The Strand Issue 13

INSIDE:

TRANSITIONAL YEAR PROGRAM • 2 // SWEPT MEDIA • 4 • 6-7 // DANCING IN MY DICK • 9

the STRAND VICTORIA UNIVERSITY’S STUDENT NEWSPAPER vOL. 55 iSSUE 13 • Apr 9 2013 • WWW.THESTRAND.CA

EMILY POLLOCK EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Traditionally, March is an important month in UofT’s political calendar, and this year has added several other events to the normal election season. Now that the dust has settled on a month of elections, what do the results of these elections and referenda mean for Victoria College students?

The University of Toronto Student Union (UTSU) held elections between March 12th and March 14th.

The student body elected Munib Sajjad as the new President of the UTSU. Sajjad is a member of the Team RENEW slate, the only slate that ran this year. Traditionally, several different slates (organizations like political parties) have run against each other for positions on UTSU. This year, there was only one slate—Team Renew—along with several independents who contested them.

The lack of opposition was frustrating for those who distrust the UTSU, and this frustration only increased with the resignation of RENEW’s candidate for Vic President External, Sana Ali. When Ali resigned, she posted an open letter on Facebook explaining that her resignation was a response to Team RENEW’s hostility towards dissent. In her words, she felt as though she “was pulled on board this team to fill a space and fulfill a pre-set mandate, not to bring my brain”. Other mem-

bers of Team Renew posted a two-part video countering her claims. When asked about how the UTSU would deal with the various controversies that have been plaguing them, Sajjad declined to comment.

The biggest event for Victoria College students was the election of next year’s VUSAC council members in the Spring Elections. After a hotly contested battle where two of the candidates were temporarily suspended from campaigning, next year’s VUSAC council members have been revealed. Jelena Savic, the former Finance Chair, has been voted in as VUSAC’s new President.

In addition to voting in the new VUSAC members, Victorians also voted on whether to approve three new levy increases. The Victoria College Drama Society (VCDS) was granted a levy increase by 54% of the voting population, raising their annual budget to $20,000.

Victoria’s chapter of the World University Service of Canada (WUSC) obtained a levy increase for full-time students, allowing them to send another refugee student to Uof T next year. Humanitas, Victoria’s biannual undergraduate journal, also asked to increase their levy to 95 cents per student in order to broaden their distribution and produce with a reliable printer. Although most of the students who voted were in favour of these increases, the lacklustre turnout meant that these increases could not be officially ratified until last Friday’s VUSAC meeting. VCDS and WUSC got their levy in-

creases ratified, while Humanitas did not, because they only got a plurality of the votes rather than a majority.

The most contentious referendum at Victoria was the question of the proposed fee diversion, VUSAC’s push to move Victoria College outside of the UTSU. This move would divert certain student fees to VUSAC, along with the responsibility for student health insurance and lobbying for student interests.

Shoaib Alli, the 2012-2013 President of VUSAC, said that VUSAC was interested in defederating because “At the end of the day, VUSAC has lost faith in the UTSU’s ability to represent Vic students as best they can.” He went on to say that, although he respects what the UTSU is are able to achieve, “Over my four years on VUSAC, various members, including myself, have been engaged in various dialogues with them, and no action is ever taken. It seems that they go out of their way to disenfranchise students.”

However, defederation doesn’t necessarily have to mean cutting all ties with the UTSU. Zach Medow, the Vice President External for the 2013-2014 year, said, “One of the important things to remember about fee diversion is that we’re not saying that we don’t want to work with the UTSU at all. All we’re saying is that it puts up another check between Vic students and them, so we can decide what we want to be a part of.”

Although 61 percent of those who voted cast their ballot in favour of fee diversion, voter turnout was

SEE ‘VUSAC’ ON PAGE 2

Election Results

board of regents Lauren Dineley David Kitai Sam Levy Tegan Hansen-Hoedeman victoria senate Angela Sun Sohaib Ahmed victoria college council Angela Sun

VUSAC 2013 - 2014

President Jelena Savic Vice-president External Zack Medow Vice-president internal Kathleen Walsh clubs Vacant communications Jade Huguenin commuter Christine de la Cruz education and equity Siena Diguiseppe arts and culture Leah Monchada scarlet and gold Vacant sustainability Kristina Dokoska

For Defederation from UTSU: 61% 11.8% of VCU voted

For Levy Status - HUMANITAS: 47% (not ratified by VUSAC) For Increased Levy Fees to VCDS: 54% For Increased Levy Fees to WUSC: 63%

Winter 2013 - Spring 2014 Spring 2013 VUSAC voted 15-8 to ratify the Vic students’ vote to divert fees from the UTSU

VUSAC creates Fee Diversion Working Group to create a defederation plan

Fall 2013

The FDWG publishes its recommended action plan

VUSAC can vote to amend, accept, or reject the proposed plan

VUSAC-endorsed action plan is implemented

During this period, students may opt out of the new plan

Final phase of implementation

FEE DIVERSION TIMETABLE

NEWS

I ING L WENT

Transitional Year Program: What’s the future of equitable education at UofT? LISA SMART For years the University of Toronto has masterfully marketed itself as not only the center of Canadian academia but also as a leader in equitable education.

The university’s website is an extension of that campaign, promoting a commitment to equity and diversity amongst its programs, student population, and faculty. UofT’s statement on Equity, Diversity, and Excellence, an easily—accessible document, attempts to reassure Canadian and international applicants that both equal access to education and anti-discrimination remain core values. However, on Thursday, Mar 28, the Transitional Year Program Preservation Alliance (TYPPA) in collaboration with the Equity Studies Student Union (ESSU) organized and hosted a forum at OISE that questioned the university’s actual level of commitment to these principles. Entitled “Education, Liberation, Action”, the event presented another reality; one that differs from the words used to advertise UofT’s harmonious and diverse community.

