Morning Wood: March 31, 2016

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Thursday, March 31, 2016

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CHC area government votes to secede from UMass Students request construction of wall

By Rayne Butes Morning Wood Staff The Commonwealth Honors College Area Government voted Tuesday to secede from the University of Massachusetts. According to CHC Area Governor Joe Einstein’s press release, plans have been made to establish CHC as an independent private college.

“Students were already paying extra to be a part of CHC and leaving out the term ‘UMass’ when they tell people where they go to school anyways,” said Einstein, a sophomore studying political science. “This move just made sense.”

The approximately 4,000 students who currently attend CHC must decide by April 4, the beginning of enrollment, whether or not they will choose to remain a UMass student.

“It’s a hard choice, you know? I mean, I’ve been banking on that gold sash at grad-

uation for three years now but like, giving up Late Night at Berk would be pretty rough too,” said Sarah Rockefeller, a junior biology major.

Freshman Annie Warbucks seemed less torn about the decision, “I’m really excited to enroll as just a CHC student for next fall. It would make me so angry when the line at Roots for breakfast in the morning would get super long. Like, these people don’t even go here (CHC), they shouldn’t get to have full oatmeal bar access.”

Newly-hired CHC dean, Gretchen Gerzina, was not immediately available to comment on the vote.

However, UMass Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy did comment via a University press release that the move to secede was not representative of University values.

“I’m concerned about what this says about our students’ school pride. Who’s going to read those prepared quotes in our promotional videos?” the release read. The Chancellor added that administration would have to revaluates next

year’s #UMassProud campaign.

Since its construction, the CHC residential area has been a key stop on prospective student tours and a major selling point of the University to parents.

The University’s Office of News and Media Relations said that the University would not stand by and lose the Honors College without a fight.

“We did not build six twotone brick buildings with poor plumbing to let a bunch of smarty-pants up and leave,” explained University spokesperson Ed Blaguszewsi.

James Jameson, a senior studying engineering, was invited to join the CHC when he was accepted to UMass in May 2012 but chose to remain a general University plebian.

“Honestly, I’m glad they’re leaving. Having central air conditioning doesn’t make you smarter. I think honors kids forget that their degree will still say ‘University of Massachusetts,’ just like everyone else’s. You can’t put nice dorms on your resume,” he said.

GRAPHIC BY EARLY MORNING

The Commonwealth Honors College Area Government voted Tuesday to secede from the University of Massachusetts, and proposed that a wall be constructed to separate the new private college from UMass.

Jameson, however, could be wrong about those degrees. Students who choose to leave UMass and enroll in the seceded CHC will not receive University degrees upon graduation.

Though in the beginning stages, plans for CHC diplomas to be engraved in 14-karat gold and priced by

GPA are in the works for the Commonwealth Honors College’s first independent Celebration of Excellence ceremony next spring.

How will the new college establish itself apart from UMass?

A recent Facebook post has gained popularity since the vote, suggesting a wall be

built around CHC to physically separate the new college from the UMass campus.

Supporters want the other residential area governments to finance its construction.

Rayne Butes can be reached at the largest rain puddle on campus and followed over the rainbow.

UMass announces plans to Students riot to protest install ski lift in Orchard Hill living conditions and rent Four-year installation prices at The Boulders will cost $3 million Nearly 100 residents gathered Wednesday

By PaPa Johns Morning Wood Staff The University of Massachusetts announced its long-anticipated plans to install a ski lift for the Orchard Hill Residential Area Tuesday.

UMass Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy described the $3 million installation as necessary for students attempting to make the long, arduous commute from the residential area to the University’s academic buildings.

“In 2016, our administration cannot sit idly by as UMass students are forced to walk up Orchard Hill without the assistance of a ski lift,” Subbaswamy said.

The chancellor described the current distance walked

by Orchard Hill residents as “pretty long,” and “totally far away from the dining commons,” and added that students really had no reason to live in Orchard Hill given its inconvenience.

“For students paying thousands of dollars to come to UMass, it is unacceptable for them to have to walk the treacherous path without even a measly ski lift,” Subbaswamy said.

Plans for an Orchard Hill ski lift were first raised in the Student Government Association as freshman Jacob Sandcastles, who represents Orchard Hill, complained of the daily journey.

Sandcastles criticized the lack of a ski lift to take students back and forth between their dormitories and the central campus as unfair to students, isolating them from the rest of UMass.

“Since the creation of Orchard Hill, students have been forced to make this very

By equa stRian Morning Wood Staff

MORNING WOOD FILE PHOTO

Design plans for a ski lift to Orchard Hill Residential Area were unveiled

by Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy on Tuesday. long and very vertical walk just for the crime of living in Orchard Hill,” Sandcastles said at an SGA meeting held in January. “And this has got to change.”

Sandcastles’ plan quickly gained steam in the SGA Senate, where other senators from Orchard Hill and Central began to support the plan, saying the current distance from Orchard Hill to the rest of the campus “sucks” and is “really annoying.”

John Johnley, a senator representing Central, agreed with Sandcastles, adding that walking home after class during the winter can actually be a hazard.

“I saw one kid wipe out going down it and slide all the way to Baker,” Johnley said.

“At first I laughed, but then it made me kind of sad. But then I laughed again.”

Not all members of the SGA supported the plan. Offcampus senator Randall Core, a junior who lived in Orchard Hill before moving to the Townehouse Condominiums, described the benefits of the long walk.

“I mean the walk is pretty good exercise,” Core said.

“Orchard Hill and Central are so far away from the gym that most of the people living there

are probably going to get out of shape because of the ski lift.”

People began to strongly suspect the ski lift would be unveiled by the University after mysterious blueprints of a “UMass Ski Lift” began appearing on the unofficial UMass Snapchat.

Students seemed excited to ride the lift when it opens, which is currently planned for 2020.

“I live in Orchard Hill, so this ski lift is really going to make life easier for me,” freshman Kendall Jennings said. “I try to stay out of my room as much as possible right now because of the walk, but maybe I’ll be able to spend more time there now.”

“A few of my friends live in Orchard Hill, but I never want to see them because of the walk,” added Heidi Plame, a freshman. “Maybe now though, things will be different. Maybe everything will be different.”

The effect of the Orchard Hill ski lift on student fees and tuition has yet to be determined. signal by Totman Gymnasium from 2:30 to 4:30 a.m. on even-numbered days.

Nearly 100 students incited a riot Wednesday morning at The Boulders Apartment Homes in Amherst in an uproar over escalating prices and poor living conditions.

The incident began following The Boulders’ annual rent increase, which was slated to raise prices on a two-bedroom apartment by another $1,500 per month, bringing the price to more than $2,500 not including utilities.

“I’ve lived here for three years, and with each lease renewal the number increases even more,” said Morgan Wesley, a senior studying finance at the University of Massachusetts.

“There’s never any explanation and never any improvement in service. Living on the outskirts of town was supposed to be a deal. I might as well move to the Honors College if I’m going to pay these prices.”

In the past several months, the complex has experienced a number of problems and a lack of solutions that have angered residents.

For example, in September, an unknown individual came upon the complex and slashed the tires on more than two dozen vehicles, causing thousands of dollars in damage before the police were called.

Similarly, feuds between residents have led to cut brake lines, keyed vehicles and theft.

“You know, if the University would just let us have Hoverboards, we wouldn’t be dealing with car problems on top of high

rent,” Wesley added.

“When the complex rakes in literally hundreds of thousands of dollars per month, there is no reason why the managers can’t invest a few thousand in security cameras,” said Mike Williams, a junior studying communications at UMass.

“There’s really no need for cameras,” added Jennifer Ford, manager of The Boulders. “This is a very safe community. You’re paying to live here, not park a car.”

In protest, residents took to spray painting graffiti on the buildings and vandalizing the staff’s vehicles, to the point that they would need to be towed from the property. Although the police were called, witnesses were unwilling to talk and without cameras there was no way to tell who committed the crimes.

Other residents stole the maintenance workers’ golf carts and raced around the complex.

“Maintenance here is terrible,” Wesley added. “It doesn’t take any talent to be a maintenance worker when they Band-Aid problems to save the complex money.”

Wesley cited rotting beams, black mold in the laundry rooms and a number of broken lights among the problems ignored by management. The Boulders promotes a homey feel with a lived-in quality however some residents think they take that statement too far.

Other residents expressed frustration over confusing policies.

“In our lease, it says that smoking or having candles in your apartment is prohibited,” said May Welsh, a sophomore studying comparative literature at UMass. “Then,

we got a notice encouraging indoor smoking to prevent cigarette butts outside. Not only does that violate the preexisting lease agreement, but it seems that management would prefer to risk burning down a building than to spend money on ash trays.”

After the rioters dispersed and the police arrived, thousands of dollars in damage was left behind.

“I hope that this gets the point across to management that we’re not happy and they need to start listening to our input,” said Williams.

Williams added that he would like to see student residents separated from families, believing that it would settle tensions between the two factions if they didn’t live in the same buildings.

“As college students, we’re stereotyped as being rowdy,” said Wesley. “But I’ve heard more noise from families with screaming children while I’m trying to study or even sleep than from drunken students.

Plus, it’s not fair that none of the kids’ Barbie Jeeps have been vandalized. Someone is definitely targeting students.”

Another idea Williams expressed was putting together a residential advisory board that would consist equally of students and families, and would serve to manage the complex’s spending.

“Right now living in an apartment complex is exactly like an oligarchy where the lucky few reap all the benefits,” he said. “The idea of ‘Give us your money or get out’ is unacceptable when what you pay and what you get in return as so disparate.”

Equa Strian can be reached at your local rodeo and followed home on the range.

THE MASSACHUSETTS MORNING WOOD

THE BARTLETT STALL n very opinioch writers mu

Thursday, March 31, 2016

SGA, lol

what is your dream?

UMass plans to build moat around Whitmore The University of and billboards will be erectMassachusetts is taking new ed near the library saying steps to prepare itself in the “no guns allowed, like at all.” Pierpont Hall will be Thomas Tilde demolished in order to prevent copy-cat style attacks, event of a dangerous situ- and cats will euthanized as ation on campus similar to well just to be safe.

February’s armed assault in No current plan is in Pierpont Hall. Residential place to relocate Pierpont security will begin random residents, but university pat downs and cavity search- spokesman Ed Blaguszewski es among suspicious individ- clarified that, “Until people uals effective immediately, from Pierpont stand up and but according to UMPD Chief denounce violence from Tyrone Parham, they’re just other Pierponters, UMass getting started. can’t be expected to solve all “Residential halls aren’t their problems for them.” the only concern,” Parham Some students fear the says. “Anywhere on campus news might make it more could be a target. That’s why difficult to fill out paperwe’re taking it to the next work at Whitmore, while level.” others were okay with the In April, construction of news. Senior environmental a crocodile-filled moat will dance major Tyler Johnson begin around Whitmore admitted, “Considering how Administration Building, impossible it is to commu-

nicate with administrators at UMass, I don’t think the moat could possibly make things worse.”

