Last Train Home Zine 2023

LAST TRAIN HOME ZINE 2023

... your stop for info about, and art inspired by, Last Train Home Festival

LAST TRAIN HOME VENUE MAP

I The Forum (main stage)

U Hilarity Bites Comedy Stage (Forum Room 2)

F Noisy Daughters Stage (Hullabaloo Theatre)

Y NARC Magazine Stage (Hippodrome Education Suite)

B The Hippodrome (main stage)

, The Hippo Stage (formerly the Railway Stage)

WELCOME TO LAST TRAIN HOME ZINE !

These pages are packed with exclusive new art* and writing from some of Darlington and Teesside’s finest creatives. They’re also stuffed with info to help you make the most of Last Train Home Music and Comedy Festival.

Stretching across six stages, all within easy walking distance of each other, we’re thrilled to be bringing more than 40 of Britain’s best bands and comedians to Darlington. We’ve even got a new Railway Stage, to welcome festival-goers arriving by train [update: due to the strikes, we have moved this stage to the foyer of the Hippodrome and called it the Hippo Stage]. If you haven’t bought your tickets yet - why not?! Head to tracksdarlington.co.uk for the ticket link.

Want to know more? It’s all in these very pages. A lot fun, a bit serious, very brilliant, just like our festival - we hope you enjoy this zine as much as we enjoyed putting it together.

Last Train Home Festival is supported by:

*check out our merch stand at the festival for prints!

Self Care at Last Train Home Festival

Have the best possible day at Last Train Home by following seasoned gig-goer David Saunders’ top tips for taking care of yourself at festivals…

Plan your day: Reduce the minor stress that can occur from rocking up and not knowing who to see or where the stages and the wristband exchange are. Briefly study the clashfinder and festival map, check out the festival playlist and have a less chewy day.

Socialise: Nothing gets the endorphins pumping more than a good gettogether. Meet up with friends, make new ones or have a post-gig chat with the artists and feel a lovely glow wash over you.

Look after your lugs: Exposure to loud music can lead to permanent tinnitus and hearing loss. Invest in some effective, and usually inexpensive, earplugs… Oh, and don’t forget to wear them.

Pace yourself: Don’t go too radged too quickly. Drinking ten shots, eating two burgers and blasting the mosh pit in the first hour will only end in tears.

Stay hydrated: Spending the whole event drinking alcohol in hot, sweaty spaces can be thirsty business. Take a breather from the booze and replace it with a refreshing glass of H2O.

Eat: Eating slows down alcohol absorption and gives you energy… So go do lunch (see pg 11).

Take a break: Festivals can be sensory overload, so take ten minutes to chill out and realign your chakras. Last Train Home offers a breakout space near the Hullabaloo Main Stage for you to do just that.

Don’t tolerate idiots: If you see or experience any unacceptable behaviour then speak to the venue staff or security and they will deal with the offender accordingly.

Get home safe: The day isn’t over ‘til you are tucked up in bed safe and sound. Book your taxi, plan your public transport, don’t travel back alone and let people at home know when you’ll be back.

Pigeon art by Lucas Roy

Rob Mullholland, MC of the

Hilarity Bites comedy stage, on why he loves Darlington and Last Train Home...

Darlington is a town that knows how to party. Sure your Ibizas and your Dubais have more bells and whistles but can you get a double and mixer for under a fiver* anywhere there? Can you heck. New York may be The City That Never Sleeps but Darlo is The Town That Never Stops Doing Karaoke. There is surely no other town on earth that has such an extensive range of daytime amateur singing options and no matter the time of day or night there will be punters in there, pint in hand swaying along to someone committing a hate crime against Angels. This is a great and beautiful thing. This town loves fun.

This unique and bat[poo] energy flows through the whole of this festival. Artists, music lovers, comedy fans; freaks and weirdos of every stripe coming together to soak up the very best of underground music and comedy. I’ll be back hosting the comedy all day at The Forum as I have for every edition of this festival and I’d love to see you there. I look forward to this all year. I host the show for about 9 hours** to an ever-shifting audience*** whilst occasionally sneaking off to go watch amazing bands I’ve loved for years or never heard before. It’s an honour to be a part of.

