[The Stute] September 13, 2019 (Issue 2, Volume CXVII)

The official newspaper of Stevens Institute of Technology, and creator of Atilla the Duck.

Attention students: Corn is now allowed on the Stevens campus.

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Volume CXVII Issue 2

September 13, 2019

TheStute Established 1904

The current state of housing at Stevens

Porn no longer banned on campus

BY ANDREW KINNEY

BY ERIC LONDRES

Stevens is a relatively small school in a relatively dense and expensive town, so student housing has always been a key concern for those unable to commute to campus.

With rising class sizes, rampant construction, the recent demolition/remodeling of residence halls, and changes in the Stevens leased housing options, the housing options at Stevens are in a more dynamic state than ever before.

The most impactful change was also the most obvious to returning students: the demolition of Hayden Hall. For those unaware, Hayden was one of the major first-year dormitories, located between Davis Hall and the Howe Center. It was torn down this summer as part of the University Towers project, and its absence accounts for half of the large, red-fenced construction zone on upper campus (the other half used to be Jacobus Hall, the former student center). When asked about how the on-campus options have changed since its deconstruction, Assistant Vice President for Student Affairs Sara Klein said, “After Hayden Hall was demolished, we

times are Tuesday and Thursday afternoons,” they said. “I can’t go back and say to them that because Stevens didn’t schedule classes, we have to change that.”

This situation, the professor said, is “totally unprofessional.”

They went on to say that the registrar offered to give their class a meeting time on Wednesday during academic break, but they considered that to be unacceptable, given that it would interfere with their own and their

Stevens continues to survive off of the temporary ‘Skyline’ WiFi network established by the Division of Information Technology. This network was created in the wake of the summer ransomware attack that left campus nonoperational for an extended duration. Up until this past Monday, September 9, several categories of websites were blocked with no immediate explanation presented to students.

The blocked categories include ‘porn,’ such as sites like pornhub.com, ‘questionable,’ including sites such as 4chan.org, ‘abused-drugs,’ including sites such as leafly.com, ‘extremism,’ including BestGore.com, and others.

Both the full extent of blocked sites and complete list of banned categories are unknown at this time.

On the previous ‘Stevens WiFi’ network, students were given freedom to explore the deepest, darkest realms the internet has to offer. It is currently a mystery as to why the bans in question were enacted, despite having never existed previously. The Division of Information Technology did not respond to The Stute’s request for comment or specific questions about the banned websites. Some of the banned sites, such as Leafly, are not known to be exceptional vectors for malware, so the ban

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Above: Babbio Garage, where some Senior Design classes are meeting. Photos from the Hudson Reporter

Delay of Gateway Academic Center displaces Senior Design classes

BY CHARLES ZWICKER Many Senior Design classes have been without a classroom since the beginning of the school year due to the delayed opening of the anticipated Gateway Academic Center. “[The building] was delayed due to many issues, but a large one being the hack,” Jason Chlus, President of the Student Government Association, stated in an email. This delay particularly affected the Senior Design classes because they were intended to meet in the

newly-constructed building.

Eric Williams, an assistant professor in Mechanical Engineering, is not too concerned.

“The delays are unfortunate, but not as bad as you might expect,” he wrote in an email interview.

“The primary focus of the course is work on the projects and since we are still a few weeks from the first deadline I would imagine it won’t change too much from previous years.”

However, there is one professor who is concerned about the lack of a designated meeting

location and time, hindering the quality and speed of work that needs to be done. One professor, who agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity for fear of being identified, said in an interview, “There are certain oral presentations required for Senior Design.

I don’t know when I can schedule those because I need a classroom in order to do that,” they said.

Furthermore, their Senior Design class relies on external sponsors for their projects.

“When I solicit my sponsors, I make it clear to them the meeting

No lab fee Admin salaries refunds revealed in Stevens being issued 2017 tax form

The man no one has the capacity to resist: Kevin Ryan

BY E.J. HANNAH

Photo collage courtesy of Dr. Kevin Ryan

BY MADISON DEJONG I have never left one of Kevin Ryan’s lectures without smiling. His classes are full of baseball references, and he refers to his students as colleagues. He will dance to the ringtone if someone’s phone goes off in class. Besides being so engaging, he is extremely knowledgeable about electrical engineering and all of the topics he teaches. Despite these awesome qualities, Professor Ryan did not always work as a professor.

His decision to become an electrical engineer was inspired by his love of learning about how things work. The ability to take theoretical concepts and use math and modeling to develop a working product is something he finds fascinating.

His advice to all who consider pursuing electrical engineering is to love the math. It is impossible to see electrons moving in a circuit; however, math makes it possible to understand and

predict what is happening.

After college, Professor Ryan went straight to work at Bell Labs. During his time at Bell Labs, he worked in the areas of telecommunications and network equipment development. Toward the end of his career at Bell Labs, Professor Ryan worked on the development of digital transmission systems, high-speed optical systems, and wireless networks.

He specifically focused on research related to 3rd generation WiFi. Within Bell Labs research, however, he was a “little guy” and worked as a small part of the greater research team. A large part of his job was in professional development, and he was sent around the country to train other professionals. He had already been teaching for a substantial period of time when he received his Ph.D. in Electrical Engineering from Stevens.

Professor Ryan became an adjunct teacher at Stevens in 1998. He has always been at-

tracted to academia because he loves presenting information and explaining concepts. In 2001, he realized that teaching is his real passion, and he retired from Bell Labs to become a full-time professor.

Electrical engineering’s ability to use scientific and mathematical concepts to create products that can improve people’s lives is, to Professor Ryan, wonderful. He wants to share his knowledge, experiences, and passion to create the new generation of electrical engineers. He never led groundbreaking research, or created life-changing technology, but he has impacted many people who have the potential to do amazing things. No researcher can have a breakthrough without the help, and Professor Ryan is helping to lay the foundation of many future careers.

Once at Stevens, Professor Ryan continued to collaborate with his old employer and

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In light of student concerns being raised last semester, administrators have stated that students will not be issued refunds on laboratory fees. In an email to The Stute, the Office of the Provost commented that “all revenues collected from tuition and fees go back to support the overall academic experience for students and the operations of the university.”

For background, every course that is identified as a lab has an associated fee, currently $98, for necessary materials and general upkeep. As outlined in an article by Matthew Cunningham last semester, numerous ‘labs’ charge this fee, despite not supplying equipment or materials to enhance the student experience. The list of courses currently includes E 120, CS 115, CS 135, and CS 306, all of which simply have students bring their own computers.

The Stute reached out to a senior studying Computer Science, who commented saying, “any lab that charges a fee should be providing materials used in the lab; classes such as CS 115 and CS 306 have no such materials.”

When the lab fee dilemma was initially brought forth in the Spring of 2019, Associate Provost Cindy Chin detailed that further analysis with respect to how courses are identified as labs needed to be done before conclusions could be drawn and action could be taken. Chin also explained that they would be investigating the scope of

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News - Pages 2 to 5

Opinion - Pages 9 to 11

• VPDAE no longer at Stevens

• Biker shorts and blazers

• Ransomware attack feature

• Off Center - Porn banned

Science - Pages 6 and 7

Sports - Page 12

• Vetiver: water filtering machine

• Ducks field hockey

•

• Women’s soccer

BY ALEKSANDER DIMOSKI Stevens has released their 990 tax form for 2017, which indicates the amount of spending on high-ranking officials and directors during the fiscal year, beginning on July 1, 2017 and ending June 30, 2018.

Stevens President Nariman Farvardin earned a total of $1,063,004 in compensation from the university. This is a drastic decrease from the previous year, when President Farvardin earned $1,608,992.

The difference in compensation is a result of a one-time incentive offered to Farvardin as a result of reaching the end of his first five-year term as President in 2016. Without this bonus, his yearly base salary is $780,000, along with additional bonuses including an incentive of $234,000 for following certain metrics set by the Board of Trustees. As such, Farvardin’s salary for this year and following years is expected to remain relatively consistent at around $1 million. President Farvardin’s salary comprises 0.77% of all the money spent on salaries.

Compensation and other benefits for employees totaled $138.6 million, a slight increase from the previous fiscal year.

Overall, Vice Provosts and Professors received pay increases of around $10,000. Total salaries made up 46.2% of the school’s total expenses of $300,018,436, while total revenue was $354,252,359.

Other highly-paid officials include Dean of the School of Business Gregory Prastacos, who earned $450,262, and Provost and Vice President for Aca-

demic Affairs Christophe Pierre, who earned $613,104.

For the 2017 fiscal year, former Provost George Korfiatis was the McLean Chair. The McLean Chair is one of the positions awarded to certain officials that comes with a monetary bonus in recognition of outstanding work as part of the faculty. As such, Korfiatis’ salary of $522,930 was far higher than the second highest-paid professor, William Rouse, who earned $356,433.

Besides the President himself, all salaries were based upon recommendations by President Farvardin. These recommendations were modified and approved by the Human Resources Committee of the Board of Trustees.

Revenue for the school was based primarily on tuition, resulting in $251.8 million of the school’s total revenue. This is in contrast to a total of $76.1 million in scholarships which were awarded to a total of 3,643 students. Expenses on educational instruction totalled $211.2 million, resulting in a $40.6 million surplus.

Stevens research resulted in an overall surplus of $3 million from a revenue of $30.5 million, a fraction of the school’s total revenue.

Surplus funds count towards the school’s net assets, which totalled $378,788,215 by the end of the fiscal year.

More details about salaries, revenues, and costs can be found on the Stevens Institute of Technology 990 Tax form, which can be obtained through the Stevens website at https:// tinyurl.com/SIT-990-2017.

