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The Wealth Issue

Share Your Legacy with Mother/Daughter Photography Team

Betty & Maggie Mudd

PAY ATTENTION (14) • TELL YOUR STORY (46) • STAY YOU (86)


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We believe in choosing, embracing, unleashing, and celebrating who you've always been – who you already are – who you want to be.

Be YOU...the Perpetual You.


L ET T ER from our ED I T O R

THE

M

y kids have discovered Eloise

THE OFFICE The Perpetual You 101 Putnam Ave. Hamden, CT 06517

this week. If you’re not familiar with this classic book, Eloise

is a 6-year-old who lives in The Plaza with her nurse, a pet turtle, and all the freedom in the world. Her exasperating

T H E C O M MU N I T Y Look for us on social media @theperpetualyou.

THE SOCIETY Meet like-minded women in our private FB group, The Perpetual You Society.

mischievousness is balanced by her endearing passion. She “absolutely loves” everything. Completely independent—she’s living every child’s dream. While I don’t remember being carefree as a child, surely I had a lot more freedom, a lot less responsibility. I know I lived in my imagination more often than not. I loved creating worlds of my own. What I love about Legacy—and the way we’ve reframed it in this issue—is that we have

THE STOCKISTS You can pick up a print copy of our magazine at the following shops:

total control over the messages we leave behind simply because our present lives our guided by the values in which we believe. Rather than imparting knowledge, we‘re living our legacy. If freedom is your thing (like our dear friend Eloise), you can incorporate it into your

Lovet Shop Milford, CT ShopLovet.com Dwell New Haven, CT DwellNewHaven.com

life—in small ways, or in very big ways. Road Trip, anyone? And if I want my children to be independent (and I do!), I can encourage them to be so by acting with autonomy every day. Ladies, I feel as though we’ve discovered a magic formula here!! Acting is so much easier than imparting, in my humble opinion. The pressure is so much less when I’m only responsible for living my own life. And when my inner critic shows up to over-analyze? I’m just going to channel my inner Eloise and rely on my core desires to lead me back home. And I’ll have a damn good time getting there just to spite her!

THE S U B S C R I P T I O N

Ooooooooh, I absolutely love Legacy.

Sign up for our PRINT magazine at bit.ly/TPYandyou.

lee lee Creative Director & Managing Editor @wordsbyleelee

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


We only have today. Let us begin.

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P H O T O by @ J A Z E L L E S A R T I S T R Y

– MOTHER THERESA


P H O T O by K A T E K E A R N S

FIND US @THEPERPETUALYOU

IN THIS ISSUE

Create Wealth by Embracing Legacy M O N T H LY M US I C

Our 'Womenfolk' playlist this month was curated by Cate Clother, editor of @CordellaMag. Listen at bit.ly/TPYmusic. T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


Embrace

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Embrace the celebratory nature of life—with mother/daughter photography team, Betty and Maggie, from Birds of a Feather Photos. P H O T O G R A P H E D by J AC Q U I D E PA S

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Realize Embellish your mood with the practices of

14

mindfulness and abundance; take a moment to yourself, take stock of what you have, take a trip back in time, take a dip into the stories, traditions, and styles that make up your legacy.

Lifestyle Be Present...................................................... 14 Discover the Past............................................ 26 Laugh More.................................................... 30

TPY Faves – Check Page numbers Family Stories................................................. 17

26

Food as Legacy .............................................. 18 A Cocktail Shrub............................................. 20 Meditation ..................................................... 23

30

Mom-Style...................................................... 32 Lasting Self-Care............................................ 36

Plus Shop our 2018 Motherhood Gift Guide! Sneak peek on page 24.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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Dwell Emphasize the things that matter most by dedicating space for memory-telling, designing for both present and future, and displaying the stories of your family's life.

Design Set up a Writing Corner.................................... 40 Design with Intention........................................ 42 Hold on to Your Memories............................... 46

46

86

Live Embody your life—whether you're a mom, a daughter, or both, your legacy has already begun. Own up to (and learn) from your mistakes; love your family too much; and be who you really are.

Mindset Make Mistakes............................................... 76 Mother Consciously....................................... 80 Practice Being Yourself.................................. 86

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FIND US @THEPERPETUALYOU

T H E MA K ERS

Our makers consistently share their time & talents. We'd love to introduce you to the lovely ladies who contributed to this month's issue.

