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WHO YOU CALLING WIMPY? HOW AUTHOR JEFF KINNEY TURNED HIS CHILDHOOD MEMORIES INTO A KIDS SENSATION Kinney with his misbehaving alter ego, Greg Heffley, from the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books and films © PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.


be able to dance to it and have a good time.”

tips. Cuban, who’ll be advising aspiring entrepreneurs on ABC’s reality show Shark Tank, starting March 25, was impressed with the star. “We went to dinner,” Cuban says. “He had ideas for his brand, so I gave him some feedback. He wasn’t just throwing money around. He was keeping it in the bank, which is smart.”


Tom Bergeron

The Dancing with the Stars host, 55, is back for season 12, premiering March 21 on ABC. The new cast includes Kirstie Alley and Ralph Macchio. Who’s your next dream contestant? William Shatner. I know he won’t do it, but I keep putting it out there to see if he’ll crumble. I’m gonna wear him down like the Grand Canyon. How do you deal with all the drama that crops up each season? I get a kick out of it. Particularly when people accuse us of [voting] conspiracies. I find that fun. Can you yourself cut a rug? No. I have to have a fairly prodigious amount of vodka in me to get on the dance floor.

P Joe Jonas

P Bethenny Frankel

Q: Bethenny Frankel

is always so busy on her reality show. What advice does she have on how to juggle a personal life and a career?

to Annapolis, Md., because his father was in the Navy. “I don’t remember the kids I grew up with that much,” Duvall has said. To get him through college, his parents suggested he try acting. “They pushed me into it. I’m glad they did.” Q: Do MTV’s Jersey

—Tyler Rogers, Vernon, Tex.

P Robert Duvall

Shore stars get advice on how to handle their sudden fame and fortune? —Luke

A: “Get a good seven or

Q: Where did Robert

Renfro, Nashville, Tenn.

eight hours of sleep and then pray for the best,” says Frankel, 40. “And try to prioritize. I’m saying no to a lot of things because

Duvall grow up?

A: The smart ones do.

—Chris Gudbransson, New

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, for example, reached out to billionaire Mark Cuban for business

2 • March 20, 2011

Prague, Minn.

A: The actor, 80, was born

in San Diego but moved

Q: Where is the

delightful Judith Light these days? —Don Cunningham, Ceres, Calif.

A: On Broadway! The

actress, 62, is starring in Lombardi as Marie, wife of famed football coach Vince Lombardi. “I’m having the time of my life,” she says of the role.


Have a question for Walter Scott? Visit /celebrity or write Walter Scott at P.O. Box 5001, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10163-5001.

I want to be with my family.” For more tips, check out the Bravo star’s new book, A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life, in stores March 22.

P Judith Light

Q: Are the Jonas

Brothers releasing a new album in 2011? —Jessica Berger, Pittsburgh g

‘It was beautiful. Wearing it made me feel like a fair maiden in a storybook.’ —Amanda Seyfried on the cloak she wore for Red Riding Hood, in theaters now

A: One of them will willl be be::

Middle bro Joe, 21, 21 is putting out his first solo effort this summer. mmer. “I wanted to havee my brothers’ support,, and they’re both so excited. xcited. They’ve been wanting nting ng tthis hs hi for me for a long time,” , Jonas has said of siblings sibl blin ings gs Kevin, 23, and Nick, i k, ic 18. Though he admits dmi mits ts to initially being nervous, he’s now w excited about the result. “I hope when people hear it, they’ll


Personality Walter Scott,s

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© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

You could win the Chevrolet, Buick, GMC or Cadillac* of your choice. Just talk to an Advisor to enter. Even if you’ve never pushed your OnStar® button. Or your subscription has ended. Or you’ve never been a customer. If you have OnStar in your car, you can enter. You could win your dream car. How about a 505-horsepower Corvette Z06? A fully loaded Escalade? A refined Acadia Denali? You decide. Press your blue OnStar button. Today. There’s no obligation. Just stay on the line and tell the Advisor you want to enter the Push On Sweepstakes.

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*SWEEPSTAKES EXCLUDES CHEVROLET VOLT. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. PURCHASE OR PAYMENT OF ANY KIND WILL NOT INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING. Open only to licensed drivers who are legal residents of the 50 United States (and D.C.) and Canada who at the time of entry are at least 18 years of age or the age of majority in their state, province or territory of residence, whichever is older. Starts 3/14/11 at 12:00 a.m. (ET) and ends 5/31/11 at 11:59 p.m. (ET). To enter random sweepstakes drawing: Push the blue OnStar button located in your vehicle and register with a live operator. Ten (10) Grand Prizes: A GM vehicle of each winner’s choice, not to exceed $131,681 USD/$130,937 CAD not including cash supplements described below. Each vehicle prize winner will in addition receive a cash supplement of $25,000 USD/$24,858 CAD. Maximum VRV of all prizes: $1,566,810 USD/$1,557,957 CAD. Odds of winning a vehicle prize depend on the total number of entries received. Alternate means of entry: hand-print your complete name, address, city, state, ZIP/postal code, e-mail address, date of birth, and phone number on a 3" x 5" card or paper and mail your entry via first-class mail with sufficient postage in a No. 10 business-size envelope to: “OnStar PUSH-ON SWEEPSTAKES,” P.O. Box 1202, Franklin, TN 37065. One entry per outer mailing envelope. Limit three (3) entries per person regardless of entry method; limit one (1) entry via the blue OnStar button per vehicle. Preprinted entry forms will be disqualified. Subject to additional restrictions contained in Official Rules, available at The marks of General Motors, its divisions, slogans, emblems, vehicle model names, vehicle body designs and other marks appearing in this advertisement are the trademarks and/or service marks of General Motors, its subsidiaries, affiliates or licensors. ©2011 General Motors. ©2011 OnStar. All rights reserved.

