The Post Grad Gazette—April 11, 2024

APRIL 11, 2024

In spring, I plant flowers for butterflies. I would wait until the bright yellow ones came. When I was young, I thought all yellow butterflies were the same one and that it followed me around until summer when we said our goodbyes where green grass became sandy shores. And I’d wait a whole year until my butterfly came back.

In spring, I eat ingredients for dinner. A slice of cucumber cut for salads, picnics of scraps and bits and bobs. I drink straight from bottles. Pie crusts and cherry stems and orange peels in be tween my nails. When I breathe, I taste spring. Smooth cloudless skies, fluffy grass, and mild rays of sun fill me up. I go to bed with a stomach full of spring.

In spring, I am painted thick with pink. Calamine dries out kisses from bugs-- draws out their poisoned love.

In spring, I am slick with aloe. I am not used to the sun, a winter-born baby, pale and unfreckled. I run ice cubes down my shoulders and rub sun screen between my fingers.

In spring, I cut my hair. Shedding like trees over the sink. Pollen coats my eyelashes, pollen coats my car. I wear pollen in my hair, green dotted constellations. Glitter for bees.

In spring, I hem my ambitions, they yield to the sun, to the breeze. I hem my pants into shorts and remember to leave a seam allowance. I carry love in my back pocket, I sit carefully to one side. I wear bright butter yellow despite how my mother once said it clashed with my coloring.

In spring, we wait. We hold our breaths while we put bare arms into the sun. We test the air like it’s a warm bath, a toe and then a leg and then all of us. We get bathed in it’s familiar scenes.

In spring

In spring

In spring

In spring I dream of spring.

— Rachel Loring

CONTENTS & CONTRIBUTORS

Macy Kissel

Ashley Powers

Macy Kissel

Rachel Loring

Macy Kissel

Isabella Dawson

Rachel Loring

Kiley Parrish

SHITS & GIGGLES

The First Nice Day in New York

ARTICLES

11:11, Make A Wish!

Root Revival: The Art of TransPLANTation

Sipping into Spring: Beverage Recs for the Season

The Bee’s Knees

Bella’s Book Spring Flings

Tax Season: Ask An Accountant

Spring Cleaning Guide: The Dirty Truth

Macy Kissel

Rachel Loring

Rachel Loring

Carah

The Post Grad Oracle: Bloomin’ Fate

THE CRITICS

Script Doctor: Yesterday

Ins & Outs for a Rainy Day

POETRY

“A City Drowning In Light”

“Q Train”

“Pomegranate Seeds”

“Umbrella”

PUZZLES & GAMES

Post Grad-lib: Your Perfect Spring Day

COVER

Vegatbles? For spring? Groundbreaking.

Ilustrations

Executive Editors

Macy Kissel and Rachel Loring

Enjoy the best of The Post Grad Gazette, curated by our editors.

READSCANTOMORE

always say I’m not religious, but I believe in 11:11. As silly as it seems, I stand by it.

See, I believe in wish making. Whether it’s on an eyelash, a dandelion, a shooting star, or an angel number on the clock, I am all for putting what I want into the universe in order to manifest my wishes into reality.

I know I said I’m not religious, but this belief in wish making does have religious roots. Being raised Catholic, I grew up saying prayers before bed. On top of the tried and true Our Fathers, Hail Marys and the occasional Glory Be if you’re feeling quirky, my mom encouraged me to also say three things I’m thankful for, three things I’d like forgiveness for, and three things I’d like to wish for. This was good practice in gratitude, humility, and my favorite of all, wish making.

I’ve spent years making wishes. But recently, I’ve gone further than just throwing my wish out there and hoping it sticks. Now, when I make a wish, in order to increase its chances of coming true, I also cite some

BY ASHLEY POWERS

steps I’m going to do in the present to get to that desired outcome. For example, if my wish was to find my dream job, I would tell myself that to achieve that, I’m going to research what it is I want to do, figure out the steps I need to get there, and spend a little time each day working towards completing those steps. (That is, by the way, my real wish so if you know of anyone hiring hmu.)

Which leads me to my next point: I do NOT believe in the rule that you can’t tell anyone your wish or it won’t come true. Tell everyone! Maybe they can help you make it come true!

This modified practice of wish making is really just goal setting, which you can do at any time of the day. However, I like using 11:11 as my goal-setting time because it’s nice to have at least 1 designated minute per day (sometimes two if you catch both 11:11s’) to devote to thinking about what you want for your future and how you’re going to achieve it. Without that little reminder, we might not

think critically about our wishes daily, and we could lose sight of the future we’re working towards.

But what happens if I miss 11:11? That’s weird, are you not as chronically on your phone as I am? No worries. The magic is in the act of wish making, not the time of day it happens. Just be sure to set aside at least one minute per day to make your wishes. More if you’re nasty.