Long Live Darlington. Long Live Last Train Home.

*Istoppeddrinkingaboutfiveyearsago; thelasttimeIgotpissedinDarloIwaspaying£3fordoublewhiskeyandcokes.Ihave adjustedthepriceinthearticleforinflation/ costofliving.Isincerelyhopeitremains accurateandifnotpleaseconsoleyourself with the fact that in London it’d cost £16. Andyou’dbesurroundedbytwats.

time**Thisisaverylong for a comedian usedtoworkingfor20 minutesanight.

***somestaypeople comediansforafeworjust one, we also have a sitgroupofregularswho wholeupthefrontforthe scaredshebang.Don’tbe unkemptofthem,theyare inappearancefriendlybutgenerallymakeifyoudon’t movements.sudden

’Women belong in the moshpit’ by Meg McWilliam (MegMcArt)

TOP TEN (plus) FESTIVAL TRACKS

bigfatbig Science

Sunderland’s power pop punks are never far from the office stereo, and their mix of insanely catchy tunes and in-your-face attitude is a real buzz. Their track Science always gets me bopping thanks to its increasingly pissed-off refrains about toxic misogyny – gotta love a shouty rant!

Skyline Drive Holy Moly & The Crackers

It’s pretty hard to choose one track from a band that has so many excellent tunes under their belt. Holy Moly & The Crackers – and increasingly frontwoman Ruth Lyon – are a seemingly unstoppable force, and their evolution has been a joy to watch. Recent track Skyline Drive shows them off at their funky best.

Widely known as the gal with the big hair and bigger voice, Cortney Dixon’s a proper powerhouse of an artist destined for absolutely massive things. Bang Bang, Honey Honey came out last year and is typical of Cortney’s skyscraping anthemic vibes.

I remember seeing a (very) young Tom Smith play a charity show many years ago; even as an eight-year-old everyone knew he had something special. Tom and his band seem to be on an irrepressible rise, and that’s down to hard graft and great indie rock tunes. Recent single Weirdo manages to be both a toe-tapping banger and indie outsider anthem.

The Peevie Wonders Influencer / Indie Dancefloor Boy

From songs about ripped gym bunnies and how great butter is, you never know quite what you’ll get from The Peevie Wonders. Adept at taking a sideswipe at modern culture with fuzz-fuelled vibes, tracks like Influencer and Indie Dancefloor Boy are proper crackers.

Cortney Dixon Bang Bang, Honey Honey

Weirdo Tom A. Smith

As chosen by NARC Magazine editor, Claire Dupree

The Dreaming Days Are Over Mt Misery

Lush harmonies and laconic vibes are the order of the day from Hartlepool natives Mt Misery, and they’re a real tonic if you’re looking for something more chilled out. The Dreaming Days Are Over is pretty much a perfect pop song as you’re likely to find at Last Train Home.

Wax Heart Sodality Incel-dumb Scene Kid / Alpha

Who doesn’t love a mysterious masked band? Wax Heart Sodality have a magnetic appeal, particularly live, and their combination of forceful garage rock and reverb-drenched vocals make them a hypnotic prospect indeed. I like them best at their most bitingly caustic, and the likes of Incel-dumb Scene Kid and Alphas are particularly brutal.

Black Tar / Tide of Doubt Pit Pony

Tyneside’s Pit Pony have really hit their stride over the last year or so, and their growth in confidence has been a delight to watch. Frontwoman Jackie Purver prowls the stage full of barely contained rage, keep an ear out for the forceful Black Tar and the incendiary Tide of Doubt from last year’s World To Me album.

Fiona Liquid & The Clique Look At Me

Fiona Liquid’s sound is in turns menacing and reflective, replete with scuzzy guitars and themes of alienation and heartbreak. That’s not as despair-filled as it sounds, as her performance promises a brooding take on universal themes. Check out Look At Me for a great example.

