Issue 15, Volume 123 by The Xaverian

news 2

thursday april second, 2015

EDITOR: JULIA Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;HANLEY xw.news@stfx.ca @ohanleyjk

Open contributor meetings are held every Monday at six in the newsroom: bottom floor SUB, left from the bookstore. X

OLâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; MACDONALD HAS HIS FARM: MD TO BECOME PRESIDENTIAL MANSION JAMES RILEY Junior Reporter Thanks to an ongoing investigation by The Xaverian, we can now exclusively reveal the real reason as to why no returning students will be allowed to live in MacDonald Hall for the 2015-2016 school year. In leaked emails from StFX President Kent MacDonald to VP Finance Andrew Beckett, MacDonald states that he intends to turn MacDonald Hall into MacDonald Mansion. " I want it completely gutted and renovated" states MacDonald in the email. "I want it to be a shrine to my g reat-g reat-g reat-g reat grandfather Ol' MacDonald. He had his farm but I want to take it up a notch and have my farm in a mansion." "Fresh eggs every morning Andrew!! Can you imagine?!?", continues MacDonald in the 20,000 word email. "There's nothing that thrills me more than getting up at the crack of dawn to milk

cows. I mean this President job isn't everything it's cracked up to be [get it Andrew, it's an egg joke], and damn it I need something to relieve the stress. I never thought, this job would be over easy, but I didn't think it would be so hard boiled either. But with my new farm inside a mansion, everything will turn sunny side up [hehe more eggs jokes!!]." "Do I feel bad about making the MacDonald boys leave? Kind of.... but my needs are so much greater than theirs", adds MacDonald. "When I watched them move in this September I was just so jealous! So I get rid of a few RA's, give them no trash cans and BAM! GTFO Highlanders!" In a separate leaked email, MacDonald outlined the blueprints and floor plans for his majestic mansion. The first floor will include chicken coops, pigsty, and a large coral for horses. The second floor will include an artificial pasture

for cows to graze in, along with a donkey, rabbits, ducks, turkeys, goats, and one specially imported snow leopard from Siberia. The third floor will be the living quarters for the MacDonald family, including a life size marble statue of Kent MacDonald himself holding a baby unicorn. "I really believe this statue will truly embody my majestic physique and magical spirit", MacDonald concludes. Beckett states in a separate email that the renovations will be paid for in full thanks to increased coffee and tea prices at Mini Moes, as well as by personally selling Girl Guide cookies throughout Antigonish over the summer months. "We're running a huge deficit, but I know that these renovations will really attract students to StFX Kent", said Beckett in a reply email. "I mean, how many undergraduate universities can claim that they have a real snow leopard?!" X

Snowed-in Student Finishes Assignment Early Record snowfall forces student to complete DEVS 401 assignment nearly 72 hours before due date LEWIS FORWARD Features Editor After a three meter snowfall left Antigonish Student Aaron Thornell trapped in his house without power, food, Neflix, or his phone which he accidentally left at the gym, he was forced to complete a DEVS 401 assignment three days in advance. “When you reach the brink, and you’re deprived of all sensory input, you begin to lose it a bit. I mean the snow was getting to me, but then I got trapped as it piled up. I ran out of food within the first eight

minutes, and after I read the backs of all the shampoo bottles and food packaging in my house, and searching for twelve hours for two AA batteries for my Gameboy Colour to play Pokemon Gold, I cracked and started working on my globalization paper.” StFX Counsellor Amanda Cameron described his behaviour as “abnormal, but not anything to worry about.” “When we hear reports of students exhibiting this type of behaviour, obviously we’re concerned. There’s a few steps we take, contacting friends, making sure completing as-

signments this early isn’t something they get into the habit of. You have to address behaviour like this, because before too long you have students whacked out on Adderall working on their theses at 8:00 AM on a Saturday.” Thornell, after finishing the assignment, was left shaken. “I had to skip all my classes on the first day after the snow days. I had to get back to normal.” Thornell’s roommate, Sawyer Trobak-Smith, was visiting Halifax when the blizzard hit. “We were all pretty worried about him. I haven’t seen him

this stressed out since we made him wait to watch episode three of Better Call Saul. When a bud starts working on assignments more than seven hours before they’re due, that’s when you give your head a shake.” Students and faculty rallied around Thornell as the news spread around campus. “Globalization already results in enough stresses on our students,” said Prof. Jonathon Langdon. “We need to work together to find sustainable community solutions to neocolonialism.” Classmate Lewis Forward

was one of the students who was also trapped in his house during the snowfall. “Thank god I didn’t get as desperate as Aaron. We never lost power so I just played Skyrim until morning. Honestly I was pretty surprised when Aaron told me about the assignment. I figured he was in the same situation as everyone else. It’s always sad when you hear about a friend getting so down on themselves that they actually start doing schoolwork. While he was working on his paper, I was leveling up my archer. His is a situation I just never want to find myself in.” X

Mulroney to sell mansion to build institute Former Prime Minister getting ‘antsy’ about fundraising for new building

JACK HARPER Political Pundit StFX alumnus Brian Mulroney has lowered the price of his Montreal mansion which sits at its eleventh week on the Quebec this week. Originally asking $11 million for his lofty lounge, Montreal based real estate agent Lance Phillips tells the Xaverian that the former Prime Minister has settled on a cool, compromise of $4 million. “Well, Mr. Mulroney says he needs money for some project or something, and for that reason he is willing to sacrifice some of the value of his house to make some sort of down payment or something for this project. I don’t really know the details, he just said he needed any kind of cash flow, so I’m going to make it happen,” explains Phillips. After reporting on the proposed Mulroney Insti-

tute set to break ground in September 2015 over the course of the year, the Xaverian checked in with Vice President Advancement Tim Lang to see if this project might be the Nicholson Hall renovations. “Well, yes. Selling his house is definitely connected to the construction of the Mulroney Institute for Government here on campus,” Lang tells, explaining “The sale of his house is two-fold in fact. You see, we have not yet reached our fundraising goal and Mr. Mulroney is getting antsy – he really wants shovels in the ground. He has exhausted his resources and has resorted to selling his possessions to pay for the construction that we are all looking forward to. Last week he successfully sold his sports car, and just yesterday in fact, he sold his dog Nafta. The second part of this has to do with the actual structure of