Lastly, don’t get discouraged if your wish doesn’t come true. We can’t see the whole plan. Trust the universe to not only give you what you want, but what you need. (Cue that Rolling Stones song.) It’s not enough to believe in wish making, you should also believe in yourself. You can make that wish happen with or without the help of the universe. I believe in you!

So next time you think making that 11:11 wish is silly, know that it’s not! Wishes can’t come true if we don’t make them. And with that, I wish you well.

THE FIRST NICE DAY IN NEW YORK

BY MACY KISSEL

Your head pops off the pillow, eyes barely open, and something feels different. Not different-bad, it’s not the ice cream you decided to have for dinner instead of cooking. Different-good. Something has changed in the chemistry of your body. You’re energized, longing for a sip of an alcoholic beverage, coveting the company of others in an outdoor area. A dewy breeze gusts through the crack of your apartment window. Your eyes widen and you frantically reach for your phone to check the weather. Could it be? The first…nice day in New York?

There are two types of reactions to have when stepping into the vitamin D soaked spotlight for the first time of the year.

The first: a deep breath in and out, and a smile on your face, realizing that the depression and anxious feelings you have been having for

the last two months were, in fact, due to the dark, cold, gloomy weather and the federal government not doing away with daylight savings.

The second: a deep breath in and out, and you realize that even the sunshine and clear skies cannot cure the profound melancholy that is your life.

Many people don’t know this, but when you sign a lease in New York City there is a clause that if you don’t spend the first nice day in New York outside, your landlord has the right to legally take you out to the back courtyard where the garbage cans are and shoot you in the head. Really, check your tenant rights.

**You also MUST post a picture to your Instagram story of the outdoor bar or perfect park spot that you’ve secured for the day. I don’t make the rules.

But what to do? The sun can’t wait on you all day… what if it gets cold again???

Steady your breathing, remain calm, and set your ooo message for the day (sorry for those with an RTO policy, you can make it up another time), you have a few different options on how you’d like to proceed.

A: Phone your favorite restaurant that has an outdoor seating area and beg them to reserve a table for you. Side note, if they don’t take reservations, send the friend who lives closest to stake out seating until everyone else is ready. This is obligatory for said close friend. Sorry. Once you arrive at the table, you will not be leaving for the foreseeable future. You might as well start paying rent. Nurse your drinks. Order a second plate of fries for the table. Enjoy the day with the breeze in your hair and hope that more days like this are around the corner.

B: Emergency text in the groupchat to plan out who is bringing snacks, drinks, and a speaker. Dust off that outdoor blanket you haven’t touched since last September (maybe give her a disinfectant spray as well), pack that new yorker tote bag to the BRIM, and head to the park with a breakfast sandwich and a dream. First come first serve for the sunniest spots. The great lawn will probably be closed for “resodding” (those bitches) so plan ahead to not have that available.

Trust me when I tell you, everybody and their mother will be outside taking in every sun-drenched illumination that the city has to offer, and if you don’t get your paleass out there, you WILL regret it.

ROOT REVIVAL: THE ART OF SPRING TRANSPLANTATION

by Macy Kissel

As another April rolls around, it’s time to check in on those plant children that you have neglected while you were seasonally depressed. You probably didn’t consistently water them, dust their leaves, or prune any growth. As of right now, many of you may be less of a plant mom and more of a deadbeat plant dad, but it’s OK! Unlike real children, it’s never too late to get involved in your plant children’s lives.

Let’s take a moment and assess the situation, you kept them alive this long I am sure they will be okay.

Check the roots first. (In preferably an outdoor area) Lay the plant in its pot on its side and shimmy the plant out of the pot. Check the roots. They should be firm and light-colored. If any roots are dark and mushy, cut those bad boys away! That is root rot and will kill your plant. PHEW!

Does it need repotting?

Now that we took care of that, were there a lot of roots? If you answer yes to any of the below, your plant may be entitled to a new pot.

a. Roots are growing through the drainage hole(s) at the bottom of the planter.

b. Roots are pushing the plant up, and almost out of the planter.

c. The plant is extremely topheavy, and is falling over easily.

d. The planter has a salt and mineral build-up on it.

e. Potting mix dries out more quickly than before, requiring more frequent waterings.

If you’re increasing, you want the new pot to be about two inches larger in diameter than the current size you have. Depending on the type of plant you have, you will want to combine a mixture of soil, coarse sphagnum peat moss, sand, and perlite.

Try and remove as much old soil from the previous potting as possible, so you just have the loose root ball. Fill your new pot about halfway and dig a small hole in the middle. Place your root ball in the middle and overfill with the remainder of the mixture.

Water! I need water!

Now that your plant has its feet in fresh new dirt, you’re going to want to drench him. I mean hose on, water over the whole thing, like it’s in a rainstorm, drenched. You want to water enough so it comes out of the drainage holes and the soil is fully soaked. This will also help get any dirt and dust off the leaves, so they can photosynthesize properly.

