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THURSDAY, APRIL 4, 2013 VOL. 83 NO. 28


McMaster Policy mandating publication of course reviews not being followed

Julia Redmond Assistant News Editor Any student trying to select their courses knows that it’s no easy task. People often seek out resources or reviews of potential classes, using advice from older students or online reviews to help them make their choices. But as it turns out, students should have had access to an even larger amount of course information all along. A McMaster University policy put in place in May 1997 stipulated that the course evaluations from each faculty should be made public—both for students and for faculty members, with the intention of “providing students with information that may help them choose their courses.” And yet, 16 years after the policy was put in place, students don’t seem to have access to these evaluations. Martin Dooley, a professor of Economics and Chair of the Joint Committee of the McMaster University Faculty Association and the University Administration explained that the policy hasn’t been followed for years. “We have a whole policy that’s been broken down in many, many ways,” he said. Dooley, as Chair of the committee, brought the years-old policy to the attention

of university administrators and faculty after discovering of his own accord that it wasn’t being followed. “I called the library to see about [the availability of a paper copy] on my own initiative,” he explained. “They told me they hadn’t kept this for at least five years, so clearly something was wrong.” The original version of the policy required that results of from each course evaluation, as well as the course statistics, be available to students in print through the University Library and the MSU, as well as online. Though the goal would be to have results of evaluations public, the system currently operates through an opt-in policy, in which each professor must give their approval before details are released. The responsibility for this is put on each Department Chair. Dooley explained that although he had filled out the form indicating his consent, the evaluations of his classes were not available. He was inspired to take a revised version of the policy to the attention of the Joint Committee, and then to the Senate, where it will be discussed in the coming weeks. POLICY, A4

Province caps tuition Fixating on phobias hike at 3 per cent Student groups not satisfied with increases above inflation Anqi Shen Online News Editor The provincial government announced a new tuition framework last Thursday that allows Ontario universities to increase tuition fees by an average of three per cent starting this year. Though the increase is down from the previous framework’s five per cent hike, groups including OUSA, CFS-Ontario and the MSU aren’t satisfied with any increases above inflation. “It is disappointing that the provincial government has not tied tuition to a more fundamentally fair rate of inflation,” said Huzaifa Saeed, VP (education) of the MSU in a release. “However, I respect the fact that the old framework was not continued, despite pressure from academic institutions to do just that.” The new tuition framework will be in place for four years, and the three per cent limit on tuition increases applies to most fulltime arts and science and college programs. The increase is above

Ontario’s average rate of inflation, which is two per cent over 10 years. Tuition for professional and graduate programs and highdemand college programs may to increase by up to five per cent, down from eight per cent. According to Saeed, the MSU will now divert its efforts to lobbying for more government investment in the financial aid system. Specifically, the MSU will advocate for eligibility expansion for the 30 off tuition grant and a lower debt cap on the Ontario Student Opportunity Grant. In a statement responding to the Province’s announcement, OUSA says the new framework “makes progress” toward a more affordable system but has not adopted key recommendations made by students. OUSA recommended last fall that the government freeze tuition for at least a year and increase per-student funding at the rate of inflation. CFS-Ontario recommended this past February that tuition fees be reduced by 30 per cent over the next three years.

INDEX Kathleen Wynne The media needs to stop dwelling on the Ontario premier’s personal life. More than sexuality, A8.


Aissa Boodhoo-Leegsma Senior News Editor A movement called “Bringing an End to Facultyphobia,” initially spawned by reactions to a Silhouette Opinions article condemning Kipling Pranks as discriminatory, quickly picked up momentum in preparation for an inter-faculty event on April 3. But the event was not to be. Zachary Strong, Engineering student and Facebook event creator, explained how health and safety problems prevented the actual event from occurring. He hopes for a physical, planned event during the week of April 8. “It looks like the event is going to remain nebulous. It may not happen the way we envisioned it, but the level of discussion is there, so it’s something I’m looking forward to.”

Issue has been taken with the description of faculty stereotyping as a type of phobia. David Campbell, MSU VP (Administration), felt that “phobia is a bit overstated, simply because I think it compares it with homophobia and racial issues which go a lot deeper and have a lot of context to them.” Strong admits that this may not be the ideal word to describe the actions and behavior he has experienced or heard about second-hand. The initial Facebook event referenced ending “Engphobia,” but it was later renamed “Facultyphobia” in order to include the wide body of students who may feel discriminated against or mistreated on the basis of their faculty. ENGINEERING, A4

Best of student life Read our reviews of the top foods, drinks and entertainment from the past year. Best of, B1.

A charmed encounter A story from a Vampire Weekend fanboy That time I met, C8.


PRESIDENT’S PAGE Jeff Wyngaarden VP (Finance)

Huzaifa Saeed VP (Education)

Siobhan Stewart President

David Campbell VP (Administration)

BUILDING A BETTER MSU As Siobhan reflects on lessons learned in office, David Campbell sets his sights on what lies ahead

Siobhan Stewart President

David Campbell VP (Administration) ext. 23885 ext. 23250

As this is my last submission to the President’s Page, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for allowing me the privilege of serving as MSU President. I would also like to remind you that at its core, the MSU is for students, by students. This is a truth that makes me immensely proud. From my time at McMaster, I have come to learn that student life and engagement exist in cycles. Students have such a strong impact in shaping not only their own campus experience, but the experiences of others as well. Time and time again, I have heard stories of people inspired by the actions and enthusiasm of those who have come before them. In terms of student engagement, there are some voices from whom the MSU most often hears. Generally speaking, these are the voices of those who are directly involved with the MSU or those who have the greatest knowledge of the organization. While it is great that some students know how to connect with their student advocates, I personally feel like there is a different group of students, who I hope will read this and feel like the MSU wants to hear about their experiences, both positive and negative. There has been a growing conversation in the organization about how the MSU communicates with its members. While we constantly look for ways to improve, we are interested in hearing from you about the ways in which you feel would be most effective in this regard. The central focus of the MSU is providing services, advocacy and resources for undergraduate students. In doing so, we must realize that the goals, beliefs and individuals within the organization fluctuate with time. The MSU helps facilitate the complex nature of student life on campus and often interacts with you even if you don’t realize it on the surface. Every individual is a part of the MSU and every voice does matter. Moving forward, we will only be able to build on the strengths of the organization through the continued enthusiasm and support of the student body. Please do not hesitate to share with your student representatives the ways in which you feel campus life can be improved. Communicate with us through our surveys, or call us, or message us, or visit us in person, or connect with the MSU through our social media channels. Every SRA member, service manager and Board member understands that they work for you. Once again, I wish to sincerely thank you for allowing me the opportunity to serve as MSU President. As I begin to wrap up my term, I am certain that I leave this office in the very capable hands of David Campbell. I can say with confidence that David will serve you well in 2013/2014. To the students of McMaster University, thank you for inspiring me. And more importantly, thank you for continuing to inspire each other.

It’s hard to believe, but another year at McMaster is coming to an end. This year saw a lot of amazing things, from the 125 Anniversary to a bigger Welcome Week; from a new lodge for off-campus students to a new peer-support line service. It has been an incredible experience being the VP (Administration) this year, but I also have the privilege of looking forward to another exciting year. Recently, many people have been asking me what I intend to do next year. I rarely respond with points off of my presidential platform - I will certainly be pursuing these projects - but I don’t think that’s what these people are really trying to discover. Instead, I believe they are asking me what kind of President I intend on being. What vision do I want to inspire within the MSU? Over the past several months, one of my roles as VP (Administration) has been conducting interviews of students seeking jobs within the MSU next year. In almost every single one of these interviews, the first question is: “In your own words, please describe the MSU.” (That’s right, there’s a free hint if you ever have an interview with the MSU!) Now, there are two interesting things about the typical responses to this question. The first is that, regardless of background knowledge, almost everyone gets the question right on a basic level – the MSU provides advocacy for students on the one hand, and services to students on the other. The second interesting thing is the recurrence of a single word, “community”. Funny enough, this reference to community also appears in our constitution. The primary purpose of the MSU is to “draw into a true society all students at McMaster University.” Or at least it was in 1964, when the constitution was first approved. And I believe these words still hold true today. Of course, a “true society” could mean many different things – that’s both the beauty and the challenge of this phrase as it pertains to the pursuits of the MSU. But to me, what it means more than anything else is building community. A community in which students support each other when they need it (which we all need now and then). One in which students find experiences together outside of the classroom. One in which we band together to lobby on our collective interests. More than anything, I would like to see us build a community which turns our time at McMaster University into the best experience of our lives. So this is what I envision for the MSU next year - I want to see us, above all, building community at McMaster. We are fortunate enough to attend one of the best universities in the world, with some of the best students. The power in these facts is limitless, and I can’t wait to see what we do over the next twelve months.


THIS SUMMER? NOT A PROBLEM. STAY CONNECTED. Stay connected with the MSU to hear about Welcome Week updates, concert announcements and student service promotions!




The President’s Page is sponsored by the McMaster Students Union. It is a space used to communicate with the student body about the projects, goals and agenda of the MSU Board of Directors.


News Editors Aissa Boodhoo-Leegsma, Julia Redmond and Anqi Shen Contact

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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Students in midst of downtown art scene

Katrina Camilleri (left) and Cheyenne Federiconi (right) show off some art pieces done for their Studio Art class at McMaster. They will showcase other original pieces in their upcoming exhibit at Manta Contemporary Gallery downtown. ANQI SHEN / ONLINE NEWS EDITOR

Anqi Shen Online News Editor Hamilton artists Katrina Camilleri and Cheyenne Federiconi have come a long way since high school. The two longtime friends and graduating Mac students have just put the finishing touches on their upcoming art exhibit. They’ll be showing a joint collection of original artwork at Manta Contemporary Gallery starting April 4. Aptly entitled BOMBS AWAY, their exhibit features pieces that seek to expose the “naked reality” behind political issues. The artists tackle war, violence, pop culture and sex in a way that is alluring yet unsettling. The duo grew up in Hamilton and took high school art classes together before both enrolling in McMaster’s studio art program. Coming out of high school as a painter, Federiconi says she now does more sculpture and performance art. Camilleri said she’s also discovered her preferred medium at Mac. “I’ve found how to channel my personality into my artwork,” said Camilleri. They said the biggest challenge of putting the show together has been reconciling their individual styles. After confirming their slot at the gallery at the end of February, the two had only a month to drum up original pieces for the themed exhibit. Camilleri, who usually works in one colour, took on Federiconi’s vibrant colour palette, while Federiconi experimented with themes

of war that aren’t usually a focal point of her work. “We have two opposite styles, so finding one theme was hard,” said Camilleri. Federiconi said her favourite piece in the show is an assortment of toy weapons, which she purchased and repainted pink. “I embezzled them with diamonds, pearls and lace to take objects often associated with violence and terror, and change their interpretation into something cute and non-threatening,” she said. The artists say they’re excited to be showing at an up and coming gallery in Hamilton’s downtown core that doesn’t typically exhibit student work. “Culturally, I think we [in Hamilton] embrace art more now,” said Federiconi, who referenced the boom that James Street N. has experienced in recent years with Artcrawl and Supercrawl. Federiconi says she wants to make a living in Hamilton’s art scene after graduation this April. She’s got four or five exhibits under her belt, some of which she organized, and wants to keep going. After graduating, Camilleri will be leaving Hamilton to pursue teacher’s college. She has aspirations to teach art at the high school level. “I think the beauty of [Mac’s] program is that you start out new... and in your graduating year they let you go and apply what you’ve learned,” said Camilleri. Their exhibit will be in the Manta Contemporary Gallery on King William St. The show runs from April 4 to 30, with an opening reception on April 12.

Sessional faculty bargaining underway CUPE 3906 lobbying for better wages, benefits, job security

$12788* U OF CALGARY








Blake McCall, CUPE 3906 President









“Many members have to apply for their job every four months, with some exceptions. This creates high levels of uncertainty leaving many sessionals without knowing if they are going to have a steady income on a semester-tosemester basis.”

*median salary



when they happen at the table and not through the media or other avenues of communication,”said Arbeau. Students are seeing the effect this has on their professors, and they are concerned. “I think largely decreasing levels of tenure being made available to professors is an unfortunate trend for academia as a whole,” said Eric Gillis, incoming SRA Social Science representative. “As in any round of bargaining we hope to better job security, and better wages and benefits for our members,” said McCall.


third of faculty at universities are contract workers. Experts suggest that Canadian data may indicate similarly high rates. The UA report specifically looks at job insecurity, pay and benefits. Out of the nine schools surveyed, McMaster is one out of three that have no teaching load limit. McMaster sessionals also have no access to a pension and only have access to benefits through their union membership. Temporary and part-time faculty are paid on average 50 per cent less than tenured professors, and they lack the job security and academic freedom that is afforded to tenured professors. Most of the part-time and temporary positions are solely confined to teaching-only work, which can have an effect on learning outcomes for students, especially as their professor may also have to engage in additional research. Gord Arbeau, a university spokesperson, said, “McMaster values the important work that is performed by all employees at the University and believes all employees deserve fair and equitable contracts.” “Negotiations work best


While students are wrapping up their courses and gearing up for exams, negotiations are underway for contract renewal for sessional faculty members. “Sessional faculty face a myriad of other problems, including the inadequacy of TA support, the rising cost of child care and a lack of decent health benefits,” said Alex Diceanu, a sessional faculty member who teaches in Political Science and Labour Studies. CUPE 3906, the union that represents the approximately 300 sessional faculty at McMaster, is lobbying on behalf of its membership. The bargaining team for the sessionals recognizes that things need to change at McMaster. “The biggest issue this round is job security,” said the union’s president Blake McCall, who did his undergrad and masters degrees at McMaster. “Many members have to apply for their job every four months, with some exceptions,” said McCall. “This creates high levels of uncertainty leaving many sessionals without knowing if they are

going to have a steady income on a semester-to-semester basis. Changing this to ensure security of our members is a top priority.” Sessional faculty members, like many contingent faculty, are hired on a course-by-course basis, which makes it difficult to make long-term personal decisions like purchasing a home or starting a family. As of 2013, Ontario still ranks the last in per-student funding at universities in Canada. The most recent budget announced is expected to include additional cuts to post-secondary education despite record enrollment. One common cost-cutting measure for universities is to rely on increasing numbers of lower paid part-time faculty. Continued budget cuts have resulted in a casualization of the academic sector. While some academic workers still have a relatively secure position, such as tenured professors, there has have been efforts to erode even their relative power in institutions. The growth of precarious work in academia is accelerating. A University Affairs report from January 2013 states that, in the U.S., one-


Ryan Sparrow Silhouette Staff

CANADIAN CAMPUS NEWS Ronald Leung Silhouette Staff

Lakehead law course change divides students and administration

Israel boycott endorsed by York Federation of Students

‘Sunshine List’ reveals university presidents’ incomes

Carleton University pressured to close Rick Ross charity show

Soaring university costs catch parents off-guard

The Ministry of Training, Colleges and Universities and the Federation of Canadian Law Societies has accepted the proposal for the law school that holds an indigenous studies course. Initially, the mandatory course was called Indigenous Learning 2805: Native Canadian Worldviews. The academic senate soon replaced it with Law 1530: Native Canadian World Views and Law, a move that caused contention with students, who said that the new course does not have the same reconsideration of western philosophy in an indigenous perspective as the original.

The global Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) campaign at York University has been officially endorsed by the York Federation of Students, causing an uproar for those who disagree with the campaign. The BDS campaign encourages universities to withdraw investments from companies such as Hewlett Packard who allegedly profit from Israeli human rights violations and war crimes. Students complain that as a representation of all students, the York Federation of Students should not take political stances and remain neutral.

Ten Ontario university presidents received more than $400,000 in compensation last year. The highest paid out of the ten is Amit Chakma, president of Western, earning more than $500,000 in total compensation. McMaster University’s Patrick Deane came out eighth out of the ten, earning $410,486.96 in total compensation. The ‘Sunshine List’ consists of over 88,000 names and close to 15,000 work at universities. The previous year’s list only had 14,000 from universities. Although most of them are professors, the highest paid of the group are presidents and principals.

An upcoming April 9 show has the student union at Carleton University pressuring fundraising organisers to pull the plug on Rick Ross’ appearance. In the artist’s new single “U.O.E.N.O (You Ain’t Even Know it)” the controversial lyrics, “Put molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it” has caused an uproar, with students accusing the rapper of encouraging drugging and rape. The Student Federation at the University of Ottawa has already canceled Rick Ross’ appearance at their respective campus.

A newly released study by the Bank of Montreal (BMO) suggests that a child born in 2013 looking to receive a four-year degree could be looking at a total of $140,000 in costs. Analysts say that the rise would mostly be incurred from tuition inflation. While the average annual inflation rate in the last five years has been 1.6 per cent, tuition inflation has been 3.9 per cent, according to the BMO. The BMO also notes that only half of parents have set up a registered education savings plan (RESP).


Engineering society dismissive of event FROM A1 Strong reiterated that he was intent on reaching out to other faculties, and dismissed the idea that this was an Engineeringspecific phenomenon or that Engineering students would be a majority of the participants in the “End Facultyphobia” event. The McMaster Engineering Society issued a statement on their Facebook account announcing that they had chosen to distance themselves from the End Facultyphobia movement, despite recognizing and appreciating the need to break down faculty stigmas. “We feel it has grown out of hand and is turning out to be quite the opposite of the initial intentions to shed a positive light on our University and its faculties. We absolutely love the idea of a University wide event that fosters the growth and relationships between students. We don’t, however, think this is the proper venue or time to do so,” said the statement.

