992 E Cottonwood Ln., Ste. 108 Casa Grande AZ 85122 Office 520-421-2373
Chandler
2081 N Arizona Ave., Ste 134 Chandler AZ 85225 Office 480-782-7999
1022 N Arizona Ave Chandler AZ 85225 Office 480-899-4733
Coolidge
1423 N Arizona Blvd
Coolidge AZ 85228 Office 520-723-4084
Maricopa
20928 N John Wayne Parkway, Ste C-14
Maricopa AZ 85239 Office 520-233-2111
41620 W Maricopa Casa Grande Hwy., Ste 106 Maricopa AZ 85239 Office 520-494-2227
Mesa
42 S Stapley Dr. Mesa Az. 85204 Office 480-751-2111
1302 E Southern Ave. Mesa AZ 85204 Office 480-969-4444
1810 S Power Rd Ste 103 Mesa AZ 85308 Office 480-926-8300
Phoenix
26 E. Baseline Rd., Ste 100 Phoenix AZ 85042 Work 602-323-9797
2420 W Bethany Home Rd. Phoenix AZ 85015 Work 602-249-0333
3555 W Van Buren Rd. Ste 110 Phoenix AZ 85009 Office 602-353-1144
1905 W. Union Hills Rd. Ste A Phoenix AZ 85029 Office 602-942-1112
825 W Southern Ave Suite 112 Phoenix AZ 85041 Office 602-243-1800
3445 W Glendale Ave Ste 11B Phoenix AZ 85051 Office 602-249-5054
5811 S Central Ave. Phoenix AZ 85040 Office 602-323-1515
8841 N 19th Ave Ste 2 Phoenix AZ 85021 Office 602-759-5766
4041 E Thomas Rd. Ste 113 Phoenix AZ 85018 Office 602-522-1685
1602 E Roosevelt St Ste. 301 Phoenix AZ 85006 Office 602-253-4888
4015 N 75th Ave Phoenix AZ 85033 Office 623-247-1313
OUT OF CONTEXT
A QUOTE FROM SOMEONE FAMOUS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT
“I hope he’ll save me an apricot!”
– President Barack Obama
Alligators can live up to 100 YEARS.
Banging your head against the wall burns about
There’s a 51% chance that a flipped coin will land on heads. Mario can jump
CALORIES
PER HOUR
but the bruises probably aren’t worth it. vertically.
$4 BILLION, nearly 20 times less than Bill Gates’ net worth.
PUBLISHER
Steve T. Strickbine
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Breanne DeMore breanne@ecollegetimes.com
Amy Civer, Nicole La Cour, Paul Braun STAFF WRITER
Jasmine Kemper jkemper@ecollegetimes.com
EDITORIAL INTERNS
Leah Goldberg, Justin Stabley
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Christina Fuoco-Karasinski, Miguel Otárola
PHOTOGRAPHY
Tim Sealy, Ao Gao, Kimberly Carrillo
CIRCULATION DIRECTOR
Aaron Kolodny
STREET TEAM MANAGER Aaron Johnson
DISTRIBUTION FIELD MANAGER Mark “Cowboy” Lucero
Caldwell
Donald Trump’s net worth is It would take 942 HOURS or 39 DAYS to reach Mars with our fastest spaceship.
The world’s smallest bat has a wingspan of 170 MILLIMETERS.
“Finding Dory” will come out 13 YEARS after “Finding Nemo.” Feeling old?
STUDENT LIFE
11 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT . . .
PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE
IT’S OFFICIAL—AS OF SEPTEMBER 8, PUMPKIN IS ON THE BRAIN. THAT’S RIGHT. IT’S PSL SEASON. BEFORE YOU HEAD TO YOUR NEAREST STARBUCKS OR LOCAL PUMPKIN SYRUP-PUMPING STATION, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK OUT SOME OF THESE FUN FACTS.
11 THE PSL IS AVAILABLE AT STARBUCKS WORLDWIDE
This fall, Starbucks’ pumpkin spice latte is available in about 50 countries around the world, including Thailand, Romania and Qatar.
10
STARBUCKS SELLS MORE OF THEM THAN YOU THINK
On average, Starbucks sells about 20 million PSLs a year.
9 IT TRULY IS ‘SPICY’
The spices found in the Torani syrup used in the PSL include cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and cloves.
8 IT DOESN’T HAVE A LOT OF CAFFEINE
Need a buzz? Then you should probably order Starbucks’ Clover brewed coffee, which contains about twice as much caffeine as the 150 mg you’ll find in the pumpkin spice latte.
7
YOU AND THE PSL CAN BE FRIENDS
Virtual friends, that is. Follow @TheRealPSL on both Twitter and Instagram for the latest updates and some pretty damn cute pics.
6 IT STARTED QUITE THE TREND
Starbucks isn’t the only company in the business obsessing over this favorite fall flavor. Other popular brands that have adapted the pumpkin spice flavor include pumpkin pie spice Pringles Potato Chips, Cedar’s pumpkin spice hummus, Pepperidge Farm pumpkin cheesecake cookies, Jet-Puffed pumpkin spiced mallows, Thomas’ pumpkin spiced English muffins, pumpkin spice latte M&Ms and Pinnacle pumpkin spiced vodka.
5 IT’LL CUT INTO YOUR DAILY CALORIES
A grande-sized PSL has about 380 calories, thanks to its 2 percent milk and whip cream. We don’t even want to know how many calories are in a venti.
4
THE TWITTERSPHERE LOVES PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES
Since August 2012, there have been over 29,000 tweets using the hashtag #pumpkinspice.
3
SO DO YOUR FAVORITE CELEBS
The rich and famous even submit to the spice. Celebrity PSL lovers include Pete Wentz, Taylor Swift, Pixie Lott, Brittany Snow, Kristin Cavallari and Katy Perry.
2 FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, THERE WILL BE REAL PUMPKIN INCLUDED
Over the summer, Starbucks announced that its pumpkin spice-flavored beverages will now contain real pumpkin instead of caramel coloring. Should this be as exciting as it is?
1
THE PSL ALMOST NEVER EXISTED
Over 10 years ago, Starbucks’ team of geniuses sidelined pumpkin spice in favor of other flavors. Luckily, they realized the flavor’s potential a few years later and created what is now the pumpkin craze that sweeps the world every September. Whew! That was a close one.