September 13, 2019

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News

THE STUTE VOLUME CXVII - ISSUE 2 STAFF BOX EXECUTIVE BOARD EDITOR-IN-CHIEF...................................AUDREY D’SOUZA BUSINESS MANAGER...........................MARK KRUPINSKI MANAGING EDITOR..................MATTHEW CUNNINGHAM LAYOUT EDITOR........................................NATALIE TODARO OUTREACH CHAIR...................................ANDREW KINNEY EDITORIAL BOARD COPY EDITOR....................................ANGELINA ZACCARIA HEAD PHOTOGRAPHER.......................COLE YARBROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA COORDINATOR...................ELINA TUDER WEBMASTER...............................................JOANA FARDAD STAFF AND CONTRIBUTORS ALEKSANDER DIMOSKI MADISON DEJONG CHARLES ZWICKER MATHEW GREEN ED MINNIX MELISSA KOSAR E.J. HANNAH LEIGHA TIERNEY ERIC LONDRES NATALIE TODARO JACK KOSTELNIK OLIVIA SHANAHAN JENNY FANG PETER WHITE JOHN HORGAN TREVOR DAMEIKA JULIA WIERZBICKI MADISON DEJONG CONTACT US EMAIL........................................EBOARD@THESTUTE.COM OFFICE.......................................................7TH FLOOR HOWE GBM TIME.............................................. TUESDAY @9:30 PM ADVERTISING......................BUSINESS@THESTUTE.COM

THE STUTE POLICIES LETTER TO THE EDITOR THE OPINIONS IN LETTERS SENT TO THE STUTE WITH THE REQUEST TO BE PUBLISHED ARE THE SOLE OPINIONS OF THEIR AUTHOR(S) AND DO NOT REFLECT THE VIEWS AND OPINIONS OF ANY MEMBER OR PERSON INVOLVED IN THE MAKING OF THE STUTE. THESE OPINIONS ARE NOT ENDORSED BY THE STUTE AND THE CONTENT OF THE LETTERS ARE PRINTED IN THEIR ORIGINAL, UNEDITED FORM. A DISCLAIMER WILL ACOMPANY ANY LETTER THAT IS PUBLISHED IN THE STUTE STATING THIS INFORMATION. CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS LAST WEEK WE FORGOT TO INCLUDE MATHEW GREEN IN THE STAFF BOX, OUR DEEPEST APOLOGIES GO OUT HIM DISCLAIMER ALL OPINIONS, STORIES, AND EDITORIALS REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THEIR RESPECTIVE AUTHOR(S).

THE STUTE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL LETTERS AND ARTICLES SUBMITTED FOR PUBLICATION FOR CLARITY AND FACTUAL ACCURACY, OR NOT PUBLISH THEM. NO PART OF THE STUTE MAY BE REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM, IN WHOLE OR IN PART, WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF. CITED REFERENCES OF THE STUTE ARE PERMITTED.

HOUSING continued from the front page needed additional on campus housing for first-year students. Therefore, first-year students are now living in about 30% of Palmer Hall and about 65% of River Terrace. Last year, these buildings housed returning students almost exclusively.”

As Klein mentioned, large amounts of first-year students are now being housed in River Terrace and Palmer for the first time. For River Terrace, the rooms had to be changed slightly in order to house first years.

Specifically, first year rooms had their ovens gutted and their counters extended, and their microwaves re-

placed. The rooms meant for Resident Assistants kept their ovens to help facilitate floor events, as River terrace does not have communal kitchens like the other first year dormitories. This also limited the amount of space available for upperclassmen as a whole, making the other upperclassmen options in special interest, fraternity, sorority, and Stevens Leased housing more important.

Stevens Leased Housing is the program which lets students rent apartments in participating buildings through Residential and Dining Services, rather than having to find them on their own. The list of apartment complexes also changed recently; as Klein said, “The only change in Stevens Leased Housing from the 20182019 academic year is that we no lon-

ger offer apartments in 1700 Park or the Harlow. All of our other SLH options remain the same.”

Altogether, these changes have reduced the percentage of the student body that Stevens can house. “This semester, 49% of the undergraduate student population live in Stevens housing, and last year, 58% of undergraduates lived in Stevens housing,” Klein said. However, no further changes are projected between now and the completion of the University Towers Project, as Klein confirmed: “don’t anticipate much change in our Stevens housing numbers between now and when the new residence halls open. Of course, once the new residence halls open, we should see a significant increase in the percentage of students we can house at Stevens.”

SENIOR D continued from the front page students’ established schedules. Additionally, they pointed out that “meeting for 110 minutes once a week isn’t meeting the ABET criteria that is required for a 3 credit course.”

Chlus stated, “My knowledge is that many D7 classes were cancelled in the first week and have taken creative alternatives to have these classes in the following weeks. I know fraternities have hosted small classes.” The Senior Design professor said that they were not notified of the lack of a classroom until the first day of class. “I basically have no classroom as of this point,” according to my source, who has had to schedule meeting times with every group individually, working around all of their schedules in order to kick off their projects. Currently, it seems that the registrar’s plan is to wait until the new building is finished, as construction is expected to end on October 1, at which point “classes will move into the complex,” said Chlus.

LAB FEES continued from the front page the issue before making the decision on whether or not refunds would be issued to students charged.

Provost Christophe Pierre, when reached out to for an update last week, explained that “due to the cyberattack, [they] are delayed in finalizing [their] review, but expect to conclude later this semester.”

Provost Pierre went on to mention that despite the raised concerns, no changes could be made to address the situation in time for the 2019-2020 academic year. He clarified that the decision to include lab fees for all labs in tuition rates was made far in advance by the Board of Trustees. Finally, he mentioned that “changes to the fees will be subsequent to a review by the Board of Trustees this coming December, to be effective for academic year 2020-2021.

With the review of the identification process for labs concluding within the same timeframe of the Board of Trustees decision, hopefully the students’ concerns will be addressed in time. The anonymous student responded understandingly, mentioning that, “there are a lot of things happening on campus — the printers still do not even work. I hope that this issue is dealt with soon, even if not for this upcoming year.”

Photo of the Alumni office by Matthew Cunningham

Search committee created for new Alumni Office executive

BY JENNY FANG Friday, July 12 was Jennifer A. McDonough’s last day as an administrator at Stevens. McDonough officially joined the Stevens community as the Vice President for Development and Alumni Relations (VPDAE) only seven months prior on January 14.

The Stute reached out to Stevens Division of Communications and Marketing (DCM) about the reason behind her departure. However, due to privacy reasons, it could not be disclosed, according to Thania Benios, the Director of Public Relations. Soon after her departure, President Farvardin promptly issued an email to faculty and staff. In it, he announced that until a replacement for McDonough was found, the Associate Vice President, Dawn DaSilva, would “oversee the day to day operations of the Division of Development and Alumni Engagement.”

During her time here, McDonough led the “development and alumni engagement efforts in support of Stevens’ core mission, strategic vision, and campaign priorities focusing on student success, faculty excellence, and a vibrant campus.”

Days into the start of a new semester at Stevens, an announcement was made that a search committee for a new VPDAE had been created. An interview committee had been formed, comprised of faculty and staff members from different departments. In the announcement, President Farvardin expressed his gratitude to his colleagues who have agreed to be a part of the search process.

Despite the departure of McDonough, the Power of Stevens campaign has already managed to raise $167.3 million and, according to Benios, “is fully committed and actively working to meet and exceed” this ambitious goal.

Meet Amanda DePinho!

Photo of DePinho courtesy of the Montclarion

BY POOJA RAJADURAI When you step onto the Stevens campus, it’s clear to see that some very important changes are taking place (I mean, it’s pretty hard to miss the construction around here), but this year we have a quieter and much less bothersome change occurring in our Office of Undergraduate Student Life — the arrival of our new Greek Coordinator, Amanda DePinho!

Amanda is a friendly, bubbly addition to the Office of Student Life, as I soon found out when I sat down to interview her for the paper. She welcomed me with a smile before I could even verify that she was Amanda (having never met her before, I didn’t want to make the mistake of interviewing the wrong person), and I knew my first interview for The Stute would be much less nerve-wracking than I had imagined it would be.

I found out that Amanda earned her bachelor’s degree at Montclair State University and is currently a graduate student there. Determined to work in higher education, she landed the position as the Greek Coordinator here at Stevens after a successful interview day at Montclair State University.

I asked her what appealed to her about this specific position, and she told me

that she knew she wanted to work in Student Affairs, but more specifically, Greek life. At Stevens, Amanda works with Malcolm McDaniel, the Assistant Director of Fraternity and Sorority Life.

She also hosts a leadership conference for people involved in Greek life called Impact and advises the IFC (International Fraternity Council) and UGC (United Greek Committee). So far, she’s enjoying meeting and interacting with students on campus, learning how Greek life is governed at Stevens, and working with other office members who she’s excited to work with.

Of course, interviewing the new Greek Coordinator automatically merits the question of whether Amanda is part of a sorority, and it turns out she’s a sister of Delta Phi Epsilon! As a freshman, I asked her for any tips for rushing, and she said that it’s important to find a place that you feel stands out to you. She felt that the philanthropy DPhiE stands for was important to her as well and connected to the women in her sorority.

I will definitely be keeping this advice in mind as I figure out my own Greek journey, and I am so glad I had the opportunity to speak with her about it. I hope everyone has an opportunity to meet her as well as we welcome her to the Stevens family!