Serial Killer Vibes Trunky Juno

From bedroom-based pop to become a bone fide star, Trunky Juno’s weird indie vibes will resonate for audiences no matter their tastes, thanks in part to his masterful off-kilter lyrics and lo-fi pop attitude. His performance of Serial Killer Vibes for our NARC. TV programme was going around my head for days!

It is a sad irony that it’s now the merchandise and not the music keeping smaller artists afloat but we do so love a little piece of our beloved band to attach to our coat / torso / wall. Jen Wilson’s found some gems from the Last Train Home line-up to spend your pennies on.

First up is a Holy Moly & the Crackers ‘On the Road Again’ tea towel. Who doesn’t like drying a ‘Hot Red’ crock pot while simultaneously being reminded of their fave band? Don’t leave it on the drainer though, that’s a ‘Bad Habit.’ Buff it to a shine and put it away man. (holymolyandthecrackers.bigcartel.com)

Cool art prints as band merch? No, you can’t roll it up and pop it in your pocket but on the plus side it doesn’t need a wash. This one is a beauty. Live, Laugh, Low Girl! (lowgirl.bigcartel. com)

I can think of two situations in which a Cortney Dixon pocket mirror might be required urgently during a gig; one is to powder your nose and the other is to reflect light into the eyes of a predator. Useful? YES. (cortneydixon.com/shop)

bigfatbig’s merch whizzed me back to my 80s self, complete with Space Raiders odour and a Beano in hand. A ‘zine packed with band shots and lyrics! Eat your heart out Smash Hits. (daemontv.com/ collections/bigfatbig)

Pit Pony’s enamel badges - perfect for when you want a bit of the band you love for the same price as a spoonful of Lurpak. These are lush. What cost of living crisis?*

(pitponyband.bandcamp.com/merch)

Let’s not forget that the foundation of band merch is obviously the humble t-shirt – here are four of my favourites:

1. Hotwax (hotwax2.bandcamp.com/merch)

2. Tom A. Smith (amazon.co.uk/Tom-A-Smith-Weirdo-T-Shirt/dp/B0C2HKDDDH)

3. English Teacher (englishteacher.bandcamp.com/merch)

4. Cat Ryan (catryan.bandcamp.com/merch)

*the pins were sold out when we last looked, but we hope including them here will convince the band to get more in!

A snipped tale by Julie Kirk, written using lyrics from songs by Holy Moly & The Crackers, English Teacher, Pit Pony, LIFE, bigfatbig, IMOGEN, and Trunky Juno.

The Music of Darlington

The music of Darlington is in the sound of the tracks, the whoosh in the station and rail-to-wheel clacks, its constant rhythm and motion. It’s in the chime from the clock tower keeping us all on time every quarter of an hour. It’s in the chatter of lunch time eaters going out for a pasty or two. It’s in the hiss of buses’ engines and the late feet sprinting through. It’s in the running water down the steps, ever flowing, in the rustling tents of the market, ever growing. Melodies are formed as we live our lives, this is how the music

poem and illustrations by Lizzie Lovejoy

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD

It can be difficult fitting eating food inbetween all the fantastic bands at Last Train Home Festival, so we’ve gathered a list of just some of the eateries within a ten-minute walk of our venues, with postcodes for easy googlemapping. You’ll probably want to hurry back for the next act, so we’ve stuck to places that offer takeaway - but if do you want to sit down, there are loads of lovely restaurants and pubs in the area! And don’t forget the Hippodrome’s Hippo Lounge, as well as the bars, and snacks, sandwiches and drinks on offer at our other venues.