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

your gguide to health,, life, f,

Parade Picks

y,, entertainment,, and more y money,


taking in the man’s grandson (newcomer Alex Shaffer, above with Giamatti) in a beautifully observed story of unlikely alliances. Amy Ryan and Bobby Cannavale are featured, and Tom McCarthy (The Station Agent, The Visitor) is the writer-director— which tells you why this one’s a winner.

by Jacqueline Winspear, fiction ($26)


John Cena, after winning the World Heavyweight Championship, April 5, 2009. Inset: Cena with Alan Alvarenga.

The Hunk with a Heart

The latest in Winspear’s terrific series of historical mysteries finds her private detective—the fiercely independent, psychologically astute Maisie Dobbs—going undercover for the British Secret Service to assess the rising influence of the Nazi Party at English universities. Maisie is one of the great fictional heroines, equal parts haunted and haunting.

P Movies WIN WIN March 18 A struggling lawyer (Paul Giamatti) takes on guardianship of a client who’s sliding into dementia and winds up

THE LINCOLN LAWYER March 18 Cruising L.A. in a

Lincoln Town Car, Matthew McConaughey oozes streetsmart charm as an attorney defending a wealthy man (Ryan Phillippe) charged with attempted murder. This twisty mystery, from a novel by Michael Connelly, lingers suspensefully on questions of guilt and innocence, revenge and retribution.

he’s big—i mean really big,” says alan alvarenga, 15, of wwe Superstar John Cena, whom he met when the two squared off in a Dallas video store for a few rounds of WWE SmackDown vs. Raw. But the biggest thing about the 6-foot-1, 240-pound pro wrestler may be his heart: Cena recently became one of only four celebrities (along with former WWE champ Hulk Hogan and NASCAR drivers Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Jr.) to grant 200 wishes through the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which helps children with life-threatening medical conditions. To fulfill kids’ fantasies, Cena, who first got involved in 2004, has done everything from posing as a waiter to scooping sundaes at an ice cream shop. Often he’ll meet a child backstage before a taping of Monday Night Raw and then single him or her out in the audience. Alvarenga, who has Hodgkin lymphoma, was quietly starstruck when he met his hero. But some kids “immediately break into tears,” Cena says. “When there’s a special person in the crowd, you want to put on a good show. The kids give me hope and the exact amount of happiness I need to get through even the longest days. I’m very proud I’ve reached the 200 mark, but I can’t wait to get to 500.” —Madonna Behen



25% YES

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4 • March 20, 2011

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The world’s ďŹ rst gourmet “popcorn chipsâ€? combine the taste of popcorn with the crunch of a chip. WHY WE LOVE THEM: These whole-grain snacks are gluten-free, have zero trans fat, and come in four zesty avors: sea salt, white cheddar, hot buffalo wing, and d jalapeĂąo ranch. Get them at t, Costco, Walmart, and Walgreens ($3.99/bag).


HOW TO WIN A NEGOTIATION Stuart Diamond, Pulitzer Prize–winning author of Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World, offers tips for success at the bargaining table—or the kitchen table


First, ďŹ gure out the opposing viewpoint. Try to understand what the other person is thinking, including their goals and worries. If you’re not sure, ask. They’ll feel valued and be more likely to agree.


Don’t demand everything at once. There’s no need to put your whole 17-point proposal on the table right away. Small, incremental steps build trust. Try something, reassess, and then continue one step at a time.


Make an emotional payment. A show of empathy can be as simple as saying, “I understand.� It shows that you’re listening and being respectful—and the other person should start listening back.


Meet each other’s needs. Life is about quid pro quo. Look for things to trade.


Ask before pouncing. What you heard may not be what the other person meant to say. Before going on the attack, ask for a clariďŹ cation. Visit us at PARADE.COM

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK EXERCISE AND HEALTHY DIET ARE ENOUGH TO LOWER HIGH CHOLESTEROL. FOR 2 OUT OF 3, IT MAY NOT BE. Did you know, more than 80% of people who have had heart attacks have high cholesterol? For 2 out of 3 people with high cholesterol, diet and exercise may not be enough. If you haven’t been successful in trying to lower your cholesterol on your own, stop kidding yourself. Talk to your doctor about your risk and if Lipitor is right for you. You can also learn more at or call 1-888-LIPITOR.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION: LIPITOR is not for everyone. It is not for those with liver problems. And it is not for women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant.

INDICATION: LIPITOR is a prescription medicine that is used along with a low-fat diet. It lowers the LDL (“bad� cholesterol) and triglycerides in your blood. It can raise your HDL (“good� cholesterol) as well. LIPITOR can lower the risk for heart attack, stroke, certain types of heart surgery, and chest pain in patients who have heart disease or risk factors for heart disease such as age, smoking, high blood pressure, low HDL, or family history of early heart disease.

