The Silhouette

McMaster’s swim team wins OUA division title.

Andy looks at the fang-less, teen melodrama flick, New Moon.

see page B9

see page C6

McMASTER UNIVERSITY'S STUDENT NEWSPAPER / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

www.thesil.ca

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VOLUME 80, NO. 15

One on one with Patrick Deane Alleged McMaster’s next President sits down with the Silhouette

arsonist expected to plea SELMA AL-SAMARRAI SENIOR NEWS EDITOR

Emerson Pardoe, the alleged arsonist of the Brandon Hall fire from October 2008, has decided to make a plea on Nov. 27.

Pardoe’s last court appearance was on Nov. 17 where his decision to plea was announced to the court.

On Oct. 18, 2008, Pardoe allegedly set a stack of newspapers on fire inside one of Brandon Hall’s three elevators, consequently burning the entire elevator shaft.

The fire caused the evacuation of a total of 580 students who were then housed at various hotels throughout downtown Hamilton.

After numerous renovations to the residence including painting and re-carpeting some of the areas of the building, mattress replacement, and the sanitization and cleansing of walls, furniture, and curtains, the residence was ready for student occupation by Jan. 4, 2009 with only one working elevator.

All court updates regarding Pardoe will be posted on the Silhouette website.

JEFF GREEN

community, and how McMaster EXECUTIVE EDITOR is similar to past jobs at Queen’s and the University of Winnipeg, Last week, the Silhouette had Deane brings a new set of eyes to a the opportunity to sit down with university he is excited to be a part McMaster’s next president, Patrick of in July 2010. The following is Deane. From his legacy at Queen’s selected excerpts from the interview where he is finishing his term as with Mac’s next president. vice-principal (academic), his thoughts on McMaster’s expansion Jeff Green: I did want to ask you into the downtown core, what first on your legacy at Queen’s; he plans to bring to McMaster what do you think it will be? Do you

think it will be going through the rough-patch with principal Karen [and her abrupt leaving of office while you were vice-principal], do you think it will be shutting down homecoming, or do you think it will be something else?

Patrick Deane: I think my main legacy will be in the field of relations between the students and the city. I think there have been many contributions I’ve made –

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SILHOUETTE STAFF

I’ve done a lot to stabilize the place during a very difficult time.

The thing I’m most proud of will have to do with the place of students in relation to that community. Students in the community weren’t well understood; there were behavioural issues around street parties and I worked really hard to help the community come to a more understanding of what the problem

was, it wasn’t just students behaving badly it was a bigger social problem in the city. I feel pleased about that. I think we’ve largely gotten over those difficulties, which were making the city inhospitable for the students and the students a problem for the residents and the city, so it’s been good.

JG: In an interview you had with • PLEASE SEE AN, A4

Three Mac researchers take home Polanyi’s SELMA AL-SAMARRAI SENIOR NEWS EDITOR

Three of the five annual John Charles Polanyi awards in Ontario were handed to McMaster researchers. Amelia De Falco, Michael Kiang and Laura Parker are the three McMaster winners this year. The John Charles Polanyi prize, named after the 1986 Nobelprize winner, recognizes researchers in the beginning of their career, within five years of completing their PhD, who are continuing their post-doctoral studies at an Ontario

University. The awards cover the studies of chemistry, literature, physics, physiology or medicine and economics. Along with the prize, winners receive $20,000.

Amelia De Falco is currently a sessional lecturer and post-doctoral fellow in the Department of English and Cultural Studies at McMaster. De Falco currently research the ethics of care-giving in Canadian literature.

“What has been discovered, debated and theorized in the philosophy of care and then I’m consider how literature, specifically Canadian

C/O MCMASTER PUBLIC RELATIONS

Amelia De Falco, Michael Kiang and Laura Parker are three of the five winners of the annual Polanyi awards.

Culture and comedy: can we combat racism with comedy? literature, can open up some of the McMaster University. Kiang is teaches undergraduate and graduate InsideOut, B1 issues that philosophers of care have also a psychiatrist in the mental courses and researches astronomy looked at,” explained De Falco.

De Falco completed a double bachelors degree in English and Film Studies in the University of Toronto, along with a Masters Degree in English at McMaster University, followed by a PhD in English at University of Toronto.

“I’m thrilled and honoured, it’s a confirmation of the work I do and it gives me a lot of hope for the future… since employment opportunities are very daunting… especially for humanities.”

Michael Kiang is an assistant professor at the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioural Neurosciences at

Inside the Sil this week

Mac wins O.U.C.H. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .A3 Mac voted most Vegetarian Friendly . . . .A3 Car Crash on Campus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .A5 Buy Nothing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B3

health and addictions department at St. Joseph’s Healthcare Hamilton.

Currently, Kiang’s research is focused on the neuro-physiology of schizophrenia in addition to some teaching some medical students at McMaster and some graduate students in the neuroscience graduate program. Kiang completed an undergraduate degree in biology at Harvard College, followed by a medical degree at University of Toronto, followed by the completion of a PhD in cognitive science at the University of California.

Laura Parker, an assistant professor in the Department of Physics and Astronomy currently

Home for the Holidays . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B3 Effective Studying . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B4 Basketball wins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B7 Women’s Volleyball . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B7

at McMaster University. Parker completed a post-doctoral fellow ship in the European Southern Observatory in Germany and prior to that, completed a Bachelors of Science degree at Mount Allison University in New Brunswick followed by the completion of her PhD at University of Waterloo “I am an observational cosmologist, I study galaxies and bigger structures in the universe using telescopes, my main research goals are related to understanding how structure in the universe forms and how it evolves over the history of the universe… having my research recognized means a lot to me.”

Vanier Cup Preview . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B11 Cut the crap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .C5 Pirate Radio. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .C7 DIY Punk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .C12

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THE SILHOUETTE • A3

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Mac celebrates sixth O.U.C.H win SELMA AL-SAMARRAI SENIOR NEWS EDITOR

The Ontario University Hip Hop competition (OUCH) was held at McMaster University’s Burridge Gym on Nov. 21 and resulted in the sixth win for McMaster out of seven competitions. McMaster’s team came in first, University of Toronto’s St. George campus team came in second and Waterloo’s team came in third. The OUCH competition included 15 universities and colleges from across the province of Ontario and sold about 1550 tickets.

In total, 182 dancers participated from other schools.

In addition, starting this year the OUCH competition The McMaster hip hop team, pictured above, won this year’s annual O.U.C.H. competition. This is the distributed special awards. The university’s sixth win out of seven O.U.C.H. competitions. special awards consisted of Best The final amount has not Costume award, which was given contestant from the first season War Child Canada is a Canadian to Waterloo University’s team, from So You Think You Can Dance charity that provides humanitarian been figured out yet and will be Best Mix award that was given Canada, Brandon Roache, Mariano assistance to children affected posted on the OUCH website.

Kylie Thompson, co-chair to Brock University’s team and Abarca, Diana Reyes and Tasha by war around the world. Since Best Transitions to University Ricketts. Performers included hip McMaster’s team is a non-profit of the McMaster hip hop team, of Toronto’s St. George campus hop star Trish and the performance organization, once the expenses expressed, “it was an amazing for the competition are paid off, experience…to be there and hear team. Another new segment of the group Rated Inc. This is the first year that including venue, sounding, lighting the crowd’s anticipation of us competition is a judge’s showcase where the judges selected the event McMaster’s team is officially and judges, 100 per cent of the coming on stage was absolutely performed for the audience. Judges involved with a charity. The charity money left will be donated to War phenomenal, standing backstage, the gym sounded thunderous.” this year include Miles Faber, a of choice is War Child Canada. Child Canada.

TAYLOR HAYWARD / THE SILHOUETTE

McMaster voted most vegetarian-friendly Bridges Cafe cited as main vegetarian option on campus SELMA AL-SAMARRAI SENIOR NEWS EDITOR

An online poll sponsored by peta2 revealed that McMaster University has been voted the most vegetarianfriendly university in Canada.

According to the Peta Media Center, 13,000 votes were placed in this recent poll.

Peta2 is the world’s largest animal rights organization for youths.

Some of the vegetarian food options offered at the university include Vegetarian Chili, Soy Thai Chicken Salad Wrap, Organic Quinoa and Rice Jambalaya, all offered at McMaster’s vegetarian restaurant, Bridges Café.

The University that came in second place was Mount Allison University in New Brunswick.

The other three universities that

composed the top five Canadian universities voted most vegetarianfriendly are Queen’s University, the University of Victoria and Concordia University.

Eight Canadian universities were nominated for this vote, and the nominations were determined through student recommendations and feedback from MySpace, Facebook and the peta2 blog.

“We congratulate all our winners for their success in offering great vegan options that are good for students’ health and for the schools’ bottom lines… “ “More and more young people are learning that the best thing that they can do for animals, the planet, and themselves is to go vegan,” stated Ryan Huling, a Peta2 staff member, on the Peta Media Center.

WILL VAN ENGEN / PHOTO EDITOR

Vegetarian sushi is just one of the veggie meals McMaster offers.

Senior curator post filled at McMaster Museum of Art gets new curator LILY PANAMSKY

collection. Its emphasis is not Canadian, about 23 per cent of the whole collection is Canadian.

The McMaster Museum of Art So it’s actually carved out its own has recently hired Ihor Holubizky particular uniqueness”. as the new Senior Curator.

There are approximately Holubizsky, who is an avid art 7000 objects in the collection. critic, has had experience working As senior curator at the museum, both in university museums and Holubizsky is in charge of public galleries. “They all do the physical and intellectual slightly different things, but at a maintenance of the objects. university museum, “You don’t play the emphasis is favourites; you on scholarship, This collection have to kind of pay research, teaching is a little different. attention to all of facility, [although] them, that is, their it does have a public It’s not a Canadian actual physical dimension.

We condition, and collection. Its operate as a public their intellectual emphasis is not property.” He is gallery, but it’s not Canadian, about also responsible for exactly the same as the Art Gallery of 23 per cent of the presenting ideas to Hamilton.” audiences, primarily Holubizsky whole collection university members. is Canadian.' was curator at the “You bring your Hamilton Museum own knowledge and of Art for eight and a expertise and then half years. He has also done research you keep learning,” concluded and contract work in Australia, New Holubizsky.

Zealand, Japan and Southeast Asia.

“I go in there when I get Referring to McMaster’s tired of doing paperwork, I go into collection of art, Holubizsky the vaults and look at art. You get to explained, “This collection is a see a lot more art when you work in little different. It’s not a Canadian a gallery.”

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

Newsbites Compiled by Jennifer Bacher

Road kill calendar is a surprising hit Kevin Beresford, the man behind the bizarre Road Kill Calendar 2010, said he came up with the idea while working as a courier and driving around the country.

He said he was inspired by some of the road kill he came across and felt compelled to take photos of them. He then created the Road Kill calendar and has since sold hundreds of copies online. Beresford added that he believes it’s the perfect gift for a Secret Santa Party.

Woman loses sick leave over Facebook photos Photos on Facebook have cost a Nathalie Blanchard her long-term sick leave benefits. Blanchard was away with major depression and has been receiving monthly sick-leave benefits from her job at IBM. But when a Manulife insurance agent discovered pictures of Blanchard having a good time, the payments stopped. Blanchard said Manulife told her that the photos of her at a Chippendale’s bar show, at her birthday party and on vacation were evidence that she is no longer depressed. Blanchard says that on her doctor’s advice, she had been trying to have fun. She is currently fighting to get her benefits reinstated. $40,000 left at holy shrine for safekeeping, not donation Operators of a Catholic shrine in Maryland thought they had been blessed with a big donation this month when a worker found $40,000 worth of rare coins on the grounds. But officials at Mount St. Mary’s University said that the bags of money had only been left at the National Shrine Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes for safekeeping. The shrine Director said the owner returned to retrieve them about a week later. The unidentified owner told the Director she wanted the Blessed Virgin Mary to watch over her treasure while she was out of town.

Police found “ninja” impaled on fence Seattle police say a man who thought he was a ninja was found impaled on a metal fence when he tried to leap over it. An officer who was looking for an assault victim nearby heard the man screaming for help.

Police supported him to prevent further injuries until medics arrived and took him to a hospital, where he was in intensive care. A police spokesperson wrote in a department Web site that officers thought the man might have been involved in the reported assault, but he insisted he was just a ninja trying to clear a 4 to 5 foot-tall fence. Police say the man was “overconfident in his abilities,” and that alcohol likely played a large role in his actions.

Overdue library books returned 51 years later A high school librarian in Phoenix says a former student at the school returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago along with a $1,000 money order to cover the fines. Someone who wanted to remain anonymous sent the two Audubon Society books checked out in 1959 and the money order.

The letter explained that the borrower’s family moved to another state and the books were mistakenly packed. The letter said the money order was to cover fines of 2 cents per day for each book, which totaled to about $745. The letter says the extra money was added in case the rates had changed. The librarian says the money will buy more books, and the overdue books will be returned to the shelves.

Man gets life in prison for scaring a woman to death A man will spend the rest of his life in prison after he was found guilty in what prosecutors said was a case of scaring a 79-year-old North Carolina grandmother to death.

Prosecutors say Whitfield was looking for somewhere to hide after a failed bank robbery attempt when he broke into the woman’s home.

Authorities say Whitfield never touched the grandmother, but she suffered a heart attack when she saw him, and he didn’t call for help.

A4 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

An interview with McMaster’s next President • CONT’D FROM A1 the Queen’s Journal, someone commented on the website saying, “His engagement with students should be applauded, and he was often one of the lone bright spots in the administration’s bureaucracy, inactivity, and pure negligence of student well being on campus. The turnovers in the administration should be a wake up call for everyone at this institution about how things need to change. Hopefully Principal Woolf is up to the challenge... but I’m not holding my breath.” Do you have any comment?

PD: I can’t think of anything more gratifying than that said of what I did. I had a really, really good relationship with students at Queen’s, that’s the pleasure of the job ultimately, it is what you can do for students to improve the quality of the experience they have, both on the education front and during the general experience of their degree.

I think it’s an honour to have that said. I haven’t been alone with this.

I think a lot of people have worked hard for students at Queen’s, it’s been a difficult time and it’s not always been obvious that students are valued and input needed to be sought.

JG: Both McMaster and Queen’s are situated in large urban areas, does that ease the transition?

PD: I think oddly enough that my experience in Winnipeg will prepare me more for Hamilton than Kingston. Kingston is considerably a smaller community and it is also much more homogenous. Winnipeg is a city about the size of Hamilton, it has a very diverse population and lots of families that haven’t sent students to universities before, and all kinds of problems that attend a city of that size. I’m really interested in the way in which a university builds a relationship with that community and conducts that relationship. That’s one of the

attractions that are interesting in Mac itself and also in Mac and the larger community.

JG: You were vice president (academic) at the University of Winnipeg in 2001, and the University of Winnipeg is playing a big role in the revival of Winnipeg and improving socio-economic outcomes among the poorest urban communities in Canada. Winnipeg is spreading out in Downtown Winnipeg and having a physical presence in native communities and it is making a difference. Do you have ambitions to expand McMaster into the socioeconomically troubled areas of Hamilton and into the Six Nations reserve?

PD: I think higher education has a huge role to play in both of those areas in dealing with conflicts issues and aboriginal issues. In both areas I don’t think we have a great record nationally, and in Winnipeg the university has been able to make a difference and certainly I’ll be

wanting to pursue those issues here.

It’s too early for me to say how to configure it all and what the areas are that need to be addressed, and you can tell from my time at Queen’s that these are two of my interests.

I’m particularly interested in the socially regenerative and positive constructive role a university can play in Canadian society at large in dealing with aboriginal questions and helping communities bring themselves back to conditions of prosperity.

JG: Do you think that you will follow the lead of the University of Manitoba with “community learning”?

PD: That seems to be a very positive direction to go. I’m still six to seven months away from assuming office, you have got to take the lay of the land you get here but you know I’m predisposed to this kind of thing.

JG: Do you think that [McMaster] should be focusing more here or should we be letting our minds expand into Burlington and abroad?

PD: Universities have to commit themselves to an engagement with the world outside of their immediate environment. It doesn’t to me make a whole lot of sense to engage with the world that is very far from your borders when you’ve got a world that’s immediately there. At the same time I think it’s the same kind of sensibility, if one is interested in developmental issues or science, as it underwrites the quality of life, water issues or health issues, sustainability and so on it just makes complete sense to take what you’re developing on the campus and move it into your immediate community.

JG: McMaster has gone away from what they have done in the past in terms of hiring engineers, specifically research driven senior administration. Do you see this as a resurgence of the Liberal Arts at McMaster?

PD: Obviously, I can’t speak for the university. I can infer what my appointment means. Obviously my appointment means the University is concerned with supporting those past universities in which I’ve built my career. I think the question really is what is the vision I would have for the university and I’m the kind of person that has as an organic vision of the university. I do think you have to have right balance between sciences, applied sciences,

health sciences and the humanities and social sciences.

JG: According to the President’s Advisory Committee on the Impact of the Current Economic Situation (PACICES) interim report, the university has projected annual deficits of anywhere between $42 and $86 million for the 2011, 2012, and 2013 fiscal years, including a $36 million deficit this year. Where do you start?

PD: You start by trying to understand it. The financial situation of all the Ontario universities are bad, in different ways, but all similarly bad. My approach to this would be to bring what I know from previous institutions. To learn about what particularly lies behind situation here at Mac and then just to deliver on every front. A big problem here is the under-funding of universities.

We have to continue to keep pushing on the direction that Peter George has been pushing at the government level, because this is the result of Ontario operating the lowest funded postsecondary system, certainly in Canada and one of the lowest in North America.

JG: As you know Peter George was an institution at Mac for the last 40 years, 15 of which as president. Do you see yourself in that same light?

PD: Long term? I think to really make a difference in an institution you need to commit yourself to it and certainly in coming here, I come here with the intention of making a full commitment to the university so the decision is the university’s to make and further on how long he stays but I certainly am not seeing this as anything less than a full commitment.

JG: Do you plan on living in the President’s House [which is now Alumni House behind Bates residence]?

PD: I won’t be able to for the simple reason that we keep horses. The sheep are well known, the sheep are coming, but we also have horses, we’ve had horses longer than we’ve had sheep, but there won’t be sheep and horses on campus.

JG: If you could take one thing from Queen’s, what would that be?

PD: Something I would never want to be away from is the vitality and energy of the place. It’s a very energetic institution and there are many contributors to it. I have a suspicion I will find something similar here though.

THE SILHOUETTE • A5

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Mac joins Alzheimer’s Society to help patients LILY PANAMSKY

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

The School of Rehabilitation Science at McMaster University is currently partnered with the Alzheimer’s Society of Canada to undergo two main projects to help people with dementia.

The first project, which is still awaiting funding, is an objective evaluation of technology that assists people with dementia.

The information extracted from the evaluations would be sent to the Alzheimer’s Society for posting on their website.

Dr. Elizabeth Steggles, research coordinator at the School of Rehabilitation Science, explained the leading-up to the partnership, “What actually happened was in 2005 we were engaged in a project that evaluated locating technology for people at risk of wandering…

And then the Alzheimer’s society called us because they had some questions about it, and just in the course of conversation it became apparent that we had some common interests. They were being asked for information about locating technology and we had done a study on locating technology.”

According to the Alzheimer’s Society of Canada’s website, dementia is a syndrome with symptoms such as loss of memory, judgement and reasoning, and changes in mood, behaviour and communication abilities.

Alzheimer’s disease—the most common form of dementia— is a progressive, degenerative disease of the brain, which causes impairments in thinking processes and in memory.

Unfortunately, the project has not yet taken off due to lack of funding. Steggles admitted, “The

traditional sort of research doesn’t fund things like that. It’ll fund the development of equipment but it won’t fund the evaluation of equipment.”

“One of the funds that we hope to be able to do is that we see that there are manufacturers out there who don’t necessarily have a good understanding of the needs of people with dementia, and we and the Alzheimer’s Society can provide that insight.”

The School of Rehab Science and the Alzheimer’s Society would be able to provide relevant information for manufacturers, who would then be able to develop better products for the patients.

Currently, there is another project set to begin in January featuring Masters’ Occupational Therapy students at McMaster who will conduct literature reviews on the best ways to obtain information from people with dementia and consequently develop a needs assessment.

The project will help to better understand people with dementia and provide increased safety within the community. There will be three students participating in the study as part of the evidencebased project that is compulsory in the Masters program.

Accessibly Yours, a venture of the School of Rehabilitation Science at McMaster, is responsible for the undertaking of the projects. It aims to enhance the cultural, institutional, social, and emotional environments at the university. Previous projects conducted by Accessibly Yours include Accessibility Audits to better integrate disability needs on campus, and barrier free guidelines for new buildings on campus, based on the Hamilton City guidelines.

Car crash on Forsyth Ave.

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SILHOUETTE STAFF

Forsythe collision: On the evening of Tuesday Nov. 25, a three-vehicle car crash occured directly in front of the McMaster Children’s Hospital.

Tiny-injectors invented for medicine Microscopic injection will now be enhanced ANDREW DAWDY SILHOUETTE STAFF

There has been yet another accomplishment by researchers in a McMaster lab. Dr. Ravi Selvaganapathy, assistant professor of mechanical engineering at McMaster, along with his research team has created an automated, low-cost micro-injector that will drastically change the way we perform microscopic injections.

“This device is to drug discovery what the assembly line was to the automobile or the silicon chip to information technology,” stated Selvaganapathy. The device has great potential not only for

drug discovery but also for genetic engineering all together. Cells and embryos are guided down a cell-wide channel to an injection site where they are then perfectly aligned to receive their injection.

The reagent to be injected follows a similar track to the tiny needle at the injection site. The reagent is transported using Electro Osmotic Flow (EOF) resulting in extremely precise dosage control.

Beyond this the device is able to determine exactly where the microscopic needle enters the cell allowing for a perfect injection of the reagent, a process known as transfection when injecting free nucleic acids. The device is also able to perform several post-processing operations such as sorting the cells and testing the cell’s viability. All of these processes are precisely executed on a single chip controlled by computers.

This invention could lead to complete elimination of the need for microscopes. They are no longer needed because the whole process is controlled and monitored by computers. This allows for minimal

damage to the cells as well as precise injections. These aspects of the device give it a huge potential for invitro fertilization procedures. The research team actually performed a viability test on the device by injecting ultrapure water in to Zebra fish embryos and achieved an astounding success rate of 80 per cent. Further, the device’s ability to speed up the injection process will accelerate genetic engineering as well as drug discovery and hopefully result in more frequent scientific breakthroughs in both of these respective fields.