THE 8 THINGS YOU
WEREN’T TOLD ABOUT COMMUNITY COLLEGE
LEAH GOLDBERG • COLLEGE TIMES
You’ve heard the horror stories. You’ve been told about the “mediocrity” of community colleges. You may think you know everything about these college options, but we can reassure you that there is much more to them than meets the eye. Here are 8 things you weren’t told about going to a community college.
1. You can figure out what you want to do
If you’re not sure what path you want to take in life, community college is the perfect option. You’ll have two years (or more) to explore a variety of classes that are way cheaper than their university counterparts. Don’t think attending community college means you’re a failure. You’re saving money and not wasting time taking unnecessary classes at an expensive university.
2. You can avoid the “car-to-class” syndrome
Due to the seemingly short-term commitment of these colleges, many students attend their classes and immediately return to their car to retreat back home in between classes. Stick around to eat or ask someone in your class to study and make the most of your time.
3. You can get involved
Community college students might be surprised by how many clubs and leadership opportunities there are on campus. Student government, honors societies, community service clubs and more offer students a more memorable and fulfilling experience. Plus being involved can help your chances when applying for a fouryear college.
4. You can get to know your professors
Just because you aren’t planning on staying very long doesn’t mean you shouldn’t form relationships. Smaller class sizes mean professors can invest more time getting to know you. Plus, if you plan on applying to a four-year college, they can write you
a fantastic recommendation letter.
5. The imaginary peer doesn’t exist
PVCC’s Ho also explained that when entering college, students create this imaginary peer that they can never compete with. This figment of our imaginations is always the smarter, better looking and more successful classmate that students use to explain their lack of confidence. “There is no imaginary peer as long as you can quiet that voice…struggling in school is part of the process,” he says.
6. Community College is not just for drop-outs and those with low GPAs
Community college is for any student: low GPA or high GPA, wealthy or not, one who has their whole future planned out and those who need guidance. Just about anyone looking to join a community and get an education can find what they need at a community college.
7. Some of them have specialty programs
Community colleges aren’t just for getting your associate degree. Some of them have specialty programs you can’t get at a large university such as fashion design and hospitality.
8. You can use them for extra credits
Just because you’ve moved on to a bigger school doesn’t mean community colleges aren’t useful anymore. If you find yourself missing a credit or two right before graduation, you can register for an easy supplementary course at community college. They can also be used to bump up your GPA at a lower cost.
GAME DAY STARTS HERE! join us 3 hours before
Devils on College is a tailgate experience for the whole family, located a block away from Sun Devil Stadium. Join us for:
Athlete Meet and Greet, Beer Garden, DJ, Music, Giant Games, Miniature Golf, Sparky, Professional Adult & Kids Face Painting, Tailgate Shopping Experience, Bike Shop, Tempe Bike Co-op (bike valet), and much, much more!
College Avenue and Seventh Street, Tempe
PREVIOUSLY USEFUL ITEMS USEFUL AGAIN
BREANNE DEMORE • COLLEGE TIMES
By now you should be all moved in and getting settled into your new abode. Even if you haven’t quite finished unpacking, you might have some items lying around from moving or just some extra stuff you’re not sure what to do with. We’ve decided to put those items to use! Check out the following ways of repurposing items for utility!
MILK CRATE NIGHTSTAND
This one is an oldie, but a goodie. Milk crates make excellent moving boxes because they are sturdy, stackable and breathe. Simply turn this crate open-side out, place next to your bed and place your lamp and phone charger on top. Bonus points if your milk crates are wooden and look ~shabby chic~.
*Courtesy craftybutt.blogspot.com
TP ROLL ORGANIZER BOX
Yep, even toilet paper leftovers can be repurposed. All those cords and chargers you have fit perfectly in the rolls and will even travel well for your weekend trip home. Ladies, you can even cut the rolls in half so they are shorter and use them to organize jewelry!
*Courtesy instructables.com
CLOTHES HANGER ROOM DIVIDER
Okay, this one is a little excessive because we don’t know who has that many extra clothes hangers hanging around, but we had to show you how cool this looks. The hangers are simply stacked with both ends overlapping and glued together.
*Courtesy designboom.com
DOUBLE DUTY BEAUTY
CHRISTINA CALDWELL • COLLEGE TIMES
Beauty bloggers and Instagrammers might drive your desire to buy, buy, buy new beauty products, but if you’re anything like us, your bank account has other ideas. If you’re torn between eating and primping, there’s no need to splurge on a single-purpose product. These makeup items do double duty so you can be a bargain beauty (but still look like a million bucks.)
NYX V’AMPED UP! LIP TOP COAT IN BLACK
Are you ready to double your lipstick wardrobe? This top coat isn’t as goth as it looks. NYX’s V’amped Up! Lip Top Coat applies sheer on top of your favorite lipcolor, turning up the sex appeal for a night out, or just a shade more appropriate for fall. $7 to add a little oomph to every shade you own? Totally worth skipping the Chipotle for one day.
BENEFIT BENETINT CHEEK & LIP STAIN
This one might come at a pricey $30, but think of all of its purposes! Give yourself a just-bitten lip look with cheeks to match. Best of all, a little dab goes a long way. Want to practice the Korean-inspired ombre lip trend that’s finally catching on here in the states? Focus the stain at the center of your lips and coat the rest with a clear gloss.
NYX JUMBO EYE PENCIL IN MILK
Behold the beauty product to end all beauty products. NYX Milk is the Internet’s favorite beauty deal, and it’s not just for eyes, either! You can use it as a base for your eye shadow looks, since the stark white color brings out the true hue of your favorite shadow, but it can also be used as a waterline highlighter, contour highlighter for pale-toned skin and more. Priced at $4.50 and often on sale, we’re tempted just to smother our whole face in this stuff.
GTFO!
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CATCH THESE 10 EVENTS OR YOU’LL BE FEELING SOME SERIOUS F.O.M.O.
SCOTTSDALE SPICE
Can you think of a better way to end the summer than eating tons of spicy food? At Scottsdale Spice, chefs are invited to showcase their dishes, ranging in three different levels: mild, medium and hot. Stop by to try some of the Valley’s hottest restaurants, including Brat Haus, Hula’s Modern Tiki and Honey Bear’s. How much heat can you handle?
