Hidden Things - TWMag Maiden Edition (1)

VOLUME ONE

HIDDEN THINGS Out of hiding into healing

THE WHOLENESS MOVEMENT

TWMAG •3

I am both excited and overwhelmed to share the first edition of 'The Wholeness Magazine' with you. The fact that you are reading this is proof that miracles can indeed happen when we trust God and follow His path for us.

TWM initially started off as a simple Bible study for 12 college girls, and today we have this amazing opportunity to serve you and many more.

This magazine was written for you. The theme is a call; one that each contributor had to answer at one point in their life. If you are struggling to answer the call, that’s okay. Our hope is that by the end of this, you will have the courage to take the first step.

What is the call? To come out of hiding to find healing.

I’ve hidden myself in dark places due to brokenness and when I came out, it was like a new life began for me. I want that for you too.

"Our purpose is to bring hope, healing and deliverance to you."

We hope this ful ills that one purpose and you share that with us!

onyinyechi

Love,

CONTACT US THE WHOLENESS MOVEMENT thewholenessmovement@gmail.com www.thewholenessmovement.com

EDITORIAL

ONYINYECHI MGBAH

7

OUT OF DARKNESS

8

HEALING FROM ABUSE

Taking The First Step To Wholeness

Editor-In-Chief

BEQUEL GRAPHICS Design

Bringing light to dark places

CONTRIBUTORS

11 15

DEALING WITH DEPRESSIONÂ

Anslem Chukwuma, Ifeoluwa Babatunde, Onyinyechi Mgbah, Oyekunle Oyediran

Glimmers of light in darkness

NEVER ALONE

The role of community in coming out of hiding

SUBSCRIPTIONS ONLINE

www.thewholenessmovement.com EMAIL

16

NO MORE HIDING

18

TAMAR'S TALE

23

A LOVE LETTER

With light comes healing

Light in the stories of others

thewholenessmovement@gmail.com

OUT OF DARKNESS Wholeness in itself has a root word 'whole'. To be whole means to be complete, not missing any of it's part. Dictionaries even goes as far as saying it means "in an unbroken or undamaged state, in one piece".

If you're anything like me, then you won't even dare say you are broken! Wait, damaged?! No way! Every person would want to say they are whole, but I'll be the irst in line today to say I am not; rather I have been broken before, and I still have some cracks.

To admit brokenness is to admit that something is missing, or like the previous de inition, damaged. Today, I put it to you that broken might mean damaged, but damaged does not mean useless.

We live in a world where we are surrounded by perfectly crafted pictures, lives, stories and people. The truth is even the strongest ones have been broken before.

There is no shame in accepting that you have been broken, because it's not the end for you!

To be whole is to be free; from the mindset of being broken. We are a result of our thought process, and the hardest thing to do can be getting a lie or belief you have come to embrace and live, out of your head.

YOU ARE NOT BROKEN AND USELESS! I wanted to make sure that you remember that. Wholeness is not perfection, so breathe. Several times in scripture, Jesus Christ healed the sick and said to them "Your faith has made you whole". That statement is what frees you today!

This is not like going to the doctor, and he says you're cancer free, or your tests came back positive due to the medication.

This goes beyond healing into a place of restoration. When Christ paid the price, He took you back to the place where it all began, and said "Let's start afresh" Life might have hit you so many times that you feel your pieces are scattered all over, but He kept every single piece, and waited patiently to take you back to that place and say those words "Your faith has made you whole". Keyword: Faith. Take this journey with Him and start afresh.

TWMAG • 6

BRINGING LIGHT TO DARK PLACES “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome i .” ~ John 1:5 (NIV) I woke up one Saturday morning in 2006 with the full realization that I was sexually molested as a child. Here I was, a 12-year-old on the verge of puberty, inally understanding the memories that had clouded my mind since I was 5 years old.