The micro-injector has essentially automated the transfection process to microscopic cells and embryos. Cells are supplied, injected and transported entirely on the device. The automation of this process will drastically increase the speed with which microscopic injections can occur. Its design and low cost will make the use of the device nearly universal. Selvaganapathy stated, “Almost every researcher would be able to have this device at their disposal in their own labs.”

A8 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2009

A8 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2009

A8 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

EDITORIAL The Silhouette

CASA survey cost comes from legal settlement

By Lucy Scholey The Dalhousie Gazette (Dalhousie University)

TheSil.ca Executive Editor Jeff Green Managing Editor Bahram Dideban Senior News Editor Selma Al-Samarrai Assistant News Editor Lily Panamsky Features Editor Paige Faber Opinions Editor Peter Goffin Sports Editor Brian Decker Assistant Sports Editor David Koots Insideout Editor Lindsay Jolivet Assistant Insideout Phyllis Tsang Photo Editor Will van Engen Staff Photographer Terry Shan Multimedia Editor Ava Dideban Production Editor Katherine Marsden Web Editor Jason Lamb Health Editor Sarah Levitt Distribution Coordinator Jonathon Fairclough Ad Manager Sandro Giordano

Senior Andy Editor Grace Evans Music Editor Corrigan Hammond Entertainment Editor Myles Herod

Silhouette Staff

Sam Colbert, Joey Coleman, Kevin Elliott, Noah Nemoy, Julie Compton, Jenifer Bacher, Michael Hewak, Christopher Chang, Lauren Jewett, Jacqueline Flaggiello, Natasha Pirani, Amanda Fracz

Contact Us Volume 80 2009-10 • McMaster University Student Centre, Room B110 McMaster University 1280 Main Street West Hamilton, ON L8S 4S4 • Fax: (905) 529–3208 • E–Mail: thesil@thesil.ca • Production Office: (905) 525-9140, extension 27117 • Advertising: (905) 525-9140, extension 27557 • 10,000 circulation • Published by the McMaster Students Union

thesil@thesil.ca

Worth Repeating:

McMaster University’s Student Newspaper

Editorial Board

executive editor: extension 22052

HALIFAX (CUP) – Close to $30,000 being put towards a survey of Canadian students by the Canadian Alliance of Student Associations is coming from a settlement with a McGill University student association, it has been learned.

The national director of CASA explained the survey’s details at the alliance’s annual general meeting in Halifax last week.

“We sincerely do apologize [for any miscommunications about the survey] because we do feel that this was in our jurisdiction to decide,” said the association’s national director, Arati Sharma, at Dalhousie University on Nov. 20.

The survey has been raising questions among some CASA members who were unclear of its details, including who made the decision to conduct the survey and where the money came from.

The “Canadian Student Survey” is a project co-initiated by CASA and the Canadian Education Project, a Toronto-based research group. It’s the first time Canadian student unions and lobby groups have designed such a broad survey for data gathering purposes. The idea behind the survey is to prop up advocacy and lobby efforts. In previous years, these groups relied on data from outside research groups.

At the time of the AGM plenary – the meeting when a representative from each student union votes on the specific policy decisions up for debate – 20,000 students had completed the survey.

Due to confidentiality reasons, Sharma couldn’t disclose details of the settlement with Sometimes life imitates art, that is, if the National Lampoon’s Christmas the Students’ Society of McGill Vacation qualifies as art. Beyond a shadow of doubt, it is a masterpiece. University, but said the issue And unfortunately, you may be Russ, your Dad may be Clarke, and if you’re regarded missed member lucky, you Mom may have a cousin called Eddie. payments. Through an out-of-court

Nevertheless the Chevy Chase cult classic is a snapshot of our settlement, CASA was awarded generation. Your Christmas, much like mine, was probably filled with faint $37,500 in total – $28,575 in membership fee back-payments truths and reenactments of the Griswold’s Christmas.

Can you distinctly remember driving endless hours into your after the $8925 in legal fees was rural surroundings to find the Christmas tree? I’m not sure if my sister was factored in.

McGill undergraduate frozen from the eyes down, but the “a little full, lot of sap” motto on tree students voted to exit CASA in selection has been going on for years. I can distinctly remember banging 2005. on the second floor windows where I could see my Dad putting up the Sharma and CASA’s lights on the gutter 2 stories up. The ladder barely reached, and instead of governance officers decided to words of encouragement, or pretending to watch the ladder, I banged on put the settlement money towards the windows in an effort to gain attention. the Canadian Student Survey,

Maybe your family was the Griswold’s neighbours. Can you hear which is taking place online this month. Student unions that have your mom screaming to your father, “why is it wet Todd?”

The coming holiday season should be one to look forward to.You membership with CASA and their should be excited about your father’s over enthusiasm, your “different” provincial lobby groups can receive funding from both organizations to uncle, and your grandmother who repeatedly re-gifts her cat.

Sometimes, to be blunt, shit does hit the fan. Your Dad may not participate. Non-CASA members have also allowed to participate, at get that bonus cheque and take it out on the family, your uncle may burn a fee of $1,000 per institution. the Christmas tree, Cousin Eddie might kidnap someone, or in my case, There are currently 19 your brother might decided to topple the Christmas tree by playing with schools participating in the survey. the outlet, nearly bringing down your house. And the best part is, he The total cost will be $60,000, broke nearly every ornament on the tree, save his “Snoopy’s Baby’s First including a fixed cost of $40,000 Birthday” bulb. and a variable cost of $1000 per

Even when it’s bad, and you’re kicked out of your bed and have to institution. play cribbage for hours on end, you’re still with your family. And yes, they are related (at least in most cases…), so yes, you do have to love them.

And as long as you can accept that, it can still be the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny fucking Kaye. Holy shit, where’s the Tylenol.

•Jeff Green

Holy shit, where’s the Tylenol

The Canadian Education Project is a division of the Educational Policy Institute, an American research group. Alex Usher, a former national director of CASA, is the Canadian director of EPI. In an interview two weeks ago, Sharma said choosing EPI to partner with for the survey doesn’t pose a conflict of interest.

“The data is ours,” she said, and EPI is “just processing it for us.”

“I didn’t know there was a settlement before I came here,” said Jack Brown, president of the University of Fraser Valley Student Union Society, to the group of representatives at the meeting.

“We’ve been having communications issues for the past little while now,” he added during a break from the meeting. His university isn’t participating in the project because British Columbia doesn’t have a provincial lobby organization affiliated with CASA and the University of Fraser Valley doesn’t have room in its budget to pay the fee.

There were also issues with the survey’s methodology, he said.

While the president of Saint Mary’s University Students’ Association admits there has been a lot of miscommunication, he says he has few doubts about the project.

“Our union’s job is to interpret the budget and what is best for students and what we really should be discussing . . . [are] the merits of the survey itself,” said President Matt Anderson said.

His union, he continued, believes “the merits of the survey are very good.”

Ella Henry, vice-president of education at St. Thomas University’s student union, said the project has raised questions concerning CASA’s governance structure.

“I think we heard, here, in the plenary, that a lot of schools have questions about whether the national director and governance officers were within their mandate to make that allocation of money,” she said.

St. Thomas didn’t participate in the survey because its research ethics board raised concerns abou its lack of scholarly research. Before the university’s student union could put its participation to a vote, though, the project had already been approved, said Henry. She was not consulted on the project, she added. The provincial lobby organizations partnering with CASA in the survey are the Alliance of Nova Scotia Students Association, the Ontario Undergraduate Students Alliance and the Council of Alberta University Students. The New Brunswick Student Alliance chose not to participate, though some New Brunswick schools are participating in the survey.

Write to us Opinions: Up to 600 words Letters: 100 to 300 words Submit via email by 5:00 p.m. the Monday before publication.

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to the avedon sessions.

to puking up anti-nauseants.

to christmas in november.

to the ginger bread house not working. although the gingerbread flat was still delicious.

to potluck. 5 am chili? you bet.

News: Wednesdays @ 12:30 pm InsideOut: Mondays @ 1:30 pm Sports: Thursdays @ 1:30 pm Andy: Mondays @ 1:30 pm Photo: Fridays @ 3:30 pm Opinions: Tuesdays @ 1:30 (all opinions can be mailed to opinions@thesil.ca, keep them 500-700 words)

to christmas vacation, the ref and other holiday classics. to the babies having the party of the year. what a jam. thanks. to darth-tater. to secret santa. to not publishing till january 14. sorry kids.

to exams killing december. remember when it used to be awesome and filled with candy and presents. where’s my santa now. to 7 people and a photo backdrop in one car. a civic was never meant to be that low. to party drama. to mirah carey at christmas.

THE SILHOUETTE • A9

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

OPINIONS

?

Take 9/11 plotters off display

What are you going to do when you Their fates are sealed. Trials now just peep shows. finish exams?

Peter Goffin

OPINIONS EDITOR

Feedback

“I’m going to sleep for three days.”

Cait Jago

“I’m going to go home, go to my cottage, grab a bunch of friends and drink a lot.”

?

Compiled by Christopher Chang

opinions@thesil.ca

production office: extension 27117

Henry Ajzenberg

The braintrust behind the September 11 attacks are being put to trial. In New York, no less. And, unsurprisingly, it has been a very big deal.

Where and how the trials are held has captivated Americans as much as anything can these days. But it has been all been a waste of energy.

Because none of it matters.

The trials don’t matter. Just as Saddam Hussein’s trial didn’t matter, just as the Nuremberg trials didn’t matter.

They aren’t even really trials.

They are the judicial equivalent of professional wrestling matches.

Whether the court is military or civilian, whether the verdict is delivered by a judge or a jury, the trials are a sham. They are plastic justice, manufactured for show.

And I don’t know that it is necessarily a blight, or even all that unfair. Even in the fairest court in the land Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, who has called himself the “mastermind behind the World Trade centre attacks”, and his four colleagues, would be unlikely to get off. But given that we all know the inevitable outcome of the proceedings, why does any of it matter?

Why should what goes on in that Manhattan courtroom become the focus of a nation, much less of the world?

Granted, it is imperative to hold these trials lest a precedent be set for putting men to death on the assumption that they are guilty of massive crimes. But that is the purpose of the

awaited chance at retribution.

I don’t believe that anyone ought to be killed for a crime either, but that argument is on a larger scale than I handle, particularly in a case like this, and besides, the death penalty is the law of the land. So be it. It won’t change anytime soon. But what could have been changed was how these trials were handled. If these trials have to be conducted, they should be conducted behind closed doors.

Of course transparency is important, but this isn’t transparency. This is schadenfreude.

The three accused will be found guilty.They have no more chance of absolution than did Hussein or Herman Goering. They are guilty.

But it is in precisely these types of cases that state and legal officials must maintain some kind of modesty and decorum. It is when we all know that the defendants Five men are on trial for plotting the 9/11 attacks. are guilty that they must be actual legal proceedings and can’t judge the emotional re- treated as though they were is totally disconnected from action. But to actually carry not. Because it is when we the need to watch them in through with it is perverse. have the greatest justification awe.

And although the American for inflicting cruelty and hu The publicity sur- government and its justice miliation that we must show rounding the trials is pure en- system can’t offer these men how above it we are.

Punish these men. tertainment: justice brought a real and fair trial, they can to the American people via at least offer them some Lock them up. Kill them, if the spectacle of a man strug- form of dignity. I’m sure that you really think you have to, gling to survive. A significant a lot of people, New Yorkers if you really think that’s right. portion of the American especially, think that dignity But don’t put them on dispublic wants to see these is more than the accused play and make them defend men try in vain to keep their deserve. But no matter how themselves without any hope heads above water like spi- terrible the crime, I don’t of success or reprieve. It’s ders in a sink. They want to believe that anyone ever for- wrong. It’s unfair. It’s sick. And play with their catch before feits that right. No one ever watching these men slowly sending them down the drain. sins badly enough to merit drown in legal proceedings And maybe they are entitled being put on show, to satiate won’t bring back the hunto that desire. My country a population’s need for ven- dreds of people these men has never been attacked; I geance, to stoke a city’s long had a hand in killing.

SUPPLIED

Take a look at campus politics Mary Koziol OPINION

“I am going to go into a deep slumber like a hibernating bear to catch up on lost time.”

Katie Smith

“Going out to a club with my friends.”

Bradley Dunn

I love student politics. I make that statement unabashedly and on a regular basis. I am aware of the overwhelming sense of lethargy that most students feel towards the McMaster Students Union (MSU) and the Student Representative Assembly (SRA), which acts as the governing body of the MSU. When I was in first year, I was a typical apathetic student.

Since then, I have slowly become more involved with the MSU.

I think my experience has been analogous to leaf-raking: I have been cautiously gathering leaves in orderly piles for the past three years and this year, my graduating year, in a sort of end-of-university-life crisis I just jumped. My carefully constructed piles cushioned my fall for the most part, though I must admit I was stabbed by a few jagged sticks upon entry.

Now that I am here, I cannot imagine a university experience without being immersed in the politics that govern the student body. I know most people yawn at the idea of student government. I understand that people are not exactly knocking down the door

to discuss the retention of “whereas” clauses as they pertain to specific bylaws. To be honest, I used to assume the concept of student government was a medium for specific individuals to develop their ego and their resume, nothing more. What I have come to realize is that student politics is much more than that. I am not naive enough to assume that my opinion article is going to change the mindset of what has traditionally been an apathetic student body.

I would, however, make the casual suggestion that in order to fully engage oneself in university life, to feel a sense of pride and commitment to your university, student politics is an excellent place to start.

While I can only speak to my own story, I would suggest that many McMaster students stand to benefit from adopting a slightly more engaged attitude within the student political framework.

Given that bold statement, please hear me out.

I am an Arts & Science student. While you may have your opinions, both positive and negative, about the program, there is one thing that Arts & Science has: academic fervor. Every year the program holds a series of open and closed forums so that students can

discuss the education they are receiving and demand its betterment. And students show up in droves, ready to talk. Although the program in its entirety numbers under 300, the proportion of students who are present is what is significant. While I acknowledge the luxury implicit with being in a small program, I think the MSU offers this opportunity to the student body at large.

Like any experience, your time at university is limited. I say that not to sound preachy, but to remind you that your time here is special. In my opinion, I have my entire life to be apathetic.

Why start when I am young?

Why start when there are things that I can change?

I realize that in many ways student government is a microcosm of Canadian government, and is thus crippled by the same obstacles of bureaucracy and egos. Notwithstanding, I believe strongly in studentled change.

University is an institution, and yes, the MSU is a corporation; but it is a corporation that was created so that we, the students of McMaster, could have a say in the way we experience our education.

So how do I suggest you go about engaging in student politics? You could

talk to the SRA member from your faculty (there are weekly office hours held on the second floor of the Student Centre), or read articles in the Silhouette and send in your opinions, participate in forums on MacInsiders, vote in elections or try attending an SRA meeting or an MSU General Assembly.

I want to emphasize that I am not suggesting others follow my personal university experience trajectory. I have always harboured a passion for politics, public speaking, debating and knowing what is going on behind the scenes. Personally, I find SRA meetings enthralling, particularly the ones with elections. But that is me; and in coming to McMaster, you hopefully made the commitment to carve your own niche within this school, rather than attempting to occupy someone else’s.

What I propose, as a sage fourth-year student almost at the end of her McMaster career, is to find a way to internalize McMaster in your own way. Politics may not be for you, but I recommend you give it a chance. McMaster is still a small enough community that people will care what you have to say – and I encourage you to be heard.

A10 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Thank you for all Dyer speech misjudges Iran World aware of current Iranian situation of your support Ashor Sworesho OPINION

The event “The Life of an Iraqi Refugee” ended last Thursday. And it was a success – all thanks to the McMaster community. This event involved three students sleeping outside in the Student Centre Plaza living the life of refugees. In addition to sleeping outside, the mockrefugees could only eat food given to them, and could not buy anything.

The event’s main purpose was to raise money and awareness of the current situation regarding the refugees of the Iraq war, specifically the Assyrians. Assyrians are a double minority, both ethnically and religiously. Assyrians represent the majority of the Christian population in Iraq. After the invasion of Iraq in 2003, the insurrection of insurgents and gangs destroyed the relative peace enjoyed by the Assyrians and other Iraqis. The chaos resulted in Assyrians becoming 35 per cent of the refugees of the Iraq war, while representing only three per cent of the Iraqi population. Fifty per cent of the pre-war Assyrian population has fled war-torn Iraq due to persecution. Raising awareness in the McMaster com-

munity and in Hamilton in general was successful thanks to volunteers of the Assyrian Chaldean Syriac Student Union and coverage

by The Silhouette and CHCH news.

The event was also very successful in collecting funds to help the people of Iraq. A total of $1196.30 was raised and all the proceeds were given to the Assyrian Aid Society. This organization is one of few charities working on the ground in Iraq. AAS provides food, shelter, blankets and any other necessary relief required by refugees. AAS also independently operates and funds over 25 schools, operates clinics providing medicine to the refugees and provides opportunities for economic development.

In addition to raising funds and awareness our third goal was to ensure the well being of the people who slept outside. We were hoping the “refugees” would not starve to death, and McMaster pulled through again by keeping the “refugees” well fed. A special thanks goes to the lovely young lady who was generous enough to bring Popeye’s chicken.

Again, thank you McMaster for making the life of refugees of the Iraq war a little more bearable!

MAKE IT A PRIORITY IN SECOND SEMESTER TO

WRITE FOR THE SIL! THESIL@THESIL.CA

Ron Levitin OPINION

Last week there was an article in the Silhouette regarding Gwynne Dyer’s presentation on Nov. 9th.

While the article was a good summary of the presentation, the fact remains that Dr. Dyer tried to obfuscate many of the real issues pertaining to Iran during his lecture.

I can only assume the “most recent U.S. Intelligence report” that Dr. Dyer referenced was the U.S. 2007 National Intelligence Estimate (NIE).

Dr. Dyer used this as a basis for doubting the veracity of the program, however in recent months the world community has been exposed to several new revelations about Iran’s nuclear program, which cast suspicion on that report.

U.S. Intelligence officials released statements indicating they knew of the facilities existence for several years, prior to the 2007 NIE. Additionally, International Atomic Energy Agency inspectors who visited the facility in recent months have issued a report stating they believe Iran is hiding additional facilities and likely many components of their program.

Dr. Dyer indicated that as Shia Muslims, Iranian government officials has no ambitions beyond their own society.This is a misconception.

The form of Islam promoted by the Iranian government believes in the Twelfth Imam; or Hidden Imam.

This Hidden Imam is considered the messiah and will only return during an apocalyptic battle.

The Iranian government believes that they can hasten his return through their actions.

Regardless of whether Iran would use nuclear weapons, possession of these weapons would likely destabilize the region.

Pro-Western countries in the Arab world would ally themselves with Iran to ensure their safety.

Further, it could spark a regional arms race not seen since the non-proliferation agreement.

Aside from a nuclear program, there are three other

issues raised by the Canadian government: incitement to genocide, widespread internal repression and human rights abuses, and state-sponsored terrorism.

Ayatollah Hossein NousiHamedani has said, “One should fight the Jews and vanquish them so that the conditions for the advent of the Hidden Imam be met”.

This quotation calls for the elimination of an entire ethnic group and reinforces the ideology surrounding the Twelfth Imam.

These statements are not isolated occurrences and are in direct contravention of the International Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide, of which Iran is a signatory.

Signatories of the convention are obligated to prevent genocide, providing legal basis for countries such as the U.S. and Canada to take action.

Another issue is the widespread internal repression following the June Presidential election.

Thousands of Iranians took to the streets in protest to the rigged presidential election.

Protestors were brutally suppressed by Iranian security forces and the Basij militias.The government arrested hundreds of prodemocratic, peaceful protestors, many of them university students.

There have been numerous reports of rape and torture in prisons, along with disappearances.

This does not even include the repression of homosexuals and women throughout the country.

Finally there is also the matter of Iran’s continued support of international terrorism, as well as its ambitions in the Middle East.

This is quite contrary to Gwynne’s views, and accordingly he spent very little time on it, saying only that “’The Iranian revolution has not attacked anybody for 25 years, … while the country may have ‘occasionally support[ed] terrorist attacks,’ there is ‘no evidence at all that Iran has behaved on a large international scale.’”

These statements are inherently false. For example, the cur-

rent Defense Minister and former head of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps is a wanted terrorist.

Ahmad Vahidi is on INTERPOL’s most-wanted list in connection with the bombing of a Jewish Centre in Buenos Aires.

The attack in 1994 left 84 civilians dead, and hundreds more wounded.This attack was carried out

by Hizballah, providing further evidence of state sponsored terrorism.

More recently, on Nov. 4th, Israel intercepted a ship in the Mediterranean that attempted to smuggle over 500 tons of missiles, rockets and other weapons to Hizballah in Lebanon.

For context, this is over 10 times the amount of weaponry that was found on another smuggling vessel in 2002, which led to the complete collapse of U.S. support for Palestinian Leader Yasser Arafat.

Iran’s reach is not limited to Israel and the West, but they also have set their sights on the Gulf region, where they are guiding the Houthi rebels in their guerrilla war against Yemen. Interestingly, this war is scarcely covered in the media.

The fighting with the Houthi rebels in Yemen recently spilled across Saudi Arabia’s southern border, and the Saudi’s responded by initiating a massive air bombing campaign against the Houthis.

In response, just last week both an Iranian Major General and an Iranian parliamentarian threatened Saudi Arabia and accused them of perpetrating “Wahhabi Terror” against the Houthi in Yemen.

It is still unclear how these events will unfold, but it will certainly be a different outcome than if Iran was already in possession of nuclear weapons.

Taken altogether, the nuclear threat, incitement to genocide, human rights abuses, and support for terror present a strong case for taking Iran seriously as a player on the international stage.

As a result, it is clear that Dr. Dyer’s presentation played down the threats and role of Iran, and he left out a large number of facts to support his viewpoint.

THE SILHOUETTE • A11

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Searching for a model for manhood

With no image to aspire to we’re just frauds acting at masculinity Peter Goffin OPINIONS EDITOR

For all the talk that’s bandied around about strong female role models, very little is ever said on the struggle to find a decent model for manhood. And while it is important for girls to have empowered, capable women to emulate, it is no less important for boys to get their heads right on what they are supposed to grow into.

Because being a man isn’t easy. It isn’t harder than being a woman, but it certainly isn’t a carefree way to navigate through life. And nobody hands you a manual when you turn 16 that tells you how to do it.

All we have is a lot of effete preening, and cliché pseudomanly posturing, masquerading as masculinity. What we don’t have is hardly anything to get men and

manhood back to some reasonable state of respectability. Because right now, we’re just boys, caricatures of men who will probably never be the real thing.