“We feel it has grown out of hand and is turning out to be quite the opposite of the initial intentions to shed a positive light on our University and its faculties.” McMaster Engineering Society Campbell explained that while he appreciated the importance of starting inter-faculty dialogue, he believed there has been a continued decrease in faculty tension in the last few years. Both Campbell and Strong specifically pinpointed Welcome Week as the primary vehicle for building and breaking down faculty stereotypes. “From the planning perspective, it was a specific topic of discussion during training for faculty reps. Planners specifically discussed how cheers degrading a faculty help no one,” said Campbell. But Strong has asserted that there is an absence of one forum for all faculties to report incidents of stereotyping. Part of his goal is for students to complete an online survey to share their experiences. The results of this survey will be compiled and sent to faculty societies and the Student Success Centre. When asked if he felt airing these stereotypes could do more harm then good, perpetuating and introducing new stereotypes, Strong argued that, “Ultimately, the alternative is isolation, and that doesn’t really help either, so there is a risk. But would we be any better off if everyone just stayed away and did their own thing? I would say no.”

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Networking event aims to break glass ceiling Devra Charney Silhouette Staff The notion of the glass ceiling has become synonymous with the everyday struggles women face to climb the corporate ladder. On March 28, a networking event was held at TwelveEighty and allowed Mac students to get an inside look at how women in the community face and try to break through the glass ceiling in their respective sectors. The non-partisan event was hosted by Beyond the Numbers, a Young Liberals of Canada program that encourages young women to engage in politics. Executive Vice-President of the McMaster Young Liberals Tahiya Bakht organized the evening around the theme of breaking the glass ceiling. It was primarily aimed toward young women because, in Bakht’s networking experiences, men generally do more of the talking. “When I was at career nights or networking nights, I felt like boys were getting more time with the guests, and they were just more able to break the ice with guests, so I decided that I would host an event that was geared toward getting women more comfortable with that. I wanted the guests to know that this was targeted toward women so that they’d come with a more open mind.” Students looking to build their personal networks as well as learn how to navigate the workplace mingled with professionals in law, politics and business. Guests included YWCA coordinators, former Chief of Staffs, lawyers, professors, a VP of Maple Leaf Foods, Mohawk coordina-

Students network with Constables Nez Shawihat and Debbie McGreal-Dinning at TwelvEighty. C/O JULIA BROWN

tors, EMS workers and staff from the Hamilton Police Services, and other female leaders from the Hamilton community. Graduate student Felicia Rahaman attended the event in order to network and get advice on entering the professional sphere as a young female. She explained that because of her academic focus in Gender Studies and Feminist Research, she was drawn to the values represented by the event because it encouraged women to move up in the workplace. “I find the issue of breaking the glass ceiling and getting more women to participate in the workforce very interesting. So I [wanted to] get firsthand experience with women that are working in [various] industries and understand what they perceive to be barriers and how to circum-

vent those.” Linda Minas-Connolly, Paramedic Training Supervisor and Advanced Care Paramedic, spoke about the lack of women in emergency service jobs, but she also noted that physical testing in her field does not segregate males and females or favour one gender over another. She reiterated that personal motivation and qualifications are important factors in success, and so recently, more women are entering the emergency sector as they gain confidence in their capabilities. “Fire, police, it’s male dominated. I think it’s just up to the individual ... Fortunately, in the twelve years that I’ve been here, there have been more women in this type of job, this career choice, and I think that’s because they realize that they can do it just as

well as or even better than a man can.” Sole Practitioner Joan MacDonald advocated for the importance of having a female perspective at the upper-management level. She recognized the gap between men and women in her field in senior management positions and hoped there would be continued work to diminish the gap. “When I publicly speak, I’ll say to men, the next time you go into a board room and you’ve got a vacancy, rather than looking across at a man or thinking of a man you work with, think of some of those high powered women and bring them with you.” Bakht hopes to organize a similar event that continues the theme of empowering young women on a larger scale in the fall.

Policy change to reflect online system FROM A1 Helen Ayre, Acting University Secretary, said that the proposed changes reflect a shift in how the course evaluations are done. While in 1997 all evaluations were done on paper, most faculties have since converted to an online survey system. As well as involving the University Secretariat, the 1997 policy also implicated the MSU and the University Library; both bodies are supposed to be compiling the evaluations. MSU VP Education Huzaifa Saeed explained that the union has not been involved in this process in the past few years. “One of the problems we have in the MSU is obviously turnover,” Saeed said. “If we have policies that aren’t MSU policy, [they] get lost in the shuffle. We have no way of knowing if we should follow [them] unless our predecessors tell us.” MSU President Siobhan Stewart noted her surprise at finding out about the policy, adding that “it’s not even in the conscious memory of [the MSU].”


Neither Stewart or Saeed could account for the lack of involvement of the MSU. although, they speculated that the practice of publishing evaluations could have been lost with the transition of duties from President to VP Education after the introduction of the VP Ed position 11 years ago. It is unclear at what point the policy stopped being followed, although Dooley asserts that the policy “gradually fell into disarray,” most likely because no single governing body was named to oversee the process. The McMaster University Library, also involved in the original process of disseminating evaluations, had not been following the

practice for years. “Historically it was rather spotty,” said Acting University Librarian Vivian Lewis of the system, adding that the use of online evaluations made the Library’s role in the process irrelevant. While the responsibility originally rested with the MSU and the Library to distribute results, if the revised policy is approved, it will fall to the Department Chairs to ensure that the information is accessible online. The new version the policy is not perfect, however; Dooley acknowledges that there is a lot up for discussion in the coming Senate meeting. A major concern so far has been how widely to distribute the

material. While he recognized that students need access to the results and that “more transparency is better,” Dooley explained that professors are concerned about data being misinterpreted by the general public. As well, with the shift to online evaluations, the feedback rate has dropped and roughly only 20 per cent or less of students respond. Dooley acknowledged that this poses some problems for determining how reflective responses are of entire classes. But despite these concerns, it seems that students can expect easier access to course evaluations in the foreseeable future.


Executive Editor Sam Colbert Email Phone 905.525.9140 x22052

Thursday, April 4, 2013

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Thanks and goodbye to inside jokes and personal shout-outs, shamelessly.

to volume 83. to the mugsi/solar drinking game.

to j.g., for calling me after i wasn’t hired at the sil out of first year.

to bathroom reviews.

to p.g., for telling me i was a good journalist.

to mac representation on letterman.

to b.d., for teaching me. and then for trusting me.

to more life on james street north. to hoco 2012.

to j.f., for the postcard. next rye and ginger’s on me, bud.

to being timmy for halloween.

to all the sil editors of volume 81, 82 and 83. y’all are like family.

to football, volleyball and soccer in cis tournaments.

to j.m. and s.g., for taking care of me this year.

to the part-time students association getting busted.

to montreal, victoria and toronto.

to the sil’s “feminist agenda.”

to the strange mix of pride and embarrassment i get when i show my parents where i work.

to phil wood.

to typos.

to fall break 2013.

to the phoenix, my break room.

to crossing lake mcmaster.

to a strict diet of coffee, bagels, doritos, pizza and skittles, in that order.

to mental health.

to d.c. landslides.

to the tenants of wentworth house. we’re pulling for you.

to the union market, one last time. to this hot, windowless, dark, disgusting basement, also known as home. to baldwell. stay strong, little guy.

to bromance being the only romance i need. to a women and trans* centre. to one last burrito.

The Silhouette McMaster University’s Student Newspaper

Editorial Board Sam “Scamuel” Colbert Executive Editor | Jemma “Momma Jem” Wolfe Managing Editor | Andrew “Scum” Terefenko Production Editor | Aissa “Cool Aunt” Boodhoo-Leegsma Senior News Editor | Julia “European Bureau Chief ” Redmond Assistant News Editor | Anqi “Kardashian” Shen Online News Editor | Mel “A Spectre is Haunting Opinions” Napeloni Opinions Editor | Brandon “Uncle Greezy” Meawasige Senior Sports Editor | Scott “Hollister” Hastie Assistant Sports Editor | Sam “Letting Her Hair Down” Godfrey Senior InsideOut Editor | Amanda “Midnight on a Friday” Watkins Assistant InsideOut Editor | Nolan “Chocolate Thunder” Matthews Senior ANDY Editor | Bahar “Bahard as Fuck” Orang Assistant ANDY Editor | Yoseif “Dictator of the Photo Room” Haddad Senior Photo Editor | Jessie “Giggles” Lu Assistant Photo Editor | Thaddeus “Bad Thad” Awotunde Video Editor | Karen “Kare Bear” Wang Graphics Editor | Javier “El El Cool Jay” Caicedo Multimedia Editor | Ammar “Don’t Upset the Custodians” Hanif Distribution Coordinator | Sandro “Godfather of the MSU” Giordano Ad Manager |

Sam Colbert Executive Editor This is it. It’s our last edition of the year, and it’s my last edition ever. And in the last issue of every school year, it’s customary for the Executive Editor to mourn his/her time at the Silhouette over a few hundred self-indulgent words. This year, I would like to depart from that tradition in no way at all. Bear with me. I walked into the Silhouette office in September of my first year. I was timid, but eager. They let me write an article. And then five years went by. In that time, I got hired. I got promoted. A lot of quirky and interesting people came and went in and out of my life. And now, I’m walking out of this office, just as timid, but nowhere near as eager.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, this is tough for me. Saying goodbye and all. Because I grew up here. This place changed me. It taught me to become more accepting of myself. I became more accepting of others, too. Some weeks were an ego boost. People read stuff I wrote, and they complimented me on it or reacted to it. Other weeks were a harsh lesson in humility. I wrote bad articles. I made typos – big ones, on the front page. Some readers told me how bad I’d screwed up, and a lot of other people didn’t read my stuff at all. But no matter what had happened, there was always a paper the next week. I could always try again, and try to do it better. That’s what kept me going. But now, for the first time, there’s no Silhouette for me next

To the staff of Volume 83: JW: I did what I could this year. But now, these pages, these people, this history – it’s all yours. The one comfort to me as I leave this place is knowing you’ll be here, doing an awesome job. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do as Exec. I’ll read your paper every week. AT: I couldn’t have done it with you this year, bud. Not my professional life or my personal life. I hope you find a boss one day that says yes to all of your crazy ideas. And then I hope you become John Stewart. ABL: It took five years, but I’m glad we finally got to know each other. Thanks for the stupid, fun stuff you brought to the Sil – “promduction” and valentines and warm fuzzies. They meant a lot. JR: The worst part about you giving me sass this year is, you were usually right. For the baby of the office, you were probably the most mature. And damn good at your job, too. Just keep me posted on whether or not we need to relocate the Sil to Amsterdam. AS: Yeah, everyone you’ve interviewed probably hates you. But hey, that’s what good journalism is all about. And there’s no question that you’re a good journalist. You’re fearless. You’re talented. I’d suggest working on that alcohol tolerance, though. MN: Lewlz! In all seriousness, I want you to know something. I think you’re an intelligent, interesting, strong person. And I don’t want you to forget that. So do what you want to do in life. Be who you want to be. And it’ll work out fine. BM: I miss the old days. They were fun. I wanted this year to be fun for everyone, too, but I didn’t know how to do it. But you did. And you had a way of telling me that I was doing a good job with everyone this year, and I believed you. Thanks, bud. Stay greezy. SH: The golden boy. Halpert. Hollister. Big Slice. Thanks for listening to my stories. But you’ve got to make your own stories now. You get how this place works – both the paper stuff and the social stuff. That’s huge. So be a leader. Make me proud. SG: I’m going to miss you. Whether you were curled up in a ball on the couch as we sent off Sex and the Steel City or in tears of joy at the release party, having you around was something special. You ran a great section this year. Whatever you get up to next year, just

week, or next year. What’s done is done. I’ve written all I’m going to write, said all I’m going to say. But I’d like to think I’m a better person now because of the time I spent writing for this paper. And so, it’s time to move on. Thank you, Sil. And thanks, McMaster. And most of all, thanks to the people I’ve worked with. Some of my personal heroes, my best friends and the people I know I’ll miss most after I leave McMaster have been editors here. We’ve worked insanely hard together on our small part of this 83-yearold (and counting) project, and there’s a special kind of connection between us because of it. To those of you coming back to the Sil next year, I hope you know how lucky you are to grow up in a place like this. Because it’ll be over before you know it.

keep on kickin’ ass. AW: You’re probably the coolest person I know. But, really. Right up there with Woody Allen and Lucille Bluth. You led a pretty mysterious life around the Sil, emerging occasionally to show off awesome multimedia abilities or send perplexing texts. Maybe one day I’ll understand it all. NM: I’ve known you a long time. You were around for some of my favourite years – 5 and 85 Haddon and all that. That stuff ’s special to me, and you were an awesome dude all the way through. The rest of this year’s staff is lucky to have known you like I did. Anyway, let’s form a punk band sometime. BO: Readers don’t want writers any more. They want people – real, interesting people who know how to write well. You’ve got that figured out. I liked reading your stuff this year. And yeah, I know you liked being a Sil editor. YH: Whether you were meeting Chuck Berry’s bandmates in a cab or getting bowled over on the sidelines of Ron Joyce Stadium, you were always in the line of duty this year. Pants or no pants. Bravo, sir. Just remember to change back your computer password. JL: You’re a firecracker. The energy you brought to this place was exhausting sometimes, but most of the time, I loved it. Keep being yourself – your totally sincere, creative and inquisitive self. TA: We won’t be working together anymore, but will you still be my Facebook film authority? Getting video going was huge for the Sil this year. Great work, buddy. KW: I didn’t really know what your job would be this year. I just wanted you to make the paper look better. And boy did you ever. You were a superstar. Sorry you had to sit next to Andrew, though. JC: I don’t think I’m ever going to forget that dream you told me about. It scared me a bit. But I bet it’s going to make cool art. Good knowing you, man. Let’s talk philosophy over drinks sometime. AH: I think I owe you a beer. Heck, I think I owe you a bunch of beers. How about we have a few at Snoots, grab a golf cart and drive it around town? In Silidarity, Sam

Retraction and Apology An opinion entitled “From casinos to cages” published in the January 31, 2013 edition of The Silhouette and an article with the headline “March calls for higher police accountability” published in the February 7, 2013 edition of The Silhouette indicated that Hamilton police were responding to a noise complaint when an officer shot and killed Andreas Chinnery. The opinion of January 31, 2013 also stated that Mr. Chinnery was murdered and both pieces indicated that Mr. Chinnery was acting in self defence when he was shot by Hamilton police officer, Michael McNaughton. The Silhouette retracts these statements and acknowledges that an investigation of the Special Investigative Unit (SIU) came to different conclusions. Specifically, the SIU concluded that police were responding to a complaint that Mr. Chinnery was damaging his apartment with a baseball bat and making verbal threats. Further, the SIU investigation did not conclude Mr. Chinnery was murdered or acting in self defence. Instead, the SIU concluded that constable McNaughton was justified in using lethal force because he had a reasonable belief he would be harmed or killed by Mr. Chinnery. In addition to the SIU investigation, a lawsuit brought by Mr. Chinnery’s family against the Hamilton Police Services Board and a coroner’s inquest concerning the death of Mr. Chinnery are on-going and have not yet come to any conclusions regarding the circumstances surrounding Mr. Chinnery’s death. The Silhouette apologizes for any harm these statements may have caused to constable McNaughton.

Letter to the Editor: From a “maze of shame” builder Re: “Kipling pranks: enough’s enough” by Rachel Harvey [Published March 28, 2013 on A11]

About Us MUSC, Room B110, McMaster University 1280 Main Street West Hamilton, ON L8S 4S4 E–Mail: TheMcMasterSilhouette Production Office: (905) 525-9140, ext. 27117 Advertising: (905) 525-9140, ext.27557 10,000 circulation Published by the McMaster Students Union

Legal The Silhouette welcomes letters to the editor in person at MUSC B110, or by email at Please include name, address and telephone number for verification only. We reserve the right to edit, condense or reject letters and opinion articles. Opinions expressed in The Silhouette are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editorial board, the publishers or the University. The Silhouette is an editorially autonomous newspaper published by the McMaster Students Union. The Silhouette Board of Publications acts as an intermediary between the editorial board, the McMaster community and the McMaster Students Union. Grievances regarding The Silhouette may be forwarded in writing to: McMaster Students Union, McMaster University Student Centre, Room 201, L8S 4S4, Attn: The Silhouette Board of Publications. The Board will consider all submissions and make recommendations accordingly.

Write Us Opinions: Up to 600 words Letters: 100 to 300 words Submit via email by 12:00 p.m. the Tuesday before publication.