While tackling larger issues of neoliberal and Eurocentric practices embedded in the education system, the

event also focused on the troubling state of the acclaimed Transitional Year Program (TYP). For those who might be unaware, TYP is one of UofT’s few avenues for underprivileged individuals to gain admission to the university, by reforming the formal qualifications which often create oppressive barricades for certain communities. Speakers from the TYP faculty, student body, and other allies speak about the recent attack on TYP by the administration and on its uncertain fate. The audience was composed of enthusiastic TYP students, staff and other supporters. But noticeably absent from the event were members of the UofT administration, leading the organizers and attendees to question the university’s level of commitment to the matter.

Situated along the campus’ central thoroughfare at 49 St. George Street, TYP’s unassuming building can easily be mistaken for an inactive fraternity or sorority house when compared to other, more upscale buildings on the strip. On the contrary, TYP is one of the best examples of the fundamentals of equitable education. Hartford Charles, a composition professor at TYP, talks about the space as a lively, supportive

network shared between faculty and students. But TYP risks losing autonomy as a separate faculty if it is merged with the Academic Bridging program at Woodsworth College, and that vital relationship would suffer. This is more than an innocent change of location for TYP—it’s the administration’s attempt to gain full control of the program, which will result in further cutbacks to TYP’s already low budget, fewer spaces for applicants, and the hindering of their unique educational and social services.

Many of the testimonials at the forum alluded to the fact that TYP is more than just a program reflecting UofT’s fixed operational policies. Instead, it is a community that’s open to change and employs anti-oppressive and proequitable practices. Delivering a powerful opening statement at the forum, current VP of Finance for ESSU and TYP alumna Enas Abdalla reflected on her positive experience within the program and credited the “unbelievable dedication of the staff and faculty and their implementation of equitybased pedagogies being critical to our success”. This sentiment was echoed by current TYP student and panelist, Leah

Woldegeorgis, who described TYP as the family she never had, certain that if the program incorporated UofT’s standard policies it would be less effective for marginal communities.

Despite the vital mission of TYP, it struggles to remain visible on the St. George campus. Conscious that their peripheral position makes them a target, TYP has been working overtime throughout the year to rally support from the UofT community. Recently a protest was held outside of TYP’s headquarters and Simcoe Hall, a petition has been circulated and now a series of public forums are being held.

Still, taking the appropriate steps to save TYP involves constant discussion amongst organizers, and many left last Thursday’s event desperate for a solution. With another meeting scheduled in April, it’s unlikely that TYPPA and ESSU will come up with an answer to their problems at all—but it’s safe to say they’re making the right moves.

For those interested in helping the cause of TYP, email accesseducationnow@gmail.com.

VUSAC: moving forward an underwhelming 11.6 percent, falling short of the 15 percent needed to make the resolution binding. VUSAC met on April 5th to decide whether to divert fees. After a long meeting, the council decided, 15-8 that they would go ahead with the fee-diversion in an exploratory, non-binding way. According to VUSAC’s timeline, Vic will still be a fully-paying member of the UTSU as of 2013, and can still decide not to divert fees.

Victoria wasn’t the only college interested in defederating, but the other colleges were far more clear in their views.

At Trinity College, 76 percent of those who voted were in favour of fee diversion, and since 33 percent of the population voted, this referendum is binding.

The Engineering Society held a referendum last Wednesday on whether they would defederate, with 29 percent of the students voting and 95 percent of those who voted in favour. Because of their greater turnout, the resolutions at these colleges were binding.

The 2013-2014 VUSAC executive Amidst all the talk of fee-diversion and defederation, the UTSU was clear vidual University of Toronto students to about their views on the referendums. secede or opt out of the Union,” and that, Their official statement says that, “the unless they abide by the rules the Union Union’s by-laws do not provide for indi- has set out, “such referendums will be of

VICTORIA CHUEN

‘VUSAC’ FROM PAGE 1

no force and no effect”. However, Zach Medow doesn’t believe that the UTSU has the final say. “It’s ultimately up to the University Affairs Board.”

OPINIONS It’s a hard-knock life for interns The post-graduate world used to be immensely promising, a world of opportunity open to those who had made it through undergrad.

However, now that the sheer number of university students and graduates has risen so high, unpaid internships have become the norm, effectively pigeonholing career-seekers. On top of this, both the Internet and advances in travel technologies are shrinking our world every day. With this in mind, then, why are paid internships becoming more difficult to attain for the majority of Canadian students?

In Europe it’s possible for students with little or no private financial aid to come out of school virtually debtless. Since this is not the case in Canada, perhaps we should start reconsidering where our investments are going. Post-secondary programs are susceptible to

market forces, and require an increased income in order to operate each year.

Subsidies need to account for this rise, along with internship incomes. In order to allow the students of today a fair chance on the far side of their degree, post-grad programs must be factored into the standard expected costs of education.

My point is that student life is becoming more and more expensive, and obtaining a career relevant to what you’ve studied has become increasingly difficult. Obviously, the issue of affordability is not one that afflicts the upper-middle class and the wealthy. The question, therefore, is that with university enrollments growing, and the number of internships rising, why has the institutionalization of unpaid internships not yet been addressed? They are part of the cost of making use of a university degree, and the challenge has been ignored to the

point that said internships are only available to uppermiddle income and wealthy youth.

This exclusion from opportunities artifically alters the Canadian professional makeup, and contributes to one-dimensional knowledge.

Individuals applying for internships post-graduation have already invested thousands upon thousands of dollars into their education, and have either been helped significantly or are now in immense student debt. Even covering living expenses or being paid minimum wage is a dream opportunity for many university students.

Most internship positions are volunteer positions, while others actually cost money to take part in. Paid internships exist internationally, but what graduate would ever consider buying plane tickets to make next to nothing somewhere overseas, while shouldering a massive amount of student

debt? This limits graduates to taking the safest option— staying put in Canada and finding the highest and most immediately-paying job they can at that very moment.