Macy tip: I combine a mixture of dish soap, hot water, and neem oil to wipe down the top and bottom of the leaves and stems of any plants. This helps both prevent pests, and give your leaves a nice shine to them!

Now place your plant back in his usual spot, ready for the sun to shine, and prepare yourself for some serious springtime growth!

SIPPING INTO SPRING

Beverage recommendations for the season

BY RACHEL LORING

Iam, above all else, a beverage girl. If you’re like me, you love nothing more than a cute little beverage after, during, or even before a long day (or even a short day). It is rare to find me one, without a beverage and two, with only one beverage; I always have a rotation of drinks in front of me at all times. And now, with the change of seasons, I’ve decided to mix up and widen my beverage horizons and try some new brands, flavors, and drinks for Spring. So, as a beverage girl with far too many strong opinions, here is my April list of beverage recs!

Sparkling Water:

La Croix still rules supreme for me in the plain sparkling water category. Argue with the wall. It’s iconic for a reason. La Croix has the PERFECT amount of bubble so you get a kick but you’re not burping for all of eternity.

Flavors I’ve Been Digging:

Beach Plum: Really good and the flavor elevates any mocktail you’re making. Seriously, mixing this stuff with pomegranate juice is heavenly. Not overly plummy and def one of the more intensely flavored La Croix.

Cherry Blossom: The can is SO CUTE (which yes, makes a difference) and the flavor is somehow both shampoo-like but also delicious. There’s also a subtle almond aftertaste which I really like.

Prebiotic Sodas:

Prebiotic sodas are New York’s hottest club this Spring. They really do have everything: prebiotics (the food for the bacteria in your gut), low sugar, fun flavors, and cute cans. They’re good for when you want just a little more substance than just plain sparkling water or if you’re trying to drink a bit less alcohol but still want a fun drink in hand. The two main prebiotic soda girlies are Poppi and Olipop.

Olipop is my favorite of the two, I think the flavors are a bit more fun and the sweetness feels less thick. In my opinion, they feel less like a soda replacement and more like an enhanced sparkling water. But, I like Poppi because in addition to prebiotics, it also has apple cider vinegar which is super good for you (for some reason). I do think Poppi is a tad sweeter than Olipop and I wish it had more ACV tang. Call me crazy, but if I’m drinking some-

thing with ACV I want to taste the ACV (same principle applies for liquor). Pro tip: add an extra tbsp of ACV if you want to feel the burn.

Flavors I’ve Been Digging:

Olipop Cream Soda: I feel like cream soda is a slightly controversial flavor, but I grew up drinking it at my grandma’s so I have a soft spot for it. This flavor is great because it’s like a less sweetly sticky version of cream soda, but it still hits the spot. If you think about it, cream soda is to spring what rootbeer is to summer, which makes it perfect for this list.

Olipop Strawberry Vanilla: This one is super flavorful, but not overwhelming and there’s something minty about this flavor to me that I love. Plus, the actual drink is a reddish pink so you can put it in a cute glass for a classier feel.

Poppi Raspberry Rose: By far my favorite Poppi flavor. I don’t really know how to describe it, but it’s a unique taste that really made me happy when I was sip

ping. It is adjacent to a pink starbust, but not in a gross way and I would say a relative to a strawberry lemonade in it’s tartness. It feels like if hot pink was canned.

Poppi Grape: Although I don’t like regular grape soda, this flavor is a delightful twist on it. The grape flavor isn’t overwhelming and I found it to be complex in ways Fanta is not. It’s dark purple if dark purple were a flavor.

Tea:

Recently, I think tea has been my top beverage category; I’ve been averaging three cups a day. It’s my morning warm-up, my afternoon pick-up, and my nighttime wind-down (yes, I wake up a lot in the middle of the night to use the bathroom). Controversially, I enjoy my teas without anything added in (ie. honey, milks, or sweetners) so I need the flavor of my tea to be enjoyable all on its own.

Here Is My Top (And Only) Flavor

Rec:

Mint Medley: Bigelow mint medley is top-notch the by far the best mint tea I’ve ever had. I’ve been on a mint kick since it’s known to help reg-

ulate hormones and aid digestion (plus, it makes my skin glow). This mint medley has spearmint and peppermint LEAVES (not extract or oil like other teas cough cough TAZO) as well as rosehips, hibiscus, and lemon peel. The mint is palpable but not overwhelming so don’t worry, it’s not like drinking mouthwash or anything. Also! Bigelow tea bags are certified plastic-free so no microplastics in this tea!

Mood Beverages:

There are a bunch of mood-enhancing, chill vibes beverages on the market right now, but Recess is the most well-known and easiest to find. The Recess Mood variety is mainly a magnesium drink, but it also has adaptogens like L-theanine and lemon balm. I don’t know if they actually make a difference when I drink them, I tend to be in a good mood anytime I’m sipping a beverage, but they are delicious and by far have the best can design with a sort of matte textured wrapping.

