The Post Grad Gazette—Dec. 9, 2023

DECEMBER 9, 2023

DECEMBER 9, 2023 T’was the night before pub date and all through the mag— everybody was stirring with no time to lollygag Programming was set, holiday articles drafted— in hopes to fill reader’s hearts with the fine work we had crafted The editors were stressed, final edits abound— while visions of holiday joy danced all around And all the post gradders, holding their cigarettes — got ready to release our best issue yet!

A TV guide filled up with glee— and our gift lists for a holiday shopping spree A Hallmark film all your own— just be careful what you pick or end up all alone!

If you need advice, we have your your guides: for airport tips and holiday party fits all inside!

You could also learn your future— check out our tarot guide to see if you’ll meet a handsome Christmas suitor Hungry for a Christmas sweet?

Check out our recipe section for a warm treat Or keep going for our cocktail section— for a stronger, festive selection All that and more in our holiday edition— in what we hope is a new Post Grad tradition — Rachel Loring 2

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECMBER 9, 2023

America’s Television Magazine Published by the Post Grad Gazette

The Critics / page 8

LOCAL PROGRAMS Choose Your Own Adventure: A Hallmark Christmas Story by

Rachel

Loring......................................................................................................................4

Joey’s Must-Have Gifts of the Season

by Joseph Farrugia......................................................................................................................5

A Letter to Santa from the Unemployed Graduate by

Rachel

Loring......................................................................................................................6

Post Grad Oracle’s Mystical Insights

by Lauren Maingot......................................................................................................................10 Mystical Insights / page 10

Holiday Travel Tips by

Olivia

North......................................................................................................................13

SHITS & GIGGLES Baby It’s Cold Outside, but With Your Situationship by

Petits Bisous / page 24

Rachel

Loring......................................................................................................................12

CHRISTMAS COOKBOOK

by Macy Kissel Rice Pudding.....................................................................................................................................14 Grammy’s Pumpkin Cake............................................................................................................15 Mexican Wedding Cakes & Church Windows...................................................................16 Bacardi Rum Cake.........................................................................................................................17

by Lizzy Zarrello Coquito......................................................................................................................19

by Rachel Loring Cranberry, Spice, and Everything Nice Punch......................................................................20

LOCAL PROGRAMS Decorating with Furry Friends by

Macy

Kissel......................................................................................................................21

Brenna’s Holiday Style Guide

by Brenna McWha......................................................................................................................22

Petits Bisous: A Treasure Trove of Memories

by Olivia Ginsberg......................................................................................................................24

Gift Guide for Post Gradder on a Budget by

Rachel

Loring......................................................................................................................26

Cover by Macy Kissel

Executive Editor Macy Kissel Executive Editor Rachel Loring THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

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It’s the busiest time of the year, but you still have your popculture obligation to watch as many Christmas movies as you can without burning out.

See below for recommendations and feel free to cross them off as you go!

living in and hates Christmas. He exY outhearebiga boss-lady apple with a plains to you that business is

job in ~business~. Some may say you work too hard, but it’s no sweat off your back, you plan on making your way up to partner! You are finishing up your work day when your boss calls you in for a meeting.

On your way in, you trip on absolutely nothing, because although you’re a boss-lady girl-boss business woman, you’re still at heart, a lovable, easily-digestable clutz.

One piece of hair has fallen out from your bun and you blow at it, cutely, and push it back into place. You roll your eyes at your own adorkable antics.

Your boss is a hard-edged business man who loves business 4

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not doing well and the office needs to cut down on expenses…including your job! He says he’s going to have to let you go!!!

DO YOU: A. Accept his decision with dignity, but try one last time to beg him for a chance with a heartfelt, rousing speech Go to page 6

B. Leave in a fury and cause a scene, after all your work and that’s it????

Go to page 7

C. Pop and few buttons and try to seduce him into letting you stay Go to page 5

T

JOEY’S MUST-HAVE GIFTS OF THE SEASON

Instagram model odor and wear something worth sniffing for the new year.

here are very few things in life that make it worth living. Some would say those things are philanthropy, loved ones, work, or even hobbies, whereas others live in a plane all material. This guide is for the latter, for those whose hearts warm at the sight of a well stitched coat, supple leathers, and a price tag that makes many tug at their collars. Happy holidays to all those materialistic, and bah humbug to all those invested in things fulfilling and selfless - you’re no fun.

gan Stanley man. Let’s be honest, Cole Haan just doesn’t cut it anymore and Bruno Magli doesn’t hold the same name recognition it did in 2003.

Franck Muller Cintree Curvex

Hobo bags never left despite what some annoying 23-yearold NYC transplant may have told you via TikTok. Mini bags are only good if you’re holding hopes and dreams, or going to a bar and not expecting to pay. Even then, grow up and buy a clutch, you block-heel-wearing child.

$7,600 | Tourneau

Digital time keeping is a thing of the past.

How else are you going to class signal and let people know you’re less inclined to check your phone than them? You’re a watch person. Everyone else is just acting.

