of college de-

seniors in the next one to two years will be missing out on this opportunity. Furthermore, the students who do get the chance to enroll in the course will only receive an elective credit for passing, not a math credit, because that makes sense. Who

“Oklahoma families shell out about 22.2 million a year for remedial classes for their children.” gree. This course was created to bridge the gap between high school and college so that students can have access to these opportunities without having to play catch-up in remedial courses, which can drastically affect how well students perform in college. Only 30.6 percent of college freshman enrolled in remedial classes at any of Oklahoma’s fouryear colleges finish their degree within a six year period, if at all. Unfortunately, though, while this math course is a step in the right direction, there are still many more kinks to be worked out before any real progress can be made. Currently, the course is only offered at select high schools, so many students who want to better their futures will be out of luck. Many schools are jumping on the bandwagon, including Tulsa Public Schools, but the process is moving slowly, meaning that many

would ever be crazy enough to offer a math credit for a math class? The biggest flaw in this plan, though, is the fact that the course is still not required. And, sure, there are plenty of other math course a high school senior could take, but, once again, none of those are required either. That means many juniors enrolling for their senior year are going to look at pretty any math course, and say “eh, it sounds like a lot of work. I don’t have to take it, so I’m not going to.” And why should they? Not requiring a fourth year of math is like saying there’s no reason to take it. And until the OSDE decides to take this matter seriously and make a fourth year of math a requirement, no one else will.

graphic by Madeline Woods

Variety

3 April 2017

The Collegian: 11

“Wonder Women” fails to properly spotlight female artists The Gilcrease’s event was well-intentioned, but the disproportionate ratio of female/ male art on display kept it from being the feminist celebration it wanted to be. James Whisenhunt Commentary Editor Gilcrease Museum’s monthly After Hours series continued with “Wonder Women,” commemorating Women’s History Month and hoping to showcase the successes of female artists. Having been to past After Hours events, this one seemed fairly scaled back, which was both good and bad. The good part was that the smaller scope meant the Gilcrease wasn’t completely packed with people. I’ve been to Gilcrease events in the past where it was close to impossible to even get into a gallery, much less see the art, because people were crowded into the building. “Wonder Women” wasn’t a flop, but also left enough room for people to freely walk around the galleries, often with the pleasant music from local singer/ songwriter Christine Jude echoing through the halls. The bad part of the scaled back approach is that there wasn’t much to do at the event. Jude’s performance and some food offered were nice, but the galleries themselves were the standard fare: exhibits with a bit of variety but an overwhelming focus of Native American art, crafts and history. It doesn’t seem that any new exhibits were opened or any new pieces were presented, and there

was very little decoration in the building apart from a poster for visitors to pose with. However, the main attraction of “Wonder Women” should be female artists and themes of empowerment. Entering the museum, everything seemed set up for success. Staff members and visitors were dressed as Rosie the Riveter, Frida Kahlo and the titular Wonder Woman, among others. The main event was a scavenger hunt where participants were asked to hunt down and find information on female-created pieces throughout the museum. People completing the scavenger hunt were entered into a raffle for a prize. Though the scavenger hunt was a cute idea, it only placed a spotlight on how little of the art was actually made by women. I went through the entire museum looking at the creator of each piece on display, and for every female artist I found there were 10 pieces by someone named John, Charles, or Thomas. I was able to find a piece by Diego Rivera but nothing from Frida Kahlo. To be fair, the Gilcrease may not have a piece from Kahlo to display, but the overall lack of female art undermined the entire theme of the event. This isn’t to say that the art present at the Gilcrease isn’t worth observing. I still enjoyed the art on display and enjoyed looking at some new areas of the museum I came across during my desperate hunt for female art. The fact that I had to go on a desperate hunt in the first place, however, should convey how little “Wonder Women” managed to introduce me to female artists I could appreciate and challenge an androcentric view of art history. courtesy Wikimedia Commons

A few patrons were dressed as “Rosie the Riveter,” one of the most famous images of an empowered woman.

