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S U N D AY, M A R C H 6 , 2 0 1 1

P Pr octe oc terr wi te ith b abyy ab Procter with baby P Pi ppa, pp a, b a, orn or n Dec. Dec. c. 8 Pippa, born

Family Blessings

CSI: MIAMI MIAMI’S ’S EMILY PROCTER R ON BEING ADOPTED, GIVING BIRTH TO HER BABY GIRL, AND THE SECRETS OF A MOTHER’S LOVE

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

PARADE

Parade.com/celebrity

Q: Does Avril Lavigne

still design clothes?

—Zoey de Padua, Huntington Beach, Calif.

A: Yes, she does! “It’s cool,

because I’ve seen my style resonate with my fans,” Lavigne, 26, says of her line, Abbey Dawn. “I look at them and think, ‘I have that shirt—oh, wait, I made that shirt!’ It’s all me.

Fashion is a big part of my music.” The singer’s next album, Goodbye Lullaby, hits stores March 8.

WALTER SCOTT ASKS…

the actress, 36. And she hasn’t ruled out adoption herself: “Perhaps one day.”

In the meantime, she volunteers with Children Awaiting Parents, a charity that helps place older special-needs or foster kids with families. “There are 120,000 children in the

‘I’ve never shoveled mud before, but I should.’

Ben Taylor

The musician, 34, son of James Taylor and Carly Simon, is touring with his dad (above) and working on a new album, Listening.

Did your parents give you advice about becoming a musician?

My dad let me know that it’s a blue-collar job, that the glamour of it is largely created by the media. So I knew what I was getting into.

Were you nervous about joining their singer-songwriter ranks?

Yes. Anything else would have been easier.

Did you always want to pursue this career?

No. It’s funny—I grew up quite happy to be a student for as long as possible.

What would you do if you weren’t a musician?

I want to make my community more self-sufficient, be more of a grassroots man. I imagine I could be a ski bum pretty easily, too.

Have a question for Walter Scott?

Visit Parade.com/celebrity or write Walter Scott at P.O. Box 5001, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10163-5001.

NEW SEASON! They pledge allegiance to each other.

PHilary Swank

Q: Hilary Swank

plays such a strong mom in Conviction.

Does she have kids of her own?

—Mary Collari, Salem, Mass.

A: Not yet, but her

family is about to grow.

“My brother is looking to adopt a foster child,” says

—The Adjustment Bureau’s Emily Blunt on following in her parents’ gardening footsteps

U.S. awaiting homes. If they don’t find one before they’re in their teens, a large percentage of them will become homeless,” Swank says. “I hope to see them united with families.”

P Chris Pratt

Q: Parks and

Recreation’s Chris Pratt has a number of films coming up. Does he prefer working on movies or TV? —James Silas, New York City

A: “It’s really case by case.

I like them both,” says Pratt, 31. “If it weren’t for my cast and crew on Parks, I would say film, but the job I have now is so good, I’d say TV.” His latest big-screen venture came with a major bonus, though. “The most fun part of shooting Take Me Home Tonight was getting to know the woman I ended up marrying,” Pratt says of Anna Faris, his co-star in the film, which is in theaters now. They tied the knot in July 2009.

PHOTOS, FROM LEFT: AMENDOLA/AP; RD/ORCHON/RETNA; BOWLES/STARTRAKS PHOTO; DOWNIE/CELEBRITY PHOTO

Personality Walter Scott’s

TONIGHT 9/8C

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

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Report INTELLIGENCE

your guide to health, life,

money, entertainment, and more

Parade Picks P Books THE NIGHT SEASON

by Chelsea Cain, fiction, $25

The floodwaters are rising in Portland, Ore., and so is the body count. Cain’s fourth Detective Archie Sheridan novel has headlong pacing, endearing characters, twisted humor, and scalpelsharp descriptions of murder and mayhem. It grabs you like a deadly undertow and doesn’t let go.

P Music

But the best track is the bittersweet piano ballad “Someone Like You,” on which the soulful songstress proves beyond a doubt that there is no one like her.