Franck Muller’s are for those who aren’t butch enough for a Hublot, tacky enough for a Rolex, nouveau enough for an Audemars, but still tasteful enough to get something that isn’t a Cartier. This watch is just enough for you to feel superior, but known enough that you won’t be mistaken for one of those girls wearing a thrift shop Timex.

Mezlan Loafers

$200-900 | Mezlan Mezlan loafers are great budget-friendly gifts for any man who cares about what he puts on his feet or any accidental girlfriend of a Murray Hill Mor-

Loafers are a dying art in a world where sneakers are becoming socially acceptable attire across the board. Why not make a splash when divulging from the status quo? This does not include platform loafers - a punishable-by-death offense in their own right. Don’t stoop to their level. Bring back the art of effort in dress and stylish footwear for 2024.

Ralph Lauren Wellington Hobo $3200 | Saks Fifth Avenue

The silent part people never say out loud? The bigger the bag, the skinnier you look - like how a 7 standing near a 4 makes the 7 look like a 9. That being said, Ralph Lauren does an understated handbag like no one else. For $3,200, you don’t even have to worry about taking care of this bag for every day use.

Say hello to your beautiful beater.

Tonkapeach Parfum $125 (60ml) | Gallagher Fragrances Are you or your significant other victims of the Santal 33 epidemic? Have you or a loved one been diagnosed with Baccarat Rouge 540? It’s time to take back control of your Miami

Gallagher Fragrances’ Tonkapeach is a delightful refresh from the derivative perfumes of yesteryear. With scents of Tonka Bean, Peach, Musk, and Puff Pastry (?), this perfume is not only great for winter, but even better for the ego. Give the gift of ‘discovering’ this perfume to the giftee along with the delicious scent this perfume yields.

Dyson Air Wrap - New Edition

$599 | Dyson, Sephora, Other Beauty Majors Bad hair isn’t something you’d ever wish on an enemy. Actually, I retract that. But, if you could give the gift of better hair to someone you loved, would you? Now you can with the updated Dyson Air Wrap. No more switching heads… that’s for the plebians who can’t afford to upgrade.

One thing nobody tells you is that even if you don’t feel like getting dressed well for the day, if your hair’s done, you’ll look put together. Hair makes or breaks you. Pretty people never have bad hair unless they’re really pretty. Get your giftee this specific colorway too if they’re not like other girls, even more so if they’re worse.

Good friends don’t let friends be ugly.

Alright, I’m really tired of telling you what you should buy your tacky friends. Happy holidays.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

N

If you chose C...

ice try Hallmark don’t do THE END.

but

this movie, that

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

is

a we here.

5

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose A...

Y

ou stand up to leave, but as you do, you think of all the blood, sweat, and tears you’ve put into this role and clench your fists. You deliver a heartfelt speech, making even the stone cold exterior of your boss melt a little. He thinks for a minute and then decides he’ll give you one last assignment: convincing the small Christmas-themed town of Yule Logtown to sell. The only problem? Their mayor is a huge stickler and has refused to sell for the past five years.

You accept the assignment.

You arrive in Yule Logtown. Your stilettos sink into the snow as you drag your suitcase down a cobblestone road. You pull out your phone and check the most recent text. It’s from your boss: Check in at 4 at the Cozy Stocking Inn. Remember: get them to sell so we can bulldooze this cupcake stand and get to business!

The honk of a horn snaps your attention away from your phone.

A truck slowly pulls up to you.

An older man with a snow white beard and round belly

smiles at you from behind the wheel. His cheeks are rosy and he’s wearing a red coat with white trim. He asks if you’d like a ride to where you’re going.

DO YOU: A. Hop in, he looks friendly and has a warm glow… plus he looks kind of familiar Go to page 8

B. Tell him thanks but no thanks, you’re an indepedent woman, you can find your own way to your hotel.

Go to page 9

A LETTER TO SANTA FROM THE UNEMPLOYED GRADUATE Hi Santa,

on their list too, you’ll be killing two birds with one stone.

Seeing as the Universe, and God, and a few old pagan deities haven’t answered my requests, I am turning to you. This year, what I want more than anything in the world is a job. I know, I know, you have little wooden ponies and hula hoops to make for the children of the world (which like, let’s be honest who’s asking for wooden toys anymore?) But me getting a job is wayyyy more important than that. You might be saying, “Now what’s in it for me?” which, harsh but fair, the job market is tough and I’m sure it takes a lot of Christmas magic to break through, so let me convince you.

First, it’ll get me out of my parents’ house and since me moving is most definitely also 6

Secondly, getting me a job will stimulate the economy. Now, I’m not sure which way your politics lean, your commitment to giving away free stuff makes me think liberal, but your exploitation of the working class/treatment of elf minorities (do they have elf unions?) makes me think republican, but reagrdless, everyone uses the economy. And hey, if you are a tree-hugging liberal then maybe you could get me a remote job--and bam, saving paper! Getting me a job means I can get out of Florida, which means I can go where hot men are, which means I can have children with one of those hot men some day and then you’ll have more customers, so really if you think

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

about it, it’s an investment in your best interest. Plus, if you get me a job that pays high enough, I’ll be able to get my own place and provide you with another Chimney to shuffle on down into.