As a female civil engineering student who helped build the “maze of shame,” I am writing in response to the article “Kipling maze: enough’s enough.” People of different genders, races and sexual orientations helped build this prank. None of them found it offensive. What was offensive, however, was when a professor screamed in protest at my fellow classmate. My classmate’s mother and his twelve-yearold sister who witnessed this argument later expressed to me how uncomfortable they were when the word “penis” was screamed in his face during her incomprehensible rebuttal. I am happy to say that the professors in my faculty of civil

engineering are respected professionals who chose not to turn our posters into something offensive. The posters were not made out of frustration with our faculty, rather they were meant to express that our relationship with them is good enough that we can make such jokes. I will now address accessibility. Environmental & Occupational Health Support Services (EOHSS) approved the design of our maze prior to its construction. It was also approved upon its completion. Moreover, there were many alternate routes around the maze. Students had a choice as to whether or not they entered it. After doling out some verbal

abuse, protestors decided to take our project into their own hands. The word ‘destroy’ most accurately describes what they did. Carrying out the prank required a large amount of time and effort on our part, yet it did not last through more than six hours of daylight. I don’t think that this was an appropriate decision to be made by those who ruined it. The ring above our maze which was destroyed is a symbol of the Kipling ceremony where we swear our oath to be socially responsible and respect those around us. • Renata Tracey, Civil Engineering V


Aissa Bood


Thursday, April 4, 2013

Democratic Engagement

Mental Health

This has been a year of feedback for the MSU. The students union wanted input on several proposed initiatives—from green roofs to fall break—but didn’t always get the big response they wanted.

It’s no secret that students are stressed. But what has been often ignored is that for many students, the stress is more than that—it’s a health issue. In September, Maclean’s magazine dubbed it a “crisis.” Their feature article described the “broken generation,” a set of current students who, faced with a bad economy and slim job prospects, must deal with mental health more and more. It has been said that of McMaster

Here’s a breakdown of what was asked and what got passed: Issue

Number of survey takers

Fall Break:

12.5% 2,625 +

A three-day break from Oct. 31 to Nov. 2 was approved by the University Senate after survey-takers expressed they wanted more time off in first term.


1,200 +


After years of Wi-Fi service shortages, the University announced it would drop $100,000 on Wi-Fi expansion. Students who took the MSU’s survey expressed that they wanted more Wi-Fi service in JHE, the Student Centre, and BSB, all of which are sites that will get expanded service.

Green roofs on campus:



The majority of students surveyed said they wanted green roofs to provide a “calm, soothing environment,” edible plants and species native to Southern Ontario.

Women and Trans* Centre:



After an ad-hoc committee was established in the fall to discuss this initiative, some students expressed that they were in favour of a centre. This month, the SRA voted in favour of the MSU recognizing the need for a new Women and Trans* Centre.

Motions raised by the student body:



students, or roughly 30 per cent of the student body will at some point face a “mental health concern.”

Despite the large number of people affected, there still seems to be a stigma attached to mental health. But it was clear from the start of the year that many people want to see this change. Even before classes were in session, MSU VP Education Huzaifa Saeed, in conjunction with the Student Wellness Centre, launched his “Stomp out Stigma” campaign, offering mental health training to all Welcome Week reps. By encouraging people to talk about the “pink elephant in the room,” he made it clear that mental health wouldn’t be forgotten. The same campaign oversaw a mental health awareness week in October. A major achievement for the cause, however, came from MSU president Siobhan Stewart. In her 2012 presidential campaign, she ran on a platform that included getting an extra break for students in order to ease the stress of the jam-packed fall semester. After months of negotiations, student feedback, and consultation with administrators, Stewart achieved her goal, securing a two-day recess at the end of October on a trial basis for the next two years.

The advocacy didn’t end there.

The province, too, saw the need to help out; in October, Ontario’s ministry of Training, Colleges, and Universities announced a $7-million Mental Health Innovation fund to support such initiatives on campuses. It’s true that the stigma surrounding mental health is not an easy problem to fix. But with the issue now on so many people’s minds, this year’s advocacy was definitely a good start.





$ 68

MacPass Revenue $110 x 4,871

= $535,810 student alcohol violations


than what is currently available.

The construction of the Wilson Building, due to begin construction May 2013, is the result of an increased need for large lecture, lounge and office space. However, constructing this new space has temporarily displaced current residents of Wentworth House, such as the Muslim Students Association, MacCycle, CUPE 3906 and the Photo Club Darkroom. Despite strong advocacy, some tenants have been offered space in Lot O, which several of them have deemed unsuitable to meet their needs. The Campus Master Plan, which was created in 2008 as a 30-year vision, has indicated that there is some open space for new buildings or building additions. However, the plan is quite clear that the Central Mall, or the BSB Lawn, should be maintained as a building-free space. New buildings constructed along the edge of the Royal Botanical Gardens property bordering Cootes Paradise, must have at least a 7.5-meter

setback from the ravine slope.

With these limitations in mind, and continual student and faculty lobbying for increased lounge, study and office space, there appears to be limited options for increasing space. While the Master Plan notes that the space near the President’s Residence, along Cootes Drive and at the Main Street and Forsyth Entrances, could be developed, there

Instead, emphasis has been placed on renewing the use of the Downtown Campus, the Burlington campus or other locations off-campus. The continued development at McMaster Innovation Park and the new Downtown Health Campus suggests that these additions should at the very least help alleviate lab and research space shortages. As enrollment continues to creep up, allowing higher access to PSE, new students may encounter that their space is anything but guaranteed.

Views on Terry’s Video We’ve got a winner!

McMaster has built its brand upon a certain image: of arches, open and green space, and nearby natural lands. But inside the University, things could not be more crowded. The Campus Capacity Study, published in 2011, noted that based on current increasing enrollment trends, McMaster requires per cent more space

are no current plans or funding allocations in place for this.

Last year’s MSU general assembly reached its quorom of 601 students, but this year only 60 students filed into Burridge Gym to attend the much-less promoted general assembly. Only 28 students casted votes, so the results are not binding on the MSU. Only one motion was raised by Fossil Free McMaster proposing that the University and MSU divest from fossil fuel companies. It was passed by only 14 votes.

Tim Horton’s Employee

Campus Capacity




$47 the amount increase 2013/2014 students might pay on health insurance dependant on referendum


BY THE $ $507,035

MAPS 2011 revenue

$354,023 Money spent on salaries

$126,152 Sam Minniti’s reported 2011 income

$101,117 Backpay that Minniti received that year


Julia Redmond

Assistant News Editor

nior News Editor

Anqi Shen Online News Editor

A6 S

2,269 + followers








After losing by only 47 votes to Siobhan Stewart in the 2012 MSU presidential election, Campbell settled for the Vice-President (Administration) job with the students union. But when he ran again in 2013, he won a landslide victory, beating six other candidates and winning a majority of the votes in the first round of counting. His term as MSU President will begin on May 1.

In January, the McMaster Association of Part-time Students “ended its relationship” with Minniti, who had been serving as MAPS’ executive director since 2005. An investigation by McMaster University of MAPS’ spending practices began after McMaster Board of Governors denied a fee increase for the Association a year ago. It revealed that MAPS had paid Minniti more than $100,000 in “retroactive pay” in addition to his 2011 reported income of $126,152, and that MAPS had paid for a course-related trip to Europe for its former President and expensive office renovations while falling short on its commitments to the new Wilson Building. The entire MAPS board of directors also promised to not run for re-election prior to the Association’s February general meeting.

THE YEAR’S MOST-READ NEWS: 1. Who is fit to lead? January 24, 2013 Profiling the seven candidates running for 2013 MSU president 2. Crossing Lake McMaster February 28, 2013 Four Engineering students go canoeing across BSB lawn 3. So long, Jimmy Gringo’s January 31, 2013 Westdale burrito shop closes down



THE YEAR’S MOST-READ OPINION: Kipling maze: enough’s enough March 28, 2013 Engineering prank went too far

THE YEAR’S MOST-READ IN SPORTS: Bleeding maroon and grey, and proud of it November 29, 2012 Despite their Vanier Cup loss, the Marauders have a lot to be proud of


A dream came true for four McMaster students when their band Of Gentlemen and Cowards won a Red Bull Soundstage contest last August to make an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman. Their song “Save Me” was chosen by online voters to be featured in a movie by Late Show producer Rob Burnett called We Made this Movie. When they performed “Save Me” during their Sept. 17 Letterman appearance, lead vocalist Simon Edwards was wearing a McMaster University t-shirt under his open blazer.



The defending national champion McMaster Marauders football team advanced to the CIS finals in 2012, but in their Vanier Cup re-match with the Laval Rouge et Or, things unravelled in the second half, and the Marauders lost 37-14. It was also Laval who bested the McMaster men’s volleyball team in their CIS championship match in March.



THE YEAR’S MOST-READ IN INSIDEOUT: Fashion trends we won’t escape in Spring 2013 January 17, 2013 A list of fashion items we can’t do without this spring

THE YEAR’S MOST-READ IN ANDY: In defense of 50 Shades of Grey October 11, 2012 Whether you adore the book or you despise it, here are some positives to the story.


No non-part-time students are being allowed into the MAPS general meeting in Council Chambers #McMaster

When he retires in June, Phil Wood will have been at McMaster for three decades. He was awarded an honourary membership into the McMaster Students Union in March, and was celebrated for his years of involvement in and improvement of student life. He’s does radio play-by-play for McMaster varsity sports, hosts a radio show on CFMU, writes for The Silhouette and has been to 29 of the last 30 Welcome Week concerts.


The water pooling problem on the lawn in front of BSB became particularly apparent when four students brought a canoe out to “Lake McMaster.” A video of the Feb. 27 voyage went viral, and has since received close to 150,000 views on YouTube. A day later, members of McMaster’s rowing teams held practice on the large puddle. Other students braved the cold to swim and wakeboard across the water.




When she ran for president in 2012, Stewart’s platform was lofty. Her promise for a fall break from classes was particularly scrutinized at the time. But, by and large, she got it done. Bridges study space, a peer support line and even a two-year fall break for 2013 all became a reality.


Westdale Mexican-style eatery Jimmy Gringos Burrito Factory closed down in January. The take-out restaurant had been receiving mixed messages from the neighbourhood, as its late hours of operation made it a favourite for students but a nuisance to some other residents. Co-owner Ewan MacLachlan’s vision of seating and an expanded menu, including alcoholic drinks, ultimately never came to fruition.


Almost 30,000 tickets have been sold for Friday’s #CIS Vanier Cup. Record Vanier attendance was 32,847 in 1989. #Marauders

Mar 26

Sept 18

Nov 12

Jan 31


David Campbell will be the next president of the #McMaster Students Union @MSU_McMaster #McSU #msupres13

Did you catch Of Gentlemen and Cowards on Letterman last night? #McMaster #McSU @ogcmusic

Burridge Gym looks nothing like it did a year ago #McSU

After getting approval from the SRA, a referendum question was attached to the MSU presidential election ballot that asked if students would pay $0.90 each annually to support the McMaster Marching Band, a campus club. The vote was close, but the referendum passed, and the band will be receiving roughly $18,000 in student money for 2013-14.



Although the global Occupy movements had cooled off, the students of Occupy McMaster continued to make camp on student centre couches, until their belongings mysteriously disappeared one night. It was found that MUSC staff has cleared the area after several months following a miscommunication.



Kathleen Wynne won a close race against MPP Sandra Pupatello at the Ontario Liberal Leadership Convention at the end of January. Wynne became the first female and openly gay Premier of Ontario. She is shown here speaking with McMaster Young Liberals in Westdale’s My Dog Joe Cafe during her campaign last fall.

McMaster announced that, by this July, it would be shutting down its Confucius Institute over controversy involving the Institute’s hiring practices and a human rights case involving a former teacher. The Institute receives funding from the Chinese government and offers instruction in Chinese language and culture.


Opinions Editor Mel Napeloni Contact

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Whoops-a-daisy Making mistakes and finding meaning mid-degree

A8 S

More than just her sexuality The fight for increased representation for marginalized groups continues, but when does media attention carry it too far?

Kacper Niburski Silhouette Staff If there’s something to be said at the end of three years, it’s whoopsa-daisy. No matter what we tried or how genuine our intentions, the whole damn thing didn’t go exactly like we originally planned. Grades have slipped. Social lives have stagnated. And most days, the warmth of our soft bed sounds infinitely better than walking out into the cold, hard world. I’m told we’re all like that – we all have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning – and that’s okay. We’re all perfectionists. We’re all lazy. The two are in conflict daily because we want to do well, but we can’t be bothered to do it. We look back at ourselves when we flashed braces and accolades and 95 per cent averages, and we wonder how the heck did we do it? We decided that we had to be aliens back then and like aliens, we came to McMaster University with an indefatigable idea of limitless potential. We were going to be the prizewinners and scholarship recipients. We were going to create, invent and discover the world bit by bit by bit. We saw the problems. We had the solutions. We were different. We just needed time to prove it. Tick, tock, tick tock, and we find ourselves three years later waffling around in a futuristic limbo of professionalism, social desire and impending graduation. Things have changed and our focus has shifted. The novelty has worn off: every assignment looks alike and every class sounds more or less the same. Still, we maintain that we have to be busy, busy, busy. Not because we are limitless but because we have learned we are so fabulously limited. Schedules become our gods and we become followers of time. We worship what we do only because in the end, we think it will worship us. If all goes right, we’ll find happiness. We won’t be lonely. Life will make sense. Eventually. Until it does, we decided that we will become the doctors, the lawyers, and the anybodies we think we deserve to be. It’ll all be worth it in the end. If we keep working, we’ll get that 4.0 GPA. We’ll get into that top professional school. We’ll get loads of money. We’ll set aside some for retirement. We’ll get that country club membership. And if all checks out in the economy after it all, then we’ll have a few years to die in comfort. In those brief moments we can call our own in a stretch of future we can’t, in between this deadline or that, we decide we no longer want to discover the world. Instead, we just want to survive the day in order to do it all again tomorrow. Our private, little insecurities known only to the ceiling and ourselves are forgotten in this day-to-day excursion. Through it all – the midterms, the essays, the drudgery of night and day – we forget to ask ourselves who we are. We deem it isn’t an important question to ask; the person we knew ourselves to be five seconds ago is gone in four, and that person is gone in three. So, we have instead decided to call ourselves adults with no other alternative. It shows. We drink coffee. We pay for car insurance. We talk and walk and do things just like we were told we would ten years ago. We’ve grown, we continue to grow, and we’re assured that one day we won’t anymore. We have no other choice but to believe it. I think that is what three years here have taught me: we get stuck in everything we do and everything we don’t and we try to believe both categories are justified. In the end – our end – we’re conditioned to believe that life is how it is read, not how it is lived. But this is wrong. We’re wrong. We don’t know a damn thing about anything. No one ever does. We’re all just kids playing a long game of dress up without any known rules or responsibilities. Don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise and don’t believe the arguments that any decision now is necessary. No one has a clue what’s going on in this world – we all just got here – and our professional lives are no different. We’re insignificantly significant because we are young. So young. We are twenty-something year olds with so much time. That’s the point. That’s why we are here. Not for education. Not for profession. But because we have the time to invent. To create. To discover the world. Our world. We are here because we are meant to find out who we are and what that means to us. And if we don’t do, that’s okay. It’s just another whoops-a-daisy. We have the time to do it again and again and again some place else if we want to. So, who am I? I’m a struggling nobody who laughs more than he should and who, when asking himself who he was and what proof he had after three years of university, wrote an article at four in the morning when he just about convinced himself he was nothing.

Reality check: why is tuition still rising? Shauna Powell The Silhouette Ontario’s per-student funding for post-secondary education is ranked tenth out of ten provinces. The government continues to promise lower tuition fees, and then raises them again in much disappointment to students. This has been recurring for decades. Students are as grateful for tuition hikes as they would be for a failing grade. Although tuition prices are not the only obstacle faced by post-secondary students, they are the highest cost students will have to face and must be lowered in order to lighten the heavy burden they impose.

As a result of skyrocketing tuition fees, more post-secondary students are being required to get a job during the school year to begin paying off their loans and debt. In Canada, 71 per cent of students were working 35 hours or more a week in 2011. These numbers did not exist a decade ago, but they continue to climb as tuition rates do. Many students cannot afford to work solely in the summer and must work all year round. Attending college and university is enough work alone, and factoring in a commitment to a job is only adding to a stressful workload. There is a strong affliction for students between working extensive hours and striving to maintain good


Kathleen Wynne was the first female premier in Ontario and the first openly gay premier in Canada.

Jessica Soubas The Silhouette History was made in more ways than one on Feb. 11, 2013, when Kathleen Wynne was sworn into office as the first female premier in Ontario, and the first openly gay premier in Canada. Now if only people would start to acknowledge her as our premier – not just a female and lesbian. Although it is exciting and ground-breaking that our first openly gay premier has been elected into office, I have yet to understand why the media focus’ in on just Kathleen Wynne’s sexuality and gender, as opposed to the content of her character and political viewpoints. Kathleen Wynne is an exceptional person. It took three rounds of competitive voting until Wynne surpassed her competition, Sandra Pupatello, by a landslide of 1,150 to 866, and as the results were announced, the cheers for Wynne were practically deafening in Toronto’s Maple

Leaf Gardens. Wynne, who used to work as a school trustee and social activist, earned her Bachelor of Arts degree at Queens University and a Master’s degree in linguistics at the University of Toronto. Needless to say, Kathleen Wynne is a successful and accomplished woman – so why don’t we acknowledge that? What sells in the media is being different. Seldom do people care to read about someone who lives the same boring lifestyle as they do, which is why the media will only give Kathleen Wynne negative attention for being a lesbian. Now in April, it has been well over a two months since the hype regarding Kathleen Wynne’s sexuality first rose amongst the media, yet for some reason every article surrounding her still has words such as “gay” or “lesbian” in the headline. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to endlessly put work into getting an education, building a reputation and forming a solid campaign, only to get

elected and noticed as “the lesbian Premier.” To make a stereotyping problem go away, we need to stop addressing it, stop publicizing, and stop dragging it on. In the world of politics, the positive steps towards equality have been outstanding within the last few years. North America has finally put an end to choosing political leaders based off their race, sexuality, gender or class. The United States currently has its first black president, and Canada has its first homosexual premier – both of which are political leaders from a minority group. Fifty years ago, a black man and a lesbian woman being elected into power would have been unimaginable. North America should continue to encourage, support, and look forward to the advancements in equality that will come within the next 50 years – not ostracize and isolate these politicians even more based on their differences. Judge people based off the content of their character, not their sexuality.