Spoon looks to new sounds in record, “Hot Thoughts”

Interspersed amongst the familiar Spoon-funk is a plethora of electronic sounds and other elements of experimentation, though the band stays true to their style. Ethan Veenker Apprentice Editor

Spoon is a band that has never disappointed, even when they haven’t revolutionized. They’re a band with a distinct style. From frontman Britt Daniel’s coarse and strained voice to the band’s funky garage rock aesthetic, it shouldn’t be hard to determine if you’re listening to Spoon. Their eponymous 2005 record “Gimme Fiction,” was packed with great tracks such as “The Beast and Dragon, Adored,” “I Turn My Camera On” and “Sister Jack.” In 2014 they gave us “They Want My Soul,” a record which, while not particularly stunning, was a solid rock album through and through. It was catchy and made for easy listening; that’s all you need sometimes. Now, with their ninth studio album, “Hot Thoughts,” Spoon has hit all the right marks once more whilst simultaneously reaching a few more. With ten tracks and clocking in at a little under 42 minutes, “Hot Thoughts” is a great record. The trademark Spoon style is still present here, showing just how impressive Britt Daniel’s voice is to have not changed over the past 21 years. The restrained and rather simple instrumentation still provides the foot-tapping bliss that Spoon are known to produce, and Daniel’s sometimes-nonsensical, sometimes-repetitive lyrics make their appearances. On this record, however, Spoon seems to have treaded furthest from

While the band has lost a few integral members over the years, Britt Daniels remains at the center.

their aforementioned garage rock aesthetic. “They Want My Soul” was a rather straightforward album, with the usual lineup of a bass, two guitars, drums, vocals and sometimes a keyboard for each track. It was solid — that shouldn’t be downplayed — but it didn’t really take any risks: critically acclaimed, but rather short in its lifespan. After the world tour in support for “They Want My Soul,” however, multi-instrumentalist Eric Harvey left Spoon. The effect this had on the music is unclear at the present moment, but it’s evident that “Hot Thoughts” is a slightly different direction for Spoon. It’s been released to acclaim and, while not scoring as high as “They Want My Soul,” it scratches a few itches for me that their last album just couldn’t reach.

“Hot Thoughts” followed “They Want My Soul,” a passable but by-the-numbers album.

courtesy Spoon

The first and most obvious track to discuss is the leading single and the first song of the record: “Hot Thoughts.” “Hot Thoughts” starts directly in the middle of a seeminglysampled violin chord before a simple beat kicks in and Daniel’s overdubbed, high pitch vocals come into focus. “Hot thoughts, melting my mind,” the many voices sing alongside only the drums and the violin, creating a sort of haunting, almost unsettling landscape before the chorus strikes and the violins disappear, replaced by a simplebut-catchy guitar riff and harder, more tothe-point percussion. “Hot Thoughts” alone as a single is fresher and more interesting to listen to than the entirety of “They Want My Soul;” it’s a song in parts, with different feelings and emotions at different moments. There may be fewer instruments, but Daniel has written the song to utilize them to a much greater extent than he was able to on the previous record. “Hot Thoughts” sets the tone for the record as a small band filling a big space. The streak continues going with “WhisperI’lllistentohearit,” a song that starts off abysmally decrepit and lacking in substance. It’s composed of a mere keyboard loop pasted on Daniel’s vocals and a guitar riff that feels like it’s rising but never seems to go anywhere. This all changes when the drums kick in and the song turns into a funky, bass-driven track with backing synthesizers and vocal effects reminiscent of the best parts of the 80s. The record takes its first experimental turn with “Pink Up,” however. The track leads in quietly and electronically with a shaker-tambourine combo on top of a keyboard loop with what sounds like a marimba dropping a few notes here and there. It sounds nothing like Spoon. This record seems to mark the most they’ve played with electronic sounds, and this song is the pinnacle of that experimentation. As the ambient soundscape expands further, with toms and more keyboards, Daniel’s vocals make their way into the track. He self-harmonizes once more, but sounds rather somber and restrained: unusual for his normal style of

