t h e
RagtagAnimal Band
by Tim Nel
The Ragtag Animal Band
by Tim NelIllustrations by Kelly Payton
Editd by Blom Vollgraaff
2021
RagtagAnimal Band t h e
For Jiggs, Finn and Rosalie: our little busyness of ferrets.
And for Mary, who really loved a good rhyme.
Ryan the Lion Sat slumped in his throne. All his servants were sleeping. There was nobody home.
“I’ m s o sad” , sai d K i n g Rya n I n h i s qu i etes t roa r.
“It’ s a k i n d o f emot i o n I hav e no t fel t before .
“I know pride, I know fury Satisfaction, disdain ...
But this feeling I’m feeling
To be frank, is a pain.
“I’ve got treasures and castles ... All the gold I can spend, I’ve got hordes of great servants, But I don’t have good friends.”
“But where do you buy one?
From which shop in which mall?
How much do they go for?
I’ll purchase them all!
“I’l l cal l m y adv i sor s. The y ’l l kno w wha t t o do ! The y ’l l kno w wher e t o f i n d m e a budd y ! O r two! ”
The advisors assembled
The very next day Chloe Coot, Em the Vulture And Monty the Ray.
As they greeted King Ryan The vulture looked nervous As she bowed and said “Sir, How may we be of service?”
The advisors stood silent. No one knew what to say. Until Monty said, “Sire, It does not work that way...”
“I want friends!” said King Ryan What I want you to do Is take two bags of gold, And go purchase a few!”
“A friendship’s not something That gold can acquire Not something you can buy... Even borrow or hire...”
“A friend is a thing That you earn over time By being thoughtful, Understanding and kind.”
“Kind?”
roared the lion,
“… That’s not my sort of thing … It is not a behaviour That is fit for a king.”
“Well,” stammered Monty, “That’s what you’ll have to do If you want to build friendships That are lasting and true.
“We’ll invite all the animals
From across this great land And we’ll throw a big party With a cake … and a band!”
“I’ve got an idea For how you can meet Some potential new friends On your birthday next week.
“Good idea!” said King Ryan.
“Very well! I approve. Now get to your planning, We have no time to lose!”
Chloe Coot quickly quacked, “I will sort out the cake!
I’ve heard Layla Leopard Really knows how to bake.”
“I’ll do snacks,” said the vulture, “ ... I have really great taste.
When I cook, not a morsel Ever does go to waste.”
“I guess I’ll find the band...”, Bubbled Monty the Ray, Surely it won’t be hard To find someone to play?”
H e looke d u p i n th e tree s.
H e looke d dee p undergroun d. H e looke d fa r an d the n w i d e … No t on e ban d coul d b e found .
So, he called a good friend Who worked in the savannah, A crafty meerkat Known as Livvy the Planner.
“Livvy, dear, do you know A good band I could book? I’ve been searching for days ... Where on earth should I look?”
“You are fresh out luck” Livvy said, with a frown, “Ever since the migration There are no bands in town.”
“But … there are some musicians Who play on their own And I hear them each night As I sneak round their homes.
“We meerkats, you see, Are a curious bunch And we scavenge through bins For our dinner or lunch.
“As we move house to house We keep ears to the ground So we know everything That goes on this town!
“You’re lucky that I Am so nosey … and clever. I can build you a band If I bring them together!”
Every Monday at 6:00
At the Animal Bar.
“There’s Jiggs the Giraffe Who plays the guitar
“She plays all the notes With the tip of her hoof And pokes out her head Through a hole in the roof.
“There’s a classical pianist Called Jo the Gecko … Who, on touching the keys, Cannot seem to let go.
“She dresses the part In her bow tie and tails And there’s no doubt at all That she knows all her scales.
“I’ve heard Seb the Snake Is learning the drums Despite having no ears Or opposable thumbs.
“That won’t stop our friend Seb! Though he’s gangly and thin, If you give him a chance He’ll play out of his skin.
“Then there’s Francis Flamingo Who plays bass like a pro; Plucking strings with her beak While she strums with her toe.
“There’s the local art teacher Called Sophie Baboon Who dabbles in sculpture … And plays the bassoon.
“When it comes to our singers, The best that I’ve heard Is Isla Impala, Who sings like a bird.”
“She’s skittish and squeamish And shy as a mouse But get her to sing And she’ll bring down the house.
“Then Harry Hyena
Was taking a bath
When I heard him let loose
Quite a musical laugh.
“He could be backup singer!
He’s got rhythm and rhyme! We'll just tell him a joke At the optimal time.
“And I know a technician: A ferret named Finn
Who likes plugging things out And then plugging them in.
“He’s a master of fiddling With buttons and dials
As he burrows and nests In the cables and wires.”
“That’s all our band needs!” Squealed Monty, “Alright! We should gather them all for a practice – tonight!
“We’ll have to work hard To prepare for the king. A dissatisfied cat Is the scariest thing!”