I promise I’ve been good this year. Sure, I got a parking ticket and forgot to pay my utility bill a few times but, generally, I’ve been a saint. I can’t think of any really good examples, maybe ask God, he’ll know. Actually, he seems kinda judgy and I for sure take his name in vain a lot so maybe ask one of those pagan deities, they’re wayy cooler with the whole swearing and sinning thing.

Listen Santa, can I call you Nick?

Okay Nick, we’ve been through a

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose B...

Y

ou tell your boss he can shove it! You’ve dedicated ten years of your life to this job, you’ve cancelled dates for this job! You quit on the spot, knocking over a decorative nutcracker on your way out.

Back home, you are curled up on your couch with your token minority friend. They are trying to cheer you up, and hand you a steaming mug of hot cocoa.

While you say they are your best friend, they will make literally no impact on this story and the two of you have no believable chemistry. Your phone rings and it’s your mom. She begs you to come home for Christmas, and since you are no longer employed, you realize you have no excuse.

After a short travel montage, you arrive back to your hometown of Candy Cane Forrest-burg, a quant Christmas-themed town that hosts the state’s largest annual Christmas Bake off where the winner gets free tuition at the top pastry school in France!

You walk into your childhood home where a large family gathering is taking place. Everyone is wearing sweaters and singing Christmas carols. They are also decorating every possible surface in the house. An old woman, your grandmother, winks at you

Love, Rachel from her spot at the fireplace.

Ps. I’ll also take a You hug everyone and realize you didn’t bring any sort of gift check if that’s easier lot together, remember all our good times?

The cookies and milk, the time you told me I was getting close to the naughty list (which, now that I think about it was probably my mom and not you), the Hannah Montana Barbie house you got me, aren’t those times worth something? And to be fair, I haven’t written you in what, fifteen years? So I’d really like to cash in all those gifts now for a job please.

and offer to run to the bakery next door to get some rolls for dinner. You walk through town, reflecting on your successful, yet unfulfilled life in business. You turn into Holly Lane Bakery, trip on the door frame, and stumble into a chest that is all too familiar. It’s your old high school boyfriend, Nicholas Saint! You broke it off with him when you decided to go into business and haven’t seen him since. He is tall, has brown hair, and looks charmingly generic. He has a light scruff of facial hair to show he’s down to earth, but not unkempt.

Hs is wearing a flannel shirt.

He’s closed off at first, but your awkward charm eventually warms him up to you. You confess that you’ve felt bad about leaving him for the big city so suddenly, and Nicholas suggests that you could make it up to him by helping him in the upcoming bake off. His unusually short, pointy-eared sous chef recently quit after a Christmas tree-based accident.

DO YOU: A. Accept his offer, after all you used to bake together all the time in highschool, plus this could bury the hatchet Go to page 12

B. Decline, although you want to help you’re no good at baking and feel too guilty to be around him any more?

Go to page 19

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose A...

okay listen, even U mmm though this is a Hallmark

movie and he looks like Santa we can’t be getting in stranger’s cars. Come on. The stranger reveals himself to be the Santa Strangler, a notoriously elusive Christmas-themed serial killer! He takes you to his holiday murder shed and you’re never heard from ever again.

THE END.

SONGS & ARTISTS:

Patti LaBelle singing “This Christmas” at the 1996 National Tree Lighting Mr. Heatmeiser Cher’s first ever Christmas Album!

Pink Friday 2 — sequel to Pink Friday by Nikki Minaj Stomp and Holler

BOOKS:

Modern Love edited by Daniel Jones The Secret History by Donna Tartt The Maidens by Alex Michaelides Rereading The Bell Jar at your parents house

SHOWS & MOVIES:

Lessons in Chemistry on Apple TV Any Bob’s Burgers Christmas episode Saltburn... this is not up for debate sorry.

THE PERCY JACKSON TV SHOW DROPPING DEC 20

DINING:

Pepperoni as dinner Pepperoni as lunch Meal Prepping during the holidays so you don’t have to eat pepperoni for breakfast

MISCELLANEOUS:

Accidentally cutting your hair too short Ice skating drunk The Symphony Getting your loafers resoled Oversized blazers for literally any occasion Extensive oral hygiene routines Small skirt + tall boot Multiple layers of socks so you don’t have to turn the heat on Knitting

8

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose B...

tell him you can handle Y ouit and continue trudging

until you reach the inn. It’s a small cottage-looking building decorated with a shocking amount of garland. In the lawn are multiple snowmen and three light-up reindeer. You roll your eyes and push your way through the front door, stumbling cutely on the welcome mat. Inside, the inn is warm and cozy with a crackling fire and soft, royalty-free christmas music playing on the radio.

Suddenly, a man appears from behind the front desk. He looks generically handsome and consumer friendly in a non-intimidating way that appeals to middle-aged white women.

He is tall with brown hair and looks like a mix of a property brother and a random contestant from the Bachelorette. His name is Chris, Chris Kringle.

and Chris stroll along snow-covered streets, talking to locals and visiting vendors. You try on silly holiday hats and your fingers brush while he hands you a hot cocoa. He takes you to the town square, where the two of you help the local orphans decorate a Christmas tree. While hanging string lights, you trip and fall right into Chris’s arms! The world slows around the two of you, and you feel the ice around your business-oriented heart thaw.