Flavors I’ve Been Digging:

Strawberry Rose: There’s something super nostalgic about this flavor to me and I can’t pinpoint it exactly. It’s adjacent to the way Barbies smell.

It’s for sure flavorful and very floral. This one is my go-to and it’s pink!

Grapefruit Tangerine: This is a very good citrus flavor, a profile I know this list is lacking. This flavor is perfect for a night outside, whereas to me the Strawberry Rose is more of a solo, thought-provoking evening energy.

TOP BEVVY OF THE MONTH:

Olipop Cream Soda. I will be drinking this all Spring long until I make the summer swap to rootbeer.

TOP CAN DESIGN:

La Criox Cherry Blossom. The light pink plus the little flowers is adorable.

WOULD BRING TO THE PREGAME:

Poppi Raspberry Rose (with additional ACV) this just feels and looks like a party.

FLAVOR I WANT TO TRY:

Poppi Wild Berry, this is a new one and I can’t wait to get my hands on it.

Pictured above are various types of bees. Some are short-tongued, some are hairy, some have twisted hair, but what about their knees? Where does the phrase come from and when did it become synonymous with 1920’s cocktails and slang?

Some people believe the phrase to be a play on the word business, essentially something to say when someone was working hard, or getting down to “beesness”. However, the phrase originated in 18th-century English and was a sort of fanciful phrase that referred to something that didn’t actually exist. The phrase was shortlived and part of a more frivolous slang era that did it’s rounds in the 1920’s, spurring on many other animal/attribute phrases like the cat’s pajama or the cat’s meow.

You might also know the Bees Knees to be said when something is really great, ie: you’re the bees knees, and while I don’t know the exact lin-

guistic origins of that, I can tell you that the cocktail of this same name is exactly that: exceptionally great. The bees knees as a cocktail came around during prohibition time. In that era, ingredients such as citrus and honey were often used to cover up the less-than-ideal and highly illegal smell and taste of yummy bathtub gin.

1 oz lemon juice

words and art by

lemon twist for garnish

2 oz gin

BELLA’S BOOK SPRING FLINGS

BY ISABELLA DAWSON

HAPPY PLACE

Emily Henry

“Happy Place” is a perfectly warm read, so much so, that I couldn’t put it down when I read it. It explores changes in friendship and what we would do to keep those relationships alive. This is a story about love and second chances, with witty and engaging dialogue that will make you want to binge it in one sitting. Emily Henry is my queen of romantic comedies and this book is a favorite.

“My best friends taught me a new kind of quiet, the peaceful stillness of knowing one another so well you don’t need to fill the space. And a new kind of loud: noise as a celebration, as the overflow of joy at being alive, here, now.”

ESveryone wants a little romantic fling for the spring season. As someone who loves a good romance book, here are some books to accompany you on on your next sunny meet cute:

SWIFT AND SADDLED

Lyla Sage

“Swift and Saddled” is Lyla Sage’s sophomore release and the second book in her “Rebel Blue Ranch” series. Ada and Weston have an inevitable attraction to each other, alongside their collective emotional baggage. Their struggles with depression and career insecurities are shown in a productive way through their growing relationship. Oh, and there’s hot cowboys! And yes, I will be moving to Wyoming to live on a charming, cozy ranch, wear cowgirl boots, and ride horses!

“At his core, Weston Ryder was gentle, and I thought that was the best thing that a man could be.”

ome upcoming spring releases to look forward to:

Funny Story by Emily Henry

Just for the Summer by Abby Jimenez

Wild Love by Elsie Silver

The Rule Book by Sarah Adams

I love reading about love. I can read romance all day long and talk about them all night. I hope even one book rec will bring some joy into your day and maybe you’ll find a new literary crush for the season!

BRIDE

Ali Hazelwood

You either love Ali Hazelwood or loathe her. I am a lover. This genre change was exciting and different from her typical STEM-related romance novels. “Bride” has a vampire and werewolf relationship in a non-fantasy world. You get to skip the fantasy world-building and get right to the fun stuff! The fun stuff being a 6’5” alpha werewolf you’re forced to marry for the betterment of your people. This book is filled with a delicious amount of pining and longing, and I was obsessed with the characters. It will have you giggling and kicking your feet.

“Maybe there is something devastating about the incompleteness of it. But maybe, just knowing that the other person is there . . .” His throat bobs. “There might be pleasure in that, too. The satisfaction of knowing that something beautiful exists.” His lips open and close a few times, as though he can only find the right words by shaping them first to himself. “Maybe some things transcend reciprocity. Maybe not everything is about having.”

THE CITY DROWNING IN LIGHT

What can be said about New York that hasn’t already been said?

How the light fractures on the fire escapes?

How the long lines of the sun stretch themselves out over the buildings?

How the air feels like blissed wind in the tunnels below?

How the craning of necks to look above at mirrored glass is a normalcy?

Or how about the shared experience of walking across a crosswalk, feet to pavement, the drum beat thrumming along?

Or the familiarity of the corner bodega, the community shared between snapples and bagels?

