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SEX EDITION Tinder horror stories...pg. 2

Sexiest sports plays...pg. 8

Pitt Marriage Pact: Divorced from reality? see pg. 3

The Pitt News

The independent student newspaper of the University of Pittsburgh | PIttnews.com | FEBRUARY 8, 2023 ­| Volume 113 | Issue 96 pittnews.com

February 8, 2023

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GUNS, VIRGINITY AND NUDE REQUESTS: STUDENTS RECOUNT THEIR TINDER HORROR STORIES

Ryleigh Lord

Assistant News Editor College students are often intimately familiar with Tinder, and the Pitt community is no exception. From handguns during sex to asking for nudes while mourning a grandfather, The Pitt News found three of the most outrageous Tinder stories from students on campus.

“I was catfished, the sex was bad, I had to go buy Plan B, and then he pulled a gun out of his pants,” A. said as she recounted her first (and last) Tinder hookup.

A., a junior who has asked to remain anonymous, had never invited a man from Tinder over to her apartment before, but she was feeling adventurous on one April night and deThe Tinder app. Pamela Smith | Visual Editor cided to give it a try.

“It’s two in the morning after a night at Mario’s, and within three minutes the condom A. didn’t know how to react, so she decid- who’s out there, what creeps and weirdos you breaks and I’m like, ‘Well, we made it this far.,” ed to ask him why he brought a gun into her might run into,’ and all I could think was that A. said. “And then he’s getting dressed to leave apartment. he was ‘those people’ considering the fact that and I turn around and he is holding a loaded “He said ‘Oh, you don’t have one of these? he came to my apartment with a loaded gun,” handgun that was holstered in his jeans.”

You should really get one. You never know A. said.

After he explained why he had the gun, A. said he then proceeded to hand it to her so that she could experience what it was like to hold one.

“I’m sitting in my bed half naked, and he gives me the gun,” A. said. “And I say to him ‘Hold on. You really should not let me hold www.goodwillswpa.org this. I’ve never even seen a gun up close before and now I’m holding one at three in the morning.’”

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When the Tinder match finally left, A. said she learned a valuable lesson.

“I went on my phone and deleted Tinder,” A said. “And now I know to never invite a Tinder match over if you’ve only spoken to them for 20 minutes. That was the first and last time I ever had someone from Tinder over.”

Not all Tinder matches are made equal, and some show their red flags further into the relationship. M., a junior who has asked to remain anonymous, said she had a relatively established relationship with a man from Tinder when he made an irredeemable decision.

“I had been talking to this guy for about a month, and we had actually met up before the incident,” M. said. “I was crying on the phone to him because my grandfather had recently Get thrifty at a Goodwill near you: completed suicide, and his response was ‘Your voice is turning me on right now. Do you want South Side Lawrenceville Centre Ave. to send me nudes?’”

2700 East Carson St. 160 52nd Street 5993 Center Ave. M. ended their relationship almost immediately, even as he tried to justify his actions.

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February 8, 2023

“I said ‘Are you kidding me?’ and he said he thought it would be funny and lighten the mood,” M. said. “He apologized and asked for another chance, but he is also a 30 year old man and is old enough to know better.”

M. said she hopes this experience at least educated him on how to interact with people, especially those who are grieving.

“I told him I hope this teaches him a lesson on how to treat people, and then we never spoke again,” M. said.

B. recounted a story from her first year that has since sworn her off athletes.

“I matched with this football player and he took me to the Olive Garden,” B., a junior who asked to remain anonymous, said. “First off, I told him I was a little nervous to go on a date so suddenly after matching, and he told me ‘Well, I’m on the football team so I can’t do anything or hurt you because then I’d get kicked off the team,’ which, you know, was reassuring.”

However, once they arrived at the Olive Garden, the date took a turn for the worst.

“In the middle of our dinner he asked me, dead seriously, if I was a virgin. Just looked me in the eyes and asked it out of the blue.”

B. answered honestly and didn’t plan on speaking to him again after the date.

“So after the date I was perfectly content to never be in contact with him again, but about a week later I got a Snapchat from him,” B. said. “He was graduating in the spring, and told me he got a job in a different city and that it wasn’t going to work out between us, but in a few years if we were both single and I was still a virgin, maybe we’d have a shot.”

B. said he had a reason for this very specific requirement.

“He told me he’d always had a fantasy about being a girl’s ‘one and only,’’ B. said. “After that I blocked him and did my best to forget we ever met.”

She offered advice to everyone currently using Tinder or any type of dating app.

“If you’re a senior, do not swipe on freshmen,” B. said. “Also, stay away from offensive linebackers.”

A. also had words of wisdom to share from her experience.

“If you think there’s any possibility that your Tinder hookup has a gun on them, ask them to pat themselves down before entering your home,” A. said.

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PITT MARRIAGE PACT STRUGGLES TO HELP STUDENTS FIND LOVE, SO FAR Trinity Foster Staff Writer

Isabelle Layding, a sophomore economics and supply chain management major, got a match through the Pitt Marriage Pact in the 99.99th percentile — one of the best matches on campus — and the match didn’t go beyond a single direct message.