Nearest the Hippodrome, Hullabaloo and Forum

Taste of India

Parkgate, DL1 1RZ

4.30pm - midnight

Cuisine Marmaris

Parkgate, DL1 1RZ 4pm-11pm

Nearest the Railway Stage

Lannis Sandwiches

Victoria Road, DL1 5JH closes 5pm

China Dragon

Victoria Rd, DL1 5JH 4pm - 11pm

Meze Turkish Restaurant

Parkgate, DL1 1RZ

5pm - 9pm

Siciliano Pizza

Parkgate, DL1 1RZ 3.45pm - 10.50pm

Fresh (sandwiches etc)

Victoria Road, DL1 5JH closes 4pm

Banktop Bakery

Victoria Road, DL1 5JJ closes 2pm

Ten minutes away(ish), over the river

Darlington Market

streetfood stalls (Thai, Chinese, fries, waffles + more)

Covered Market, DL1 1NU closes 22:00

Tao Street Food and Noodle Bar (cash only)

Blackwellgate, DL1 5HG

4.30pm - 9.30pm

Falafel Fella

Clarks Yard, DL3 7QH closes 8.30pm

Hatch Luncheonette

Blackwellgate, DL1 5HG closes 5pm

Echo 3 Cafe

Clarks Yard, DL3 7QH closes 3pm

Pizza Town

Victoria Road, DL1 5JW 4pm - 1am

Momtaj Mahal

Victoria Road, DL1 5JW 5pm - 11pm

Speedy Pepper pizza

Skinnergate, DL3 7NJ 4pm - 4am

Denos Return

Tubwell Row, DL1 1PD 5pm - midnight

Mrs Palmer’s Pantry

Bakehouse Hill, DL1 5QA closes 4pm

Sun explodes on cornfields wind turbines floating on the sea towers ghosts towns of industry CCTV watching you. Single smoke plume where once there were dozens. Huge group of college students. Cokes and metal water bottles. Vest tops and pimples. Slag heaps and pylons. Stilted grabs of voices. Collage of stories. Warehouses and cranes.

Customers are advised to keep all personal belongings with them at all times.

People with glad rags, some with big bags, silently tapping their phone Selfie with new hat, downpour rain splat, feel the rattle and the drone

Flowers by railway lines. Vibration through the table. Nosing into gardens trampolines decking whirly gig washing lines abandoned scooters fading bunting. Solar panels. Each house holds humans with hearts. Escape freedom possibility. Reverberating tannoy makes the table buzz.

We will shortly be arriving at Darlington. If you are leaving the train here, mind the gap between the train and the platform edge.

Huge smile and headphones, rolling suitcase, going to a gig alone Crocs and socks rucksacks, flip flops route maps, finding friends as yet unknown

Complete independence at discount prices. Horses on the edges of fields. Skeleton houses rising. We lived once on the edge of town. When was the last time I saw you? In McDonald’s on my way here. Manchester way then the Lakes for a wedding. Station’s not as nice Manchester way, got to hold onto your bags there. Is this train going to Darlo?

We hope you’ve enjoyed travelling with us on Northern today.

Dancing with air guitars, music takes you, staked out your spot in the zone Sweat dripping beat taking, lights up go well, in time for the last train home

by Lisette Auton

FESTIVAL ACTS WORDSEARCH

We’ve hidden 15 of our talented artists and comedians in the grid below. Can you find them all? There’s a clashfinder on the back cover to help you out - and a venue map on the inside front cover to help you find them on the day!*

The solution to the wordsearch is on the inside back cover.

LASTTRAINHOME MERCH!

art prints

A4 £12 / A3 £22

(50% of payment goes to Darlington RSACC)

T-shirts

£20

stickers 50p cups £2

Available from the Last Train Home wristband exchange (in The Forum)

We couldn’t make a Last Train Home zine without a guest post from Darlo’s own regular music zine, so we proudly present...

DIRGE on LAST TRAIN HOME

Hi Reader! Roz from DIRGE Magazine here.

After a particularly messy gig or festival (unless it’s in my own fair town), I have never quite succeeded in getting a last train, or last anything back home for that matter. The night always seems to culminate in me forking out hundreds for a hotel because I’ve missed the last bloody train. If you find yourself in that kind of predicament, fortunately there is a conveniently placed Travelodge just a drunken stumble away from the three festival venues.