If you take LIPITOR, tell your doctor if you feel any new muscle pain or weakness. This could be a sign of rare but serious muscle side effects. Tell your !      doctor about all medications you take. This may help avoid are not enough, adding Lipitor serious drug interactions. Your may help. doctor should do blood tests   

  to check your liver function shown to lower bad cholesterol before and during treatment LIPITOR can lower the risk for heart attack or stroke in and may adjust your dose. 39-60% (average effect patients with diabetes and risk depending on dose) and Lipitor factors such as diabetic eye or Common side effects are  

   kidney problems, smoking or diarrhea, upset stomach, risk of heart attack and stroke in patients who have heart disease muscle and joint pain and high blood pressure. or risk factors for heart disease. changes in some blood tests. These risk factors include You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs smoking, age, family history to the FDA. Visit or call 1-800-FDA-1088. of early heart disease, high blood pressure and low good cholesterol. Please see additional important information on next page. © 2011        


DON’T KID YOURSELF Find out more at Š PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.



By Marilyn vos Savant



High cholesterol is more than just a number, it’s a risk factor that should not be ignored. If your doctor said you have high cholesterol, you may be at an increased risk for heart attack and stroke. But the good news is, you can take steps to lower your cholesterol. With the help of your doctor and a cholesterol-lowering medicine like LIPITOR, along with diet and exercise, you could be on your way to lowering your cholesterol. Ready to start eating right and exercising more? Talk to your doctor and visit the American Heart Association at

Serious side effects in a small number of people: • Muscle problems that can lead to kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your chance for muscle problems is higher if you take certain other medicines with LIPITOR. • Liver problems. Your doctor may do blood tests to check your liver before you start LIPITOR and while you are taking it. Call your doctor right away if you have: • Unexplained muscle weakness or pain, especially if you have a fever or feel very tired • Allergic reactions including swelling of the face, lips, tongue, and/or throat that may cause difficulty in breathing or swallowing which may require treatment right away • Nausea, vomiting, or stomach pain • Brown or dark-colored urine • Feeling more tired than usual • Your skin and the whites of your eyes turn yellow • Allergic skin reactions Common side effects of LIPITOR are: • Diarrhea • Muscle and joint pain • Upset stomach • Changes in some blood tests

WHO IS LIPITOR FOR? Who can take LIPITOR: • People who cannot lower their cholesterol enough with diet and exercise • Adults and children over 10 Who should NOT take LIPITOR: • Women who are pregnant, may be pregnant, or may become pregnant. LIPITOR may harm your unborn baby. If you become pregnant, stop LIPITOR and call your doctor right away. • Women who are breast-feeding. LIPITOR can pass into your breast milk and may harm your baby. • People with liver problems • People allergic to anything in LIPITOR

BEFORE YOU START LIPITOR Tell your doctor: • About all medications you take, including prescriptions, over-the-counter medications, vitamins, and herbal supplements • If you have muscle aches or weakness • If you drink more than 2 alcoholic drinks a day • If you have diabetes or kidney problems • If you have a thyroid problem

Ask Marilyn

HOW TO TAKE LIPITOR Do: • Take LIPITOR as prescribed by your doctor. • Try to eat heart-healthy foods while you take LIPITOR. • Take LIPITOR at any time of day, with or without food. • If you miss a dose, take it as soon as you remember. But if it has been more than 12 hours since your missed dose, wait. Take the next dose at your regular time. Don’t: • Do not change or stop your dose before talking to your doctor. • Do not start new medicines before talking to your doctor. • Do not give your LIPITOR to other people. It may harm them even if your problems are the same. • Do not break the tablet.

The size of a wooden boat is limited by the physical properties of wood, such as its strength and density. Is the height of a tree also limited? —Ron Skala, Yakima, Wash.

yes. even if a tree has an

optimal environment and genes that can send it soaring, it still must transport water (and soluble nutrients) upward against: a) gravity; and b) the friction in its system—all the way to its crown. As the structure gets taller, the process is increasingly difficult. According to a study in Nature, leaf expansion is gradually limited, reducing photosynthesis and finally slowing growth to a stop. Researchers estimate that a tree can grow no taller than roughly 400 to 425 feet, a bit bigger than the largest of the giant redwoods in California. To ask a question, visit



Complete 1 to 81 so the numbers follow a horizontal or vertical path—no diagonals.







LIPITOR is a prescription medicine. Along with diet and exercise, it lowers “bad” cholesterol in your blood. It can also raise “good” cholesterol (HDL-C). LIPITOR can lower the risk of heart attack, stroke, certain types of heart surgery, and chest pain in patients who have heart disease or risk factors for heart disease such as: • age, smoking, high blood pressure, low HDL-C, family history of early heart disease LIPITOR can lower the risk of heart attack or stroke in patients with diabetes and risk factors such as diabetic eye or kidney problems, smoking, or high blood pressure.




• Ask your doctor or health care provider. • Talk to your pharmacist. • Go to or call 1-888-LIPITOR.





Uninsured? Need help paying for Pfizer medicines? Pfizer has programs that can help. Call 1-866-706-2400 or visit

Manufactured by Pfizer Ireland Pharmaceuticals, Dublin, Ireland Distributed by Parke-Davis, Division of Pfizer Inc. New York, NY 10017 USA © 2009 Pfizer Ireland Pharmaceuticals All rights reserved. June 2009 Printed in the USA.