Vast opportunities await young adults, but they are increasingly growing out of reach for people from certain socioeconomic backgrounds—to which race and gender are inevitably tied.

Canada needs to recognize this. Some might argue that increased student scholarships are one way for hardworking students get a break.

However, these scholarships usually require a level of academic committment that often eliminates the possiblity of part-time jobs.

This system has become more than a little slanted.

Lower-income students already spend an arm and a leg just to get through school.

Now society is demanding they climb the financial mountain of unpaid internships—without any limbs.

WENTING LI

DAVID EVANS

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Still lives in Trepca, Kosovo: Andrew Querner’s photo exhibition The Bread With Honey at Pitko Gallery CLAIRE WILKINS COPY STAFF What happens to a place—to its people, to its environment—when opportunity fades away? What happens to a community’s future when its industry and only sustenance is stolen?

British Columbian photographer Andrew Querner has a knack for investigating the dusty corners of the world that are often left unexamined and ignored. He has taken photographs in areas of Kosovo and Northern Alberta, where establishments and people are sparse. In these areas, the quiet environments convey an initial impression of simplicity. However, the regions Querner focuses on are entrenched in heavy underlying social and political complexities.

His latest exhibition, The Bread With Honey, focuses on the town of TrepÇa, Kosovo, and reflects the town’s struggles with ethnic identity, political tension, and economic deterioration. The Stan Terg metal mine, located below the town, was once owned by a prominent Yugoslavian mining company, and was the main source of economic wealth for the town’s residents. Both the dissolution of Yugoslavia and the Kosovo civil war of 1999 alienated the residents of the region from each other. Because of uneasy relationships between Kosovo’s Serbian and Albanian population and general complexities due to Kosovo’s new birth as an independent nation, the Stan Terg mine is gasping for sustenance. With limited regional economic opportunities, the miners in the town who are nearing mandatory retirement express deep concern for the families they must provide for once they are released from their jobs at Stan Terg. The mine has become a central (and even single) factor to determining survival for people in the region, reflecting

the vast array of problems that the recently independent country faces.

Andrew Querner decided to investigate how these problems affect the personal lives of people in TrepÇa, Kosovo. The photos in his exhibition The Bread With Honey show people and things who have been abandoned, or frozen in past era of social history. The small town of TrepÇa is a place where things hardly get polished, and dust settles in for the long haul. It’s a place untouched by the spotlight because it’s not often thought of as attention-grabbing or relevant; because it is empty and bleak. Photos of the residents, the mine, and aged objects are all adjacently presented.

Querner cleverly juxtaposes old objects in darkened lighting against images of living people in bright lighting, giving an eerie reminder of the eventual decay that all things hold. His snapshots of everyday life in TrepÇa show the abandonment and stagnation of the region, communicating the unease felt among its population. It’s a painful depiction of people ripped apart by boundaries, by reformation and also re-identification.

It’s fitting that Querner’s portrait of a region’s diminishing industrial life should be set against the preserved architecture of Toronto’s Distillery District, a previously thriving area of industrial manufacturing in the 19th century. With towering brick buildings built for purposes foreign to our time, the Distillery District is a living example of the old and expired reborn again. The Stan Terg mine of Trepca is at a crossroads, containing the possibility for economic rebirth, but also the possibility of becoming another abandoned and neglected place. Querner’s photos capture a striking perspective of people, places, and things that go on existing even after we’ve forgotten them.

Pikto Gallery is located at 22 Gristmill Lane, just south of Front Street and east of Parliament St. The Bread With Honey runs until Apr. 30.

SWEPT MEDIA

Big things have pixelated beginnings MATTHEW CASACA ASSOCIATE COPY EDITOR

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You don’t need to be a media student to know that the mainstream media is far from perfect. But it may help to be a media student if you want to do something about it.

That is the goal of Nicholas Camilleri and Alexander Lambert, two Humber College students (soon to be alumni) who created Swept Media. Swept Media is an independent and alternative news source that concerns Toronto arts and culture, offering gonzo journalism, video interviews, original photography, poetry, and prose. “The purpose of Swept Media is to provide an alternative source of journalism in the Toronto area,” Camilleri said in an interview with The Strand. “In our case we take creative young people and offer them a way to get their names out there.” This is a particularly exciting opportunity for aspiring writers and poets since Swept Media provides an alternative to print publishing: unsurprisingly, the most recent content on the website are either poems or short stories.

According to its creators, Swept Media’s primary goal is to publish the stories that other more traditional media oulets would often ignore, and include those “gaps in coverage” that other sources tend to reject, overlook, or ignore. “When we were first starting out, we had a slogan: ‘Sweeping up the news from under the rug,’” Lambert said before he added, jokingly, “Yeah, we’re probably not going to use that slogan anymore.” Camilleri and Lambert maintain that they did not set out to change or criticize the media—all they

wanted was to create something new and accept contributors who were willing to publish the untold stories. Swept Media’s very existence, however, assumes that there are gaps in media coverage and that those gaps are worth covering.

According to its creators, Swept Media’s primary goal is to publish the stories that no one else would or could, those “gaps in coverage” that other sources tend to reject, overlook, or ignore. “When we were first starting out, we had a slogan: ‘Sweeping up the news from under the rug,’” Lambert said before he added, jokingly, “Yeah, we’re probably not going to use that slogan anymore.” Camilleri and Lambert maintain that they did not set out to change or criticize the media—all they wanted was to create something new and accept contributors who were willing to publish untold stories. Swept Media’s very existence, however, assumes that there are gaps in media coverage and that those gaps are worth covering Camilleri said that the idea for Swept Media came during his second-year in the Print and Broadcasting stream when he and Lambert shared the same magazine course. “In Humber,” Camilleri said, “they force you to work for the Et Cetera [the student paper] just so you can experience what it’s like. But when we did this magazine course, we kind of felt a little disappointed and that we could do better . . . That’s when I had the idea to create a website. I asked Alex to be my right-hand, and we’ve been working together ever since.”

