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September 2-8 2013 Issue 1566 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

an 11-day overland trip in tanzania and kenya!

LONDON & OZ: THEN and NOW How life has changed between 1983 and 2013

bridge JUMP in bosnia TNT dives 21 metres off Mostar’s Old Bridge

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0 3 S I G A M TNT

world e h t r e v o ll a andering w f o s e d a c e three d We celebrate ISSUE 1566 / £1.95

+ dirty 30 bucket list READERS’ TNT STORIES

TOP 30 TRAVEL MUST-DOS BORIS LOVES AUSSIES

9 772051 605008

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Become a myTNT VIP for access to fantastic freebies, huge discounts and heaps of benefits. For just £50, joining our new members club will give you the chance to do more in London and beyond for less. For full details see tntmagazine.com/myTNT-VIP

New deals!

NEW! FREE membership to the exclusive Travel Club – worth £49 FREE VIP experience at TNT’s amazing Travel Shows – worth £30 NEW! FREE MedSailor voucher for September travel – worth £200 save 20% on all Hop-On Hop-Off passes with Busabout FREE! VIP experience at the TNT Travel Show – worth £30 Save £49

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new! the Travel club Sign up to become a VIP and you’ll bag free entry to The Travel Club – worth £49. As well as offers and deals on fantastic trips, you’ll get a £100 travel voucher, airport lounge passes and 10% off trips booked with G Adventures.

free albelli photo book Get a professional, topquality photo book and remember your travels with a free, 24-page medium landscape album. All members will be able to design and create their bespoke album for free when they join myTNT VIP.

Save £24

free case of bondi beer Make sure your summer BBQ kicks off in style with a case of Bondi Beer. The first 50 VIPs will receive a case of 24 cans of premium lager. Because we all know summertime parties are thirsty work. You are very welcome.

Save £29.99

Save £140

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free annual cuisine card Take advantage of huge deals on London’s top restaurants with this discount card which boasts the likes of the Rainforest Cafe, Shaka Zulu and Tiger Tiger. The first 100 VIPs will bag an annual membership with Cuisine Card.

free 8th day adventure This sport, adventure and social club which hosts hundreds of events every year is offering the first 30 myTNT VIPs free annual membership worth £140.

After that, VIPs will benefit from 2-4-1 savings on all membership prices.

£50 latedeals voucher Sign up to become a myTNT VIP and you’ll receive an exclusive £50 discount off your next holiday with latedeals.co.uk. Looking for a last-minute break, head to this site which boasts five-start experiences without the price tag.

More at my.TNTMAGAZINE.COM/mytnt-vip

30 LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER For three decades now, we’ve prided ourselves on being the Bible for Antipodeans in London, guiding you through everything from the few places to get a decent coffee in the capital, to where you just have to lug your backpack next. But turning the big 3-0 isn’t all about us. It’s about you. We can’t think of a better bunch of folks to make a magazine for, so we’ve given the cover over to the crazy cats who make this fun. May you keep packing a dogeared TNT wherever you go for the next 30 years. Thanks!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY MYTNTVIP DRINK & EATS

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@TNT

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TOP TNT COVERS

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LONDON SOUND

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CHATROOM DAVID QUIRK

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LONDON SCENE

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LONDON FOCUS

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OZ AND UK TIMELINE

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ONLINE

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LIFESTYLE

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FEATURES

LIVING

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LIFE BEGINS AT 30?

MONEY

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Turning 30 is a milestone. Here’s the fun we all need to have in London before 40

NEWS COMPETITION

Photos: Thinkstock; Mark Stone

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40-45 42

SPORT

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TRAVEL

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THEN AND NOW

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TNT launched in 1983. We explore how Oz and London have changed since then

TURN BACK TIME

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DIARY

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NEWS

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UK TRIP

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LATE DEALS

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HOTSHOTS

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Aussies who moved to London in the Eighties and Nineties share TNT tales

TOP FIVE

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MOSTAR DEATH DIVE

TIPS

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SHORT BREAK

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In Bosnia, it’s tradition to dive 21 metres off Mostar’s Old Bridge. So we did it

BIG TRIP

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CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

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Our time line of the biggest happenings in Oz and the UK over 30 years of TNT

GHOSTS OF TNT PAST

TOP 30 TRIPS

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After three decades of travelling, we reveal the 30 best adventures for backpackers

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributor Caroline Garnar

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Shitty date: tour London’s lavatories

Design and production Head of design and production Lisa Ferron Design / picture editor Patricia Montenegro

Sales Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Jaqui Ward ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 3011 1066 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Shhh... SECRET LONDON friday night loos dating across london

Is your love life in the shitter? Well, why not turn that dump into a diamond while escaping the drab chit-chat format. This new dating night, which launched last month, is a pub crawl (good start) that stops off at bars around town as well as, um, toilets that are of particular historical note. So which latrines are so worthy? The crawl starts at the Jubiloo, which lays claims to being the South Bank’s first pay-as-you-go public lav, as well as The Cellar Door, a cabaret bar in Aldwych which is set up in a dunny. £18

Sep 6, 6.30pm (every first Friday of the month) The Jubiloo, Southbank Waterloo lootours.com

blitz party The Blitz Party is back this weekend bringing you all the finest Forties music and dancing.

Village Underground will be transformed into a wartime air raid shelter – complete with sandbags, searchlights, oil lamps and military bunk beds – with a swing dance hall, live music, DJs and the famous Spitfire bar. £20

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Sep 7, 8pm-late 54 Hollywell Lane, EC2A 3PQ Liverpool Street theblitzparty.com

Carnaby echoes music festival

live afl and nrl grand finals

Carnaby has long been a focal point for music and fashion – Liam Gallagher opened his flagship Pretty Green clothes store there, and artists like Professor Green and Kanye West have played it. This musical heritage is explored in a new exhibition which features contributions from Boy George and Pete Townshend.

TNT and the Elk Bar have teamed up to make sure you don’t miss a moment of the action this autumn. The AFL (Sep 28, 4.30am) and NRL (Oct 6, 7.30am) grand finals will be live on the Elk’s big screens.

So get down there early, grab a cold one – if you come in full footy kit you could win a £50 bar tab.

FREE

Sep 5-Oct 20, all day 20 Foubert’s Place, W1F 7PL Oxford Circus carnaby.co.uk

£10

Sep 28, 4.30am/ Oct 6, 7.30am 587 Fulham Road, SW6 5UA Fulham Broadway tntmagazine.com

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Intimate: this new production of Dorian Gray takes place in the director’s home

TEAM in A l ThiS AUETAGUE UMn

Represent your country

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY Greenwich

Awesome tours This new dramatic production of Oscar Wilde’s much celebrated literary classic takes a new approach to its telling – director Samuel Orange (above, left) is staging it in his own Georgian townhouse in Greenwich. Wilde’s tale of devilish decadence and the perils of a life lived in pursuit of hedonism is brought to life by creative collective The Alchemic Order in what is the most intimate of venues. £25+

Tue-Sat, 7.30pm, until Sep 28 Greenwich Revealed upon booking

Photos: Johnny Lee

thealchemicorder.com

WHISKEY AND OYSTER POP-UP

BRAZILIAN SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Previous thought had it that whiskey and delicious seafood do not go well together. New pop-up The Pearl Dram Saloon is set to dispel this myth in fine style as The Scotch Malt Whiskey Society and oyster mixologists The Mother Shuckers show that their subtle flavours are actually perfectly suited for each other after all.

The I Love Brazilian Cinema festival lands in east London with this programme of up-andcoming and underground motion picture talent. Docos and animated, dramatic and comedy shorts can be found, including a controversial film in which a family therapy session plays out between Jesus and god.

FREE

Sep 5-8, 12pm-11pm WC2H 9DG Covent Garden smws.co.uk

Weekend festivals

£3+

Sep 5, 7pm-12am Dictionary Hostel, E2 8DA Hoxton facebook.com/ ilovebraziliancinema

Weekly after match socials

Smashing: vent your anger at Scrapclub

Dirty 30 bucket list As TNT turns 30, it’s time to tackle those bucket list must-dos. In London there’s no shortage of places to get started Words alasdair morton

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tntMagazine.com

amount of contained destruction – we wondered what it would be like for an audience to not only witness a ‘destructivist’ action, but to have a hands-on, first-person involvement,” Yaseen says.

Is there one object folks particularly enjoy smashing? “People love destroying pianos, and we seem to have an almost endless supply of them from people who don’t want them anymore,” Yaseen reveals.

“The overwhelming emotional experience is joy at the inevitable fate of these derelict objects.”

Maybe destruction is not your bag, but you have long harboured a fear of heights. Then now is the time to conquer it once and for all – by throwing yourself out of a plane.

“Nearly every human has an inbuilt fear of falling, so to be able to overcome this by exiting a perfectly good aircraft is a euphoria like no other,” explains Skydive London’s instructor Dylan Griffith-Jones.

“The feeling, the buzz and the emotion of the whole situation is a sensory overload whilst falling at over 120mph. To be suspended under

400sqft of nylon one mile above the ground after this is a surreal, peaceful and awe-inspiring experience.”

So what can you expect when you take on your very own Point Break daredevil moment?

“It affects people in different ways,” Griffith-Jones says of his experience of leading tandem jumps.

“Some [people] are sick, normally on the instructor. A small percentage do faint – I must confess to coming within inches of this myself during a tandem jump last year – but most people really enjoy it and can’t explain the feeling.

Some even come back and train to do it on their own!”

With loads of once-in-a-lifetime opportunities in and around the capital, you have no excuse for not getting out there and ticking things off. There is no time like the present!

MORE BUCKET LIST ITEMS ›› Scrapclub. Sep 15. 3pm. £10.

Cody Dock, E16 4TL Star Lane DLR scrapclub.com Skydive London. Fri, Sat & Sun. Mar-Dec. £190 Redlands Airfield, SN4 0AA skydivelondon.co.uk

Photos: Mark Stone; Jonny Moulder

TNT is 30 years old, and in celebration of entering our fourth decade, we decided it’s high time we put together a list of all those things we should have done by now but haven’t. Those must-do-before-40 experiences we’ve all dreamed about, but haven’t got round to yet. No more procrastinating.

Maybe it’s been to finally get that tattoo you’ve always umm’d and aah’d about, or to conquer your fear of heights by jumping out of a plane. Or to bash the shit out of domestic objects at London’s smash-it-up Scrapclub.

“Everyone carries their own colour of stress, from the mundane to the intense,” explains Scrapclub’s co-founder Wajid Yaseen. “There’s nothing like Scrapclub to offload it!”

Tooled up with bats, hammers, pipes and all manner of assorted heavyweight weapons, the object of Scrapclub is to annihilate a load of junk – TV screens, computers, pianos, cars – unleashing your inner aggression in the most satisfying way.

“We came up with the idea on the back of a performance piece [co-founder] Joel Cahen and I were involved in which had a certain

Do look down: conquer a fear of heights

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Hang on: Griffith-Jones, two miles high

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stand on stage and sing like a proper rock star across london Karaoke is so last millennium – right now Rockaoke is where it’s at. Rather than singing along to some tinny backing track, you take to the stage with a full band behind you. With over 200 songs to choose from you can emulate your rock ‘n’ roll heroes. Find regular Rockaoke nights across London at the Tooting Tram & Social, Soho’s Madame Jojo’s, The Alice in Houndsditch and The Star Of Kings in King’s Cross. Next is Kensington’s AAA bar.

drive a £165,000 car weybridge You’ll get to experience the power of the SLS AMG Merc at this purpose-built handling circuit, which has a wet skid circle so you can push the car – and quite possibly the pro instructor by your side – to their limits.

It has a 6.3-litre V8 engine and does 0-60mph in under four seconds. £75

£6

Fri, Sep 6, 8pm 11-13 Kensington High Street, W8 5NP High Street Kensington rockaoke.co.uk

climb a really big tree across london

Dates and times vary Mercedes Benz World, KT13 0SL Weybridge mercedes-benz.co.uk

Remember when you were young and used to climb trees for fun? There’s no reason you can’t do that now, as Mark Hawes and Nick Cranston, the brains behind the Big Tree Climb, enthuse. Qualified tree surgeons who wanted to share their love of trees with others, the duo hold group events across the country, and can be booked for private events, too, during which you climb a tree (roped in of course) then zipwire down. Fantastic. £12.50

Times and dates vary Various locations bigtreeclimbing.co.uk

fly over london in a hot air balloon tower of london

learn to cook a new cuisine central london

What better way to see the capital than from the perfect vantage point of a hot air balloon as you fly over the likes of Westminster and the Emirates stadium at dawn?

L’Atelier Des Chefs runs a smorgasbord of cookery classes for the beginners (you’ll have to own up!) and those looking to take on a new cuisine or upgrade their skills. You can learn to cook a cod with butterbean, chorizo and tomato stew in 30 mins (Sep 3, 5pm) or immerse yourself in Thai on a longer course.

£189

learn how to survive in the wild surrey

Times and dates vary Various take-off sites within a couple miles of Tower of London adventureballoons.co.uk

If you were stranded in the wild without a Ray Mears to help, would you know what to do, or would you be left crying, cold and hungry in the mud? Learning vital survival skills is something most of us no longer do, so pick it up now. Trueways Survival runs courses of different lengths up and down the country including this five-dayer in the wilds of, err, Surrey, where you’ll learn how to forage for food and build a shelter.

It’s an obvious one, but you haven’t proved your mettle until you‘ve plumetted earthward with a rubber band around your ankles. This site by The O2 sees you take on the rite of passage endeavour from 160ft high. Good luck.

Oct 14, from 10am Confirmed on booking Walton-on-Thames truewayssurvival.com

Daily, times vary The O2, SE10 0DX North Greenwich exelement.co.uk

£150+

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do a bungee jump docklands

£15+

Times and dates vary 19 Wigmore Street, W1U 1PH Oxford Circus atelierdeschefs.co.uk

£75

donate blood central london Time to do something philanthropic: give blood to help someone else in need.

FREE

Times and dates vary West End Donor Centre, W1W 8NB Oxford Circus blood.co.uk

get a tattoo docklands Have you always wanted a tattoo but never had the guts to actually go through with it? No more stalling: now is your time. The International London Tattoo Convention opens its doors later this month with body art stars from around the world in attendance. You can check out some of the most tattooed folk on the planet, watch tattooed burlesque performers such as Sweden’s Elegy Ellem, who will be in town for the weekend, and get some inspiration before you sit down in the chair and let the artist put the needle to your skin. £20+

Sep 27-28, 11.30am-1am.

Sep 29, 11.30am-8pm Tobacco Dock, E1W 2SF Tower Hill thelondontattooconvention.com

earn a guinness book of world records title wherever

take up boxing south london Get fit in a friendly environment, while simultaneously learning how to pummel someone to the ground – it’s a skill you want ticked on your bucket list. BoxLondon runs classes for those with experience in the ring as well as for those who are new to pugilism.

You can set your own pace and no one is going to drop you in the ring and say “fight” unless you’re up for it. It’s not fight club! £15+

Tue, 7.30pm-8.30pm & Sat, 11am-12pm Tooting Leisure Centre, SW17 0NE Tooting Broadway boxlondon.co.uk

Some fella in Turkey called Ilker Yilmaz has already nailed the record for the farthest milk squirting distance – from his eye. But if you have a particularly crazy skill, or an idea for something that will have you recognised around the world, then go for it!

Now is the time to become the world’s best continuous boomerang thrower or king consumer of scotch eggs.

FREE

go mad in harrods west london The legendary Harrods in Knightsbridge is London’s king department store. It occupies five acres in west London and inside you can get anything from its 330 departments, from clothes to toys to cars to holidays, and eat pretty much anything too at its 32 restaurants. Thing is, such opulence comes at a price, and a pretty steep one, too. So give yourself a budget, as much as you can afford, and go wild. Retail heaven! £VARIOUS

Mon-Sat, 10am-9pm. Sun, 11.30am-6pm 87-135 Brompton Road, SW1X 7XL Knightsbridge

go wild swimming across london Swimming pools are overcrowded and have too many damn kids and too much chlorine. For a back-to-nature experience you need to do what real swimmers do and go wild swimming. Taking a dip outdoors in a natural pond or river that is pretty much hidden means you can be all on your own, and is an experience everyone needs to have tried at least once.

Although by name it doesn’t sound too idyllic, Hythe End gravel pit is a 2km-long lake with crystal clear water, and there are other top rated spots in London too, such as the streams in Eynsford and the Hampstead ponds located in the midst of the wild, hilly heathlands of north London. You could even take it up a notch and go wild skinny dipping.

FREE

finish a triathlon central london Some people might think about running the marathon, but if you want to put yourself to the test and really find out your strength and your limits then go one step further and take on a triathlon – applications are currently open for the 2014 Virgin Triathlon. Who wants to just do a piddly little jog around the city streets?

With this event you’ll be taking on a 1500m swim, a 40km bike ride and then a 10km run. Back to back!

Photos: Getty

£76+

Jul 27 & 28 2014 ExCel Centre, E16 1XL Prince Regent DLR thelondontriathlon.co.uk

Dates and times vary Across London wildswimming.co.uk

Various Various guinnessworldrecords.com

harrods.com

be an extra in a movie ACROSS london You might not be able to snag the lead role as the next Bond villain or star opposite Al Pacino, but you can still find a way to stand next to them – be a movie extra. Go get your face up there on the silver screen and have a great story to tell for years to come. “Did I tell you the time I worked with Cate Blanchett? No? Well...”

FREE

have a massive pillow fight central london

Give up your time to help others out, such as at the American Church Soup Kitchen, which aids the homeless.

Why should having a pillow fight only be the kind of caper you get up to when you’re young?

That’s exactly what the people who run National Pillow Fight Day want to know. In hundreds of cities around the world, a mass pillow fight is staged, allowing you to mash the heck out of other slumberpouch-armed combatants.

Feathers will be sent flying into the air as they were in April of this year in Trafalgar Square (above). There’s only one rule: don’t hit anyone who doesn’t have a pillow.

That would be mean.

