The Vista
Page 2 News
Dating Violence
Girls Should Learn Warning Signs Mary K. Grzybowski It seems the entire country was caught up in the Gabby Petito case, hoping the young woman would be found safe, but fearing the worst. That came true when her body was found in September. Many hope that the good that can come out of her tragic death is that people will become more aware of the dangers of dating violence. Dating violence is an increasingly common issue, especially among young people and teenagers. This type of violence warrants its own research and name because it happens between two people in a close relationship. According to the Center for Disease Control, nearly 1 in 11 female high school students report having experienced physical dating violence in the past year. Dating violence includes physical, sexual, and psychological violence, as well as invasive behaviors like stalking. Because of the relationship, which often complicates things that would otherwise be interpreted as violence, it can be difficult for victims to leave the situation or even identify it as dating violence. Therefore, it is important to learn about the most common signs to avoid this difficult situation. If you use social media, and especially TikTok, you’ve probably seen the term “red flag” to refer to a quality that makes you want to avoid a person. Though some of the videos are intended to be jokes, the implications in dating violence are the same and very serious. There are specific qualities in partners that could possibly lead to dating violence or indicate a tendency toward violence. Students need to be aware of these signs so that they can be more safe and aware. Ms. Rachel Gombos, MSW, LISW says toxic monogamy is one of the most prominent of these signs. “This is essentially creating an environment where you are solely engaged with your romantic partner for all of
Red Flags of Potential Dangers in a Dating Relationship as Listed at teendvmonth.org *Excessive jealousy or insecurity; *Invasions of your privacy; *Unexpected bouts of anger or rage; *Pressuring a partner into unwanted sexual activity; *Blaming you for problems in the relationship; *Controlling tendencies; *Explosive temper; *Preventing you from going out with or talking to others; *Constantly monitoring your whereabouts and checking in to see what you are doing and who you are with; *Falsely accusing you of things; *Vandalizing or ruining your personal property; *Taunting or bullying; or *Threatening or causing physical violence. your needs. They make rude comments when you make plans with friends instead of them; they make rules in the relationship,” Ms. Gombos said. She specifically points out that partners who always want to know where you are or forbid you to be friends with someone of the opposite gender are dangerous. “These things are toxic and create an environment where your partner isolates you,” she said. Most people can instinctually recognize violence and seek to avoid it when it comes from a stranger. However, when it comes from a close partner in a relationship, is it easy to misinterpret the abuse as something that is allowed between partners. It is important to remember that circumstance doesn’t change the significance and the consequences of violence. The grey area between jealousy and protectiveness in a relationship and a
potential for dating violence is difficult to navigate in an already stressful situation. “When we put boundaries around violence only meaning physical threats, we create the opportunity for someone to not question ‘jealous’ or ‘protective’ behavior,” Ms. Gombos said. In other words, don’t accept invasions of privacy, explosive tempers, taunting, and excessive monitoring in a relationship just because it doesn’t seem violent in the traditional sense. If dating violence does occur to an individual, she should first find a person she trusts. It can be difficult for victims of violence to feel safe going to an authority figure right away, so friends are often the first to know and the first to offer support. “‘How can I best help you?’ This response is my first suggestion when someone shares difficult information with you. You don’t have to pretend to be an expert on something when you are not,” she said. Simply listening to a friend and supporting her as she goes to a trusted adult for help may be all she needs from you at this time. Victims of dating violence should keep in mind that abusers want to try to isolate them and create a situation of dependence, according to Ms. Gombos. Keeping friends and family, especially your parents, close and realizing that you don’t have to go through it alone is the most important part of safely dealing with dating violence. NDA Counselor Ms. Abby Beham ‘09 said, “If someone is worried about someone's safety, they should let a trusted adult know what is going on. This is not something that a student should have to carry on her own. A student's counselor or any of the Safe Listeners at NDA, as well as a parent, would all be good people to talk with.” Ms. Beham also suggests other resources: Teen Dating Violence Line at 419-241-7386; loveisrespect.org; and bethanyhousetoledo.org.