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

straining his voice harder than he has to. I can’t fault the band’s past efforts for the lack of change, though, without also pointing out that “Pink Up” doesn’t quite go anywhere either. It stays rather ambient and electronic through its entirety, though the electronic schtick begins to wash away in the song’s outro as violins and pianos replace the digital with the physical and the track slowly fades into a final note. “Hot Thoughts” is Spoon’s most refreshing work since “Gimme Fiction.” There’s only one truly mediocre track on it: “Shotgun,” which is nothing more than a repetitive and rather boring verse-chorus combo on top of a rhythm composition that sounds far below Spoon’s abilities. Besides that track however, “Hot Thoughts” is truly a hit-after-hit type of record. Most shocking, however, is “Us,” the closer track with no vocals. It’s made unique with the several echo-y saxophone dubs that play over themselves. The song is structured almost like a post-rock song, with vastly different musical themes overtaking previous ones every minute or so. So much is told by the song in the span of five minutes; it’s almost worth a negative note to end the record on a track that leaves the listener wanting so much more. This isn’t because the track doesn’t provide the listener with enough, but it’s because it gives them a taste of Spoon as we haven’t heard them, leaving us wanting more sounds of the caliber. But, the drums never kick in, Daniel’s voice doesn’t quietly sweep over our ears and the song just ends as it began: one solemn, dejected-sounding saxophone. Spoon isn’t reinventing the wheel here. They know the genre they’ve contained themselves in over the years, and they know it rather well. They know it well enough to try bending the barriers a little, to try dipping their toes in other waters, but they still leave their other leg in known waters. Perhaps “Hot Thoughts” isn’t doing as well as previous albums because of this very effort (quite a shame were that to be true), but it stands out nonetheless as one of their most honest and resonating albums to date.

The Collegian: 12

Variety

3 April 2017

Lottie Jane, John Mabee host drag queen contest

The hall governments of John Mabee and Lottie Jane Mabee teamed up for a drag show contest to close off Mabee Week. Amy Cairns Student Writer

Each year, Lottie Jane Mabee Hall and John Mabee Hall team up to put on a week of events called Mabee Week to celebrate the cooperation and unity between the two halls. This week of events was kicked off with a spring formal hosted by Lottie Jane, and closed with the Toilet Bowl, a football game hosted by John Mabee. While these two events bookend Mabee Week each year, the events that make up the actual week change yearly. Events vary greatly in nature, from Glow Bowling to Sushi Night. This year for Mabee Week the two Hall Governments decided to bring back an event from the past — the Drag Show. “Mabee He’s Born With It, Mabee It’s Lottie Jane,” a name-play off of the annual Lottie event “Mabee She’s Born With It,” was one of the closing events for Mabee Week. The Lottie Jane Hall Government teamed up with the John’s Hall Government to choose six boys to come to Lottie, allow the Hall Government girls to dress them up in drag, and put on a drag show in Tyrrell Hall. The event was originally put on back in the early 1990s, which the Lottie Jane girls discovered when they found an old photo album of Hall Governments past. With a little convincing, the John boys agreed to help bring this event back. The boys were each given an outfit, a

song and a drag persona. The Lottie Jane girls spent over two hours prepping the boys’ makeup, getting them dressed and ushering them over to Tyrrell for the show to start. To start off the show, each of the queens were to come on stage and perform a song and dance number. John Queena, aka Burke Hanh, wearing a stunning pale dress and leather jacket, performed the classic Journey song “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’.” Next came Nicki Noise, aka Nolan Chung, donning a crop top, short skirt, and fishnets and performing “Out Tonight” from the Broadway classic Rent. Following Nicki was Stacey’s Mom, aka Brennan Murphy, who rocked it in a bold and bright red dress and performed “Single Ladies.” Then came Juulez, aka Matthew Rogers, who wore a bedazzled black dress and performed the Rihanna classic “Only Girl.” Finally, to end the talent portion of the show, Jasmine, aka Adil Hirani, rocking a bright red skirt and black lace top, came in with another Rihanna showstopper, “S&M.” The talent portion was followed by a quick question and answer session. Each of the contestants had to answer a unique but simple question about themselves, such as “What’s your favorite color?” and “What’s your favorite swear word?”. Given the showcase of talent and the answer they gave, it was then up to the audience to decide which Queen ruled the show. It was a close call, with Nicki Noise and Jasmine almost tied, but Nicki came out victorious in the end. The members of the Lottie Jane and John Mabee Hall Governments hope to continue this event in Mabee Weeks to come, hoping to make it bigger and better each year.

photos by Marissa Vogel

(Top) Viviana Abrego, Joseph Edmunds and Denisha Garner pose with a dolled-up Nolan Chung. (Bottom) Burkhart Hahn sings his heart out as John Queena.