the building. Mr. Mulroney is planning on adding a penthouse suite to the renovated building so he could live within his, well, shrine of sorts. So essentially, by selling his current house he is in fact paying for his new, more luxurious residence here on campus.” Rumor has it, Mulroney is looking into selling his cottage at Meech Lake if his Montreal house does not soon find a buyer. When asked for comment on the issue, Mulroney sent a letter to the Xaverian which explained Mulroney’s desire to sell his Montreal residence because “he has already lost enough at Meech Lake” over the years and wants to shy away from further disappointment. The Xaverian will continue to follow up on this story with its (now nearly biweekly) updates on the Nicholson Hall renovations in issues to come. X

thursday april second, 2015

Res’ fees rising

Severe flood warning for StFX

JENNIFER MACMULLIN Staff Reporter Writer

RACHEL SIWEL The most Senior Reporter

Increased costs for ‘loud’ students at StFX

Residence is a costly expense for students living on campus, on top of already high tuition prices, but if you are loud and living in residence, things will be getting even more expensive next year. Morgan Miller, StFX Residence Coordinator, says “Residence living is a privilege for everyone. If students abuse the privilege of living in one of our buildings, we now have a way of dealing with that.” He explains for example, if you abuse the residence by blaring loud music, running through the halls at night, smashing out walls, drinking excessively while in residence, or yelling and loud talking in general, we consider that sort of behaviour a violation of the privilege of living in residence. The StFX residence coordinators say that they have been running a pilot project for the past three months targeting this problem. Miller, of the residence staff says the pilot project has been really successful so far. “Students who are trying to read and study have been telling us things are much better since we started doing this.” He explains, “In the fall term of this academic year, we were getting many complaints from quiet students living in residence that the noise levels were getting to an extreme after quiet hours. We decided the best way to deal with the excessive noise levels was to try a pilot project that would allow the quiet students to report any loud individual(s) to our staff. In comparison to previous years, now we have a really effective way of maintaining a quiet space for reading and study. Now with every incident reported, students will pay more per incident. Every time a complaint is registered and verified about a specific resident, that loud student’s cost of living goes up by 25%. We have installed a network of

wireless concealed microphones throughout some specific residences and we track volume levels 24/7. So far we have implemented the program without much fanfare, but since the program has gone so well, we will be enacting this regulation in September of 2015 in all residences. That will give our technical staff the summer to complete the sound monitoring networking. The noise levels have really gone down in problem residences and have taught students to respect their living quarters. Miller added that they want to work with the Registry to track grades achieved by students in quiet residences. “We think this program will be beneficial to students’ grades, but we want to gather the evidence. We have documented data showing the decrease in sound levels, now we need documentation on the impact on grades.” “We often find that when students live away from home for the first time they get the idea in their heads that they can be excessively loud and disrupt and ruin the enjoyment for others in their residence. With this program, the noise has become manageable and students seem to be learning that noise is not tolerated at StFX. Cheering at a sporting event, or being exuberant during the early evening, is ok, but some of our sound level readings have exceeded 100 decibels, --and that is very loud, --it can cause hearing loss. ” The penalty will stay in place for the rest of the term the offence occurred in; students may apply to have their fees reduced to regular charges the following term, but they have to sign an undertaking to maintain quiet hours. A subsequent violation after that will initiate a 30% increase in fees. Miller hoped that an upcoming proposal before Academic Council, which would see a third violation, result in dismissal would be approved for the 2016-17 academic year. X

Harbour Hopper called in to transport students to classes and exams

The month of April is the time of year when the snow starts to melt and storm drains fill up. The university takes the risk of severe flooding very seriously says Leslie Thermometer, Manager of Road Maintenance at StFX. Thermometer explains that in the past few years StFX has not had to worry about flooding because snow levels have been relatively manageable. This past winter however has brought exceptional amounts of snow to the campus, which is expected to lead to dramatic flooding. Thermometer iterates that she is very concerned for the well-being of students, saying “To be honest, I am afraid that students and faculty may not be able to walk on campus in the coming days and weeks with all of the snow melting at once. Our storm drains are currently at capacity and cannot drain any more water. The campus community needs to take extreme caution

while walking around campus; the water could possibly be at the three-foot watermark, which is not safe for people to walk through.” Facilities Management (FM) says they are carefully watching the situation, and in reaction have decided to implement a new method of transportation to ensure safe transportation to and from classes. The university has enlisted the help of the Halifax-based Harbour Hopper to aid in this regard. Darren Wallabie of FM tells the Xaverian that the Hopper is scheduled to arrive at StFX in early April to assist with the transportation of students both to their classes and subsequent exams. Wallabie speaking on behalf of FM says “We have arranged safe transportation for all students and faculty on campus. For those who are unaware, the Harbour Hopper is the only motorized vehicle that can travel on land and water. It is the only safe way for the campus community to get to one place from another.” Wallabie says there will be

two Harbour Hopper stops where students and faculty can hop onto the Hopper. The first stop is on the Corner of Highland and Main Street and the second stop is at Walmart – both making short stops at all residences on campus along the way. The Harbour Hopper will drop passengers off at the top of the Nicholson stairs every half hour on (on the hour and half hour). Students and faculty are being asked to plan accordingly to allow time to get to their scheduled classes and exams. Students and faculty that need to locate to and from other locations on campus will be given kayaks and lifejackets so they can paddle their way to their destination. The transportation service is Hopper is free to all students and faculty of StFX and will run 24 hours/day, 7 days/week for the remainder of the term. The Hopper holds up to 125 people. The overall expected cost of the service has yet to be determined. For the complete schedule, visit stfx.ca/transportation. X

All roads lead to the......? Golden X Inn set to close due to budget cuts ROBERT JENKINS Youngest Reporter May 3rd 2015 will be the last day The Golden X Inn will be open for business. Graduating students and their parents will be the last ones to celebrate at the beloved Campus Bar. It will be completely torn down sometime in June to make way for more educational renovations at the Student Union Building. The Golden X Inn has been around since 1850 when the president at the time decide Students needed a place to let loose within the safety of campus walls. Since 1850 The Inn has become well known to all students, alumni, and local

high school students who manage to sneak in with a group of their University Friends. All though this is all great for social, it seems that treasure of student activities, John Financier, believes that the money is needed elsewhere. “Students just don’t like going out anymore,” Financier states regarding the financial budget of The Inn, “It’s a wasted investment and the money is much needed in other areas of Student Life.” Financier has noticed that the level of student traffic at the inn has gone down significantly since its first opening. He claimed that more students are taking interest in the off campus bars rather than

going to the inn. Financier has discussed this issue with Junior Vice president of student life and together they have decided that the space in the corner of 2nd floor Bloomfield center would be better used for more study space in the Student Union Building. Junior Vice President Chanadler Bong states that he is often walking through the Student Union Building, and notices that many students walk in, then walk right out again because there is a shortage of space to study. “I walk through the halls and I think to myself, could there BE any less room to study?” His smart thinking

mixed with John Financier’s keen eye regarding lack of student interest led to the idea to tear it down completely and build a nice study space for all to enjoy. After the news was released both students and alumni had mixed feelings about the news. “Excellent Idea!” Current Student Nichol MaCevoy stated, “Last time I went for country night and no one was there, it has turned into a ghost town.” “I wish they did this sooner,” Ken Adams, 4th year engineering student states, “I always needed a new place to study and now the new students coming through St.FX will have it, I’m happy for the new frosh.”