P Television

21 from Adele, $12

Grammy-winning Brit singersongwriter Adele avoids the sophomore slump with this bold, bluesy follow-up to her 2008 debut, 19 (named for the age at which she wrote it).

The first single, a footstomping breakup anthem called “Rolling in the Deep,” is already climbing the charts.

THE EVENT NBC, March 7, 8 p.m. ET/PT One of the

year’s most mysterious and suspenseful series returns with two hours that feature guest stars Virginia Madsen and Chris Matthews, playing himself. Check it out—this could be the show that’ll scratch your Lost itch.

Manner Up! M Modern etiquette made easy

A

Remember the Alamo ntonio lópez de santa anna learned the hard way that you don’t mess

with Texas. The Mexican general defeated rebellious settlers at the Battle of the Alamo 175 years ago today, only to have Sam Houston’s ragtag band of egf soldiers vow revenge and win independence less than two months later. Nine years after that, Texas became America’s 28th state—good news for the rest of us! After all, what would life be like without these Lone Star originals? Willie Nelson, who was born and raised in Abbott, has become an American icon as much for his raspy renditions of hits like “On the Road Again” as for his salt-and-pepper braids, squabbles with the IRS, and embrace of the high life. Mariano Martinez built the first frozen-margarita machine in his Dallas restaurant, an invention now housed in the Smithsonian. And with J.R. Ewing returning to TV in the upcoming reboot of Dallas, that everything’sbigger-in-Texas spirit shows no sign of abating. It seems everyone wants a piece of the magic: Over the past decade, Texas has seen its total population increase more than any other state in the union. For a Texas A to Z, go to Parade.com/texas. —Brian D. Sweany

4 • March 6, 2011

I’m looking for a new job and want to ask my former boss for a reference.

I believe he thought well of me, but I’m not sure. What’s the best way to ask?

—Jason P., Los Angeles

Though it may be hard to tell what your ex-boss truly thinks of you, it’s doubtful he would agree to give a recommendation, then say you were about as

competent as Inspector Clouseau. Still, it does pay to word your request carefully, says Juanita Ecker, an executive coach in Columbia, S.C. “Contact your previous boss and say, ‘I’m looking for someone who’ll be a great reference for me. Do you have the time?’” If he doesn’t feel comfortable doing it, he’ll probably say, “I’m a little busy at the moment.” If that happens, resist pleading—my default response to every rejection—and move on.

— Judith Newman

Send your questions to Parade.com/mannerup

PHOTO: ANDREW YEE. ILLUSTRATION: ANDY FRIEDMAN

fge

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© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

What will she wear? That’s the question everyone is asking, but no one has been able to uncover this closely guarded royal secret.

For the first time in 30 years, since Diana married Charles, we will all be treated to the grandest of events… a Royal Wedding! In what is sure to be the “Wedding of the Century,” lovely Princess Kate, the first commoner to join the royal family in over 350 years, will exchange vows with dashing Prince William at historic Westminster Abbey on April 29.

To commemorate this historic occasion, the Danbury Mint is offering a stunning 16” porcelain collector doll that will recreate the actual attire worn on this royal occasion. (The image shown here is an artist’s rendering.)

Presenting…the Princess Kate Bride Doll, a museumquality collectible available for advance reservation now through this exclusive offer.

From the maker of the world’s finest collectible portrait dolls.

While the details of her bridal gown remain a royal secret, it is certain to create a worldwide sensation… and our gifted designers will capture every detail to perfection! Once the special day arrives, our seamstresses will create an unmatched representation of the lovely bride and the grand gown she will actually wear on that day.

Reserve this museum-quality collectible today!

The Princess Kate Bride Doll is available at the remarkable price of $159 plus $9 shipping and service, payable in four monthly installments of just $42. Each doll will be individually hand numbered to indicate its “Commemorative Edition” status. If not delighted, simply return your doll within 30 days for replacement or refund.

Supplies will be limited and demand will be great, so be sure to reserve your doll today for Fall delivery. Don’t miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

This image is an artist’s rendering.

Princess Kate’s gown is currently a closely guarded royal secret.

The doll’s gown will be based on the dress Princess Kate actually wears on her wedding day!

