TNT Magazine / Issue 1391

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April 26-May 2 2010 Issue 1391 tntmagazine.com

Zulu brew

Discover South Africa’s beer route FORTUNE TELLER

Find work in finance

IFEN W AL GBY STIV

£1 where sold

RU OR TICKETS F 10 PEOPLE

TURKISH TALES

Bag a bargain in Istanbul SOCIAL SCENES

A new wave of SA cinema

ME O U D S E IS E FR AY ■ FREIGHT + JOBS ■ SPORT ■ LONDON ■ NEWS ■ CINEMA D

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this week April 26-May 2 / Issue 1391 Free every Monday tntmagazine.com

Front Cover: Getty Images

EDITOR’S LETTER Freedom Day is a great chance to celebrate South Africa’s diverse culture and landscapes. But for a novel twist on a journey through the Rainbow Nation, check out our feature on page 84.

Lucy Cornes combines her love of beer with a tour through one of the country’s most interesting regions: KwaZulu-Natal. It’s one heck of an original holiday.

84 Follow that beer: get off the beaten track in South Africa

DANIEL LANDON

9 LONDON 9 London Eye 10 London Life 12 THE BELLS OF SHOREDITCH: Discover London’s trendiest area 14 Food & Drink 16 Spotted

19 ENTERTAINMENT 19 20 21 22

Celebrity News TNT Life Look Who’s Talking: Arno Carstens TALKING TRASH: Director Michael Raeburn’s South African film 24 Cinema 27 Culture

28 MUSIC & CLUBS 28 32 34 37

Music Music Listings Clubbing Clubbing Listings

22 Harsh realities: SA film Triomf

38 NEWS & SPORT 38 40 42 45 46 49 50 52 54

Australia News New Zealand News South Africa News The week in sport Rugby AFL NRL General BASH & CRASH: Kiwi player Tim Southee on the World Twenty20

71 Global Vision 72 TALES FROM WHITBY: Schedule a stop at this quaint village 74 Late Deals 75 TNTT Weekender: Northern Cyprus 76 TALKING TURKEY: Sample the delights of Istanbul’s bazaars 78 Hotshots 80 Travel Tips 81 Travel News 82 On The Road 83 Gear Up 84 ALONG THE ALE TRAIL: Beer and beauty in SA’s KwaZulu-Natal 76 Spice is right: haggle your way around colourful Istanbul

57 CAREERS & MONEY 57 Careers 61 MONEY TALKS: Jobs are picking up in the finance sector 66 Money 69 Coming & Going

REGULARS 21 Arno Carstens goes solo in the UK

4 Letters 6 Wins 138 Desperately Seeking & Dear Reuben

61 On the up: banking jobs look promising

EDITORIAL Editor Daniel Landon Deputy editor Samantha Baden Chief sub-editor Janine Jorgensen Subs Laura Adcock | Jahn Vannisselroy Travel editor Janine Kelso London editor Tom Sturrock Music editor Alison Grinter Staff writer Rebecca Kent Editorial assistant Inger Smith DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad IT manager Stephen Dann ART & PICTURES Art director Shabir Mahmood Senior Designer Astrid Breacker Designer Laura Doyle Picture editor Shila Sultana SALES Managing director (sales) Jeff Perkins Key accounts Jaqui Ward | Charlotte Page Recruitment sales exec Andy Mabbitt Classified sales execs Cameron Knapp | Wesley-Ann Perryman Sales support Alana Topatig MARKETING & EVENTS Head of marketing Anna Williams Marketing exec Danielle Tessari Marketing and events exec Camilla Hibbert ACCOUNTS Financial controller Nick Crampton Accounts Margaret Roberts | Alexandra Buchlakova PRODUCTION Head of production Libby West Production manager Jon Cooke Production assistant Justine Mackay TNT PUBLISHING CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Director Tony Goodman Receptionist Danielle Charlton TNT Publishing Ltd Nightflight Distribution Ltd PRINTED BY St Ives Web Ltd NEWS AAP Freestone Media NZPA PICTURES AAP AP Alamy Getty Images NZPA PA Photos Photolibrary.com Pictures Colour Library Reuters Rex Features Robert Harding SAPA TNT Images PUBLISHER

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TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group.

Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

Simon, sorry you were embarrassed by the Australian media upon returning home (Letter of the week, ‘Not good news’).

“The UK media befits a grown-up nation” – so, if you’ve spent much time in the UK you must have found the repeated news stories on school dinners very “intellectual”. Every day the UK likes to run a story about Australia or New Zealand, even if it is a dog bitten by a snake – do you ever read Metro?

Chill out and don’t take things so seriously, man.

Andrew, via email

Simon, you are comparing apples with oranges. I’m not going to defend Channel 7’s toilet journalism, but comparing the coverage of Fido’s snake fight with coverage of the

➥ TNT 1390 APR 19-25 MOVIE MAGIC I loved your feature in last week’s TNT on London’s best cinemas (‘Celluloid capital’).

I regularly watch movies at the Screen on the Green in Islington because you can enjoy the film while sitting on a comfy sofa for two with

You must have found the “ repeated stories on school dinners very ‘intellectual’ ” decision on who should try to lead the country out of recession is ludicrous.

I take it that exposing the beauty (usually man-made, mind you) of the female form on Page 3 is the height of intellectual argument worldwide and in no way can be portrayed as “backward and hickish”?

A few months ago I would have given anything to hear about this dog’s amazing survival rather than read another story about a Chelsea footballer’s snake troubles.

Chris, N1

NEXT WEEK IN

a few beers or a bottle of wine.

It makes going to the cinema feel like a real occasion.

The only thing your article didn’t touch on is outdoor screenings. London doesn’t have enough room for drive-in movies, but in the summer, you can watch classic flicks under the stars at Somerset House, a magical experience.

Jake, Camden

ON THE MOVE British airspace is now free and planes are landing. Many passengers were stranded, and many were stuck on

Travel

Sail away: Croatia’s stunning Dalmatian Coast

business trips forever.

However, the opening of flights raises serious issues, with pilots saying this compromises safety. I wonder if we’re waiting for a disaster to happen or is it all paranoia?

Sam Anand, via tntmagazine.com

LEGLESS IN LONDON I arrived in the UK nearly two years ago and one of the first things I did was take part in the TNT Monopoly pub crawl.

Under the watchful eye of the attentive tour guides we were escorted around the city in what was, simply put, a brilliant introduction to London life and a great way to meet fellow Antipodeans.

I for one vote to bring back the Summer Pub Crawl and many of the other events TNT have been part of in the past.

Gareth, via email Ed: Keep an eye out for our pub crawl feature next month, and check out our events at tntmagazine.com/events.

TNT online Catch up with your fellow TNT readers and share your views at tntmagazine.com/forums

Sport

Aaron Mokoena talks about the Fifa World Cup

TNT Images, Karen Ballard, Getty Images

SALES ENQUIRIES

Old news: Footballer antics are tedious

➥ TNT 1390 APR 19-25 MEDIA HYPE

YOUR SAY

LETTER OF THE WEEK

A GOOD GRILLING

With the arrival of some decent weather, TNT readers will have been breaking out their barbies. And, even if these Aussies, Kiwis and Saffas are no gourmets, you can rest assured they’ve more barbecue skills than the locals, who don’t seem to know one end from the other.

I’ve been to a few backyard parties where the Poms working the grill seriously struggle.

They turn their steaks

WIN letters@tntmagazine.com letters@tntmagazine.com

more than once. They have no idea how to vary the heat or find the hotspot – crucial when cooking chicken.

And they have no natural sensibility for grill arrangement. In short, they may as well be cooking inside.

I guess it’s not surprising, though. When your summers only last a couple of days, there’s not much time to get up to speed.

The Grillmaster, Clapham Letter of the week wins a Northern Rocker tour of Ireland from Shamrocker (shamrockeradventures.com), valued at £119. Letters may be edited. Prize is not transferable. Your Say is a reader forum and does not represent the opinions of TNT or its staff.

COMMUNITY CORNER forum talk

Copetti / Photofab / MCP / Rex Features

What you’ve been saying at tntmagazine.com/ forums. Get online and have your say.

TRAVEL BUDDY WANTED Anyone looking to travel to South-East Asia in late May? I am looking for someone to travel around with for two to three weeks to see Thailand and possibly Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia. It may not be possible to see all of it, but it’s certainly worth a try. I am a 22-year-old Australian

Music

Pop music with depth: Aussie Bertie Blackman

female who is adventurous and outgoing and I am looking for someone to have fun with!

Aimee, via tntmagazine.com FESTIVAL TICKET I have a spare ticket for the Download Festival, at Donington Park in June.

Anyone want it? business_time, via tntmagazine.com

London

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LONDON

LONDON EYE

9

Barbican, EC2, Tuesday, April 20, 2010 Photo: Dan Kitwood / Getty Images

Does this man have the best job in the world? A judge selects a bottle of wine during the International Wine Challenge at London’s Barbican. Specialists tasted over 10,000 bottles of wine from across the globe before awarding gold, silver or bronze winners.

tntmagazine.com

LONDON LIFE

WHAT’S ON Tom Sturrock PICKS THE BEST OF LONDON THIS WEEK

LONDON

LONDON INTERNATIONAL DOCUMENTARY FESTIVAL TICKET PRICES VARY WHAT: Taking in venues across London – though a lot of the main events are happening at the Barbican Centre – this festival boasts a full programme of the world’s finest, quirkiest and most outstanding documentaries.

WHEN: Until May 8.

DO IT BECAUSE: Great documentaries can be just as entertaining as any feature film, so get along and enjoy some cinéma-vérité. Check out the list of films and find one that tickles your fancy – there’s something for everyone.

10

» Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS

Capital idea: Hammersmith Apollo The Apollo, one of London’s best-known live music venues, opened in 1932 as the Gaumont Palace and was also known as the Hammersmith Odeon from 1962 until the early ‘90s.

It’s been home to some famous concerts – the Beatles played 38 shows over 21 nights in 1964-65, with the Yardbirds, then featuring Eric Clapton, as special guests.

With its capacity of less than 9000, the venue is more conducive to intimate performances rather than

LONDON BY NUMBERS

grand stadium gigs. A band on form coupled with a captive audience creates an unforgettable atmosphere.

It’s definitely worth taking in a gig or some stand-up comedy there. Funnyman Lee Mack is playing four shows at the Apollo next month, and Crowded House are playing three shows at the venue in early June.

Barbican (lidf.co.uk).

SEVEN DIALS SHOPPING EVENT FREE TO BROWSE

NOTTING HILL MAYFEST FROM £8

Keen shoppers can get a 20 per cent discount off goods in Covent Garden’s hidden retail village, with an emphasis on fashion, food and beauty products.

There are nightly concerts inside St John’s Church, but it’s also a lovely part of London to stroll through in the evening, nursing a glass of wine.

» Seven Dials, Monmouth St, WC2H 9DD Covent Garden (sevendials.co.uk). Apr 29

» St John’s Church, Lansdowne Crescent, W11 2NN Holland Park (stjohnsfestival.org.uk).

May 1-23

» Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH Hammersmith GREAT FOR: INTIMATE GIGS

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

£710m Estimated

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# 367

HEAD TO ICELAND TO APPEASE THE ANGRY VOLCANO GODS WITH AN ANIMAL SACRIFICE

Silly Buggers™

Getty Images

amount spent on Chelsea FC by owner Roman Abramovich since 2003.

IT’S A GIGALUM SUMMER!!

SHOOT BLOOMSBURY £15 Photograph London in a fun, social environment while paying homage to iconic films.

» British Museum, Great Russell St, WC1B 3DG Tottenham Court Road (britishmuseum.org). May 1

FLEA CIRCUS £3 A smorgasbord of little-known bands, comedians and poets that appears four times a year.

RICKY GERVAIS: SCIENCE £32.50 Some people think he’s over-exposed. Some haven’t forgiven him for The Invention Of Lying. But his stand-up remains very solid.

» Wembley Arena, Empire Way, HA9 0DH Wembley Park (whatsonwembley.com).

Apr 26-28

EC1V 1NQ Angel (candidarts.com). Apr 29

With Drue James and guests

Wednesday April 28th FLATSHARE PARTY Got a spare room or need a place to share?

This is the party to be at. Either register via Spareroom.co.uk or simply turn up!

Thursday April 29th A COMMON NIGHT

Friday April 30th FUNK IN GIGALUM It does what it says on the tin

TNT online

Saturday May 1st FREEDOM DAY PARTY

For a full guide to what’s happening in the capital see tntmagazine.com/whats_on

Hosted by Gigalum favourites, I love My DJ. . . House music how it should be!

BRITAIN EXPLAINED COUNCIL TAX

TNT Images

Tuesday April 27th ACOUSTIC NIGHT

DJ Mario Conte from Menomale Records spins classic rock, pop, disco and electro

» Candid Arts Trust, Torrens St,

Its history lies in the attempts by the Thatcher government to levy a tax on every adult in Britain in the ‘80s.

The working class opposed the tax, saying it discouraged the poor from voting – it was called the community charge but became known as the ‘poll tax’ – as it could be avoided

THIS WEEK AT GIGALUM

by not registering to vote.

On March 31, 1990, a protest in Trafalgar Square erupted into the worst riots London had seen in more than a century. The unrest severely damaged Thatcher’s leadership – she resigned in November that year.

In 1993, John Major brought in council tax, a charge per dwelling rather than per capita.

Sunday May 2nd LOCK N LOAD’s DAMIAN GELLE & DANNY GILLIGAN The Bank Holiday epic….

FREE ENTRY info@gigalum.com | www.gigalum.com 0208 772 0303 7-8 Cavendish Parade | Clapham South London SW4 9DW 100metres from Clapham South Tube

The

Bells of Shoreditch

Shoreditch incubates the East End’s funkiest bars, markets and galleries.

Here’s all you need to know about London’s ‘It’ postcode WORDS TOM STURROCK

The Shoreditch Vampire: Vince Noir, played by Noel Fielding

tntmagazine.com

THE HISTORY It wasn’t always London’s trendiest enclave; originally, it was known as Soersditch, a variant on ‘sewer ditch’ because it was divided by an old drain. Not very glamorous at all.

Historically, the heart of Shoreditch was Shoreditch High Street but today the area is bordered by Old Street to the north, Brick Lane to the east, Old Spitalfields market to the south and Old Street station to the west.

Its neighbour, Hoxton, was once part of the Shoreditch borough and although residents from both areas insist they run their own race, they sometimes blur into a Hoxditch milieu.

Check it out: Shoreditch Church was built

in 1740 – it’s gorgeous and lends a stateliness to a stretch that sometimes threatens to drown in its own bells and whistles.

THE SCENE Shoreditch has a reputation for being achingly hip and slightly self-regarding; outsiders might snigger at the silly haircuts and outrageously tight trousers, but the Shoreditch crowd love it.

The stereotype of Shoreditch, which is only partially unfair, is that it’s overrun with art students, wanky creatives and people who wear sunglasses at night. Of course, without them the thriving, effervescent nightlife would go under.

In cult British comedy The Mighty Boosh, one

FANCY A DRINK?

GREEN AND RED

» Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA ANDA DE BRIDGE

» Kingsland Rd, E2 8DA WILLIAM IV

» Shepherdess Walk, N1 7QE TABERNACLE

» Tabernacle St, EC2A 4AA THE REDCHURCH

» Redchurch St, E2 7DL

Scene and heard: Shoreditch’s trendy locals

PRAGUE BAR of the main characters, Vince Noir, who sports a mod-style back-combed hairdo and wears eyeliner and sequined jumpsuits, refers to himself as ‘The Shoreditch Vampire’ and reads a magazine called Cheekbone, which is so cutting edge it gets delivered every 24 hours. Says it all.

Check it out: Tabernacle Street and Charlotte Road are where Shoreditch’s well-heeled party people call home.

THE ARTS There’s no doubt Shoreditch is one of London’s creative hubs; a beacon for artists, musicians, dancers and everything in between. Like most arty neighbourhoods, it was originally colonised because it was relatively cheap but still central.

There’s also something gritty yet grand about

Angell, Shila Sultana / TNT Images, Getty Images

Shoreditch is “ one of London’s creative hubs ” the streetscapes – plushly urban but still scruffy enough to keep the true believers interested.

The upshot is that Shoreditch is brimming with galleries, from small pop-ups to those that are more boutique.

Check it out: The Shoreditch festival in midJuly is one of the highlights of East London’s cultural calendar. It showcases an eclectic range of live music and festival acts.

THE NIGHTLIFE It might take a couple of visits to find your niche – some places are too conspicuously cool – but after a few nights out in Shoreditch, you’re sure to discover a watering hole worth returning to.

As a bona fide destination area, Shoreditch

» Kingsland Rd, E2 8DA PRINCESS OF SHOREDITCH

» Paul St, EC2A 4NE THE LEGION

» Old St, EC1V 9NQ FAVELA CHIC

» Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HZ In the drink: The East Room

THE EAST ROOM

» Tabernacle St, EC2A 4LU LOUNGELOVER

has its share of late-night institutions. Be sure to check out the Drunken Monkey on Shoreditch High Street, which fuses dim sum, gastropub fare and New York chic. Or head to Jaguar Shoes on Kingsland Road, which has set itself up as an art, music and fashion centre.

Check it out: At the end of a big night, make your way to Beigel Bake at 159 Brick Lane – it’s open 24 hours and offers a gourmet alternative to a sloppy kebab.

THE MARKETS The East End has a knack for street markets, stalls springing up in every second cobbled alleyway. There’s Old Spitalfields Market, Whitechapel Market and Petticoat Lane Market. If that’s not enough to sate your appetite, you can head a few blocks east to Brick Lane.

The markets defy easy categorisation, but they’re great places to buy cheap clothes, knick-knacks and jewellery.

They’re also popular spots for creative types to buy materials, from paint to camera film.

Check it out: Spitalfields has been refurbished in an ambitious attempt to make it more accessible and better organised, while retaining its historical appeal.

» Whitby St, E1 6JU CATCH

» Kingsland Rd, E2 8DA OLD BLUE LAST

» Great Eastern St, EC2A 3ES

Bargain hunter: find your own gem among the markets in Shoreditch

LONDON

Shoreditch crowds are spoiled for choice when it comes to hitting the town.

There’s a great mix of quirky pubs, boutique bars and opulent nightclubs. So get out and find a favourite:

13

FOOD & DRINK

BAR REVIEW The Falcon ★★★★★

LONDON

341 Kilburn Ln, W9 3EG 020 7624 1842 Queen’s Park

THE SCENE A sizeable revamped pub with an open floor rammed with cushy, studded armchairs. It’s village hall meets gastropub with sport on big screens and

14

Freedom Day fare

a pool table. Currently attracting salt-of-the-earth locals, it’s shaping up to entice drinkers from further afield than Queen’s Park and Kilburn.

THE GRUB The kitchen is a work in progress but due to open soon. The menu will include home-made burgers, wedges and other fast fare.

BEHIND THE BAR The usual lagers and ales are on draught

Make bobotie

Cookery writer Lehla Eldridge got her taste for Rainbow Nation cuisine from her South African-born mother. She rediscovered the food after moving to the country in 1995.

To tie in with Freedom Day this week, Eldridge shares her recipe for South African favourite bobotie. But it’s not just any version, called Darling Evita’s Dried Fruit Bobotie of Reconciliation, it comes courtesy of much-loved character Evita Bezuidenhout.

5236S

WHAT YOU NEED: 6 dried apricots, 6 dried apple rings; ½ cup seedless raisins; 1 cup black tea; 2 large onions, chopped; 1 cup orange juice; 2 tbsp olive oil; 1 tbsp curry powder; 2 tsp turmeric; 1kg minced beef; 2 slices of stale white bread, crumbed; 3 ½ tbsp vinegar; 4 eggs; ½ cup milk; salt and pepper THE WORK: Soak the apricots, apple rings and raisins in the

SOUTH AFRICAN PLACES FOR STEAK Meat & Wine Co

tea until soft. Drain the fruit and cut into pieces.

Boil the onion pieces in the orange juice until soft, drain, then fry lightly in oil. Add the curry powder, turmeric, mince, breadcrumbs, vinegar, salt, pepper and fruit. Mix lightly and transfer into a greased oven-proof dish.

Beat the eggs and milk and pour over the meat mixture.

Bake the bobotie on the middle rack of a preheated

oven at 180˚C for 45 mins or until the “egg custard” has set. Serve hot.

» Recipe from Lehla Eldridge’s The South African Illustrated Cookbook (Alison & Busby).

TNT readers can buy the book for £7.99 (£2 off RRP) with free postage and packing.

Phone 020 7580 1080 or visit allisonandbusby.com and enter promo code ‘TNT’. Offer ends Jun 30

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0RKDZN 6SXU Southside Shopping Centre, Wandsworth. Tel: 0208 874 0831

Westfield, Ariel Way, W12 7GD The London branch of this South African upmarket chain does what it says on the tin – big, juicy hunks of meat and scrummy wine. Lovely decor, too.

High Timber High Timber St, EC4V 3PA Founded by Gary and Kathy Jordan of the Jordan Wine Estate in South Africa, this place is right on the Thames and is as much about the wine as the meat.

Spur Southside Shopping Centre SW18 4TF For a little slice of home in Wandsworth, head to Spur and get a fix of sizzling steak, ribs, onion rings and fries.

TNT Images

ZZZ XNVSXU FR XN

*HW D ZLWK DQ\ PDLQ PHDO RUGHUHG

tntmagazine.com

and standard cocktails are available. The wine range is slim, though.

BILL PLEASE A pint of lager is £3.40, cocktails £6, and a large glass of wine is £4.95.

VERDICT A scrappy exterior belies a comfortable and attractive pub, and the staff and drinking folk are friendly.

There’s loads of room for a crowd. REBECCA KENT

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LONDON

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GIGALUM BAR Clapham, SW4 9DW Sun, Apr 18 Photos by: Marek Sikora / TNT Images

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STAR SPOTTING Inger Smith WITH THE LATEST FROM THE WORLD OF SHOWBIZ

NEW ZEALAND

➩

DANNII DROPS THE POUNDS: X-Factor tycoon Simon Cowell is to slash Dannii Minogue’s pay packet by £100,000 to £350,000 for this year’s series.

Meanwhile, fellow judge Louis Walsh will be coining it, getting a whopping £1.6m.

Rumour has it that Cowell planned to ditch Minogue, but due to her popularity, and her pregnancy, he feared viewers’ reactions and kept her on.

The younger Minogue will be in Australia on maternity leave during boot camp and will only judge the live shows.

A GOOD WEEK FOR

➩

Getty Images, Ken McKay / Rex Features

Home And Away’s Ray Meagher will be heading to London’s West End to play mechanic Bob in Aussie classic Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert this September. The show is at the Palace Theatre.

A BAD WEEK FOR

Mel Gibson has split from girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, only five months after the birth of their daughter Lucia.

Grigorieva has promised to reveal all in due course.

A BITTER TWEET AFFAIR Delta Goodrem’s fiancé Brian McFadden has blasted ex-wife Kerry Katona via Twitter after her tell-all interview with a newspaper.

The feud between former Westlife member McFadden and Katona has intensified following McFadden’s recent Twitter-rage in which he called his ex “a pig-faced mole”, adding: “Kerry Katona you’re dead to me”.

The outburst came after Katona told News Of The World

that McFadden, who now lives in Australia, is a bad dad who doesn’t keep in touch with his kids.

McFadden dismissed the allegations and wrapped up his tweet by saying Katona’s behaviour is “killing me and my beautiful fiancée”.

In the interview Katona spoke about how McFadden dumped her for Goodrem, and said she felt like a piece of rubbish the first time she met the Aussie star.

SAY WHAT?

”They’re better on his desk than on my chest. They’re awful!”

Sharon Osbourne on giving her breast implants to Ozzy.

Woman’s Weekly: Rugby legend Christian Cullen’s magic wedding to Mandy Fawcett, and former Sunrise host Carly Flynn speaks out about her woes as the series was axed.

New Idea: MasterChef judge Ross Burden talks about his adoption blessing.

AUSTRALIA Woman’s Day: Lisa Curry has been keeping busy since her split with Grant Kenny in 2009, and is already on to toyboy number two; Home And Away star Ada Nicodemou talks about her fight to save her marriage to Chrys Xipolitas; and Rove McManus and City Homicide’s Tasma Walton have found a new home in LA.