While current Students are happy at the change, Alumni are furious at the idea. When 1965 grad Margaret MulcairMacKenzie heard the news she responded, “Whaaat whyyyyy? Tearing it down is so sad” The idea that the Inn was closing made her so upset that she stopped responding to facebook chat. Another Alumni Corey Fraser stated, “That sucks! It was a cool little place.” Regardless of the Inn being a “cool little place” the renovations are scheduled to take place early morning May 4th, so if grads are still in the inn by the time the construction workers arrive, they better be wearing hard hats. X

opinions

5 EDITOR: EMILY MACGREGOR xw.opinion@stfx.ca

Coming soon: Hall of Clams

Facelift in MacDonald library will have aquatic theme JESSICA MUSSLES Clans Enthusiant As I sit at my beloved hexagonal table I struggle to keep my emotions in check. I look around--towards the lantern lights above my head and the fireplaces that I frequently wished someone would light--and choke back the tears threatening to stream down my face. I’m inconsolable. I’m distraught. I’m devastated. Because I know that next year, the Hall of Clans will be no more. My four years at StFX can be summarized by three places: MacIsaac, Nicholson, and the Hall of Clans. I remember as a young, doe-eyed high school graduate I had a tour

of the X campus. Meal hall was alright, the gym wasn’t too shabby, but the Clans… Oh the Clans! The tables were perfect and the chairs were just right, and the light streaming though the ceilingto-floor windows made the heavens sing. In the finals weeks of such a beautiful room, I find myself reminiscing on the countless hours I spent in this room. From eating my crunchy apples to accidently playing music out loud, I have loved every minute on the dear ol’ room. The Hall of Clans, however, will soon some to a watery end. Renovations are scheduled to begin in May 2015 to renovate the Happy Potter-esque

Student Food Resource Centre: Going Leafy Green New campus grow-op “pretty sweet”: RCMP JARED CLARKE Devs Student ‘Going green’ has an entirely new meaning given the recent discovery of an off-campus green house. The StFX Student Food Resource Centre recently made the transition on campus and has relocated in MacKinnon Hall. In their wake, a grow op was uncovered by local drug-sniffing doge. Inside there were numerous marijuana plants. StFX and local RCMP have joined forces to catch the culprits bud-handed. The organizers of the Resource Centre are under investigation for growing a totally rad munchie-inducing reefer. Sarah Sarandon, the student liason between StFX administration and Antigonish RCMP investigators spoke with The Xaverian about what doge uncovered during his mid-morning stroll. “All of a sudden the dog pulled on the leash and stuck his nose to the ground. He spent the next couple of minutes surveying the area and altered his trainer when he came to the door of a seemingly innocent house.” The trainer notified authorities who arrived promptly at the scene. The student organizers of the Resource Centre were unavailable for comment, but

sources close to the organization stated the individuals were quite mellow about the whole ordeal. They were seen walking to Needs and purchasing Doritos, Fuzzy Peaches, and rainbow slushies. As part of the move oncampus, a community garden will be created behind Lane Hall. The goal is that come September, the Resource Centre will offer fresh produce to students. After the recent discovery, however, the Students’ Union has expressed concerns over the legality of the project. Jerry van den Hoogen is the Upper Campus Councillor for the 2015-2016 academic year and is sceptical about the intentions of the Resource Centre. “While there are definite benefits to going green, we need to protect the integrity of the project. Kush is fricken sweet, but it cannot provide the body with the same amount of iron as spinach.” The future of the community garden is uncertain as the investigation remains open. However the Resource Centre has stated they will remain open while supplies last, citing problems with delivery as preventing them from bringing in more products. X

room into the Hall of Clams, a peaceful creature. The East project initiated by the Coast is lucky to hold such a Aquatic Resources department. This project was spear-headed by third-year student Fin Gillis, who is adThey’re looking to create a vocating for a Little Mermaid-meets-Jaws mollusc-friendatmosphere. ly study space. In a statement, Emily MacGregor Clam fan Gillis cited his reasons for the renovation as being in line the Presidential magnificent creature.” The Task Force classification of renovations would replace ‘priority to enhance’ for the the plaques in the Hall of Aquatic Resource Depart- Clans with the various spement. “The university should cies of clams, and install four respect the clam, a docile and aquariums in the Hall for stu-

dent viewing. Gillis is on the hunt for décor for the room, looking to create a Little Mermaid meets Jaws atmosphere. When I think of the injustice being done to the Hall of Clans, it makes me sea-sick. I would have never imagined that StFX administration and student population would allow just de-sea-cration to be allowed. I cannot keep silent. I will not clam up. The beauty of the Hall of Clans will be replaced by a slimy (and frankly, foul tasting) animal that should never be included in any kind of chowder. The Hall of Clans--yes, that is Clans with an ‘n’--must remain in it’s Scottish glory. Ye raff yer heid if ye think it’s genna change! X

If you are so inclined Lookig forward to climbing hundreds of steps every day on campus ERIN THORBUSH Rampist The Praries are flat. I don’t mean “flat” like Lewis Forward’s rumoured sculpted abdominal muscles, I mean flat like a crisp, freshly-printed piece of paper. Growing up in the good ol’ Canadian West has given me an appreciation for all things bumpy and uphill. While Albertans have the mountains, we know little about the slightly elevated. I applied to StFX because of the ring (as did half of the student population) and knew little about Antigonish and the geographical landscape in the area. Before moving to the East coast I knew a few things about Nova Scotia such as alcoholism, excessive use of flannel, and in-

StFX may be renowned for the premier undergraduate experience and the infamous spread of communal diseases, but the real advantage of living within the StFX community is the large amount of staircases.

decipherable accents. It was a foreign land where something called “donair sauce” looked inedible and a briny ocean coast made for an overly nice population. After spending my first year at university on the East coast, I have a new-found love for all things hilly and inclined.

