Access All Areas Cassie Mint
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First published by Black Cherry Publishing 2024
Copyright © 2024 by Cassie Mint
All rights reserved No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental
Cassie Mint asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
First edition
ISBN: 978-1-915735-46-1
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1. Resa
2. Beckett
3. Resa
Beckett 5. Resa 6. Beckett
7. Resa
8. Beckett
9. Resa
10. Beckett
Teaser: Rock God
The Galentine’s Groupies series
About the Author
The evening sun is shining,the crowd is buzzing,and tonight,I’llsee my favorite band ofalltime.The venue looms aboveusaswepackclosetogether,chatteringandsquealingandhuggingcompletestrangers;it’sastadium,sparkly silverandround,likeaUFOabouttotakeoff.Pinklightsstripethedomewalls,andtonightfeelsunearthlyalready. Thisisreal!
Thebandis here.InNewOrleans.Ohmygod.
Atleastthree fans have already fainted from excitement,then been ushered tothe side for bottled water and a medic check.Onegirlisugly-crying,raccoon-eyed,withglossysnotonherupperlip,andyouknowwhat? Iknowhowshefeels.
Because it’s Soul Obsession The band I sang along to every day after middle school, bouncing around our tiny living room ThebandInursedmyfirstcrusheson,daydreamingaboutalltheguysonebyonewithindiscriminatepassion The bandwhoselyricsIdoodledaroundtheedgeofmyschoolpapers
Thisisnotadrill
Imean,Iwallpaperedmytweenbedroomintheirposters,andcoveredmydayplannerinSoulObsessionstickers Hell, Imetmybestfriendsofalltimethroughfangirlingovertheseguys
This band is soimportanttome.Don’tcareiftheirsongs arecheesy;don’tcareifit’s not edgy tosing along,loud and proud,andknoweverysingleline.Cutmeopen,andyou’llfindSoulObsessionlyricstattooedonmyribcage.
Eeeee!
“They’rehere,”agirlsaysnexttome,clutchingatmyelbow.“They’reactuallyhere!Inourcity!”Shesoundsdazed,and her grip is painfully tight but I don’t mind. We beam at each other, perfect strangers with so much in common, before topplingintoahug.
Don’tneedtoknoweachother’snamesinthisline.Don’tneedtoactcool.Wegetit.We’reallkin.
We’reSoulObsessionfansforever,bitches.
“Meg!”someonecallsovermyhead,followedbyawhoopinresponse.
“Holyshit,Clem!”
I’m sojittery my teeth are chattering,never mind the hot,sticky evening The sound ofthe crowd presses on my ear drums and hey,I’m used tothe press ofpeople,used tojostling and caterwauling,because I pour drinks in the French QuarteronFridayandSaturdaynights,andI’veseenexactlyhowmessyhumanitycanbe ButevenIfindmyselffanning mycheeks,edgingawayfromtheworstcrushofthecrowd,andprayingthatthedoorswillopensoon
My lanyard scrapes my bare skin under my cropped band t-shirt It’s a VIP pass, arranged by my girl Shelby who’s workingonthetour mygoldentickettothebackstageexperience
It’sawarm,ticklysecret.Mine,allmine.
BecauseImayunderstand thesefans,mayfeeljustasemotionalabouttheband astheydo,butifyou think I’mgonna showthemmybackstagepass,you’vegotanotherthinkcoming.
Every single fan here would tear me apart to get their hands on this pass. We’re talking limb. From. Limb. They’d stranglemewithmyownlanyard,apologizingbetweentheirthrilledscreams,andIwouldn’tevenblamethem. Nah.I’mnotriskingit.
I’mgetting in.
Whippingmyphoneout,Icheckourgrouptexttoseeifanyoftheothergirlsarehereyet,butthere’snothing.Signal’s winked outfor some reason; zero bars.Nothing butold messages to scroll back through, and the slew ofcrazy gifs and emojisthathavebeennonstopsincethevideochatthatchangedeverything.
The Soul Obsession reunion tour is a go, Shelbyhadsaid,grinningaswefriedourmicrophoneswithoursqueals. But try not to completely embarrass yourselves meeting them, okay?
No.Freaking.Promises.
I’llfindthegirlsinside forthebestnightofmylife.
Twenty minutes later, I’m flagging, draped over the crowd barrier with the hot metal burning into my bare arms. Sunglasses perch on my nose, protecting me from the worst of the evening sunshine, and I’m slathered top-to-toe in sunscreen. Two empty water bottles are already stuffed in my yellow backpack, drained through the day, and I’ve done everythingrightbutI’mstillthirsty.
Sohot.
Sotired.
Whenohwhenwillitfinallygetdark?
No!Thisisn’thowit’ssupposed tobe.I’msupposed tobounceintothatstadiumlookingand feelingmybest,readyto sing along tothe soundtrack ofmy tween years.I’m supposed tolook cute as hell,my pixie cutstylishly ruffled,my Soul Obsessiont-shirtcutwith jagged scissorslashes intoacroptop,ready tocatch oneoftheband members’eyes and fallin loveatfirstsight.
Instead,I’mroadkill
“Bleurgh,”Igroan,rockingmyforeheadonmyfoldedarms
Not Cool
Aremyfriendsallwiltingintheheatsomewhereheretoo?
A throat clears beside my shoulder “Miss?” Squinting one eye open, I find a pair of black leather brogues on the crackedconcretebeneathme Bigshoes Manlyshoes
Oh,god.Isthissecurity?Isheaskingmetoleave?AmIkillingthevibe?I’lldiebeforeImisstheshowtonight! Headwoozy,Ilurchupright,clutchingthemetalfenceforbalance.“I’mgood!IswearI’mgood.”
The man stands outside the crush,hands tucked in his pockets.He’s an island ofdisdainfulcalm; a patch offroston this hot,humid evening.Unlike the buzzing crowd in our brightcolors and pale denim,he’s in a gray suitwith a white shirtandblacktie.
Oneeyebrowarches.“Ifyousayso.”
“I dosayso. ”
ThoughIsurewishmyheadwouldstopspinning.Forsomereason,mybrainkeepswhisperingthatthisisthehottest manI’veeverseeninmy life,and thatcan’tberight.He’s frowning atme,forstarters,and he’s dressed likesomesnobby businessman.
Thesunmustbegettingtome.Needshade,pronto.
“I wonder ifyou can helpme,” the man says Is thata British accent?Wait,itdoesn’tmatter Pulling a face,I jerk my thumbovermyshoulder
“Thelinestartsbackthere,bud”
AndIdidn’tstandouthereforhoursandhours,dehydratingmyself,toletsomesuitedhottiejumptheline No,sir He doesn’t even look like a Soul Obsession fan! He’s older than most of us, in his mid thirties probably, and he’s all buttonedup Nocreasesinhisshirt;notasingledarkhairoutofplace He’sgotasmoothlyshavenjaw,andpiercingblue eyesthatnarrowdownatme.
He’spale.Likeasexy,crankyvampire.
“Idon’tneedtojointheline.”Thatvoice,lowandclipped,sendsasparklyfeelingrushingthroughmyinsides.Mytoes curlinsidemysneakers,andIfighttokeepmyfacepolitelyblank.Whois he?“Ineedtointerviewafan.” Oooh.
My stiffback eases,and I scratch the side ofmy neck.Someone shoves upclose behind me,and we allshuffle a few inchesforward,crushingclosertothedoors.“Forthepaper?”