Posting news on the Internet has benefits. Unlike print sources, submissions to Swept Media are not hindered by word count, format, or circulation.

The transnational nature of the Internet encourages a

transnational audience, and even local sites like Swept Media are affected. “I think one of the things that astounded me was that although we had less content we were seeing hits all over the United States... we were getting about 100 hits per day on average,” Lambert said. With access to an audience like that, Camilleri and Lambert have sought to bolster Swept Media’s presence online with a Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube account.

Swept Media has not been around for long, nor has running the site been easy. “Our biggest challenge has been getting contributors. We can’t pay them unless they get more hits, and the amount of hits they get depends on their content,” Camilleri said. “We usually had a lot of hop-on, hop-off contributors—people that were interested in submitting but not necessarily submitting consistently.” Camilleri also maintains that although Swept Media was established as a website in April 2012, actual content did not start appearing until months later—which might be a tad ironic considering the ease of submitting submissions, which are done by e-mail. Fortunately, Camilleri and Lambert seem to be addressing this problem. “Now that I’m graduating this year,” Camilleri said, “I know some second-year students who want to write for the website.”

Despite the challenges, the future looks bright for Swept Media. Over the next three months, Swept Media will release three mini-issues—online magazines of 12 to 15 pages featuring all-new content—for free.

The debut issue will be released on Apr. 14 and can be downloaded on the website or from its iTunes app. But Camilleri and Lambert’s plans don’t stop there: in July, a much larger electronic magazine will be released.

A break from Hollywood: James Cromwell on working in Canada An interview with actor James Cromwell about his Canadian experience in Still Mine DAVIN LEIVONEN-FOK STAFF WRITER When asked whether the legal battle in Still Mine affected his decision to play, or shaped his role in the film, James Cromwell, an actor of considerable tenure, responded: “I haven’t come to the realization of the politics until now. Having seen it three times, as an audience, and seeing what [my character] Craig was up against, it mirrors what I’ve done in my way, ever since becoming political in the 1960s. It didn’t play in my choosing of the film, but I’m glad it’s in there.”

Still Mine, directed by Michael McGowan, recounts the true story of Craig Morrison, a farmer in St. Martins, New Brunswick, in a legal battle with a government bureaucrat. The film, shot on the Bay of Fundy, is the tale of a man who has lived on the rural periphery for so long that when he decides to independently build a house for his Alzheimerridden wife, the government bureaucracy quickly alienates him.

James Cromwell, an actor who most recently had recurring roles in American television programs such as Boardwalk Empire and American Horror Story, says, “It’s nice to have a break from Hollywood. I love working in Canada: it’s a great place, has wonderful people, and good crews. They’re not asking for me in Hollywood. After The Artist, and after all of its awards, I thought somebody would have been interested, but they’re making kids films.

They’re not making the pictures in which I could play any part. I think Canada is sick to death with what Hollywood is putting out.”

In Still Mine, Cromwell is often seen in the wil-

SARAH CRAWLEY

derness of New Brunswick, seemingly at peace with the world he once knew. Although occasionally aggravated by his wife’s ailing memory, he does not let the government or his living condition get the better of him. As each step of the house progresses, the government bureaucrat constantly reminds him to stop production. Playing an average Joe, Cromwell mentioned that it’s a nice break to get to play this role: “It’s not about the controversy. It’s when you get pigeonholed as playing the bad guy, an industrialist [former United States Secretary of the Treasury Andrew W. Mellon in Boardwalk Empire]… If you can commit to a verisimilitude for the audience, it works. I’m not a carpenter, but ‘Oh, he looks like one.’”

The film is Cromwell’s first leading role, as he is used to playing supporting characters in the aforementioned television shows. His character is your average rural senior, who is independent, incorrigible from all of his family’s suggestions, and unapologetic when it comes to defending his stance on his land. “Still Mine is my first leading role. It came at a good time, when my career was doing a downward arc: I got a leading role, and a character with whom I resonate. I got to express myself naturally, rather than a narrow George H.W. Bush, who you hardly saw.”

Still Mine garnered seven nominations at the 2013 Canadian Screen Awards, including Best Picture, Best Actor (which Cromwell won), Best Actress (Genevieve Bujold), Best Original Screenplay (McGowan), Best Cinematography (Brendan Steacy), Best Editing (Roderick Deogrades), and Best Original Score (Hugh Marsh, Don Rooke, and Michael Willis).

FLICKR/SHANNOW

“Some other kind of madness”

Peter Murphy’s tribute tour to 35 years of Bauhaus DOMINIQUE BECHARD ASSOCIATE ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR Peter Murphy, lead singer of Bauhaus, can be credited for the introduction of gothic rock: a sound that combines punk, glam rock, Krautrock, funk, dub, and introspective gloom. Since 1978, their music has stood as a monument for bats, bloody corpses, insanity, and death by crucifixion.

This tour will mark a celebration of over three decades of madness projected by Murphy’s buried-alive sound.

Performing “only Bauhaus material,” Peter Murphy, also known as “The Godfather of Goth”, will be commencing his Mr. Moonlight North American tour on Apr. 22, with a stop at Lee’s Palace in Toronto on May 10. This show should not be missed as apparently Murphy is impressively absurd on stage. Past performances have included re-enactments of biblical crucifixion scenes, as well as audience participation for such fun games as “Escape from the Coffin” and “Eat Your Neighbour Alive.” This tour will be a great nostalgic return to the days of the 80s British goth movement, when the fear of the terrible “New Wave” turn was still threatening the music scene. However, it seems wrong to simply categorize Bauhaus as goth, for they have often described their own music as a sort of dark approach to rock ’n’ roll and pop, greatly influenced by Elvis Presley and David Bowie. In my opinion, their cover of Bowie’s “Ziggy Stardust” is probably the greatest cover

ever made of the song, perhaps even surpassing the original. Other well-known Bauhaus songs include “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”, “The Sanity Assassin”, and “She’s In Parties”.