What is your most exciting summer plan? Compiled by Mel Napeloni and Yoseif Haddad

I’m the editor of Happening Hamilton, so a lot of my time will be taken up on that. Graphics and the like.

I’m going to Greece for two weeks with a friend this summer to explore and broaden my horizons.

I’ll be looking for work and visiting Mexico. I’ll probably be a fuckin’ waitress or something.

Emily Gallomazzei, Comm. III

Michelle Gowan, SocSci II

Sam Gun, Social Psych. II

grades. The result, unfortunately, is an increase in stress levels and a decrease in GPA scores. University becomes a rollercoaster of emotions and hardships. In order to maintain student health and good grades, tuition rates must be either frozen or reduced. In addition, the rising tuition rates also prevent many high school graduates from attaining a post-secondary education. The rate at which students enroll to college and university has been strongly related to the increase in tuition rates. Many students who become aware that it would not be possible for them to afford a post-secondary education do not apply in fear of becoming victim to soaring tuition fees and the accumulation of student debt. Throughout the massive tuition hikes that happened during the 1990s, enrolment to postsecondary education declined substantially. In order to make further education possible to more Ca-

nadians, the tuition rates must be reduced. Furthermore, if tuition rates are not frozen or reduced to allow Canadians the opportunity to become more educated, it will not benefit the economy. In today’s society, it has become obligatory to attend college or university following the completion of a high school education. Without a degree from a prestigious institution, employment becomes increasingly difficult to find. In order to obtain highpaying careers such as health or law, one must devote an extensive amount of time and money for a college or university education to qualify. As a result of increased tuition, it has become far more challenging for students to achieve such prominent careers. Due to the climbing tuition rates, students are suffering more than ever before. Instead of focusing solely on their studies, they are working more than 35 hours a week

in order to pay off student loans. This is resulting in poor sleeping and eating habits, an extensive rise in stress levels and a decrease in GPA scores. Upholding a job and being a student are two very difficult positions. In addition to this, there has been a matched decrease in students enrolling to college and university with the increase in tuition fees. High schools students begin to realize that post-secondary education is far too expensive for them to afford, even if they tackled a full-time job during the year. This discourages many Canadians from obtaining an education after they acquire their high school diploma. In the world today, a post-secondary degree is practically essential to achieving a high-paying career. Strictly a high school diploma cannot guarantee a stable career for the student. Thus, student tuition rates need to be either frozen or reduced. The impact they are causing for Canadian students is severe and unhealthy.

Reflections on life and death: how will we be remembered?


Sarah O’Connor Silhouette Staff Last weekend, my eighty-seven year old grandfather died. He had been in St. Joseph’s for a month and after fluctuating from dialysis to getting off dialysis, from possibly coming home to never coming home, and he finally passed away. He wasn’t suffering anymore. His breathing stopped first, his heart soon followed. My grandpa always read my articles in The Silhouette. When I told him in September that I would be writing for my University’s paper, he asked me to bring two papers each week I saw him. One for him, one for me. After reading my first article, it was my grandpa who said, “This is what you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life.” He was a World War Two veteran – he helped liberate Holland. But this wasn’t something he bragged about. It was something we knew as a family, something we were immensely proud of. Every Remembrance Day, he would show us his war medals and tell us war stories. He always seemed so strong. The war was in the past, but it was one day when he came for dinner with a troubled mind that he told my dad, “Some days, the war doesn’t leave you.” He was alone for a long time. My Nana, his wife, passed away ten years earlier, and while he had his children and grandchildren, he missed her, and I know it was hard for him to live without her. My family and I comforted ourselves that he was now with my Nana and his brothers, who had died so many years earlier. Death can really make you think. I was nine when my Nana died, and it was easy for me to believe that she went to Heaven. She was with God, she was healthy and she was watching over us. As an adult, it isn’t so easy to believe that dead relatives go to Heaven. It is still a concept I think of, and I still say that they’re both in Heaven happy now, but the world changes you. When you grow up, ideas so simply believed as a child are no longer simple. All that has been learned while growing up has clouded faith. It’s too good to be true that a loved one can pass on to another world where there’s no pain, no stress, no worry. It’s too good to be true. But so many people believe it. I believe it because it is my faith. Though I question my faith often, I need to believe. I don’t

know who I’d be or how I’d function without it. But this makes me question why we believe these things. Faith is a good part of it, but I think it’s because we don’t want our loved ones to be forgotten. We can’t let ourselves think that they are gone forever, their bodies rotting underneath the ground or their ashes carefully preserved in a wall. We can’t accept that they’re gone, no longer with us. We create an afterlife for them and for us so that death is no longer a mystery. There is a destination, an answer. Is this the right way to think? Not necessarily. While people may have made up the afterlife as a way to cope, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. There is no way to prove it is there, though some people speak of ghost sightings and dreams from the dead. Those people could be telling the truth, or they could have an over-active imagination. We just don’t know. But we don’t want our loved ones to be forgotten. So we buy thousand-dollar caskets, fancy tombstones and flowers for corpses. Even in death, possessions mark if a person was loved or not, if they were wealthy or poor. Even in death we are judged. We try to keep our loved ones remembered, because we loved them so much. For them to be forgotten is a crime. We try to seek an answer all our life – an answer to life and death. Both are unknown for us. We live trying to discover why life is hard and why bad things happen to good people, and we try to discover what happens after life. What is there? Is there anything? Both life and death are inevitable, and maybe if people decided to just live and die instead of seeking an answer and planning too far ahead, maybe, just maybe we won’t fear it. Maybe that’s the answer to both questions, to life and death. I’m over thinking. Death does that to a person. And whatever life and death is, in the end, our human desire is to be remembered. We don’t want to turn to dust with faded headstones, forgotten forever. So I remember my grandpa, and others will too, most likely as a group for his duty to Canada so many years before, and some like me will remember him as an individual. And maybe you will too, as words on paper, a stranger you’ll never meet but a stranger you know. That is, if you’ve read to the end.


Is death the end?




Thursday, April 4, 2013


Thursday, April 4, 2013

Cracking down on caffeine Caffeine should be a controlled substance like other regulated products


Erica Greaves Silhouette Intern Being criticized seems to be a staple in teenage life - some criticisms more severe than others. I personally have an issue with being criticized over one thing: caffeine intake. Like every youth, I faced arguments built on rumors such as “caffeine will stunt your growth” and “caffeine causes heart disease” from the adults in my life. Since then, it has been my

mission to reveal the true facts and answer the questions everyone has been asking: is caffeine really harmful? Does it need to be controlled like alcohol and cigarettes? First of all, we need to address what the real risks of caffeine are. Let’s start with symptoms: increased mental speed, feeling alert and increased heart rate are most common. As you can see, these side effects are minor and hardly interfere with

every day life. However, caffeine can also cause anxiety, headaches and gastrointestinal pains. These side effects are not severe, but are present and can be worse in those who already have general or social anxiety, chronic headaches or migraines and gastrointestinal problems to begin with. Now because caffeine is classified as a drug, the question arises, is overdose possible and what would happen in the case that one should take place? An overdose is

defined as administering too large a dose or too many doses. In this context, an overdose could simply mean drinking one too many cups of coffee in a day than what you are used to. Symptoms of a caffeine overdose could be tremors, nausea and in some cases, a panic attack. Given this information, should caffeine be controlled? We’re almost there, as we must next examine what effects caffeine has on children and youth, because as it stands now a child could walk into a coffee shop and order something with no law to bind them. Among children, caffeine can cause nervousness, upset stomach, headaches, difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping and weight gain. These symptoms are quite similar to those of adults, and with obesity rates in children and teens already at an all-time high, caffeine is the last thing children need to be served. Let’s not forget however, that caffeine is a major ingredient in soft drinks as well, a treat often given to children on special occasions and sometimes for no reason at all. Seeing these

effects on children could cause serious problems in the classroom when they’re trying to focus, as well as at home when it comes to irritability and sleep loss. At last, we can finally answer the question everyone has been asking; does caffeine need to be controlled? I would say yes. Though caffeine is a socially accepted drug like nicotine and alcohol, it is on some level addictive because it can cause withdrawal. Symptoms of caffeine withdrawal can include headache, fatigue, muscle pains and perspiration. The severity of symptoms may vary depending on the person and how often the person drinks caffeinated beverages. I believe a person should be at least 16 years of age when they decide they would like to put themselves at the minor yet possible risks caffeine pose. In putting a cap on the age that a person can purchase caffeinated beverages, we can control the number of youth and children suffering from caffeine’s effects in school and at home, especially if they have health conditions that put them more at risk than their peers.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Why Humanities?


Part 2

Humanities students share their reflections on studying the liberal arts

When they enter university, first-year students often find themselves having to choose a programme of study, a career path and a vocation in the dark. While the decisions they will make at this stage in their education will have an enormous impact on their future lives, students may lack opportunities to reflect on and investigate their personal reasons for inclining in one direction or another - they may be left without proper clues of how to take best advantage of their own unique skills and creativity. Humanities Inquiry (1HU3) invites students to enter into a dialogue with themselves - their own learning habits and practices. At this stage in your education, what could be more valuable than learning about what sort of learner you are, what your genuine strengths might be, your weaknesses, your tastes and druthers? This year, we decided to take on the issue directly and name for our general rubric in the course the following question: “Why Humanities?”

How would Cultural Studies bring self-awareness to underlying subliminal messages that may exist in the world of advertising today? Cultural Studies gives us the tools to read, analyze, frame society and think critically. These tools make us more aware of what we are consuming through advertising and help us to analyze the messages being sent. • Rim Koblawi How might a degree in philosophy give someone an advantage in entering the field of law? Analytic skills can be beneficial and teach us how to break down complex information and develop methods of analyzing it. Critical thinking can be achieved through the development of learning to evaluate information, and how to interpret that information. • Jessie Lee-McIlmurray

this event as an example of how the different disciplines of history and religion can be correlated within the same curriculum. • Stephen Maar What do arts have to do with science? Arts hold a vital role in completing science. Besides connecting the public to the scientific world, arts induce the process of ‘temporal reasoning,’ which improves the performance of scientific reasoning. Moreover, arts bring science a step further by exploring more methods in problem solving that are less threatening to the public, such as the ingenious way of handling radioactive wastes of forming wall-mounted granite sculpture, done by Seattle-born artist James Acord. Albert Einstein once said, “arts and sciences are branches of the same tree.” I could not agree more. • Siti Khadijah Mahmud Ariff

How is electronic communication affected by the development and variation of new slang words and language? I distinguished certain modern words from older ones, and learned that many slang words are simply Americanisms of words we have incorporated from other countries. I looked into the language used in text messaging as well as on the Internet. I examined how the desire to save time has influenced the nature of written communication itself. • Lisa Loughridge

The Freedom Writers is an example of a true success story of Erin Gruwell, an English teacher, who guided and helped her students to flourish. How do Humanities courses, and their teachers, influence struggling students to improve in their studies and in their life overall? A different appeal to learning for the students is important to hold their interest and being able to make connections to their own life. • Katrina Medalle

Which of science or religion may best achieve an understanding of the universe’s secrets? Significant influence and credibility has been gained and lost on both sides. An event during the 15th century created the first break, the first challenge against the Church. Galileo Galilei began his observation of the stars; his results produced The Starry Messenger. This work changed the image of the church and the Bible forever. My purpose was to use

Does receiving an education in the humanities make a better doctor, a better nurse or a better healthcare worker? The University of Alberta has created a program called Arts & Humanities in Health & Medicine. By studying the history of medicine, medical workers are able to recognize diseases and study the history of how other medical workers treated their patients. Philosophy teaches medical students the important ethical and moral

While asking “Why Humanities?” is a little like asking “Why Humanity?” we nonetheless felt that putting the question in this direct form would help students to engage in just this process of discovering in themselves a reason and justification for being here. The point was not to reply to the question directly or defend Humanistic study out of hand, but to offer inquiries and findings that might contribute to a deeper understanding of the very issues involved in the asking of such a question. These are our results. We offer them as an encouragement and inspiration to others to find within themselves their reason for being here.

skills needed to interact with patients. Lastly, communication is a key study that teaches medical students how to communicate with patients and overcome language barriers. • Seirra Michelin Contemporary method acting, as developed by Richard Boleslavsky, who brought Stanislavsky’s system to New York, involves “truth in acting.” How would both amateur and professional actors better their careers from studying humanities at a university level? Creating a performance begins with secondary research and the decision to use your cultural toolkit when approaching a text. Creativity is then applied to both the dialogue of the script and unwritten actions. This is followed by a critical analysis of actors’ work to improve the way they work and develop solutions. • Mary Parsons Are we uninterested in reading plain text articles and textbooks any more? Do we require fastpaced, image-related forms of communication? Children growing up with technology have been classified as “Digital Natives”, a concept developed by Timothy Van-Slyke. Is technology in the classroom going to make traditional forms of education obsolete? Senior educators have become accustomed to traditional forms of teaching, as they did not grow up with cellphone in hand, or laptops in class. Is technology in the classroom going to make traditional forms of education obsolete? • Mari Pikkov How effective is standardized testing? Those opposed to it claim that it measures student intelligence on a narrow scale. In various newspaper articles, teachers have expressed the concern that the emphasis on testing discourages creativity and

• Dr. Jeffery Donaldson, Associate Professor of English and Cultural Studies

critical thinking in the classroom. Many key figures in pedagogy suggest that interdisciplinary studies can curb the current quota-based education system. How can interdisciplinary studies be implemented in schools while still adhering to governmentrequired educational assessments? How can educators make learning thoughtful and engaging while still fulfilling the curriculum requirements? • Nicholas Robitaille Media is everywhere and affects our day-to-day lives. Signs grab our attention and change our outlooks on different subjects. What part of the sign is it that grabs our attention, and what techniques do graphic artists use in signage? Graphic design is a form of creative expression that combines art and technology. Graphic artist Marian Bantjes explains that when making an ad it is important to see who you are reaching out to. There are also rules that artists follow that express the importance of color, form and layout. They evoke a deeper understanding of the human mind. • Matthew Saunders George Lucas is a wealthy and successful director with numerous box-office hits. His interest in cultural studies and science fiction helped him form a simple idea into one of the most successful film institutions in cinematic history, Star Wars. How did his success relate to the skills he learned in the humanities? With his knowledge, Lucas founded the special effects company Industrial Light and Magic, which raised the standards for future movies and revolutionized visual effects. • Jasmine Sojnocki What are the similarities between Bilbo Baggins of The Hobbit and the typical humanities student?

Both Bilbo and the student find themselves living a quiet life in a world they have always known. The student and Bilbo face challenges (is there really a difference between dragons and exams?) that force them to understand and develop their skills in an effort to help themselves and those around them. In the end, they find they have gained a wealth of knowledge, new friends and a great story. Is it possible that we make decisions later in life that mirror fantasies because of our childhood attraction to them? • Stevie-Lee Turnbull Linguistics is concerned with the description and explanation of human language and strives to understand this highly evolved mental capacity in both biological and psychological terms. Graduates with a degree in linguistics have, among other things, contributed their time and energy to protect endangered languages and have helped us to understand how the study of grammar may help learners of a second language feel more comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings. • Xinyuan Xing For many years, people have looked at disabled people as incapable individuals. Enter Christie Brown and Stephan Hawking, who with the help of others overcame their disabilities and excelled through writing. How do Stephan Hawking’s and Christie Brown’s methods compare? Stephan Hawking used technology to help him move around, speak and write. Christie Brown struggled to get his intelligence recognized. At one point, people thought he was brain dead. Christie Brown had only the use of his left foot, but was taught to utilize it for writing and expressing himself through painting. • Kelly Butler

REVIEW We look back at a so -so year of speculating, even though it ’s only April B3





Glass ceiling construction underway

Phase one opt-out nationalities:

HERPES ZOSTER Speculator-in-Chief

The metaphor is almost a reality, gender norm experts say. An all-female construction crew, the world’s first, has been commissioned to construct an actual glass ceiling that will encompass a majority of the western hemisphere. “I thought we were really making strides by breaking into this traditionally male-dominated job,” said foreman Lana Ross. “Little did we know that as our very first project, wealthy misogynists banded together to make a joke out of our accomplishment.” Global warming researchers urge all involved to cease the project immediately. “I get the joke, really I do. But if you actually make this thing, it will cook the Americas alive. I’m talking nature’s napalm,” said Al Gore, hippie.

