From the moment Sam died, I knew my life would never be the same.
I was already a mother to two little girls, and after a long wait, we decided a third child would complete our family The first scan revealed that we were expecting identical twins, and we were over the moon! During the eight months I spent pregnant with the twins, I excitedly looked forward to my life with four children.
But the chance to mother all four was cruelly and unexpectedly snatched away from me with the unexpected death of Sam, one of my twins I went on to have another baby boy, but the gaping wound of my baby’s death meant I still never felt truly whole.
During this grieving period, I had an overwhelming desire to document Sam’s short life and to make it purposeful. I sat down and penned my first book in an hour! Without realising it, the story of my twins had been swirling around in my head for months, and it literally poured onto the page. Delighted to see his name in print, I set about self-publishing the original book, simply entitled ‘Sam and Finn.’ A lucky encounter with an illustrator saw the book completed in record time and made the perfect surprise Christmas gift for my family.
A few months later, I shared the book on a twin-less twin platform The reaction to the book was overwhelming! Families from all corners of the globe reached out, requesting copies. From there, together with Gail, my publisher, the book series has expanded to a level I would never have imagined possible Through my books, I have found peace, and Sam’s legacy lives on.
I am passionate about making a change to the agonising journey families have to endure after the loss of a baby. A small butterfly can make such a difference.
We started The Skye High Foundation after the loss of our beautiful daughter, Skye We experienced some devastating comments throughout pregnancy, neonatal and even for months after.
@theskyehighfoundation | info@theskyehighfoundation.com
"Having the butterfly on my baby's door and incubator helped eliminate having to repeat our story. We've since embraced the butterfly as a representation of our angel baby."
The Skye High Foundation was set up to help families dealing with the loss of a baby who was part of a multiple birth We created the purple butterfly cot card, which is to be placed in an incubator or cot in memory of their sibling
The cot card is used in conjunction with a poster that is placed around maternity and neonatal units, which explains the meaning of the purple butterfly.
The cot card allows families the opportunity to make others around them aware of the journey they are going through In addition, we have created packs which can be sent to either families or hospitals and now have memorial items available.
We provide family support packs to every neonatal unit within the UK, along with a copy of our posters and staff training resources. These packs are to be given to families that have devastatingly lost a twin, triplet or multiples. The packs contain a butterfly cot card and small memorial items such as a candle, crocheted butterfly, pin badge and a small teddy A small gesture to be kept in a memory box or shelf.
Kate (author) and Millie (the charity founder) met on a podcast over a year ago where they both were discussing their twin loss stories in a hope to help others in a similar situation
It was inevitable perhaps that with so much in common they hatched a plan.
Each hospital that signs up for a Purple Butterfly Hospital & Family Pack from The Skye High Foundation can request a free preview copy of the book (while stocks last) to have in their family area. To apply for your copy, please go to the following link ... https://bit.ly/purplebutterflyreviewcopy
@lossbooks @theskyehighfoundation
by Kate Polley
This October marks both Baby Loss Awareness Month and the 13th anniversary of my twin son, Sam’s birth and death.
His brother, Finn, is turning thirteen – a huge milestone but also a poignant reminder of what I am missing I should have two thirteenyear-old sons growing like weeds and eating me out of house and home! Finn is due to start senior school in a couple of months; I can feel my little boy becoming a young man as he gains independence and his face and body takes on a new mature shape But as Finn enters this exciting new stage of his life, somehow, Sam seems to be slipping further and further away
Like any baby loss parent, I always find these import ble not to allow my mind to delve into the ‘what ifs.’ I find myself, more than usual, picturing them side by side and wondering how their personalities would have differed and, as they were identical twins, if they would have been difficult for people to tell apart As always, after indulging myself in a few moments of fantasy, I squash these feelings down and try and focus on the present. I have a beautiful younger son, Jude, who would never have been born if Sam hadn’t died Life would have been quite different
I saw a wise, very intuitive lady a few months back. I was really struggling to accept Sam’s death, even though it had been twelve years. Despite the years that had passed and the therapy I had received after Sam died, I was still angry and bitter Without me telling her my background story, she told me that Sam never intended a life here on earth. His agreement with Finn was to accompany him into this world and then leave again. He made way for Jude This lady had never read my book about the twins, from which our Loss Book series originates. Her words were uncanny to me as in my original book, which I penned 11 years ago, I wrote: “Finn couldn’t wait to be set free, but Sam had other plans, you see…He was an angel, not meant for earth, but sent to keep Finn safe till birth. And when Finn had grown big and strong, it was time for Sam to move along.”
I realised after meeting with her that all those years ago, I must have known instinctively that this was Sam’s plan. She only helped me to remember this and to stop fighting it. And with this reminder, my heart did feel much lighter. Life does not, indeed, always go according to plan. I, like many of our baby loss community, learnt this lesson the hard way.
Losing a child is the hardest, most incomprehensible pain, but life can still be beautiful and good once you have learned to navigate and accept your new path. That child you lost lives on in your heart, and no one can take that away from you. Paving a way forward with our loss book series has been part of my journey to reinventing a happy life after Sam’s death. Each person whose life is touched by one of our books reaffirms Sam’s existence and purpose for me.
Wishing you a gentle October as we come together to remember and honour our children who left this earth too soon.
After experiencing the loss of one of her twin sons, Kate wrote her first book ‘Sam and Finn’ to share Sam’s story with her surviving twin, Finn, her family and friends Demand for this beautifully illustrated and worded book spread. A meeting via Skype with Gail Powell, a UK publisher, led to the original book being distributed worldwide. The story of ‘Sam and Finn’ provided comfort to many families who had also suffered the devastating loss of a twin
Through Kate’s dealings with bereaved families, she was often asked if the book could be personalised with their own child’s name. It took a while for Kate and her publisher, Gail, to work out how this could be achieved and remain affordable Gail managed to find a printer, and so the first books were created: a baby girl and a baby boy version.
This was just the beginning. Now, eight years on there are over 100 different versions that can be personalised, including baby loss, triplet, multiple loss and a whole range of adult loss books, both personalised and general versions All in a range of skin tones and hair colours and over 20 general titles, including My Twin, My Baby Sister, My Brother, and our adult range including, My Mommy/Mommy, My Grandpa/Grandad, etc.
The books are a valuable resource for all who have experienced the tragic loss of a child or other family member They tell a story that can sometimes be hard to share. The books are the perfect way to share your loss with your family and friends A gentle story of hope, they will remind you that we can experience the love and joy of a loved one, even when they are no longer with us here on earth.