This tour will mark a celebration of over three decades of madness projected by Murphy’s buriedalive sound. His voice is distant and hollow, and creates the illusion that he is singing from the bottom of his own grave.

Bauhaus’s original songs are anthems, uniting a sense of emotional disorder among the crowds of their avid listeners. In their 1981 song “Mask”, Murphy sings: “Transformation is invested / With the mysterious and the shameful / While the thing I am becomes something else / Part character, part sensation.” Their raw style has launched a cult following still very much present today, 35 years after their debut.

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Straaaand breaaak...Straaaand breaaak...

Strand break forever.

Twelve little Strandies wanna have fun, twelve little Strandies gonna get kicked outta Stephenson.

It’s the end of the school year, and it’s time for Strand Break. Just when them Strandies were getting ready to bust out the blow and beer bongs, Prez “Paul” Goochie Mane and V-SACK rolled up to kick them out to Goldring (NO GOLDRING) and separate the clan, ‘cause the office has been condemned for too long. But, in the words of straight hustler Pitt Patt, these Strandies “keep it gangsta! GANGSTA!”, so they’re going to give no fucks and stay in Stephenson.

Survival of the fucking craziest y’all.

FARTS AND CULTURE

WWW.GOODREADS.COM

WENTING LI

The infinite nerd glaze: Sweet Valley Twins: Being Sansa Stark Parties. Makeup.

Fashion.

LAUREN VAN KLAVEREN

T

he first time I went to the Game of Thrones exhibition in Toronto, I went with my Dad and 14-year-old sister. Due to the totality of their emotional investment in the The Walking Dead, they failed to match my level of intense enthusiasm over our adventure. When I returned from the exhibit, I received a message from my friend Brian that said, “Tell me you got a picture on the throne.”

My friend Julia was also a huge fan of the series, and conveniently was planning to attend the exhibition with some friends.

I eagerly joined her crew. I was met with the “nerd glaze” (a term Peter Dinklage recently coined on The Daily Show to describe the facial expressions of excited Game of Thrones fans) of Julia and her friend Jonty when they picked me up on the afternoon of March 12. I was dressed in a medieval gown fit for a Stark lady; brown floral-patterned fabric right to the ground, golden belt to cinch at the waist. My friend Amy custom-made it for me—I’ve always gone all out with my costumes. One Halloween, I dressed as Johnny Depp’s character, Agent Sands, from Once Upon a Time In Mexico and pretended to be blind as I staggered down the hallway, blood running down my cheeks from my supposedly empty eye sockets concealed by dark sunglasses. One student couldn’t process my commendable devotion to method acting, so he called me a “fucking freak.” But haters don’t stop me from embodying any character I please, and on this day, I was the wonderfully sassy Sansa Stark—excuse you.

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The Design Exchange building was surrounded by bleak, dark financial towers that loomed over the banal business folk passing us with their briefcases. The architecture was prosaic, but the interior was surprisingly elegant. We ascended a spiral marble staircase with black stencil ravens along the walls.

The exhibit itself was rather small, but there were still a fair amount of props and costumes from the show present to bedazzle us. Shortly after we arrived, an excited stranger asked for a picture with me. Naturally, I agreed.

Julia grinned. “Wow, I can’t believe she asked you for a picture!”

Oh, but I can. Being Sansa Stark gives you a certain fabulousness and poise that you just don’t possess on most days.

Later we were standing in line to take a picture on the Iron Throne, and a slightly creepy guy asked for a picture with me. He sat down and asked me to stand next to him and to place my hand on his shoulder.

Needless to say, I felt like an overdressed Play Bunny companion. As soon as he left, I took my rightful place on the throne and posed for the peasants.

While I received my photo, I’m still not totally fulfilled. Fortunately, Game of Thrones has returned, and I no longer have to bide my time watching School of Thrones on YouTube (though I still look out for new episodes). The nature of being a fan is in the waiting, this breathless anticipation and unquenchable thirst. And Game of Thrones fans understand this feeling very well.

BRANDON CELI

T

he latest canonical brainchild from J.K Rowling-wannabe Francine Pascal is titled Sweet Valley Twins: Jessica Takes Charge.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Degrassi: The Next Generation, the Sweet Valley series is a coming of age tale that chronicles the growth (and most likely sexual development) of twin sisters Jessica and Elizabeth, who are in the sixth grade. This demented installment focuses on Jessica, the edgier of the two, whom, according to Pascal, “lived for friends, parties, makeup, and fashion.”

Nice.

Thanks to the image on the cover of the book, I was able to envision Jessica as a vacant, noncommittal 25-year-old middle school fraud overseeing a cultural mosaic of children as they engage each other in a slap fight. Her thirst for friends, parties, makeup, and fashion are not communicated very well to me at this point, but I was assured that some minor intellectual maladies would become apparent with this character in the ensuing pages of the book.

The first plot arc occurs when Jessica becomes visibly perturbed with best friend Lila for purchasing a bracelet at the mall that Jessica had seen first.

Her main point of contention was that Lila seems to think that money will buy her anything and everything that

she wants; an issue that continues to fester between the two as their friendship is pushed to every brink of the celestial orbs that anchor our galaxy.

As the plot thickens through the insufferable lethargies of our main characters, a vision began to develop in my brain of Francine Pascal taking a really large shit in Beverly Cleary’s bathroom. The shit was so large that she had trouble flushing, and after her third try was forced to physically remove it from the toilet with her bare hands as the poop water rose around her. Not knowing what to do, she panicked, and slipped on the poopwater and saliva floor, smacked her head on the ceramic toilet, and fell asleep.

On the last page of the book, a new character Janet is introduced.

She is a terrible horrible no good very bad person to Jessica, which then becomes a shameless segue into the next book that reads “Just how far can Janet go before someone teaches her a lesson? Find out in Sweet Valley Twins: Down with Queen Janet. I will not be buying this book.