Iguessitcouldbeacoolmemory.Icouldclipoutthearticle solongasheisn’ttoomeaninit andpasteitintheSoul ObsessionscrapbookIstartedinmiddleschool.Yeah,whynot?It’llmakethegirlslaugh,anyway.
“No.Forabook.”Thecrowdsurgesagain,nearlyknockingmeoffmyfeet,andthemanlooksbrieflypained.Heblows outaharshbreath,thenunhooksthecrowdbarrierenoughtoletmesqueezeout “Comeon,quickly”
“ButIcan’tlosemyspaceinline ”
“We’regoinginside.Comeon,beforetheyflattenyou.”
Blue eyes bore intome,urging me totrusthim,and I swear for a splitsecond,everything goes still.The crowd stops pushing;thedistantcarsstophonking;eventhesuneasesoffandletsacoolbreezedanceovermycheeks.There’snothing elseintheworldexceptthoseicyblueeyes.
Noband.
Nodehydrationheadache.
Nonothin’.
Myheartflutters.
Then “Ohmygod!IsthatJameson?It’sJameson!”
Thousandsofbodiespressforward,shuntingusuptheline,alleagerforaglimpseofthepopstar.AndnormallyI’dbe hoppinguponmytoestoseeJamesontoo,desperateforapeek,butrightnowallIfeelisasharpstabofpanicasI’mshoved awayfromthemaninasuit
Eyeswide,mouth openinasilentcry,Istareback athimasI’mcarried forward severalmeters Something wrenches insideme,likeeventhismuchdistanceistoomuch;likeifIgettoofarawayfromhim,myheartmighttuglooseandslump downinmyribcage
Sonuts That’swhattoomuchsunwilldotoya
Butthemanishere,stridingalongbesideme,keepingpaceandcursingunderhisbreath Heunhooksanewsectionof dustymetalcrowdbarrier,thenreachesintothemobtogripmyarm.
Hishandisbig.
Hisgripissure.
AndI’mtuggedgentlyfromthepressofbodies,outintotheopenair,thebarriershovedshutbehindme.Finally,Ican breatheagain!Laughingbrightly,Itripintotheman’sarms.
“Oh.”Herearsback,evenashishandsclutchmecloser.Likehe’snotsurewhethertogathermenearorpushmeaway. “Uh hello.”
“Sorry!”Tuggingmyclothesstraight,Istepbackandofferashakysmile andlet’spretendthatmycheeksareburning because of the sun. Yeah. That’s why. Not because I just lost my mind and snuggled a stranger. “It felt like a hugging moment.So,we’regoinginside?”
The man shakes his head, but not like he’s disagreeing Like he’s dazed, and he needs to jumble his thoughts back together He’snottheonlyone
I don’teven know this guy ’ s name,and he’s suddenly taken the topspotin my brain,even above my all-time favorite band Whatonearth?
“Uh Yes”Aquickcough;astraightenedtie “Thisway,please”
Whenmyagentcalled mewiththisjobwritingabookaboutSoulObsession,shepitched ithard. Traveltheworld,she said.Digdeepintothedarksideoffame,shesaid.Allexpensespaid,nosubjectofflimits,rollaroundinroyaltiesfor therestofyourlife,etc,etc.
Itwas an obvious choice.My life in London has feltsosmalllately,constricting and airless,with the walls ofmy flat closinginonallsides.Everythinginthecapitalisgrayanddampandjoyless.Everydaytherefeelsthesame.AssoonasI gotthatcall,somethinginsidemesungtolife,demandingIpackupmybagsandtakeoffonthistour.
Itwasasign,Ithought.Agoodomen.Becausesomething,forgod’ssake,hadtochangebeforeIdiedofboredomatthe ripeoldageofthirtyfive.
Butthen city aftercity onthoseblack tourbuses Endlessgreenroomsand sound checksand dusty flightcases An ocean crossed, and somany late nights and early mornings,and only occasionaldrama These guys are older and wiser thantheirfirsttimewiththeband,andthegrippingstorylineIhopedforhasnotyetemerged It’sthesameoldboredom,butnowwithmorestampsinmypassport
“Thisway”
Longstridescarrymearoundthesideofthestadium,myshirtstickingtomybackinthedampSouthernheat Insects hangintheairinbuzzingswarms,unbotheredwhenIswatthemaway,andtheskyisstreakedwithcrimsonandpurple. Theheat-strickenfanIrescuedscurriesafterme,heryellowbackpackjostlingassherunstokeepup.
Icheckmystride,slowingdown.Noneedtobeaprickaboutitandmakeherjog,especiallywhenshelookedreadyto faintbackthere.Issheokay?
“I’mResa,”shesays,breathless,oncewe’residebyside.“TeresaCastillo.” “Beckett.”Ismoothmytie.“LiamBeckett.”
“Bond,JamesBond,”Resajokes,and mymouthtwitchesagainstmywill.Christ,whenwasthelasttimeIsmiled?The lasttimeIactuallylaughed,loudandgenuine?ThelasttimeInoticedthewarmthofsunshineonmyskin?
I’vebeennumbforfartoolong.
“Wecantalkinthegreenroom.”Securityguardsnodatmeaswepass,thebeefymendottedatintervalsalongtheouter wall They’re alldressed in black suits,arms folded overtheirchests,radios crackling attheirhips Lots ofshaved heads andtattooednecks “Itwon’ttakelong Ijustneedafan’sperspective”
And tounderstand why Resa loves SoulObsession somuch;why there are thousands and thousands ofadoring fans backthere,queuingupforhoursinthemercilessheat,alldressedinmerch
HaveIeverlovedsomethingthatmuch?Beyondallreason?Idon’tthinkso “Willtheband beinthere?”Resafizzes with excitement,practically skipping besideme,herhands flapping intheair “JaxandJamesonandMasonandCrueand ” Mymouthtastessour.“Possibly.Butlisten,youcan’tbotherthem,alright?Ifyoudo,you’llbeescortedout,interviewor nointerview.”
“Sure!Ofcourse.” Resa draws a cross over her heart,beaming upatme.Those dimples,good lord.This girl’s smile is wideand brightand heart-stoppingly genuine,and thetiny gapbetweenherfrontteeth makes mewanttoscrubmy face andgroan.“Icanbenormal,Iswear.”
Aheavydoorswingsopenundermypalm,itssurfacewarmedbythesun.“I’llbelieveitwhenIseeit.” Resa’sbrightlaughbouncesaroundthecorridorinside.
It’scoolerinhere,dimandempty.Soundscracklethroughhiddenspeakers:thrummingguitarnotesandthewhineof microphones. The shiver of cymbals, and the distant thump of equipment dropped onstage. The roadies are setting up, runningsoundcheckandgettingreadyfortonight,andtheirfar-offtinnedchatterfloatsthroughthespeakersystem. They curse a lot,always cracking dirty jokes on stage,and it’s never bothered me before butnow Resa’s listening,I
suddenlywishthey’dchecktheirlanguage.She’ssoinnocent.
Butdoesitbotherher?No.Resagazesaroundus,wide-eyed,likethisdustybackstagecorridorisagardenofwonders. Anemptybeerbottleslumpsagainstonewall,andtherearescuffmarksonthelino,yetshefloatsthroughitalllikeanangel touringheaven.
Everythingisdarkanddingybackhere,especiallyaftertheblindingsunshine,butRenaisashockofbrightcolorwith her yellow backpack, those pink canvas sneakers, and a sky blue band shirt cut short above a tanned, soft navel. Not to mentionherbleacheddenimskirtandthoseeyes,thoseeyes,thoseeyes.