With this realization, I wondered how I was going to open up to anyone about this awful and shameful incident. This was just the worst thing possible, or so I thought. It would hurt my family, and it would drive discord between 2 families that had been friendly for years. I started hiding because I didn’t want to be labeled as a rape victim or known as that girl who knew what sex was before her 5th birthday. I wanted to be a normal child so badly that I kept everything a secret. I was never threatened by my abuser but my need to feel whole and normal made me use silence as a coping mechanism.

I think the worst trauma came from all the confusion I experienced by being introduced to the sexual aspect of my body so early on. I had urges I couldn’t understand or describe because I didn’t know “sex lingo”. All I knew was that whatever these impulses were, they did not feel right.

"The awareness I had about sex brought shame and guilt, so I hid further in the dark." I hid because I thought of myself as an abomination. I rejected myself before anyone had the chance to. I didn’t understand why my uncle couldn’t control his own urges around a 4 year old. Why did he have to awaken my body to this nonsense? Why did he pick me?

The older I got, the more I understood what had happened to me. The more I understood, the more I hid myself. I even swore that the irst person I would tell about this experience would be the man who wanted to marry me. I would tell him because I had heard that wives shouldn’t keep secrets from their husbands. But what if this ruined my love story and left me lonely because good men only marry virgins right? Again, here I was thinking about being rejected. The truth is that no child should have their innocence taken away from them. While our bodies were built to desire and enjoy sex, God instituted marriage as a safe space for this high form of physical intimacy and vulnerability.

"What happened to me was such a painful violation of my vulnerability, but the biggest tragedy was my hiding because shame and guilt only thrive in darkness."

Like the Samaritan woman, there isn’t a story too shameful to bring to the light.

Darkness ills the missing parts of our broken hearts with shame and guilt, but only light can heal the hurt we feel. There is no experience big enough to de ine us when we have Jesus. Our identity in Christ is all that matters to God and that should be all that matters to us. God used my friends and family to ill the aching parts of my heart with love and healing. Since I decided to irst share my story, each time I tell it, I get a rea irmation of how my past does not de ine me. I am only who Christ says I am. I came out of the dark and it has even led me to do the impossible – completely forgive my abuser. You can do it too.

GLIMMERS OF LIGHT It was just another teenagers meeting in church or so I thought. Teens class was a place where we were meant to ind comfort amidst our peers, a place where we could grow into ourselves, inding who we were meant to be and most importantly, ind purpose.

The class was set up in a way that allowed 'experts' in their ields or profession in church come and share their experiences with us. The hope, I suppose, was for us to be inspired and motivated. In many ways, this approach was the perfect way to reach out to teenagers.

However, the one thing you can't control is what the facilitators will say when they get to speak.

On this random day, the speaker was a veterinary doctor and he was supposed to be talking about discipline in the university. It was all going well until he said, "I have no idea why a teenager or an undergraduate would say they are depressed. What are you thinking about? All you have to think about is your books and exams. Why would you say you are depressed?" At this time, I was only 15 years old, about to start university and I was just told by someone I respected in church that I had no business being depressed, if I focused on my books, I'd be just ine.

It was about four years later- I'm in my cramped room in university, the curtains are drawn, the lights are off, I haven't left my room all through the long weekend, something isn't just right. Everything looks bleak and there's no joy, no sense of purpose. It's not the irst time it's happened and it's not my 'girlish' moodswings, this was way deeper. But I had to go to class. The student studying psychology shouldn't have to go through this sort of mental torture. So, I repeat to myself, "All you have to do is focus on your studies and you will be ine. You have no business being depressed."

I step out mumbling the words, trying to convince myself that depression wasn't a thing a student should suffer from. I made it through one out of four classes for the day, because every thing felt even worse than my room. The sun was way too bright and in my face (it really wasn't), everyone who was laughing seemed to be laughing at me, everyone who was whispering was talking about me and that voice kept telling me, "See? You don't deserve to be here, everyone knows it, how come you don't?" I found a silly excuse to tell my class mates why I was leaving school and missing the other classes for the day.