Georgia Merriweather, a freshman architecture major, said that the moat was “an improvement to the campus aesthetic,” but was confused why UMass featured so many prisons.

The Chancellor’s office couldn’t be reached for comment, but Collegian researchers confirmed that the changes can’t come soon enough. Based on national averages, the next armed assault should occur before you finish reading this article.

Thomas Tilde is chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy’s anger translator and frequenty attends anger mismanagement classes.

UMass Chancellor somewhat different after House of Cards binge Following the release the entirety of spring break, of the latest season of during which he completed Netflix’s House of Cards, watching the new season over the course of 12 straight Edworth D’Souzington hours.

“Some of us are simply UMass Chancellor Kumble wolves,” he continued in an Subbaswamy reported a odd southern drawl while noticeable change in his carelessly extinguishing his daily habits to the Morning cigarette. “The path to power Wood. Subbaswamy com- is long, paved not with goldplained of a sudden pro- en cobblestones but with the found desire to maintain his skins of sheep.” position of power, crushing Subbaswamy then turned anybody who comes between aside and began narrating to him and Whitmore Office. the security camera, which “I’m a big fan of Netflix sources confirm was turned shows,” he said in front of off at the time. his office portrait, “and this Subbaswamy then turned latest season of House of back toward reporters with Cards is the best one yet. I’m some personal anecdotes, particularly sympathetic to explaining in detail his ingeFrank Underwood and the nious plan used to force the struggle to keep his power.” resignation of his predecesSubbaswamy’s family sor Robert C. Holub. reportedly left him alone for “And don’t even get me

Mar Tom Br y i n g rady

started on William Bulger (UMass president 1996-2003).

I sure played the long con with that one,” he excitedly proclaimed.

He continued reminiscing until he was reminded by his secretary that he had an appointment concerning an upcoming education bill.

Knocking twice on the office table, Subbaswammy departed, thanking Morning Wood reporters for facilitating such a “productive and therapeutic” venting session. Eyewitnesses report he was last seen in a hoodie, hiding and glancing around furtively near the Haigis Mall bus stop.

Edworth D’Souzington is a professional monocle manufacturer and umbrella inspector.

UMassSGA@stuaf.umass.edu

Martin O’Malley wins Democratic Primary An underdog throughout the Democratic primaries and caucuses, silver

Wartha Stewart fox Martin O’Malley has claimed victory over Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton at the Democratic National Convention, which was pushed forward to today on an emergency basis.

The DNC voted to make O’Malley the candidate after voters chose O’Malley over feuding Clinton and Sanders. Voters deemed that Clinton and Sanders’ feuding over speeches and funding lasted much too long. O’Malley, having suspended his campaign after coming in third in Iowa, surged at the polls due to the feuding nature of the scandals between Clinton and Sanders.

Clinton is currently under investigation for her emails and did not make it to the convention, while Sanders fell asleep prior to the convention. O’Malley was the only candidate to show up and was cited

as “the leader this country needs,” which in other words means that he was the only sane candidate at this point.

With his experience as a folk-rock singer and as a hot dad, O’Malley secured not only the youth vote, but also the mom vote. The former governor of Maryland and mayor of Baltimore are not his only accomplishments that make him qualified to be president. He was voted the Best Young Mayor by Esquire in 2002, which was due to his great looks and killer smile, and he is often described as the “Justin Trudeau of the U.S.” Not much is known about O’Malley, but after a brief skim of his Wikipedia Page, he seems like the presidential type. Voters favored O’Malley over the other Democrats due to his lack of scandals and being under the age of 74. He identified with voters on being proanimal, pro-environment, and pro-rock and roll. It is also important to mention that he announced his candidacy via Twitter, thus

starting the young female following that he garnered throughout his run. That female following increased when videos were found of him wearing a muscle tank during one of his rock shows.

The DNC chair, Debbie Wasserman Shultz, who has been accused of favoring Clinton, shot back at critics by citing the female attention that she and others had given O’Malley.

Aside from his external features, O’Malley seemed to be the only formidable candidate between the scandalridden Clinton and socialist Sanders. We don’t know much about him, but at this point, the voters could care less. The one thing they do care about is having a good-looking president, and let’s just say that between Trump and O’Malley, there’s no contest.

Wartha Stewart is the Collegian’s resident motherly correspondent whose interests include red velvet cake batter and Martin O’Malley’s abs.

Urinals: How our infrastructure divides us Urinals of different dividing the short and the heights and partitions tall from seeing each other between urinals clearly is disgustingly wrong and elitist.

Chad Lipenstock Bathroom architects have, whether consciously represent the systemic dis- or not, introduced tension crimination against men at and derision into the lives UMass. of all men on campus. How In most men’s bathrooms, can we expect to move forthere are one or two urinals ward as a species if the of normal height, and one infrastructure we interact that is significantly shorter. with tells us we are not the To use the shorter urinal is same? emotionally distressing as Noteworthy too is that it makes apparent an arbi- the Integrative Learning trary and uncontrollable Center, built in 2014, is a physical characteristic in notorious offender and height. instigator for the situa“Last Friday I had to tion. For new infrastrucdeny a guy at the door of my ture to feature every men’s frat because I saw him earli- bathroom with urinals of er in the day using a shorter varying height and partiurinal,” said Craig Terson, tions demonstrates that the 26, still a senior. Despite the University is not in tune to seemingly innocuousness of the social justice issues of the separation, studies from the 21st century, regardless the College of Social and of the concerned and proBehavioral Sciences reveal active tone Subbaswamy’s that people who use the many emails undertake. shorter urinal are “looked Bartlett, built almost 60 down on” by their peers. years ago during segregaThe partitions between tion, features urinals of urinals further convolute the same height and withthe issue. A separation by out partitions. Therefore, height is already immoral, one could argue that while but to then have a barrier many forms of discrimina-

tion have been eliminated in American, a new one is on the rise.

Per ESPN, “1 and 4 Americans receive their sense of altruism from bathroom designs and fixtures.”

For example, automatic sinks and dryers encourage conserving resources and ergo environmental protection. So with urinals of unequal height and partitions between, what can we assume the public gathers from the distinction?

Large troughs would be much more suited to reinforce equality. Every man, no matter his height, would urinate into the same sized basin and stand, sometimes even touching shoulders, to the other next to him.

Andrew Zatroskany, a optimistic sophomore, noted, “that would be okay with me I guess.”

If the University is serious about creating an academic atmosphere free of discrimination, this measure will be enacted immediately.

Chad Lipenstock cannot be reached, ever.

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FOOD & DRINK

Study shows Fireball never causes excessive vomiting Cinnamon whisky rarely seen at parties

By Loe ToLLer-AnTz Morning Wood Staff

AMHERST – A new study released by the University of Massachusetts School of Public Health and Health Sciences has revealed that Fireball Cinnamon Whisky has never been the cause of excessive undergraduate vomiting.

The popular spirit – noted on its website as the whisky that “needs no introduction” – was found to have no determinable relation to any instances of bile spewing often associated with excessive alcohol consumption, according to the study.

Fireball whisky, which is 33 percent alcohol by volume, has never been consumed in excessive quantities by UMass undergraduates “because it tastes like candy,” nor has it ever caused students to “yack,” “vom” or “hurl,” the study confirmed.

To complete the study, UMass public health faculty members Jaclyn Daniels, Clark Hennessy and James Beam collaborated with graduate public health students Rebecca Crown-Royal and Evan Williams to survey voluntary participants about their alcohol consumption and specific experience with Fireball at the University.

The professors and graduate students conducted surveys and interviews of approximately 17 thousand people throughout the course of the last nine months in order to get the comprehensive results they were pursuing. Participants consisted of current UMass undergraduates and baccalaureate alumni who received their degrees after 2007, the year the whisky was rebranded from “Dr. McGillicuddy’s Fireball Whiskey” to simply “Fireball Cinnamon Whisky.”

Hennessy, Daniels, Beam and their graduate assistants discuss in the study’s abstract their desire to investigate the rampant rumors that UMass undergraduates regularly overindulge in Fireball whisky (and pay the gastrointestinal consequences).

“We kept hearing these horrendous stories – our graduate TAs would often share them with us, or we’d overhear them ourselves amidst the undergrads – and we wanted to delve into it more deeply,” Daniels said. “The strange thing was that the further we examined this alleged trend, the more we began to realize that the gossip simply wasn’t substantiated by fact.”

Participants in the study were asked about their “poison of choice” at “parties,” “chillax sessions” and during a “typical weekday or weekend,” and were also questioned about whether Fireball

GARBAGE CAN’T/MORNING WOOD

had ever been involved in social occasions that resulted in them “blowing chow.”

Responses to the study were varied but united in their near-omission of Fireball.

None of the several thousand participants suggested that the particular beverage had a distinct presence in their current or previous undergraduate drinking habits. Roughly 31 percent of participants were adamantly against the notion that they have or had ever associated themselves with the whisky.

“I stayed away from that stuff,” Josephine Cuervo, a Northampton resident

who received her Bachelor of Arts in political science from UMass in 2009, said.

“And it really never caught on in the party culture. You would never see anyone going through a personal of Fireball.

Students simply did not drink it, let alone drink too much of it.”

Testimonials from the interviews indicated that even those students who have drunk Fireball unequivocally refrain from excessive consumption of the whisky and have thus never experienced any form of nausea, heaving, gagging or otherwise projectile expulsion of everything they ate within

FILM

a given day or evening – all of which had been rumored to be common occurrences among UMass undergraduates.

“I know when to stop with Fireball,” George Guinness, a UMass senior studying theater and English, said. “I’ve never been in a situation in which I just get caught up in that sweet but burning taste and forget that I’ve downed three quarters of the bottle in an hour.”

Angie Orchard, a UMass junior double majoring in economics and sociology, also expressed her historically positive experience with the cinnamon whisky.

“Last year I drank a com-

fortable amount of Fireball, just enough to feel the slightest buzz,” Orchard said. “It definitely didn’t get anywhere near the point where my friend would’ve had to hold my hair back over the toilet in the second floor bathroom of Brett while I just exhaled spicy puke. No, there’s never been anything like that. I’ve never had any trouble with Fireball.”

In a short addendum to the study, the researchers stated their additional conclusion that the frequent post-weekend strewing of empty Fireball miniature bottles (“nips”) across the UMass campus has no connection with excessive undergraduate consumption of the whisky.

“The most likely case is that students are purchasing the bottles, pouring out the contents and discarding the empties as some kind of periodic practical joke,” Daniels said. “We’re not currently sure why this happens.”

Daniels and her fellow faculty are considering the possibility of a collaborative follow-up study with the public health and sociology departments to determine the root cause of both the “nip” littering behavior and the source of this debunked Fireball rumor mill.

Loe Toller-Antz can be reached in a few minutes. He has to run to the bathroom because he does not feel well. That’s not the smell of cinnamon on his breath. Trust him.

