TNT
BIG BAD RON
Patricia Quinn, of Rocky Horror fame, is speaking about how much she loves Shakespeare. Big Ron appears a little disgruntled beside her. All eyes are focussed on Patricia. She tells us she once played Lady Macbeth. I tell her that I study English, her interest is piqued and an interesting conversation should entail. But, No, no, no. Out of nowhere, Ron leans across and tells us all he has a fantastic joke and that we’ll love it. He confirms with Patricia that there is a place in England called Yarmouth. Then he draws some reference to Camelot. The joke is set up tragically. I have but vague recollections of dirty wordplay ending with “Camelot in Yarmouth.” This is Ron Jeremy. I met him firstly at the Guest Rooms at House 40. Phil Pres. Patrick Cosgrave told him that I would be hoping to do an interview with him over the night. However, Big Ron was more concerned with the national media. He was ravaging through the national press in search of articles about his visit. He told us he wanted to bring all the articles back home so that his friends could see that he really did visit Trinity. I have a sneaking suspicion though that this isn’t the first country in which Ron collected every bit of available publicity on himself. It was, admittedly, an intimidating first few minutes because I didn’t know how to break through this apparent selfobsession and direct it towards conversation. Our first stop was the Stag’s Head at Dame Lane. Ron wanted to see a traditional Irish pub and have a good pint of Guinness. Instead, he had a Baileys with Brandy while contemplating loudly that it was a very odd combination. Patricia Quinn was knocking the G&T’s and the whole atmosphere was a little disconcerting. I decided to throw the floor open to Jeremy’s ego and ask a few questions. Monosyllabic answers were my greeting. Ron didn’t want to talk business or life- he had his heart set on a good time. So I stopped asking about his education, earlier life, big break etc. because frankly he didn’t care for the questions and I didn’t care for the answers.
There was a big cock, dirty jokes and the smallest violin, but Rory Loughnane found there was something lacking
Instead, all of our party went about our own conversations and when Ron needed to be lavished with attention we duly smiled and nodded. The night was only young though and Ron had yet to show his full character. Every so often he cracked a crude joke or grabbed Patricia but it was all a little surreal. What made the early evening all the more surreal was the constant whispering in the background. Hushed voices proclaiming, “Do you know who that is?” (as if it’s a thing of pride to recognise him immediately - get out more) and “It’s him, it’s him.” A businessman beside us just looked genuinely bewildered by the attention being lavished on this fifty year old tracksuit-wearing, hairy man. With pints and Bailey’s downed our party headed for dinner. He still wasn’t forthcoming with any sound-bites so I turned my attention to his guest Patricia Quinn. She played the part of Magenta or “Lips” in the Rocky Horror Picture Show and she told me of her pride in the cult fascination with her movie. I asked her how she knew Ron and she told me she didn’t really at all. She met him at a convention in New Jersey where he lavished attention on her and made her promise that he could take her to dinner. As it turned out the Phil society actually took her to dinner both nights of their stay but at least Big Ron was present. He told her at the convention that he knew Lou Adler, the executive producer of the movie, but as she soon sussed out he didn’t really. Likewise, Ron dropped all sorts of names to us over the night, (from Jay Leno to Brad Pitt) but I’m not all that convinced. Meeting is different than knowing, but perhaps not in the celebrity world. Possibly the most interesting insight into Ron over the night was his views on love. They are, as one might predict, a little skewed. He starts promisingly though. “Love, for me, is two old people walking along a mountain-top” (one has to suspect that not many old people can reach mountain-tops but we’ll let him off with this image). Next though his sex-centred view of things becomes apparent. He speaks of how if there is no sexual excitement still thirty years into a relationship, then it is somehow lessened. He jokes that it would be hard to do new things at that time (“like maybe hang-glide into her”). When challenged over the value of companionship, he admits that it is a nice concept and that he wishes it could work for everybody. There is a strong logic but the emphasis he places upon the sexual aspect appears to wreck his true appreciation of this idea. Coming from him world though, I guess we could expect a slight
Patricia Quinn, Ron Jeremy and Henrietta Norton.
re-arranging of priorities. Throughout dinner Ron promised us that he would show us “a fantastic joke” at the end of dinner. Coming off the back of the Camelot joke, I was slightly sceptical. He grabs a salt shaker, a pepper shaker, some liquid soap and a plate lightly filled with water. The joke is alright. It was made a little lame by its demonstration. Ron starts by sprinkling salt into the water saying they are white people. Then he sprinkles pepper into the water proclaiming the granules to be black people. Matt, the photographer in our party, jokes that Ron’s demonstration could be a little racist. This puts Ron off completely. He looks at me, the reporter, and insists that it will not be racist. We all smile and nod. The joke ends with a pun on the Irish. But Ron makes sure to insist that he could have been mocking any nation and not just us Irish. We insist that the joke was indeed fantastic but Ron still seems dissatisfied. Ever the entertainer, he proceeds to juggle an apple, a lemon and an orange. We applaud, a little mystified by what has just happened. Back on the streets of Temple Bar Ron didn’t have to do anything to receive attention. All the drunken guys wanted to shake his hand and tell him he was a legend while the girls wanted a little kiss and a photograph. He was, I must admit, in his element. Here he was, helping out the folk of little ol’ Ireland with his charm and celebrity status. As he walked, the revellers literally thronged around him. Shouts of “legend” and “I love your work” echoed his every footfall. It turns out the Irish do know a thing or two about the Adult industry. We went searching for traditional Irish music and ended up in the tourist trap of the century- Oliver St. John Gogarty’s. It was swamped inside. Patricia Quinn was firmly on her own buzz at this stage and she rocked to the diddly-aye of the band. Ron informed me that he could play the violin and would love to give it a go when the band had a break. The rest of our party were a little uncertain but by closing time Ron had secured the fiddle in one hand and the bow in his other. Everyone stared in disbelief and then joy as he rattled out a good Scottish tune. Once more he was centre of attention and smiled at the lively crowd. By now I was starting to enjoy Ron a bit more. He seemed like the ideal person to bring to a party. He could entertain in whatever way you wanted him to. He started to open up a little after the pub, and revealed his own insecurities by asking me did I think he played well. I
All Photographs by Matt Pitt
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was more than a little surprised by the query. Why should a cultural icon, a multimillionaire and more importantly a man who has laid himself bare for over twenty years really care about what two hundred tourists thought of his violin-playing? How could this serial show-boater have any concerns? I suppose it was a bit charming really because it virtually destroyed the power-hungry monster he had presented. I think it revealed a humanity which shows that everyone has social concerns irrelevant of their position in life. I told him it went fine and he seemed pleased. My night and interview with Ron ended in the Piano Bar in Lilies. Once more he hit centre stage, this time playing a number of lively tunes on the piano. I bid him adieu and wished him the best of luck. I told him he was a real entertainer. He told me I should watch his biography movie to find out more information. Somehow I think I learned a lot about him without all the biographical detail.