Q26 Magazine Fall 2019 Season

S AVA N N A H WA R D Vol. I

Issue 2

Fall 2019

FALL 2019

Table of Contents 05

Hispanic Heritage Month Elisa Ponce

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Streetwear’s Problem With Queerness Joelle Bayaa-Uzuri

10

Artist and the DJ

31

Who We’re Watching

Poem: I Am A Woman

37

Poetry: Shitty Childhood Friends Alexandra Bender

Tatiana Andrea

Elizabeth Tzagournis 22

27

Joelle Bayaa-Uzuri

Interview With An Artist: Nina Boone

Natalie Maldonado 17

Identity Politics

Jasmine Lowe

Jasmine Lowe 13

24

The Offerings of the L.A. LGBT Center Natalie Maldonado

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Cover: Savannah Ward Outset alum , screenwriter, and producer talks persistence and the importance of believing in your own voice and abilities

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20 Glow-up: The Mahogany Project Inc Generational Curse

30 Queer Spaces: Druid Heights

08 Glow-up: Flavia

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Hello & Welcome!

Usually, the Editor's letter is a full page of greetings, summaries, and well wishes. But considering that it's October, I'm going to pull a Dumbledore and first say a few words: meringue. pink. balenciaga.

But seriously, I do hope you enjoy this second issue of ours.

A lot of hard work and heart went into this publication.

I hope that you learn something new - and find a new obsession.

I hope that reading this issue inspires you to continue practicing your own craft.

I hope it gives you the confidence to promote yourself, to be proud of who you are and let the world know.

Shine on babes.

Camille Ora-Nicole Founder/Creative Director

FALL 2019

ON THE RISE ELISA PONCE

This world we live in, shit be depressing, got people stressing.

All thanks to some shitty President, with all these absurd regulations.

For example, the one with Immigration. Innocent children living in cages.

He does anything against Latinos, with no hesitation.

LOVE ALL RACES Latinos on the muthafuckin’ rise, don’t be surprised.

- Highlyme_

Elisa Ponce, 21 L.A. based Latina, cannabis advocate. passionate about music, and poetry.

Hispanic Heritage has many beautiful backgrounds.

Photo Credit: Laura Vinck, Unsplash.com

From delicious food, different races, countries, and cultures. All beautiful, in different ways.

What makes me proud of my Hispanic Heritage, is the generations before us, that struggled to provide for their loved ones, just so they can live the “American Dream” It’s being a Mexican-American, living in one culture, but at the same time being rooted in another one.

It’s being LATINA.

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FALL 2019

STREET FASHION’S PROBLEM WITH QUEERNESS

Working in the fashion industry, my fashion roots have never been in high fashion.

While I have always had an appreciation for the avante garde, my true love and passion has always been street fashion and urbanwear.

Growing up, I always had more of a love for Baby Phat and the Rocawear as opposed to Chanel and Prada. As I began working within fashion, I saw that as a black trans woman, street fashion didn’t have much love for me.

its development. From the designers and heads of the fashion houses to other roles such as photographers, stylists, fashion editors, and PRs, queer people have more than contributed to the fashion’s growth. Now, with the industry’s vast scope, and many different categories, areas have been able to grow that aren’t as LGBTQ-friendly.

Street fashion’s roots exist within the sub-skateboarding and hip-hop cultures.

Those two groups created their own style and

The fashion world, as a whole, is fashion movement as a result of class and known to be a safe space for LGBTQ people. racial bias targeted against the marginalized The queer community has literally built the youth comprising of the groups. Their unique fashion industry and has had integral parts of clothing and style were worn and used as a 6

Photo Credit: Supremelysab, Unsplash.com

JOELLE BAYAA-UZURI

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visual expression of their identity and a way to identify others within the culture. With media outlets (TV stations such as MTV and BET in the 90s, as well as YouTube, SnapChat, and Instagram in the 2000’s) helping to contribute to the explosion of street fashion onto the fashion scene, soon the culture was front and center for the world to digest.

Many working within street fashion tend to downplay or keep their sexual orientation private to avoid being shunned, blacklisted, or worse.

In the current social-media obsessed world, street fashion professionals who have come out as queer or queer-friendly are often cyber-bullied beyond reproach.

How do we fix it? It’s a question that is easier asked than answered. The key is to change the narrative that there are no queer people within the hip-hop community and street fashion. LGBTQ people exist within every community and social group, and the hip-hop community is no exception (especially at the intersection of hip-hop culture and fashion.) Within street fashion, we have to normalize the LGBTQ people within it and give them proper representation. Queer persons have certainly played a part in building this subculture, and positive representation would give a more realistic view to the world at large.

Hip-Hop culture, even as a representation of marginalized black and brown people, has always been notably homophobic, transphobic, and very antiLGBTQ. Hip-hop has never shied away from using homophobic slurs or denouncing any behavior that was not cis-heternormative.

Queer people are often mocked, ridiculed, threatened, or worse. And hip-hop’s street fashion, even coupled with the LGBTfriendly nature of the fashion industry, kept in line with hip-hop’s cultural stance.

Large, urban fashion companies are prone to backlash if they come out with any pro-LGBTQ apparel. Just last spring, Supreme, perhaps the biggest current street fashion brand with billion-dollar revenue, premiered a collaboration with legendary photographer Nan Goldin. The collaboration was to highlight and feature Goldin’s photography on Supreme shirts and hoodies. Some of the photos used for the collaboration included some of drag queens and trans-persons. The backlash was swift, and harsh; with transphobic comments haunting this collection to this day.

There are signs of change, as the same social-media world that has often bullied the queer people within the hip-hop community has also given them visibility and a platform to showcase their love for the culture. Instagram has become a tool to both easily view and showcase black and brown queer street fashion. Websites like Qwear Fashion show LGBTQ person’s interpretation of urban style.

Visibility and real representation are vital to change. And it is that reason why I will forever be that girl rocking her Baby Phat.

Hip-hop and street fashion continues to support the overall culture’s homophobic and transphobic attitude. While many queer designers and fashion professionals in the general fashion community can afford to be out and comfortable with their orientation and gender expression, those working within street fashion cannot be afforded that luxury.

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FLAVIA

THE GRAY SPACE AMONG THE RAINBOWS ELIZABETH TZAGOURNIS

I

Among all her accomplishments, Flavia said she is still finding herself and discovering where she exists within the gray space. Though she recognizes bisexual as her newfound identity, she said her identity is always shifting.

“We’re constantly trying to redefine what we’re calling ourselves,” Flavia said.

“When we’re in the gray space we feel like we’re lost because we don’t know who we are.

There’s no label for that.”

This has been a year of growth and new opportunities for Flavia. From coming out as bisexual through a Billboard Pride social media takeover, releasing queerinspired music and winning an international songwriting competition to performing during two of Los Angeles Pride’s official shows — Flavia’s 2019 is one that would make any artist proud.

The gray space is not only restricted to sexuality. Flavia said that she saw this occur within her own music.

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“My musical identity is the same

Photo Credit: Courtesy of Flavia

n a time where some feel defined or confined by labels, art offers a platform for fluidity of self-expression. Whether that fluidity materializes in gender representation, sexuality or the impact we have on our world, artist and musician Flavia has found herself in the gray space.

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where I’m slowly shifting and becoming this feel the difference when I’m playing queer chameleon,” she said. parties,” Flavia said. “There’s just such a kindred connection between us and it really is that sense

Flavia explores the idea of shifting of community. They want to support queer identities and sexuality in her own music. Her artists and queer artists want to be supported hit “Expectations” won the prestigious 2019 by queer humans.”

“The John Lennon Songwriting Contest” for best pop song and expands on that theme.

