FALL 2019
GENERATIONAL CURSES: THE FAMILY TIES THAT BIND JOELLE BAYAA-UZURI
I grew up with three parents, my two biological parents and a step father, and I can say that I wasn’t, for the most part, and have never felt favored by any of the three. Now, I’ve had moments where I had “my time” with my parents, but I haven’t had any time 20
with my parents that developed into a unique and special child-parent relationship. Now, in hindsight, I know that it has to do with my own parents’ parents (my mom’s parents were distant, toxic and emotionless; treating my mother like she was the black sheep, and my dad’s parents were typical of older Jamaicans) but that doesn’t make it any easier. Growing up, my parents, my physically and mentally abusive dad and my distant mother, were too busy enthralled in their volatile and violent marriage, ugly divorce, and then themselves to truly and effectively parent. I grew up in a household where love was not freely expressed, it was something done. Hugs, kisses, and expressions of love were mostly absent, with the proclamations instead being what was done for us. Love was less about affection and emotion growing up and about things and what was being done. Albeit a short time in my youth growing up with my stepdad, I never had a close relationship with my parents. At best,
Photo Credit: Courtesy of Joelle Bayaa-Uzuri
Every Wednesday I wake up and do my morning routine while listening to the ‘BadChickMisfit’ Podcast; a podcast by two St. Louis Black Women which, among many things, accesses with candor and humor the intersectionality of black women as well as current social and cultural issues. This past week, the show delved into toxic parents, which is a topic very taboo amongst the African-American community. Within the black community, there is an unwritten rule within black families that we don’t “air out our dirty laundry.” We have been conditioned that unit at large. We were told that maintaining the status quo is more important than accountability, healing, and moving forward. The podcast quoted a popular online blogger, XONecole’s recent article on toxic parents, and repeated a quote often said during their podcast shows when dissecting behavior patterns: Broken People break people. (L., 2018) Listening to this podcast and the recent shift into openness concerning the black family experience moves to me open up about my own familial journey, past and present, and how it shapes and continues to shape me. own “tough on crime” early politics affecting Newark’s black and brown communities has come back to haunt him as well.