“I didn’t have the intentions of dating, and [the lack of conversation] made me think we had similar motivations of [the pact] being frivolous and fun,” Layding said. “I have had a lot of serious dating experience, and there are things that can’t be quantified that determine the success of a relationship.”

The Marriage Pact boasts, “Leave it up to our algorithm and find your perfect backup plan today.” Although the pact promises love through its match-making algorithm, many students don’t seem so lucky.

The pact, created by Stanford student Liam McGregor, consists of more than 100 multiple-choice questions covering what McGregor considers the core of long-term compatibility — personal values, personality traits, romantic behaviors and relationship expectations. Last month, first-year undecided major Abner Gordan brought it to Pitt.

Prompts included simple preferences like “It’s okay if my partner drinks” and more complex questions such as, “Is there such a thing as unconditional love?” After completing the survey, an algorithm matches participants on college campuses across the country to one other person at their school. According to the Marriage Pact site, the algorithm has produced 131,890 matches from 78 college campuses.

Shreya Gaddam, a sophomore supply chain management and marketing major, said she heard Marriage Pact success stories from other universities, so she felt optimistic about completing the pact.

“A friend of a friend at Virginia Tech was talking to this guy but it kind of fizzled out,” Gaddam said. “She did the Marriage Pact and matched to

that same guy she was talking to a few weeks before. They started talking again and they’ve been dating for a year.”

Gordan contacted representatives through the Marriage Pact site and, after assembling a team and attending a meeting with a Marriage Pact team ambassador, began marketing it to Pitt students.

“The goal was for it to be the moment. We needed it to be everywhere,” Gordan said. “The big thing was getting Pitt Chicks to post it on their story, which gave us a big boost. We made posters and hung them up everywhere during the week. It was

riage Pact, there’s a lot more pressure. You’re supposed to get along with this person. There’s a fear of failure.”

This idea of an imperfect algorithm is also clear in the case of Gordan’s friend, who rejected someone two days before discovering they were a 99.99th percentile match through the Marriage Pact.

Despite its flaws, the pact made Layding consider the characteristics of an ideal partner, she said.

“I did answer honestly, and it was actually kind

A couple crosses their fingers behind their backs. Pamela Smith | Visual Editor the only thing I talked about for, like, seven days.”

After just one week of the Marriage Pact opening, 3,000 people filled out its survey, and many more interacted with it through conversation or social media, Gordan said. Despite such a large reach, few are actually meeting with their matches.

Gordan speculated that the reason for this hesitancy is fear.

“I think it’s because you’re only getting one person, one match. You’re investing in it,” Gordon said. “When you’re matching with someone on Tinder you have nothing to lose. With the Mar-

of interesting because it made me reflect on a lot of qualities I’m looking for in a partner. It was prompting me to think about things I’ve never thought about before,” Layding said. “Plus, what qualities people may be looking for in me.”

For some like Kristina, a sophomore who asked only to use her first name, the match wasn’t a stranger. Although one may assume that matching through the Marriage Pact would make conversation easier, it’s created an awkward tension, according to Kristina.

“He’s been in three of my classes. We’re in the

same classes now and it’s so awkward because we both know, and I’ve always thought he was kind of cute, but I’ve never spoken to this man,” she said.

“I think it was funny for everyone to do and was more of a Tinder thing, where you can match up with someone but nothing really comes from it.”

The night before matches were released, participants received an email — either with the initials of their match, or a message explaining that they weren’t matched yet because so many more women than men completed the survey. Gordan guessed that this is due to the expectations of women versus men in romantic relationships.

“I think it’s more on a societal level, women feel a lot more pressure to get married younger and have a life. Men have way more options. They can be less traditionally desirable and get a match in real life,” Gordon said. “Women feel so pressured to be perfect all the time and are taught that they’re disposable.”

Layding agrees, especially when it comes to Gen-Z dating.

“I think that girls were more curious, kind of taking it as ‘see what happens,’ whereas I honestly wonder if guys saw the word marriage and were freaked out by that,” Layding said. “Within Gen Z, men and women view dating very differently. Generally, most women I know view dating less casually than the men that I know, if the guys are even thinking of dating at all.”

Max Barrett, a sophomore mathematics and economics major, said he, too, took the pact out of curiosity. Although his match was in the 97th percentile, he gave up on connecting after failing to find her Instagram.

“I didn’t really expect to find my future partner,” Barrett said. “I was curious about the questions and how they match people. When I saw [the compatibility], I was a bit more interested, but it’s just a survey.”

If students feel hesitant to reach out to their match, Gordan has some advice.

“No matter what, it will make your life more interesting, for better or for worse. This is your one shot at love, just do it,” Gordan said.