September 13, 2019

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News Class of 2018 career outcomes

BY LEIGHA TIERNEY

As the Stevens class of 2018 has left their undergraduate years behind in pursuit of furthering their education, careers, and lives, the specifics of the activities of these recent graduates is especially significant to Stevens. Since Stevens has such costly tuition, the return on investment of a Stevens degree is heavily emphasized to offset the intimidating price tag. According to PayScale, Stevens is within the top 20 schools for return on investment, placing ahead of eminent universities such as Princeton, Harvard, and the Georgia Institute of Technology.

As a technology school, Stevens has highlighted the substantial salaries their graduates may earn soon after graduation. For graduates with a Bachelor of Engineer-

ing, the overall lowest accepted salary was $40,000 within Biomedical Engineering, while the highest accepted salary was $120,000 within Mechanical Engineering.

The most common industries engineering majors entered were primarily manufacturing, engineering services, and construction, and the average salary between all engineering disciplines was $67,300.

Meanwhile, for those receiving a Bachelor of Science (encompassing a wide variety of majors consisting of pure sciences, computer science, and business), the lowest accepted salary was $47,000 in Business and Technology while the highest accepted salary was $125,000 in Computer Science/Cybersecurity.

The top employers that hired from the class of 2018 included Ernst & Young, Google, JPMorgan Chase, L’Oreal

USA, Merck, Prudential, and Regeneron Pharmaceuticals.

The main industries that the class of 2018 as a whole entered were manufacturing (18%), finance (17%), and engineering services (11%).

Other assorted minority industries include government, construction, aerospace/defense, pharmaceuticals, and retail. Additionally, students from the class of 2018 are participating in graduate programs at highly competitive schools including electrical engineering at Carnegie Mellon University and Cornell University, computer science at McGill University and Johns Hopkins, and medicine at NYU School of Medicine and Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School.

Overall, 96% of the graduates had their post graduation outcomes finalized, whether it be a job, graduate school,

returning to their home countries, or even joining the military. Out of those pursuing advanced degrees, 85% of the class of 2018 are pursuing graduate school, while the re-

Photo from the Stevens Career Center maining percentages are pur- for Best Career Placement by suing medical, dental, and law Princeton Review, these reschool. As Stevens is ranked cent statistics about the class sixth in the category of Engi- of 2018 offer an optimistic neering Schools by Salary Po- glimpse into the future for tential by PayScale and ninth current Stevens students.

September 13, 2019

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Sudoku We forgot sudoku last week So here is a full page of puzzles for you!

Be the first to complete every puzzle for a prize!

Slip a copy to the Stute Office

September 13, 2019

12

Sports

ON DECK IN SPORTS SAT, SEP 14 MEN AND WOMEN’S TENNIS Fall Kickoff Tournament 12 P.M. West Windsor Township, NJ

WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL VS Johnson & Wales University 1 P.M. Providence, RI VS Springfield College 3:30 PM Providence, RI

Photos from stevensducks.com

#24th ranked Women’s Soccer team adds a strong second win to its résumé

By TREVOR DAMEIKA After a tough draw to Johns Hopkins, Stevens desired a statement win. The Ducks were ready for St. John Fisher.

When the first half kicked off, Stevens immediately mounted pressure with Gabby Saade and Julia Panko leading attacks.

After a perfectly-timed run from Gabby Saade, the Fisher defense was lost as Saade rounded the keeper for a cool finish.

On the defensive side, the Ducks looked composed by only allowing one corner and one shot in the first half. There was no last ditch defending needed.

Fiona Matthews almost doubled Stevens’ lead with a pump fake and had a good look at goal.

However, the Fisher keeper was up to it and had a great save to halt the effort. Stevens finished the first half with 12 shots. Many missed chances, but the second half was a different story.

Opening the second half, Fisher started putting pressure on the Ducks. However, Stevens wanted to completely eliminate their pressure, and they did.

A nice pass inside from Taylor Schaad gave Julia Panko a shot that she just could not miss. This doubled Stevens’ advantage and shut the Fisher team down.

Not long after their second

goal, a shot was taken that was blocked by a Fisher player’s hand. Consequently, a penalty was awarded to Stevens. Julia Panko stepped up to get her second goal of the game, and she was able to get it done. With the Ducks up 3-0, they had that statement win.

To add more to this game, Stevens got its fourth goal of the game from a nice tap finish by Olivia Panko and assist by Ally Wanzor. This was Olivia’s first collegiate goal.

Both Olivia and Julia Panko played major roles that gave the Ducks that statement victory. Commenting on this sister partnership, senior Gabby Saade

stated, “Both Julia and Olivia have played with each other for a long time. They are used to the grind of soccer. This year they will be a great partnership.”

Gabby and Tia Saade both commented on how they dealt with the Fisher high line. Gabby stated, “With Fisher’s high line, it took a matter of through balls and timing to surpass the defense and find that goal.” Similarly, Tia mentioned, “We pressured the defense and passed around them, and we were able to find the goals.”

With this attack proving effective, the Women’s Soccer team got their statement win and proved their strength this year.

The Field Hockey Ducks’ second home game evens their record at 2

By TREVOR DAMEIKA

Photos from stevensducks.com

Coming off a win away from home against William Paterson University, the Field Hockey team looked to better their winning record against Stockton.

Entering the first quarter of play, the Ducks were prepared.

With good attack to start the game, Ireland Fawney almost opened the scoring. Despite her missed effort, a penalty in the first six minutes gave Stevens a wonderful opportunity to take the lead. From the spot, the penalty was scored by Skylar Migliaccio and gave the Ducks a very early lead.

As the first quarter was winding down, Stevens strived to double their advantage. A brilliant run from Jaymie Fiebel, swerving

through Stockton defenders, resulted in a shot that turned assist as Brynn Froelich tapped in the second goal for Stevens to end the first quarter 2-0.

The second quarter started pretty evenly as Stevens tried to keep their lead and hold Stockton back, but a fantastic goal by a Stockton player from outside the box cut Stevens’ lead in half. The Duck defense kept their lead at one before the third quarter.

As the third quarter carried on, Stockton dominated the chances, and after two fantastic saves by Emily Franco, Stevens kept their lead. As the pressure continued to mount, a shot from Stockton off a corner tied the game. A Stockton-dominated third quarter had the momentum on Stockton’s side going into the

fourth quarter.

It was a deadlocked fourth period as both teams tried to take the lead. Seven corners from Stevens had the home crowd itching for a goal. However, as Stevens was looking for the winning goal, all corners were missed chances.

With time running down, Stockton had a breakaway and the Duck defense tried to halt the breakaway, but incidentally gave up a penalty. As a result, Stockton scored the winning goal from the penalty spot. This was a good comeback from Stockton.

The Ducks finished with 17 shots and lots of missed chances. However, this team is strong, shown by their amount of attempts — just need to put these chances away. On to the next one!

FIELD HOCKEY VS Union College 1 PM Hoboken, NJ

MEN’S SOCCER VS Rutgers University Newark 7:30 PM Newark, NJ

SAT, SEP 15 MEN’S GOLF VS Frederick Anton III Memorial Invitational 10 AM Wilmington, DE

WOMEN’S SOCCER VS The College of New Jersey 12 PM Hoboken, NJ

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON STEVENS SPORTS VISIT STEVENSDUCKS.COM

CHECK OUT THE DUCKS ON INSTAGRAM!

@STEVENSDUCKS #ALLRISE

DUCK COUNTRY SCOREBOARD DATE SAT SEPTEMBER 7th SAT SEPTEMBER 7th SAT SEPTEMBER 7th SAT SEPTEMBER 7th SAT SEPTEMBER 7th SAT SEPTEMBER 7th SUN SEPTEMBER 8th SUN SEPTEMBER 8th SUN SEPTEMBER 8th WED SEPTEMBER 11th WED SEPTEMBER 11th

TEAM FIELD HOCKEY WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL MEN’S GOLF WOMENS’ SOCCER WOMEN’S CROSS COUNTRY MEN’S CROSS COUNTRY MEN’S SOCCER WOMEN’S SOCCER MEN’S GOLF MEN’S SOCCER WOMEN’S FIELD HOCKEY

OPPONENT STOCKTON UNIVERSITY US MERCHANT MARINE ACADEMY SPARTAN INVITATIONAL JOHN HOPKINS CUP RON STONITSCH INVITATIONAL RON STONITSCH INVITATIONAL SPRINGFIELD COLLEGE ST JOHN FISHER SPARTAN INVITATIONAL JOHN JAY COLLEGE MONTCLAIR STATE UNIVERSITY

SCORE L (2-3) W (3-0) 7th (315) T (2-2) 4th (91) 5th (116) W (2-0) W (4-0) 10th (636) W (2-0) L (1-2)

Love sports? The Stute is looking for Sports Writers and Photographers to attend games and write about #StevensDucks !

Contact us at eboard@thestute.com if you’re interested in joining the team.

September 13, 2019

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Features

“We’re making good progress.”

Major cyberattack shuts down Stevens for weeks Above: A dramatized illustration with the ransomware message. This message, which was seen by approximately 75 people, is what encrypted and corrupted data on computers across campus.

Illustration by Matthew Cunningham.

By Matthew Del Rosario

It was the morning of August 8, 2019, when members of the Stevens community were greeted by a strange message on their screens.

“Hello,” it began. “Check this message in details and contact someone from IT department. All your files are encrypted with the strongest military algorithms.

Do not modify or rename encrypted files — this may cause decryption failure.”

Files and data, shortly after opening this message, were encrypted and could not be accessed until decrypted.

But the message, unsigned and unauthored, said that restoring the files would require a payment.

“Contact us only if you are authorized to make a deal from the whole affected network. Don’t contact us if you are not a such person.”

No ransom amount specified, and few additional details limited further insight into what was going on.