Or how the pulse is alive and well and thick in avenues and between cross streets?

What else can be said about a place that is dripping with the sweat and tears of the creatives that have inhabited it?

What else can be said about New York City, the city upon a hill, the city drowning in light?

by Carah Gedeon

Q TRAIN

How many times have I cried on the benches waiting for the train, on the cold seats of the Q, in between alleys, on shaky buses, and crossing streets — too many to count. There is no privacy in the City. Your heart is laid out, barren, and all you can do is let the tears run. The City is your car to belt out songs, your bedroom to cry in, your journal to confide in. Tears come when they come, and you’d be a fool to not cry on the bus just because you think people will look. The truth is, no one’s looking. When was the last time someone looked you in the eyes in the City? But, rather, she forces your hand, drives you where she may, gives you no option but to use her avenues as places to weep. And I love her for it, still.

How many times have I hoped for a new life, only to get the same one in return — too many to count.

TAX SEASON: ASK AN ACCOUNTANT

BY RACHEL LORING

Happy tax season to all who celebrate (aka anyone not in the 1% am I right?). Unlike the billionaires, politicians, and CEOs of the world, we do have to pay our fair(?) share of taxes, and that can be really confusing and hard. So I enlisted the help of my accountant brother to answer some of PGG’s burning financial questions:

Q: Do I reaaaaalllly need to do my taxes, lol?

A: Yes, you reaaaaallllllly need to do you taxes, lol.

Q: Follow up: but like, really?

A: Yes.

Q: Can the IRS still find me if I dye my hair blonde?

A: I shaved my head, got a beard, and still had to do mine…maybe try bangs?

Q: If pay in cash, it doesn’t count as real money, right?

A: If I don’t see it in my Wells Fargo app it didn’t happen.

Q: Is the stock market real?

A: I think so. I know I’ve bought stock before, but have yet to receive my package…maybe I’ve been scammed?

Q: Can I write off my Dyson Air wrap on my taxes as a business expense?

A: Depends, are you a hair influ encer? Maybe try filming some YouTube videos--remember, any thing for content is a tax write-off, or so I hear.

Q: Marrying rich, still the move?

A: Definitely, do you know anyone? Asking for a friend.

Q: Can I claim my houseplant as a dependent?

A: Only if for the next 18 years you: feed it, clothe it, provide it shelter, take it on vacations, enroll it in school, drive it to soccer practice, force it to learn piano, and spend thousands of dollars for a degree it won’t really use…seems kinda like a lot. I think I’d pass.

The birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming, and the urge to purge is in the air. But before you start creating a donation pile, let’s talk about spring cleaning that goes way beyond taking a bag to Plato’s Closet. Because let’s face it, there’s more to refreshing your life than just color coordinating your closet (although, that’s important too).

Dump the Digital Junk:

Sometimes our digital spaces can rival even the messiest of closets. Take a hilarious trip down memory lane to delete the Snapchat-filtered photos from 2014, unfollow that situationship you’ll never talk to again, and for the love of all that is holy, please clear out your overflowing inbox. Your phone will thank you, and so will your sanity.

BY KILEY PARRISH

Mental Detox:

Our twenties can be a rollercoaster of emotions, from highs like landing the dream job to your Dad telling you it’s time to learn about taxes (too soon? I get it). Take some time to Marie Kondo your mental space by picking up a new hobby, journaling your thoughts, or getting your steps in while catching up with a friend.

Swipe Left on Toxic Relationships:

From friendships to flings, it’s a minefield out there. Take a step back and evaluate the people in your life – are they lifting you up or bringing you down? Maybe it’s time to say Sayonara to that friend who always seems to bring drama wherever they go (you know the one), unfollow that influencer whose perfect life makes you feel like a potato, and cut ties with that toxic ex. It’s time to surround yourself with people who lift you up and embrace the single life like the fabulous catch you are.

Financial Feng Shui:

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room - your bank account. Being twentysomething often means juggling bills and student loans while still trying to live young, wild, and free. Spring is the perfect time to give your financial house some TLC. Take a hard look at your spending habits, create a budget that actually works for you (yes, skipping the daily latte does make a difference), and start saving for those big-ticket items. Your future self living the financial freedom dream will thank you.

Dream Big, Adult-ish Edition:

Now that you’ve decluttered your space and mindset, it’s time to set your sights on the future and chase those dreams like they owe you money. Whether it’s landing that dream job with the corner office, planning your travels around the world, or learning how to be an adult without calling your mom every five minutes, now is the time to make it happen. Your twenties are the ultimate choose-your-own-adventure book, and you have the ability to start shaping your life now! Consider making a mood board on Pinterest, curating a playlist that fills you with energy, or even just saying positive affirmations, anything to make a small part of your ideal future part of your current reality.