Daily, 10am-12pm W1T 4TD Tottenham Crt Road amchurch.co.uk

2014 date TBC TBC pillowfightday.com

Various Various londonextraagency.com

volunteer west end FREE

£TBC

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Become a myTNT V for access to fantastic fre huge discounts and heaps o For just £50, joining our new club will give you the chan more in London and beyond For the full list of details an see tntmagazine.com/myT NEW! FREE membership to the exclusive Travel Club – worth £49 NEW! FREE MedSailor voucher for September travel – worth £200 FREE 8th Day Adventure membership for 30 VIPs – worth £140 FREE My Living London discount card for all VIPs – worth £60 FREE Cuisine Card membership for first 100 VIPs – worth £29.99 £50 LATEDEALS VOUCHER

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Sign up to become a myTNT VIP and you’ll receive an exclusive £50 discount off your next holiday with latedeals.co.uk. Looking for a last-minute break, head to this site which boasts fivestart experiences without the price tag.

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Get a professional, topquality photo book and remember your travels with a free, 24-page medium landscape album. All members will be able to design and create their bespoke album for free when they join myTNT VIP.

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NEW! £200 WITH MEDSAILORS The first 35 VIPs will get their hands on a FREE £200 voucher to spend with MedSailors for travel in September. Take in the breathtaking sights of Croatia, Greece or Turkey on the perfect holiday onboard your very own yacht

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FREE ANNUAL CUISINE CARD Take advantage of huge deals on London’s top restaurants with this discount card which boasts the likes of the Rainforest Cafe, Shaka Zulu and Tiger Tiger. The first 100 VIPs will bag an annual membership with Cuisine Card.

FREE 8TH DAY ADVENTURE This sport, adventure and social club which hosts hundreds of events every year is offering the first 30 myTNT VIPs free annual membership worth £140.

After that, VIPs will benefit from 2-4-1 savings on all membership prices.

WANDERING DUCK TRIPS Lucky VIPs can take advantage of a fantastic 15% discount on all of Wandering Duck’s Canal Boat Experiences. Get ready for a completely unique experience on 2000 miles of man-made canals.

See online for more info.

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NT VIP ic freebies, aps of benefits. new members chance to do eyond for less. ils and offers /myTNT-VIP

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New deals!

FREE entry to TNT social events in the next year – worth £75 FREE VIP experience at the TNT Travel Shows – worth £30 FREE home delivery of TNT for first 200 VIPs – worth £50 FREE case of Bondi Beer for first 50 VIPS – worth £24 FREE 24-page Albelli photo album for all VIPs – worth £15.95 Save 20%

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BUSABOUT HOPSave ON HOP-OFF Book a hop-on hop-off tour with Busabout, and you’ll be able to tailor your trip around Europe to take in all the must-see sights at your own pace. What’s more, all myTNT VIPs will benefit from an extra 20% off when booking. Sorted!

NEW! THE TRAVEL CLUB Sign up to become a VIP and you’ll bag free entry to The Travel Club – worth £49. As well as offers and deals on fantastic trips, you’ll get a £100 travel voucher, airport lounge passes and 10% off trips booked with G Adventures.

FREE CASE OF BONDI BEER Make sure your summer BBQ kicks off in style with a case of Bondi Beer. The first 50 VIPs will receive a case of 24 cans of premium lager. Because we all know summertime parties are thirsty work. You are very welcome.

£60

Save £75

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MY LIVING LONDON All myTNT VIPs will bag an annual membership to this fantastic discount card – My Living London. Worth £60, it will give you access to discounts of up to 65% on theatre tickets as well as at top London bars and clubs and beauty salons.

TNT SOCIAL EVENTS TNT knows how to throw a good party. And now you’re invited – for free!

Whether it’s a BBQ on Australia Day, or a fancy dress party at Halloween, we’ve got your social calendar sorted. All VIPs get entry to TNT events.

2-4-1 BURGERS AT THE ELK BAR We all know how expensive food can be in London, so we’ve got your backs covered. Chow down on a succulent burger at the Elk Bar in Fulham before 6pm each day, and all myTNT VIPs will be able to bag a top 2-4-1 deal.

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MEGARO

Shadowland: Megaro’s dark interior is better suited to winter than summer

BAR

The best summer London’s had in seven years probably wasn’t the best time for Megaro to launch. This incredibly dark basement bar opposite King’s Cross station should come into its own when winter blusters in, however, making a stylish retreat from the seasonal gloom. Taking its inspiration from the movies, the small space is draped in red velvet curtains and there’s some cinema-style seating, while the soft candlelight gives the bar all the brightness of an actual film screening.

THE GRUB A teeny selection of small plates matched to the short list of ‘heritage cocktails’. Changes regularly, but standouts on my visit included the rump carpaccio with black sesame and soy (£6) and dark chocolate-coated honeycomb (£3) – the latter being basically a gooier, more luxurious version of a Crunchie bar.

Its sultry-sweet flavour is complemented by the Land Of Grace cocktail (£8.50), made with Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva rum, white port and clover honey.

THE SCENE

Ten of Megaro’s own cocktails (from £8.50) made with niche spirits and homemade cordials (sample ingredients: crysanthemum cordial, cardamom sweet tea, lovage salt). Plus Brooklyn lager, two whites and two reds.

BILL PLEASE Bottled lager £4.50; wine from £4.50/ £23 per glass/ bottle.

VERDICT Classy for King’s Cross, but not suited to a simple drinking sesh. LAURA CHUBB BEHIND THE BAR

23-27 Euston Road, NW1 2SD

EIGHTIES BARS

King’s Cross

ROLLER DISCO

INFERNOS

REFLEX

Head to The Renaissance Rooms in Vauxhall for legwarmers, side ponies and two skating arenas that punters go whizzing around every Thursday to Saturday, plus four bars to lubricate the evening (fortunately).

Clapham’s uber-disco isn’t shy about rolling out the Eighties cheese and offers karaoke suites for you to show off your own appreciation of the decade’s greatest hits. Plus it’s 2-4-1 cocktails every Fri and Sat before 11pm.

The City’s shamelessly Eighties club plays decadeappropriate tunes only and serves drinks with names like ‘partini’. You’ll need to be there in time for happy hour, then – half off drinks until 10pm, Thur to Sat.

rollerdisco.com

infernos.co.uk

Do more Spend less

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3 OF THE BEST

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BITE SIZE

Oozing quality: gourmand pizza without the wankery

MEXICAN STAND COOK-OFF It’s Mexican Independence Day on September 16, and central London spot Mestizo is going all-out to celebrate. From September 4-14, the restaurant-bar is hosting a 10-day Gastronomic Festival, offering up dishes from 10 diverse Mexican states.

Then, on September 15, there’s a special Mexican Sunday lunch, or night owls can turn up for tequilas and tacos ‘til late. Still going strong on Independence Day itself? There’ll be more special dishes and tequila and Corona combos to help you catch a second wind. Good luck! london.mestizomx.com

more meaty treats If you’re still salivating over last week’s ‘meat issue’ of TNT, then the popup Butcher Bar at Anise in the City should sate your bloodlust. Offering a butcher’s block of game and tear and share cuts alongside carnivorous cocktails – such as bacon-infused buffalo trace mixed with fresh tomato, horseradish and garnished with a crispy pig’s ear; or gin mare, clarified lamb stock and port – it should be on every meat eater’s hit list this September. cinnamon-kitchen.com

Butcher Bar

street eats Night market Urban Food Fest has popped up again in Shoreditch, but you’ll have to be quick to catch it, as it disappears mid-October. Make the most of London’s remaining warm(ish) evenings with fare from loads of the capital’s favourite street food heroes, including Kimchi Cult, Bhangra Burger and Pizza Pilgrims. Catch it on Saturday nights, 5pm ‘til midnight.

HOMESLICE PIZZa PIZZA

Tucked away like a cosy little secret in the often overlooked, but always delightful (in a hippy enclave kinda way), Neal’s Yard courtyard, smack bang in the middle of Covent Garden, this back-to-basics pizza restaurant strips away all the frilly nonsense and simply serves a small selection of gigantic pizzas with a choice of one beer or wine. There’s not even so much as a physical menu on your table – if you’re unable to see the chalked-up options on the blackboard, the waiting staff will hand you an iPad mini with a photo of it.

The grub Pizza from the wood-fired oven is £4 a slice or £20 for the whole thing, with the option to have two sets of toppings, half-and-half style – so you and your dining partner don’t end up squabbling over anchovies. As well as the basics like margherita, there’s a genuinely adventurous mix of experimental toppings to get stuck into. At the time of writing, black pudding, apple and watercress was on offer, along with oxtail with horseradish cream, and mackerel with mint, peas and broad beans. Pizza Express this ain’t. Plates, forks and knives are old hat as far as Homeslice is concerned, too – you get a pizza slicer to carve up the 20-inch monsters, served on a wooden chopping board. Being in the vicinity of the Neal’s Yard Dairy shop also means that some interesting cheeses can crop up on the menu, like Ogleshield, made from Jersey cow milk. My date and I share half mozzarella, salami and rocket and half yellow courgette, mushroom, mozzarella and basil. It’s fresh, wholesome, rustic and filling. The tomato sauce base (the cornerstone of any good pizza) is juicy and tangy, and gets my vote. Staff at Homeslice are warm and genuinely welcoming, too, so it’s not a snooty trendoid spot either.

THE SCENE

Asahi lager (served in a dimpled pint tankard) is £4 a pint or £2 for a half pint; Frizzenti prossecco on draught is £4 a glass; wine from £4 a glass. verdict Excellent pizza with an experimental foodie twist. Well worth popping by for a post-shopping scoff. DAN THORNE Behind the bar

urbanfoodfest.com 13 Neal’s Yard, Seven Dials, WC2H 9DP

homeslicepizza.co.uk

Covent Garden

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TV chef Jamie Oliver has been whinging about Brits whinging

I thought buying the gf a sexy maid’s outfit would improve things in the bedroom, but The place is still a shithole.

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Re: above: As an employer I do find that my non-Brit workers have less gripe and don’t look at the clock.

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in for third year running (tntmagazine.com): Melbourne isn’t a patch on all the sports and culture and free things to visit in London. If Melbourne is so good, why are all the Aussies visiting here?

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BOZ FOR OZ

Re: London mayor Boris Johnson calls for a bilateral Free Labour Mobility Zone with Australia (tntmagazine.com): Thank you, Boris. It seems everyone else (Europeans, etc) can get in to the UK to live and work! My ancestry is UK but my grandparents were born in Oz. Where did that special bond go between the Aussies and Brits? It definitely could work the other way.

Jules Starcat, via Facebook Check out our feature on this on P44 – Ed

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MELBOURNE: MEH Re: Melbourne voted best city in the world to live

LONDON AND OZ TIME LINE /30 BOSNIA /66

Re: Jamie Oliver says immigrant workers are best, Brits are ‘whingers’ (tntmagazine.com): I hate sweeping statements that tar everybody with the same brush.

There are plenty of young Brits willing to work hard and even volunteer if necessary to gain experience. What happens if we stop giving young Brits a chance due to Jamie’s mentality?

They can’t get jobs and then they claim welfare.

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Oluwadare Olarewaju: Re: Rolf Harris charged with indecent assault: I find it extremely hard to connect this man to what he is being accused of. He was an extremely talented man in so many fields. It’s just incredible he was connected to something like this.

Michael Ball: Re: Melbourne voted best city in world: Pretty sure the only place they conduct these surveys is Melbourne, there is no other explanation for it.

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Retro flashback: TNT steps back to the Eighties in 2003 with super-cool Pac-Man-style graphics

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Over the airwaves: Launching our very own FM radio station back in 1987. Impressive, huh?

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INXS: TNT interviews the band just five months before Michael Hutchence’s death in 1997

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Coming of age: our tribute cover in 2004 marking 21 years since launching in London

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Cut above: Eels are the masters of reinvention

festival

watch

BERLIN FESTIVAL

EELS Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W12 8TT SAT, SEP 7 | DOORS AT 7PM | £23.50

Britpop kings Blur, shoegaze pioneers currently riding the comeback trail My Bloody Valentine (below), Icelandic oddity Bjork and Pet Shop Boys, whose 12th album Electric was out earlier this year, are just a handful of the acts at this city-based, end of season festival. A ticket to the fest gets you into 30 of Europe’s clubbing capital’s top venues as well.

Banging.

Flughafen Tempelhof, 12101.

Sep 6-7. £65+

Eels, aka Mark Oliver Everett and friends, have been making luscious indie alt-rock for almost 20 years now, crashing the mainstream occasionally, then throwing a leftfield curveball here and there to keep it interesting. One thing’s for sure, though: with Eels, you are guaranteed nothing short of an amazing show.

Debut Beautiful Freak hit the big time back in 1996, singles Novocaine For The Soul and Coming Over To Susan’s House finding their way to the top of the charts. Then Eels followed it up with an equally as excellent, if a little more sombre, Electro Shock Blues, a record influenced by Everett’s sister’s suicide and his mother’s diagnosis with terminal cancer. Fun topics for mainstream pop!

Since this he has forged a career that has managed the uniquely twin achievements of maintaining creativity – no two albums sound alike, yet all remain unmistakably Eels – without sacrificing commercial success.

Follow up Daisies Of The Galaxy returned to the more upbeat pop-focused sounds of Freak, 2001’s Souljacker brought a heavier, rock-based approach and then two years later emerged Shootenanny!, which was recorded in just 10 days.

In 2009 Eels released Hombre Lobo, the first installment in a trilogy of concept albums – not the usual way to make it in the music business, yet it was a move that further cemented Everett’s passion and drive to push his creative boundaries.

Their 10th studio album, this year’s Wonderful, Glorious, is a far more straight up release that rolls Eels’ idiosyncratic career all together into one.

berlinfestival.de Shepherd’s Bush

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o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

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bbc radio 2 live in hyde park

NEW BAND

GIG sun, sep 8. 12pm £35

Once upon a time Manic Street Preachers were provocative rockers offending everyone, now they are the perfect fit for a day of Radio 2 dad-rock and alt-pop. They’ll be appearing along with Simple Minds, Jack Johnson, Smokey Robinson, Josh Groban, Texas, Treacherous Orchestra, Jamie Cullum and James Blunt.

Photos: MG.ART

Hyde Park W2 4RU South Kensington

bbc.co.uk/events

hot wuk wednesdays

sci + tec present: dubfire

CLUB

CLUB

wed, sep 4. 7pm-1am £5+

sat, sep 7. 11pm-7am £15+

The Heatwave’s weekly bash-ment party, Hot Wuk, turns Wednesday nights in the middle of town into a mini Notting Hill Carnival full of Jamaican sounds, with amazing dance moves and top MCs on the mic. Knock back a rum or two and don’t forget to pick up your free whistle when you get there.

Former half of top house duo Deep Dish, Ali ’Dubfire’ Shirazinia has defected and been labouring in the world of techno of late, making a name for himself with productions like Diablo, Fuego, Terra, Dios and most recently Aire. He’ll be joined by Carlo Lio, Shaded, Arjun Vagale, Paride Saracen and loads more.

The Social 5 Little Portland Street, W1W 7JD Oxford Circus thesocial.com

Fire South Lambeth Road, SW8 1RT Vauxhall firelondon.net

the strypes

Göttsching and schwarzmann – live

drenge

GIG

CLUB

GIG

wed, sep 11. 7pm FREE

thur, sep 5. 8pm-12am £30

tue, Sep 3. 7pm £5

Mining the blues rock of the Sixties and Seventies, this hot Irish four-piece have been causing quite a stir of late, with a sensational appearance on TV’s Later... With Jools Holland bringing them to national prominence. Their debut Snapshots is out Sep 9 and purchase of it is needed for your wristband on this night.

Oval Space and Need2Soul present Henrik Schwarz and Frank Wiedemann of Âme who bring their incredible live act Schwarzmann to the UK for the very first time. Joining them on the line up this evening will be musician and composer Manuel Göttsching (above) with his first London show since 2000.

The Peak District-based brother duo of Eoin and Rory Loveless play the sort of punked-up blues that has served the likes of The Black Keys well.

Their self-titled debut was out last week and they also play Tipsy Bar (Sep 4) and The Black Heart (Sep 5) before heading out on the road for a nationwide tour.

Rough Trade East 91 Brick Lane, Old Truman Brewery, E1 6QL Aldgate East roughtrade.com

Oval Space 29-32 The Oval, E2 9DT Cambridge Heath tickets.ovalspace.co.uk

St Moritz Club 159 Wardour Street, W1F 8WH Tottenham Court Road drenge.co.uk

eliza and the bear The buzz so far This London-based five-piece have been causing quite a stir since their debut single, Upon The North, dropped this year. The anthemic follow up Friends is “a reminder you need to be good to people who are good to you,” says singer-guitarist James Kellegher.

They’ve been busy on the summer fest scene playing The Great Escape and Hard Rock Calling, with a nationwide tour coming up.

The Critics say “It’s the type of song that makes me love music” Whatstheruckus.com the plug Friends is out Sep 16 through Generator. Play Borderline Sep 13. £6 Orange Yard, W1D 4JB Tottenham Court Road elizaandthebear.com

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Book now

Australia

21 September – 8 December 2013 www.royalacademy.org.uk Friends of the RA go free Organised with

Sidney Nolan, Ned Kelly (detail), 1946. Enamel paint on composition board, 90.8 x 121.5 cm.

National Gallery of Australia, Canberra. Gift of Sunday Reed 1977. Organised with the National Gallery of Australia

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21/08/2013 13:30

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David Quirk

The Aussie comedian on his new show Shaking Hands With Danger, infidelity and why Axl Rose rocks INTERVIEW alasdair morton

Your new show Shaking Hands With Danger tells of a fateful day in Finland.

What happened?

The fateful day was actually at night. It was my last night after what felt like a long tour in Edinburgh, and I just chose to have a little sojourn to Helsinki with some friends that lived there. It was a great holiday and a great mistake. There’s really only a couple of themes in this show and if I give away too much it won’t be so good for those who see it. So I’ll just say I had a relationship with a very good, beautiful person and on that fateful night I had sex with a slightly bad, beautiful person that wasn’t my partner. There’s more to it, but if I didn’t do such a thing there wouldn’t be a show.

Do you feel remorse for your infidelity?

I do feel remorse for what I’ve done, but rather than wallow in it I thought there might be some value in showing it to others. It was a few years ago, that act, and as time’s gone by I think I might actually feel worse about ruining that relationship in such a way, or maybe even breaking that one’s heart. We still talk, though, and I even had to get her permission to do this show. Which, over time, she gave.