TECHNOLOGY

First date? Watch one of these flicks Twitter tweet-less

By Whine Ancheese

majesty of the mysterious black monoliths, each image emanates with a wide-eyed sense of adventure.

This movie will ensure you make a great impression on the first date. It won’t be long until the two of you add “The Blue Danube” and “Also Sprach Zarathustra” to your make out playlist.

Morning Wood Staff

Movie first dates are the best first dates: You get to sit in a dark room next to someone you’re just getting to know, stare at a giant glowing screen and not talk to each other for an average of two hours. But sitting in your home or dorm and watching a good movie with someone you might fall in love with can sometimes be as great as a romantic trip to the multiplex.

Spring is here and the weather is brightening by the day, and there’s no better way to embrace the change of season than by staying indoors to bond over great filmmaking. With that in mind, here are eight great first date movies to ease the awkwardness and help make the sparks fly between you and your crush.

“The Wolf of Wall Street” Director Martin Scorsese’s three-hour romp through and critique of the Wall Street world of stock fraud, Quaaludes and chaos is enough to give anyone butterflies. Loud, messy and freewheeling, this is guaranteed to make you want to hold hands and not let go. Be mindful of sweaty palms, though.

Something else to consider: Leonardo DiCaprio finally won his Best Actor Oscar for “The Revenant” this past February, but should he have won it for his performance in this film? Sounds like a great kick-start for a first date discussion.

“There Will Be Blood” Will your crush love you as much as a ruthless oil tycoon loves liquid gold? Only one way to find out: Sit down with that interesting person you might have only just met and watch star Daniel Day-Lewis

“The Social Network”

MAX ROCKATANSKY/MORNING WOOD

and writer-director Paul Thomas Anderson bring this story of passion to life.

The movie is also an excellent litmus test for capitalists – if you don’t think “The Wolf of Wall Street” will provide a clear enough indication of your date’s fiscal politics – so that’s a bonus.

“An Inconvenient Truth” If talking about the weather leaves you and your date’s conversation feeling bland, then former United States Vice President Al Gore and director Davis Guggenheim’s environmental documentary is sure to heat things up. Gore’s impassioned and important insights on the effects of global warming and the efforts necessary to combat it will undoubtedly cut that first date tension. Get cozy and listen to the hard truths about climate change and your hearts will be melting faster than the polar ice caps.

“Inside Llewyn Davis” A young folk singer (Oscar Isaac) navigates the unforgiving winter and music scene of 1961 Greenwich Village alongside other attractive and frustrated talents – the sup-

porting cast includes Carey Mulligan, Justin Timberlake and Garrett Hedlund – in this charmingly cynical choice for first date cinema. Misery loves company, and no one knows misery better than the Cohen brothers, so snuggle up with this tale of artistic struggle and let yourselves simmer.

“Whiplash” If you and your date leave this doozy equally appalled by its depiction of modern romance – a toxic love triangle between a young man, his drums and a merciless jazz maestro – then you probably have a great chance at starting a far more nurturing relationship.

Director David Fincher.

Screenwriter Aaron Sorkin.

If anyone knows how to depict healthy relationships, it’s these two. Their criticallyadored film traces the dizzying path of Facebook CEO and co-founder Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg) as he falls deeply in love with himself.

But Mark can’t only concentrate on his love affair, though – he also has a fledgling company to run. How will he juggle it all? The answer will surprise and inspire both of you. Forget a second date – you’ll want to start a business together after this one.

“It Follows”

Writer-director David Robert Mitchell’s fascinating coming-of-age movie is the quintessential first date flick. It tenderly captures the charms and challenges of youth and the unpredictable nature of life, fervently encouraging viewers to seize “2001: A Space every day.

Odyssey” The film reminds us why we bother with romance to The dawn of man, the dan- begin with – to meet new peogers of artificial intelligence ple, take chances and be sponand the immeasurable void of taneous. Between its enthrallouter space. Stanley Kubrick ing story, earnest characterknew how to direct these ele- ization and uniquely beautiful ments with care, and thanks score, “It Follows” may be the to his subtle touch, “2001: A best cinematic aphrodisiac in Space Odyssey” plays like recent memory. the most intimate of ballets, a gentle journey about the Whine Ancheese can be found at the power of human connection. local diner eating breakfast cereal From the amorous red glow without milk in it. He does not have an of HAL 9000 to the bashful email address.

By sAmueL BuTTermAn Morning Wood Staff

In an effort to streamline its interface and address recent concerns expressed by users, Twitter has removed its tweet function – from which the social media platform takes its name – according to an announcement released this week.

Effective immediately, users will no longer be able to send new tweets – the 140-character posts that has become a company standard – from their respective handles. The “Tweet” button has been deleted from the site at the time of this reporting.

Users can still explore Moments, send direct messages and follow other accounts. Existing tweets can also still be liked, retweeted or categorized into lists.

Tweet-related functionality, however, will be phased out over the next several months. Twitter will remove tweets sent from all verified accounts first – starting with popular celebrities, then politicians, corporate higher-ups and other public figures – and will erase all tweets from regular users afterward.

Tweets will be purged in reverse chronological order, Twitter noted in its statement. “All of us at Twitter see this as the opportunity to take users on a trip down memory lane, allowing us to remind them of the best moments in their tweeting experience as we make this substantial transition,” the company said.

“We think that users will welcome this change,” Jack Dorsey, co-founder and CEO of Twitter, said in the announcement. “If there aren’t any tweets at all in the timeline, then users will find nothing to take issue with.”

Dorsey noted the importance of maintaining Twitter’s reputation as a

venue for quick, open communication. “Twitter was always meant to be the place where you could share your thoughts with the world. But we realized our original idea for how users could share those thoughts wasn’t exactly the best choice,” he said.

When pressed for comment about hashtagging, the practice that has historically allowed popular jokes or even news to spread quickly between users on the platform, Dorsey aired some personal frustrations.

“I never liked hashtags,” he said. “I once sent out #TwitterSucks as a joke from my secret alternate account, but when that became a worldwide trending topic it just felt like insult to injury.”

Twitter plans to shift its focus to user bios and direct messaging, emphasizing the “yet-untapped value” in those elements of the site.

The character limit on bios will be lifted, and both bios and direct messages will receive greater emphasis in the new Twitter interface, which the company plans to roll out within the next three years.

“We’re taking everything that people loved about Twitter and focusing it so that users’ experiences will be more intimate,” Dorsey said. “Expanding personal bios and streamlining communication into direct messages will hopefully facilitate a much more nurturing communal experience for users.”

Some users began to update their bios with criticism of the new changes, but Twitter removed these accounts from the site before The Morning Wood could collect direct quotes.

Samuel Butterman is a literal stick of butter in the small drawer in your refrigerator. He is still salty from that one time Regina George asked if he was a carb.

THE MASSACHUSETTS MORNING WOOD

Sticks n’ Balls BOMBAY’S BACK!

Thursday, March 31, 2016

MWSports@hotmail.com

@MorningWoodSports

HOCKEY

Just days after UMass hired Greg Carvel to be its next hockey head coach, athletic director Ryan Bamford changes his mind in favor of Gordon Bombay

By Bucci Mane

The Worldwide Leader

There’s been a Steve Harveyesque mix-up.

Just days after University of Massachusetts athletic director Ryan Bamford announced that Greg Carvel was named the next coach of the Massachusetts hockey team, he’s changed his mind.

Late Wednesday evening, UMass announced it hired longtime Mighty Ducks head coach Gordon Bombay as the new head coach of the Minutemen.

Bombay’s contract is a three-year deal worth $15 million.

“I messed up,” Bamford said.

“We initially thought that Carvel was the perfect fit to lead our hockey program, but when Gordon Bombay calls you up and says he wants to return to coaching, you hire Gordon Bombay.”

According to the press release, Carvel’s contract will be paid out in full by Massachusetts tax payers.

“I promised our fans that we would make a big splash and sign a household name, and I think we accomplished that today,” Bamford said.

Bombay first entered the coaching scene after a brief stint as a lawyer with Ducksworth, Saver & Gross firm. Although he never lost a case, he was presumed inept for the job by his peers at the law firm and was sentenced to coach youth hockey as a punishment.

The Minneapolis native coached

SOMEONE AT DISNEY

Gordon Bombay won the 1992 Minneapolis District 5 peewee championship as the head coach of the Mighty Ducks. the Mighty Ducks to the District 5 peewee championship back in 1992 after using the famous “flying-v” formation to score the game-tying goal late in regulation. A year later, Bombay coached Team USA in the Junior Goodwill Games, where they won the championship against Iceland in a historic shootout.

“It’s an honor to be named coach of the UMass hockey program,” Bombay said in a phone interview with The Worldwide Leader. “You guys saw what I did with the Mighty Ducks back in ’92, there’s no doubt in my mind that I can turn this program around in no time.”

“I’ll tell you what, man,” said

MEN’S BASKETBALL

ducks, man.”

Gruden wasn’t the only staffer in Bristol, Connecticut to catch wind of the Bombay hiring either.

Ron Jaworski – who literally does nothing but watches film all day – took some time out of his morning to analyze the flying-v Bombay is bringing to Amherst.

“I spent 172 straight hours watching film this morning watching the 1992 Mighty Ducks run the flying-v and now that’s why I truly believe the UMass hockey team will be the best hockey team ever,” Jaworski said.

Bombay hasn’t coached since the 1994 Junior Goodwill Games and has spent the past 22 years hanging out with members of The Breakfast Club.

UMass finished the 2015-16 season with an 8-24-4 (2-16-4 Hockey East) record and was eliminated

by Boston University in two games in the first round of the Hockey East tournament.

Bombay also said he plans on reaching out to Charlie Conway to gage his interest in joining the staff as an assistant coach and director of player personnel.

“It’s time we turn this program around. There’s no doubt in my mind we can find a way to win games in a very competitive Hockey East conference,” Bombay said. “I’m ready for this challenge and ready to put UMass hockey on the map.”

John Gruden, a longtime ESPN broadcaster and former NFL coach-turned hockey expert for this one article. “Watching the Mighty Ducks run the flying-v is like watching actual ducks take flight when they migrate south for the winter. It’s unbelievable Bucci Mane can be reached at the speed and precision watch- BucciManeCashMoneyRecord@gmail.com ing those ducks take flight. I love and followed on Twitter @BucciMane.

FOOTBALL

Derek Kellogg signs highest paying Bamford, UMass still hair product endorsment deal searching for home

By Derek ZoolanDer

By Steve rogerS

While all of the recent talk in the sports endorsement world has been centered around LeBron James signing a lifetime deal with Nike, which pays him more than $30 million annually for the rest of his life, another endorsement deal has largely gone under the radar.

That deal belongs to Massachusetts men’s basketball coach Derek Kellogg, who officially signed on with L’Oreal for a 30-year contract worth $10 million annually.

Kellogg expressed gratitude to the hair product company for its generous endorsement.

