YOUR HEALTH
You say ‘neether’ and I say ‘nyther’… Let’s call the whole thing off! The Gershwin brothers knew a thing or two about how people think and express themselves differently, have individual desires, motivations and inspirations. So it’s good to tailor communications for the person we’re dealing with, especially if broaching a tricky topic. Article by Dr Ben Ebert.
5) Physical affection: Physical touch provides feelings of connection and safety. Holding hands, kissing, hugging and intimacy are of utmost importance for people who experience love and validation through physical closeness. Try this exercise with your partner: Identify and discuss your two main love languages and guess their top two love languages. Tell each other why they are your main love languages and what makes you feel loved. Consciously practise your partner’s primary two love languages. Making an effort in the areas that matter most to your partner can be a simple but highly effective way to strengthen a loving relationship.
KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY
HOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER – THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES In his bestseller, The Five Love Languages, Dr Gary Chapman identifies that people express their love and feel loved in five main ways and respond differently to certain modes of communicating love. It’s likely that we communicate in different love languages than our partners. People can experience love through all five methods but usually one or two hold more significance for each person. Understanding and decoding the five love languages and identifying which most apply to you and your partner will help take the guesswork out of your expectations and needs. According to Dr Chapman, the five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.
3) Gifts: It doesn’t have to be a diamond ring. Gifts make you feel thought of, appreciated and loved, for example coming home with their favourite treat or flowers.
Understanding your partner's distinct emotional needs, communicating feelings clearly and openly, and maintaining intimacy are key factors in developing a strong and healthy relationship. Listening, asking questions, and acknowledging and validating your partner in the ways that they respond to best will resolve many struggles that arise from, and are exacerbated by, miscommunication.
4) Quality time: Undivided attention. No television, phones or other distractions. If this is your love language, you feel valued when you’re the centre of your partner’s attention. Going for a walk together or going out to dinner enables you focus only on each other.
Ben Ebert is a psychologist based in Lane Cove who specialises in depression and anxiety and works with individuals experiencing relationship difficulties and workplace issues. See: https://northsydneypsychologists.com.au
STRENGTHENING YOUR RELATIONSHIP Look at building your self-esteem, self-validation and self-growth. In order to forge a healthy and respectful relationship with another person, it’s important to be comfortable with and respectful of yourself first. To do this, focusing on your strengths, both personal and work/ study related, and identify areas in which your self-worth could improve. ● I dentify your needs in a relationship including emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual.
1) Words of affirmation and validation: Shortest, simple praise can be most effective: ‘you always make me laugh’, ‘I love your hair today’ or ‘this meal is delicious’.
● P rioritise developing and maintaining intimacy. Intimacy is not just about sex; it is a feeling of emotional connection and closeness and doesn’t not always come naturally. It is something you need to constantly work at by communicating your needs and how you are feeling. Trusting your partner with your feelings often leads them to open up to you too. Always waiting for the other person to open up first can create a barrier to intimacy.
2) Acts of service: Actions speak louder than words. You feel loved or express love through thoughtful or helpful efforts – cooking a meal, doing the laundry or filling their car with petrol.
●B uild connection through ‘the three blessings’: At the end of each day, tell your partner three positive things from your day – for example you helped a colleague at work with a problem or had a funny conversation. This will encourage sharing and give insight to your individual motivations.
22 TVO SEPTEMBER 2019 https://thevillageobserver.digitaleditions.com.au