Photo: Greg Stewart

How did audiences at the Edinburgh Fringe festival take to it?

It was always going to be interesting doing Edinburgh this year because the last time I was there was in 2010, which was the same year that I flew to Finland and did ‘the thing’.

Audiences were mostly great, and despite being on at 9.45pm, the Friday and Saturday nights contained hardly any dickheads – even they seemed to listen to this story.

What have other audiences’ reactions been like?

There was one night when one girl hugged me, bawling, and asked me distraught questions about it. There were others when people just wanted to leave because it was hot or they were busting for the toilet or they “wanted jokes”.

Different shows had different feelings, despite me trying to do the same thing night after night.

Did you enjoy the Edinburgh Fringe?

I love Edinburgh as a place but as a festival I

Cheating: Quirk’s hilariously honest new show discusses doing the dirty think it should start shrinking. Or it should get so big that all people on earth, over time, become comedians and the festival can then be seen from space.

Do you enjoy pushing people’s buttons?

I do enjoy it. I make it hard for myself deliberately when I write material, and that’s great, but it can still hurt the soul when I perform that material to people who’d rather take the stag elsewhere.

When did you decide to be a stand-up?

Since I was young I’ve always loved stand-up comedy, but I always thought I wanted to be an actor. It wasn’t until a lecturer at university suggested I perform a thing as a stand-up [routine] for the end of term requirement, because she knew I liked comedy. So I did, and they laughed and I went from there. Afterwards I remember thinking, “I could do this to paying strangers,” which is a terrible thought, but that’s what I now do, among other things.

Lots of Aussie comedians are breaking through right now, such as Sam Simmons, Matt Okine and Ronny Chieng. What is fuelling this fruitful period for Oz comedy?

I love all those men! I don’t know what has caused this recent spate. I think there’s been

great comedians coming to the UK from Australia and making great comedy for many years, but there does seem to be a solid chunk of them right now. Flights might be cheaper? Or maybe coming to the UK and trying it out is just something that we do more now than comics did 20 years ago. In Australia, I think people like Greg Fleet laid the groundwork for the young ladies and men that are good and transcend where they come from.

You’re a big fan of Guns ‘N’ Roses – what exactly is their neverending appeal and what do you make of the recent pics of ‘fat Axl’?

I’m glad you asked. I know it’s rather uncool to give thanks and praise to Guns ‘N’ Roses in 2013 but they were great – they were ridiculous, messed up and rocking. Bands just aren’t like that anymore and that might be good. I think they were the last of that kind of thing and I like it. I’d go on about it, except a man named John Jeremiah Sullivan wrote a great essay called The Final Comeback Of Axl Rose which is better than anything I could say and I implore you to read it.

If you care.

David Quirk: Shaking Hands With Danger.

Sep 10-14. £10+. Soho Theatre. 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com

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Out of gas: Vin Diesel’s sci-fi series return is underwhelming

riddick FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Vin Diesel, Karl Urban | 15 | 118mins | Out Sep 4

about time FILM Starring: Domhnall Gleeson, Rachel McAdams | 12A | 123mins

Richard Curtis (Love Actually) returns to the big screen with this sci-fi romantic comedy, in which Domhnall Gleeson’s Tim discovers he can travel through time and so sets about changing his past for a better future. Chief on his to do list? Win the heart of Rachel McAdams, which becomes more difficult when he accidentally erases the timeline Back To The Future-style.

On general release September 4

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In the early Noughties Vin Diesel was the hottest emerging action star with The Fast And The Furious and a sleeper sci-fi hit called Pitch Black, the story of which he returns to here. However, while producing as well as starring, Diesel hasn’t managed to rustle up much of the initial appeal.

Pitch Black was a low budget future-set action flick with Diesel as the titular anti-hero and it raked in over US$50m at the box office in the summer of 2000.

After Furious and xXx made Diesel the emerging action star, he opted to run with this sci-fi series, unloading the profoundly boring, big-budgeted and over-wrought The Chronicles Of Riddick in 2004. This sees him back to his smaller-scale roots, as half-man, half-alien Riddick is trapped on a planet with critters and bounty hunters after him. Only it never catches fire and stretches its run time as far as it will go.

The action is stalk and slash without the tension or suspense, and too much relies on the clearly CG-rendered beasts, their built-in-a-computer lack of weight meaning they don’t ever carry enough threat. The butch bounty hunter banter and posturing is underdeveloped, with too many stereotypes around, and the gratuitous nudity and lashings of gore give it a decidedly B-movie feel.

Diesel is good enough value in the role that brought him to attention, but he spends too long grunting about the place, and doesn’t get enough winning one-liners to make up for it all. It’s one for the die-hard Riddick fans out there, although there are unlikely to be too many of those left.

Good for: Shlocky B-movie entertainment.

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zoe lyons: pop-up comic

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

After a crowd-pleasing, critic-delighting run at the Edinburgh Fringe, the sassy London standup brings her latest show Pop-Up Comic back down south. Full of cracking one liners, shrewd observations, and tales about the strangest places she has ‘popped up in’, such as the Alan Titchmarsh daytime TV show.

St James Studio 12 Palace Street, SW1E 5JA. Sep 5. £12.50 St James’s Park stjamestheatre.co.uk

michael landry: saints alive

thark

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

The current Rootstein Hopkins Associate Artist in residence at the National Gallery, Landry has produced seven large-scale sculptures that take a contemporary and thoroughly modern representation of the religious saints, as opposed to the more traditional canvas-based depictions with which they’re usually associated.

Despite a couple of spot-on performances, this laboured production of Ben Travers’ 1927 comedy – about randy old goat Sir Hector Benbow, whose roving eye threatens trouble when his wife finds him entertaining the shop girl he’s invited to dinner – comes across as a heavy-handed formula that has had its day. LK

National Gallery WC2N 5DN. Until Nov 24. FREE Piccadilly Circus nationalgallery.org.uk

Park Theatre Clifton Terrace, N4 3JP. Until Sep 22. £19.50+ Finsbury Park parktheatre.co.uk

luke graves What’s this week’s show about?

Milk, handbags, honeybee sex and, if there is time, meeting Phillip Schofield.

Where was your first show? I’ve no memory of it. I was too terrified and possibly drunk. The first I do remember, though, was an arts centre in Slough, performing to six comics and a bored barman.

Photos: Alastair Muir

What’s your strangest on-stage moment? Being heckled in Slovakia – I thought they weren’t laughing because of the language barrier, then someone heckled with one of my punchlines. It turned out that he’d watched my YouTube clip.

ain’t them bodies saints

dirty dancing

FILM

THEATRE

Casey Affleck (Gone Baby Gone) and Rooney Mara (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) star in this Sundance-wowing flick about an outlaw couple who crash headfirst into the effects of their crime-spree actions. Affleck’s Bob winds up in jail and upon his release four years later sets out to find the girlfriend he lost and the child he never met.

This recast revival of the show that opened in the West End in 2006 is lacking one vital ingredient – sex appeal. The set numbers of this rites of passage musical are nicely recreated – the lift, Baby rescued from the corner – but the chemistry isn’t there between Paul-Michael Jones’s Johnny and Jill Winternitz’s Baby. LK

Released September 6

Piccadilly Theatre Denman Street, W1D 7DY. Until Feb 22. £26.50 Piccadilly dirtydancinglondon.com

Who inspired you to pick up a mic and take to the stage?

No-one really, I accidently got into stand-up trying to stay out of the house and away from my girlfriend at the time.

What is the funniest thing you have ever seen? Animals on YouTube or the Fox and Duck comedy night.

The Fox and Duck Comedy Night. Sep 6.

FREE 194 Petersham Road, TW10 7AD Richmond comedyknights.co.uk

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Superman III: Christopher Reeve

BMX Bandits: it’s all about the frizzy-haired girl on the right 26

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Man Of Steel: Henry Cavill

This one: Nicole Kidman rocking a modern day side ponytail at the swish Cannes Film Festival [Caption]

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83-13: What’s the difference?

Three decades is ages, and looking back we find that plenty has changed. But much has stayed the same too – or just come back Words michael gadd, Oli Jones & Dan Thorne

Although interconnected since the First Fleet lobbed on shore, the relationship between Australia and the UK is especially strong for those who’ve grown up alongside TNT in the past 30 years. So to mark the dirtiest of milestones, we’ve had a look at how Britain, in particular London, and Oz have changed between then, 1983, and now, 2013.

Music: Oh what a Daft feeling!

Australia 1983-2013: The Flashdance theme was number one for seven weeks, and it hasn’t gone away (a 2008 UK musical adaptation will soon do the jazz splits on Broadway). Michael Jackson unleashed the moonwalk with Billie Jean, while Culture Club’s Karma Chameleon and Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? were huge. Aussies still flocked to Aussie acts and pub rockers Cold Chisel, The Angels and imitators were still allowed in pubs. Australian Crawl (Reckless) hit the top of the charts, but the biggest hit of ‘83 was Australiana by puntastic comic Austen Tayshus (eight weeks on top). Synth hadn’t quite cracked it, but Aussies Pseudo Echo were paving the way (sort of) for the beep-pop everyone seems to love now from chart-toppers Daft Punk (the biggest act in Oz right now, says Last.fm). Get Lucky simply won’t go away.

London 1983-2013: As in Oz, Culture Club were massive, as was Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse Of The Heart. The Welsh belter was the UK’s best bet this year for Eurovision, which first aired Down Under in ‘83. Spooky. Men At Work’s Down Under finally reached the UK (and US) after it was released in 1981 at home, and was all over radio with the likes of Kajagoogoo’s Too Shy (hush hush, eye to eye – ha, now it’s in your head) and UB40’s Red Red Wine. Now, with the countries’ tastes intertwined, it apparently can’t be a hit unless the artist can be referred to with one name (Gaga, Rihanna, Beyoncé) or if it’s ‘featuring’ someone – Disclosure’s White Noise (feat AlunaGeorge) was the tune of Carnival.

Of The Jedi, met with Jaws 3-D and Psycho II. Tops this year so far have been Iron Man 3 and Despicable Me 2. Quality at the box office everywhere included Trading Places and The Big Chill. Fast And Furious was big this year, but a poor man’s Bandits if you ask us (fast, expensive cars is cheating, right?).

London 1983-2013: UK cinemagoers seem to let kids choose the movie with Despicable Me 2 and Monsters University in the current top five. Not so in 1983, when going to a movie was still a date. Comedy-drama Terms Of Endearment (from James L. Brooks of The Simpsons fame now) and Barbara Streisand’s Yentl cleaned up at the Oscars. Out of the UK came Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life, Roger Moore as Bond in Octopussy and the camp Superman III (co-production with the US featuring Richard Prior as a computer whiz). Flash forward to 2013 and Henry Cavill’s Man Of Steel got a mixed reception and Johnny Depp’s The Lone Ranger was panned.

Fashion: Eighties is in again (too old to be retro) Australia 1983-2013: Retro can now mean Nineties (WTF!) but Eighties remains the prevailing party theme if you want to go bananas with big hair, fluoro and leg warmers. Other faves in ‘83 were feathered barnets and side ponytails, hightops and influences from those crazy punk kids – the flanno was in here well before that Cobain bloke did the grunge thing (“Chisel!”). Now the side pony is back along with ››

Movies: Must be time for another Superman Australia 1983-2013: Like now, Aussie film very much followed the trends of the US and UK, but Down Under was contributing it’s own cultural genius to the world. BMX Bandits makes ‘83 a landmark year on its own, with Nicole Kidman and all that frizzy hair (she was in another film, Bush Christmas, that year). It was a big year for the sequels, some more impressive than others. Star Wars’ triumphant Return

Bonnie Tyler: when Total Eclipse Of The Heart hit

Eurovision: and doing her best for Britain

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Huge: Daft Punk are the biggest act in UK and Oz. Everyone got into Get Lucky

Culture Club: Karma Chameleon was huge

Coronation Street: a soapie that’s stood the time test

No froth: an Aussie flat white, thanks

Genius: Rowan Atkinson as bumbling Blackadder

the high-tops and other old-school influences. Add to that patterned leggings for the girls or skinny jeans and a general appearance of just getting out of bed for the lads.

London 1983-2013: Always more extreme and daring than the Aussies, ‘83 in London was along similar lines, just bigger – the New Romantic wave was rolling in, and men were going mad with the make-up. Now it’s all about ombre and dip-dye hair, trainer wedges, jeggings and for the younger ones, short denim shorts with the pockets (or much of an arse cheek) poking out. Skinnies, hipster beards and aviators have reached plague proportions in blokes.

Food: Chicken kiev or lobster burger?

Australia 1983-2013: Aussies were the world’s biggest meat and sugar consumers, with the humble roast the pinnacle of home treats. Though there was a growing embrace for the flavours of the huge immigrant populations from Italy and the Med. At the poncey end of town, nouvelle cuisine was getting its run. More significantly, Lavazza coffee et al were making their mark and curating Aussies into a bunch of coffee snobs. Flat white? You’re welcome. The influx of new Aussies from Asia means stir fries are bigger than spag bol now, but “Aussie” food can really mean anything these days.

London 1983-2013: Chicken kiev and black forest gateau were the dog’s bollocks before the fine dining revolution struck (loads of foreign chefs rocked up). There were no Prets or sushi chains yet, but L’Escargot was flying, the place to be seen if you were a banker. Nouvelle cuisine hit pockets

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The Voice: singing comp as much about the judges

Television: Variety and drama will never last Australia 1983-2013: The most popular shows on TV in Oz were made in Oz. The Sullivans and Young Doctors ended in ‘83 as Cop Shop and A Country Practice hit their stride – the best of the lot was Sons And Daughters, ‘cos it won the Logie. Racist Irreverent Aussie sitcom Kingswood Country was also smashing the one-liners. Variety was huge too, with Daryl Somers’ Hey Hey It’s Saturday a weekend institution and Don Lane handing the reins over to Bert Newton. Now, home products Winners And Losers and the ending Packed To The Rafters carry the drama baton, but when the modern day answers to New Faces and perving in your neighbours window (The X Factor, The Voice, The Block, Big Brother, The Biggest Loser and more) aren’t on, CSI and NCIS dominate the schedules. In ‘83, the best imports were Danger Mouse, Astro Boy and Days Of Our Lives, which ended its 45year run on Aussie TV in April this year.

London 1983-2013: Comedy on UK TV was a battle between the smarty pants Cambridge Footlights (Fry, Laurie, Atkinson) with Blackadder and The Comic Strip’s alternative types (Edmondson, French, Mayall, Sayle). The precursor to schmaltzy breakfast TV made its first appearance with Breakfast Time and TV-AM, while Brits were captivated by Coronation Street and Sons And Daughters, which leaped over the pond. These days it’s all about panel shows (8 Out Of 10 Cats), reality shows and, wait for it, Coronation St. The Brits’ inexplicable love of Home And Away and Neighbours (the latter doesn’t even air on a main channel in Oz now) continues too, while Jim Bowen’s dart-based gameshow Bullseye remains the best dart-based game show ever. ❚ 1983 VS 2013 IN MUSIC VIDEOS tntmagazine.com/83-v-13-tunes

Photos: Getty; AAP; YouTube

Sons And Daughters: made the first leap over the pond

hard as the ‘Modern British’ concept was emerging. The world basically thought Brits just ate roast beef and cooked the crap out of veg. No more. One of the best places in the world to eat, super steakhouses (Gaucho, Hawksmoor) are acclaimed, while Heston Blumenthal’s (Dinner) molecular gastronomy is copied globally with varying success. The gastropub remains, but trendier is lining up for innovative pop-ups and the fab oxymoron of deluxe fast food outlets (Burger And Lobster, Bubbledogs). Roast dinner still rules.

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80s

90s

AUSTRALIAN PRIME ministers BOB HAWKE (LAB) 1983-1991

JOHN HOWARD (LIB) 1996-20

Paul Keating (LAB) 1991-1996

’83

’90

Ash Wednesday bushfires kill 75 people in Vic and SA

’85

’86

Crocodile Dundee is a worldwide hit

OZ

’95

’88

NZ/Aussie co-production The Piano floors critics

Year-long Bicentennary celebrations

’84

’87

’83

Richard Attenborough’s Gandhi wins eight Oscars

’83

Liverpool beat Man U to win third League Cup in a row

’84

Skaters Torvill and Dean win Winter Olympic gold

Au Ru Wo

Queen Elizabeth II visits Australia

’89

Black Monday Aussies regain in US hammers Ashes on UK soil Aussie and for the first time London stock in 40 years exchanges

’86

’92

Pakistan beat England in cricket World Cup final in Australia

’90

Mad Cow disease strikes

’94

Poll Tax riots in London

First National Lottery

’92

’86

Maradonna’s ‘hand of god’ knocks England out of World Cup

Queen’s ‘annus horribilis’ after Windsor Castle fire and royal scandals

’89

94 football fans die in Hillsborough FA Cup crush

’88

Laws allow pubs to open all day

’90

IRA bomb explodes at London Stock Exchange

’97

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’96

Spice Girls release first single, Wannabe

Princess Diana dies in Paris car crash

’95

’94

Four Weddings & A Funeral hits our screens

’99

UK keep pound as Euro launched

’97

First Harry Potter book out

‘Rogue trader’ Nick Gleeson jailed

BRITISH PRIME ministers Margaret Thatcher (CON) 1979-1990

’98

First National Sorry Day

’92

’87

Neighbours premieres

’87

Kylie Minogue tops the charts in UK and Oz with I Should Be So Lucky

Martin Bryant given 35 life sentences, plus 1035 years for the Port Arthur Massacre

Australian and UK forces committed to Gulf War

Home & Away premieres

’86

’99

’91

’88

God Save The Queen replaced

by Advance Australia Fair

Australian Law becomes fully independent of Britain

’97

’94

Victorian Muriel’s Wedding Stuart Diver Australia wins is sole survivor cricket World Football League and Priscilla of the Thredbo becomes the Queen Of The Cup in the landslide AFL Desert UK ’ ’92 Sydn Baz Luhrmann’s “Best Strictly Ballroom Gam is a worldwide ’97 ’95 success Rugby League’s The Castle is released.