Capitalist Pigs

Idiots in Igloos

Cowardly Snobs

Józef (formerly Joseph) seen happily ditching his eighthgeneration American heritage, in favour of a Polish future


Nationality opt-out program kicks off


Not happy with your heritage? Act now for a clean ethnic slate TIBERIUS SLICK Prospectin’ Speculator

Centuries of strife have led up to this historic moment: the abandonment of nationalities and backgrounds. The World Heritage Foundation is offering some citizens of the world a onetime nationality opt-out for anyone under the age of 30.

“We feel it is beyond our power to strip older folks of their national pride. Once it’s ingrained, only the sweet release of death can free them from their heritage,” said Hanna Banana, spokeswoman for the WHF. Included in the opt-out is the opportunity for an individual to select a new nationality to fill the void. If a participant does not select a nation to represent within 30 business days of the opt-out, a


national identity will be chosen for them at random. This initiative is being launched only in a handful of countries at first, as the WHF works with historically volatile regions where national and religious identity are pretty much one and the same. Opt-outers will be expected to act like their new nationality, stereotypes and all. This offer is not valid in Quebec.

Exactly how much do you think you’d have to pay this woman to eat an entire bag of an adult elephant’s poop?

U-RINE LUCK A 99.9% effective way to cheat on drug tests, every time! B1


EQ-WHINING We try to explain what is going on in the picture, but fail B7


FIND OUT in the first of a weekly series titled “The Price of Dignity”

BIC-A-BRATINA Hamilton mayor argues with pen A2






15 mL of popped



pimple juice








INCL. HST, PST where applicable.


Bat-Shit Crazy

HIGH: NOSTALGIC REMORSE LOW: PERSPECTIVE Every decade seems better than your own. But remember how hard it was to get porn back then. SEXSTALGIA, B3



What did you learn this week, Timmy? “I learned,

Leaving is easy. It’s hiding the sad erection that is the hard part.”

Shit Hastings takes a bite out of a colony of bats, only to get an unexpected superpower See RABIES, C1








Disclaimer: Stories printed in The Hamilton Speculator are fact. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is likely intentional and done out of spite. Opinions expressed are those of The Speculator and if you disagree with them you are wrong. And stupid. Possibly ugly as well.


InsideOut Editors Sam Godfrey and Amanda Watkins Contact

Thursday, April 4, 2013

B1 S

Have you heard about the “Friendship Drank”?! Turn to B4

1309 Main Street West

Fun, frozen, delicious Yogurty’s will be the new leading cause of obesity. With interactive stations and FREE BUTTONS, frozen yogurt has never been more red carpet approved.


In the heart of the Student Centre, Booster Juice is home to a marvelous array of liquid food. A highly anticipated venture, this little BJ did not let us down.

1339 Main Street West

If you’ve been suffering from burrito withdrawal ever since Jimmy Gringo’s closed its doors, you need only cross the street and IT’S BEEN RELOCATED. Nah b, I’m just joking, it’s gone. But Taco Del Mar still serves a pretty decent Mexican entree.

After roughly 8 months of sampling, IO collectively recommends Ramazzotti Sambuca or Fireball Whiskey for guaranteed nights you won’t remember. It’s all the better served out of your hands in the wee hours of the morn. Please drink responsibly.

*as voted on by IO Even for those who aren’t physical fitness enthusiasts, DBAC, specifically The Pulse has been noted for its wealth of interesting and often attractive people. Don’t be weird and bring a camera, or be the creep watching people while eating Doritos at the gym, but if you’re looking for a show, remember to get a membership next year!

It’s great on poutine, and everything in between. Welcome Week / Free!

Go for the myserty variety. Taste the rainbow with a sense of excitement and confusion. Union Market / $1.35

It takes awhile for them to reach expiration, and are the lucky charms of nuts. Grocery / $6

Best served stale, these occasionally spongy treats are inexpensive and conversation starting. They also really hit the spot after 1:00 a.m. Sketch convenient stores / 67 cents

Maybe “best” isn’t quite the right word for this, but this singing, dancing Korean man definitely was viral. The next time this song is played, you will likely be transported back to September 2012. It was re-tweeted, re-created and re-played excessively for a solid two months. And although it may be irritating now, there’s no denying that at one point in time it crabwalked its way into our hearts. AMANDA WATKINS / ASSISTANT INSIDEOUT EDITOR

“Oh lord Jesus there’s a fire”the fiery greatness of this video that is. Sweet Brown’s honest and genuine approach to a house fire managed to land her a spot as one of this year’s best viral videos and one of the top auto-tuned international news celebrities of all time.

Deep in the heart of the West Quad jungle you can hear the sound of silence as anxious students take to the books at Thode. And although it’s often void of sound, it is home to a plethora of interesting characters worthy of online flirting. If you’re Thode-bound, be prepared to genuinely study while exchanging coy glances with multiple attractive strangers.

Thursday night is TwelvEighty night, which means, if you choose to people watch in this location, you may be exposed to something very hot, or something very hilarious. Keep a count of drunken stumbles, and remember to avoid making eye contact, the last thing you want is unwanted confrontations.

Have you felt scared yet this year? The answer is likely “yes” if you’ve seen this video before. What appears to be a British children’s show advertising the benefits of “creativity” quickly turns into a dark and horrific mass murder of Sesame Street rejects. But it’s still pretty cute.

Listen to this remix with a candle burning and you will see your entire future. There was a lot that could have been added to the “I knew you were trouble” music video to make it better, but the harmonizing goat was easily the most unexpected and the most effective. Various goats from various farms around the world got in on the action, and the results were all mind-blowing.

We tried, and we very obviously failed. But, that doesn’t mean the rest of them were completely horrible. The Harlem shake finally took over for Psy’s interactive dance number, and left a mark of over a thousand videos large.


Thursday, April 4, 2013

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DID YOU KNOW? April is distracted driving month Four thousand pounds of metal and plastic are hurtling through space at somewhere between 75 and 110 feet per second—and you’re in the driver’s seat. Are A your eyes on the road, your hands on the wheel and your mind on driving? Here’s a list of some of the most common driving distractions. A crash diet. Eating and c drinking is right up there with cellphone use in terms of distraction potential. Smash hits. Don’t be flipping stations or skipping tracks on the road. Txt + drv. U OK? Puppy love. An unrestrained 60 lb dog is transformed into a 2700 lb projectile in a 55 km/hr crash. Want to know more? Visit... OR scan...


You need a team who cares about you and what matters most. At Findlay we are devoted exclusively to the protection of injured persons. Motor Vehicle Accidents Mo Slip and Fall Disability Insurance Claims Spinal Injuries

Weekly Shuttle Bus Starting Sept. 26th

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Brain Injuries Other Serious Injuries Free Consultations NO FEE if no settlement.


Last pick-up from Fortinos at 8:00pm Pick-up From Mary Keyes Residence At The Cootes Dr. Entrance




Look For The Big Yellow School Bus

Thursday, April 4, 2013


The SEXandthe STEELCITY articles Sam Godfrey Senior InsideOut Editor

we didn’t run

538 ways to get your partner to climax

Are you a Betty or a Veronica in bed?

Handjobs for beginners

Best erogenous zones

That’s just unreasonable.

Actually, we were going to run this, but ran out of issues. Look for it next year!

How to let him know what you want in bed

Talk to him. Email him. Text him. Use your words.

What do real men think about cleavage?

Not really sure of the distinction between “men” and “real men.” Probably has nothing to do with what they think about cleavage.

Is your name Veronica or Elizabeth? No? Then probably not.

Your junk.

Preparing for your first holiday with your manfriend I don’t recommend a family vacation.

The Forbidden Fruit: Incorporating food into your love life So long as it doesn’t involve deepfrying and/or barbecuing you’re pretty much in the clear.

Guess which titles we made up, and which ones we found in

How to get an orgasm while sitting on the dryer Honestly we have no idea.

What to do when your va-jay-jay feels wierd after sex Visit your gynecologist! Seriously. We have no idea what’s going on with you down there. We’ve probably never even met.

Tips and tricks to tell if your crush is into you

If they say “yes” when you ask them if they like you, that’s usually a pretty good sign.

How to please your man Blowjobs. Seriously. That’s all these articles come down to.

. Check your answers by visiting this article online.

“Sex Ed”: the right way

Queer messages

Briana Buziak The Silhouette We’ve complied a bucket list of things in and around McMaster and the city of Hamilton to keep you busy when you’ve had enough of studying and you’ve already clicked every link on Reddit.

Exam period

Bucket List Get day drunk at 1280

Or the Phoenix. It really doesn’t matter where. The point is that it’s before 5 p.m. and you are stumbling home.

Fill up at Yogurty’s Go to Yogurty’s and fill your cup with every flavour available that day. Add all the toppings you want. Who cares if it’s $15, it just means three times the points on your rewards card. Don’t deny it, we all know you have one.

Go thrifting Only got $20 in your pocket? Go thrifting in downtown Hamilton. Spend a rainy afternoon jumping from shop to shop. It’s April in Hamilton, so we’re bound to have a few of those drizzly days.

Eat at a food truck While you’re downtown, sample the many food trucks roaming the streets. The Lumberjack from Gorilla Cheese is amazing: Cheese, bacon, granny smith apples and maple syrup. What’s not to love?

Have a Pinterest Potluck Everyone invited picks and makes a recipe from Pinterest. Be it breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert or drinks, get together and enjoy all the delicious eats. Use group study as an excuse if you really need to squeeze in some extra cramming!

See a movie at Westdale Theatre Nicole Jedrzejko The Silhouette Do you use the word ‘queer?’ Communities at Mac and throughout the world have begun challenging the word and its uses. Saying it proudly embraces any orientation from lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, questioning and intersex people into its umbrella. ‘Queer’ is becoming a re-empowerment through unity under one term that knocks down its derogatory history and acknowledges all. This is still an ongoing process, with academia and the younger generation spearheading the change but its derogatory influence still remembered by older generations. The power of this word, of uniting under this term, is strong and clear. So why aren’t queer sexual health education messages the same? There have been whispers of change in our current sexual health education curriculum in elementary and high schools for years now. That curriculum has not been updated since 1997, years before social media, sexting, the Internet and more modernizations have altered the definition of sexual activity for many young people. A sex ed curriculum change has recently been brought to the table by Ontario’s Premier Kathleen Wynne, the first female Premier of Ontario and first openly gay Premier of Canada. Changes including teaching the anatomical names of body parts in Grade 1, discussing sexual orientation, identity and invisible differences in Grade 3 and discussing non-vaginal (i.e., oral, anal) sex in Grade 6-7 have been proposed. The most noticeable changes are for Grade 3 students, where respect for people’s differences is the focus of sexual orientation lessons. Some call the change political suicide. Some call it necessary. Regardless of the controversy over this curriculum change, sex ed includes the same principles, no matter what orientation category you find yourself in. And yet sex ed campaigns seem

to separate the hetero and queer communities. Mac’s Student Wellness Centre has made great efforts to include the queer community in all sex ed resources, but the fact still remains that many healthcare professionals often make quick judgments and mistakes based on perceived expectations of the queer community’s sexual habits. Assumptions are often made that the queer community is “sexually charged” because of more overt sexual discussion. But many queer people do not fit into that category, and all still deserve a safe, non-judgmental environment to get sex ed. For our generation, queer sex ed did not happen in schools. It is hard to get information on queer health, and even those brave enough to seek information do so online or by quickly sticking their hand in SHEC’s condom basket. Open and honest discussions with your healthcare provider are a great place to begin. Here are some starting points: HEALTH HISTORY: Trusting your provider with a complete health history is important, especially details on medication and past surgeries. Find a provider that is the right one for you to ensure you deservingly receive the best possible care. SAFE SEX: Males who have sex with males (MSM) are at increased risk of HIV infection, while everyone in the queer community is still susceptible to STDs. Regular testing if engaging in unsafe sex and screening (e.g. Pap smears) are very important. CANCERS: Females who have sex with females (FSF) are at higher risk for breast and gynecological cancers due to irregular screening, while MSM are still at risk of prostate, testicular and colon cancers. Regular breast and pelvic exams for FSF are recommended. MENTAL HEALTH: They’re huge stigma even in the queer community, where mental health issues are significantly prevalent. Discussing

depression, anxiety and intimate partner violence is crucial in supporting relationships and the people within them. Be aware and be supportive. VACCINES for MSM: With an increased risk of contracting the Hepatitis virus, get the Hep A and B shots while still maintaining safe sex to prevent contracting Hep C. HORMONES for TRANS* PEOPLE: Trans* men (assigned female at birth, identify as male) should ask about blood tests needed to ensure testosterone doses are safe. Trans* women (assigned male at birth, identify as female) should ask about estrogen and blood clots, swelling, high or low blood pressure and high blood sugar. Pay attention to your body and discuss any significant changes with your provider. With the queer rights movement strongly moving towards change, it is important to remember that regardless of your involvement in the queer community, we all must be allies if change is to occur. So much of our Mac community strength comes down to mutual respect for one another. Accept past and present mistakes you are making regarding assumptions of the queer community, acknowledge and reflect on your emotions and listen to other people’s perspectives. Being an ally does not simply mean saying you’re pro-queer rights; conscious efforts to create a positive space every day must be made. The queer people you know are not meant to be your resources, nor is it their responsibility to market information to heterosexuals. There is information out there, from our own QSCC on second floor MUSC to the LGBTQ Community Wellness Centre (“The Well”) in downtown Hamilton and Rainbow Health Ontario. Take the time to educate yourself about the queer community, self-direct your learning and if all else fails, remember to give everyone a chance to have the life they want.

Its shabby-chic throwback to old cinemas provides great atmosphere, and it’s right next door to the Bean Bar.

Ride the bull at Dirty Dogs Throw on your plaid shirt and ripped jeans and make it a competition to see who stays on the longest. Loser buys the winner a drink!

Visit Cootes Paradise On one of the few nice afternoons in April, visit Cootes Paradise. Bring a camera to capture a fantastic new desktop background. It’ll remind you to power through exams, for summer is on the other side of your last final!

Post-all-nighter Pancake House After pulling an inevitable all-nighter of studying, head to the Pancake House on Main Street. Make sure you order lots of coffee with your breakfast - you’re gonna need it.

Explore Locke Street There are many great independent shops and fantastic little restaurants there for you to enjoy. If you’re going out for dinner with friends, skip the chain restaurants and try a restaurant exclusive to Hamilton.

Karaoke Get a group of friends together and go to one the karaoke nights just a short bus-ride from campus! Karaoke night is Tuesday at Boston Pizza, Friday at Rolly Rockets and Sunday at Snooty Fox!

Catch a Blue Jays game Want to get out of Hamilton for an afternoon? Baseball season is just starting up; grab a friend and go to Toronto for a Jays game. Cheap tickets can be bought in the box office, so just go out on a whim. (But double-check beforehand that it’s not a sold-out game!)

Listen to live shows Love live music? Check out bands playing clubs in Hamilton. Show listings and locations can be found in ANDY.


Thursday, April 4, 2013

A perfect marriage of coffee and cuisine Husband and wife duo run sustainable Detour Café in Dundas

Detour Co-Owner Kaelin McCowan is committed to “Direct Sourcing” his coffee - a cut above Fair Trade certification. JESSIE LU / ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

Jemma Wolfe and Aissa Boodhoo-Leegsma Managing Editor and Senior News Editor For Crystal Asher and Kaelin McCowan, coffee isn’t merely a beverage – it’s a way of life. A chance meeting in Ireland in 1997 brought Wellington, NZ born Asher and Toronto born McCowan into each other’s alimentary worlds. Three children, a career change and a move to Hamilton later, the couple opened Detour Roastery in March 2009 and Detour Café in January 2011 in the quaint town of Dundas, Ont. While both are coffee connoisseurs, McCowan partakes in more of the bean side of the business, while Crystal represents the “foodie” behind the operation; as a trained chef, she is highly attuned to selecting just the right menu choices to compliment the drinks that they serve.