The Venue Scottsdale, 7117 E. Third Avenue, Scottsdale, 480.355.2708, scottsdalespice. org, Saturday, September 12, 6 p.m., $55
DOWNTOWN PHOENIX URBAN ALE TRAIL
Join this self-guided tour through Downtown Phoenix’s best restaurants and watering holes to experience their amazing craft beers. Establishments will provide samples between $1-$2 along with snacks. The first 300 participants who start their trek at the Sheraton Hotel get a free Urban Ale Trail growler. Downtown Phoenix, 320 N. Third Street, Phoenix, 602.495.1500, Saturday, September 12, 1 p.m., $1-$2 per beer sample
AN EVENING WITH DAVE MATTHEWS BAND
The classic Dave Matthews Band kicked off it’s North American tour in Texas and hits Phoenix on Sunday, September 13. The Charlottesville, Virginia band has sold more than 30 million albums and its live performances are always unique since it changes its set list at every new venue and often improvises new versions of its songs.
Ak-Chin Pavilion, 2121 N. 83rd Avenue, Phoenix, 602.254.7200, ak-chinpavilion. com, Sunday, September 13, 7 p.m., $59-$90
MAD DECENT BLOCK PARTY
The biggest block party in the nation won’t be passing by the Arizona crowd. On September 18, you can dance alongside thousands of other partiers to music from several popular DJs, including Dillion Francis, Major Lazer, Oliver Heldens and Yellow Claw. Rawhide, 5700 W. North Loop Road, Chandler, maddecentblockparty.com, Friday, September 18, 5:30 p.m., $53
OKTOBERFEST AT BRAT HAUS
Celebrate the Bavarian festival early with Scottsdale’s Brat Haus! For one day only, you can partake in a meaty feast, polka music, bad ass beard contest, and of course, glorious craft beer. Anyone dressed in lederhosen or dirndl gets free admission.
Brat Haus, 3622 N. Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale, 480.947.4006, brathausaz.com, Saturday, September 19, 11 a.m., $8 adv, $10 doe
DANA CARVEY
It’s a night of radical comedy with Dana Carvey. The Emmy Award-winning comedian, most famous for his role in “Wayne’s World” opposite Mike Myers and his performances on “Saturday Night Live,” is bringing his latest stand-up comedy to Arizona.
The ferocious and poignant comedian is bringing his shouted witticisms to the Phoenix crowd. Lewis Black has built his career on getting angry about modern culture and politics, gaining fame with his stand-up shows on Comedy Central and HBO with special
appearances on “The Daily Show.”
Comerica Theatre, 400 W. Washington Street, Phoenix, 602.379.2800, comericatheatre. com, Saturday, September 19, 8 p.m., $50-$95
CHROMEO
Head to Arizona’s Livewire to hear the funky sounds of Chromeo. The Canadian electro-funk sensation, made up of Dave 1 and P-Thugg, is touring their latest hits through the United States and are dropping by the Valley. Livewire, 7320 E. Indian Plaza, Scottsdale, 480.970.6980, livewireaz.com, Saturday, September 19, 8 p.m., $25
GARLIC FESTIVAL
While we wouldn’t recommend this as a date, we do think you should definitely head out to Queen Creek and celebrate everything garlic. Featuring tastings, cooking demonstrations, food trucks and more, this festival will also have a wine and beer garden to quench your thirst.
Queen Creek Olive Mill, 25062 S. Meridian Road, Queen Creek, 480.888.9290, queencreekolivemill.com, Saturday, September 19 through Sunday, September 20, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., free
NICK JONAS
Teen heartthrob, Nick Jonas, is making his way to Tempe. Once a member of the massively successful Jonas Brothers, Nick Jonas broke into a solo career with last year’s hit, “Jealous,” and is taking his handsome self on tour with the rest of his big singles.
Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Avenue, Tempe, 480.829.0607, luckymanonline.com, Sunday, September 20, 6 p.m., $30-$40
NICK JONAS
LEWIS BLACK
DANA CARVEY
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND
CHROMEO
STREET TEAM SNAPS
STREET TEAM • COLLEGE TIMES
Have you seen our street team on campus? Make sure to stop by our tent at the Memorial Union for our latest issues and giveaways. Who knows, you might be asked to take a pic with one of our lovely street teamers and could end up in the next issue!
VOICES
EXISTENTIAL AMBUSH
WE BOMBARD PEOPLE WITH THE BIG QUESTIONS TO SEE HOW THEY RESPOND
“What does love mean to you?”
“Love is my Australian Shepherd puppy. He is four months old. He is totally adorable and he has no idea how horrible life is and I love that. I think love is, I don’t know. Love is incorruptible. It’s something you are passionate for. It motivates you. Love is not a feeling. I think it’s a strong force that motivates you and it either pushes you one way or another in life.”
– ISABELLA ROMAN, JUNIOR, ASU
“I don’t know. Love is like a feeling you have toward somebody. It’s just a feeling you have, caring and loving them basically. It is not a physical thing to be explained. It’s something inside your heart. You don’t see it, but you feel it. You know, it’s really hard to answer.”
– ALEX MACLON, FRESHMAN, ASU
“You really like someone deep in your heart. You can’t live without it. It depends on what you love, a person or something. It’s more inside you than outside. It’s something you don’t go find. It finds you.”
– JAQUELINE CERQUEIRA, SENIOR, EXCHANGE STUDENT
ONE GUY, ONE GIRL, THREE QUESTIONS
AO GAO • COLLEGE TIMES
HER
TAMMY STELNICKI, SOPHOMORE, ASU
What does education mean to you?
Education means a lot. I mean, not everyone is open to education throughout the world. I think it is really important [that] we take every opportunity when are handed [them]. In America, we are handed a lot of opportunities and a lot of people don’t realize that you can better your life situation from people around you through taking every opportunity you can, working hard and studying.
Why did you want to go to college?
I wanted to come to school because [of] the way I was brought up. My family always pushes for us to strive to be the best we can be. There are so many opportunities [to be] educated throughout the world.
What do you appreciate about your education?
All the experiences that school has brought me, like finding all the things that I otherwise [would have] no idea about. For my Chinese major, I’m learning a whole different culture...Education just opens your eyes to different things [that] you otherwise wouldn’t think about or even know you don’t know. So I like the fact that you can learn things that you don’t know [that] you don’t know about.
HIM
ERICK PAULINO, PHD STUDENT, ASU
What does education mean to you?
Well, I’m a PhD student, so I love education...It means I can envision a positive future. It was my way out of poverty, [and the] economic and social situation [in] which I was born. I was born [to] a single mother in poverty… in a community that didn’t have a model for education beyond high school. Education has been a source of empowerment and achieving personal and financial autonomy.
Why did you want to go to college?