TPN SEX PLAYLIST Maya Valletta Staff Writer

With the season of love upon us, people are especially ready to get frisky and set the mood with some sensual songs. So turn off the lights and turn yourself on with the following tunes. pittnews.com

February 8, 2023

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‘DON’T BE SCARED OF IT’: PITT STUDENTS REFLECT ON LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

Elle Kenney

lot of pros and definitely a lot of cons.”

Carli Starman, junior nursing major, also For Sydney Lang, long distance relationships found that the separation and independence has aren’t necessarily easy, but they aren’t as bad as created a stronger bond between her and her boyfriend, Aiden, who attends Michigan State. many people fear.

Lang, a sophomore media and profession- They met in their first year of high school and al communications major, started dating her began dating at the end of their sophomore year. boyfriend, Andre, in their senior year of high “Since we started dating so young, it’s like, school. He currently attends the University of we got this chance to be independent and sort of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, which is over a live on our own while still being together,” Starseven-hour drive from Pittsburgh. man said. “A lot of couples in college, I feel, get “It was definitely hard to adjust to him not really codependent and are together all the time. being able to text him like ‘Oh, come over’ or And we both sort of know how to live our own ‘Let’s have dinner.’” Lang said. “And we dated in lives, but would just rather be together.”

Staff Writer

A student speaks on a video call.

John Blair | Senior Staff Photographer

pittnews.com

high school as well, so I’d always see him in the halls or see him around our high school campus.”

Long distance commitments are often seen as difficult to maintain, but three Pitt students opened up about the ins and outs of their relationships and how they make them work.

Though there are hardships and stressful moments, they recount that not all of their experiences are negative.

While she does miss seeing him everyday, Lang said she notices that couples who went to the same college often break up, perhaps because they don’t give each other enough room for individual growth.

“It was a little sad not accidentally seeing him at the library or just out in public,” Lang said. “But it’s also kind of nice having our own separate little lives that we get to tell each other about at the end of the day. So there’s definitely a

February 8, 2023

At first, long distance relationships can be really difficult, said Maeve Cast, a senior environmental science major. She and her boyfriend, Drew, a first-year graduate student at Marywood University, have dated for six years.

“It was a lot harder at first I think, just because he stayed in Scranton, which is our hometown, and I went to Pittsburgh,” Cast said. “It was a little harder at first just because I was a lot busier than him because I was in a new city, new friends, new school…But as time went on, we really learned our groove and what worked best for us.”

Lang, Cast and Starman all agree that long distance relationships are not perfect. Cast said it’s really tough when you want to see your partner on particularly hard days but you can only Facetime them. Finding time to talk that works See Long Distance on page 10

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TEACHING ASSISTANTS DISCUSS NECESSITY, EFFECTIVENESS OF UNIVERSITY POLICIES ON STUDENT RELATIONSHIPS Madison Dean Staff Writer

Mya Rivenburg, who worked as a developmental psychology teaching assistant last spring, said forming a relationship with a TA depends on the person and the nature of the relationship.

“Some people are able to create those boundaries, but in other cases it can cause an unfair advantage,” Rivenburg, a senior microbiology major, said.

The University established a policy in 2017 regarding consensual romantic and sexual relationships “in an effort to ensure that the University’s educational and work environment is based on professional relationships in an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect.”

The policy outlines that faculty and staff members appointed by Pitt such as advisers, coaches, researchers and undergraduate and graduate teaching assistants are prohibited from engaging with students over whom they have direct supervision outside of an academic setting.

While most TAs seem to agree with the policy, some say they were unaware that the policy even existed. Shahd Habeb said she “never heard of the policy” despite having worked as a chemistry teach-

ing assistant her sophomore year.

Jack Mintzer, an organic chemistry teaching assistant, said a TA forming a relationship with one of their students “feels unprofessional and just sounds wrong.”

He also said a student and teacher relationship could create disruptions within the classroom.

“It is seemingly more likely that a teacher could be compelled to give exam answers or additional help to that student that other students do not have access to,” Mintzer, a senior biology major, said.

The policy states, “When individuals involved in a consensual romantic or sexual relationship are in positions of unequal power at the University, or closely work together, there is the potential for a conflict of interest, favoritism, and exploitation.”

Rivenburg echoed Mintzer’s feelings and said other students may feel uneasy about the possible advantages that one student may have while dating a TA. “Developing a relationship while you’re kind of being a teaching instructor and stuff like that, and

having an influence on grades, may cause some issues amongst other students,” Rivenburg said.

The University still highly discourages staff and faculty from forming consensual relationships with students even if they do not have direct supervision over the classroom.

Habeb said while the policy is important, she thinks there are some student and TA relationships that might not be as inappropriate.

“Once you have passed the class, maybe then if you date a TA in a class you’re not taking, maybe,” Habeb, a senior chemistry major said. “But if it’s a TA dating his own student, then I think that’s just very inappropriate in the workplace.”

Rivenburg also said she believes that in some situations, as long as the relationship between a student and a TA is “pre-existing,” it might be acceptable.

Jamisha Jacobs, a biology lab teaching assistant, doesn’t believe that there is an issue with undergraduate TAs dating a student because they have less influence over the classroom than professors.