Not one but around 75 people saw this message when they logged onto the Stevens network that morning, leading the Division of Information Technology to take “immediate action,” which meant disabling the Stevens Wi-Fi network and shutting down all user accounts and its associated services — myStevens, Workday, Google Mail, Microsoft Outlook — all of it, unavailable.

It also meant warning users to remain cautious. “We are asking any user who has a Windows computer on the campus network,” admins wrote in an alert the next day, “to immediately power off the computer and leave it off until further communication is sent from the Division of Information Technology.” Staff members with computers — almost all with the Windows operating system — shut down their devices and were left to shift work offline. For some, it was easy. For others, whose jobs rely on internet access, it left entire offices without work to do.

One office, however, had more work to do: the Division of Information Technology. Within days of the attack, a poster hung on the fifth floor of Howe, and in large, red letters on top, the poster bled with the title: “Attn: Students.”

The poster stressed that IT was not yet able to assist with student computers and network access. “Please do not visit the IT Office or the TRAC Office (User Support) for assistance at this time,” it added. “Stevens will communicate to students when they can use laptops and the Stevens network.”

Staff from IT stayed overtime, with snacks and drinks carted in regularly, to resolve the attack quickly.

Over the days after the attack, realizing that interim measures would be less temporary than originally

expected, the deadline for tuition payments was extended, DuckCards could not be processed, summer courses were postponed, transfer credit evaluations were put on hold, and student schedules could not be published.

A new Wi-Fi network was created as a temporary way for students and faculty to reconnect students with the internet.

A group of administrators, who called themselves the Emergency Management Team, met around once or twice per day, every day, seven days per week, until August 30th to resolve all related issues.

The main priorities of these efforts initially comprised of ensuring that disrupted summer courses could be completed and launching the Stevens fall semester on time.

President Nariman Farvardin wrote an email to the Stevens community that some of the tasks involved in restoration efforts ranged “from restoring user accounts to testing individual computers and hardware, from enhancing network security to restoring the interfaces between more than a hundred systems used by various units within the university, and many, many more.”

Another priority was identifying how Stevens would respond to the ransom demand — as it was explained in the ransom message that paying the demand

was the only way to retrieve the data. Farvardin reported that the ransom demand was not met, as their assessment determined that data could be recovered without paying the demand. Available evidence suggests that no data had been viewed by unauthorized people.

“One question I often hear is, ‘Who was responsible for this attack?’” Farvardin added. “At this time, the identity of the attacker is not known, and unfortunately, in many cyber-attacks of this nature—which have become alarmingly frequent—the perpetrator is not definitively identified.”

The response towards the cyberattack left damage to critical systems minimal and mitigable, and this response did not involve making any ransom payments. As of this writing, most of the systems and services that were previously shut down are now back up and running thanks to efforts by Stevens’ staff: a new wifi network has been made available for the Stevens community to use, most features on MyStevens have been restored, DuckCards have been distributed to most students, and student schedules have been published. No information has been released to the public regarding the cyberattacker’s identity, but the disruption caused by the cyberattack has been greatly reduced by Stevens’ response.

September 13, 2019

5

Features Select sites temporarily restricted on Stevens network Director of Public Relations for Stevens, “there are no ... Marketing responded to longer blocked websites, exThe Stute’s request for com- cept for three remaining catment or specific questions egories of blocks that are all about the banned websites. known malicious”. Though Some of the banned sites, Thania did not identify these such as Leafly, are not known categories, and there were to be exceptional vectors for no website banned previousmalware, so the ban does not ly, it is understood that they appear to be correlate to the were blocked to help prevent recent ransomware attack. future malware infections Several students have re- invading the network. sponded negatively to the At the moment, ‘Skyline’ is blocks, expressing numer- the Wi-Fi for students, while ous concerns. One student faculty are on the permanent described that there would and more restrictive ‘Phoebe direct negative impact on nix’ network. How restrictive academic research, as their the finalized network for sturesearch on cannabis for a dents will be remains in the class became more challeng- air. However, Thania was ing without community re- “able to confirm with David sources such as Leafly.

Dodd that blocked websites When reached out for were a temporary measure comment by The Stute, Ste- only in order to get secured vens’ Director of Public Re- operations up and running”, lations Thania Benios re- indicating that the blocks sponded via email saying will continue to be lifted go“According to Thania Benios, ing forward.

Continued from front page

Costed me $25 for surpassing my data usage, so it was not a fun time for me. It’s also hard to print when the printers have been disabled.

— Clement Thao Because of the ransomeware attack, I had to go to the public library to print out a paper just to come back to my dorm and get an email that because the printers are down on campus, I no longer have to print out the thing I just printed.

— Sydney Cardy I was the RA on duty for 2 consecutive weeks stuck in campus with no wifi. Then there was a week and a half of RA training...with no wifi. The entire time administration tells us nothing except that they’re working on it. In the meantime there are rumors and posts on Reddit about how incompetent the schools IT is and how the admin password was stevens1870 and a myriad of other issues. ON TOP OF THAT I am friends with several CS students who alerted the school that the campus security system has huge flaws.

They did not demand money or anything. They were good students who just wanted to make the school aware of vulnerabilities. They were ignored, told it was normal, or talked down upon. One of them was told that theyneed not worry about anyone hacking the system since that would be illegal. Now a month into school my senior design classes are being moved randomly with professors t knowing where the classes are or when. I’ve had professors cancel classes because they didn’t know that we had class that day or where to go. Recently I had a class get double booked in a room. We were bumped to the library but the professor took us to babbio garage first. We stayed there for about 40 minutes while trying to avoid cars. When we finally went to the library the room was too small to fit everyone.

— Student worker, who submitted a statement on anonymity

As a student worker in a large department at Stevens, my experience has been less that piss-poor. From the beginning, the school’s apparent lack of communication led to more problems than the attack itself. I understand the importance of taking all systems off-line, but the radio silence which accompanied it invited professors, staff, faculty, administrators, and students alike to exploit loopholes that IT eventually condemned. (Third-party “MyFi” hotspots, TP-Link USB wireless drivers, etc.) The fact that, a full month later, only certain systems have returned online with similarly little explanation does not bode well. I get that the Division of IT is stressed (and strained!) fixing all systems with too few people and too little time, but the lack of communication on, for example, the timeline for the storage servers is leaving members of the Stevens community from all departments at a stand-still. My office has been in deadlock for weeks waiting for confirmation that the information we typically access daily has been unlocked on these storage servers. I am losing faith. I am not alone in this.

My bosses share nine drives on the storage01 server between them -- they are paralyzed without access to important documents. The entire department (as with much of the school) has reverted to the 1980s, causing a sustainability nightmare by pushing papers all over campus instead of scanning/emailing the same information. Furthermore, I am crestfallen by the news I hear leaking out of IT that all desktop workstations which have not yet been returned will be decommissioned (regardless if they were compromised or not) and replaced with laptops. Meanwhile, lab stations, research computers, and classroom computers remain unchecked as IT progresses through their ever-growing list of computers. Will the same happen with all of these machines? And don’t even get me started on Skyline and Phoenix.

— Student worker, who submitted a statement on anonymity

ROVING REPORTER

How have you been affected by the ransomware?

“Having no WiFi the last week as a summer R.A. sucked” — Sebastian Muriel

“Now I can’t play my PlayStation” — Lexi Morales

“I wasn’t really affected but as a commuter student getting the parking passes was a pain” — Raphael Laya

“I couldn’t see my schedule until the very last minute”— Brett Bishoping

“I can’t print due to the WiFi issue now” — Katherine Ho

“I couldn’t send or receive emails which as a peer leader was really inconvenient” — Pujan Shah

Timeline By Natalie Todaro

September 13, 2019

6

Science

Vetiver: plant and water filtering machine.

By OLIVIA SHANAHAN Imagine standing on a beach with your toes in the sand and without a care in the world. Breathe in that salty air and hear the seagulls caw (or mew, purr, or squeal, depending on where you are from).

You are incredibly thirsty all of the sudden and return to your belongings further up the beach, only to find that you have run out of water. You drive to the store to discover that they no longer have fresh water either. Neither do the next five stores. You reach out to friends and family and realize that what you have feared for years has finally happened: all the freshwater sources have become contaminated or polluted to the point of no return.

The plants that recycle water through the process of transpiration no longer can. The soil is ruined.

This hypothetical scenario is on its way to becoming reality if there is no action taken soon to prevent or, at the very least, delay it.

Running out of water seems impossible sometimes, especially for those of us at Stevens, where we overlook the Hudson River as we study. According to the United States Geographical Survey, the Earth’s surface is 71% water. When converted to miles, the world’s total water supply is about 332.5 million miles cubed.

This water is mainly contained in expansive bodies of water. We’re talking oceans, seas, and bays.

These hold nearly 96% of all the world’s water and… cannot sustain human and most plant life. Humans and terrestrial plants physically cannot process the water contained

in said bodies of water in large amounts because of the salt content. Of the nearly three-quarters of the Earth that is covered in water, only 1% of that is freshwater. These sources are becoming increasingly contaminated with the byproducts of human industrial processes.

The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) report on water scarcity, written in 2003, states that the “average supply of water available per person will drop by one third within 20 years.” This drop in water supply is due not only to climate change but also to contamination of water due to wastewater treatment plants and the decay of outdated infrastructure. Large amounts of water infrastructure, especially pipes, are made of lead. As the crises in Newark, New Jersey, and Flint, Michigan, prove, this is not only an environmental crisis, but a public health concern.

Removing lead and other chemical, biological, and physical contaminants from water and soil is an arduous process which has left cities without access to water and the risk of developing lead-related illnesses.