“This has been what I’ve been working toward for years.” Kellogg said. “Sure, our team didn’t have the best year on the court, but I sure do look damn good on the sidelines.

Thank you to L’Oreal for this wonderful opportunity. My hair will not let you down.”

The contract, signed after UMass was knocked out of the Atlantic 10 tournament by Virginia Commonwealth earlier this month, is the largest sports endorsement deal for hair products in history, easily eclipsing former Pittsburgh Steeler Troy Polamalu’s agreement with Head & Shoulders and Green Bay Packer Clay Matthews’ deal with Suave.

Matthews expressed congratulations when reached for comment on the Kellogg endorsement.

“I’ve always thought I had the best hair in sports and then one day I was flipping through the channels and caught a glimpse of (Derek) and I was astounded,” Matthews said. “It’s pretty remarkable when the coach gets you more interested than his own team. His hair has that type of effect on people.”

The Massachusetts football team will enter the 2016-17 season in search of another conference to call home after four years as an FBS team in the Mid-America Conference, where it went 7-25.

The lack of success coupled with the high cost of Division I football has led to a lot of criticism among the UMass fan base.

Levels of resentment are growing within the UMass community on the amount of money spent compared to the low number of victories.

But athletic director Ryan Bamford remains optimistic.

“I think it gives a better idea of the cost of winning at this level,” Bamford said in an exclusive one-on-one interview with The Morning Wood. “I think that if you look at our work over the course of the past four seasons, there’s no reason why conferences shouldn’t be coming to us, asking to join their leagues.”

Some UMass football fans have begun to question if such a conference fit exists in the FBS. When the question was raised to Bamford, the color in his face was noticeably reduced as he reached for a bottle of water.

“Yes of course it does,” Bamford said after swallowing hard. “The Minutemen most certainly belong at this level; it’s just a mater of finding the right fit.

Yeah, that’s it… the right fit.”

When asked which conferences the program was looking into, Bamford declined to answer. He then abruptly ended the conference and left the room with little explanation.

Sources indicate that Bamford

Morning Wood Staff

Morning Wood Staff

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE HAIR STYLISTS AT L’OREAL

Kellogg’s deal with L’Oreal is a 30-year contract worth $10 million annually.

As a part of the agreement, Kellogg will have shipments of L’Oreal products sent to his home every day for the next three decades.

“I go through at least five bottles of hair product per day, so this is a big weight off my shoulders,” Kellogg said. “Even with my salary, it is tough to pay for all that product.

It can be hard to maintain, so this deal will definitely make my life a bit easier.”

Not everyone is a fan though.

Kellogg’s wife Nicole Flory believes these hair products are taking over their home and making it hard for them to raise their son Maximus.

“Max is a growing boy, so he needs space to move around and have fun within our house,” Flory said. “I’ve always loved my husband’s hair. It’s one of the best features he has, but I think this is just too much.”

To quell his wife’s concerns, Kellogg has begun plans to construct

a large storage space in his backyard to store the extra product he is sent each day. UMass athletic director Ryan Bamford has offered aid from the athletic department to complete this project.

“Anything we can do to help (Derek), we are going to make sure we do,” Bamford said. “His hair is a major marketing tool to potential recruits, so we are going to make sure we can maintain it at the highest level.”

As Kellogg prepares for the offseason, he outlined two main goals. The first is to get his team prepared for the 2016-17 season. The second is to make sure his hair stays as slick as ever.

“I live my life by F.H.B.,” Kellogg said “Family. Hair. Basketball.”

Derek Zoolander can be reached at your nearest runway or at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Who Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

has been involved in one-sided contact with commissioners of the American Athletic Conference and Atlantic Coastal Conference among other Division I conferences.

According to these sources, Bamford has left several voicemails, texts, emails, Snapchats and handwritten letters to no response.

When questioned about the possibility of adding UMass to its quickly expanding conference, ACC commissioner John Swofford swiftly declined the notion.

“Look, we already have one underperforming Massachusetts team we want to get rid of,” said Swofford, referring to Boston College’s 0-26 combined football and basketball conference record this past year.

AAC commissioner Michael Aresco declined to comment on the situation due to the fact that he has cut off all sources of communication that are in any way connected to UMass due to the high volume of messages from its athletic department and overambitious fan base.

If the AAC or ACC doesn’t work out, Bamford indicated UMass may consider joining either the Bay State Conference, Hockomock League or Pioneer Valley league, depending on if the situation was right. “All of those conferences have young, upcoming talent. I think we could be very competitive playing against kids 14 to 18 years old,” Bamford said. “The University of Massachusetts would make a great fit in any of those three leagues.”

Steve Rogers cannot be reached. Ever. EVER.

THE MASSACHUSETTS

A free and responsible press

DAILY COLLEGIAN DailyCollegian.com

Thursday, March 31, 2016

By ElizaBEth WallacE Collegian Correspondent

The Capitol Visitor Center in Washington D.C., where several University of Massachusetts students are interning, entered a lockdown Monday when a man was shot by police officers after pulling out a gun at a security checkpoint.

Tyler O’Day, a UMass political science and communications major, was approximately two miles away from the Capitol at the time of the incident. O’Day is interning this semester with the Grassroots Division at Dewey Square Group, a consulting firm.

“Throughout the afternoon, I could hear a lot of police sirens going by the office,” O’Day said.

However, O’Day’s apartment is only a block away from the Capitol Visitor Center, and he walks by where the incident took place every morning and afternoon.

According to CNN, a gunman brandished a weapon inside the Capitol Visitor Center during the early afternoon on Monday.

Capitol Police responded immediately, injuring the gunman as well as a female bystander, who was hit by flying shrapnel.

According to the Boston Globe, the Capitol remained locked down for approximately an hour following the incident, and the White House experienced a brief lockdown.

Currently, Congress is in recess with representatives in their districts. However, the Capitol was packed with see

LOCKDOWN on page 3

News@DailyCollegian.com

Praying for Lahore

UM student intern discusses Monday’s lockdown in DC Tyler O’Day was two miles from Capitol

Serving the UMass community since 1890

JUDITH GIBSON-OKUNIEFF/COLLEGIAN

Junior Evelyne Djakpa (left) and sophomore Rachael Crossley (right) each hold signs during the candlelight vigil for Lahore, which took place outside of the Student Union Wednesday evening.

Title IX site adds Survivor’s Bill of Rights provisions

by CERC legislation

By Stuart FoStEr Collegian Staff

The University of Massachusetts updated the My Rights section of their Title IX website to specify provisions from the Coalition to End Rape Culture’s Survivor Bill of Rights.

The My Rights section, which CERC President Priya Ghosh said has been consistently revised by UMass since the winter break, contains nine bullet points and is prefaced with a statement acknowledging the influence of the Survivor’s Bill of Rights, which specifically applies

to survivors of sexual assault.

“I discovered yesterday that many of the parts of the nine major clauses were adopted from the Survivor’s Bill of Rights,” said Ghosh, a public health sciences major.

The updated My Rights section emphasize many points from the Survivor’s Bill of Rights, such as the assurance that students’ Title IX rights will be protected if they study abroad, that students have the right to choose whether or not to seek a disciplinary hearing if they become a survivor of sexual misconduct and that students have the right to withdraw a Title IX complaint at any point.

However, the bullet

points in the section do not cover all parts of the 13-page Survivor’s Bill of Rights, which is more extensive and specific than the My Rights section of the Title IX website. The ability of students to withdraw from classes if necessary as a result of a sexual assault, and the guarantee that UMass will fund an abortive method if the survivor becomes pregnant as a result of the sexual assault are two examples which are not mentioned in the bullet points.

“I think it shows they’re willing to work with us but there’s a lot to still be done,” said CERC Treasurer Colby Gavin, a sophomore studying political science and women, gender and sexual-

ity studies.

On Friday, members of CERC will meet with members of the UMass administration to discuss the University’s Title IX policies.

“Now our focus is on Friday and making sure we talk about the extent to which these policies are implemented,” Ghosh said.

Ed Blaguszewski, the University’s spokesman, said that the updates to the Title IX website do not represent a change in the University’s Title IX policy, but rather a clarification.

“In working with students from CERC, we have recently revised language on this site,” Blaguszewski wrote in an emailed statement. “There was no

“I think it shows (the administration is) willing to work with us but there’s a lot to still be done.”

Colby Gavin, Treasurer of the Coalition to End Rape Culture change in federal requirements or the way that we provide support to students studying abroad.”

Ghosh used the example of how students who survive a sexual assault would be effected if they live off campus and need to move as a result of their assault to explain the administration’s policy.

Since UMass does not have a policy of reimbursing third parties, the student who has to move to an off-campus house would

have to pay moving fees during the adjudication process, although they could assist the student.

“They could arbitrate with the landlord,” Ghosh said.

“They’ll recoup finances to a certain extent.”

Ghosh said that over the winter break, multiple UMass departments wrote a document entitled “Implementation Status of CERC Survivor Bill of Rights demands,” which see

TITLE IX on page 2

MassPIRG, SGA, sustainability manager UMass For the present report on renewable energy Kids holds 10th annual UDance

By Stuart FoStEr Collegian Staff

Students representing M a s s P I RG at the University of Massachusetts, the Student Government Association and the University’s Sustainability Manager said Massachusetts officials should commit to powering the state with 100 percent renewable energy at a press conference on Wednesday at 2:30 p.m.

S o p h o m o re c iv i c engagement and nonprofit management major Julia Seremba announced the release of “We Have the Power,” a new white paper created by the Environment Massachusetts Research and Policy Center and

Frontier Group, during the press conference in the Campus Center basement.

“A future powered entirely by clean energy is within our reach,” said Seremba, the coordinator of MassPIRG’s 100 percent Clean Energy Campaign.

Seremba said the paper found that global warming is causing extreme weather events, such as extremely warm winters and Hurricane Sandy, and that the use of fossil fuels has resulted in contamination of air and water in the United States.

She also said fossil fuels in Massachusetts are all imported from other states, thus sending billions of dollars out of the state’s economy.

Ezra Small, the sustainability manager at UMass, said the University has

made a commitment to clean energy.

Small described the University’s installation of a 200 kilowatt solar array in the University’s visitor parking lot.

“We’ve decided to look at our parking lot spaces and turn our parking lots into clean energy power plants,” Small said.

Small also said the University planned to install similar power plants on six roof tops and in two parking lots.

However, Small said that this would depend on the state department of energy and resources’ Solar Renewable Energy Credit II program, which determines which solar energy projects are approved.

“It’s not a done deal yet,” Small said. “We’re still waiting on state regu-

lations.”

SGA Secretary of Sustainability Jennifer Raichel, a senior studying environmental science, said that students on the UMass campus are concerned about these issues, specifically clean energy.

Raichel said that whether buildings on campus are LEED-certified, or resource efficient, is an important question students often have about the campus.

“This white paper will be really encouraging to students on campus,” she said.