Tulsa’s new Cajun kitchen: Aquarium hosts charity run Flavors of Louisiana

photo by Michaela Flonard

Last Saturday, the Oklahoma Aquarium hosted their annual aquarium run, which featured a half marathon, a 10K, 5K and one mile fun run/walk. The races looped through town streets, making their way onto Riverside for some time as well. After the race, runners could spend their morning at the aquarium, which recently opened its long awaited sea turtle exhibit. A large sea turtle greeted visitors, and smaller visitors could see it from an underwater vantage point. courtesy Flavors of Louisiana

The new restaurant, part of a small chain, promises to bring authentic flavor to this Midwest town. Michaela Flonard News Editor After spending spring break in New Orleans, I was excited to see that one of Tulsa’s newest restaurants, Flavors of Louisiana, would be centering on Cajun cuisine. The restaurant opened March 21, and it’s so new Google Maps can’t find it. It’s sister restaurant, located in Arizona, has been open since 2008 and is owned and operated by a native Louisianian, serving both city and country Cajun dishes. These styles differ: “city Cajun (New Orleans style) is spicy hot and with red tomato base sauces and the country Cajun (Acadian) is spicy flavorful with rich brown roux base sauce,” according to their website. A sign featuring a happy gator eating a crawfish that is either also happy or, more likely, terrified, greets you as you enter the place. The restaurant is sandwiched within the London Square shopping center in Tulsa. A few stray beads hang on fixtures to remind you of the massive parties in New Orleans, while family photos hang on the walls near city letters. The menu exemplifies everything one would expect to find at a typical eatery in the French Quarter. Flavors of Louisiana boasts 12 varieties of po’boy sandwiches: from alligator to oyster to chicken, each with a side. The other major section to the menu is “Cajun Specialities,” which holds jambalaya, etouffee and shrimp creole, among others. Each of these options comes with a starter salad, which adds a splash of health to any dinner, and garlic bread. Full salads and gumbo, with chicken or various fish, offer lighter options for those interested. For large groups, there’s combi-

nation plates and an option to choose pieces of meat. Desserts include the typical cobblers and cheesecakes, but additionally New Orleans’ iconic doughy, sugar-drenched beignets. To maximize our experience at the restaurant, we tried the Cajun trio, which offered jambalaya, gumbo and crawfish pie. The rice in the jambalaya was perfectly soft without being overcooked, and the bits of chicken and sausage scattered throughout added a change in texture. While a little spicier than I expected, it was never overwhelming. For the gumbo, I’d ordered the chicken and sausage over the seafood mix, so pieces floated in the warm, savory soup. The crawfish pie was the star of the mix, a flaky, buttery pastry with a creamy center, shaped like an empanada or calzone. Although I’m not a general fan of crawfish, the inside of the pie was still delicious. The chunks of crawfish, with their unique texture and chunkiness, offered a reminder that the creamy inside would still be filling. Another in our party ordered an alligator po’boy with a side of red beans and rice. The large hunk of bread the sandwich was served on gave a satisfying crunch each time he bit into it, and the fried bits of alligator had a unique texture, which distinguished them from a fate of “tasting just like chicken,” as the saying goes. The plates at Flavors of Louisiana are large enough to be saved for seconds. I split the Cajun trio with another, and both of us were satisfied at the end of the night. The jambalaya plate was almost boxed for another day before the good flavor got the best of my friend. While I wanted dessert, beignets were only served in platters of six. This amount was too many for our full group of four that night, but the flavors and options of the restaurant meant that our return to Flavors of Louisiana is inevitable. The restaurant is open for lunch and dinner excluding Mondays and Sundays, on 5800 S Lewis Ave.