I love learning and I knew that [was] a way out for me. You know, I’m not an athlete or a musician, so I knew if I stuck to books and pursued my education. I could maybe, possibly have a life that I want to live.
What do you appreciate about your education?
It has given me a sense of understanding [of] myself and the world around me differently. I wouldn’t be the person I am if it wasn’t for education. It has allowed me to understand the society and myself, my role in society, how I [am] perceived [by] society and how I perceive others. That’s crucial for my field of study. It’s been empowering.
MILEY THINKS...
Hay ya’ll! It’s me! Miley!
There’s been a lot of chatter about my recent MTV VMA’s appearance, and I wanted to set the record straight, so heeere weeee go!
OK, so, my VMA outfits really drew some attention from the press, but here’s the thing: They weren’t even that revealing, ya’ll! I even saw some shapshots of my face that evening, and it’s like, “My breasts are down here!” (Hahahaha! I’m so random!)
The cruel fact remains that you could only see inside one of my holes all night (That’s my mouth, ya’ll!), thanks to the censors (and First Amendment deniers) at MTV.
inside a single orifice all night, that means the appearance is a new low for me and my career. So I had to make up for it.
I recently got together with Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips to let my freak flag fly, ya’ll! Some are calling the album self-indulgent and they’d be RIGHT! Like, let Miley do Miley!
Yeah, it’s trippy. Yeah, it’s weird. Yeah, I recorded it on a drug cocktail I couldn’t replicate again if I tried. But just let Miley do Miley, ya’ll.
I feel like I need to strap some Yosemite Sam mud flaps to my butt because people just need to BACK OFF! (Note to self: Text costume designer.)
Now all-a-you skunks clear out of here!
We believe that the journey through egg donation involves much more than merely the donation of eggs. It involves dedication to the process, a sacrifice of time and most importantly, a willingness to assist a couple with their dream of creating their own family.
1. Some of the artists put their drawings and paintings on display to purchase. 2. A group of tattoo artists work on live art fusion, where music is played and they quickly paint their canvases using whatever inspiration strikes them. 3. When Nadine Meredith, also known as “Boomie Bones” was asked why she was getting a UFO tattoo, she said, “Because space is the place, man!” 4. Sarah Helton sat for her rose tattoo because “the artists wanted to add more to my other tattoo so I thought, ‘When better than now?’” 5. As she got inked with a tattoo of paint splashes and a paint brush, elementary school art teacher Lauren DeVries explained that she saw her tattoo artist from her hometown and had to have him tattoo her while he was in Phoenix. 6. When Brian Tucker was asked why he was getting a tattoo of an alternate reality, he answered, “Because I live in my own world.” 7. Jeremy Graham explained the significance of the Buddha on his back: “I hate religion but Buddhism isn’t a religion. It’s a way of thinking.” 8. Emma Abeare got a lacy design because of its feminine nature. 9. “I am getting this tattoo because it just looks awesome,” said Austin Adams of his sea monster ink. 10. James Norris sat through the pain of his dragon tattoo because it is a well-known symbol of strength.
HELL CITY TATTOO FESTIVAL
KIMBERLY CARRILLO • COLLEGE TIMES
SATURDAY, AUGUST 29 • ARIZONA BILTMORE RESORT
With tattoo artists from all over the world, this convention was certainly colorful and full of some seriously impressive talent. Our favorite part was hearing the reasons behind everyone’s ink. 1 2 3 4 8 9 10 7 6 5
SUCCESS & MONEY DEALS BY THE DAY
OUR FAVORITE FOOD AND DRINK DEALS FOR EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK
JASMINE KEMPER • COLLEGE TIMES
MONDAY
We’re always looking for the best deals and also really love themed food and drinks. So we thought we would take a look around the Valley and find the best food and drink specials for every day of the week. You can feast on delicious food and drinks and still have enough money left over for a not-sober Uber ride home.
MONDAY
S’mores and Wine
Salut Kitchen Bar is able to bring an atmosphere of sophistication and charm, despite the fact that they are minutes away from the Tempe campus. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t like to play with their food! Every Monday, you can enjoy a bottle of wine and construct your very own s’mores, complete with graham crackers, marshmallows, Hershey’s chocolate and a fire pit for $20. What a sweet deal. Salut Kitchen Bar, 1435 E. University Drive, Tempe, 480.625.3600, salutkitchenbar.com
TUESDAY
Taco Tuesday
Every Tuesday is an all-day fiesta at Ticoz Latin Kitchen in Phoenix. The tacos are two bucks a pop with choices of Dos Equis-battered tilapia, carne asada, tinga chicken, pork adovada or veggie. You can also get half-off Dos Equis and sangrias or $2 off margaritas. At those prices, you can go into an ultimate taco coma on-thecheap.
Ticoz Latin Kitchen, 5114 N. Seventh Street, Phoenix, 602.200.0160, ticozaz.com
WEDNESDAY
WEDNESDAY
Kegger Wednesdays
Located down the street from the Downtown campus, the new FEZ location is bringing the party seven days a week but we get especially excited to celebrate hump day with their Kegger Wednesdays. Grab $4 draft beers, $6 chicken fingers and a fry basket. The restaurant is open until midnight on the weekdays and is easily accessible along the light rail. Take a seat on their urban patio and quench your thirst. FEZ, 105 W. Portland Street, Phoenix, 602.287.8700, fezoncentral.com
SATURDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
THURSDAY
#ThrowbackThursdays
DeSoto Central Market is another establishment along the light rail that’s offering up some boozy deals. Every third Thursday of the month, they transform the bar into a 1930s speakeasy. Start the night off with a free swing dance lesson, grab an old fashioned and refuel with delicious eats. You are encouraged to come dressed for the occasion and sip on classic cocktails. Don’t forget to follow them on Twitter to get the password for “nearly 1930s pricing” drinks!
DeSoto Central Market, 915 N. Central Avenue, Phoenix, desotocentralmarket.com
SUNDAY
FRIDAY
Food Truck Fridays
Every Friday from 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m., local food trucks line the parking lot of the Phoenix Public Market to bring you a variety of food like you’ve never seen. Grab some fry bread, jambalaya, pies or hot dogs from these mobile kitchens. The food is reasonably-priced and you’ll never have to wait long for a quality meal. The best part? You can go back for seconds, thirds, fourths…
Phoenix Public Market, 721 N. Central Avenue, Phoenix, phxstreetfood.org
SATURDAY
Weekend Hangover
Zipps Sports Grill knows there is no better cure for a hangover than more alcohol, sports and a hefty meal. On Saturdays (and Sundays), they have a special weekend menu from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. with $7 specialty burgers and $10 whole pizzas. Wash it all down with $4.50 Bloody Mary’s and screwdrivers, $5 mimosas and much more.