That was the beginning of three weeks locked up in my room, curtains drawn, no lights on, no church, not talking to my friends or neighbors. That was the irst time I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe I don't belong here (I googled "safe ways to commit suicide"). Apparently, focusing on my studies wasn't enough, trying to ignore the elephant was not a smart decision.

Every single time I think of those moments, I ask myself why teenage class didn't prepare me for this. They said I had no business being depressed, that all I had to do was focus on my books and I'd be ine. They did not tell me depression was this terrible. Maybe they didn't know and they were too proud to admit that they knew next to nothing about. It shouldn't be any surprising to me because it's the same people who would boldly say, "Depression is a white man's problem. Africans cannot be depressed, we are a happy people." The things they chose not to tell us, the things they said were unimportant became the thing that darkened my mind and became a noose round my neck not ready to be loose.

In very dark moments, when there seems to be no end to the tunnel, there are glimmers of lights that you can ind, grab and hold on to until they bring you out to safety. That is what Jeremiah 29:11 has been to me, my own little glimmer of light in the dark- the one that brought me out the irst time and every time after.

For some reason, I stumbled on this passage in my jotter and I knew that God did not plan for me to think of creative methods to off myself (I already had a plan, just so you know how serious it got). This scripture reminded me that his thoughts for me are of peace and not evil. The mere knowledge was enough to give me courage to tell that nagging voice at the back of my mind, "Hey, I'm good enough and I deserve every good thing I ge ." It was not automatic, though. Just like when a bone is broken, you give it time to heal, my mind was broken but this passage was slowly mending me back together.

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

In Psychology, they'd say these mental health issues have no cure, they can only manage them. If you think I'm going to say that they are wrong, well, you're wrong. What I'm going to say however is, to whoever struggles like I do (Yeah, I still do), ind your glimmer of light, hold on to it and you will ind that you can master your own mind and ind healing. Find a passage that would act as your light, and guide you out of the darkness because in the end everyone's escape route doesn't have to be the same, but the best place to hide is in Gods word.

STAY STRONG. YOU'RE LOVED AND YOU DESERVE EVERY GOOD THING. P.S Find yourself good friends, those who will stand with you, who won't put you down. People who will help you especially when you can't ind your light in the darkness'.

Hebrews 10 : 25

"Some people have gotten out of the habit of meeting for worship, but we must not do that. We should keep on encouraging each other, especially since you know that the day of the Lord’s coming is getting closer"

NEVER ALONE

The role of community in coming out of hiding

“I didn’t know I was living below Gods s andard for my life. Everyday was a struggle and I felt like I was always losing. I tried to be good, I tried to live righ , but like Paul said, I ind myself doing the things I do not want to do. I was surrounded by people yet I felt alone in my struggle.”

WHAT IS COMMUNITY? A safe place that fosters growth, healing and fellowship. A community is made up of people from different walks of life with different stories that share something in common. It could be interests, goals or responsibilities. A healthy community does not make you feel judged, misunderstood or dis uali ied. You are challenged, supported and convicted. Community is healthy for every believer.

WHY COMMUNITY? One word, love. We are creatures of love; created by love, for love, to express love. To be able to live out our fullest potential and come out of hiding, we need to run into the arms of love. We can experience the love of Christ through His children and surrounded

by His word. When we love, we show support and keep each other accountable. The best place for such experience is in community.

HOW TO DO COMMUNITY The kind of community you need should have same goals, values and priorities. You are responsible for showing up faithfully and participating whole-heartedly. Nothing is by force but it is needed to leave the place of hiding. Show your scars, trust and be open, let love be shown to you and show it back.

HOW DOES COMMUNITY HELP? My moment of freedom came in a gathering of two. God knew I lacked community and I had been praying for a place of safety. God found a way to draw the attention of a dear person and that gave me the opportunity to come out of hiding. I had never told my story before that day in such a setting but He knew it was safe for me.

I let His love be poured into my heart by my community and I gave love back by receiving their gift of prayer and counsel. It wasn’t long after that my life changed. NO more shame, guilt or burdens. I came out of hiding and I found healing in community.