“I got ‘bitten by the coffee bug’ while Crystal was at Chef School in Stratford,” said McCowan. “Nowhere around me were people serving or roasting coffees like I had been reading about so I decided to start roasting my own coffee at home in a stainless steel bowl with a paint stripping heat gun!” Casual home-kitchen experiments quickly escalated to a fullblown passion for java. “We’re a bit obsessed,” admitted Asher. “I’m either eating, cooking or planning the next meal. It’s a compulsion that I’ve given up on trying to curb. And Kaelin has an insatiable fascination for coffee.” A large part of their obsession is a commitment to sustainability and buying local, which to the couple means wanting to do more for the industry than what Fair Trade status is currently able to achieve. “I believe that Fair Trade certification in general is a good

thing, but I feel it doesn’t go far enough and doesn’t fit well in what we are trying to achieve in coffee,” explained McCowan. “Fair Trade guarantees a minimum price that is paid to farmers, which is especially critical when the commodity market swings, like it has been as of late, and brings the price of coffee dangerously close or below the price of production in some coffee growing regions. However, Fair Trade doesn’t guarantee quality of the coffee and they will only certify cooperatives, not individual farms.” In an effort to be more involved in sourcing and selecting the beans they roast, the team at Detour has adopted the “Direct Trade” approach. McCowan is steadfast that the term only be applied when buyers have “actually met the producer and negotiated a price.” He continued, “On our trip to Honduras last month we did exactly that! For us the connection with producers is very important

The Friendship Drank Ingredients

Fun objects to bring

- the required ingredients for your favourite drink - the required ingredients for your friend’s favourite drink - JELLO powder - love

- a cauldron - a ladle - a boom box - a friend

How-to 1) Begin by calling your friend over and letting him/her know that you will be hosting a super fun party for two. You can choose to do this via telephone, or, get creative and send it via carrier pigeon. 2) Once your friend is over, gather together the various ingredients that will be needed to mix both of your favourite drinks. 3) Consolidate all drink ingredients into a cauldron and use a ladle to mix. A large spoon, fork or hand will also work just fine if you do not have a ladle. NOTE: It works even better if both you and your friend mix at the same time. 4) As you mix, turn on your boom box and have a little dance party. Nothing says friendship more than semi-choreographed dance routines around a cauldron full of potentiallyhazardous liquid. 5) Once you believe your drink is well mixed, throw in a pack of JELLO. This tasty, gelatinous treat is fun for everyone and will give your concoction a gooey and unique texture. 6) Refrigerate. Use this time to bond and create obnoxious inside jokes. 7) Once the JELLO has set, remove from the refrigerator. 8) It is now time to add the most important ingredient of all: love. How you do this is up to you, it all really depends on how close of friends you are. 9) Your drink is now ready to be served! 10) Keep on dancing and enjoy your delicious Friendship Drank!

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and we try and work with the same producers year after year.” Asher has a similarly sustainable philosophy when it comes to foodstuffs for the Dundas café, especially now that Detour has recently expanded its menu into hosting special prix-fixe dinners. “Buying local and sustainable are critical factors in sourcing product for the café,” she said. “Paper and take-out products need to be biodegradable or recyclable, meat and seafood has to be sustainable farmed, produce is local when we can.” “Maybe it’s just the sweet taste of good karma but produce, meat and dairy that’s fresh and hasn’t travelled thousands of miles tastes so much better.” True to its name, Detour marks a departure from the status quo in the coffee world, and presents a healthy, sustainable and delicious alternative to your average café.

“Maybe it’s just the sweet taste of good karma, but produce, meat and dairy that hasn’t travelled thousands of miles tastes so much better.” Crystal Asher, Co-Owner of Detour Roastery and Café

Thursday, April 4, 2013



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Across 1 Cutting remark 5 Canines 9 RR stop 12 Butter alternative 13 Blow one’s top 15 Avoid 16 Person who is liable to tell untruths 17 Ulan ___ 18 Speck 19 Hearing distance 21 Break 23 Spumoni or vanilla holder 24 Amigo 25 Nymph of Greek myth 28 Abandonment of faith 33 Select group 34 Walked 35 Plumlike fruit 36 Cruiser driver 37 Makes well 38 Altar in the sky 39 Excuse me 41 Potpourri 42 Provide food 44 Good-bye 46 Barracks

47 Slender bar 48 Miss 49 Capital of Thailand 53 Restrain 57 Away from the wind 58 What girls will be 60 Cong. meeting 61 Roseanne, once 62 Norwegian name of Norway 63 Currency unit in Western Samoa 64 Year abroad 65 Fibbed 66 Litigant

Down 1 Xylem stem 2 Inter ___ 3 Back 4 Soup made with beets 5 Fish prep? 6 Take to the soapbox 7 Kind of reaction 8 Dick and Jane’s dog 9 Drive off 10 Ballerina’s skirt 11 Work without ___ 14 Camera stands 15 Separates metal from ore

20 Fine-tune 22 Bell and Barker 25 Coffee choice 26 HI hi 27 Scottish musician 28 Thin as ___ 29 Game played on horseback 30 Having wings 31 More tender 32 Long 34 Narrate 37 Dancing party 40 Blending of two companies 42 Money 43 Aids 45 Large bowl-shaped pan 46 Preserved in a can 48 Vassal 49 Ali _____ & the 40 thieves 50 King of comedy 51 Roman emperor 52 Newport rival 54 Boyfriend 55 Archipelago part 56 Nicholas II was the last Russian one 59 Hosp. procedure









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Sports Editors Brandon Meawasige and Scott Hastie Contact

Thursday, April 4, 2013

B7 S


FOOTBALL This season may not have ended the way that McMaster students wanted, but there’s still plenty of reasons to be proud of the McMaster football team. Locking up the longest winning streak in CIS football history is an accomplishment that should not be forgotten. The record solidifies Mac’s spot as a top program in the country,






and it’s not a stretch to say that the Maroon and Grey have topped Western as the strongest program in the country. While some key players are leaving, head coach Stefan Ptaszek will have no problem reworking the team to create another Yates Cup run. This season has changed the expectations of Marauder sports forever. TOP: Boiago was named OUA Rookie of the Year.

Kyle Quinlan finished his career with the most touchdown passes ever from a Mac quarterback. /T






RIGHT: Taylor Black was Mac’s main option in the fourth quarter.


BASKETBALL Both teams endured an up-and-down season, but they’ve gained important experience. The women’s team battled their way into an OUA bronze medal game, putting themselves in the conversation for a national contender in the coming seasons. Danielle Boiago and Hailey Mil-




ligan have developed into exactly what the Marauders need - explosive scorers with a desire to win. On the men’s side, Taylor Black claimed his spot as the cornerstone of the program and earned his first OUA All-Star spot. This season was the beginning of two hardwood dynasties.






RIGHT: Joe Rocca led Mac in scoring this year. BOTTOM: Aaron Redpath was a jack of all trades this season.



Volleyball saw a stark contrast in results. The men’s team gave new meaning to the word “unpredictable” as they put the program in the hands of ten freshman. The gamble would pay off, with Dany Demyaneko quickly becoming one of the best frontcourt players in the CIS. The team’s silver medal at the national

championships is also the best finish in McMaster men’s volleyball history. On the other hand, the women’s squad went through a tough season. They regressed to a 9-10 record amid high expectations and were unable to make it deep in the playoffs. Landing strong recruits will help the team bounce back next season.

LEFT: The Marauders struggled to find a rhythm this season. RIGHT: With a young core in place, McMaster is expected to dominate the OUA for years to come.

SOCCER Marauder soccer flies under the radar due to football season, but both teams had a year to remember. The women were the Cinderella story of the OUA, defeating Western in London, Ont. for the first time in a decade to land a spot in the Final Four. Although they fell short of OUA bronze, the successful

season has inspired the group and paved the road for a bright future. The men’s side won their second OUA title in as many years. They finished fifth in the country at the national tournament. Coach Dino Perri has revived the program after years of irrelevance and a CIS medal is likely on the horizon for the team.




LEFT: Scott Hutchinson had the best finish for the men’s track team this year.


LEFT: A CIS tournament berth is the next step for the women.

RIGHT: In her final year for the Marauders, Victoria Coates led the cross country squad to a CIS silver medal.

RIGHT: Mac is on the verge of a CIS medal.


McMaster’s cross country squad took advantage of having an experienced team. The women claimed their fourth straight podium finish at the CIS championships, while the men claimed sixth place in the country. Victoria Coates, Lindsay Carson, and Maddy McDonald earned spots on All-Canadian teams. On the track scene, McMaster continued


their rise to the top of the charts. Mac track earned medals at all the meets they attended, including eight medals at the Windsor race. Scott Hutchinson and Victoria Coates claimed bronze medals at the national level. Carson and McDonald also represented Canada at the World Cross Country Championships in Poland.


Thursday, April 4, 2013


The future of the CIS last row of the extended bleachers. The gym has a capacity for 5000 spectators. Now, the Waterloo Warriors don’t even need to roll out the extra bleachers because they are lucky to get more than 100 fans. Sure, Waterloo is not really known for their campus atmosphere anymore. Current undergraduates may have heard about the steroid scandal that rocked the football program in 2009, but outside of that, their athletics are an after-thought

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among the student population. But the story is the same at a school that is more well known for having exceptional pride in the place they call home for eight months of the year. Western University has atrocious attendance for any sport than doesn’t start with “f ” and end with “ball”. The only students who were attendance for Mac’s basketball visit were the Mustang marching band. A friend who plays on Western’s women’s volleyball team says that the Mustangs have had the worst home crowd in her three years as a varsity athlete. Their programs have experienced more successes than the Waterloo program, but the team can’t garner the attention of their students. It’s not through lack of trying from the athletic department either; their teams are heavily marketed through campus and they have a great online presence. These are just two small anecdotes, but there are many to be found in all leagues that make up Canadian University Sport. Sports editors from across the country echoed similar stories at the annual Canadian University Press conference this year. It’s been a fall from grace for the CIS, and the league only has itself to blame. It’s laughably out of touch with how to connect with today’s undergraduates. There’s no denying that the league has made major moves in an attempt to become more of a consumer sport. With the launch of CIS-SIC. tv for championship events, a rumoured television contract with Rogers, and an excellent marketing campaign resulting in a record attendance for the Vanier Cup, the brass of the CIS is likely happy with their work in 2012-13. But anything they have done has been a long time coming. None of the aforementioned developments are anything close to cutting-edge. The CIS is consistently playing catch-up to the rest of the sporting world and when they finally do make a move, it’s nothing spectacular. and the Streaming Sports Network (SSN) are lackluster products that don’t stand up to any competition. You can watch higher quality streams on pirated feeds for NCAA games than what the CIS currently provides. The possible TV deal with Rogers is also a major goof for the league, as the CIS will lose its pairing with the CFL’s Grey Cup – a move that helped bring in fans who were otherwise unaware of the competition. The world of Canadian varsity athletics is a diamond in the rough for every kind of sports fan. The level of competition is high and the athletes play with a passion that is tangible in every game. But the league fails to deliver the product with any professionalism or legitimacy. With an abundance of consumption options for today’s sports devotee, why would they bother with a pixilated feed of a basketball game? If the CIS ever wants to become a real fixture in Canadian culture, they’ll need a complete overhaul. No one is buying their attempts at keeping up with the rapid-paced technology world or their splashy PR campaigns for new CEOs. The damage the league has done by remaining complacent will take years to undo. Their product is fine – they don’t need to worry about that. The suits at the top of Canadian Interuniversity Sports have to move their focus to becoming something people believe is important, not trying to get by with the bare minimum amount of work required. Until then, they’ll be putting the C-I-S in circus.

Thursday, April 4, 2013


TOP FIVE: 2013-14 Stars Brandon Meawasige Senior Sports Editor


Danielle Boiago


As the team’s prize rookie this year, Boiagao shined in the backcourt and blew away opponents with her play. Looking towards next year, Boiago will need to take on the role of leader; such is the reality of campus sports. Look for the second -ear guard to contribute on both offence and defence, hopefully leading her team to a playoff run.


To Kevin Ware and a speedy recovery from a horrific injury. To Lionel Messi smashing records every time he touches the field. To the start of baseball season. The boys of summer are here.

Adam Presutti

To a silent trade deadline from the Toronto Maple leafs. Who needs upgrades?

After an outstanding rookie season, Presutti had a injury-filled sophmore campaign. Bouncing back from his trials will be difficult, but look for the third-year guard to bring back the same offensive spark from his rookie year. A solid ball handler, Presutti can also shoot the three ball and contribute on defence. With such a telented roster, look for Presutti to make plays whenever he is on the court.


To the final issue of Volume 83. It has been a wild ride. To next year’s Marauders. Make us proud once again. To football being back at Mac.

Marshall Ferguson AND A


It is no secret that Marshall Ferguson has large shoes to fill. However, Ferguson is no back-up quarterback by any stretch of the imagination. Highly touted as a nationally recruited prospect, Ferguson impressed coaches with his ability in the pocket. While his mobility pales in comparison to the man he is taking over for, Ferguson can and will beat teams with his arm. In the games he has played, Ferguson has put up beastly numbers.


To rising to an occasion. Fuck you, Addidas. To Kevin Ware’s freak accident. Sorry big guy.

Dany Demyanenko

To throwing kids in jail in favor of education and sports. That must be the way to do it.

The hard part for Demyanenko will be following up on his outstanding first season, in which he helped the Marauders go nearly undefeated en route to competing for a national championship. With such a great potential and a strong veteran roster, look for Demyanenko to dominate whenever he is on the floor as part of a potent Mac attack.

To the NCAA for sucking. To five months without any Maroon or Grey. To an 0-2 start for the Blue Jays.


Angello Cavalluzzo

To bandwagon fans of any kind. To 4-0 versions of Ontario’s greatest battle.

In 2012, Cavalluzzo was a big reason why the Marauders repeated as OUA Champions. His play in clutch moments was nothing short of amazing and with an off-season of training and improvement, look for Cavalluzzo to be extremely difficult to beat in 2013. Though he is undersized, he is extremely athletic, as he demonstrated on several key plays, including a diving save to preserve a shutout in the title game against the Carleton Ravens.

To the end of a good run.



Thursday, April 4, 2013

Women’s volleyball lands major prospect Scott Hastie Assistant Sports Editor After a disappointing 2012-13 season, the Marauders women’s volleyball team has made a splash in the recruiting scene. McMaster has hauled in one the best recruits in the nation – Sophie Bukovec. From Bishop Allen Catholic Academy, Bukovec is a decorated athlete who has experienced success at the international level. Her high school also captured the OFSAA AAAA Gold Medal this year. At the Federation Internationale de Volleyball (FIVB) 2012 Youth World Beach Championships, Bukovec finished ninth. The recruit’s beach volleyball experience benefits her passing abilities; a luxury to have for a player that will likely play on the outside for head coach Tim

Louks. On the indoor circuit, Bukovec suited up for the Defensa club. The Toronto-based team has emerged as a Maroon pipeline, with current Marauders Lauren Mastroluisi and Melanie Walsh as former members of the squad. Defensa has a rich pedigree, with two of their recent athletes receiving scholarships from Syracuse University. At 6’ 2”, Bukovec brings more size to the Marauders frontcourt. With Shannon McRobert leaving the program, the bluechip prospect will maintain the McMaster frontcourt’s height advantage that they hold over many opponents. Bukovec is an effective twoway player; she has power on the offensive end and the potential to become a major cog in the Ma-

rauder’s defensive scheme. Louks’ rotation at the outside position is now among the best in the OUA, as Bukovec will play alongside Kierstyn Bakker, Mira Krunic, and Mastroluisi. Earlier in the month, Mac announced two other recruits who hail from the Hamilton area. Setter Caitlin Genovy and middle Maicee Sorensen will be donning the Maroon and Grey next year and elevate the calibre of an already strong bench. As the offseason approaches, McMaster has retooled and added talent to improve upon a season that ended with a disappointing 9-10 record. Maroon supporters can expect a bounce back year from the group. Louks expects to add one or two more recruits to the 2013 class before the end of the school year.

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Thursday, April 4, 2013


Can Blue Jays fans turn a new leaf? As Canada’s baseball team enters a new season, hopes are high, but in order for 2013 to be different there must be fewer empty seats at Rogers Centre Brandon Meawasige Senior Sports Editor The Toronto Blue Jays have more fans on opening day than any other day of a given season; at least it has been that way for nearly 20 years. It seems that everyone and their great aunt are excited for the Canadian boys of summer before the first pitch. Bright blue merchandise lines the streets of the nation’s biggest city and around the country, Torontonians and fanatics alike find a way to represent their pride in the only MLB team north of the 49th parallel. Adding to the fire, the Jays also manage to perennially overperform in grapefruit league play, showcasing (traditionally mediocre) off-season acquisitions posing as stars and pushing the development of (questionably) “blue-chip” prospects accumulated from a decade dwelling near the bottom of the American League East standings. With hopes high; the triumphs of ’92 and ’93 fresh in

memory, these fans band together under a blue flag of optimism with hopes of another shot at fall baseball. Rogers Centre is sold to the rafters and the noise is reminiscent of mid-July at Wrigley Field. Bars, homes and even spots with an Internet connection turn into makeshift viewing areas for the big game. However, despite the romantic notions of imminent success, these fans all fail to account for the fact that seasons are not won and lost on paper. Each year, the rigor of the full baseball campaign slowly picks away at this fragile fan-base. It becomes forgotten almost immediately after opening week that contention does not happen over night and that a winning season cannot be judged after 10 games. Whether a team starts 5-0 or 2-3 yields zero indication as to how that team will finish. After opening day,161 games remain on the schedule, meaning regardless of the outcome, any team has a chance.