Now, what if I told you that there are easily-cultivated plants that can decrease the impact of this crisis by filtering lead and other contaminants out of soil and water to eliminate runoff? From the information that was provided, it may be difficult to believe that plants have such strong filtering, or more appropriately, recycling skills. These effective recycling systems belong to what are called “accumu-

lator plants.” While there are quite a few plants with similar properties, a well-researched example of an accumulator plant is the grass vetiver.

Research regarding the plant’s water-decontaminating properties is going on right here at Stevens by a brilliant research team lead by Dr. Dibyendu Sarkar, an accomplished geologist and professor.

Dr. Sarkar completed his Bachelor of Science in Geology and his Master of Science with a concentration in Geology at the University of Calcutta, India. After leaving India, Dr. Sarkar continued studying geology at the University of Maryland before completing his Ph.D. at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville in geochemistry. Dr. Sarkar did not stop there.

He continued to spread his knowledge of soil and water chemistry as a professor, Ph.D. advisor, and eventual founder of the Environmental Manage-

ment program at Montclair State University.

His various positions lead him to Stevens, where he teaches Environmental Engineering and founded the Sustainability Management Program in the Department of Civil, Environmental and Ocean Engineering.

During our phone interview, Sarkar was quick to point out that vetiver has been used for hundreds of years all over the world. Indigenous to India, vetiver is the basis of many perfumes (Chanel No.5, to name one), and has traditionally been kept in households as a form of air conditioning. Because vetiver can hold large amounts of water, when hot air passes through the plant, it immediately cools the air while also releasing an earthy aroma.

Although Sarkar’s team is not making perfume any time soon, the possible uses of vetiver are growing with new discoveries everyday.

The success of the vetiver plant as a filtration system is largely due to its extensive root system. According to Dr. Sakar, “after one year of growth, the roots of Vetiver will be as tall as you!” These roots regularly reach lengths of 6 feet. Dr. Sarkar’s team is focusing on using the characteristics of vetiver to create floatable treatment platforms where the plant can be grown hydroponically without soil.

These platforms can take in incredible amounts of contaminated water that would normally kill other plants. Vetiver has a unique way of storing contaminants while also obtaining nutrients, such as nitrogen and phosphorus, necessary for its continued growth. Because filtering water is a process that happens rather quickly, it is difficult for vetiver to filter out all of the lead and other contaminants in the water. However, long term, vetiver is a sustainable solution that can

dramatically decrease the damage done to the purity of our soil and water. As the plant grows rapidly, there is hope that it will eventually be able to be converted into a form of biofuel.

Dr. Sarkar’s passion for his projects truly reflects his “firm belief in a holistic, multidisciplinary framework for developing a sustainable environment.” Dr. Sarkar and his research team are working non-stop to develop a solution for growing environmental crises, and they are going beyond soil filtration. During our interview, Dr. Sarkar made it clear that there is an urgent need for scientists to enter similar fields in order to combat the effects of climate change.

If you’ve made it this far through the article, you must be interested. Could you be the one that solves one of these major issues?

Vetiver. Photo courtesy of wikitionary

September 13, 2019

7

Science

The man no one has the capacity to resist:

KEVIN RYAN

continued from the front page Once at Stevens, Professor Ryan continued to collaborate with his old employer and worked on a jointly-owned Stevens and Bell Labs patent. This patent worked to develop a new model for the usage and ownership of the wireless spectrum. Currently, the wireless spectrum is operated by providers with licenses from the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). These include companies like Verizon and AT&T. Each provider owns a fixed number of frequencies, and this amount is unaffected by the demand that exists within each provider.

The patent’s model aims to create a general spectrum that is dynamically allocated. This way, service can go where there is the most need. By add-

ing the ability to increase spectrum amounts based on demand, the overall service provided would be higher quality, and access could be extended to more people. As an electrical engineer, Professor Ryan worked specifically on creating the architecture for the new system as well as developing the algorithm for the system’s application. However, although the idea has been patented, the actual system has never been built.

Despite having worked on several projects like the one mentioned above, Professor Ryan loves teaching above all else.

He never checks his watch in class. He never wishes time would move faster.

In the classroom, he feels fulfilled. He truly believes that teaching is his calling.

He says, “I am doing what I was created to do.”

Although Professor Ryan loves what he does and feels that he is fulfill-

ing his life’s purpose, he did not become a professor until he was 45 years old. According to him, life is full of constraints: you need to get a job, you need to pay bills. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do something you love. According to Professor Ryan, not getting your dream job immediately after graduation doesn’t mean your life is over. It just means you have to work to find a way to incorporate your passion into your daily life. He said that the trick to life is “finding what you’re good at and figuring out what you can do with that.”

Professor Ryan’s goal is to pass on as much knowledge to the next generation as possible, and here at Stevens, he loves that we create a collaborative environment and strive to create change.

When he looks to the future, Professor Ryan sees immense change in all fields. In electrical en-

gineering, he believes the biggest coming change is 5G. This new adaptation to wireless is currently in the process of being deployed.

This faster system is created by installing routers and WiFi access points on street corners and lamp posts. This will allow for even more bits of information to be shared every second.

With access to so much information, and with the pace of life changing so fast, Professor Ryan says it is important to prioritize the people in our life.

He wants everyone to be cautious of “placing technology before humanity” because the people closest to you can have the greatest impact. To see just how much Professor Ryan believes this, stop by his office and look at the doors (pictured above). They are covered in photographs of the people he loves.

By developing relationships and finding our

passions, Professor Ryan says, we can work to make a positive change in the world. We don’t have to win Nobel Prizes; even

Stevens.edu

impacting one person’s life can be a success. In Professor Ryan’s case, he has succeeded by the thousands.

Big Promises for Quantum Machine Learning

By CLAIRE KORBAS Imagine waking up to a cup of coffee and a warm breakfast made by your customized robot, Alexa.

As you walk out the door to go to work, your car recognizes your face and opens the door. It drives you to your destination as you sip coffee and send an email on a perfectly secure network.

Not a bad life, right?

This scenario is just one of the many possibilities that lie ahead due to new research in quantum machine learning (QML).

But what is quantum machine learning? And how does it pertain to Alexa making you coffee?

Quantum machine learning is a field of study that enhances classical machine learning with quantum mechanics. Classical machine learning is a way of analyzing data; it allows a computer to process information without being given explicit instructions on how to execute every task. Rather, the computer is programmed to recognize patterns and make inferences in order to perform the task. Current uses of machine learning are Alexa and other voice assistants, the programs for self driving cars, and facial recognition technologies.

All use previous interac-

tions to infer what they are supposed to do.

The other aspect of QML is quantum mechanics. Quantum mechanics is a physical science that can accurately describe the actions of subatomic particles and waves. There are various properties of quantum systems that are useful in QML, namely entanglement and superposition.

These two properties are vital to quantum computing since they are the underlying properties of a qubit. Unlike normal computing, which operates through binary digits (bits) that are either zeros or ones, quantum computers use quantum bits, or qubits. Qubits also use zeros and ones to process data; however, any superposition of 0 and 1 is also a valid state. Since qubits can be in a superposition of both states at the same time, they have immense computational power and can drastically reduce computation time.

The combination of machine learning and quantum computers is what gives QML the potential to produce amazing new technologies. Unlike QML, classical computing is limited. One of the major problems in advancing our robotic algorithms and scientific research capacities is that classical com-

RESUME WORKSHOP

puters take too long to compute complex data. If quantum algorithms could be created to effectively reduce calculation time while maintaining functionality, many breakthroughs could be made.

Luckily, Professor Rupak Chatterjee is on the case.

Professor Chatterjee is a member of the Stevens Physics Department. After working on Wall Street for 15 years, he switched gears to QML and has found major success. His current research focuses on improving a classical k-means clustering algorithm by using quantum mechanics.

The first aspect of Dr. Chatterjee’s research is his work on both supervised and unsupervised machine learning algorithms. Supervised machine learning algorithms start with both a known input and output.

From there, an algorithm is used to map a function that correctly predicts the output. This is called supervised learning because the correct answer can be thought of as an instructor that supervises the new algorithm. Unsupervised machine learning algorithms start with only input values. The algorithm then tries to model the data in order to learn more about the structure.

K-means clustering is a type of unsupervised algorithm. This algorithm separates the input data into groups based upon certain similarities between data points. The algorithm starts with the target number k, which refers to the number of centroids for the data. The centroid is a real or imaginary location at the center of a cluster.

Once the target number is chosen, the algorithm sorts data points by their distance from a randomly-selected centroid. After all points are associated with a centroid, the algorithm performs repetitive calculations to optimize

Dr. Rupak Chatterjee focus his research on quantum machine learningPhoto courtesy of stevens.edu

the location of the centroid. This continues until the centroids no longer need to move and the data is completely sorted into clusters.

In Dr. Chatterjee’s research, the k-means algorithm is adjusted slightly so it uses quantum mechanics. Instead of using regular distance (also known as Euclidean distance) it applies a quantum distance formula. Then Dr. Chatterjee partnered with IBM and tested the algorithm on their quantum computer.

The results exceeded expectations!

The first major achievement from his research is that his quantum-improved algorithm was faster than a classical k-means algorithm. Since quantum computing is only in its early stages, seeing a time improvement from the algorithm shows incredible promise. The second major

feat is that the quantum algorithm improved the accuracy of the clusters.

This is a major feat since more accurate unsupervised algorithms can help predict answers to many open-ended questions.

These findings show that the early stages of quantum computing are providing better results than previous computing methods. By extension, QML could aid in making a faster and more accurate Alexa that could make your coffee. More practical applications would be in the fields of physics, chemistry, and biology in the hopes of modeling complex systems.