Rx only 6 • March 20, 2011

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Wımpy The Wonderful World of

With 47 million copies in print, two movies, and a Macy’s balloon, Jeff Kinney’s Wimpy Kid is the new wizard of the book biz BY DAVID BROWNE m


Cover and opening photograph BY MATT HOYLE

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.


hese are great,”

Jeff Kinney says, spying the Harry Potter books on the shelf at a children’s bookstore in Manhattan. Strolling through the aisles, the author of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series offers up kind words for such landmark works as Dr. Seuss’s Hop on Pop (“loved that one”) and Judy Blume’s titles (“the gold standard for children’s fiction”). Wearing a crisp blue work shirt and jeans, the 40-year-old writerillustrator might easily be mistaken for the father of one of his rabid readers—until a display devoted to 20th-century kid-lit standards catches his eye. “What makes a classic, exactly?” Kinney wonders, and suddenly it’s easy to reconcile this deferential grown-up with the voice of 12-year-old Greg Heffley, the irreverent narrator of the Wimpy Kid books. “You have to have a dog or kid die at the end?” He shrugs and adds, pointing to an area with even more vintage tomes, “This is the well-intentioned-grandparents’ section.” Kinney visited this same store four years ago to sign copies of the first Diary of a Wimpy Kid. At the time, no one knew whether a book based on a Web comic strip—written and drawn to look like the work of a middleschooler whose mind-set is more Beavis and Butt-head than Hardy Boys—would find an audience. The publisher, Abrams, printed a modest 15,000 copies. At the signing, only 23 people showed up—all relatives from Kinney’s home state of Maryland. Low turnouts are a thing of the past for Kinney. Thanks to word of mouth among young readers, his cartoon novel is now in its 71st printing and has spawned four sequels, two films (the second, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, opens March 25), and ancillary products such as games, puzzles, action figures, and pajamas. Over 47 million copies of the books are in print in the U.S. alone, and the volumes have been translated into 30 languages, including Spanish, Japanese, Greek, Hebrew, Thai, and German (in which the title is I’m Surrounded by Idiots, since there’s no German word for “wimpy”). A Wimpy Kid balloon even debuted in the Macy’s ThanksVisit us at PARADE.COM

giving Day Parade last year. “That was a real moment of joy, along with a feeling of ‘It can’t possibly get any bigger than this,’ ” Kinney says of watching a giant Greg sail over his and his family’s heads. “My life vacillates between absolutely ordinary and absolutely surreal.” The Wimpy franchise “expresses the sensibility of 12-year-old boys,” says Pam Kunick-Cohen of Fox Consumer Products, which licenses Wimpy merchandise. And, as depicted in the books, that sensibility is hardly the stuff of a Boy Scout jamboree. A proud slacker, the whiny, self-absorbed Greg wants to be famous but not work hard for it. He thinks his parents are corny; feels put-upon by his heavy-metal-dude older brother, Rodrick; rationalizes away his worst habits, like physically tormenting his doofy pal Rowley; and pulls stunts like mowing only parts of a lawn to avoid dog poo. Some parents don’t appreciate the Heffley approach to life: “The running theme of the series is that Greg is a little kid who gets picked on, so anything he does to others is

boys, and it gets them to read.” No doubt it’s hooked many girls, as well: Barnes & Noble recently listed Wimpy as the most popular series for kids ages 9 to 12, above even Harry Potter. “Kids are smart enough to know when Greg is doing something wrong,” says Charles Kochman, editorial director at Abrams. “And by recognizing it in Greg, they recognize it in themselves.” For his part, Kinney says he likes “creating a feeling of dissonance with my readers. You’re expecting an adult to step in and make things right. To me, the humor comes from that— the reader being left with a sense of ‘Isn’t Greg going to learn his lesson?’ There are plenty of books where you can feel the author guiding you toward a particular conclusion. I don’t do that. I like to write for entertainment.” If there is a lesson in the Wimpy phenomenon, it may be one for late bloomers and middle-aged reinventors. “It’s been a weird path,” Kinney says of his success. The son of a military analyst who worked at the Pentagon

m A scene from the new film Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. Right: Kinney’s latest book, The Ugly Truth.

understandable under the victimhood mhood license,” wrote one online critic.. But little boys, and the people who want them to read more, can’t get enough of Greg. The Naperville Public Library in Illinois is one of a number of libraries that have started Diary of a Wimpy Kid after-school activities, such as a trivia game, to encourage more boys to attend storytelling time. “It’s not like we’re endorsing the bad behavior in the books,” says Kelly Kowalski, who organizes the Naperville events. “But that humor appeals to

and a mom who ran a preschool, he was raised in the D.C. suburb of Fort Washington, Md. A fan of The Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes (Doonesbury, he says, is “too precious”), Kinney drew a strip for his college newspaper at the University of Maryland. After graduating with a degree in criminal justice, he thought he could parlay his comics work into a career but was turned down by every outlet he approached. Delaying his dream, he married and worked as a layout designer at a small newspaper in F Massachusetts and as a software engineer. March 20, 2011 • 9

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.


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m Kinney at 13 in his Boy Scout uniform, heading to camp

“He was sitting around playing video games,” recalls his younger brother, Patrick, of this period of disillusionment, “and he realized he wasn’t creating.” So Kinney began crafting an illustrated diary about a kid named Greg. He set it in middle school because “that’s when I maxed out talentwise” with his drawing skills. Originally intending the project as a nostalgic look back for adult readers, Kinney spent years working on the journals in private (“I felt this was the only good idea I was ever going to have, so I wanted to take my time”), incorporating stories from his childhood: the day he hid out in a bathroom to avoid swim-team practice; the time he and a buddy rolled a massive snow boulder that ripped apart the lawn. In 2004 he convinced his bosses at the kids’ website FunBrain, where he was working as a game developer, to run the journal pages online as a comic strip, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid developed a devoted following, as many as 90,000 visitors a day.