Brown,withlittleflecksofgold.Likehoneycomb.
“This way.”I’ve gotnoexcuse totouch her,notreally,butI take Resa’s elbow anyway,steering her toward the green roomdoorfurtherdownthecorridor.Thebuzzofchatterinsidegetslouderasweapproach,and my stomach sinks.The bandmembers arethere.Issheinlovewithoneofthem?Idon’twanttoseethat.“Andremember ” “Be normal Aye,cap’n” Resa salutes me with her free arm,making noefforttodislodge my hand on her elbow Her goldenbrownskinisbutter-softundermypalm,lightlysheenedwithsweatandsunscreen I’d like to lick her all over
Bloodyhell Wheredid that thoughtcomefrom?Shakingmyhead,IleadResaintothegreenroom
With crowded tables and vending machines around the walls, it’s not just the band in here: there are off duty crew members, assistants, and visiting friends A tired photographer sits at a table alone, flicking through the images on her camera,andthetourmanagerShelbybustlespast,talkingamileaminuteintoherradio.
“Eep!”
Thattinynoisemakesmestiffen.IfResafreaksoutnow,ifsherushesoneofthebandmembers,ifshecrossesaline Butit’snottheSoulObsessionguysResaslipsoutofmygripfor.It’s Shelby,ourno-nonsensetourmanager andnow they’rehuggingandgigglingandmakingenoughnoisethateverysinglepersonintheroomglancesover. “What?” My voice is clipped,carrying over the clamor.This makes nosense,itdoes notcompute,and itdoesn’thelp thatthey’rechatteringatapitchthatonlydogscanhear.“Youtwoknoweachother?”
Afteronefinalsqueeze,Resaturnsbacktome,hercheekspinkwithexcitement. “Yeah,we goway back.Shelby gotme my VIPpass,see?”My sun-struck fan tugs a laminated pass on a lanyard from beneath her top, jiggling it in front of her chest. “So I didn’t even need you to get backstage, Mr Bond although I appreciatetheearlyshade,that’sforsure”
Resawinks
Mygutflips
Iamsooutofmydepthwiththisgirl
Isthereanythingmorefuninthewhole,wideworldthangettingthissuit-wearinggrumpallflusteredandconfused?
No,YourHonor,thereisnot.Thisis it:asfunasfuncanbe.
WhenItakeBeckett’shand,hejumpslikeI’vegivenhimanelectricshock thenclingstomyfingerslikehe’llneverlet go.
Ohman,ohman.
Thisiswild.
My heartpounds like crazy as I lead him between the green room tables,over toan empty one by the wall.Someone whistles,butI’mnotsurewho.AndtheSoulObsessionguysare right there,eatingtakeoutpizzasoutofboxesandcracking jokes and scrolling on their phones,alllarge as life,but I don’tcare Every ounce ofmy awareness is fixed on the man walkingbehindme Themanwhosehandiswrappedaroundmine DoesBeckettfeelittoo?Thispull?Allthisrawenergycracklingbetweenus?
My nerve endings tingle, shivering in sympathy for my overloaded hand Because the feel of him the warmth, the strength,thesensationofbeingtuckedupsafeinhisdrypalm it’stoomuch Overwhelming Stomachinknots,Iletgo
“Niceplace,”Icomment,pullingoutachair,becauseit’sreallynot.Thisgreenroomisasunglamorousasthecorridor outside, all bare white walls and cheap metal chairs with dangerously splayed legs, the air scented with hot cheese and men ’sdeodorant.
EvenBeckett’slaugh isclipped.“It’salwayslikethis,ineverycity.Theillusionofglamorand allthat.Onstage,it’sall brightlightsandsmokeandscreamingfans,withthosepricelessinstrumentsinsuredformorethantheaveragebuilding. Everythingthatyou’dimagine.Thenyougetbackstageandimmediatelystepingum.Almostmakesyoufeelsorryforthe band,beforeyourememberthey’reallricherthanCroesus.”
Croesus?Who’sthat?Sometechbillionaire,probably.
Beckettsettlesoppositeme,andpullsoneofthoserecordingdevicethingiesfromhisinsidesuitpocket.AfterInod,he switchesiton,redlightwinkingashesetsitonthetable.“So.”
Ismileblandlyback,thenfoldmyhandsonthetabletop “So”
And this is weird Everything was so natural between us until now, easy and flowing and right, butwith thatlittle recordereavesdropping,Isuddenlyfeelsilly Likeagrownwomanwhoshouldknowbetterthantolineupforhoursinthe heattoseeaboyband Likesomeonewhoshould’veoutgrownthisstuffbynow IsthathowBeckettseesme?Anuttyfan,andnothingmore?
Isthatwhyhepickedme?Ohgod,doIseemcrazierthanalltheothersoutthere?
“TeresaCastillo.”MynamesoundsweirdinhisBritishaccent kindastiff,butinagoodway.Myanklescrossbeneath my chair, one sneaker jiggling with nerves, and the unstable chair slumps an inch lower, legs creeping in opposite directions.“Tellmeaboutyourrelationshipwiththisband.TellmewhyyouloveSoulObsessionsomuch.” Hoo,boy.
Comingoutwiththebigguns,then.
My eyes flick to where the band members sittogether, bickering lazily abouttheir song list butthey’re far enough awaythattheyshouldn’tbeabletohearthis.Okay,that’sgood.It’slessembarrassing.
Um.
“Iguess…Imean…”
Shoot,why has my mind gone blank?One hundred percentblank.Every single word in my vocabulary,every smart thoughtandcoherentsentenceI’veeverhad,hasflownoutofmyears.IblinkatBeckett,stupidandsilent,ashewaitsfor metospeak
Thosepiercingblueeyesnarrowonme.
“Takeyourtime,”hesays.“Infact ”
Beckett’schairscrapesback,andhestridesofftothecorneroftheroom.Avendingmachinerumbles,rattlingagainst thewall,andthenhe’shereagainwithtwocolddrinks.HeraisesthembothandIpickthecreamsoda,barelyresistingthe urgetolungeandsnatchitfromhishand.
Themetaltabclicks,airhissingfromthecan,andIgulpdownthesweet,coldfluidgratefully.Howmanyhourshasit beensincemylastbottleoftepidwater?Seemslikeforeverago,andhey maybeIcandrownmyselfincreamsodatoget outofansweringthequestion.Genius.
Beckett watches me drink for a long moment, then disappears again. This time, he comes back with two bottles of chilled water.“These are both yours. ” The bottles thud againstthe table.“Are you hungry, by the way? Thatpizza is for everyone. ”
Ishakemyhead,stilldowningmycreamsodainonego Beckettgrunts,unconvinced,butsettlesback intohischair And hemustbecooking inthatsuit it’snotexactlycool here,evenindoors butthere’s stillnotasingledark hairoutofplaceonhis handsomehead Notabead ofsweatonhis paleforehead Themanisflawless,unruffled,anisland ofcalmand sophisticationinthemiddleofthisgrotty,loud green room,andmeanwhileI’m
Well,I’mgivingtheworstinterviewever,andcreamsodajustdribbleddownmychin Awesome
“It’s…”Iwipemymouthandtryagain,placingmycandown.“Thethingis…doyourememberpuberty?”
Beckettfrowns.“Alltoowell,unfortunately.”
“Yeah.”Ilaugh,relieved.“Exactly.Okay,so,forme,itgoesbacktothat.Topuberty.”
