The STL Hive Volume 02 Issue 02

VolUME 2 Issue 2

Myrina Renaissance

STL

EDITOR'S NOTE In this special Mother's Day issue, dedicated to creative mothers, we delve into the often overlooked intersection of motherhood and creativity. Being a mom is undeniably challenging, but for creative souls navigating the vibrant landscape of St. Louis, the journey can feel downright impossible at times.

As a mother myself, I understand the struggles and triumphs that come with balancing the demands of parenthood with the relentless call of creativity. That's why I felt compelled to curate these inspiring stories of creative mothers who are carving out their own paths in the world of art, dance, and beyond.

I hope that these narratives offer a glimpse into the unique joys and struggles of creative motherhood, and serve as a source of inspiration and solidarity for all the creative moms out there.

May this issue illuminate the beauty and complexity of our shared experiences, and remind us that, even in the midst of chaos, creativity thrives.

With love and admiration for all the creative mothers in St. Louis and beyond.

To my daughter Kaleesi. Everything I do is done with you in mind. I just hope that I make you proud.

KEEKS SHANTEL

Keeks Shantel 01

02

Table of Contents Myrina Renaissance

PG. 4 - 13

Tiala Taylor

PG. 14 - 21

Diamond Magazine

PG. 22

03

M

yrina Renaissance is not just a talented photographer capturing iconic moments with figures like Vice President Kamala Harris and Janelle Monáe; she's a storyteller weaving narratives of empowerment and resilience. Her ambitious multimedia exhibition series, "Her Eminent Reign," serves as a poignant tribute to the BIPOC women who have blazed trails throughout history.

Yet, behind the lens lies a deeper narrative—a journey of determination and balance. Myrina's path to success is a testament to her unwavering dedication and the ability to navigate the demanding worlds of artistry and motherhood simultaneously. With each click of her camera, Myrina not only captures moments but also shapes the narrative of her own remarkable journey, inspiring countless others along the way.

04

It's so crazy when people ask me that question because my journey into motherhood started when I was 16. So typically, around that age I don't know about other young ladies but I know me, I wasn’t thinking about being a mom, being a parent, So it's an interesting of like, hindsight speaking. It's cool.

You know, if I, if I had to think about, like, during that time period No, I didn’t wan’t to be a parent. I always kind of saw myself as a tomboy growing up.

So, I didn't see myself with children at all, but it's so amazing to me that I'm now here with six. I feel as if the apple didn’t fall from the tree, because my grandmother had 17 children. A lot of my cousins have a lot of kids, too. So we're a very big family.

My first three came, between the ages of 16 and 24. It was just really interesting, they are from my previous marriage. I thought I was done after my third one.So I was planning on having an empty next in my early 40's. EOW! I’ma be outside. You couldn't tell me a couple years ago I was going to double my kids in a short period of time. No ma’am.

My oldest two, they have their own dad and my third child is with my ex-husband. It’s truly 50%, you know, and I actually get 50% of time with my children. My oldest two, they live in Texas so it's not quite 50% with them, and that's hard but they're there because I made a decision after losing my job in 2014. I lost my job in corporate America I was fired for being too black.

I worked in express groups, and I was a corporate trainer, so I used to travel around the country to train at their different sites. I got that job without a degree I wasn't in college. I was just working my way up the ladder. Things happened in Ferguson and I began to recognize who I am a little bit more like, more so owning my backness and understanding my history, more, and really wanting to tap into that side of me.

I started to manifest itself, you know, outwardly as well. So no longer was I wearing silk press’ in my hair, you know, and things like that. I wanted to wear my natural hair, and its curly state. I still wore suits and stuff, you know, but I had, like, an undercut, and I just started getting more edge to me. Really embracing myself. I went through that journey of receiving adversity and I got fired.

So me getting fired, was like, you know, I never want to be dependent again, I don't want to do that anymore. I have children. I have a family to feed, and I can't allow a job to determine if I'm able to do that.

05

I had a lot of guilt around that, I was, like, shaming myself as a mom. Like, I shouldn't be sending my children away from me. I should be able to do school, start my business and raise my children. Yeah, but I began to accept that this is what I needed to do in order to get where I want to be and not feel guilt because they were with their father. I think this society has this, like, really shitty way of making moms feel like in a, in a split, the the children should always go with the mother, and if they don't, then the mother is less than. And I dealt with the backlash in my family circle for a while until I just started really embracing my journey. I did what I needed to do when I made the decision at 16 to have my child, and then again at 19 to have another one, and again at 24 with the failed marriage to do it again.