“Most TAs do not have a final say in a student’s

grades, so the element of control and power is much less than if it’s a professor,” Jacobs, a natural sciences major, said. “Also, most TAs are only about two years older than our students, so it is also not a big age gap problem.”

Jacobs also said the policy should not forbid TA and student relationships, but thinks TAs should sign a contract to make the relationship known to the department they teach in.

“I think this would help to make sure that all relationships are consensual,” Jacobs said.

For any teaching assistant or instructor who violates the University’s policy, sanctions are determined by measures such as “disclosure of the relationship, when the relationship began, and adherence to a management plan.”

Habeb also worries that a TA could “subconsciously” provide more tutoring or assistance to a significant other without realizing the power imbalance.

“They can give them way more help than they would give normal other students because they’re in a romantic relationship with them and they are spending that time with them,” Habeb said. “And you always want to see your significant other succeed.”

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opinion

ALLOW YOURSELF ROOM TO EXPERIMENT Luckily, I learned about my own sexuality before coming to college — and even before starting high school. The hardest part ended up being owning up to it. As I got older and gained more freedom, I allowed myself the time and mental energy to engage with same-sex experiences. But I know that the long journey that it takes to accept yourself as an LGBTQ+ person starts with a first, or second or third experience.

Without the acceptance of yourself that comes along with new experiences, you end up trapped and guilty once again. Know yourself, and stay true to what you know about yourself. Societal pressures are shifting day by day, but there is still no time to waste in feeling comfortable with yourself.

Taking the leap to experiment relies on giving yourself permission. Think it through and tell yourself that experimentation is normal, common and valid. Learn to take your own desires seriously, and ignore what others have pushed on to you.

Paul Beer

Staff Columnist In 2006, a fan called in to Wendy Williams on the set of “The Wendy Williams Experience” to discuss concerns about her husband’s alleged bisexuality. She said she knew about an affair he had with another man but was not sure because he hadn’t told her directly. As the fan was trying to explain her situation, Williams cut her off, famously proclaiming, “Denial is a river in Egypt; your husband is gay!”

Though she flubbed the saying, Williams may have a point. Many people go into their adult lives with repressed sexual desires that they then act out at inopportune times, like during marriage.

Sexual repression happens too frequently, especially with young people in more closed-minded environments. Sexual repression is learned.

Children growing up in conservative or religious cultures may learn that acting on sexual desires in certain contexts — before marriage or by masturbation — is morally reprehensible.

This repression can manifest in many different ways — refusal to engage with one’s sexuality being the most prominent. Not only do repressed people have trouble engaging with sexual desire in general, but they also might refuse to accept a sexuality different from a cultural norm. Repressing LGBTQ+ inclinations is just as dangerous for your mental health as it is for your physical health. And still, working up the courage to engage with these desires might end in guilt.

Researchers note that overt homophobia could signal repressed homosexual thoughts. Repression becomes a chain, where repressed people keep trying to repress other people.

Thus, giving yourself the room to experiment is so important, especially at a young age. Experimenting with sexuality now can help to prevent some of the later in life consequences of repression such as cheating, divorce and depression.

Experimentation is something everyone needs to define for themselves. What does your scope of experimentation include? Is it something you will do alone, with a committed partner, or with strangers and maybe some combination of each?

Everyone has lines to draw and limits that they know of, but everyone has equally as many desires and fantasies that they need to explore, consensually.

Experimentation with different bedroom methods or techniques can lead to a greater understanding of yourself, which you can then share with current or future partners — or keep for your own personal pleasure. Sharing preferences will create a better bedroom experience for all parties. And experimenting with different sexualities can lead to a healthier mindset for you and

pittnews.com

Paul Beer writes about political affairs and reads too many album reviews. Write back to him experimentation stops at graduation might still (or send music recommendations) at pjb82@pitt. fall into the trap of repression. edu.

Annika Esseku | Senior Staff Illustrator those around you — and it will certainly bring clarity to your life.

The difficult part of all of this, of course, is actually doing it. First, look to people who you can trust to make the sexual journey you take a safe and successful one. If that person is yourself, great! If that person is a committed partner, actualizing desires with them may be good for bonding and growing together — or you may realize that you two are not sexually compatible and have some work to do.

Even experimenting with strangers can make for a safe experience. If you find that you enjoyed what you did, great, you learned something new about yourself! If you find you did not enjoy it as much as you thought, even better that you’ll never see this person again!

College is one of the best opportunities to experiment — it’s your first true experience without your parents’ control, and you have a seemingly endless selection of people. Media often portrays college experimentation as having the “BUG” — Bisexual Until Graduation — but studies show that this notion is far from the truth. Experimentation does not, and should not, end at graduation.