The green room is still loud, thank god, buzzing with ten different conversations. Someone gets a drink from the vending machine, the bulky machine grumbling, while someone else plays a dumb prank video on full volume on their phone.Mycompletehumiliationisdrownedout.
Myvoicestilldropsquieter.And myfaceishotterthantheconcreteoutside,butthisiseasierwhenIpretend it’sjust Beckettwhocanhearme;thatthere’snosneakyrecordingdevicelistening.Hecouldchangemynameforhisbook,right? Savemefrommyownhumiliatingconfessions?
Iowehimthis.Hewantedaninterview,andIsaidIcouldhelphim.
It helps that Beckett hasn’t laughed at me He’s nodding along, interested, one arm outstretched with the fingers tappinglightlyonthetable “Goon”
First,anothersipofcreamsoda I’mdowntothelastsloshyinchatthebottomofthecan “Okay” I stifle a tiny burp, horrified, and Beckett’s mouth twitches with humor, buthe doesn’tsay anything “Oops Sorry Okay,soIgotmyperiodprettyearly I’djustturnedeleven And,um,Iwasthisgangly,awkwardkidwithgapteeth andpricklylegsbecausemymomwouldn’tletmeshaveuntilIwasthirteen.Shesaiditwouldbebadformyselfesteem.” SowasbeingcalledHairyMaryinGym,butwhatever IliketopretendthatI’vemovedon.Forgiveandforgetandall that.
“Then my hips gotwiderbutmy boobs didn’tgrow,and the acne started,and I just,I feltlike… like a strangerin my ownbody.Likeanalienamongthehumans.SoulObsessionhelpedmewiththat.”
Becketttilts his head,considering.Hehasn’tscoffed once,thank god,notevenaboutmy period oracneorhairy legs. AndIguessthat’sbecausehe’saman,amatureadult soyeah,it’salowbarforhimtoclear,butIstillwanttocrawlinto hislapandneverleave.TohavehimstrokemyhairandtellmeI’mnotrepulsive.I’mnormal.
“Because ofthe lyrics?” he asks.“Some fans have said thatSoulObsession songs are empowering. Girl, You Shine, for example.”
“No. I mean they are empowering, sure, but that’s not why they helped. For me, it was because I suddenly had somethingincommonwiththeothergirls Aneasywaytomakefriends Wewereallmisfitsinourownway,butwehad thissharedlove”
Andgosh,thereliefofthat!Itmakesmedizzynowtorememberit
“Wecould allsing along together,read fanfiction,take onlinequizzes aboutwhich SoulObsessionguy would be our soulmate”
A muscle flexes in Beckett’s jaw, but he nods encouragingly. “And you still love these men? You still have that… passion?You’reherefortheirreuniontourafterall,withaVIPpass.”
It’soneofthosemomentswhereitfeelslikethere’sanotherquestionhiddenbeneathhiswords.Shiftinginmychair,I
wetmylips.Needtosaythisright.
“Istilllovethe band.Theirmusicwillalwaysbeimportanttome,justlikethefriendsImadethrough fangroups.And sure,Idaydreamedonceortwiceaboutcomingheretonightandmeetingtheguys,andlike,fallinginlove ” Beckettclearshisthroat,drawinghishandbackacrossthetable.Panicked,Isnatchforit,tanglingourfingerstogether beforeIevenknowwhatI’mdoing.
“No,wait!Thatwasbefore.”Mypulsethudsinmywrists,butBeckett’snotpullingaway.Heletsmeclingtohishand, oneeyebrowraised.“Thatwasbefore,okay?AndnowI’mhereinthisgreenroom,onlyafewtablesaway,andIdon’tfeel anything notforthebandmembers,anyway.Thosewerejustsillydaydreams…butIstillloveSoulObsessionwithallmy heart.Doesthatmakesense?”
Onejudderingheartbeat.
Thentwo.
Three
Until finally, atlong last, a bluntthumb traces gently over my knuckle “Notfor the band members,” Beckettrepeats slowly
Ared-hotblushcrawlsupmythroat Busted
Buthe’sholdingmyhandagain Playingwithmyfingers,studyingthemlikethey’refascinating,andthiscan’tbehow normalinterviewsgo Ican’tbealoneinfeelingthisconnection Right?
It’sjust it’stoostrong,toooverwhelming,andsurelyBeckettmustfeelthistoo.Orelsewhyishepressingourthumbs togetherlikethat,measuringhisbig,paleoneagainstmine?Youdon’tdothatwithstrangers!
“Doorsopensoon.”Beckettflicksoffhisrecorderwithhissparehandandslidesitbackintohispocket,andhistoneis casual.Waytoocasual.“Thenit’sthewarmupact.Doyouwanttoseeit?Orwouldyoulikeabackstagetour?”
Uh,duh.
“Tour,”Isay,soquicklythatBeckett’sfrostydemeanorfinallycracks.Hesmiles,warmandfleeting,hiseyescrinkling atthecorners,andI’dthinkIhallucinateditifitweren’tforthesquirmyevidenceinmybelly.
Thisman!
Ohmygod.
I’minsomuchtrouble.
Thisisaterribleidea.It’sthesortofthingI’dexpectfromthesepopstars,notmyself buthereIam,towingagiggling Resabehindmethroughthecurvingstadiumcorridors.IfitwereCrueorMasonsneakingastrangegirlbackstage, I’dbetakingnotesforthebook,philosophizingabouthowfamemakesmendostupidthings.
Here I am instead,atthe center ofthe drama,losing my mind over this bright,happy fan girl.I don’teven recognize myself.
“Thisisthehometeam’slockerroom.”Ipushthedooropen,standingbackinthecorridor.Thisstadiumhostsalotof footballgames,andResaducksherheadthroughthedoorwaybeforereelingback,gasping.Hereyesarewatering,andshe clutchesatherthroat.
“Ew,Beckett!Itsmellslikefeet!”
Yes,thisisn’tthemostromanticstoponourtour ButIcouldn’tresist,andit’sallworthitwhenResapunchesmyarm then drags me away,laughing Our voices bounce around us as we chat,butthe crowds are inside the venue now,their cheersbleedingthroughthewalls,andthere’snoriskofusdisturbinganyone
We’reonourownplanet Justthetwoofus,exploringthisalienterrain Whenthewarmupactstrikestheirfirstchord,thevibrationsticklethroughmyshoes
“That’s a lotofcases,”Resa says when I lead hertothe loading bay: a cavernous room with a whole wallmissing,the equipmenttrucks standing empty beyond.The silver flightcases are stacked in huge clumps around us,five or six deep, whilethreeroadiessitoutontheloadingdockandsmoketogether.
“Yes,butatourthishugeneedsalotofequipment.Thelabelsparednoexpense.”
It’sdarkoutsidefinally,withastar-specklednavysky,andeverytimeoneoftheroadiesinhales,theircigarettelights upcherry-redinthedarkness.Thesoundsofthewarm-upgigarelouderouthere.
The air is warm and damp, and moths flutter around the loading bay floodlights high above, headbutting the glass bulbs.Nothingforthecrewtodoouthereexceptwaituntiltheshow’sover.
“Huh.”Renaturnsslowlyonthespot,soakingitallinlikeshereallyisatouristonvacation,seeingallthesights.Trying tocommitittomemorybeforeshegoesbacktohereverydaylife.