I made my decisions. I've done what I needed to do up to this point, and it's getting harder for me to, continue to be the role model and gain the success that I need with having them and their dads are more than capable of being with them while I do this. So F y'all, I'm going to do what I need to do. I also knew that the journey ahead of me was really difficult. I'm a broke college student and an entrepreneur with no capital. Come on. I don't have the means to take care of my kids, so I didn't want to put them through what I perceived the journey to look like over the next couple years, which actually was really tough. I moved eight times in the course of two years. I think I made the best decision not to take him through the trials and tribulations that I had to go through, and I don't think it would be fair for them to be unhoused while I try and figure out my shit.

Yeah, you know, their dad had homes, healthy home, safe homes. You know, they're they'll be fine. And to me, as long as they were taking care of them, I felt like I made the best decision at that time. I'm grateful to them for taking on that role and responsibility. I can't say that our relationships were the best. It was definitely a lot of bull that happened in that time period but I can't I can't take away the brunt of the work that they took on while I figured my shit out. They did do whatever they needed, to raise their children. Once I finished college, moved to a stable place with my now husband. then I could work on bringing my children back home and those types of things.

Photo Credits: Kayo

06

I think I was like ten or something like that and my father, he used to be called “Picture Man Mike,” and we took the pictures you see with those ugly backdrops and then the picture is in a little folding, you know, paper. Yeah, that was my dad. He also did weddings and owned a party business.

So he would have us come with him to do that type of work and that's when I first picked up the camera. I didn't like it. I actually hated photography.

In that time period of me stepping away from, you know, I had to learn the hard way. Learn some things, make mistakes and figure out my own path. Then when I think back to, about ten years later, it was like, I had some basic foundational knowledge about what to do, and how to use the camera. I need to go back into the archives folder seven years ago I started, to show people it definitely has been a journey and I got to shout out every person that got in front of my camera in the beginning. first thing that got in front of my hand.

Even if, they thought that was good or they didn't think that was good. Just giving me the opportunity to practice.

Oh my god.. I didn't know I needed a push and I didn't think that my next step would be entrepreneurship.

It was something that I longed to do. It was like the light bulb went off when I got put in that position. So, that was interesting. But when you go from making $80,000 a year to $50 photoshoots. Oh my God.. You can see how it's easy for one to lose their home or to lose their car. Like I lost all those things, you know, I had to go straight back to the basics like ground zero and, changed my lifestyle a whole lot.

Just having to adjust my entire lifestyle was definitely, a major change. It was so challenging for me, and when I first started, I was so motivated. I was like, I am not going back into anyone's job. I don't care. I'm going to figure this out.

I'm going to do X, Y, and Z. I just was so motivated.

Then when my reserve ran low and I had to move out of my house, I was like, okay, well, what are we going to do?

It was so perfect that in tandem I was going to school. So I had a little boost in scholarships and grant money I was kind of leaning on so that I helped with my transition.

Having to make a transition several times, you know, different places caused a period of complete isolation. My relationships were very difficult. I definitely dealt with domestic violence, emotional abuse. I didn't have a lot of family support and my postpartum period was very difficult.

07

Photo Credits: Myrina Renaissance

08

I had a lot that I was, you know, needing to process, logically and emotionally. I didn't have the time to do that because I had been a mother ever since I was 16. It made me grow really fast and be independent. So there wasn't any time, really, where I could sit, dwell and figure out who I was. I just knew that I was always in survival mode. On this journey of discovery, you know, understanding my culture and blackness, I also went through a period of isolation.

I lived on the south side, in a small apartment building. I finally looked at myself in the mirror and I told myself, “I love you.” I had never done that before. A lot of times we spend our younger years or a lot of our years tending to other people, but we never say that to ourselves. And it was the first time that I have had ever done that. It was the first time I started shedding my layers. I cut my hair because I wanted to get rid of all the weight that I was feeling on that, and just discover a new me.

I peeled back a lot of layers and that is where I began to, understand the type of photography I wanted to capture, the type of business I wanted to run, and the way I wanted to talk to my customers. My brand voice. Like I'm using these words now, but I didn't know what those words were.

Through those years of self-discovery and my isolation I didn't talk to my children, I didn't talk to anybody. I lived in that small apartment on the south side and nobody knew. .

