What to wear for T Ball

1.Follow the theme:

No one does this. When this reporter asked Max Lynch about the theme for T Ball, he looked confused and said, “I can’t get you a ticket stop asking me and trying to confusing me with riddles”. Research tells us that the theme is in fact “Back to the 90s” so I guess you can dress as you always do but with one of those dodgy black chokers we all sported in our emo phase. Although you must remember, if you dress to the theme then you are a loser.

2.Debs dress:

It will fit. A second pair of spanx and a shoe horn and you’re in! It may be missing some sequins and still smell of the vomit of a Blackrock boy you foolishly brought but it is cheap. Plus the fact it still has suspicious stains from the last time you got paraplegic drunk means that you won’t have to worry about what the rabid t ballers do to it.

3.“Vintage dress”:

By this we do of course mean that you go onto Depop but get frustrated by the lack of sizing. This will lead you to go onto ASOS and buy something for €50 that you saw on Depop for €100. When people ask, just tell them that it is vintage and spit on anyone who said they got their outfit from a fast fashion site.

4.A security guard outfit:

This is a popular choice for those of you without tickets hoping to sneak in. So get yourself a high vis, some actual work boots (not just Docs) and a pair of shades. To pull off this look you need to look like you could feasibly work as a bouncer so remember to put the glitter on after you get in. You also must habitually stare people down and bark at people to get themselves coffees/sober up in order to truly accessorise.

5.Whatever you like + a rain poncho:

This look is for the sensible dresser. It allows for your personality to shine through without requiring you to explain where exactly that blood stain came from to the dry cleaners. The downside of this look is the sweat you will be pumping out but when you look that dumb and smug no one wants to be seen with you regardless of what you smell like