Your guide to spring cleaning isn’t just about getting rid of your college going out tops (but seriously, do that too). It’s about learning who you are and chasing the dream wherever it might take you. So roll up your sleeves and prepare to conquer the messiness of your twenties one clutter-free closet at a time.

ARIES—THUNBERGIA

The Thunbergia flower represents resilience, adaptability, and perseverance. Cosmically, they represent the ability to thrive amidst change, harnessing the energy of transformation to bloom despite challenges.

GEMINI—FORGET ME NOT

The forget me not flower symbolizes remembrance, true love, and connections that transcend time and space. Cosmically, it embodies the enduring essence of souls intertwined across the universe, representing eternal bonds.

LEO—POPPY

The poppy flower depicts transformation and the fleeting nature of existence. It symbolizes the cycle of life, death, and rebirth, echoing the eternal dance of the cosmos.

LIBRA—PANSY

The pansy symbolizes the connection between the past, present, and future, encouraging introspection and contemplation of one’s place in the universe. Often associated with thoughtfulness, remembrance, and reflection.

SAGITTARIUS—CARNATION

The carnation flowers are often associated with love, fascination, and admiration. They can symbolize deep affection and connection, representing cosmic bonds and the intertwining of souls across the universe.

AQUARIUS—BALSAM

The balsam flower depicts heal ing, compassion, and renewal. Cosmically, balsams signify inner strength, resilience, the power to heal emotional wounds, and the ability to overcome adversity with grace.

An earthquake, a solar eclipse, and mercury in retrograde walk into a bar…

In this cosmic chaos, embrace the extraordinary by sowing the seeds of your destiny. Let your horoscope bloom with the promise of possibility from these celestial seed packets.

TAURUS—CHRYSANTHEMUM

The chrysanthemum holds diverse symbolic meanings like fidelity, longevity, and joy. They represent the ability to adapt to changing circumstances and thrive, echoing the cosmic dance of life’s ebbs and flows.

VIRGO—CALENDULA

The calendula is associated with the sun and the element of fire, symbolizing warmth, vitality, and creativity. It is believed to bring brightness and positivity to one’s life, aligning with solar energy and igniting passion and purpose.

CANCER—ASTER

The aster flower represents patience, elegance, and the ability to adapt to change gracefully. Often associated with the qualities of refinement and grace under pressure, reflecting its cosmic balance between resilience and beauty.

SCORPIO—DATURA

The datura flower, also known as devil’s trumpet, has hallucinogenic properties that connect it with altered states of consciousness, inner exploration, delving into hidden truths, and unlocking secrets to yourself and the universe.

CAPRICORN—LOBELIA

The lobelia represents balance, harmony, and tranquility. Cosmically, it can be seen as a symbol of alignment with the natural rhythm of the universe and finding peace within the chaos.

PISCES—MARIGOLD

The marigold is associated with joy, optimism, and positive energy. Cosmically, they represent a vibrant connection to the sun, symbolizing warmth, vitality, and power to overcome obstacles.

SCRIPT DOCTOR: YESTERDAY

BY RACHEL LORING

This spring, like every other spring, I find myself in the mood for nostalgia. Something from the past that makes me feel warm, alive, and reminds me of easier days. However, when I opened my Netflix this month, I was struck with the opposite. I stared at my screen, at the new recommended movies that came up, and felt the familiar feelings of anger, disappointment, and general frustration that always spew up from my deepest depths whenever I see, hear, or think about the 2019 film “Yesterday”.

Suddenly, I am back, 19 years old, home from my freshman year of college, sitting in a dark theater all by myself (minus a few old

women in front of me), and excited to watch a film associated with my favorite band. And very much like any grave injustice done upon the world, the movie “Yesterday” has only managed to piss me off more and more each year.

And yes, I know you’re thinking, Rachel, are you really going to write a retrospective review on a movie that came out almost five years ago? And to that, I say YES! I have been holding this in since that fateful day in 2019 and I finally have a place to rant about this movie so buckle up people because we are out for blood.

Here’s what’s good about this film: mainly, the concept. As someone

who asks everyone they meet who they think the most influential musical act of all time is, and then spends the next hour convincing them that they’re wrong and it is, in fact, the Beatles, the concept of what would happen to the world had the Beatles never existed and pioneered the music industry both artistically and technologically, was gold to me. I was frothing at the mouth over this concept. What direction would they take it in? How literal? Would they commit to the probably impossible butterfly effect of it all?

To answer that question, no, they did none of those things. Even worse, they did none of those things and they failed to tell a coherent, character-driven story that included personal stakes and connections to the Beatles as well as larger themes of plagiarism, the ownership and value of art, and the impact and history of music. But gee, at least they got Ed Sheeran to be in entirely too many scenes.

The first thing I learned about writing stories is that they all boil down to one thing: conflict. A story, at its core, is what your character wants and what is getting in the way--this tension creates plot. Stories have two main kinds of tension/conflict: chronic and acute. Chronic tension, like the name suggests, is the problems and conflicts that are happening before the story takes place, these are bigger, more overarching problems. And acute tension is what problem happens that breaks out into a story. But here’s the important part: these tensions need to feed off of each other. They are somehow related. And that’s where “Yesterday” immediately fails as a story.