I know what you’re thinking: ARE YOU INSANE? The burn in your lungs, the ache in your thighs, and the bead of sweat running down your face are some of the most unappealing aspects of stair-climbing. The constant up-and-down from third-floor Nicholson to

the fourth floor of MacIsaac is enough to make anyone sick. I consider myself among the minority X population that looks forward to climbing hundreds of steps every day. I lived for 18 years in one of the flattest areas of the country, unaware of the slight incline that was missing from my life. Nova Scotia is everything I was missing. I have fallen head-over-heels in love with the mini mountains of this much bevloved province. Walking on flat surfaces is over-rated and gets old. Fast. Wouldn’t you rather have the diversity of staircases? Each day is a mystery because you don’t know what surfaces you’ll hike that day. It is an adventure to bike around Antigonish because no matter where you go, the hills are unavoidable. Flat is boring. Life is more exciting when you fight gravity to reach the top of an elevated section of terrain and get to enjoy the pleasant jaunt down the other side. Come and join the pro-incline community. X

thursday april second, 2015

Xav’s Monthly Horoscopes Madame Devondra reveals the truth in the stars: it’s not looking good ARIES

CANCER

March 21 - April 19

LIBRA

June 21 - July 22

This month’s full moon brings temptation and regret. Your reputation proceeds you in a new environment and you continue to make poor choices. Turn to those closest to you for support but don’t be surprised if they tell you to STFU.

A former lover will try to reconnect with you this month. Don’t do it. There’s a reason you left that bitch in the first place. You can do better. You’re so out of his/her league you’re playing a whole different sport. It’s like you’re in the Major League and he/she is still playing Tball.

TAURUS

LEO

April 20 - May 20

July 23 - August 22

You’re going to have a shitty month. The planets are all out of whack and that has a direct correlation with the events in your life. There isn’t much you can do about no matter how hard you try because the planets do what they want.

An opportunity presents itself to you at work around the 4th. You’d better jump on that before someone else does. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. There’s no such thing as a free lunch and you’re going to have to sing for your dinner. Hard work pays off so when life gives you lemons you make lemon gin.

GEMINI

VIRGO

May 21 - June 20

Double the bitches; double the problems. Sorry, I can’t help you.

August 23 - September 22

Things start heating up for you this month. Let’s be honest, it’s about time. Explore your newly found sexuality with someone you know and trust. Or complete strangers. YOLO. Cool your jets around the 10th and be aware of the position of Uranus.

September 23 - October 22

CAPRICORN December 22 - January 19

You should probably just stay home this month. That would be best for everyone. ‘

An old friendship or romance will start to weigh you down this month. It’s time to GTFO. Spread your wings and move onto better things. They probably won’t like it, because they have been fiercely loyal to you over the years, but hey- you can’t make wine without crushing a few grapes. And abandoning your loved ones for wine is okay right?

SCORPIO

AQUARIUS

October 23 - November 21

January 20 - February 18

You are faced with a difficult decision during the first week of this month. Piss or get or get off the pot. Don’t waste people’s time, it’s rude.

Neptune is unusually bright this month, causing you to come out of your shell. Just remember to share the spotlight around the 18th because by then people are really getting sick of your shit. They liked it better when you were shy.

SAGITTARIUS

PISCES

November 22 - December 21

A mysterious figure enters your life unexpectedly. Shrouded in secrecy, they might lead to trouble. So you should probably just shoot them with your bow and arrow before shit starts to go down. You’re the only zodiac sign with a weapon. Don’t be a pussy.

February 19 - March 20

Things are going to happen... because planets and shit. X

For Flax Sake! Campus food outlets making transition to vegan-only food options LUNAR CEDARTREE Vegan StFX students are in for a grainy treat because, come September 2015, all food outlets on campus will offer vegan-only options. Sodexo is following-through on their New Year’s resolution to revolutioninze on-campus dining with the bold decision to bring holistic dining options to StFX students and faculty alike. The transition away from processed foods will encourage leafy eating habits within the student population. Sodexo representative Brandy Flakes believes that eliminating animal by-products in meal hall and in the various cafes across campus will improve student performance. “It’s a scientific fact,” according to Flakes, “that veganism eliminates foot odour, gives your hair a glossy shine, and leads to 28.7% more orgasms. It’s not just my opinion.

The science behind it is indisputable.” In recent years, Morrison’s Hall has slowly integrated vegetarian and gluten-free options to accommodate a growing population of healthy eaters. In an effort to gauge student interest in alternative foods, Sodexo staff have been tracking tofu intake during lunch and dinner periods since September 2011. The results indicate that on an average day in 2014, StFX students consumed 200 lbs of tofu. It is available at the salad bar and is incorporated into prepared meals, and Sodexo staff report a 934 percent increase in tofu consumption over the past 4 years. Student reactions are divided on the issue. The Xaverian spoke with two students, each with opposing views on the vegan transition. Markie Absynt is a second-year student in MacIsaac and does not believe the vegan-only options

best reflects the student population. “Where am I supposed to get chocolate milk after a tough workout? This is seri-

milk, and loads of beans in meal hall. I don’t understand the need to change what isn’t broken. Sodexo is violating my

It’s a scientific fact that veganism eliminates foot odour, gives your hair a glossy shine, and leads to 28.7% more orgasms

Brandy Flakes Vegan Enthusiast

ous injustice.” Absynt would prefer to continue to have all foods readily available, and not cater to one group within the larger StFX community. “There is already spinach, soy

freedom to eat whatever I want. Sometimes, a bro just needs a steak.” At the opposite end of the green debate is first-year student and life-long vegan Me-

gan “River” Henderson, currently living in Powers Hall. Henderson told The Xaverian that Sodexo is making a change that will positively impact student life at StFX. “Living without artificial and unnatural foods in my diet makes me clear of mind and sound of heart. We live among animals, and should not exploit them.” Henderson is the co-founder of the StFX chapter of Green is Groovy, and international organization that seeks to promote veganism and educate about the physical and psychological benefits of a diet without animal by-products. The incoming class of 2019 will be the first frosh class in the history of StFX that will not have access to the medicinal benefits of bacon during a hungover Saturday brunch. However, these students may rest easy knowing no animals were harmed in the making of their meal. X

