Wednesday, January 17, 2024 | www.TorontoCaribbean.com | Toronto Caribbean News
LIFE
PAGE 31
Heal before moving on to someone else; Sounds simple but is It? SYDNEE WALCOTT sydnee@carib101.com
VARIETY CORNER Although being in a relationship and having someone to call your own feels beautiful, people deserve to be with someone who will give
them their all, and that’s not something a person can do when they’re still not over their ex. The year just started, and we’re already hearing another story on the case of the ex. Beauty and Lifestyle Influencer Kameron Jessica took to TikTok to share a story time video on her date that bailed on her for his ex-girlfriend. Kameron Jessica agreed to a relaxing evening filled with: card games, watching films, and enjoying cocktails at her date’s apartment. The influencer has known the man for a couple of years, and they decided to rekindle things. When the two stopped at a coffee shop, the man’s ex-girlfriend, who lives in the same building, passed by them. The man called out his ex-girlfriend’s name, who ignored him,
leading Kameron Jessica to think the ex-girlfriend might be upset to see her ex-boyfriend with another woman. Once the pair arrived at the apartment, they ran into the man’s ex again, who attempted to start a conversation with her again and introduce her to his date. The ex-girlfriend showed she was not interested and made her way into the elevator. The pair entered another elevator, and as soon as they entered his unit, the date tells Kameron Jessica he’d like to talk to his ex. After 40 minutes of waiting on her date, Kameron Jessica decided it was time for her to go home. The man texted her the next day to apologize; Kameron Jessica did not re-
spond and decided she would move on and avoid making the same mistakes again. A few days later, the ex-girlfriend, who revealed her name as Ashley, shared her side and announced she and her ex-boyfriend had an on/off relationship. Ashley noted that when her ex-boyfriend knocked on the door, he claimed his date was only a friend who offered to give him a shoulder to cry on. There’s nothing new about people still caring for their exes. However, remember that another person’s feelings and time aren’t anything to toy with. So, heal first before getting involved with someone else, because if not, you will bleed onto people who didn’t even cut you.
Black History Month is a time for celebration; Celebrating the rich history of a people BY ADRIAN REECE Black History Month is an annual event filled with the rich history of Black people worldwide. In recent years, there has been an emphasis on displaying historical events that don’t involve slavery to benefit the community. More and more events are put on, as it is a month-long holiday for everyone who is proud of their melanin and sense of self. With the advancements and accomplishments that Black men and women have gained over the years, the events are getting even more extravagant and focused. Talented individuals connect with people of all ages to display how powerful we are as a race and that we will always thrive amid struggle. Ahead of February, which houses the anticipated Black History Month calendar and
the loved evening of Valentine’s Day, comes months of preparation. Couples book their reservations for February 14th months in advance, but February is planned as of March 1st of the previous year; the dedication and pride that comes along with this month are so ingrained in Black hearts and minds that to separate them would cause a riot in some cities. Every weekend, creatives and organizations put their all into creating some of the most knowledgeable events that the world has seen. Of course, we all know that to live as a Black man or woman means that you are living history every day, so for many of us, what changes is the feeling of holiday cheer that encompasses the entirety of the 28, sometimes 29 days of February. The cultural aspects appear vast: art, music, science, innovation, invention, writing, dance, and more can be experienced during
this time. During this month, it isn’t simple entertainment; it is personal growth, emphasis on pride in the ability and aptitude of black people and our love for our resilience. Our accomplishments do not define the beauty that resides within us; it is simply a result of all we are made of. The lack of opportunities for many of us makes it necessary that Black History Month is celebrated the way it is. History has shown us that we are constantly hampered when any progression is made, so to move through all opposition and accomplish grand goals is worthy of recognition. Black History Month is not a competition. It simply showcases Black excellence, Black history and the future that we as people are creating one day at a time. As we occupy and slowly dominate more industries, culti-
vate new talent and create new art forms, we are carving out the world’s future and giving the next generation a glimpse of what that can look like. When comparing and contrasting our predecessors and our successors, they have one thing in common: a spirit of perseverance and the genius necessary to create and build new opportunities. All throughout life, Black children are discouraged by every other race; we are born with a stigma hanging over our heads that we are already at a disadvantage. Black History Month is a yearly opportunity to let children know that they are not what other races make them out to be, but are the culmination of their goals their ideals and their ability to become more than they ever imagined.