This trope is harmfully stigmatizing on LGBTQ+ experiences. It’s true that not everyone who experiments with a same-sex relationship will actually identify with a new sexuality. But many of them will choose to simply ignore labels in the long run, citing that religious or social pressures may prevent them from that identification. Concerningly, the group of people whose

February 8, 2023

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The year is 2014. I am in middle school. I come across a post on either Tumblr or Twitter — I can’t remember — that read, “I will not beat my meat until McDonald’s brings back the McRib.” Now, it’s understandable why a middle schooler would find this hilarious, but what makes this slightly concerning is that a 22-year-old also finds this hilarious and almost exclusively refers to masturbation as “beating meat.” But before you really begin to judge me, hear me out. I think that the term “beating meat” makes talking about masturbation a little easier. This, and when compared to some of the more popular turns of phrase, like jerking off, beating meat is applicable to everyone because, well, we all have meat to beat.

Okay, so now that we have context, let’s dive into why I am even discussing masturbation in the first place. I first started masturbating in seventh grade. That may seem early, but conversations on the back of the school bus assured me that I was not ahead of the curve by any means.

What does come as a shock, as I found out in those early days, was the notion that women masturbate. The boys were shocked at this revelation, that women, girls could and were — dare I say — beating their meat. The Netflix series “Big Mouth” addressed this phenomenon in astonishing accuracy in the season three episode “How to Have an Orgasm,” leaving me to believe that this is a common experience among young women, at least in American culture.

Regardless, when I started masturbating, I felt an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment — but I didn’t know why. I could orgasm, but the whole prospect of touching myself made me feel anxious to the point where my stomach would hurt. I couldn’t talk to anyone about masturbating except in silly, juvenile 20-minute conversations with classmates on the way home. I felt isolated and alone and I resented my body for, existing? I’m not sure. I tried to consult Google, but alas, I couldn’t access anything substantial seven to eight years ago. Even Urban Dictionary failed me.

I’m still not exactly sure why I felt such incredible shame, but from my own experience and that of others, I’ve gathered that males perceive female pleasure as something that is given to women, and not something they can provide for themselves. What my young mind consumed and translated from television reinforced the message that sex is private and reserved and a woman’s role is to serve the man. If you can’t fulfill that role, you’ll be ousted and marked with whatever scarlet letter society assigns you. Women then absorb these messages, affecting their relationships with their bodies — more specifically their sex parts.

I mean, think of the orgasm gap that plagues society.

This gap refers to the fact that cisgender women in het-

erosexual relationships experience a frankly terrifying disparity in how often they orgasm.

But let’s forget the partner for a second. A friend told me recently that EIGHT of her friends disclosed that they have never orgasmed. Some have never had sex, while some have partners. I was genuinely horrified. My jaw dropped. In this day and age, when you can purchase a vibrator online and have it at your door within two days, how could a 20-something-year-old woman have never experienced real sexual pleasure? Even more horrifying is finding out that 10% of women have never orgasmed.

If you look at the stats, you’ll see that women masturbate far less than men — but why, especially if it isn’t attributed to sex drive? We all have meat to beat, so why

Fikayomi Olagbami | Staff Illustrator

fantasies and when they stray from the male gaze created through porn, they are treated horribly and have their sexual prowess diminished. The porn industry not only warps how men view women and sex, but also makes it much easier for men to orgasm — proudly and at elevated frequencies — which puts women, queer, and nonbinary people at yet another disadvantage when it comes to coming.

And this isn’t to invalidate people besides women who orgasm — I think that everyone deserves to come.

But I’m not jazzed that people, mainly women, queer and non-binary people, have their self-pleasure sabotaged by systems generally outside of their control. I’m talking about the patriarchy and toxic masculinity, if you’re not keeping up.

“Oh, here we go, another rant about the patriarchy.” I’m just getting ahead of the haters here, but yes, I sure as shit am talking about the patriarchy. Simply boiled down, patriarchy is a society that is male-dominated. So when men have negative perceptions of female pleasure or feel that women’s pleasure belongs in their hands, women don’t come. Apparently the same people who want to control female-pleasure are the same people who can’t find the clitoris. How ironic.

Frankly, if you’re sexually unsatisfied during your years of sexual exploration, it can have a huge impact on your future pleasure. Their sexual purpose no longer centers around them or the experience with their partner, it becomes completely centered around a cisgender man who just needs a few tugs and he’s ready to go. So, how do we resolve this crisis? Well, it all comes down to beating your meat.

Listen, there are many ways to fulfill your sexual needs as a solo rider. There is an entire industry dedicated to helping people find self-pleasure.

If you don’t know how to orgasm without a partner, you don’t truly know your body. You’re giving part of your autonomy over to a person who can’t satisfy you, and if they can, then you endow them with sole sexual power over yourself. Any unequal distribution of sexual power is too much, so I introduce to you a 100% Grace K. DeLallo original acronym — M2B, aka, Meat to Beat.

Next time you encounter a friend or two or eight who have not enjoyed their right to orgasm, please inform them of M2B and their right to orgasm. Also, encourage them to invest in a vibrator — here’s the one I have, and let me tell you, it’s tried and true.