At one time we knew how to be men. At our age, and even younger, people were making the transition to adulthood, manhood, with dignity and responsibility.

God knows how they learned how to act properly and we didn’t. I would guess it is largely because we stopped paying attention to the examples set by our fathers and grandfathers. Masculinity for them was a compendium of wisdom preached from atop barstools by old men who had been around and knew the score. Men who worked, drank, talked, cursed the way men should, which is to say, very well.

And never bitched or bragged about any of it.

At some point we started

to ignore their brand of advice. We took, instead, to Maxim magazine and Entourage and soulless, shallow, gutless portrayals of children in men’s clothing as our templates

Masculinity [used to be] a compendium of wisdom preached from atop barstools by old men who had been around and knew the score.” for manhood. We lost our way. We started taking fashion advice from Justin Timberlake. Shaky ground indeed.

Drowning in Axe body

spray and hair gel left over from Keys to the VIP, suffocating in Bromance and Judd Appatow’s slacker bullshit, we never had a chance.

The thing is, that achieving real masculinity, the basics of what being a man is really all about, is not so difficult a concept to understand.

It’s about honesty, and decency.

It’s about believing in things like those and standing up for what you believe in. It’s about fighting.

Not physically, necessarily. Not being violent. Not going off halfcocked because someone knocks into you at a bar, or getting loaded and looking for someone to hit, but fighting for something you value or stand for. Fighting for something or someone who needs defending. It’s about being principled, and every once in a while taking a beating over those principles. Then it’s about taking your lumps and always getting up ready for more. Because

no man is ever a loser so long as he keeps getting up.

You wouldn’t think it would be so hard to achieve. But it is. And I’m not perfect, I’m not the epitome of the good and decent man. I’m not even close. But goddamnit I’m trying. I’m trying to get back to some faint code that meant something to men like our dads and granddads. Maybe that ideal of the good and decent man never existed outside of old blackand-white movies. Maybe it has always been a construct, a shadow that boys used to chase and have long since abandoned. But I think that whether that ideal is attainable or not, it’s an ideal worth aiming for.

There is nothing wrong with being a man and there is nothing wrong with being proud about it. But you ought to at least be a good man, a reliable man, a principled man.

Everything a real man should be.

There is no potential profit in wars

Myth of war as an economic stimulant is totally unwarranted Jeremy Voisin OPINION

The economy has tanked, unemployment is up, and homes are being foreclosed! What are we to do to alleviate our ails? Some say the answer is financial stimulus and deficit spending on behalf of governments. Others say the answer is to liquidate toxic debt and allow the economy to rebuild itself. However, I am not here concerned with those two groups but instead a third group. The group that claims we can prosper from destruction. This group is comprised of individuals who subscribe to pervasive economic fallacies. “The solution”, proclaim these individuals, “is to have a gigantic war!” On the face of it, this proposal may sound outlandish even to the least educated individual, yet the fundamental premises that underlie it are widely shared among many – even in academia.

The basis for such a proposal stems from fallacies regarding the nature of World War II and its effect on the Great Depression. It is thought that World War II ended the Great Depression on the grounds that it provided the unemployed with jobs and that it got the “wheels of industry” turning again. Let us analyze these claims and see whether or not the aforementioned solution would be beneficial or detrimental to restoring economic health.

On the issue of jobs, indeed the war did appear to solve this problem. Unemployment was not an issue during the war as, in

the case of the United States, 40 million men were conscripted into the military. In addition, the jobs of these men were filled by inexperienced women, children and the elderly. Ah-ha! Full employment was achieved and therefore the economy was booming... right?

Unfortunately, this was not the case.

Not only did the government incur gigantic war deficits and inflation, there was also a great deal of sacrifice domestically in the tradeoff between guns and butter. So where was the great war prosperity when families had to either do without or severely ration butter, shoes, automobiles, meats, sugar, oil and gasoline? This certainly does not sound like a booming economy but instead a very depressed one.

Considering the level of debt that accumulates during a time of warfare, even this feeble economy comes at a great expense that will be borne by posterity. Now the obvious question is raised about how this can be since everyone has a job. In order to answer this question, it is important to analyze certain economic axioms. Namely, that the purpose of employment is to produce goods and services in order to advance our lot by utilizing scarce resources. It is important to draw distinctions between productive employment, non-productive employment and destructive employment. The 40 million jobs created during the war were funded out of taxation and deficits.That is, economic resources went into the military instead of economically productive projects.

Instead of creating automobiles,

Lawlerbone: by Zach Ellis and Peter Hindrichs

SILHOUETTE FILE PHOTO

Is this a war, or a stellar economic plan? You be the judge. houses, roads, and bridges, resources went into creating bullets, weapons, bombs, tanks, ships and military aircraft.The latter goods are used for destructive ends as opposed to the former which are used for productive ends. Furthermore, instead of those 40 million men being mechanics, plumbers, professors and entrepreneurs during the war, they were soldiers. Indeed the ‘wheels of industry’ were turning again but not in the right direction. Labour, being a scare resource itself, was not used towards productive economic ends during the war. Note, I am not discussing the necessity of any

given war but instead addressing the economic fallacy that war, solely as a means of providing employment, produces prosperity.

War does not generate prosperity nor does it create wealth. Yet the counterargument remains that people are out of work and any type of employment, regardless of productivity, is beneficial during an economic slump. A reductio ad absurdum to this premise is that, in a downturn, it should also be beneficial for the government to hire individuals en masse and order half of them to dig holes and the other half to fill them in again. Of course, any kind of unproductive

employment, in terms of producing goods or providing valued services, is a waste of resources and a needless war would be no exception. In order to see the true costs of war, one must look through the lens of what the world would look like in the absence of war.

When opportunity costs are taken into account, the cost of war is a staggering sum. This is why the very idea of war prosperity is a myth.

Once the smoke is cleared and the mirrors are broken, there is only debt and destruction. Claiming war as a necessity on the basis of national security is one thing but claiming it is necessary to bolster the economy is quite another. Far from being the solution to all of our economic ails, war would only serve as an economic burden not to mention the countess lives that could be lost in the process. It is long overdue for this dangerous fallacy to be put to rest.

A12 • THE SILHOUETTE

Experiment with your hair

The kids could call you “Rainbow Head”

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

MSU elections do not make the grade Nothing there to get too excited about Tallulah Andrews OPINIONS

You can be more unique than the crowd with original hair dyes.

JONATHON FAIRCLOUGH /DISTRIBUTION COORDINATOR

Alex Steiner

If so much dye is used to natural - scare people away? make all these synthetic blondes I remember a girl livthen it begs the question, why ing in the Edwards residence last Look around campus at the tops of blonde? Is it years of stereotyp- year who had fluorescent pink the crowd. Chances are you’ll see hair. It looked stunning. It was one of four colours; blond, brown, something that drew the eye betblack and the occasional ginger. ter then any peroxide or platiHair colour, while Hair colour, while one num and it looked marvelous. one of the more of the more trivial subjects I’ve Synthetic colours that looked at, has been bugging me are normally only seen in cartoons trivial subjects for some time now. Look around should become more popular.

I’ve looked at, has again at the people walking past, Bring out the blues and been bugging me specifically the blondes this time. the greens. Bring out the vibrant How many are natural reds and the deep purples. If for some time now. blondes? For an easy tell look at you’re going to dye your hair Look around the colour of the eyebrows. This anyway, then dye it something will lead you to the observanew. There are more than half a again at the tion that natural blonds are few dozen colours to choose from. people walking and far between on campus.

Open up paint or In fact, the blond gene has Photoshop and play with been said to be dethe colour palette until creasing for some time now. ing and media representation you find something you like.

The actual study proving that has caused such a boom?

Then when you go to get this was proved to be a hoax though, Or is it just that oth- your hair dyed, tell the stylist to as it was based on the recessive na- er less natural colours - a go for the rainbow shades instead ture of the blonde allele.Yet looking phrase that seems redundant, as of turning your hair into one around campus it looks to be true. the blondes in question aren’t of the many fake natural colours.

OPINION

Okay we’re going to be straight with you. It’s going to be the holidays. You’re going to get enraged at you’re going to get some lousy gifts. You’re going to want to vent.

So when school starts again in 2010, write for Opinions. opinions@thesil.ca

The preliminary results of the “Pop Poll: Do Elections Make the Grade” have been released and they fail to answer even the title question. However, I shall provide the proper answer: F (or 0.0 using the 12- point scale).

No one in their right mind would think the campus elections should pass. Most have single digit voter turn out. This is not a democratic system. The majority of nine per cent is not a mandate.

The poll conducted last week by the elections committee was deeply flawed and biased.

Each question had only five possible answers limiting one’s responses to the standard expected answers. Clearly the ranking system of the poll was a waste of time as well, since the public results make no reference to it.

It only serves to make the results ambiguous.

Are the 958 votes for one week campaigns those who ranked them first? Or those who put it in their top three?

There will be no revelations from the results of this poll; the structure of the poll prevents it.

Any policy based on this “new” information will continue to fail as efficiently as the current policy. This is supposed to be a research intensive university but our own MSU can’t seem to create a fair, effective poll.

Also, there is no evidence the people who filled out the poll are the ones not voting because apparently no one thought to include that in the questions. Furthermore, the number of respondents to the poll is on-par with turn out at the last MSU presidential election, which is hardly representative of the student body.

The real reason for low voter turn out was not even included in the possible answers: nobody cares. It takes less than a minute to fill out a ballot and less than 10 to identify and get to your polling station, even the busiest course load has plenty of time to spare.

Resumes and platforms are fairly easy to access as well if you’re willing to spend 30 minutes of Facebook time looking for them. There is no excuse for not voting if you want to.

This apathy has little to do with “not understanding” what the MSU really does.

The MSU has not done a single exciting, significant thing the entire three years I have been here.

The closest we got to controversy was whether to renew the deal with Coca-Cola.

If the biggest thing you’ve done in recent memory was slightly affect the availability of a brand of soda on campus how can you expect people to think your half-dozen minor elections are at all important.

The key to increasing voter turn out is simple: make the MSU seem influential in the lives of students. Throwing a few parties and repainting the student bar won’t cut it.

The recent TA strike is a perfect example. The MSU could have taken a side and possibly actually made a difference; sure this would have angered some people but at least people would be talking about it. Instead they used the diplomatic, avoiding-controversy strategy and remained neutral which makes them appear weak and ineffective.

Less dramatic but still more exciting than the status-quo would have been to include poll questions about the number of elections held and/or which positions should/ should not be elected on their poll.

Finding out students don’t want to vote for their board of governors member or do want to elect the VP Finance would be much more interesting than whether they prefer online ballots or casting stones.

Reducing the number of elections could increase voter turn out, because value is closely tied to rarity. People are much more likely to read and take notice of the first few posters they see, than when the student centre is plastered by a hundred posters for only a couple of different candidates.

The MSU is quickly sliding into irrelevancy and this poll is but one example of their own disinterest in changing this fact.

If they wanted to get serious about increasing voter turn out, they would not be wasting our time with a poll designed to give them exactly the answer they want to hear.

It’s time they took their heads out of their Political Science textbooks and actually looked at reality.

THE SILHOUETTE • B1

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

INSIDEOUT

Men’s basketball wins 2 Sports, B7

production office: extension 27117

Culture &

Are racial issues more than a laughing matter? Vidur Kapur and Russell Peters say absolutely not.

comedy

MANORI RAVINDRAN SILHOUETTE STAFF

The Underground, a pub at York University, is brightly-lit and bustling with activity. The night’s performers lean against the balustrade overlooking the dizzy crowd below as students hurriedly push past one another to find the best seats in the house. The event organizers, members of USAY (United South Asians at York), run back and forth, tending to last-minute details and hoping the event will be a success. The diverse audience is representative of the multicultural student body at York. Tonight, all groups are under one roof, excitedly anticipating one of the most popular events across campus.

“South Asia Stand Up” is only in its second year at York, but the soldout crowd is a testament to its reputation.

Promoted as an evening of “South Asian inspired side-splitting laughter,” the event features Massimo, Vidur Kapur, Dave Merheje, and headliner Sugar Sammy, all of whom bring their unique brands of humour to the Underground stage.

The comedy at “South Asia Stand Up” is far more than razor sharp jokes and wry witticisms. According to Ali Abbas, chair of USAY, “[The club’s] interest in this measure stems from an idea of addressing social issues through a medium that is unexplored and, often, unexamined.” True to form,

insideout@thesil.ca

the comedians employ racially-charged humour and anecdotes, not only to wrest laughs from their audience, but also to provide astute observations about the idiosyncrasies of culture.

Until recently, comedy was laughed off by scholars who could not reconcile humour with academic study: A joke was a joke—not to be taken seriously or examined critically. The tide has turned in past years, however, with mounting literature on the role of comedy and, specifically, its negotiation of race and culture. Throughout the eighties and nineties, non-white performers such as Chris Rock and Margaret Cho were seminal figures in providing a voice for their communities. But despite their popularity in mainstream media, the racialized humour that put them on the map did not come without backlash. A key concern rose among critics: did racebased humour only serve to perpetuate stereotypes?

An eminent scholar in international migration and racism, Dr. Vic Satzewich of McMaster’s sociology department weighed in on the complexities of the debate: “It’s hard to think of society not using stereotypes. We all—everybody—uses and, in a sense, needs these shorthand ways of making sense of the world…they’re not perfect ways, obviously, but they are ways.”

Satzewich believes comedy can combat negative stereotypes as well, • PLEASE SEE COMBAT, B2

PHOTO C / O MONIRUL PATHAN

How-to-do-it

Make a zine PHYLLIS TSANG

ASSISTANT INSIDEOUT EDITOR

A zine is as simply a collection of text and/or images. According to Bill Brent and Joe Biel, the author of Make A Zine, “zines are one of the most immediate and disposable popular literary forms of the past two hundred years.” They are “typically less formal, and far less commercial productions than most magazines.”

Before Johann Gutenberg invented the printing press in 1454, the history of publishing dated all the way back to more than 700 years ago. A woodblock copy of the Eharani sutra printed sometime after 704 A.D was found inside Seokga Pagoda of Bulguksa Temple, Korea. Following that was the Japanese’s Hyakumanto Darani (The One Million Pagodas and Dharani Prayers), which contained small scrolls printed with four Buddhist Dharani sutras in 770 A.D. Then in the 8th century, the Chinese printers used wood blocks with carved characters

and inked paper. Fast forward to the 20th century; Chester F. Carlson developed the process of xerography or “dry copy,” a process based on electrostatic electricity, in 1937. His invention was first produced in 1944, after being turned down by 20 companies. In 1958, Xerox introduced the first commercial photocopier.

Underground comics artists caught on to self-publishing using the photocopier almost immediately. Even Rolling Stone started as a zine writing about music and “the things and attitudes that music embraces.”

In the 1980s, Mike Gunderloy, a pillar of the science fiction fanzine community, documented the zine explosion in the 1980, coined the term “zine,” and established most of today’s “zine ethos” (non-profit, trading, DIY, importance of feedback from readers). Today, zines remain as a creative medium for self-publishing with a variety of genres: from punk zines, to poetry, and from political manifestos to fan fiction zines.

What do you look for in a significant other? “Humour.”

jacket: $65

shirt: $30

There are a lot of reasons why you would want to make a zine. You might want to have your work in print, or share an idea in your head, or simply make something with your hands. For Christine, the maker of a zine called Post Modern Toad, “doing something creative, like publishing a zine, or writing a poem, or painting a landscape, is therapeutic.”

With that said, Brent and Biel gave us eight simple steps to making a zine: One, produce the text! It could be handwritten, typed, or even cutand-pasted. Two, find graphics for your text. Photos, collages, line art, drawings... anything goes.

Three, set a price based on the cost of copying, including paper, stapling, and folding, postage, and perhaps something for your time.

Four, include your address on your product. Most people put it on the inside cover or the first page; however, some people put it on the back cover, if they are mailing it without an envelope.

Five, print copies. For a starter, 100 - 200 copies is a safe bet.

Six, get reviewed by publications like Zine World. Seven, distribute your zine to friends, family, stores, and the zine community.

Eight, an optional mailing list to keep track of your distribution.

PHYLLIS TSANG / ASSISTANT INSIDEOUT EDITOR

When you’re making a zine, the creative options are endless.

ThreadCount

earrings: $15 What’s your favourite quote? “Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” -Michael Jordan

Mandeep Sahota Commerce 1st year

Favourite songs: “Hypnotized-Notorious B.I.G.” Guess jeans: $135

boots: $70

How would you describe your personal style?

“Trendy, the latest fashion.”

JESSICA CHAU / SILHOUETTE STAFF

B2 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Facing cultural issues with humour “South Asia Stand Up” and other comedians laugh racism away • CONT’D FROM B1 “Depending on how it’s done, I think comedy can be used to question and raise questions about stereotypes.”

Vidur Kapur, a first-time performer at “South Asia Stand Up,” agreed. Kapur is a South Asian comedian and rising star on the stand up scene. Having worked with the likes of Margaret Cho and Russell Peters, Kapur was recently tapped as one of New York’s Top Ten Funniest Stand Up comedians of 2009.

When asked about the issue of tackling stereotypes in comedy, Kapur advised, “Hopefully what it does is bring up those stereotypes and then break them, you know? Because people realize that, through the humour, yes, this is a stereotype that we hold but, either this person’s poking fun at the stereotype so he’s not exactly that, or they see the ridiculousness and the preposterousness of the stereotype.”

When it comes to racebased humour, who is saying what about whom is significant. For Dr. Satzewich, the crux of the issue is the difference between in-group and

SEX

AND THE

out-group humour: “I think it matters if you’re an insider or an outsider with these things. I think it’s… easier and probably more appropriate to be sort of an insider, to poke fun at your own group as opposed to an outsider poking fun at a different group.”

According to Dr. Satzewich, the insider/outsider binary is pivotal in assessing the line between racialized humour and racist humour. It may be problematic for an outsider to target another group, and it is easier for a member who identifies with a particular group to point out its foibles in a comedic context.

What, then, must we make of Russell Peters? The Canadianborn comic has become a household name around the globe, using race-based comedy as the cornerstone of his career. A recent Toronto Life article described Peters as, “the best in the world when it comes to the thorny arena of race,” yet someone who is rarely characterized as racist. Although Peters’ specialty is uncanny impressions of other ethnicities and stories about his interactions with them, he has somehow

bypassed the racial politics and become an international sensation.

Peters, who was born and raised in Brampton, Ontario, credits his ability to deconstruct cultural characteristics to growing up in a diverse area where he was exposed to many religions and ethnicities.

Like Vidur Kapur, Peters does not believe that he is perpetuating stereotypes; rather, by highlighting stereotypes in his act he is turning them on their heads and pointing out how absurd some of them really are.

This is most evident in his latest routine, which he kicks off by noting the number of white people in the room: “I didn’t know there were so many of you left. Nowadays, you see a white person, it’s like coming across a cassette tape.” Peters told Toronto Life that, “When I open my shows with the white-people-disappearing stuff, I’m consciously trying to be ahead of the game. I’m trying to keep it fresh.”

For Peters, visible minorities are quickly becoming visible majorities and, as such, are entitled to voices that were once unheard and overlooked.

PHOTO C / O MONIRUL PATHAN

Standup comedy aims for more than just laughs.

It is likely that Peters’ brand of comedy works because he happens to be in the right place at the right time. In a globalized era where the lines of communication are more accessible than ever before, Peters has before him a global audience that is not only savvy and cognizant of other cultures, but also more accepting and open to multiple identities.

Peters is able to joke about the cultural traits of non-South Asian groups because, as a global citizen, he is not solely an insider with the South Asian community,

STEEL CITY

Women’s body image and safe sex

Exploration of the issue and a testament to your beauty NEILA BAZARACAI SILHOUETTE STAFF

JONATHON FAIRCLOUGH / DISTRIBUTION COORDINATOR

Body image affects condom use.

As if there weren’t already enough reasons to love your body. In addition to projecting a more selfconfident attitude and making you more resistant to negative influences, a recent study now suggests that girls with positive body images are significantly more likely to engage in safe sex practices.

The study by the University of Pittsburgh looked at the correlation between body image and likeliness of taking sexual risks, as well as the role of ethnicity in sexual behaviour. In essence, girls who thought they were overweight (regardless of whether or not they actually were) were less likely to use condoms. Interestingly enough, the results were reversed in African American girls, with those who believed they were underweight being less likely to use condoms.

Why is this?

We can look to cultural perceptions of beauty for the answer; amongst Caucasians, the general perception of beauty is one of fitness and thinness, while in African American culture, curviness is more valued. In each case, we can see that the girls who perceive themselves to lie outside what is considered beautiful are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviours.

These results, while troubling, are almost intuitive; girls with low self-esteem have a greater fear of rejection, making them less likely to negotiate condom use with their partners for fear he will leave them. Not only is this obviously detrimental to the girl’s health, but it also greatly affects the sexual health of her partners and, by extension, society in general. Further, it fosters a lack of self-respect based on the entirely erroneous presumption that she doesn’t deserve to take care of herself because she doesn’t think she’s worth it.

Now, I would hope that, as university students, we’re all well-versed in the basics of sex education. It basically boils down to no glove, no love (and other such pithy aphorisms). This, as most of us have probably experienced at some time or another, is much easier said than done.

There are a million excuses to just throw caution to the wind and go au naturel: you may be on the Pill (which, by the way, is only effective if you take it at the same time each and every day, and doesn’t do jack when it comes to preventing STIs), you may have run out, or you may just find the damn things too awkward and don’t want to ruin the mood. The unfortunate truth is, though, especially in our wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am culture of one-night stands, friends with benefits, and multiple partners,

you really shouldn’t trust that hottie you pick up at the bar when he says he’s clean. And while most guys will have you believe that making him wear a condom is the worst thing you can do short of pulling a Lorena Bobbit, I can guarantee he’d rather slip one on than go home and enjoy some quality alone time.

It is a sad commentary on our society that girls who suffer from low self-esteem would rather risk their health and their future to avoid slightly inconveniencing some guy. While it would be unrealistic to expect every girl who reads this to suddenly become sexually empowered and vow to never again have unsafe sex, I can offer these words and hope that someone takes them to heart.

You (yes, you) are a beautiful woman (note: guys, simply change the genders around.

The message remains essentially the same). You do not have to compromise your health or your values for anyone, especially anyone who clearly does not respect you. You may think that STIs, cervical cancer, and unwanted pregnancy will not happen to you, but I assure you, they are a very real possibility.

So please, respect your body, whatever lovely shape it may be, and respect yourself. Because when it comes to your well-being, yours should be the only opinion that matters.

but also an insider with other ethnic groups that he has associated with throughout his life.