WITH LIGHT COMES HEALING The year was 2004, I was about 13, awkward and reserved. I had dislocated my wrist while trying to be “Jet- Li” in my head. Oh the pain! The horror! I still wince from pain when I think about it. I wish I had listened to my mother's numerous warnings about playing rough and hadn't embarked on playing action man. Turned out that I dislocated my wrist. To avoid the “I told you so” conversation spiced along with my good hiding, I told no one about the incident. I was terri ied of the treatment process as well, and it got bad! It's a miracle I have a wrist today.

Now that I re lect on that experience, I realize that many of us are like that, we all get injured and bruised by life, by persons we care about, at our jobs, school, work, careers and in relationships. You are not alone. More often times than not, we are uick to hide our hurt behind the facade of a smiling cheery face while wincing in pain afraid of the healing process, scared of what people would say and scared that we would be judged.

"I need you to understand that healing is sometimes painful, but better the pain of healing than the pain of a festering wound"

"Healing begins when we expose our hurts, when we dare to speak up. Speaking up rids the gainsayers and abusers of their power. Dare to speak up and expose your wounds to light."

Medically speaking, for a wound to heal properly, it must be cleaned. The process of cleaning a wound is mostly painful. Physiotherapy sessions for a sprained knee isn't a pleasant experience either but for healing to take place the knee must be brought to a physician.

Likewise, you'd need to take off the facade of that smiling face and expose your shortcomings, failures, hurts and fears to light. Don't let it fester. We understand from scripture that God is light.

"This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is ligh , and in him is no darkness at all." 1 John 1:5 kjv Light has the capacity to reveal the the true nature of things. When there is internal injury, the physician orders for a Ă—-ray (which is a form of light) to help determine the nature and extent of damage. This allows the physician know what methods of treatment to undergo.

Finally, it is important to note that healing isn't possible without a relationship. A fellowship. When you go to the doctor, a relationship is initiated (Doctor - Patient). Through this relationship you can trust the doctor and help him understand your complaints better. He takes notes about your case, performs the needed examinations and inally recommends a solution. 1 John 1: 7 tells us "but if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us from all sin" (sin here may refer to an in irmity, a disease, pain, shame, guilt and whatever applies to you) When we bring our hurts and deepest fears to light and dare to talk about them to God who is light, we walk in light.

This allows for communion, a unbridled fellowship founded on truth with all the cards on the table. There, cleansing begins. Healing takes place. Wholeness is initiated.

TAMAR'S TALES

I never imagined a day would come in my life where I would write a story, my story about rape. No one plans to have a story about this topic, in fact, no one should. I struggled for days, weeks and months to even open my mouth and say those words. How can I say I was raped? I did not report when it happened, I even continued sleeping with him after it all took place! Surely no one would believe me. And that was the beginning of my struggle. One fact about rape is that if you keep silent because you're scared no one will believe you, you have started a journey down. It was never about them in the irst place, so who cares if they don't?

You have to speak up to ind healing because there is nothing worse than living a lie that is truth to you!

The beginning was when I realized I had been raped.

At irst, I thought it was simply non-consensual but that is the exact de inition. No one should take anything from you without your permission regardless of your relationship with the person. You have a right to say no and be listened. That right should be granted at any time it is exercised. Mine wasn't and I feared it would repeat itself so I put it where I didn't have to remember it until it started affecting my life. I was scared, anxious, nervous of men and places where I couldn't escape. I cried at movie scenes where someone else was being denied their right. It made me angry, enraged and I realized I had not healed from what had happened. I had carried a lie for so long that the truth scared me if I dared to admit it.

As a christian girl, I ran to the Bible for solace, comfort, hope, but was disappointed when the one story of Tamar ended with the words " So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom's house" - 2 Samuel 13:20b NLT. How could that be the end of an innocent woman who's right to no should've been honored? God couldn't have been pleased with this! And He truly is not.