SOUTH AFRICA Heat: Miss South Africa 2004 Claudia Henkel talks about her makeover and reveals how she lost 11kg; and the Beckhams are bickering about whether to return to the UK or stay in LA. YOU: The mag gives you the lowdown on the last two contestants in Survivor SA – TV presenter Ashley Hayden and strip-club owner Gigi.

Donate your time to medical research Clinical Trials are an essential way of testing medicines for future health.

The Surrey Clinical Research Centre has over 30 years experience conducting clinical trials and currently looking for healthy non smoking males and females aged 20 to 45 to participate in our latest research.

If you have some free time why not call our friendly team to find out how you can help, you will be compensated for your time and offered a free medical check-up.

For more information call 0800 269 847 or e-mail crc-recruitment@surrey.ac.uk www.surrey.ac.uk/clinicalresearchcentre tntmagazine.com

ENTERTAINMENT

CELEBRITY NEWS

GLOSSY GOSSIP FROM HOME

19

TNT LIFE ENTERTAINMENT

TNT LITTLE BLACK BOOK Get TNT’s Little Black Book and take advantage of £1500 worth of free stuff, including free food, free drinks, free clubbing, free entertainment and more.

» Order your copy for only £6 (plus postage) at tntmagazine.com/lbb

20

BATTLE OF THE BRAINS Saffas, Kiwis and Aussies – so you may have got the looks but now we want to know which nation has the brains.

Put your general knowledge to the test in Topdeck’s weekly Challenge Of The Nations quiz and help your country to victory, plus you could win fantastic prizes, including weekly £100

bar tabs at The Chatsworth in Acton, and a Topdeck 20-day European Wonder Tour for two people.

So far the Kiwis are in the lead with 85 per cent of the questions answered correctly, followed by Aussies on 83 per cent and Saffas on 78 per cent. » See tntmagazine.com/ctn

AUSSIE PLAY Holding The Man Jane Turner (Kath from Kath & Kim) is making her West End debut in Aussie play Holding The Man, based on the award-winning book

by Tim Conigrave.

Keen to get fit while meeting new people?

In 2 Touch is organising weekly touch rugby leagues in Clapham, Regent’s Park, Putney/Wandsworth, Surrey Quays and Wimbledon.

Enter a team, a group of people or as an individual, and the In 2 Touch crew will do their best to find a squad for you.

All teams entering the spring leagues will receive a set of 12 limited edition playing tops, plus a ball.

week. £350 per team. See tntmagazine.com/events

SOCIAL SPORTS IN LONDON on how to get involved, see tntmagazine.com/events.

» Old Actonians, Gunnersbury Dr, W5 4LL Acton Town. The season starts May 4-5

TAKE ON THE CHALLENGE WHAT Compete in event series The Challenge and you could win a flight to Australia and a seat on the board of Australian Business.

WHEN

TNT online For a full list of events on the TNT calendar, go to tntmagazine.com/events

Entry closes Wed, Jun 30.

WHERE See australianbusiness.co.uk/ the challenge.

Getty Images, TNT Images

Make the most of the outdoor sports season and join the London Touch Rugby and Netball leagues this spring.

Games are played every Tuesday and Wednesday night at Old Actonians, a private sports club in Acton with shower facilities, a huge bar area and nightly barbecues.

Sign up as a single player or with a team. For more info

tntmagazine.com

TOUCH RUGBY LEAGUES

» The season starts this

» Trafalgar Studios 1, Whitehall, SW1A 2DY Charing Cross. Until Jul 3.

See tntmagazine.com/ events for tickets

SPOTLIGHT ON

LOOK WHO’S TALKING

The Springbok Nude Girls’ frontman traded in rock stardom for a solo career as a singer-songwriter in London. So how’s that working out for him?

ENTERTAINMENT

Arno Carstens INTERVIEW ALISON GRINTER Is it difficult to go from being a megastar in your home country to playing tiny venues in London?

Well, it doesn’t really bother me. It’s quite refreshing and exciting … I’m used to doing very big stages and very small stages: you get stage fright all the same.

Do you feel like you are finally starting to break the UK?

It’s a weird one because I’ve been coming here for 13 years – The Nude Girls used to play at the Shepherds Bush Empire – but it’s almost that the people have changed.

Ten years on, the people that come are more British than anything else.

Well, your new album Wonderful Wild is ‘British’ in the sense that UK uber producers Youth and Jim Duguid worked on it.

I met them and they were really fantastic guys. At the end of the day, if you really get along, then you’re halfway there …

This was the first time I ever wrote with other people, so it’s been a very interesting experience. It’s different ways of writing.

How so?

I just want to get the melody and lyrics down quickly before I forget stuff. And I leave it like it is. They’re into taking care of the lyrics. [Laughs] I come from

the ‘90s: I was a big Sonic Youth guy and I loved the surrealism of their lyrics, but these days, people like to understand all the lyrics.

Is there much of a scene of expat South African musicians in London?

No, I don’t think so at all. In the early 1990s there used to be thousands of South Africans, now they are totally integrated over here. They’ve probably got their British passports by now. It’s changed a lot, which is great. I’m not a fan of that clique vibe where people from the same country hang around each other.

I’m a massive “ fan of Nick Cave – I love him

”

Who are your singer-songwriter heroes?

I am a massive Nick Cave fan: I love him. I love Henry’s Dream. What I like about him is that he came from The Birthday Party – quite a heavy band – and now some of his songs sound almost gospel. You gotta have one up on what is cool.

YOU DON’T SAY? What was your nickname at school?

Arrie.

Getty Images

What song is guaranteed to get you on the dance floor?

That Chris Brown “I will transform you” song.

Tell us your most embarrassing moment.

I fell off the stage once, in Jo’burg. There was a catwalk: I was running backwards to a guitar solo and thought I’d turn and go on with the song, and be really suave. But I didn’t judge right and dropped 2m!

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Watching loads of Star Trek. I love the kitschness of the old episodes.

What about Harry Nilsson? The title track of your new album has a very Everybody’s Talking At Me vibe.

Ah, yes! When I first wrote it I thought, ‘It sounds a bit like that other song, doesn’t it?’ but that was after I’d written it. I do love that song. [Sings] ‘Everybody’s talking at me … ‘ It’s a lovely style.

Have you been following the viral success of zef-rappers Die Antwoord?

Yeah, I’ve known Watty [Watkin Tudor Jones] for years, he’s very talented. There’s a whole super cool movement of Afrikaans rap. The language only gets spoken in South Africa, so let’s see what happens.

Will the Springbok Nude Girls be putting out another album?

Yeah, we’ve got one more on the contract so that’s gonna happen in another three years. We’ll make a last big, wonderful … well, never say it’s going to be the last!

» Wonderful Wild is out now through Sony

21

TALKING TRA Offering insight into South Africa’s poor white population, director Michael Raeburn’s Triomf is part of a new wave of films focusing on the country’s social realities WORDS ALISON GRINTER

“H

Gallo Images

Director Michael Raeburn

ave you recovered?” is the first thing Johannesburg-based director Michael Raeburn asks me after I’ve watched his 2008 comedy-drama Triomf.

Actually, no, Michael, not entirely. The graphic, drawn-out sex scene between mother and son was particularly gruesome. Put simply, Triomf reveals a side to South African life that this writer has never seen before. “Well, no one has,” Raeburn says, almost defiantly.

As portraits of white trash go, Triomf rivals Bad Boy Bubby and Gummo in arousing sheer visceral revulsion in the viewer. Based on the controversial book by Marlene van Niekerk, based on the real-life Benade family: Pop and Mol, son Lambert, and cousin Treppie, who live in Triomf, a Johannesburg suburb established by the apartheid government to house poor whites at the expense of the blacks who were expelled from the existing vibrant black township of Sophiatown in the ‘50s.

“Someone gave me the novel and I thought, ‘God, making a film about white trash in South Africa …’” Raeburn says. But after reading the book he soon realised “it was

ENTERTAINMENT

ASH

23 The Benade family as depicted in Triomf

that failed even the people it was artificially designed to help.

To this end, Raeburn sees Triomf as an allegory for apartheid as a broken-down society.

“The whole history of this country, where the Afrikaans people became totally isolated and at war with the British and the Zulus for centuries – they became mad. So my film is about isolation, claustrophobia and going mad.”

Raeburn maintains that his unflattering view of South Africa’s poor whites doesn’t trade in stereotypes: “It’s much worse in reality,” he

Courtesy of TriStar Pictures

It’s much worse in “ reality … they were all pissed at 9am ” a parochial story with international resonance”.

The resulting film is indicative of the new wave of South African films coming to the fore in recent years, exploring the complexities of race, culture, violence, class and, of course, the legacy of apartheid, through new prisms, rather than the narrow context of the Struggle.

“There’s a new movement down here, a new energy,” Raeburn concurs. “We can make films about anything now. We don’t have to make films about apartheid, truth and reconciliation and all those things that Europeans are used to getting from here. We are making films for us – not necessarily for the outside world.”

Triomf certainly fits this bill. Shocking and funny in equal parts, the film is set in the leadup to the 1994 election, which swept Nelson Mandela to power and ended apartheid once and for all.

In depicting the Benades, Raeburn doesn’t judge their chaotic, amoral lives but tries to envision the impending seismic social changes through their eyes. It also shows the inherent contradictions of apartheid: here was a system

says. “I met the real family, Treppie is dead, but Lambert is a monster. You can’t take him out of the house … they were all pissed at 9am.”

But Triomf also turns stereotypes on their heads. In a humorous switch, the film shows a coloured family putting up razor wire to keep their white trash neighbours out. It’s this postapartheid vision that Raeburn believes will appeal to the next generation of Saffa film buffs.

The Zimbabwean-born director’s next project, The Black Diamonds, a social comedy about a black girl from Cape Town looking for a rich husband in Jo’burg while pursuing a career as a TV star sounds like a compelling follow-up to Triomf.

“My best audiences are people up to the age of 30, who don’t really know a lot about apartheid, they only vaguely know about Mandela and that’s it. And they just get into this groovy weirdo movie and everybody’s kind of wild – that’s what I want to achieve.”

SA’S NEW CINEMA ■ SMS SUGAR MAN Moody thriller set in Jo’burg’s dark underbelly about a pimp with principles.

■ HAVE YOU HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? Connie Field’s epic sevenpart survey of the apartheid regime is shown in its entirety for the first time in the UK.

■ MEISIE Minimalist, small-budget feature made by Hollywood league director Darrell James Roodt about a teacher who befriends a gifted student in a remote area.

■ DISTRICT 9 In this Oscar-nominated movie, aliens are forced to live in slum conditions on the outskirts of Johannesburg.

» All part of the ‘South African Cinema Part II: New Voice’ season at BFI, which starts on May 1

» Part of the ‘South African Cinema Part II: New Voices’ season at BFI, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XT Waterloo (020 7928 3232; bfi.org.uk).

Wed, May 12. £9. Also at Curzon Wimbledon and Ritzy Picturehouse from Fri, May 14

District 9

tntmagazine.com

CINEMA Valhalla Rising

SCREEN TEST: VIKING FLICKS

Mads Mikkelsen, Maarten Stevenson

ENTERTAINMENT

STARRING:

24

RT 93 MINS

★★★★★

Few lead characters this year will be as intriguing as the warrior at the centre of director Nicolas Winding Refn’s brutal Valhalla Rising.

Sporting a horrendous scar where his left eye used to be and not saying a word throughout the duration of the movie, One-Eye (Mikkelsen) is a captivating presence from the outset.

It’s lucky the protagonist has such magnetism because he has to prop up a flimsy plot. It’s AD 1000 and for years One-Eye has been held captive by a Norse chieftain. After slaughtering his captors he sets off with a boy called Are (Stevenson) and the pair join a group of Christian Vikings on a crusade to the Holy Land.

Following a torturous boat journey, they arrive in a place where solitude, fatigue and

1 Which 2007 movie has the tag line: ‘Two worlds, one war.

The ultimate battle begins’?

2 Actor Robert Wagner plays which prince in a Hollywood classic?

3 Mel Gibson plans to direct a Viking blockbuster with Norse dialogue. Who is touted to play the lead role?

4 Which Viking comedy includes a character called Thorfinn Skullsplitter?

5 Lee Majors plays Thorvald in which movie about an 11th century Viking prince?

religious zeal takes their toll.

Much like its main character, Valhalla Rising is pensive and, at times, extremely violent.

Visually, it’s breathtaking with Refn wisely using the Scottish Highlands as a dramatic backdrop. Where the director

messes up though, is with the pace of the film; Valhalla Rising plods along self-importantly and doesn’t make the most of its seriously cool anti-hero.

GOOD FOR: Those with a strong stomach.

PIERRE DE VILLIERS

THE REEL DEAL

2 Charlton Heston 3 Oliver Reed 4 Five; Russell Crowe 5 Braveheart LAST WEEK’S WINNER Andrew Beale

24 CITY

★★★★★ Zhang Ke Jia combines drama and documentary in a film that explores the changes China is currently undergoing, by focusing on the conversion of state-owned munition factories into flash new flats.

Interweaving accounts by three generations of factory workers, 24 City has a message powerful enough to make up for its very slow pace.

GOOD FOR: History buffs. PDV

indefinitely due to the uncertainty of the future of MGM. Nicole Kidman has been blamed for Gwyneth Paltrow’s withdrawal from the movie The Danish Girl, which they were to film together.

Nashville-based Kidman (left) apparently snubbed Paltrow when she tried to get in touch with her while filming Love Don’t Let Me Down in the US city.

“Gwyneth is lonely; it would have been nice for Nicole to make the effort,” a source told the Mail On Sunday.

Paltrow said she had decided to pull out of the film due to fatigue.

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS 1 The Eagle Of The Ninth

REVANCHE

★★★★★ In Götz Spielmann’s riveting thriller, an ex-con tries to elope with a Ukrainian hooker at a Viennese brothel where they work. Revanche’s pitch-perfect cast and dark, surprising storyline combine in a tale of love, vengeance and redemption. It was deservedly nominated for Best Foreign Language Oscar.

GOOD FOR: Those who love psychological thrillers. PDV

Getty Images

Sam Worthington has been tipped to become the second Australian to play super spy James Bond.

Bookmakers William Hill made the prediction after the BBC reported that MetroGoldwyn-Mayer (MGM), which controls the film franchise, was in dire financial trouble.

William Hill made Worthington the 5/2 favourite to step into Daniel Craig’s shoes should the English actor not reprise the Bond role for the third time.

Welshman Christian Bale, and Hollywood giant Will Smith were both 7/1 favourites.

Work on “Bond 23” has been suspended

For a chance to win two tickets from Vue, email answers to grabs@tntmagazine.com by noon on Wednesday with ‘Cinema’ in the subject line.

WIN

Join The Challenge for Your Chance to Win Flights with Qantas

Like competition, recognition and reward?

The Challenge is back, brought to you by Australian Business and Qantas.

If you are 35 or under, a professional working in the UK and want to put your business skills to the test then ‘The Challenge’ awaits.

Between May and November 2010, three teams will be selected from the cream of young business talent in the UK to stage three business networking events. Each contestant from the winning team wins a £500 Westfield shopping voucher. The best overall individual will win two return economy flights to Australia with Qantas*, plus a seat on the board of Australian Business for a year.

To register visit: www.australianbusiness.co.uk/thechallenge First round of entries close: 30 June 2010.

For entry details, terms and conditions and full details visit: www.australianbusiness.co.uk/thechallenge * see website for terms and conditions

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0870-898 8996 tntforex.com tntmagazine.com

Y B G U R H C U O T N O LOND REGISTRATIONS

NOW OPEN

London’s premier Touch Rugby & Netball is now taking registrations for the 2010 season.

This year is our 21th season and we’ll be back at Old Actonians Sports Club with its excellent onsite facilities: 2 large bars, changing rooms, hot showers, patio bar and of course their famous BBQ Burgers. There’s a choice of Men’s or Mixed Touch Rugby and female Netball, played on Tuesday & Wednesday evenings.

If you don’t have enough players to make up a team, register as a single player and we’ll make up the numbers for you. You can now register on-line or give us a call.

gbychallenge.com ru ac nz .a w w w om .c by www.londontouchrug

020 8992 2858

BILTONG DRY WORS

Snoggy’s

Food Shops

BEEF • OSTRICH • GAME ORIGINAL • PERRI • CHILLI & GARLIC • CHILLI CHUTNEY

SNOGGY’S BUTCHERY 367 Upper Richmond Rd SW15 5QJ Tel: 02088762050

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SNOGGY’S WIMBLEDON Lower Tube Level Wimbledon Station, SW19 7NL Tel: 02089413221

Email us at snoggys@googlemail.com tntmagazine.com

CULTURE HAIR After more than 40 years, the rock musical that hit the zeitgeist in 1968 returns to the West End, inviting us to “turn off, tune in, drop out” and welcome the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

New York Public Theater’s vibrant production has the hippie tribe clambering over the audience, stripping off, and sporting the iconic long hair, Afros and psychedelic kaftans of the pre-Aids era as these Greenwich Village objectors to the Vietnam War celebrate free love, sex, and getting stoned.

It no longer shocks and the thin plot still rambles,

ENTERTAINMENT

SEE THIS: Theatre but with its great songs, powerfully poignant pacifi st message and Will Swenson’s recklessly atavistic Berger finding it Easy To Be Hard, this exuberant nostalgia trip really does Let the Sunshine In. LOUISE KINGSLEY

» Gielgud, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 6AR Piccadilly Circus (0844 482 5130; hairthemusical.co.uk) Booking until Jan 8, 2011. £17.50-£65

27

TNT online For more reviews of events in London see tntmagazine.com/tntreviews

WORTH A LOOK Orpheus Down Under is opera for people who think they don’t like opera. The action takes place in a Kent pub, Mt Olympus and Bondi Beach – where the gods are in training for sporting success, and Orpheus has to decide whether to rescue his unfaithful missus. » Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Rd, CR0 2NF

East Croydon (020 8680 4060). Until May 2. From £10

EXHIBITION OF THE WEEK

BOOKS OUT THIS WEEK

SUSTAINABLE FUTURES

ALTAR OF EDEN

DARK BLOOD

James Rollins

Stuart MacBride

(Orion) APRIL 29

(HarperCollins) APRIL 29

In Rollins’ new sci-fi novel, a Louisiana vet comes across a stolen crate of highly intelligent yet genetically mutated zoo animals, and uncovers a disturbing secret about their origins.

Crime novel about a reformed rapist, who attempts to settle into a new life. But his dark past catches up with him when he’s lured into a money-hungry mobster’s power struggle.

REVENGER

THIRTEEN HOURS

Rory Clements

Deon Meyer

★★★★★

Sustainability is one of the buzzwords of the age, the mantra of right-on ecowarriors, but this exhibition explores it with a focus on innovation, fleshed out with spectacular images.

The scope and detail is exhaustive – find out which

of the world’s cities is the most sustainable, and how architects reduced their carbon footprint by building the California Academy of Sciences partially underground. TOM STURROCK

» Design Museum, Shad Thames, SE1 2YD London Bridge (designmuseum.org).

Until Sep 5. £8.50

(John Murray) APRIL 29

(Hodder & Stoughton)

Clement’s historically-inspired thriller centres on John Shakespeare, who enters the government service to find important papers and stop a dangerous threat to Queen Elizabeth, his family and himself.

OUT NOW

In this new thriller

by South African crime writer Deon Meyer, detective Benny Griessel has 13 hours to find an American backpacker who disappeared in Cape Town.

MORE EXHIBITIONS Fantasise about owning your own Joan Marcus

place at Grand Designs Live. » ExCel London Exhibition Centre, E16 1XL Canning Town (granddesignslive.com). Until May 9. £10

• Hollywood

glamour at Grace Kelly: Style Icon. » V&A Museum, Cromwell Rd, SW7 2RL

South Kensington (vam.ac.uk). Until Sep 26. £7.40

tntmagazine.com

MUSIC USHER Raymond V Raymond (RCA)

★★★★★

MUSIC & CLUBS

Its title inspired by 1970s flick Kramer V Kramer, Usher Raymond’s sixth record is pinned as his divorce album, recorded in the wake of the singer’s lessthan-amicable separation from his wife.

However, lead single OMG tells a different story, with opening “Honey got some boobies / Like, wow, oh, wow” pretty much summing up the entire narrative in a single, brutal couplet. The

28

THE FALL

THE FUTUREHEADS

XAVIER RUDD

Your Future Our Clutter

The Chaos

Koonyum Sun

(Domino)

(Nul)

(Anti)

“If it’s me and your granny on bongos,” quipped Mark E Smith once, “it’s The Fall.” Your Future Our Clutter is the group’s 28th studio album, and despite the band’s revolving-door line-up (Wikipedia lists 34 former members), it doesn’t sound like anyone else. Smith is as irascible, amusing and untranslatable as ever, but the backing provided by his current band is altogether pretty ham-handed. Same time next year? WFJ

Their second album proved too difficult for most recordbuyers, and their third sank even faster.

The Futureheads’ fourth record attempts to remind listeners of indie-rock radio what they liked about them in the first place, and to some extent it succeeds: the likes of Struck Dumb and I Can Do That come with sledgehammer choruses.

But this kind of post-punk pop offers few surprises and yet surprise is exactly what it needs to thrive. WFJ

Grating new-agey lyrics and his own feeble falsetto aside, Rudd’s collaboration with bassist Tio Moloantoa and percussionist Andile Nqubezelo (of the late Lucky Dube’s band) on sixth album Koonyum Sun has mostly paid off. Instrumentally and vocally there’s far more texture to his reggae-imbued tunes, especially on Fresh Green Freedom and Reasons We Were Blessed. But Rudd’s default setting of insipid acoustic balladry asserts itself all too often. ALISON GRINTER

★★★★★

★★★★★

★★★★★

SOUNDS OF HOME

NEW ZEALAND

SOUTH AFRICA

NO.1 Just Say So, Brian McFadden feat Kevin Rudolf MAKING NEWS Kylie’s website crashed after it was flooded with fans trying to cop a sneak preview of her single All The Lovers from her new LP Aphrodite, out July 5. “You’ve overloaded the system!!!!,” the singer tweeted soon after.

NO.1 OMG, Usher feat Will.I.Am MAKING NEWS Crowded House will release their sixth album Intriguer on June 14.

Their new LP promises special guest musicians and world music influences. First single Saturday Sun is out now as a free download on their website crowdedhouse.com.

NO.1 Warrior, Louise Carver / Zulu Boy MAKING NEWS Durban kwaito-house trio Big NUZ scooped three awards – Album of the Year, Best Kwaito Album and MTN Record of the Year – at the South African Music Awards (Samas) held at Sun City.

tntmagazine.com

LIVE REVIEW Kid Creole Barbican Apr 22 ★★★★★ Kid Creole’s early ’80s heyday seems like another age, but his ‘tropical gangster’ shtick proved a winning opener for this year’s La Linea festival.

Backed by a tight, brassy band and three crooning, boogying ‘Coconuts’, the zoot-suited legend effortlessly combines the roles of choreographer, dancer, conductor, singer and raconteur with catlike grace.

Big hits Stool Pigeon and Annie, I’m Not Your Daddy get everyone dancing, but their gumbo of funk, ska, calypso and pan-Latin styles has plenty of depth.

Criminally entertaining.

JON LUSK

Getty Images

AUSTRALIA

rest of Raymond V Raymond isn’t all like this; mercifully, too, given OMG’s risible production (by Will.I.Am). But most of it runs along the same unintentionally comic lines.

From the album’s background and the song’s title, you might expect Hey Daddy (Daddy’s Home) to be a plaintive cry from a single father missing his kids. With lyrics such as “Poke it on out / Poke it out right there”, one can only hope it’s not.

So Many Girls and Pro Lover continue the boasting, and only the occasional neat production turn keep this from car-crash territory.

WILL FULFORD-JONES

T: 020 7736 9606 | E: info@joecoolslondon.com

SUNDAY 18 JULY

LONDON O2 SHEPHERDS BUSH EMPIRE Shaka Rock

0844 477 2000

buy online at gigsandtours.com | 24hr cc hotline 0871 2200 260 jettheband.com

In Stores Now!