As the line between ‘insider’ and ‘outsider’ becomes blurred, so do the limitations of racialized humour. A growing body of scholarship proves that, although it pushes the envelope, comedy can also be a powerful tool in educating audiences about race and culture.

Most importantly, perhaps, racialized comedy opens up a platform for discussion that, until recently, was anything but a laughing matter.

Do you LOVE

M O D E L I N G ?

InsideOut@ thesil.ca

THE SILHOUETTE • B3

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Returning home during holidays

Students look forward to family, quiet time and favourite foods AYDA ASKARI

SILHOUETTE STAFF

In theory, one would believe that home is a peculiar word to any university student living on campus.

Essentially, campus equals eternal freedom: no parents, no rules, no restriction! Just residence, a meal card, the city of Hamilton, and a minor thing known as school and classes. But while the eluding idea of parents and guardians are not an immediate threat to any particular student, the phrase: “love you from a distance” nicely sums up the emotional effect. For as much as we all may claim to love our parents, we can more or less agree, there is a mutual feeling of appreciation that only comes from some detachment.

According to Mike Baxter, a first year Health Science student from Halifax, Nova Scotia, there is a looming feeling of “excitement” of going home and seeing friends.

But, nevertheless, “it is very different, quieter… weird having parents around,” explained Baxter.

“Being immersed in the same people here and going home

and not seeing them for a weekend is really weird.”

But having only visited home for one weekend, the thanksgiving break, Baxter is looking forward to the upcoming Christmas season. “When I go home, I have a lot of freedom,” he said. “Like when I went to a party and my parents asked if I wanted a drive home. I told them I’d just walk back…I ended up coming home at 3:30 in the morning,” recalled Baxter.

Some parents grow accustomed to late nights and little information, which results from students spending the majority of their year at school—conveniently tucked away from the watchful eyes of their parents.

But Baxter is not the only McMaster student to share the enthusiasm of home travel. For as Akalvizhy Elanko, Engineering I, from Toronto, Ontario, described, there is “no real difference.” Aside from the fact that he finds those around him are friendlier after his absence, the rest is “actually pretty normal,” described Elanko.

CHRIS CHANG / SILHOUETTE STAFF

An artistic interpretation of the stern parent that might be awaiting you at home. Too dramatic?

“My mom always cooks a And contrary to the have a lot more freedom at home,” lot for me…all my favourites,” and perception of difficult parents and suggested Parisa. “My parents “I get to relax and catch up with restricted freedom, Parisa described don’t really tell me when to come friends from back in the day. But her home life as being “a lot easier.” home. It’s a lot better than being then again you have to remember “There are fewer on residence where they would that my life at Mac is at the library, distractions when everyone is not be calling me every hour of every so every weekend that I return home around,” described Nadimkhah. “At day.” is enjoyable.” school, I have classes, after which I All in all, the perception

While the majority of the go to work, and then I come home of the nosy, smothering parent is student population may live on and have family and stuff.” And to some extent put to rest. Most residence or local student housing when asked about the commute, students—be it that they live at there are still others who live right Parisa described it as relaxing. “It is home, close to home, or miles at home. One such individual is only a twenty minute drive and plus upon miles away from home— Parisa Nadimkhah, Commerce I, it takes my mind off of studying. It’s feel a sense of comfort with each from Hamilton, Ontario. like a break. Not only that, I also returning visit.

Christmas with less consumption

Buy Nothing Day to counteract the busiest retail shopping day

STEPHANIE HAUCK SILHOUETTE STAFF

Tis’ the season for spending followed by a joyful new year full of empty wallets and credit bills.

For most of us holiday spending is not an unfamiliar reality; however, it seems that this Christmas there is a new way to shop. It’s called don’t.

Buy Nothing for Christmas is a national initiative started by Canadian Mennonites to revive the real meaning of Christmas— and promote less conspicuous consumption in the holiday season.

For the initiators of the movement, the “real” meaning of Christmas contains religious significance, but even for those without this goal, less spending could mean more time focusing on family and others around us.

The Buy Nothing for Christmas campaign operates in a way to promote democracy and allows citizens as consumers the power of choice. The innovative movement gives ordinary individuals the opportunity to promote change in a relatively simple way.

Of course for many of us the idea of buying nothing for Christmas can seem quite impossible given the high demand

to please everyone’s wish-lists.

However, the Christmas campaign is not alone. So, instead of buying nothing for an entire holiday season why not try 24 hours?

Buy Nothing Day is another initiative promoted by Adbusters to encourage millions of people around the world to participate in the wild cat general strike. According to Adbusters, the purpose of the strike is to bring “capitalist consumption to a grinding 24 hr. halt.”

If nothing else, the initiative gets people thinking about how much they normally spend.

The national day of protest takes place on Nov. 27, 2009—or as many American’s like to call it—Black Friday. The first Friday following the American Thanksgiving is set aside for one of the busiest retail shopping days of the year.

As prices drop, line-ups grow as millions of Americans and Canadians swarm shopping centres in attempts to get their Christmas wish-lists well underway.

According to Statistics Canada, “Canadian shoppers spent a total of $28.7 billion in retail stores last December, excluding the automotive sector.” This number jumped by 6.2 per cent

in December 2006. To put things into perspective, consumers spend an average of $874 each during the month of Christmas in 2006, and $630 on average for the other months of the year.

Needless to say, spending jumps during the holidays, and the organizers of the campaign don’t feel Canadian consumers always have a rhyme or reason for their expensive hustle-bustle.

As a result, Buy Nothing Day is a campaign designed to counteract this day of credit card swiping, and to help North Americans realize atheir addiction to endless amounts of consumer consumption.

Although the campaign requires you to only buy nothing many organizers and participants do more than just stop spending.

Many fill the streets outside big department stores singing, or acting in a way to influence others to join the protest.

Mr. Enns, an organizer interviewed for the Globe and Mail said, “he just wants to stop the sort of knee-jerk, meaningless exchanges that fill cupboards and drawers with perfumed candles that never get lit and sweaters that never get worn—spending that happens just for the sake of spending.”

This page has some people thinking about keeping their wallets away.

SILHOUETTE FILE PHOTO

Lifestyle Tidbits Wikipedia stumbling in growth

Write for

InsideOut contact us at insideout @ thesil.ca

SILHOUETTE FILE PHOTO

49,000 volunteer ‘editors’ left Wikipedia in the first three months of this year due to increased bureaucracy to prevent errors, Daily Mail UK reported. Speculations are made that the usefulness of the free Internet encyclopedia would be undermined as it becomes more and more difficult for the public to contribute.

Bandage dissolves after wound heals

JONATHON FAIRCLOUGH / SILHOUETTE STAFF

A new bandage made from antibiotic-releasing fabric dissolves into thin air as soon as a wound heals.

Technology has done the magic to create bandages that maintain a controlled level of moisture, enable fluids to leave the infected tissue, and also act as a shield to prevent infection from growing.

Social media spreads happiness

JONATHON FAIRCLOUGH / SILHOUETTE STAFF

Research shows that in social networking, your friend has a slightly higher chance of feeling happy when you are happy.

However, happiness is not the only thing that spreads around. Sadness and behaviors like smoking also spread. The lesson is to take control of your own emotions and exert positive impact to your circle of influence.

B4 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Learning to learn: effective studying Study habits are more than little tricks—it’s about overall approach LINDSAY JOLIVET

will not send information into your long term memory.

Simply, Walsh said, “There Exams are approaching and stu- is nothing that you do with your dents are getting ready to buckle body that’s going to make learning down for the last stretch of study- happen. It’s not about what colour ing. However, according to Peter of highlighter you use [or which Walsh, academic skills counsellor note taking method you use].” and coordinator at the Centre for So what does work?

Student Development, those who Focus. Which, unfortunately, is began thinking about the last mile more difficult than it seems. Telling while they ran their first lap will be yourself to focus is about as effecmuch better off this time of year. tive as telling yourself to fall asleep, Walsh explained, “Your argued Walsh, “It has the opposite average student in university effect.” Instead, students can help spends somewhere between 35 and themselves concentrate by schedul55 hours directly involved in aca- ing short, intense, study sessions, a demics. So if you strategy nicknamed have a nice even 35 “microstudying.” hours a week con- The most powerful Designed for athsistent, you’re not letes and those with method of trans- little time for their going to spike up to ferring informa- studies, the strate80 unless you really want to fill in the tion into long-term gy involves setting gaps.” He added that a timer for twenthose with regular memory is elabora- ty minutes and hitstudy schedules all tion, which requires ting the books full term who work many engagement and force for that time. more hours durThis allows students manipulation of to designate a short ing exams will have a better result than but productive pematerial. those who cram anyriod to their schoolway, because they alwork. Most students ready have an understanding of the can concentrate for twenty minutes, material. and once that time is up, they should Understanding is the key step away from their books to ento learning, but the process does sure they are ready to focus whennot end there. To fully understand ever they return. course material, students must learn The idea, Walsh exactively. This means no daydream- plained, is “when you’re studying ing about boyfriends or girlfriends, you’re studying and when you’re watching television, or staring at the not studying you get away from the clock while you study. book. You go somewhere else, you More specifically, Walsh take a break, but you get out of the named a number of mistakes stu- environment of learning.” Adjust dents make that lead to passivity. the time according to how focused He noted that students often try to you are feeling. If for some reason learn through absorption by sim- twenty minutes is too long one day, ply sitting in class and listening, or Walsh assured, “Even five minutes “they’ll record their lectures, lis- of intense study is better than sitting ten to them at night, copy out their in front of a book being passive, renotes, they’ll underline or high- reading paragraphs over and over light stuff that’s already boldfaced.” again.”

These strategies are passive, and While meditating on one INSIDEOUT EDITOR

JUSTIN BAIRD / THE SILHOUETTE

Pasting a comic book on top of your textbook might be a distraction. Just don’t do it. sentence might get you to Nirvana, he added, it will not help you learn anything.

The most powerful method of transferring information into long-term memory is elaboration, which requires engagement and manipulation of material. Choosing an active study strategy, such as the Cornell note taking method, helps makes the most out of the time you spend on schoolwork. This method involves approaching course texts or lecture material as answers to questions, and writing in the questions yourself.

While taking notes, leave room in the margin to add in questions that force you to think about the purpose of the information. In reality, academic information always stems from a question that someone once asked and then researched. Walsh explained, “The questions are there but they are often

presented as the answers. So reinserting the questions sometimes is a really powerful act of strategy because it forces you to actually think about the material that you’re learning, not as something to memorize, but as something to understand.”

The Cornell method also facilitates self-testing by covering up the notes and answering the questions. Testing yourself increases confidence, makes you think about what the professor will ask, and ensures that you are not relying on a “feeling” of knowing the material. In short, Walsh advised, “Teach yourself, test yourself, be your own prof.”

However, time is often a student’s worst enemy, and this might be the biggest problem with exam studying. Walsh described the “cram and crash cycle,” during which students spend painfully long hours forcing information into

their heads, regurgitate it onto their exams, and then crash for a day or two. While this sometimes gets a grade, Walsh said, “This sort of spiky approach to the exam week is very hard on the brain and it’s hard on the student. It’s very—and unnecessarily so—stressful.”

This returns to the idea of scheduling study time, which Walsh stressed does not have to ruin anyone’s social life. Develop regular habits, such as studying calculus on Monday morning and history on Tuesday afternoon. And leave blank space.

“If you looked at this on an agenda, there is still a lot of freedom in there for you to go out one night or [watch] the latest episode of Gossip Girl. You can do these things.”

Schedule your studying so that you can schedule your free time too.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Interactive

Crossword Across 1- Cook; 5- Melts 10- Quarter bushel 14- Drum sound 15- Pallid 16- Drug-yielding plant 17- Member of a great Peruvian people 18- Bury 19- Architect Mies van der ___ 20- Prolific inventor 22- Outburst 24- Hindu ascetic 25- Boring tool 26- Goddess and sister of Ares in Greek mythology 28- French film award 32- Sorts 35- Bond, for one 37- Big step 38- Wreath of flowers 39- Grammarian's topic 41- Cmdr Data's was named Spot 42- Subordinate ruler 45- Barker and Bell 46- Payment for travel 47- Neighborhoods 48- Golfer Aoki 50- Small earthen pot 54- Give 58- Belongs 61- Cabdriver 62- Biblical birthright seller 63- Release 65- Icicle site 66- Agitate 67- Dole out 68- ___ impasse 69- Story 70- Circus performers?

71- Be dependent Down 1- Weeps 2- Accord maker 3- 1961 Heston role

THE SILHOUETTE • B5

Sudoku You should know how this goes by now.

2 6 8 3 5

By Sandy Chase / CUP Graphics Bureau Chief

Crossword puzzles provided by BestCrosswords.com (http://www.bestcrosswords.com). Used with permission.

4- Flares 5- One of a matching pair 6- A dynasty in China 7- Fall bloomer 8- In what place 9- Thick sweet liquid 10- Associate 11- "The Time Machine" race 12- Silver salmon 13- Sharp 21- Belonging to us 23- Agreement 25- Cookbook amts.

27- The jig ___!

29- Director Vittorio De ___ 30- Purim month 31- Network of nerves 32- Ingrid's "Casablanca" role 33- Goneril's father 34- Bird of prey

36- Sweet potato 37- Cong. meeting 40- Profit 43- Ecstatic joy 44- Bhutan's continent 46- Desist from 49- Turkish title 51- Rice dish 52- Mournful sound 53- Cordage fiber 55- Become less intense, die off 56- Growing in snow 57- Itty-bitty 58- Annoyance 59- This, in Tijuana 60- Complain 61- Camp beds 64- Indian holiday resort

4 9 7

2 1

8 9 7

1 5 8 3

5 7

1 9

6 4 1 9 8

3

9

7 2 3

8

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1

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9 5

4

5 8

3

1 7 8

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2 1 7

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3 6

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5 2 1 4

8 7

Communityevents Nov. 27, 2009 1:00PM to 11:00PM The Exhibit of Art and Photography TSH 114, New Space Gallery The works in the exhibit are all by students and specifically non-arts students. A piece could strike you and you’ll find that it’s by a to-be Engineer or a Health Sci student getting ready for med school. There is no theme to the gallery. Just a general celebration of art, regardless of the artist’s training or skill level.

Nov. 28, 2009 7:00PM to 9:00PM McMaster Music Charity Concert Convocation Hall (UH213) McMaster Music Charity Concert, presented by McMaster School of the Arts and McMaster Music Council, featuring performances by Fuocoso Saxophone Quartet, brass/sax choirs, a cappella groups, and much more. Tickets are on sale at TSH B125, or at the door. $5 per ticket, or $2 with a canned good donation. All proceeds will be donated to the Living Rock.

Nov. 28, 2009 7:00PM to 11:00PM The Red Door Coffee House (ft. McMaster Amnesty Intl) 140 King St. West Monthly coffee house featuring McMaster Amnesty and a write-a-thon for prisoners of conscience. The event includes an open stage/open-mic, and a variety of desserts, snacks, and fair-trade beverages.

Solutions

Solution to last week’s crossword and sudoku 7 6 2

9 3 1

5 4 4 2 8 3

1 7 6

8 9 5

6 2 1 8 7 9

3 5 4

8 5 1

7 4 6

9 5 3 1 2 8

4 9 3

6 2 7

2 3 8 6 4 5

1 7 9

4 3 9

2 8 5

6 7 7 9 1 6

5 2 8

3 1 4

9 1 5 4 3 7

8 6 2

4 5 3

9 2 7

8 2 6 7 1 9

6 8 5

1 3 4

3 5 9 1 8 6

7 4 2

2 6 1

8 3 4

5 6 9 1 7 8

3 4 2

9 7 5

4 7 2 8 6 9

1 5 3

7 9 8

5 1 6

4 3 2 4 3 5

9 7 1

6 8 2

1 2 5 3 7 4

8 6 9

Dec. 1 12:30PM to 1:30PM Meditation Circle CNH 607 An introduction to meditation for those who may not know how to begin their spiritual journey. This group explores a variety of practices such as sitting meditation, labyrinth walking, guided meditation, artistic expression, and any other ideas each member brings to the group.

Dec. 02, 2009 5:30PM to 6:30PM Blue Holiday Gilmour Hall Room 111 A non-denominational spiritual service for those who are coping with the loss of loved ones this holiday season. The group will draw support from readings, music, and a liturgy of remembrance.

Dec. 10 6:00PM Eco-Schmooze/Green-Drinks: The Holiday Edition Tapestry Bistro, 27 Dundurn St. North Green Drinks Hamilton & Slow Food Hamilton present an event celebrating local food, drink, and the people who provide it. The celebration embraces the first ever Terra Madre Day. This event will also feature Christmas Carols by Dave Hart Dyke. In the theatre @ 7pm, “A Farm for the Future” will be screened.

Incredible

HappyHolidays

Vegan gingerbread cupcakes Vegan Gingerbread Cupcakes

By Grace Evans

Ingredients: 1 1/4 cups of all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 3 teaspoons ground ginger 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup of vegetable oil 1/3 cup of molasses 1/2 cup of maple syrup 1/4 soymilk 2 teaspoon soy yogurt 1 1/2 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest

PHYLLIS TSANG / ASSISTANT INSIDEOUT EDITOR

A great holiday treat for everyone.

Mix together the dry ingredients and the spices. Combine vegetable oil, molasses, syrup, yogurt, soymilk and lemon zest. Add the dry ingredients in three parts to the wet ingredients and mix only until combined. Fill muffin cups 2/3 way full and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

Creamy Vegan Vanilla Frosting

1/2 cup nonhydrogenated shortening 1/2 cup nonhydrogenated margarine 31/2 cups confectioner’s sugar 3 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/4 cup plain soy milk Beat the shortening and margarine with an electric mixer. Add the confectioner’s sugar and mix until smooth. Beat in the vanilla and soymilk. Frost your cupcakes!

COLOUR ME, USE ME AS A CARD, GIFT OR PICTURE ON YOUR FRIDGE!

PHYLLIS TSANG / ASSISTANT INSIDEOUT EDITOR

These cupcakes are best if you refrigerate them before eating to avoid the icing melting.

once-upon-a-time

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

How much did wings cost in the 1980s?

Above: An ad for Phoenix’s chicken wings in the Silhouette from 1980.

Below: “Wings & Things” on the menu of 1280 as of today.

THE SILHOUETTE • B7

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

SPORTS

e-mail: sports@thesil.ca

production office: extension 27117

Mac falls from top CIS rank Marauders set sights Hawks hand McMaster season’s first loss

on No. 1 Ravens

PHOTO C/O LARRY SKELLY

After climbing to No. 1 in the country for the first time, the Marauders fell to No. 4 with a loss to Laurier.

PHOTO C/O RICHARD ZAZULAK

FRASER CALDWELL

SILHOUETTE STAFF

A disappointing weekend saw the McMaster Marauders men’s volleyball team, formally ranked no. 1 in the country, split a doubleheader in Waterloo, beating the Warriors in five close sets (2518, 20-25, 25-14, 21-25, 15-13) before dropping their first game of the season in four sets to the Laurier Golden Hawks (25-22, 22-25, 1925, 18-25). Saturday’s loss drops the Marauders’ record to 7-1 and knocks them from their perch atop the CIS volleyball rankings.

Friday’s game against the

Waterloo Warriors kicked off the weekend in worrying style, with the Marauders being pushed to the brink before pulling off their seventh consecutive victory to begin the regular season. Mac began the night in good form, pulling out the first set fairly comfortably at 25-18.

However, the Warriors would bounce back to take a close second frame 25-20 and tie the game at a set apiece. The momentum swung again in the third, with the Marauders dominating on route to a 25-14 victory, putting them in the driver’s seat leading into the fourth period of play.

Once again, McMaster

was unable to capitalize on its successes and close out the match, losing the fourth set after Waterloo ground out a 25-21 score line. After sending it to a fifth and deciding frame, the Warriors would give their nationally-ranked opponents quite a scare before being put away by the slightest of margins at 15-13.

Jeremy Groenveld (Welland, ON) led the Marauder attack with 14 points in the night, including 11 kills, while veteran Shawn Bench (Hamilton, ON) finished just behind him with 13.

Ryan Hudson (Winnipeg, MB) provided the creative spark with 39 • PLEASE SEE MEN’S, B9

Mac knocks off Waterloo

Keenan Jeppesen has been the focal point of McMaster’s offence.

BRIAN DECKER SPORTS EDITOR

As the Christmas break approaches, so does a chance for the McMaster men’s basketball team to prove to the rest of the CIS they are bona fide contenders for the national championship. The no. 1 ranked Carleton Ravens will come to Hamilton on Saturday to play the no. 3 Marauders, setting the stage for a battle of Ontario’s highest caliber teams.

The Ravens come in as defending CIS champions, while also sporting an undefeated record in conference play this season.

Despite losing tournament stars Aaron Doornekamp (Odessa, ON) and Stu Turnbull (Kingston, ON) to graduation last season, Carleton has looked dominant this season, showing why they are the nation’s top basketball program.

The Ravens’ only scare this season came on Nov. 6, when the Guelph Gryphons nearly knocked off Carleton in a 75-74 nailbiter. OUA contenders Windsor and Brock have been thoroughly dismantled by national champs.

McMaster heads into the game coming off a two-win weekend, including a sound defeat of the Laurentian Voyageurs and a close win over the York Lions.

Keenan Jeppesen (Stoney Creek, ON) once again led the Marauders in the wins, scoring 48 points over the two games.

Against Laurentian, McMaster blew open a tight game at the opening of the second half, using a 14-1 spurt to build a comfortable cushion to close out an 81-68 victory. Tyrell Vernon (Hamilton, ON), who was hit with

the flu bug for much of the early season, showed signs of breaking out and becoming a dangerous secondary scoring threat for Mac. The third year guard led all scorers with 25 points in the game, adding six rebound and three assists.

Jeppesen, who posted 23 points and five assists, was key in focusing the Marauder offence.

Mac shot 50 per cent from the field and posted just 13 turnovers, their second lowest total of the season.

The fifth-year senior’s passing skills have proven effective in running the offence this season, with the versatile 6’7” forward able to pass effectively out of double teams and drive to the rim. Cam Michaud (Grimsby, ON) chipped in season highs of 11 points and 8 rebounds .

The Marauders’ win over York was closer than Head Coach Joe Raso would have liked, however, with the 1-7 Lions keeping things close with a pesky defensive effort.

“For some reason, guys were deferring to somebody else to get the job done,” he said. “We had open shots, but we weren’t ready to shoot the ball. I should give York credit for playing, but I worry about my guys… we didn’t take care of things. We’d go and throw the ball away.”