Flavia plans to continue creating queer art and discovering herself through that “Woke up with a pit in my gut process. She said she finds herself most honest when writing.

Staring at you but I don’t feel a thing “Things come out that I didn’t even realize I needed to say or that I was feeling so deep down,” Flavia said.

Am I tainted, broken or what? (Tainted, broken or what?)

‘Cause I cannot call you, ‘My King’

One surprising discovery has been her discovering empowerment and self-love through loving women.

Can’t turn the switch, can you handle it?

If I never want to be touched like this

“Discovering my feelings for women gave me so much power within myself,” Flavia said. “it was That everything is as it should be” only when I started liking women that I truly

“Society wants to label everything and realized how amazing women are and thus put it into these neat boxes because it’s easier for found my own inner power of how amazing I our brains to compartmentalize,” Flavia said. am as a woman.”

“The chorus is very much about expectations In addition to her award-winning single from society and expectations on myself to have “Expectations” she released “Does She Like It everything figured out, which just isn’t how life Rough?” on September 19. Her current project works.” lineup includes a full album, more queer music

Tryna turn the switch, tell myself always

videos, a documentary on what it means to be queer and an album release party that will feature different queer speakers, performers and artists.

The LA Pride stage was one place where Flavia’s music and sexuality could coexist harmoniously. Flavia counts her LA Pride experience as a newly out artist as one of her all-time favorite performances.

“Artists have been given this gift and with this gift comes a certain amount of

“For LA Pride I stood on stage and I kind of realized this was my first one and it was so special responsibility to share our feelings with the world,” Flavia said. “My mission in music is to to me,” Flavia said. “I’m still reeling from it.” take what I’m experiencing, to sort of swallow

One of the greatest takeaways was the it and spit it back out in a way that can help amount of love and support from her audience another person.” of “epic, queer human beings”. Flavia said she never felt more loved and accepted on any stage.

“People were just so excited. I really

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Q26 FALL 2019

INTERVIEW WITH AN ARTIST:

NINA BOONE

A

rtist, event operations manager, and music production coordinator, Nina Boone, has found a way to integrate her love of music and her passion for painting into her daily life. In between traveling with Zedd: Orbit Tour, Boone creates commissioned pieces for inquiring art-lovers. The creative mind mixes deep and meaningful messages, varying mediums, and different materials to showcase pieces that express layers of important topics that jumpstart discussions. However, no matter the medium, Boone uses the arts to tell stories, to start conversations, communicate how she is feeling in the moment, and to connect with the world around her.

Boone grew up in El Paso, Texas.

She moved to Los Angeles to attend a prominent music business program in 2009 that was the highest-rated among all of the schools in L.A. She worked as an intern while studying in college and always had a passion for music growing up in Texas.

Boone is classically trained in piano and taught herself various instruments over the years.

“I was originally interested in music production, but over time, I found myself working for music events, live events, music supervision, and music publishing,” Boone explained. “It was sort of a random path to where I am now, but I got to work for people who put together the Marvel's Guardians of

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Photo Credits: Photos courtesy of Nina Boone

JASMINE LOWE

the Galaxy soundtrack and for the woman who did the Pitch Perfect soundtrack. Becoming a festival production manager allowed me to implement my creativity and use logistics for festivals. Doing that has allowed me to focus a lot more on creating art.”

“I have a piece called ‘Hardwires Heart’ that I made for my friend Haley who is also from Texas,” said Boone. “I ended up making something with antlers. I thought it would be appropriate since we both have hard wiring that harnesses back to our hometowns. It was something that has always stuck with

Boone has continued this melding me ever since I met her, and we also have the of art and music into her professional life. same birthday. There are a lot of similarities As a contractor, she gets to choose work between us and our ties to back home. We're that allows her creativity to shine through both very for animal rights as well. There's multiple mediums. a lot of little things I think about when I'm

“I kind of like to integrate them,” creating art for other people, but as for my Boone said, referring to her interests in art own art, it is mostly related to me and what and music. “I try to take jobs that allowed I'm feeling in the moment.” me to be more creative and I'm pretty open

The personal pieces that she creates with whoever hires me that I have a creative for herself are often deeper representations background musically and with painting to of periods in her own life. She uses art to hopefully integrate those two things.” show others who she is, how she sees the

When Boone is not coordinating music world, and how some of her views may have festivals and concerts, she is commissioned changed over the years. to create personalized pieces for people from

“I have a piece that has really hit me all walks of life. She takes into consideration about how much change I've been through any desired colors but allows her imagination in just the past year alone,” said Boone. to write the rest of the story.

Q26 FALL 2019

“There are three heads in the piece, and on the right side, there's more gold flakes and a smaller head. It reminds me of the period in my life where I was more focused on obtaining financial stability. As I grew, I just realized that there's a whole lot more that I want to be involved with and what I want to do with my life. I found that financial stability is great, but it's not everything.”

Some of Boone’s pieces also reflect current events and political discourse. The pieces often act as a response to what may be happening in the news and use play within the fundamentals of art to share a message.

“’ Hear Me Roar’ is a piece that happened on one of those days when Trump just had a whole lot of things to say,” Boone continued. “I was reading stories about another black transgender woman being killed, and there were so many other things going on, and I just wanted to make something that portrayed what myself and everybody else must have been feeling inside.

I just wanted to shout and scream and make everybody listen to what’s going on while trying to make a difference and vocalize for those who can't. It's a pretty chaotic piece, but it's just also really colorful because our community is full of so much light.”

and I'm thankful I did because I'm that much more grateful. It's just worth being able to ask questions of people in the industry.”

When asked to share advice about jumping into the art world, she cited the online digital space as great aids for having a launching point to share work and becoming better connected with others who are interested in it.

“Don't underestimate what having something on Instagram or a website for you.

I know a lot of people are trying not to use social media now, but to be honest, without social media wouldn’t have been able to sell pieces that I did or put them on display for my friends and family who have also supported me and commissioned pieces.”

Boone went on to speak about staying humble when asked to share advice to people interested in entering the music industry.

“You can never be too humble.

Meaning that if there's a way to work out doing an internship, even if it just means enrolling at a community college track those hours. It's worth it doing an assistant job. You're never too good to do something. You should never see yourself as being too worthy of something if you've ever worked in that industry before.

I spent many years interning and many years being an assistant before I got to this place

Nina Boone plans on sharing a few pieces on her Instagram to help raise money for the shooting victims in her hometown of El Paso. She’s hoping interested parties will donate what they can to help. You can follow Nina Boone on her Instagram at @boonetobewild and keep up with her visual artwork at @ninakaurart.

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I AM A WOMAN NATALIE MALDONADO

I’m so tired of everything being a long process.

Just when I think I’ve gotten to the End of the line I step into another.

Waiting and Waiting and…

You’d think I’d be there by now.

I thought I had myself figured out.

I thought after the first big entrance into this world I’d be free to be me.

Instead I stepped out the front door into a mudroom.

Another barrier to cross over.

I know I know I know Life is a series of trials and tribulations, it’s not that things get better You just learn to handle it.

And I’ve been handling it.

The first time I came out that was it, just a confirmation and I was on my way.

This time it is so messed up.

This time I have to long jump, hurdle, and sprint my way through every event.

I have to change everything I was given, learn to walk, learn to talk

Photo Credit: Jean Carlo Emer, unsplash.com

Even cause pain to every follicle in my body, just to feel right.

I’m tired of waiting.

I’m tired of all the lines and the processes I’m tired of being viewed as a feminine man I’m ready.

I’m ready to wake up and greet the day as the woman I am I’m ready to be loved, cherished and appreciated as a woman.