X-citing new courses

Forget about English and start watching porn to earn your degree JUST DANIEL Important StFX Person When you look at the StFX Academic Calendar for the 2015-2016 school year, you may notice that that a lot of the courses listed will not be offered for the upcoming school year. With major cuts to programming in departments such as Anthropology, English, History, and Philosophy, many students may think this is a bad thing. However, it is my strong held belief that the cutting of these programs is something to be desired and will in fact enhance students experience at StFX. We can enhance the experience by offering new exciting courses that are more relevant to the average students’ day to day lives. Here are some exciting new courses coming to StFX in the near future. Clown School: In today’s dark times of a low Canadian dollar and little economic opportunity in the Maritimes, many will of course turn to the joy of clowns to chase their blues away. StFX could offer courses such as Basic Clowning, Choosing the Right Nose, Unicycling, Juggling, and Balloon Animals. How to Instagram: You would not believe how many students these days don’t know the right time to use a Valencia filter instead of Sutro and can’t tell the difference between Willow and Inkwell. By majoring in Instagram, students will be able to fully enjoy their StFX experience by taking countless photos of their delicious Sodexo meals, lines of tequila shots at the Inn, and photos of every single sunset on campus ever. The final exam for each course will consist of the student being able to take a photo that achieves eleven likes or more. Netflix: University students spend most of their time on Netflix anyway, so why not offer a degree in it? It is the belief of StFX admin that offering a degree in Netflix will attract students from all across North America, Europe, and Australia. A final exam will require students to watch all seasons of House of Cards, and Orange in the New Black back to back with a maximum of two pee breaks. Tindr/Grindr: At a small school such as StFX, being able to navigate dating apps properly is crucial. One wrong swipe right or left and you could be dealing with awkward Meal Hall encounters for the rest of the year. To avoid tricky encounters when getting your stir fry,

Tindr/Grindr would be a required course for all first year students,regardless of their degree. How to be a member of One Direction: With Zayn on the way out, a position has opened up in the most famous boy band in the world, and we’re determined to have a StFX grad fill that spot. Lessons taught in the course would include, how to sing alright-ish, mastering the boyband haircut, how to sexy wink, mediocre dance moves, and fake British accents. Dragon Taming 101: From Westeros to Antigonish. President Kent MacDonald is

convinced that once Daenerys of the house Targaryen, the first of her name, Queen of Mereen, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons, conquers Westeros that she will come for Antigonish, Nova Scotia. To prepare, MacDonald will teach dragon taming classes to all students. Discrete Porn Watching: We’ve seen the Spotted at StFX posts of students caught watching naughty content in the back rows of Nicholson

Hall classrooms and we thought it was time to put an end to it. The course, taught by local Antigonish porn stars, will ensure students are able to learn all the while enjoying the best the adult film industry has to offer. Public Intoxication: Most students at StFX are drunk or high most of the time. It’s a fact. So we thought we might as well teach our valued Xaverians how to get away with it in public. Lessons include: How to BurMac, going to class high, going to class drunk, going to class while drunk and high, drunk meal hall, and avoiding arrest.

How to not be the father: If you’re a student afraid of hearing, ‘Maury Maury Maury!’ in the future, this course is for you. Lessons include, wearing a condom. Opening the Mini-Moes Door: This is a task that proves extremely difficult on a daily basis for a majority of X students. Thankfully Kent MacDonald has promised that this new course will allow students to enter the most loved cafe on campus with ease. Rumour has it that a bulk order of Shake Weights was ordered specifically for this course and will arrive in September. X

thursday april second, 2015

LEWIS FORWARD | FEATURES EDITOR

thursday april second, 2015

culture

EDITOR: DEVON GREENE xw.culture@stfx.ca @greenedevon

StFX staff have a wild karaoke night

From Miley Cyrus to Lil’ Wayne, nothing was off limits as staff indulge in night of drinks and bad singing REBECCA BLACK Music Icon In a private event held Tuesday, March 31st, the StFX University staff, admin, and faculty celebrated the end of another year with a team-bonding karaoke night at The Inn. At 8pm sharp the group filed in, with Inn Manager Patrick O’Connell acting as MC for the evening. First up was fan-favorite Dr. Neil Maltby with Willow Smith’s classic “Whip My Hair.” Maltby engaged the audience with collective hair whipping, which, according to our sources, caused a backlog in St. Martha’s the next morning with an onslaught of staff suffering from neckrelated ailments. Next was Vice President Advancement Tim Lang with Miley Cyrus’ #1 hit “Wrecking Ball.” Lang’s performance was deemed

most dramatic of the night, with Lang entering the stage on a giant wrecking ball with the words “Destination: Nicholson Hall” spray painted on the side. The crowd whistled and cheered at the emotion-provoking performance, with some throwing money on stage which Lang swears “will be put toward the Mulroney Institute.” Morrison Hall Supervisor Peter Snow performed the evening’s longest ensemble with a collection of songs from Disney’s “Frozen” – sing-along style. Staff have been heard raving of duets of “Love is an Open Door” with Dr. Rachel Hurst, “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” with Director of Facilities Management Leon MacLellan, and “Let it Go” with Vice President Academic Leslie MacLaren (dedicated of course to programs deemed unsustainable in the Presidential Task

Force). Other note-worthy performances were “Milkshake” by Gary from meal hall, “We ’Dem Boys” by football coach Gary Waterman, and a tribute to Lil Wayne by Rita from the Bloomfield Café. The evening continued beyond last call when the ensemble made their way to Piper’s Pub where festivities ensued. A bar tab was opened under the payment of President MacDonald’s Legacy Fund with a drink selections including the “Riley Rumble,” “Slippery Schwartz,” “Golden Dome,” and “Immaculata Conception.” When the pub lights came on, the Board of Governors is said to have started a “Thriller” flash mob across the street to Kenny’s where Dr. MacDonald is said to have requested the song “Burn” by Ellie Goulding seventeen times before the crowd was asked to leave. X

StFX amusement park to open in May 2016 KELLY JACKSON Roller Coaster Rider In a major effort to support local tourism, provide employment opportunities for students, and help deal with university financial challenges, StFX is excited to announce that a full-fledged amusement park will be on campus very soon. As many are aware, in recent years StFX has done major construction and renovations at the university. There have been many new buildings constructed within the last ten years, and while the campus is revitalized, unfortunately StFX is now in a lot of debt. The University-Community Joint Strategic Planning Committee