DO YOU: A. Screw love! Take the offer!

Go to page 20

B. Tell him all you really want is to be with him and live in Yule Log forever.

Go to page 27

You lean in, but your phone buzzes and you jerk apart. A text from your boss: Any progress yet? We need that chump to sell the town so we can do business! Chris sees it and accuses you of betraying him. The two of you get into a melodramatic argument and he storms away.

He extends a formal invitation to you to see the town fully, after all the Christmas festival is tomorrow and he’s busy doing his final mayoral walk throughs. Deciding this might be your chance to get on his good side, you agree.

On your walk home, you start to think that maybe your life in the city isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You get back to the inn and fall asleep reading a public domain Christmas book. In the morning, you call a taxi; it’s time to leave. As you peer longingly out the window, you suddenly realize that you love Chris! You tell the taxi to stop and hop out.

You run through the snow until you reach the town square. You look around, and finally, your eyes land on Chris, holding a pair of oversized scissors to cut the annual Christmas festival opening ceremonies ribbon.

What follows next is a magical, romantic holiday montage. You

Your eyes meet, and you run towards each other. You both

You ask him where you can find the mayor, expressing your eagerness to get out of town, and he reveals that he is the mayor! Can you say awkward?

start to talk and then, flustered, laugh it off. He goes first, and apologizes for judging you too harshly and says that if it makes you happy, he’ll sell the town.

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

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The Post-Grad Oracle’s

Your 2024 Tarot Forecast

G

reetings, seekers of cosmic wisdom, as we stand at the threshold of a new chapter. The stars whisper secrets of destinies unfolding. Peer with me into the mystic realm as I unveil a one-card tarot reading for each astrological sign, offering a glimpse into the threads of fate woven by the celestial loom in the year before us.

Aries, the Three of Wands calls you to strategic collaboration.

Expand your alliances, and success shall greet you on the shores of opportunity.

10

Taurus, the Six of Pentacles suggests that generosity shall be rewarded. The harmony of sharing shall bring both material and spiritual fulfillment.

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

Gemini, the Page of Swords beckons new ideas and ignited curiosity. Let the blade of you sharp intellect cut through the fog of uncertainty.

Cancer, the Ten of Cups overflows with harmony. Celebrate the love that surrounds you, and let your heart be a beacon of happiness.

Leo, the Strength card beckons you to tap into your inner power. Face challenges with the grace of a lion, embracing patience and resilience.

Virgo, the Nine of Pentacles speaks of financial success through meticulous labor. Know that your diligence shall be rewarded with abundance.

Libra, the Justice card calls upon you to find equilibrium in your choices this year. Let fairness guide your hand, and see the cosmic scales align.

Scorpio, the Death card whispers of endings and rebirth. Release the old, embrace the new, and rise from the ashes with new perspectives.

Sagittarius, the Chariot propels you through challenges. Charge forward with determination and cosmic forces shall carry you to victory.

Capricorn, the King of Pentacles crowns you with financial leadership.

Be steadfast, embrace responsibility, and ascend the throne of prosperity.

Aquarius, the Fool invites you to embrace the journey of spontaneity and innovation.

Face the unknown with not fear, but wonder.

Pisces, the High Priestess guides you through the mystical waters of intuition and inner wisdom. Dive into your subconscious for necessary revelations.

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

SHITS & GIGGLES

If you chose A...

offer and Y ousinceacceptthe hiscontest is

Baby It’s Cold Outside

tomorrow, it’s time to bake.

Cue baking montage! The two of you knead dough, ice cakes, and dance goofily to royalty-free music. Nicholas flings some flour at you, playful. The two of you laugh and you fling some flour back. Next thing you know, it’s a full on food fight!

DO YOU: A. Toss a banana peel on the ground to teasingly trip him Go to page 23

B. Crack an egg over his head, ruining his perfectly quaffed hair?

Go to page 18

but with your situationship

I really can’t stay (Huh, what did you say?)

I’ve got to go away (Oh, yeah sure)

The neighbors might think (I’ll text you in the morning or something) Say, what’s in this drink?

(Huh?)

This evening has been (Pretty dope) So very nice (Oh yeah or that I guess)

I wish I knew how (No wait go back to that drink thing) To break this spell

My mother will start to worry (Maybe we shouldn’t talk about our families…)

My father will be pacing the floor (I just think it’s kind of soon to be getting that deep) So, really, I’d better scurry (You know I’d ask you to stay but I gotta be up kinda early…)

But maybe just a half a drink more (Sure, but can you Venmo me back for your half?)

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THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

(I think it was just a red mix?)

I ought to say, “No, no, no, sir” (Yeah, I mean do what you gotta do) At least I’m gonna say that I tried (I mean not too hard it’s not like we’re exclusive or anything) I really can’t stay (I’d drive you home buttt) Baby, it’s cold outside

HOLIDAY TRAVEL TIPS

during the T raveling holidays can be a San- Three.

ta-sized pain. Luckily for us at the Post Grad Gazette, our friends are well-traveled, or at least, they’ve been stuck on tarmacs for many hours. Here are some of our best tips from airport aficionado herself, Olivia North.