Meanwhile,I’mtryingtocommithertomemory everylastdetail Hershort,ruffledbrownhair Thewayherlipspart asshegazesupatthestars Thoseroundcheeksthatgetevenrounderwhenshesmiles
Allofit
Allofher
WhatthehellwillIdoonceResa’sgone?Gobacktofeelingdeadinside?Gobacktonumbness,toboredom,toburying myselfinmywork?
“Comeon.”Can’tstoptouching her.Can’tstopholding herhand.Now thatI’vefeltit,now thatI’vetasted having her close, I don’t want things any other way. If I could tie us together without seeming completely unhinged, I’d do it in a heartbeat.“There’smoretosee.”
Likedressing roomsscattered with abandoned jackets,half-drunk waterbottles,and openpacketsofM&Ms.Iwatch Resaoutofthecornerofmyeye,butshedoesn’tseemoverlyfascinatedbythebandmembers’stuff,andsheneveroncelets goofmyhand.WhenIpullheraway,shecomeshappilyalong.
We visit the merch stands next, set up ready near the exits, the tables stacked high with special ten-year reunion tshirts.IletgoofResabriefly,butonly toslidesomemoney beneath thelocked cash boxand fish outat-shirtinhersize. ShehugsittoherchestandgazesupatmelikeI’mherknightinshiningarmor. Fuck.
“Make sure you cut this one in half too,” I tell her. Resa giggles as she strokes the lilac fabric, then tucks the t-shirt lovinglyinherbackpack
Thiswholenightissurreal.
Then there’s the lighting booth,atthe very topofthe stadium as high as we can humanly climb.My thighs burn by thetimewereachthetopofthestairs,andResa’sbreathinghard,butsheshootsmeahappygrinwhenIcheckonher.The gigisstillmuffled,butseepingthroughthethickwalls.
“Here.” I tug Resa to the lighting booth door. It’s not locked, and when I shoulder it open, the follow-spot operators glanceovertheirshouldersandnodatusbeforeturningbacktotheshow.
Therearefiveofthem,alldressedinblackwithheadsets,eachbalancingahugelightontheirshoulderandaimingitat thestage.Themusicfromthestageispipedinheretoo,madetinnybytheancientspeakers.
The spots are used tome crashing their glass-fronted booth.I’ve watched this gig from every angle,tried a bunch of locations,alwayssearchingforanewinsight.Forthesparkofinspirationthatwillhelpmewritemybook.
Nowthatsparkelbowsmeintheribs.“We’resohighup,”Resahisses.Yeah,fromallthewayupinthisbooth,thestage lookskindasmalldownthere Themusicianspacearound,soenergetic,keyedupbythemaniaofthecrowd JustwaituntilSoulObsessioncomesonstage Thefanswillscreamsoloudthatbirdstakeflightmilesaway AndResa’sbeamingdownatthestage,bouncingonhertoesasshegripsmyhand butthatexcitementisnotfor me,is it?It’sforthisbackstagetour,andtonight’sshow Theremindertightensmythroat,andIswallowhard Resa’sexcitedaboutthissneakpeek,excitedaboutSoulObsession,butlet’sbehonest:ifwehadfirstpassedeachother inacoffeeshopthismorning,sheprobablywouldn’thaveglancedmyway Wemightneverhavespoken “Let’sgo.”MytemplesthrobasItowResaoutofthelightingbooth. Thisistemporary.Ican’tforgetthat.
“Thisissocool,Beckett.So,socool.Thankyousomuchfordoingthis!”
Resa’s happy chatter echoes in my ears as I lead her back down the stairs,down intothe belly ofthe building.There isn’tmuchtimeleft.Prettysoon,SoulObsessionwillstarttheirset,andResawon’twanttomissasinglesecondofit.Our timeisnearlyup.
“Doyouknowwhichdooryou’resupposedtogoinby?” Myvoicesoundsdulltomyownears.Robotic.Ourfeetclatteragainstthesteps. ButIcandothis Icanwalk Resatowherevershe’s supposed togo,wavegoodbye,and thenmoveonwith my life.I can,damnit.
Afewstolenhourswiththisgirlcan’truinmylife.Theuniversewouldn’tbesocruel,surely.
“Um.”Pausing in the stairwell,Resa fumbles her phone outofher back pocketand taps atthe screen.Itlights up,the rectangleoflightcastingapaleglowoverherbeautifulface.“Door5E.Whereverthatis.”
WillResaeverthinkaboutmeaftertonight?Doestheideaofuspartingguthertoo?
God,whatifI’mtheonly onefeeling this?WhatifI’mcrazy and Idon’tevenrealizeit?Therearetruecrimepodcasts aboutmenlikeme!Okay,soI’llwalkResatodoor5EandthenI’lllethergolikeasaneperson Fine
Myinsidesfeellikethey’vebeenchafedwithsandpaper Rawandbleeding ButIleadResadownthestairwell,thento thedoorfortherightcorridor
“Wait”Asmallhandsnagsmysleeve,tuggingmeback Igostillasastatue,waitingintheemptystairwellforwhatever Resawantstosay.Mybrainisbroken,alreadydestroyedbytheprospectofherleaving.There’snothingbutstaticbetween myears.
Resabites herbottomlip,gazing upatmeas thewarmupact’s powerballad bleeds through thewalls.Thenshepuffs outabreath,rocksupontohertoes,and and kisses me.
Bloodyhell.
Myhandsdartup,cuppinghercheeks.Mylipsmoveoftheirownaccord,kissingResaback.Kissingherhard. And whenItiltherhead,coaxing herlipstopart,Resasighsagainstmy mouth and slidesourtonguestogether.She’s meltingagainstme,hersoftbodysealedagainstmyfront.
Myheartslamsagainstmyribcage,desperatelytryingtoreachher.
“Beckett,”shemurmurs,fingersscratchingtheshorthairsonmyneck,andeverycellinmybodyrespondstomyname inhervoice I’mharderthangranite,mymusclestenseonmybones,whilemoltenbloodpumpsinmyears
“Beckett,”Resasaysagain Jesus She’sbendingoneleg,kneerubbingatmythigh;crowdingmebackagainstthewall,
likeshewantstoclimbmerighthere likeshe’dmountmerightinthisechoingstairwell. Worksforme.Holyshit,doesthatworkforme.
“Angel.”Mygreedyhandsroamoverherarms,herbarewaist,herjuicywidehips squeezingandstrokingastheygo. AndI’llnevergetenoughofthis,nevertireoftouchingthisgirl,becauseResaiscolorandlaughterandsunshineandI’ve beenboredandnumbforsolong,livingingrayscale.
She’stheantidote.She’swhatI’vebeenmissing.
Myteethscrapeherthroat.Resatipsherheadbackandmoans thenfumbleswithmytie,looseningthenoosearound mythroat.“Shouldwe ?”
Adoorbangsopenafewfloorsaboveus,thenoiseloudandsudden.
Wespringapartasstepsthud downthestairs.Theroadiegrinswhenheroundsthestairwelland wecomeintoview, bothflushedandbreathinghard.Hisstepsslowdown.
“Well,well,well”Darkeyesflickbetweenus,teasing “Whatdowehavehere?”
I’ m hardly the firstgirltokiss a man backstage ata gig,buttellmy bright-red cheeks that.They don’tcooldown for a single second not while Beckett chats with the roadie, not while he walks me silently to door 5E, and not even ten minuteslaterwhenI’mshoulder-to-shoulderwithmyfellowfans,staringdry-eyedatthelit-upstage.
Thefirstactiswrappingup,soakinguptheirlastfewminutesofborrowedglory,andthefansaregame,whoopingand cheering along.It’s hotas hell in this crush of bodies, and I keep getting elbows in my back, feetstepping on mine, and othergirls’longhairsinmymouth.