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Wimpy Kid | continued

10 • March 20, 2011

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

Then Kinney experienced a fanboy fantasy come true: He brought portions of his 1,300-page strip to the 2006 Comic-Con in New York, where he met Kochman, who loved the title and samples. About a month later, Kochman called him with some news: Abrams wanted to publish his work and to aim it at young readers rather than adults. Kinney liked the idea, and the rest is Wimpy history. Growing up, Kinney was not wimpy so much as righteous. He attended Catholic high school and never liked grunge music; once, he persuaded his grandmother not to buy his brother Patrick a Beastie Boys album, thinking it inappropriate for a 10-yearold. He was, in Patrick’s words, “not a wimp, but not macho, either.” Today Kinney is an industrious father of two (Will, 8, and Grant, 5—from his second marriage, to homemaker Julie) who helps out with his sons’ soccer and Cub Scout outings in their town of Plainville, Mass. He keeps his fame monster in check: When he sees his books sandwiched between The Phantom Tollbooth and The Chronicles of Narnia in the bookstore, he cracks, “Which do you think is going to stand the test of time?” before adding, more seriously, “You want to create a classic, but you also know it’s beyond your control.” Kinney sometimes wonders about his influence over impressionable young readers. “I know Greg’s not a role continued on page 14

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Ladies of the Court

Gallaudet’s hoopsters overcome adversity to post a stellar season • BY NINA BURLEIGH

landed in Washington, D.C., to coach Gallaudet University’s Bison women’s basketball team in October 2007, he braced for the challenge of his career. Even though he had an impressive résumé—he’d coached WNBA and NCAA Division I women’s teams and, most recently, the Nigerian national women’s team— he had never worked with athletes quite like these. The students at Gallaudet are deaf or hard of hearing, and Cook didn’t know even a letter of sign language before he boarded the flight back to the U.S. “I went from a foreign country to another foreign country,” he recalls. The Bison were just as perplexed by their towering, impatient new coach. Cook’s last few teams were championship winners, while Gallaudet was struggling in every single game—the team had compiled an abysmal 3–22 record the season before he was hired. “We were trying to get on the same page as him, and he was frustrated,” Gallaudet center Nukeitra Hayes says through an interpreter. But this year, the Bison have staged a dramatic turnaround. Led by two talented seniors, Hayes and forward Easter Faafiti, they’ve finished the regular season with a 23–2 record. They were the top seed in the North Eastern Athletic Conference (NEAC) tournament—and its only nonhearing team. Their success has been nothing short of amazing, especially considering that the players must keep looking at one another to communicate, which means taking their eyes off the ball.

At the team’s final regular-season game last month, cheerleaders waved their pom-poms in silence. The crowd encouraged the team not by shouting but by stomping their feet to send vibrations through the wooden floor. On court, Gallaudet’s women looked like the other college players, with their tattoos and swinging ponytails, except they communicated silently, relying on the tiniest and briefest of head nods, hand motions, and—since many of them can lip-read—mouth movements. Cook strode along the sidelines, gesturing in sign language. He was shadowed by an interpreter he uses for games. (Cook is at level four, out of eight, in the American Sign Language course.) The players The Bison’s success communicate did not come easy. The silently on the team’s first season with court with Cook was shaky. They nods, hand went 3–21, their low signals, and point coming when they sign language.

lost a game by 75 points. While the team’s performance improved over the hard of hearing, ended next two years, the real the regular season with an astonishing transformation began early 23–2 record. last fall, as the season began. “At one practice, I was unhappy about their work habits,” Cook recalls. “Easter told me some of the freshmen were saying, ‘Coach doesn’t understand deaf culture.’ I got really upset.” He told the team that the problem wasn’t deaf culture—it was that the players had gotten too used to losing. They needed, Cook said, to build “a winning culture.” To drive home his point, he scheduled a scrimmage between his team, which plays in the NCAA’s Division III, and the women of the University of Maryland, members of the elite Division I. Even though Gallaudet lost by 53 points, the players learned a lot from the experience. “We always remember how we played that day, and it’s lifted our level of play in general,” Hayes says. The Bison went on to win their first 20 games TEAM! •TheGO,Bison, all deaf or



hen kevin cook

12 • March 20, 2011

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

in a row, their best run since the Gallaudet women’s hoops program began in 1896. “Everything came together this year,” says Faafiti, winner of two back-toback player-of-the-year awards.


ook credits their

remarkable streak in part to the leadership of Hayes and Faafiti. But personal difficulties have also created strong bonds. In his first year, Cook learned he had Parkinson’s disease. That same year, Hayes lost her brother Keith in a fire in Indiana. Grief-stricken, she nearly dropped out of school, returning only after she found an unmailed letter from Keith urging her to finish college. Then, in 2009, the coach’s sister (and best friend), Kelly, died in a fire in Ohio. “The team got me several cards, not just one,” Cook says, his voice breaking. “Nukeitra would check on me three times a day, dropping by to ask, ‘Coach, you okay?’ She’s special people. “The biggest lesson I’ve learned from this team is about being grateful,” Cook continues. “I tell them, ‘Look, none of us hears perfectly, but we’re all here and going to university.’ I’ve also gained patience. I’ve had to slow down my communication, and it’s carried over into the rest of my life.” Faafiti’s father (who can hear) flew in from California to see her play her last regular-season game. After the Bison won 73–54, he was beaming. “I am so happy to see her succeeding and being so strong and humble,” he said. “This is one of the proudest moments of my life.”

