ACL Issue 2 2018

OCTOBER 16, 2018

ACL

7

No. “I told him to stop, and he didn’t.”

“It felt like I didn’t have control over whether I said yes or no.”

“I didn’t want to admit what had happened.”

“I have never spoken up about it because the disgusting people who blame the victims would tell me it was my fault.”

“I was terrified to speak up because of the fear of scrutiny from everyone.”

“I was stuck in my silence.”

Sexual assault and consent.

Devastating.

Traumatic.

Life-altering.

The victim does not know who to confide in or where to go. They are suffocating, terrified, and numb. Feeling an inexplicable guilt and complete shock, the victim is emotionally trapped, bound by societal misconceptions and stigmas. Worst of all, they are utterly alone.

A study from the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) found that an average of 312,500 Americans are the victim of rape or sexual assault every year. This equates to one assault every 98 seconds.

“This statistic is probably higher because sexual assault is an extremely underreported crime,” said Alameda County Deputy District Attorney Danielle Hilton. “There is a certain stigma that comes with reporting sexual assault.”

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, sexual assault is the most underreported crime in the U.S., where 63% of all cases go unreported.

“Victims are extremely vulnerable,” Hilton said.

“There are many social repercussions that come with reporting sexual assault, along with people not believing them and victim-blaming.”

Another obstacle for reporting sexual abuse is that as a private citizen, the victim does not have the right to press criminal charges against someone, a PHS student said. Instead, it is up to the state of California.

Therefore, should the victim try to press charges and the District Attorney decides not to take the case, no charges are pressed.

The burden of proof is on the prosecution, and

they have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that While sexual assault is not correlated with the assaulter committed the crime, the student said. demographics, victims of sexual assault frequently According to the Centers for Disease Control and have a relationship with their perpetrators. In eight Prevention (CDC), sexual assault is defined as a out of 10 rape cases, the victim knows their attacker sexual act committed against someone without that and 34% of perpetrators are family members of the person’s freely given will. However, sexual assault is victim, according to the National Sexual Violence not limited to physical abuse.

Resource Center.

“Sexual assault can range from rape and groping to “Given the relationship between most child verbal harassment and exposure to unwanted sexual sexual assault victims and their perpetrators, there’s acts,” Hilton said. an element of desensitization,” Hilton said. “The Hilton, who worked on child sexual assault cases victim might not know that the behavior that’s being for several years, said that sexual assault can have a engaged in is wrong or unsolicited.” devastating impact on high school students.

One in five women and one in 71 men in the U.S. “Sexual assault can make kids fearful of going are raped in their lifetime, according to the CDC. to school and being around certain people,” Hilton Likewise, the National Sexual Violence Resource said. “It can trigger alcohol and drug abuse, suicidal Center found that one in three women and one in six thoughts, and PTSD. In some cases, it can cause men experience some form of contact sexual assault mental disorders, including schizophrenia and in their lives, which is defined as any physical form depression.” of sexual abuse.

One in ten high school girls and one in 20 high “The number of people who experience sexual school boys experience unwanted sexual intercourse, assault is extremely surprising,” junior Kyle Spanier according to a 2012 study from the CDC. said. “I wouldn’t think that some of my peers might “We need to change the be going through this right culture of our society,” now, or will later on in senior Laila Adarkar said. their lives.”

“Sexual assault is an a sexual act committed against People at certain extremely pressing and someone without that person’s ages are more at risk to contested issue in America freely given will experience sexual assault. today, and as a young For example, people ages woman, hearing all these 12 to 34 are at the highest stories of sexual assault is terrifying because it could risk, according to RAINN. have just as easily been me or someone I care about.”

Hilton said it is important to debunk certain While demographics may affect whether or not misconceptions about sexual assault. a sexual assault case is reported, it does not affect “Sexual assault is about power and control,” sexual assault itself.

Hilton said. “It’s one person preying upon another Hilton said sexual assault occurs consistently and taking power from them, not an overwhelming across all demographics. romantic desire. It’s not sexy.”

sexual assault /n/:

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No OCTOBER 16, 2018

The Piedmont Highlander

The stories.

“You probably know someone who has been sexually assaulted, even if they haven’t told you,” said Courtney*. “I have been sexually assaulted three times in my life.”

Courtney’s first experience with sexual assault was something she thinks is common for a lot of girls. It was when things started to move forward too quickly in a physical way with a friend, also a Piedmont student, and she wasn’t prepared for it, Courtney said.

“I said the things you’re supposed to say,” Courtney said. “I said, ‘Maybe we should stop.’ He said, ‘Yeah, but I don’t want to.’”

At first, she thought it was an issue of communication, Courtney said.