One. Arrive at least 500 hours early for no reason because you have anxiety and are afraid of being late.

Two. Assert dominance over all surrounding travelers in TSA by getting through security lightning fast.

Get those shoes OFF! Consider not wearing shoes in the first place if you don’t fear bacterial infections.

As Trixie Mattel said, TSA is the biggest drag performance of all, so give them the show of a lifetime!

Get dramamine, we don’t wanna throw up.

Take get

only half or you’ll sleepy on arrival.

Four. Getting a fun bev and snack is mandatory, this will also help to pass the time while you wait.

Olivia recommends diet coke and a pretzel/chippy situation (especially the Dot’s pretzel twists, which are a recent fav) Remember, be barfy!

nothing

that

could

Five. Wear a really big hoodie for optimal cacooning.

Six. Aisle seats are the best.

For easy access to bathroom so we don’t have a Delta flight incident 2.0

Seven. Remember to download all your music/podcasts, unless you want to splurge on in-flight wifi.

And with that, enjoy your flight and good luck if you get weather delays, because the airlines will NOT be compensating you for those hours lost.

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Accept these delicious dessert suggestions for the most important dinner of the year

RICE PUDDING

Each ingredient added to rice pudding plays a part in the final result starting from the rice all the way to the garnish.

This recipe, amongst others originates from Kathleen LaSpina, as she loved to bake especially with love.

1.

Combine milk, sugar, and rice in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil. You are not going to rinse off the rice, as the starch adds to the consistency of the pudding. Simmer for an hour or until rice is tender, could be longer. Stir occasionally as the will scorch the bottom of the pan.

Whip the cream. Add eggs and vanilla and whip some more. Fold into rice mixture and bring to a boil. Simmer 5 minutes or until thick.

2.

Note: You really have to watch here as the rice will burn.

3.

Transfer the mixture to your desired serving vessel. Then sprinkle the cinnamon all over the surface.

This can be served warm or chilled, personally I prefer it cold better as the mixture has had time to settle and thicken up nicely.

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THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

GRAMMY’S PUMPKIN CAKE When Kathleen LaSpina was 22 years old, single, and living in Manhattan, she got this recipe from her roommate (circa 1964). The recipe was her roommates grandmother’s, so the true origin year of the recipe is somewhere around the early 1900s.

1.

First thing you should always do when baking is preheat the oven. You’re going to get caught up in the making of batter and chopping of nuts and before you know it, your cake will be ready but have no place to go, so be sure to preheat to 350º fahrenheit before starting anything.

2.

Dry ingredients next. Take your flour and get a sifter ready, and sift that flour into a large mixing bowl. Add in baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and sugar into that same mixing bowl. Stir together lightly so ingredients combine.

3.

Now we are getting ~wet~ with the eggs, cooking oil, water, and pumpkin. Add these slowly and mix well, as the batter will become thicker. Make sure all the lumps are out of the batter then mix in the chopped walnuts.

4.

For this cake you’re going to use a bundt pan, because the shape gives it air while allowing us to ice 3 sides of the cake for the perfect cake to icing ratio. You are going to want to both grease and flour your pan, so your cake doesn’t get stuck. Pour your batter inplace in your preheated oven, and

set timer for one (1) hour.

Hard part is done!

Now that you have an hour to kill what’s more perfect than making your icing for the cake? I will be using the words icing and frosting interchangeably because frosting usually has something creamy in the makeup— such as butter, whipping cream, or cream cheese (which ours does) however, icing tends to be more liquid when applied and hardens as it dries, (which ours also does).

look sloppy and not presentable and did you really put all this time into the cake for people to NOT think it was made with love? NO! Once the cake is cooled start on the bottom and use a knife to glob it on and smooth out in swirling strokes. have eat it

your too!

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

15

5.

Really no method to this, just pour in all ingredients, mix that bad boy up until smooth.

Voila! cake,

You now

Cake is done but WAIT you have to let it cool completely before you frost otherwise it will slip off and

These addictive desserts got their name because when cut, the marshmellows resemble the stained glass of church windows.

1 bag butterscotch 1 bag multicolored marshmallows, frozen 1 giant Hershey’s milk chocoate bar ½ cup peanut butter No baking involved (thank god).

Melt the buterscotch, chocolate bar, and peanut butter until creamy.

Pour into casserole dish, and mix in the rainbow marshmellows until well distributed.

Place in fridge until solid.

Once solid, cut into even squares and place in cool dark place until ready to serve.

CHURCH WINDOWS MEXICAN WEDDING CAKES 1 cup butter, softened ½ cup 10x powdered sugar 2 cups all purpose flour

¼ tsp salt

1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 375º.

The butter should be soft, so mix that alone until creamy. Gradually add in the powdered sugar until fluffy. Then add in the remaining ingredients. Pinch off small pieces of dough and roll between your palms to shape them into balls.

(Note: If the dough is too soft to handle, chill for 15 minutes.)

