PAGE 8, Friday, February 3, 2017
THE TRIBUNE
Halkitis + Fitzgerald = fuzzy math A Comic’s B
ACK in the nineties, former Prime Minister Hubert Ingraham gave us one of those great, immortal Bahamian political quotes: “I say what I mean, and I mean what I say!” At the time, some lauded his openness and honesty while others used his words to add another check mark to the ‘Hubigetty’ narrative that became quite popular. Fast forward a couple decades later; we now see that finding a politician ‘cut from the same cloth’ as ‘Hubigetty’ is like finding Dory. Fuzzy math After the very expensivelooking convention put on by the governing Progressive Liberal Party (PLP) last week, the main question on everyone’s mind after the event was ‘Where da VAT money gone?’ After a good two years of ducking questions from the media on how the people’s billion dollars (and counting) has been accounted for, it was surprising that the Minister of State for Finance, Michael Halkitis, was the foil who brought the never ending VAT saga back to centre stage. During his convention speech, the PLP’s supposed financial wunderkind got on stage and started rattling off what seemed a laundry list of items that VAT had paid for; boats, planes, trains, automobiles, snow mobiles, mobile phones, health in-
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By INIGO ‘NAUGHTY’ ZENICAZELAYA surance, life insurance, hospitals, schools and tools (U Name It!) were all included. By my count, the only things left off were weaves, numbers and libations. Though (to be fair) Prime Minister Christie has ordered a full report on VAT spending with “graphs” be dispersed to every “nook and cranny”. So don’t be surprised if you have your government to thank for all those champagne bottles you were’ poppin’ last year. Because a billion dollars went somewhere, right? We know that it didn’t actually buy Defence Force boats or Bahamasair planes. We know this because, when cornered on a local talk show and asked whether the government had actually borrowed money for those expenditures, Halkitis admitted that they had. He also admitted that money for National Health Insurance had only been earmarked so far. And those ‘schools’ he spoke of in his provocative convention speech? We will see them soon, according to Halkitis, who obviously now wants us to believe that at any moment concrete and steel buildings will miraculously spring into exist-
ence from the strength of his magical mind alone. Speaking of magic, after Halkitis (and by extension the Christie administration) got called-out yet again for their fuzzy math by (ready to fight) opposing MPs Peter Turnquest and Andre Rollins, Minister of (mis) Education Jerome Fitzgerald stood in Parliament and tried to throw a drowning Halkitis a lifeline. Fitzgerald, it seems, is the PLP’s go-to guy for spewing the most ridiculous ‘alternative facts’. Not that I blame the party for using an otherwise useless ‘Education’ minister for the nasty job of spinning every concocted PLP narrative. For one thing, he’s used to getting his hands dirty digging in ‘political garbage cans’ and all. Secondly, those D grades aren’t going anywhere under his watch. So why not use Fitzgerald to ‘manage’ everything from the Baha Mar deal to drafting the Freedom of Information Act to defending every scandalcaught minister in Parliament? Jeromey-the Homie has made it painfully clear keeping his cushy Cabinet job is his top priority.
fix the crime problem and reduce the murder count. Now here we are, five years later with a new murder record under that very same PLP (586 and counting up to last night). Tricky position to be in with a general election right on the horizon, so what do they do? Instead of admitting that erecting the billboards was an ill-thought out, reckless act, Minister of Agriculture V Alfred Gray instead confesses, “Mr Speaker, during election campaigns people who want to get into power say things that, when you analyse it later, sometimes you say, ‘Well, it was only politics’.” That’s one of the first truthful admissions I have heard from Minister Gray in years. Still, you have to question the morals of any politician (and even a whole party) that brags after the fact that “some of them change their phone numbers” after they get votes from their constituents like a unrepentant playboy brags about dumping conquests after he gets what he wants. I’m sure the families of all the murder victims back then and the hundreds that have been added to the rolls since hoped the PLP would have been true to its word. We all hoped Christie, Davis and company knew what the hell to do about crime. Turns out, all the promises were (as I suspected back then) “only politics”. I don’t know what’s more vile, the billboards themselves or digging up the memories of the departed just to bury the notion of ever living up to a campaign con for once and for all. • Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident standup comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@ tribunemedia.net