The game was tough for both sides, having been delayed for 80 minutes due to the OUA Badminton final being played in the gym beforehand. Having played in Sudbury the night before, the game was tiring for the Marauder squad.

Jeppesen’s 25 points and 11 rebounds were game highs.

Guard Scott Laws (Gormley, ON) posted 12 points, but fouled out in • PLEASE SEE MAC, B8

FRIDAY

OTTAWA GEE-GEES PHOTO C/O LARRY SKELLY

The Marauders became the first team to beat Waterloo this season, dropping the Warriors in four sets.

FRASER CALDWELL SILHOUETTE STAFF

The McMaster women’s volleyball team improved their record to 7-1 this past weekend after sweeping a doubleheader with the previously unbeaten Waterloo Warriors (2520, 16-25, 25-18, 27-25) and the Laurier Golden Hawks (25-23, 25-11, 23-25, 24-26, 15-9). Their weekend successes move the Marauders above the Warriors for first place in the OUA West standings (they remain tied on points with McMaster leading the head-to-head).

Friday night provided McMaster’s sternest test to date, with the Marauders squaring off against the class of their division.

However, after four hard-fought sets, it would be the women in

maroon who walked away in first.

The Marauders drew first blood after winning the opening set 25-20, in the closely-contested style which would come to dominate the evening. A loss of concentration on McMaster’s part saw them concede the second frame in relatively easy fashion, losing by a sizable nine point differential.

However, it would be the Warriors’ turn to lose focus with the coming of the third set, and the Marauders took full advantage to take the frame by a score of 25-18.

With Mac on the cusp of victory, the stage was set for a dramatic, toothand-nail encounter in the fourth.

The set fully lived up to this expectation, with momentum swinging back and forth between the two powerhouse squads before the Marauders grabbed the initiative

at the close. Their surge was timely, securing the set and the match in their favour at 27-25, and ending the Warriors’ bid for a perfect season in the process.

Kaila Janssen (Oshawa, ON) produced another sensational performance in the win, leading McMaster with 13 points on the night, including 12 kills. Veterans Sarah Kiernan (Hamilton, ON) and Larissa Puhach (Burlington, ON) contributed 11 points of their own, while creative mastermind Jennifer Holt (Hamilton, ON) chipped in a game-high 34 assists in the victory.

After the landmark victory of the night before, Saturday’s contest against the Laurier Golden Hawks turned into an instant classic.

The first set opened in magnificent fashion for the Marauders, as they • PLEASE SEE VOLLEYBALL, B9

VS.

MCMASTER MARAUDERS Women 6 P.M. - Men 8 P.M. SATURDAY

NO. 1 CARLETON RAVENS VS.

NO. 3 MCMASTER MARAUDERS Women 6 P.M. - Men 8 P.M.

B8 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Women’s basketball improves to 4-1 Marauders lose first game of season to Laurentian, beat York BEN ORR

SILHOUETTE STAFF

The McMaster Marauders women’s basketball team improved their conference record to 4-1 this weekend after travelling to Sudbury to take on the Laurentian Lady Vees and to Toronto to battle the York Lions. After losing by 11 on Friday, the Marauders rebounded the next day to put up 84 points on the Lions at York.

Against Laurentian, the Marauder women fell behind before the half on the heels of 1-8 free throw shooting in Sudbury. Led by Lisa Furchner (Sudbury, ON), who had a game high 22 points and eight rebounds, the Lady Vees would take an eight point lead into the break.

The strong play from Laurentian continued in the third quarter, which was capped off by a Norma Jean Roberts (Burnaby, BC) three pointer to give the Lady Vees a 52-36 lead going into the fourth frame.

After facing leads of up to 20 points, the Marauders cut the deficit to 13 with three minutes remaining, thanks largely to Taylor Smith (Hamilton, ON) and Taylor Chiarot (Hamilton, ON) who had 15

points with six assists and 14 points with eight rebounds, respectively.

However, the comeback would not be completed, as the Marauders would run out of time and fall 7059.

The Lady Vees outrebounded the Marauders 40-31 on the day and shot 46 per cent from the field compared to Mac’s 33 per cent. Laurentian also had the advantage from the free throw line, out shooting their Southern Ontario counterparts 61 per cent to 52 per cent.

The Marauders would travel next to Toronto to clash with the York Lions. A well-fought first quarter ended with a 19-13 advantage for the Marauders, who would not relinquish that lead for the remainder of the game.

The second quarter saw the Lions creep back into the game, clawing their way to 19-18.

The Marauders responded with 14 unanswered points, growing the lead to 15 with 1:30 left in the half. After a Lisa Marie Iavarone (Hamilton, ON) three pointer with four seconds left, McMaster would take a 38-23 lead into the locker room. Nicole Rosenkranz (Niagara Falls, ON) was the top scorer of the

half, with eight points.

The second half began with a Taylor Smith three pointer and a pair of free throws from Taylor Chiarot, giving Mac their first 20-point lead of the game.

The teams would then trade baskets throughout the quarter and would enter the fourth frame with McMaster leading 59-42, thanks largely to 59 per cent shooting from the Marauders.

The last quarter started with two baskets from Smith plus two more added by Chiarot and Hailey Milligan (Brantford, ON).

The lead would increase to 30, then to 35, with the game ending at 8449 in favour of the Marauders.

Chiarot ended with a game-high 19 points and four more Marauders had double digit scoring days, as scoring was very even for the McMaster women.

The Marauders return home this weekend for a doubleheader against the Ottawa Gee-Gees and the Carleton Ravens on Nov. 27 and 28th respectively. Both games are at 6 p.m. in the Burridge Gym.

The game against the Toronto Varsity Blues, which was postponed from Nov. 13, will be Lisa Marie Iavarone had 11 points and 7 assists in Mac’s win over York. played Dec. 2 at 6 p.m. at Mac.

PHOTO C/O RICHARD ZAZULAK

Mac set to face off against country’s best

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SILHOUETTE STAFF

Jermaine DeCosta is one Marauder who can match Carleton’s quickness on the perimeter.

• CONT’D FROM B7 the fourth quarter along with rookie guard Victor Raso (Hamilton, ON).

Matt Wilusz (Stoney Creek, ON) posted 11 points, making his third consecutive start at centre. The 6’7” pivot is filling in for rookie Ryan Christie (Hamilton, ON), who has not returned to the team after leaving due to an ‘internal issue.’

“We’ve got to be mentally tougher,” Raso said of the delay and the high number of fouls. “We talked about it before the game.

With all the whistle stops there was no flow. We’ve just got to deal with it.”

While the game presented some unique challenges, it will get

no easier when the Ravens come to town. Carleton’s defence is among the best in the nation at disrupting passing, and the Marauders will need to adapt to the high-intensity effort. Vernon and Raso will be depended on to knock down shots from long range, helping to spread the defence and give Jeppesen room to operate inside. The Ravens took the two teams’ only match up last season 74-49 in Ottawa last season.

McMaster may have a chance to take advantage of a tired Ravens team early. Carleton plays the upstart Lakehead Thunderwolves, who have gotten off to a red-hot 8-0 start this season, in Thunder Bay on Friday night.

THE SILHOUETTE • B9

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Mac captures division title Volleyball women gaining steam

Marauders complete division three-peat

PHOTO C/O MCMASTER ATHLETICS AND RECREATION

The McMaster swim team beat out Toronto and Guelph to win their third straight Campbell division title.

FRASER CALDWELL

SILHOUETTE STAFF

The McMaster Marauders swim team captured their third consecutive division title last week, on the strength of a first place showing at the divisional meet from the McMaster women (908 points), and a second place finish from the men (830 points), coming in just behind the Varsity Blues (884.5).

This saw McMaster finish first with a team total of 1738 points from 29 medals, propelling them above second and third place finishers Toronto (1678.5) and Guelph (1439).

The Marauders started the weekend well, winning silver medals in the meet’s first two events: the men’s and women’s 4x50m relays. The women’s team of Sarah Taylor, Lindsay Charles (Etobicoke,

ON), Meg Sloan (St Thomas, ON), and Jessica Mackenzie (Innisfil, ON) finished second in 1:49:08, behind the University of Toronto team, who finished in1:48:22.

Alexandra VanOmmen (Oakville, ON) led the McMaster women by dominating the breaststroke events, winning gold in the 50m, 100m, and 200m races, and qualifying for the CIS Championships in her very first race of the weekend.

Louisa Yee Wai Chan (Delta, ON) secured the most medals of any McMaster woman with four in total. This included a gold medal in the 400m individual medley, second place finishes in the 200m IM and 200m fly, and a bronze in the 100m fly.

Tristan Vowles (Hamilton, ON) led the Marauders men’s team with two individual medals in total,

including a silver in the 200m breaststroke and a bronze in the 100m freestyle race. Frank Despond (Hamilton, ON) picked up the first individual medal of the weekend for the men, placing second in the 200m freestyle.

McMaster’s cause was helped by the team’s ability to medal in all six of the meet’s relay races, including the aforementioned 4x50m races that kicked off the festivities. The divisional victory saw five more entrants from McMaster for the CIS Championship meet in February at the University of Toronto.

The swim teams now prepare for their final meet before the new year, when they travel to Brock this Saturday to compete with the Badgers and five other squads, including Ontario rivals from Laurier, Queen’s, and York.

PHOTO C/O LARRY SKELLY

The women’s volleyball team is now 7-1 on the campaign.

• CONT’D FROM B7 took a 16-2 lead into the second technical timeout. However, after imploding to bring the Golden Hawks within one at 24-23, it took a timeout for McMaster to regroup and clinch it on set point.

The turnaround seemed to spark the Marauders, who dominated the second set, building a 16-5 lead into the second technical timeout.

Laurier would mount a small comeback once again before being put away at 25-11, giving McMaster a commanding two set lead. However, Laurier would make a game of it, storming out in the third and surviving a late Marauder onslaught to take the frame 25-23.

The fourth set saw the teams trade scoring streaks before

Laurier once again edged a close set, 26-24 to level the match. In the fifth and deciding frame, McMaster jumped out to a commanding 11-4 lead, and hung on for the victory, closing out the set 15-9.

Puhach, who was named Athlete of the Week for McMaster, led the Marauders with a game-high 21 points on 19 kills, followed by 13 point efforts from Kiernan and Genevieve Dumas (North Bay, ON). Holt once again topped the assist charts with 31 such tallies on the night.

With another successful weekend in the books, the women look forward to an away date with the Ottawa Gee-Gees this coming Saturday, in what will be their final game before the onset of exam season.

Men’s team falls for first time in ‘09-10

stop their romp to victory. When the dust settled, Laurier had won the assists in the win. fourth 25-18, and taken the match

Saturday’s encounter with in shocking style from the country’s the Laurier Golden Hawks proved leading squad. to be a heartbreaker, perhaps Groenveld once again unsurprising given the Marauders’ topped the scoring charts for the lacklustre effort of the night before. Marauders with 16 points in a The first set saw McMaster grind losing effort. Rookie Kevin Stevens out a 25-22 win and take the early (Winnipeg, MB) followed close momentum into the break. But behind, chipping in 14 points, the Golden Hawks were not to be including 13 kills. Setter Ryan denied on this night, and they would Hudson once again powered the begin to find their feet in the second offence with 42 assists. frame.

After the weekend split,

With their hitters finally in McMaster tumbles from the top rhythm, Laurier took the second set of the national rankings to fourth, 25-22 and never looked back from making way for the Calgary Dinos. there. The Marauders would fall The Marauders (7-1) currently behind early in the third frame after sit second in the OUA standings the Golden Hawks streaked to a 9-1 behind Queen’s (8-2), with a game lead. From there, it was just a matter in hand. of maintaining the advantage, and McMaster will look to Laurier would have no problem in rebound this coming Saturday, doing just that to seal the third. when the Marauders play host to

Clearly fired up, the the University of Toronto Varsity Golden Hawks put on an even better Blues at 1 p.m. in Burridge Gym in showing in the fourth set, with the their last game before the Christmas Marauders seemingly powerless to break.

• CONT’D FROM B7

PHOTO C/O LARRY SKELLY

The Marauders have a chance to get back on track this Saturday, when they play Toronto at home.

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THE SILHOUETTE • B11

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Gaels, Dinos to meet 2010 Olympic hockey preview in 2009 Vanier Cup Anything less than gold will be seen as failure DAVID KOOTS

ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR

The Queen’s Gaels and Calgary Dinos will meet for the 2009 Vanier Cup on Saturday. The game will be played at PEPS Stadium in Quebec City, the home of the Laval Rouge et Or. All but a few had predicted that the No. 1 ranked Rouge et Or would be present in Canadian University’s Championship football game, but it will not be so after Queen’s upset Laval 33-30 in the Mitchell Bowl.

The Gaels’ defence was the hero of the day and allowed Queen’s to take a 33-13 lead into the fourth quarter. But the country’s best offence would finally find its groove in the dying minutes of the game, scoring a pair of touchdowns. With just over two minutes remaining and the score at 33-30, Queen’s coach Pat Sheahan made a gutsy call on third and two by choosing to go for it instead of punting the ball away. The play worked perfectly and allowed the Gaels to kill precious time.

All-Star quarterback Danny Brannagan (Burlington, ON) proved once again why he is one of the best to ever play University football by throwing for 306 yards and a pair of touchdowns. But no player was bigger for Queen’s than defensive end Shomari Williams (Brampton, ON), who had three and a half sacks on the day, all at crucial points of the game. Williams took home the award for Player of the Game although the defence could have won the award as a unit for their job in slowing down the powerful Laval offence.

Laval had only lost one game all year and was used to blowing out opponents before the end of the first quarter. When finally faced with a team of similar talent, the Rouge et Or seemed unable to live up to the challenge. Queen’s, on the other hand, has played all year in the tough OUA division, where any of the top six teams can win on any given day, giving the team plenty of big game experience.

Next up for the Gaels are the Dinos, Canada West and Uteck Bowl Champs. Calgary finished out the year ranked second in the country, but still came into Halifax as slight underdogs to the St. Mary’s Huskies. However, right from the get-go the Dinos looked like the better team.

Calgary built a 19-0 lead in the first quarter and never looked back, winning 38-14. Running back Matt Walter (Calgary, AB) had one of the best playoff games in CIS

history, rushing for 235 yards on 20 carries. In total, the Dinos had 426 yards rushing as the Huskies could do nothing to stop the run all day long. This meant 2009 Hec Creighton front runner Erik Glavic (Pickering, ON) was rarely called upon. The All-Star quarterback finished with a season low 77 passing yards on 18 attempts.

Calgary and Queen’s are a pair of opponents who have not met since 1983 in the Vanier Cup, a game in which the Dinos triumphed 31-21. The Vanier Cup represents contrasting opportunities for two of Canada’s top football programs.

The game marks the final career contest for a number of key Queen’s players, and this could be the program’s last shot at winning it all for a number of years.

Calgary, on the other hand, will return six Canada West first team All Stars to the Dinos’ vaunted offence. Apart from Walter and Glavic, Calgary’s offence boasts receivers Anthony Parker (Okotoks, AB) and Nathan Coehoorn (Redcliff, AB), who were among the top pass catchers in the country. Parker is arguably the most explosive player in CIS football, and despite seeing double coverage all year the third year player led Canada West in receiving.

Fortunately for Queen’s, the Gaels defence is one of the quickest in the country and should be able to keep up with the lightning fast Dinos offence. Defensive lineman Williams and Osie Ukwuoma (Mississauga, ON) will need to be at their best to shut down Walters and the rushing game, as well as containing the ultra mobile Glavic. Calgary’s quarterback, who won the Hec Creighton award for CIS MVP in 2007, is a mix between Guelph’s quarterback Justin Dunk (Guelph, ON) and Western’s Michael Faulds (Eden Mills, ON).

Glavic has the running ability of Dunk but also possesses the vision and arm strength of the CIS’s alltime passer.

If the defence cannot shut down all the weapons on Calgary’s offence then Queen’s will rely upon Brannagan and the offence to keep pace. If this happens the game could quickly turn into a track meet with both teams going score-for-score.

Queen’s last won the Vanier Cup in 1992 while the Dinos took the National Championship in 1995. This is only the second meeting between two of Canada’s most historic football teams and promises to be a classic. Kickoff is at 12 p.m. live on TSN.

SILHOUETTE FILE PHOTO

Steve Yzerman (left) and Mike Babcock are spearheading Canada’s 2010 Olympic men’s hockey team.

ALEX TRAN

THE SILHOUETTE

A new executive director, a new management team, a new coaching staff, a new team philosophy and a potential for a completely overhauled roster will hopefully help Hockey Canada rebound to gold medal glory on home soil at the upcoming 2010 Olympic Winter Games in Vancouver. The prestigious program will attempt to turn the page and move on from the disastrous 7th place finish at the 2006 Games in Turin where Canada suffered the worst Olympic showing of its entire 90 year participation in men’s ice hockey.

In an attempt to rekindle the flame of Olympic success, Hockey Canada appointed Hall of Famer and former gold medalist, Steve Yzerman, as the general manager for the 2010 squad. The program would undergo a complete overhaul, bringing in Stanley Cup winner Mike Babcock as head coach along with a new focus on having a younger and faster team.

As for the players themselves, the selection process has been going on for several months with members of the management staff scrutinizing NHL games to chip down the list of potential candidates. Let’s take a look at some of the players that could be proudly wearing the Maple Leaf next February.

Goaltending: Between the pipes, it appears that Martin Brodeur is emerging as the leading candidate with a terrific start to the season for the New Jersey Devils.

There were questions raised during the year about how he would bounce back from an injury-shortened ’08’09 campaign, but the 37 year old

future Hall of Famer is looking as good as ever. With the struggles of youngsters Cam Ward and Steve Mason, look for Roberto Luongo to earn the backup job, if not challenge Brodeur for the starring role.

Defencemen: Year in and year out, opposing nations have come to fear the imposing defensive corps of superstars Canada seems to trot out every game. The Canadians will look to implement a tough and mobile group on the backend, a style fitting for the international game. All-Star Jay Bouwmeester fits that description of size, speed and skill to a tee and will likely be a big part of that group. Nashville’s Shea Weber is another behemoth with a physical edge and a bomb from the point, and as arguably the best defenceman in the NHL, he is all but a lock to make the team.

If Babcock needs a little veteran experience to support the locker room, he could look to the former Anaheim duo of Chris Pronger and Scott Niedermayer that brought home the Cup for Brian Burke’s Ducks squad in 2007.

Unfortunately, the third ring-bearing defender and current Leaf Francois Beauchemin will not be making the team, meaning that no Maple Leaf will be donning the “Maple Leaf” this time around. To round out the defence, there are a bevy of talented youngsters to choose from such as slick puckmovers Drew Doughty and Mike Green, or perhaps the rugged all-around packages offered by a pair of Blackhawks in Brent Seabrook and Norris trophy candidate Duncan Keith.

Forwards: Last Olympics’ veteran-laden line-up struggled to score when it counted, including embarrassing shutout losses to

Russia and Switzerland. This year’s team could look to trade in the grizzled veteran experience of Joe Sakic, Ryan Smyth and Kris Draper for the youthful exuberance and creativity of the game’s rising stars.

NHL superstar and Gatorade poster boy Sidney Crosby will lace ‘em up for his home country for the first time on the Olympic stage. His presence should offer plenty of dynamic playmaking and offensive creativity on the team’s first line, despite a slow start to his NHL season. Returning players will likely include the San Jose Sharks’ passer-finisher duo of Joe Thornton and NHL goal-scoring leader Dany Heatley as well as snipers Jarome Iginla and Rick Nash.

The 2008 1st overall pick, Steven Stamkos, is off to a blazing start for Tampa Bay and should warrant plenty of consideration despite not being invited to the summer orientation camp. For some much-needed toughness, grit, and character the team could benefit from the additions of Flyers’ captain Mike Richards, Stars’ winger Brenden Morrow or Bruins’ power forward Milan Lucic.

The Bottom Line: Whatever the makeup of the team, Hockey Canada cannot afford another disappointing finish this time around, especially in their own backyard. The team failed to earn a medal on home soil during the 1988 Games in Calgary, and will be under a lot of pressure to produce results in Vancouver this time around. The boys showed it could be done with an improbable gold medal win by the U-20 team at the World Juniors in Ottawa last winter, and now it’s time for the men to step up and capture the gold.

SILHOUETTE FILE PHOTO

Canada’s top line could consist of two of the NHL’s very best, Sidney Crosby (left) and Jarome Iginla.

B12 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

HEALTH

production office: extension 27117

in partnership with SHEC

Building muscle takes proper exercise

ANUSHA RATNESWARAN THE SILHOUETTE

Watching movies like 300, it is hard not to dream of having muscles that glisten in the sun. Though we probably are not using our strength to wage war, it is often helpful to be able to lift heavy objects. Luckily, we have another semester to build our muscles for moving day at the end of April. However, the strength machines at the gym are often intimidating, and it is hard to know where to start when trying to build muscle.

Building muscle is a highly individualized process, and some key determinants are genetics, body composition, and level of training.

One consideration that is important to keep in mind is diet. Being university students, nutrition is usually overlooked during a typical day. Although we are constantly looking forward to our next meal, we often find ourselves scurrying and scrounging for the quickest possible snack. Similarly, we tend to overeat at these meals, and take long naps because we are tired from rushing about and our bodies are not properly nourished.

Unfortunately, this is the exact opposite of what you need to build muscle. When exercising, you should eat small meals throughout the day so your body has constant fuel and so it will not burn off lean tissue mass.

It is important to keep a well-rounded diet; complex carbohydrates such as whole grains, lean protein such as egg whites and chicken breasts, low fat dairy, and fruits and vegetables are all healthy options. Eating habits are important because they lead to a more permanent change in body composition. After working out, eat or drink something that will help repair, and reconstruct muscle tissue such as chocolate milk, or a whey protein shake. This practice will stimulate protein synthesis and optimize muscle growth. Diet supplements should be taken in conjunction with a proper diet, and

not as a substitute for one.

Initial body composition is also important when beginning your muscle-building program. You need to burn off excess body fat for muscle to show through, but requirement actually presents a paradox. If you combine aerobic exercise (cardio) with resistance training, then it could be detrimental for muscle growth due to the increased energy demands and protein requirements of both exercises simultaneously.

Some people opt for bulking up first (doing resistance exercise) and then shedding excess fat, while others try the opposite. The method you choose should be one you are comfortable with, and suited to your initial body composition. If you have a high percentage of body fat you may opt for the second, whereas if you have less fat the first might be more efficient.