Presented by SJM by arrangement with William Morris Endeavor Entertainment

tntmagazine.com

MUSIC

GIG GUIDE MUSIC & CLUBS

Alison Grinter PICKS OUT THIS WEEK’S BEST LIVE MUSIC

GIG OF THE WEEK CAMDEN CRAWL Ah, the sun is shining and people are getting nekkid in parks – it can mean only one thing: festival season! Getting the party started is Camden’s annual crawl, which is two days of solid indie shindiggery. As ever, expect a mix of up-andcomers (Necro Deathmore, anyone?), established bleedingedge acts (Plan B, Chew Lips, The Drums, pictured right), the odd mainstream wild card (Pendulum, Sugababes), and alternative veterans (Teenage Fanclub, Gang of Four). There’s also comedy, fringe theatre, and other cool stuff.

31

» Various venues in Camden

Camden Town (thecamdencrawl.com). May 1-2. Weekend ticket £57

THE TEMPER TRAP

IGGY & THE STOOGES

To give you some indication of the fevered anticipation for The Temper Trap’s return from M-Town, Australia, these gigs sold out months ago.

Unsurprising given that the Coldplayesque outfit are renowned for their blistering live shows. The cherry on top is support from angel-voiced singer-songwriter Sarah Blasko.

Seeing Iggy Pop perform live should be high on your list of things to do before you die. His shows are a masterclass in old-school punk attitude (even if he is selling out on insurance adverts these days). Catch him as he and The Stooges perform their 1973 “break-up” LP Raw Power. Synth pioneers Suicide support on the first night.

» Shepherds Bush Empire, W11 8QE Shepherd’s Bush (0844 477 2000; o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk). Apr 28-30. £20

» Hammersmith Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH Hammersmith (0844 844 4748; ketmaster.co.uk). May 2-3. £30

BELIEVE THE HYPE WE ARE STANDARD THE LINE-UP Deu Txakartegi

(vocals), Jon Aguirrezabalaga (guitar), Juan Escribano (guitar), DW Farringdon (drums, synths), and recent addition to the band, Jav Leta (drums, not pictured).

HAILS FROM Bilbao, Spain.

THE BUZZ SO FAR For those who have a soft spot for floor-filling electro post-punk, look no further than Spanish quintet We Are Standard. The band spent eight months recording their debut album, which has a unique, upbeat sound, reminiscent of Gang Of Four’s Entertainment!.

Unsurprising really, since Gang Of Four’s Andy Gill produced the album.

WHAT ELSE? A hit back home, We Are Standard won Best Spanish Band at the MTV European Music Awards and

have become firm festival favourites across Europe.

CHECK OUT Their ode to infidelity, The Last Time.

THE CRITICS SAY “This giddy mix of fizzing synths and angular, disjointed beats shows producer Andy Gill hasn’t lost his touch.” [Music Week]

THE PLUG Self-titled album out through Mushroom Pillow.

BORANA GREKU

SOUND BITES Powderfinger have rescheduled their “last London shows ever”. The gigs will now take place at Brixton Academy on Friday, June 4 (for ticket-holders of the April 22 show only) and Saturday, June 5 (for ticketholders of the April 21 show only). For ticket information phone 0844 477 2000 or see ticketmaster.co.uk. The band postponed their gigs due to the volcanic ash cloud.

TNT online For more music reviews of the latest albums go to tntmagazine.com/tntreviews

tntmagazine.com

MUSIC LISTINGS MONDAY 26

Dappled Cities

SATURDAY 1

MUSIC & CLUBS

Roy Ayers, The Ronnie Scotts All Stars The New York-

32

Gilad Atzmon Israeli world-bop reeds man. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £12.

based vibraphonist plays jazz and funk. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £30-£50.

Bolt Thrower, Benediction

Basia Bulat The Canadian

The Midlands-based five-piece plays hardcore metal. University

singer-songwriter performs alt-pop and folk. The Luminaire,

Of London Union, Malet St, WC1E 7HY (0870 060 3777). £10.

Kilburn High Rd, NW6 7JR (020 7372 7123). £8 & £10.

Damon & Naomi The

Whitney Houston

American duo plays indiefolk. The Luminaire, Kilburn High

The soulful pop vocalist performs her hits and songs from her album I Look To You.

Rd, NW6 7JR (020 7372 7123). £8.

O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £50-£100.

The flamboyant saxophonist and his group plays swing, blues and soul. Dover St

Impiety, Setherial, Omt And Korvus The Singaporean four-

Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15.

piece plays death and black metal. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976). £10.

Grace Jones The domineering diva, fashion icon and actress performs dance-pop. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (020 7589 8212). £50-£60.

Max De Wardener An experimental set from the trio using instruments based on Harry Partch’s Cloud Chamber Bowls designs. Kings Place, York

The Leo Green Experience

TNT’S TOP BOOKING

THE AUSSIE BBQ: DAPPLED CITIES, PLUS MORE Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY Old Street (cargo-london.com) Sat, May 16, 3pm. £8 adv Made famous at Texas’ SXSW music festival, The Aussie BBQ will make its London debut with a bill of fine Oz talent, including Dappled Cities, Blackchords and plenty more. Plus snags, natch.

Micachu And The Shapes & London Sinfonietta A collaboration between the offbeat indie-pop outfit and the classical ensemble, featuring new works by Mica Levi. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (0844 264 0321). £9.50-£24.50.

John Otway Cult singersongwriter and his band.

Halfmoon Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £10.

Way, N1 9AG (0844 264 0321). £9.50.

Cecil Sharp House Community Choir The choir

TUESDAY 27

performs a capella harmony songs from the British Isles and the rest of the world.

British Sea Power The

Cecil Sharp House, Regent’s Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £66.

eccentric Northern fourpiece plays indie-pop from its album Man Of Aran. Union

Martin Stephenson The multi-instrumentalist and former member of The Daintees plays rootsy pop.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £12.

The Pretty Things Blues, R’n’B and rock ’n’ roll from the London-based group, including founder members Phil May and Dick Taylor.

Charlotte St Blues Club, Charlotte St, W1T 4QH (020 7580 0113). £15.

Adrian Edmondson & The Bad Shepherds

FRIDAY 30

Chapel, Compton Tce, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £15.50.

The comedian and his band performs folk versions of punk songs. East Wintergarden, Canada

Arch Enemy, Sabbat, Enslaved The five-piece

Guitar-led, New Yorkbased jazz four-piece.

Dying Fetus The US-based

Sq, E14 5AB (020 7334 3922). £20.

from Sweden plays heavy metal. Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5

Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £35-£60.

death metal trio promotes its album Descend Into Depravity.

Robert Habermann

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

From The Jam Classic Jam songs performed by original bassist Bruce Foxton, plus Mark Brzezicki and Russell Hastings. The Electric Ballroom,

John Scofield Quartet

1JY (020 7344 0044). £18.

The singer performs pop hits from the 1960s and 1970s with musicians Alex Stanford and Jonny Gee. Live! On The Park At Pizza On The Park, Knightsbridge, SW1X 7LY (020 7235 5273). £15.

Nerina Pallot The pop-rock

The Blockheads, Away With The Faeries Funk and pop-punk from the London-based outfit.

100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £25, adv £23.50.

Chew Lips Indie and electropop trio. Cargo, Rivington St,

Tango 5 The quintet performs tango works by Astor Piazzolla. The Forge Venue And Caponata Restaurant, Delancey St, NW1 7NL (07971 851141). £12.

The Ukulele Orchestra Of Great Britain The ensemble

EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £10.50.

performs classical and rock favourites. Cecil Sharp House,

Empire State R’n’B and

Regent’s Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £15, concs £12.

soul outfit. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15.

SUNDAY 2

Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £25, adv £23.50.

singer-songwriter from London performs songs from her album The Graduate. Union

Machaca The Latin and reggae fusion group launches its album Los Ambulantes.

Chapel, Compton Tce, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £17.

THURSDAY 29

Modeste Hughes The Madagascan guitarist plays traditional music from the Betroka region mixed with southern African dance rhythms.

The Adicts The veteran six-piece plays punk-rock.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

A Funk Affair An evening

Dee C Lee The south London-

Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £15-£27.50.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (0844 847 9910/cc 0871 663 2500). £12, concs £6.

Air Traffic The BournemouthDanielle Spencer The Australian alt-pop singersongwriter promotes her album Calling All Magicians. The Pheasantry at Pizza Express, King’s Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £15.

based trio play alternative rock. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £12.50.

Chase & Status Drum ’n’ bass and hip-hop from the Londonbased duo. Koko, Camden High

100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £18, adv £15.

of funk featuring some of the UK’s finest musicians.

Rokia Traore The Malian

St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £16.50.

born singer performs pop and soul. Live! On The Park At Pizza

guitarist and singer plays blues-flavoured world music. Koko, Camden High St,

Gorillaz The animated hip-hop

On The Park, Knightsbridge, SW1X 7LY (020 7235 5273). £15.

Ian Hunter Veteran classic rocker and ex-leader of Mott The Hoople. Barbican Centre,

Patti Plinko And Her Boy The chanteuse performs

Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (0845 120 7500/ cc 020 7638 8891). £16-£26.

NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £15.

WEDNESDAY 28

outfit fronted by Damon Albarn is joined by former Clash members Mick Jones and Paul Simonon to showcase album Plastic Beach. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm

dark cabaret and torch

Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £45.

songs. Leicester Square Theatre, Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX (0844 847 2475). £8-£12.

electro-pop combo performs music from its second album, The Spell. Koko, Camden High

Michael Omer The pianist-composer plays contemporary jazz originals.

Samara Saxophonist Steve

St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £14.

Live! On The Park At Pizza On The Park, Knightsbridge, SW1X 7LY (020 7235 5273). £15.

Alphabeat The Danish

Babylon Circus, Tankus The Henge Left-field pop from the

Rubie and his six-piece plays Latin jazz, samba and soul. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £12.

Lyon-based outfit. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). £11.50.

tntmagazine.com

Submit your free listing at least three weeks prior to the publication by emailing gigs@pressassociation.com.

Damo Suzuki The Japanese singer-songwriter and musician performs psychedelic punk.

The Luminaire, Kilburn High Rd, NW6 7JR (020 7372 7123). £12, adv £10, concs £8.

TNT online For full listings info go to tntmagazine. com/whats_on

FAST FORWARD The Cat Empire Brixton Academy, Oct 23 (0844 477 2000). £19.50 Johnny Clegg Hammersmith Apollo, Jun 19 (0844 844 4748). £27.50 Crowded House Hammersmith Apollo, Jun 8-10 (0844 844 4748). £44.75 Cypress Hill Brixton Academy, Jun 15 (0844 477 2000). £25 Download Festival: AC/DC, Wolfmother Donnington Park, Jun 11-13 (0844 277 4321). £175 (weekend) Eskimo Joe Shepherds Bush Empire, May 17 (0844 477 2000). £27.50 Fat Freddy’s Drop The Troxy, Sep 9 (0870 264 3333). £27.50 Green Day Wembley Stadium, Jun 19 (0844 980 8001). £26-£35 Jack Johnson O2 Arena, Jun 30 (0844 856 0202). £30-£37 Motörhead Brixton Academy, Nov 27 (0844 477 2000). £32.50 Muse Wembley Stadium, Sep 10-11 (0844 277 4321). £45 The Necks Barbican, Jun 26 (020 7638 8891). £15 Pendulum Wembley Arena, May 28 (0844 815 0815). £22.50 Rugby Rocks: Feeder, Just Jack, Parlotones, Alex Gardner The Athletic Ground, Richmond, Jun 12 (rugbyrocks7s.com). £15-£55 Supergrass Brixton Academy, Jun 10 (0844 477 2000). £25

CLUBBING

MUSIC & CLUBS

CLUB GUIDE

34

Natasha Vuckovic PICKS OUT THIS WEEK’S BEST CLUB NIGHTS

CLUB OF THE WEEK THE GALLERY’S 15TH BIRTHDAY You have to respect a party that’s been going for 15 years, held over 780 events and had 936,000 guests. But it wasn’t always success for brothers Tall Paul and Danny Newman. Danny says: “Our third or fourth show shut early as we only had 27 people in.” Celebrate The Gallery’s birthday with a rare UK set by Paul Oakenfold (right), plus Danny Rampling and Seb Fontaine.

» Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP

Elephant & Castle (0870 060 0010; ministryofsound.com). Fri, Apr 30, 10.30pm. £15

beats/breaks

funk/soul

drum ’n’ bass

electro

hip-hop

TOGETHER

DEADMAU5

This is the eighth party in Together’s comeback series, and we’re absolutely chuffed with the line up.

With German electro duo and dance floor heroes Digitalism and house star Felix Da Housecat from Chicago on the bill, this is definitely a happy camper clubbing moment.

While we would normally scoff at someone who uses numbers in their name, Deadmau5’s tunes are so good, we’ll look past it. Even calling himself after a not-so-dearly departed rodent hasn’t marred his success, and he’s back with three dates in London.

» Coronet Theatre, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ Elephant & Castle (020 7701 1500; cornettheatre.co.uk).

Fri, Apr 30, 10pm-5am. £15

» Brixton Academy, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL Brixton (020 7771 3000; o2academybrixton.co.uk).

Fri, Apr 30-Sun, May 2.

From £26.50

We have a pair of tickets to The Gallery’s 15th birthday to give away. To enter, email grabs@ tntmagazine with ‘The Gallery is 15’ in the subject line by noon on Wed, Apr 28.

WIN

tntmagazine.com

hard house/trance

house/garage

rock/metal

techno

CLUB NEWS Club of the Week, The Gallery has launched a limited edition DVD. It includes footage of its 14th birthday party with Armin van Buuren (right), a behindthe-scenes look at a day in the life of The Gallery, and DJ comments about the Turnmills era. The first 1000 people through the doors of its 15th birthday will get a free copy.

Last year Tiësto became the first ever DJ to headline Victoria Park, attracting over 25,000 clubbers. Now fresh off the back of his Kaleidoscope UK tour, the superstar DJ has announced he will return to the London park for another monster show on Friday, July 30.

And for support, Tiësto has

invited Aussie electro-rockers Pendulum, who will be performing material from their new album Immersion.

If that wasn’t enough, London’s freshest club night, House Rules, will bring their now famous brand of non-stop partying to the show.

WANT £1,500 WORTH OF FREE STUFF?

GO TO TNTMAGAZINE.COM/LBB ALSO AVAILABLE FROM THE WALKABOUT SHEPHERDS BUSH AND ELK BAR FULHAM

Which nation is the

SMARTEST? YOU decide!

Enter online for a chance to win a Topdeck 20-day European Wonder tour for two. Plus weekly ÂŁ100 bar tabs from The Chatsworth ALLY THE T AR SO F

SCOREBOARD Week 3

New Zealand

Australia

1st

2nd

South Africa

With thanks to:

3rd

See tntmagazine.com/ctn

CLUB LISTINGS MONDAY 26 Baba Yaga’s Hut Presents

Studios, Farrell Crt, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 7.30pm-late. £7.

Chill Out Sessions DJs spin chill-out classics. Jewel, Maiden Ln, WC2E 7JS (020 7379 5900).

5pm-12.30am. £10 after 9pm, guestlist free before 10pm.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, R’n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7287 372).

10pm-3.30am. £5, NUS £1.

Salsa Cellar Resident DJs play Latin funk, salsa and reggae. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028).

7pm-late. £7, concs £4.

Vodka Island Funky electro, house and chart from the residents. Tiger Tiger, Haymarket, SW1Y 4SP (020 7930 1885).

9pm-3am. £6, £5 before 10pm.

Cheap$kates Disco and hip-hop courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7287 372). 9pm3.30am. £6, NUS £5, w/flyer £4.

Game On Residents spin

TUESDAY 27 Boot Camp Rob C and

St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188).

9pm-3am. £7, guest list/NUS £5.

Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903).

9pm-2am. £3, mems £2.

Festa Fiesta Latin and samba

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and guests play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842).

11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, mems £2.

from the resident DJs, plus salsa classes before 10pm. Fiesta Havana, Fulham Rd, SW6 5NH (020 7381 5005). 7pm-2am. £6.

Wicked Wednesdays The residents supply R’n’B and hiphop. Sound, Leicester Sq, WC2H

Lost In London Party on the

7NA (0870 863 1010). 9pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm, guestlist £3.

ground floor, electro-house in the basement and commercial R’n’B in the VIP room. Zoo Bar,

THURSDAY 29

Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188).

7.30pm-3am. £7, guestlist/NUS £5.

Auralphonix Crew Presents

Stupid Tuesday Funky and

Psy trance and progressive trance from resident DJs. Club

soulful house and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

9pm-3am. £3, concs available.

414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 11pm-6am. £5.

Candybox DJs Jamie, White Heat DJs Matty and Olly play indie, punk, techno and electro. Madame Jo Jo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £6, adv £5.

WEDNESDAY 28 Agita Brasil Latin and samba courtesy of the resident DJs, plus dance classes before 10pm.

Fiesta Havana, Fulham Rd, SW6 5NH (020 7381 5005). 7pm2am. £6.

Belle play glam rock and punk.

St Moritz, Wardour St, W1F 8WL (020 7437 0525). 10pm-3.30pm. £6, mems/w/flyer £5, free before 11pm.

BASSHUNTER AND SASH! Shepherds Bush Empire, W12 8TT Shepherd’s Bush (o2sheperdsbush empire.co.uk). Wed, Jul 17. From £18.50 Controversy-courting Swede Basshunter (right) is joined by chart-topping ’90s dance music producer Sash! on a tour of the UK.

chart, party anthems and retro hits in the basement, with R’n’B, electro and house in the VIP room. Zoo Bar, Bear

Peter X spin disco in aid of Positiveline and The Eddie Surman Trust. Eagle, Kennington

Decadence DJs Shuff and

Michael and David spin indie, electro and retro.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7287 372). 10pm-3.30am. £6, w/flyer £5, £3 before 11pm.

G-A-Y Porn Idol The residents supply pop and disco. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020).

11pm-4am. £7, w/flyer free.

House Rules Bank Holiday Special House and dance from Rob Marmot, Gareth Wyn and Szlar. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 4AY (0870 116 5421).

10pm-8am. £15, adv/NUS £10.

Iconic Soulful and funky house.

The Fridge, Town Hall Parade, SW2 1RP (020 7326 5100).

9pm-5am. £15 after 1am, £10 before 1am, free before 11pm.

MUSIC & CLUBS

Otto Von Schirach and Gabe Serbian provide electro and experimental tunes. Corsica

TNT’S TOP BOOKING

Inferno Andrew Elmore spins funk, house and dance.

The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm3am. £10, free before 11pm.

Goldmine Resident DJs play indie, rock and punk, plus Ivan And The Wolves, Red Drapes, The Moon and Heads Hearts perform live. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 8pm-1am. £5.

Got That Friday Feeling?

Resident DJs play soul, disco and R’n’B from the 1980s. Revolution, Leadenhall St, EC3V 4QT (020 7621 9955).

8pm-2am. £7, £5 before 10pm, free before 8pm.

The London-Rio Connection Rough Disco Resident DJs

Lost And Found Keb Darge and Andy Smith play blues, rock and Northern Soul.

Madame Jo Jo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £8.

Sexy Saturdays DJ Matt Calvery and Khalid play funky house and pop.

The Loop, Dering St, W1S 1AH (020 7493 1003). 10pm-3am. £10.

spin electro, drum ’n’ bass, indie and hip-hop. Sound, Leicester

DJs T & Harv spin Brazilian house, party and dance floor hits, plus live music from Soul Fiesta.

Sq, WC2H 7NA (0870 863 1010).

7.30pm-late. £10, £5 before 11pm.

Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600). 5pm-late. £10.

Unbranded DJs Howie and Perry play commercial dance and R’n’B. Crazy Larry’s, King’s Rd,

Smash & Grab Indie, pop,

Neat Neat Neat DJs spin

SW10 0TZ (020 7376 5555). 10pm3am. £10, guest list £5 before 11pm.

electro and house, plus The Good Natured, Harmony Boucher and This Tawdry Affair perform live. Proud Camden,

new and classic punk, plus live music. South Of The Border, Old St, EC1V 9NQ (020 7739 4202).

9pm-2am. £5, £4 before 11pm.

Bank Holiday All Dayer

The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-2.30am. £8, £5 before 10pm.

Popstarz Three rooms of indie, pop and R’n’B for a gay crowd.

FRIDAY 30

The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083).

10pm-4am. £8, free before 11pm.

Big Night Out DJs David, Jim and John play pop, indie, retro and rock. The Roxy, Rathbone Pl, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 5pm3.30am. £9, NUS £5, £4 before 10.30pm, free before 8.30pm.

Caligula Andre J hosts a decadent night of disco, electro and house with special guest DJs and live PAs. The

SUNDAY 2

Soul Fridays The resident DJs supply R’n’B, 1990s soul and funky house. Stanza, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 5DY (020 7494 3020). 10pm-3am. £10.

Evil Nine, New Young Pony Club, Roska, Maximilian and Budakan provide electro, house and dub. The Old Queen’s Head, Essex Rd, N1 8LN (020 7354 9993).

3pm-3am. £5, free before 7pm.

Circus 4th Birthday House and electro from Tom Stephan, Kris Di Angelis and Erol Sabadosh, plus a DJ set from The XX. Paramount, New Oxford

Twilo Natema, Shuey Aurora, Erol Arda and Kudos Rich spin electro and house. Pacha, Terminus

St, WC1A 1DD (020 7420 2900).

10.30pm-5am. £15, adv £12.

Pl, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 10pm5am. £15, adv £10.

Bathhouse, Bishopsgate Churchyard, EC2M 3TJ (020 7920 9207). 11pm5am. £8, £5 before 12.30am.

SATURDAY 1

Fabric: On & On & On Craig Richards, Terry Francis, Sasha, Carl Craig, Reboot, Stacey Pullen and Trus Me play house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse

Dummy Stopmakingme spins

Allure The residents spin

St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-late. £23, mems £18.

hip-hop, electro and rock, plus live music from Hudson Mohawke and Egyptian Hip Hop. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1

R’n’B and house. Aquum Bar, Clapham High St, SW4 7UL (020 7627 2726). 8pm-3.30am. £8, £6 before 11pm, free before 9pm.

6LP (020 7749 0600). 9pm-2am. £7.

Casino Royale Resident DJs play indie, rock and garage.

Submit your free listing at least three weeks prior to the publication by emailing clubs@pressassociation.com.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424).

10pm-late. £8, adv £6.

Superfreq V Veryverywrongindeed House, techno and electro from Mr C, Spektre, Luke VB and Tim Reid in room one, plus Junkyard Rules and Get Familiar in room two. Matter, O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0AX (020 7549 6686). 10am-7pm. £12.

ANZAC SPORTS DAY AFTER PARTY SATURDAY 1ST MAY 9PM ONWARDS DJ FREE ENTRY

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37

news & sport

NEWS IN REVIEW

The week that was MONDAY

» TUESDAY » WEDNESDAY » THURSDAY » FRIDAY » SATURDAY » SUNDAY quote unquote

wrap up of last week’s events from australia, new zealand and south africa

“The IMF’s report is another testament to the success of economic stimulus together with the resilience of the Australian people during the toughest economic conditions since the Great Depression.” Treasurer Wayne Swan on an IMF report that singles out Australia as a leader in the global economic recovery.

38

AUSTRALIA Bikies denied bail Three Comancheros accused of murdering Anthony Zervas during a bikie brawl at Sydney Airport were refused bail by a NSW Supreme Court judge.

The trio will face a committal hearing, expected to run for at least eight weeks, starting on July 5.

Scheme written off The Federal Government pulled the plug on its botched $2.45 billion home insulation programme but refused to admit responsibility for the scheme’s

time to remember: A veteran waves to the crowd along Bathurst St during the Anzac Day Parade in Sydney. Veterans, dignitaries and members of the public marked the 95th anniversary of the allied landing at the Gallipoli peninsula in WWI.

disastrous failings.

After suspending the scheme in February, following an outcry over four deaths and more than 100 fires linked to the program, a replacement initiative was meant to be only weeks away.

But after the mess cost Peter Garrett his job as assistant climate change minister the Government permanently closed the programme.

Charge dropped

Peter Garrett

A manslaughter charge was withdrawn against Mark Wilhelm – the man accused over the cruise ship death of Brisbane mother-of-two Dianne Brimble.

Brimble died in September 2002, less than 24 hours after she boarded a P&O cruise ship.

But last year, after a four-anda-half week trial, a jury in the NSW Supreme Court failed to reach a verdict in Wilhelm’s manslaughter charge.