ADVANCE RESERVATION APPLICATION

The Danbury Mint 47 Richards Avenue Norwalk, CT 06857

Send no money now.

Yes! Reserve the Princess Kate Bride Doll Commemorative Edition as described in this announcement.

Signature Orders subject to acceptance. Available for Fall 2011 delivery.

Name Please print clearly.

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FOR EASY ORDERING: 1-800-726-1184 • www.danburymint.com 98470016L018 © PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

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PHOTOS, COVER AND INSIDE: FASHION STYLING BY LINDA MEDVENE; HAIR BY CREIGHTON/EXCLUSIVE ARTISTS MGMT; MAKEUP BY TOBY FLEISCHMAN; COVER DRESS BY CATHERINE MALANDRINO, WEST HOLLYWOOD; INSIDE SWEATER BY PRADA, BEVERLY HILLS

A o Mother’s Journey In an exclusive interview, Emily Procter talks about growing up adopted, her hard-won pregnancy, and how both have shaped her love of family

BY ANNE-MARIE O’NEILL / cover and inside portrait BY STEPHANIE RAUSSER

Emily Procter and her partner, music producer Paul Bryan, are squinting intently at the perfect face of their baby daughter, Philippa Frances. It’s not just that the couple is infatuated with tiny Pippa, as she’s known. They’re also trying to answer the question that always preoccupies new parents: Whom does she look like?

“Paul and I were both redheads when we were born,” says Procter, as the little brunette stares back, looking a bit bemused herself. “She doesn’t really resemble either of us.”

The question resonates more deeply for the CSI: Miami star than it does for many new moms: Adopted as an infant, Procter, 42, has never met her biological parents. All she knows of them is that her birth mother was quite young and in a relationship with the biological father when Emily was born.

Between Pippa’s nursing times, Procter settles in for a chat on the poolside patio of her home in Santa Monica, Calif. Sleep-deprived but relaxed in a blue knit • BABY, IT’S YOU tunic, black leggings, and clogs (a departure “ I think family loves and supports you, no from her signature four-inch heels), she opens matter what,” says up about how her own adoption, her parents’ Procter. “I already say to Pippa, ‘I’m unusual divorce, and the birth of her baby here to back you up. have molded her view of what makes a family.

That’s my job.’ ” Visit us at PARADE.COM

I

’ve always known i

was adopted. In fact, my mother loves to tell the story of how a woman stopped us at the store one day when I was 3 or 4, looked at me, and said, “Oh, how precious! I’d love to have one just like her.”

“Well,” I replied with a sweet smile, “you can get one from the children’s home!” My mom just about died laughing.

As comfortable as I was with my adoption, the nature-versusnurture question has been a big one for me. I adore my parents, but I always wondered if I would feel a different kind of love— not more or less, just different— for someone who was biologi-

cally related. I couldn’t wait to look at someone who shared my genes. I thought my baby was going to provide a decoder key to my past. But then I looked at Pippa and realized, no, she’s actually the key to my future.

I’ve long felt that it doesn’t matter how your babies come to you, just that you have each other. My mother, Barbara, who’s a homemaker, tried to get pregnant for seven years before she and my dad adopted my brother, Whit. Three years later they went back on the adoption list and got me. And my dad, William, who’s a doctor, comes from a generations-old American family whose roots go way back in North F March 6, 2011 • 7

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

Emily Procter | continued

FAMILY PORTRAITS •With Pippa’s dad, Paul Bryan, above; at 10 months with older brother Whit, left

of having a family.”

His reaction was, “That’s awesome.”

(Later, he sent me a pair of sparkly Christian Louboutin heels that I’d told him reminded me of shoes I loved as a child, and that was it. I was there!)

Getting pregnant wasn’t easy, and I found that devastating. I really beat myself up for waiting so long when I’d always wanted children and family had been the basis of my happiness my whole life. We did IUI (intrauterine insemination) and two rounds of IVF (in vitro fertilization), and nothing worked. We considered adoption, but the process takes so long. In the end, we gave up on the treatments, and the very next month, I got pregnant naturally.

Everyone at CSI: Miami was really great about accommodating me. The scripts were written so that my character, Detective Calleigh Duquesne, was always in the lab, where they could hide my belly.