Zipps Sports Grill, 690 S. Mill Avenue, Tempe, 480.404.7255, zippssportsgrills.com
SUNDAY
Community Night
After a long weekend the last thing you want to do is cook dinner. Don’t worry—the Phoenix Public Market has got you covered. At their community night on Sunday (and Mondays), you can get a hearty three-course dinner for $12.99 starting at 5 p.m. If you have it in you after the weekend, they have happy hour with specialty cocktails and craft beer. Not to mention, they also accept Sun Dollars and students can get a discount with a student ID.
Phoenix Public Market Cafe, 14 E. Pierce Street, Phoenix, 602.253.2700, phxpublicmarket.com
PEER PROFESSIONAL: JENNIFER HUDYE
HOW THE ASU SENIOR MANAGES TO DO WELL IN SCHOOL WHILE ALSO HAVING FUN...OH, AND RUN HER OWN BUSINESS
When asked at 9:30 a.m. how her morning was going, Jennifer Hudye responded with an enthusiastic, “It’s going amazing. It’s going so good. I got in an awesome workout and then I taught a fitness class and now I’m launching a program and then I’m going to do a little homework before class at 12.”
Typical morning for a college senior, right? Yeah, we’re laughing, too.
After growing up in Saskatchewan, Canada, the 22-year-old decided to go to ASU for the warm weather and the W.P. Carey School of Business to major in business management with a focus in entrepreneurship. Describing herself as “very goal-oriented and focused,” Hudye had set a goal for herself years ago to start a business in college and then run it as a sustaining, fulltime business by the time she graduates from college. Her graduation date in December was a kick in the butt to get started.
“Like most businesses, it started off with a personal experience,” says Hudye. “I’ve
always been into fitness. I’ve been a group fitness instructor for five years and I’ve always been passionate about my own fitness and helping other people with fitness, but I’ve always struggled, especially the first two years of college, with really achieving those physical results that I wanted.”
Hudye tried every program out there, diets, energy and weight-loss pills, organic fruit from Africa, etc. If the program worked, it was only temporary and she was getting discouraged.
In the summer of 2013, Hudye was beyond frustrated— tired of not seeing the results she wanted, she was also sick of not being happy with herself, physically and mentally. So she set out to compete in body building. She dedicated all of her time to eating cleaning and exercising and got “ripped,” but didn’t set a goal for how she wanted to feel. She had achieved her physical goal, but her life was completely lopsided to get there.
Deciding that she needed to find balance, she sought out a coach who would help her.
“I hired on a few different
BREANNE DEMORE • COLLEGE TIMES
TIM SEALY
coaches that told me they could help me with it and they just gave me cookie-cutter plans that I didn’t feel aligned with the lifestyle that I had.”
Hudye then attended a personal development and marketing conference and it was there that she had an epiphany.
“I [realized that I have] all the knowledge in order to create my own program for myself, so why don’t I start doing that? So I created a program for myself initially and started seeing awesome results. Then I had different women coming to me and saying, ‘What are you doing and can you start coaching me?’”
The more people she helped, the more she wanted to help. She started working on her first program, The Strong Mind, Sexy Body Blueprint. Unlike other programs of its type, this one focuses on four aspects of one’s life: nutrition, exercise, wellbeing and mindset. From this, her business organically formed.
The main core of Hudye’s business is that her programs aren’t just about the physical results. Participants make mental and emotional goals as well, so that they work toward
becoming their best selves, not just having their best body.
Now her business, LifeBalance Coach, has evolved into more than just one program, it’s a lifestyle.
“I create holistic, online programs for women to help them achieve a life of balance and happiness and to teach them how to set goals and then create programs to help them achieve those goals,” she says.
It seems impossible for Hudye to do it all—teach fitness classes, stay on top of schoolwork, run a business and take the time to be a typical 22-year-old and hang out with friends.
So how is she able to balance it all?
“I feel I’m able to do it all because I’m super clear of my ‘why.’ My ‘why’ is that I want to help young women so freaking bad to create the best version of themselves and their life. It makes it so easy for me to push myself and go for it because it’s working toward a much bigger purpose than myself.”
For more information on Jennifer Hudye and LifeBalance Coach, check out jenniferrachael.com.
I WANT TO HELP YOUNG WOMEN SO FREAKING BAD.
HUT, HUT, HIKE
SUN DEVIL FOOTBALL SCHEDULE
TEXAS A&M
SEPTEMBER 5, HOUSTON, TX
CAL POLY
SEPTEMBER 12, TEMPE, AZ
NEW MEXICO
SEPTEMBER 18, TEMPE, AZ
USC
SEPTEMBER 26, TEMPE, AZ
UCLA
OCTOBER 3, PASADENA, CA
COLORADO
OCTOBER 10, TEMPE, AZ
UTAH
OCTOBER 17, SALT LAKE CITY, UT
OREGON
OCTOBER 29, TEMPE, AZ
WASHINGTON STATE
NOVEMBER 7, PULLMAN, WA
WASHINGTON
NOVEMBER 14, TEMPE, AZ
ARIZONA
NOVEMBER 21, TEMPE, AZ
CALIFORNIA
NOVEMBER 28, BERKELEY, CA
TOP EIGHT FOOTBALL MOVIES FOR NON-FOOTBALL FANS
JUSTIN STABLEY • COLLEGE TIMES
For some of us, fall means boots, pumpkin spiced lattes, cooler weather . . . and football? Whether you’re a fan or not, football season is upon us and isn’t going away until the Super Bowl in February. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, so we put together a list of the top eight football movies to get non-fans excited.
“Remember the Titans” (2000)
This classic film is about perseverance over racism as Denzel Washington’s character works to reconcile the newly integrated high school football team while fighting a prejudiced education system.
“The Longest Yard” (2005/1974)
It’s two versions of the same underdog tale. “The Longest Yard” is about a group of inmates challenged with beating their abusive prison wardens in a game of football. Lots of raunchy comedy ensues.
“Jerry Maguire” (1996)
Full of cheesy, romantic drama and pre-insanity Tom Cruise, “Jerry Maguire” is in a very special era of the ‘90s. In this film, Cruise plays a washed up sports agent struggling with his eccentric client while building a meaningful relationship with a single mom.