Earthquake hits About a dozen historic buildings and a school were damaged by an earthquake in the city of Kalgoorlie-Boulder, in Western Australia’s goldfields.

The quake, measuring 5.0 on the Richter scale, was the biggest to hit the gold mining region in 50 years.

tntmagazine.com

“This is crass politics at its worst, it was one of the things we did hear from Pauline Hanson.

It’s one of Tony Abbott’s Sarah Palin moments.”

Australian Workers’ Union boss Paul Howes on Abbott’s proposal.

“His single greatest achievement was to unify the Olympic movement.” Australian Olympic Committee president John Coates on the death of former IOC president Juan Antonio Samaranch.

TNT er th weaport re

Avg min Avg max

Adelaide

16

Brisbane

18

28 26

Canberra

7

25 32

Darwin

24

Hobart

11

21

Melbourne

16

28

Perth

15

23

Sydney

16

26

Getty Images

Two for one: An unnamed two headed bobtail lizard, a type of skink, is seen at its new reptile park home at Henley Brook in Perth.

The two-headed reptile was rescued from Coogee by the Park and was doing well despite the deformity.

“Keeping people on welfare when there is work available … that’s not kindness, that’s cruelty.” Opposition leader Tony Abbott proposes banning the dole for young people.

SUMMARY

■ Notorious underworld figure and serial killer Carl Williams dies in prison ■ He is allegedly bashed by a fellow prisoner who is charged with his murder.

■ Police set up special investigation task force.

A World War II veteran robbed of pokies’ winnings said his attackers should stop stealing before they ended up in jail. Reg Dickinson, 96, was returning to his nursing home residence in a motorised scooter when he was robbed of $20.

WESTERN AUSTRALIA Carl Williams pictured in court after admitting to murdering three people

with a non-parole period of 35 years after pleading guilty in 2007 to ordering the murders of three underworld rivals and the failed conspiracy to murder lawyer Mario Condello. He was also linked to a host of other murders.

Victorian premier John Brumby dismissed calls for a Royal Commission and said a

royal commission would be a waste of taxpayers’ money.

“To be honest what occurred in the prison was obviously unacceptable, but the person concerned was a serial killer,” Brumby said.

But police decided his death was too serious for a straightforward homicide and set up the task force.

AAP, Getty Images

WA holds out on health deal Prime Minister Kevin Rudd insisted his health reform plan was a done deal – even if Western Australia refused demands to hand over its GST. After two days of exhaustive negotiations, Rudd trumpeted a “historic” health and hospital agreement with all states and territories except WA. In return for $5.4 billion in sweeteners and an agreement by states and territories to hand back an unspecified amount of GST, the commonwealth will take control of 60 per cent of public hospital funding.

The GST grab was expected

What’s happening across the country VICTORIA

V

ictoria police set up a special task force to investigate the broader aspects of the murder of gangland killer Carl Williams at Barwon Prison.

Williams, 39, suffered serious head injuries after he was allegedly bashed.

He suffered a heart attack and could not be revived.

A fellow inmate, 36, was charged with one count of murder and appeared via video link from prison at the Geelong Magistrates’ Court.

Williams was serving life imprisonment in Barwon’s maximum security Acacia unit

COAST TO COAST

to be around one-third of revenues.

“This … is a very, very big reform of the health and hospital system of Australia,” Rudd said.

WA, however, could prove a headache for Rudd.

“Twenty pieces of silver won’t work with Western Australia and won’t work with me,” WA premier Colin Barnett told Sky News.

Rudd insisted the deal would not fall over.

“We’re pretty confident we can work something through with our friends in the west,” Rudd said.

A young Sudanese student died and another man was in a critical condition after a brawl in Perth. Police were called to Mirrabooka in the city’s north after two groups were reportedly fighting with sticks and posts.

SOUTH AUSTRALIA An Adelaide man who killed his partner’s invalid father was jailed for six years for manslaughter.

Karim George Derbali, 64, had previously pleaded guilty to the charge after admitting he inflicted the injuries that claimed the life of Danny Kapetonovic, 64, in March last year.

NORTHERN TERRITORY

Western Australia premier Colin Barnett

A crocodile enjoying a dip in a caravan park swimming pool made such a splash that tourists had to abandon their morning water aerobics class. Tourists at the Northern Territory caravan park woke to find a 1.5m crocodile enjoying the pool.

tntmagazine.com

NEWS & SPORT

Williams dies

AUSTRALIA

39

NEW ZEALAND

The week that was

news & sport

MONDAY

40

» TUESDAY » WEDNESDAY » THURSDAY » FRIDAY » SATURDAY » SUNDAY

Drought spreads

35

The number of scientists being laid off by AgResearch, the nation’s biggest state science company.

54

Strong RWC interest

Bain faces tough test David Bain would have to meet an “extraordinary

The percentage of support for National according to a TVNZ/ Colmar Brunton poll.

special pilgrimage: Nicola Johnston, from Invercargill, camps overnight at Anzac Cove in Turkey before the Dawn Service at Gallipoli. This year marks the 95th anniversary of the allied troops landing on the Gallipoli Peninsula during WWi.

circumstances” test in his bid for compensation for wrongful conviction and imprisonment, justice minister Simon Power said.

Bain was convicted in 1995 of murdering five members of his family in Dunedin. In 2007 the Privy Council quashed his convictions on the grounds of a substantial miscarriage of justice and ordered a retrial.

Prisoner vote queried

David Bain

A bill to ban anyone in prison from voting in a general election passed its first reading in Parliament.

Under current law prisoners

*And finally … close Lotto call

tntmagazine.com

Ponsonby and was almost due to expire.

The winner said he put the ticket in a drawer at home and forgot about it.

“It’s been a stressful year and I completely forgot I had the ticket … It was a bit faded but I noticed the date on it and thought I’d better get down to the shop quick just in case I’d won anything.”

serving a sentence of three years or more can’t vote but National MP Paul Quinn, who drafted the member’s bill, believed no one in prison on election day should be able to.

Call for protection Politicians were asked to consider whether students were protected from political indoctrination in schools after the showing of Al Gore’s film An Inconvenient Truth prompted a petition to Parliament.

The petition of former ACT MP Muriel Newman asked that school children be protected from political indoctrination.

266

The number of kiwi eggs successfully attached at five kiwi breeding facilities in the 2009/2010 breeding season.

60

The percentage of people who believe the tax on tobacco should be raised.

5m

The amount in dollars to be spent on a recreational fishing survey over the next four years.

8705

The number of people who were involved in work stoppages as a result of industrial action in 2009.

TNT er th weaport re

Avg min Avg max

Auckland

11

Wellington

11

19

5

19

13

21

Christchurch Dunedin

20

Getty Images

One extra day could have made a sad story for an Auckland Lotto winner who “completely forgot” about his ticket.

The Ponsonby resident claimed an outstanding prize of $509,937 just one day before the ticket expired, NZ Lotteries chief executive Todd McLeay said.

The first division winning ticket was sold 12 months ago in

2

The current percentage rate of inflation.

The Government extended drought relief to a further four regions – Bay of Plenty, South Taranaki and parts of South Canterbury and Otago.

Agriculture minister David Carter said that with significant parts of both islands in drought, many farmers were heading for a tough winter.

There were tentative smiles from New Zealand’s Rugby World Cup organisers after domestic ticket applications for next year’s tournament made a strong start.

Rugby New Zealand 2011 chief executive Martin Snedden was boosted by the response to priority sales for members of the “rugby community”.

In the first 24 hours, there were about 5000 applications for team or venue pool match packages, significantly more than had been expected.

WEEK IN NUMBERS

SUMMARY

■ Three Air Force crew die in helicopter crash.

■ The crew were on the way to take part in Anzac Day memorial services.

■ One crewman survives crash near Wellington.

A cyclist died after being hit by a train in the Bay of Plenty. A Kiwirail spokeswoman said the crossing had barriers, bells and flashing lights.

LOWER NORTH ISLAND

The scene of the helicopter crash where three Air Force crew died

dead at the crash site while a fourth man was airlifted to Wellington Hospital, where he remained in a serious condition.

“I am shocked and saddened by this tragic event,” Key said.

“My thoughts are with the families of the victims, the family of the injured man, and the entire New Zealand

Defence Force. To have this happen when the helicopter was heading to Wellington for an Anzac Day flypast is an absolute tragedy.

“I am sure that all New Zealanders will join with me in offering the families of the victims, and the Defence Force, our deepest condolences.”

Getty Images, NZPA

Hall’s body may be removed The widow of Christchurch climber Rob Hall said he would have wanted his body to remain where he died on Mt Everest, although it was “virtually impossible” his body would be recovered.

Her comments come after the Nepalese government announced plans to remove the bodies of at least two climbers during a rubbish clean-up expedition on the world’s highest peak.

Hall, 36, had made his fifth successful summit of Everest in May 1996 – a record for any non-Sherpa – but his expedition turned into tragedy

What’s happening across the country

UPPER NORTH ISLAND

T

he deaths of three Air Force crew in a helicopter crash on Anzac Day were shocking and saddening, Prime Minister John Key said.

The three crew members were on an Airforce Iroquois helicopter which crashed shortly before 6am into hills near Pukerua Bay, about 40km north-east of Wellington while, on its way from Ohakea to Anzac memorial services in the city.

Flying Officer Daniel Stephen Gregory, 28, Corporal Benjamin Andrew Carson, helicopter crewman, 25, and Flight Lieutenant Hayden Peter Madsen, pilot, 33, were found

COAST TO COAST

as he tried to get a group of weak and stranded climbers off the south summit.

His wife, Jan Arnold, said it would be “virtually impossible” to retrieve her husband’s body.

“Rob’s wish was, if he died in the mountains, to stay in the mountains,” she said.

If his body happened to be found during the expedition, Arnold said she would prefer he was cremated at base camp.

Guy Cotter, who now owns the Christchurch mountain guide company Hall had operated, said it would be risky to recover his body.

A man who left his 18-month-old boy unattended in a car while he went into a Wellington strip club in the early hours of the morning was fined $200. Wayne Ricardo Schwamm, 42, pleaded guilty court to leaving a child under 14 without reasonable supervision.

UPPER SOUTH ISLAND A stalker was jailed for terrorising his ex-girlfriend by text. Tony Indar Chand was on parole from a jail sentence last year when he began a two-month relationship with Susan Weilaard. When it ended in December, 39-year-old Chand decided to stalk her.

LOWER SOUTH ISLAND

Mt Everest

A Dunedin roof repair and sealing company was fined $30,000 after its contractor waterblasted a brittle asbestos roof, spreading contamination over nearby surroundings.

Sealtec Otago employed the contractor last May to waterblast the corrugated asbestos roof of an engineering business before a sealant was applied.

tntmagazine.com

NEWS & SPORT

Anzac tragedy

NEW ZEALAND

41

SOUTH AFRICA

The week that was

news & sport

MONDAY

42

» TUESDAY » WEDNESDAY » THURSDAY » FRIDAY » SATURDAY » SUNDAY

Bread price call

12m

The number of people in need of proper shelter. The Government said the housing backlog continued to grow despite its efforts.

Taxis protest

Strikers back to work SA Municipal Workers Union members returned to work

train derailment: The antique luxury Rovos Rail train lays derailed outside the capital Pretoria, killing three people including a woman and her newborn baby, born just after the accident. The train was en route from Cape Town to Pretoria.

after a strike of nine days was called off.

It followed negotiations between the union and the SA Local Government Association.

The strike was characterised by striking workers trashing streets, damaging municipal buildings and intimidating nonstriking municipal workers.

Wilderness drownings

Striking workers

Two men and a woman drowned in two separate incidents at Wilderness on the Southern Cape coast.

A woman, believed to be a sangoma, and a man were swept out to sea while she was

conducting a traditional baptism ritual.

Earlier, an angler was swept off the rocks and drowned barely 100m away.

Rift Valley fever hits The Government said it was working around the clock to contain the outbreak of Rift Valley fever.

The Departments of Health, Agriculture and the National Institute of Communicable Diseases said outbreak response teams had been deployed in a number of provinces.

The disease has led to the deaths of 11 people.

4

The number of suspects released due to a lack of evidence in connection with the murder of a woman, 65, and five children in Port Elizabeth in 2007.

859

The number of hospitals and schools in the Eastern Cape without road access, according to national transport minister, Sibusiso Ndebele.

200

The denomination of a number of “high quality” counterfeit notes, the Reserve Bank said, was in circulation in SA.

TNT er h weat rt repo

Avg min Avg max

Johannesburg 12

22

Pretoria

13

23

Cape Town

13

19

Durban

18

27

East London 16

23

Bloemfontein 6

22

Port Elizabeth 11

19

Getty Images, SAPA

nearly there: The hype builds as President Jacob Zuma dances the diski dance with Sol Plaatjie mayor Patrick Everyday during celebrations marking the 50 days until the start of the Fifa 2010 World Cup. The first match will be played on June 11.

tntmagazine.com

2

The distance in kilometres a 15-yearold boy ‘train surfed’ on top of a moving carriage in Kempton Park before he fell off and died.

Trade union federation Cosatu supported a call on producers to sell bread at cost as punishment for price-fixing.

It followed a suggestion by the Agriculture department and Cosatu said it would display a true sense of remorse.

Pioneer Foods was fined R196m but the Competition Commission launched an appeal, requesting a R1.5bn fine.

Chaos erupted when members of the National Taxi Alliance (NTA) forced their way into the main entrance of the Union Buildings in Pretoria.

NTA members with branches and knobkieries overpowered police, demanding to be let into the building, which is the national seat of Government.

The NTA accused the Government of ill-treating taxi operators and drivers.

WEEK IN NUMBERS

Pessimism grips

WESTERN CAPE A woman was shot dead at the popular Lookout Beach Restaurant in Plettenberg Bay. Four suspects fled the scene after the murder. Police said the victim was a 46-year-old woman who was a member of the restaurant’s management team.

S

Mouners at the funeral of Eugene Terre’Blanche, who was one of 1804 murders on farms since 1991

the ability to reason.

He said that even seemingly sensible people had been gripped by the pessimism and that the ruling ANC had begun to fracture.

The ANC confirmed that Malema was to face disciplinary action.

Several charges were brought against him but the

ANC would not reveal what they were, saying it was an internal matter.

If found guilty, he would face a number of scenarios, but ANC insiders said expulsion was unlikely.

Meanwhile Agri SA said there had been 11,785 attacks on farms, including 1804 murders, since 1991.

Getty Images

Concerns over water quality of water at authorities that failed to obtain the Blue Drop status was not necessarily poor or unsafe to drink.

Only municipalities that scored 95 per cent and more obtained the status.

Among the bad performers were uMkhanyakude District Municipality in northern KwaZulu-Natal, which scored 16 per cent, and the Ventersdorp municipality, which only managed 18 per cent.

Among the top performers were eThekwini Municipality (Durban), City of Johannesburg, and City of Cape Town.

EASTERN CAPE The police’s elite Hawks arrested a 54-year-old Port Elizabeth man after they caught him with Mandrax tablets valued at R8.76m. The arrest followed a month-long stake-out of a warehouse.

FREE STATE An 18-year-old Reddersburg farm worker was arrested for trying to shoot his employer.

Police said the youth attempted, but failed, to shoot farm owner Heilie Labuschagne with a firearm he had taken from her handbag.

KWAZULUNATAL

Cape Town shows off its achievement

Royal family member and well-known socialite, Prince Sifiso Zulu, was found guilty on seven counts, including culpable homicide and reckless driving, in connection with an accident in 2008 in which two people died. He also failed to stop at the scene, after jumping a red traffic light. He will be sentenced in May.

tntmagazine.com

NEWS & SPORT

■ Analyst says recent controversy has hindered people’s reasoning.

■ ANC confirms Julius Malema will face party disciplinary charges.

■ Agri SA says there has been 1804 farm murders since 1991.

Nine municipal water authorities snubbed the Government’s water quality assessment programme.

Known as the Blue Drop, the Department of Water and Environmental affairs assessment programme was aimed at testing the quality of drinking water provided by municipalities and water authorities.

Of the 787 municipal water authorities assessed, only 38 obtained the “Blue Drop” accolade for 2010.

However, deputy water affairs minister Rejoice Mabudafhasi said the quality

COAST TO COAST What’s happening across the country

SUMMARY

outh Africans were in a state of “hysterical pessimism” according to noted independent political analyst Aubrey Matshiqi.

Matshiqi said the condition had arisen after controversial ANC Youth League leader Julius Malema had sung a song about “shooting the farmer” and after Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging leader Eugene Terre’Blanche was killed on his Ventersdorp farm.

Matshiqi said that the state of mind of South Africans lowered their collective IQ and compromised

SOUTH AFRICA

43

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Sporting life MONDAY

TENNIS Lawyer Stephen Healy will succeed Geoff Pollard in October as Tennis Australia president after a handover period. Healy beat Paul McNamee in a secret ballot.

TUESDAY

BASKETBALL The struggling sport in Australia receives a major boost when it’s announced the highest ranking country in the world, Argentina, will visit for a three-match series in June.

WEDNESDAY

CRICKET Brett Lee declares himself ready to go for the ICC Twenty20 World in the West Indies. Cricket Australia’s decision to persist with Lee has left many followers perplexed.

THURSDAY

MOTOR RACING The Gold Coast 600 V8 Supercar event in October receives a big boost with the announcement former Formula One champion Jacques Villeneuve will take part.

THE

FRIDAY

FOOTBALL Paul Okon and Frank Farina are thrown into the mix to coach the North Queensland Fury, which was recently bailed out by the A-League after suffering massive losses.

SATURDAY

FOOTBALL Bafana Bafana’s preparations for the World Cup take a blow when China pull out of a friendly scheduled for Wednesday. China blame flight disruptions.

MONDAY TENNIS ATP Masters 1000 The best head to Rome 12pm Sky Sports 2

ON THE

BOX

TUESDAY SNOOKER World Championship Quarter-final time 1pm BBC2

ON THE

BOX

WEDNESDAY FOOTBALL Barcelona v Inter Milan Champions League 7.45pm ITV1

BOX

ON THE

SUNDAY

NETBALL The Queensland Firebirds shake up the trans-Tasman netball league by dishing out a record 62-41 Anzac Day hiding of defending champions Melbourne Vixens.

My daughter was “ born in Hull – she’s 20

now and I still call her my English rose – and of course I still have family over there

THURSDAY FOOTBALL Fulham v Hamburg Europa League 8.05pm ITV4

FRIDAY CRICKET Sri Lanka v New Zealand Twenty20 World Cup 5pm Sky Sports 1 SATURDAY RUGBY LEAGUE Hull FC v Harlequins Super League action 3pm Sky Sports 4

”

Aussie Brian Smith justifies his appointment as performance adviser to the England rugby league team.

SUNDAY FOOTBALL Liverpool v Chelsea Premier League battle 1.30pm Sky Sports 1

PUB TALK: BRITISH SPORT EXPLAINED

Getty Images

Steve Davis What a performance against John Higgins.

In recent years Davis has spent more time on the BBC couch than on the snooker table.

But the weekend showed just how good he was.

And how good was that?

Back in the 1980s he

dominated the sport. He’s won six world titles, but the last of them was 21 years ago.

The UK certainly has turned up some golden oldies in recent years?

Sure has, Davis is 52, while the British Open golf tournament was nearly won

by Greg Norman and Tom Watson in recent years.

tntmagazine.com

NEWS & SPORT

ON BOX

This week’s winners and losers

45

super 14

Round 11

NEWS & SPORT

Lachie Turner scores the only try of the match

46

Tahs win derby Waratahs 19 L Turner try; D Halangahu con, 4 pens

v

12 Brumbies M Giteau 4 pens

The unerring boot of NSW flyhalf Daniel Halangahu put a major dent in the Brumbies’ Super Rugby finals hopes.

In wet and slippery conditions, a Waratahs’ regular season record crowd of 40,271 witnessed a dour struggle with both teams largely favouring a field-position game based on kicking. NSW scored 10 unanswered points after the break against a Brumbies side which failed to solve their season-long conundrum of converting possession into points.

The game produced just one try, when NSW

winger Lachie Turner got ahead of his injured Brumbies counterpart Alfie Mafi and reeled in a chip kick from inside centre Berrick Barnes with one hand to cross in the 50th minute.

Halangahu nailed the conversion and all four of his penalty attempts, while opposing flyhalf Matt Giteau landed four of his six penalty shots. Numerous breakdown penalties contributed to the stop-start feel of the game.

Dubbed the Real Madrid of Australia’s Super rugby teams before the season the Brumbies yet again failed to deliver.

NSW got the better of some contentious first-half calls from referee Steve Walsh.

Rebels may get leftovers Melbourne Rebels chairman Harold Mitchell wouldn’t ruled out the new Super Rugby franchise picking over the carcass of the Melbourne Storm after the salary cap shame which threatened to disband the NRL club’s star-studded squad.

The Rebels accepted the resignation of disgraced administrator Brian Waldron – whom they poached from the Storm in January.

Waldron oversaw the salary cap rorting uncovered by the NRL, which resulted in the Storm being stripped of their two premierships and fined a total of A$1.6 million.

Mitchell admitted the prospect of the Storm having to release some of their stars to fit under the salary cap in future seasons could mean the Rebels swoop ahead of their debut next year.

Star Storm backs Greg Inglis and Cooper Cronk – a former Australian Schoolboys rugby player – would appear the most likely targets for the Rebels.

“I’m told they have got some incredible and great players,” Mitchell said.

“If they want to continue on in Melbourne, we’ve probably got a reason to talk to them.”

Hurricanes sneak past Highlanders Highlanders 31 J Cowan, B Murray, J Rutledge, B Smith, A Soakai tries; I Dagg 3 cons

v

33 Hurricanes A Cruden, T Keats, K Lowe M Nonu, M Paterson tries; Cruden 3 cons, Piri Weepu con

tntmagazine.com

Neemia Tialata and Ben Smith compete for the ball

Getty Images

The Hurricanes kept alive their slim hopes of making the finals when they narrowly edged out the Highlanders at Dunedin.

Their fifth victory in 10 matches did not come easy as the Highlanders, already out of playoffs contention, went toe to toe with the Hurricanes.

Both sides scored five tries each with the Hurricanes managing one more conversion as

both their kickers struggled with the wind.

The Highlanders and the Hurricanes produced a feast of tries in the first 40 minutes as both sides bagged four tries each.

Each time the Hurricanes scored, the Highlanders replied quickly as both sides, making hardly any handling errors, moved the ball wide effectively.

The second half in contrast turned into an arm wrestle in which neither side could get the upper hand and the tries dried up as fatigue began to take a toll.

SUPER 14 Will Genia goes over for a controversial disallowed try

NEWS & SPORT

The overall “ consensus was we just felt we weren’t getting rewarded for an effort

47

”

Brumbies captain Stephen Hoiles does and doesn’t point the finger of blame at the referee in their loss to the Waratahs.

THE PLAYER

Morne Steyn BULLS The Springboks flyhalf became the most prolific South African scorer in Super 14 rugby when his 26-point haul against the Lions took his career tally to 671 points.

THE TABLE Team Bulls Stormers Crusaders* Reds Waratahs Brumbies Hurricanes* Blues Sharks Chiefs* Force Highlanders Cheetahs* Lions

P 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10

W 8 7 7 7 7 6 5 5 5 4 3 2 2 0

L 8 3 2 3 3 4 4 5 5 5 7 8 7 1

BP 7 6 4 6 5 3 5 5 5 0 2 5 2 5

PTS 39 34 34 34 33 27 27 25 25 24 14 13 11 5

* Have had a draw

ON THE BOX SATURDAY 8.35am Sky Sports 2 HURRICANES V CHIEFS

SATURDAY 10.40am Sky Sports 2 Getty Images

BRUMBIES V REDS

OTHER MATCHES

Highlanders v Waratahs, Stormers v Crusaders, Cheetahs v Blues, Lions v Force, Bulls v Sharks

Reds muscle up Reds 16 W Chambers try; Q Cooper con, 3 pens

v

13 Stormers A Bekker try; P Grant con 2 pens

Jubilant Queensland celebrated a successful Super 14 finals audition against the Stormers but were still left fuming by a disallowed last-minute try.

Reds skipper Will Genia appeared to ground the ball to seal a gutsy try but television match official George Ayoub denied the five-pointer after watching countless replays.