Bleurgh.
And thisisn’tme.Thissinkingstoneinmybelly;thisacheinmychest;this misery seepingoutofmypores.Itfeelsall wrong
BecauseI’mahappyperson,damnit!ResaCastilloisbuiltforpleasureandgratitude,okay andyethereIam,sourasa crabapplepie,evenasmyfavoritebandofalltimerushesonstagetoatidalwaveofscreams
TheSoulObsessionguysaremorethanadecadeolderthanwhenIsawthemliveasateenager,singingalongwithmy friendsuntilwewerehoarse Buttheylook good outtheretonight:strong and lithe,alittlebroader,alittleharsher,falling intotheiroldrhythmtogetheraseasilyasbreathing
Theopeningchordsfillthearena,andthetinyhairsonmyarmsstandonend.
“Ohmygod,”thegirlnexttomesobs,tearsstreakinghercheeks.Stillnosignofmybesties,andnosignalonmyphone tohuntthemdown.“Ohmygod,ohmygod,ohmygod.It’sreallythem.” Yeah.Itis.
TheSoulObsessionguysarehere,breathingthesameoxygenasusinthisstadium,sweatalreadyslickingtheirskinas their music vibrates the air.And I should be floating uptothe clouds,should be stamping and screaming myselfhoarse withtheotherfans,butallIcanthinkaboutisBeckett.
LiamBeckett.Mysexy,suit-wearinggrump.
What’shedoingrightnow?Ishewatchingtheshowsomewhere?
Ishethinkingaboutmetoo?Thatkiss!Ohgosh,thatkiss.
Myinsidesarealltangled uplikelinguine,and mylipsarestilltingling TheghostofBeckettsighsagainstmycheek And suddenly I can’t stand another second in this crowd, under these lights, in this heat, so I turn and fight my way throughthewalloflimbs
Theotherfanspressback,butIgritmyteethandthrowupmyelbows,thrashingtowardthenearestdoor I’mnicebut I’mnotthat nice,notwhenthere’ssomewhereIreallyneedtobe
BecauseBeckettandIaren’tdonewitheachotheryet Alright?I’m notdone Butwhydidn’theaskformynumber?Washesecretlyeagertogetridofmeallalong?
Face scrunched with the effortof keeping those questions atbay, I fightmy way to the exit.The corridor outside is emptyandstill.Myearsringasmybreathsawsinandoutofmylungs.Thatcrowdwassointense,andnowmythighsare tremblinglikejelly,barelyholdingmeup.Clearingmythroat,Ifingercombmypixieandtugmycroptopstraight. Right,let’sdothis.
Backpack:check.
Alllimbsaccountedfor:check. Andacan-doattitude?Youbetcha.
With Soul Obsession’s top hits rattling through the speakers, I march to the stairwell, back the way we came. Every timeIroundacornerorpushthroughasetofdoors,afreshwaveofdisappointmenthitswhenBeckett’snotthere. Thecorridorisempty.Thestairwellistoo.
Shoot Wheredid hego?WhatifIcan’tfind himagain?My heartthrobsinmychest,dragging my tired legsforward
Needtokeeplooking.NeedtoseeBeckettagain,orelse…Ican’teventhinkit.
Butthis stadium is a rabbitwarren, all the corridors exactly the same white and gray, and I definitely walk pastthe samescuffmarktwiceinthenexttenminutes.
Onandon,thebandplays,thecannedsoundfloatingdownfromthespeakerswhilethebassthrumsthroughthefloor. Onandon,Iwander.
Andwitheverystep,myheartsinksalittlefurther.
Foratwenty-twoyearold,Ifeellikethecreakiest,mostexhaustedoldcrone.ShouldhavetakenBeckettuponhisoffer ofpizzaearlier,shoredupmybloodsugarorwhatever,butinmydefense,Ididn’tplanonwalkingamarathon.
Bandpostersandfootballfixturesdriftpastonthewalls.Anadforcheeseburgers;aseasonticketpromo.Mysneakers dragalongthefloor,becauseI’mtootirednowtoraisemyfeetproperlyinthisendlesslabyrinth.Thetoespinch,theheels slip,andthere’sthattelltalestingingheatthatsaysI’mgettingblisters.
Istopandcheckmyphone
Zerobars Sigh
Whatthehell?Ipickadooratrandomandshoveitopen,stumblingthrough andfreezewhenIrecognizetheview
Thegreenroomis emptierthanearlier,with only afew folks hunched overthetables A groupofroadies areplaying poker, shooting each other faux-evil eyes, and two older women in business suits drink coffee together, speaking in hushedtones Thevendingmachineshumagainstthewalls,rattlingtheirwarestogether
Butthere’sonlyonethingIreallysee:apairofpaleblueeyesoveratourtable,narrowingonme.
“Resa?”Beckettshovestohisfeet.“Areyoualright?”
“Ijust Ihadtoseeyouagain.Iwasn’tdone.”
“Iknow.”TheeveningbreezerufflesBeckett’shairashecarriesmeacrosstheparkinglotoutback.Roadieswhoopand whistleatusoverontheloadingbay,butit’slikeBeckettdoesn’tevenhearthem.He’stoobusyscowlingatme,allstiffwith concern.“Butyourfeet,Resa.”
Yeah,somehow,afterafulldaytrompingaroundthiscityandthislabyrinthofastadium,myold,faithfulsneakershave turnedonme.Thepinkcanvasisstainedreddish-brownwithpatchesofblood,andBecketthaspointblankrefusedtolet mewalkanotherstep.
“Itwasweird.Iswear,Igotsolost,itwaslikeIwaswalkinginthereforhours.LikeIfellintoapocketdimension.” Beckettgrunts,hisstrongarmsallprotectivearoundmybody.I’mnofeatherweight,notwiththesehipsandthighs,but myman ’spackingasurprisingamountoftonedmuscleunderthatsuit.Hedoesn’tseemstrainedatallbymyweight. Noted.
“Whereareyoucarryingme?”
Should probably ask that before I leta strange man carry me offintothe darkness,buthey This is Beckett The rules don’tapply
HecouldcarrymeanywhereandI’dgo,heartsinginginmychest Hecouldtakemeonatourofthedumpsters,andI’d loveeverysecondnestledagainsthisstrongchest “Tourbus Oneofthecrewones”
Awarmwindbrushesovermythroatandbarebelly.
“Oh,cool.Isthatwhereyouliverightnow?”
“Yes.Well somecities,westayinhotels.Butyes.”
“Doyouhaveyourownprivatebedroomonthebus?”
Eyesflickdowntome,thenaway.“Yes.Butthat’snotwhyI’m…”
“Nokidding.”Can’tresisttuggingBeckett’searlobe.“Youhadmeatyourmercyearlier,alleagerandwilling,andyou droppedmeoffatdoor5Ewithoutevenasmoochgoodbye.”
Atroubledfrowncreaseshisforehead.“That’snotquitehowIremembertonight’sevents.”
Hisearlobeissoftand squishy.Rolling itbetweenmyfingerand thumb,Imarvelathow intimate this is.How Ididn’t evenknowthismanafewhoursago,andnowI’mcarriedinhisarmsacrossadarkparkinglot,pokingandproddingathis body like I have an all-access pass,hoping againsthope thathe’lltake advantage ofme tonight Thathe won’tbe a perfect gentleman
“Sorry,mister,butthetapedoesn’tlie.”