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Wimpy Kid | continued from page 11

model, and it’s a bit of a conflict for me,” he admits. “There’s a fine line between him being a lovable jerk and him being just a jerk.” What compensates, he says, is the feedback he receives from parents who say the series has affected their children in ways few books have. “Even if the books put just a few kids on a path toward reading,” Kinney says, “then my conflicted feelings dry up.” Not that Kinney has much time to grapple with Greg’s global influence. He’s started work on the sixth Wimpy Kid book (one possible story line: Greg plagiarizes a classic work of literature), and he’d love to animate the series. He still commutes once a week to his job in Boston, developing games for the educationminded kids’ game site Poptropica. He’d also like to write a non-Greg sitcom and feature film. “I don’t want Wimpy Kid to be my one thing,” he says. Heading toward Penn Station for the trip home, Kinney spots some of his favorite fast-food chains and ponders the kind of extreme eating only a 12-year-old can appreciate. “I’d love to see an ad campaign where you could eat all three meals at one of those places—they could call it the triple play,” he says, smiling for a second before putting his inner Greg in check. “But that would probably offend some people.”

Name Address City Daytime Phone #



Kids! What do you like most about the Wimpy Kid books? Tell us at

14 • March 20, 2011

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Breathe More Easily

feel like your itchy, watery eyes get, well, itchier and waterier every year? It’s not just your imagination. “Global warming has caused allergy season to begin a little earlier every year and last a few days longer,� says Dr. Anju Peters, an allergist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. Over-the-counter and prescription medications can work wonders—and for even more relief, try these homespun remedies.


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SundayLunch Three-Cheers Chicken

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Balsamic Chicken Sandwich


For a healthier version, substitute whole-grain rolls or whole-wheat bread. It’s delicious any way you serve it! 2 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cubed ½ tsp salt ½ tsp pepper ¼ cup whole-wheat flour 3 Tbsp olive oil 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 cup low-fat, reducedsodium chicken broth ½ cup balsamic vinegar 6 Tbsp firmly packed dark-brown sugar ½ cup broccoli purée (see tips, at right) 6 ciabatta rolls 6 large slices tomato ½ cup grated part-skim mozzarella Fresh basil (optional)

1. Sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper. Spread flour on a sheet of waxed paper. Toss chicken chunks in flour to coat completely. Preheat oven to 350°F. 2. Warm oil in a large skillet over medium-high. Add chicken and garlic. Lower heat to medium and continue to cook until chicken begins to brown and garlic becomes fragrant, 8–10 minutes. 3. Add chicken broth, vinegar, and brown sugar. Bring to a boil. Cover and

simmer 10–15 minutes, until chicken is cooked through and no longer pink in the center. Add purée and cook 2–3 minutes more until flavors are blended. 4. Place rolls on a large baking sheet. Top each of the 6 bottom halves with a tomato slice (and fresh basil, if desired); divide chicken among them and sprinkle with mozzarella. Bake until cheese is melted and edges of rolls are crisp, 5–7 minutes. Serve immediately.

MAKES: 6 PER SERVING: 520 calories, 53g carbs, 45g protein, 15g fat, 730mg sodium, 3g fiber, 95mg cholesterol

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Cookbook author Jessica Seinfeld shares husband Jerry’s favorite sandwich

Everything I cook is based on how my family likes to eat—and first and foremost, how my husband likes to eat. Once, on a trip to Italy, Jerry had a sandwich he loved so much he didn’t stop talking about it for years. And I thought, “I have to figure out how to make that!” So I experimented for a while. But when I hit it, I hit it hard. Jerry was thrilled. To make mealtime more fun, our family plays a game that starts with someone describing something great that happened, and everyone says, “Yay!” Then the person says something else, and we go, “Awww.” I’ll give you an example: “Mommy came to pick me up at school today.” And the family says, “Yay!” “She was three minutes late.” “Awww.” Our kids absolutely love it.

Jessica’s Tips

16 • March 20, 2011

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

One vehicle. Five stars. Decades of quality.

23 23 city/34 city/34 hwy hwy MPG. MPG.** Over Over the the years, years, the the Accord Accord Sedan Sedan has has received received thousands of accolades. accolades. But But some some we we hold hold more more dear dear than than others. others.Like Likethe the5-star 5-starsafety safetyrating ratinginin each combined category, category, based based on on the the government’s government’s new, new, more morestringent stringentstandards. standards.††And Andthe thefact fact that the Accord is built built right right here here in in America. America.∞∞ Presenting Presenting the the one. one. The The Accord. Accord. From From Honda. Honda. ∞∞ Using Usinglocally locallyand andglobally globallysourced sourcedparts. parts. *23 *23 city/34 city/34 highway highway mpg. mpg. Based Basedon on2011 2011EPA EPAmileage mileageestimates estimatesfor forAccord Accord4-cyl. 4-cyl.Sedan Sedanmodels modelswith withAT. AT.Use Usefor forcomparison comparisonpurposes purposesonly. only.Actual Actual mileage mileage will will vary. vary.†Based †Basedon onfrontal, frontal,side sideand androllover rollovercategories. categories.Government Government5-Star 5-StarSafety SafetyRatings Ratingsare arepart partofofthe theNHTSA’s NHTSA’sNew NewCar CarAssessment AssessmentProgram Program ( ( Vehicles Vehiclestested testedunder underthe thenew newprogram programcannot cannotbe becompared comparedto toMY10 MY10and andearlier earliervehicles. vehicles.©2011 ©2011American AmericanHonda HondaMotor MotorCo., Co.,Inc. Inc.

