The Post Grad Gazette—Aug. 10, 2023

AUGUST 10, 2023

In my twenty-three years of life, one question has rolled around in my head every August: when will the end of summer stop feeling like the end of the world?

More than that, I wondered when I would stop feeling like a small child lying in bed at night, counting the weeks and then days and then hours I had left of summer. I wondered when I would stop having that feeling in the pit in my stomach, the hot, hollow drop of it when I pictured waking up early again, carpooling to school again, pinning until Labor Day Again.

Back then, I imagined what it would be like to be an adult and not have any of those feelings. And yet, I find myself still having them. Those frenzied ends of July when things still end, despite thinking they wouldn’t anymore.

Adult life is supposed to be circular. In adult life, calendars start in January and go through December, they’re not a straight line starting in August and dropping off in May. In adult world, summer has the same inconsequentiality of fall or spring.

I was happy, looking forward to inconsequential summers. And now, I’m realizing that’s all post grad is: noticing that things change in new ways but also in the same ways they always do. And I still find myself asking, shouldn’t we be older? Shouldn’t we know things?

The Post Grad Gazette is a project started with those very feelings. In addition to feelings of excitement, joy, and collaboration. It’s dedicated to our friend group and the shifting forms of what keeping in touch looks like when everyone is somewhere else. It’s dedicated to realizing that sometimes passions need effort to manifest.

This issue is a nod to those feelings. It is a nod to the bittersweetness when the pool starts getting cold and the aisles of Target are mobbed with school children. It is a nod to the strangeness of business casual in the summertime, of what summer is when you work forty hours a week and tan by fluorescent office lighting.

Our August issue asks: what is summer when summer stops being summer? And it answers: what is always has been.

— Rachel Loring

YOUR BRAIN ON SUMMER BUSINESS CASUAL

by Rachel Loring

Look at the sleeveless shirt in your closet. It’s not a tank top…right? Check the straps. Sigh with relief: the straps are at least two fingers wide. Is that still considered business casual? Cue PTSD from high school dress codes. Consider putting sleeveless shirt back in closet. Wait. What even is business casual? Is this just another way of restricting women from entering the work force comfortably? Plus, it’s a thousand degrees. Plus, sexual liberation.

Women! We shouldn’t fear our shoulders. They’re just shoulders. Yeah! Reclaim shoulders! Take sleeveless shirt back out of closet and reflect on the patriarchy.

Consider that NOT wearing sleeveless shirt is actually giving into the patriarchy. Think that you deserve to be comfortable at work. Women burned bras for this. Put sleeveless shirt on. Realize you didn’t shave your armpits. Reflect on patriarchy again. This time, give in and shave armpits. Consider adding flowy skirt. Too far. Put trousers

on. Back to sleeveless shirt. Leave house feeling cool, literally and figuratively.

It’s summer. You’re a free spirit corporate girl. Panic momentarily outside of office that sleeveless shirt is actually tank top. Does that make you a slut by office standards? Is that misogynistic? Reflect on patriarchy for third time this morning.

Decide that you need to go for it. Who’s gonna do anything. Who cares? It’s just clothes. Burst through the doors. Confidently stroll to your desk. Feel good. This is fashion. You love the sleeveless shirt. Dare you say it: blouse? This is amazing. Sleeveless shirts every day. This! This business CASUAL!

…end up wearing sweater all day because AC in office is set to -50 degrees. Reflect on patriarchy. a distain for commuting by Macy Kissel

ANGRY BUS THOUGHTS

The highway toll system sucks. For starters, there isn’t one universal pass for every state. SunPass for Florida and Georgia, IPass for Indiana and Illinois, luckily EZPass has monopolized the northeast. But the worst thing of all, has to be places that still accept change. There is so much digitization in today’s age that holding up a line of cars and busses to pay $1.26 toll fee in dimes, nickles, and pennies should be illegal in my opinion.

WHICH POOLSIDE SUMMER SPRITZ ARE YOU?

Start Here

At the beach you can be found...

Reading a book

Playing mermaids

Who are you splitting the prosecco bottle with?

What are you eating at the summer BBQ?

Burger Hot dog

Taylor Adam Sandler

Where you taking that summer vacay?

by Lizzy Zarrello

Pick an ice cream flavor...

LEMONCELLO SPRITZ

If you got Lemoncello spritz, you’re a refreshing, sweet, bubbly, girly pop. When life gives you lemons you like to have fun and get hammered! Sometimes if you’re feeling edgy you might plop a rosemary sprig in there, but you’re not fooling anyone... We all know you’re an italian fruity fairy at heart!

Somewhere exotic The big city

Cookie dough Mint choco chip

APEROL SPRITZ

If you got Aperol spritz you’re a blast in a glass, but always trying to keep it classy! You’re always down for a good time, and have a real zest for life... But despite your relaxed easy-going exterior, you will always make it home in time for your 20 step skincare routine before that 10:15 PM bedtime.