Super A cult is born League war ’93 (ends ’97) Native Title Act passed in parliament ’96

Uluru handed back to traditional owners

UK

0

’96

Boy band Take That splits up

Tony Blair (LAB) 199 John Major (CON) 1990-1997

00s

10s

Julia Gillard (LAB) 2010-2013

LIB) 1996-2007

Kevin Rudd (LAB) 2007-2010

’05

9

a wins World the

Cronulla Riots shock and outrage Australia

’00

Rudd/Gillard become Leader and Deputy of Labor Party

’03

Sydney hosts “Best Olympic Games ever”

Iraq war protests biggest since Vietnam War

’01-’07

David Hicks imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay

’04

’09

’07

’10

Victorian bushfires kill 173 people

’05

’01

’99

’99

Australia votes “NO” to becoming a republic

’05

’03

Australia beat England 3-1 in football friendly at West Ham

’03

England win Ashes back for first time since 1987

England beat Australia 20-17 in Rugby World Cup final in Sydney

’99

UK keep pound as Euro unched

’00

Big Brother first airs in the UK

’01

Ricky Gervais introduces the world to David Brent in The Office

’02

Foot and mouth disease crisis declared over

lair (LAB) 1997-2007

Australia win Ashes 5-0 and cricket World Cup

’03

OLYMPIC GOLD medal tally

Los Angeles 1984 Seoul 1988 Barcelona 1992 Atlanta 1996 Sydney 2000 Athens 2004 Beijing 2008 London 2012

GB OZ 5 4 5 3 5 7 1 9 11 16 9 17 19 14 29 7

’13

’11

Gillard calls election but is overthrown by former ally Rudd

Hurdler Sally Pearson IAAF World Athlete of the Year

’07

Socceroos qualify for World Cup for the first time since 1974

September 11 terrorist attacks Oz & UK back US action in Iraq

’13

Population Black Caviar passes 22 million retires unbeaten people after 25 races

Newcastle cheerleader ’06 Jennifer Hawkins Beaconsfield ’02 wins Miss Mine disaster Bali bombing Universe in Victoria claims 202 lives

Australia win Rugby Union World Cup in England

Carbon Pricing scheme introduced

’10

New Zealand upset Australia in Rugby League World Cup final

Shapelle Corby convicted of drug smuggling in Bali

’12

Mary Mackillop becomes Australia’s first saint

’08

’05

Kevin Rudd (LAB) 2013-Present

’12

’10

Commonwealth celebrates Queen Elizabeth II’s Diamond Jubilee

Aussie Mark Webber wins British Grand Prix

’08

AUSSIE DOLLAR TO THE GB POUND Aug 2013 58c to £1 Aug 2003 40c to £1 Aug 1993 45c to £1 Aug 1983 58c to £1

First female Governor General Quentin Bryce appointed

’11

’06

Commonwealth Games in Melbourne

’05

’08

Rolling Stones Prince Harry Boris Johnson frontman Mick wears Nazi elected Mayor Jagger uniform; Charles of London knighted and Camilla marry

’09

’05

First 24-hour pubs

’06

’13

US President Obama announces killing of Osama Bin Laden

Slumdog Millionaire wins eight Oscars

Helen Mirren wins best actress Oscar for The Queen

’10

British death toll in Afghanistan tops 300

England follow 2011 win with 3-0 Ashes victory at home

’12

London hosts the Olympic Games

’11

Prince William and Kate Middleton get hitched

’13

Andy Murray wins Wimbledon final

MY, MY HOW WE’VE GROWN! 1983 1993 2003 2013

GB 56.31 57.58 59.56 63.50

OZ 15.45 17.71 20.01 23.05

= population in millions

’12

Brad Wiggins is first Brit to win the Tour de France

David Cameron (CON) 2010-Present Gordon Brown (LAB) 2007-2010

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The UK’s Top FIVE best beaches Travel

The end of summer is imminent. We’ve already had more than our usual quota of sunshine, and with that in mind we should make the most of it.

And everyone knows the best place to enjoy the sunshine is the beach.

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TOP 10: Music videos of the Eighties

TNT’s Video viral chart

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TRAVEL

Tired of bungee jumping? Then maybe it’s time you tried bridge swinging.

What’s bridge swinging you say? Well, what do you think it is? It’s swinging from a bridge, and it’s immense fun. Check out videos of the world’s best bridge swingers.

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MUSIC

It’s becoming clear that the Eighties, far from being a cringefest decade, was a golden age for music.

Pop music in particular achieved its zenith in the Eighties; hugely popular and not yet corporatised. Here are its highlights.

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London mayor Boris Johnson has written a strongly worded opinion piece calling for Australians to be given the same immigration rights as European citizens.

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VISA NO-GO BOJO Boris Johnson has called for renewed immigration links with Australia. It’s time the puppet masters at the UKBA acknowledged the economic benefits of free movement between the two countries.

According to the Australian Department of Immigration, our land which is girt by sea saw 16,700 settler arrivals from the UK in 2011/12. In return, the UK offered a meagre 20,700 Tier 2 places last year, having closed Tier 1 applications for Australians holding a professional degree in November 2010.

Mr Johnson cites the “palaver” of Sally Roycroft, a young Aussie professional trying to sustain a career here in the UK. I know this issue firsthand as one of the many Australians with a circus of red-tape hoops behind me. I am incredibly fortunate to be sponsored by my employer, however I dare not explore the UK job market or promotional opportunities for fear of losing this privilege.

Young mobile Australians have the potential to make significant economic and cultural contributions to the UK, yet sponsored visa applications fell 22% in the year to December 2012 and the number of visas issued hit an all-time low since 2005. There are simpler Commonwealth partnership solutions which Mr Johnson could implore, such as reinstating the Tier 1 visa, but they appear to be falling on deaf ears at UKBA. Read more at: my.tntmagazine.com/blogs

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Time goes by Now we’re 30, TNT can’t help but take a trip down memory lane – so we’ve done it with some of our faithful Words caroline garnar

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Thinking of our younger years and recalling the good (music and films), the bad (power cuts and strikes) and the ugly (power suits and perms), we asked some of TNT’s readers and London veterans to look back on what’s made the city tick over the mag’s lifetime.

The professional predecessor Graeme Johnstone, Melbourne, Australia “I moved to London in early 1980 to be the editor of TNT’s predecessor, Australasian Express. It was a weekly tabloid newspaper, which had been going for about eight years. One of the great breakthroughs while I was there was when we started to get the weekend sporting results sent to us from Australia on a Sunday night by this marvellous new process called the ‘fax’!

“I lived in a flat in Kensington with my wife, Elsie, and our (then) three children.

When we arrived everyone said to us, ‘Are you mad, bringing your family over here?

This is London, the centre of the world, and the way the Cold War is hotting up, when the first bomb goes off, it will be dropped here!’ Oh, OK, thanks for that warm welcome to the UK. “A few weeks later the Iranian Embassy went up in smoke after a seven-day siege and the tone was set. The city streets were often tense, the evening news was always strident and a bomb went off one night not far from where we lived. Maggie Thatcher had just come into power and was slashing through industry and business with a machete and taking on the unions.

1980: doom and gloom in the job market “Rather than hang around London at the weekends, we would jump in the car that was part of my salary package – a VW Beetle with Australasian Express plastered all over it – and take off to see as much of England, Ireland, Wales and Scotland as we could.

“When we went back to Australia near the end of 1981, we were obviously pleased to return home, but it had been a truly marvellous experience.”

The tearaway teen Georgie Manning-Harris, Sydney, Australia “I moved to Whitstable [in Kent] in ’93 to live with my dad when I was 15. Then I met a guy and I moved to London with him a year later.

Two of my closest friends also moved over from Australia and we all lived together.

Iron Lady: Thatcher was PM 1979-90 “I moved around a lot – at one point I was in a house share with 14 other Australians and Kiwis. I think that was all part of living in London for me – there were so many places to rent and I liked to move in with people I didn’t know.

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Melissa Maierhofer: I moved to London in 1998 and spent nine years there. TNT was a great support for me.

Travel, entertainment and accommodation! Working in HR in the UK I would refer all new arrivals to the magazine as it is a great resource. Five years on and back in Australia I still subscribe to the email updates as I loved my time in London and enjoy reading about what London and Europe has to offer the avid traveller.

Happy birthday TNT.

1989: Arsenal become league champions “I went to performing arts school and worked in bars. I used to look in TNT Magazine for jobs, and also to find out what club nights were on. It was great for that – particularly for finding out about events that were geared up for Australians.

“I went a bit party mad. There’s a massive party scene in London. I used to go anywhere that played hard house – so Fever, Fahrenheit, 414 … I would rave all night and then barely make it into college.

“My friends met British guys, took them back to Australia and married them, but I still live in London. It’s a very different experience now. I don’t think London’s changed much but I think I have – I don’t go raving anymore! Also, you hang out with such different people depending on where you live in London. There are so many opportunities here, always new people to meet and new things to do.”

Photos: Getty

The pub-going football fan Kevin Murphy, Melbourne, Australia “I moved to London in January, 1986, into a flat in East Finchley with some friends from Adelaide, where I was originally from.

I arrived just after a big snow and in the middle of 30 days or so of 0°C or below.

“I was first directed to TNT by my flatmates, who used it to get their first jobs.

I also used it for this and soon landed a job at the Pontefract Castle Pub, where I worked for about three months. I also used TNT to secure other work in cleaning.

“The weekly TNT was our contact with

1995: the rave scene in London hits a high Australia and, along with updates and scores for our football season, we found out about news events and political changes.

“After the casual transport infrastructure of Adelaide, the London system seemed far supreme. The Underground was always entertaining, but seldom did I feel at risk, even catching Tubes at 11pm or later.

“One regular outing for me and my friends was to local football matches – going to the now former Arsenal ground was a regular. We also had nights out at various pubs; the one distinction from pubs in Australia is that here they seem to be an extension of people’s lounges. You are comfortable, you sit and talk, and it is generally a fun night.

“Me, my brother and a friend also bought a Bedford van to do some travelling.

We were able to do some work on it with items scavenged from skips that were out the front of the many homes being renovated in our area. We got wood, carpet and a roof rack for the van, and even paint.

“I remember one of my last nights in London was staying at an International Youth Hostel, which were just getting started in London. A group of around 20 people – mostly just met – ventured out for a big NEXT WEEK night at the pub and the How to make next day we all went our new mates separate ways.”

10 THINGS WE MISS ABOUT THE 80S

Melissa A Butler: We moved to London in February 2004 and were told about TNT. We relied on the magazine to find accommodation, go to gigs and to book tours in the early years of our stay in London. Nearly 10 years later, I will still pick up a TNT Magazine when I walk past them.

Ingrid Morrow: We (my husband and I) moved to London in 1998. We knew somehow about TNT and had trouble finding it at first! After being in London for a short while we learned we could pick it up outside places like Old Street Tube. The highlight was picking it up on the way to work on a Monday morning where we caught up on news from back at home (Oz). We used it to book our first European trips – bus trips to Paris and Brussels – and for other travel ideas. We lived in London for 10 years and all the way through we would pick up a copy when we could. Thanks TNT – you were an intrinsic part of our time in London!

Happy 30th birthday!

Colette Carr: My son married an Australian girl and I have three beautiful grandchildren over there. TNT helps me feel closer to them with news from Oz.

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Job Marketing analyst From Honduras Lives Kentish Town How do you budget?

I generally just think tight. My parents always raised me to be frugal. I don’t think I’m cheap but out of all my friends, I seem to be the most conscious about my wallet.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

I do any heavier drinking before I leave for the bars or clubs. Pre-gaming is a big money saver.

What was your last big blowout?

A trip to Barcelona for a football match. Cost £300.

how THEY spend it!

Finger lickin’ good Beyoncé is reported to have splurged £1500 on Nando’s in Essex after her performance at this year’s V Festival. The order included 48 whole chickens. She must’ve been hungry

❚ We know Britney loves a frappuccino, but the fallen pop princess’ penchant for fast food extends to an unlimited tab at the likes of Subway, Domino’s, McDonald’s and Starbucks.

If you reckon that’s a lot of money, think of the calories.

Beyoncé: digs chicken

❚ The Sultan of Brunei spent £16.4m on a champagne and caviar birthday bash for his 50th. Hopefully the guests got him some good gifts.

Do more Spend less

❚ According to the everreliable grapevine, Kanye West once spent £2775 on having a takeaway from an Indian restaurant in Wales delivered to his place in New York. ❚ P-Diddy (or whatever his name is these days) is alleged to have splashed £300,000 on Krug champagne for a party. Mate, get down Morrison’s – you can get crates of tinnies for a lot less.

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tntjobs.co.uk Kathmandu Pty Ltd www.kathmandu.com.au Kathmandu is an adventure passionate multinational chain of retail stores, specializing in outdoor clothing and equipment.

LinchPin T: 078 5033 0806 We provide crew for the event industry, our main clients are florists. We help install the job and clear it after the event.

Job of the WeeK: Store Managers, Assistant Store Managers, 3ICs and Sale Advisors Location: Australia and New Zealand Salary: Advised upon request Kathmandu is looking for new retail enthusiasts that are looking to take their next adventure to our Australian and New Zealand Stores. Full time and part time opportunities available must have valid visa or permanent residency Quote Kathmandu TNT | jobs@kathmandu.com.au or jobs@kathmandu.co.nz

Job of the WeeK: Crew Location: Mainly Central London Salary: £10p/h • You will be required to pack props + flowers • Load vans • Unload and install the job • Go back to the venue to take the job out • Unload the job back at the work place Pierre Snyman | 078 5033 0806 | email: snyman.pierre@yahoo.com

T: 02073971262 www.evolvehospitality.co.uk

Job of the WeeK: Temporary Waiting Staff (full time hours available) Location: Zones 1 and 2 In London Salary: up to £8.55 hourly

Evolve Hospitality are the number one agency for the best events in London. We supply staff for celebrity parties, royal functions and at the most VIP venues. Evolve Hospitality train all their staff.

Evolve Hospitality are seeking some smiley staff with excellent customer service skills to work with us at the best celebrity and VIP events In London! If you’re hard working, fun and smiley then we want to hear from you!

Natalie Player | 020 7397 1266 | Natalie@EvolveHospitality.co.uk

Evolve Hospitality

Silverback Events T: 0844 5617939 T: 07595021939 www.silverbackuk.com Silverback is a provider of premium support crew to production and AV companies within the event sector.

Job of the WeeK: Crew Member Location: London (All Areas) Salary: £8.00 -15.00 per hour Silverback is looking for fit, intelligent, good communicators who can take direction from senior crewmen and clients. You need good social skills and impeccable punctuality and be prepared to work long & sometimes unsocial hours, Applicants must speak fluent English. Typical Duties: Loading / Unloading of vehicles, Rigging of AV equipment, Setting up and dismantling stage and set, Ensuring health & safety requirements are met, Liaising with clients in a professional manner.

Jason@silverbackuk.com | 07712 829348

Auravita Ltd. www.auravita.com Auravita is a leading uk e-retailer successfully operating since 1999.

Job of the WeeK: Telesales executive Location: London NW2 Salary: £15,000 to £40,000 according to candidate’s qualifications.

A leading UK e-retailer, in operation successfully for 15 years is looking for a Telesales personnel to recruit selected SME sellers to sell on our e-retail platform. • Research target TPS to identify the decision makers • Make cold contact • Present proposition & follow through to registration of the TPS as a seller on Auravita.

Louise Taylor | ltaylorauravita@gmail.com

Savanna Staff Solutions Ltd. T: 0203-086-8092 / 07515-471-801 www.savannastaffsolutions.co.uk Recruitment and Training Specialists Transport and Logistics Industry. Recruitment: Drivers / Warehouse / Office Staff. Training: Forklift training courses / Drivers CPC Training

Origin T: 020 7617 7894 www.origincare.com Live-in roles typically of 2 weeks on and 1 week off. Free specialist training provided with Origin, a dedicated company established over 10 years.

Job of the WeeK: HGV Class 2 Drivers Required Location: Greenford, West London Salary: £9 per hour We are urgently looking to recruit Class 2 drivers. Top performers have a good chance of getting permanent work, as my customer is looking to take on 6 Class 2 drivers.

Discounted training available in Drivers CPC and Forklift training courses.

Willem Smith | 0203-086-8092 | email willem@savannastaffsolutions.co.uk

Job of the WeeK: Live-In Carers Location: Greenford, West London Salary: up to £630pw Our clients are young adults with a spinal injury. We need positive people to help them live independently. Free accommodation, food and refunded travel expenses!

Promotional prospects and higher rates of pay available. A Driving licence is essential.

John Hardy | 020 7617 7894 | johnhardy@origincare.com

Looking for your next job?

New jobs online every day To advertise your job of the week contact 38 tntMagazine.com Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

JOBS

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An excellent opportunity for a London based Sales Manager to join one of England’s leading fireplace companies. This role will require you to have a confident sales approach, excellent telephone manner and customer service skills. You must be a quick learner with the ambition to perform above expectations and be well presented at all times.

Salary: £22,000 per annum (Depending on experience) + commission The successful applicant will need to meet the following criteria: • Educated to degree level or equivalent.

• Proven sales experience.

• Business account management.

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To apply please email jkennedy@acquisitions.co.uk attaching your CV and covering Letter. Tel: 020 7482 2949

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WORLDVIEW

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expat buys rights to screen footie australia

A British expat was frustrated that so few of his football team’s international games were broadcast on telly in Australia, he bought the TV rights.

David Feeney, a Sydney-based IT director from Dublin, has organised to show Ireland’s next World Cup qualifier on September 6 against Sweden. And he has also bought the rights for England’s game against Ukraine on September 10.

The matches will be televised on Feeney’s fledgling Channel 33 in the early hours on Australia’s east coast at venues including sports bars and a casino in Sydney and the Celtic Club in Melbourne.

Feeney said: “If it works out, I’m hoping we can do more in the future.” tweets of the week

Feeling rexed?: This Tyrannosaurus rex gets a taste of what the morning commute is like for us as he strolls along Martin Place in Sydney. Ten life-sized dinosaurs go on display at the Australian Museum from November

@standardnews Boris and the Aussies: it’s a mutual love-in @TopBoxTim Experience fracking for yourself with a baked bean and champagne enema @DaftLimmy Bradley Manning? “No, I’m Chelsea Manning.” Then you’re free to go. VERY CLEVER.

wipe your arse on mugabe’s face... zimbabwe

A Zimbabwean man has been charged for allegedly using President Robert Mugabe’s election campaign poster as toilet paper.