Whether you have a partner, partners or are single, you should explore your body and find what excites you — and trust me, you’ll know the excitement when you feel it.

are some beating off more than others? Well, there are a lot of issues, but I’ll point out the ones I tend to identify.

1. Women have more sexual pressure on them.

Are you sexually active and don’t have a steady partner — you’re a slut. Are you in a relationship, or seeing someone but won’t put out — you’re a prude. You touch yourself — how shameful.

2. Unrealistic expectations consume most people’s interpretation of sex. Hollywood inaccurately portrays sex time after time with few exceptions. The dominant narrative revolves around a hot, steamy encounter where the woman grips the sheets, her toes curl, every muscle is engaged in an exorcist-style rise off the bed upon orgasming. Hollywood, WHERE IS THE FOREPLAY? You, highly unrealistic sex scenes, are the cause of so many dry vaginas being uncomfortably penetrated without female orgasm and for that, I will never forgive you.

3. We are not taught how to have sex. Sex education in this country is abysmal, and I rarely hear converGrace DeLallo writes about whatever she wants. sations that center around female pleasure.

Write to her at gkd5@pitt.edu.

4. Women are the subject of the heterosexual male

February 8, 2023

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FIVE SEXIEST PLAYS IN RECENT PITT FOOTBALL HISTORY Jermaine Sykes Senior Staff Writer

The best part of Saturdays in the fall for many Pitt students is traveling to the North Shore to watch the Panthers play at Acrisure Stadium. The atmosphere is intense, the band is loud and the bright yellow towels wave everywhere.

But nothing gets the fans going more than a highlight play. Not just any highlight play, but one that makes the fans yell and think, “Ooh, that’s sexy.”

Here are five of the sexiest plays in recent Pitt football history, starting with the tight end that flew.

No. 5: Gavin Bartholomew’s hurdle vs.

Tennessee Athleticism from a big man will always make the fans go wild. This play comes from the 2022 season against SEC opponent Tennessee. Sophomore tight end Gavin Bar-

Fikayomi Olagbami | Staff Illustrator

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tholomew got open on a wheel route up the right sideline, and senior quarterback Kedon Slovis found him in stride.

Fans, players and coaches all thought his catch would end in a 25-yard gain for a first down with the secondary swarming. But not Bartholomew, who completely cleared the Tennessee safety on his way to a 57-yard touchdown which gave the Panthers a 17-7 lead early in the second quarter.

The Panthers would lose a heartbreaker to Tennessee that evening, but Bartholomew’s display of athleticism sure did give the Pittfaithful something to cheer about.

No. 4: Sirvocea Dennis’ pick-six vs. Clemson The 2021 ACC championship season is obviously one of Pitt’s best football seasons in decades. It also gave fans one of the most exciting plays in recent college football history.

The play came vs. Clemson. Trailing 14-7 at halftime, the Tigers received the ball to start the third quarter and quickly crossed midfield. Sophomore quarterback DJ Uiagalelei took the snap on 2nd and eight and quickly

threw a shovel pass to his running back. To his surprise, the pass ended up in the hands of junior linebacker Sirvocea Dennis, who broke through the defensive front untouched.

Dennis put a stiff arm on Uiagalelei and took the pass 53 yards in the opposite direction to electrify the Panther Pitt and give the Panthers a 21-7 lead that they wouldn’t surrender.

No. 3: The “Pitt Special” vs. UCF The Panthers call western Pennsylvania their home. But in this play, they paid homage to their professional counterparts in the east.

Down six vs. No. 15 UCF, the Panthers were poised for a devastating loss, relinquishing a commanding early lead. Junior quarterback Kenny Pickett drove down to the Knight’s four-yard line. But the Panthers found themselves in a 4th and three situation with just 53 seconds left in the game. It was do or die for the Panthers.

To UCF’s surprise, the Panthers drew up a “Philly Special”-type play and senior wide receiver Aaron Mathews found Pickett in the end zone, which after a successful extra point

February 8, 2023

attempt, gave the Panthers a one-point lead.

The gutsy call would give the Panthers the win and snap the Knight’s 25 consecutive regular-season win streak. The play would rank higher on this list if it weren’t for another gutsy play from Pickett.

No. 2: MJ Devonshire’s pick six vs. West Virginia The most recent addition to this list, junior cornerback MJ Devonshire instantly became a Pitt legend in this year’s return of the Backyard Brawl.

The stakes and the atmosphere of the moment are among the best in Pittsburgh sports history.

After a back-and-forth shootout, the Panthers and the Mountaineers were tied at 31 with just 3:19 remaining in the game. Senior quarterback JT Daniels and the Mountaineers drove to their own 39-yard line, looking to put the game away and upset the Panthers on the road.

Devonshire had other plans, intercepting a tipped Daniel’s pass and following blocks all the way to the Panthers’ end zone, giving them a 38-31 lead.

The interception return gave the Panthers a win over their archrival and provided a legendary rivalry with possibly its most legendary moment.