So, that was my first tip. Here are a few hints of a more musical nature to steer you in the right direction of some damn fine sounds at this year’s Last Train Home.

I shall begin this blog proper with Teesside’s End Credits (formerly White Noise) who I reviewed in the last issue of DIRGE and gave the majestic score of 4/5. High octane psychedelic indie rock with a funky edge and with more hooks than can be found in Leatherface’s basement. TOP TRACK - THE TRAVELLER.

My next top pick is the home-grown Wax Heart Sodality. Another lucky group of lads who got a good score in the magazine last month. Dark rock from the dingey depths of dystopian Darlington. Be mystified and marvel at the moody music and myriad of masks at this year’s festival! TOP TRACK - FUNNY GAMES.

Next up is Newcastle’s Cat Ryan. I’ve listened to a bunch of their songs (as I have with all the bands on the line up). They’re jangly, upbeat and offbeat, with hooky choruses accompanied by a Soukous style guitar sound and a soft, indie-pop centre, all topped off with a vocalist that sounds a bit like Chrissie Hynde. TOP TRACK - LOST MY CONNECTION.

When I looked into the mysterious ‘Haunted Hair’ I was disappointed to find no music online, which is a shame as it’s a top-notch band name, evocative of 60’s Japanese horror movies. I would recommend going to see this band on the name alone. TOP TRACK - N/A

Shout outs to The Dead Seat & Aarms, also flying the flag for Darlo.

#ifitainttrackstakeitback

Lyric art by Paul Wheeler

As the world becomes more aware of the catastrophic consequences of climate change, here at Last Train Home festival we’re thinking about how eco-conscious individual actions can benefit the environment for future generations to come.

According to a 2022 International Energy Agency study, road users account for about 71% of transport CO2 emissions, while railway companies make up less than 1.8% - so travelling by rail is an excellent way to lower your personal carbon footprint. We’re encouraging festival attendees to consider travelling to and from Darlington by train using our fantastic railways and conveniently located central train station. It’s just an 8-minute walk from the Hippodrome, and of course if you’re worried about missing out on any acts to catch your train home, our programme is designed to finish in time for the last train home!

Single-use plastic is one of the key problem areas that affects the environment, with 16 million plastic bottles ending up in landfill each year or polluting our waterways and oceans (Water UK). This can be a huge problem at events of all sizes. But the good news is that it’s a simple change that we as consumers can act on today to reduce our consumption. With this in mind, we’re reminding festival goers that all venues hosting stages for Last Train Home will be providing free drinking water. We recommend bringing your own water bottle so you can refill throughout the day and keep hydrated on-the-go.

As another step in our eco-friendly festival practices, we’re delighted to be providing all of our acts with LTH festival reusable water bottles this year, to reduce plastic waste even further!

And don’t forget - this zine is printed on recycled and recycleable paper, so when you’re finished with it, put it in the recycling!

by Jennifer Jordan

MY LAST TRAIN HOME FESTIVAL PLANS

(use this page to plan your day) (or collect autographs) (or just doodle)

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS

CLAIRE DUPREE (p6-7) is the founder and editor of NARC. magazine, a monthly alt. music and culture magazine for the North East. The region’s grassroots music and culture scenes are the backbone of the magazine, and they love hearing from artists and creatives of all genres, get in touch via narcmedia@ gmail.com. www.narcmagazine.com

DAN WALLS (cover) “Hi I’m Dan Walls, a local mixed media artist specializing in large scale murals. Many of my passions include D.I.Y music and art so when I was asked to illustrate the cover of this zine I couldn’t refuse. If you would like to see more of my work look up (Illumination Wall Art) or see my legal graffiti wall in Bishop Auckland (Bish Vegas Legal Graff) Happy Reading!”

DAVID SAUNDERS (p2) is web editor of NARC. Magazine and music development manager at Tees Music Alliance, as well as being the frontman of various musical outfits over the years.