I am a woman and I’m ready to wait as a woman.

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S A V A N N A H W A R D

Magic, witches, werewolves, and queer youth. Short films, “Hex Your Ex” which debuted during Outfest Los Angeles, and “Meta,” a Trans-narrative short in the works, use elements of the fantastical to tell important queer stories of love, loss, and identity. Writer, artist and creator, Savannah Ward, has helped tell these stories and continues to share rich and entertaining queer content on the big screen.

JASMINE LOWE

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Savannah Ward has always been attracted to the idea of telling amazing stories.

They knew from a young age that they wanted to follow their parents’ footsteps into the world of entertainment. They are a writer's assistant on a new NBC show called “Council of Dads,” and they are following their dream of telling the stories that they want to tell while involving the LGBTQ community.

many times to this program. You guys have denied me and this to my last chance. Give me this opportunity, and I won't let you guys down.’

I eventually made it into the program. I’m not sure if it was the speech or not, but I earned a spot in the Outset fellowship class of 2019.”

“I totally believe in making your own shit,” Ward explained.

“I forget that my voice is important, but everyone's voice truly does matter.

Although their story wasn’t picked up to be made into a film during the program, they were able to show off their skills organizing production and making sure things got done.

Ward was in charge of making sure that what was needed for the film fell into place during the allotted less than 12 hours that were given to shoot the piece.

Ward’s intention to work as a fellow in the Outset program was to work alongside other queer creatives, make connections, and

“Since I was a little kid one of my first tell queer stories. memories was of me with my parents with a

“I just wanted to be able to make some Charlie Brown Christmas playing on the TV,” queer filmmaker connections,” Ward explained. said Ward. “I got down from my father's lap and “One of the first jobs I had, I was at World of I pulled myself over to the TV screen. When Wonder production, working on RuPaul's drag Lucy was screaming at everyone and giving race and the community I felt while working direction, I pointed to her and I said, I want to do with queer people on TV shows was something that. I've just always been in the entertainment that I missed and have missed to this day. I felt industry, living in L.A., with both of my parents the need to find my own queer Rolodex because being producers. I went to school for writing I'm just a person that's comfortable with queer and producing and when I returned to Los people and I wanted to make sure that I could Angeles, I applied to the Outset program.” grow my career and be able to look back at people that I want to work with in the future.”

Photo Credit: Mo McFadden

It took a few tries before Ward was admitted to the program. However, the opportunity to work with the group of young creatives who presented their short films during Outfest Los Angeles almost didn’t happen.

“Last year I thought to myself, you know, this is my one opportunity to be in this program because I turned 24 this year and the cut off is 24. I got the interview, which I'd never gotten before,” said Ward. “So, I was like, okay, I'm making progress. When I was in the interview, I made a point to say, ‘Hey guys, I've applied

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“I have been—I've always been—a very bold writer and I did not tone down my rating for the program,” Ward continued. “I think my script was taken out very early because it was too expensive and not shoot-able for the 12hour shoot day that we get. We shoot five films and each film gets 12 hours, which in reality with set up and break down with a nine-hour shoot. And I wrote this sort of like really over the top prom story with like whole prosthetics, werewolf makeup. And I just think the mentors thought through this and how it was not going to work. I actually went on to be a producer on

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one of the films, ‘Hex Your Ex,’ which had a first-time director, Cassie Rubio, on it.”

The project Ward is working on now, “Meta,” will involve the story that they wrote initially for the Outset program.

“I've done a couple of rewrites of it now and my boss gave me a really good copy of notes,” said Ward. “I've definitely changed the emotional drives in a couple of things.”

When speaking about where they would like to be in five years Ward talked about expanding their current partnership with the director of their film into an LLC. They hope to continue working in the entertainment industry creating queer stories.

Ward’s advice for young professionals

“My director and I, we will one day entering the entertainment industry buy into an LLC., but we currently have like included being confident in oneself enough a small little production company called to go ahead and create their own art. Ward Dark Message. Our first project we shot right encourages people of all ages to share their out of college. I wrote it and she directed it. own stories and believe that everyone’s voice Her name is Sidney Horton, and it took two is important. years to edit because as a naive writer out “I totally believe in making your own of college, I wrote as every shot with effects shit,” Ward explained. “I forget that my voice in it, not realizing that that would take our is important, but everyone's voice truly does editor two years to finish. But that may matter. You can film a whole movie on your finish that earlier this year. Both Sidney and iPhone. Make that movie, practice reading I have some Virgo placements in our charts scripts over and over and over again and find and so we were both like, we think this film out what good writing is. Keep making stuff, is shitty, we don't think it’s good, but let's writing your scripts, collaborate, try things just submit it to a couple of festivals, and I out. Learn what it takes to make a film or a actually got into the LA shorts international TV show and then do it yourself. And then film festival. That premiered a week before someone will notice it and you'll get a job from it. Especially for queer kids. Don't be Outfest premiered.” afraid to make that queer story.”

“I think my five-year goal is to be in that community realm,” Ward continued.

“I really value collaboration, and film is the most collaborative artistry that we have. I am just someone who's thrived in a room pitching with everyone and beating the story 16

Photo Credit: Courtesy of Savannah Ward

out together. That is where I want to live. So right now, I'm just doing what I can to get into a room and start my career as a TV writer.”

FALL 2019

Tatiana Andrea: Representing Your Queer Through Art ELIZABETH TZAGOURNIS

Seeing yourself expressed in art is powerful. Depicting similarity in experiences and emotions can also bring people together.

The transformative nature of art seems to have been a part of society since the beginning of modern civilization. Tatiana Andrea is one such artist whose work represents her own life while offering a perspective that is relatable to many others.

Andrea is a global citizen, artist, event producer and queer woman. She also runs Instagram account @thatsmisslesbiantoyou.

Born in Chile, raised in Sweden and a current Los Angeles resident, Andrea said she has always been a creative. She started painting just a few years ago after being inspired by a friend and fellow artist.

“I have always had this artistic instinct since I was little,” she said. “Whether dancing or acting, I was very involved in the arts.”

Photo Credit: Courtesy of Tatiana Andrea

After finding her love of painting, Andrea said she realized that her artistic instinct was also a way of expressing her feelings. Within specific paintings, Andrea said you can see both moments where she was experiencing pain and moments she was experiencing joy.

“I got into a deep depression and art actually helped me bring out those emotions,” Andrea said. “Certain parts of the paintings are the happy.

Certain parts are the sadness…It was the same painting but you could see the whole process. It has so much emotional attachment to it.”

Rather than paint whenever she likes, Andrea said she must be inspired by the need to express something.

“I can’t be like ‘today I’m going to paint’.

It’s like today I woke up inspired and I have something I need to express. I feel almost 17

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anxious,” she said. “What really helps my flow is music. It’s not just any music but any music that directs my emotions in different ways depending [on] how I feel.”

As a painter, Andrea wanted a space to debut both her work and the work of other queer artists. This past Pride month, Andrea and her good friend Desi Ivanova hosted a queer artists event called “I Am Woman”. The event featured 21 queer female artists in the realms of music, film, comedy, photography and art. Their host venue, Non de Gen, was created as a space for LGBTQ people and their allies to share their art through theatrical events and experiences. Andrea said she was happy with the event turnout and enjoyed the encouraging atmosphere and positive energy.

“It was pretty cool to bring people from all different places to the love of art and creating this safe zone of judgments,” Andrea said. “So many people love the idea of empowering other people, especially in the queer community.”

Most of the event promotion was wordof-mouth and they plan to expand their next LA event, which is set for next year. Andrea said she has always been inspired by queer artists. Andrea identified Frida Kahlo in particular and the way she expressed herself through her art.