Lastly, Dr. Chatterjee’s research has helped advance physics research at Stevens. His research overlaps with other physics and computer science researchers on campus. For example, Professor Chatterjee works jointly with

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Professor Yuping Huang to generate and use quantum random numbers. This collaboration paves the way for new algorithms and more secure communications.

He has also created opportunities for student involvement in quantum machine learning research.

In addition to fostering connections with IBM, students at Stevens have been able to assist with formulating and testing the algorithm. Kaitlin Gili, a senior Physics major, is one of the authors of the new publication.

It’s obvious that this research will do more than make your morning coffee.

It has created monumental opportunities and new ideas for people all across campus. But until we have this technology to make your coffee and drive you to work, you should get yourself up and talk to Dr. Chatterjee.

September 13, 2019

9

Opinion The Stute Editorial

“Student centricity,” they said This week marks the third week The Stute is publishing without our computers. If you haven’t been a member of our organization before, let me explain to you how a newsroom operates.

We meet every Tuesday to discuss issues we want to investigate and articles that need to be written. Our writers have a couple of days at most to research the issue, contact and interview the related stakeholders, and write an article about the topic for Thursday night, when we create the paper using Adobe software and submit it to our publisher.

Now, as of this Thursday, no one is really using computers. Assignments are discussed and distributed verbally or through email, Slack message, etc. Writers handle these things using their personal devices.

However, on Thursdays, the e-board and a few poor souls that volunteer their time meet up and create the paper.

Creating the paper entails: creating a design for each of the 12 pages based on the articles that come in, contacting writers that have not submitted their articles, working with new writers to polish articles, contacting people for photos, quotes, advertisements, and puzzles, editing every single article that is written for facts (to the best of our ability) and grammar, placing articles into Adobe InDesign and moving them around next to pictures and playing with the text boxes (think making a really pretty 12 page Word doc with 20 different articles inside), making sure that once articles are edited they are replaced into the print templates, making sure articles are being posted on our website with pictures and on Facebook, and sending out our weekly subscription to our mailing list.

It takes literally hours for so many people to make this paper, and that’s when

we have our computers with our software, years of templates, and stock photos. We do this every single week. It takes double the time and effort to use our own devices, with small computer screens and weaker processing power, and to scramble around campus taking miscellaneous pictures of people and places.

After four years of being a student here, no one can convince me that Stevens cares about students. Maybe future students and growth initiatives, but not current students. Like I said in my last editorial, people’s main concerns are themselves.

My life and my friends’ lives are being inconvenienced, so here I am complaining about newspaper problems in the newspaper for all of Stevens to know. As a student, I’ve heard “we’re doing all we can” so many times that upon hearing it I just roll my eyes and have learned to expect nothing from anyone.

The mail system is

down, there is no access to storage networks, and computers and printers across campus are still not working.

A whole building is delayed and hundreds of Senior Design students are not having classes that they paid for.

Even professors understand that this is absurd and are holding classes outdoors, in Babbio Garage, even fraternity houses… is this real?

Sure, the ransomware attack made it “impossible” for people to work and set construction back, but how long are we going to use that excuse for everything that is still broken?

Real student-centricity is not just listening to students’ concerns in order to temporarily appease them and then continue to ignore their problems as usual. It means really making students’ problems your own and consulting students when making decisions that affect them — like not going back on promises made to

students (mandated mental health modules) or forcing huge changes down our throats (eliminating academic break).

The reason why we see so many students without hope and just making memes about how the school doesn’t care about them is that no one is really showing them otherwise. The problem lies in Stevens’ culture.

Administrators can probably count the number of students they know personally on one hand. A majority of students are apathetic and just want to get their degree and get out of here, leaving the remaining few that are fixated on really important things, such as creating communities and improving the school, fighting an uphill battle.

Anyway, The Stute has always been a part of the latter group. This week, we have articles on the ransomware attack, construction delays, and salaries of administrators. Whether or not

we get access to our computers back, and whether or not you read us, use us for crafts, or to soak up a spill, we will still publish the content people need to know every week.

Even if one day we get censored by the SGA or someone higher, we’ll publish online and on social media. We’ll keep at it and will deliver news to the Stevens community as long as Stevens has something to report on — which, at Stevens, you know there always will be.

Audrey Dsouza Editor-in-Chief

Mind of a Freshman

Why Gradarius (and technology for schoolwork in general) sucks

Julia Wierzbicki Freshman Mechanical Engineering If you ask any freshman who’s currently taking calculus how the homework is, they’ll probably mention a site called “Gradarius.” While the way to pronounce the name is debated among some students (some say grade-arius, others gruh-darius, or still others

gra-doodle) there’s one common theme among opinions: it sucks. It’s difficult to use, makes any homework assignment take at least twice as long as it should, and it’ll give you random error messages, sometimes when the answer itself is correct but there’s a minor difference from their solution that doesn’t even affect the final product. So if it’s so bad, why are we using it? The answer is simple: our Institute of Technology is trying to incorporate more technology into our classes. That may seem like a good thing, but the fact of the matter is that technology isn’t currently (and probably won’t be for a very long time) in a place that allows it to replace a live professor standing in front of a classroom, or even just a live professor checking a homework assignment. Let me explain:

It’s no secret that robots are taking over jobs around the world. In fact, it may be the reason that many people are at Stevens studying engineering (even if robots are taking over jobs, there have to be jobs to make and design the robots themselves). But one position I’ve always argued will never be taken over by technology is teaching, specifically teaching in high-school and collegiate levels. Gradarius is a perfect argument for my case, as the complexity that comes with typing up simple limit equations makes it clear that although technology is making strides in many areas, it’s seemed to hit a roadblock when it comes to education. And that’s simply because there’s not one way to teach, or to learn.

To prove my point, let’s try a thought experiment. Say, for a

moment, that we were going to attempt to implement robots as teachers. Obviously, different students are going to need to learn differently. There are four main types of learners (visual, auditory, reading/writing, and kinesthetic) so in an attempt to personalize the learning experience to make it more “human,” we could split up the students so that there are four types of instructions for each class, one for each type of learning. But wait — many students excel in different subjects using a different type of learning than in others. So within each subject, we’d have to program four different types of learning into our robot-teachers. But wait again — many students learn different units within subjects using a different method than other units. So we would have to break each class down fur-

ther to categorize which type of learning each student felt most comfortable in for each unit. But even if we were to give them these choices, most students would find it hard to identify which type of learning suits them best. Most don’t think about such an abstract concept — they just learn. In an attempt to find something so specific and ingrained within themselves, the students might even identify the wrong type of learning for themselves. What results is a hyper-specific, regimented way of learning by a robot instructor doing its best to teach a group of students in a way that cannot possibly lend itself to every type of student’s needs, even if we break it down into every possible component.

A human teacher can switch between these types of learning with ease — draw a model for

one student, write an equation for another, do literal experiments for another — but this type of seamlessness and empathy for the learner will not soon be found in a robotic professor. And that’s what brings us back to Gradarius.

Although Gradarius is not teaching students calculus, it is still an excellent example of why technology isn’t at the point where it can be perfectly incorporated into a classroom. There are simply too many factors to take into consideration, and the process of learning itself (even for a single unit of a single subject) is still too complex to possibly grasp what every student needs to succeed. So for now, we’ll struggle through yet another weekly WebEx assignment and wait for technology in the classroom to catch up to where we need it to be.

Senioritis

What’s in an introduction

Mark Krupinski Senior Computational Science Everyone knows the standard introduction around here. Name, major, where are you from, and a

fun fact. I have the same set of responses that anyone who’s had a class with me — or any place with introductions — has heard.

Mark Krupinski, Computational Science, Hudson Valley in Upstate New York, and I track hurricanes. Two of those responses usually get some raised eyebrows: computational science and hurricanes.

I’ve tracked hurricanes since I was seven years old — I started back in 2005. I was obsessed with weather growing up and still am today. Back in elementary school, I would watch The Weather Channel for hours on end. My favorite part

was the Tropical Update at 50 past the hour. I would love the small five-minute blurb on the magnificent storms that would ravage across the Atlantic Ocean.

Growing from simply watching the National Hurricane Center forecast, in recent years I began to look deeply at the factors that would affect hurricanes.

What would make them travel in the way they do?

What would cause them to intensify — and weaken?

Recently, Hurricane Dorian struck the Caribbean, Bahamas, southeastern United States, and Atlantic Canada. Suffice it to say, it was a travesty. Dorian

is the strongest hurricane to make landfall in the Atlantic Ocean by maximum wind speed (185 miles per hour) — and it had parts of the northwestern Bahamas enduring Category 5 winds (more than 156 miles per hour) for more than 20 hours. Devastating.

Aside from the devastation, I had a great time trying to track the storm.

Looking at various weather model runs, examining the atmosphere for intensification, looking at the upper level dynamics on how the storm could move. Each time I track a big storm like Dorian, I learn a little bit more about how hur-

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ricanes work — and we all do. Dorian puzzled professional forecasters in the National Hurricane Center.

Initially, they were skeptical of Dorian becoming a tropical storm, let alone one of the strongest hurricanes ever in the Atlantic.

There’s so much to learn, and it’s an exciting field. I enjoy being able to share a small part of my passion with everyone.

Oh, and on my major.

My somewhat unique major. I think there’s around three of us left at the school. They stopped letting people who came to Stevens after Fall 2018 into the major. Telling people

that it’s in the math department is usually a good enough explanation of this rare major. It’s a great fit for me.

Either way, I love the opportunity to share one of my favorite niche topics.

I don’t mind those awkward introductions. Introductions are a lot better when you can share something insightful, something unique about yourself.

Most people hate the generic introductions, but I don’t mind it. I enjoy the small, short opportunity to share something that I am passionate about. Find your passion and don’t be afraid to scream it.