It’s a sad thing to see 50,000 screaming enthusiasts on April 1 when by July 1 the same crowd numbers no more than 15,000. People have lost faith way too early with this team and have chosen only to show support when times are good. Unfortunately, there haven’t been many good times lately for the 36-year-old Blue Jays. Hopefully this year is different. Hopefully these fans stick around for more than just the hype. Entering the year, the 2013 version of the Jays is widely considered a favorite to win not only the division, but also the World Series Championship at the end of the season. With the addition of some proven veteran players, a complete renovation of the rotation and a change at manager, this year’s blue birds are poised for a race to the pennant. Expectations are a funny thing: the higher they are, the harder they fall. With the bar set so high for this season’s team, the

distance to the bottom is much further than ever before. The home opener that took place on April 2, with the Jays hosting the Cleveland Indians, sold out in less than 30 minutes on March 15 when the tickets went on sale. That crowd, which ended up being just fewer than 49 000, made ample noise and got behind their team only to watch a 4-1 loss resulting from ace R.A. Dickey pitching a poor game. The honeymoon was seemingly over. On Wednesday, April 3, attendance was cut nearly in half with just under 25, 000 people spotting the seats at Rogers Centre. Once again the Jays lost by a score of 3-2. So much promise and yet nothing to show for it thus far; at this less than pivotal point in the season, it is important that fans stick behind their team. Formerly, a general public boycott would be in order and the true fans would be left to band together. Frankly, it is tiresome see-

ing the Rogers Centre empty and being able to carry on a full conversation during a game. For once I wish that the same love for the Toronto Blue Jays that exists each year on opening day sticks with fans all season. It would be quite something to see a sell out every night and it may have a surprising effect on the outcome of the game. When the Jays were successful, Toronto and Canada were behind them. Getting back to the old ways off the field may translate into another championship for this team. Sitting at home and complaining has to be a way of the past. I challenge all of you opening day Jays fans to stick around this season. Things are looking up, but patience is everything. After all, the Chicago Cubs have waited 104 years for a World Series. The Blue Jays have a viable chance to contend, and the support they receive should be that of a winning team.






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Special City Bus will drive through Kirkendall Streets to collect food for Mission Services Food Bank. Watch for the Bus! Have your non-perishable food items ready on your front porch

April 26-May 1 Alternate Drop Points:

For more Information:

Dell Pharmacy

Personal Injury Lawyers

vampire weekend san sebastian • about the mind


c2 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

thursday, april 4, 2013

Senior Editor: Nolan Matthews Assistant Editor: Bahar Orang

Contributors: Palika Kohli, Kyle Fisher, Dominika Jakubiec, Spencer Jones, Sonya Kahlon, Tomi Milos

Motem, New Hands, Haolin Munk This Ain’t Hollywood 9 p.m. Peter & the Crimson Horse Casbah 8 p.m. King Cobb Steelie This Ain’t Hollywood 9 p.m.

Fri. April 19 Sat. April 20 Fri. April 26

Jamaican Queens Homegrown Hamilton 9 p.m.

Fri. May 3

TV Freaks Casbah Lounge 8 p.m.

Fri. May 3

Thurs. Apr. 4 Fri. April 5 Sat. April 6 Wed. Apr. 10 Sat. April 13

La Voce di Rosa Art Gallery of Hamilton 7 p.m.


Life of Pi Westdale Theatre 9 p.m.

Tues. April 9

Quartet Westdale Theatre 7 p.m.

Sat. April 6

Fri. April 5


Design: Karen Wang Cover: Bahar Orang

Canadian Winter This Ain’t Hollywood 9 p.m. Lee Reed Casbah Lounge 10 p.m. Wax Mannequin Casbah Lounge 9 p.m. TV Freaks This Ain’t Hollywood 9 p.m. Single Mothers & the Dirty Nil Casbah 8 p.m.

Go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.


thursday, april 4, 2013

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • c3

see you around, There’s a lot of “lasts” going on right now - my last year at Mac, my last year in Hamilton, and my last week as an editor of ANDY. But instead of dwelling on the last times, I’d like to talk about my first time. My first time meeting ANDY, that is. Two years ago I noticed ANDY’s annual music issue among a pile of newspapers strewn across the living room table of my student house (coincidently, this year’s music issue is also out this week). I curiously flipped it open, unaware that hidden within the many folds of the Silhouette was a place for music nerds to express their nerdy opinions. I remember being really excited that someone had written an article about Women, a great post-punk band from Calgary. I thought, ‘holy heck, there’s actually a place on campus to write about music?’

The start of the next school year I nervously attended the first ANDY meeting. I remember a passionate argument breaking out about whether Doolittle or Surfer Rosa is the better Pixies album. I remember feeling like I had found a home. I also remember thinking that maybe I was being a bit dramatic. The first article I wrote for ANDY was an album review, and I spent hours agonizing over the short 200-word piece. Though it took me forever I loved trying to figure out and explain why I found music important, meaningful or terrible. After a few weeks of reviews I started writing longer articles, and the first artist I interviewed for ANDY was Kardinal freakin’ Offishall. I was really thrown into the deep end with that one. I remember feeling so nervous and that I turned to beer for help. I probably won’t

try that again. But everything else about the experience I loved. I mention my first memories of ANDY because they were what I hoped to recreate this year. I wanted everyone to have the same experience I did. I’m not sure if that happened but I can hope. I also hope that I’m not getting too sappy. I’d like to say thanks to everyone who has written this year for ANDY. The album reviews, band interviews and pop culture musings have all been great. Thanks to everyone who has made ANDY meetings so fun. But more than anything I’d like to say thanks to Hamilton for making amazing art and music to write about. See you around, ANDY. • Nolan Matthews, Senior ANDY Editor

the big fickle

anything but sp - nolan matth orts ews

who or what is ANDY?

compiled by bahar orang

uise waldo in disg dad d a h -yoseif

so hip it hurts - sam colbert

terefenko - karen wang

nding off hamilton sou refenko - andrew te

c4 & c5 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

disBAND is san sebastian

San Sebastian broke into the Canadian music scene after forming in 2009, and took off after appearing on Much Music’s (now defunct) show, “disBAND” in 2010. The band consists of two pairs of brothers, Greg Veerman (bassist), Mike Veerman (vocals), Brodie Dawson (guitar) and Sean Dawson (guitar), as well as drummer Ted Paterson. This week, ANDY caught up with Greg Veerman, who spoke about the band’s successes and disBAND, as well as his favourite things about Hamilton and touring Canada. Each episode of disBAND consisted of a camera following a music group around for one week, while they were put through challenges and tested on their musical skills. It culminated in the judges deciding whether or not the band should remain together, or ‘disband.’ While Veerman admits that the judging “was used as a dramatic effect” he maintains that it was “the best thing that happened to us. We got exposed to so many people, that the day after it was done filming – it hadn’t even aired – we were getting calls from labels.” But when they were initially asked, they were “wary” about going onto the show. “We talked to another band who had been on the show, and they told us to go for it, so we had

a team vote. It ended up being 3-2, so we took the chance.” In the end, “the exposure, that half hour of television, the way it portrayed us was what we thought was most important and we were all pretty happy with how it turned out because it was pretty true to who we are.” And it was during disBAND that the group changed their name from ‘Pumps’ to ‘San Sebastian.’ “It was Sean who always liked the name - it was his favourite Spanish football team, and we went through about a hundred names, and found the one that everyone hated the least, I guess.” Before disBAND, the group got together after splitting apart from other bands. Greg talked to Brodie, and both of their brothers got involved. After they lost their initial drummer, Ted signed on and they “started jamming together.” Veerman talks about the influence of the Hamilton music scene, and mentions how the number of bands “form a really great, supportive community, where we all know each other, play together and help each other out.” They’re good friends with the Arkells: “they’re really supportive, and help us bounce ideas off each other. They’re already very success-

ful, so it’s always a good thing to know them and to play with them.” Since disBAND, they’ve released the album Relations in October 2011, put out three music videos (including the hilariously popular video for their single, “Say I’m Alright”) and toured all over Canada. Their favourite city? “Hamilton ends up being the best show because friends and fans show up - but it’s also the most stressful one because it’s always a comeback show; but when you play it’s super fun and it ends up being the best one. Outside Hamilton? Thunder Bay, Saskatoon, Kingston, Vancouver - anywhere can be a really good time. Thunder Bay, maybe, if I had to choose.” Now, they’re looking to the future. Veerman mentions how “we have a bunch of songs, and we’ve put a few out recently. We’re messing around, toying with something more fresh.” Look for San Sebastian this coming April 14th at Club Absinthe in downtown Hamilton. • Palika Kohli

reel short reviews

thursday, april 4, 2013

very bad things

lady vengeance

santa sangre

observe and report


This was the first film to introduce me to the genre of “black comedy”. It’s been an endless love affair ever since. About a decade later, and it still cracks me up. This is a savage and violent film with laughs derived from some pretty sinister situations. Could be called the “feel-bad comedy” of the century”.

Viciously black humour, compelling drama, inventive storytelling, rich cinematography, baroque music. Besides some uneven jokes, what’s not to like? My favourite out of Park Chan-Wook’s Vengeance trilogy.

Possibly Jodorowsky’s best and most lucid film. Not flawless, but mostly brilliant. A serial killer thriller with a demented art house twist, and religious symbolism.

Or as I liked to call it, “The Dark Mall Cop”. It hit all the right notes for me. Seth Rogen delivers a hilarious performance as a bi-polar, ultra-violent mall cop. Not as dark, offensive or disturbing as it was lambasted for being when it was released, but definitely goes to some bold places.

Imagine your favourite childhood movie about talking animals, but a dark comedy focused on a sociopathic bull terrier. A mordant piece of French cheese.

(darkly comic hidden gems)

thaddeus awotunde, video editor

BAND TOGETHER PROJECT: hamilton artists recieve $1000 to fund a music video Hamilton’s arts community has expanded in the last few years, and newcomers CoBALT Connects offer an important program to contribute to this development. Jeremy Freiburger founded the company in 2005, and it was called The Imperial Cotton Centre for the Arts (ICCA) until early last year, when it rebranded. The non-profit organization focuses on services for local artists. Their mission statement is to utilize creativity as a way to develop a strong economy and positive community identity. The organization divides itself into three programs: spaces, which focuses on creating hubs for artists and entrepreneurs, consultation, which works with governments and organizations to align and impact creative communities, and exchange, which facilitates the sharing of ideas, resources and knowledge between artists. Through these creative programs, the organization has created the Band Together project. The goal of this project is to give local musicians and filmmakers an easier way to gain funding for music videos. Submissions were received from 19 local teams, and the winners were elected through a jury process. With support from the Ontario Arts Council, each winning team is given $1000 as a grant towards their video production. The funds help cover equipment, venue rentals and other professional costs while CoBALT provides additional support through planning, production and promotional assistance. The program began last fall, and the results of each team will be showcased at the Lyric Theatre on King Street downtown while also featuring performances from all the bands involved. The event will be held Thursday, April 18th and will feature the following videos: • “Who Knows” by The Rest, directed by Lee Skinner • “Anchor Me Down” by Katie Bulley (formerly of the Barettas) directed by Ryan Furlong of Fenian Films • “Rise The Falling Sun” by Pete Van Dyk and the Second Hand Band, directed by James Maunder • “Kit Kat” by Haolin Munk, directed by BE&ME Productions. • Kyle Fisher

haolin munk rehearses for their shoot

c6 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

thursday, april 4, 2013

about the mind explores the philosophy of life

Endoscopic Vanitas By: Shaun Gladwell

As you enter the McMaster Museum of Art (MMA) and begin to explore the exhibition About the Mind, you are encountered with a dilemma similar to the one faced by Keanu Reeves in The Matrix: will you choose the blue pill and stay within a fabricated reality or instead take the red pill and escape the Matrix into the “real world”? About the Mind features the work of five internationally acclaimed visual artists and incorporates the continuing debate on theories of the mind including philosophical, psychoanalytical and forensic approaches. Each work in the exhibition poses a different question about the concepts of reality, truth and existence, deliberately taking the viewer into an uncomfortable place within his or her own mind. Are we living inside a fake reality? In creating Platon’s Mirror, artist Mischa Kuball was influenced by Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. Kuball encourages us to consider the reality of the things we see and to acknowledge our feelings about the things we cannot see. Within the philosophical environment of Platon’s Mirror, the viewer attempts to distinguish tangible images from among dancing layers of light. But the images are unclear and blurred, challenging the viewer to expand their mind beyond their definition of reality. What is truth? Trained and licensed in lie detector operation, Paulette Phillips conducted over 230 interviews in an attempt to

archive the art world for her work entitled The Directed Lie. Prior to viewing each interview, we are made aware that participants are untruthful when answering certain questions, many of which are deeply personal. But we aren’t told which questions are answered truthfully and which are lies. We are left intrigued, attempting to read each participant’s body language, listening for a quiver of uncertainty, searching for the truth. How many of us really want to know what’s going on inside our head? Shaun Gladwell’s Endoscopic Vanitas incorporates a live endoscopic camera which probes a rotating human skull and projects the image onto a video screen. In viewing the piece, we are provided with the opportunity to witness the inner-workings of a vacant skull, a place in which memories, thoughts and ideas once resided. Once the site of our consciousness, the skull is now empty, placed on display to be looked at and analyzed. Vanitas, as a genre of still-life painting, is symbolic of the inevitability of death and the vanity of earthly achievements and pleasures. Not only are we faced with the loss of consciousness – this work also challenges our understanding of death and morality. How do we conjure memories? Wyn Geleynse’s piece Untitled considers the way in which cultural artifacts such as films and photographs conjure the psychological spaces of memory and evoke a

nostalgic response. The work consists of a miniature gallery space, a sort of “modeled experience,” incorporating both film and sound. The viewer is able to physically interact with the work, taking each person beyond the confines of a typical gallery space. For every individual, the sounds and images conjure up different memories, bringing to light how one space can hold multiple meanings and multiple realities. How does technology help shape our individual realities? David Harris Smith, an artist and assistant professor in the Department of Communication Studies and Multimedia at McMaster University, created a non-intrusive robot called my kulturBOT 1.0 for the exhibition. The robot quietly glides through the gallery space, reviewing each work and relaying text-captioned photos of its point of view on the displayed works via Facebook and Twitter. This work not only mimics our social media-driven culture, but also questions the relationship between humans and technology. Each of our realities is now entrenched in technology, driven and shaped by it – a result of our thirst for innovation. But what happens when technology begins to mimic our behaviour, when a robot tweets about this exhibition instead of us? • Dominika Jakubiec

thursday, april 4, 2013

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • c7

Album: In Love Artist: Peace

Album: My Shame is True Artist: The Alkaline Trio

Album: Trap Back 2 Artist: Gucci Mane

Worchester-based band Peace has been making headlines in the UK, appearing in the BBC’s “Sound of 2013” poll and receiving early critical acclaim from publications including NME and The Guardian. Peace’s debut album In Love lives up to all the early hype and delivers ten tracks of invigorating youthfulness. Listening to In Love feels like falling in love – there’s the rush of emotion and the promise of adventure. This blast of energy is best seen on the infectious songs “Lovesick” and the lead single “Wraith”. Both of these songs contain choruses that are sure to be imbedded in your head for days. Although a feeling of youth is all over In Love, what makes it stand apart from similar albums is the maturity of the song writing. Verses are well structured and choruses are aptly placed and repeated the perfect number of times. This maturity is best seen on closer “California Daze”, which layers Beach Boys-like vocals overtop of trance-inducing guitar riffs. On In Love, Peace makes their mark by contextualizing themselves in music history by taking a note from one of the greats, Oasis. Oasis was notable for making musical references (almost too blatantly) to their idols, which Peace does on multiple songs. “Follow Baby” references Oasis’ “Live Forever” and “Waste of Paint” is a musical nod to Blur’s “There’s No Other Way”. Some detractors might see this as a lack of ingenuity, but Peace is bursting with creativity and fresh ideas on every track of In Love. Although much in music is uncertain, at least one thing’s for sure: if Peace continues on this path, their own (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? won’t be too far around the corner.

On My Shame is True¸ Alkaline Trio show why they have been a major player in the Chicago hardcore scene for almost 17 years. On their first album since 2010’s acoustic-tinged Damnesia, Alkaline Trio displays no sign of losing energy or the ability to write darkened, bleak lyrics. My Shame is True finds the Trio fixing the flaws that were present on their last full effort, This Addiction. Gone are the gimmicky 80’s synthesizers and trumpets; simple driving bass-lines and attacking barre chords are back in the forefront. This is necessary because it is in this simplicity where Alkaline Trio thrives; simple, infectious melodies that compel you to sing along with their lyrics of death and depression. The melodies are highly developed on My Shame is True and are best displayed on the tracks “I’m Only Here to Disappoint” and the lead single “I Wanna Be A Warhol”. Alkaline Trio have two solid lead vocalists and songwriters in Dan Andriano and Matt Skiba, but what’s really great is when they work together, like on “She Lied to the FBI”, where the harmonized vocals are done perfectly. To further strengthen the vocal talent on My Shame Is True, Alkaline Trio recruited Tim McIlrath (of Rise Against) for the hardcore tinged “I, Pessimist” and Brendan Kelly (of the Lawrence Arms) on “I Wanna Be a Warhol”. Both of these guest vocals are done tastefully and the former track, “I, Pessimist”, is a brilliant back-and-forth punk duet. The major drawback to My Shame is True is that it loses the interest of the listener at the half-way mark. Although the first half of the album is strong, the latter tracks drag on, producing few memorable moments. At times the songs become difficult to differentiate, but Alkaline Trio have still produced a handful of highly successful songs and continue to find relevance in today’s scene 17 years later.