“Leatherheads” (2008)
Set before the professional sport was taken seriously, this film combines humor and romance as George Clooney and John Krasinski compete for the attention of an attractive journalist.
“The Game Plan” (2007)
Dwayne Johnson stars as a hot-headed quarterback who gets a surprise visit from the daughter he never met. Over time, he has to learn the importance of family and teamwork. Sure, it’s corny but it’s okay to indulge sometimes.
“Friday Night Lights” (2004)
Telling the inspiration story of the team from the poor, footballobsesed town of Odessa, Texas, this movie is gritty but will completely inspire you to love the game (or at least watch the undeniable TV show of the same name).
“The Last Boyscout” (1991)
It’s ‘90s action at its best when Bruce Willis, as expected, plays the tough PI beside Damon Wayan’s bombastic football star. It’s the classic buddy cop formula found in movies like “Lethal Weapon” and “Rush Hour,” but with sports!
SPORTS CALENDAR
LOS ANGELES DODGERS VS. ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
BEAT L.A.! The D-backs take on the Dodgers at this Friday night game. It’s true that Arizona teams have a rivalry of sorts with pretty much all L.A. teams, but this one particularly so ever since the Dodgers peed in our pool. Come for the game and stay for the post-game fireworks.
Chase Field, 401 E. Jefferson Street, Phoenix, 480.339.5000, azchasefield.com, Friday, September 11, 6:40 p.m., $15$130
COLOR YOUR SOLE 5K
The ever-popular color run is back and fast approaching! This 5K is fun for all ages and fitness levels. Participants will be splashed with color as they walk, jog or run the route. Come out to the Third Annual Color Your Sole 5K and snap some colorful photos with your friends and family.
Rotary Community Park, 1400 S. Smoketree Avenue, Lake Havasu City, 928.855.4115, golakehavasu.com, Saturday, September 12, 8 a.m., prices vary
ARIZONA CARDINALS VS. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Quarterbacks Drew Stanton and Drew Brees will be going head-to-head on Tuesday at the Cardinals’ first home game of the regular season. The two Drews will lead their teams in hopes of starting off the year strong. Only time will tell if the Cardinals can hold up to the expectations set after their remarkable last season. University of Phoenix Stadium, 1 Cardinals Drive, Glendale, 623.433.7101, universityofphoenixstadium. com, Tuesday, September 13, 1:05 p.m., $75-$580
ARIZONA UNITED VS. OKLAHOMA CITY ENERGY FC
Still pumped after Arizona United’s last soccer game? You are just in luck if you are looking to support this team throughout the season. After their loss against the Vancouver Whitecaps, Arizona United is back and still hopeful for their future success. Join them for another game on Wednesday! Scottsdale Stadium, 7408 E. Osborn Road, Scottsdale, 480.312.2586, arizonaunited. com, Wednesday, September 16, 7:30 p.m., $15-$30
LIFE TIME TRI TEMPE
You’ve seen them happening at Tempe Beach Park and we know your curiosity is peaked. Join the competition already and test your athletic abilities in any one of their many race options. Life Time Tri Tempe will waive the fee for first timers!
Tempe Beach Park, 80 W. Rio Salado Parkway, Tempe, tempetri.com/tempe, Sunday, September 20, 6:30 a.m., prices vary
ATHLETIC APPETITE
A BREAKDOWN OF EVERYTHING THAT A COLLEGE ATHLETE EATS IN ONE DAY
AO GAO • COLLEGE TIMES
For most of us, eating healthy consists of trying to include fruits, veggies and protein into our daily diets. However, for college athletes, their food becomes fuel to get the job done—and they typically need A LOT of the best fuel possible. Check out what Nicholas Gushue, a 6-foot, 4-inch and 210-pound freshman defender on the ASU ice hockey team, eats on a typical day.
ALL DAY: 2 liters of water
10 a.m.
1 protein bar
6 a.m.
2 cups of oatmeal
1 banana
8 a.m.
2 servings of Muscle
Milk
Protein shakes
3 p.m.
1 16-ounce tub of Greek yogurt
8 p.m.
1 6-egg omelet with ham
Noon
1 cup rice or pasta with either ground turkey, chicken or beef
5:30 p.m.
Salad with vegetables and 2-3 cups of either steak, chicken or turkey
ENTERTAINMENT
MUSICAL STUDIES
TO GET THROUGH HOMEWORK, ALL YOU NEED IS A BEAT
MIGUEL OTÁROLA • COLLEGE TIMES
As the school year starts to gain momentum, the quantity of homework begins to pile up. It’s a sure bet that there will be a lot of reading, writing and math assignments, and unfortunately, that work needs to get finished.
INTENSE WORK
When it comes to doing great work in college, creating an atmosphere where you can think critically is very important. There are certain types of music that can help put you in that space.
Connor Descheemaker, 22, who recently graduated from ASU and studied urban and metropolitan studies, says a lot of his assignments required compiling data or ideas. For him, long pieces that have “momentum and ebb and flow” helped keep his thinking from becoming stagnant.
“If it has movements, it evolves with where my energy is,” he says.
When his work sessions pushed from the evening into the early morning, morphless, instrumental pieces help fill the white space. Artists like Stars of the Lid, Nicolas Jaar or the always-referenced Mozart are great ambient motivators.
When doing work that takes a lot of mental effort, the song can’t be a distraction, says Sydney Files, a dietetics senior at ASU.
“Sometimes singing along to music is very distracting,” Files says. “I can’t really know the song, or else I won’t be focused.”
Files usually finds a random playlist on services like Songza or 8Tracks. It is this music that helps her with assignments for her nutrition classes, which consist of creating comprehensive diet plans.
Band Recs for Intense Work
Boards of Canada
Stars of the Lid
The Field
Four Tet
Jamie xx
PASSIVE WORK
Say you’ve got 40 problems you need to solve for your calculus class tonight. Maybe you’ve pushed back that one English paper and all of a sudden it’s due tomorrow morning. For situations like this, music with a driving beat can propel you to get your work done.
When Files has to do equations or reactions for her organic chemistry classes, the work can get a bit repetitive. She finds that EDM or techno music can get her in the right mood to do those problems.
“[I listen to] something that really gets me to do organic chemistry, because it’s not that fun,” she says.
These instrumental dance tracks can provide the necessary boost to get past mundane assignments or practice problems.
They can also liven up your study session, says Danika Worthington, 21, a journalism senior at ASU.
