Grindr Horror Stories

GRINDR HORROR GRINDR HORROR STORIES STORIES

Story and Photo by Siz Design by Michael Quintero

If you’ve ever used the app, then you already know the depressing world of hook-up culture. You find someone, say “hey” “top/ btm?” “host?” “location?” and hope you don’t get murdered. I had my fair share of fun, but I don’t think back on them as often as I think about all my awful experiences. Here are my top five Grindr horror stories.

Bloated

Sometimes nature calls you at the worst possible time. It is a rite of passage I’d like to believe every gay man goes through when they are in the middle of hooking up, and realize they have to take a huge dump.

My life flashed before my eyes and he put his body weight on mine, and I let out a huge fart. Our eyes locked and felt my face turn red. I quietly gathered my belongings and walked out the door.

Wrong House

It was 11 pm when he sent me his location. When I arrived, he was sitting on his porch, smoking a cigarette, and gave me a confused look.

“So, we doing this here?” I said.

“Doing what here?” he replied.

I listed everything I was down to do. He laughed and said I was at the wrong house. Confused, I opened Grindr and realized I was at the wrong address. Mortified, I apologized and bounced.

He STANK

He was tall, handsome, and able to host. All the qualities I look for in a man. The problem was that he smelled like a corpse. But I already put in a full tank of gas and drove 10 miles. I had to get my money’s worth.

No matter how much I showered or deodorant I used, I still smelled him days after the fact.

Masked Man

He was only 300 feet away from my bedroom when he messaged me. He told me that his front door would be unlocked. “I’ll be waiting,” he said. Intrigued, I walked to his house.

As I entered, the first thing I noticed was his collection of porcelain dolls. I explored his house and found him in a dim-lit room. The walls were covered in plastic wrap, serving Dexter before he kills someone realness. Wearing a leather mask, he turned me, and I screamed and bolted out of his house. He blocked me.

Jesus Statues

Nothing sets the mood for going down to pound town like smashing it in front of 50 variations of Jesus statues. There was white Jesus, brown Jesus, small Jesus, titan Jesus, and baby Jesus. I wondered if I was about to get laid or exorcised. I jokingly asked which church he stole all these from, and he told me it was all his mother left him when she passed. I consoled him for an hour as he cried on my lap.