What actually causes muscle gain? Physiologically, increases in muscle size are regulated by hormones such as testosterone and growth hormone, which promote protein synthesis in response to resistance exercise.

This reaction occurs during weight lifting, where microscopic tears are produced in connective tissue and muscle cells and this prompts the body to build new muscle protein.

When starting your exercise program it is important to note that individuals with lower initial strength will show greater relative gains and a faster rate of improvement in the first eight weeks.

This trend means that the more untrained the person, the greater their relative initial progress. Since muscle building is very specific to individual characteristics there are a few training principles that are common to all novice lifters, and they involve the frequency, intensity, time and type of training.

In terms of frequency, untrained individuals (with less than a year of resistance training) should be lifting two to three nonconsecutive days per week, whereas advanced lifters can train for 4 to 6 sessions per week. It is important to

exercise each muscle group twice a week to optimize strength gains.

They should be non-consecutive to allow the muscle time to repair and rebuild, but you can exercise on consecutive days if you are targeting different muscle groups.

The optimal intensity for muscle exercise ranges between 60 to 100 per cent of your 1RM, the maximum amount of weight that you can lift once. The recommended amount is 60 to 70 per cent for novice lifters, 70 to 85 per cent for intermediate, and 80 to 100 per cent for advanced lifters.

When deciding how long to exercise for, keep in mind these tips. For long-term strength gains multiple (one to three) sets are recommended, with one to 12 repetitions for each set. The number of repetitions depends on the intensity of the exercise and the lifter’s ability to sustain the repetitions.

During muscle training,

ensure that you work out all the major muscle groups; start with multi-joint exercises that target large muscle groups like the leg press and the bench press. After this initial exercise, move on to activities that involve more specific muscle groups. As mentioned before, it is important for new lifters to avoid working the same muscle group consecutively to prevent muscle fatigue, and to allow for recovery time.

The strength and endurance gains made through exercise will be specific to each muscle group. In order to build up a muscle group, one must choose exercises that involve the concentric (shortening) and eccentric (lengthening) movements of that muscle. It is also important that the muscle group be exercised at a resistance, which is greater than normal for you. The muscle must be overloaded, in order to stimulate muscle development.

After your initial progress

when beginning your workout regime, you may plateau. This lull occurs because muscles have adapted to the stimulus, and in order to get past the plateau you must increase the total amount of work done. These additions should be in gradual progression, to avoid injury. First, you can increase the resistance of the exercise, and then the amount of repetitions performed for a specific exercise. Finally, it is important to warm up and cool down to avoid muscular soreness.

Warming up can be done through repetitions of low intensity exercise (five to ten for each muscle group), and cooling down post exercise can involve static stretching.

Finally, genetics and gender are major predetermining factors; some people build muscle more easily, while it may take longer for others to make the same gains. Be persistent, and find what balance, and routine work best for you.

LAUREN JEWETTE / SILHOUETTE STAFF

When bulking up, remember to constantly revise your exercise regime to prevent plateauing.

Computer use can harm our bodies LINDSAY FLEMING THE SILHOUETTE

AYAN DEY / SILHOUETTE STAFF

To improve physical health, take breaks from staring at your computer.

During the grueling weeks of November, many students may find themselves spending all day in front of their fluorescent computer screens. It is important that students take note, however, of the health risks that are associated with spending countless hours hovered over their keyboards.

Eyestrain, poor circulation, and unhealthy nutrition are just two of the many reasons that students should avoid prolonged computer use. One of the largest complaints that students have after many hours of computer work is eye irritation.

Eyes are affected by computer use for multiple reasons. Computer screens are often placed at eye level or just below it. This means that in order to read text on a computer screen students must look straight ahead, keeping their eyes openwide, exposing an area of the cornea. The cornea is an essential part of the eye, as it accounts for two-thirds of the eye’s total optic power.

It has also been shown that when an individual is concentrating, their blinking rate decreases.

Therefore, by encouraging users to keep their eyes open-wide and preventing frequent blinking, computers allow tears to evaporate at a quicker rate, leading to dryness and redness.

Another common cause of eye problems among computer users is poor lighting. When ambient light falls on a computer screen, it is reflected and reduces the contrast of the display, making it harder to read text on the monitor. Difficulty reading computer text is also caused by glare, which is brought on by poor lightning.

Although many people experience temporary symptoms of “eyestrain”, tired eyes, irritation, burning sensation, redness, blurred vision and double vision, there is no substantial evidence as of yet to suggest that computer use causes permanent damage to a person’s vision. It is suggested that the best way to prevent feelings of eyestrain is to take short and frequent breaks every hour. A break provides students with the opportunity to vary their posture and change the nature of visual and mental activity.

Exercise routines, which include blinking and focusing the eyes on distant objects, may also be helpful.

Computer use also affects your body’s circulation, as prolonged sitting causes limb fatigue, leg cramps and blood clots. While seated you can alternate between flexing your toes and calves in order to improve circulation through your lower limbs, or you can take a short break to walk around and loosen up.

Finally, computer use, especially during periods of high stress, greatly impacts students’ eating habits. Depending on their tendencies, working in front of a computer for hours on end can either result in students consuming too much or too little food. Make sure that you study responsibility and allot yourself appropriate breaks throughout the day where you can grab a snack, go for a walk and change your environment.

The use of laptops and computers has become a daily necessity in students’ lives. It is important to be aware of what effects prolonged use can have on the body and what techniques can be used to prevent back pain, eye irritation, and an unhealthy diet.

Though it is tempting to spend all our time writing essays (or watching TV online), remember to give yourself a break sometimes.

diy punk • cut the crap playlists • new moon • pirate radio sherlock’s last case • i hope they serve beer in hell • slept productions

index

C2 • the silhouette’s art + culture magazine

thursday, november 26, 2009

Senior Editor: Grace Evans Entertainment Editor: Myles Herod Music Editor: Corrigan Hammond Contributors: Kevin Elliott, Ryan Gainford, Aaron Joo, Dan Hawie, Roxanne Hathway-Baxter, Harrison Cruikshank, Jordan Collver, Tony La Vella, Jamie Rollings, Michael Clemens, Catherine Brasche, Chris Hoy, Katherine Snider McNair, Josh Parsons, Ben Small Cover: Jonathon Fairclough

this week

what’s inside

in the hammer

local

music Slept Productions: Ever since the explosion of Timbaland, Lil’ John and the like, it seems as though every kid with a computer, some music applications and a download of Danger Mouse’s Grey Album has dreams of being the next big hip-hop producer.

DIY Punk: Back in the early nineties Tony Weinbender, now of No Idea Records fame, was working an unfulfilling job for a major record label and found himself disillusioned with the then state of the punk music scene.

p.10

Still Life Still Casbah 8:00 p.m.

Two Hours Traffic Casbah 9:00 p.m.

Lights Copps Coliseum 8:00 p.m.

Born Ruffians Rokbar 8:00 p.m.

The Arkells Hamilton Place 8:00 p.m.

Moneen Casbah 8:00 p.m.

dec.10 dec. 17

Mother Mother Hamilton Place 8:00 p.m

jan. 24

Guns N’ Roses Copps Coloseum 8:00 p.m

art Crude Landscapes Art Gallery of Hamilton 123 King St., Hamilton 905-577-6610 info@artgalleryofhamilton. com

sept.26-jan.17

nov. 26 nov. 27 nov. 29 nov. 28

p.7

Buffy Sainte-Marie Hamilton Place Studio 8:00 p.m.

nov. 30

p.6

USS Rokbar 9:00 p.m.

dec. 3

Pirate Radio: It is the mid-60s. Outlawed on the mainland and government-controlled mainstream airways, a certain sort of British radio station were forced to take their quest to the high seas.

music

dec. 4

Twilight: New Moon: Before seeing New Moon, the second of four film instalments (as I’m sure you all know) in what is being marketed as The Twilight Saga, I took Oprah’s online Twilight quiz.

Westdale Theatre Twilight: New Moon Thurs: 7:00, 9:20

The Constantines Casbah 8:00 p.m.

theatre sept.24- jan.3

film

Twilight: New Moon

White Christmas

By Ron Ulrich Theatre Aquarius 190 King William St. 1-800-465-7529 boxoffice@theatreaquarius.org

team democracy. team montreal canadiens. the team who found the barge from lake la marge. team you.

because there strange things done in the midnight sun...

p.12

write for andy. musc b110.

write for andy please meetings are mondays @ 1:30 MUSC b110

andy’s pick now

p.8

playng

opening

film

dec. 6

Sherlock’s Last Case: The Sherlock Holmes genre has been slowly resurging itself in popular media. With newly made fans of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s original canon, and even an upcoming film adaptation directed by Guy Ritchie with Robert Downey Jr.

andy@ thesil.ca

column

thursday, november 26, 2009

f.u.b.a.r.

parents on Christmas day, but reviews were dismal and the trailers left much to be desired.

Plus, can you think of editorial column a single Vince Vaughn grace evans film you would want to watch every single year?

The holiday season is rife with Then there was Matthew over produced, commercial Broderick and Kristen Davis inauthenticity. And between Santa holiday-atrocity Deck the Halls -- a Defeats The Martians, Kiss Saves film that pits two neighbouring Santa and whatever new Christmas families against each other in flick Tim Allen is starring this a competition to see who can year, the question is, why would the decorate their house the best. movie industry be any different?

It was as cheesy as While there older Christmas with the Kranks (thanks generations may hold the animated Tim “The Tool Man” Allan). films like Frosty the Snowman, the Surviving Christmas starred stop-motion animated Rudolph the Christina Applegate and Ben Red Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus is Affleck in a film where a young Coming to Town, and Charlie Brown’s millionaire pays a family to spend Christmas dear to their hearts, the holidays with him. It also most twenty-somethings don’t received poor reviews. Then there’s harbour a deep attachment to last year’s horror flick, Black these holiday “classics.” However, Christmas, because who doesn’t there are few quality holiday movies like horror mixed with Christmas? that appeal to various age groups.

I have to say though, In recent years the influx for me the ultimate Christmas of ingenuine holiday family films disaster was The Family Stone. The has been rampant. Last year’s Four family in this film is incredibly Christmases sounded like it had obnoxious and unkind to the son’s some promise: a couple struggles fiancée, and the adult children to visit all four of their divorced are annoying. Although this flick

purported to be about a loving, tight-knit and liberal family, it’s atmosphere was the exact opposite of inclusiveness and love. Instead, The Family Stone was a cruel treatment about outsider that leaves me wondering why any Hollywood marketing exec would even fathom to label it as a holiday flick?

Then there are the classics – films like It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street (both of which I’ve never actually seen). White Christmas is a family favourite in my house though, Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney putting on a musical production in a small inn in Vermont.

There is also the midrange of holiday films, in which list I place the ever-radiant Muppet Christmas Carol, and the everstrange Ernest Saves Christmas.

Both heartwarming and a little childish, these two are key holiday classics for our generation. We also have Jim Carrey in The Grinch, Tim Allen in The Santa Clause (even a perpetual scourge can get some things right), and Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.

Love Actually is a heartwarming holiday film that follows the stories of several

the big tickle compiled by chris chang &

“how the grinch stole christmas.”

tracy huynh

the silhouette’s art + culture magazine • C3 interconnected individuals, and shows genuine warmth and intimacy in its portrayal of characters struggling and rejoicing with diverse problems throughout the holiday season. And everyone knows A Christmas Story, where all little Ralphie wants is a bb gun for Christmas and experiences humiliating cornerstones of youth such as getting his tongue stuck to the frozen pole in the playground, being forced to wear a bunnyrabbit onesie and getting his wish rejected by Santa who tells him “you’ll shoot your eye out!”

I’m getting to the good stuff now. A family favourite at my house is The Ref, a hilarious Christmas comedy from 1994 that stars Dennis Leary, Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey. Leary plays a cat burglar being hunted by the cops who holds Davis and Spacey hostage on Christmas Eve. The couple is experiencing marital problems and becomes increasingly irritating throughout the evening as they bicker and force Leary into their dysfunctional family issues.

Then there’s National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, a fan favourite. The Griswold’s host Christmas for the extended

family and their Aunt wraps her cat as a gift, Uncle Eddie kidnaps Clark’s boss and demands a Christmas bonus on behalf of Clark, and a squirrel leaps out of the Christmas tree sometime before the tree bursts into flames.

The top of the list, however, is reserved for Will Ferrell in 2003 classic Elf. This is a crowd pleaser for all ages. Ferrell is hilarious as Buddy the Elf, a human raised by elves who leaves home to find his father, (James Caan), who is on Santa’s naughty list. Buddy is endearingly naïve as he cooks his father’s family spaghetti for breakfast with syrup, squeals over the imminent arrival of Santa at the toy store in the mall, and eats gum off the street in New York City.

Let’s hope that Everybody’s Fine, starring Robert De Niro, Kate Beckinsale and Drew Barrymore, where a widower attempts to reconnect with his family through a road trip, after discovering that his wife was what kept him in contact with his children, is better.

The last thing we need is another holiday-dud.

Many Santa should put coal in some studio-execs stocking.

q: what is your favourite christmas movie?

jessie chau

“christmas movies are lame.”

nick hawkes

“elf.”

“elf.” jonathon rogowski

“elf.” susan tam

alisha aggarwal

C4 • the silhouette’s art + culture magazine

maxed out

film&lit

thursday, november 26, 2009

tucker max explains why he wouldn’t trust a studio This article originally appeared in the Nov.. 9 issue of The Varsity under the title “Maxed Out.” When interviewing Tucker Max, be careful about dropping the S-bomb. To a writer assigned to deliver a story on Max, the “sexist” issue may seem a natural point of discussion.

To a man who has been dealing with the adjective every day since the 2006 publication of his book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, it is a topic of considerable weariness.

“Define ‘sexism,’” he shoots back. I scramble for a dictionary.

“See?” he says. “You’re throwing around a word you don’t know the meaning of!”

I have found a definition: “Sexism: discriminatory or abusive behaviour towards members of the opposite sex.”

“Okay,” he pauses for a second.

“So, discriminatory behaviour, right?

That means treating women differently simply because they are women. It’s not like I look at someone and say, ‘Okay, because you’re a woman, I’m going to…’ whatever, ‘xyz’ that I wouldn’t do with a man. No. I mean, like, the only people who focus on that shit in my writing are really kind of…whatever…” His voice trails off.

“Look. Every person in my book takes shit. I give shit to guys just as much as I give it to girls, and probably no one ends up worse off than I do. And yet, it’s funny, no one ever says, ‘Why do you make fun of yourself so much?’ or ‘Why are you so hard on guys?’ For some reason they only focus on the aspects involving women. I really don’t know why. But sexism implies treating women differently. I don’t treat women any differently than I treat other men or myself.”

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, a raunchy collection of hook-ups gone wrong, features a disclaimer: “My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.” This more or less establishes the persona point-blank. As described in his literary adventures, Tucker is an unapologetic narcissist with a raving id and a shortage of shame, eager to consume as much sex and booze as humanly possible. “But I do contribute t o

humanity in one very important way,” the disclaimer adds. “I share my adventures with the world.”

Beginning as a blog, the book became a bestseller many times over, particularly on university campuses.

Everyone’s favourite story seems to be “Tucker Tries Buttsex; Hilarity Does Not Ensue,” a chapter that filled me with the intense desire to buy Max a mop.

Now there is a feature film of the same name, collecting many of his most famous anecdotes into a fictional story about Tucker (Matt Czuchry) taking his friends Drew (Jessie Bradford) and Dan (Geoff Stults) to a strip club to celebrate Dan’s impending marriage. Imagine The Hangover if you actually saw the bachelor party.

The film is belatedly opening in Toronto theatres following an American theatrical run in September, where the film was met with modest box office revenues and some of the harshest reviews of the years (“The result just might be the most hypocritical feature in the history of film as well as the history of hypocrisy,” wrote Michael

Phillips of the Chicago Tribune). Gamely taking interviews for the Canadian release, it is clear that Max is still smarting from the reception.

I mention that Tucker’s big redemptive speech didn’t feel very redemptive. His voice lightens considerably.

“So many critics totally fucking missed this,” he says. “I mean, they tried to criticize the movie because they’re like, ‘Oh, Tucker’s supposed to be irredeemable but then he fuckin’ totally changes at the end.’

And I’m like, ‘No, you idiots, did you not watch the fuckin’ movie?’ Because, like, he doesn’t! That’s the whole point.

“This presented a lot of problems with the critics: so much of American film is so trite and so pat, and everything’s wrapped up in a little bow, and the moral message is very clear, right? But life doesn’t work like that, and we didn’t make a movie like that, because that’s bullshit. We made a movie where every character has faults—some are more good than bad, but the movie doesn’t take a moral position on anyone’s actions. It just shows them as they are. Sorta like The Wire, my favourite TV show of all time.”

He continues: “A lot of people took this like, ‘Oh, they’re saying this [behaviour] is funny, this is good’—no! It’s not! Like, the movie doesn’t take a position on narcissism necessarily, and if it did, it would b e

that it’s bad. But a lot of people, because they’re so used to bland pabulum, they don’t get it. If you have a good, complicated movie, sometimes it’s tough to get across in the first showing. Sometimes people have to watch it a few times, like Fight Club, Office Space, whatever, and I think this movie kinda fell into that trap.”

I was bothered by the scene where Tucker flirts with a group of female friends in a bar, holding an indignant one up to ridicule. I ask if it was fair to feel that the woman had every right to be angry. “Yeah, dude. No one’s right or wrong. I mean, in their exchange, sometimes she’s wrong, and sometimes he’s wrong, y’know? Like, there are definitely times when she’s kinda being a fucking cunt, and then there are other times when he crosses the line. The barometer of where the audience should be is where her friends are...I mean, dude, it’s supposed to be like real life, and it’s not always clear what’s right or wrong.”

Instead of parlaying his book’s popularity into a big studio movie deal, Max went the route of independent financing and distribution. “I turned down $2 million for this script. There’s absolutely no way that had I filmed the script through a major studio they would have done anything but fuck this movie up. They would have cut all the balls off the comedy, they would have put Seth Rogen and Dane Cook in it, they would have changed Tucker to make him fall in love, and all this stupid shit that would have driven me up a fucking wall.”

Several times during the interview Max refers to himself and his character as a narcissist, and I tell him that I’m surprised by his frankness. “I really am a narcissist, y’know? I’m not quite as bad as I was in the movie. The movie portrays me, like, 10 years ago, when I really, truly was, like, straightup narcissist. Now I’ve kinda thought my way out of a lot of those issues, and I now maybe only have narcissistic traits, I’m not a full-on narcissist anymore.”

•Will Sloan This article first appeared in The Varsity on Nov 9 2009.

thursday, november 26, 2009

cut the crap

music

the silhouette’s art + culture magazine • C5

sixteen year old josh parto puts together playlists for the listening public Last year my friend introduced me to the Cut the Crap playlists, a current and eclectic playlist of diverse bands available for download every month. On the last day of every month a new Cut the Crap becomes available on mininova.org, before being leaked to other torrent sites. The playlist includes bands such as Röyksopp, Passion Pit, MSTRKRFT, Pilot Speed, the Gossip, Beck, Vampire Weekend, Spiral Beach, Islands and Coeur de Pirate. Josh Parto is the mind behind Cut the Crap playlists.

Hailing from Kitchener, Ontario, Parto is sixteen years old and in his grade eleven year.

About a year and a half ago, after downloading a playlist of over one hundred songs, Parto realized that he could make his own playlists and that people might want to listen to them. “I think it was probably just summer boredom, I just sort of decided to do it, but I think it was also around the time I downloaded someone else’s playlist, and it was one of those really long ones with over one hundred songs, and it took me three months to listen to the full thing, that’s when I sort of realized I could have my own take on playlists, shorter with a specific order and sort of make it my own thing and hopefully people would like it,” Parto told me.

He spends each month listening to new music and fine-tuning the order of the songs before uploading the final playlist list on the last day of the month: “As I discover songs, I sort of imagine what the order’s going to be in my head. Because you know as I buy CDs, or read music magazines, I’ll find new bands … and the playlists are really just the songs I listen to from that month.”

And while he takes into consideration people’s suggestions for songs as well as current trends in music, Cut the Crap playlists are compiled primarily of songs that Parto personally likes: “Sometimes I do sort of stretch to the outer limits of my sort of musical interests to appeal to other people, but it’s definitely all stuff that I like … It’s really sort of just an archive of what I like and that other people like it too is just really awesome.”

While it’s hard to get an actual number of the amount of times that the playlist is downloaded each month, Parto was able to find the numbers for the September 2009 playlist on mininova.org alone, which were over one thousand downloads. And the scope of the playlist is huge: Parto told me: ‘”A few months ago, this guy from France emailed me about how much he liked this local band that I had included

on the playlist, called Kidstreet … and he was asking me how he could get their CD, but unfortunately they don’t have a CD yet. But yeah, just like all over the place.”

“Apparently [Kidstreet] got an interview in an Australian magazine because the guy who interviewed them downloaded my playlists so that was pretty cool...They actually came up to me and told me that, or asked me if I was the guy that makes Cut the Crap playlist and I said yes.”

Parto says that usually a few people every month email him or add him to Facebook to say hello. In addition to picking the music for his high school before the morning announcements, Parto says that his friends download the playlist every month, and some of his teachers know about his hobby.

For the future, Parto is considering something in broadcasting. But he has his eye on a job that he would be perfectly suited for: “I like the idea of picking music for a TV show, but I’m not sure if that’s a actually job, but that would be an awesome job I think.”

I asked Parto what he thinks his best playlist is: “I like the [August 2009 one] … I’m really proud of each one that I make, but for some reason … I keep listening to the songs in that one, even though it was a few months ago. I don’t usually ditch the songs after the month is over, but that one has the most staying power of any of the ones I’ve ever made I think.”

At the end of his mininova.org upload, Parto writes: “buying music and attending concerts is worth your money – please do it!” He told me: “What I usually do is, I buy all CDs … I’ve never bought from iTunes or anything …If there is a band I’m interested in, I’ll find three or four songs from their most recent CD … and if I like those three songs enough, I’ll buy the full CD, and it’s kind of a risk but it’s usually worth it.”

This combined with his regular attendance of local shows, demonstrates his commitment to supporting artists.

Essentially he gives these bands free coverage, because many people who are uploading the playlists are hearing local Canadian bands in various countries where they might have otherwise never heard of them.

Parto’s top three songs that you should listen to right now: Miike Snow’s “Black and Blue,” Vampire Weekend’s “Horchata” and Beck’s “Timebomb.” Find out about new CTC playlists at the only official website: http://mindset.tumblr.com.