Takura Mufumisi, 26, from the southern city of Masvingo, is said to have taken the paper with him to a bar toilet. An informant reportedly spotted him tearing up the poster with Mugabe’s image while 40

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inside the loo and made a citizen’s arrest.

He has been accused of violating electoral laws. In Zimbabwe it is a crime to pull down election campaign posters. His case has been adjourned indefinitely by a Magistrates’ Court.

twerking, unlike added to dictionary united kingdom

Miley Cyrus made it infamous, now twerking has been added to the Oxford English Dictionary.

When Cyrus got her raunch on at the MTV VMAs, lots of people would have loved to click on an “unlike” option on Facebook, which is another piece of vocab that’s been added to the word bible.

The commonly used term for taking a

photo of yourself, “selfie”, was also added.

For those unfamiliar with twerking, the dictionary says it’s a verb, meaning to “dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance”.

Katherine Connor Martin, of Oxford Dictionaries said: “By last year, it had generated enough currency to be added to our new words watch list, and by this spring, we had enough evidence of usage frequency in a breadth of sources to consider adding it to our dictionaries.” Thank god for that.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 3

Time, in months, it took Jane O’Brien from Middlesex to realise her Xmas pressie lottery ticket had won £1m

Per cent of expats living in Britain who say they don’t like it here – most because of the weather, according to a study

Mullet: Assange in election video

ASSANGE IN SPOOF ELECTION VIDEO

On the loose: pigs

25

68

Yearly rise, in per cent, of the number of Italian men having penis enlargement operations, figures have revealed

UNITED KINGDOM

WikiLeaks founder and Senate candidate Julian Assange has appeared in a spoof election video before Australia turns out to vote.

The Australian Election: A Game Of Polls video, made by Juice Rap News, spoofs the forthcoming ballot with Assange lipsynching to the tune of John Farnham’s 1987 award-winning song You’re The Voice. “We gotta make things leak, so we can get much bolder, we’re all wiretapped now, we’re all being fed lies,” sings Assange, complete with mullet.

Assange’s clip was filmed in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London where he has been holed up for over a year and granted diplomatic asylum.

MAN ATTEMPTS EXORCISM WITH PENIS

Photos: Getty

CHINA

Of all the attempted chat-up lines, this takes the biscuit. A Chinese man is awaiting trial after claiming to have the ability to exorcise ghosts from inside a woman – using his penis.

The alleged victim contacted Huang Jiajun for help after she fell for her boss.

She claims she met Huang in a hotel and he ordered her to strip so that he could examine her for spectres.

His diagnosis: a ”vagina full” with trouble-causing ghosts that could only be

Cost, in pounds, of average deposit needed by a first-time buyer to purchase a typical property in London

quelled by the intervention of his member.

The alleged victim called the police and had Huang arrested. In a shock confession, Huang admitted he had lost the ability to gain an erection due to diabetes. So it turns out he wouldn’t have been able to help with the ghost problem after all.

PIG HUNTING IN CHRISTCHURCH NEW ZEALAND

For those who believe not much happens in New Zealand, this will strengthen your argument.

A police officer was sent to investigate two pigs (insert joke here) causing havoc for motorists in Christchurch.

On Twitter, @BetterWorkStory tweeted: “When I arrived at Middleton Road there were no informants to be found. So I asked some local youths: ‘You seen any pigs ‘round here?’” The officer found the animals and order was once again restored. Looks like he really brought home the bacon that night ...

64,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK If I’m having a snack, I’ll eat slices of ham or chicken rather than biscuits or toast.

I don’t have any packets or precooked food in the house – apart from fish fingers for emergencies Liz Hurley gives us a fascinating glimpse into the eating habits of the rich and famous

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Go to tntmagazine.com/competitions. See webpage for terms and conditions. Winners will be selected at random.

WIN A[additional] SEAT ON AN OVERLAND [title] SAFARI WITH ACACIA AFRICA Acacia Africa is offering one lucky TNT reader the chance to win a seat on its 11-day Highlights of Tanzania Overland Safari.

Explore the very best Tanzania has to offer on this incredible overland journey. Highlights include seeing the Serengeti’s game-filled plains, meeting colourful Maasai tribes, gazing skyward at snowcapped Kilimanjaro, meandering through spice markets and diving into the crystal-clear Indian Ocean off idyllic Zanzibar.

Terms and Conditions: • Your carriage on this tour is subject to

Acacia booking terms and conditions

• Entrants must be aged 18 to 39 • Cannot be exchanged for alternative tours

or cash settlements and are non-transferable

• Local payments, return flights, visa fees,

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other Acacia Africa discount

Comp opens: September 2, 2013 Comp ends: September 30, 2013 Enter at tntmagazine.com/competitions acacia-africa.com

PREVIOUS WINNERS TNT 1555: tickets to see barking in essex: Rich Tyler TNT 1560: a holiday & £1000 spending money from kalixa pay: Marcus Cunningham

42

WIN

TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazine.com

Left: anti-war protesters. Right: Syrian child and mother treated for injuries

Syria situation crystalises the dilemma of intervention

Photos: Getty

Whether intervention happens or not, the debate is at stalemate

I’ve got an admission to make: when I sent my pitches for this week’s opinion column, I only included Syria because I’d have looked faintly ridiculous had I not done. I worked really hard on making the other pitches seem super interesting and appealing. Alas, my editor’s one-word reply came: Syria.

Fuck. What is there to say really? Assad is an evil asshat, yep, that’s obvious. But so are the leaders of the Islamist factions of the revolution, orchestrating the summary executions of civilians for being a) the wrong kind of Muslims b) Christians c) anything they don’t like.

The moral question posed by the situation in Syria crystalises the central dilemma faced by the West’s foreign policy since 9/11, because at the heart of its approach of liberal intervention lies this conundrum: with the ability and means to intervene, it is morally wrong to watch innocent people being slaughtered; but intervention costs innocent lives, and can create a power vacuum filled by a regime equally as bad or worse.

Add to this a multitude of other moral quandaries: how much international consensus is required before intervention? If it’s agreed, what would work best to achieve the desired ends? Boots on the ground? No-fly zone? But could they deepen the problem? Then chuck in a pile of practical and geopolitical issues: the all-but impotent UN security council hamstrung by China and Russia which, as authoritarian regimes themselves, tend to side with authoritarian regimes and ignore their signatures on the Doctrine of Protection.

This time parliament have voted not to involve the UK. Hearing the news I felt a cowardly relief. Cameron’s argument was all about chemical weapons, as if we were some kind of war referee, calling a foul and giving a free kick, before letting the sides play on – i.e, carry on killing each other. Yet the ideological fallout remains static: those opposed to intervention call those in favour war-mongering neo-cons with a white saviour complex, and those in favour call those opposed moral relativists shirking their responsibility. The debate moves on not a jot and people continue to die, and that is simply unacceptable. » Agree or disagree? Should the West stay out of Syria? letters@tntmagazine.com

ABBOTT’S A VICTIM BLAMING DOUGHNUT On a July evening in 2012 Thomas Kelly, 18, was walking with his girlfriend in Kings Cross, Sydney. He was punched for no reason whatsoever

by Kieran Loveridge. Kelly fell to the floor and hit his head, and later died in hospital.

This week, would-be Australian PM Tony Abbott seemed to blame the 18-yearold for his own death. Abbott said people “walking down the street at 2am in Kings Cross in Sydney” who are brutally attacked at random “maybe shouldn’t be there”.

Don’t mistake this for harmless practical

“

Know this is who you’re voting for

”

advice. This is obfuscation on behalf of the violent and dangerous.

This is a man saying, “Well, it’s partly your fault for being there to be hit.” These aren’t the retrograde opinions of a political has-been, this man is just days away from possibly becoming Australia’s next prime minister. Anyone thinking of voting for him, know this is what you’re voting for.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

43

Yes Boris!

TNT backs London mayor’s call to make it easier for Antipodeans to stay in the UK WORDS CAROL DRIVER

It’s a sentiment close to TNT’s heart – the ridiculous amount of red tape Aussies and Kiwis face when they decide to extend their stay in the UK. We’ve been banging on about it for ages (see – and sign – our petition to simplify the visa application service, right), then, last week Boris Johnson swooped in like a heroic fop, and summed up what we’ve all been thinking: let’s make it easier to allow Aussies and Kiwis to remain in this country. Writing in The Telegraph – in a piece that soon went viral – the London mayor said: “It is time for Britain and Australia to set up a bilateral Free Labour Mobility Zone.”

Citing the case of Aussie teacher Sally Roycroft who had given him a letter during his trip Down Under, Johnson called the problem “actually rather simple. It was disgraceful”.

Roycroft had told how she had worked as a teacher for the past few years in Harringay and Tower Hamlets in London, helping to raise standards in literacy and numeracy, only to be “effectively kicked out of Britain”.

Johnson wrote: “What is her crime? That she isn’t French.

Nor is she German, or Polish, or Croat, or Italian, or Greek, or Portuguese. She isn’t a citizen of any of the 27 countries of the European Union. She is Australian; and she has been told to bog off by the authorities in our country because it was, they said, too much of a palaver to go through the business of ‘sponsoring’ her to stay.

“That is the infamous consequence, as we all know, of a historic and strategic decision that this country took in 1973.

We betrayed our relationships with Commonwealth countries such as Australia and New Zealand ...”

Johnson added: “This country is now quite properly approaching a renegotiation of that decision.” The mayor goes on to discuss the “microclimate of economic gloom” that is Europe, on which he writes the UK has focused, overlooking “the very Commonwealth countries that British negotiators so snootily disregarded in 1973”, where 44

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

economic growth has been happening. “It is time to undo the damage of 1973, and give her [Roycroft] exactly the same freedom of establishment that we give – say – a French teacher trying to find a job in London...” he said.

He added: “It is outrageous and indefensible that Sally Roycroft is deprived of a freedom that we legally confer on every French person. She ends her letter with these plangent words. ‘I am a bloody good teacher, I worked hard to ensure that your children were given the best opportunities and I just want to come back.’ It is time she was given a fair suck of the sauce bottle, as the Australians say.”

And TNT couldn’t agree more. It is ludicrous that while Europeans can easily enter and stay in the UK, our Aussie and Commonwealth counterparts are being penalised. Let’s hope Boris’s words resonate with the PM and Home Secretary – and that these overdue changes are made to benefit the UK and our bilateral relationship with Australia. Here, we speak to three Aussies who also agree with Johnson.

‘Constant state of panic’ TNT reader Louise is in the same situation as Sally – and welcomes the mayor’s proposals. Currently back home in Sydney, Australia, the 26-year-old is waiting for her sponsored visa so she can return to London where she’s been working as a primary school teacher for the past two years.

Louise said: “If there was a Free Labour Mobility Zone as Boris proposed, it would mean that I’m not in a constant state of stress and panic that I may get kicked out of my job, my home and have to leave so many people that I hold dear.

“It would mean that I wouldn’t have to return to Australia for visa purposes, with an unknown return date... I would have saved over £1200 in visa application fees and the cost of changing flights due to visa bureaucracy.”

Louise said it “does not make any sense” why the UK government would make it so difficult for someone of

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John Kachoyan said he agrees with Johnson following his being “kicked out of the UK” after studying and working in London for nearly five years from 2007. He graduated with an MA in film directing, was subsequently offered work and stayed in the UK on a Highly Skilled Migrant visa – which was abolished six months before he could apply for residence.

“There was the sponsorship angle, but a cap has been introduced – even then, it’s incredibly hard to get sponsored as a theatre director. So I was essentially forced to move back to Australia after ... creating dozens of productions involving UK artists and crew and co-founding a company (IronBark) – there was no recourse to me that didn’t involve great expense and uncertainty.”

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Nicole Fuller, who’s 29 and works in the media industry in London, called the sponsorship process “a tense time for any Australian”. She added: “London has the potential to afford lifestyle, travel and employment opportunities to many Australians .... It freely welcomes workers from the EU, yet the much-lauded Commonwealth of Nations has no bearing on free movement. My British ancestors sought the same opportunities, as the first free settlers arriving to Sydney Cove, but my connection to the First Fleet, my university education, my disposable income and earnings, and my contribution to the UK economy won’t afford me the reciprocal opportunity offered to our ancestors in 1788.”

TNT has been campaigning with your help against the UK Border Agency and the service it offers to visa applicants. We’ve revealed horror stories, gained press coverage in the UK, New Zealand and Australia, and attracted support from high-profile MPs. To read our coverage so far, visit tntmagazine. com/ukba. In March 2013, it was announced the UK Border Agency will be split into two organisations – one dealing with visas. In true shambolic style, a name for the office, and how it’s going to work, is yet to be decided. So far, all that’s clear is that it’s going to be the same staff, reporting to the same bosses, in the same building, operating within the same budgets. Therefore, our demands for this new entity remain the same. Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the new office changes its policies so that:

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‘A tense time’

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her profession – that “benefits the country” – who has a guaranteed job, to stay in the country. “It definitely makes it more difficult to get permanent work as employers know your stay is uncertain,” she said. “I am lucky enough that my school wanted to sponsor me, but it is still really hard to go through the process.”

sign our petition

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‘Make it easier’: Aussies in London

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IGN MPAAIGN CCAAMP NNTT

✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline Add your name to our government epetition.

Follow the link from tntmagazine.com/ukba

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45

SPORTNEWS

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Charging Quin: Ben Botica

STEADY QUINS SET FOR WASPS: BOTICA RUGBY UNION

Harlequins fly-half Ben Botica believes his fierce battle for the no.10 jersey with veteran fellow New Zealander Nick Evans is a sign of the London club’s strength as they prepare to regain their title lost last year.

Botica, 23, signed last summer as back-up and competition for Nick Evans, and had to step into the 33-year-old Aviva Premiership top points scorer’s shoes early on due to an injury.

Botica, son of former All Black Frano, then kicked the Twickenham Stoop-based side to the LV= Cup Championship.

The good sign for Quins, Botica says, is that his position – he also covers at centre – is just one being hotly contested.

“It was great to be signed at the club last year and to then get as much game time as I did,” Botica says. “Coming here I wasn’t expecting too much and it was just how fate headed that I got to play quite a bit so I was pretty happy with that.”

“I want to keep pushing Nick [Evans], he’s such a talented player and he keeps me striving to get better and hopefully I can push him all the way this year.

“But there’s competition in every position and it just makes you want to keep getting better and better, and that’s what makes our team better, because everyone is trying to be the best they can be.”

While their rivals have worked hard on recruitment in the off-season, Botica says Quins’ have an advantage of being a stable unit: “A few new boys have come in but we are predominantly the same as last year.

Everyone already knew how each other played so I think it’s just gelling better this year. I think we are in a better position to start the season than we were last year.”

46

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Every Yankie kid dreams of catching a foul ball at a Major League Baseball game – some never grow out of that. This fan rises above a sea of young hopefuls (and fellow middleaged spoilsports) to claim this miscued bomb for his drawing room at a Washington Nationals v Miami Marlins. At least the beardy man caught it properly, without a glove

Quins’ first match is at Twickenham on Saturday, part of the London Double Header (visit ticketmaster.co.uk), against London Wasps after the match between Saracens and London Irish.

In the same fixture last year Quins were 40-13 down before they snatched a win 40-42. Botica would like the clash to be a bit more straightforward this year.

“The boys are learning a few new tricks ahead of the London Double Header so hopefully we will pull those out,” he said.

“We’ve had a few pre-season games but this is the real deal and the start to what will hopefully be a successful season. We have in the past probably taken the foot off the throat a bit and had the spectators on the edge of their seats so hopefully this season we can put teams away a bit better.”

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Meet Moldova’s football captain Alexandru Epureanu, 26, who we can expect to be a tad busy on Friday night (7.30pm, ITV) when his side takes on England in World Cup qualifying at Wembley Stadium.

The central defender is playing for FC Anzhi Makhachkala, his second loan club since signing with FC Dynamo Moscow. The mission for Moldova’s player of the year in 2007, 2009, 2010 and 2011 will be to prevent their record 6-0 defeat to Sweden from being broken.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK It was by far the best of the games I’ve seen. I really enjoyed the game, I’m sad to hear others didn’t. I’m obviously out of sync England manager Roy Hodgson is a purist, labelling the 0-0 draw between Chelsea and Manchester United a beauty

Rampant: the NRL’s most destructive on his day is back just in time for the finals

PREVIEW CHOOKS OR BUNNIES FOR THE WIN SOUTH SYDNEY V SYDNEY ROOSTERS

FRI, 10.45AM, PREMIER SPORTS The NRL couldn’t have scripted this better – taking away the drugs scandals that won’t disappear – than to have one of the competition’s fiercest rivalries playing in the final round in a match that could decide the Premiership.

Equal at the top of the table and both expected to take care of business in their round 25 matches – Rabbitohs play West Tigers and Roosters face the Gold Coast Titans – this final match should begin with

both teams on 40 points and 18 wins apiece. The team to pick up their sixth loss for the year will be second and the other mob will let them know about it.

The Rabbitohs were flying until a bit of a late season slump, but the return of superstar Greg Inglis has given a timely boost. The Roosters slipped up against the Sharks in round 24 to miss out on putting a lead on the Bunnies, but are well ahead of their rivals on points difference.

The battle to make the eight is a doozy too, with five clubs equal on 24 points two rounds out to make the top eight.

THE CHAT | Int Rules good news for Bombers

As a team we pride ourselves on respecting all things cricket … the opposition and the grounds. We got carried away amongst the euphoria of winning such a prestigious series The England Cricket team after getting pissed and pissing on the Oval

Sorry guys. Venus (Williams), she is a very good player but I wanted to win also You’re excused Chinese tennis player Zheng Jie … one of the cutest US Open press conference apologies of all time

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photo: Getty

RUGBY UNION Kicked out of the finals and coach James Hird Q axed for a year, surely Essendon have nothing to celebrate as the AFL finals start this week?