Pippa made her entrance with great timing on Dec. 8, right at the beginning of the show’s holiday break. She was in the breech position, with both feet facing down, so the doctors opted for a C-section. F

CHILDHOOD PHOTO: COURTESY OF EMILY PROCTER

Carolina. So it was interesting to grow up surrounded by all that history and tradition when my own genealogical line is basically blank. I’m the new link.

Somehow it makes the world seem very intimate.

When I was 3, my parents got a divorce.

They had been together a long time, and I think they just looked at each other and thought, “Gosh, we’re really different people.” It was the 1970s, and they did a couple of things that were quite openminded: They stayed close, living just 10 minutes away from each other, and they hired a child therapist for my brother and me.

I was so little, I remember thinking, “Oh, the lady with the puppets is coming over, and she’s gonna ask me if I’m mad. How can I be mad when she has puppets?” I really admire my parents for making their split so effortless for me and my brother.

When they each remarried, bringing stepparents and three stepsisters into the equation, we all traveled in a pack. There were folks in town who couldn’t work out who was my stepmother and who was my mother. At any big family function— holidays, a graduation, a birthday—there were four parents and up to five kids. I’m the youngest. Hence, the acting!

Now, I love my job, but work had somehow gotten in the way of having children. Also, I had a boyfriend from home for 15 years, and we never ended up together because neither of us wanted to move. Then a little over three years ago, a friend, the singer Aimee Mann, introduced me to Paul. On our first date, I told him, “You should know that I’m thinking 8 • March 6, 2011

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

Emily Procter | continued

FAMILY PORTRAITS •With Pippa’s dad, Paul Bryan, above; at 10 months with older brother Whit, left

of having a family.”

His reaction was, “That’s awesome.”

(Later, he sent me a pair of sparkly Christian Louboutin heels that I’d told him reminded me of shoes I loved as a child, and that was it. I was there!)

Getting pregnant wasn’t easy, and I found that devastating. I really beat myself up for waiting so long when I’d always wanted children and family had been the basis of my happiness my whole life. We did IUI (intrauterine insemination) and two rounds of IVF (in vitro fertilization), and nothing worked. We considered adoption, but the process takes so long. In the end, we gave up on the treatments, and the very next month, I got pregnant naturally.

Everyone at CSI: Miami was really great about accommodating me. The scripts were written so that my character, Detective Calleigh Duquesne, was always in the lab, where they could hide my belly.

Pippa made her entrance with great timing on Dec. 8, right at the beginning of the show’s holiday break. She was in the breech position, with both feet facing down, so the doctors opted for a C-section. F

CHILDHOOD PHOTO: COURTESY OF EMILY PROCTER

Carolina. So it was interesting to grow up surrounded by all that history and tradition when my own genealogical line is basically blank. I’m the new link.

Somehow it makes the world seem very intimate.

When I was 3, my parents got a divorce.

They had been together a long time, and I think they just looked at each other and thought, “Gosh, we’re really different people.” It was the 1970s, and they did a couple of things that were quite openminded: They stayed close, living just 10 minutes away from each other, and they hired a child therapist for my brother and me.

I was so little, I remember thinking, “Oh, the lady with the puppets is coming over, and she’s gonna ask me if I’m mad. How can I be mad when she has puppets?” I really admire my parents for making their split so effortless for me and my brother.

When they each remarried, bringing stepparents and three stepsisters into the equation, we all traveled in a pack. There were folks in town who couldn’t work out who was my stepmother and who was my mother. At any big family function— holidays, a graduation, a birthday—there were four parents and up to five kids. I’m the youngest. Hence, the acting!

Now, I love my job, but work had somehow gotten in the way of having children. Also, I had a boyfriend from home for 15 years, and we never ended up together because neither of us wanted to move. Then a little over three years ago, a friend, the singer Aimee Mann, introduced me to Paul. On our first date, I told him, “You should know that I’m thinking 8 • March 6, 2011

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

Emily Procter | continued

I went to the hospital hoping for an intimate delivery, but there were about 20 people in the room, because Cedars-Sinai is a teaching hospital, and all the students wanted to see the breech baby. Finally, Pippa arrived, a healthy 7 pounds, 9 ounces, and 19½ inches.