“Whattape?”Aneyeroll,thenI’mjostledagainstBeckett’schest likehewantsmecloser,evenwhenI’malreadyinhis arms.“Thatisnotwhathappened,Resa.” “Soyousay.”
“SoIdo.”
“And yet I came looking for you.Are you sure you even wanttohang outwith me more?Or are you humoring me?” FlippingBeckett’sshirtcollarupanddown,IstareathischinwhileIwaitforananswer. Becauseifthisisallinmyhead,ifI’vemagicked upsomecrazyconnectionbetweenusoutofsheerwishfulthinking, I’mgoingtoleapoutofhisarmsandsprinthomerightnow,bloodiedfeetorno.
Beckettheavesoutasigh.
MyinsidesquiverasIwait.
Then: “I already got your phone number from Shelby,” the writer confesses quietly His voice is taut with consternation “SeemsIcouldn’tletyougoeither”
Resa ’ s questions echoin my head as I carry her ontothe tour bus,the door hissing shutbehind us.The doubtin her sweetvoiceback theresentarrowsthrough mygut,and Ihatethatshewouldn’tmeetmyeye.Likeshewasbracing forrejection,notsureifIwantheraround.
ButwhatelsecouldIdoearlierexceptlethergo?
Grabthe bubbly fan girlI chose for an interview and stealher away?Abducther ontothis glossy black tour bus and keepherwithmeforever?Slidearingontoherfingerbeforedawn?
That’s911territory,andI’mnofantasist.
“Itlooksevenbiggerontheinside,”Resamurmurs,craninghernecktopeeraroundusatthebus.Everythingislitby softlightsdottedoverhead Wepassthekitchenareawithitsbreak-outtable,boltedtothefloorandsurroundedbybench seats; the closed doors of other crew members’ bedrooms; a shower room that smells like the battling scents of three differentshampoos
The cramped hallway is carpeted and silent,and Resa’s sneakers scuffgently againstthe wallas I carry her through Theshowerdrips
“Doesn’tfeelallthatbigwhenyouliveinitforweeks Morelikeaglorifiedcamper”
ButIdon’treallymind.Iwantedanadventure,andthistourhasgivenmeone andnowit’sbroughtmetoResa. Christ.Resa. How willI ever lether go?Every time her breath mists againstmy neck, my heartthumps a little faster.My cock is harderthansinwithherbodythisclosetomine,andnowwe’realoneonthisdimlylittourbus. …Alone.
Forhours,probably.
Focus, you prick.
“There’s a first aid kit,” I say as I deposit her on my bed in the last room on the bus, determined not to notice how rumpled and flushed Resa looks already like we ’ ve been rolling around together in those sheets.“Stay here.I’llbe right back.”
“Oh, sure ” She flops back, empty bottles crunching in that backpack beneath her, and starfishes on my double bed “WakemeupifIfallasleep”
Somuchtrust Somuchitmakesmedizzy
Overinthesilentkitchen,Iscrubmyfaceandsigh Thetirednessofseveralweeksontheroadwasalreadymakingmy days woozy,butnow with Resa here,everything feels dreamlike and off-kilter Whatis real?Whatdoes she want?What canwedothatshewon’tregret?
Tuggingthefirstaidkitoffitsshelf,Iwalkbacktomyownroomlikeamanwalkingtothegallows.
Needtotrustmyself,butI’mhangingbyathread.
“Resa.” Her eyes flick open she’s not sleeping, then. Just lying flat on my bed, soft breaths stirring the air, her face slackwithfatigue.I’mnottheonlyonehavingalong,weirdday.“I’mgoingtotakeyourshoesoff,okay?”
“Mm.”
Herrightfootliftsupinoffering.Placingthefirstaidkitonthebed,Ikneelonthefloorandteaseherlacesloose.The sneakercomesoffeasily,butResatensesupwithahisswhenhersockstickstohernewblisters.
“Sorry.” A whole sad, bloodied pile of socks and shoes grows next to my knee as I strip her left foot too. Bare toes wriggleintheair,andIcan’tresistcatchingheranklesinmyhands.Can’tresistrubbingthoseankleboneswiththepads ofmythumbs,feelingthedelicatestructureofher.Thearchitecturebeneathhersatinskin.
Resamakesasmallsoundinthebackofherthroat.Herbareanklesaresowarmanddelicateundermyhands.
“I’mgoingtocleanandbandageyourfeet Itmightstingabit”
“Okay.”
Simpleasthat: okay. I’mgoingtocauseherpain,andthat’sokay.I’vecarriedhertomybedandthat’sokay.I’masking hertotrustme,andit’sA-okay.
Frustration chokes me, even as I spread the first aid supplies out on the mattress in easy reach: antiseptic wipes, numbingcream,andaselectionofdifferent-sizedbandaids.
Resashouldn’ttrustsoeasily.WhatifIwereabadman?
Hell,whatifI am abadman?Whatifhavingherhere,exactlywhereIwanther,soothingtheemptinessinmychest… breakssomethinginsideme?WhatifIneverletherleaveafterall?
“Haveyoutoldanyoneyou’rehere?”Iaskmildly.
Resa hums and shakes her head,then wriggles her backpack off.She digs for her phone,the screen lighting upsoit reflectstworectanglesinhereyes,andtapsoutamessage.
“I’ve got no signal right now, ” she says Trust, too much trust “But I’ve told the girls where I am It’ll send in the morning Noonewillworryaboutmeinthemeantime,Beckett,it’sfine”
Thatis not fine Thatistheoppositeoffine
Resa’sbreathhitcheswhenIdabatthefirstblisterwithanantisepticwipe andI’mgoingasgentlyasIcan,butIcan’t helpthesting
“Distractme,”ResawhisperswhenImoveontothesecond Herpoorfeetarebatteredandraw,andthisdiscomfortwill lastforawhileyet,soifIcanhelpwiththat,Iwill.“Tellmeasecret.”
MymouthtwitchesasIteaseopenanotherband-aid.“Asecret?Idon’thavemanyofthose.” Itsoundslikealine,butIreallydon’t.Becausesure,IhavethingsIdon’ttellpeople,butit’snotbecausethey’reacapital S-Secret.It’sbecauseI’mnotthatclosetoanyonebackinLondon.Oranywhere,forthatmatter.
ButforResa,I’llmaketheeffort.“Helpmeouthere.Whatwouldyouliketoknow?”
Proppinguponherelbows,shebitesherlipandstaresdownatmeoverthehillsandvalleysofherperfectbody.“Um okay.Didyouhaveanypetsgrowingup?”
Asmileburstsovermyface,evenasIwatchmyhandsworking.“Ah,yes.Topsecretstuff.” “Saysthemandodgingthequestion.”
Ha.Fine.
“We had cats in my house” Another packet tears open “My parents were away a lot, and they didn’t want the responsibilityofadog Theydidn’tparticularlywanttheresponsibilityofachild,either”
Thatlastbitslipsout,unguarded,andIstiffenonceIhearmyownwords butResasimplynods,encouragingmetogo on There’snopityinhereyes justcompassionandcuriosity
“There was this one cat,” I say, testing her interest She doesn’t seem bored “My favorite one A silver tabby He was bad-temperedandmoth-eatenandenormous,andhewouldn’tsitonanylapsexceptmine Helivedtobetwentyyearsold, andforthelastfewofthemhewashalf-bald.”
“Name?”
“Rustbucket.”