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.


Flying Lessons

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uring a respite

in a blizzard one night this winter, I made the ritual rounds outside: shovel, sweep, salt, sand—then, with a gentle upward stroke of the broom, lightened the snow load on a few conifers in my garden. Whoosh! Out from the tree limbs’ unseen interior burst a spray of dark-eyed juncos (Junco hyemalis), like four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. What a vivid reminder for unsettled times: At

Dark-eyed junco

“The live bird is a fellow passenger; we are making the voyage together, and there is a sympathy between us that quickly leads to knowledge,” wrote John Burroughs, the influential American naturalist. Armed with such wisdom, I didn’t buy much to outfit myself for a big life shift when I left my city career to retreat to rural solitude and live in the garden I’d known only on weekends. But I did invest in a good pair of birding binoculars, hoping to catch every possible appearance.

Eastern bluebird

some moments, it’s best to hunker down. If creatures weighing in at just under an ounce can find shelter in a storm, so can I. This is how it is between me and the birds: a constant conversation, even when they aren’t singing. Like teachers bringing class to order, or a Zen master anytime, birds always seem to be calling, “Attention! Attention!” Label them my guides or touchstones or even totems, but I openly admit to paying heed, since to do otherwise would be to forgo some of nature’s most instructive, inspiring object lessons.

Scarlet tanager

I confess to sometimes anthropomorphizing birds, like the pang I’ve felt watching certain male and female ducks on the water rhythmically bobbing their heads to get into step for mating. How easy they make choosing a partner appear! And while madly stashing the garden’s gleanings in my freezer every summer, packing it to overfilled, I cannot help but think of the Florida scrub-jay (Aphelocoma coerulescens), who picks, then buries thousands of acorns each harvest— just in case. I hear you, bird; one never knows what’s coming next.


Birds, nature’s true survivors, can teach us how to live—and when to leave By Margaret Roach

18 • March 20, 2011

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

“Thinking of animals like people is misleading and unhelpful and offers no assistance in understanding animal behavior,” says Kevin McGowan, an ornithologist and crow expert from the Cornell Lab of Ornithology in Ithaca, N.Y. “On the other hand, thinking of people as animals with the same survival goals can provide profound insights into what we do.” Even with McGowan’s admonition, my takeaways fall far short of pure science. Still, the lessons I’ve cobbled together from birds’ behaviors have helped inform and inspire my own doings. Lessons like these: 1. Sometimes you need to move on. Birds, masters of the air and breath, apt readers of the weather, know when to migrate and when to stay put. Few decisions in any life are clear, all pro or all con, and I am reminded of this by so-called partial migrants, like Eastern bluebirds (Sialia sialis), who can choose to stay put in winter—ensuring first dibs on a spring nesting site or territory—or can move farther south and have an easier few months. You can’t have it both ways. Published last month, Roach’s memoir traces her midlife move from big-city bustle to rural quiet. Indigo bunting

2. Stand on your own two feet. Birds are one of the few animals besides humans that are not fourlegged. Watching them perch or hop on their tiny legs always makes me think about maintaining my balance and resolve. 3. Be ready with a plan B. It’s not only on a stormy night that birds act with resourcefulness. If the seedbearing trees and shrubs of Canada’s boreal forests don’t produce a sufficient crop, millions of “winter finches,” who don’t normally migrate, rise up and do so, over vast distances. 4. Finally, believe in magic, in pure wonder and the simple spectacle: the supersaturated color of a male indigo bunting (Passerina cyanea) or a scarlet tanager (Piranga olivacea); the tiny iridescent hovercraft that is the spring’s first hummingbird, arriving to sip from

the bleeding heart out front; and the swelling of so many songs as the season comes on full. And even in the footprints in the snow the morning after my botched mission with the broom. Yes, chains of arrowesque tracks—the kind Burroughs called the “stitching upon the coverlet,” an ephemeral embroidery and to my eye the best part of going out into the frosted landscape. But where do all those arrows point? Some-

Margaret Roach, author of the new memoir And I Shall Have Some Peace There, also blogs at A Way to Garden. Bring birds into your home! Listen to their calls and read more about them at

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If You Have a Superior or Lennox Gas Fireplace You Could Get a Protective Screen and a Warning Sticker from a Class Action Settlement There is a Settlement involving Superior and Lennox brand single-pane sealed glass-front gas fireplaces. The lawsuit claims that Lennox Industries Inc., Lennox Hearth Products Inc. and Lennox International Inc. (“Defendants”) concealed that the glass fronts of these fireplaces get hot enough to cause serious burns. Defendants deny that they did not warn consumers and they deny they did anything wrong. Who’s Included? Generally, with some exceptions, you are included if you live in the U.S. (including California) and own a home you bought for personal, family or household purposes that has one or more Superior or Lennox brand single-pane glass front gas fireplaces installed between February 6, 2004 and January 11, 2011. California residents who own a home for personal, family, or household purposes that has one or more Superior brand singlepane glass front gas fireplaces installed between March 1, 2003, and February 5, 2004, are also included.

risks of burns by preventing direct contact with the glass. The Settlement also provides additional information regarding the safety of your fireplace, as well as a warning sticker to be placed on your fireplace control. How to Get Benefits? You must submit a Claim Form to get benefits. You can submit a Claim Form online or by mail. Claim forms are due by August 1, 2011 or 60 days after the final approval hearing, whichever comes later.