“That time, I wasn’t raped, so I thought it was me not being clear enough,” Courtney said. “But I was actually very clear. It’s just that he wasn’t listening.”

The second and third times Courtney was sexually assaulted, it was rape. She had been in a relationship with the person who raped her, Courtney said.

“I remember crying,” Courtney said. “I remember him holding me up, pulling up my pants, zipping the front and doing the little buckle because I couldn’t do it myself.”

Both times, it was after a party, and Courtney was intoxicated. Only the second time was the assaulter intoxicated.

Melissa* has had multiple experiences in which a boy at a party would grope her or kiss her without her consent. While rape is one of the most severe forms of sexual assault, smaller instances are much more common, Melissa said.

“My experiences are what people would say is not a big deal,” Melissa said. “I talk about all of these instances casually because it happens so regularly. It just becomes this accepted thing.”

Tina* had an experience in which the assaulter violated her in public, on a bus, Tina said.

“A guy who had a crush on me sat next to me. He made small talk, offered me his pillow, and let me use his blanket,” Tina said. “It was all very nice, until it wasn’t.”

Tina, trying to sleep on the bus, accidentally took twice the recommended amount of sleep medication, and as she was falling asleep, he started to assault her.

“His hand was on my boob. I told him to stop, but I was too soft,” Tina said. “Then, one hand was on my thigh and the other on my boob. Then both on my thigh. Then on my vagina.”

I had no energy to put up a fight. I told him to stop, and he didn’t.

Tina anonymous source

The sleep medication prevented her from being able to react, Tina said.

“I had no energy to put up a fight,” Tina said. “I told him to stop, and he didn’t. He said, ‘I know you want it.’ I couldn’t say anything.”

Delilah* was raped in a car by one of her best friends, Delilah said.

“I woke up the next morning and thought, ‘Oh my God,’” Delilah said. “There’s nothing to describe that feeling; it was like I was dead inside. I didn’t know what to do.”

April* said that her partner’s sexual abuse was in part due to their mental illness.

“I was in a really toxic relationship with someone who regularly threatened to kill herself if I broke up with her, or if I spent too much time with all my friends, and at some point, in relation to sexual

A Closer Look

Sexua

things,” April said.

Harper* was sexually abused by a person who was taking advantage of their relationship, she said.

“After three years of hooking up off and on, he raped me,” Harper said. “It wasn’t like in the movies or like the disgusting stories that you hear over the news. He told me it was okay when it was happening. I asked to stop, and he didn’t listen.”

Immediate reaction.

The assaults that Courtney experienced caused her to have dreams brought on by PTSD, as well as acute anxiety and paranoia.

“I really struggled with telling people what was going on, so nobody knew that anything was wrong,” Courtney said.

At first, people who are assaulted are often in denial and try to make excuses for what happened, she said.

“I said to myself, ‘That kind of thing happens to everybody. I’m just overreacting,’” Courtney said.

“But I didn’t feel safe with him anymore.”

One of the most difficult things about sexual assault is to recognize what happened for what it truly is. It took Courtney about six months to identify it as sexual assault, she said.

The next steps.

“If you feel even the slightest bit wrong about anything that happened, there’s a reason for that,” Courtney said. “Consider the possibility that you were sexually assaulted.”

April, like Courtney and Melissa, didn’t realize it was sexual abuse for a long time, until about a year after the relationship ended. People need to realize that sexual abuse means many things, she said.

“If your experience isn’t the same as someone else, you don’t need to compare it,” April said. “It doesn’t matter if someone else had it worse.”

Once you have considered the possibility that you may have been sexually assaulted, the next step is to talk to someone, Courtney said.

“Tell someone who’s in a position to help you,”

Courtney said. “That could be a close friend, parent, therapist, or another adult in your life whom you trust.”

Make sure that the people you tell will have your best interests at heart, Courtney said.

“No matter what, your only responsibility is to yourself and your wellbeing,” Courtney said.

At first, after being raped, Delilah didn’t want to tell her parents, she said.

“My friend told her mom what happened, so I asked her mom, ‘If I was your daughter, would you want me to tell you?’” Delilah said. “She said yes.”

Delilah then told her parents, she said.

“That was the best thing I could’ve done,” Delilah said.

If you decide to tell a teacher, the teacher has a legal responsibility to report it to the school, Delilah said.

Another thing to do is write down what happened.

Delilah’s friend had Delilah tell her the story, and the friend wrote down everything Delilah said.

“Write down every detail because it gets hazy, and that’s the most [you’re] going to remember,” Delilah said.

Harper now suffers from PTSD. Harper’s intuition was telling her that the relationship was toxic, and

ow.

9

OCTOBER 16, 2018

ACL

al assault. Here.

Steps for change.