•Grace Evans

C6 • the silhouette’s art + culture magazine

film

thursday, november 26, 2009

fangless

kevin elliott asks when it will be dusk for twilight?

Twilight: New Moon Directed by: Chris Weitz Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner

H Before seeing New Moon, the second of four film instalments (as I’m sure you all know) in what is being marketed as The Twilight Saga, I took Oprah’s online Twilight quiz. I was reading an interview with Stephenie Meyer, the pitiful author of the vampire books the films are based on, and was diverted by a rather innocuous question: “Are you a Twihard?” I thought, sometimes I try hard, but now that you’ve asked, I really want to know what you think, Oprah. Needless to say, I scored a dismal 8/20. This guy has become the laughing stock of the girl’s washroom in George Washington Middle School located in Incorporationville, Everywhere (pointing at myself). “Did u hear? OMG, he only got 8!” I’m seriously tempted to engage in a campaign to alter the pop culture vernacular and have “Twi-hard” dwindled down to merely “Twi” in the – hopes that “Twi” will develop into “Twit.”

I figured there must be some

substance to this Twilight pandemonium that is capturing the imagination of herds of indiscriminate youth.

The Harry Potter series worked because it was, well, magical. It borrowed from fantasy and literature canons; it successfully explored suitable aspects of human nature and the human condition; it was reflexive and critical; and it was downright engaging. Upon seeing New Moon, I was unsurprisingly disappointed to learn that Twilight has done none of these things.

Kristen Stewart should be applauded for practically carrying this film on her back. Dominating the film’s screen time, she made Bella Swan’s deeply troubling depression believable and turned otherwise contrived dialogue into natural speech.

As well, the young Taylor Lautner is a promising actor. He does a good job as Jacob Black. Admittedly, his scenes with Bella are somewhat cute. He also recently beat out Robert Pattinson in a MuchMusic poll of who’s hotter, which is kind of creepy because he’s 17, and many of his female admirers are much older women.

However, the plot is hollow. Bella is in love with the vampire Edward Cullen (Pattinson) who leaves town to protect

her. She struggles to grapple with his abandonment and takes solace by developing her friendship with Jacob, who either inexplicably turns into a werewolf midfilm or he was a werewolf all along, I really don’t know. Her feelings are conflicted and ambiguous, whereas Jacob’s feelings are clear: he is infatuated with Bella. The film certainly suggests that this is a “love triangle” but I fail to see the triangle part because one-third of this “triangle” is absent for most of the film.

Stop trying to masquerade clichéd internal conflict with compelling external conflict.

The uninteresting climax occurs in Italy, something about a vampire covenant.

There is little action, no one dies, and all that results is that Edward returns to Forks, Washington. The audience is reminded again about the rivalry between werewolves and vampires — don’t worry, they have a pact! — and Edward informs Bella that a condition of her becoming a vampire is that they must marry. The end.

The film attempts to borrow from Romeo and Juliet. Thinking Bella is dead, Edward plans to kill himself before Bella conveniently arrives to stop him. There is no sacrifice in this movie — this is a major problem.

Because of this role, Robert

Pattinson has developed a love-him-orhate-him following. “He’s got something about him,” Meyer remarked. “He doesn’t look like everybody else.”

Why is Bella in love with Edward?

He’s not charming, he’s definitely not funny, and although I don’t find Pattinson unattractive, that vampire makeup is just awful on him. Also, he’s a vampire. If I ever develop a crush on a girl, and find out later that she’s a vampire, I’d probably say something to the effect of “Oh, a vampire?

That’s, uuuhhhhhh, cool. I’m going to go over here now.” And then never talk to her again.

I don’t even know why these books are popular. Meyer was a suburban, stay-athome mom who one day had a dream about a girl who fell in love with a vampire. Sounds like the makings of a Harlequin romance.

Wait, this is the best part: “There was a different ending to New Moon originally,” she says. “It was very much all in Bella’s head.”

She changed the ending because “[her] mom told [her] it would be better [another] way.”

The original ending was “it was all a dream!” before your mother told you to change it?! If only Mom took the criticism a step further and told her to just scrap the book entirely.

•Kevin Elliott

film

this is pirate radio

thursday, november 26, 2009

the silhouette’s art + culture magazine • C7

why philip seymour hoffman’s new film rocks and rolls

Pirate Radio Directed By: Richard Curtis

 It is the mid-60s. Outlawed on the mainland and government-controlled mainstream airways, a certain sort of British radio station were forced to take their quest to the high seas. Anchored in the North Sea, these miscreants brandished their own variety of radio to keep the British teenagers rocking around the clock to a newly found societal menace: pop rock.

This fictional movie focuses on one these rogue stations and their antics. The film actually came out last spring in Britain, where it ran over two hours in length and was known by it’s original title, “The Boat That Rocked.”

Some American critics are quick to judge the original title, “The Boat That Rocked,” as being horribly inadequate and less appealing to an audience than “Pirate Radio.” Quite frankly, the name Pirate Radio seems to be the one that was dumbed down. “The Boat That Rocked” is a double entendre, and no matter how little the amount, still requires you to at least think abstractly for a second or two. Pirate Radio

may be more appealing to a fickle American audience, but just doesn’t seem to fit a clever British comedy in this context.

The story begins as teenager Carl arrives on the ship to spend some time with his estranged godfather, and perhaps learn some discipline (if that makes any sense at all). It is here we meet the colourful cast.

Philip Seymour Hoffman stars as The Count, the only American DJ on the ship. After watching him play Lester Bangs in Almost Famous, he was well suited for the role. Rhys Ifans (one of the brothers from Little Nicky) plays a DJ named Gavin, the newly arrived British legend and arch nemesis of Seymour Hoffman’s character. Additionally, wellplayed British humour also comes roaring in spouts and spurts from DJ Dave (Nick Frost of Shaun of the Dead). You basically end up with a boatload of slack-jobs and egos working under an eccentric captain.

Debauchery ensues.

There are also a few side stories, most notably one involving Carl and the quest for his father, who is supposedly someone aboard the boat. This sub plot is unemotionally stimulating to the point where you wish the filmmakers had just left it out. The film’s main conflict stems from Kenneth Branagh’s character, Sir. Alistair Dormandy, a stiff

parliamentary bureaucrat who is trying to pass the Marine Broadcasting Offences Act. This law that would inevitably render the pirates defunct in the summer of ‘67.

Pirate Radio’s soundtrack should also be discussed. If you are any kind of music connoisseur, you will appreciate it. There are all the hits you could possibly ask for by artists such as The Kinks, The Beach Boys, The Who, Cream, and Jimi Hendrix. I’m sure you could imagine the obvious choices for a period piece like this, but don’t get your hopes up – there are loads of one-off numbers and surprises like Cat Stevens, Moody Blues, The Turtles, and The Supremes. Not all of the music is period however, as the films producers also include some contemporary selections by artists such as Duffy. Another nice addition is the producers’ choice to include early-60s pop music à la Phil Spector, a style often overlooked and overshadowed in the broader spectrum of this revolutionary time for commercial music. With that being said, for a movie about British radio in the 60s, due to problems with copyright, there seems to be an overwhelming lack of The Beatles.

If you’re looking for something to complain about, you’ll probably find it.

The film is not a true “true story.” There

are significant historical inaccuracies, such as songs featured in the movie not being released during the film’s time period. And despite some of the background elements of the plot being historically accurate, the filmmakers take a number of liberties. Overly critical individuals will find something that is not veraciously accurate, and use it as justification to classify the film as some offputting Hollywood entertainment orgy.

Others may find it unexciting drivel, not funny in the least. Some good advice would be to tell folks like this to be quiet for one moment, and enjoy the choreography.

Pirate Radio is a comedy chock full of dry, tea-and-crumpets humour. A comedy in the vein of Ricky Gervais, Shaun of the Dead, and Hot Fuzz mixed in with a little Wes Anderson, and historical inspiration from a number of sources. Some parts are wildly over-exaggerated, but that’s entertainment.

The film does very well at vividly illustrating another fantastic quirk of 20th century popculture – documenting another one of those short but special happenings that seemed to have appeared under proper circumstance, conquered, and dissipated all within the short blink of an eye. The sixties were apparently like that, man.

•Ryan Gainford

C8 • the silhouette’s art + culture magazine

an elementary play

theatre

thursday, november 26, 2009

village theatre’s play sherlock’s last case plays in waterdown Sherlock’s Last Case By: Charles Marowitz Directed by: Al French Village Theatre The Sherlock Holmes genre has been slowly resurging itself in popular media. With new fans of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s original canon, such recent incarnations including the medical rendition of Holmes in House, and upcoming film adaptation directed by Guy Ritchie with Robert Downey Jr. have updated the infamous eccentric detective.

As a Sherlock enthusiast myself, I approached the opening night of Sherlock’s Last Case with a cynical attitude, expecting the play to be a bastardization of a great literary series. This approach to the play was only validated by miniscule details: the beginning of the script was seemingly dull and the subtle spark of romance between Holmes and Moriarty’s “daughter” is rather appalling since everyone knows that the only woman for Holmes is Irene Adler. Fanatical, I know, but the script picks up after a few scenes and the audience quickly realizes the play is intended to be a spoof, not an accurate rendition, as it leads spectators through a series of unexpected events that would occur if one were to ask “what if?”

The plot begins with Holmes and Watson in their beloved residence at 221B Baker’s Street when they receive a deaththreat in the form of a letter, the addresser of which is claiming to be the son of the presumably dead Professor James Moriarty.

At the risk of losing one of London’s finest, the tenacious Scotland Yard Inspector Lestrade tries to post bodyguards at Holmes’ address, but believing this is unnecessary, Holmes convinces Lestrade to call off his men. Soon after, Moriarty’s supposed daughter approaches Holmes, and with good intentions, asks him to rationalize with her brother rather than resorting to violence.

Holmes agrees to meet this young Moriarty in person, but first secretly seeks to validate the identities of the two siblings. As always, deductions come quickly to Holmes as he ties far-fetched trivialities to reach an impressive conclusion. However, this consistent nature becomes easily predictable to the obsessive antagonist and Holmes finds himself being led up the garden path to surprising twists in the plot that ensnare Holmes in unexpected role-reversals. So who exactly is the nemesis in this particular play? Why, it’s elementary, if you watch it of course.

Sherlock’s Last Case puts focus on

the close relationship between Holmes and Watson and what possible friction there might exist between them, hidden away from the public’s eye and their reputations. The set design was shoddy unfortunately; the backdrop seemed amateurish at best and the props were out of place. But given the small location and the obvious difficulty of finding legitimate paraphernalia of late 19th century London, this is understandable.

Although, that being said, the costumes were incredibly authentic, especially Sherlock Holmes.’ Sound effects and music were also incorporated into the play, but rather than augment the drama, it diminished it significantly since the sound clips were lacking the flow necessary to integrate with the action on stage. Otherwise, the acting made up for the deficiency.

The actors in the play are mostly locally-drawn and several of them have made previous appearances at Village Theatre. The cast is a charmingly talented bunch, especially Janet Carline who plays the Scottish landlady Mrs. Hudson. Notably, the varying accents are executed convincingly well, however the task of maintaining one seems to hinder their speech once in a while leading actors to occasionally speak over one another.

Speaking of which, the actress who plays Lisa seems unable to decide on an accent as she slips from an Oxford accent to a Texan one.

Most importantly, the characters of Holmes and Watson are quite accurately portrayed as the play maintains the distinctive sardonic wit of Holmes and the introspective nature of Watson. Michael Hannigan and Steve O’Brien portray the classic pair respectively.

Overall, the play finishes with a favourable outcome; the plot ends on a note of dark humour, and the classic Holmes intellect shines through significantly. If you’re a fan, you should definitely look into this clever rendition of the extraordinary Sherlock. If not, you might not fully appreciate the many allusions and dry sardonic wit that makes the play a success. In short, for an opening night, Sherlock’s Last Case did not disappoint.

Needless to say, the production will gradually clean itself up of minor flaws, as the actors will be making repeat performances over the next couple weeks. Performances will be at Village Theatre in Waterdown on the 27th, 28th of November, and on the 4th, 5th of December at 8:00 p.m. A matinee will be held on Nov. 29th at 2:00 p.m. For tickets and more information visit www. villagetheatrewaterdown.ca.

•Aaron Joo

under the radar

thursday, november 26, 2009 XKCD xkcd.com

off the web this is indexed www.thisisindexed.com

Do you like math? How about love?

How about, wit and sarcasm? How about stick figures? What about stick figures with little hats? Stick figures who know complex mathematics and search for true and make raunchy love?

The above and references to other internet memes? Even if you “No” to all of those questions, XKCD is a clever enough web comic, updated Mon-Wed-Fri, that you’re bound to laugh upon visiting whoever you are.

•Harrison Cruikshank

Jessica Hagy makes math fun. She also makes use of her coffee break every morning by combining hilarious quips on life with little equations on an index card. The result is a blog that has gained massive popularity that serves for a good laugh during your own coffee break. penny arcade •Dan Hawie www.penny-arcade.com black cab sessions www.blackcabsessions.com Have you ever wanted to see a musician performing one of their songs while riding in a cab around London? I know I did. Black Cab Sessions has filmed over eighty artists, from Death Cab For Cutie to Brian Wilson, cramming themselves into the backseat to do a single take of one of their songs.

This website is both random and entertaining and you will almost certainly be able to find a session that piques your interest.

•Roxanne Hathway-Baxter

In order to enjoy both the hilarious news posts and comics, you will need some interest in videogames/gamer culture. That being said, it’s pretty cool what these guys have done regardless of audience. What started out as any run-of-the-mill web-comic is now a ridiculously profitable business.

Heck, these guys are so successful they even started their own videogame based charity called “Child’s Play” that raises money and brings games to children’s hospitals across the globe. Last year alone they raised over 1.4 million dollars in moneys and games.

•Harrison Cruikshank

the silhouette’s art + culture magazine • C9

zine beat

Welcome to The Dahlhouse: Alienation, Incarceration & Inebriation in the New American Rome by Ken Dahl Microcosm Publishing, 2008.

For some reason, people find it easy to relate to characters who whine about everything.

It’s often easier to hate something than to love it, and – ironically – that’s probably what makes Welcome to the Dahlhouse so appealing.

This comic zine collects all of cartoonist Ken Dahl’s strips from 19972007, combining short, passionate stories about lost innocence, nostalgia, and overall disillusionment with American consumerist culture. He presents a scathing condemnation of post-9/11 American attitudes, religion, the self-perpetuating police system, the war-mongering military, and even critiques the phonies of the so-called “countercultural zine-culture.”

Despite how much he seems to criticize such people, Dahl is subtle in his realization that he is as much a phony as they are. Each thing he scolds is explored with

a nuance of hypocrisy, a character only hating love because he was broken-hearted; only hating the legal system because he got himself arrested; hating all the hipster girls because he can’t get one for himself; and hating try-hard zine culture because he can’t write “important” zines either. This is what takes a work about what you would otherwise expect an anarchist, countercultural author to talk about, and makes it something quite self-reflexive and profound.

Rest assured Dahl isn’t entirely bleak, derisive, and self-absorbed either.

He is all these things, but he makes you laugh in spite of it. Strips which feature simple pleasures -- like the experience of a grown man swinging at night, or peeing in the shower -- are welcome refreshments from the doldrums of others.

Dahl also showcases an artistic diversity as assorted as this zine’s mood.

Whether or not you appreciate his overthe-top writing, everybody can enjoy his brilliant cartooning. Detailed and gritty or simplistic and fresh, Dahl tells his story with either subtlety or gross excess, whichever works best. It just so happens that embellishment suits moping the most.

•Jordan Collver

C10 • the silhouette’s art + culture magazine

music

thursday, november 26, 2009

on the beat

mcmaster’s slept productions chat with andy Ever since the explosion of Timbaland, Lil’ John and the like, it seems as though every kid with a computer, some music applications and a download of Danger Mouse’s Grey Album has dreams of being the next big hip-hop producer. In the past, the major roadblock to becoming a producer was the accessibility to pricey audio gear, however, living in the ‘Torrent Age,’ one can turn from dreamer to producer overnight by simply downloading the appropriate software.

Becoming a successful producer is a different story though. I sat down with McMaster’s own Slept Productions to get their opinion on making it in the production scene.

Slept Productions is comprised of two Mississauga-born young artists who have taken the dream of being producers to the next level. Arun Moorthy (aka Ruan), and Rob Tam (aka Rilla), together make Slept Productions – a beyond creative team that believes in the rebirth of hip-hop music.

Rilla and Ruan have known each other since high school and have been exchanging music idealisms, and ideas ever since. What started as a late night hobby between two friends has developed into radio time, record labels, contracts and an upcoming music video.

Slept Productions work with artists to bring out their ideas and turn them into music. The team has spent time working with seasoned veterans in the music industry such as Andrea Henry (formally of the Canadian pop group Sugar Jones), who put out the single “Days Like That.” The team worked with Henry to produce the single “Let it Go,” which is currently on regular rotation on 93.1FM in Toronto. Projects currently in the works include Sonny Ca$h and Mr. Hung, two Toronto-based MC’s with endless potential. Slept Productions have taken these two under their wing to refine their talent, collaborate with their ideas, record and mix the track and present the finished piece to the record label. Rilla and Ruan’s talent for music has allowed them to work with both veterans like Henry, as well as MC’s with no musical background or industry experience.

To them, producing is first and foremost about the music, as Ruan explained, “Working with the veterans definitely has its advantages; they already know how a song is put together, how to do a key change and

assemble a chorus that will stick, but working with artists that are fresh on the scene is a great opportunity to develop both us and them as musicians and as friends.”

Aside from working with the musicians on their label, Slept Productions also donates their time and talent to The Teresa Group, a community-based organization that helps children affected

by HIV and AIDS. They have worked closely with these children for the past year to introduce them to music as a tool of expression. Throughout the past year, Slept Productions and the children have assembled an album to bring awareness to the serious and often-ignored issue of HIV and AIDS in Canada.

Slept Productions are well on their way to realizing their full potential in the music industry. When asked what piece of advice they would give to those who want to get their foot in the door in the music production business, the team responded, “Don’t get caught up on the gear you don’t have, just stay focused on the ideas you have.

Just because you don’t have top-of-the-line equipment doesn’t mean you can’t create great music.”

The pair offered some tips on how to become a better producer. First, they said aspiring producers need to “get involved in clubs [and] groups [where] other people [share] similar goals and influences, such as the Toronto Beat Club. [Also] Experiment with new sounds, new instruments, new samples, etc. Creativity and originality is what gets [you] noticed.” Aspiring producers, they said, should “use forums and blogs to network and upload [their] work, producersblock.com and nahright.com are both good. Never shut any doors. The more people you know, the more opportunities you will have.” And, most importantly, they explained, “don’t be afraid to put your face and your sound out there. You don’t have anything to lose by trying.”

To listen to some of Slept Productions music or to tune into their podcast, check out sleptproductions.com. For further information on The Teresa Group and their efforts, check out teresagroup.ca.

•Jamie Rollings

thursday, november 26, 2009

classic review

in stereo

the silhouette’s art + culture magazine • C11

featured review

Under the moniker “Bonnie Prince Billy,” Will Oldham paints a paradoxically exultant and disturbing portrait of life in I See A Darkness. Under his carefully tailored guise, and in the true tradition of American gothic, Oldham preaches apocalyptic visions and grim parables of death and religious reckoning. The songs are medieval dirges to a pagan nation; anthems to a beleaguered generation of forgotten prophets.

Bonnie sings about vengeance like it’s the joy of the Lord.

Indeed, there is a beautiful inevitably to the approaching darkness which eventually consumes

everyone in its unforgiving maw.

“Every terrible thing is a relief/ Even months on end buried in grief/ Are easy light times which have to end/ With the coming of your death, friend,” Oldham prophesies with his distinctive and chilling warble in “Death to Everyone.” In introspective morbidity, he also predicts his own demise in the title track “I see a Darkness” (later covered by Johnny Cash). Blackness is an eternal enemy which we cannot fight. We can only accept its cold and dark companionship. Bonnie is certainly haunted by his premonitions, but he delivers his message with unflinching intensity. Armed with his guitar, Bonnie emerges from the desolate wilderness, and warns us of the final things to come.

Listening to I See a Darkness is an exhausting experience which requires your unwavering

HHHHH

Katy Perry MTV Unplugged

Moneen The World I Want To Leave Behind

Air Love 2

The Almost Monster Monster

Katy Perry has released a set of songs that are part of the MTV Unplugged series. The selection of songs range from a few of Katy’s well known singles to other songs that are on her debut album, One of the Boys. This collection includes a CD and a DVD that shows the live performance of the seven songs and also contains interview footage.

With this collection of tunes, Katy Perry has chosen some upbeat songs and some ballads as well. What makes these songs different is that they are performed acoustically, but with a jazzy edge. Katy Perry’s vocals shine with this acoustic set, and it is refreshing to hear someone who can actually sing well live.

•Catherine Brasch

After 2006’s The Red Tree, Brampton’s own Moneen found themselves truly refining their sound and finally rising above Southern Ontario’s established yet admittedly fizzling collective of emotional pop-punk bands. Their ability to harness raw emotion and channel it into a restrained yet powerful delivery catapulted them into the year-end lists for many listeners. The World I Want To Leave Behind hints at the catharsis of previous work, yet is never able to simmer up enough to reach the same plateau of exhilaration and gratification. Moneen’s transition to a more mature, radio-friendly sound fails to capture the heart by the album’s end, however it does manage to tug a few heartstrings along the way.

•Chris Hoy

Air’s fifth studio album is a combination of ambient, electronic pretentiousness that only Air could pull off. This album sounds like a mix of Daft Punk, Barry White and Flight of the Concords’ “Foux da Fa Fa.” To be fair, group members Nicolas Godin and Jean-Benoit Dunckel actually cite Pink Floyd, Serge Gainsboroug and Vangelis as influences, providing a less cruel assessment of their sound. Some tracks like “So Light is Her Footfall” are smooth in a good way, while others like “African Velvet” seem to border on smooth jazz. Notable tracks include “Be A Bee,” which has an undeniably cool 1960s spy vibe, and “Do The Joy,” which is where 70’s synth-prog and DaftPunk meet. Air’s style is not for everybody, so unless you are a fan, approach this album with caution; it’s not one of their best.