(which includes the President among its membership) has devised an ambitious plan to gradually get out of debt. Committee member, Deborah Gillis, says that the committee is made up of a progressive group of people who meet once a month and discuss the best strategies for StFX to become debt free, and to seek ways to boost the local community at the same time. “We have been an established committee here at StFX since 2007, and our goal is to put our knowledge to work so StFX does not have to worry about the debt situation. We know the campus really benefits from having the newer buildings and that it draws new students

every year, but as a result of the construction and renovations of older buildings, we now have to pay off a significant debt.” The committee says they have a very good relationship with President MacDonald and have collaborated with him to resolve the debt issue. We are very pleased to announce that beginning this August, the construction of an amusement park will occur says Gillis. The amusement park will be constructed behind Riley Hall and O’Regan Hall where there is currently a forest. There will be a Ferris wheel, an upside-down rollercoaster, laser tag, and there will even be marine animals in the

pool to entertain audiences with shows, Gillis adds. Patrick Cameron of the committee says that he is overwhelmed by the positive feedback from the community. “Many students have come up to me and said that having an amusement park located on campus will alleviate stress and create a fun atmosphere,” says Cameron. The main reason the University is constructing the amusement park is to create a funding source which is independent of tuition fees and government educational grants. All profits will be directed towards the university debt. The park (as yet to be named, but insiders are suggesting it might be Mulroney’s

Fun Land) is expected to draw thousands of tourists per summer. Cameron adds that having a world-class operation like this right on campus gives our business students new opportunities for hands-on research, biology students may find work with the marine animals, and some of our faculty may want to lend a hand in some of the side-shows. The amusement park will provide students with opportunity for employment close to their classes, while the spin offs for the local community are enormous, says Cameron. The outdoor amusement park is set to open in May 2016 and will be open year round.

‘The birds are coming!’ A remake of Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’ scheduled to begin filming at StFX LORD ALFRED Bird Enthusiast A new remake of the classic horror film “The Birds” is in the works, and StFX campus has been chosen as the primary location for shooting. According to a press release by Universal Pictures, the plot will involve “a group of college students who must band together to survive a rampaging murder of crows who have taken over the university, devouring all who stand in their path. This film will mix heart-pounding action with terrifying, gory horror as the freakishly large crows wreack havoc on the unwitting student body.” A number of high profile stars have signed up for this film, including Jennifer Lawrence, who plays one of the students, and Leonardo Dicaprio. Dicaprio will play a police officer with mysterious past and uncertain motivations who gets trapped on the campus and must try to survive. As Dicaprio’s agent tells the Xaverian, “Leo has always dreamed of being part of a groundbreaking horror movie like this. It’s such a classic story and Leo is desperate to start filming! Not as desperate as he is to

win an Oscar though….he really wants one….he kinda cries all the time.” StFX was chosen as the site for this film because of “the prodigious quantities of abnormally large crows” on campus, according to director David O Russell. “You see them in the trees everywhere– it’s pretty freaky. We don’t even have to bring trained birds or use any CGI or anything, I’m pretty sure we could just provoke the crows into attacking our actors. We will just steal their young or something and film the results. It would defiantly keep the budget low. More money for cocaine! You’re not printing that last part right?” The administration at StFX is very excited to take advantage of the opportunities arising from this brush with Hollywood royalty. This film is expected to raise the profile of the university around the world, and it will help advance President Kent MacDonald’s dream of turning StFx into a miniature Ivy League school. According to the president “instead of being know as a school where people go to get drunk and party, we will be known as a school where famous people get torn apart by murderous birds. That’s definitely an improvement in my books.” X

thank you for a great year!

This is our final issue of the 2014-2015 school year. TO you, the reader, thank you so much for picking up a copy of The Xav week after week. You are the ones we do this for, and we have loved giving you your stfx news (and satire) all year long. See you in september! -Team Xav

thursday april second, 2015

Artist of the week : Prof. Moira Galway StFX Biology Faculty Member’s preferred medium is powerpoint with mouse cursor LEWIS FORWARD Biology Major Students wait eagerly. Class started at 8:15. At 8:30, Galway announces she has finished her latest piece, plasma membrane with integral transmembrane proteins. “To show students how proteins fit in the fluid mosaic model of the plasma membrane, it’s really essential that you draw on your powerpoint slide with the mouse. I know some professors use the whiteboard, but I really think that isn’t the best use of the absolutely incredible technology we have at our disposal today.” Biology student and artcritic-in-training Lewis Forward told the Xaverian that Galway’s art represented “the pinnacle of modern impressionism.” “Galways portrayal of reality reimagines the world of the cell as if the world of the cell was designed in Microsoft Paint. She seamlessly blends her deep knowledge of the cell with a nearly complete unwillingness to use normal methods of imagery in her slideshows. In that way she’s a maverick.” Galway’s work has been featured in Nature, and the Museum of Modern Art. “I think my influences are mostly fluorescin diacetate

stains and green fluorescent protein. Also just plasma membranes of any kind. I get invigo-

THIS MIGHT BE OUR LAST ISSUE OF THE YEAR BUT THE NEWS NEVER STOPS! SEND NEWS TIPS TO XW.EIC@STFX.

rated when I’m creating a whole new representation of the plasma membrane. Does it

look like this in real life? It doesn’t matter. As long as the students are learning, I will

continue making my art.” Galway publishes copies of her art weekly on Moodle.

distractions Spotted at X: Identity Revealed

EDITOR: KURT BROTHERS xw.distract@stfx.ca

The LAST Sudoku Ever!!! (Until Next Year)

Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.82)

In a twisted turn of events, reporters at The Xaverian have unearthed a dark secret. The owner of our loved Facebook page “Spotted at StFX” has been revealed, and he is an Acadia

X’s students, in hopes of finding something to

8 6

sabotage us with. While everyone believed it

7 2

to be a kind student looking to have some fun,

1 7

the truth is it is a mature Acadia student from Wolfville living in his mother’s basement. Dig-

ging through his past, reporters found that he

applied to X originally and was rejected.

9 1

mole. The Acadia student had a plan to begin a page so he could collect the confessions of

4 5

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue Mar 31 15:00:54 2015 GMT. Enjoy!