Ayoub ruled Genia was held up by Chiefs 25 C Bourke, H Elliott, L Messam, T Smith, D Sweeney tries

v

25 Cheetahs

Force 24

M Bosman, WP Nel, D Raubenheimer tries; N Olivier 2 cons 2 pens

P Cowan, M Hodgson, B Whittaker tries; D Hill 3 cons pen

The Chiefs were left ruing a horror night with the boot as they scrambled to a draw with the Cheetahs in an error-ridden match.

Although the home team managed five tries, and led 20-10 at half-time, Stephen Donald and Callum Bruce missed every shot they had on goal, letting the Cheetahs finally pick up some points after losing their previous four matches.

Sharks 23 R Pienaar try; R Kockott 2 pens, R Pienaar 2 pens, A Goode pen, drop goal

v

Springbok winger Bryan Habana, a decision which effectively awarded the Stormers a bonus point for losing by less than seven.

Showing they can win in all sorts of manners in 2010, the Reds’ tense, grinding victory was built on hard-nosed defence to prove they can mix it in the hustle and bustle of finals rugby.

They were forced out of their attack-at-allcosts ball-retention game against the tenacious South Africans in the one-try-all arm wrestle, in front of a huge Suncorp Stadium crowd.

10 Blues P Saili try; S Brett con, pen

The Blues season of frustration continued as they fell to the Sharks in Durban.

Both teams scored a try apiece in the first half but the second degenerated into 40 minutes of indifferent rugby. As a unit, the Sharks forward pack was effective with hooker Bismarck du Plessis having a typically boisterous game, but the backline was inept.

v

16 Crusaders K Fotuali’i try; D Carter con, pen drop goal, Fotuali’i drop goal

A sublime 60m sprint from substitute hooker Nathan Charles lifted the Force to a nail-biting triumph over the Crusaders.

The Force trailed 13-0 at half-time but hit the front early in the second half following tries to Ben Whittaker and Pek Cowan. A Dan Carter drop goal edged the Crusaders ahead 16-14 in the 68th minute but Charles turned the game back the Force’s way with his gut-busting run.

Bulls 51 G van den Heever 2, D Kuun, J Mametsa, W Olivier, M Steyn tries; M Steyn 3 cons, 5 pens

v

11 Lions W Mjekevu try; H Kruger 2 pens

The Bulls bullied their way back to the top of the Super 14 table by beating the Lions.

While the Bulls were in control of the match from the outset, it was only in the closing stages of the match that the scoreline blew out.

After 64 minutes the Bulls had only scored one try, but as the Lions tired they were run over the top by the competition favourites.

tntmagazine.com

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Recruitin g new ump ires now

how well they’re playing as a team given how many changes we’ve had

49

”

The Power’s Robbie Gray has his kick smothered

Swans coach Paul Roos is surprised by his team’s success.

THE PLAYER

B Ebert 2, J Schulz 2, W Tredrea 2, D Rodanx

POWER The onballer, who underwent a knee reconstruction four-and-a-half months ago, was instrumental in his team’s win over St Kilda.

Team Swans Saints Magpies Lions Cats Dockers Bulldogs Demons Power Blues Hawks Eagles Bombers Roos Crows Tigers

P 5 5 5 5 4 4 5 5 5 4 4 5 5 4 5 4

W 4 4 4 4 3 3 3 3 3 2 1 1 1 1 0 0

L 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 2 2 2 3 4 4 3 5 4

D 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

% 152 146 138 112 134 126 118 117 80 120 91 87 73 69 59 51

PTS 16 16 16 16 12 12 12 12 12 8 4 4 4 4 0 0

Sunday night games Hawks v Kangaroos, Dockers v Tigers

Monday game Blues v Cats

ON THE BOX FRIDAY 10.30am ESPN BULLDOGS V SAINTS

SUNDAY 5am ESPN BLUES V MAGPIES Getty Images

Power fly home Power 7.12.54

David Rodan

THE LADDER

ROUND 5

NEWS & SPORT

It’s a little “ bit surprising

Other Round 6 games Roos v Demons, Crows v Power, Bombers v Hawks, Swans v Lions, Cats v Tigers, Eagles v Dockers

AFL

v

6.8.44 Saints A Schneider 3, J Gwilt, S Fisher, S Milne

Port kicked three goals to none in the last quarter to prevail in a pressure-packed encounter.

The Power trailed by six points at the last change but produced a sterling finale despite kicking into the wind and justifiably recorded their third win of the season.

The home side were jumped early by the Saints, who kicked the initial three goals of the game to steal an early break. But the Swans 17.13.115 D Bradshaw 6, A Goodes 2, J White 2, B Kirk, J Bolton, J Kennedy, J McVeigh, K Jack, M Mattner, R Shaw

v

9.9.63 Eagles J Kennedy 3, A Hams, C Masten, D Cox, M Priddis, N Naitanui, S Hurn

Sydney continued their impressive start to the AFL season with a 53-point victory over West Coast at the SCG. West Coast kept the score reasonably close until the final quarter, but never seemed likely to cause the upset, with Josh Kennedy their Demons 15.13.103 A Davey 2, C Sylvia 2, J Trengove 2, R Petterd 2, McKenzie, B Green, J McDonald, M Bate, M Jamar, N Jones, T Scully

v

7.11.53 Lions B Fevola 4, J Brown, J Drummond, M Clark

Melbourne posted three-straight AFL wins for the first time in four years, stunning Brisbane by 50 points at the MCG. The Demons led from the start and were outstanding with their run and defensive pressure, handing the Lions their first loss of Bulldogs 18.13.121 B Hall 5, N Eagleton 3, J Grant 2, M Hahn 2, R Griffen 2, D Giansiracusa, J Roughead, R Murphy, S Higgins

v

scoreboard advantage did not do justice to general play, with Port dominant around the ground but blowing a series of scoring chances.

A tense third term reaped two goals each for both sides, including a goal of the year contender by St Kilda goalsneak Stephen Milne. Milne, pinned on the boundary line in a forward pocket, launched a mid-air soccer kick from the tightest of angles and watched the bail spiral through in a modern miracle.

But Milne’s team was ultimately overpowered. only multiple goal-kicker with three.

Adam Selwood, Matt Priddis and Dean Cox contributed for the visitors, but Nic Naitanui had a quiet afternoon for a West Coast side that never led. It was a one-sided contest early on, with Sydney dominating possession and pinning the Eagles in their own defensive half.

The home side took advantage, with Daniel Bradshaw kicking the opening two goals. the season. Captain James McDonald and their No.1 draft pick Tom Scully sealed the win with goals a minute apart midway through the final quarter. No.2 draft pick Jack Trengove and fellow midfielders Nathan Jones and Brent Moloney starred for the emerging Demons, who held off a second-half challenge from Brisbane. The Lions lost key defender Daniel Merrett in the second quarter with a leg injury.

10.12.72 Crows

Magpies 18.12.120

K Tippett 3, B Burton 2, J Porplyzia 2, B Vince, C Knights, P Dangerfield

T Cloke 4, J Fraser 3, C Dawes 2, S Pendlebury 2, S Wellingham 2, A Didak, A Toovey, B Johnson, D Beams, P Medhurst

Western Bulldogs spearhead Barry Hall helped send the winless Crows into crisis with a dominating performance. Midfielders Daniel Giansiracusa (36 possessions) and Nathan Eagleton with three goals and 22 touches were also outstanding for the Dogs.

v

8.7.55 Bombers C Dempsey 2, S Gumbleton 2, C Hooker, D Zaharakis, K Reimers, M Hurley

Collingwood blew Essendon away early to turn their Anzac Day AFL blockbuster into a comfortable win at the MCG. Midfielder Scott Pendlebury won the Anzac Medal as best afield, with his exemplary ball use with his 29 disposals.

tntmagazine.com

NRL

ROUND 7

NEWS & SPORT

I do. “ I worked

50 Willie Mason is wrapped up by the Eels defence

Eels too strong Cowboys 18 S Bolton, A Graham, W Tonga tries; J Thurston 3 goals

v

24 Eels T Tahu 2, K Inu, B Smith tries; L Burt 4 goals

The return of Johnathan Thurston was not enough for the Cowboys who fell to the Parramatta Eels at Dairy Farmers Stadium.

Thought to be one-to-two weeks away from making his NRL return from a shoulder injury, the skipper was a late inclusion at five-eighth and made an immediate impact for North Queensland, setting up a try and kicking three goals. His organising skills helped keep the Panthers 26 L Coote 2, M Gordon, M Jennings tries; M Gordon 5 goals

v

18 Tigers M Flanagan, C Heighington, C Lawrence tries; B Marshall 3 goals

Penrith continued its climb towards the top of the table with a good win over the Tigers.

In a high quality battle, which didn’t live up to the pre-match expectation of a scoring fest, the Panthers scored four tries to three, with Michael Gordon booting five from five, in front of a record 19,220-strong crowd. The Panthers Bulldogs 36 B Goodwin 2, B Barba, B Green, J Idris, L Patten tries; B Goodwin 6 goals

v

18 Broncos A Glenn, D Lockyer, C Parker tries; C Parker 3 goals

Canterbury toughed out a good win against Brisbane in Sydney.

The Dogs’ victory was all the more impressive because they played virtually the entire second half without centre Josh Morris and five-eighth Ben Roberts, who was helped from the field with an ankle injury.

Raiders 24 J Croker, J Dugan, J Thompson, T Thurling tries; T Campese 4 goals

v

26 Rabbitohs I Luke, N Merritt, J Sutton, D Taylor, R Wesser tries; C Sandow 2, I Luke goals

tntmagazine.com

led 14-12 at the break and it stayed that way until Coote’s second in the 64th minute, superbly laid on by in-form lock Luke Lewis.

Tigers interchange forward Mark Flanagan helped his side back to 20-18 with a try in the 70th minute.

But flying winger Gordon clinched the deal when he grabbed a Luke Walsh bomb in the 74th minute.

Sharks 26 I Gordon 2, D Collis, T Smith, K Snowden tries; N Stapleton 3 goals

v

6 Knights J Sau try; K Gidley goal

No longer haunted by the prospect of a seasonlong battle to avoid the NRL wooden spoon, Cronulla gave their long-suffering fans something to cheer about.

The Knights’ had a frustrating night summed up when Kurt Gidley angrily tossed the ball away following an unforced error.

Dragons 28 M Cooper 2, T Merrin, B Morris, L Priddis tries; J Soward 4 goals

v

6 Roosters M Aubusson try; T Carney goal

St George Illawarra went some way towards answering queries over their big-match temperament as they held off a dogged Sydney Roosters in the Anzac Day clash.

The Dragons continued to turn winning ugly into an artform as they overcame a two-point half-time deficit to run out easy winners.

”

Former Melbourne Storm winger Steve Turner forgets to mention the club’s book-keepers, who also worked pretty hard, when he says he still considers himself a premiership player.

THE PLAYER

Jamal Idris BULLDOGS The bullocking 19-year-old centre, who weighs in at 115kg, was in everything for the Bulldogs terrorising the Broncos.

THE TABLE Team Dragons Panthers Sea Eagles Rabbitohs Titans Roosters Tigers Bulldogs Warriors Eels Cowboys Knights Broncos Raiders Sharks Storm*

P 7 7 6 7 6 7 7 7 6 7 7 7 7 7 7 6

W 6 5 4 4 4 4 4 3 3 3 2 2 2 2 2 4

L 1 2 2 3 2 3 3 4 3 4 5 5 5 5 5 2

PD 91 66 54 23 4 -3 -5 32 10 -14 -40 -50 -61 -65 -65 23

PTS 12 10 8 8 8 8 8 6 6 6 4 4 4 4 4 0

*Storm deducted all points for salary cap breaches

Sunday night game Storm v Warriors

Monday night game Sea Eagles v Titans

Round 8 games

Eels v Bulldogs, Broncos v Knights, Warriors v Raiders, Titans v Panthers, Cowboys v Storm, Dragons v Sharks, Tigers v Roosters, Rabbitohs v Sea Eagles

Getty Images

A resurgent South Sydney bounced back from an 18-point half-time deficit to down the Raiders.

The Rabbitohs laid on four unanswered second-half tries after looking down and out following a mistake-riddled opening 40 minutes which saw them trail 24-6. Josh Dugan scored a freakish try for the Raiders in the first half.

scores locked at 12-12 at half-time.

But a Timana Tahu double was enough to lift last year’s grand finalists to a tense win, leaving the battered Cowboys languishing near the bottom of the ladder with just two wins from seven starts so far in 2010.

Relieved Parramatta boss Daniel Anderson was happy to take the win, the 2009 grand finalists’ first back-to-back victory this season.

Carl Webb badly sprained his ankle putting him in doubt for this week’s match.

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NEWS & SPORT

General

Storm stripped of titles Supporters make it clear who they think is to blame

NRL premiers Melbourne Storm were stripped of two NRL premierships and fined a total of A$1.6 million after being found guilty of massive, long-term salary cap breaches.

NRL chief executive David Gallop announced they would also not be allowed to accrue any premiership points in the 2010 season.

Gallop said the Storm had rorted the salary cap by at least $1.7 million over five years.

“They had a long-term system of effectively two sets of books and the elaborate lengths they have gone through to cover this up has been extraordinary,” Gallop said.

While Melbourne lost their titles from the 2007 and 2009 seasons, Gallop said neither losing grand finalists Manly or Parramatta would assume those titles.

Gallop said Storm representatives confessed to a well-organised system of

52

Lapierre flies to jump long

tntmagazine.com

Melbourne Storm coach Craig Bellamy vowed to rebuild the shattered club.

With his entire playing squad standing behind him, Bellamy vowed the club would not fold.

“This is why we stand here today united,” Bellamy said.

“We aren’t going anywhere. We ain’t going to surrender.”

paying players outside the cap.

Former chief executive officer Brian Waldron was fingered as the architect of the scheme. Waldron resigned from the club in January.

Gallop said it was unlikely players were aware what was happening with payments.

“It’s not necessarily fair to single out players if they get caught up in something like this because they aren’t aware of what is said in statutory declarations on behalf of the club to the NRL.”

Tua heading to Brazil New Zealand heavyweight boxer David Tua’s next fight will be on June 26 in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Announcing the date and venue on Maori Television, Tua’s promoter Cedric Kushner said American boxer Monte Barrett was being lined up for the fight.

The television station has a deal to beam two more fights in a three-fight contract with Tua. Tua’s last outing was in Auckland in March, which resulted in a unanimous points decision over Friday “the 13th” Ahunanya.

According to boxrec.com, Barrett, 38, has a career record of 34 wins, and nine defeats.

He has challenged for the

David Tua

WBA title and fought six current or former heavyweight champions, including losses to Briton David Haye and Ukrainian Wladimir Klitschko.

Kushner said Barrett had fought at the highest level and would be a good test for Tua. “We can plan ahead now in

regards to seeing where the training camp will be – either it will be here or back in the United States,” Tua said.

“I think it’s a fantastic opportunity for me to be exposed to the world internationally so a fantastic way to get back.”

Getty Images

Australia discovered a genuine track and field gold medal chance for the London Olympic games.

Fabrice Lapierre floated and flew to the sixth-greatest performance by a long jumper under any conditions in Perth.

Lapierre’s massive jump of 8.78m – with the aid of a 3.1m per second tailwind – was the standout performance of the Commonwealth Games trials.

Only Americans Mike Powell, Bob Beamon and Carl Lewis, Soviet athlete Robert Emmiyan and Cuban Ivan Pedroso have jumped further.

“People don’t understand that one day I’m going to jump something even more exceptional than that,” Lapierre said.

Bellamy talks tough

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bash &crash Tim Southee can cement his status as one of New Zealand’s most exciting young players at the World Twenty20 WORDS TOM STURROCK

T

he World Twenty20 tournament gets under way in the West Indies this week and, given the unpredictable nature of Twenty20 cricket and New Zealand’s deceptively strong line-up, Kiwi paceman Tim Southee is buoyant about his team’s chances of causing major upsets.

“Anyone can beat anyone on their day,” the 21-year-old says. “All it takes is for a couple of guys to stand up.

“We’ve got Brendon McCullum, Ross Taylor and Jesse Ryder up the top, who are no mugs with the bat, then Shane Bond and Daniel Vettori, who are two world-class bowlers. So I reckon we’ve got a pretty good chance, but we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Getty Images

Young guns: Southee reckons the current crop of Kiwis are on the up

BRAVE NEW FORMAT The Twenty20 format has often been seen to favour batsmen, but Southee (above) is adamant bowlers can have their time in the sun.

“You can easily end up going for 40-plus runs from your four overs, but other days you finish with two or three wickets for not many; you just have to learn from it all,” he says.

“You try and work out what the batsman wants to do and break it down to winning every ball.”

And though Twenty20 is so quickfire that instinct can take over, it’s also the game of inches, the war of attrition, that can make the difference. “It all happens so fast, which

HOW THEY SHAPE UP hitters at the top of the order and all-rounders all the way through.

Best side: B McCullum, J Ryder, R Taylor, M Guptill, S Styris, J Oram, N McCullum, D Vettori, K Mills, S Bond, T Southee.

Prediction: Knocked out in super eight stage.

AUSTRALIA All eyes will

Hard hitting: South Africa’s Graeme Smith

All it takes to win “ is for a couple of guys to stand up ”

T20 exponent: Brendon McCullum

Getty Images

means fielding is a major part of it – any runs you can save are crucial,” he says. “I think the other thing is to keep a cool head when you’re batting – you see sides go too hard too early.”

THE TOURNAMENT AHEAD Southee’s confidence about the Kiwis’ prospects in the Caribbean is underscored by the fact that they now have a stable line-up, but one in which competition for spots remains fierce.

“There are few blokes who are definite starters, and that’s pleasing,” Southee says.

“I’ve had a bit of time in and out of the side, and that’s made me a lot hungrier.“ Of course, every team boasts their own stars, and in Twenty20 the most dangerous players are the ones with the bats in their hands, the guys bowlers are relieved to see dismissed early – in particular a couple of Aussies: “Shane Watson can take a side apart, and Cameron White as well,” Southee says.

KIWIS ON THE RISE? The Kiwis have battled in Test cricket recently – they haven’t won a series against any team other than Bangladesh in more than four years – but they remain the fourth-ranked ODI side.

“We’ve got three players in the top 10 ODI bowlers: Vettori, Kyle Mills and Bond, and we’ve had a good ODI side for the past few years,” Southee says. “I don’t know why it hasn’t translated to Test cricket.”

Though given the investment the Kiwis have made in young players, an upturn in their Test performance can’t be far off and, according to Southee, it will be led by the young cricketers who will turn out for New Zealand in the Caribbean.

“If you look at the guys in there – myself, McCullum, Ryder, Taylor and Martin Guptill – we’re all in our twenties, so hopefully if we can stick at it, once we’re all in our peak at the same time, there will be exciting times ahead.”

ON THE BOX FRIDAY 5pm Sky Sports 1 NEW ZEALAND V SRI LANKA

SUNDAY 2.30pm Sky Sports 3 INDIA V SOUTH AFRICA

SUNDAY 6pm Sky Sports 2 AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN

be on Clarke (below)– the captain still appears unsuited to the shortest form of the game.

Best side: S Watson, D Warner, M Clarke, M Hussey, D Hussey, C White, B Haddin, M Johnson, N Hauritz, D Bollinger, S Tait.

Prediction: Beaten semi-finalists.

SOUTH AFRICA Have match-winners in their middle order. They’re good enough to win it if all their stars click.

Best side: G Smith, L Bosman, J Kallis, AB De Villiers, JP Duminy, A Morkel, M Boucher, R van der Merwe, M Morkel, D Steyn, C Langeveldt.

Prediction: Beaten finalists.

NEWS & SPORT

NEW ZEALAND Boast big

55

CAREERS & MONEY 56

tntmagazine.com

CAREERS progressed from there.

CAREERS & MONEY

What do you do day-to-day?

I oversee account management and business development for Contiki in the UK and Ireland, which involves working closely with third parties, such as travel agency groups, universities and even festival operators. My goal at the moment is to make sure everyone in the UK is buzzing about Contiki for the upcoming summer.

ON THE JOB DAMIEN BENNETT Career Sales Manager, Contiki Holidays Age 34 Lives Brixton From Sydney, Australia

Working for a company that I am very passionate about, but also having worked in a number of different areas of the business, my skill set has increased. I’ve also seen some amazing places and met some amazing people.

How did you get into your line of work?

What’s the most challenging aspect of your job?

I had been looking for a career change for some time, and while I was on holiday in Europe, an opportunity came up to work for Contiki, which I accepted, and I have

Dealing with the constant changes in the travel industry on both a day-to-day and longterm basis, but that’s what I like and also makes my job all the more interesting.

OFFICE GURU Samantha Baden

TNT Images

TACKLES YOUR CAREER DRAMAS

Which sectors are currently recruiting in the UK? The UK job market is beginning to look up. Hays’ Catherine Goosem says sectors such as health and social care are currently good places to seek work.

There is also increasing demand for IT professionals, including those with expertise

57

What’s the best part of your job?

in development, infrastructure and project management.

In addition, there’s still a shortage of maths and science teachers.

Other sectors recruiting include energy, social housing, banking, and finance, with chartered accountants in demand. See page 61 for more on jobs in finance.

Oz needs IT workers A

skills shortage in Australia’s IT sector could be alleviated if it was easier for professionals to emigrate to Australia, says a leading recruiter.

Jeff Knowles, acting chief executive of Peoplebank, one of Australia’s largest IT recruiters, predicts a skills shortage in NSW, Victoria and Canberra if more workers aren’t found.

“Every month there is

an increase in opportunities that are available, so therefore there is the same increase in the need for niche people from overseas,” Knowles says.

“There is a recognition that certain skill sets just can’t be found in Australia.”

KIWIS SEEK WORK

JOBLESS LIKE IT’S 1999

An unprecedented number of Kiwis are seeking new jobs, with more than 940,000 people looking for work on seek.co.nz during March. The problem is that job growth in New Zealand remained sluggish at 0.2 per cent from February to March.

The financial crisis has thrown the UK back to the jobless levels of 1999, wiping out the entire benefit of a decade of economic “boom”, according to research published in the Observer, with one-time manufacturing hubs most acutely affected.

tntjobs.co.uk Sign up for job alerts and get more career advice at tntjobs.co.uk

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A GREAT JOB MAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE Welcome to the UK. Robert Walters is a leading global recruitment consultancy, specialising in placing high calibre professionals into permanent, contract and temporary positions at all management OHYHOV :H VSHFLDOLVH LQ WKH DFFRXQWLQJ ÀQDQFH EDQNLQJ ULVN FRPSOLDQFH ,7 OHJDO VDOHV PDUNHWLQJ KXPDQ UHVRXUFHV DQG VHFUHWDULDO VXSSRUW ÀHOGV Our approach will give you the best chance of getting a great job.

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Experienced Arborists & Ground Staff

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Systems Administrator Location: London Salary: On application

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Teacher Location: Central London Salary: £125 - £200 per day

How can you be sure we’re the best? Why not ask someone. We support the Wildcats, Magpies, Hills Hoists, ANZAC Rugby, Netball and Touch in London! Oh yeah, we also always support you!

4XTRAHANDS LTD T: 01284 747292 www.4Xtrahands.com Online website solely for agricultural and rural recruitment. Register and fill in the boxes on the CV form.

Go to the Job List and apply. CVs go straight to employers.

All rural skills, harvesting, livestock, fencing etc.

ACTIVE CHEMICALS We were one of the first companies in the UK to identify the need for products which addressed new attitudes to environmental and health and safety considerations then largely ignored outside the US and Scandinavia and these innovative formulations have driven our growth.

QUAINTON STUD Long established over 25 year investment/property company, MD looking for a full time PA/Accounts/ bookkeeping person to work one on one with MD on a daily bases .

Location: Across London Salary: Dependent on experience and qualifications

If you are highly skilled and experienced in IT support and data communications, see www.nzembassy.com/uk for a position description. Applicants must have a limited electrical registration qualification and be able to obtain a New Zealand Government security clearance. Applications close Thursday 6 May, to be emailed to: management@newzealandhc.org.uk

Get in now for the best September positions.