September 13, 2019

10

Opinion Passion for Fashion

Biker shorts and blazers

Melissa Kosar Sophomore Business and Technology Biker shorts and blazers… wow, who knew fashion could be this comfortable and stylish all at the same time. One trend that has seemed to overflow our Instagram feeds is the countless influencers, celebrities, and models strutting the streets in simple biker shorts and sexy blazers. This look is revolutionary through its brave combination of busi-

ness-wear and workout apparel. It is certainly one I would never have thought of on my own. However, I recently posed for a photo in this particular outfit, and it instantly verified for me why all these fashion icons have been pairing this unlikely duo.

First, the blazer. Blazers have been around forever. They were created through the sport of rowing and since then have become a staple in closets across the world. They bring formal appearance to previously casual outfits. Blazers always seem to be necessary in any interview or important professional meeting. They are positively abundant in the fashion world today.

Fashionistas can never have enough blazers, whether they are cropped, oversized, a unique pattern or material, or even if they are just some crazy neon color. Throughout the spring and summer, my feed has been filled with influencers rocking their blazers!

The biker shorts on the other hand are completely the opposite of the blazer. While, yes, today biker shorts are taking over in their return from the ’80s, they are not at all typically worn to an interview or anywhere in which you are seeking to look professional. That is, until now — biker shorts paired with blazers have changed the entire game! Princess Diana proved to us that biker shorts were a staple in any wardrobe, especially on the weekends when you’re running some errands in your dad-shoes and oversized crewnecks. But with a blazer? I don’t think the princess herself could have seen this one coming!

The unlikely duo does however make for the most comfortable yet chic outfit selection I have ever worn. You can wear this look out on the town, just going to the mall, or even to class. It is extremely versatile.

Pair it with just about any shoes and accessorize however else you like, and this look becomes

so versatile. As long as you get the solid foundation of biker shorts plus blazer, you could do just about anything you want with it. Maybe try out a neon blazer for a spunky night out.

You could switch your traditional blazer for a linen one and wear it to the beach or pool.

It took me a while to hop on the biker shorts train, but I am so glad I finally did. They are truly the most comfortable shorts and help balance any outfit you style them with. I got my favorite pair from Dor L’ Dor! As for my blazer featured in the photo, I snagged it on sale at Kohl’s (shameless plug)! It is from Vera Wang and very chic with a silk coating and ties to close instead of having buttons.

If you have not yet tried a look like this, I encourage you to test it out. You will not regret it. While looking amazing you will feel like you could do a full workout. I am telling you, comfortable is an understatement. Here’s to hoping this look lasts because I am just not ready to part with it yet.

Scientific Curmudgeon

Can psychiatry heal itself?

John Horgan Professor CAL Just a few decades ago, psychiatry’s reputation was surging. Biological theories of and treatments for the brain, notably drugs like Thorazine, lithium, Valium, and Prozac, were displacing Freudian psychobabble and transforming psychiatry into a truly scientific discipline.

Or so boosters of bio-psychiatry claimed.

But bio-psychiatry has failed to live up to its hype. That is the sobering theme of Mind Fixers: Psychiatry’s Troubled Search for the Biology of Mental Illness,

by Harvard historian Anne Harrington, who will be speaking at Stevens on September 25. “Today one is hard-pressed to find anyone knowledgeable who believes that the so-called biological revolution of the 1980s made

good on most or even any of its therapeutic and scientific promises,” Harrington writes.

Harrington’s book chronicles the largely futile efforts of scientists to find biological (as opposed to psychological) causes and cures for mental illness. She goes through the sordid history of insulin-coma therapy, electroconvulsive therapy, the lobotomy, and the fever cure. The latter, which assumed that high fever could purge madness from patients, called for infecting them with malaria. Some patients served as “malaria reservoirs,” whose blood supplied pathogens for infecting others.

The practical and ethical flaws of these biological methods allowed psychological approaches to mental illness to flourish.

By the mid-20th century, psychoanalysis, the theory/therapy invented by Freud, was dominating American psychiatry. Psychoanalysts insisted that mental illnesses had psychological causes and were best treated by psychological remedies, namely talk therapy. The influence of psychoanalysis waned in the 1950s with the advent of drugs for treating schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety.

In the past few decades, as prescriptions for psychiatric medications have soared, their limitations have become increasingly apparent. Many are scarcely more effective than placebos, and

they have severe adverse effects, including weight gain, tremors, addiction, and suicide. Meanwhile, researchers have failed to trace mental illnesses to genetic mutations, neural anomalies, viruses, or other physiological factors that would justify physiological treatments. No clear-cut biological markers for any mental illnesses have been found.

Psychiatry’s biological “revolution,” which Harrington calls a “False Dawn,” now appears to have been motivated as much by greed as compassion. By the late 1980s, she notes, “a critical mass of clinicians and researchers had aligned their professional interests with the commercial interests of the pharmaceutical industry.” Speakers at the 2008 meeting of the American Psychiatric Association disclosed more than 1,300 consulting or speaking contracts with drug firms.

Companies viewed psychiatrists as “salespeople,” who were compensated based on their ability to boost prescriptions.

Psychiatrists did their job well. Sales of medications for mental illness increased by a factor of six between 1987 and 2001.

Psychiatrists and drug companies aggressively promoted drugs for shyness and other traits that had not previously been considered illnesses. Manufacturers of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) promoted the “chemical imbalance” theory of

depression in advertising, even as research was discrediting the theory.

Meanwhile, Harrington notes, many pharmaceutical companies, frustrated by the slow pace of research on the biology of mental illness, have “abandoned the field of psychiatry altogether.” Thomas Insel, who directed the National Institute of Mental Health from 2002-2015, said after stepping down, “I don’t think we moved the needle in reducing suicide, reducing hospitalizations, improving recovery for the tens of millions of people who have mental illness.”

Harrington believes that psychiatry’s current “crisis” is also an opportunity for reform.

Psychiatry should admit its mistakes and ethical lapses, especially “the willingness of so many of its practitioners in recent decades to follow the money instead of the suffering.” It should focus on severe mental illness, as it did in the past, and allow psychologists, social workers, and other non-physicians to treat the “worried well.” The mind-fixers, in other words, must fix themselves.

John Horgan directs the Center for Science Writings, which is hosting a talk by Harrington on Wednesday, September 25, 4 p.m., in Babbio Auditorium. This column is adapted from one originally published in Scientific American.

Photo courtesy of Melissa Kosar

Campus Liberal

Climate Change, Our Common Catastrophe

Peter White Freshman Mechanical Engineering

Climate change is the great equalizer; it is the one issue that will truly impact every human on earth in the coming decades. The textile workers in Indonesia are already living an oppressed existence — what happens when their home sinks into the ocean? What about when the wealthy Wall Street investor is unable to have their weekly lobster dinner? How about the billions of humans living near the equator who will have to move toward the poles just to be able to live?

The scary thing about climate change is that all of these problems are much closer than we think. You may be tired of hearing about it, but it is an existential crisis. This year the Indonesian government announced that they will be moving their capitol, Jakarta, inland because it is sinking away into the Pacific. This is happening now and, if you care for animal rights, you should know that the forest this new city will be replacing is one of the final habitats for the already endangered orangutan.

The Wall Street investor may not be losing their lavish lobster dish yet, but they will be soon. Ocean acidification is a direct consequence of higher CO2 levels in the atmosphere, a change that is causing crus-

tacean populations to fall due to weaker shells and a poor living environment.

The equator may be habitable well beyond our own lifetimes, but the chance to save it will be gone before we see our forties. House Democrats, led by freshman Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, have proposed a comprehensive plan to solve this, the worst existential threat faced by modern humans. Many conservatives claim the Green New Deal, as it is called, will be too radical or expensive to be realistic, but that is a naïve assertion. Others claim that the left wants to force vegetarianism on all Americans — again, totally false.

Although it would cause an incredible decrease in carbon emissions to switch to a vegetarian diet, that is not what the Green New Deal is about. The environmental remake of President Roosevelt’s New Deal, designed to lift America out of the Great Depression, calls for systemic change in the nation’s energy infrastructure, while creating a culture based around a net zero existence, in order to lift the globe out of potential ruin.

The right will argue that government should stay out of the private sector, but the only way to stop these polluting corporations is to prosecute them legally and make sustainability profitable.

Regulations will create a private sector that wants to save the planet, if not for human decency, then for money. The plan also includes guaranteed green jobs, adding money to our economy and boosting employment, while paying for itself. The Green New Deal is realistic, affordable, and most importantly, necessary for the future of our planet.

September 13, 2019

11

Opinion The Friday Observer

I proclaim that claims are left unstated

Eric S. Londres Junior Computer Science

2019 shall surely go on to be recorded as one of the worst years in the history of Stevens Institute of Technology. That is, unless 2020 manages to be worse — an occurrence that would not shock me as much as I would like it to.

Life at Stevens for students has deteriorated dramatically year after year. Arduous and unfinished construction projects have led to widespread disruptions of students’ daily routines, including requiring almost Sisyphean efforts to reach classes on time due to the difficult-to-traverse campus, exasperated by the relatively recent locking of the outer doors of the Edwin A. Stevens building,

which has made it remarkably difficult to reach class buildings for students who live off-campus — that is, most students — in a reasonable time-frame. Not to mention that it has become an extreme hardship for students with certain types of disabilities to travel between some buildings. To make matters even worse, as of this week the most direct route from lower campus to the Wesley J. Howe Center now has sprinklers installed directly on the most commonly used walking path!