“What it means to be a gay artist is having someone to relate to,” Andrea said. “Being younger, I didn’t have a lot of gay celebrities…

I love being a queer artist and representing someone. Maybe someone can look at me and say ‘I love art’ and relate to me somehow.”

Using art to tell your personal story is Andrea’s best advice for finding yourself and connecting with others.

“Frida, to me, was the most famous queer artist. She was so free and open, especially during her time,” Andrea said.

“She wanted people to see her through her art — her pain, her vision, her situation.”

“Just tell your story. Tell your story in however it is,” she said. ”If it’s in film, if it’s in a painting, just tell your story.”

Kahlo encouraged Andrea that she too could use art for her own self-expression as a queer woman. In terms of subjects, Andrea said women are her inspiration. No matter if the woman is her mother, her sister or her best friend.

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Photo Credit: Alex Blajan, unsplash.com

The Mahogany Project Inc. is focused on promoting public education awareness and empowerment to individuals, families, and communities affected by HIV, mental health, social injustices, and hardships occurred living as a TLGB+ person, and/or other minorities. Our goal is to cultivate better ways of living and thinking in the Black and Brown communities.

IG: @themahoganyprojectinc The following article has been re-published with the permission of Joelle Bayaa-Uzuri from the Mahogany Project Inc. blog.

FALL 2019

GENERATIONAL CURSES: THE FAMILY TIES THAT BIND JOELLE BAYAA-UZURI

I grew up with three parents, my two biological parents and a step father, and I can say that I wasn’t, for the most part, and have never felt favored by any of the three. Now, I’ve had moments where I had “my time” with my parents, but I haven’t had any time 20

with my parents that developed into a unique and special child-parent relationship. Now, in hindsight, I know that it has to do with my own parents’ parents (my mom’s parents were distant, toxic and emotionless; treating my mother like she was the black sheep, and my dad’s parents were typical of older Jamaicans) but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Growing up, my parents, my physically and mentally abusive dad and my distant mother, were too busy enthralled in their volatile and violent marriage, ugly divorce, and then themselves to truly and effectively parent. I grew up in a household where love was not freely expressed, it was something done. Hugs, kisses, and expressions of love were mostly absent, with the proclamations instead being what was done for us. Love was less about affection and emotion growing up and about things and what was being done. Albeit a short time in my youth growing up with my stepdad, I never had a close relationship with my parents. At best,

Photo Credit: Courtesy of Joelle Bayaa-Uzuri

Every Wednesday I wake up and do my morning routine while listening to the ‘BadChickMisfit’ Podcast; a podcast by two St. Louis Black Women which, among many things, accesses with candor and humor the intersectionality of black women as well as current social and cultural issues. This past week, the show delved into toxic parents, which is a topic very taboo amongst the African-American community. Within the black community, there is an unwritten rule within black families that we don’t “air out our dirty laundry.” We have been conditioned that unit at large. We were told that maintaining the status quo is more important than accountability, healing, and moving forward.

The podcast quoted a popular online blogger, XONecole’s recent article on toxic parents, and repeated a quote often said during their podcast shows when dissecting behavior patterns: Broken People break people. (L., 2018) Listening to this podcast and the recent shift into openness concerning the black family experience moves to me open up about my own familial journey, past and present, and how it shapes and continues to shape me. own “tough on crime” early politics affecting Newark’s black and brown communities has come back to haunt him as well.

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What have I done (and continue to do) to fight it and break the cycle? One thing was accessing and vocalizing how I feel. I come from a family that doesn’t foster healthy and effective communication, and so I have had to learn how to develop those skills within myself. That meant speaking up to how I feel, as well as how others/situations/etc. make me feel. I’ve learned that instead of suppressing my emotions and feelings and creating a whole bunch of distractions, to actually express how

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Another lesson that continues to challenge me is my expression of love and affection. In the past, I felt the need to do things to show affection and love, while being distant with my actual feelings. While it is still a struggle, I have tried to be more vocal and expressive with those around me; expressing how I feel, especially in the moment.

Growing up, there was always a lack of boundaries, accountability for unhealthy behavior, and unchecked actions. Everything and everyone was so used to toxicity that it was shrugged off as ‘That’s just how so and so is.’ I had to learn that I didn’t need to accept anything or any relationship that was toxic and unhealthy, regardless of who they are. That was hard; as I come from a history of making excuses, silencing oneself and accepting whatever is given to me. I learned that I deserved love and healthy relationships and had the right to step away and walk away from any relationship that wasn’t fulfilling.

This lesson is perhaps the hardest lesson, as it has left me standing alone.

As I have worked to break those generational curses and toxic family ties that have weighed me down, I found myself giving new value and new life where there was none.

I learned to value not just myself but those relationships I hold dearest to me. I learned that it was perfectly okay to walk away from any situation or relationship that took from me more than it gave. I learned that when love isn’t being served by your family, sometimes you have to create your own environment of love.

Loving myself, and allowing love, affection, and positivity in, has been the greatest lesson that I learn and relearn every day.

L., P. (2018, August 09). We’ve Said A Word About Toxic Fathers, But Who’s Talking About Toxic Mothers?Retrieved from XONecole: https://www. xonecole.com/toxic-parents-toxic-mothers/

As an adult, I have grown to see that I am very much a product of my upbringing and family. One thing I have come to learn about myself (through many years and many therapists) is my emotional detachment and inability to effectively express my feelings. I tended to be less expressive of affection, and made my declarations through actions. I felt that people closest around me would know how I feel about them based off of what I do for them. Many of my relationships suffered as I dealt with my own detachment. Even as I grew up as the prodigal oldest child, I became an overachiever and strived for the love and affection I never felt. I continued to seek it out from distant parents as well as other sources. While I am a product of a familial and generational toxicity, I learned that I could turn the tide within myself and my interactions with people.

I feel; aloud or just to myself.

Works Cited:

my relationship with my parents is cordial and impersonal; at worst, it’s estranged and very much strained. Even as an adult, I don’t have a close relationship with my parents. I haven’t spoken to my dad in years, while my relationship with my mother has more days of nonchalant distance and detachment than good days. While I asked for fairness and to be treated like an equal member of the family, my requests often fell on deaf ears; mostly ignored and glossed over.

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THE OFFERINGS OF THE LOS ANGELES LGBT CENTER NATALIE MALDONADO

This year many within the community equate the phrase “50 years” with the uprising at the Stonewall Inn in New York City. For those of us residing in the sunny city of Los Angeles, 50 years takes on an entirely different meaning.

gender expression being a criminal offense.

At this point in time very little resources were offered to assist all ages within the community.

The government was not going to be of service to the people and it was up to activists to create these safe spaces for the community and offer them the assistance that they would not receive elsewhere. One of these activists was Morris Kight, founder of the Los Angeles LGBT Center (to be referred to as The Center).

The Center is one of the largest LGBTQ* resource providers in the world, offering a myriad of services, they focus on: Health, Social Services and Housing, Culture and Education, and Leadership and Advocacy. All of these services have the intent to uplift and empower

1969, the year of revolution. Tensions the LGBTQ* community and lead to a more within the community were at an all-time accepting future. high, with the acts of sexual freedom and true

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Photo Credit: Matheus Ferrero, unsplash.com

N

ineteen. Nineteen Black Transgender women have been murdered in this country alone. It’s strange living in a nation where you feel so free yet still on edge about what these next 5 years could mean for the LGBTQ* community. It’s been 50 years since the floodgates have opened, and many have risen to the occasion to fight for our rights: our right to be healthy, our right to have a voice, and most importantly our right to be.

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Their health services alone are some of the most developed and expansive in their offerings specifically related to LGBTQ* people.