This was one of my postpartum phases, as my 11 year old was three at the time, and I never really got a chance to work through that postpartum. I didn't know what that was and what was necessary during that period. So I never got up to a point of healing. I never went through a healing process of my relationships, grieved the sacrifice from moving my children, or recovered from hurts from my transitions.

Then at that point in my life I emerged as someone completely different, which is where Renaissance came from, because Renaissance is a new beginning.

09

Photo Credits: Kayo

10

The

& My favorite thing about being a mother has really been watching each of these people go through their, transitions. I would say my least favorite part is the different personalities that I have to manage and I’m one personality my damn self. That's probably my least favorite part. But my favorite part has really been enjoying the transitions that my children are going through.

My children call me mom, but I do not allow them to hold me to that title. I have been teaching my children that I am a person. I am a person first before I am a mother and the reason that I do that is because I do believe as children, we have a sense of entitlement to our parents, that we hold over them, and these expectations that are sometimes either unspoken, and we don't provide them space and grace to show us who they are. This journey of motherhood, where I've had to give my mother that grace, and now in my 30s, I understand so much more than I did even as a young parent. I have learned to love my mom for the woman that she is through all of her faults, her flaws, and all that, she be the special.

That has been the biggest joy for me as a parent, is allowing my children to see me for who I am, and continue to show up is who I am, and also letting them know that standing boldly in the fact that this is what I am.

Because one day they're going to have to go out into the world, and they're going to have to show people who they are, and people are going to have to accept them for who they are. So it has to start somewhere and especially being that we are parents, we're their first teachers. I'm teaching them how to accept that you're going to go out into the world, and you're going to embrace who you are. So that has been my most favorite part, you know, in parenting, aside from really enjoying their transitions.

of 11

“These kids keep you motivated on a different level. Everytime they wake up in the morning and say they hungry, you have no choice but to figure out how to eat.”

12

Leaving a What do I hope to leave behind for my kids? Legacy. The spirit of freedom and liberation. If you don't do nothing else, be free. If you don't feel nothing else, feel liberated. If you can’t be nothing else, be your mother fucking self. I'm doing all the other work to leave shit behind and I feel like that's a given. But a lot of us get left behind. And we still don't know how to just be, be free, how to feel free. You know, we don't have those liberties and I want my people, the people that I brought here - I want them to have all that shit.

I'm ready for us to buy our first house. The property we live in is owned by family, then we own some properties and then we have family that live in those. So it's a cool cycle. But, that's what I tell my husband. I am ready to buy our first home together for our children to live in. I'm ready to even have that level of security and safety for me. I need that. I need the ground beneath my feet to feel stable and to know that I was able to do that off of the goals and the dreams that I set and stayed disciplined enough to do. Being able to hand that to them is also just as important, to just allow my children and never have the feeling of the ground moving beneath their feet like they can't plant anywhere.

I'm grateful for the freedom that I do have. I do feel wealthy in that sense. To me, that is how I define wealth. So, that is the wealth that I want to pass to my children along with, the monetary assets that I'm building.

I do want them to have, you know, wealth in the space of freedom and liberation.

13

Photo Credits: Keeks Shantel

Tiala T Taylor

iala Taylor, a dynamic force in the St. Louis arts scene, is not just a talented artist and dancer but also a devoted mother of three. With her infectious passion for dance, she enriches the lives of young talents as she teaches at two renowned studios, inspiring them to reach new heights in their artistry. Beyond her role as an instructor, Tiala harbors ambitious dreams of blending her love for dance with her journey through motherhood, envisioning a nurturing space where mothers can embrace their creativity alongside their children. With her dedication and vision, Tiala is poised to leave a lasting impact on both the artistic and familial communities of St. Louis.

14

Balancing everything has been an adventure. It's been fun. That's me staying in the in the light of gratitude, I would say, it's an adventure.It's definitely been enlightening because I have found that I love child services, like being a doula and a midwife is something that I am studying for right now. So, having him and experiencing what it was like to go through postpartum, extreme postpartum again with, having my kids only a year and a half apart. It was something that I was like, you know, I could totally do this, though. I have such a great community.

My daughter's homeschooled, I have my kids pretty much, all the time. I only teach right now, Mondays and Thursdays, I downsized because of my third baby. Lately it’s pretty much been just me and the kids, or I'll do freelancing jobs and have rehearsals for that. Or rehearsals for my students competitions or privates for technique we have for dance team. So pretty much things that are dance related. Just jam packed with dance. I knew dance was the only outcome for me. I went to school and I said, “I am not even going to have a minor because I know that I'm going to make it a dance.” So it's going to happen one way or another. We're going to make this happen.