I even had the first week’s lectures of a course cancelled because of delays in the construction of the Gateway building; these delays were not even publicly announced until well after the semester had started, leading to large amounts of confusion for both students and professors. Any student who has skipped a week’s worth of classes before can say just how catastrophic that can be in terms of total understanding of course content. There just isn’t enough time in the semester for redundant lectures, so missing a full week puts a significant

amount of strain on both the professor to cover the full material of the course in the allotted time and on students who now have less time to explore the full depth of the course content and, thus, are at a notable disadvantage academically compared to students who took the course in previous semesters.

If all that wasn’t enough, the renovation of Alexander House is now eight months behind schedule — a completely absurd truth when you realize that the original project was only supposed to take around that long.

The physical destruction of the only building on campus that primarily existed to serve the needs of on-campus life for students and the complete failure to provide permanent replacement spaces for displaced organizations and activities in a timely matter is nothing short of appalling. To this day, many student organizations are told that they can only access their belongings during Stevens’ business hours, when the vast majority of clubs on campus meet later at night to avoid conflicting

with their members’ class schedules.

Somewhere in the excavation site beneath the ghost of what used to be some of the most–utilized student recreation spaces on campus lies the grave of “student-centricity,” a concept that the Stevens website still states is the “highest priority” of the Institution.

Based on my experiences in the last year or so of my life at Stevens, I can no longer in any way believe that I am attending an institution that values students like me as its highest priority. My money, perhaps. But not me. Ask yourself: would a university whose students are its highest priority destroy valuable on-campus meeting spaces, and then keep their own meeting spaces locked away from student use even while they remain empty for days? Would a university whose students are its highest priority shut out and ignore students when they ask basic questions about the ongoing status of the school we pay for?

Would a university whose students are its highest priority leave extremely dangerous security vul-

nerabilities unaddressed until threatened with potential lawsuits?

The answer, quite simply, is no. A university that values its students higher than other priorities would not do any of these things.

A university that truly values its students would not hold a drive to get undergraduate students to donate when they are already paying exorbitant rates and paying high-level administrators almost unfathomable sums of money, all the while damaging the student experience seemingly at almost every opportunity.

The new sidewalk alongside the street leading from Howe to Castle Point Hall is very useful, looks nice, and was assembled in a reasonable time. Beyond that, I cannot think of a single way in which my life as a student has moved in a positive direction in the last year, other than the base fact that my life is now a year closer to graduation and getting out of here. Yet, while I was writing this very column, I received an email from President Farvardin that claimed the work of the Institute was in some way “awe-inspir-

ing.” I actually laughed when I read that, because it’s simply so absurd. The fact that basically every communication Stevens has sent out in the last six months is positive and optimistic while life for students deteriorates more and more every month is sickening. I proclaim that claims are left unstated.

I demand a rematch.

But I know that that’s impossible. Instead, I will continue to request swipe access to my booked meeting spaces and not receive it. I will continue to be late for classes because there is no reasonable way to traverse the campus quickly.

I will continue to tally the number of lies I was told on my first tour here — for reference, the current count is six. I will continue to tell my younger family members and their friends to please, please go to another school, because maybe you’ll have a good experience there, but you sure as hell will not have a good life here. And, above all else, I will continue to try to do the best I can academically and hope I can afford my final year here while Stevens seems like it wants do to everything but help me on both fronts.

Off The Press

Outside and Around The World

Pornographic 100 Gecs and Bubblegum Bass in Materials Banned the on Campus American Conscience Internet

Jack Kostelnik Junior Music and Technology

100 Gecs is an emorap/bubblegum bass duo formed by Laura Les and Dylan Brady, and although they are branded as “experimental pop,” they draw from an endless supply of genres to create a very cohesive sound.

Although they met in St. Louis, they are based in different cities and now collaborate exclusively by sending Logic Pro files back and forth. This type of collaborative style gives their music an intentionally abrasive flare that is definitely apparent.

I should preface this by saying that 1000 Gecs, 100 Gecs’ debut album which was released in May, is my current album of the year, so my opinion is definitely driven by bias. However, it is worth mentioning that 100 Gecs’ newest album is possibly one of the most notable bubblegum bass releases in America other than Sophie’s Oil of Every Pearl’s Un-Insides. Bubblegum bass is a genre of music which originated in the 2010s and is characterized by a “post-internet

aesthetic” with upwards pitched vocals and a frenzied, warped rhythm. Ever since its dawn, bubblegum bass has been a heavily British genre, drawing heavily from bubblegum dance and U.K. bass music, both very European genres. 100 Gecs’ foray into bubblegum bass is done by combining two very American musical stylings: scene music and emo-rap.

Les, who always produces under the moniker “Osno1,” has a discography dating back to 2016 full of emo-pop, emo-rap, and, yes, bubblegum bass.

Her first bubblegum bass project, I Just Don’t Wanna Name It Anything With “Beach” in the Title, is a short EP where many proto-Gecs characteristics can be found in their first iterations. Bubblegum bass and noise breakdowns are prominent in this EP and are some of the key components of 1000 Gecs. Brady, the other half of 100 Gecs, contributes a good deal of production to the album and delivers more reformed emo-rap than he does on their debut self-titled EP from 2016.

Brady’s personal catalog is mostly emo-rap and alternative R&B, his most famous solo work being the emo-rap/alternative R&B album Choker from 2016.

With all of this being said, 1000 Gecs is an unbelievably fun album.

It radiates pure chaotic, joyful, infectious energy.

Breakdowns like the ones on “money machine” and “745 sticky” have a very Sophie-esc flare to them,

immediately followed by a hardcore breakdown on “800db cloud” which is followed by the most chaotic track on the album I Need Help Immediately, which is a collection of edited samples and synth patches that have no real meter. This was one of the only albums I’ve listened to in a while where I genuinely enjoyed the process of the album in addition to the content.

“Stupid Horse,” track five, was one of my favorites on the album with fullon scene vocals and some inspiration from happy hardcore as well. “xXXi_ wud_nvrstøp_ÜXXx” is an atmospheric emo-trap song that does the best job out of all the songs of flawlessly combining emo-rap and bubblegum bass. The last four songs are the real reason why I love the album so much. The fourthto-last, “ringtone,” is such a carefree song, but each song after that gradually increases in intensity until the final breakdown on “gec 2 Ü.”

On September 10, it was announced that 100 Gecs would be joining Brockhampton on their release tour for Ginger, and I personally feel like the energy that 100 Gecs brings to the table is perfect for a Brockhampton opener. I also feel like this kind of exposure for 100 Gecs could finally help bring bubblegum bass to a more prominent position in the “American Pop-Music” psyche. Brockhampton has a young crowd, so implanting 100 Gecs when they’re still relatively fresh is the perfect time to do so.

OFF THE PRESS Off Center

Riots have broken out after students realized that pornographic websites, the cornerstone of our democracy — indeed, any democracy — have been banned on Stevens WiFi. The change was discovered 20 minutes after students moved into campus housing, and boy are they mad about it. Petitions, protests, and ceremonial burnings of effigies representing a generic Stevens official have occurred all over campus, with sexually-frustrated students practically storming Howe to demand what they so rightfully deserve.

The change came as a surprise to many students, who did not feel like this was an issue that warranted such drastic action. “I don’t know what they were trying to do,” mused one student. “It’s not like people are watching this stuff in the middle of class or anything. Well, there was that one guy, but he’s always been kind of weird.

And he usually stays in the back of the class anyway, which I guess is cool of him.” The change most affects students living on campus, who have to use the school’s WiFi to access the internet. “This is madness!” said one particularly outspoken freshman making wild hand motions. “This is supposed to be an institution of learning! How can they foist their Puritanical notions onto us without our consent? What’s next, banning work on Sundays? Burning witches?” The student

continued to rant long after our reporter awkwardly mumbled about needing to check on his cooking and slowly backed out of the room.

The change is not without its benefits, however.

Productivity on campus has risen by as much as 50%, proving the old adage, “Idle hands may be the devil’s workshop, but hands without access to porn pretty much just get on with their day.” Surely, truer words have never been spoken and then repeated endlessly throughout the ages. Some avid adult-film consumers have reported a noticeable opening of their schedules ever since they no longer had access to porn. “It feels weird having all this time to myself,” one anxious student confessed.

“What am I supposed to do with myself all day? Read books?”

An illegal ring of smugglers has cropped up in response to the untapped market that has appeared as a result of the ban. Opportunist criminals with access to pornographic videos are allegedly printing every individual frame of the video and binding them together with artsand-crafts materials to create crude flipbooks, which are then sold on the school’s black market for inordinate amounts of DuckBills. “It’s not really the same,” one customer commented on the black market’s Facebook Marketplace. “But I guess it’s the best we have. Keep up the good work!” Rumors have circulated that Attila the Duck, the school’s lov-

able yet substance-abusing mascot, is the functioning ringleader for these smugglers. Unconfirmed reports of maniacal quacking from deep below the bowels of Howe only add credence to these rumors.

When asked about the reason for this change, a Stevens official said, “What? No, they’re not,” looked something up on their phone, and then dashed worriedly out of the room. A muffled argument could be heard from the other side of the door that they had exited from, including several angry insults about the other person’s mother. After a few minutes, the official returned, breathing heavily.

“As of now, the administration is not releasing the purpose for the porn ban,” the official said. “Believe us, this change was entirely necessary and please stop asking us about it.

Please.”

Well, I don’t know about you readers, but we at Off the Press will not, can not, stand idly by while our rights are being so flagrantly stripped away from us, like that time I wasn’t allowed to take a lollipop from the bank even though I was making a transaction. A tech school being hacked and losing access to its digital services is one thing, but that same school turning around and tearing away our most valued possession from our grasps? Off the Press has some choice words for whomever came up with this change, and we can tell you right now that one of those words is going to be “The.”