No. 1: The fake slide vs. Wake Forest Fittingly, Kenny Pickett made the play that bookended the best Pitt football campaign in decades. “Sexy” is a subjective term, but no one can doubt the execution of Pickett’s fake slide vs. Wake Forest in the 2021 ACC championship game.

On the first drive of the game, Pickett gave college football fans a glimpse at his athleticism, escaping the pocket and scrambling for a big gain.

But it didn’t end there — Pickett hit the Deacon’s defense with a “fake slide,” setting the college football world on fire, on his way to a 58-yard touchdown.

The NCAA banned the “fake slide” just days after the ACC championship, but it didn’t matter because the Panthers won the game convincingly. Pickett’s creativity and gutsiness in this play make it one of the most memorable plays in program history, and a true Heisman moment for our almost-Heisman winning quarterback.

8

THE FOUR MOST

UNNECESSARILY HORNY

SPORTS ANNOUNCER MOMENTS

Troy Aikman stands on the field before an NFL football game between the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Cincinnati Bengals on Sept. 30, 2021, in Cincinnati.

AP Photo/Zach Bolinger, File

Ben Pisano Staff Writer

2. Robert Griffin III saying “It’s an Orji in the end zone.”

In just one year of college football commentary, RG3 already delivered several great sexual innuendos on broadcast television.

Notably, he managed to fit two innuendos in a Michigan State versus Washington game. Late in the second quarter, Washington quarterback Michael Penix Jr. threw a 17-yard touchdown pass to Ja'Lynn Polk, prompting RG3 to give him the nickname “Big Penix Energy.” Later, after Michigan State’s center Nick Samac incurred a penalty for an illegal snap, Griffin referred to the mishap as a “premature snapulation.”

Griffin’s best soundbite to date occurred during a Michigan vs. Colorado State game after Michigan backup quarterback Alex Orji 1. 73-year-old Brent Mussberger thirsting too ran in for a touchdown. RG3 took advantage of hard over Alabama quarterback’s girlfriend the moment to slip in a pun that was probably During the 2013 college football season, on most people’s minds when they heard Orji’s ESPN’s announcer Brent Musberger received name. Also, bonus points for the dual meaning criticism for his broadcasted compliments of of “end zone” in this call.

Katherine Webb, a former Miss Alabama USA pageant winner who dated Alabama quarter- 3. Mark Sanchez saying “Shelton’s clearing back A. J. McCarron. out defenders faster than a teenager clears his A camera at the 2013 BCS National Cham- search history on his web browser.” pionship Game lingered on Webb just long Every good color commentator has their enough for Musberger to go on an uncomfort- signature thing that distinguishes them from able digression about her looks. the rest. Cris Collinsworth has “Now, here’s a “You see that lovely lady there,” Rusberger guy” and Tony Romo has “Ehh, I don’t know said, referring to Webb. “That’s A. J. McCar- Jim” and his Nostradamus routine. For Mark ron’s girlfriend. You quarterbacks, you get all Sanchez, it’s not-so-subtle allusions to teenagthe good lookin’ women. What a beautiful ers’ internet porn habits. woman. Wow! So if you’re a youngster in AlaDuring a game between the Los Angeles bama, start getting the football out and throw Rams and Atlanta Falcons, Sanchez praised it around the backyard with pop.”

Rams center Coleman Shelton’s blocking using After the game, ESPN’s vice president of a very imaginative simile. The funniest part of communications Mike Soltys apologized for this call is how he follows a flagrant reference Mussberger’s comments saying he “went too See Announcers on page 10 far.”

A great announcer can elevate a sporting event much like a great player. A timeless call transports a fan back to the exhilaration or heartbreak of a significant moment in sports history. One can only wonder if the Shot Heard ‘Round the World would still achieve its legendary status if not for Russ Hodges’s iconic call.

However, in between the occasional great sports calls, there are hours of commentary that feel like they’re made just to fill the silence.

Sometimes, in this interim, an announcer produces a less-than-savory or even sexually explicit nationally televised soundbite. Here are a few of the most out-of-pocket, horny or sexually charged calls in recent sports history.

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Long Distance, pg. 4 for both partners is another struggle, she said.

“On harder days it sucks that he can’t be there for me or like we can’t just hang out casually at night or when we both get done with homework,” Cast said. “We can’t see each other, we just have to FaceTime each other. Sometimes our schedules don’t line up so we don’t really get to have a good solid talk on the phone for a few days.”

Starman said another frustrating aspect of long-distance relationships is hearing other people’s unwarranted comments about her relationship, which are often negative.

“Everybody has an opinion, so that’s kind of annoying,” Starman said. “You tell someone

you’re in a long distance relationship, and instead of being like ‘Oh, that’s cool,’’ they’re like ‘Oh, why?’ Or if you’re out and someone asked you to dance or whatever, and you’re like ‘No, I have a boyfriend’ and they’re like ‘Well, where’s your boyfriend?’”

While maintaining long distance relationships are sometimes difficult, Lang said the pain lessened over time.