In 2018 The Center stated that more than 28,763 clients visited their health care center. At their campus located in Hollywood, they offer mental and physical health services, STD/ HIV testing, and operate their own pharmacy. The Center’s doctors are equipped to handle the medical issues of the community and they operate a specialty practice for those living with gender dysphoria. If a potential patient lacks insurance, The Center will help you in determining your eligibility for medical assistance programs.

If you are dealing with insufficient medical care due to your sexual orientation or gender expression, reach out to The Center and see how you can begin receiving the care you need.

together and live without fear of transphobia or homophobia that may come from other senior living spaces. As the living age increases for those from every walk of life, housing, such as the one offered by The Center, is important for the preservation of our community.

Due to the low number of people identifying as Transgender, there are little to no spaces for us to come together and form a community. All the resources at The Center offered to our cis counterparts are offered to trans identifying folk, with specialists who understands the struggles of the transexperience. In order to create safe spaces for the trans community and educate those outside of it, The Center hosts a program called the Trans* Lounge, where everyone can learn about topics related to the trans-experience.

In order to ensure the needs are met We have made great strides in trans visibility for every age in our community, The Center but still lack the resources to help us through offers a homeless youth program along with transition and the struggles in our personal senior living. Unfortunately, 40% of homeless lives that come along with it. The Center offers youth identify as LGBTQ*; In 2018, The Center these resources and allows a place for trans to supplied more than 22,100 beds to youth forced be without the fear of rejection. out of their homes. In conjunction with their

Above is just a sliver of what The Center own youth housing, they also run a program that offers to the community. If you go to their connects youth with families in the community website you can find all of their different services willing to offer living accommodations in their and how you can benefit from them. When I own homes. Stability is important for youth of attended the volunteer seminar I was amazed by all backgrounds and is much needed for those all the good they do for LBTQ* people and was who are ostracized from the families due to excited to begin doing my part. As a community, something out of their control. we have made great strides in representation

On the other side of the coin, The Center and acceptance with the greater society but we also offers affordable senior housing which has still have more to go. We need resources such benefited 6,105 people over the age of 50. Our as The Center to continue to enhance the well elders today are the ones who lived through the being for all within the community and future criminalization of sexuality and true gender generations. Just as we need The Center, The expression, the AIDS crisis, and many other Center needs us; it is up to anyone who can hurdles that have lessened throughout the to donate time or money in order to keep the years. This being said many do not have the services available to those in need. luxury of a family unit that our cis and straight counterparts have. The Center offers a place for our elders with shared experiences to come 23

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IDENTITY POLITICS When it comes to intersectionality in terms of identity, it is always political and personal.

JOELLE BAYAA-UZURI

The frontrunner has been Joe Biden, whose identity is more in line with the status quo. Biden has found mild success in tapping into the identity of former President, Barack Obama; attempting to

But as the battle amongst the channel Obama’s history and legacy from Democrats trudges on, it seems like his presidency. This would, in part, combat identity politics are only muddying the some of Biden’s controversies; from his already murky waters of perhaps the most #MeToo tales of harassment to his 1970s important political battles in our lifetime. support of school racial segregation.

For the first time ever, our top ten

Fast on Biden’s heels is Elizabeth Democratic candidates are somewhat Warren, who has shined in her fight against indicative of the diversity of our country.

American class inequality (one which she Gone it seems are the days of solely white, has herself been accused of inadvertently cisgender male candidates.

We have supporting) and universal free/low-cost child candidates that are female, queer, and care. Her own identity politics came under people of color, that speak more to the much criticism for her misuse and conflation current, intersectionality of our nation. of familial ‘Cherokee Heritage.’ This early But is their intersectional identity enough misstep almost cost Warren severely. to propel them to frontrunner status in this tight political race? And has playing While Warren supports modifying identity politics been a double-edge sword the current class system, Bernie Sanders for the candidates? seeks to completely undo it in the form of democratic socialism. Sanders, who 24

Photo Credit: Srikanta H.U, unsplash.com

When it comes to actual politics, intersectionality and identity is seemingly used as a way to relate to voters and secure the coveted spot of Democratic 2020 frontrunner.

The key is balance. It cannot be all

It has been exciting to have an openly about intersectional identity politics. While gay candidate, Pete Buttigieg. His failure to that is very important today, that underscores connect with African-American voters was the importance of having the policies and not so exciting. His lack of resonance has campaign for change as well as a history that him at zero percent amongst black voters for doesn’t contradict their present stance. a few Southern state; despite scoring in or

With a race so important and so close, near double digits with whites. identity isn’t enough. Identity won’t be enough

Cory Booker is another candidate whose to propel any candidate for the win. This race own “tough on crime” early politics affecting is both too personal and too political.

Newark’s black and brown communities has come back to haunt him as well.

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Lopez, G. (2019, September 12). Kamala Harris’s controversial record on criminal justice, explained. Retrieved from Vox: https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2019/1/23/18184192/ kamala-harris-president-campaign-criminal-justice-record

The problem isn’t identity.

The problem also isn’t necessarily policy. The problem is these candidates seem to be all over the place. Many of the candidates are too busy pandering to identity and shouting ‘I can beat Trump’ while failing to connect with voters on a genuine level.

Burns, A., Daniel, A., Lee, J. C., Leiberman, R., & Migliozzi, B. (2019, September 20). Which Democrats Are Leading the 2020 Presidential Race?

Retrieved from NY Times: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/us/ elections/democratic-polls.html

When it came to identity politics, no one seemed to cash in on their identity more than Kamala Harris. Early on, Harris (born to Jamaican and Tamil Indian parents) attempted to use her minority identity to relate to voters. And it worked. At the start of the race, Harris was a strong contender and front runner. Unfortunately for Harris, playing identity politics blew up in her face.

As a woman of color, Harris went under fire for her time as California’s attorney general, and how she failed to support legislation to put body cams on police officers. That wasn’t all, as Harris defended the Department of Corrections’ efforts to prevent transgender inmates from getting gender reassignment surgery and controversial child truancy fines (fining parents up to $2000 for children’s truancy from school) and California’s “three strikes” law (where felons could get 25 years to life for committing a third felony.). It seems like Harris’s record was full of contradictions, and it was those contradictions that knocked her out of front running.

The political race for the Democratic nomination for 2020 essentially comes down to identity politics. Identity is very tricky to maneuver with some candidates foregoing identity politics in favor of more policy and issue-based campaigns.

Andrew Yang’s campaign aim to foster more entrepreneurship and Amy Klobucher’s more practical stance on law reform are two examples. Others have tried to walk the fine line, causing them to struggle in a crowded race. Beto O’Rourke, for one, has struggled to find his lane. Leading with identity has also had its share of problems. Harris, proudly touting her multiethnic background and throwing up ‘Wakanda Forever’ has shown that her track record doesn’t match her current stance. Even Biden, arguably the current frontrunner, using the legacy of our first African-American president hasn’t given him the edge he has hoped for.

Works Cited:

has been mostly seen as a candidate for the people, has built his platform on championing lower/working class Americans. His own campaign staff, however, has been noted as being majority cis, white men.

The RS Politics 2020 Democratic Primary Leaderboard.

(2019, September 20). Retrieved from Rolling Stones: h t t p s : // w w w. r o l l i n g s t o n e.c o m /p o l i t i c s /p o l i t i c s features/2020-democrat-candidates-771735/

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Get your business featured in our Spring (Fashion) issue, March 2020. Enjoy professional photography, article coverage, social media support, and regular glow-ups for the duration of our Spring Season.

BTW, your ads don't just help you; they also create opportunities for queer creatives to build equity through Q26.