North Korea to Become Major Power Player

It is with heavy hearts that the Distractions section must turn to more serious news. In a dark turn of events, North Korea has announced its intentions to invade Canada through its Western Border. The world has been holdThis is believed to have started a dark

ing their breath for years because of the question mark that is this country,

obsession with the school and how to ruin it.

and now the time has finally come to be worried. An inside source has con-

In his room, evidence of minor sabotage

firmed Kim Jong-Un’s plans are set in stone. His goal is to take over Canada

could be seen. A broken pipe from the fa-

and then move south to the real target: the USA. Our source says he is still

mous Chillis flood, the thermostat to Gover-

extremely angry about the horrid movie “The Interview” and his primary

nor’s heat control, and the broken chunk of

targets are Seth Rogen and James Franco. We asked the source the burning

stairs from the back of Bloomfield. But this

question, why Canada? Apparently North Korea’s tyrant leader has a “deeply

one is the worst. The mole has years worth

routed obsession with maple syrup” and has been eyeing our nation ever since

of documented dirt on many Xaverians. His

stepping into power. According to reports, the North Korean military has

master plan was to release a transcript of all

already begun their journey toward Canada, leaving in a fleet of naval ships

of the worst stories, linking students and

and submarines. Their arrival will be a very dark day in Canada.

friends together in a terrible chain of drama. Thankfully, our reporters were able to stop him in time and bribe him with a fake acceptance letter to StFX. The student is now in custody and will face charges for his crimes. I, as distractions editor, apologize for not realizing this obvious evil plot.

thursday thursday april april second, second, 2015 2015

sports and health

EDITOR: AARON THORNELL xw.news@stfx.ca

BISSONNETTE TO JOIN X-MEN Coach Peddle drunk with joy at press conference and drunk for real LEO MACPHERSON King of Sport StFX Men’s Hockey head coach Brad Peddle was all smiles at his most recent press conference. He was pleased to announce the newest recruit to the X-Men, Paul Bissonnette. Bissonnette is an enforcertype forward is a native of Welland, Ontario, standing 6’3” and weighing 220 lbs. The decision was questioned by many, seeing as Bissonnette has had a fairly lengthy career in the National Hockey League. “I’m really just looking to get an education,” stated Bissonnette in a phone interview, “and I thought, ‘Why not play some hockey while I’m at it?’” Bissonnette has enrolled in nursing, and is also hoping to take some courses in Development Studies and Aquatic Resources. He thinks his experience as one of the more violent players in the game will help him engage in courses surrounding taking care of others.

“I’d also like to learn about concussions,” said Bissonnette, “because I’m not sure, but I might...” Bissonnette trailed off at this point in the discussion. Coach Peddle firmly believes that he will be able to find a spot for Bissonnette on the lineup. “Ya, I’m pretty sure we can fit him in,” laughed Peddle, who appeared to be intoxicated during his 10 AM press conference. “He’s a big body, he, he likes to bang bodies. Those fuckers at UNB don’t stand a chance.” At this point, Peddle’s speech deteriorated significantly, and he began spewing over-used hockey clichés. Following the conference, he was seen in nothing but track pants yelling at cars to “get the puck in deep”, and “play a 200-foot game”. Much has been said about how Bissonnette’s presence in Antigonish spells a large change in the town’s social media landscape. As some will

know, Bissonnette, perhaps better known by his Twitter handle ‘Biznasty’, who has developed a strong and sizeable following – especially among hockey-crazed females. “I’m a bit worried, to be honest,” said Bissonnette. “I think I might get caught up taking pictures of my coffee at ‘Tall and Small’, or tweet about how much I’ll inevitably hate going to class in Nicholson Hall before I realized that student-athletes don’t need to go to class.” The impact of Bissonnette on the town’s Tinder-sphere will also be interesting to follow. The former Pheonix Coyote has a reputation as a ladies man. There’s no word yet on whether he has set foot in the Pub. Bissonnette has accumulated 7 goals, 15 assists for a total of 22 points over the course of 202 NHL games with Pheonix and the Pittsburg Penguins. He has also racked up 340 penalty minutes - so it is safe to say he’s a finesse player. X

This man-child could be your next roomate - or more accurately, meal hall crush. Photo via Flickr Creative Commons

MFC ‘depends’ on new diapers Collaboration with Chem. Society to create sweat-absorbing garments BARRY COTTON Diaper Afficionado “My Father’s Collection”, a StFX company run by studentathlete Demetrius Ferguson, has paired with the university’s Chemistry Society to design prototypes for a new hyper-absorbant, biodegradable diaper that can be worn in the school’s Wellness Centre. The suggestion came from a number of those who frequent the gym, who expressed displeasure, and even disgust, at the amount of sweat on almost all the machines and benches. The detail that pushed most over the edge was the amount of liquid that emanated from the seats of the stationary bicycles whenever a new user would jump on. “It was really just repulsive. Incredibly, incredibly disgusting,” said Anders Jo-

hansen, a regular, or potential captive, at the Wellness Centre. “I remember leaving the gym three times to change. Luckily I always travel with three pairs of mesh shorts and four shirts with the sleeves cut off.” Ferguson believed his entrepreneurial spirit could not be held back. “I wanted to make sure that I maintained the style I try to attain in my bowties. We’re talking about diapers after all,” said Ferguson. “But at the same time, I had to make sure that these products, which will hopefully be worn by all those who use the gym, are environmentally friendly, and practical.” The plan is that students will wear these innovative articles of clothing overtop of their workout clothes, and will come in a variety of sizes, We’re talking about diapers, designs, and coafter all. lours. The ChemisDemetrius Ferguson try Society was My Father’s Collection ecstatic when Ferguson ap-

proached them. They had been working on a design for a similar product for their annual banquet, an event that often brings some l e ss - t h a n - s o ber attendees, who don’t want to miss any of the thrilling chemistry jokes doled out by their professors. “We couldn’t be more excited,” said David Greencorn, coPresident of the society. “We obviously recognize the necessity for gym diapers, but we know that we can’t have hundreds of students throwing out sweaty garments.” The Society is hoping to design diapers that can be disposed of similar to organic matter, and will disintegrate when disposed of with the rest of the campus compost.

“We couldn’t be more excited about it,” said Wellness Centre employee Mylan Clairmont. “Imagine having to wipe off other people’s sweat, from a bench. It is either these diaper contraptions, or we were gonna invest in squeegees.” “The problem that seems to keep coming up,” said Ferguson, “is that when people sweat in [the diapers], they just start melting off them or

ripping. We’re talking to the people at Charmin to find out how they get their toilet paper to get ‘water-logged’, and not disintegrate.” Ferguson believes the St. FX’s Wellness Centre can be a testing ground for products like this, and that their could be room for expansion to exams, due to students’ stressrelated sweat issues, and public transportation. X