I like to spend my summer fridays at Happy Hour! the Movies

Do yout take your marg...

Sweet Spicy

CAMPARI SPRITZ

If you got Campari spritz you have a bubbly, bright flavor but pack a serious punch! Like a true italian you come off a tad stronger & bitter than the rest, but that doesn’t make you any less spritz! Although some might call you an “acquired taste” you know it’s just you’re sophisticated palette!

A VERY THOROUGH GUIDE TO NAIRING YOUR NETHER-REGION

a diy video translated by Macy Kissel

Acertain informative video on how to remove one’s butt hairs using hair cream was talk of the town this month. Within 3 seconds, the three-minute long tutorial jump-cuts to a wide-shot of Kevin Leonardo’s asshole as a ‘before’ reference. Unlike most viewers, I did watch the full tutorial and will now recap with a step-by-step guide so nobody else has to be scarred like I w–as.

Step One: Squeeze the Air cream onto your hand. Apply a thick even layer to cover the hair, and do NOT rub it in.

Kevin’s Tip: Spread over the cheeks as well and set a timer for 3 minutes. Do not leave the cream on for more than three minutes, as it will ignite the flames of the sun where the sun does not shine. Also, wash the cream off your hands.

Step 2: After the three minutes is up, take a damn paper towel and swipe through the cheeks. The hair should come right off! This may take multiple paper towels and/or folds to get a clean towel.

Step 3: After you are finished wiping, it is best to take a shower and cleanse yourself of any stray hairs and also clean the freshly Naired area. At this point in the video, Kevin shows an ‘after’ shot of the amazing feat that the Nair Body Cream Hair Remover accomplished. I don’t want to say it was flirting with me but it was puckering up for a kiss if you know what I mean.

Personally, I don’t have the patience or flexibility to complete this kind of task and will leave my fate in the hands of my European Wax Center specialist, Ashley.

THE CRITICS

a column of recommendations since nobody would write for this issue

MOVIES: Barbie Cruel intentions

MUSIC:

Something Good Can Work—Two Door Cinema Club The Durutti Column Let Me Borrow Your Car—Ayden

Flanigan

SHOWS: The Bear

Felicity

What We Do In The Shadows (The New Season)

GENERAL CONSENSUS: Really big purses with contents matching what could fit into a micro bag

Bottom eyeliner

French tucking (as long as here is an absence of a brand stamp belt)

1:1 ratio of tight to loose clothing per outift (croptops and skims need not apply)

Iced americanos with a SPLAsH of milk

Reading glasses in hair as a headband for the office instead of slicked back buns/ponies

Beta blockers

Whats In Our Bag?

Barbenheimer was the event of the summer. Here’s the official Post Grad Gaze e’s guide to seeing both; so get your pink tote or briefcase ready!

To give out to women in the bathroom when we all sync cycles during Gloria’s monologue

Or, if you forget, simply ask the woman in the stall next to you and be prepared for every single person in the bathroom to offer you a pad/tampon/liner etc.

To apologize to

PINK CLOTHES

To display the universal whimsy of being a girl

Nothing beats the comforting feeling of following a horde of people wearing pink into a movie theater

PEPPER SPRAY

For leaving barbie world to walk back to your car, yes we know the painful irony of this

Barbenheimer WHAT YOU SH

Re ections on the transitory nature of girlhood and the impossibility of womanhood, horses, patriarchy, war ashbacks to having a man play guitar at you, seeing old women wearing pink and wanting to cry, nding ways to incorporate saying mojo dojo casa house in your everyday life, having an emotional breakdown during the credits.

HAT AND/OR VEST

It really doesn't matter what kind, just whatever’s left over from your peaky blinders cosplay

JET FUEL

A Oppie-approved substitute for butter

BIG RED BUTTON

To hit as an instant stop for when you create an atomic bomb, then realize the immense repurcussions of using it on civilians, and deeply regret your involvement

Or to physically eject yourself when the film reaches 135 minutes so you dont have to sit through the pointless last 45

CIGARETTES

For when the existential dread of nuclear war kicks in

WORDS BY RACHEL LORING

ART BY MACY KISSEL

OULD EXPECT

Intense fear and anxiety about the repurcussions of nuclear fallout, long and possibly unnecessary sex scene, saying: is that Josh from Drake and Josh?, nding ways to work saying “death, destroyer of worlds” into your everyday life, contemplations on the nature of good and evil, buying a ticket to Barbie to cheer yourself up afterwards..

Albert Einstine is quaking in his trousers

THE CROSSWORD

A beginner friendly puzzle.

BY MACY KISSEL AND RACHEL LORING

Enjoy the best of The Post Grad Gazette, curated by our editors.