Livvy ran house to house
To deliver the news, “Bring your bass, bring your drums We have no time to lose!”
One by one all the players Arrived in the hall.
Some were fat, some were skinny Some were short, some were tall.
So m e w h i s pere d , s om e ho o t ed , On e h i s se d a n d o n e squ e a k e d . On e b l e a t e d , o n e h o n k e d, On e g i ggled , o n e sh r i ek e d .
“Quiet please!” shouted Monty, “I have something to say! We have less than a week To learn something to play!”
Seb the snake started first, Playing drums with his tongue. Then came bass, then guitar, Joining in one by one.
Next came piano and vocals And then the bassoon. Pretty soon everybody Had joined in the tune.
Monty said, “Liv, Does that sound right to you? It sounds less like a band … And more like a zoo!”
“We’re doomed!” wailed Livvy, “That sounded all wrong! There’s no way this troop Can master a song!”
But then came an “Ee aww”
From the back of the hall. It was Doug the Donkey Who’d been watching it all.
“Wrong key!” said the donkey. “I could hear loud and clear.
I may not be good-looking, But I have a good ear.
Ee aww!
“I’ll be your instructor –Just listen to me, And start from the top In the C-major key.
“We’ll have to keep working Until it sounds right. We’ll practise and practise All day and all night …”
T h e c r o w d , s t un n e d t o s i l e n c e , A w a i t e d t h e k i n g A n d t h e y s w i f t l y k o w t o w e d A s h e m a d e h i s w a y i n .
I t w a s s o o n th e b i g p a r t y
An d th e g u e s t s a l l a rri v ed ;
Ev e r y daz z l e a n d cras h
Ev e r y t r o op , h e r d a n d p rid e .
H e l o o ke d l e f t a n d r i gh t
An d t h e n sa t o n h i s t h ro n e , L oo k i n g ver y i mp or t a n t An d v e r y a lo ne .
“Very well,” growled the lion
“I do not have all day … So, bring out the band And instruct them to play!”
Monty yelped,“Lords and ladies, I invite you to stand. Clap your hooves and your paws As you welcome the band:
“A gecko on piano, A baboon on bassoon, A donkey whose good ear Will keep us in tune. .
“A snake on the drums, A guitarist giraffe, A ferret technician, A hyena on ‘laugh’.
“An impala lead singer Who’s too shy to speak, A flamingo who plays On the bass with her beak … ”
“PLAY!” roared the king
And the animals gasped. Seb the Snake started first But he started too fast
Francis plucked on her bass But she couldn’t keep up. Jo the Gecko tried too, But she kept getting stuck.
Jiggs Giraffe strummed a chord
With her strings out of tune
As a honk and a shriek Came from Sophie’s bassoon.
Too fast and too loud, Out of tune and all wrong. And then Isla forgot All the words to the song.
From the back, Finn the Ferret Heard the terrible din, So he pulled some plugs out And he plugged some back in.
“Nothing’s working!” said Doug, “Now the king will be MAD! My good ear’s never heard Something sound quite so bad!”
“Make it stop! Turn it off!”
Liv and Monty implored. And so Finn, with his sharp little claw … cut the cord.
All the sounds faded out And the lights all went down. No one dared move an inch. No one dared make a sound.
Th e k i ng ’ s f ac e w e n t r e d
A n d h e r os e t o h i s pa w s .
Al l th e a n i m a l s g u l pe d
A t th e s i z e o f h i s cl a w s .
T h e n h e o p e n e d h i s m o u t h ,
B u t i n s t e a d o f a ‘ro a r ’ ,
T h e k i n g m a d e a s o u n d
N o o n e h a d h e a r d b e f o r e .
T h e g oa t s sa i d , “H e ’ s b lea t i n g ! ”
O r i s tha t a cl u c k ?
I t’ s n o t qu i t e a ‘ m o o’ … ”
“No r a ‘qu ac k’. . . ” s a i d t h e duck .
Is he bleating?
Is it a mooooo?
A cluck?
A quack?
Livvy squeaked, “That’s the sound Harry makes in the bath!
I bel i ev e tha t K i n g Rya n Is having a laugh!”
The king’s laugh grew louder, And he smiled ear to ear. The hyenas joined in, Then the birds, then the deer.
Monty sighed in relief As he stared at the crowd. Pretty soon every creature Was laughing out loud.
“Thank you all,” chortled Ryan, “For making me smile! And I do hope you all Wish to stay for a while!”
The band gathered round And they all soon would find That the king wasn’t scary –He was gentle and kind.
After all, being kind Is what you'll have to do
If you want to build friendships That are lasting and true.
King Ryan has all the riches in the world. What he truly desires, however, is something money cannot buy: good friends. Jo i n a r a gta g b an d o f w i l d a n i m a l s o n a m us i ca l rom p thro u g h t h e s a v anna h a s th e y t r y t o sh o w K i n g R y a n t h e na t ur e o f tru e f r i endshi p.