•Katharine Snider McNair

The Almost have returned with their sophomore release, Monster Monster. Starring Aaron Gillepsie (of Underoath fame) this album is full of enough catchy hooks and sing-alongs to win over any tween’s heart. It’s not all bad though – the guy has serious pipes! Tracks like “Young Again” and “Books & Books” are fast paced and power chord driven, while “Hands” evokes your inner kid to clap along. Put aside the overproduced pop, and there’s a subtle Americana theme running through Monster Monster – as the reoccurring twang of a steel guitar, along with soft piano melodies paint a nostalgic picture of longing for youthful days. It’s this theme that sheds light on the hopeful direction this band will take, as The Almost have nearly broken from the thresholds of Hot Topic sponsored kiddy-rock.

• Dan Hawie

HHH

HH

HHH

HHH

Bonnie Prince Billy I See A Darkness (1999)

attention.

But it is also an immensely rewarding listen which elicits an almost transcendental experience. Like a prophet in the Old Testament, Bonnie Prince Billy may be overlooked, but what he has to say is incredibly important.

I See A Darkness is a classic in every respect.

•Michael Clemens

The Slew 100 %

If, in the back corner of some musty old record shop, a copy of the Allman Brother’s Beginnings was left buried next to the finest beats of Eric B. the resulting fusion would likely resemble The Slew’s debut record, 100%.

Upon first spin, 100% affirms itself an ambitious leap into novel terrain for Kid Koala as it welcomingly pushes fourth the 21st century tendency to blur the barriers between distinctly differing genres. Each track demonstrates a harmonious union between authentic southern-rock and cutting-edge turntable antics.

Although a portion of 100%’s magic does rely on Koala’s skill in simultaneously spinning six turntables, the album would lack its southern-soaked hide without the appearance of collaborator and guitarist Dynamite D.

But even the genius of Canada’s top DJ cannot rid such a limited set-up of redundancy. Still, there is charm in the repetitive loops, which clearly work as throwbacks on Koala’s part to the organic base of two genres now monstrous in popular music.

•Josh Parsons

HHHH

C12 • the silhouette’s art + culture magazine

culture

thursday, november 26, 2009

lets all DIY

indie culture is coming to a town near you Back in the early nineties Tony Weinbender, now of No Idea Records fame, was working an unfulfilling job for a major record label and found himself disillusioned with the then state of the punk music scene. His friends reminded him of how during his college years he had put on a festival in Virginia where he suffered endless frustration, received few thanks and always lost money, but the overwhelming satisfaction he got kept him going back to doing it every year. Therefore, the (one and only) “Fest” was born in his new home of Gainesville, Florida with the first one taking place in May 2002. What transcended was a two day music festivalcum-boatless booze cruise with sixty bands across six venues, over a thousand people in attendance and free beer sponsorship from Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Against Me! and Pretty Girls Make Graves were among the bands to play alongside the likes of underwear enthusiast Har Mar Superstar, who created the largest no-pants party Gainesville has ever seen.

Seven years later and it is now the “Fest 8” and over the years it has grown in size and popularity to three days, over 5,000 attendants, twelve venues, a community of volunteers and over 300 bands and, at last, I find myself on the correct continent to make my attendance financially viable.

Coming from a punk music scene in Britain where apathy and indifference are the

name of the game, it was an overwhelmingly refreshing experience for the five days spent in Gainesville. Not only is there the opportunity to see dozens of bands that are unlikely to ever come to the UK, or Canada for that matter, but the whole aura of the festival is one of solidarity and a sense of mutual friendship among everyone there. People are brought together by their passion for this kind of music and it provides a common ground for 5,000 people in close proximity.

The Fest is, fundamentally speaking, a punk rock festival, but among the 300-plus bands that play there is an extraordinary amount of diversity. The instrumental metal of Russian Circles, the folk punk of Defiance, Ohio, the sugary indie-pop of Lemuria, the country of Tim Barry, the Lemonheads-esque college rock of Cheap Girls and the chaotic grind of Ampere shows how diverse the crowd is. Even Gainesville’s own Less Than Jake makes the point of playing every year. The genre of ‘punk’ has lost much of the musical associations it developed throughout its history to become an ethic, and this is what these bands are united by.

This DIY punk community is an underground subculture based upon the ethic of, interestingly enough, doing everything yourself with very little or no involvement at all from anything above the grassroots level.

This includes everything from having shows in basements and promotion through self-

made fliers, or adverts in community-made zines. Many DIY punk bands go as far as to believe that music as an art form should be free for the consumer and bands such as Bomb the Music Industry! and Defiance, Ohio release all their music to be freely downloaded. Jeff Rosenstock of Bomb the Music Industry! even has his own record label, Quote Unquote Records, where the music is free to download with an optional donation suggested.

There is a fervent DIY scene in southern Ontario that many may be unaware of. In St. Catherines a DIY art space called 73 puts on a lot of shows, and in Brantford there is a similar establishment called the Ford Plant where The Arcade Fire and Final Fantasy played in their early days. In downtown Toronto the Siesta Nouveaux is an independent theatre/art space co-op that also puts on shows by local promoters such as Stuck in the City and there is fantastic independent record store called Hit and Misses. In Hamilton there are a number of not-for-profit art centres that can be used for various purposes, such as the Downtown Arts Centre. Additionally there is the Sky Dragon Community Development Cooperative, a non-profit, worker-coop devoted to self-directed and collective social change, which also houses the Hamilton Zine Library. In terms of written publications Broken Pencil is a Toronto-based magazine

that covers underground music and art, they also organize the biggest annual zine festival in Canada called Canzine. Microcosm Publishing is an important independent publisher and distributor based in Portland, Oregon that sells a lot of ‘how to’ zines in order to get people more actively involved in DIY.

The DIY ethic stretches beyond the music itself and DIY punk communities are often involved with other outlets. For example, bicycle collectives teach people how to fix bikes instead of taking them to mechanics (much like Mac Cycle on campus); clothes may be recycled through repairing and modifying second hand or old attire to give them a new, unique lease of life; and some engage in freeganism, the anti-consumerist act of salvaging food from grocery store bins that has been needlessly thrown away. In this sense DIY is a form of social activism, to go against the grain of mainstream, popular culture, or, if popular culture is so unavoidable, take it and make it your own. It can empower the masses by allowing them to become the producer as opposed to the sheep-like consumer. In short: support local independent stores, read zines, write zines, go to local shows, put on local shows, start a record label, pick up a sewing kit, ride a bike, grow your own vegetables and, most importantly, get involved.

•Ben Small

SpeculatoR The Hamilton

INSIDE THE SPECULATOR

DD2: Weather. It’s pretty exciting. Fuck off.

DD3: Love in Lights, an illustrated tragedy by Buck Horowitz.

DD4: An open letter to Professor Armstrong. Yo, where my marks at, broham?

Thursday, November 26, 2009 F Now four full pages all in technicolour .

Mac launches Ass Awareness week

On the whole, students give sitting ovation, bend over in appreciation BUCK HOROWITZ SPECULATOR

McMaster university announced this week the advent of the first annual “Ass Awareness Week”. A proposed collaboration between staff and students, the awareness campaign would centre on advancing knowledge and tolerance of gluteus maximi everywhere.

“For too long have we taken our buttocks and buttockses for granted. Always the butt of jokes, the subject of inappropriate leers, never given proper due,” said Bobby Gormly, one of the student organizers of Ass Awareness.

This has been a particularly hard year for asses at home and abroad. Sitting on a Sunshine, the leading makers of cellulitecontrolling panties, went bankrupt in February after forty years of imminence of the 2010 Olympics.

“Canada used to dominate restricting Canadians. Experts on in ass-related events. Bobsled in the subject anticipate continued hard particular.

We as a people have times come the new year given the

a good ass for sitting on a plank Thanks a lot, John Candy,” and flying down a sheet of ice. says Dr. Edmund Horschuck of But all the good bobsled ass jobs McMaster’s proctology department.

What precisely Ass have been outsourced to Jamaica.

Awareness Week will entail has yet to be made clear.

The secretary in the University President’s office looks just like this girl who used to be in my stats class, the one who wore those low-neck sweaters. Anyway it’s sort of hard to concentrate when she talks.

But it is safe to assume that it will be a seven days full of flashing, sitting, jiggling, wiggling, bumping grinding, waving, shaking, popping, exposing, pinching, slapping, grabbing, biting, and all the other major ass-related activities.

Gormly offered these words as final encouragement to students to come out and observe the ass: “Asses care about you.

They are always with you. And on the days when you need the most comforting, the most cheering up, they’re always there for a little feel, a little rub, so willing to perk you up. The least you could do is to show them the same courtesy.”

H1N1 the result of meat industry grudge Chicken beats beef, beef beats pork. Everything beats vegetables.

DUCK HEMSWORTH SPECULATOR

OTTAWA, ON - A plot by anti-pork lobbyists has Parliament Hill - and the country - in shock this weekend.

The so called “swine-flu” epidemic that has plagued Canadians and people from around the world has been uncovered to be a plot by the poultry industry’s anti-pork wing, the Speculator has learned.

It appears to be a part of a decade long “prank-war” between industry elitists. It began with the poultry industry taking aim at the beef industry by creating the “Mad Cow” disease.

Pro-Beef lobbyist Howard Stinson recalls the beef, poultry and pork groups all at a meeting in 1996 at the Tofu is for Queers conference in San Francisco.

“We were all having vodka, because as you know, meat and potatoes go hand in hand so that’s all they serve at these events. Things got out of hand

and Blake “Coop” Cooper tried to get a little frisky with my wife, so to get back at him, me and [propork lobbyist Brian Romano] Roast double-teamed his wife.

It was like a rotisserie, it was beautiful.”

Stinson continued, “Since then, Cooper has been trying to sabotage the beef and pork industry with the completely fictitious ‘Mad Cow’ disease, a push for vegan only super markets, and his last fabrication, the “Swine Flu.”

While Mr. Cooper declined comment, the Speculator did lean up to his door and heard him yelling, “They started it! Doesn’t anyone remember the avian flu?

I couldn’t move a bird for weeks.

And the listeriosis scare? Come on.”

Brian “Roast” Romano has been busy for weeks trying OTIS DEARHURST / BEASTIAL PORNOGRAPHER to play down fears at local pig Mascots for the Pork and Poultry industries, respectively, square off in a death match over disease control. roasts and BBQ eateries. Although he has gained much support start consuming pork like the BBQ Saucers of America, Brother flu virus can stand a slow roast from the BBQ sauce industry, it Chinese again, so the saying goes. Jimmy and his brother, Sweet Baby over hickory for at least 10 hours, Speaking on behalf of the Ray, released this statement: “No so do you pork up right ya’hear.” may take weeks before people

“What Did You Learn This Week, Timmy?”

“I learned that They’re big now but I’ll grow into them.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in The Hamilton Speculator are fact. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is likely intentional and done out of spite. Opinions expressed are those of The Speculator and if you disagree with them you are wrong. And stupid. Possibly ugly as well.

DD2 • THE HAMILTON SPECULATOR

Rights activists protest Movember “Moustaches are sexist” says female lobby

KINGSLEY MORRIS SPECULATOR

Protests continue on campus today as the McMaster Feminist Alliance Group Squadron Organization Front speaks out against “Movember”, the viral moustache and mulletgrowing trend that seems to be sweeping McMaster like an orphan in an asbestos factory.

Controversy began when the feminist group realized that the event, which is raising prostate cancer awareness, doesn’t really apply to them. They also believe that they are being mislabelled, since 75% of their members have and in fact flaunted glorious mullets and moustaches of their own.

“We want to be included in this too”, said one Georgia Chuvallo, Wallingford Hall Chapter leader. “Like, why should we be marginalized by the male population? They claimed prostate cancer before we even had the chance to, and frankly we want a cut of the action.”

And action it is, indeed.

Since November 1st, protests have grown from small a f t e r- w o m e n ’s - s t u d y - l e c t u r e potluck rallies to full blown

hunger-strikes. “My friend Rita”, stated an unnamed, Hal Gill-esque feminist protestor, “hasn’t eaten in nearly 10 hours. I think she may have to stop protesting and grind her axe somewhere else.”

The hunger strike has produced something good though. With the absence of every paying vegan on campus, Bridges has been replaced by a slaughterhouse - complete with a late-night drive through and complimentary chickenbacon-pork slurpees (before 8am).

Even with so much controversy on campus, certain campus groups have taken a liking to “Movember”. Included in the “Pro-Movember” movement are the member s of the female facial hair guild, who are glad that they can finally fit in for one month of the year.

As this protest continues with its reign of poor female haircuts and unnecessary and easily treatable facial hair, McMaster will continue to be in a state of panic, confusion, and hatred of special interest groups. With less than a week left in November, one can only hope that this dark and hairy affair fades into oblivion, forgotten by all... just like every other student protest on campus.

Write for the Speculator.

Give us your hungry, you tired, your grossly perverted and morally bankrupt. Give us your failures, your freaks, your weirdoes, your useless, your outcasts, your criminals, your deviants, your sociopaths. Seriously, we’ll take anybody.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

Oy! Mac docs find reverse amnesia Patient in traction. What else is he gonna do?

OMAR ABDUL-SCHWARTZ SPECULATOR

Medical researchers at McMaster University announced earlier this week that they recently discovered a brand new memory-related condition now known as Everseray Amnesihay, or “reverse amnesia”.

This condition, noted Dr. Remi Membrance, the chief researcher credited with its discovery, is very similar to regular amnesia except that all of its symptoms are reversed.

Instead of forgetting everything about themselves and all of their loved ones, patients find that, while still painfully aware of each of the mundane details of their past life, are completely and utterly forgotten by all of their friends and family.

“That’s the biggest challenge of diagnosing ‘reverse amnesia’,” explained Dr. Membrance at a press conference held at McMaster University, “we simply kept on forgetting that the patient actually existed.”

“It was the damndest thing,” he continued, “we’d go to check the patients medical record, and we’d go up to his room and then every single time without fail, there would be a stranger lying in his bed.

Then this one time we called the police and after they arrested him, it turned out his way the patient. We were dumbfounded. Dumbfounded!

Kind of like that fellow over there” Dr. Membrance explained as he pointed in the general direction of the confused looking young reporter sent by the Mohawk College Satellite to cover the event.

“And then we put everything together — our patient was suffering from ‘reverse amnesia!’”

HELP ME. I’M TRAPPED IN A NEWSPAPER FACTORY.

The first ever noted case of reverse amnesia, treated with a full-body skin graft.

This new finding is already stamp collecting type.” Indeed, being heralded as the medical break- common symptoms of this disease through of the week. “We estimate are believed to include speaking that a lot of people probably suffer in a monotone voice, possessing from this disorder,” stated Dr. monotonous habits and repeatedly Membrance. “Unfortunately, upon telling boringly long antidiagnosing a new patient with climatic anecdotes usually with ‘reverse amnesia’ we almost always reference to whole grain cereal. promptly forget they exist and have Unfortunately because been unable to develop a treatment researchers keep forgetting about for the condition,” he continued. their patients, these theories have While it is uncertain who yet to be confirmed. If you think someone might contract reverse that someone you know may be amnesia, The Speculator, has learned suffering from reverse amnesia, that some medical researchers it is probably already too late for believe that those afflicted by this them. “Move on, you’ll forget condition are “probably just really about them soon enough,” Dr. boring people— you know, the Membrance recommended to us.

The five-day forecast for Hamilton

Precipitation back now, by popular demand. Like your old lady.

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

Sunny and clear with a high of 12 and a low of 2.

Mix of sun and cloud with a 50 per cent chance of precipitation and a 75 per cent chance that Mr. Franklin Reed’s wife will sleep with her brother-in-law.

Mainly sunny with some clouds rolling in during mid-afternoon. Temperature will be going down quickly, just like the mother of a certain somebody, (not gonna say who).

No offense to you personal-like.

Rain through most of the day, with a high of 9.

Loraine Berkley’s genital herpes will start off hazy but be mainly clear by the evening rush hour, so smooth sailing ahead for all you commuters out there.

Overcast with a light chance of snow flurries.

My mechanic will tie me up with jumper cables and beat me lightly with a ratchet, just like every Friday.

“What Did You Learn This Week, Jimi?”

“I learned that

Editor’s Note: Timmy had to get to bed. Filling in for him on this page is rock’n’roll legend and jive talker Jimi Hendrix, dig it.

Man, honky been messin’ with mah foxy lady. Sheeit. Now I got to run him cold upside the head. Got to be. Ya dig?”

Disclaimer: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All boys and no work makes Jack a playboy. All play and no work dulls Jack as a boy. Jack plays boys at work and no dulls. Jack and dull boys play at work. Boys will work and play and make Jack. Work Jack and dull boys will play.

THE HAMILTON SPECULATOR • DD3

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

“Hey Honey, look what I picked up today!”

“Darling, I’ve loved you since I first saw you. I want you. I need you...”

“Oh my God, that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“...and Shelley’s at work.”

“Well that was... that was pretty amazing, huh?”

“...Come away with me to where we can love openly and without shame.”

“Honey, why is there a light bulb in our sheets?”

“What do you mean I can’t buy a plane ticket for a lamp?!”

“She’s on to us darling...”

“NOOOOOO! Why, God?!

WHYYYYY!”

“We’ll find a way.

Come hell or high water I -”

“I’ll never love again.”

“Oh my God, that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“What Did You Learn This Week, Timmy?”

“I learned that

love hurts, especially with electrical appliances.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in The Hamilton Speculator are fact. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is likely intentional and done out of spite. Opinions expressed are those of The Speculator and if you disagree with them you are wrong. And stupid. Possibly ugly as well.

DD4 • THE HAMILTON SPECULATOR

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2009

An open letter to my History prof

I was going to cut and paste this in a note from magazine clippings, but I’m le tired. And you don’t deserve the effort.

Dear Professor Armstrong, I am a student currently enrolled in you third year history class, HIST 3VV3, History of Convection Heating. I would like to start by saying that I have enjoyed the course very much so far to this point, sir, and, sir, I would like you to know that I am recommending the course to all my friends.

Actually you may know them.

One is the niece of the Dean of the History Department and another

one is the godson of the university’s president.

Isn’t it a small world? I was mentioning so to them while I was having dinner at the president’s house last night. But I digress.

I noticed, as I am sure you have as well, that my marks are not very good. In fact, 28 per cent is the second lowest I have ever gotten on a midterm before. And I was wondering, sir, if sir, you would be kind enough to maybe give my

marks a little old boost. I only ask because OSAP is threatening to take away my bursary in my 11th year of undergrad if I can’t show that I am making a significant improvement

by Christmas break.

I hate to have to write to you like this as I would have much preferred to come talk to you in person. I tried last Monday.

But you were getting in your car and driving home. And it’s funny, you know, because I

always thought that you lived at 742 Greenfields Drive, because that’s where your wife lives. But there you were driving to a motel out by the highway. But then again I also thought your wife was a lot older, and shorter and not Asian and after seeing you entering the motel room with what could only be your wife to whom you are happily married, I know I was wrong. She actually looks a lot more like my T.A. Maybe I should write Mrs.

Professor Armstrong to explain my mistake and apologize for what is clearly an embarrassing mix-up in my part.

I should say, as I believe I forgot to earlier, that I find your lectures completely engrossing and really poetic and beautiful, really.

Just really great. I guess what I am trying to say is that you’ve got a really nice lecture here. A very nice lecture indeed. And it would be a shame, wouldn’t it, if something bad should mysteriously happen to it.

That would be quite an unfortunate turn of events. You lecture plans would be “up in smoke”, to use a popular phrase.

Now I know that from my tone it would appear that I may be threatening to set fire to your office, but rest assured nothing could be further from the truth. I would set fire to your car. Ha ha not really, I’m just kidding, I would never do that, I’m just messing with you.

But seriously I would so totally do that, so don’t screw with me. Ha ha, kidding again. (Or am I?) In closing, I would just like to say, yeah, so how about that marks upgrade?

Sincerely, Solomon Walker Ostero Humanities IV

White bagels spark bagel race war LOLITA BANQUET HAMILTON SPECULATOR MANAGING EDITOR

After seven months of negotiations with the MSC, the McMaster Student Committee, staff of the Union Market decided to strike on Nov. 5, due to the absence of whole-wheat bagels in their store. Picket lines have formed outside the student centre, outside Kenneth Taylor Hall, and outside the Speculator’s office in the basement bathroom in the Psychology building. Employees at UM argue that is this all part of a white supremacist initiative at

McMaster. “We just refuse to work in an environment that sells only white bagels, they have all kinds of white bagels too! Raisin, chocolate, blueberry, peanut, almond and scotch. I mean, they couldn’t afford to buy whole wheat bagels? We believe and strongly support bagel diversity” said the head of the UM union, Bolarty Povib.

Jenny Thomsucker, bargaining team member, argued that this problem will plague future generations of Mac students.

“It’s so unfair, that [the MSC] are entirely unwilling to discuss this issue. We tabled so many contracts, and used all these nifty slogans to

get their attention, like ‘Healthy students = happy university’, ‘Mac sucks the health right out of you’, ‘Please provide healthy bagels’. We even went as far as to say, ‘Why do we even bother voting for MSC elections?’, but to no avail.”

The moment the Union Market staff decided to strike was when they discovered that the MSC recently authorized the sales of the following items in UM: personal lubricants, toys for all ages, small concealable weapons, cranberry scented candles and sweet’n’low sweeteners.

“SWEET’N’LOW?!?

THAT SHIT IS SO BAD FOR

Have you heard the news?

YOU!!!!” said angry striker Mahalo Bondirvy who for some reason speaks all in capitals. When asked to calm down by the Hamilton Speculator news editor because his yelling was inaudible to the 1995 Sony recorders that our small budget from the MSC provides us with, Bondirvy continued, “IT’S NOT THAT I DISAGREE WITH THE NECESSITY OF THOSE NEW TERMS, IT’S JUST THAT WHOLE-WHEAT BAGLES ARE SOMEBODY’S HERITAGE, YOU KNOW, MAN? AND PART OF A COMPLETE BREAKFAST.”

The MSC continues to refuse to resume negotiations, even

as the strike turns ugly. Picketing is now reaching its fourth week of duration and McMaster students are growing increasingly impatient.

Several unions on campus now refuse to cross the violent and populated picket lines.

These unions include the HSB (Hamilton Sketchy Buses), the GOP buses, the Good Ontario People buses, and the Hamilton Speculator.

Our office has now relocated to the dumpster behind the dirty Mr. Sub on Main Street.

With a limited number of files from Buck Horowitz

Editor’s Note: Back by popular demand, which is, like, 3 e-mails in a week.

“It’s a dick joke, fold out the last and first

pages. Not quite MAD, but hey, I’m drunk and it’s Monday, go fuck yourself.”

Disclaimer: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All boys and no work makes Jack a playboy. All play and no work dulls Jack as a boy. Jack plays boys at work and no dulls. Jack and dull boys play at work. Boys will work and play and make Jack. Work Jack and dull boys will play.