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Experienced Tractor Drivers & Milkers Location: Nationwide Salary: On application Numerous jobs, all over the UK. If you have farm skills, in particular with modern farm machinery or expertise in milking, then get online. Most jobs have accommodation. Some are long term, others just a couple of months. It is an ideal chance to top up your bank account. Peak tractor season: June to October. Milkers needed all year round. You must have experience! www.4Xtrahands.com | 01284 747292

JOB OF THE WEEK: Motivated People Wanted Location: EC1 Salary: Basic + Comm OTE £25k We are actively looking for dynamic and enthusiastic individuals to join our expanding EC1 sales team. The role focuses on acquiring new customers and as a company that promotes from within there is plenty of room for progression and full training is given to help you reach this goal.

Kate | 0207 025 2011

JOB OF THE WEEK: PA/Accounts Location: North West London Salary: £28-30k Job includes: general accounts/PA duties including monthly bank account reconciliation, VAT returns, working on spreadsheets etc.

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With Microsoft Office and basic accounts knowledge.

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LOOKING FOR YOUR NEXT JOB? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact the TNT sales team| 020 7341 6767 | sales@tntmagazine.com

CAREERS & MONEY 61

MONE Y TALKS It seems things are on the up for the finance world. What does this mean for job seekers? WORDS REBECCA KENT

A

fter the financial meltdown, the economy seems to be in recovery mode.

Although there are no guarantees on what the future holds, City workers are positive and enthusiastic, which is good news for those in finance and banking.

TNT Images

GREATER REGULATION The effect of the downturn, after failures, takeovers and buy-outs, is still evident.

Employers are honing in on specialist skills, such as cost and financial control, finance project integration and automation, to follow through long-term mergers such as Lloyds TSB and HBOS. Since the meltdown, banks are now subject to greater regulation and scrutiny from both internal and external parties.

THE DEMAND Paul Briggs, director of recruitment firm Hays Financial Markets, explains that this initially led to demand for people with experience in financial and regulatory policy/control before more recently, financial planning, MI analysis

and product control. Most of the hiring has been from the larger PLCs. “There is a call for jobs in financial and MI analysis, treasury and hedging-based positions, and people with strong financial statutory control experience as businesses seek more granular understanding in their reporting,” Briggs says.

WORK FOR ACCOUNTANTS Jobs abound for chartered accountants, too. If you don’t have the qualifications, experience in

CITY STATS SQUARING UP The City of London, which encompasses the historical financial powerhouse, the Square Mile, still has a bigger economy than Belgium or Sweden, and ranks on par with New York City as the leading centre of global finance.

Approximately 320,000 people work in the City. It is said to hold more than 500 financial institutions – more Japanese banks than Tokyo and more American ones than New York.

Attracting an elite workforce, there is no question that any work experience here looks excellent on your CV.

Things are improving in the City

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BAG THAT JOB PERSISTENCE PAID OFF

Bank on it: finance jobs are on the up

specialist areas, such as product control, counts for a lot, Briggs adds.

THE RIGHT SIGNS If the length of time it takes for a new arrival to find a job is the yardstick for the strength of the economy, then things are looking better.

Nick Dunnett, director of contractor business recruitment at Robert Walters, says: “A newly qualified accountant, with recent experience in financial services audit, should now expect to wait four weeks for a good contract role – it would have taken on average eight weeks this time last year. But it’s not unheard of to land a job within 48 hours of registering.”

WHAT ABOUT THE UPTURN? Dunnett says there’s been an upturn in roles in financial services, investment banks and boutiques. “Big banks who have ridden the

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SORT YOUR PAPERWORK Banks now want to be absolutely certain of the people they are hiring, so be prepared to undergo stringent reference, credit and criminal checks, plus your work history will come under the spotlight.

Having copies of your training and qualification papers could help to accelerate the recruitment process.

tntjobs.co.uk For the full lowdown on how to find your perfect job, go to tntjobs.co.uk

THE PAY Business analysts with product control knowledge can earn between £450-£600 per day, compared with £350-450 per day one year ago.

LEARNING AND DEVELOPMENT In contract work, it is difficult to learn and develop on the job as a payroll worker would.

However, Dunnett offers this advice: “Be diligent, be recognised and put your hand up and say: ‘I want to talk about my career path’. A lot of clients value people who want to stay with their company.”

Don’t be afraid to talk about career development

TNT Images

downturn well are constantly hiring to refresh their talent pool and retain a competitive edge.

“It’s not like businesses have turned their hiring taps on at full blast, but particularly in commerce and industry, they are saying they want to and will hire, but strategically,” Dunnett says.

Chris Boler, 31, from Melbourne, has lived in London for five years and works as a project manager for a company specialising in mezzanine finance.

How difficult was it to find work in London?

It took six weeks. Most recruitment firms only wanted people with London experience, making it difficult to get your foot in the door.

How does the work compare with home?

As so many companies are international, you often deal with people in the US, Asia and other parts of Europe.

Any advice for newbies?

Be persistent with recruitment consultants.

CAREERS & MONEY 63

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tntjobs.co.uk BEST OF THE WEB PSS INTERNATIONAL REMOVALS T: 0208 686 7733 www.pssremovals.com PSS specialise in the shipment of household and personal effects to Australia and New Zealand.

C AND M RECRUITMENT T: 0207 397 1274 www.candm.co.uk C&M Travel Recruitment is the largest and most successful specialist travel recruitment company in the UK offering permanent, temporary and executive roles.

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Telesales - Excess baggage department Location: Croydon, South London Salary: TBC We urgently require an out going telesales person to work in our very busy excess baggage department.

First hand knowledge of Australia and or New Zealand essential.

Sue or Liam | 0208 686 7733 | FOR AN INFORMAL CHAT

JOB OF THE WEEK: Business Travel Consultant Location: London Salary: £10 - £13 per hour An excellent opportunity has arisen to join this leading Business Travel Company on atemporary basis. You will be servicing a mixture of key accounts, arranging all corporate travel requirements. Use of a CRS is essential.

Cara | 0207 3971274 | carag@candm.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live in carer Location: London Salary: £490 per week Our client is mid 20’s and studying for his Masters degree. He enjoys Jazz music, and has a busy life, using public transport to zoom around London.

He would prefer a like minded, quietly efficient live in carer.

John Hardy | 0207 617 7894 | johnhardy@origincare.com

THE MINT GROUP www.mintgroup.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: General Manager – The Mint Group

The Mint Group is a dynamic and forward thinking company with a diverse range of venues and an ambitious outlook. Looking for like-minded individuals. Want to make a difference?

We can’t wait to hear from you!

Renowned and established group is looking for experienced, ambitious and charismatic General Managers for South West London. Successful applicants will be standards and quality driven, with a warm and approachable customer manner.

Must have ability to lead, motivate and inspire a team, a keen interest in Business Development and a passion for the Hospitality world.

CV to: sam@mintgroup.co.uk

ALPHA AND OMEGA TUTORS LTD T: 020 7193 5180 www.alphaandomegatutors.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Part Time Tutors

We are a home tutoring agency established since 2001. Our qualified & experienced tutors teach within the comfort of our clients’ homes.

Location: South West London Salary: Circa £30K pa + Bonus

Location: London Salary: Excellent rates of pay offered We require tutors in econometrics, statistics, economics, finance, risk management, Java, SPSS, law, science, social sciences, languages & tutors in all other subjects as soon as possible. Our tutors must be university graduates with teaching experience that are capable of teaching up to masters & undergraduate levels.

0207 193 5180 | 07939 010314 | info@alphaandomegatutors.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bar Staff Required Location: London NW8 Salary: Negotiable We are looking for Fun bar staff VERY experienced, for live in available Bar job London NW8.

Treasa | 07775594543 | treasasweeney@hotmail.co.uk

LOOKING FOR YOUR NEXT JOB? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact the TNT sales team| 020 7341 6767 | sales@tntmagazine.com

CAREERS & MONEY

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65

CAREERS & MONEY

MONEY

WHERE DOES YOUR DOSH GO?

66

Lisa Shanks

Travellers seek out refunds onsumer watchdog Which? has offered detailed advice for travellers left stranded or out-of-pocket by the disruption to air travel caused by the cloud of volcanic ash.

“Many air passengers have incurred additional costs over the last week,” Rochelle

C

EASY MONEY Tom Sturrock MAKES YOUR CASH GO FURTHER

tntmagazine.com

a full refund of costs incurred due to the delay, but airlines based outside the EU may not offer the same protection.

Travellers who paid for their trip on a credit card may be able to claim back the cost of cancelled flights from their credit provider under the Consumer Credit Act.

FINES FOR FAG SELLERS

BACKPACKERS DODGY

The competition watchdog has issued 10 retailers and two tobacco manufacturers with fines totalling £225m, following unlawful practices in the pricing of cigarettes, cigars and rolling tobacco. Asda, Co-op, Morrisons, Somerfield and Sainsbury’s were all involved in the investigation.

Online travel insurance company InsureandGo says one in five claims made on backpacker policies are submitted just days before their expiry, suggesting travellers returning from trips are trying to recoup some of the cash spent by submitting bogus claims.

How do you budget in London?

I try to save money by cooking my own meals, going out locally and not buying new clothes – sometimes unsuccessfully.

What are your major expenses here?

Definitely travel, I also spend a lot buying tickets for festivals and gigs – it’s hard to resist with the amount of great bands always playing in London.

What do you blow your cash on?

I used a pretty big portion of my savings on a tour around Egypt last month.

It was a bit pricey, but definitely worth it! I’m also prone to blowing my budget at weekend markets.

THE GOOD DOCTOR In its annual list of the world’s richest fictional characters, Forbes has anointed Carlisle Cullen, of the Twilight Saga, its new number one » The head of the Cullen place – he’s worth US$33bn, clan, played in the films by Peter Fancinelli (left), is an immortal vampire who’s been acquiring wealth since 1670; Forbes reckons he’s worth US$34bn. » Scrooge McDuck has been beaten back into second

mostly in gold coins. » Richie Rich comes in third with US$11.5bn. But what kind of creepy little kid gets around in a waistcoast and bow tie? » Wealthy industrialist Tony Stark in Iron Man ranks fourth with US$8.8bn.

TNT Images, Adrian Dennis / AFP / Getty Images

Summer’s around the corner, so you’ll probably be buying new shorts and flip-flops, but the warmer weather means it’s also a great time to find some savings on winter wear.

Head to your nearest department store and load up on thermals for next winter – let’s face it, the cold weather’s never too far away over here. Or go shopping for a new winter jacket while they’re priced to clear.

Give it a few more weeks and ski season will be well and truly over, and then you can hit the sales for all the gear you’ll need when you next hit the slopes.

Turner of Which? Holiday said. “Keeping costs to a reasonable level and holding on to receipts or proofs of purchase will help, but how much passengers get back will vary.”

Passengers on EU-based airlines, whose flights were cancelled, are entitled to

Job Sales consultant, Clockwork Removals From Melbourne, Australia Lives Fulham Age 22

CAREERS & MONEY

SE ND IN G EX CE SS BA GG AG E WO RL DW ID E? D AIR - SEA - ROA Free delivery/collections within the M25.

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68

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Important Tier 1 Visa Changes – 6th April 2010 From the 6th of April, points for Bachelor degrees will be reinstated for initial Tier 1 (General) visa applications. If you are already in the UK on a Tier 2 (Work Permit) visa, you may now be eligible to convert to a Tier 1 visa provided you fulfil the remaining points based requirements. Contact us now to discuss your eligibility and options!

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1

26/03/2010 13:15

COMING & GOING ACCOMMODATION There are Antipodeans and South Africans calling all parts of London home, but generally they tend to head west (Acton, Shepherd’s Bush, Fulham, Hammersmith), north (Dollis Hill, Kilburn, Willesden Green) or south (Clapham, Southfields, Tooting).

For listings see tntmagazine. com/accommodation.

Dossing Offer to chip in £5 a night minimum.

Hostels Expect to pay at least £10-£25 a night.

Sharing You can share a room for about £50 a week, while a room to yourself will start at around £80 a week.

Going it alone A bedsit or studio is at least £150 a week.

Bills Bills can include phone, gas, electricity, water, council tax and a TV licence.

Bond This is usually a month’s rent. You may also have to pay one month’s rent in advance.

Leases You may need to sign a lease, which will typically run for six or 12 months.

ASK THE EXPERTS Marius De Beer EXPERT, SMOOTH MIGRATION

Q

I have a UK ancestry visa, valid from June 2007 to June 2012. I’d like to find out how the new earned citizenship will affect me when it’s time to apply for Indefinite Leave to Remain (ILR) and subsequent naturalisation. Could you explain how earned citizenship works, and what it means for ancestry visa holders?

A

The new rules for citizenship are planned to take effect in July 2011.

There will be transitional arrangements for those who hold ILR before the new rules come into effect.

The essence of the new system is that

applicants will need to earn the right to obtain British citizenship by learning English, paying taxes and obeying the law.

The route to citizenship will be divided into three categories: work, family and protection. There will be three stages within each category that migrants will need to complete to satisfy the new requirements.

There will also be an option to obtain citizenship earlier if you are actively involved in the community.

» For more, see smoothmigration.com. To ask a question about getting started or moving on, email realitycheck@tntmagazine.com

you want, though it’s usual to give a month’s notice and help find someone to move in.

Pay and cancel your bills

Namely council tax, internet, phone, gas, electricity, TV, gym membership, insurance.

Settle overdrafts and credit cards Any defaults on bank

payments will be filed with a credit reference agency (making it difficult for you to set up an account or rent a flat if you return), or you could receive a County Court Judgement.

EMPLOYMENT Getting a job doesn’t have to be an impossible task. Register with a couple of agencies, the cream of which advertise in TNT and at tntjobs.co.uk.

Most recruitment agencies handle specific sectors: IT, banking, finance, secretarial, legal, medical and teaching are the broad categories.

Make an appointment to see a consultant, and take your passport, CV and references with you. Some agencies will help you open a bank account.

TNT Images

NATIONAL INSURANCE You need a National Insurance (NI) number to work in the UK. Call 0845 600 0643 to make an appointment to apply for one.

Some NI contributions go into a State Second Pension (S2P). You can contract out of this and direct the money into a private pension fund instead.

You’ll need to do this before the end of the tax year or your contributions will be lost.

TAX

TNT’S TOP TIP

Invest in a compact blanket and you’ll always be ready to picnic in London’s parks this spring.

» Email your tips to reality check@tntmagazine.com

TNT online Check out tntmagazine.com/ movingtolondon if you’re on your way, tntmagazine.com/ leavingtheuk if you’re going.

MOVING ON CHECKLIST Resign from work How

much notice you need to give your employer will depend on your contract (usually two weeks to three months). You must give at least one week’s notice if you’ve been in your job for a month or more.

Give notice on your flat

Check the conditions of your Tenancy Agreement. If you want to leave before your lease is up you may be liable to pay until new tenants are found. If you’re living in a sharehouse and haven’t signed a contract, you can move out whenever

The UK tax year begins on April 6, and if you work only part of the tax year you should get some tax back.

The tax threshold is £6475 per year – so if you earn less than this, you won’t pay any tax. You’ll need a P45 (when you leave a job) and a P60 (at the end of the tax year).

If you’re leaving the UK and won’t work again before the end of the tax year, you can claim a rebate by filling in a P85.

SHIPPING Get plenty of quotes, checking sizes and whether customs and tax charges are covered.

For sea freight (which should take no longer than 12 weeks to arrive) you’ll pay about £80£150 for your first box – less for suitcases – and £30-£90 for additional boxes.

tntmagazine.com

CAREERS & MONEY

JUST ARRIVED

69

Flights to

South Africa from only £680*pp

Travel packages including tickets still available To book or for more details www.thomascooksport.com 020 8739 2360 Various departure dates available, price shown 7th June, returning 19th June 2010. Offers may be withdrawn without notice. Credit card charges of 2.5% applies, maximum of £50 per transaction. Booking conditions apply - see www.thomascooksport.com for details. Thomas Cook Sport is a trading name of Thomas Cook Retail Ltd ABTA W8361.

Paco’s tip of the week.

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TRAVEL GLOBAL VISION Chinese students hold candles at a school in Hefei on the day of national mourning

TRAVEL

for the victims of the 6.9 magnitude earthquake that struck a remote area of northwestern China on April 14. The disaster left at least 2064 people dead.

Photo by AFP / Getty Images

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tntmagazine.com

Tales from

Whitby Discover why this quaint English fishing village provided inspiration for famous explorers and well-loved authors WORDS AMY FALLON

Whitby ENGLAND

M

ore than just a quiet fishing village, Whitby has been home to explorer and navigator Captain James Cook, Dracula creator Bram Stoker, and Alice In Wonderland author Lewis Carroll.

COOK UP A favourite with Aussies, the Captain Cook Memorial Museum was once the seaside home of Cook’s master, John Walker. It was here that Cook was a lodger from 1746-49, when he was

SHORT BREAK NEED TO KNOW

an apprentice. “Quite a lot of Brits who haven’t heard of Cook discover him while on a visit to Botany Bay [where he landed in Australia in 1770] and then come and visit us,” says Ann Gullon, who works at the museum.

In the attic where Cook stayed, you can gaze out of the same window from which he would have glimpsed the shipyards that would build the vessels for him to chart the islands of New Zealand and the east coast of Australia.

The Whitby Museum has a gallery featuring artefacts and maps devoted to Cook. There’s even a plaque commemorating his fellow sailors who built his ships next to Whale Bone Arch on West Cliff.

SEARCHING FOR DRACULA Author Bram Stoker came to Whitby in 1890 and stayed at the Royal Hotel, overlooking the sea. Stoker was so impressed by the village that he used it as the atmospheric setting for his celebrated novel, Dracula.

“Numerous Hollywood movies were spawned simply because Bram Stoker came to Whitby,” says local Harry Collett, who runs night-time In Search Of Dracula tours dressed in a black top hat, tails and sunglasses. The

Patrick Frilet / Rex Features, britainonview.com, TNT Images, Getty Images

SOMETHING FISHY It was a big call coming from Rick Stein, but the celebrity chef himself has declared The Magpie Café, which has been in Whitby since 1939, as home to England’s best fi sh and chips.

And when you see customers queuing up outside from 11am, you begin to wonder if he might be on to a good thing.

During the summer season, more than 1000 visitors can pass through the Magpie’s doors every day. If you’re too hungry to wait, grab a box from its takeaway shop and sit on the pier. See magpiecafe.co.uk.

Vampire diaries: Bram Stoker used Whitby as a setting for Dracula

spooky tour begins near the hotel, which has a framed picture of Stoker in its lobby.

Other attractions include the former library and museum – now the famous Quayside fish restaurant – where Stoker delved into the history of vampirism. There’s also the ‘Dracula seat’ on Spion Kop, which offers a great view of all the locations in the novel.

WONDERLAND IN WHITBY Another famous fan of Whitby was author Lewis Carroll, believed to have visited the town six times between 1854-1871.

Carroll’s first published work, the comic poem Hunting Of The Snark, was printed in the Whitby Gazette. It’s rumoured that Whitby inspired Carroll to write Alice In Wonderland. According to the Whitby Civic Society, the Walrus and Carpenter may have walked on Whitby Beach, and a picnic in the Whitby Abbey grounds (main image) was the source of the mad dance scene. The society has devised a White Rabbit Trail – the booklets are available at the local tourist centre.

Today, there’s a blue plaque at 5 East Terrace, where Carroll was believed to have stayed, now La Rosa Hotel, which offers ‘Mad Hatter’s tea’.

» Amy Fallon travelled to Whitby with East Coast Trains (eastcoast.co.uk) and Northern Rail (northernrail.org)

Whitby

ENGLAND LONDON

What’s cooking? The captain’s legacy lives on in Whitby

TRAVEL

Whitby’s so much more than a quiet fishing village

WHEN TO GO Summer is an ideal time, though it gets very busy. The Whitby Gothic Weekend on October 28-31 may also make an interesting time to visit. See topmum.co.uk.

GETTING THERE Travel from London King’s Cross to Darlington with East Coast Trains (eastcoast.co.uk) and then on to Whitby with Northern Rail (northernrail.org).

GETTING AROUND All of Whitby’s main attractions are within easy walking distance if you’re staying in the town. If you’re going to nearby picturesque Robin Hood’s Bay and Staithes, which are definitely worth a look, it may be best to hire a car. See easycar.com/ tntmagazine to receive a 5 per cent discount.

GOING OUT A pint costs about £2.50.

ACCOMMODATION Dorm rooms in a hostel start at £15. Hotel rooms start at £25 a night.

SEE whitby.co.uk.

73

LATE DEALS

TRAVEL

UNDER £200

74

Chill out on the beaches of the Algarve, Portugal, for seven nights for £119 with Flight Centre (0844 800 8628; flightcentre.co.uk). Offer includes flights and three-star accommodation. Valid for travel between May 11 and June 8. Offer ends April 30.

Quote reference ‘FAOLONPAC1’.

Tour the historical city of Edinburgh, Scotland, during a three-day tour for £199 with Anderson Tours (020 7436 9304; andersontours.co.uk). Includes rail travel, tour with a guide and B&B accommodation.

Departs May 7.

Spend one of the May Bank Holidays horse riding in scenic Wales for £195 with Tracks Travel (0845 130 0936; tracks-travel.com). Includes return coach travel, two nights’ B&B accommodation, horse riding and excursions. Departs May 1 or 29.

Head down to the Sussex coast this May and stay in hip Brighton for three nights at boutique hotel Brighton Marina House (01273 605349; brighton-mh-hotel.co.uk) for £99. Departs May 25. Transport not included.

Depart May 1 for a threenight break in the university town of Cambridge, England, with Lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271) for £135. Includes four-star B&B accommodation.

DEAL OF THE WEEK

tntmagazine.com

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

£200 - £400

OVER £400

Get a free cookery class in Essaouira, Morocco, during a four-night stay for £390 with Fleewinter (020 7112 0019; fleewinter.co.uk). Includes B&B accommodation and flights.

Departs May and June.

Seven nights on the Greek island of Skiathos is £339 with Sunvil Holidays (020 8758 4758; sunvil.co.uk). Includes selfcatering accommodation, flights and transfers. Departs May 21.

A two-night break in Paris with Flight Centre (0844 800 8628; flightcentre.co.uk) is £229. Includes Eurostar and accommodation.

Valid for travel April 26-June 10.

Offer ends April 30.

A seven-day road trip through Europe is £255 with Wicked Campers (0808 234 8461; wickedcampers.co.uk). Includes camper van, unlimited mileage and roadside assistance.

Excludes ferry crossing.

Take a nine-day tour of Russia for £674 with On The Go Tours (020 7371 1113; onthegotours.com). Includes visits to St Petersburg, historic Novgorod and cutting-edge Moscow. Excludes flights. Departs May 8 and 22, and June 5.

Spend eight days touring the US for £448 with STA Travel (0871 2308512; statravel.co.uk).

Offer includes accommodation and transport. Departs May 8.

Flights not included.

A 10-day hike on the Corfu Trail from May 1 is £560 with Walks Worldwide (0845 301 4737; walksworldwide.com). Offer includes B&B accommodation (plus six dinners) and transfers.

Depart June 14 for a oneweek holiday to Florida for £479 with Jetsave (0871 664 0294; jetsave.com). Offer includes flights, accommodation and car hire.

*All fares are ex-London, unless otherwise stated.

Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa

Transfer fees from £7

Money transfers For live transfer rates, see tntforex.com

or call 0870 898 8996 Exchange rates* Australian dollar New Zealand dollar South African rand Polish złoty Euro US dollar Canadian dollar Hong Kong dollar Japanese yen Norwegian krone Swedish krona Swiss franc Singapore dollar Thai baht

1.65 2.17 11.42 4.45 1.15 1.54 1.53 11.95 143.34 9.09 11.04 1.65 2.11 49.51

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TNT Images

A 12-day Eastern Europe tour is £831 with Contiki (0845 075 0990; contiki.com). Excludes flights. Departs May 29.

Quote ‘CLMD236’.

Skiathos, Greece

TRAVEL 75

TNT Weekender NORTHERN CYPRUS The eastern Mediterranean island of Cyprus is split across the middle by a UNcontrolled border – the north falls under Turkey while the south is Greek. There hasn’t been conflict since 1974, and while tensions remain, Northern Cyprus is a safe, and charming holiday destination.

HEADLINE ATTRACTION Cyprus enjoys 300 days of sunshine a year and in the summer months you probably won’t see a single cloud, so it’s a good thing that the region has endless kilometres of pristine beaches. The aptly named Golden Beach on the Karpaz Peninsula is the jewel.