PHLEGM AND MUSAK

Walking through fields of dick

On the minorly internet-famous My Dick’s double full-length release PHALLUS RAZURI & WARREN A. GOODWOODY Too rarely is an independently released debut filled with such richness and depth of emotion as My Dick’s album: My Dick’s Double Full-Length Release. More rarely still does such a release find its footing in an intricately-woven tapestry of light radio covers from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. The cutting-edge musical duo behind the inspired re-creations of such songs as “Piano Man,” “Everybody Have Fun Tonight,” and “Dancing in the Dark” is a dynamic double-team made up of Cool Hand and Hand Solo.

But what makes these covers so inspirational? The artistic choice to replace key lyrics with the phrase “my dick.” The beauty of My Dick’s Double Full-Length Release is that it relies on a singular gag and yet retains an incredible ability to surprise.

Take for example My Dick’s cover of the classic smooth-jazz ballad “Baker Street,” famous for its red-hot saxophone riffs.

Now imagine those brassy notes replaced with falsetto repetitions of “my dick.” As the song moves into crooning, the insertion of “my dick” seamlessly works itself into the lyrics as you get caught up in remembering the original and enjoying the inspired lyrical modifications. As seen in My Dick’s cover of Van Halen’s “Dreams,” the very McCartney and Lennon of dickrelated musical comedy use their creative genius to transform beloved (but clearly

banal) lyrics, “run, run, run away like a train runnin’ off the track” to “my dick, my dick way like my dick runnin’ off my dick.”

The unarming aspect of My Dick’s music is rooted in a duality of recognition and memory. It might take a while before the listener remembers the punchy hook of Bill Nye-era “Two Princes” by Spin Doctors, but when the realization hits, and then is immediately undercut by the improved lyricization, something great happens: a transportation of place and time occurs and you are 12 again, in Hand Solo’s basement eating Eggo waffles, laughing at ebaumsworld.com. In truth though, you are still an undergraduate, and have honestly spent the past 45 minutes sniggering at dick jokes.

Musically, My Dick is strong; the covers are at times indiscernible from their non-penile origins to the extent that some may argue they surpass them (not us).

One could easily spend an afternoon listening to dick jokes without knowing it simply because of the musicality and insightful accuracy of the re-creations. In an interview with thefrisky.com, Hand and Solo have described their artistic venture as such: “We wanted to make the finalever album, an album that would make creating new additional albums a useless endeavor for all other artists. We thought we would make, essentially, the last album ever needed by humanity.” Either you decide or wait for the forces of time to decide for you.

Rolling Stone’s Peter Travers “delighted” to pick up Roger Ebert’s mantle DEMANDER GRIFFITH NOT PETER TRAVERS Rolling Stone film critic Peter Travers has announced he is willing to step up and claim Roger Ebert’s mantle as America’s Number One film critic. In a rambling, idiom-laden improvised speech uploaded to the magazine’s website, Travers admitted it will be tough matching Ebert’s nuance, critical distance, and large vocabulary, but added he has “the chops” to get the job done.

Travers began his career as a film critic for the widely respected People magazine, where he undoubtedly fit right in to that thoughtful, scholarly atmosphere. Travers joined Rolling Stone in 1989, a watershed moment for the music magazine’s eventual slide into irrelevance and late period Madonna-esque grasps at hipness. In any given issue, if you flip past the fascinating “100 Best Beatles Songs” lists and bleeding-heart liberal critiques of the GOP (copy and paste, copy and paste), you’ll find Mr. Travers’ highly opinionated and layman-friendly critiques. Near the end of the magazine. At the bottom of a barrel at the bottom of a bigger barrel, if you will.

In his video review of Spring Breakers, he readily admitted: “I don’t know what the hell was happening in this movie.” I’m

Travers’ famous O-face as he ejaculates another poster-ready quote

sure it reassures you, this humble lack of authority or expertise. I certainly feel more “connected” when my dentist tells me his certificate is fake or when a surgeon muses over where exactly one can find the liver.

But at least Travers is honest: it turns out he really doesn’t know what was going on in Spring Breakers.

Though he spends most of his review talking about how unbelievably awesome James Franco’s performance is and how it’s a full-on comeback—because every reader must be thinking “gee, how

could Franco be awesome after the terrible Oscars he hosted two years ago? His performance TWO YEARS AGO is the singular expectation I carried into Spring Breakers”—before saying his performance was “no match” for his stoner character in Pineapple Express. So it seems Travers’ is a first rate intelligence, as defined by F. Scott Fitzgerald. He can hold two opposed ideas in his mind at the same time.

He is large, he contains multitudes.

“Pixar has outdone itself!” he squealed after seeing Brave, which delighted Disney

and made it onto the movie’s poster. The man must change the definition of words like some kind of sawdust Shakespeare, because “outdone” traditionally means “even better than before,” not “not as good as before”, which was the gist of his Brave review.

But despite all of these linguistic pyrotechnics, Travers is a simple man. He shoots from the gut. He’s the George W. Bush of film criticism, right down to the folksy attitude. He likes closing the debate on Django Unchained’s offensiveness with “damn straight” and Fahrenheit 911’s political biases with “nuts to that.” Like any great teacher, he can take irreducibly complex ideas and convey them in simple, middle school language.

With Ebert’s death, film criticism lost its last definitive legend and gatekeeper, the one arbiter of what smart, film-going Americans were thinking when coming out of a movie. One of the many tragedies of his passing is that hacks like Travers have become comparatively more important as a result. Sometimes we need smart elites to tell us what’s good and what’s not, if only to give us something meaningful to disagree with. “Thumbs up to you, my friend,” writes Travers in his Ebert tribute.

And a thumbs up to you, Pete, for taking mediocrity to familiar heights.

9

OF YEAR HAS IT BE D N I K T EN? WHA 2012–2013, in review

JONAH LETOVSKY

ASSOCIATE OPINIONS EDITOR Let’s take a moment to appreciate the year that was.