Kieran Murphy, a senior who studies resource economics, said that a lack of efficiency is currently causing 60 percent of energy in the United States to be wasted, and that renewable see

MASSPIRG on page 3

Event raises money

By JESSica ValEriani Collegian Correspondent

The 10th annual University of Massachusetts UDance, a 10-hour dance marathon to raise money for the Baystate Children’s Hospital in Springfield, will be held on April 2 from noon to 10 p.m. in the Curry Hicks Cage.

The campus group UMass For The Kids organizes UDance in conjunction with the Miracle Network, who held the event for the first time in 2006. All of the money donated goes straight to the hospital in order to enhance the facility, purchase new equipment and pay for the healthcare professionals who work at the facil-

ity and care for the children.

Last year, the event raised $65,000, its highest amount yet. The goal for this year’s UDance is $100,000.

The registration fee for the event is $15 and there is a $50 fundraising minimum in order to attend. Registration will include a free T-shirt and meals, as well as access to all activities being held. Students can register for the event alone or with a team.

Haley Hohensee, on-campus recruitment co-chair for FTK, said that there will be a number of different activities happening during the 10-hour marathon.

“An opening ceremony to kick things off, numerous dance performances and interactive activities with the mirasee

UDANCE on page 2

2

THE MASSACHUSETTS DAILY COLLEGIAN

Thursday, March 31, 2016

CALENDAR

WEEK END

FRIDAY AMAZING RACE Teams compete in a race around campus to be the challenges. Starts at 7 p.m. at Wilder Hall.

KIDNAP MACHINE Journalist Omar Al-Muqdad screens his documentary “The Islamic State Kidnap Machine” at 2 p.m. in Integrative Learning Center Room S350.

SATURDAY SAX SYMPOSIUM The annual saxophone symposium includes high school jazz, classical solo competitions and quartet recitals. From 9 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. in the Bezanson Recital Hall.

BASEBALL The UMass baseball team takes on Rhode Island University starting at 2 p.m. at Earl Lorden Field in Amherst.

SUNDAY OUT OF DARKNESS Walk supports the American Foundation From 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the Track & Field LACROSSE UMass women’s lacrosse takes on Duquesne University starting at noon at Garber Field.

DailyCollegian.com

UMass Entrepreneurship Club to hold weekend-long ULaunch event Student teams to share startup ideas

By Tanaya asnani Collegian Staff

The UMass Entrepreneurship Club will host ULaunch, an event geared toward fostering an entrepreneurial spirit across campus, from Saturday, April 2 at 8:30 a.m. to Sunday, April 3 at 5 p.m.

The weekend-long event, which enables students to put their ideas for forming new startups into action, will hold workshops beginning in Integrative Learning Center room S311.

“ULaunch at UMass hopes to help many students kick start their own startups that they not only run during the

UDANCE

event but could potentially run for a lifetime,” said Aleric Heck, president of the UMass Entrepreneurship Club.

The event welcomes multidisciplinary individuals from across campus and aims to achieve the UMass Entrepreneurship Club and the Berthiaume Center for Entrepreneurship’s goal of uniting diverse areas of campus under entrepreneurship. The opportunity to create ideas will facilitate participants with lifelong skills that can be applied to a similar scenario in the future.

The event is organized by the executive board of the Entrepreneurship Club with the help of club members.

Other on-campus clubs and entities are incorporated with the event due to its mul-

tidisciplinary feature.

“We know that there are many innovative students all over campus and that with the tools and guidance that we’ve worked to provide, they’ll have all they need to launch their startups and bring their ideas to life,” said Casey Adams, a ULaunch team member.

ULaunch incorporates other events hosted by the Entrepreneurship Club and the Berthiaume Center, such as an Idea Jam event where individuals can pitch their ideas. Once the top ideas are selected, the students will form teams.

The semi-finalist teams of ULaunch will participate in an Innovation Challenge to further grow their entrepreneurial initiative. Startup teams will present their

ideas and prototypes for judging, and the winning teams will be awarded prizes by the event’s sponsors.

Near the conclusion of ULaunch, there will also be mandatory team meetings where students will discuss the next steps to be taken with the startups, and how they will continue.

“We expect the turnout of the event to be absolutely incredible,” said Ben Burman, a ULaunch team member. “With the team we have and the hard work we have put in, we expect a great turnout, and a really fun and inspirational event that can potentially help students start something great here at UMass.”

Tanaya Asnani can be reached at tasnani@umass.edu.

continued from page 1

cle kids are some of the things to expect,” Hohensee said.

Hohensee also said that this year, FTK is expecting a large turnout. Hohensee has been involved in UDance in previous years and said her team is working hard to make the 10th anniversary the best one yet.

“The FTK team has made an effort to reach out to every (registered student organization) on campus to increase involvement,” Hohensee said.

Hohensee said FTK has also reached out to the Greek community, and expects a large Greek presence at the event.

Students can register to participate in the event up until 11:45 p.m. on Friday, April 1.

Jessica Valeriani can be reached at jvaleriani@umass.edu.

TITLE IX

Joey Coles, a patient at the Baystate Children’s Hospital, leads a conga line at the 2011 University of Massachusetts UDance fundraising event. From left to right: Carly Wareham, Erica Gold, Kenzie Langkammerer, Dani Kolen and Joey Coles.

continued from page 1

SHANNON BRODERICK/COLLEGIAN

Priya Ghosh, president of the Coalition to End Rape Culture, speaks during a rally outside the Student Union in December.

Ghosh said CERC planned to release to all students on Wednesday night.

The document listed

each right guaranteed in the Survivor’s Bill of Rights, the current UMass policy and either the date

UMass implemented that provision or how it could conceivably implement them, if possible.

According to the document, most of the clauses in the Survivor’s Bill of Rights exist as current UMass policy, and there are a few that are out of the University’s control.

“The clauses that do exist, we’d like to talk about whether they’re visible, whether they’re accessible, whether they’re transparent,” Ghosh said of the meeting this Friday.

Ghosh also said that UMass plans to send out surveys about students’ Title IX experiences to randomly selected students, a sample email of

which they gave to CERC to check for language.

The survey, which will be sent to 3,500 undergraduate and 2,000 graduate students, will be sent out around April 3.

“They asked us about content warnings and just basic information that they provided in the email,” Ghosh said.

CERC has been campaigning for the implementation of the Survivor’s Bill of Rights since the spring semester of 2015.

Stuart Foster can be reached at stuartfoster@umass.edu or followed on Twitter @Stuart_C_Foster.

THE MASSACHUSETTS DAILY COLLEGIAN

DailyCollegian.com

Thursday, March 31, 2016

3

Egypt asks for extradition New study finds substantial of airplane hijack suspect decline in US homicide rates

By Khairy hussein and alexia angelopoulo dpa

CAIRO — Egypt on Wednesday requested Cyprus to hand over an Egyptian man accused of hijacking a passenger aircraft and forcing it to fly to Cyprus the day before, prosecutors said.

A statement from Egypt’s chief prosecutor said it is asking for Seif al-Din Mustafa’s extradition in order to conduct an inquiry in Cairo into Tuesday’s hijacking of the EgyptAir plane.

The handover request is based on a 1996 extradition treaty between Egypt and Cyprus, the statement said.

Earlier on Wednesday, Cypriot prosecutors had ordered Mustafa to be kept in custody for an initial eight days pending investigations, Greek television network Skai reported.

Depending on how the investigation develops, the length of time spent in custody may be extended.

Mustafa, 58, used a fake explosive belt made of mobile phone covers and cables to seize the plane, which was on a flight from Alexandria to Cairo, forcing it to instead land in Cyprus.

He then held the passengers and crew members as hostages on the landed plane and

LOCKDOWN spring tourists and staffers who were told to shelter in place. Additionally, the Easter Egg Roll at the White House brought increased tourists to the city this weekend.

UMass experienced its own shelter in place order on Feb. 18 when two suspects, one considered a “hostile armed person,” assaulted a student in Pierpont Hall.

As previously reported by the Massachusetts Daily Collegian, both suspects were arrested and charged with armed robbery, assault and battery with a deadly weapon, and assault and battery.

During UMass’ lockdown, O’Day was in Washington D.C., but received the emergency alert text messages.

According to CBS News, after the attack in Brussels on March 22, Washington

MASSPIRG resources such as solar and wind power would save a much greater amount of energy.

“Wind power can meet 10 times our current electricity consumption,” said Murphy, a coalition coordinator in MassPIRG. Isabella Cobble, a freshman studying engineering, said the state of Massachusetts is currently poised to move in the opposite direction the paper recommended by increasing dependence on fossil fuels.

But Cobble, a campaign member at MassPIRG, said the paper disproved the idea that investing in renewable energy is more expensive than continuing

demanded to see his Cypriot ex-wife with whom he is said to have several children.

“What should someone do, who hasn’t seen his wife and kids for 24 years, because the Egyptian government won’t let him (leave)?” he was quoted as saying by Skai.

According to Cypriot state television, the hijacker initially demanded the release of detained female Egyptian opposition activists and requested asylum in Europe for himself.

The flight’s 55 passengers and 15 crew were released unharmed in Cyprus and flown back to Egypt late Tuesday.

continued from page 1

D.C. as well as other American cities including Boston, New York and Los Angeles, were placed on heightened alert. The incident at the Capitol Building on March 28 does not have any connection to the bombings in Brussels.

U.S. Capitol Police Chief Matthew Verderosa said, “We believe this is an act of a single person who has frequented the Capitol grounds before, and there is no reason to believe this is anything more than a criminal act.”

“The Visitor’s Center served its original purpose as a barrier from more harm being done,” O’Day said. According to the Washington Post, the Capitol Visitor Center’s construction was instigated by a 1998 attack by a gunman on the Capitol Building,

resulting in the deaths of two Capitol police officers: Jacob Chestnut and John Gibson.

Amber Phillips of the Washington Post wrote, “(The Visitor Center) would be an air-conditioned welcome spot and meeting point for visitors, but Capitol police officers said it would also be a welcome addition to security by regulating the flow of visitors and providing an evacuation route in case of an emergency.”

“I think that the Capitol Police Department and the Metropolitan Police Department do a tremendous job of keeping a city that has so many of our country’s greatest treasures safe,” said O’Day. Elizabeth Wallace can be reached at erwallace@umass.edu.

continued from page 1

the state’s current energy trends.

“Dirty fuels have no clear economic advantage over clean energy,” she said.

Erik Simon Vuoritie, a freshman studying engineering, agreed with Cobble’s criticism of Massachusetts state officials, referencing state plans to restrict the implementation of solar energy

by Massachusetts residents and businesses, and to encourage the development of pipelines in the state.

“One hundred percent renewable is as necessary as it is feasible,” said Vuoritie, a campaign mem-

ber at MassPIRG. MassPIRG is a nonpartisan, liberal research and advocacy group that operates within the state of Massachusetts as part of a national series of Public Interest Research Groups. The Environment Massachusetts Research and Policy Center and Frontier Group is an environmentalist and citizenbased advocacy group which is part of the group Environment America.