Bake on ungreased cookie sheet for 10 minutes.

Once out of the oven, and while they’re still hot, roll in some e xcess powdered sugar to give them the sandy-snowy look that theyre known for.

These popular cookies are also called snowballs or pecan sandies as they resemble snow or sand with their powdered-sugar dusting. Some even refer to them as Russian tea cookies. Yet, speculation indicates that in the 1950s, the name changed to Mexican wedding cakes in the U.S. to diverge from any Cold War context due to the strained relations with Russia at the time.

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THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

BACARDI RUM CAKE FOR THE CAKE:

1 cup toasted peacans or walnuts 1 15.25oz box yellow cake mix 1 3.4oz package instant vanilla pudding mix 4 large eggs ½ cup cold milk ½ cup vegetable oil ½ cup Bacardi dark rum

FOR THE GLAZE:

½ cup unsalted butter ¼ cup water 1 cup granulated sugar ½ cup Bacardi dark rum

Preheat oven to 325º. Generously spray a 12-cup bundt pan with baking spray with flour. Chop your nuts coarsely and sprinkle along the bottom of the pan.

In a large bowl add cake mix, pidding mix, eggs, milk, veggie oil, and Bacardi rum. Mix well until combined, about 2 minutes. Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Firmly tap pan on kitchen towel-lined countertop several times to evenly spread the batter and release any air bubbles.

Transfer to oven and bake 45-55 minutes until golden brown and a toothpick inserted comes out with moist crumbs sticking to it.

Let cake cool in pan 30 minutes before inverting it onto serving plate. Prick the top with a fork and set the cake aside.

Melt butter in medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir in water and sugar and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and add Bacardi rum.

Drizzle glaze over top of cake.

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose B...

Y

ou crack an egg over his head. He retaliates and cracks one on your head back.

You both fall to the ground in laughter. You suddenly stop laughing and peer into each other’s eyes. He reaches over and wipes a strand of wet, egg-covered hair from your face. You lean in, but suddenly pull back.

You tell Nicholas that you can’t do this…not again. He looks away, hiding the pain in his eyes at you for yet again abandoning him. He tells you to forget about the bake off…he 18

can make his own gingerbread.

You return home feeling defeated. You pour yourself a mug of cocoa and grab your high school photo album. You reflect on your relationship with Nicholas. You hear footsteps behind you and turn, seeing your wise old grandma leaning against the kitchen counter. She gives you a pep talk, helping you realize that the happiest time of your life was when you and Nicholas were together. You express that you can’t ever fix it now, not after your ditched the conest, but she grins and slides over the secret family recipe for gingerbread to you.

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

The next day, you rush into town and make it to the contest in the nick of time. You push through the crowd of atendees and make your way to the baking tent. Inside you find Nicholas, frantically mixing up cookie dough. You rush to his side and he asks what you’re doing here.

DO YOU: A. Pick up a bowl and get to work Go to page 22

B. Make a grand romantic speech, confessing your love and regret on how you treated him Go to page 21

Elsa’s Coquito

Every holiday season since childhood I would sneak sips of my Aunt Elsa’s coquito. So, I figured in spirit of the holiday season I would share this delicious cocktail with my favorite people!

Here’s everything you need to know to create this creamy, tropical, Puerto Rican holiday cocktail, Feliz Navidad!

Ingredients: 1 Can Condensed Milk 2 Cans Evaporated Milk 2 Cans Coconut Milk 2 Cans Coconut Cream 1/2 Cup Water 2 Egg Yolks 2 Cinnamon Sticks 1 Teaspoon Ground Cinnamon 1 Teaspoon All Spice 1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract Spiced Rum

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose B...

politefully decline, and Y ouinstantly regret the look

of pain on Nicholas’ face. You flee in a hurry and accidentally slip on an ice-patch outside. The fall disrupts an icicle on the roof, which plunges into your chest.

However, instead of dying you gain the powers of ice and snow and continue your life as the Snow Girl, a superhero dedicated to fighting Christmas-based crimes for the betterment of winterkind.

THE END.

Servings: 2 Bottles Instructions: 1. Combine water and cinnamon sticks in pot and bring to a boil.

2. Mix tea with condensed milk in a bowl.

3. Temper beaten egg yolks into mixture (Slowly drizzle the egg yolks into the bowl. Make sure the mixture is warm enough to cook off the yolks, but not too hot where it scrambles.)

4. Add mixture to blender with evaporated milk, coconut milk, coconut cream, ground cinnamon, all spice, and vanilla extract.

5. Blend and add rum till its got a good kick.

6. Serve in your most festive glassware and drink!

Written By Lizzy Zarrello

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CRANBERRY, SPICE, AND EVERYTHING NICE PUNCH This punch has has all the flavor, classic Christmas spices, and dark red color that makes it a gorgeous addition to any holiday party.