For more information, check out the back of the magazine.

If you like what you see, email us at info@theq26.com

Photo Credit: Paweł Czerwiński, unsplash.com

And on our website. And on our social media. For three months.

FALL 2019

ARTIST AND THE DJ JASMINE LOWE

A Photo Credit: Khrys Amon, unsplash.com

rtist & The DJ was founded in 2013 by April Scott with the intention to create an environment for women of color to be seen in a positive light. The network of artists aims to facilitate work and space to thrive and grow to their full potential through art and music. The group aims to uplift other artists, give back to their communities, promote women in business, art, and education, as well as change the world.

Festival 2018 in Oakland, CA.”

Iwalani Venerable aka LaniGrooves is an indie artist and early childhood educator in the Los Angeles, Orange County, and the East Bay areas who brings a funky, uplifting sound infused with soul, R&B and rock to her performances at the network’s events.

The singer-songwriter, acoustic artist and producer began her career in 2004. Venerable loves sharing music with the youth. She is a

April Scott, who started the network, is member of “Everyday Party” a new duo with a professional artist and teacher with over 20 Mo Clearly who writes, composes, produces years of experience in several mediums. In 2002 and performs children’s music for kids and she received her degree in Graphic design and those who are kids at heart. currently works in Los Angeles, CA.

Both Scott and Venerable have been

“I am mostly known for my “self- interested in art and music from a young age. taught” Pyrography, or wood burned art,” Scott always had plans to enter into the art world.

Scott explains. “I recently received a grant to However, Venerable found her calling to pursue produce a show for the National Queer Arts her passion professionally in her mid-twenties.

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music. I try to set the ambiance along with some of our other featured musicians.

The events all came about from a need to create a base or queer woman of color and to also showcase what April was doing as a professional artist. We also wanted to give a platform to other artists that were needing a space for that also.”

Both Scott and Venerable work on multiple projects and set up events that include the promotion of local WOC and QPOC artists and vendors.

“We’re both Renaissance women,” said Venerable. “We both have a ton of projects happening simultaneously, and they sometimes overlap. Other times we’re just backing each other up and being the roadie for the other one.”

The next step for Artist and the DJ is to expand their efforts to include their love of teaching. Although many art and music programs are the first to be cut in the majority of American schools, the duo hopes to establish an art-based educational space that will teach and encourage talented young

The pair hopes to continue pursuing artists. their passion for art and music while “Our goal is to open up our own school,” encouraging other women and queer people of Venerable explained. “April would take on color to explore their artistic talents as well. the older children teaching art theory and art

“Everything is for women of color, history and helping them find those talented the security’s women of color, even all of the and children and help facilitate their growth. performers at our events,” Venerable said I would be working with younger children to about the network. “I perform, I sing, play help inspire their passion for art and music.” guitar, and perform some of my original 28

Photo Credit: Courtesy of April Scott and IwalaniVenerable

“I played drums in middle school and the clarinet in third grade like everyone else,” said Venerable. “I also loved singing and dancing. My dad also played saxophone in the 70s as one of the backup saxophone players for the Whispers when the band would travel up to Oakland, so I was always surrounded by music. However, I never let any of my family know how much music was inside of me. Then one day in my twenties, I woke up one morning and I was like, I’m going to buy a guitar. I went that day to Guitar Center, not knowing how to play a lick, and bought myself a guitar. I brought it home, and I made the most horrible sound you’ll probably ever think of before I decided to sign up for a beginner guitar class. I just fell in love with it, and I never stopped since.”

“I started doing events when I was 18, and I’m 38 now,” said Scott. “I really started getting serious about it when I moved to the Bay. I try to find businesses that I like that are owned by women of color (WOC) or queer people of color (QPOC) to keep that money flowing within those communities.

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The goal for the group is also to help provide the tools young people need in order to pursue their passion for the arts.

This is the heart of everything that both April Scott and Iwalani Venerable do as teachers, performers, and artists.

“The bottom line is that we just want to make the world a better place,” said Venerable. “I think that’s a very simplified answer. We want to provide kids with what we didn’t have or what we weren’t encouraged to pursue. We want them to know that you can take your art and work in the movies or you can be an animator.

You don’t have to be a fine artist. You can take that skill and do something else.”

“We want to be able to give these children the tools to sustain themselves through an artistic form,” said Scott. “We want to give them the opportunity and the chance to realize that you have a special gift and that you can do something with it.

We both have worked for many different organizations that are within the realm of arts and culture, and we still see a void in this area with the youth and especially queer youth. We want to provide a safe space for children to be they’re genuine selves and educate people.”

You can learn more about the network, Artist and the DJ, and view their upcoming events by visiting their website at ArtistAndTheDJ.com.

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POETRY, ANARCHY, AND ZEN:

THE LEGACY OF ELSA GIDLOW AND DRUID HEIGHTS t was a sunny Saturday morning, and the road to Muir Woods was packed with bumper to bumper traffic; tourists wanting to get a glimpse of the majestic coastal redwoods that stand like giants among prehistoric ferns and mossy creek beds. My friend was visiting from out of town, so we thought it would be fun to go see a glimpse of the famous trees. Little did we know what chaos we'd signed up for. As we inched closer to the parking lot entrances, we realized they were all full- overflowing in fact. There were hoards of tourist groups: people with strollers, selfie sticks, fanny packs and screaming children on leashes. We looked at each other in horror. We didn't plan for this.

We hate crowds; that's why we like the woods.

We begrudgingly head down the road a little further to park elsewhere, feeling hopeless.

We end up almost a mile down, pulling into a little flat dirt shoulder just as another car is pulling out, sliding into the coveted spot before anyone else could.

We climb out of the car, stretching our legs after feeling trapped in traffic for over an hour. While resigning ourselves to the reality that our day in nature was not going to be what we had planned, I took my dog Butters over to the edge of the brush to relieve himself. I passed underneath some overhanging willow branches, and emerged on the other side to see what the brush had been hiding: a small set of ramshackle steps, each one a small plank worked into the dirt hillside, leading up and over the crest of the hill above. The steps were old and worn, and some were washed out, leaving large pieces of rebar sticking up where they had been

supported before. It looked a little dangerous, but exciting, like all good adventures usually are.

I called my friends over to look, and we quickly decided to ditch our plans for Muir Woods and investigate this mysterious wooded staircase. Newly invigorated by our spontaneity, we bounded up the hill, slowing down as it got steeper and steeper.

It seemed like it went on forever, and just as we were wondering if this was a staircase to nowhere— we emerged onto a dirt road. In front of us was a structure that looked like a yurt.

We meandered over, and saw that it was an intricately designed, perfectly symmetrical circular house. The door had a large carved wooden handle that looked like a carved talon pointed upwards. Surprisingly, the door swung open at the slightest touch.

We walked in, and immediately felt a wave of awe. This was a special place. Bookshelves lined the entire interior of the cabin, taking the place of flat walls. A small red wood stove sat on a platform against the wall, with its chimney extended up into the ceiling. In front of us and above was a lofted platform with a bare pink pillow top mattress on it, flanked by two sweeping carved ladders that doubled as additional bookshelves.

Above us was spherical dome skylight; the seal had obviously long worn away; there was a perfect ring on the carpet directly underneath it where rain had worked its way through and dripped onto the floor. The shadow of a perfect circle on the floor in the very center of the room illuminated by hazy

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Photo Credit: Courtesy of Claire Wilson

I

CLAIRE WILSON

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A couch sits overgrown with moss in a Druid Heights home full of left behind furniture, books, art, and other belongings.

The meditation room window in the Twin Peaks house. This is one piece of Druid Heights that everyone desperately wants to see saved and preserved, as it’s one of the best examples of Roger Somers’ unique handiwork.