So how would I fix it? Oh baby let

me tell you. The first problem I have with “Yesterday” is that the entire story and connection to the main character lack the why. Ie WHY is our main character the only person (one of the only people--we’ll get to that nonsense later) to remember the Beatles? Why now? Why the Beatles? WHY!!! Stories aren’t real life, where things truly do just randomly occur, they are thematically linked. In “Yes terday”, our main character Jack Malik is straight up just some guy. He has no real connection to the Beatles that matters, no connections or obligations that cre ate stakes, he could literally be swapped out with any random struggling artist, and the mov ie does change. That’s a problem. These things need to matter!!! So here’s my first change: Jack Ma lik is in a Beatles cover band. This helps to close some plotholes later (mainly--how does this man just remember all the music and lyr ics of literally every Beatles song to recreate it if he isn’t a Beatles fan?) and it also creates a REASON FOR THE STORY TO HAPPEN.

So, Jack Malik is in a Beatles cover band, but he wants to be a singer/ songwriter. Maybe he joined the cover band after school to help out a friend for what he thought was a one-time gig and it ended up go ing on for years and years. We see a day in his life (pun intended) of him going gig to gig in his Beatles band. We see him play the same songs again and again and again-his eyes slowly glossing over. And then, we flash forward to that night when him and his friend-to-lovers love interest played by Lily James head off to a festival where she was

able to book him (sure she can be his pseudo-manager here too). This scene would largely match the one in the movie, where he plays to a very small crowd, except at the end of his set, a man in a suit approaches Jack and tells him that he caught one of his shows last

nose)”, and, like the movie, falls off his bike when the world mysteriously forgets the Beatles ever existed.

So now, the movie is about him struggling against the idea of Beatles, while simultaneously profiting off of them. But more than that, it’s about him not fully grasping the artistry of them. Maybe we see him struggling to make his covers sound just like the Beatles because he didn’t really take into account all the music tech and all the crazy studio work the Beatles did. Maybe we see people, at first, not really liking his music--because let’s be real here much of what makes the Beatles so iconic is due to the time and place of their fame. And yes, in my version we’re also going with the conceit that Beatles music transcends all time and space so sure, in 2019 “Back in the USSR” is still a chart-topper. But just when he’s about to give up, fully clean his hands of the Beatles, one of his Beatles covers makes it big.

tially the same as the movie but this time we flash forward to a few nights later, where he is biking to said gig in full Beatles get-up (mop top wig included) and it’s raining, there’s some frustrating traffic thing happening, and he’s running late. In his anger, he yells something like, “Stupid Beatles, I wish they had never existed (maybe too on the

As his career takes off, we see that he is starting to fully understand not just the Beatles, but what it means to be an artist. As his fame increases, he ditches his friends, goes down that traditional biopic path, and comes out unfulfilled. Not just personally, but artistically. While his old music that he wrote wasn’t successful, it was at least HIS. He is blowing up, maybe he gets AT MOST a text from Ed Sheeran (and Kate McKinnon is also out of this version; she just breaks any semblance of reality with her comedic acting) and it all comes crashing down at some interview with NOT JAMES CORDEN. Maybe he is told to play a song and instead of executing it well, he falters, and may-

be he starts to panic, realizing that he’s not cut out to be a performer like this. Or, he starts to play his original song but stops when someone in the audience coughs, we see he still struggles to view himself as good enough and instead resorts to “All You Need is Love.”

Now, he is fully spiraling. He is running out of covers or maybe just forgetting songs, he is starting to panic at shows, getting overwhelmed in board/record label meetings, and starting to feel like a full-on fraud (because…he is). He needs a wise old man to advise him and in my version, it is not CGI John Lennon but real-life Paul McCartney. Be cause yes, in my version, I am able to book him for this role. Jack seeks out Paul who is living on a farm in Scotland and yes, when Jack finds him he is holding a ram by the horns which is a fun visual reference.

He talks to Paul and maybe Paul has some little crum my guitar in the corner of his living room. Jack, almost surprised asks if he music and Paul says something along the lines of well yes of course! I love music! Maybe he says that he tried to make it big back in the sixties but it never panned out. Jack asks why he still bothers, and Paul just sort of laughs and says well why not? And then he picked up his guitar and starts playing Jack “Yesterday.” In this version is the ONE song Jack hasn’t stolen because he either 1) hates it and is tired of it or 2) forgot how to play it. And it’s a BEAUTIFUL scene that moves everyone to tears. It also hints to WHY the movie is called “Yesterday”.

and be his Gemini self. It is now time for Jack’s big show, which yeah whatever it can be opening for Ed Sheeran WHATEVER. So he goes up and instead of playing all his Beatles songs, he just plays his one original song and before the audience can even react he just smiles into the spotlight then walks off stage. Also maybe he gave Paul a ticket and we cut to Sir Macca decked out in Jack Beatles ripped-off merch and he gets to say something funny like, “That’s it? I could do better than that!” (listen we’re taking full advantage of

famous Beatles spots--Abbey Road, Penny Lane, Strawberry Fields, etc. And we see that Jack sent Paul over a fancy Hofner bass. But this time, now when he plays the Beatles, we can see he is at peace.