Studded with olive groves and roamed by wild donkeys, this beautiful area is gloriously free from crowds. Stay at one of the dozen campsites offering cosy beach huts for £10 a night, and laze away the hours.

TNT Images

BEST OF THE REST Visit the colourful market and meet the locals in north Nicosia. Make sure you buy

a slab of halva, a Turkish sweet made from sesame seeds. Then visit the peaceful enclave of St Barnabas Monastery located outside the university town of Famagusta, before sitting down to a seafood dinner at the port of Kyrenia.

CHOW DOWN Kebabs and barbecued meat are the speciality of the island, but local fish dishes are also delicious, and fresh from the Mediterranean Sea. Other regional delicacies include

and horiatiki salad (similar to a Greek salad).

NEED TO KNOW

TRY THE LOCAL TIPPLE

WHEN TO GO Autumn is the most pleasant time to visit.

GETTING THERE Fly to Larnaca in Cyprus, and cross to the north by bus or taxi. To land at Ercan Airport in Northern Cyprus, flights go via Turkey.

VISAS South Africans need a Schengen visa to enter Cyprus, but require a visa for Northern Cyprus.

CURRENCY Turkish Lira. 1 GBP = 2.29 TRY. LANGUAGE Turkish.

GETTING AROUND The best way to get around is by hire car. See easycar.com/ tntmagazine to receive a 5 per cent discount.

GOING OUT A beer costs about £1.35.

ACCOMMODATION A hotel room starts from £30, or a beach hut in the Karpaz Peninsula costs £10.

Wash down all that delicious food with cold local beer Efes, or there’s the mindblowing spirit, Zivania – be warned, get leathered on this traditional Cypriot beverage and you won’t know what’s hit you! It’s OK to drink the tap water in Cyprus, though most travellers prefer the taste of bottled water, which is sold cheaply in supermarkets across the island.

A BIT OF HISTORY

smoked meats and cheeses.

For a romantic dinner or just a great feed with your friends, head for the stunning hilltop location of the Tochni Tavern in Tochni village, 20km east of Limassol. There’s a friendly, rustic mood and food to match – from smoky steaks and kebabs, to delicious fried Cyprus potatoes

Over the centuries Assyrians, Byzantines, Romans, Venetians, Ottomans and the British have ruled Cyprus. The result is an island rich in history.

Take the time to explore the three crusader castles in the mountains above the port of Kyrenia before you leave.

NEXT WEEK MARRAKESH

TNT online For a full travel guide on Northern Cyprus go to tntmagazine.com/travel

NORTHERN CYPRUS Ercan Airport

NICOSIA

Larnaca

CYPRUS tntmagazine.com

TALKING

Turkey Haggle your way through colourful stalls and enticing bazaars during a weekend break in Istanbul WORDS SAMANTHA BADEN

Istanbul TURKEY

“H Savour a glass of apple tea

tntmagazine.com

BARGAIN HUNTING It doesn’t take me long to realise I want to take home some Turkish pouffes, which, for the uninitiated, are butter-soft leather footstools (below). They come in all the colours of the rainbow and pack flat – all the better to squeeze a few more into my suitcase.

On my second day in Istanbul, I return to the Grand Bazaar (above), and soon I’m chatting to an elderly, distinguished-looking Turkish stallholder who has already clocked my interest in his mountain of hand-stitched colourful pouffes.

My friends and I spend the better part of half an hour ransacking his shop in search of our favourite colours (I pick black, dusty blue and the

Getty Images, TNT Images

TNT online For a full travel guide on visiting Istanbul go to tntmagazine.com/travel

ello girls,” the suave Turkish stallholder smarms. “Let me help you spend your money.”

“Good try,” we laugh to ourselves. But if he thinks we need any help parting with our hard-earned money, this joker is in for a shock.

Exploring Istanbul’s Grand Bazaar on our first afternoon in Turkey, my friends and I are mesmerised by the possibilities.

To the left: stunning colourful wall hangings; to the right: a tight mass of jingly, jangly silver jewellery. Look up, and the bright sparkles of a Turkish glass lamp catch the eye; glance down, and vibrant, traditional ceramics draw us in.

SHORT BREAK ISTANBUL’S TOP FIVE VISIT THE BLUE MOSQUE

Bosphorus Istanbul

TURKEY Blue Mosque

HAVE A NIGHT OUT IN BEYOGLU EAT A KEBAB (AND THE REST) You really have to make an effort to have a bad meal in Istanbul. Try delectable baklava (sticky sweet layers of filo pastry, nuts and honey), tasty börek (savoury pastry filled with cheese, vegetables or meat) and ubiquitous but delicious kebab (grilled meat, usually lamb) served with salad and bread.

Catch the funicular up the hill to Beyoglu, but be aware there’s not much hope you’ll be ready to leave before it shuts for the night.

This is the place to come for food, drink and partying with the hip young Istanbul locals.

Things get extremely busy, so book a table if you want to eat before midnight.

ADMIRE TOPKAPI PALACE CRUISE THE BOSPHORUS Marvel at Istanbul’s beauty by boat. Take the Bosphorus Public Excursion Ferry, which departs Eminönü at 10.35am daily. It’s also possible to take any number of the smaller private excursion boats from the same area – these sit at the departure point until full.

brightest pink). Then it’s finally time to get down to the serious business of haggling.

One of Istanbul’s must-see sights. Explore this sprawling opulent palace and get to know some of its previous colourful inhabitants, including Selim the Sot, who drowned after drinking too much champagne. The harem is the real drawcard here – you have to pay extra to see it, but it’s completely worth it.

Pick up a Turkish lamp in the Grand Bazaar

SHOW NO FEAR “Wow, I love these,” I say to my new ‘friend’, who I know doesn’t really have my best interests at heart. “But I can’t possibly pay the price you are suggesting.” And so begins the backwards and forwards process that accompanies every purchase I make while cruising the Grand Bazaar.

First there’s the apple tea, served in lovely tulip-shaped glasses. Then there’s the single red carnation presented with a flourish, followed by compliments, from my “beautiful face” to my skill at striking a hard bargain: “You’re so much better at this than our rich American customers.”

I know it’s part of the wily stallholder’s technique, but I don’t care, and lap it up.

A WINNING SCENARIO Eventually, after beating the pouffe man down almost 50 per cent, we reach a price I can live with. It’s not the most brilliant bargain ever struck, but it will do for me.

I walk away convinced it’s not such a bad thing to have a Turkish local help me spend my money after all.

NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO GO Any time, but spring and autumn are best.

August is extremely hot.

GETTING THERE Plenty of flights leave London daily for Istanbul, which has two airports: the major Atatürk International Airport and Sabiha Gökçen Airport further afield.

GETTING AROUND The tram and bus are easy and cheap to use. There’s also the funicular, which takes you up to Beyoglu.

VISAS Australians and South Africans need to buy their visas at the airport in Turkey.

CURRENCY Turkish lira.

1 GBP = 2.29 TRY. Euros are often accepted for accommodation.

LANGUAGE Turkish.

GOING OUT A beer costs about 2.25 lira.

ACCOMMODATION Dorm beds cost from €11; a double room in a budget hotel is from €50.

SEE visitistanbul.org.

Turkish delight

weather

Spice stalls are plentiful

Dennis Maloney

ANKARA

TRAVEL

Huge, stunning and with a breathtaking blue tinge (thanks to the thousands of Iznik tiles decorating its interior), the Blue Mosque is impressive. Take your shoes off before you enter, and women should cover their heads when inside.

AVERAGES FOR ISTANBUL

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KEY: Hours of daylight Average rainfall (mm) *Statistics based on monthly averages Weather information provided by weather2travel.com

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77

HOTSHOTS Hayley Madden TALKS TRAVEL PHOTOGRAPHY

WINNER GRAND TETON, JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING, US John Charlton, New South Wales, Australia

Dark and moody weather is great for landscapes, and this grim sky was accentuated with a good dose of vignetting – a reduction in the image’s brightness at the periphery.

The snowy mountains are brought out perfectly against dark grey heavens and barren

grassland. The jagged horizon contrasts well as it cuts into the horizontal swathe of clouds.

HOT TIP: Vignetting is a great trick to keep the eye in the frame. Simply darken the edges of the image when you print or digitally process it. Even a small amount of vignetting

RUNNER-UP CARIBBEAN – LOCAL GREETINGS Philip Beck, Australia The power of a small splash of colour is well illustrated here by Philip. The pink, yellow and red clothes stand out brilliantly against the sea of green. The water lily leaves give depth to the image as they recede into the trees, and add a lovely textured backdrop.

Philip has also caught

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makes a significant difference. » John wins a three-day tour of Scotland for two valued at £198 from Haggis Adventures

the movement of the girl as she lifts her oar.

HOT TIP: Using texture is great to imply depth in an image, for example a pebbly beach or paving stones. Get down low and use a wide angle to enhance the effect. » Philip wins a photography course from Nigel Wilson Photography (020 7793 8664; photographycourses.org.uk) valued at £60

HOTSHOTS

HOLIDAY SNAPS

HOW TO MAKE YOUR PHOTOS STAND OUT

THEME: USING CONTRAST Cuba – Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara memorial by Jim Marshall, Melbourne, Australia

TRAVEL

A small area of contrast can work wonders for accentuating your subject. Hand colouring is one effective way of doing this if you have a busy image. Jim has done a great job with the car to put a different spin on this image.

79

WHY THIS WORKS: 1 The photograph has good overall composition, even without the added colouring effect.

2 Jim has created a far more dramatic image by keeping hand colouring to a minimum.

3 The statue of Che Guevara remains a strong focal point in the photograph, as it is high and central, and it contrasts sharply with the sky.

4 A great sense of projected

movement has been created – the car is travelling across the image past the statue.

5 The panoramic format that Jim has selected for this image increases the sense of horizontal movement.

HOT TIPS: 1 Tone: use a small, dark area in a light image or vice versa to help set the mood of the shot. For example, an image of

a black cat in the snow.

2 Colour: use one colour in a sea of contrasting or paler/ darker colours. For example, one yellow tulip in a field of red tulips.

3 Sharpness: use the blur of movement to create a sense of atmosphere.

For example, capture a still person in a moving crowd.

4 Shape: picture a soft or rounded shape in an image of mainly sharp,

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straight edges or vice versa.

For example, an image of a dead maple leaf on round paving stones.

5 Textures: smooth texture among rough texture or vice versa will draw the eye in.

For example, an egg in a bed of feathers.

FR

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TIPS Montenegro

READERS’ TIPS ART OF THE MATTER

TRAVEL

When in Paris, OF forget the Louvre THTIEPWEEK and visit Musée D’Orsay. With traces of an old railway station, this museum is smaller and more manageable than the Louvre, as well as being less crowded. It houses a collection of Impressionist art that even non-art buffs will recognise.

80

Caroline, via email

BUS BLUSH

YOU ASKED FOR IT Tom Hall FROM LONELY PLANET

When travelling on longdistance buses in Bolivia, I recommend that girls do like the locals do and wear long skirts. Why? There’s no toilet on board the buses, so passengers have to go on the side of the road and locals like to ‘watch’ the tourists. A long skirt should protect your dignity!

Sally, via email

My friends and I are wanting to do a weekend canal trip from London or nearby. I’ve heard you can hire a boat, cruise at your own pace, stop at pubs along the way, and sleep on the boat. Can you recommend any companies that do this cheaply or offer a similar option?

Lisa, via email

Q

A

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Q

A

Blimey, Matt, August is an expensive time to hit the beach. It’s hot – everywhere from the Greek islands to the Spanish Med basks in the warmest temperatures of the year. If you’re really not fussy you can wait until the last minute and pick up a deal to Greece, Spain or Turkey. But if you end up in some minging egg ‘n’ chips and fizzy lager style resort, I suspect you won’t thank me – so you’re better off putting your own itinerary together.

Here’s what I suggest: grab a flight to Barcelona and spend a few days exploring the local beaches – there are some close to the city, which are good fun and full of locals rather than Brits or Germans. You can also do this in Lisbon, Portugal, near the resort of Estoril.

If all you want is a beach, try Montenegro, which is easy to get to from Dubrovnik. Both here and the Croatian islands, such as Hvar and Brac, are a good bet as you can often rent rooms cheaply when you arrive. See balkanology.com for more information.

Other European beach spots without the crowds in August? Try Sicily’s south coast, Denmark’s islands, or the quiet coves in good old Cornwall.

Email your words of wisdom to traveltips@tntmagazine.com. Tip of the Week wins a Lonely Planet guide and other published tips win a fiver.

WIN

Lonely Planet’s Tom Hall will give you the benefit of his infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com.

If he answers your question, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice. TNT readers can get 20 per cent off all Lonely Planet guides valued at more than £12.99. Enter promotional code PTNT01 at shop.lonelyplanet.com.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accept no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

TNT Images

Here’s how a canal boating holiday works.

You arrive at the pick-up point, receive a short lesson in boat handling and jump on board. Then, with great excitement, you head off and spend a weekend, week or longer, gently put-putting along the waterways of England, following classic routes such as the Cheshire Ring or the Four Counties Ring.

At some point in the first few hours one of your party will realise how slowly you are moving – speed is generally no greater than 4mph – and hop off, effortlessly outpacing the boat while walking. Later in the trip, someone may fall in the water, possibly while drunk. But that won’t matter when you pull in to moor at idyllic country pubs or see British cities from the water, especially as you can take up to eight of your mates along for the ride. This brings the overall cost down, and while £1000 or more for the boat alone isn’t cheap, remember that figure is divided by the number of you going.

Waterscape (waterscape.com) has more information plus links to the main operators.

My girlfriend and I have the last week in August booked off. We would like a holiday that involves beach and sun.

Where would you suggest?

Matt Boa, via email

TRAVEL NEWS

New airport bus service

TRAVEL AWARDS Globetrotters are being asked to share their top trip experiences with Lonely Planet for the launch of its first ever travel awards.

Those taking part in the voting can claim a 30 per cent discount from the Lonely Planet online shop and stand a chance to win a tour of Cambodia and Thailand with Explore.

See lonelyplanet.com/ awards.

EXIT FESTIVAL Electronic outfits LCD Soundsystem and The Chemical Brothers are set to rock Serbia’s Exit Festival this year. Taking place at the Petrovaradin Fortress in Novi Sad on July 8-11, the festival’s other headliners include David Guetta and the Klaxons.

Tickets start from £85. See exitfest.org.

TNT Images, Getty Images

DOGGY DIVING Watch dogs leap as far as their hind legs can take them when they jump off a 30ft ramp into a pool of water at the Kent County Fair at Paddock Wood on May 1-3.

Tickets cost £10.50. See thehopfarm.co.uk.

TRAVEL

EasyBus has launched a new 24-hour service between Gatwick and Earl’s Court.

Departures run every 15 minutes around the clock and the journey takes 65 minutes. The service costs from £2 one-way and can be booked online.

See easybus.co.uk.

81

ANZAC CRISIS AVERTED Thousands of Aussies and Kiwis booked to take Anzac tours to Turkey were over the moon when flights started running again last week, after the volcanic ash cloud grounded planes flying out of London.

Fears were raised that travellers would not be able to make the monumental trip to Gallipoli in time for the Dawn Service last Saturday.

Tour operators worked furiously around the clock to come up with contingency plans in case flights were still not running.

Tour company Fanatics booked a coach for 70 Aussies to make the 3000km journey to Gallipoli, but once airspace was opened, the group flew to Turkey.

Meanwhile, tour leaders from Topdeck

Travel drove from London to Istanbul last Monday in order to have a crew in Turkey before the weekend.

“We’re relieved that planes are running again,” said Pru Goudie, head of marketing for On The Go Tours.

“Anzac Day is such an occasion that it wouldn’t have been easy for people to change to another tour unless they waited until next year.”

Following an end to the volcano ash cloud chaos, First Festival Travel reported that sales went through the roof for their Anzac tour of Belgium and France, which included travel by Eurostar and departed last Saturday.

Travel insurance for Cuba Holidaymakers who arrive in Cuba without travel insurance from May 1 could risk being sent home again on the next available flight.

Under a new law in the Caribbean island, travellers will need to be in possession of up-to-date cover, bought from one of 25 UK-based insurance firms, or they could be forced to buy a pricey insurance policy on the spot, else be denied entry.

Cuba-bound visitors should carry adequate proof of cover, such as a policy insurance certificate or emergency

Take out cover before you travel

TNTMAGAZINE.COM MOST POPULAR DESTINATIONS 1 Spain 2 Italy 3 France 4 England 5 Turkey

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assistance card, as this will need to be presented to Cuban authorities upon arrival if requested.

Although visitors can purchase an insurance policy in Cuba, this does not cover repatriation to a hospital at home, emergency evacuation or travel of a family member to a patient’s hospital bedside.

1 Volcano 2 Europe 3 Greece 4 Egypt 5 Morocco powered by

FREE ONLINE GUIDES Go to tntmagazine.com/ travel for travel guides on more than 170 destinations.

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ON THE ROAD

WORDS TOM STURROCK

SACRED MUSIC FESTIVAL

TRAVEL

Fes, Morocco June 2-12 Morocco’s a great country to visit, so make a beeline for the medieval medinas of Fes, which will be humming with Sufi chants and other spiritual music. No better atmosphere to complement your trip.

82

» fesfestival.com

LOCK IT IN CANNES FILM FESTIVAL Cannes, France May 12-23, 2010 festival-cannes.com

MONACO F1 GP Monte Carlo, Monaco May 15, 2010 formula1.com

ROYAL ASCOT Ascot, England Jun 15-19, 2010 ascot.co.uk

SONAR FESTIVAL BARCELONA, SPAIN WHAT: Billed as a festival

of progressive music and multimedia arts, this cuttingedge event attracts about 80,000 electro fans.

WHERE: The festival is based at the Museum of Contemporary Art. WHEN: June 17-19.

WHY: It began as a networking exercise for music industry bigwigs, but the event soon spread throughout central Barcelona, with fairs, technology demonstrations

and film screenings cropping up among the gigs.

DO IT BECAUSE: Barcelona is a great city, and this festival is sure to attract a young, vibrant party crowd.

HOW MUCH: Ticket prices vary, but it’s free to wander.

» sonar.es

TNT online For more upcoming events, see our destination guides at tntmagazine.com/travel

SUMMER SOLSTICE Stonehenge, England Jun 21, 2010 english-heritage.org.uk

GAWAI DAYAK Sarawak, Borneo First half of June It’s a harvest festival, so it’s tricky to pin down the exact dates, but when it kicks off, the tribal longhouses come alive with the smells of cooking and the sounds of celebration.

» sarawaktourism.com

Where in the world?

HENLEY ROYAL REGATTA Henley-on-Thames Jul 1-5, 2010 hrr.co.uk

RUNNING OF THE BULLS Pamplona, Spain Jul 6-14, 2010 sanfermin.com

THE TRAVELLER …

Francis Kyne, 22, Brisbane, Australia Where’s the best place you’ve been to?

Istanbul. I was able to stay with some people I met and experienced some great Turkish hospitality.

Your craziest travel story?

I tried to drink 20 pints in London. I got to 17 before getting beaten up and ending up lost and sore in Notting Hill.

Where’s the best nightlife?

Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a day trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £90. » Email your pictures to ontheroad@tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

Split, Croatia.

I had a crazy time partying around ruins in the old town.

WIN

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TNT Images, Getty Images

Rebecca Solberg from Sydney, Australia at The Monastery in Petra, Jordan

GEAR UP MARKET KNOWLEDGE

THE INSIDER CRAIG IRVING, UK SALES MANAGER, HAGGIS ADVENTURES The best part of my job is … getting to travel to amazing countries.

And the worst part is … the terrible jokes that I have to put up with by my co-workers.

My favourite place in the world is … Milford Sound in New Zealand because of its

Janine Kelso SOLVES YOUR TRAVEL GEAR PROBLEMS ROCK ON, DUDE Small in size but big on volume, the portable Go Rock Stereo speakers can plug into your iPod for a party around the campfire or a spot of romantic music under the stars.

THE DAMAGE: £30 WHERE: cotswoldoutdoor.com

TRAVEL

Festival season is fast approaching, which means it’s time to get your camping gear in order – and no, that doesn’t just involve shoving a tent and a stack of tinnies into a bag.

A host of genius inventors have come up with an array of weird and wonderful contraptions to make your camping experience more comfortable. The devices can’t really be defined as ‘travel essentials’, but they will undoubtedly enhance your trip, if only for their comedy value.

Camping in the UK’s notso-glorious liquid sunshine can put a damper on any occasion, but coming armed with an array of gadgets can certainly add to your entertainment: think portable showers, phone chargers and even small Portaloos (who wants to trek to the bogs in the middle of the night? And it beats crouching by the side of the tent and then stepping on your acrid body waste with bare feet in the morning).

Fold-up innovations dominate the heady world of camping gadgets: from stemless wine glasses to all-in-one fork, knife and spoon sets. Alternatively, have a go at inventing a camping gadget yourself and watch the cash roll in.

GET PACKING: CAMPING KIT

83

A GOOD FORK Apparently, the Light My Fire Grandpa Fire Fork was invented by a man camping with his grandson, who took a single length of wire and fashioned it into this holder, which attaches to any stick.

Pure genius.

THE DAMAGE: £4 WHERE: lightmyfire.com

CAFFEINE HIT Coffee addicts can get their daily fix when camping with the compact and lightweight Personal Java Press. Coffee is flavourful and mud-free thanks to a separate mug and carafe, and a split-ring plunger. Nifty.

THE DAMAGE: £25 WHERE: rosker.co.uk

massive peaks and crystal blue waters. It's paradise.

My first big trip was … after working as a soccer coach at a summer camp in North Carolina, I went travelling around the US. My most memorable travel experience was ... in Fiji.

I took a boat to an uninhabited beach on the island where the movie Castaway was filmed. We spent three hours snorkelling and

sunbathing there. It was such a relaxing experience.

The next destination on my travel wishlist is …

Eastern Europe.

My top travel tip is ... ditch the backpack and get a case on wheels.

I always pack … my swimming shorts.

My guilty travel pleasure is … burger chains.

Sometimes I just want a decent feed.

WHEN THREE BECOME ONE Campers short on space should get their mitts on the toddlersized Light My Fire Baby Spork, a one-stop eating utensil consisting of a knife, fork and spoon. The best things come in small packages, so they say.

THE DAMAGE: £4.50 WHERE: lightmyfire.com

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Along the

ALE TRAIL Soak up the scenery and the local beer while exploring the province of KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa WORDS LUCY CORNE

TRAVEL 85

A taste of Africa: Zululand

KwaZulu-Natal

BEYOND BEER

SOUTH AFRICA

SOUTH AFRICA’S TOP TIPPLES

B

ackpacking and beer are my greatest loves, so the chance to combine the two on a trip on KwaZulu-Natal’s ale trail in South Africa is far too good to pass up.

(locals see him as a noble saviour while outsiders tend to liken him to a blood-thirsty despot), but staff are so friendly that it’s tough to question the version of history they serve up.

BREWTIFUL COUNTRY The tropical province is best known for its Zulu heritage and historical battles, but there’s more to see than spears, shields and battlefields.

Craft collectors head to the misty hills of the Midlands Meander, wildlife watchers choose the far north’s delightful game reserves, and beer lovers, well, our thirst can be quenched throughout the province.

We begin our quest for the perfect pint in Eshowe, the heart of Zululand. Small enough to showcase the entire brewing process, but large enough to churn out a range of beers; the Zululand Brewing Company is an ideal introduction to craft beer. We enjoy their signature pint, a lager/ale hybrid labelled Zulu Blonde, in the adjoining pub.

BUNNY CHOW DOWN Reluctantly bypassing the beaches of KwaZuluNatal’s coast, we head south to Durban. South Africa’s third largest city has plenty to keep visitors occupied, but with only one day to spare, we opt out of surf classes and museums.

Instead we wander around the Victoria Market and sample a South African favourite, bunny chow, which is a hollowed-out loaf of bread filled with curry.

FEARSOME ZULUS En route to our next tasting destination, we decide to dilute the beer with a little local history in KwaDukuza, the final resting place of the fearsome Zulu king, Shaka. The visitor centre’s information may be slightly biased

GRIN AND BEER IT Next morning, we taste the beer closest to most South African’s hearts (and mouths). Sorghum beer (main image) is a wholly unappetisinglooking beverage with a similarly unappealing texture. Each swig of the murky pink-brown brew delivers a lumpy mouthful that you either sieve between your front teeth or grin and bear, embracing the drink as a meal in a carton as it was once marketed.