Elsa’s meditation hut was constructed by Druid Heights resident Detlef Kotzte and the stained glass windows were made by California glass artist Kim Hicks. Meditation huts were helpful in communal living situations as it gave residents a place to find some privacy and peace, and gave guests a place to crash when they needed it.

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light from above gave this place a magical, spiritual aura. We found what seemed like the world's smallest kitchen and bathroom at the back of the house, arcing away from each other in perfect symmetry, two small curved rooms that hugged the backside of the cabin.

Out the window we spotted a wooden hot tub, its iron rings rusted and covered in moss.

Broken Arrow Ranch after it broke down, but I’ve also heard it broke down and then was burned at some point. Rumors about Druid Heights abound many years later, with it having had so many chapters and people who passed through. Most of the buildings at Druid Heights had been built by Somers and another woodworker named Ed Stiles, who had moved to California from the east coast as a young man on a whim after writing Somers a letter, which he responded to with an invitation. They worked well together, building stunningly unique homes that didn't follow conventional architecture— or building codes, which would also become a problem with potential restoration proposals.

This was the first of several visits to this magical lost place over the years, a place I discovered was called Druid Heights.

There are 16 total structures, many of them still intact, although slowly crumbling.

The five acre property is now owned by the Park Service, and although it was recently approved to be added to the National Register of Historic Places, they have yet to take any One of the most unique buildings at action to restore it to a condition that would Druid Heights is the Twin Peaks house, which make it possible to actually make it official. has a roof with long points jutting out from each end of the roof. I heard that the scooped

I learned later on that the circular structure of the roof was unintentional, and cabin was known as The Library, and it had that it was the result of a broken support once belonged to Alan Watts, author of "The beam that they ended up building around Way of Zen", a hugely popular book among anyway. Inside is a meditation room with Western audiences hungry for enlightenment an incredible piece of art in the form of a from the East. It was designed by prominent circular window with shelves built around its woodworker Roger Somers and modeled inner curve. The room is styled with sliding after a redwood water tank. Somers was screens, and there is a now empty spot where known for his construction of redwood hot a shrine once stood near the window. The tubs and style of curved, sweeping wood meditation room leads into an open dining carvings that were beautifully organic and room, where there is a solid wood dining distinctively Californian. He was originally table sunken into the slate floor in the dining inspired by a combination of Frank Lloyd room, with a seating pit around it, Japanese Wright architecture and Japanese design, style. Many conversations and communal and according to sources closest to him, philosophical conversations happened in his work consisted of all straight lines and this room, and the feeling that this is a space rigid, geometrical austerity- until he came that brought people together is palpable. to Druid Heights and took acid; then all his work became looped and curved after that.

The Library and the Twin Peaks house One of his most unique creations was a tour are the two most well-preserved structures, bus for Neil Young, which he outfitted with and the rest of the buildings are becoming all custom wood detailing. Rumor had it more difficult to explore as the elements eat that it later became a chicken coop at his away at them, but among them are several

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other unique homes and spaces. One home has an Airstream trailer that's been fitted on as an addition, with extended skylight roofing added and Somers' carved wood embellishments as aesthetic details. Another home has a tree growing through it, with a staircase that was built curving around its trunk. The tree has grown much larger over the years, shoving its way through a library of books, parting stacks of them like waves as it stretches upwards and pushing stairs aside making them impossible to climb now.

Another meditation hut has nothing but a small desk and bed inside, but is adorned with a unique convex stained glass window consisting of multiple colored panels and a lotus flower. Somers' wood shop is also still there, and although the roof has caved in, it still stands as a testament to his many projects, with rusted tools lying around and hundreds of containers of paints and varnishes, finishes and stains that are now mostly rusted beyond recognition or leaking an unidentifiable substance onto the uneven floorboards. In all of these buildings there are still many belongings, books, papers and photographs lying around left behind, and it's hard not to wonder why nobody has vandalized the place.

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Gary Snyder, Pulitzer Prize winning poet, Margo St. James, colorful sex worker rights advocate, Neil Young, Lily Tomlin, Allen Ginsburg, Timothy Leary, Ram Dass, Maya Angelou, Dizzy Gillespie, and members of the Grateful Dead are just a few of the people who were also extended invitations to and spent time at Druid Heights. It was a beatnik community before beatnik communities were a thing in the 50s, it was a hub for the hippie movement in the 60s, and it was an important gathering place for the women's rights movement of the 1970s. Its last member, Roger Somers, appropriately passed away peacefully in 2001 in the hot tub out back of the Alan Watts library that he has designed, built, and become known for. Ed Stiles is technically the last living member and still lives in the last surviving structure, a beautifully designed home that stands as a stunning legacy to Somers and Stiles’

Top: Roger Somers signature woodworking style is on full display in this ornate bathroom mirror. Riddled with rat droppings and mold, this is a prime example of a space that would not be able to salvaged, but within which are precious pieces of art that could be salvaged, like this mirror.

Bottom: The Shoji Room in the Twin Peaks house. This was one of the most communal houses at Druid Heights; countless late night philosophy discussions, musical jams, debates, acid trips, dinners, and celebrations happened around this table.

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work. However, Druid Heights was no longer considered an open community after Somers passed away, and Stiles is notoriously private and protective of his property these days.

20s. She was part of the Greenwich Village bohemian community until her longtime lover died on the eve of World War II, and she decided to hitchhike to California to get past her grief. This was not a normal thing to do in 1940, especially as a 42 year old woman, but Elsa was an unusual woman.

She spent some time in Fairfax, where she became involved in local politics. In 1947, Fairfax launched somewhat of a witch hunt against her; she was accused of communism and forced to testify in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC).

Elsa found it amusing that she was targeted, and that part of what made her so “radical” was that she associated with a diverse crowd.

She lived with an African American woman, and had dinner parties with a her friends the Chens, a Chinese couple from San Francisco.

It was because of this that she was accused of “living with a colored woman and frequently entertaining Chinese people... this was damning evidence that I could not be a loyal American.”

You might be wondering who is responsible for founding this retreat space that was a hub for so many important countercultural movements. I was surprised to learn that although Druid Heights was known for so many important male artists, I had never heard of Elsa Gidlow before. I would come to love her vicariously through her writings and intense spirit, as I learned more and more about what a powerful woman she was, albeit behind the scenes. She was an anarchist lesbian who published the first magazine in the country to openly discuss and even celebrate gay and lesbian issues, Les Mouches Fantastiques, in 1917. It was anti-war and a radically pacifist and feminist publication, reflecting her anarchist views in print. She also published the first openly lesbian book of love poems in 1923, On a Grey Thread. This section of her poem “For the Goddess Too Well Known” communicates Elsa felt it was time to move on from her feelings unapologetically: Fairfax, and she began a solstice ritual that would become an annual tradition, where I break wild roses, scatter them over her. she lit coals and set her intentions, and carried a coal with her through the year to The thorns between us sting like love’s light at the next ceremony. After she clarified pain. her vision for how she wanted to live the Her flesh, bitter and salt to my tongue, rest of her life, she left Fairfax, she landed I taste with endless kisses and taste again. in Marin County and founded Druid Heights in 1954. Over the years as she cultivated its At dawn I leave her magical energy, Druid Heights grew into a popular retreat for poets, artists, sex rebels, Asleep in my wakening garden. musicians, and creators from all over, and (For what was done there she became idolized by the lesbian creative community. She jokingly began referring to I ask no man pardon.) it as an “unintentional community”, since

Elsa emigrated to Canada from the anarchistic values of Druid Heights made England as a small child and grew up in it impossible to really call it a commune.