Now, it does required a little simmering, but as recent grads, it’s time to start stepping up our party punch game! No longer are we just willy nilly pouring ingredients into a bowl, we want a recipe that will impress our long lost relatives, judgemental moms, and fun party guests all season long! Here’s how you make it: 2 cups fresh cranberries ½ cup water ½ cup honey or maple syrup, to taste 1 inch sliced, fresh ginger 8 all-spice berries 5 cloves 2 cinnamon sticks 2 cups 100% cranberry or pomegranate juice 1 cup orange juice

1 1/2-2 cups vodka (we suggest 2) 48-72 ounces sparkling water, to top with (amount is to your preference) Chai spice sugar or cinnamon sugar, for the rim (optional, recipe included below) Sliced oranges, mint, and star anise, for garnish (HIGHLY advised)

1.

You’ll need to make a cran berry jam first. But don’t worry, it’s super simple!

Start by adding water, cranberries, ginger, honey (or syrup), cloves, all-spice, and cinnamon sticks to pot and bring to a boil.

2.

Let boil for 5 minutes (get those cranberries popping) and then remove from heat.

3.

Let cool! You’ll want to remove the ginger slices, cloves, and allspice berries from the jam.

If you want, you can strain out the cranberries, or leave them in for some extra color and garnish

4.

Now that you have your cranberry syrup, combine it in a punch bowl of your choosing with cranberry (or pomegranate) juice, orange juice, and vodka.

Let this chill and sit until time to serve.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose A...

hearing his offer, U youponrealize love is actu-

ally overrated. You buy the town and go back to the office victories! Your boss is impressed and offers you to be his new VP. You make the Forbes best in business list and live happily ever after as a girl boss in your upper east side brownstone.

THE END. 20

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

5.

Just before serving, add sparkling water. If you want, you can rim glasses (see chai sugar recipe below) and then garnish with orange slices, anise, and extra cranberries or mint (garnish to your heart’s content)

CHAI SUGAR RIM 2 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp ginger ½ tsp cardamon ¼ tsp nutmeg

¼ tsp all-spice ¼ tsp cloves a pinch of pepper ⅓ cup granulated sugar

HOW TO DECORATE WHEN YOU HAVE FURRY FRIENDS Apologies to those looking for advice on how to decorate around their human friends who dress up as furries... I cannot help you there. Best of luck.

it comes time this collar) and you have the cutest W hen holiday season to break sentient holiday decor there is!

out your dusty, retaped boxes of decorations, we want to find ways to preserve our seasonal investments as best as possible for use year after year. However, you might have to take into precaution your furry friends who may be running around your home causing mischief.

1. DO decorate your tree sparingly, but be mindful of any glass or otherwise breakable oraments that may look visually appetizing or intriguing so they don’t get broken or eaten. Nobody wants a Vet ER trip for Christmas.

2. DO place any garland out of reach from wandering paws. If your cats can jump from the couch to the mantle, you may want to rethink hanging garland, or even rethink the placement of your couch. Sounds like a year-round disaster.

3. DO consider using your pet as a decoration, pop on their favorite christmas sweater (or jingle bell

4. DO NOT leave those jingle bells lying around. Choking hazard for the little ones. Need I repeat myself. See number 2.

5. DO NOT be kissin under that misletoe and moving that party to the bedroom, thus leaving the missletoe unattended.

There are various plants that are toxic to animals and this is one of them, in addition to Poinsettas, holly, and the sap from your real Christmas tree.

6. DO NOT leave that cutesy snowglobe near the edge of any tables. If any frisky paws knock that bad boy over it’s not going to be a silent night.

7. DO get a tiny stocking that has their name or maybe just a paw print on it so your pet feels included in the holiday festivities. Santa Paws might stop by and give them a treat if they were a good girl or boy this year.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose B...

Y

ou launch into a long, heartfelt speech, confessing your feelings and regret breaking it off years ago. You explain how you don’t care about business anymore, you just want to be together and bake cookies forever. Unfortunately, you get a little bit too into your speech and accidentally take too long and run out of time to bake. Nicholas is furious that you cost him the most important bake off of the year and his chance at pastry school! He leaves you at the judges tent in tears eventually publishes a cook book called Take This Gingerbread and Shove It. THE END.

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THE BOW ON TOP

Whether it’s drinking eggnog at home, trying to impress the ex you’ll inevitably see at the grocery store, or just Christmas morning as an adult- we have the right look for you.

THE HOLIDAY PARTY

FOR THE MORNING AFTER CHRISTMAS EVE

Victoria’s Secret, $48 Satin pajamas that say, “Yes Mom, I DO have a job.”

Aje, $417 Cool girl chic for the office Christmas Party. PSA: your work crush is even hotter when drunk

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose A...

grab a bowl and start Y oubaking.

Your gingerbread

recipe blows the judges away and you and Nicholas are announced as the winners! The two of you share a chaste, closed-mouth, family-friendly kiss and flash forward to one year later, where you run a successful Christmas bakery in the south of France.

THE END. 22

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Stuart Weitzman, $495 The ultimate holiday shoe has a bow. No exceptions!

FOR RUNNING INTO EXES

Maeve, $130 (for the look) Simple, yet cool. Reminds them of how successful you now are.

FOR LAST MINUTE SHOPPING RUNS

Beyond Yoga, $165 (for the look) Yes, shopping is a workout. And yes, I will wear a holiday green co-ord set to do it.