Your Other Rights If you do nothing, your rights will be affected. If you do not want to be legally bound by the Settlement, you must exclude yourself from the Settlement. The deadline to exclude yourself is May 2, 2011. If you do not exclude yourself you will not be able to sue the Defendants for any claim relating to the lawsuit. If you stay in the Settlement, you may object to it by May 2, 2011. The Court will hold a hearing on June 2, 2011 to consider whether to approve the Settlement and a request for attorneys’ fees up to $4,750,000 and expenses up to $180,000. What Can You Get? The Court has appointed attorneys to represent If you qualify, you can get a protective the Class. If you wish, you or your own screen for your Superior or Lennox brand attorney may ask to appear and speak at the gas fireplace that will significantly reduce the hearing at your own cost.

Call: 1-877-896-4837 Visit us at PARADE.COM

where good? I think so. “Hope is the thing with feathers,” as Emily Dickinson set down the metaphor. And what could be more hopelike than a soaring, singing bird?


Text “Lennox” to 41513 (Text messaging rates may apply) © PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

iPod not included.

The Wave® music system with Connect Kit for iPod.® You Yo u really real re ally ly llove o e yo ov your our u iiPod. Pod. PPo d. N d Now ow tthe there’s here he h re’s re ’s a reason rea e son n to t love lovve it i even more. Take T k every song on your yo our p playlist la ayl y is istt an and nd br brin bring ing g it it tto o lilife fe o out u loud ut llou oud ou d with with the the award-winning awa ward rd-win w nni ning ng sound ng so of the Wave® music system. The optional op pti tion onal on al Connect Con nne nect ct Kit Kit for forr iPod iPo Pod d makes make ma make kess itt easy, eas a y, y even eeve ven ve n ch char charging arrgi ging ng yyour ourr iP ou iPod d or iP iPhone® so you can pick it up and go. The Wave The Wa ® m music usic us icc sys ssystem yste ys tem te m ca can n br bring rin i g new new life life fe to to all all your your music, mus usic ic,, incl ic in including ncl clud udin ud ing CD C CDss and d ra radi radio. dio. o. This TThi h s is hi i a ccomplete, ompl om plet pl ete, et e, high-performance hig ighh-pe hpe erf r or orma manc ma an ncce syst sy system yst stem em m tha tthat hatt in ha incl includes clud cl udes ud es a cclock, lock lo ck,, an ck n ala alarm larm rm and a handy hand ha ndyy remote rem re mote tthat h t al ha also so ccontrols ontr on trol tr olss key ol ke ey iP iPod od ffeatures e ture ea tu ure ress lilike ke p playlist layl lay la ylis ylis istt na navi navigation. viga vi gati ga tion ti on. Fo on Forb Forbes rbes rb e FYI es FYI YI says that th at “ “yo “you’ll you’ u’llll think thi h nk you’re you u’rre lilist listening sten st enin en ing in g to aa…system …ssys y te tem m th that att ccosts o ts fi os fivve ve times time ti mess more.” me more mo re.” re .” ” TTake akke ad aadvantage va antage of o our ur 3 3030-day, 0-daay, risk-free rris iskk fr kfree ee ttrial. riial al.. As Askk ab aabout bou ou ut ma making aking king ki n 12 2 easy eas a y payments, paym pa ymen ym ents en ts,, w ts wit with i h no it o interest intteres e t charges es from fr om B Bose. osse.* Or Orde Order derr the the Wave Wave® m music usic us ic sys ssystem yste ys tem no te tem n now w an and nd yo you’ you’ll u’llll eeven u’ ven ve n re rece receive ceiv ce ivee th iv tthe e Co C Connect n ec nn e t Kit for free – a $99 value. Hear your playlist like never before. With the performance of Bose, the most respected name in sound.

FREE Connect Kit for iPod when you order by March 31, 2011. To order or learn more: 1-800-922-9654, ext. TW805

The Connect Kit plays music from and charges most iPod and iPhone models. In the event of audio interference, set iPhone to airplane mode. *Bose payment plan available on orders of $299-$1500 paid by major credit card. Separate financing offers may be available for select products. See website for details. Down payment is 1/12 the product price plus applicable tax and shipping charges, charged when your order is shipped. Then, your credit card will be billed for 11 equal monthly installments beginning approximately one month from the date your order is shipped, with 0% APR and no interest charges from Bose. Credit card rules and interest may apply. U.S. residents only. Limit one active financing program per customer. ©2011 Bose Corporation. Patent rights issued and/or pending. The distinctive design of the Wave® music system is a registered trademark of Bose Corporation. Financing and free Connect Kit offers not to be combined with other offers or applied to previous purchases, and subject to change without notice. If the system is returned, the Connect Kit must be returned for a full refund. Offers are limited to purchases made from Bose and participating authorized dealers. Offers valid 2/1/11-3/31/11. Risk free refers to 30-day trial only, requires product purchase and does not include return shipping. Delivery is subject to product availability. iPod and iPhone are registered trademarks of Apple Inc. Quotes reprinted with permission: Thomas Jackson, Forbes FYI, Winter/04.

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

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