Allow me to begin by congratulating everyone—students, professors, and administrators—on their behaviour these past eight months. We’ve all done our part.

And what a great year it’s been.

First, and most impressively: student politics. I truly believe that Socrates, had he been able to review 2012–2013 at UofT, would have celebrated us for doing our utmost to uphold his ideals of civil debate and the common good. Professor Orwin, I’m sure you can back me up on this.

UTSU—what a fun, inclusive, and responsive student union! It was inspiring to see this year’s executive setting the bar even higher for really reaching out to individual colleges and attempting to get new students involved, especially when it came to running slates for next year’s union.

Communication skills were, obviously, par excellence.

The quality of listening this year was simply outstanding—and when it came to actively adapting to student concerns and

implementing democratic reform, well, my praise couldn’t be higher. They set out to end divisiveness at UofT, and end it they did! I credit them for the now-weekly sing-along knitting and baking sessions between LGBTOUT and Episkopon.

By the way, the executives themselves?

So accessible! They had lively, interactive, and relevant Twitter profiles, for example, managing such tweets as: “I do work.

You don’t like that? Do your own work. I work with people. You don’t wanna work with me? Work with your own people. #live&letlive” –@shaunshep (Shaun Shepherd, 2012–2013 President of one of the largest student unions in Canada).

Colleges! What model citizens of ivory-tower academia you were. Once again, you set the example for how best to unify (not divide, obviously) UofT students, while encouraging open and extraordinarily democratic political processes.

Twelve percent turnout rates? Wow, you really showed the UTSU! It was also inspiring to see just how much fresh blood was injected into organizations like VUSAC and Trin Heads—incumbents were basically, like, non-existent.

The issue of defederation/fee diversion also contributed to our incredibly high

standard of political debate this year. Trin, Vic, St. Mike’s, and Skule have all voted, or will be voting, on referendums to shift their students’ fees away from UTSU and towards themselves, as a show of protest and to cut out the “undemocratic” UTSU middleman.

I applaud these proposals! It is entirely reasonable, when your student union forces you to vote by paper ballot and kinda-sorta-doesn’t-really listen to you, to attempt to shut it down entirely. I encourage other universities that also have disagreements among students to pursue similar campaigns, including Carleton, McGill, Ryerson, McMaster, UVic, York, Concordia, Queen’s, UBC, Waterloo, Guelph, Dalhousie, and Western.

Likewise, it’s noble that no opposition slate ran against the Renew team—the only way to fix our democracy is by not participating in it at all, amiright? And speaking of Renew—their civil and intelligent response to Sana Ali’s criticisms raised the bar for all politicians. Those two YouTube videos included plenty of facts and events, accepted responsibility for past mistakes, and made specific proposals for addressing Ali’s concerns—all the while managing to avoid turning into an

emotional, teary, and completely subjective appeal for sympathy! Harper Conservatives and Official Opposition, take note.

And how could I forget: UofT administration. Despite continued budget restraints from reduced government funding and tuition increase caps, the university made smart investments for the benefit of all students. In particular, the soon-to-be completed Goldring Sport Centre and the proposal to pave over Back Campus field will provide a plethora of new resources for high-performance athletes and Varsity Field Hockey players.

I’m sure that both will be advantageous for everyone else, too—we just haven’t been told how (yet). What is for certain is that $11 million in donor money and $25 million in government and university money would have gone to complete waste had it been spent on, say, more residence spaces, expanded clubs funding, more on-campus study space, or—god forbid—increased TA hours. No, for that we can all be thankful.

We can only hope that next year comes close to reaching the stratospheric glory of 2012–2013. Keep your fingers crossed, frosh!

EMILY POLLOCK

So long and thanks for all the...

It’s a little hard to believe, but I’ve been with The Strand for five years now. When I think about my time as an undergraduate student, I can’t do it without thinking of this newspaper and the community it has provided me. While I’ve been a student at Victoria College, I’ve followed our offices from the Old Wymilwood building, to the commuter lounge in Birge Carnegie to Stephenson House. Each office has been like a second home to me, a space where I would spend hours on end with some of my best friends creating something we put more than a little of ourselves into. With time, I invested more and more of my time and energy in The Strand.

By the end of my fourth year, I knew that I wanted to be Editor-in-Chief. The editorial relationship I’ve enjoyed with Patrick and Pauline this past year has been nothing short of sublime.

Together, we decided to make the paper a critical voice of campus and it has been gratifying as hell watching that vision take shape. In exploring mental health, anti-racist and feminist praxis, we’ve brought student journalism back to its historical legacy of editorial advocacy. It’s been a dream working with two incredibly bright, thoughtful and like-minded individuals. To Patrick and Pauline, thank you for West Wing marathons and pho dates, dancing in rainstorms and dutty wine, nerdy jokes about hideous fonts and “$ave Yeezy”—I won’t forget any of it. It’s helped me decide that this is something I want to spend my time doing for the foreseeable future. To our design and production staff, it’s been so lovely working alongside you and I am excited to see where you take The Strand next year and in the years to come.

–Muna Mire

The Strand has been my community since about the third week of my first year. There have been so many weeks when the hours I’ve spent in our run-down office have pretty much blown my hours spent at home or in bed out of the water. The Strand introduced me to coffee and alcohol, to tracking and kerning and bad rap, and it’s also been the place that I’ve felt the most comfortable and most at home at UofT. And while it would have been exciting enough to spend the last four years thinking up new ways to make this paper better and to make it a space for critical perspectives on campus, I’ve also gotten to do it with my best friends—and it doesn’t really get better than that.

We got super lucky in having the world’s most ridiculously talented group of first years this year. In addition to putting in marathon amounts of time and energy, they’ve revitalized our design, pushed us in new directions, and reminded us of why we love this paper. You did amazing work this year and I can’t wait to see what you all do next.