Gucci Mane has had some ups and downs with fulllength releases and singles. His mumbling, over-used metaphors and references to food are what make him Gucci Mane. Some people love it and others hate it. It’s unclear whether he is trying to stay relevant in the current rap game or trying to showcase his talent with the many mixtape releases, but the most recent lacks the qualities present in his first installment of Trap Back. Trap Back 2 at first seems similar to other Gucci Mane mixtapes – there’s the memorable intro by DJ Holiday screaming in your ears, the beats are as heavy as possible, and the lyrics still focus on food and are occasionally incomprehensible. But it seems like so much less effort was put into this mixtape than the first. Songs like “Thirsty” and “James Worthy” sound like Gucci Mane has lost interest in his own songs. They’re boring and not clever. You can tell that ambition is lacking on Trap Back 2. Gucci Mane hasn’t been able to continue providing masterpieces like the ones from early in his career, and it seems like he’s on a slippery slope. Trap Back 3, his next project coming out in July, will prove weather Trap Back 2 was minor bump in the road or if it’s the new Big Guwop.

Spencer Jones

Sonya Kahlon

Spencer Jones

andy’s LAST album reviews

c8 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

thursday, april 4, 2013

that time I met vampire weekend

Normally, most people develop a healthy liking for a band that stretches from their angst-ridden teenage years to when they’re married, with children, and no longer make have time to listen to music. In opposition, a select group of fans let their mild affection evolve from a weekend pastime to a deep-rooted infatuation that pervades every waking hour. These members of society have been somewhat derogatorily dubbed fangirls/fanboys. I have been an unabashed Vampire Weekend fanboy since 2009. Step into my room and you will be hardpressed to find a patch of wall that is not plastered with computer printouts, show posters, and album art. Browse through my record collection, and you’ll chance upon the givens — the self-titled debut, Contra, and soon-to-bereleased Modern Vampires of The City (on white vinyl, natch) —along with some rare finds like their early singles “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” and “The Kids Don’t Stand A Chance” on yellow and white seven-inch vinyl, respectively. I can rap bar for bar with lead singer, Ezra Koenig, on all the tracks from his short-lived rap group, L’Homme Run. I’m even friends with Bryn on Facebook — yes, the namesake of track seven on their first record. Forget the Beatles. Ezra, Rostam, Baio, and CT are my Fab Four. So when I heard that Ez and Rostam would be appearing on Much Music on March 25, I effectively retained as much of my graceful composure as a Jane Austen heroine. That is to say, none at all, but I managed to pull myself together long enough to email the event coordinator and reserve my seats. After revelling in the news with some fellow V-Dubz fans, I praised my luck. Having been counting down the minutes until their show on May 16, I had been expecting to see them soon, but not “less-than-a-week” soon. The following days passed in a blur and I suddenly found myself in Toronto, Sharpie and boundless optimism in tow. Each street corner was turned with the hope that I’d stumble upon two of my heroes, but fate had other plans. Although currently struggling under the megalomaniacal tyrant Rob Ford, Toronto seemed like a better place

that day due to the fact that half of VW was somewhere amidst the depths of the impersonal concrete jungle. Sheer adrenaline must have played a part in making time move faster, because the next thing I knew I was being shepherded into the studio along with droves of other fans, the majority of them female. The co-ordinator had told me that one’s place in the audience was not determined by one’s place in line. Confused, I soon realized that the studio crew held full control and tried to place an even number of girls and guys in the cameras’ view. Given the lack of males, I was planted firmly behind the couch, which meant I’d be admiring the back of my favourite musicians’ heads. My fortunes changed when the director was picking out members of the audience to ask questions on air. I raised my hand without hesitation, already with two ideas in mind, and my eagerness was rewarded with a coveted spot on the couch, facing the interviewees. To pass time, I got to know the other fans on the couch while fretfully going over the question I had in mind so that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself on national television. My first instinct was to poke fun at the plentiful lyrical references to fire on the new tracks and ask if they had been reading Dante’s Inferno in the studio, but then I remembered my friend had been pestering the band as to whether a banjo would find its way onto MVOTC and decided to humour her. After the director handed me a microphone and wished me good luck, my heart went into my mouth and I realized that we were about to go live. I vacuously listened to the VJ go through his motions before finally introducing Vampire Weekend. Craning my neck, I spotted Ez and Rostam high-fiving their way through a makeshift human tunnel and emerge to sonorous applause. As trivial as it may sound, I was dumbfounded by their presence a mere six feet away. I tried to take a picture with my phone, but was shaking so hard that the result was a hazy blur. After five minutes of listening to the two discuss details of the new album, I felt more lucid and was ready when the VJ broke off his interview to say

“We have an audience question from Tomi in the crowd, huge Vampire Weekend fan, what do you wanna ask them, Tomi?” I cleared my throat, but my voice rose about five octaves as it so often does when I become anxious. With the nasal tone of a prepubescent 11 year-old, I asked, “Hi, I was wondering if you could reveal which song on LP3 would be featuring a banjo?” Perhaps to soothe my nerves, Ezra replied untruthfully, “Good question.” Smiling demurely, Rostam took the reins from there and said, “Well, it’s pretty subtle, but it’s the song ‘Hannah Hunt’ and it comes in on the second verse of the song.” That satisfied me to no end, and apparently the show too, as they cut to a commercial soon afterwards. This is where I had to pinch myself to ensure I wasn’t dreaming. After putting down his microphone, Ezra languidly rose from the couch and strode over to where I was sitting. With his lanky arm outstretched, he shook my hand and said, “Hey Tomi, I recognize you from Twitter” (note: I’ve had a few interactions with him on the social network). Wide-eyed, I looked at Rostam, who nodded and said with a smile, “Hey, Tomi”. Not missing a beat, Ezra began talking to me about their last show in Toronto on Sept. 7, 2010. I was shocked to hear that he remembered almost as much of it as I did; from when he rapped T-Pain’s line about Toronto condos on “Can’t Believe It” before launching into “California English”, to the guy in the Cheers shirt. As there were many more people waiting for a chance to meet the two, I settled for a quick picture with them using my disposable camera before saying my goodbyes (rather regretfully, I might add). Though the film remains undeveloped, I already have a place of honour reserved on my wall for the special photo. As Ezra sings on “Ya Hey”, I’ll ride with Vampire Weekend “through the fire, and through the flames.” •

Tomi Milos







most offensive things

in the world

15 Comic SANS don’t want

The font we

We‛re sorry. It‛s not very humane to start the list with something so universally offensive, but it had to be done. Since the dawn of time, man has strived to find the perfect mix of obnoxious and soul-crushing, and that time came in 1994. The prince of darkness himself, Vincent Connare, created this atrocity for mass misconsumption, and misconsume they did, as Comic Sans took off as the weapon of choice for the elderly, stupid and blind. While shunned by 99.9% of the free-thinking population of Earth, it can still be seen today in dry cleaner advertisements and

discount greeting cards, and it is commonly assumed to be Satan‛s own handwriting. There was a time and place for Comic Sans, but that time ended as soon as we opened our eyes. Honourable mentions go out to Hobo Std, Coppergate Gothic Bold and Old English for being fonts that only serve as a crutch for those that have no idea what they are doing, or why they were doing it. Besides, your parents would be happier if you settled down with a nice font like Myriad or Calibri. But not Times New Roman; she gets around.


make it stop.

14 warm Beer 13 RUBBING silverware makes the BRAIN-NUMBING sound

They say that life is only as good as your last beer. If that is true, then my life is tepid, unsatisfying and eight tenths of a full pint. Not to be confused with beer that was served cold but grew lukewarm after minutes of negligence, this dishonour goes out exclusively to ales that hit the table simmering. There must have been some kind of miscommunication when Moses brought down the Ten Commandments from Mt. Sinai because I’m fairly certain that serving warm beer to a paying customer should be a mortal, cardinal and even social sin. This would be higher up on the list, but beer is still beer, I guess. But I’ll be damned if I don’t drink it without putting up one hell of a fuss.

Nails on a chalkboard can go fuck themselves. This is the real hell. On the eighth day, after God was done resting, he decided to make it damn near impossible to eat a meal without hearing the siren sound of pure, unfiltered terror. The sound metal utensils make is the reason the sanest among us decided to invent plastic spoons, forks and knives. Picnics be damned (they were #16 and just barely got cut off the list). If it wasn’t so socially unacceptable to eat regular meals with plastics, I would never look back. Sometimes when I shut my eyes I can hear the distant, scraping sounds coming closer and closer. The only release is death, but sometimes I fear even then I would be subject to an eternity of the scrape, scrape, scrape.

I don’t mean to ruffle any feathers, but lifting isn’t as impressive as your bird-brained ass seems to think. I mean, it is physically impressive − that is not being contested. I sure as hell couldn’t lift your fat ass over my head if I wanted to, nor could I pull a car in one of many unwatched strongman competitions. But here’s the thing: we invented an engine so we wouldn’t have to, buddy. I also don’t think girls are all too wowed when you claim you can bench all 90 pounds of them. I’m sure that will come in handy when, well, actually, there isn’t even a theoretical scenario I can imagine it being useful. Your move, meathead.


12 LIFTERS EVEN? 11 courtesy Do YOU

Whatever happened to being selfish? Nothing irks me more than some self-satisfied smug asshole holding a door for me even three or four metres away. What’s your problem, man? I yearn for a time when courtesy is more uncommon than anything else, and people show their true colours instead of putting on a smile for society while helping that 70-year old up the stairs. She has legs, dick. Life is hard enough without having to match people tit-fortat on every single “bless you,” “thanks” and bummed cigarette. I’m only nice to people because they set that precedent. Also strangers who say “hello” randomly. You’re the worst.

10 VEGETARIANISM “This isn’t food. This is what food eats.” Vegetarianism is slowly corrupting our youth, teaching them that it is okay to squander your spot on the food chain. Our ancestors fought tooth and nail to secure our place on the top, and this was before it became trivial to wipe out an entire species. That kind of feat today is usually done by accident. It is a disease in that it progresses in severity as times goes on. Vegetarianism eventually develops into

veganism and one day evolves into a hybrid with the gluten-free parasite. It is not uncommon for the disease to mutate into pescetarianism when the fairweather gene is strong in infected subjects. I don’t blame the victims of course. They are helpless in the outbreak, mere bystanders in a biological world war. It has already taken many and won’t stop until there is a Whole Foods on every street corner, unless we band together and start eating everything that moves.

The disease,

not the


9 Taylor SWIFT There’s only one Swift I trust, and that’s the one that wrote Gulliver’s Travels. Taylor has taken a seemingly innocuous and pleasant genre of music and somehow injected a metric tonne of emo into it, a feat that she shall never be forgiven for. Added to the fact that her laundry list of ex-boyfriends is a defacto collection of the nicest people to ever grace this shitty planet. It must take a real heartless individual to break up or be broken up with Jake Gyllenhaal. Frankly, I can’t even think of a suitable punishment for her. I




imagine being her is punishment enough on a day-to-day basis, but I want to go a step beyond that and embark on a year-long con in which I win her affections, start a family with her and we can grow old together. Fast forward to five or six beautiful decades together, after our kids have kids of their own but before incontinence takes hold of me and never lets go, I’ll take a steamer in our bed and dissappear into the night. She’d never see it coming. Barring that, I guess I can stop buying all her CD’s, but damn they are catchy as all hell. Plus her eyes are weird.

The great debate: SOGGY or not soggy cinnamon toast crunch I can see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch. It’s because it has created a debate in the cereo-academic community as to the quality of the cereal in one state versus another. A great indecision has been met, in whether the cereal tastes better soggy or just-poured. The two parties are staunch in their beliefs, unwavering in their wholewheat conviction. The presog camp argues that the cinnamon swirls are only

truly appreiciated in their untainted, unaltered, virgin state. Alternatively, postsog advocates are fervent in their desire to eat an improved product that is not akin to “stale shards of goat shit.” In an effort to settle the debate, both sides turned to the wisdom of Cinnamon Toast Crunch experts: kids everywhere. Results were inconclusive as kids are snot-nosed little shits that can’t give you a straight answer if you ask for the

time of day. In a last-ditch attempt at closure, a mix was created of soggy and non-soggy cereal, and after being tasted by both sides, a decision was reached. They unanimously decided to continue fighting because “grey areas are for old fucks. Cereal eaters only deal in absolutes.” Oh right, it is on this list because I personally dislike cereal overall. Nothing against it really, I just think real men eat bacon for breakfast.


bathroom etiquette not to be a dick about it, violators but it’s probably you

Unspoken rules can be really shitty at times. But sometimes they exist to protect a greater peace among the god-fearing populace. Some of such rules reinforce proper manners in a public bathroom environment, and as with any rule, there are those that will scoff at them, throwing caution (and urine) to the wind. You know who you are. You’re the guy who comes and stands in the urinal beside mine when there are at least three outside my personal pee space. You’re the guy who has phone conversations while taking a dump in the next stall. You’re the girl who freaks out when I take too long to fix my make-up. Life’s hard enough as is, so stop fucking with my shit. Literally.

6Slow people If you walk slower than me on the sidewalk, please die. There is, of course, room for exception for those benevolent individuals who stay to one side and walk in single file in small groups, but you, me and Irene all know that is never the case. Society functions on a very thin thread of expectations and nuances, and when one person decides that “snail’s pace” is their theme of the day, it ruins it for the rest of us tax-paying, teethbrushing citizens. I propose federally-mandated walking speed minimums to help expedite the everyday to-and-fro. We can even paint lanes on the sidewalk to help out speedsters. If you violate those minimums? God help you.


If you don’t post this on at least 8 other videos before you sleep tonight a large black man will come and offer you a job at Applebee’s.

Like dis if you are listening in the year of our lord 2013!!!


jag war2348762 Actually you’re both wrong. It wasn’t until 1967 that the vote became a legitimate issue in the public sphere. Only after that people decided that the ratification was a pressing issue to the populace at large. Britney Spears has nothing to do with

What the fuck. I mean, really, I can’t fully comprehend what exact species of human beings propagate the YouTube comments section, but it is definately not homo sapien. It is an odd array of political debates, chain letters, rampant racism and psychopathy. Logic has no place here, nor does comprehension, grammar or sanity. This is the end of all things. Come see the true face of humanity, but don’t stare.

yeah, whatever.

No really, it’s okay. Just take the last samosa, it’s not a big deal, I’ll grab something else to eat. Did your Internet go down by the way? I notice you didn’t tell me what you thought of my screenplay yet. Must be tough. Oh I’m sure you didn’t mean to confuse it with sarcasm. Passive aggression is a totally different thing and you totally know that. I wouldn’t say it’s the worst thing in the world, but I don’t see anyone else saying otherwise. Just saying. A person like you would never stoop so low as to hide your real feelings with indirect manipulation while saving yourself from direct consequences, right? Awesome. I didn’t think so.

2PRIDe shit yeah this is some heavy

3 Pringles can the


PASSIVE Aggression

I hope you burn in hell, Dr. Fredric J. Baur. For the unacquainted, the late Dr. Baur was the inventor of the now infamous Pringles can, the very same can which eludes human-sized fists round the world. Here is a list of things that can fit inside a regulation-size can: six hotdogs, three-tenths of an adult cat,

a week’s worth of defecation. Notice what is not on that list? A goddamn regular hand. Was this product exclusively designed for children and monkey owners? I hope a circle of hell exists purely for the person responsible for letting this atrocity run rampant for over 43 years. If not, I’ll be sure to start one.

And I mean like all forms of pride too. nationalism, patriotism, RELigious, basically anything that ends in -ism or inspires people to elevate themselves above others. Dicks.

It’s one of the seven deadly sins, so listen up. That’s how serious this is getting. No more playing around with lukewarm pints and overrated country singers. This is showtime. Save for the number one most offensive thing in the world (coming up shortly), this is the stuff that grinds those gears everyone is always talking about. It’s difficult to pick which pride is worst. Religious is pretty bad, people dying and all that I guess. Same goes for national pride, too, since no war ever

started over anything other than land, at the core of it. No, the real worst pride, in my humble and modest opinion, is regular everyday smug pride. The kind you see in a grocery store when someone is “too good” to buy off-brand ketchup because they wouldn’t be caught dead eating the same basic product out of a cheaper-looking bottle. Basically, hipsters take this kind of thinking and apply it to every facet of life, firmly cementing them as the secondworst thing to ever exist on the face of the earth, ever.


1Your Mom, Every stereotype starts somewhere, and this one started with your mom. Because she’s so fat, dumb and promiscuous of course. I once heard she went skydiving and created the Grand Canyon, not long after she went outside with a bowl and spoon because she heard it was chilly. It wouldn’t be presumptuous to say that she is probably the reason that every bad thing happened, ever. Yes, even including the other 14 things on this list. All her fault, I swear. This isn’t even indicative of moms everywhere; that would be entirely wrong. This is a personal appeal to you to get your mom the help she desperately needs. Cause when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.

0 You

your mom

I lied, the actual most offensive thing in the world is you. That’s how bad you are. We had to go above and beyond the recommended 15 items on the list to make sure you were front and center baby. Your mom is only on the list for the sole crime of having created you, all those rotten years ago. And once more you are inside of her. I can’t even begin to explain the things you’ve done, but by Jove they are terrible. Pretty much everything you have ever done has made someone else’s life worse for wear. Thanks a lot, asshole.

“ even the immortal sean connery thinks so!

whatta bitch!

What did you learn this week, Timmy? “The people most likely to be offended by stereotypes are the ones who most perfectly fit them.�

The Silhouette - April 4, 2013  

The April 4, 2013 edition of the Silhouette with a special Hamilton Speculator insert

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