MICHAEL HALKITIS, Minister of State in the Ministry of Finance. What we didn’t know, pay down the country’s debt. however, is Fitzgerald is ap- And he finally came clean parently not very good with that his little speech at the numbers. (I would say he is PLP convention was mainly as bad as a first grader when written (and delivered) with a it comes to math but I have PLP audience in mind. a son who’s a first grader Now, I’m not calling the and he can actually count.) average PLP supporter unThe Minister of Educa- dereducated ... but it sure tion stood in the House sounds like Halkitis the Geof Assembly and claimed nius just did. that $692m colFormer Britlected in VAT ‘The real travesty ish Prime Minaccounted for is that, in this ister Benjamin 25 per cent of Disraeli is cred‘post-truth’ government ited for a quote revenue. Ex- political era we made popucept, as Fort find ourselves in, lar by Mark Charlotte MP Twain that Andre Rollins getting a straight goes “There rightfully point- answer out of the are three kinds ed out, that Prime Minister of lies; lies, would mean damned lies the government or Halkitis or and statistics revenue was Fitzgerald is like ...” in excess of $2 ‘pulling teet’ I don’t know billion and we about you, but should be op- out of a shark’s a week of being erating at a sur- mouth.” fed weak ‘alplus. Since we ternative facts’ are not, Fuzzy from D average Math Fitzgerald quickly politicians sure makes me ‘change up his talks’ and long for just one who is able said his numbers only re- to say what they mean, and ferred to projections. mean what they say. Except, nobody asked V is for Vile the government ‘Where In the run-up to the 2012 da ‘projected’ VAT money general election, the PLP gone?’ What we want to erected billboards across know is where the actual major roundabouts in NasVAT money went. sau blasting the horrific and Don’t ‘play forget’ that high murder count numbers after taxing everything for all and tourists to see. from toilet tissue to townBack then, the PLP dehomes over one billion real fended those controversial dollars (and counting) were billboards and insulated collected. their brazenly despicable The real travesty is that, political ploy by wrapping it in this ‘post-truth’ politi- in a blanket of concern for cal era we find ourselves their fellow countrymen. in, getting a straight answer According to the PLP, the out of the Prime Minister Free National Movement or Halkitis or Fitzgerald is had failed the fallen 490 murlike ‘pulling teet’ out of a dered during their term in ofshark’s mouth. fice from 2007-2012. AccordOn the radio talk show, ing to the PLP, they would Halkitis finally admitted that all of the money went into the menacing black hole known as the Consolidated Fund. Which is to say there’s no way ‘on God’s green eart’ to know precisely how the VAT money was spent. So don’t hold your breath for the Prime Minister’s ‘graphs.’ In the words of our eloquent Minister of Education, “this ain’t no rocket science”. Minister Halkitis also admitted that (unlike what we were led to believe) VAT mona resident of #13 Eastern ey is not being used mainly to
Funeral Service For
Etoy Helen Roberts Wright, 69
Estates, will be held at Rehobeth Ministries, Prince Charles Drive, on Saturday, 4th February, 2017 at 10:00 a.m. Officiating will be Rev. Warren Anderson. Interment follows in Mt. Carey Union Baptist Church Cemetery, Fox Hill Road.
Etoy will be lovingly missed by her ex-husband: Alpheaus Wright; Her Children and Spouses: Raquel Wright, Elmo Wright, Aurelio Wright, Alvarado Wright (Robertha Wright), Sabrina Wright; Adopted Daughter: Carriemae Wright-Knowles (Nicholas Knowles Sr.); Grandchildren: Nyckara Knowles, Nicholas Knowles Jr., Raphael Wright; Siblings: Jonathan Roberts (Idell) of Eight Mile Rock, Grand Bahama, Joycelyn Roberts, Deaconess Janet Darling, Crimson Roberts-Fabian; Mother-in-law: Berylmae Wright; Adopted Mother: Elder Miriam Roker; Sisters-in-law: Miriam Wright, Veronica Wright, Vera Wright, Patrice Rolle; Brothers-in-law: Raymond Wright, Gary Wright, Leonard Wright; Numerous Nieces and Nephews including: Margaret, Glenroy, Reno, Joaquin and Glenika Cunningham, Barbara, Patrick, Patrice, Elvis and Judy Roberts, Portia, Bradley and Johan Sands, Monica Knowles, Anvil Davis, Sean Strachan, Maddison and Anthony Edgecombe, Anika Duncombe, Mispah Roberts, Alfred and Casey Rahming, Ventinia Collins, Janae, Tamara Clarke (Andrew), Kizzy Burnside (Asenio), Kamara McCardy (Danny), Jankah Pratt (Marcantell), Charlene Smith (Reginald), Rochelle, Fabian, Marvin, Erica, Amy and Julian Roberts, Davinia Coakley; Host of other relatives and Friends including: Geraldine and Anthorn Pyfrom, Khalil and Charmaine Rahming and Family, Kendrick and Safiya Major and Family, Maurice and Charmaine Ferguson, Yvonne Mortimer and Family, Mavis Hanna and Family, Ruby Brown, Sophie Rolle, Margaret Davis, Shannon Mackey, Deborah Davis, Pastor Helen Rahming, Bishop Tresor Rahming and Family, Olive Mackey, Jason, Ashley, Adele, Helen and Alex Bernhard (New York, USA), Larry and Stephanie Johnson (Albany, New York), Andy Barton and Family (Manchester, England) The Mt. Carey Union Baptist Church Family, especially Shirley Armbrister, Florence Ramsey, Rev. and Sis. Anderson, and Essie Ferguson and others. Friends may pay their last respects at Demeritte’s Funeral Home, Market Street, from 12-6:00 p.m. on Friday & on Saturday at the church from 9:00 a.m. until service time.