True, it’s a shitty time for the Dons, but the announcement A of the 33-man Australian Indigenous squad for the International Rules series in Ireland gave them a bit of a boost.

The scandal-smashed Bombers, demoted to ninth due to their 2012 supplements programme, had the most players in the squad. Paddy Ryder, Courtenay Dempsey, Alwyn Davey, Leroy Jetta and Nathan Lovett-Murray are in Michael O’Loughlan’s side that’ll be cut to 21 ahead of the October 19 and 26 hybrid code games. Captains of 2010’s winning tour, Buddy Franklin and Adam Goodes, are expected to be there too.

Australia v South Africa Rugby Championship action live Sat, 11.05am, Sky Sports Ashes

AUSSIE RULES AFL finals kick off this weekend Surely the Hawks can’t go back-to-back?

ESPN, check digital guides for times

FORMULA 1 Don is good: Paddy Ryder

Italian Grand Prix The glamour GP ESPN UK, check digital guides for times TNTMAGAZINE.COM

47

When Cook gives you lemons…

Five reasons why losing 3-0 to Alastair Cook’s England wasn’t so bad for Michael Clarke’s Aussies as they head into the one-dayers WORDS MICHAEL GADD

The record books will show Australia lost 3-0 to England in the Ashes Test series of 2013. With that loss, Australia has fallen to number five in the Test rankings, behind Pakistan.

The win in the opening Twenty20 last week, engineered by Aaron Finch’s spectacular 156 off 63 balls, was the first time in 200 days any Australia side had tasted victory, following the 4-0 drubbing in India. Sounds pretty bad, right? Well, yeah, it is. But not as bad as you may think.

There is some good news for the Aussies to take out of having their arses handed to them by Alastair Cook’s men.

Things aren’t as good as some optimists have tried to spruik it, but fears that the Aussies would be utterly useless – and granted, that was tested at Lord’s – were proven wrong. And there is evidence that a change of fortune could be around the corner. So, with our pint half full, we look at what can be taken from the series and what there is to look forward to.

1. Australia could have won Not should have, but could have. It’s true. Australia were in three definite winning positions during this series but were scuppered by rain in two of them, at Old Trafford and The Oval, and an outstanding performance from Stuart Broad in the final session day at Chester-le-Street. Chasing a tricky 299 for victory, Australia were doing it easy at 2-168, but lost their remaining eight wickets for 56 runs. The big moments will haunt them from this series, but the knowledge they can get on top of a very good England side – as they most definitely were in the two drawn Tests, especially Manchester when England were 3-37 before the heaven’s opened up – must breed confidence.

2. They batted better than England The numbers support it, even if the perception is that the Aussie top order are a bunch of numpties throwing their wickets away as the revolving door selection policy unsettles 48

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them all. The top two highest innings totals of the series were scored by the Aussies, 7-527 at Old Trafford and 9-492 at The Oval, both declared. Unfortunately, consistency wasn’t there as a team. Despite not scoring over 400 in the entire series, England won three Tests, and the next six best totals were theirs. No wonder they were more excited than pre-toilettraining puppies on the Oval when they won.

As individuals, the Aussies account for four of the top six batsmen of the series. Shane Watson, Michael Clarke, Chris Rogers and Steve Smith all ranked above Joe Root, Jonathan Trott and Alastair Cook (England’s top three), who were routinely bailed out by player of the series Ian Bell (562 runs, three centuries and two fifties) and Kevin Pietersen.

3. Take out Swann and Bell…

Without their best players, England are extremely vulnerable.

It’s easy to forget England were 3-121 at Trent Bridge, 3-28 at Lord’s, 3-49 at The Oval before Ian Bell came in at number five wearing his cape. His brain was on a different plain to all others in the series. The only exception would be Australia’s Chris Rogers, who must have kicked a cat under a ladder and into a mirror to earn some of his dismissals. Bell was patient in situations that were never easy. Take him out and you have impressive but erratic Kevin Pietersen in next, followed by whoever they have at six that week, then an out-of-form Prior and the bowlers. Jonny Bairstow’s the next best it seems, and he didn’t impose himself on the Aussies at all in his four Tests before being dropped to allow the experiment with all-rounder Chris Woakes at the Oval.

Same goes for Graeme Swann. The tweaker bowled 249 overs in the series, 43.2 more than the next most busy James Anderson (who’s amazing when it’s swinging but cannon fodder when it’s not). Next in line, since he was picked for the Oval Test is Simon Kerrigan, who has the distinction of being the worst bowler in the series. His debut as a specialist

Super Bell: Ian came to the rescue, a lot

Settled: after being dropped for the first two Tests Nathan Lyon was in ways better than England’s Swann

spinner (we assume) included eight overs, no wickets, at 6.62 runs an over. The next best option after that is Monty Panesar, beloved in Australia where he’s played grade cricket for Randwick, but struggling to rebuild his career after some personal strife and an unfortuate incident involving pissing on a bouncer. After being dumped by Sussex, he’s putting things back together with Essex. Swann’s had some injuries but will certainly be in cotton wool ahead of the return series.

Destroyer: quick Stuart Broad was devastating in Durham

Powerful: Shane Watson’s just one of Australia’s arsenal of big hitters

4. The spinner’s sorted Australia made more than 20 changes to their team or batting order in the series, a practice which will surely stop soon (England claims their stability as a major strength). Axing Nathan Lyon for Ashton Agar was a masterstroke when the teen hit 98 on debut, but his bowling wasn’t up to snuff. Surely now they realise Lyon’s the man for the job, and the next option Fawad Ahmed is hardly beating the door down. On the numbers, Lyon did a job for Australia that Agar couldn’t. In his three Tests, his economy rate is better than one of the world’s best, Swann (2.56 to 3.03 runs per over) and his average isn’t far off either (33.66 to Swann’s 29.03 runs per wicket).

Photos: Getty

5. The captain’s better We knew this at the start, but despite the series result, Michael Clarke showed – on the field anyway – that he’s a far superior tactician to his opposite number Cook. BBC analyst Jonathan Agnew has written that “the demands of captaincy are starting to take their toll” on the out-of-form Cook, who averaged under 30 in the series. More worrying for him, is when things aren’t going right, he lacks a plan B and C. Maybe Clarke’s had to be creative in tough situations, but it’s universally agreed he has plans C, D and E – they may not always work but it’s cracking to watch. He deserves some sort of medal for making the Oval a game, too. Sure, he had less to lose than England, but wasn’t it good fun?

NATWEST ONE-DAY INTERNATIONAL SERIES It’s another clean slate for the Aussies when they move into 50-over mode for five matches. Can they atone for the winless Ashes and a disappointing Champions Trophy performance?

Game 1: Friday, September 6 Headingley Carnegie, Leeds, 10.15am Game 2: Sunday, September 8 Emirates Old Trafford, Manchester, 10.15am Game 3: Wednesday, September 11 Edgbaston, Birmingham, 2pm Game 4: Saturday, September 14 The SWALEC Stadium, Cardiff, 10.15am Game 5: Monday, September 16 The Ageas Bowl, Southampton, 2pm All matches will air live on TV’s Sky Sports 1 and BBC Radio’s Test Match Special

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Mystery: Gareth Bale always knew something we didn’t. That was all part of the fun, right?

Transfer window is a ‘circus’ – it’s also publicity genius Round-the-clock coverage of suits doing deals is remarkable

» Agree or disagree? Is the transfer window distracting or entertaining? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

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Israel Folau was triumphantly wheeled out by the Australian Rugby Union last week after signing to the code for two more years. Isn’t that great? It’s OK. I tipped on this page that Folau’s time in the 15-a-side code was limited, and even though my prediction of 2014 was wrong (not that a pesky contract ever stops these blokes from doing what they want), it was really only made for effect.

The fact is, Izzy likes the look of rugby union for now. He’s done pretty well on the wing against the Lions – especially in attack. It was an impressive debut really.

Now he’s eyeing off a move to fullback

“

He likes the look of rugby union, for now

”

under Ewen McKenzie’s leadership, with a view to playing a key role and developing his brand (I mean, doing his part for the team) on an international stage at the World Cup in 2015 in England and Wales.

It’s a good thing for rugby, right now, but hard not to assume he’s setting himself up for a big money move to Europe.

Photo: Getty

Everton boss Roberto Martinez was dead right when he called the Premier League transfer window “a footballing circus” last week after one too many questions about his two best players, Leighton Baines and Marouane Fellaini, being sold to their former manager David Moyes at Manchester United. (They’re not, apparently.)

I think our definitions about circuses are on opposite sides of the tight rope though.

The former Wigan mentor is talking about dancing monkeys and clowns, maybe the occasional hand being bitten off by a lion. But for me, European football has put up a Big Top, invited in the speculation trapeze artists and reaped the column inches for every backflip and catch along the way.

Will Gareth Bale or won’t he? When will he? For how much? He’s not at training?

Holy shit! Will they fine him? He deserves to be fined for wearing a pink T-shirt and a hat backwards! Or is he just trying to fit into the trendy Madrid crowd? What will he do with all of that money Arsene Wenger, who presumably scours dollar shops to find something with a lifetime guarantee, says the Welshman isn’t worth?

Martinez said the transfer window going two-and-a-bit weeks into the start of the EPL season “is not helping anyone”. Roberto knows football, PR not so much. When absolutely nothing was happening in the off-season, the reports of who was going where for how much didn’t stop. After the start of the season speculation stories and yarns about who will be first sacked in the first couple of weeks, we have the transfer window closing.

Sky Sports’ Natalie Sawyer, who co-presents an election-like coverage of the final day of trading on Monday with Jim White, told Metro on Friday there are some who think the day should be a bank holiday – Sky certainly would – and “lots of people take the day off work to stay tuned”. Sad for them, but it highlights how much attention is given to and gleefully received by punters for what is agents and suits doing backroom deals. Genius.

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PURÉE MADNESS

Photos: Getty; Colin Hawkins/ Visit Bath; Thinkstock; Salt Flats Tours/ Facebook

One reveller found a unique way to be spotted among the La Tomatina mayhem this year: a rather fetching hat. The fest in Buñol, Spain, attracted an estimated 20,000 people, who threw 130 tonnes of ripe tomatoes at each other.

INSIDE

BE A DAY TRIPPER /56

LEAP OF FAITH /66

TNT’S TOP 30 TRIPS /70

Want to get away but can’t afford a hotel stay? All you need is a train ticket and one day to spare.

Only the incredibly skilled and heroically brave attempt to dive 21 metres off the Old Bridge in Mostar. But TNT gives it a go anyway.

We’ve been travelling for three decades.

Here are our best trips for backpackers in 2013, plus how they compared in 1983.

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb EDITOR

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Great gurn: reigning champion Tommy Mattinson strikes a pose

HOLIDAY IN N. KOREA There were two unnervingly jarring pieces of news about North Korea last week: one being that the notoriously reclusive communist state is planning to attract more tourism with new flight routes and by allowing year-round access; the other that supreme leader Kim Jong-un had his ex-girlfriend executed by a machine-gun-wielding firing squad.

The ethics of visiting such countries is enduringly muddy.

Is it right to enjoy a holiday in North Korea while the leader of the people sanctions bullet holes in his former sweetheart? Is there something fundamentally wrong about grinning your away around a country and happily snapping its monuments when the population has been described by Human Rights Watch as “some of the world’s most brutalised people”?

I felt this unease most strongly when I visited Burma, a beautiful country filled with smiling, friendly locals that also happens to have a government which uses child soldiers and, in 2007, shot dead protesting Buddhist monks in the capital’s streets. But despite my misgivings, the most overwhelming aspect of it all was how keen the Burmese I met were to talk, and how genuinely happy they seemed to meet people from other parts of the world. Being an international pariah is, obviously, lonely.

Ultimately, it must be worse to isolate such countries and look the other way, or to get all your knowledge from the newspapers, than to go and see for yourself. Will tourists having a look-see change a government’s ways? Inevitably, no.

But broadening our horizons has got to be better for our souls.

Would you holiday in North Korea? Write and

Held annually at the Egremont Crab Fair in Cumbria, this ‘sporting event’ challenges competitors to stick their head in a horse collar and 21 make the ugliest face possible. The most disturbing facial contortions – there are separate male and female categories – will win the coveted title of world champion. A uniquely British exhibit of lunacy.

SEP

WHY: Though Egremont Crab Fair And Sports was established in 1267 – making it one of the oldest fairs in the world – the gurning event didn’t come into force until 1945.

Contestants from Canada, Australia, the US and the Netherlands have all taken part in what’s become a bona fide phenomenon.

DO IT BECAUSE: It’s been won 13 times by Tommy Mattinson (pictured), whose father Gordon won it 10 times before him. Can Tommy keep the family name at the top of the table this year? There’s only one way to find out – be there and cheer him on.

CALIFORNIA BEER FESTIVAL

AKI BASHO SUMO TOURNAMENT

The craft beer scene is huge Stateside, with California 7 an epicentre for the most exciting experimental brews to come from the trend. Expect hundreds of craft beers on tap, with a ‘blues BBQ’ and gourmet burgers to help soak ‘em up.

Watch the flab fly at one of only six professional sumo 15-29 tournaments held each year (different to display tournaments, which don’t affect a sumo wrestler’s ranking). Wrestlers live in communal training stables where they adhere to strict regimes and traditions, and these tournaments represent everything they’ve been working towards.

San Dimas, California, US SEP

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STONE SKIMMING CHAMPIONSHIPS Easdale Island, Scotland

The most competitive summer holiday sport of 29 all time has gone global.

Competitors will attempt to make their stones skip the furthest to win the coveted World Stone Skimming Cup. SEP

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Tokyo, Japan SEP

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TECHNO PARADE

Paris, France

Almost 500,000 neon-clad, glowstick-wielding techno 14 heads crowd into a threemile stretch of Paris for an outdoor rave.

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Photo: Getty

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WORLD GURNING CHAMPIONSHIPS Egremont, Cumbria

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BIKINIS AGAINST LAW

Risk taker: Justin Bieber would be arrested in Barbados for this

British tourists are finding themselves in hot water abroad for committing ‘crimes’ that they did not know were unlawful, the Foreign Office has warned. Among some of the stranger laws that the average traveller isn’t aware of is that it’s illegal to go bare-chested or wear a bikini in Barcelona unless you’re on a beach, or that in Florence visitors can receive a large fine for eating food near a church or a public building.

Perhaps even more bizarre is that it’s apparently illegal to wear camouflage clothing in Barbados.

Consular director Charles Hay said: “It is important to remember that laws and customs can vary greatly from country to country.”

Photo: Getty

afro-disney?

Zimbabwe’s tourism and hospitality minister has announced plans to build a theme park next to Victoria Falls in an effort to attract more visitors. “We think it should be modelled along … Disneyland, including hotels, entertainment parks, restaurants, conferencing facilities,” he said, adding that the country was a “sleeping giant” in terms of its tourism potential. But Chris McIntyre, managing director of operator Expert Africa, told the Telegraph: “People go to Zimbabwe because it offers something that is authentically African ... [not] a Mickey Mouse experience.”

tomato tariff Last week saw the very first paid-for La Tomatina festival in the tiny Spanish town of Buñol.

Visitors spent a minimum of €10 (£8.60) each to get involved in the world’s biggest food fight, with the 5000 free tickets available reserved for Buñol residents only. “This is the first year we are charging for access to this popular festival due to the need to limit the crowd for safety reasons,” Buñol town hall said in a statement.

Organisers cut the number of people pelting each other with tomatoes by half thanks to the new ticketed entry system. Aussies bought 19.2 per cent of tickets sold, the largest cut of any country.

travel agents: over The role of travel agent has been named one of the world’s most useless jobs by a US-based recruitment website. The report by careercast.com argued the internet has made travel a “do-ityourself endeavour: you can book accommodation, transportation, discover restaurants and entertainment, and navigate your route online”.

Unsurpisingly, the world’s travel agents were up in arms at the suggestion, with travel association Abta insisting agents had “evolved with the times”. Other useless jobs named in the report included shoe repairer and telephone operator. Because broken shoes are so in.

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By the seaside: grab some fish and chips on Brighton Pier

Day trips

United kingdom BIRMINGHAM

ENGLAND

CAMBRIDGE BATH BRIGHTON

Brighton: Pride parade, and, left, check out the beach huts

Have a punt: King’s College, Cambridge

Hit the shops: Birmingham’s Bullring

Bath time: relax in a Roman spa; right, take a stroll around the Royal Crescent 56

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UKTRIP

Be a day tripper Want to get away but can’t afford a hotel stay?

All you need is a train ticket and a day to spare WORDS CAROLINE GARNAR

One of the beauties of England is that it’s so teeny tiny.

Simply jump on a train for a maximum of two hours and you can spend the day in one of these top spots.

Brighton GET THERE: The 8.57am train from London Bridge gets into Brighton at 9.55am. Advance Saturday return fare, £10.

MORNING: Take a stroll up the Victorian-era pier, pausing to shoot some zombies or win loads of 2p coins in the arcade.

Next up, scream in the haunted house or on a ride that turns you upside down 40ft above sea level, literally.

AFTERNOON: Get a take-out of vinegar-soaked fish and chips, make a ‘bum nest’ in the pebbles on the beach and enjoy – just beware of the food-stealing gulls. Take an obligatory ride on the Ferris Wheel (brightonwheel.com) and then enjoy a tour of the stunning, if confused (Indian on the outside, Oriental on the inside) Royal Pavilion (brighton-hove-rpml.org.uk/royalpavilion).

EVENING: Dodge the hen parties roaming the streets clutching inflatable penises and head for the cool and quirky Black Dove (blackdovebrighton.com) for a chilled-out drink before you head home.

GET BACK: Last train is at 11.37pm, arriving in LBR at 12.51am.

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; Facebook

Cambridge GET THERE: Get the 8.59am train from King’s Cross, arriving in Cambridge at 10.03am. Advance Saturday return fare, £16.

MORNING: Meander around the pretty town and see how the rich folk live. Admire the university campus buildings – and its students. These teens look like they’ve stepped straight out of an Abercrombie & Fitch ad (surely they can’t be that hot and English).

