Did I Make the Right Choice?

Choose Life

After years of so called wasted years, I chose the academic life, but did I make the right choice?

Story, Photo, and Design by Michael Quintero

I wake up in my friend’s living room, freezing with a bomber jacket as a blanket. I check my phone, it’s 7 a.m. The night before was Valentine’s Day, but I don’t remember going inside to sleep. Usually the house is off limits and we only partied in the back house.

My stomach is eating its insides, my throat is raw from the brand new pack of cigarettes I finished, and my head is pounding.

But this was a normal feeling for me at this point in my life.

I hear noises and talking upstairs, I walk in on my friends having a three-way with a fourth person passed out next to them. I close the door and try to think of what happened the night before.

My friends set another friend on fire and then shaved his head and eyebrows for acting like a drunk asshole at the party. Seems reasonable, but when I tell this story to my academic friends they look at me like I’m nuts. Yet, nights like these were very much normal to me.

Later that day we started drinking before noon, and by the end of the night we ended up at a casino in San Diego. Drunk in the backseat I realized this is day four of my bender.

The next morning I wake up to the same situation. Stomach growling, raw throat, head pounding.

I remind myself of this story often because that was when I decided I should probably go back to school. I had previously dropped out after my second semester at Citrus College, in 2012. I re-enrolled in the fall of 2015.

Later I dropped out again after my dad passed away, but that is a whole other story.

Between the ages of 18 to 22, my life may have seemed like shit. I mean, maybe after reading the story above you may think this person is a piece of shit, low life,but actually, I think these years were the building blocks for my creativity.

Yes, I was drinking or smoking weed just about everyday. But I was also taking photos, painting, and collabing on art shows with the friends I grew up with. I look back at those times and I was pushing boundaries with my photos. Pictures of the party scene in Rancho Cucamonga.

But after my dad passed away, I felt like I needed to do something to make my mom proud.

So I went back to school, and the first photo class I took was the best decision I made; at the time. The photo teacher absolutely loved my photos and saw creativity in them.

But as I went through the motions of school, more and more teachers would put me down on my style and subject choice of photos. I still pushed through and somehow got accepted to CSUF with a 2.88 GPA. I was also accepted to SF state and CSULB. They must have mixed up my applications.

Now as I finish school, I’ve learned that the academic system has actually made me less creative. I thought going to a four-year school would actually expand my creativity,but my time at CSUF actually set me back.

I do have a whole lotta love for CSUF because it wasn’t entirely negative. But as I look back on what I was doing in my so-called “shitty years,” I’ve just seen my artistic skill change to a more mainstream vibe. Just to pass classes or to be accepted.

As I got older, I learned to swallow my pride a bit more when teachers kept telling me “this isn’t going to get you hired.” I was told my art wasn’t working for today’s society, and a 19-year-old Michael said in his head “fuck that,” Though I did finish my undergrad and I do have something to show for it, I’m writing this for the kids and young adults who came from my position. For the people who didn’t grow up with the nice cars or fancy equipment.

School can be for you, but it also doesn’t need to be. Honestly after these four years, I’m not my authentic self anymore, and that is academia for you. Grades are based on biased opinions, only once did I have an art teacher or journalism teacher who was Mexican or Hispanic. That is a problem. And maybe I could fix that with this degree.

But, the question I keep asking myself is did I choose the right life? The answer is yes and no.

No in the sense that I could have stuck to my roots and created something original and authentic. No in the way that I was nothing but judged in academia. No in the way my background was seen as someone who shouldn’t be at a four-year institution.

And yes in the sense that I could use this rather negative experience to fix what is wrong with academia. Yes in the way I can use this as motivation rather than dwell on wasted years.

At the end of the day, the point I would like to get across is, don’t follow what society is telling you to do. School is great, but if you’re doing it because that is what you think society wants then don’t do it.

If your life is waking up on cigarette burned couches and forgetting the night before, that’s ok. We all go through it, but stay motivated.

For the creatives that are lost, you will find your way. Choose the life you want, and not the life society wants you to have.