Imagine if something happens to you that changes your life forever; from White to Black, a true story! STEVEN KASZAB steven@carib101.com
INSIGHT TO SOCIETY
I always thought about how it would be living in someone else’s shoes for a while. Imagine if something happens to you that changes your life forever, like: an accident, permanent injury, a medical condition that can disfigure, or transform you physically? This is such a story about someone who is forced unexpectedly to change forever. Remember it is all about one’s lived attitudes and willingness to excel as a human being no matter what. Story goes like this. I’m going to be 48 next year. Been a successful businessperson, sales representative to a manufacturing firm for some 25 years+, selling to some of the largest retailers in North America. Good, solid guys and some ladies too. We are like a club of the most professional W.A.S.P’s around, with a little intermingling of colour to make our dream team better. Married with two great kids, going to college soon enough. You could call me a success story whose parents came from Eastern Europe with nothing to their name, working hard for themselves and their kids to make a name for themselves. What did I need, or want these days? Not much. About a year ago I noticed some dark spots/patches developing around my private area, underarms and inner thighs. Family doctor said it was nothing to worry about, so I didn’t worry. A little medical cream applied, and it was to disappear in time. That is what they said. The darkish dread did not stop, but spread all over my body, first where I could
hide it with some clothing, but then my arms, hands, legs and feet, ultimately spotting on my neck, throat and face. My face! I felt like some kind of weirdo, working from home a lot more, having others do my visitation to clients, shopping for food at night, or early in the morning. Less of your neighbours out there doing the same thing. Easily hidden. My doctors found specialists, who did tests upon tests to figure out what was going on with me. The darkness of my skin was getting deeper in areas, while the doctors found nothing else wrong medically with me. My professional, personal and social situation could not continue this way for long. My wife was concerned at first, socially conscious at worst, upset about how I had been screwing up our well planned social and private lives. My kids thought it was strangely interesting, asking their mom “why is daddy becoming a Black man?” I was becoming the talk of the town, and this notoriety was deadly to my professional and social standing. The professional business club I was so proud of being a member responded to this change in my appearance in a financially devastating manner. Men I knew for decades became defensive, politely shaking me off, or not returning my calls or emails. Sales over the next six months fell into the pit of disaster. My employer asked that I go to a therapist, paid by them, and ultimately a management firm that specialized in separating long term employees from their historic employer. I was sacked. Politely asked to retire, leave, never come back. The freak was not wanted. All because I looked different, blotched, Blackish. The doctors called me up, giving me hope there was a way to return to my former life. Seems a genetic illness within me affected some cells, changing the body’s messages as to what skin tone my body should have. It happens often to others, having their cell structures and their purpose change in time, just like mine, so fully Black in skin tone. Many
millions of people have various forms of Vitiligo, the condition that changed my life. Most people live with it, pursue procedures that can help them, including cosmetic surgery. Some people are willing to emotionally deal with it without having any other option available to them. They live with it, with what they look like, never a concern to the opinions of others. Can I do the same? I had to think of the finances with concern for: my family, my debt, the possibility of finding a good paying job, and what of my family. My wife moved to another bedroom to sleep. My kids are the only ones who show me love, concern and give me hope. They do not realize how difficult this situation is, yet their hugs, conversation and smiles make each of my depressing days better, worth living. So far, the health system has no answers as to how this happened, and how it could be reversed or treated. Cream, that is about it. Money from the government? I have to prove to them I have suffered a medical disaster, difficult when I am otherwise healthy and able to work. Finding a good job is the hard part. Very soon after this change I realized just how hard it is for the non-White to shine in this marketplace. Presently looking for affordable housing, as my wife divorced me and took the house, but thank God not the children. The jobs I find do not allot to what I need to: pay rent, medical bills (this condition is not paid for by many health plans), food, the children’s clothing etc. I am already telling them to study a lot, as only a scholarship will get them into a good school in the future, or perhaps I will win the lottery someday. John Howard Griffin wrote “Black like Me,” a novel where a White person goes through skin pigment medical processes to change the color of his skin deliberately, voluntarily. No one asked if I’d like to make that choice, decide to change my appearance, my apparent race? Here I am, born a Caucasian, but appear to be a Black man, forever unemployed,
and why? As soon as I get a good job offer, they see my former photo, and develop the idea that I am either a troublemaker, or a deviant socially and medically. Death at my own hands has been a thought, but the kids make me move on with this weird and challenging life. Appearances do mean a lot. The first thing one sees is the person’s appearance, and that shapes the observer’s response. Here I appear to be from the Caribbean, or southern USA, and when I speak with absolutely no accent, there is no way to recognize where I am from. People do not like to be challenged, living in a comfortable routine. My existence now challenges others. I am from here folks, a neighbour of many years. Why do you not recognize me, validate and announce me as important to the community? I was when I was White. I have not changed in the least, except for the colour of my skin, the way I now must live with my two Caucasian children. No racial mix here folks. It’s like I am all White meat wrapped in a very dark meat coating. Christmas celebrations went badly too, with not one family member visiting or calling. My new pastor, originally from Barbados came to visit with some of the congregation. A thrill welcoming people who seem to give a damn about my situation and the kids. The pastor left me with some fine words, words that energized my heart and soul. He reminded me that all life began in Africa, and that in every person, no matter how: White, Asian, Indian, Indigenous there is a very small but powerful source of the Black Sub-Saharan African Ancestry that needs to be recognized and made whole. Bishop Tutu once said, “His humanity is all bundled up with yours, but both cannot be totally human without the other.” I found my home, the place I needed to be. It had not changed, I just needed to recognize it. With the kids, and my new community.