AFTERNOON: Hire a punt (try scudamores.com) and take turns standing on the end to push it along the riverbed with a long pole. If you would like to learn a bit about what you’re seeing – or you reckon your mates will push you in if you punt – you can do a guided tour, but wait until the last trip at 5.30pm, when they halve the cost to £10pp.

EVENING: Sip sundowners at the rooftop bar at The Varsity (thevarsityhotel.co.uk) before eating steak at The River Bar. It’s expensive but so worth it.

GET BACK: Last train is at 11.15pm, arriving in KGX at 1.09am.

Bath GET THERE: Get the 8.30am train from Paddington, arriving in Bath Spa at 10am. Advance Saturday fare, £28 for two singles.

MORNING: See Bath from a unique angle and stop off wherever you fancy by hiring a narrowboat. Try Bath Narrowboats (bath-narrowboats.co.uk), which offers half-day hire on a boat that holds up to six for £85.

AFTERNOON: After returning your narrowboat, be sure to check out Britain’s only hot spring (Bath ain’t called Bath for nothing). The temple that the Romans built around it still remains; take a tour before grabbing afternoon tea in the 18th-century Pump Room (romanbaths.co.uk).

EVENING: The water at the Roman Baths is considered unsafe for bathing, but Thermae Bath Spa (thermaebathspa.com) has siphoned off the hot waters for its pools, including an amazing one on the rooftop. Go for a twilight session to watch the sun sink over Bath’s rooftops while you bathe.

GET BACK: Last train is at 10.43pm, arriving in PAD at 12.33am.

Birmingham GET THERE: Get the 8am train from Marylebone, arriving in Birmingham Snow Hill at 10.09am. Advance Saturday fare, £12 two singles.

MORNING: With more miles of canals than Venice, take a stroll along the water’s edge, stopping for a spot of early lunch at bustling Brindley Place (brindleyplace.com).

AFTERNOON: It’s not often we’d send you to a shopping centre but The Mailbox (mailboxlife.com), formally a Royal Mail sorting office, is a great spot, plus it houses the BBC Public Space, where you can watch live broadcasts and even have a go yourself (not live, though).

EVENING: Catch a flick at the retro Electric (theelectric.co.uk), the oldest working cinema in the UK – it even has an interval organ.

GET BACK: Last train is at Great Scot: 9.34pm from Birmingham Adrenalin action New Street, arriving in at the top of GB Euston at 12.40am.

NEXT WEEK

TNT’S BEST UK BEACH BREAKS tntmagazine.com/best-uk-beaches

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LATEDEALS

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CRETE A seven-night stay in Crete is £325pp with easyJet Holidays (holidays.easyjet.com; 0843 104 1000). The deal includes five-star, allinclusive accommodation at Imperial Belvedere Hotel in Hersonissos and return flights from London Luton.

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DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

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SAILING CROATIA An eight-day Split-Dubrovnik-Split sailing tour is now £203pp (60 per cent off) with Travel Talk (020 8099 9596; traveltalktours.com). Includes seven nights in an ‘A’ category private boat, all breakfasts and lunches, tour leader, captain and crew. Excludes flights, local payment and port tax. Departs Sep 14.

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TOP FIVE

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dangerous destinations

@tntmagazine

kenya

Do you cycle without a helmet? Stand on the wrong side of the yellow line on the Tube platform? Still eat your 3am kebab even after you’ve dropped it on the street? If so, you’re a risk taker my friend, and you would do well to take your holiday in one of the following dangerous destinations – just don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Kenya is number one on our list, mainly because it manages to balance its safety risks with such stunning beaches, incredible wildlife and jawdropping scenery that we’d be happy to swim with sharks and skydive out of a plane just to get there.

Despite this country being home to animals that could tear you in two with one swipe of their claws, it’s not the safari predators you have to worry about (although don’t get too close).

It’s humans that pose the dangers here.

Due to a high rate of poverty, crime rates, particularly against tourists, are also high. Carjacking is one of the most common offences, with an average of 10 per day in Nairobi alone (though only 81 tourists were involved 62 00

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in this type of crime last year). Around election time political riots can be rife, and terrorism threats from extreme Islamic groups hover over the country constantly. Hotel room raids and kidnappings are also prevalent, and are enough to put many off ever visiting the region.

So why should you go? Because, quite simply, it’s amazing. Kenya is rich in rewards for visitors, with big game safaris – particularly the opportunity to spot the Big Five (buffalo, elephant, leopard, lion and rhino) in famous reserve Masai Mara – just one point on a long list that includes visiting tribal villages, Indian Ocean-bordered beaches, jagged mountain ranges and sweeping deserts.

Just keep your eye on the news, stay clear of areas near the Somalia border and choose a reputable tourist company and you can minimise the risks and have the holiday of a lifetime. ktb.go.ke

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top five checking in The Mövenpick’s stretch of Dead Sea

2

afghanistan

The danger: It’s a war zone, with military operations in place to combat Taliban and Al-Qaeda insurgents. With the withdrawal of the armed forces in 2014, the situation could become even more volatile.

Why go? There are pockets of serenity to be found in this ravaged land. The Wakhan Corridor is so remote that it is relatively secure. Here, you can expect tough trekking, rewarded with views seen by few fellow travellers. secretcompass.com

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

4

Iran

The danger: The UK recently dropped its ‘no-travel’ advice for all of Iran bar the east. Although anti-Western sentiments can infrequently result in detainment or kidnapping, it is generally aimed at governments rather than individuals.

Why go? Ancient villages, stunning mosques and beautiful countryside, and all with the buzz you get from being somewhere you perhaps shouldn’t. A lot of major operators run tours, including G Adventures. tourismiran.ir

3

brazil

The danger: With a reported murder rate four times that of the US, robberies and ‘quicknappings’ (where a person is abducted for a quick, small payoff) are also counted among the common crimes in Brazil.

Why go? Christ the Redeemer, Sugarloaf Mountain, Rio Carnival, the Amazon rainforest and Iguassu Falls are but a few reasons to visit. Just strap your valuables to you at all times – especially at Lapa’s famous street parties. visitbrasil.com

5

Zimbabwe

The danger: Beware a friendly wave in Zimbabwe as this could be mistaken for an insult to President Mugabe, as an open hand is the political symbol of his opposition. With a volatile political climate, it’s better to stay out of such matters. Crime rates are also high, with tourists often targeted.

Why go? Amazing wildlife, the natural wonder of Victoria Falls and Matobo Hills make a trip here seriously special.

Most organised Africa overland trips include a stop in Zimbabwe.

Mövenpick dead sea Overview We’re still stunned that England has managed to have a summer this year, but it’s September now and, soon enough, those rain clouds will come rolling in. At this time of year the weather in Jordan is perfect. Head to the Mövenpick Dead Sea Resort & Spa to make the best of it. wow factor This hotel has the best stretch along the Dead Sea – others can be marred with rubbish and/ or are too rocky to reach the waters easily. Smother yourself in ‘youth-giving’ mud before climbing down into the sea, which has such a high salt content it contains no form of life, except for the humans bobbing about like corks on its surface. It’s a magical moment, and the hotel’s gorgeous infinity pool running parallel offers a great dip too for when you are saltier than a Maccy D’s fry. rooms Low level with cute balconies or terraces, they are rustically decked out but also mod-conned up. bill please Standard doubles from £140pn during September, excluding taxes.

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zimbabwetourism.net

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TRAVELTIPS

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Cornish delight: St Ives is a cute, cobbled fishing village

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Q Help! I have some elderly Australian visitors coming to stay next month. I‘d like to take them to Cornwall for a few days, but don’t know where to start. I’m looking for a typical Cornish fishing village, with tea shops and some mystical history. Where do you suggest? Emma, via email A If you have your own car, I suggest exploring

READERS’ TIPS ON BEST TRIPS IN 2013 Head to Norway for the Northern Lights

VAMP IT UP Sighisoara, Romania. Beautiful city.

The locals are friendly and it’s great for budget travelling on an Interrail pass.

Also the birthplace of Dracula!

Bess Ruth Clegg, via Facebook GO NORTH Tromsø, Norway. Northern lights, reindeer and dog sledding, not to mention the most northern brewery in the world!

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Padstow as both the village itself and the surrounding area should fit the bill. The town is also Cornwall’s culinary hub, boasting some of the UK’s best seafood in an idyllic harbourside location, including restaurants from worldfamous chefs such as Rick Stein and Paul Ainsworth. Close by, you will find Tintagel Castle, made famous by King Arthur. If that isn’t enough mystical history, Boscastle, just north of

Tintagel, is home to the Museum of Witchcraft.

If you decide to travel by train, St Ives may be a better option as it has a direct line from London. In St Ives, you can visit the Tate Gallery and take a boat to Seal Island to see the local seal colony. You will be spoiled for choice for tea rooms in St Ives as the village’s cobbled streets are lined with cafes. Check out Madeleine’s Tea Room for excellent cakes. Between St Ives and Padstow, you could also visit Trevaunance Cove, where there are a number of caves to explore at low tide. Be aware that access is via a slight incline so this one’s not for the less mobile.

There’s also a pretty but less crowded beach at the neighbouring Trevellas Porth.

It’s a long journey from London to Cornwall, so I’d add a couple of additional days to your trip just for the travelling.

Important to get booked before you go?

It may be tempting to book just your flight and accommodation and worry about extras later. However, purchasing extras such as airport transfers postbooking often costs more than they would’ve done if purchased as part of the holiday package.

What’s your opinion on all-inclusives?

Booking into an all-inclusive or halfboard hotel isn’t just fantastic value for money, it also means that because you have the majority of your food costs covered before you head off, your holiday budget is well in place before you even board your flight.

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21-Metre-High Club: a local man makes the leap off Stari Most [Caption]

Mostar BOSNIA

BOSNIA

SARAJEVO MOSTAR

GETTING THERE Return flights from London Heathrow to Sarajevo cost from £169 with Croatia Airlines. croatiaairlines.com Then catch a bus to Mostar with Autoprevoz-bus (journey time 2hrs 30mins, departs 6am7.55pm). autoprevoz-bus.ba

War torn: (above) remnants of Bosnia’s history; the old town

‘Like a gazelle’: TNT’s Macca jumping; left, looking proud with his certificate 66

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Leap of faith Only the incredibly skilled and heroically brave attempt to dive 21 metres off the Old Bridge in Mostar. But TNT gives it a go anyway Words MACCA SHERIFI

Standing on the edge of the bridge, looking at the fastflowing river 21 metres below, I can’t help but think I’ve made a serious mistake. I can hear Igor, my diving instructor, giving me some last-minute pointers on how to make the perfect jump, but I’m not really listening. All I can think is: “Don’t fuck this up.” While the dozens of tourists who are all clamouring to take photos are probably thinking the opposite: “I really hope he fucks this up.”

As soon as I jump off the bridge I know I’ve done it wrong. I want to enjoy it, to feel the adrenalin pumping through my veins, but with the river hurtling towards me at an alarming rate and my arms and legs flailing all over the place, all I can think is that it’s going to hurt.

Somehow, at the last second, I manage to pull my arms and legs in, grab my balls, and make myself pencil-thin as I spear the water. As I break the surface, I look back to the bridge: it is a hell of a long way up. However, I’ve just completed a successful jump and been inducted into the Mostari Diving Club’s Hall of Fame, an honour that only 750 people around the world can claim.

It had been only a couple of hours earlier I’d first heard tourists can jump off Stari Most (the Old Bridge) in Mostar, Bosnia. At a restaurant right on the banks of the Neretva River, I was enjoying the perfect view of the bridge. Even though it was undoubtedly beautiful – an incredible piece of Islamic architecture arching elegantly over the aqua-marine water, surrounded by Bosnia’s characterfully crumbling Old Town and dramatic mountains – it was also one of the most imposing structures I had ever seen.

With a rich history dating back to 1557, at 427 years of age the bridge was infamously and devastatingly destroyed

by Croat forces during the Croat-Bosniak War in 1993. Being an icon of the town and the whole of Bosnia, as soon as the conflict was over there were meticulous plans to rebuild the bridge so that it would look exactly as it was before the war, right down to the smallest detail. Stari Most was eventually reopened in 2004, and ever since it has been luring travellers from all over the world, not just because of its beauty, but because of another tradition – diving.

For centuries young men have dived off the 21-metre bridge to impress the local girls (that’s not the reason I did it though, honest). But it has only been in the last decade that they have done it for money. Tourists tend to pitch in a few

Bosnian marks or euros and one of the local divers puts on a bit of a show, eventually wowing the crowd with a deathdefying leap. In a stunning setting such as Mostar, you can see why travellers flock from the four corners of the world just to ogle this spectacle.

As I sat enjoying my lunch, I saw a crowd gathering on the bridge. After a few minutes, a small guy came to the front,

“

You jump like a horse.

You’ll never be ready

”

climbed over the railings and launched himself into the air.

I couldn’t believe it. The guy had balls. This was something I had to do; I had a feeling this would be a story I could dine out on for years to come.

Once I got to the bridge, I started talking to a couple ››

Perfect view: the Old Bridge tntMagazine.com

67

of local divers to find out some more information. They told me that usually they jump for the tourists, but every now and then a foreigner comes along who is stupid enough to want to do the jump themselves. So, for €25 (about £21), the majority of which goes towards the maintenance of the bridge, you get the opportunity to join the 21-metre club. How could I say no to that?

They say that only the most skilled and best-trained men should jump, and that certainly isn’t me. Therefore, once I’ve decided to do it, it’s Igor’s job to make sure that, at the very least, I don’t kill myself.

After leaping off a 3ft bench a handful of times to prove I can do it, I ask Igor if I have a good technique and if I’m ready to jump off the bridge. He says I jump like a horse, that I will never be ready to jump off the bridge, but if I still want to do it, then now is the time.

Luckily for me, there are no health and safety officials to hold me back. Though saying that, people have died doing this in the past, and the day before I decide to make the leap, a guy had to be rushed to hospital with two suspected broken arms.

There is a serious element of danger here, and after hearing

that particular story I’m not ashamed to admit I’m bricking it.

So, that’s how I find myself standing on the edge of the bridge, heart pounding, staring at the abyss below. I know I’ve only got one shot at it.

Despite the shaky start, it’s a successful finish – against all odds, I might add – and Igor comes running down to the river to meet me. “You are no horse!” he cries. “You are like gazelle leaping into the air!”

I feel pumped up, elated, and I want to do it again. It was such an amazing experience, and in nearly 10 years, they say only about 750 foreigners have been brave – or stupid – enough to jump off Stari Most.

So forget the Mile High Club. How many people can claim they’ve joined the 21-metre-high club in Bosnia? ❚ Attempting the 21-metre jump off Stari Most is very dangerous and individuals do so at their own risk. More info about Mostar at discoverbosnia.com/mostar

VIDEO: BEST BRIDGE JUMPS tntmagazine.com/bridge-jumps

NEXT WEEK Stromboli: exploring the tiny volcanic island off Sicily

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

eat

Looking to get out of the hustle and bustle of Old Town? Located in Kralja Tomislava Street is Megi, without a doubt one of the best restaurants in Mostar. It offers a combination of local and international cuisine with a focus on Italian food. Mains from £4. (29 Kralja Tomislava Street, tel. +387 36 321 911)

Get stuck in to some traditional Bosnian cuisine at Sadrvan. In places such as this, it’s best to dive in at the deep end and order something such as dolma (stuffed peppers with minced meat), small cevapcici (like small Turkish kebabs), or Duvec (rice with vegetables).

Mains from £8. restoransadrvan.ba

If you’re looking for luxury then seek no further than Veranda. The big draw of this restaurant is its three elegant terraces with panoramic views over the city, and with an extensive wine list it’s easy to stay here longer than you anticipated.

Mains from £14. (Brace Fejica BB, tel. +387 36 512 245)

drink

Ali Baba’s Cave offers cheap drinks and shisha, and is always busy with music blaring, making it a great place to unwind for the evening.

Beers from £2. (Kujundziluk, Old Town, tel. +387 36 558 877)

If you’re looking for somewhere to chill with a view of the city then the Studio Lounge in Old Town is the place to be. It’s a cool open-air bar on top of a high building with jazz/ world music and the occasional live band playing. Beers from £3.50. (M. Balorde, Old Town, tel. +387 61 968 119)

The ultra-cool bar of Mostar is the Liquid Lounge. When you can’t focus on the fish swimming along the front of the bar (it’s an aquarium), you’ve had too many of the 150 cocktails on offer (from £5).

(Rondo 66, W of the River SPC, tel. +387 63 444 414)

sleep

If you’re looking to get a big bang for your buck then you’ll want to stay at Hostel Miran. Only five minutes from the Old Bridge, this hostel is right in the centre of the city and close to all the historical monuments of Old Town. Dorm beds from £9pn. hostelmiran-mostar.com

With all the mod-cons but without the extortionate prices, Motel Demadino is a fantastic place to stay for a night or two. Boasting an outdoor terrace that offers views over the city of Mostar, this hotel is located in Old Town and is close to the action. Rooms from £43pn. demadino.com

Hotel Bevanda-Mostar is an ultra-modern, five-star hotel. In good weather, the lobby and restaurant opens out onto decking that spans a river and then flows down into a secluded garden, making this the perfect place to relax away from the city. Rooms from £60pn. hotelbevanda.com

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Photos: Facebook; Thinkstock; Macca Sherifi

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69

Rose City: the Treasury in Petra, Jordan

Ultimate bucket list WORLDWIDE

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The all-time top 30 trips We’ve been travelling the world for three decades. Here are TNT’s best trips for backpackers in 2013, plus how they compared in 1983 Words laura chubb

1983 was a landmark year for loads of reasons. McNuggets were invented. Mario Brothers was released on Nintendo.

But, by far and away the most earth-shattering thing to happen was the arrival of TNT on London’s streets. Ever since the mag launched, we’ve been lugging our filthy backpacks and sweat-crusted thongs all over the globe. So to celebrate our birthday, we’re giving you the ultimate to-do list for today’s traveller, complete with tick boxes. Good luck!

5. HOGMANAY ❑ Scotland’s three-day celebration to see in the New Year is a party you’ve got to tick off your list, Edinburgh in particular doing it up right with torchlight processions, live bands and the New Year’s Day Loony Dook (thousands take a dip in the freezing Forth Estuary to numb the hangover). We believe the Scots enjoyed a wee dram and taking their ‘taps aff’ in the Eighties, too. edinburghshogmanay.org

1. VAN TOUR ❑ This Antipodean rite of passage has been popular for decades, but it would’ve been a very different Europe that TNT readers drove their banged-up VWs through in 1983.