Stuart Foster can be reached at stuartfoster@umass.edu or followed on Twitter @Stuart_C_Foster.

By Michael a. Fuoco Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

PITTSBURGH — Homicide rates in the United States significantly dropped for white, black and Hispanic populations between 1990 and 2010, a new study has found, and the most dramatic declines occurred in the two minority groups.

The study revealed that three of the most significant social trends over the past 20 years - mass incarceration, rapid immigration and growing wealth inequality all contributed to the reduction in the gaps between the white homicide victimization rate and those for blacks and Hispanics.

As a result, the blackwhite homicide victimization rate gap decreased by 40 percent, the Hispanic-white gap dropped by 55 percent and the black-Hispanic gap shrunk by 35 percent, according to the study to be published Thursday in the April issue of the American Sociological Review.

“There is good news here not only have the gaps closed, but they’ve closed in a good way,” said Michael T. Light, the study’s lead author and an assistant professor of sociology at Purdue University.

“They also could have closed if there would have been more white homicides, which no one would think is a good thing.

“That said, there’s still a sizable gap there that we certainly can’t ignore. So, there’s good news but a lot of work still needs to be done,” said Light, who holds a Ph.D. in sociology.

The study, which used data from 131 of the largest U.S. metropolitan areas, found the

following: -The white homicide victimization rate declined by 1.7 homicides per 100,000 whites - from 4.8 white victims per 100,000 whites in 1990 to 3.1 in 2010, for a 35 percent decrease.

-The black homicide victimization rate declined by 13.4 homicides per 100,000 blacks - from 33.9 black victims per 100,000 blacks in 1990 to 20.5 in 2010, for a 40 percent decrease.

-The Hispanic homicide victimization rate declined by 5.8 homicides per 100,000 Hispanics - from 12.4 homicide victims per 100,000 Hispanics in 1990 to 6.6 in 2010, for a 47 percent decrease.

Co-author Jeffery T. Ulmer, professor of sociology and criminology at Penn State University, said the study - like others before it - puts the lie to claims, such as those by Republican frontrunner Donald Trump, that immigration increases crime.

“It’s just not true,” said Ulmer, who has a Ph.D. in sociology. “I really wish people would stop claiming that immigrants, particularly Hispanic immigrants, lead to more crime, that immigration is an engine of crime. It’s not, and we’re just the latest study to find this.”

In fact, the study found that an influx of immigrants actually decreases homicides.

“People who decide to come here are not people with strong tendencies toward violent crime,” Light said. “They are coming here for educational opportunities, employment opportunities and opportunities to help their families.”

The study noted “that black foreign-born residents increase informal social control and strengthen com-

munity institutions, such as churches and schools, or invigorate social capital networks, as has been proposed occurs among Hispanic immigrants, thus decreasing the black rate toward the white rate.”

The study also showed that the increasing racial/ ethnic disparities in incarceration rates were associated with significant reductions in black-white and blackHispanic homicide victimization rate gaps. However, the authors were quick to caution against drawing the conclusion that even more incarceration would produce even more benefits because the findings have to be viewed in a larger context.

“While our results suggest that incarceration has reduced the race gap in homicide over the past two decades, it is highly unlikely that these gains have outweighed the devastating impact of mass incarceration on minority communities given the mounting evidence of the collateral consequences of the prison boom for exacerbating broader patterns of racial/ethnic inequality,” the authors wrote.

As for wealth disparity, the authors said, “While it is clear that racial/ethnic gaps in affluence expanded dramatically in recent decades, we find little evidence that affluence inequality, in contrast to gaps in disadvantage, is related to racial/ethnic differences in homicide.”

Ulmer said, “It’s about poverty and segregation and unemployment and family disruption at the local level.

In other words, how the 1 percent lives doesn’t seem to matter much in the number of homicides.”

Opinion Editorial THE MASSACHUSETTS DAILY COLLEGIAN

“Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.” - Alfred Hitchcock

Thursday, March 31, 2016

‘Wet’ shelters: Helping or harming the homeless?

Craig’s Place, a major homeless shelter in Amherst, has opened its doors to more than 500 homeless resi-

Bridget Higgins dents within the past four years. This number is rising even more due to the facility’s policy of being a “wet” shelter - residents can bring in alcohol, use funds from the shelter to buy alcohol and drink while housed overnight there. “Wet” shelters are becoming more popular around major cities in the U.S. like Seattle.

This is not necessarily a good thing.

With the implementation of a safe drinking zone, the severely afflicted alcoholics in the area may continue drinking 24/7 with neither incentive nor assurance of receiving rehabilitation.

With the recent violence between homeless residents at Craig’s Place and on the streets of Amherst shelter, is remaining constantly intoxicated really helping the situation?

Alcoholism is indeed one of the deadliest addictions in the nation.

According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), excessive alcohol use led to around 90,000 deaths each year in the U.S. This included homicide while intoxicated, drinking and driving deaths, alcohol poisoning and other accidents. The idea behind wet shelters was to bring chronic and severe alcoholics into the system, hoping to maneuver them from housing to treatment. The goal is to take alcoholics off of the street and bring them to a safe place to stay and drink under supervision.

In theory, this is a great idea. In some aspects, it works well, too. For example, one Seattle study showed that residents of wet shelters decreased their intake of alcoholic beverages over two years from 20 drinks per day to 12.

Another study showed that the average individual in a Seattle wet housing program cost the city only a quarter of what they used to before entering the system.

However, there are many very real and relevant drawbacks to wet shelters. For one, a study by the Winston Churchill Memorial Trust showed that a number of those in wet housing ultimately drink themselves to death. In addition, Rehabs.com reported that wet shelters do not require residents to undergo any form of counseling or treatment. This is almost counterintuitive to the idea of getting chronic, severe alcoholics into the system. Drinking an unlimited amount throughout the night may allow them

Why tragedy is good for the media Tragedy is good news for school, or a guy executes peoCNN, as it is for FOX, MSNBC, ple at a mall, the whole world Buzzfeed and any other jour- gets an alert to tune in, and CNN stays on TV for another Becky Wandel year.

I’m really sick of that. I’m sick of the only news on TV nalistic medium which relies being designed to make people on ad money. It’s simple. School afraid so they keep watching. kids being bombed in Peshawar, I’m sick of hearing people say bombs going off in Brussels, they’re not going to travel until Americans being beheaded on things have “settled down” video—it all equals one thing because their fear has been to these networks: money.

Such events naturally draw exploited to the point where more viewers to their networks they think the whole world is and temporarily increase their out to get them. I’m sick of the audience. They give them this bombs going off in Pakistan great power to shape conver- and Turkey and Iraq not being sations and either milk each loud enough for CNN to hear tragedy for all it’s worth or because they won’t draw the

alcohol induced violence in Amherst.

For those who must stay at Craig’s Place who are not under any influence, merely seeking a safe place to stay, these instances of violence affect the safety of the shelter every day.

In addition to the perpetuation of violent conflict, wet shelters, at least in the case of Amherst, do not require rehab meetings or contain rehabilitation facilities on-site. I am no expert in chronic alcoholism, so I will take experts’ advice that allowing moderate amounts of drinking instead of quitting cold turkey is a more effective solution to alcoholism. However, there is no “moderation” within wet shelters. You may drink however much you want throughout the night, store your alcohol safely and take it out into public the next day with you.

No one is trying to enforce counseling or solutions to substance abuse issues within the shelter.

I do not necessarily disagree with the institution of wet shelters.

However, these shelters as they currently stand are not helping with the problem so much as perpetuating substance abuse on a constant and daily basis. If wet shelters remain in place in Amherst, a rehabilitation or at least a counseling requirement should be in place, along with supervision and moderation of drinking—enough to ward off deadly withdrawal symptoms but not enough to cause excessive disorientation and violence. This is the only way to ensure safety of the homeless population while at least trying to keep people from hurting themselves, others or drinking themselves to death.

“You may drink however much you want throughout the night, store your alcohol safely and take it out into public the next day with you. No one is trying to enforce counseling or solutions to substance abuse issues within the shelter.” to drink comfortably, but there is no guarantee of rehabilitation.

Another vulnerability of wet shelters is that they can perpetuate an unsafe environment, both within the shelter and on the streets. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence found that 40 percent of all violent crimes today involved alcohol. In addition, the World Health Organization reported that, “Alcohol use directly affects cognitive and physical function, reducing self-control and leaving individuals less capable of negotiating a non-violent resolution.”

This has manifested itself within the shelter at Craig’s Place just last week, where a woman was violently choked during a conflict. Another incident occurred in Amherst Center earlier in the week, when two shelter residents engaged in a violent fight during the daytime in front of Antonio’s. These are just some of the many calls involving

Editorial@DailyCollegian.com

“I’m sick of the only news on TV being designed to make people afraid so they keep watching. I’m sick of hearing people say they’re not going to travel until things have “settled down” because their fear has been exploited to the point where they think the whole world is out to get them.” give it its due time and move on.

From the standpoint of a corporation (and that’s what these news agencies are), the choice is easy – talk about each awful thing for as long as possible, get more views, get more money. They are businesses after all, and businesses can’t be faulted for wanting to make money. But herein lies the key difference: news agencies aren’t just businesses, they’re public servants. We trust them to be human and moral and discretionary like the rest of us.

In fact, we trust them so much that we give them an incredible power over us. They have power to manipulate our feelings and our opinions – power to manipulate our votes.

So we must have faith that the corporations with which we trust this power are going to be responsible– that they’re not going to exploit our feelings and manipulate our attention for a profit. More and more though, they are forced to ignore us, mainly because we’re not giving them any money.

As much as these news agencies deserve to be admonished as the antagonists they’ve become for ignoring such moral obligations, we can’t entirely blame them. We ask them to respect us but we don’t put our money where our mouth is.

So when a bomb goes off somewhere around the world, or a man brings a gun into a

Bridget Higgins is a Collegian columnist and can be reached at behiggins@umass.edu.

same amount of views as bombs in Boston and Paris and Brussels.

The choice to change that is in our hands. If we keep supporting cable news and clicking on the first thing that pops up when we google the #prayfor___ hashtag that just started trending on Twitter, we have to know that we’re feeding a monster. And it’s a monster that doesn’t care about us.

Alternatively, we could look past the white-hot headlines, and scroll down by the first few links about a certain story to find publically funded journalism – stories that you know don’t have to rely heavily on lies or sensationalism to get views. PBS, first-hand tweets or YouTube journalists who are supported by crowdfunding are good places to start. I hope there will be more places like these in the future.

I’ll say that as humans, our attention is one of the most precious things we have to give.

It’s our time and it’s our life and every day we hand it over to someone else for some number of minutes or hours to hear about our world. With whom will you trust that gift?

My advice? Make sure it’s someone who respects it. Make sure it’s someone who doesn’t just want to eat it alive.

Becky Wandel is a Collegian columnist and can be reached at rwandel@umass.edu.