Resaburstsoutlaughing,thesoundechoingaroundtheemptybus.AndsomehowI’mgrinning,shiftingonmyaching kneesasIgrabanotherantisepticwipe;somehowtalkingaboutthispersonalstuffiseasierthanit’severbeenbefore.
“Ineverhadanypets.”Resaclickshertongue.“Ourhousewasalreadysoloudandcrowded,andtherewasneverany roomforanimals.Itusedtofeelsounfair,likeIwasmissingoutonafurrybestfriend,butthesedaysI’mgladInevergot one.There’snothingtyingmetooneplace,youknow?Icantakeoffonawhim.Goandtraveltheworld,maybe.”Sheeyes me.“Runawaywithahandsomewriter.”
Mystomachdrops.“Resa…”
Shesighsandflopsbackontothebed,whereIcan’tseeherfaceproperly.“Joking,obviously.Thatwouldbeinsane.” “Itwould”
Insanelikewinningthelottery
Insanelikefallinginloveinonenight
Andmythroatissotight,IneedtocoughquietlybeforeIcanspeakagain “Yourfeetaredone” “Oh!”Justlikethat,Resalurchesuprightagain,leaningovertoseemyhandiwork Herbandagedtoeswriggle,andher faceissuddenlysoclosetomine.It’sdiminthisroom,litonlybymybedsidelamp,andthegoldenglowmakeshercheeks looksoft.
Sosoft.
Myhandmovesofitsownaccord,cuppingherface.Softnessconfirmed. Resabreathesfaster,reachingforwardtograbmytie.Shewetsherlips,givingthemadampsheen.
We’vealreadykissedonce.What’stheharm?It’sonlymyheartthatwillneverrecover;onlythethreatofmadnessonce sheleaves.Nobigdeal.
“Beckett.”Resa’sknucklesarebleachedpalewhereshegripsmytie,squeezingitlikealifeline.“Youcarriedmetoyour bedroom.You’vedoneyourmanlysaviorbit.Areyougonnaravishmeornot?”
AndI’macool,collectedman usually.Aparagonofrestraint.
ButwhenResastaresatme,beseechingwiththosebig,doeeyes…fuckit.Anarchangelcouldn’tresistthisgirl. Lungingforward,abeastroaringinmychest,Icapturehermouthwithmine.
Another random document with no related content on Scribd:
is of course extremely hard, but there are other hard woods like cedar, and many varieties of valuable timber.
Yerba mate is cultivated in many places, especially in Misiones; the wild growing trees of the forest furnish a still greater supply of the leaves. From these a drink is made which outside of the large cities is in this part of the continent far more popular than tea or coffee.
The northern forests contain several varieties of rubber trees, but none are exploited. Along the Andes are forests, the principal ones from Lake Nahuel Huapi south. Those in this region are believed to be worth $10,000,000,000. The variety of native woods both hard and soft is large; and trees of other countries have been introduced.
Thousands of eucalyptus trees have been planted on many estancias, serving a useful purpose in many ways, beside being an ornament on the level plain.
In the description of the Provinces, mention has been made of the minerals existing in various localities, but up to the present time the working of these has been slight. Tungsten, gold, copper, wolfram, borax, and petroleum have received the most attention, but few are those who have realized any considerable profits. Within ten years the exports have amounted to hardly more than $3,000,000.
Gold is mined in small quantities in various places; in southern Patagonia it is gathered from the coast sands after a heavy sea storm. In Neuquen and Catamarca are workings of fair size. The copper deposits of the Andes are difficult of access but may be developed later. Silver was mined formerly, but the ore was of moderate grade and the work was discontinued. A reverberatory smelter has recently been installed for the mines in Rioja.
Coal deposits exist in Mendoza, San Juan, Neuquen, Chubut, and Tierra del Fuego. The coal is not very good but will help in view of the shortage and high prices. Work is being done in San Juan and Mendoza. It is proposed to open mines among large deposits in
Chubut, though the coal will have to be carried 180 miles to a railway.
The tungsten industry is active; 900 tons have been mined in one year, about one-seventh of the world production. Exploitation of marble, wolfram, and mica in Córdoba and San Luis is showing good results.
Manganese is exported in increasing quantity chiefly from the desert section of Santiago del Estero.
Large saline deposits exist, some in basins with no outlet, in the central Provinces, some of volcanic type on the Puna of Atacama, others near the ocean not far from Bahia Blanca. Some of them have been exploited. Importation of salt has diminished and home production is expected shortly to suffice for local needs.
Petroleum is now exciting the greatest interest. Oil is known to exist in four regions with others reported, but only one has been thoroughly tested, that at Comodoro Rivadavia. Borings carried on here by the Government struck oil at a depth of about 1800 feet in 1907. In 1910, 12,000 acres were reserved for Government exploitation which has since been carried on. The place is near the coast about 850 miles south of Buenos Aires. Development has been rather slow, but in 1916, 25 wells had been sunk and 21 were in active production of about 14 tons each per day. There were four steel tanks and other storage space, in all about 26,000 cubic meters, one such of this oil equalling .93 metric ton. In 1917, 36 wells were in production and 19 being bored. In 1918 about 1,250,000 barrels were produced. Tank steamers are provided, and storage tanks in Buenos Aires. An oil tank is begun in Rosario. Others are to be constructed in Buenos Aires, Bahia Blanca, Puerto Militar, Santa Fé, and Mar del Plata. The oil is heavy with an asphalt base; distilled, it yields 1.5-3.5 per cent of naphtha and gasoline, 1519 per cent of illuminating oils, and 77-85 per cent of lubricating oils, fuel, and coke. Heavier than the better grades of United States oil, it has been used almost entirely as fuel, though it is said that it will distil readily. This will undoubtedly be its chief usefulness, to serve instead of coal. It is employed by a number of factories. A new
Government well, 1921, was producing 34,000 barrels a day, and prospects are of the best. Millions have been appropriated for tank steamers, machinery, and for intensive development of the oil fields. The price rose from about $10 a ton in 1916 to $40 in December, 1917. Government control will probably continue, especially because the oil is likely to be used by the navy.
A few private companies are operating outside the restricted area, using 12-inch tubes, while the Government has used smaller. One Company with a capital of $2,000,000 has with other equipment 4.3 miles of railway connecting with the Government railway to the port, also two miles of pipe line. Many of the frigorificos use oil, mostly Mexican. The West India Oil Company imports from the United States or Mexico, mainly for refining.
The other fields are the Salta-Jujuy, the Cacheuta, a few miles south of Mendoza, and the Mendoza-Neuquen field, 700 miles southwest of Buenos Aires. In these fields the oil has a paraffine base, a sample from Jujuy showing 5 per cent of light oil, 30 per cent of kerosene, and 52 of lubricating oil; a grade equal to that of Pennsylvania or Ohio. One such field in Neuquen justifying immediate development is favorably located 824 miles from Buenos Aires near the Ferrocarril del Sud, which will provide special cars and tariff, so that speedy results are hoped for.
While Argentina is primarily an agricultural and pastoral country and is likely so to continue, a fair amount of capital is invested in manufacturing and in other commercial projects, some of the capital European. The largest sum is invested in Light and Power Companies; for all cities of any size have electric lighting and many, electric traction. About $128,000,000 have been thus invested; in packing houses 40 millions, flour mills 7; in sugar refineries 50, wine making 78, foundries and metal works 25, dairies, etc., 43, tannin extract, etc., 33, lithographing and printing 12, breweries 14, construction companies 11, these all millions. Other companies with investments of 5-10 millions are shoes, saw mills, jute and cotton