“I​​f you were to ask me a year ago, if it was tough, I would definitely say ‘Yes, it’s the hardest thing ever,’” Lang said. “But if you were to ask me now, I think the heart grows fonder with distance.”

For those who are in or want to try a long distance relationship, Cast said her best advice

is to communicate with your partner.

“Whether or not that means talking on the phone once a day, or even if it’s just an hour a week or just texting throughout the day, whatever style works for you.” Cast said. “Once you have that figured out, a lot of stuff becomes more natural.”

Lang’s advice for people is to follow their heart. She believes if two people are meant to be together, they can make it work regardless of distance.

“Don’t be scared of it because literally anybody can do it,” Lang said. “Like I said before, if you want to be with them and you’re supposed to be with them, you’re gonna be with them. So don’t let the idea of long distance freak you out.”

Announcers, pg. 9 to internet porn with a “Holy smokes!” like he’s a schoolchild from the 1950s.

4. Troy Aikman saying “He starts to come and then he pulls out.”

It's pretty common for sports announcers to make accidental sexual innuendos when using the word “come” in a sentence. The word “come” is versatile and can refer to a wide variety of commonly utilized sports verbs including “rush,” “run” and “blitz.” In the minds of more imaginative viewers, it can also refer to orgasming and certain sexual emissions.

There were so many instances of accidental sexual innuendos because of the word “come” that it was difficult to pick just one for this article. In the end, I had to go with Troy Aikman’s call during a Washington vs Dallas game in the 2016 season.

This one has a couple of things going for it.

First, it includes the additional action of “pulling out,” which prompts the question of whether or not Troy Aikman knew exactly what he was doing with this call.

Second, it was a Thanksgiving game, which means that it was nationally syndicated to families sitting down for a little wholesome entertainment while digesting their food — hopefully prompting uncomfortable but necessary familial conversations about the importance of sexual hygiene.

Here, Aikman highlighted a common misconception that frequently leads to accidental pregnancy. To prevent unwanted pregnancy, Planned Parenthood recommends withdrawal before ejaculation rather than after or during. However, the withdrawal method is not wholly recommended as it is only effective 78% of the time.

BONUS: Pitt’s Au’Diese Toney saying “They just busted in our mouth.”

Finally, this one isn’t an announcer moment, but I had to include it because it came from Pitt basketball player Au’Diese Toney.

Following a win over Virginia Tech in the 2020-21 season, Toney explained why the team struggled earlier in the season using very sexually evocative terms.

“Teams that we got too comfortable and relaxed with, they just busted in our mouth,” Toney said, without a hint of irony. Toney doubled down on the choice words by saying, “We just had to eat that up and take it on our chin and bounce back from that.”

Less than a month later, Toney transferred to the University of Arkansas, where he played his senior season. With this interview, Toney finished off his three-year Pitt career with a bang.

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Release Date: Wednesday, February 8, 2023

Los Angeles Times Daily Crossword Puzzle Edited by Patti Varol and Joyce Nichols Lewis

ACROSS 1 Info in a bank 5 “May I speak?”

9 ABC show for early risers, briefly 12 Where the Wings meet the Sky? 14 “Hard pass” 15 Loving murmurs 16 Green 19 River that forms the MichiganOntario border 20 Buck who was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2022 21 Green 25 Nike rival 29 Quaint word of dismay 30 Fur tycoon for whom a northwest Oregon city was named 31 Nae sayer 32 Lewd material 36 Green 39 Early pt. of a week 40 Condé __ 41 Up 42 Other, in Spanish 43 Gently towel off 44 Green 49 “Ghost World” star Birch 50 Minor flaws 55 Green 59 Once, once upon a time 60 Insignificant amount 61 Welcome 62 “Star Wars” heroine mentored

by Luke 63 Numbskull 64 Subject that may come up in a frank discussion?

DOWN 1 Blots gently 2 Stuck in __ 3 Stretch in office 4 Faris of “Mom” 5 Inner turmoil 6 “In what way?”

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7 Prefix with gram or graph 8 Assembled 9 One who’s done for 10 “Argo” or “Fargo” 11 Safe havens 13 Place with numbered gates 15 “Peacemaker” star John 17 Stooge chuckle 18 Takes too much for oneself 22 Adds at the last minute 23 “This wasn’t my game” 24 Alliance headed by Jens Stoltenberg: Abbr.

25 River float 26 Old Testament twin 27 Luncheon end?

28 Significant video game foe 31 Alarm 32 Jazz style 33 “Downton Abbey” staffer 34 KGB country

35 Gender-neutral pronoun 37 Nay sayer 38 Coming apart at the seams?

42 Like some traditions 43 Cunning maneuver 44 Early anesthetic 45 Mowing the lawn, e.g.

46 “__-daisy!”

47 Stew (over) 48 Black key above C 51 Acerbic remark 52 In __ of 53 Tied up 54 Related groups 56 __ al-Fitr 57 Phillipa who was the original Eliza in “Hamilton” 58 Gateway Arch city, for short

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE:

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