Not My Parents Trauma

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One thing to remember about growing up is how you never stop. Sounds depressing, right? But it’s the truth. I don’t generally apply this idea to myself, since I mostly don’t think about me growing up. I’m just living my life. It’s not really like I watch myself do it, NOTYOUR trauma parents’ I just do it. No, I actually apply this to my parents. Story by Michelle Ibañez Illustration by Jade McIntyre My parents have always been amazI have to remind myself that their frus trations with several other factors are - Design by Michelle Ibañez ing parents, but their internal probnot my doing, in fact I have to protect lems have always gotten in the way of us having clear communication. My dad moved back and forth between not only me but also my siblings for the extra emotional labor we sometimes have to go through in order to actually, to call them out. Respectfully, of course, they have helped me exponentially throughout my life. But I think Mexico and California when he was keep our family at a peaceful bay. calling them out has definitely made younger, and my mom had a difficult them think twice without overreacting relationship with her mother. It makes it harder, but I refuse to let or projecting their own problems at me their traumas become mine. I can, to or my siblings. It’s hard to think of them as anything an extent, try to understand them, but other than my parents, but for me to it becomes harder and harder at times I think it’s safe to say I’ve refereed this be at peace with not just myself, but when stress from school, responsibil- well, but there are still a lot of things to with them. I have to remind myself that ities and a minimum wage job come work on, not just them, but also me. I they’re humans, with their own minds into play. can be a little mean sometimes. and hearts, and they have to deal with stuff on their own either because So how do we go about this? I don’t Extra emotional labor is exhausting. It of their culture or for their childrens’ know actually. Weirdly enough, I’ve drains the life out of you. It makes me sake. learned that doing the opposite of not doubt and overthink, and I don’t want talking is better. that. I want to help them, but I have I went to Mexico recently, and while it to stay out of it sometimes. All I can was mostly all sunshine and rainbows, While in my culture I’ve been con- do is remind them that I’m not there I realized a lot of things, and that was ditioned to just act like it never to cause them harm, I’m just growing all the unresolved trauma my family happened, that just builds on to the up, living my life, trying to figure it out has. Therapy is not an option since problem, never addressing it is never while I still have the time. Whatever Mexicans like to sweep their problems going to make it go away. If I speak that means. under the rug, and talking about it up, it’s more likely that I’ll cause a receives blank stares and an echale scene but I’ve noticed that it actually I am not my parents’ trauma, and as ganas mijo. So where does all that makes them think about what they’ve much as I want to take away all their pent up frustration go to? To others. done. fears and pain, I don’t want to carry It’s usually projected towards the less their trauma. It’s not mine to deal with. undeserving: the sons and daughters. I’ve kind of made it my mission, It should never be.