That's the only career I've ever had and the only job I've ever had.

I have such a great life with these children. One my mother is obsessed with them. We are constantly talking. She told me a couple days ago “I'm gonna call the police!” I said, “For what?” She said, “We haven't talked in 12 hours.” I was like okay... She said, “We will be the mother and daughter who talk every day.” So that's the kind of community I have. It's where, like, we're with each other 24, seven. My kids are raised with a village the way that it properly should be.So I experienced community and I know that I want to extend that out, with doula services.

Having my kids and really having that community around me, led me to discover other things in my life past and that I wouldn't think that I would ever go towards. because I aint want no kids. Isn’t that crazy?

Those children really do something to you. They're like each their own individual miracle that helps you discover something that you never thought you would. That's the magic of ‘em, you know? That's all I can say. It's been a journey, but it's been so enjoyable. Yeah. At the end of the day, I really can just attest to just being. It's a blessing. It really is. I got some awesome kids too, though. So good. The father of my kids and I are on a journey to co-parenting. We have our things we need to work out but let's just make sure at the end of the day, it’s about my kids and their well-being and what’s best for them.

15

The studios I’m currently working at are very accepting of me having my little one with me. They even offered to, like, watch him, but as you can see, he's very clingy. He doesn't do too well away from me, I learned to move around with him on. There's no such thing as, like, spatial awareness with him. So he's he's made it kind of difficult because I've had to, turn down jobs because he's so attached that I can't commit to longer than four hours.

Whenever I figure out the, final decisions with my businesses, having a place where the mothers can bring their kids or, like, there's childcare included, if need be, but the kids will be on campus with the moms. I may be biased because, it's, you know, a space that I need, but it's also a space that I can create. I'm just working on, figuring out what I want, whether it be a company or, a studio, I don't know exactly what. That's something we definitely need here in St. Louis. Our art deserves to be seen as well.

Our art is so valid and there's so many voices that have been muted because they're having responsibilities, like being a mother that they can't commit to art and being a mother at the same time because that space isn't available yet, which is unfortunate.

It's just not ideal for a kid to be in a workspace that doesn't have, like, really an area designated for them for longer than, like, four hours. So it's really it's like falling back on me to just sit back and realize that the dreams that I've had need to be addressed. Being a mother of three keeps me focused in the dance world and, the techniques that I want to address. The things that I want to push out for my businesses and my art companies. So it's up to me and I'm gonna make it happen. I'm excited. I have some grants in the works I just gotta finalize and, take action. That's like the sea that I'm in just taking action and knowing that this is my time. I've dedicated a lot of time to my family, but this is the time that I really like solidify for their generation to be able to do freely do what they want to be able to do. I got to get to work. I'm excited because it's my time.

Photo Credits: Keeks Shantel

16

The best part of motherhood is just watching them grow and develop into every little milestone. Every milestone is very individualized and unique because they are hitting at different points. Like this one is my tiny guy and the doctors thought that he had something wrong with him because he was so small and I'm used to having big babies. Anyways, he had eating problems but it really was just he was a slow mover.

They’re all just so, so unique. With their strong dislikes and likes, just watching them grow is just so awesome.

I just love them. I really do. I'm obsessed with my babies. I’m that mom that’s backstage already crying and she's not even on stage, like she hasn’t even hit the stage. My daughter had a singing solo at school and before she even let out a word, I'm crying like I am just watching them do stuff and like, be their own little person. It's just it's so cool. Being their number one fan, that's probably the best.

I definitely I feel like I want I have more kids. Oh my gosh, I want six. I just want three other babies. I started off wanting to adopt and then I had my own baby at 16. I was like, okay. And I had another one. okay. And I was like, I'm, I'm definitely done that. I had him and I was like, you know, I could do three more.

The

and The hardest thing about motherhood is knowing that I can't be with their father. I made that decision, so I have to address it with my kids. Knowing that I can never fill that place, is the hardest part for me. Just knowing you can't do anything about it, but you can do the best that you can and that's just like the positive side of it. So I really make sure I hit the tee with that, cause I feel like I have great relationships with my kids, which is something that I'm very proud of, very, very proud of.

Especially with like having a girl who's almost ten. So I'm like nervous. So I just want to make sure that I'm doing what I can to keep that relationship, great.