To Muna, thank you so much for the support and long discussions about mental health and magazine writing and the things we love about progressive journalism, for riding buses to the middle of nowhere to do interviews with me, for pho and Buffy and flipping out over Junot Diaz. And to Pat, who’s been my partner-in-crime for the last two years—there’s no one else I’d rather stay up all night drinking bourbon and shitty wine, watching MTV, and complaining about politics with. Thanks for the endless Facebook conversations and for venturing out into the wilds of Victoria, BC to get me Gatorade when we both had norovirus, for the classy tequila and for always having my back. I’m going to miss this paper and this community so much.

–Pauline Holdsworth

Strand Live Tweets What are you doing?

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Last Friday, several members of The Strand were trapped in a 31/2 hourlong VUSAC meeting. We didn’t actually live-tweet it, but if we did, it would have looked something like this. the Strand

theStrand Free beer for whoever counts same argument repeated 10x first! #vusacbingo #thestrandlivetweets

the Strand

theStrand Answers & approval of free beer must be ratified by majority vote #allinfavor #thestrandlivetweets

the Strand

the Strand

the Strand

theStrand Friendly amendment: free beer to 1st person to keep their “20 sec” response under 5 min #thestrandlivetweets theStrand Vague b.s. about the “voice of the students” #thestrandlivetweets #heyvarsitywhereyouat theStrand Why is some kid from Trin here? #hedoesntevenGOhere #ijusthavealotoffeelings #thestrandlivetweets

the Strand

theStrand Change! Change! Change! Soul-searching. #thestrandlivetweets

the Strand

theStrand Can I reply to that? Is that a reply? Wait, no, hold on, I’m just responding #waitwhat #thestrandlivetweets

the Strand

theStrand Recitation of indecipherable by-laws #thestrandlivetweets

the Strand

the Strand

the Strand

the Strand

theStrand Heard you like nitpicking so we said no to motions inside your motions so you can’t debate while you debate #thestrandlivetweets theStrand Auditory hallucinations brought on by constant stream of speech #thestrandlivetweets theStrand Motion to open motion for a binding vote in the referendum motion #perpetualmotions #thestrandlivetweets theStrand #ThatAwkwardMomentWhen the Strand IS live-tweeting meetings but it’s hella annoying #carefulwhatyouwishfor #thestrandlivetweets

11

THE STRAND

WHOLE nEWSPAPER FOR NEWS SECTION, COMRADE

NEWS On Apr 1 2013, Strand news section editor Sabina Freiman posted a daring question in her Facebook group of news writers: “Should the news section separate from the rest of the paper?” Since then, the question has incited much heated debate.

But one thing is for certain—the news section will soon become a news-paper in its own right.

The issue arose after many arguments regarding front-page content with The Strand’s editors-in-chief regarding colours, boxes, and font size. There soon came a time when Freiman realized that, perhaps, the news section could handle this newspaper business all on its own.

The initial referendum was simple: a Facebook post that writers could comment on to support or to oppose the motion. Of 29 members in the group, three members voted: one ‘Like,’ one comment reading, “Sure—are we done writing for the year yet or what,” and another comment reading, “Lol you serious? Is this for April Fool’s?” This was tallyed as a win for the supporting side at 66%.

However, there was a fear of improper political conduct. Some were concerned that there was not enough information available on the matter— how would the section publish? Where would it get the money from? Would The Strand take the referendum seriously at all?

Freiman did some research. Currently, The Strand receives $6 from Vic’s 3,100 full-time students per year. The news

section makes up 3 of the total 16 pages in the paper—that’s roughly 19%. As such, the news section proposes to receive $1.14 from each student, for a total of $3,534. This should be enough to fund a three-page newspaper that is pure news-based.

The new paper would be called “The Strand News,” and would be distributed alongside all of the regular, news-less

of the editors-in-chief. They declined to comment on questions regarding their stance on taking legal action against The Strand News—but tears they wiped away spoke volumes: they would be sad to see the news section go. That, or they had just been laughing too hard.

The editors did, however, confirm two things: one, that they would be willing to set aside one desk chair and an old

Strand copies. The news editor-in-chief would have final say over all editorial and design matters—especially the front page.

The next issue was one of space: with The Strand getting ready to move into their new office in the Goldring Centre, where would The Strand News fit in? This question required a meeting with the editors-in-chief.

The meeting was not productive, consisting mainly of laughter on the part

coffee table within the new Goldring office for The Strand News, and two, that a Facebook post with three answers would not be acknowledged as a referendum.

Freiman took this as encouragement, and decided to make the process more official. The UofT online voting website declined the use of their services for the referendum, adding to the tally of people who asked: “Are you serious?”

This did not deter the frustrated news editor. After sending her writers the in-

SARAH CRAWLEY

SASHA FREIMOVSKAYA NEWS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

tricacies of the movement to separate via Facebook and e-mail, she officially set up shop at The Strand’s office with a stack of papers, a printed copy of the proposal, and a Kleenex box to collect votes. Voting took place on Apr 4 and 5.

The final voter turnout was, once again, three people. One was a friend and news writer who needed Freiman’s notes, and was refused access to them until he voted for the proposal; another was a writer who thought “this is absolutely hilarious” and voted for it, and a third maintained that Freiman was “being irrational” and “couldn’t seriously think this would lead anywhere,” then proceeded to vote against the proposal.

Although a fourth person did vote, their ballot appeared to have gotten lost, and this was not discovered until after the voting period had closed. It may or may not have been a vote against. But probably not.

With a 66% victory, Freiman could finally address her editors-in-chief with a proud, graceful, and polite, “in your face!” They have since declined to comment.

The final uncertainty was that of the final issue: where would the news section be? Since levy fees would not be diverted until September, the last issue would have to remain whole. However, as a final act of protest, the news section was written in a font unique to the section.

Not only would this be symbolic of the soon-to-be separate paper, but it would also “you know, stick it to the man.”