“I’m also a firm believer of dance breaks,” she explains. “I’ll be working and if it’s too much and that song comes on, I say, ‘Hold up. Peace out. I need to dance really quickly.’”
While the official verdict is still out on the effectiveness of listening to music while doing homework, it’s certainly true that many students find it to helpful and motivating after finding the right genre to fit the work.
Band Recs for Passive Work
Daft Punk
DJ Rashad
Gold Panda
Odesza
Disclosure
GUESS WHO’S BACK
AUTHORITY ZERO CELEBRATES 20 YEARS WITH A HOMETOWN SHOW
CHRISTINA FUOCO-KARASINSKI • COLLEGE TIMES
Authority Zero’s 20th anniversary has been bittersweet.
This year the band, which melds punk, ska and reggae, embraced its two-decade career with a sold-out show at Club Red. But a gig in San Antonio earlier this summer didn’t bode so well. The Mesa-based act’s van and trailer with production equipment, amps, guitars, drums, mics, merchandise, backdrop and computers were stolen. The vehicle was later recovered, but the goods were long gone.
“We felt violated,” says singer Jason DeVore via telephone in between East Coast tour stops. “It was kind of a hit, but we’re getting through it.”
The healing process has been bolstered by a Go Fund Me crowdfunding page that is seeking $30,000 in donations.
As of September 3, 430 donors gave $19,668 to Authority Zero to help defray the costs of replacing its equipment.
“People have been super responsive and overly gracious,” DeVore says. “We’ve had donations from all over the world, including Prague. We’re extremely humbled.”
DeVore peppers his conversation with the word “humbled.” He’s honored that Authority Zero is still around.
The band made its mark on the national scene in 2001, when it signed to Atlantic Records subsidiary Lava Records. Its first album, A Passage in Time, sold more than 250,000 copies worldwide.
Major labels didn’t suit Authority Zero, though. It went indie with the collection 12:34, which was released by Big Panda in 2007. Recordings
followed on Suburban Noize Records and Hardline Entertainment.
“When we actually got our record deal in 2001, that was a pretty high point for us,” DeVore contends. “It slingshot us into the major touring circuit where we’re still at today. It is taking us all over the world. With the old-school days, there was an innocence to it.”
The vocalist says Authority Zero has achieved what it has by maintaining a positive attitude and continually improving.
“You do realize the accomplishments you have,” he says. “You embrace those and keep on trying to grow as a band and musician. It’s in my blood, obviously. I love music in general. Being able to do what I love for a living—being with my buddies, seeing kids show us
love and support—it keeps you motivated.”
The hometown adoration helps as well. After heading around the world and back, Authority Zero—which also includes guitarist Brandon Landelius, bassist Mike Spero and drummer Christopher Dalley—will perform a local show at Marquee Theatre on Saturday, September 19.
“We’ve got a lot of friends playing it,” he says about the support acts. “It’s going to be a big celebratory show. We’ve been gone all summer.”
After the show, the band will pack up again, this time to California where it will work on a new album. Although the music won’t hit stores until next year, fans can expect to see a live CD and DVD of its 20th anniversary show later this year. A Canadian tour is slated
for November and December. Authority Zero’s schedule is packed, but DeVore wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Being here right now, still, is a big highlight of my career,” DeVore explains. “There are times you realize how long it’s been: ‘Man, it’s been 20 years for sure.’ You can feel it. Time goes by at the blink of an eye, but it’s been a heck of a ride.”
AUTHORITY ZERO W/STRUNG OUT, LIGHTSPEEDGO, PERFECT SENSE, ADULT ARCADE, CONTADIKTION
Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Avenue, Tempe, 480.829.0607, luckymanonline.com, Saturday, September 19, $20
WHEN YOU REALLY LOVE SOMETHING, YOU REALLY GO FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT WORK.
NO WORK, ALL PLAY
ZEDD FINDS HIS PASSION IN THE WORLD OF EDM
FUOCO-KARASINSKI • COLLEGE TIMES
Born into a musical family, Anton Zaslavski never thought he would earn a living as a DJ. Now known professionally as Zedd, he has become one of the hottest commodities in the world of electro house music.
“I would never guessed in a million years, I would be a DJ or would live off producing
songs for me and other people,” he says with a laugh. “I knew I was going to have a career in music because that’s the only thing I loved in my life. When you really love something, you really go find a way to make it work.”
The Russian musician has been playing in a band since his early teens. Even then, he knew he was going to be a full-time musician.
“Both of my parents are musicians,” he says. “They gave piano lessons, guitar lessons, bass lessons and drum lessons. My dad then switched to a music teacher in school. There are a lot of jobs you can do if you love music, if you truly believe in that being your path.”
He has definitely made it work. Zedd’s 2013 weepy single,
“Clarity,” featuring English singer-songwriter Foxes, sold 2.2 million copies. Earlier this year, he released a collaboration with Selena Gomez, “I Want You to Know,” which he cowrote with Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic and KDrew. The single, which appears on his album True Colors, landed high on the Billboard singles chart, too.
CHRISTINA
“With ‘Clarity,’ I knew that the song had the potential [to] become what it actually became,” Zedd says via telephone from his Los Angeles home.
“A year before it came out, I sent it to the label as a simple demo. I said, ‘This is a huge hit.’ I didn’t actually mean it’s going to be a hit. I thought it had everything a song needs to become a huge cultural song that has a huge impact.”
The song was released but it took nine months before it really gained traction. “I Want You to Know,” however, immediately made an impact. Since the Gomez-fronted song, Zedd released a second single from True Colors, “Beautiful Now” featuring Jon Bellion, and the follow up “Papercut” with Troye Sivan.
“‘Beautiful Now’ was really interesting to see live,” Zedd
says about the reaction from the audience.
“I knew that song was going to be huge. I love it. I’m my own judge there. I remember playing it out. People usually rarely react [to] a song well if they don’t know it yet. But that song has always been a huge song live. I think that says a lot.”
Although it was a favorite at shows, radio station executives thought otherwise and said the song wasn’t a hit. Over time, programmers changed their minds when it started receiving positive feedback.
“Right now it’s my favorite song to play out live,” Zedd says. “To see the entire stadium chant with me, that is really magical.”
Zedd fans can hear a special version of “Beautiful Now” when he performs at the Mesa Amphitheatre on Saturday, September 12.
“I’m super excited for this
entire tour,” he says. “I think a lot of these shows, especially for college kids, they probably have never had as much production as I’m going to bring in. I think they will be happy to see what I have planned.”