For those who want to change this culture, one thing to do is to talk about it, April said.

“Talk about examples of rape culture that aren’t rape, call people out when they say jokes related to rape culture,” April said. “That makes a difference.”

April has noticed that a lot of people who say they’re against sexual violence still take part in language that contributes to the culture of sexual harassment and objectification of girls, April said.

Courtney, like April, believes that the way to change this culture is to talk about it.

If a friend tells you their story.

she thinks the rape could have been prevented if she had gotten out of the relationship sooner, Harper said.

“Every step, every second, your feelings can change. Listen to them,” Harper said. “If [your relationship] gets bad, don’t think the next step will get better.”

Rape kit.

After her third experience with sexual assault, Courtney went to the hospital to do a rape kit. The people with her at the hospital included her family, a police officer, doctors, and advocates from the organization Bay Area Women Against Rape. These advocates are women who have survived experiences like Courtney’s and volunteer to sit with victims throughout the process of a rape kit, Courtney said.

“Technically, all treatments they offer are refusable, but if you refuse, you have less evidence,” Courtney said.

The evidence collected during the administration of a rape kit at a hospital can be used as evidence in any investigations into the incident of sexual assault.

Any DNA that is collected or evidence of trauma can be used as further proof that a crime was committed, and it helps the proper authorities hold the assaulter

responsible.

“I would encourage girls in my situation to take advantage of all the resources available to them to prevent them from being hurt any more than they already have,” Courtney said. “Take the medicine they give you. Take the shots they give you. I know how terrifying it is, but it really is for the best.”

Delilah also got a rape kit done, and had made sure to not shower between the assault and the rape kit because doing so would wash off any DNA or evidence that the hospital could collect.

Delilah also realized that not every hospital provides rape kit services, she said.

“We went to Children’s Hospital, and they couldn’t provide me with anything,” Delilah said. “Then we went to Highland Hospital, and they helped us. Just go straight to Highland.”

When you go to the hospital to get help, they will report that you were raped, but they cannot make you report the name of your assaulter, Delilah said.

Alcohol and consent.

By law, you cannot give consent when intoxicated; therefore, everything that the assaulter did to Courtney was nonconsensual, Courtney said.

Piedmont teens don’t follow this law, April said.

“People think that hooking up and having sex [while] drunk is normal,” April said. “I know girls who said, ‘I want to get drunk, so I can have sex because otherwise I’ll be nervous.’”

Harper agreed that people often use alcohol as a social lubricant, she said.

“If you had to drink to do it, are you actually ready to do that?” Harper said.

And sometimes, people use alcohol as an excuse for their actions, Melissa said.

“You can make bad decisions if you’re drunk, but you can’t say that hurting someone or taking advantage of them is only because you’re drunk,” Melissa said.

Tina only told three very close friends about her assault, Tina said.

“I was terrified to speak up because of a fear of scrutiny from everyone,” Tina said.

Courtney also found it difficult to talk to people about her experiences, and she only told people she was certain would believe her, she said.

“It’s easy to say, ‘Believe women,’ as a concept,” Courtney said. “But when people are faced with someone coming to them and saying that something like this happened, their first instinct is, ‘Well, I want to hear the other side.’”

Courtney said that this is not a healthy reaction.

You cannot ask someone to hear their side of the story; they will tell you when they are ready if they want you to know. Rather than trying to know the story for yourself, offer yourself as a resource for that person, Courtney said.

Every step, every second, your feelings can change.

Listen to them.

Harper anonymous source

If someone reaches out to you with their story of sexual assault, there are some things you should ask them and certain things you should never ask them, Courtney said.

“You should never ask them questions like, ‘What were you wearing? Were you drunk? Who else was there? Were you walking alone?’” Courtney said.

“The kinds of questions that you should ask are, ‘Do your parents know? Have you been to the hospital?

Are the proper authorities aware of the situation? Are you safe?’”

After Delilah was assaulted, she told some of her friends, and one friend picked her up and brought her to her house.

“She provided me with a safe space, which I think is the number one thing you need to do,” Delilah said. “She hugged me, let me break down for a while, and didn’t make me relive it right away.”

The best thing a friend can do is to be there for that person and make sure they don’t feel isolated, Courtney said.

“One of the most helpful things that you could say to them is, ‘I believe you. How can I help?’”

Courtney said.

*All names have been changed to protect the identity of our sources, who are both current PHS students and alumni.

A Closer Look 10 Activism. On Campus and Beyond.

OCTOBER 16, 2018

The Piedmont Highlander

The consent assembly has just ended and students stream toward their next class. The breezeway is filled with murmurs and quiet conversations. Some students have looks of shock, with wide eyes and blank faces. Others look nervous or fearful, talking with their friends about what they just heard. Some have seen this assembly before. For others this is new.