courtesy Oklahoma Aquarium

tucollegian@tucollegian.org editor-in-chief

Hannah Kloppenburg managing editor

Giselle Willis Cuauhtle news editor

Michaela Flonard sports editor

Matt Rechtien variety editor

Trenton Gibbons commentary editor

James Whisenhunt satire editor

Sam Chott photo & graphics editor

Elias Brinkman

business & advertising manager

Paul Moses

social media manager

Kayleigh Thesenvitz web manager

Sam Chott

distribution managers

Nathan Gibbons, Adam Lux and Trenton Gibbons

@TUCollegian

The Collegian is the student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters, except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law. Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700, 918-631-2616. Requests for accommodation of disabilities may be addressed to the University’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Taylor, 918-631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpreter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accommodations. Advertising Policy: Advertising appearing in this publication does not imply approval or endorsement by the University of Tulsa or The Collegian for the products or services advertised. For advertising information, email the Collegian at advertising@tucollegian.org. The deadline for advertising is 12 pm on the Friday prior to publication. Letter Policy: Letters to the editor must be less than 500 words and can be sent to tucollegian@tucollegian, or dropped off at Oliphant Room 110. Under no circumstances will anonymous letters be published. The name of the person submitting the letter must be published with the letter. We reserve the right to edit or reject all letters. The deadline for letters is 5 pm on the Friday prior to publication. Editing Policy: The Collegian reserves the right to edit all copy submitted by all writers. This editing may take place in many forms, including grammar corrections, changes in paragraph structure or even the addition or removal of sections of content. Editorial Policy: Columnists are solely responsible for the content of their columns. Opinions expressed in columns may not represent the opinions of the entire Collegian staff, the administrative policies of the University of Tulsa, the views of the student body or our advertisers.

3 April 2017

The Collegian: 13

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The State-Run Media

3 April 2017

the

State-Run media Nobody knew that relationships could be so complicated

Classifieds

Seeking male friend slightly less attractive than I am Adam Lux Is a weak 7... on a good day

21-year-old fun-loving male (Gemini) seeking similarly aged straight male (preferably Cancer but this is negotiable) who is slightly less attractive than I am. Man should be less than five feet ten inches but not shorter than five feet six inches (I don’t want to look too tall either). Man should be between 150 and 200 pounds with very little muscle definition. Most importantly, applicants should have bland hair. Not bad hair but just a very generic, bland haircut with no interesting colours or styles. It shouldn’t look like your mom cut it or anything but more like that one friend that your mom “is just trying to help start her business” cut it. This is the most important requirement. IF YOU HAVE NICE OR INTERESTING HAIR PLEASE DO NOT APPLY. Requirements for the job would be to go out to bars and parties with me on weekends and stand next to me. Nice, appropriate, but plain clothing should be worn by

applicants when on the clock. Applicants will be required to speak some, but not say anything too interesting and to always tactfully lead to conversation back to me. Applicants should have a believable and not overly interesting backstory (if your real backstory fits that description you may use that). You can engage in storytelling as long as the story involves me and paints me in a positive, attractive light. Applicants should have good oral communication skills and a good sense of “when to leave a conversation.” This is of vital importance to the job and will be tested before final offer. Pay would be $15 a night plus one (1) free drink. Pay raise will be available if performance is satisfactory. Unfortunately, I’m only looking for male applicants at this time. However, be on the lookout come Thanksgiving for “Man seeking ‘girlfriend’ who is hot but not so hot that people would be suspicious.” Do NOT contact this poster with unsolicited services or offers.

graphic by Elias Brinkman

Don’t just send signals: Not everybody knows Morse Code

Look at this telegraph, every time I do it makes me laugh.

Relationship guru Amy Cairns teaches you how to not be bad at communication.

Amy Cairns .- .-. . / .-- . / -.-. --- -- .--. .- - .. -... .-.. . People can be hard to read. Body language, nonverbal cues — so much goes into dating and social interactions. Sometimes it’s hard to send the right signals. Here’s a tip: stop using Morse Code. So you’ve found your special someone, your certified cutie, but what do you do now? Do you ask them out? Do you play hard to get? Do you pull out your flashlight and blink out a message to them? You want them to know you’re interested, but you don’t want to scare them off. The key to a successful date is finding the balance between forward, but not creepy. But how do you find that balance? Relax, it’s not hard: just be yourself! Just walk up and talk to them. Speak with your whole face, smile and make eye contact — the little things are important. You have to use your words to speak to them though, you can’t just blink until they interpret your message. One important thing to remember is that every part of you sends a message. From

your face to your clothes, everything matters. To avoid sending mixed signals, you need to make sure you dress the part, and that no other noise is interfering with your transmission. Do you look like you made an effort? Are your clothes too sloppy or revealing? Do you look like you just teleported here from the early 1900s? All of these are important questions to consider when thinking about the message you’re portraying. Once you’ve gotten your first date or two in, the most important factor becomes communication. Any relationship can be a success given proper communication. When you’re feeling down, you need to share with your partner. If you have trouble talking things out, sometimes it help to jot down your thoughts before starting the talk. Just take out a — no, put your telegraph away. No one understands what you’re trying to say. Let it go, man. It’s a thing of the past. Leave it alone. Everyone’s body language comes across differently, so be sure to consider who you’re working with before making a final judgement. What could an awkward twitch could actually be a love letter in a language you just don’t understand. And just remember, though it may be efficient, love is not measured in charactersper-minute.