Now, is this perfect? Probably not. But I do think it solves the main problem of linking Jack with the Beatles and has the Beatles and Beatles music matter to Jack’s arc as a character. Additionally, I think many of the same issues and ideas the movie raises about the price of fame and artistry can still be in this version of the script, in fact, I think now they have more room to shine now.

Jack leaves Paul’s, and don’t worry we give Paul lots of time to ad-lib

ambition to be famous isn’t really what he wanted. There’s value in just doing music because you like it. Aha see, he resolved his chronic tension! So he keeps playing his music, although no longer famous and he also gives away all his Beatles music for free like in the movie. If we still want the love story then he can also realize that, just like how the Beatles and their artistry were always right in front of him, so was Lily James and they get together. We end with him playing the Beatles music to a meager, but genuine small crowd at some sunny park, mirroring the opening scene. While he plays we get snapshots of

But, I will leave my review at this. I neglected to mention that a big part of the movie, its thesis statement essentially, comes in the form of two random people who also remember the Beatles. While Jack initially fears they are going to out him as a fraud, eventually, they talk to him and are thankful that he is playing Beatles music. They say something along the lines of they would rather live in a world with Beatles music than without. And that, I deeply agree with. And as much as I hate this movie and have for the past five years, I can also say that maybe it being on Netflix now will influence the next insufferable teen to start their Beatles love affair, so for that, I’m glad to be in a world where at least the movie “Yesterday” exists, if it means the thing I love gets to be shown to a new generation.

…but seriously I could have done it better.

Take these plucked, dying roots

Absolve me

Forgive me of my shame

With these unalive stems

Watch them die and wilt before you

No,

Give me a pomegranate seed

The rock shaped like a heart

The tortoise shell patterned seashell

Give me a napkin with scribbled words

The broken off piece of a cookie

The old flannel you wore for so long

Give me your word

Give me kindness and flower seeds

So I can plant my own flowers

Rooted firmly in the ground

I won’t pluck them

I will let them die their own death

At their own time

And absolution will come when it may.

THE CRITICS

INS AND OUTS FOR A RAINY DAY

You know what they say, April showers bring May flowers. Rainy days can be a hit or miss, so let’s discuss what’s in and out to make the most of this rainy season.

BY RACHEL LORING

IN: Jumping in puddles

Reunite with your childhood self by jumping in every puddle you see…just make sure you’ve invested in some good rain boots due to the dark, cold, gloomy weather.

IN: Dancing in the rain

As Drew Barrymore said in her famous TikTok, never waste the opportunity to go outside and dance in the rain. Whip out those twirls and cartwheels, just make sure there’s no lightning.

IN: Saying “The plants really needed this”

Yes, yes they did and you should always let everyone know this.

IN: The wet look

Embrace your 2005 Kiera Knightley “Pride and Prejudice” moment with a few wet hair strands stuck around your forehead and face.

IN: Going to sleep to the sound of rain

Need I say more?

IN: Going into full-blown panic mode because a cockroach inevitably will appear in your apartment post-rain

It’s just the rain flushing them up and out, you are not contaminated, they will disappear and not be here forever, well…at least until it rains again.

OUT: Getting in/out of a car with an umbrella

Can this be any more unchic? It’s a Sisyphean task, truly one must imagine they are dry when getting out of the car with an umbrella.

OUT: Not bringing an umbrella, just in case

If you harbor any past embarrassments over having an umbrella (middle school trauma wya?) then you need to grow up. An umbrella is never lame to bring! Embrace the potential for rain!

Relinquish the shame!

OUT: Saying “It’s raining cats and dogs”

who are you? Leave it to Beaver? What does this even mean? Also, poor cats and dogs that’s gotta hurt.

OUT: Commuting to work in the rain

Just WFH…or quit.

OUT: When it’s raining men

There are already too many of them.

UMBRELLA

Fondness and attraction collide With such a force it almost pushes us away But we hold on, to the jagged corners of ourselves We find sanctuary in the others’ voice Lulling us to sleep

There’s a comfort nestled here In between untied shoelaces and steeping tea The familiarity of a chest rising and falling, Of steps coming and going, What lives between us is simple, really

It’s like the satisfaction of hearing a door unlock

It’s like watching condensation build

It’s like carrying the comfortable weight of a book in your left hand

It’s like sharing an umbrella, Our collision forced into proximity, Holding each other so close as to not drown.

by Carah Gedeon

BY RACHEL LORING

YOUR PERFECT SPRING DAY