FRAN HARVEY (LTH zine producer) is part of Tracks, and is a wordy production editor who likes making writing and art look good on the page. She hopes you liked this zine.

JEN WILSON (p8) has a dead end job in the civil service and lives in Darlo. She is apparently a funny writer but awkward in person. She likes dad trainers and rewatching Succession.

JENNIFER JORDAN (p18) is a freelance digital PR and marketing manager with experience working in events, writing for regional music magazines and getting coverage for brands online in major publications.

JULIE KIRK (p9) “When not writing my own, I’m cutting up existing stories and reworking them into new patchworked narratives that I call ‘Snipped Tales’. You can see more of my work by dropping by @WithJulieKirk”

LISETTE AUTON (p14) is a Darlo lass that does stuff with words - children’s

book with Puffin, plays in theatres, nattering and scribbling and that kind of thing.

LITTLE RACH TATTOO (p12-13) Rachel (she/her) is a tattoo artist based in Darlington, where she was born and raised. She co-owns Luck and Love Tattoo, where she creates cute and colourful designs, applied with love and respect.

LIZZIE LOVEJOY (p10) is a Darlo-born writer and illustrator who loves stories, translating local narratives into poems, pictures and performances. Working from Northumberland to Scarborough, Lizzie’s home is their inspiration because the North is a tale worth telling and contains many stories worth hearing.

LUCAS ROY (p3) “Born and raised in Darlington I’ve witnessed that events have always been an integral part to our community. Arts and culture are crucial for wellbeing and maybe for Pigeons? @lucasroyartwork”

Festival Acts

Wordsearch solution

(turn the page upside down)

MEG McWILLIAM (MEGMcART) (p5) is a collage artist and graphic designer originally hailing from Darlington. She specialises in graphic, punk prints which take inspiration from queer culture, her working-class upbringing and the current political climate.

PAUL WHEELER (p17) “I am a contemporary fine artist from Darlington working in all media. For commission and to see my work please get in touch via instagram @pabs20_”

ROB MULLHOLLAND (p4) is the co-host of the hugely successful Dead Men Talking podcast, and has hosted the comedy stage at every Last Train Home festival.

ROZ from DIRGE (p16) Dirge was born from a desire for realism, honesty and a bit of fun poking at the local and regional music scenes. It’s released every two months featuring news, reviews, films, interviews and more.

HILARITY BITES COMEDY STAGE (THE FORUM, ROOM 1)

THE HIPPO STAGE (HIPPODROME FOYER)

THE FORUM (MAIN STAGE)

NARC MAG. STAGE (THE HIPPODROME EDUCATION SUITE)

NOISY DAUGHTERS STAGE (HULLABALOO THEATRE) THE HIPPODROME (MAIN STAGE)

LOST VOICE GUY JACK & SAM DAVE JOHNS MC ROB MULLHOLLAND

RAUL KOHLI MASAI GRAHAM PETE SELW00D MC ROB MULLHOLLAND

LEE KYLE KELLY EDGAR CATHERINE YOUNG MC ROB MULLHOLLAND

ENDCREDITS BLACKOUT THE ARCADE AARMS CAT RYAN LOW GIRL TRUNKY JUNO LIFE MAEVE AND THE TRAINS

LILY BROOKE FIONA LIQUID & THE CLIQUE THE PEEVIE WONDERS IMOGEN PIT PONY

MT MISERY WAX HEART SODALITY CORTNEY DIXON TOM A. SMITH HOLY MOLY & THE CRACKERS

CHRIS DAVISON JACK RASMUSSEN EMMA ROBSON SHAKK THE DEADSEAT LIZ CORNEY ISABEL MARIA

EMILY ROWAN THE SAMPHIRES CHLOE AND THE BRAINWAVES CARPARK KATE BOND BAND HOTWAX BIGFATBIG ENGLISH TEACHER

WRISTBANDS AVAILABLE TO COLLECT FROM THE FORUM FROM 1pm.