I was laughing and very happy, and Paul was crying, which I think is sweet. When I saw her, she was so alert, I thought, “Gosh, are you 4?” My first words to her were, “Hey, hi.

Well, you’re here.”

I have always thought about my birth mother and what she went through. In the hospital room, when the nurses asked, “Would you like us to take the baby?” I said, “No! I do not want you to take the baby from this room!” And I thought, “What if I had to say, ‘Yes, you can take her away—for good.’ ” I cannot imagine how brave and painful that would be, to make the choice to let someone else raise your baby if you couldn’t do it. It was the right choice in my case. And in a few years, once Pippa has settled in, I think we’ll probably adopt a child who’s over 5, because older children often don’t get considered for adoption.

My love for Pippa is overwhelming. But after all these years of wondering, the birth of my daughter has helped me see that the love I feel for her is the same love I feel for my mother or father or Paul. For me, family love is family love, no matter what.

For the scoop on the shower Procter’s CSI: Miami colleagues threw her, go to Parade.com/procter

Visit us at PARADE.COM

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

OurTowns

By Yvonne Abraham

Parade.com/ourtowns

The Whole World in His Arms A high school athlete’s simple act of kindness gives a lift to a disabled child and his family

PHOTO: ESSDRAS M SUAREZ/BOSTON GLOBE/LANDOV

E

VERYBODY WAS

waiting for Rudy.

Patty and Rick Parker were in their cramped kitchen in Melrose, Mass., with their son Ben, 8. Dinner was over.

Bedtime was near.

Ben’s twin brother, Sammy, lay on a cot in the hallway. Unable to see or speak or control his limbs, he coughed or let out a little moan now and then. Rick and Patty took turns feeding Sammy, who has cerebral palsy, through a stomach tube. He cooed when they kissed his face or stroked his cheek, and when they cooed back, he opened his mouth into a wide, joyful O. A few feet away was the narrow, winding stairway that has become the family’s biggest burden. Which is where 18-year-old Rudy Favard’s simple yet life-changing act of kindness comes in. Until last fall, Rick carried Sammy up those 14 stairs to his bedroom each night.

Then Rick had major surgery, and now he can’t lift much at all, let alone a 75-pound child.

Patty couldn’t carry Sammy, either. Desperate, she called her pediatrician, who referred her to Elizabeth Paquette, the nurse at Malden Catholic High School, whose students are taught to embrace service.

Rudy was the first kid Paquette thought of. At Malden on a partial scholarship, the son of Haitian immigrants was one of the school’s

Visit us at PARADE.COM

Rudy Favard with Sammy in his room. To find out more about Sammy and how you can help, go to Parade.com/parkers

treasures. A linebacker, cocaptain of the football team, and honor student, he was always willing to lend a hand. The nurse had barely begun telling him about the Parkers when he said he’d do it. Another boy would fill in on game nights, and a third boy would be on standby.

When Paquette brought the boys to meet the family, the Parkers cried. It is profoundly isolating to have a child as disabled as Sammy. It’s hard even for friends to understand his all-consuming needs.

Patty and Rick, who tried for years to get pregnant, grieve for one son’s lost potential as they attempt to give the other as normal a life as possible.

“You plan for your child’s future, but it’s hard to do that for Sam,” Rick said. “You have this pathway he should have taken, and the

pathway he did take, and you don’t want to look at either one.”

And over it all hangs the certainty that Sammy’s condition will never improve, even as he grows up.

Five nights a week, into this world of love and hurt comes Rudy. (A nurse assists on the other nights.) In the months the family has known him, the teenager has become not just a help with Sammy but a salve for their pain.

He and Rick talk football, Patty quizzes him about girls, and Ben usually sits as close to him as possible. Often, Sammy trembles with excitement as Rudy picks him up.

“They’re like family,” said the shy senior. It goes both ways: The Parkers were on the field with Rudy’s mother the night the school honored its senior football players.