17

My daughter Erin, will tell people, “My mom is, a world class dancer. Did you know that?

Do you know, my mom Tiala Taylor? Yeah, she's a professional dancer.” It’s so hilarious.

Like they are so, so proud of you. They really are. They notice it, you know, because we have them along for the ride, like you said. So they notice it and they'll be able to reflect it soon. My daughter, she's in dance, she wants to try out for the company at my studio.

Natural born talent. It's just crazy. Like she's me times eight and I'm like, that is crazy.

That is insane. I just love to witness it. Whatever they want to do, I'm all for it. My first son likes, basketball. He is obsessed with basketball. My daughter tried basketball. Didn't like it. She tried soccer. She didn't like that either. She tried gymnastics and didn’t like that, but she wants to get back into it. So, I let them do whatever they want to, go ahead and adventure. Figure out what you like, what you don’t like, because you can have more than one hobby that you’re good at anyway.

Photo Credits: Tiala Taylor

18

I had my first child at 16 and she breastfed until she was almost three. Then my second one he breastfed until four months and he was over it, which is so funny because he wanted to eat food. This one, I don't think he has any plans on stopping anytime soon. Getting back into things after having your baby I kind of felt like a superhero because I had all the adrenaline to just go for it for my senior year. Since I had to sit out my junior year I was just really excited to, just kick butt. I did pretty good my whole senior season, just staying consistent. I always had a good mindset, I just kept having babies. Don't get it wrong, guys. I'm not stupid. I just, have a lot of babies.

My daughter became my motivation anyway and I dedicated my solo effort to her.

Also with breastfeeding, it took, a lot of the weight off quick and made it a lot easier to dance because I felt like I had energy. I felt like a power up after my first one, I really did. The second one, I felt a little slower, but that's because the third one was coming. Then now I feel that same way. Like I am ready. I'm throwing myself out there now. It's my time to dance.

I will say it's not my first rodeo, but other than that, it's just, I've learned to move with them. He wants to be by me all the time, so I'll just strap him to me and I'm just like, if we’re going to get something done, we're going to get it with you strapped on me.

Which makes it a lot easier. I know it's like, easier said than done, and it's very physically demanding. As creatives I could have been like “I could have made eight movies by now” but you have to be realistic, we’re literally raising human beings. We tend to beat ourselves up. It's like, give yourself some grace, man. You're going to make great art when you're in that headspace to make great art.

19

Photo Credits: Keeks Shantel

My best advice is to be patient with yourself and make sure that you fill up your cup first. Because you cannot pour from an empty cup. Your cup needs to runneth over.

So you can pour from the overflow into your kids with love. That's the biggest thing I can attest to, if you do not take care of yourself it's over with. I tell my kids, and I tell my students to be selfish and like, there's nothing wrong with that.

You need to put yourself first. You need to give yourself that love and attention so you can be able to know how to even give it out to somebody else, by how you treat yourself. So getting back into it, especially after postpartum, just pour into yourself.

The more that you pour into yourself, the better you feel and the better the people around you will feel. You know, like it's just the energy is contagious and you want it to be good energy. You're spreading that. If you're not pouring into yourself good stuff, then you're pouring into yourself toxic stuff which that waste continues to infiltrate your family.

There’s a lot of times where mom needs a break and you guys are going to go with grandma, and I'm going to go breathe and sit outside or something. Those are the times, where I know that I cannot be in my best headspace. You never know, when you're going to have that overwhelming surge of emotions and, just need a moment and need to break out. My kids know me and my kids know I'm so emotional, and I'm honest about it, though. That's something that I learned to do, is be vocal and make sure that the people around you understand how you're feeling internally. So it's not just like you're being rash and they don't understand why this is happening. I'll be very vocal with them. I'm like, mom is just feeling very stressed. I'm feeling these overwhelming emotions and I just need some space that I need to breathe. You guys are really, like, overworking me right now and they'll just be like, okay. They go get their stuff and they go to the next room and they're like, we're going to play together over here. Just knowing that now that in order for people to understand what's going on, we have to talk about it. We got to talk about why this is happening.

Just communicating more how I feel without yelling. It's so easy to go into the loop of yelling whenever you feel overstimulated. But, is that how you want your kids to communicate and deal with their problems? It's a work in progress and everyone has their moments, and I feel like that needs to be justified as well. Everyone has their moments, but how you handle that moment and really the recovery of it.

20

Photo Credits: Keeks Shantel

21

22