They’d have seen the Berlin Wall intact, for one. The route traditionally starts in Pamps and ends at … vantoureurope.com

6. SAILING CROATIA ❑ Sailing the sparkling Adriatic on a yacht and ogling ancient architecture in the likes of Dubrovnik is a bona fide bucket list experience today. Not so much in the Eighties, however, when Yugoslavia still existed and was in the throes of the economic meltdown that preceded the devastating Yugoslav wars that kicked off in 1991. croatia.hr/en-gb

2. OKTOBERFEST ❑ … which remains an essential stop today, whether you’re Van Touring or not. However, back in ’83 you’d have been downing steins at the world’s biggest beer fest in a different country – the Federal Republic of Germany, separated from the German Democratic Republic by a wall that didn’t fall until 1990. oktoberfest.de/en

7. BALKAN ROAD TRIP ❑ Overlanding through the Balkans offers some of Europe’s best off the beaten track experiences, from watching the divers leap off the Old Bridge in Mostar, Bosnia (see P66), to untouched beaches on the Ionian Coast of Albania. It would’ve been a brave tourist who visited the latter in 1983, however, thanks to its tumultuous period as the world’s first ‘atheist state’ before the shit hit the fan in the region in the early Nineties (see above). balkanroadtrip.com

3. JORDAN ❑ Exploring the ancient city of Petra, bobbing about in the Dead Sea, partying in the glam clubs of Amman ... Jordan should be on every traveller’s to-do list. The country was involved in scuffles over the West Bank back in the Eighties but renounced its claim to it in 1988. visitjordan.com 4. ANZAC DAY, GALLIPOLI ❑ Anzac Day was hit by various controversies in the Eighties, with ceremonies being targeted by feminists and anti-war protesters. Towards the end of the decade, however, there was renewed interest in commemorating the occasion and the numbers of Aussies and Kiwis flocking to Gallipoli has steadily risen ever since. It was only in ’85 that the name ‘Anzac Cove’ was officially recognised by the Turkish government. gototurkey.co.uk

8. SCANDI-BALTIC ROUTE ❑ Driving through Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania to Finland is a brilliant budget break that immerses you in some of Europe’s most stunning cities (Tallinn in particular is an incredible blend of medieval and modern). However, in ’83 the Baltic countries remained Soviet Republics. A campaign of civil resistance began in the late Eighties, including the ‘Baltic Way’ in 1989, a two-million-strong human chain stretching 600km from Tallinn to Vilnius. The Baltic states became independent in 1991. busabout.com 9. EGYPT ❑ There’s little to rival the manmade wonders of Egypt, but political turmoil has tourists avoiding this troubled country ›› tntMagazine.com

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P-p-p-pap a penguin: in Antarctica

Burmese days: temples in Bagan today. Still, Egypt has endured as a tourist destination despite many decades of upheaval – in the Eighties and Nineties there were periods of terrorist attacks against tourists interspersed with safer conditions for visitors. Tourism is one of the most important sectors of Egypt’s economy, so fingers crossed there are better times ahead. egypt.travel 10. BOLIVIA ❑ Bolivia is a wild ride, from four-wheel-driving over the salt flats of Uyuni, to an arse-clenching bus journey to the world’s highest capital, La Paz, and mountain biking down the world’s most dangerous road. It might’ve been a little too wild in the Eighties, however, which saw various violent military coups. bolivia.travel

Tartan barmy: the Loony Dook

Flat white: photo ops in Uyuni the 20th century, Patagonia is fast gaining popularity for two main reasons: a sight of the incredible ice-blue Perito Moreno Glacier and as a jumping off point for ... argentina.travel 14. ANTARCTICA ❑ Small-scale tourism has existed here since the Fifties, but cruises to the seventh continent are booming right now courtesy of more operators and competitive prices (though

11. MARRAKECH, MOROCCO ❑ An (enjoyable) tourist circus of snake charmers and carpet hawkers today, Morocco was plagued by political unrest and economic crisis in 1983 as troops continued to clash with Algerian military over ownership of the Western Sahara. visitmorocco.com 12. TRANS MONGOLIAN ❑ This epic train journey has long been a backpacker essential, though the countries at each end of the line – China and Russia – experienced some off-putting publicity towards the end of the Eighties: the Tiananmen Square massacre of ’89 and the USSR’s struggle to hold onto power (it was eventually dissolved in 1991). vodkatrain.com 13. PATAGONIA, ARGENTINA ❑ A remote backpacking destination for the second half of 72

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True blue: El Perito Moreno Glacier, Patagonia

it ain’t exactly cheap). Still, utterly worth it to experience a landscape like no other on earth. Incidentally, scientists first discovered the hole in the ozone layer from Antarctica in 1985. tntmagazine.com/antarctica 15. SHARK DIVING, SOUTH AFRICA ❑ In 2013, it’s a wimpy-ass traveller who doesn’t try a spot of cage-diving with great whites on a trip to South Africa. This heart-falling-through-your-ass experience is now as big a must-do as taking in the view from the top of Table Mountain and touring SA’s vineyards. But in 1983, such a thing was unheard of. The ‘great white industry’ was founded in the Seventies by an Aussie diver, but didn’t make it to South Africa until 1989. southafrica.net 16. COLOMBIA ❑ Once considered pretty much the most dangerous place in the world to take a holiday, today Colombia is enjoying a honeymoon period as the place for backpackers. Though some intrepid types did follow the Gringo Trail here in ’83, conflicts between left-wing guerrilla groups and right-wing paramilitary organisations, plus the rampant drug trade, made it far from safe. However, the past decade has seen a significant drop in civil violence and Colombia is no longer the world’s biggest producer of cocaine. Which leaves its Caribbean beaches and vibrant party towns to be explored with far less trepidation. colombia.travel 17. GREEK ISLAND HOPPING ❑ Less of a boozy bonanza for hot young things back in 1983, but no less beautiful, the Greek islands have tempted tourists with their sparkling waters and laid-back vibes for decades.

A visit is cheaper and easier than ever nowadays, however, thanks to the masses of companies operating yacht flotillas. medsailors.com 18. NEW YORK ❑ Today, New York is one of the world’s most desired holiday destinations. But in the Eighties, it was considered an incredibly dangerous place to visit, owing to a massive spike in crime blamed on the crack epidemic that swept the city during this decade. The Big Apple has cleaned up its rep since, retaining the lowest crime rate of the US’s 25 largest cities ››

Oktoberfest

is your one-stop shop to is your one-stop shop to the Munich Beerfest the Munich Beerfest

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£299 ✔ 5 day coach camping (all three weekends): ds): £299 ✔ 5 day coach camping (all three weekend): ✔ 7 day coach camping (opening weekend): £299 ✔ 7 day coach camping (opening weeken £299 ✔ Austrian chalet tour: £289 ✔ Austrian chalet tour: £289 ✔ Accommodation packages – camping and hotels ✔ Accommodation packages – camping and hotels

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since 2005. And probably thanks in no small part to Carrie sodding Bradshaw, too. nycgo.com

the tourism jackpot by hosting the World Cup in 2014 and then the Olympics in 2016. visitbrasil.com

19. MACHU PICCHU ❑ Trekking to this Inca marvel in the Andes is a must-do for any self-respecting globe trotter. It was first designated a Unesco World Heritage site in 1983, though it’s a lot safer to visit these days, seeing as Peru was plunged into a lenghty civil war in 1980. visitperu.com

26. GALAPAGOS ISLANDS ❑ An expensive but totally worth it bucket list trip, the Galapagos islands went through a rough time in the Eighties – between 1982 and 1983, 70 per cent of the islands’ marine iguanas died because of El Niño. But improved measures to protect this one-of-a-kind ecosystem have helped to preserve the species that cannot be found anywhere else on the planet (most famously the giant tortoises, aforementioned iguanas and blue-footed boobies). en.ecuador.travel

20. DUBAI ❑ The United Arab Emirates has only been a country for 41 years, but the emirate of Dubai has grown up fast. In 1983, the city state comprised little more than a handful of villas, while the Dubai World Trade Centre, at 149m tall, was the lone skyscraper on main highway Sheikh Zayed Road. Fast forward 30 years and SZR is a space-age stretch of towers, presided over by the world’s tallest building, the 829.8m-high Burj Khalifa.

Dubai is now a bizarre mix of Indian expat enclaves at one end of town and ‘new money’ Westerners at the other, but seeing the result of going from barren desert to bling-bling tourist hub in 30 short years is certainly intriguing. Plus, despite being a millionaire’s playground, you can do Dubai on a budget. Find out how here. tntmagazine.com/budgetdubai 21. CLIMB KILIMANJARO ❑ Climbing Africa’s highest peak should be near the top of any serious traveller’s wish list. The prospect of scaling Kili is far less daunting to the casual climber nowadays than it was in ’83, thanks to a profusion of tour operators and also the fact that it’s widely accepted to be a fairly easy ascent, the biggest danger being altitude sickness. tanzaniatouristboard.com 22. SKI CANADA ❑ Well, they definitely had the Rockies back in ’83, which means Canada was as much a premier skiing destination then as it is today. The number of Antipodeans looking to take a working holiday here remains steady too. Find out how you can do it at tntmagazine.com/snowbusiness

24. GORILLA TRACKING IN UGANDA ❑ Uganda is often described as Africa in microcosm, and for that reason has been a favourite of tourists since the late Sixties.

When TNT launched, however, holidaymakers were avoiding the country because of political instability. But the tourist industry recovered towards the end of the decade and it’s now the premier destination for gorilla tracking at Bwindi Impenetrable Forest National Park. visituganda.com 25. RIO DE JANEIRO ❑ Between 1985 and 1993, hotel occupancy in Rio dropped 50 per cent as tales of widespread crime, kidnappings and the lawless favelas (see P62) scared off visitors. Today, it’s not only a backpacker essential for its raucous street parties and hottiefilled beaches (and, whisper it, favela tours), but is set to hit 74

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

28. NORTHERN LIGHTS ❑ Chasing this natural phenomenon has been perennially popular, though today’s travellers are in luck – NASA has predicted autumn 2013 will host the best (and most frequent) natural light show for a decade. Head to Scandinavia to start the expensive – but unforgettable – chase. Or check out our guide to doing it on the cheap. tntmagazine.com/budget-lights 29. WEST COAST ROAD TRIP, US ❑ California and Las Vegas have held the same glamorous allure since the latter half of the 20th century. The main difference between the trip then and now is merely one of crapper cars and more disturbing haircuts. discoveramerica.com 30. GOLDEN TRIANGLE, INDIA ❑ It’s almost impossible to choose the best of India. Drift through paradise on a houseboat in Kerala? Take in the tea plantations of Darjeeling or soak up the strange spiritualism of Varanasi? Do all of those, but also do the Golden Triangle.

The Delhi-Agra-Jaipur route takes you to highlights including the Taj Mahal and the pink temples of Jaipur. India has been a favourite on the ‘banana pancake trail’ since it was called the ‘hippie trail’ in the Sixties and Seventies, but more and more folks are being brave and dipping a toe into the subcontinent’s sensory assault today (the number of foreign tourists in India increased nearly 10 per cent between 2010 and 2011 alone).

So get in there. incredibleindia.org ❚

[Caption] Must-see: the Taj Mahal

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; Facebook; Salt Flats Tours; Edinburgh’s Hogmanay

23. MYANMAR/ BURMA ❑ Myanmar’s government has only encouraged tourism since 1992, and even then remained a pariah, isolated from the international community for continued human rights abuses.

Things have changed recently, however, after Burmese opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi announced an end to her call for a tourism boycott, upon being released from house arrest. Tourists are now flocking to see the temples and Buddhist shrines of this time-warped final frontier: go quick before it gets too popular. myanmar-tourism.com

27. AFRICAN SAFARI ❑ Visitors have been obsessed with the ‘Big Five’ for far longer than 30 years – the phrase was first coined by white hunters to denote the five most difficult animals in Africa to hunt on foot (lion, African elephant, Cape buffalo, leopard and rhinoceros).

Thankfully, heading to Africa to blow the animals’ brains out is no longer quite so popular, with most folks content to snap them on camera from a 4x4. Masai Mara in Kenya and the Serengeti in Tanzania are among the most popular spots. tntmagazine.com/best-of-africa

verland.co.uk

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APRIL 25TH

plona, La Tom with FFT to Pam d lle ve tra ve ha “I al Rock! “ xt? - First Festiv ne re he W . st fe and Oktober

The 25th April is one of New Zealand and Australia’s most important days, where we remember the ANZAC’s who have fought bravely, and especially those in WW1. Whether you choose Turkey or The Western Front in Belgium you will be left with lasting memories of the sites visited and the rememberance services that we will share. We have various tours on sale now for all our packages in 2014

Gallipoli We have a variety of packages from 2 days - 2 weeks. You can experience the diverse culture of Turkey, visit some of the worlds most famous hertiage sites.

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INCLUDES ALL TRANSPORT

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fr £219

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The city of Brugges is well known for it’s winter wonderland of xmas markets not to mention the beer, the chocolate and other gastronomic delights. Our weekend package includes coach transport and hotel accommodation and vist to Brugges & Brussels Join us for some Xmas cheer

FFT- 27th Aug 2013.indd 1

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Join us in Dublin for a weekend of Rugby Craic ! The locals are always keen for a party and we’re pretty keen to have a go with them!

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is your one-stop shop to is your one-stop shop to the Munich Beerfest the Munich Beerfest

The largest UK operator to the fest ...

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We offer a wide variety of packages covering We offer a wide variety of packages covering the entire massive festival (SEPT 21 - OCT 6) the entire massive festival (SEPT 21 - OCT 6) COACH? CAMP? HOTEL? FLIGHT? COACH? The CAMP? HOTEL? FLIGHT? choice is yours The choice is yours

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. was setting fire to his farts at our barbecue last Sunday, you’re welcome back anytime. Sorry about your trousers and your burnt sausage, we’ll get you a new one next time you’re over. Sal, Mike and the SheBu crew TO THE SKY: To the brave souls who had a crack at Speed Dating at Science Museum Lates last week, how’d you go? It looked like a stack of fun but I can’t get the courage up to give it a crack. Loved

someone got the clap in Clapham.

Turns out it’s not fucking funny at all. Gonorrhea has to be the shittest of the STDs, I didn’t even really know what it was but now I fucking do. That’s the last time I think a quickie in the dunnies with a scrubber is a cracking idea. Up yours Jägerbombs. Rooster DINE AND DINE: I am newly arrived in this country and seeking someone who shares the same interests as me – cooking, eating,

Things the Queen should do before she dies

#545 Cause an international ‘euuuuuw’ with her twerking ability, à la Miley

looking at all the old planes though – maybe someone wants to come and do that with me next time it’s on. Antony GOOD CALL: Thanks to the man with the black bandana and yellow vest at Notting Hill Carnival for helping me rescue my phone from going under the feet of the stomping dancers, you’ve no idea how screwed I’d have been if it had got crunched. I owe you a beer.

Fliss ROUND OF APPLAUSE: I once thought, not for long but I thought it, that it’d be funny if

and snacking while cooking something to eat. I like food, do you? If so, let me know, we can gorge ourselves silly. Albert CONE HEAD: It is the preserve of students the world over – the drunken traffic cone on the head – but Matty, you managed to pull it off in your 30s with style. You looked like a bright yellow comedy wizard. Shazam! The lads BIG WHEELS: I am looking for someone to go tractor racing with.

Do you like racing large agricultural machines really, really slowly? Must have own tractor. Joe

WASTE OF A DAY: To the wasted guy wearing a flanno shirt at Notting Hill last week. You were trying to hide the fact that you’d just vomited, but the fact you kept on putting your head between your legs, a soft drink bottle with not its original contents in it beside you and a bit of spew on your chin were some of the giveaways. I’m obviously talking about heaps of you who went OTT and ruined the day for yourselves and your friends.

Grow up, eat some chicken and have a dance morons. It’s not that hard. Erica CONFUSED: Can someone explain to me why I’ve travelled to the other side of the world to be paid minimum wage in a job that I’d get four times as much for back in Oz? Surely the pubs, sport and endless chats about the weather aren’t that much better than back home, but still I have no interest in being back there. Discuss. Marty IN TRANSIT: I’m sitting on an el cheapo eight-hour bus that’s delayed so thought I’d share. It’s full of the cheap sort of people you’d expect, a bit smelly, but that’s OK. My backpack is full of delicious diarrhoea-inducing cold pizza. I have no accommodation confirmed for where I’m going and my travel money card is not ‘activated’ yet. But Dire Straits just came on the radio, so I’m feeling pretty good about it. Have a good one, Ben RIGHT HOLE: Re: Wrong hole (TNT 1565). Keith, you knew what you signed up for when we hooked up. Cop it or hit the road. Andrea

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BEANIE EPIPHANY: I think I’ve discovered the meaning to life. If you’re interested in finding out the reason we’re all here and attain peace in your earthly life, please send all of your old beanie babies to me. Contact TNT for the address. Please include an email and I will send you the link to my unlisted YouTube video explaining my proven theory. It really is quite excellent. Sam HAIRY, NOT SCARY : I’ve been single for coming up to six years now. I’ve met plenty of really nice girls in London, but things seem to go sour as soon as we get to the bedroom. There is always this moment, when I take off my shirt, and they take in the fullness of my hairiness, and their face changes.

I should explain, to put this on some sort of hairyness spectrum – imagine a very, very hairy bloke at one end, and a bear just beyond him, I’m two metres further down.

Essentially a furball with feet and a head. If you might find that attractive, get in touch. Hairy Dave BIKINI BABE : To the fine lady I met during a rummy cocktail haze on Ladbroke Grove at Carnival last weekend. You were wearing an outstanding green sparkly bikini and were dancing behind the Trinidad truck – I reckon we had a connection for sure but I got shoved and lost in the crowd before I caught your name. Meet me at The Ladbroke Arms next Saturday and we’ll finish what we started!

Green bikini optional. Brian LIGHT US UP: To the hilarious drunk gatecrasher bloke who

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