On a recent evening, a reporter watched as Rudy greeted the Parkers and went over to Sammy, gently lifting the child’s arm and sliding his hands under Sammy’s back. He held the boy close to his chest, and as Sammy made his joyful O, Rudy navigated the stairs.

The contrast was stark: the young man preparing to go out into the world carrying someone who never will. It’s a comparison lost on nobody, least of all Rudy.

“Can I ask you something? Is it okay if this article is more about Sam than me? He’s done more for me than I’ve done for him,” Rudy said later. “There are times when I don’t want to go to practice, and then I look at Sam. By God’s grace, I can do what I’m doing, so I should keep it up. I’ve never been one to complain a lot, but just seeing Sam reaffirms everything, you know?”

The Parkers won’t have Rudy for long. He’s been accepted to four colleges; his choice depends on financial aid and football. The family hopes to be in a bigger home— with no stairs—before he leaves.

Until then, Rudy will bound up to this modest house. He’ll carry Sammy up to his room. Then, for a little while, he’ll carry the Parkers somewhere better, too.

From the Boston Globe, a PARADE partner paper, Dec. 23, 2010 © 2010 The Boston Globe. All rights reserved.

March 6, 2011 • 11

© PARADE Publications 2011. All rights reserved.

SundayDinner

Levine’s Tips

Grilled to Perfection P “I like to add

Maroon 5’s Adam Levine, a “meat-and-potatoes guy,” serves up his favorite rib eye

cle

I’m pretty useless in the kitchen, to be totally honest. My instincts are not good. But I make really good eggs—the most artistically perfect eggs on earth—a pretty good poached salmon, and really good steak.

I don’t want to spread myself too thin! These are my signature items.

I stole this recipe from a friend—or maybe I should say she passed it on to me. Then I modified it a bit.

To me, the fattier the cut, the better the steak. That’s probably why I love rib eyes— because they are the fattiest steaks you could possibly eat.

And the gristle is my favorite part! Everyone thinks gristle is this horrible thing and you should stay away from it. They cut it off. But with the honey added to it, it tastes so good, it should be illegal.

P ”Serve with

fingerling potatoes drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with thyme, salt, and pepper. Just throw them in the oven after you make the marinade. They turn this into one of my favorite, most hearty, yummy meals.”

fge

Signature Steaks “We’re not a sit-down dinner kind of band. We serve the food in the middle of a big table, and everyone kinda just goes at it family-style. That’s how we roll.”

4 rib eye steaks FOR MARINADE:

1 cup Dijon mustard ½ cup honey Salt, to taste Generous splash of Worcestershire

1. Mix marinade ingredients in a bowl. Refrigerate, covered, 30 minutes.

2. Preheat grill or grill pan to medium-high.

3. Remove chilled marinade from refrigerator; coat steaks.

SERVES: 4 PER SERVING: 470 calories, 12g carbs, 46g protein, 25g fat, 190mg cholesterol, 540mg sodium, 0g fiber

Grill over medium-high, about 4 minutes each side for medium-rare. Serve steaks whole or, for a large group, slice steaks very thin and arrange on a platter so people can help themselves.

Maroon 5 is currently on tour to promote their most recent album, Hands All Over, in stores now. For a chance to win one of five copies, go to

dashrecipes .com

PHOTOS, CLOCKWISE FROM BOTTOM LEFT: AMANDA DE CADENET/CONTOUR BY GETTY IMAGES; MARK LUND, FOOD STYLING BY ROSCOE BETSILL, PROP STYLING BY KARIN OLSEN; SHUTTERSTOCK; GETTY IMAGES. NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS/CONSULTING BY JEANINE SHERRY, M.S., R.D.

a lot of honey, because when it chars over the heat, it gets toasty and smoky and just awesome.”

12 • March 6, 2011

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The news of Prince William and longtime love Kate Middleton’s wedding on April 29, 2011 has been celebrated around the globe. Kate’s famous engagement ring to commemorate the big event is stunning with an 18K sapphire, and was first worn

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To assure a proper fit, a ring sizer will be sent to you after your reservation has been accepted.

*Plus $9.98 shipping and service. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery of your jewelry after we receive your initial deposit. Sales subject to product availability and order acceptance.