SO WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT RAPE? If you start with Google, you will end up with more tears in your eyes. The search word matters. I searched "Scriptures about rape" and came up with news that left me shocked and teary eyed. Instead, search for what "God says to the rape victim". You might be wondering, victim?! I thought you said you're not a victim, but here is where it gets real.

In order for God to work in our lives, we have to be vulnerable with Him. I cannot go to God expecting Him to heal something I keep 'bandaided'. What does that mean, for me, I had to tell Him just exactly how I felt.

I felt like a victim of my situation, like I had been taken advantage of. I was so sure everyone thought things about me that weren't true and it made me hurt to imagine what I must look like. I told Him how I saw myself after the situation and the fact that my choices after did not make things any better. I told Him that I had no one else to turn to because they would never understand and I asked Him to heal my heart so the pain no longer weighed on me.

WHAT DID I LEARN? Fight to stay out of the trap called "It's all your fault". Even if you haven't made life's best decisions, neither has anyone else yet they didn't experience life the same way you did.

That tells me it's not about what you did or didn't do. Forgive yoursel ! If it helps you to admit your mistakes in order to move forward, then do so, but don't do it to start a pity party. Your healing and wholeness is right at the end of your excuses and self judgement.

If we are able to stop, think and decide going forward, we have began a journey in the right direction. Don't let another persons opinion on how you should've done A or B make you relive the memory.

AND WHAT DID GOD DO?

"BECAUSE I HAVE A STORY ABOUT RAPE DOESN'T MAKE ME A VICTIM"

WHAT DID I DO? I chose to forgive. Forgiveness is an expensive currency that only a few are brave enough to spend. I say that because forgiveness sometimes involves letting go without an apology. The story of Tamar never included an apology, but because of her fate, her brother rose up to ight for her. The hard truth here is that sometimes you might get an apology and still be hurt.

You can say the words I forgive you, but still cry for days without end because of the pain in your heart. That is how I learned that forgiveness is not a thing of words. You don't need the apology to move on if regardless of it's presence or absence you can still heal.

First, He called me His own! For me, that alone broke me into tears. I was glad to know that He still loved me and He still wanted me. I wasn't damaged goods. I still have a purpose and so do you. Then He reminded me of His word, His promises to us as His children, His sons and daughters. The apples of His eyes. And then, He told me to come and tell you. To tell everyone reading this that has experienced such hurt, that He is as much in love with you as He could ever be regardless of your scars. You are victorious over hurt, pain, shame, guilt, anger, and depression. The effects are temporary. Even if you have a child as a result of this process, He loves you and loves that baby too! You all belong to Him and He is proud to call you all His. No matter what you have endured, He is and would always be on your side.

His last love note to you today is this. It is found in the same Bible that seemed not to have anything useful, and it reads:.

"But Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid of me. Am I god that I can punish you?

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people"- Genesis 50:20 NLT

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

VISIT WWW.JOYPEDROW.COM

READ GAY GIRL, GOOD GOD

JOIN A COMMUNITY (ASK US HOW VIA EMAIL OR WEBSITE)

a love letter What if I told you that today could be the day it all changes? Would you believe me? I know you thought it was over for you. This might feel like a dream.

You were sure that someone else would be the one to write the books, tell the stories, get the job, laugh, fall in love, even forgive their offenders.

It can be you! Getting a second chance at life.

Living the life He promised me, full of joy, healing and health. You have a bright future ahead of you.

You no longer have to cry over the pain because He took it all away. Let your heart be light and free.

You can be happy again! No, it's not over for you.

Feel His love come in like a big hug from my long, lost best friend and hear Him whisper to you "You are mine, I have loved you with an everlasting love and I have made you whole"Â Â

T W M A G A Z I N E

MAIDEN ISSUE

I N

H I S

L I G H T ,

D A R K N E S S

I S

D I S P E L L E D ,

H E A L I N G

A N D

I S

F O U N D

H O P E

I S

R E S T O R E D

thewholenessmovement.com