Many have never heard stories about sexual assault, and some do not completely understand consent.

These are all reasons why acting teacher, Kimberly Taylor, created the consent assembly in 2006.

Every year, freshmen and senior students attend the Consent Assembly. The idea for the assembly came after there was a reported rape in the Piedmont community, Taylor said.

“Everybody knew about it, and nobody could talk about it because of confidentiality,” Taylor said.

The Consent Assembly focuses on sexual assault, rape, and consent, ideas that have grown in prevalence this last year.

Last fall, the #MeToo movement exploded across social media platforms, giving victims of sexual assault a voice to tell their own stories, similar to the Consent Assembly at Piedmont.

While #MeToo has taken over social media, the organization me too. movement was started in 2006 by Tarana Burke with the goal of providing support to victims of sexual assault.

According to the me too. website, “The me too. movement was ultimately created to ensure survivors know they’re not alone in their journey.”

The small grassroots movement expanded internationally, creating a community for more survivors and starting a conversation about the impact of sexual assault, according to the me too. website.

Following the start of the #MeToo movement, students activists have led protests and created programs to educate others and raise money for organizations that support victims of sexual assault.

Senior Gracie Ellis started Magnify the Muted last

year with the goal to continue the conversation about consent and sexual assault. “[Piedmont High School] does the amazing, amazing, amazing consent assembly,” Ellis said.

“We put it on every year here, and it always shakes people to the core for about a week, and then the conversation dies down.”

As teenagers, we often see our parents, or other adults, talking about important and prevalent issues such as sexual assault. It is important to start this conversation early, Ellis said.

“My main goal is definitely to make conversation easier among males and females and just youth in general,” Ellis said.

So far, Magnify the Muted has had three fundraisers: two benefit concerts and one fashion show which was put on last year by alumna Ava Biehn. “[Magnify the Muted] has probably raised about $6,000 so far,” Ellis said. $4,190 has gone to the Highland Hospital Sexual Assault Response Team (SART), one of the only hospitals near Piedmont that has forensic exams and rape kits available on hand, Ellis said.

“We are saving the money that we made from the most recent show to put with profits from another show I’m doing in November,” Ellis said. “[The profit] is going to go to the Time’s Up Movement, which gives money to victims to pay for lawyers.”

Looking towards the future, Ellis is working on another benefit concert fundraiser which will be hosted in her backyard, she said. Ellis also wants to start building her social media into a news resource for teens.

“What I want to do is stay updated myself, and post for people so that they don’t have to look through the news. They can get the highlights and know what’s going on,” Ellis said.

In the assembly, actors tell true, anonymous stories from previous Piedmont students about sexual assault and consent.

“I feel like consent is something that we always hear about, but it’s hard to attach a personal element to it,” senior Abigail Seevak said.

The assembly always starts with intertwined stories of three girls, and it has been that way ever

since 2006. This year, Seevak, along with seniors Sophia Ochoa and Avni Wadhwani, tells those stories.

“They’ve been this sort of nice foundation, and then every year we change up something else about it.,” Taylor said.

Taylor wanted to add a wider variety of stories to the assembly.

“A few years ago, I started asking guys if they have stories,” Taylor said. “That’s how I got the three guys stories that I’ve had for two years. And then I’m adding two new stories in this year, so there are actually eight different stories.”

[The consent assembly] always shakes people to the core.

Gracie Ellis senior

Taylor takes volunteers from her Acting 3-4 class to perform in the assembly, Seevak said. Telling stories about sexual assault can be very personal to the actors and an intense experience overall, she said.

“Learning about my friends, or people who I am just acquainted with, who’ve been through these experiences of violation of consent made it more powerful,” Wadhwani said.

Many students showed similar reactions, mostly those of shock and newfound awareness.

“I thought the stories were really strong and impactful,” sophomore Jaden Cook said. “After seeing those, it really made a lot of people think, including myself, about how important consent is.”

The #MeToo Movement, Magnify the Muted, and the Consent Assembly are all ways for students to hear real-life stories and learn about the effects of sexual assault.

“I think the Consent Assembly is really well done and really well put together, but people are very uncomfortable in the debrief, especially freshmen,” senior AJ Fehr said. “It’s okay to be uncomfortable and have a conversation while you’re uncomfortable.”

Yes. The Parent Night for the Consent Assembly is on Oct. 23 at 7:00 p.m. in the Alan Harvey Theater.

Take a stand.

Reporting and research: Robert Gamez, Ella Lee, Ruby Trost-Goldhammer, Rafael Stankiewicz Graphics: Julie Ray Editing and design: Maggie Black, Marta Symkowick