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By Lee Woodruff

Coming Back to Life

As the nation roots for Gabrielle Giffords’s recovery, the wife of ABC’s Bob Woodruff talks about the long road back from brain injury

A

fter my husband,

Bob, called to tell me about the shooting of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and 18 bystanders in Tucson on Jan. 8, I stopped and said a prayer.

Then I immediately thought about Mark Kelly, Giffords’s husband. In 2006 I was the one who got that phone call out of the blue. While on vacation with our four kids at Disney World, I learned that Bob, an ABC news anchor on assignment in Iraq, had been riding in a vehicle that struck a bomb. Shrapnel was lodged in his brain, and he lay in a coma.

Doctors didn’t know if he’d survive, much less function normally.

Today, though, he’s back—back at work and back in my life as a husband and father. Many Americans are hoping that Giffords has a similarly successful recovery. We’re thrilled by every positive report—she watched an hour of TV! she spoke!— and devastated by the setbacks.

Still, she and her family may be in for a long haul. In the world of brain injury, the work is hard, the recovery process painful and painfully slow, and the miracles few and far between. Progress comes in blink-andyou’ll-miss-it increments.

Bob was in a coma for five weeks, and I got through that time on sheer hope, will, and adrenaline.

The kids and I played his favorite Springsteen albums and read the newspaper to him. When no one

14 • March 6, 2011

Gabrielle Giffords and Mark Kelly last April. Right: The author with her husband in 2009.

could be there, we set home videos to play on a loop. We kept reassuring and touching him, although we received no response—until one day, our daughter Cathryn kissed Bob’s comatose face, and a tear rolled from his eye.

Bob emerged from his coma on day 36. He opened his eyes and asked me where I’d been—just like that.

But he was missing vast parts of himself, like slices cut from a pie. While he could breathe on his own and answer basic questions, he couldn’t name the president and at first didn’t remember we had twin daughters.

My heart broke into a million pieces the time I saw Bob, a man who had a photographic memory, struggle to identify the word for “broom” on a card. Even after he began making

progress, for every two good days, he’d have a payback day and be overcome by exhaustion and pain.

Sometimes my fears about our future flew at me like bats in a cave. I felt frustrated that I couldn’t measure how he was doing. It was his therapist who forced me to look at Bob’s writing samples from week to week so that I could see the subtle advances.

The hardest part about dealing with traumatic brain injury (TBI) is learning to live every day under a cloud of enormous uncertainty. Because the brain is such a compli-

cated organ and every injury is different, doctors can’t predict how well a person will heal. However, there are some indicators they look for.

When Bob came out of his coma, he showed a good amount of mobility, so physicians were fairly certain he’d walk with little impairment.

Relearning how to read, on the other hand, took him hours and hours of going over paragraphs. I’d watch him play Scrabble with our then-5-year-old twins, and one of them would need to supply him with a word. We didn’t know if he’d be able to read without difficulty— until he showed us he could. In some ways, recovering from a brain injury is like climbing a steep mountain. The only way to know that you can scale it is by getting to the top.

And here’s the thing: Regardless of how miraculous a recovery may be, no one is the exact same person afterward. While I’m thrilled when people say, “You’d never know Bob had been injured,” he can tell you how he’s changed and what he does to compensate. I see these tiny changes, but I don’t feel I should mourn them since Bob is alive and healthy. I know that many caregivers for brain-injury survivors grieve these smaller losses in silence.

In the last few years, Bob and I have spent a lot of time talking to and advocating for veterans and other people with TBI. And we realize, every day, just how lucky we are.

Let’s continue to keep Gabrielle Giffords and her family in our prayers. But then let’s tiptoe away and give them the privacy they’ll need to travel their hard road. When they’re ready to celebrate in public, we’ll be right there with them.

PHOTOS, FROM TOP: OFFICE OF U.S. REP. GABRIELLE GIFFORDS/AP; BEN BAKER/REDUX

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I don’t think so. And actually, nature is what changes, not us.

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Others include increased traffic safety, crime reduction, and more daylight hours for after-work activity, which surely will have increasing economic benefits.

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