FOR FAMILY AFFAIRS

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose A...

a banana peel on Y outhetossground and wait for

English Factory, $190 (for the look) Appropriate, put together, and easy. A win for you AND your Grandma.

him to walk over it. He slips on it and falls backwards, cracking his head on the counter. He dies. You panic for a second before deciding to stage it as an accident. You wipe all your finger prints away and delete the security footage.

You make a run for it, eventually dying your hair and escaping to Canada, where you live out your days in a remote cabin hiding from the law and making earmuffs out of beaver pelts.

THE END.

Layer? I barely know her!

Anything becomes “holiday” when there’s a frilly collar undeneath. Try putting a collared top under a sweater or adding a dickey.

Add some charm Adding small accesories to an outfit can make a big difference.

For example, use clip on shoe charms to give a normal pump a whole new look!

Shoutout @ecbells for the idea

The long lost sister of jewelry: The Brooch Brooches are an often forgotten accessory, but they can add so much charm (no pun intended) to a simple outfit. And they’re usually always under $5 at the thrift store (score)!

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A treasur

E T TS B I US

e trove of

As

memorie

s.

a child I bac was k to always whatever collectin a t the I fe g small t ime th objects a part ey bec lt about this scraps to ame m phenom of my an st ore I fi e hiding p ow away in what d For many o c o l l e nd peop non, the ction. lace I co ever f us, trink s l a e me hob were a re with the uld find. ets like th of my sm by. It b minder o ese es Each all treasu e c f omes pecially childhoo memory res held to the di an pleasant d—a t a link of sweet stant pa h h a e e b r st. I wou n i h t t o i them ou o w m d l , i u es da ring I find m ld t t of thei yself col . Even abunda ys, when there r box, us ake random cookie ti n l i e s ce of cting an ual ass n of som small s e sort, an ly a papers t ortment of items a things and through p a r kly hat brin precious dl and to them. Fo g about m s r a mom ook feeling t o e I was r m e o a a r way for i warm ent, when I ab safe kee es Perhaps look th t r a n s p o le to p i t i n i rough s rt them. somethin a way for us twe g.

The mo ntyg s to heal re chil o d u r t e n inner . Each I talk of these a small i tems reminde r and a kiss” eve “ l n in the ittle bleakest times.

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THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

DES PETITS BISOUS Print out the trinkets below and create your own collage of your favorite things using the cookie tin on the previous page.

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GIFT GUIDE

3.MIXED CDs

FOR THE POST GRADDER ON A BUDGET

This is my absolute favorite idea. The best gifts are personalized and personal so making a mixed CD is a good way to share some of what you love with the people you love.

Plus, what’s a better gift than music you love?

holiday shopping I sstressing you out? Post

grad is hard on the wallet, whether it be ridiculously high rent prices, criminally low entry-level salaries, or the sheer amount of money spent on groceries each week, it can be hard during the holidays to get all your gifts without breaking the bank.

Luckily for you, as a once perpetually poor college student and a currently unemployed young adult, I know how to make some thoughtful, fun gifts on a TIGHT budget. Here are three ideas that are Rachel tested and approved!

1.COLLAGES This is a bit more involved, but a really cute personalized gift. All you need is a canvas (which you can get at the Dollar Tree or Walmart!), modge podge, and some pictures.

Tip: Make a pinterest board to find ~aesthetic~ images to use and then print and podge! It helps if you can include images that are special to the person you’re gifting for. Find images of their favorite types of flowers, art, foods, tv shows/movies, quotes, and just anything else that reminds you of that person.

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2.POEMS and LETTERS Listen, they don’t have to be great, but writing can be a sweet personalized gift that comes from the heart! Handwritten gifts are so precious to me.

Something as simple as writing “I love you!” and framing it can be a super cute decor piece. Or, if you’re feeling creative, write a personalized poem! Consider also framing meaningful receipts from events, tickets, or any sort of memorabilia you have related to the giftee.

Tip: You can find inexpensive frames from Goodwill, paint them to your liking, and add your own work inside! Even better, go to Michael’s to get some fun 3D stickers to jazz up your frame even more!

THE POST GRAD GAZETTE, DECEMBER 9, 2023

Tip: Go all out! Create a fun cover and album name to make it feel like a real CD! I did this for three years straight and it became a fun holiday tradition my family looked forward to each year (“In the Car with Rachel” is still played in my mom’s van.)

Remember, the best gifts are ones that have purpose and come from the heart!

Making something for the people we love is such a small wonderful act of care and my favorite part of the holidays, plus it’s a unique, keepsake gift that no one else will gift them! est of Enjoy the b d Gazette The Post Gra rs

curated by our edito

ELOW

SCAN B

TO READ MORE

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE If you chose B...

Y

ou cexplain to Chris in a beautiful speech that while at first you only saw this town as a chance to get ahead in business, you now realize that you’re in love with him and with Christmas! You share a chaste, close-mouth kiss that won’t offend a family-friendly audience and toss your phone into a nearby patch of snow.

Your only business now is the business of Christmas spirit!

THE END.

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