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Arts Living THE MASSACHUSETTS DAILY COLLEGIAN

Thursday, March 31, 2016

“Time is how you spend your love.” - Zadie Smith

Arts@DailyCollegian.com

LIFESTYLE

‘Nostras Voces’ creates space for greater inclusion Show representative of many narratives

By Erica GarnEtt Collegian Staff

Bowker Auditorium, formerly occupied by Eve Ensler’s famous production “The Vagina Monologues,” welcomed a different show this year. “Nostras Voces” was performed on March 24 and 25, 2016, inviting a space of greater inclusivity at the University of Massachusetts to bloom alongside the spring flowers.

I can remember sitting in the audience in 2015 for the opening of “The Vagina Monologues.” The show was introduced with a brief history and prefaced with a disclaimer from the director, acknowledging that the show is exclusionary to several identities, including but not limited to people of color and the transgender community. This opening statement engulfed the audience in an uneasy tension that set the tone for the night.

When Haley Hewson, director and producer of “Nostras Voces,” took the stage last Thursday on opening night, she prefaced the show with trigger warnings but didn’t need to acknowledge any other potential deficits of the show. “Nostras Voces” was intentionally created as a response to campus feedback from “The Vagina Monologues,” which students felt was harmfully reductive.

“Nostras Voces” arose as a replacement to Eve Ensler’s famous production. While “The Vagina Monologues” affirmed the narratives of cis, white, straight women, and neglected those who identified outside of that narrow box, “Nostras Voces” invoked an amendment to this exclusion by offering a more accepting space for all people to share their stories.

The production was curated entirely by UMass students as an accumulation of identity exploration. The show’s breadth was intended to invite a larger range of identities and voices to the show, to facilitate a much

more inclusive environment.

VOX UMass: Students for Reproductive Justice produced “Nostras Voces” and chose the show’s name, which means “our voices” in Latin.

Hewson, an English major, has been a part of VOX for over two years. She co-pioneered Nostras Voces with fellow VOX members Carrie Nagle and Beth Gilson while they were in a dress rehearsal for the Vagina Monologues, during last year’s production.

“I didn’t feel like I had to apologize for being a part of this production,” admits Hewson. “‘Nostras Voces’ felt more local, more accurate and more representative of the people that I have met; smart, articulate, creative, and passionate people over the past four years at UMass. You are seeing the beauty of UMass students in this show,” Hewson said.

The show began with “As Read on My Red Lips” written and performed by Amanda Chang. Chang’s monologue has forever tinted how I will look at the little red tube at the bottom of my makeup bag, the way lipstick stains anything your coated lips come in contact with.

Chang’s piece spoke to how her perception of beauty was impacted by her identity as an Asian woman. She took the audience through her mentality from childhood to the present moment onstage, with no prop at hand besides her truth and her red lips.

A section of her monologue reads, “If my race barred me from participation, I’d reclaim that disqualification on my terms, siren red lips with almond dark eyes staring straight ahead, declaring that I am visible, I am present, I am here.”

Nathalie Irmer, a junior political science and environmental design major had four pieces in “Nostras Voces,” as if they were a well deserved tri-encore. Her pieces were spoken word and were originally written. Her first piece, “Back in the Land,” reflected on her upbringing in Chicago.

Her words boomed from the stage like the blaring horns

of city traffic and weaved in and out of the audience rows, like crowds of people crossing street blocks.

Irmer concluded the first act with “Black is Gold” and greeted the audience post-intermission with “#F***boys.” Indulgently satisfying puns took a stab at exposing the male ego with a certain degree of taste on Irmer’s part. For Irmer, she describes her style of narrative as having many layers and double meanings. She plays with her language, taking prose and making it provoking and engaging.

“I hope people of color can walk away feeling affirmed,” she said.

Irmer acknowledges the beginning of a paradigm shift in America, despite all the work that still needs to be done to achieve a socially just country. A central theme in her pieces were her experiences as a women of color, as she referenced the Black Lives Matter movement.

“I love being on the stage and being able to spit my truth,” Irmer said.

Irmer’s voice is a turn table, gradually rising, climaxing and falling, matching the most impactful points of her words. Her final piece was “Dear White America.”

Interspersed through the show were eight collections of facts. Topics included police brutality, education statistics, assault and cultural appropriation. These bits of certainty rooted the fruitful messages of the performers on the stage – if the wood floor were soil, a garden would have sprouted by the end of the night, watered by the truth of the student’s words.

Popular artists like Nicki Minaj, Kanye West and Kendrick Lamar blasted for seconds in between acts as the lights temporarily dimmed. Hewson found the genres of music an appropriate additive to the show because of hip hop and rap’s long legacies of telling stories with deeper meaning.

In addition, Miguel Paredes, a UMass junior, wrote three musical pieces in “Nostras Voces.” Paredes

VOX UMASS: STUDENTS FOR REPRODUCTIVE JUSTICE FACEBOOK PAGE

‘Nostras Voces’ samples one piece from ‘The Vagina Monologues.’ The rest of the show consists of student writing. wrote the music and lyrics to all pieces except for the music to his last piece entitled “Work Study,” which concluded the show.

A couple verses of the song Paredes rapped went, “…last time I checked intellectualism is a dirty word / cuz everywhere I go I see oppression man I can’t escape it / what’s the f **king point of being highly educated / my mama says one day I’ll truly learn to navigate it / but I don’t wanna if that means I gotta be complacent.”

Paredes is a theater major at UMass and has ties to both California and Amherst.

He uses music and art as activism and believes in the impact of their practices both for therapeutic reasons and for delivering a message. For Paredes, his message centers around his experiences as a man of color at UMass and in America in general.

He recognizes that art is already perceived by people with the expectation that there is an underlying message and utilizes that inherency to create a space for his own narrative.

“My Short Skirt” was the only piece in the show adapted from “The Vagina Monologues.” Katie Dube performed the piece commendably.

Hewson took to the stage in “Nostras Voces” and sang the lyrics to “Paulo Freire,” written by Miguel Paredes, as he played the guitar. She also wrote a piece entitled “Stitching” that Hudson Smith performed. Hewson was pleased with Smith’s ability to internalize Hewson’s words and deliver them with conviction to the audience, as if they were Smith’s own.

“Putting life behind the words that you are reading is essential,” Hewson said.

UMass junior Regina East thought “Nostras Voces” had many layers to it and more sense of a community.

“These are issues we aren’t talking about the arts is one of the best ways to do that,” East said.

East, along with Amherst College sophomore Irisdelia Garcia, enjoyed being able to actively participate with the show. She found the script dynamic and the relevancy of the show to be more in tune with today’s society.

“The Vagina Monologues” served one particular group and “Nostras Voces” reached a wide spectrum in such a tasteful way,” Garcia said.

The show encouraged audience members to snap their fingers as a form of appreciation and concordance. Hewson admits feeling

like a proud parent in a sense and is so thankful to her cast and crew. Hewson’s hope for “Nostras Voces” is that it will encourage community dialogue and collaboration at UMass.

Hewson hopes that in the future “Nostras Voces” will still involve students telling their stories. Currently, VOX is trying to reach out and establish themselves not just as a white feminist group and aims to offer more support to fellow groups on campus that align themselves in the same social conscience. “Nostras Voces” that effort.

There was no chance in the night for “Nostras Voces” to fall victim to the monotony of repetitive monologues. Each person spoke their unique story, bearing themselves to the audience, uncensored and unapologetically themselves. The pieces were relatable but personal and accompanied by a chorus of snaps, joining all people in the room across differences.

A portion of the proceeds from the two performances will go to Safe Passage in Northampton and The Amherst Survival Center.

Erica Garnett can be reached at egarnett@umass.edu and followed on Twitter @GarnettErica.

TELEVISION

Shakespearean theater meets corrupt American politics Finding the Bard in ‘House of Cards’ By conor DEnnin Collegian Correspondent The “Henriad” is the scholarly term for the five plays from “Richard II” to “Richard III,” including both “Henry” plays, written

by William Shakespeare. He was using the “War of the Roses” to excite his English audience about their political lineage. We can’t help but wonder why he would tell these stories of corrupt and greedy, if not clever and wise men, to a mass of hardly literate people.

I predict that future scholars will someday refer to “House of Cards” with similar questions about the relationship between masses of people and portrayals of corrupt politicians. Just as Shakespeare offers Jacobean audiences a lens into the imperfect worlds of Richard, Henry and Macbeth, “House of Cards” creator Beau Willimon allows American audiences into an anti-ideal-

istic world of American politics.

Like the masses in Jacobean England, we know our politics are messy. If there is one certainty we can derive from this year’s presidential election, it’s that Americans are fed up with our nefarious political system. I can’t help but watch political speeches and debates and, regardless of the candidate, I know there is a notable amount of dishonesty in what they are saying.

But “House of Cards,” particularly its fourth season, offers Americans like myself an almost Shakespearean tragic satisfaction with our political system. Even through brutal deals behind closed doors and vicious betrayal, I felt apart of the corruption of our diseased system— as if finally I saw the root of the lies, that I know I have been told.

Sometimes Americans want to experience the idealistic hope and pride in our democratic system; other times they want to cringe at the messy corruption

that we know exists behind closed doors, but is never visible to us. While “House of Cards” may hyperbolize the extent of the corruption in American politics, it creatively demonstrates the chess-like strategy that must occur in the back chambers of Congress and the White House.

The latest season of “House of Cards” places us at the epicenter of corrupt politics. Themes from earlier seasons – greed, corruption, dishonesty – are all augmented here. Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) and his wife Claire (Robin Wright) are more ruthless than ever.

A charming indication of these horrifying politics is the cinematography. It dims all the color, but it’s sleek and compliments the minimalist lighting to give a sanitized, surreal quality that sets a constant mood of cunning, if not criminal, morality. Most Shakespearean about the show, beyond the Jacobean themes, are Spacey’s asides to the audience. His past turn at Richard III is recognizable in his portrayal of the

equally immoral President Underwood.

Wright stunningly plays Claire Underwood, capturing her heartlessness on the campaign trail, yet also her personal fragility and humanity. Claire reminds us of Lady Macbeth and Queen Anne in a more complicated and better realized contemporary reimagining. She’s bold, ruthless, loyal yet at times a bit too forgiving of her husband’s sins.

This season further complicates the couple’s confusing but fascinating relationship. Like “Richard III,” it challenges the audience’s understanding of the motives behind couples in power; it makes us reconsider the intersection of love and power, partnership and romance.

Frank Underwood’s manipulation, especially of his wife, is a bit discomforting and hinges on violent. While Claire is strong in herself, and from time to time outwits him, we cannot help but fear that “House of Cards” stinks a little of Shakespeare’s misogyny, where power is a very gen-

dered quality.

I can’t help but consider two other political television series when I watch “House of Cards.” “The West Wing,” largely considered one of the greatest political dramas of all time, elicits the idealistic nature of our democracy; it depicts politicians that are loyal to their ideals, they operate with integrity, and they navigate complex moral dilemmas. “Veep,” the political comedy starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, shows us the pettiness and goofy missteps of politicians, especially when they misspeak about popular culture or are caught in compromising photos.