Which Destiny’s Child member are you? (but everyone gets to be Beyoncé)

courtesy Pixabay Example of someone slightly less attractive than me.

It’s not you, it’s me: I’m just not mature enough for a snap streak Amy Cairns reveals her deepest flaw in this chilling tell-all. Amy Cairns Hey, listen, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to let it out… this just isn’t working for me, I’m sorry. Look. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not mature enough for a snap streak.

work. But how many times do you have to fail to realize it’s not working out? We would send a snap or two a day, make it a week, and then I would forget to reply. Over and over, we’d have to restart our streak. You deserve somebody who can maintain this commitment. I hate disappointing you but I find myself doing it again and again. I can’t give you what you need, I can’t support you the way you need me to, I’m just not there for you. You’re one of my Snap-Best Friends, but I

“I hate disappointing you but I find myself doing it again and again.” We’ve had our ups, we’ve had our downs, and saying goodbye is heartbreaking. But I just don’t deserve you. You can do so much better than this. You deserve more than a blurry picture of my wall, with the text “streak” written on top of it. You deserve depth, conversation, and I just can’t give that to you. My selfies are weak and my phone can’t even register filters. We’re sitting next to each other, but our hearts have two different geofilters. Don’t get me wrong; I wanted this to

can’t even make it onto your list anymore. What does that say about the future? Relationships have reachers and grabbers, and we all know who’s who in our relationship. Your snap score is so much higher than mine. And what about your Super BFF? He has a heart next to his name. I bet he could treat you better. I know the timing isn’t great, but I just needed to get this out. I’m writing myself out of your Snapchat story. I hope we can still be snap-friends.

Everyone who grew up in the 90s remembers all of the decade’s pop groups, especially Destiny’s Child: the supergroup composed of Beyoncé Knowles, and other people also. Take this quiz to figure out which Destiny’s Child member you are, but with the peace of mind that you get to be Beyoncé. Sam Chott Doesn’t know the other girls’ names Everyone had a favorite, and even if that favorite wasn’t Beyoncé, you’re probably too embarrassed to admit it now. 1. You’re in the precursor group to Destiny’s Child, Girl’s Tyme, and you just lost on the competitive TV show Star Search. What is your response? A) Feel bad about it, but keep working hard, and go on to define popular music for a generation. B) Shake it off, and eventually get on Time’s list of “100 Most Influential People” twice. C) In several years, sample audio from the show in your hit song, “***Flawless.” 2. What outfit do you choose? A) Sequined unitard. B) Sequined sun goddess outfit. C) Dress, braids, oversized hat, and lots of jewelry. 3. You’re making a music video. What do you do? A) Perform a complex dance in heels, all in very few shots. B) Make a political music video, with

commentary on race and police brutality. C) Film a black and white music video as an allegory about being cheated on. 4. If you were a recording artist, describe the dominant attitude of your fanbase. A) Rabid. B) Crazed. C) Frenzied. Mostly A: You’re Beyoncé! Unrelated to our promise that you’d get Beyoncé at the end, you’re definitely Beyoncé! Your personality is most closely aligned to that of the member of Destiny’s Child who married Jay Z, whose voice was once called “one of the most compelling instruments in popular music.” I guess it’s a relief that you’re not Michelle Williams, and that you are definitely Beyoncé, the first Black woman to win the Pop Songwriter of the Year award. Mostly B: You’re Beyoncé! Wow! You’re Beyoncé, who went on to have an incredibly successful solo career, and not Kelly Rowland, who was once a judge on “The X Factor UK.” Due to your nuanced answers, we’ve determined that you’re basically the same person as Beyoncé Knowles, who once sold 80,000 copies of an album in three hours without any promotion, and not Kelly Rowland, who will be a judge on the sixth season of “The Voice Australia.” Mostly C: You’re Scary Spice! I know that we promised that everyone would get Beyoncé, but based on your answers, you’re not even a Destiny’s Child member at all. You’re Scary Spice, member of 90’s girl group The Spice Girls. Sorry, but we can’t hide the truth; you’re not Beyoncé, but instead one fifth of the group that’s best known for “Wannabe.”