Montreal, then moved to New York in her

Margo St. James was another resident 34

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of Druid Heights that deserves more recognition, because she was and still is a complete radical in the field of sex worker rights. She was arrested for prostitution in San Francisco in 1972. She launched a protest and founded COYOTE (Call Off Your Tired Old Ethics) in 1973, and began hosting the annual Hooker's Ball in San Francisco in 1974 as a fundraising event for her cause, which was "the complete decriminalization of sex for human beings, even commercial sex." Her activism continued her entire life; she argued tirelessly for sex positive feminist causes, and in 1999 Margo founded a clinic to provide necessary healthcare to sex workers in San Francisco, called St. James Infirmary Clinic.

Elsa died in 1987 at Druid Heights surrounded by loving friends and her creative family, and her ashes were mixed with rice and buried underneath an apple tree behind her home. The last time I was there, I sat right next to where the apple tree had been, and I remember feeling a stillness in the air. Her home is unlike the other buildings. It's simple and unadorned by Somers or Stiles' wood styling, and sits back on a little grassy hill away from the other buildings. It feels a little like a hermit’s retreat, and that’s sort of what it was. Elsa had a beautiful garden that she loved to tinker in that’s barely recognizable now, in the middle of which an old potter’s wheel sits abandoned. Elsa's dying wish was that Druid Heights be preserved as a retreat for female writers and artists, and as I looked around at what once was her home, I couldn't help but feel like we were doing a great disservice to her to let Druid Heights decay into oblivion.

I discovered there is a group at work called “Save Druid Heights” that for years has been trying to advocate for preservation of the property. Their members have done 35

a lot of work to contact local organizations, journalists, historical committees, politicians, and the park service itself, and they keep hitting red tape and walls of stopped communication. It seems the people in control are happy to let it crumble and disappear. Many would say that this would be in line with the way of Zen that was so embraced at Druid Heights and popularized

by Watts, who said“the more a thing tends to be permanent, the more it tends to be lifeless.” Maybe it is an appropriate to let a beautiful thing fade, but part of me can't let go of the idea that this place didn't belong to Alan- it belonged to Elsa, and she wanted it to live on.

Over the years, I've developed a dream of organizing a team of people to write petitions, push the issue with local media, contact former members, get influential people involved, and do whatever we can to make a complete scene to get some attention on preserving this important piece of California history. It's rare that the fleeting moments from each counterculture movement are preserved so tangibly, and part of me feels an urgency to do something before it's too late. I'm a woodworker and restoration artist myself, so I unfortunately know the vast amount of money and hard work it would take to restore Druid Heights after spending enough time exploring each structure, which is riddled with rat droppings and mold. The truth is that the property itself is beyond complete restoration without a huge budget, but there are still books, art, an entire woodworking shop with beautiful examples of Somers' and Stiles' work, stained glass, maps, a typewriter, a motorcycle, mosaic garden tiles, sculptures, all pieces of each movement and resident that passed through. These pieces are still lying in those structures at the top of the mysterious

FALL 2019

at clairewilsonphoto@gmail.com. You can see more photos of Druid Heights at www.clairewilsonphoto. com/personal under “Druid Heights, 2016�.

staircase that I discovered that one Saturday years ago, gathering dust and being eaten away by the elements.

One day maybe we'll figure out how to convince the park service to let us gather the last important pieces of Druid Heights that can be preserved. They could be compiled into an exhibit or a collection, and Elsa's legacy could be preserved better than being forgotten under a dying apple tree. For now, all I can do is tell people about her, this amazing, powerful, fiercely independent and inspiring woman, and hope they remember her name, say it to others, and maybe even come to be as motivated and inspired by her as I have.

Note: At this time Druid Heights is closed to the public, and going on the property is considered trespassing on federal property. There are also still a few remaining residents at Druid Heights who strongly value their privacy. Although I was able to get photos years ago, the Park Service has since closed up many of the buildings at Druid Heights and made them impossible to access easily. Please do not visit Druid Heights, as any attempts to do so may jeopardize our group's restoration efforts and relationship with the Park Service.

Addendum: While writing this article, I was invited to a Save Druid Heights meet-up up in Mill Valley. I flew up to Oakland and finally touched base with all the members of the group that I'd been in contact with for over a year, but never met in person.

This group included Alan Watt's relatives, good friends of Elsa's, and former Druid Heights residents. We heard some amazing stories, and it was a real treat to listen to former members reminisce about Druid Heights in its heyday. We also made some major headway on our group's goals, including the unfortunate but necessary letting go of the idea of restoring the property. We shifted our focus to saving and removing what's left; we'd like to dismantle and rebuild some of the more unique elements of Druid Height's structures offsite. Our hope is to curate a collection that can be exhibited at museums or historical organizations as a window into California's history of countercultural movements over the years. We have plans to write petitions and make bids for sponsorship to various museums. The main hurdle is convincing the park service to let us onto the property. If they do and we get everything together the way we'd like to, maybe we can even realize Elsa's dream of a retreat center for artists, even though it would be in a different location. To realize this goal we will need help! We need to write petitions, proposals, and eventually we will need volunteers to travel with us and help clean up the property and carefully remove items and artifacts. If you're interested and would like to be involved in any future volunteer efforts, contact me

Located in the back corner of the Twin Peaks dining room is a stove and behind it, the interior workings of a piano installed in the wall.

According to rumor, Watts would toss pebbles at the strings to silence the room when he wanted to speak.

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FALL 2019

SHITTY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS: THE PAST IS HISTORY ALEXANDRA BENDER

He was your first friend You made your strides since Now he sees you when he visits As a king and not a prince

She leaves you when she visits you She’s always so busy But it doesn’t matter anymore Because the past is history

He writes short but silly shitposts He’s having fun with it Sometimes he’ll send you one or two You’ll even laugh a bit

You’re past the blonde girl Past the girl you loved when you were ten You’re a brand new person Past your shitty childhood friends.

You’ll see me some time later You don’t chase him to spend time with him We parted a bad way And why’s no mystery You should know that I’m still angry You’re both happier than ever You won’t know what to say And the past is history You’ll start to say I’m sorry When you grow up eating shit But it won’t be long enough It starts to taste like home You made false allegations Your tastes will start to grow when I still think you’re a cunt you venture on your own I’ll never quite forgive you You’re past the dumb girl For the years of misery Past the girl you’ve known But it’s time to look ahead in life when you were ten Because the past is history You’re a brand new person When you grow up eating shit past your shitty childhood friends.

It starts to taste like home And the girl you met second Your tastes will start to grow Though I never knew her deal When you venture on your own When you got a little closer You’re past the dumb girl Your love, it wasn’t real Past the girl you’ve been since you were ten You’re a brand new person You had some things in common You loved that she was blonde But you’ve long since gotten over her

Past your shitty childhood friends.

There’s nothing going on 37

Credits: Writers:

Jasmine Lowe IG: @jasminedlowe Joelle Bayaa-Uzuri IG: @_yourmanfirstchoice_ Elizabeth Tzagournis IG: @etzagournis Claire Wilson IG: @clairewilsonphoto Natalie Maldonado IG: @gnatuhley

Poetry:

Elisa Ponce IG: @itshighlyme_ Natalie Maldonado IG: @gnatuhley Alexandra Bender @amazzonkane

Creative:

Creative Director Camille Ora-Nicole @oracami Feature Photography Mo McFadden @mo_mcfadden_ Druid Heights Photography Claire Wilson @clairewilsonphoto Q26 IG: @thequeer26 www.theq26.com info@theq26.com For more information about submitting original work, being featured in our Spring Issue (Theme: Fashion), or writing for Q26, email us at the address above.

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