Growing up with musical parents has been a boon to Zedd. He starts his songs on the piano, with a simple chord progression. He records a pianovocal demo before he starts the song. Then, he produces and mixes it before he tries to find the right vocalist.
“Sometimes I record just one and I know it’s right,” he says. “Sometimes I have to record four or five different singers. I tell everyone that I just need to hear different voices so I know what I want, so anyone isn’t disappointed.”
When he listens to vocalists sing his songs during the recording phase, he looks for
someone who makes the song relatable.
“I think it is very important for everyone to make relatable music,” Zedd says. “That’s why I take so much time to find the right vocalist. If it’s sung by somebody who can’t translate a message, you don’t believe it. If you don’t believe it, you don’t like it.”
These days, Zedd is planning his life a year in advance. He wants to head to territories he’s rarely visited, including Asia, which was one of his biggest markets this year. He’s also planning stops in South Africa and South America.
“I’m also hungry and writing music again,” Zedd explains. “I’m writing new ideas and new songs. Whether that is being an album or just singles or an EP don’t know yet. I just finished my album, I don’t have a plan for the next one yet. The one
thing I’ll never stop doing is writing music.”
Understandably so. Zedd says it’s been a “frustrating and hard path” to get to where he is today.
“I’ve played concerts since I was 6 or 7,” he says. “I’ve been in bands since I was 12. We’ve played so many gigs for absolutely no money. We paid money to play gigs. We would drive ourselves to the shows and back, sleep on floors. We did that not for money but because that was our passion. That’s what we love to do. At least we don’t ‘work.’ That’s the big advantage of doing what you love.”
ZEDD W/MADEON, ALEX METRIC, MESA AMPHITHEATRE
263 N. Center Street, Mesa, 480.644.2560, mesaamp.com, Saturday, September 12, 5 p.m., $40 adv, $50 dos
TO SEE THE ENTIRE STADIUM CHANT WITH ME, THAT IS REALLY MAGICAL.
LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR
SEP
11
HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD
Marquee Theatre, 7 p.m., $25
This American rap rock band just released new music in March. While you’re reminiscing over songs like “Everywhere I Go” and “Undead,” get prepared for some new headbangin’ hits when Hollywood Undead takes the stage.
SEPTEMBER 10
Burn Halo, Pub Rock, 7 p.m., $12-$15
SEPTEMBER 11
Chayanne, Ak-Chin Pavilion, 8 p.m., $36-$136
Nicki Bluhm & The Gramblers, Valley Bar, 8 p.m., $15-$17
This former member of the Jonas Brothers is all grown up, and we can’t complain! Come see Nick Jonas perform some of his biggest radio hits like “Jealous” and “Chains.”
SEPTEMBER 15
Marty Stuart and His Fabulous Superlatives, Musical Instrument Musuem, 7 p.m., $42-$47 Gardens and Villa, Crescent Ballroom, 8 p.m., $13-$15
The Boxmasters w/ Billy Bob Thorton, Livewire, 7 p.m., $23 adv, $33 dos
Megan Nicole, Pub Rock , 7 p.m., $23 adv, $33 dos
Haujobb w/ Alter Der Ruine, Tristan/Iseult, Valley Bar, 7 p.m., $15$18
Swervedriver w/ Gateway Drugs, Valley Bar, 8 p.m., $20-$22
SEP
BRANDON FLOWERS
Crescent Ballroom, 9 p.m., $23
Get up close and personal with the lead singer of The Killers at Crescent Ballroom. His new album was named one of the top five albums of the year by USA Today, so it’s safe to say his solo career is treating him well.
HOROSCOPES! WE DON’T BELIEVE IN HOROSCOPES!
TOTALLY ACCURATE PREDICTIONS
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT
AQUARIUS
(JANUARY 20 – FEBRUARY 18)
You’ll meet a familiar foe in an unexpected place. You can prevent this by doing your research. Be sure to read the menu carefully before you order. That sandwich has horseradish.
PISCES
(FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20)
You’re settling into your school routine now, but what’s the deal with your professor? Why is she giving you weird vibes? Is she attracted to you? Wait until the end of the semester to investigate.
ARIES
(MARCH 21 – APRIL 21)
You liked Megan’s photo on Instagram and now her boyfriend is getting all weird about it. Don’t remedy this situation by saying you don’t think Megan is pretty. Megan is objectively pretty and it just insults his taste. Just take the beating and get it over with.
TAURUS
(APRIL 22 – MAY 20)
Don’t trip, dawg! No, literally, don’t trip. That stoop in the English building has been giving you troubles but it’s about to get a whole lot worse.
GEMINI
(MAY 21 – JUNE 21)
Your friends have noticed your obsession with “My Little Pony.” You can’t hide that Brony musk, and by the way, people can see what pages you like on Facebook in real time on their newsfeed
CANCER
(JUNE 22 – JULY 22)
Wait just a minute! Did he just look at you!? No...yes! Wait, I can’t tell. OK, is he looking at you or is he just cross-eyed? I think he’s looking at you, but it might be looking at that sign over there, too
LEO
(JULY 23 – AUGUST 22)
Get out of house, Leo! You’re looking pale and, if we’re being honest, you’ve gained a bit of weight. You should probably finally fess up about your relationship with RiRi, too.
VIRGO
(AUGUST 23 – SEPTEMBER 22)
We heard it’s somebody’s birthdayyyyy! This year we all chipped in to get you something good. We hope you like unhelpful horoscopes! Oh... well then the gift receipt is in the box.
LIBRA
(SEPTEMBER 23 – OCTOBER 22)
You’ve been on a roll lately, Libra! People have taken notice. First the bike, then the skateboard, and now you’re a parttime mall cop on a Segway? Too cool, too cool.
SCORPIO
(OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21)
We’re just going say it flat out. That new “investment opportunity” is a pyramid scheme. Oh really? Then what’s the product you’re selling? You’re on the quick route to getting yourself unfriended, bub.
SAGITTARIUS
(NOVEMBER 22 – DECEMBER 21)
Your roommate is an introvert and you know that. Why do you keep making it awkward by letting the dishes pile up? Gary hates confrontation and you’re making it inevitable. Seriously, the dishwasher is right there!
CAPRICORN
(DECEMBER 22 – JANUARY 19)
*Dad is more than a call-in ATM, Capricorn. Call him every once in a while just to chat. He loves you and wants you to be safe.