These two shows hyperbolize certain aspects of American politics. They bring us to swell with pride at our wise and humble leaders, or to cringe and laugh at politicians when we realize they’re human, too. “House of Cards” delivers the heightening: it forces us to realize the darkness, corruption and cutthroat politics that govern our nation. It’s not pretty. The series makes us realize the facade of cam-

paign speeches and it drives us to imagine the horrors that are taking place right now in our own government.

Yet, in an election year dominated by discussions about the crookedness of our establishment system, perhaps “House of Cards” adds a healthy balance.

Shakespeare didn’t incite a revolution in 1592. His plays didn’t lead people to despise their own political system. It allowed them to experience a reality that they knew was occurring but wasn’t accessible to them.

It’s no secret dirty deals are made and politicians are imperfect people. There is something pleasurable in seeing it, even if we have to experience it in the Oval Office of the fictional President Underwood, and have these nasty characters speak to us directly. “House of Cards” doesn’t make us feel warm and cozy about our leaders, but Frank and Claire Underwood offer us honest, if not Shakespearean, American politicians.

Connor Dennin can be reached at cdennin@umass.edu.

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Tuesday - Tuesday

Thursday: Nothing. Existed.

pisces

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Thursday, March 31, 2016

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BASEBALL

HOME WOES

Slow start plagues UMass in BC loss By aDam aucoin

At that point, you are scrambling,” Stone said about his After back-to-back wins bullpen. “(Connor Donahue) in which it gave up two came in after not pitching runs or less, pitching was much at all and was able to expected to be the facet of get us out of a tough jam, so the game the Massachusetts that was good to see.” baseball team could count Geannelis makes on when it took on Boston season debut College at Earl Lorden Field Wednesday.

UMass has seen many But in baseball, games don’t always go as you would pitchers contribute throughexpect, and Wednesday’s out the first 16 games of the contest was a clear example season, but one pitcher that of that as UMass struggled has been auspiciously misson the mound early and ing over that span was Mike eventually fell to the Eagles Geannelis.

Until Wednesday.

11-5 in its second game with Geannelis came into an in-state rival in as many Wednesday’s game with one days.

Redshirt sophomore out in the third inning and pitcher Ryan Venditti was provided the Minutemen tasked with slowing down with 2.2 innings of relief, the BC (14-9, 3-6 Atlantic giving up two runs and Coast Conference) bats and striking out six. from the start he didn’t have Stone gave an explanahis best stuff. Venditti would tion for Geannelis’ early last only 1.1 innings giving season absence to reporters up five earned runs and six after the game, stating that hits. He gave up two home he was ineligible for the first runs in his outing, the first 15 games of the season due to designated hitter Stephen to a team-related infraction.

Sauter in the first inning, As for how he performed and the second to left fielder on the field, Stone was quite Michael Strem in the second impressed with the junior’s inning. effort, but realizes that it Minutemen (5-11, 1-2 will take awhile until he is Atlantic 10) coach Mike back to normal.

Stone was not impressed “I thought he was very with the performance his sharp until he ran out of starter gave him on the gas,” Stone said. “In the mound. past, he’s been one of our “He didn’t really have better players. It’s quite any success today, which is obvious that we have to be unfortunate because in the careful with him though past he has been a guy we and his number of pitches count on,” Stone said. “He didn’t give us the chance to because he hasn’t pitched at win the ball game and in all this season.”

“It felt good to get back the end that’s what it comes out there and compete,” down to.”

Geannelis said. “Obviously Venditti was cognizant of the fact that he struggled it was a tough game and it was a hitter’s day for sure, mightily on the mound.

“I was getting behind in but it was great to get back the counts and leaving the out there.”

Geannelis and Venditti ball up in the zone,” Venditti said. “You can’t really come understand the need for back from that when you are the pitching staff to pick up their play as they start to get making those mistakes.”

After Venditti was into the heart of the season.

“We all know we didn’t relieved with one out in the second, UMass saw strong get the job done. That was pitching out of their bull- pretty clear,” Geannelis pen. Despite giving up six said. “Every outing, every runs as a bullpen, they day is a learning experience provided stability in a key and that’s baseball and you time of the game where the always have another day to Minutemen were in danger get better.” of fading away for good.

“It’s kind of tough when Adam Aucoin can be reached at you’re starter doesn’t get aaucoin@umass.edu and followed on beyond the second inning. Twitter @aaucoin34.

Collegian Staff

JUDITH GIBSON-OKUNIEFF/COLLEGIAN

UM falls at Earl Lorden to Eagles

By Kyle Daluz

the ballgame we left some atbats out there,” Minutemen coach Mike Stone said.

Home has not been “Early on, I felt good about the nicest of places to the our effort – the fact that we Massachusetts baseball team didn’t quit and kept fighting. so far this season.

When you get one or get two The Minutemen allowed (runs offensively), you’ve got five runs in the first two to go out and put zeroes up, innings against Boston and we didn’t do that. They College Wednesday at Earl continued to put the pressure Lorden Field, failing to on us and extend the score, mount a comeback in an 11-5 and we couldn’t keep pace.” loss to the Eagles, putting a “It’s tough any time squash on their two-game you get down like that, 3-0 winning streak. in the first inning, to stay Redshirt sophomore pitch- up, have energy and really er Ryan Venditti struggled in stay focused,” catcher John his second start Jennings said. of the season for “I think we did a BC 11 pretty good job – UMass (5-11).

Venditti allowed three in UMass 5 getting five runs on six the first couple hits and threw innings to make three wild pitches it 5-3. We just in his 1.1 innings of work, as couldn’t sustain it.” the Minutemen fell to 0-2 on The Minutemen had runat home. ners on base in the fifth, The UMass bats did not sixth and seventh innings, go quietly in the following but came away empty handed innings, scoring three runs in as they failed to get multiple the next two frames to get to runs across in those innings. within two runs of BC (14-9).

“That’s kind of been one That’s as close as they would of our issues all year, RBI come, however. hitting,” Stone said. “We “We definitely didn’t quit, haven’t cashed in enough. but I felt in the latter half of Even yesterday (3-2 victory Collegian Staff

over Northeastern), we left guys in scoring position and didn’t come through enough.

As a hitter, that’s when you would want to hit most I would think. Anybody who’s played the game loves to hit when there’s people in scoring position. We just haven’t done that well enough yet.”

Jennings’ bat was one that continued to hit the ball well.

The senior captain cut the deficit to 6-4 in the fifth with a double that scored Mike Hart. Jennings had two hits on the day with two runs batted in.

“He looks very confident, real balanced,” Stone said of Jennings. “He looks like he’s seeing the ball well and using his hands. He just really looks locked in and he’s doing a good job.”

“The ball looks like a beach ball to me right now,” Jennings added. “I’m seeing the ball well and I’m putting good swings on it.”

The bullpen was forced to expend four arms over the course of 7.2 innings with Venditti’s inability to get through the second inning on the mound. Mike Geannelis carried the bulk of

the load, pitching 2.2 innings while striking out six in his first appearance of the season after missing the first 15 games. The junior right hander, who figured to be a key piece in the Minutemen rotation and at the plate, was ineligible due to a team related infraction, according to Stone.

Cooper Mrowka kicked off the scoring for UMass with an RBI double into the gap in left center to plate Hunter Carey in the second inning.

Carey scored Dylan Morris on a fielder’s choice in the seventh inning. Morris (two hits) continued his torrid pace (.364 batting average) with a solo home run in the third inning. Brett Evangelista had the lone other hit for the Minutemen, who tallied just eight in the contest compared to the Eagles’ 16.

UMass is back in action Saturday at 1 p.m. as they host Rhode Island (9-12) at Lorden Field for the first half of a home-and-home series.

Kyle DaLuz can be reached kdaluz@umass.edu and followed on Twitter @Kyle_DaLuz.

WO M E N ’ S L AC RO S S E

Minutewomen begin quest for eighth straight A-10 title

By Thomas JohnsTon Collegian Staff

As the Massachusetts women’s lacrosse team travels to Philadelphia to take on Saint Joseph’s, it must deal with large, warranted expectations. Friday’s game marks the beginning of Atlantic 10 play; a place the Minutewomen have dominated for the majority of the past decade.

UMass (7-1) was the preseason A-10 conference favorite, which was a surprise to no one. The Minutewomen haven’t lost in the conference since the end of the 2009-10 regular season, and have won the A-10 title each of the last seven seasons. This type of domination puts a bullseye on your back, as every team in the conference is looking to steal the division crown. The Hawks (1-7) will have the first opportunity to attempt to dethrone the

division champions.

The meeting between UMass and St. Joe’s features two teams trending in opposite directions.

The Minutewomen roared through their non-conference schedule with a 7-1 start to the season, while the Hawks have struggled early on, losing their last five contests.

St. Joe’s has not defeated UMass since April 10, 2005 and Minutewomen coach Angela McMahon does not envision her team changing strategies as conference play starts, as she feels that her team should dictate each game they play.

“It doesn’t matter who the opponent is, the focus is on what we need to do and hopefully if we achieve all of our in-game goals – setting the tone, winning the possession game, draw controls, ground balls and shooting efficiency – we are

putting ourselves in a good position to win,” McMahon said.

UMass is coming off an extended break, having a nine-day layover between the Albany game (March 23) and Friday’s game.

While this has allowed the Minutewomen to get a needed rest during the intense season, it also halts the momentum they were building. McMahon hopes her team can pick up where they left off, citing a quick start as something they are building toward. She also wants UMass to find its rhythm and flow early on. “(We want) consistency in terms of what we’ve been doing all season long, getting out to a quick start, being intense, aggressive, focusing on the possession game early on and from there, we are able to build momentum and dictate pace of play. So I think that’s

definitely a key focus point for us,” McMahon added.

Last season, the Minutewomen got out to a fast start leading the Hawks 11-3 at the half. Though down by a large margin, St. Joe’s did not quit, only being outscored by UMass by one goal (5-4) in the second half. McMahon has learned from experience that despite the Hawks record, they will compete the entire game. She knows her team will have to keep their foot on the gas the full length of the game, no matter the score. “(St. Joe’s) fights for a full 60 minutes. They have some pretty good athletes with great speed who can push the ball pretty hard so I think it’s just making sure for us, because of that intensity that they’re bringing all game. I think we need to be sharp, take care of the ball and focus on the

JUDITH GIBSON-OKUNIEFF/COLLEGIAN

things we need to do for the entire duration.”

UMass should have its way with the St. Joe’s defense. The Minutewomen have a plethora of scorers, averaging over 13.38 goals per game as a team on the season, while the Hawks have struggled defensively,

allowing 13.25 goals per game. In addition, St. Joe’s has failed to keep the opposition under ten goals this year.

Friday’s game will begin at 3 p.m. at Sweeny Field.

Thomas Johnston can be reached at tjohnston@umass.edu.