Sex with an X: In the shower How to get down and dirty while you’re getting clean MARTHA STEWART Prison Sex Columnist

lect few who have successfully managed to learn the correct way to bang in the shower. It is a skill that few know, and few share with their peers. I have learned this skill and I am willing to share with the remainder of the St. FX Community. There are three secrets to fantastic shower sex. The first secret involves safety. Yes there is the typical safety precaution of the condom which one must wear even in the shower. But many people are unaware of the bathmat and how its presence can turn “omg what the fuck are we doing?” to “omg you are blowing my mind right now.” Tip number one, invest in a bathmat. Get a sexy one that represents your inner vixen. You can hide it under sink for those special nights what the fuck are we with your hook doing? up buddy. If you think shower sex may happen, put it down, it’s the best way to avoid

making a fool of yourself with clumsy attire. Tip number 2 is for the recipients of the penis. Grab your ankles. It is statistically proven that 84.6% of the time that the penis recipient grabs their ankles during shower sex they are gonna have an amazing time. The idea behind grabbing the ankles during shower sex comes from Dr. C. Oitus who states “the shape the body makes while grabbing the main bones of the Talus is the ideal shape for comfortable coitus within the presence of the bathing apparatus.” Grabbing one’s ankles allows easier access to the genital area with limited movement resulting in less shower sex related injuries. The final tip is for everyone involved in the shower sex. Use the walls to your advantage! The penis recipients who are grabbing their ankles must place their face against the wall of the shower. That way there is nowhere to fall. Those with the penis should listen to this tip as well. With one hand grab your fellow sexy friend, and with the other place your hand flat against the wall and lean towards it. That way if you happen to slip you won’t go far because the wall will catch you. However,

People underestimate the power of sex in the shower. The perfect combination of dirtiness and cleanliness allows for a great start to a wild night of pure bliss. This night of bliss, however, can be ruined with the constant worry of slipping out of place and falling face first onto the bathroom floor with your legs sticking up in the air. Many people are unaware of exactly how to get the most out of shower sex. To many, it seems a scary place in which one contours their body in odd ways in order to fit with the shape that is the bathroom shower. There are a se-

omg

Rembmber to clean up, please. Photo via Flickr Creative Commons

if you and your partner correctly follow tips 1 and 2, tip number 3 will just be there for precautionary measures. Now you know the secret. Please enjoy these tips responsibly. X

Half-court flop StFX Athletics scheme revealed as student forced to fork over $1000 SHAQUILLE O’NEAL Disgruntled former X-Man StFX student and locally infamous personage Graham Haynes recently learned his basketball skills will be earning him accolades, but no cash. Despite signing up for what he thought was a chance to win a $1000 by making a half-court shot at St. FX’s last home basketball game, Haynes learnt that the money would be coming out of his pocket. What Haynes, and others failed to read the fine print on the sign-up tickets was that the $1000 would be donated to a charity of their choice – although the money would be provided the winner of the contest. “I’m honestly pretty upset at myself,” said Haynes. “I’m almost at the top of my business program,” something the Xaverian found to be indeed, true, “and I forgot to read the fine print. This is something we literally joke about in group projects when we talk about suckering students in Development Studies and History into buying things.” Haynes believes he should have caught on to this Athletic Department ploy when he heard the theme of the evening was Ponzi Night. “When you hear it said, you just assume that the team is trying to recruit some Italian guy,” Haynes admitted. The Athletic Department declined to comment, although Athletic Director Leo MacPherson was seen chestbumping rugby coach Mike Cavanagh,

a regular at the basketball games. Another observer also said they saw MacPherson elatedly shaking a small child from the Junior X-Basketball Program, the organization that Haynes announced would be the recipient of his hard earned money. Perhaps the most aggregious offence was the announcement shortly after Haynes made his wonder-toss, that came via MacPherson’s Twitter. “Just secured another chunk of money for X-Men Football team. #sustainable!” While many might label this as coincidental, we at the Xaverian thought the timing to be too perfect. Many prior contestant winners have come forward since to reveal that this is not the first time that something like this has occurred. Winners of the “Make a Sandwich” contest have been forced to work a week’s worth of shifts at the Antigonish Subway. Those who win the “Toss a Puck” contest were enlisted to do the hockey team’s laundry ( jocks included) for the better part of a month. There is little word yet from St. FX administrative or regulatory bodies as to how they might address such transgressions. The Xaverian was unable to reach MacPherson for comment, but received reports that he was seen practicing his own halfcourt shot while laughing maniacally.

THE xaverian OUR STAFF

April 2 Vol 123: Issue 15

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Sean McEvoy xw.eic@stfx.ca

ART IST IC COORDINATOR NEWS EDITOR Lindsay Hatt Julia O’Hanley x2012cdi@stfx.ca xw.news@stfx.ca

MANAGING EDITOR Graham Haynes xw.managing@stfx.ca

COPY EDITOR Molly Schreiber xw.copy@stfx.ca

FEATURES EDITOR Lewis Forward xw.feature@stfx.ca

SPORTS & HEALT H EDITOR Aaron Thornell xw.sports@stfx.ca

ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR Devon Greene xw.culture@stfx.ca DIST RACT IONS EDITOR Kurt Brothers xw.distract@stfx.ca

SENIOR REPORT ERS Angela MacKenzie Izaak Macmullin Rachel Revoy xw.report@stfx.ca COLUMNISTS Laura Aloisio Coltan Thompson

OPINIONS EDITOR Emily MacGregor xw.opinions@stfx.ca STAFF WRIT ERS Lauren Agnew Lindsay Johnstone DIST RIBUT ION MANAGER Devon Chisholm xw.eic@stfx.ca for inquiries xw.managing@stfx.ca for advertising info

FIND US Room 111D, Bloomfield Centre PO Box 924 St. Francis Xavier University Antigonish, NS B2G 2X1

The Xaverian Weekly is the official student newspaper of St Francis Xavier University. The Xaverian Weekly is published on Thursdays by the Xaverian Weekly Publications Board and is editorially autonomous. The Xaverian Weekly is a proud member of the Canadian University Press, North America’s largest cooperative of student newspapers. FREE Media is the Xaverian Weekly’s national advertising agency. opinions

Opinions expressed in the Xaverian Weekly are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the Xaverian Weekly or the Xaverian Weekly Publications Board.

All materials appearing in the Xaverian Weekly are copyright their creator(s) and may not be used without permission. submissions

The Xaverian Weekly welcomes submissions of articles, letters, photos, and graphics. Submissions must be received by Friday 5 pm the week prior to publication. Submissions should be sent to xw.eic@ stfx.ca or to the relevant section editor. The editor-in-chief and the section editors reserve the right to refuse to print submitted material and to edit submissions for length and/ or style. The Xaverian Weekly will not print material that is racist, misogynistic, sexist, homophobic, or libellous.

thursday april second, 2015

THANK YOU FOR A GREAT 2014-2015 SCHOOL YEAR! -TEAM XAV

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