Due to its appearance, sorghum beer can be off-putting to outsiders, so our tour of the Congella Sorghum Brewery is essential for

Amarula The marula fruit is a favourite with elephants, though most people prefer it in creamy liqueur form, served over ice (below).

Mampoer Made from fruit, the North West province’s moonshine is a lethal brew.

Brandy Couple a glass of local brandy with biltong at the KWV cellar in Worcester.

Wine Sip a glass of Pinotage in the Western Cape’s popular vineyards or head north to the Orange River.

Dom Pedro This is basically an alcoholic milkshake, generally made with Amarula (you can choose your booze).

1 2 3 4 5

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ALONG FOR THE RIDE

Ostrich riding is as tricky as it looks

OSTRICH ADORATION IN OUDTSHOORN There’s nothing quite as hilarious as watching a grown man attempt to ride an ostrich. The poor bird sits patiently as tourists clamber aboard and try to get a grip. Then the bag covering the bird’s freakishly large eyes is whipped off and it realises it’s not nap time. The ostrich quickly gets its own back as it bolts, throwing the rider to meet their fate: grazed knees and a great travel story.

Some ostrich farms in Oudtshoorn, in the Western Cape, offer rides as part of a beginner’s guide to the world’s largest bird. This includes a crash course in ostrich behaviour, which includes a display of the bizarre stuff found in their stomachs – proving the birds really are dumb enough not to differentiate between food and random rubbish.

weather

Zulu Blonde beer

educating us in the basics of Africa’s traditional tipple. We learn that the crusty foam on the outside of the carton is actually an incentive to buy it. As the beer continues to ferment on the supermarket shelf, the excess leaks from a vent, forming a streak known as a ‘worm’ – the mark of a beer ripe for drinking.

All this talk of worms and chunks makes me hesitant, but courtesy and a yearning to indulge in anything traditional sways me. Plus as designated driver, the low alcohol content (2 per cent) means I can taste without worrying.

Lumps of grain floating on your pint is tough to adjust to, but the beer is not bad. It’s sour, and oddly refreshing (though two sips quench both my cultural curiosity and desire to be polite).

A COSY PUB At last we make our way to Nottingham Road Brewery, the jewel in the region’s boozy crown.

Surrounded by the rolling hills of the Midlands, the location alone sets it apart from competitors; from the moment we enter the grounds we know we’ll be there for the night. The cosy pub is the kind of place where you pray for rain so you don’t feel obliged to continue your Zululand Brewing Company

SOAKING UP THE SCENERY While we enjoy Durban, we’re happy to be heading back to the country’s other pretty parts,

AVERAGES FOR DURBAN

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Gallo Images, Getty Images

14 MAX

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stopping first in quaint Kloof in the Valley of a Thousand Hills. With a day of driving ahead I can only watch others enjoy their beer, so I console myself by soaking up the scenery.

Based in Kloof’s old station, The Stoker’s Arms has tables alongside the tracks and in an old carriage. Twice a week the pub is the launch pad for the Umgeni Steam Railway, one of the country’s few passenger steam trains. We miss out on a train trip, but get a chance to explore the area’s curio and craft boutiques.

BIG TRIP sightseeing schedule. Pleased with my selfrestraint as designated driver this far, I’m keen to pack the car keys away for the night, so we abandon our budget and check in to a plush room upstairs: pricey but within easy stumbling distance from the bar.

KWAZULU-NATAL

SOUTH AFRICA Eshowe

Pella Pofadder Springbok

Nottingham Road

NORTHERN CAPE

Oudtshoorn

87

CAPE TOWN

NEED TO KNOW

Traditional Zulu dress

South African Tourism, TNT Images

NORTHERN CAPE’S BIG SKY SAFARI up on petrol and Springbok pie. From here, head east to the country’s official back of beyond. For South Africans, Pofadder is a synonym for the middle of nowhere, but it’s a metropolis compared to some nearby towns. En route stop in Pella, a sandy mission station favoured by sleepy goats and overlooked by an enormous church.

ON THE TOWN Springbok is the largest town in the area, though if you’ve ventured this far north you’re probably not looking for city life, which is just as well as the town is really just a place to fill Simple pleasures: an African sunset

Durban

Sutherland

NEXT WEEK: CROATIA Cruising the Dalmation Coast

Despite South Africa’s popularity, there’s one corner of the Rainbow Nation that guarantees a little solitude. Even the stark, desert-like beauty and abundance of budget-friendly accommodation can’t seem to put the Northern Cape’s Namakwa region anywhere near the beaten track.

Kloof

Calvinia

TRAVEL

TAKING IT ALL IN On ordering our first pint we realise it’s not just the surroundings that will keep us here. We sample each of the four wonderfully-named brews, soaking them up with some home-made beef biltong. The only problem with a pub this nice, and beer this good is that we fail to venture across the car park to see where the magic happens. Instead of a brewery tour, we concentrate on doing a thorough job of tasting.

Although fellow travellers frowned at the idea of basing a trip around booze, as I near the end of my amble along the KwaZulu-Natal ale trail I know I made the right choice. Not only have I gained an education in malt and hops, but the beer has taken me to parts of the province I wouldn’t have otherwise explored.

On my return to South Africa, I’ll definitely sign up for another microbrewery meander.

Anyone fancy being designated driver?

PRETORIA Johannesburg

BLISSFUL SOLITUDE You might get the idea that there’s not a lot to see in the Northern Cape, and in a way you’d be right. There are no big game reserves or paradise beaches. Pleasures here are simple ones: vast open spaces, endless skies, blissful solitude and an unconventional beauty.

Lovers of the quirky will enjoy pictureperfect Calvinia’s claim to fame – the world’s largest post box, standing 6m high; sky geeks should head to Sutherland. Sitting squarely in the middle of nowhere, the town is home to a couple of paved roads, some superb restaurants and the largest telescope in the southern hemisphere.

Daytime tours of the observatory allow visitors to get close to the giant instrument, while evening sessions let wannabe astronomers join in a little star gazing – the perfect activity for a region that locals like to call “Big Sky Country”.

WHEN TO GO There’s never a bad time to visit thanks to the relatively mild climate.

Summer is hot but busy, and prices increase; autumn is less crowded; and winter is best for game viewing.

GETTING THERE KLM tends to have the best prices, starting at about £500 return.

Other carriers include British Airways, Virgin and South African Airways.

GETTING AROUND To follow the ale trail or explore the Northern Cape you need a hire car – see easycar.com/ tntmagazine to receive a 5 per cent discount. Public transport is improving and you can travel between major cities on coaches. If you book ahead, internal flights can be a bargain.

VISAS Not necessary for stays of up to 90 days.

CURRENCY South African rand. 1 GBP = 11 ZAR. LANGUAGE There are 11 official languages, but English is widely spoken.

GOING OUT A local beer costs R10-R15.

ACCOMMODATION Dorm beds are R90-R120, while a double room in a cheap hotel costs R200-R400 a night.

SEE southafrica.net.

TNT online For a full travel guide on visiting South Africa go to tntmagazine.com/travel

tntmagazine.com

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Contiki Concept tours are without comparison. Only with Contiki will you stay in a 16th Century French Chateau, an authentic Swiss Chalet, a stunning Austrian Gasthof or one of our cosy cabin villages.

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Wake up in an Italian villa, a French castle, a beach-side resort in Greece or even on a sailing boat off the coast of Croatia. Contiki Timeout is all about hotel comfort at a great price.

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104

Awesome Value

WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS

with entrances included at...

BELGIUM MAY BANK HOLIDAY

EDINBURGH

BY RAIL

Sat 1st -Mon 3rd May

Spend the weekend in Scotland staying in the heart of Edinburgh. Tour includes return train travel, guided city sightseeing tour with local Scottish guide, 2 nights B&B hotel accommodation, plenty of free time to explore or take an optional “Lochness Tour” to the Scottish Highlands (supplement applies) with the services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

Tour Includes: 2 nights B&B hotel accommodation in the lively resort town of Ostend, famous for it’s nightlife!, visit to Brugge, Brussels & Antwerp, return luxury coach travel & ferry crossings & services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

Only

Fri 7th - Sun 9th May

£189

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ISLE OF WIGHT OVERNIGHT Sat 15th - Sun 16th May Join us on our overnight tour to the Isle of Wight staying in the popular seaside town of Sandown. Tour Includes: Entrance to Osborne House, return luxury coach & ferry travel, one night B&B hotel accommodation, guided panoramic sightseeing tour (including the famous Needles!) and services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

Only

£199

LIVERPOOL OVERNIGHT Sat 22nd - Sun 23rd May Visit the world famous city that gave birth to the Beetles!

Tour includes: Return luxury coach travel, overnight accommodation, panoramic sightseeing tour of Liverpool, entrance to the Beatles Story, visit to Chester & Stratford, plenty of free time & services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

£109

Only

£99

MAY BANK HOLIDAY BREAKS HOLLAND & BELGIUM Sat 1st - Mon 3rd May Tour Includes: return luxury coach travel & ferry crossings, 2 nights B&B hotel accommodation, 3 course evening meals provided at the hotel including free bar 20.30hrs – 23.00hrs, excursion to Brugge (Belgium) plenty of free time to explore & services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

Only

£199

PARIS BY EUROSTAR Sat 1st - Mon 3rd May Tour Includes: return

Eurostar travel and transfers, guided city sightseeing tour, 2 nights B&B hotel accommodation, optional Cabaret show and River Seine cruise (at additional cost) & services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

£229

Only

GERMANY RHINELAND Sat 1st - Mon 3rd May Tour Includes: return

luxury coach travel & ferry crossings, 2 nights hotel accommodation, cruise on the Rhine River, visit to a traditional Weinhaus, half day in Ghent & services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

Only

£199

PARIS & CHAMPAGNE REGION Sat 1st - Mon 3rd May Tour Includes return coach

& ferry travel, 2 nights hotel accommodation (1 night in Paris, 1 night in Reims), entrance to Taittinger and Pommery Champagne Houses including a glass of champagne at each visit & services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

Only

£199

BOOK ONLINE AT:

www.andersontours.co.uk or call 0207 436 9304 Anderson Tours Travel Shop, 81 Charlotte Street, London W1T 4PP

tntmagazine.com

Anderson Tours is fully bonded

by Client Trust Account

Day trips Including return coach travel, entrances, guided city sightseeing tour & services of a Tour Manager Sat 1st May Friday 7th May Sat 8th May Sun 9th May Sat 15th May Sun 16th May Fri 21st May Sat 22nd May Sat 29th May

Cambridge Stonehenge Special Access A day in Wales The Cotswolds York by Train Windsor, Eton & Oxford Stonehenge Special Access (AM) Cambridge A day in Wales

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TICK EGYPT OFF YOUR LIST! TRAVEL

EGYPT

105

OF THE

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PHAROAHS

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£299 Pharoah’s Adventure £349 King Tutankhamen £399 Egypt Unplugged £399 Dive Dahab £449 King Ramses £779 5-Star Jewel Of The Nile 6 DAYS

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LA TOMATINA

PAMPLONA Spain’s crazy Running of the Bulls!

TOURS

106

PAMPLONA – CAMPING: The closest, biggest & best party campsite in Pamplona!!

■ Camping - 4 Days £149 (extra nights £15) ✔ Full shuttle service ✔ Less than 10 mins into town ✔ Live band, DJs, swimming pool, bar, kiosk, restaurant ✔ Opening Ceremony, Middle Weekend & Closing Ceremony

SAN SEBASTIAN – CAMPING & HOSTEL: The ideal mix of Spanish sun, sand, sea, sangria...& bulls!!!

■ Camping - 4 Days £149 (extra nights £15) ■ Hostel - 4 Days £239 ✔ Magical beaches ✔ Private transfers into Pamplona

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5-8 JUL £299

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2-8 JUL 3-8 or 5-10 JUL 5-11 JUL

COACH TOURS: ■ 6, 7 & 8 Day Tours ex-London

We sail Croatia’s best islands & route! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Trstenik ✔ Korcula ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac

GREEK ISLANDS

PALIO SIENA

8 Nights incl: ✔ Mykonos ✔ Ios ✔ Santorini ✔ Athens Tours start in Athens every Saturday in JUL & AUG ■ Greek Island Hopper Tour £399 ✔ 8 Nights Accom ✔ Ferries ✔ B’fast ✔ Start/End Athens

■ Three

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■ Three

Nights Munich Hostel

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Nights Munich Hotel

£329 £239 £99-129 £199 £289

FOOTBALL ■

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THU 29 APR SAT 1 MAY WED 5 MAY SUN 9 MAY

✔ 3 Nights Florence ✔ Palio Siena Festival ✔ Visit Pisa

13-26 AUG £699

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B-class £419 A-class with ensuite £449 ✔ Price includes Fuel Surcharge, Port Taxes, Half Board

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& Buda Fest 8 Day Tour

AMSTERDAM LET’S PARTY DUTCH STYLE! ■ Spring Long Weekend 28-31 MAY

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fr £269

■ Prague

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BOARDMASTERS RELENTLESS BOARDMASTERS SURF & MUSIC FESTIVAL NEWQUAY, CORNWALL 5-8 AUG FEATURING XAVIER RUDD! ■ 3 Night Return Coach £179 ✔ Return Coach ✔ 3 Nights Camping ✔ Festival Ticket ✔ UK’s biggest music, beach & surf festival!

US OPEN TENNIS WEEKEND CENTRE COURT ACTION IN THE BIG APPLE! ■ Middle Weekend Tour 3-6 SEP £299 ✔ 3 Nights Manhattan ✔ Centre Court Tickets ✔ NYC Nightlife ✔ Federer ✔ Hewitt ✔ Nadal

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TRAVEL SOVIET STYLE

107 TOURS

&

TRAVEL

RUSSIA TRANS-SIBERIAN RAILWAY

Go behind the Iron Curtain and discover pukka Russia

£339 £499 £749 £1179

£389 Mood for Moscow Vodka Shot £699 Vodka On Ice Russian Revolution £749 Russia Unplugged Route of the Romanovs £1199 Russia All The Way Simply St. Pete’s 4 DAYS

4 DAYS

6 DAYS

9 DAYS

9 DAYS

9 DAYS

10 DAY

14 DAY

G D OF THE R I H T A CROSS iberian Railway Trans-S

LOBE!

The legendary Trans-Siberian Railway

£799 Red Express £1349 Highway to China 10 DAYS 15 DAYS

£1149 Genghis Khan £1899 Big Ticket 13 DAYS 19 DAYS

We’re number 1 for Russia! t "#5" "50- "*50 CPOEFE QSPUFDUFE IPMJEBZT t "JSQPSU BSSJWBM USBOTGFS JODMVEFE PO EBZ PG UIF UPVS t 'VMM 3VTTJBO WJTB TFSWJDF JOWJUBUJPO FNCBTTZ DPVSJFS t /P AMPDBM QBZNFOU POMZ FOUSBODF GFFT BOE UJQQJOH t -PUT PG MPDBM JODMVTJPOT PO Classic Trans-Sib programs.

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TRAVEL TOURS

108

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VERLANDtours are quite simply the best and most affordable way to discover AFRICA, SOUTH AMERICA or THE MIDDLE EAST. Travelling onboard Kumuka's purpose built vehicles with a maximum group size of 20 people, it becomes so much easier to interact with the locals and minimise our impact on the environment. If you have a healthy appetite for adventure then jump aboard one of our big blue trucks today!

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kh][aYd gfdaf] G^^]jK Kumuka is offering up to 25% off selected tours until 30 Apr 2010.

To receive up to 25% off use the following promotional code TNT2010. or details visit www.kumuka.com/ TNTmagazinecustomeroffer.aspx DESTINATION

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AFRICA ASIA CENTRAL AMERICA SOUTH AMERICA NORTH AMERICA THE MIDDLE EAST EUROPE

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CHEF, NEW ZEALAND EMBASSY BRUSSELS The New Zealand Ambassador to the EU, Belgium, Bulgaria, and Luxembourg is seeking a professional chef to help promote the interests of New Zealand by preparing and presenting food that represents the best in contemporary New Zealand cuisine.

This is a unique opportunity for a professional chef to demonstrate his/her culinary innovation and flair using New Zealand products. The chef must be proficient and versatile, with the confidence to handle a range of official functions including lunches, dinners and receptions.

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REQUIRED 2 HEAD CHEFS

bar/catering Wanted – positive, outgoing and professional waiting staff to join our young, small and friendly team. We are London’s most exciting new restaurant – organic, fresh and local.

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Casual/ Freelance and Permanent Chef De Parties Needed for Event Caterers/4-5 Star Hotels/Restaurants. £9 - £15 per hour ¸Ltd Company and Self Employed Welcome ¸Weekly Pay ¸Varied Hours ¸Ongoing Work CV, Level 2 Hyg Cert.

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Head Chef 1 – Cielo, Brindley Place Busy successful Birmingham City Centre restaurant in prominent position.

Salary £40K + negotiable dependent on experience & proficiency Head Chef 2 – Nuvo Brindley Place New contemporary Tapas – Meze bar restaurant.

Salary £35K + negotiable dependant on experience & capabilities Also required Bar staff, waiters & waitresses Please forward CV to: Socrates Camenon 26 Clayton Road, Saltley, Birmingham, B8 1JE Or email: socrates@goldendelightfoods.co.uk Contact No: 07967 608270 (Chris)

Email claire@claireschefs.com (Agy)

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If you’ve checked ALL of the boxes above then you might be just the person we’re looking for to join our highly successful marketing and promotions teams across the UK. We are a world leader in direct sports sales and promotions and this is your opportunity to join us! IPG currently operate 10 offices out of the UK as well as an office in Dublin, 5 offices in Australia, 2 offices in New Zealand, and an office in Cape Town.

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Are you having problems with your visa?

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CLASSIFIEDS 136

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accommodation tntmagazine.com/accommodation Whatever type of accommodation you’re looking for you can find it here, and loads more at tntonline.co.uk/accommodation.

137

To advertise your property call 020 7341 6767 CANADA WATER House share.

Double Room £475pm, All inclusive Sky, Internet, cleaner ph. call 07779106374.

renting

VERY LOW COST ACCOMMODATION £45.00 P.W.

If you are looking for a room and you are willing to help an older or disabled person then Vitalise Homeshare could be for you! We have several placements across London. Swap 10 hrs per week helping older person. Keep own job/studies.

You! Can save loads of money during this recession by becoming a homesharer. Lots more interesting placements available right across London.

Phone Cathy or Thomas on 0845 293 0449 (low rate) cmandaza@vitalise.org.uk tkelly@vitalise.org.uk

THE HOUSE SHARE SPECIALIST LONDON BRIDGE | TOWER BRIDGE | CANARY WHARF We are a professional house share management company designed to fulfil all needs of antipodeans in the UK. We offer: Stunning Houses, Fantastic Locations, Amazing Flexibility. From £70 p/w all inclusive.

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Rooms to let, short and long term, rent from £90 - £150pppw.

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Azad Ayub Limited, 36 Wightman Road London N4 1RU. t: 020 8348 3135 m: 07956 131 310 e: azadayub@hotmail.com www.CheapestRoomsLondon.com Why Hostels in London? Private House Cheaper than Hostels!

Rooms near Tube Station Fm £55/week Single Rooms from £75 | Double from £90 | Shared rooms from £55 • Bills included • Fitted kitchen & free WiFi • Safe and secure areas.

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hostels JAMES HOTEL Sgls, Dbls, Tpls.

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hostels / hotels

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ACCOMMODATION

renting | sharing | short lets | crash pads | hostels

magazine.com/ accommodation

tntmagazine.com

Josh at The Church on Sunday, April 11: I helped you

138

stack beers between leaving The Church and catching the bus. You gave me your number and I said I’d call you. That hasn’t happened as I stuffed up and didn’t save your number properly. I’m still kicking myself and really want to make that call. Email kickingmyself@hotmail.co.uk, you sex bomb!

Princess KB: To my wonderfully annoying big sis.

I wish you a very, very happy birthday. Hope you finally get to Spain. PS. You sleep with your mouth wide open.

Sweetie: Thanks for the last two and a half years, I am so lucky to have you in my life.

I know we have a little crisis at the moment, but I hope we’ll make the cut! Can’t wait to have many more adventures with you. Ich liebe dich! Bussi, V. Where’s Ellen, the Aussie from Brixton?: I met you and

your team of ‘Where’s Wally?’ girls at the She Bu Walky on a Sunday session on April 18.

Our first round together went well, I think you walked away with a solid 9.0 for the night, I walked away without my phone. Let me know when you’re ready for the second round! Oh, I still remember your friends’ names; Tammy and Christina! Brad. Email

post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com

me at wheres_wally_ellen@ yahoo.co.nz.

Joey Jo Jo: Can’t believe you’re heading back to B-town in Oz land. Askew Crew won’t be the same without the constant farts and laughs. If laughs were like alcohol we’d all be pissed 24-7. Words don’t do justice to how much of a shining star you’ve been to everyone you’ve met. We’ll reunite soon Down Under, be rude not to! Love always, BB and Tabby Tim Tam. Weekend at Bernie’s: Bernie, where are you? We met at a fancy-dress party. You were wearing a bright green leotard and floppy reindeer ears. You looked hilarious and you told me you wanted to be my little Aussie moose. You made me laugh. You said it didn’t matter that I was from NZ and we’d work out the rivalry. I had to take my drunk mate home and

then she threw up in my bag, which had your number in it.

Please email me. Your little Kiwi fairy. Email shornisback@ yahoo.co.uk.

Caz: Happy birthday for April 27. Thanks for all the adventures we’ve had in the UK and the many more to come on our travels. Love you lots, and can’t wait to spend loads more birthdays together!

Love, your Apie.

Raffa: Thanks for sharing your secret with me – I feel honoured, mate. Snazz.

My Sexy Chef: Dear J-Bag, I’ve had an amazing 14 months with you, we’ve travelled all over the place and had so many laughs along the way.

I love your sense of humour and lazy days and nights.

You’re such an awesome guy and I’m so lucky to have you around to cook me meals, dance silly with and wipe

Desperately Seeking is a reader forum, and all messages should be within the spirit of the page; TNT cannot take responsibility for offence caused. No phone numbers can be printed. Messages may be edited for publication. See tntmagazine.com/seeking

Q

I’ve started seeing a guy who is more experienced than me and I’m worried I won’t be able to satisfy him. What should I do?

A

An old guy I met in a strip club once told me that sex is like enlisting in the army. You shave down, get into basic training and figure out how your equipment works. You get yelled at a lot and it ends with you crying in

tntmagazine.com

the shower, battered and alone.

He was weird and had a hairy navel, but I’ve never forgotten his sage words on that point.

The Mayans believed that

every person has their own unique sexual animal totem, which embodies and animates carnal energy. It may lead to unseemly experimentation, but

away all my tears! You’ve put up with a lot and you always will be Mr Incredible to me.

I love you like woooahhh.

Love always, T-Rex. Girl of elements: Acton town is a long way away/ From the worries of work and the bills I pay/ But there works the girl of all five elements/ In a place where nearly every pound is spent/ A smile and a glance as beer you pour/ Striking every man who looks at you in awe/ In my favourite corner of dear old Blighty/ There is the muse of God Almighty/ It’s not a problem that you aren’t mine/ Cos as long as you’re serving my beer, I will be just fine. Dodge.

RyRy: Hey there, I met you in a bar in Dublin, you called yourself RyRy. I am a hulking figure of a man, watched you from a distance while you tore up the dance floor. No one booty dances a man quite like you! If you want to catch up for a coffee some time, or maybe a cheese platter, I’d love to. I slipped your friend my number. xxx Julian. See tntmagazine.com/seeking.

Chop Suey: I miss you like a squirrel misses his chestnuts.

Please give me another chance to be your Fantastic Mr Fox. I’ll do anything to make you as happy as a piglet wearing sunnies on a banana lounge.

Glub, S.

you need to discover your own sexual totem. Figure out what animal you want to be in the bedroom and connect with it.

When I was in the Yucatan, training with local shamans, I discovered I am a fossa – a muscular, agile tree mongoose native to Madagascar. My sex life hasn’t been the same since.

» Got a sex or relationship dilemma? Email dearreuben@ tntmagazine.com

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