Jacqui

Allie

Cover Photography

Dwell Feature Photographer

@byjacquiphoto byjacquiphotography.com

@alliesiarto alliesiarto.com

A second generation photographer, Jacqui is a DC area

Allie Siarto runs a team of portrait and wedding

social photographer. She brings a new energy and eye

photographers out of East Lansing, Michigan, along with

to an event, and has been a pioneer in bringing the

the Photo Field Notes Podcast, an educational resource

photojournalism aesthetic to weddings. Her work has been

for photographers. When she's not running the business,

published in magazines around the country and in the

you'll find Allie sailing Lake Michigan, chasing after her

book Digital Wedding Photography. Jacqui brings a style

two tiny daughters and tasting every dessert in sight.

all her own to her portraits and events. This is Jacqui's

This is Allie's first collaboration with The Perpetual You.

second cover story collaboration with The Perpetual You.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


Jessie

P.K.

Krystal

Art Director

Proofreader

Mantra Siren

@littlelegendsdesign littlelegends.com

Connect on Facebook

@krystalbrandt krystalbrandt.com

Cat

Marie

Taylor

Content Editor

Feature Writer

Brand Stylist

@catballou24 amlofarms.com

@mleveypabst CreateBalancedLife.com

@studio.ontheland studioontheland.com

Paula

Joanna

Amanda Luisa

Collaborating Photographer

Collaborating Photographer

Collaborating Photographer

@crash3328

@joanna_fisher joannafisher.com

@amandaluisaart MandaLuisa.com

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Ann Marie

Michele

Pamela

Collaborating Artist

Collaborating Artist

Contributing Artist

@annmariedrury_artist annmariedruryart.com

@msddesign michelestarzec.com

@update update

Calling all Creative Ladies! TPY collaborates with artists, photographers, writers, and more. Visit bit.ly/TPYcollab for current opportunities!

Let me help your brand

Words by Lee Lee

Branding & Graphic Design for Passionate Business Owners.

Values-Based Copywriting for Cause-Based Businesses.

Let's start a conversation! j@createlittlelegends.com

wordsbylee@gmail.com

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


to align your daily practices with your ever-evolving desires


A R T W O R K by @ M S D D E S I G N


W O R D S & W A T E R C O L O R P A I N T I N G by P A M E L A H U N T L E E , @ P A M E L A H U N T L E E

THE LA DY

Mary Kawena Pukui Pukui, named during her lifetime as a Living Treasure of Hawaii, and inducted into the Hawaiian Music Hall of Fame, was descended from a Kahuna Pule (Priestess) in the Pele line. This magnificent woman was a scholar, historian, writer, dancer, & teacher. What a fabulous legacy she created.

Read about Pamela's journey creating this painting at her blog: pamelahuntlee.blogspot.com/.

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Pay attention. Attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. Stay eager. – SUSAN SONTAG T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


REALIZE

E M B R AC E T H E

Moment with

Lee Lee Thompson

If we can be mindful and present, mothering will be more natural and full of moments ripe with joy.

I

just read a post going around Facebook, in which moms are

we're conditioned to take it personally. We're very, very attached

proclaiming their right to NOT "enjoy every moment." While

to our Egos.

that seems sad (who doesn't want to enjoy their life?), many of

the comments are easily identifiable with. Sometimes life is just

After many years of re-framing, living intentionally, and

hard, says the public. Sometimes mothering isn't any fun.

mothering consciously, I have stopped taking what my children

I get it. I truly do. I remember when mothering actually wasn't

easy, my new mindset does bring me—dare I say it?—more

ever a fun experience. With a baby-then-toddler and mis-treated

enjoyment in my role as mother.

depression, not to mention just a general dissatisfaction with life and a disappointment in myself, taking care of someone else felt unbearable most of the time. On the "good" days, I felt

do personally. And, while changing this negative habit wasn't

Instead of bemoaning my child's decision to wear his pants backwards, I can smile at his nonchalance. Instead of being

mere apathy.

worried that other moms will assume I don't know how to dress

I had a good friend who I would call after my ultra-miserable

rules of fashion, nor does he know he's supposed to care about

days and she would remind me that all the ways in which my son

such things. What levity! What joy!

— and by extension, motherhood — was failing me had nothing to do with ME. My son did things that made him feel good. My son lived in the moment. I was the only one blowing everything way

a 5-year-old, I can appreciate that my kid doesn't care about the

Honestly, though, I still "slip" back into Ego-mode occasionally. Knowledge is like a 1/10th of the battle; the rest of mindfulness,

out of proportion! Well, me and my Ego.

for me, is a lot like running a marathon. I'm slow and I stop for

Even though I slept through Philosophy 101, I do remember that

feeling is worth the discomfort.

breaks a lot; yet, I keep going because I know the end goal/

Ego sounded insurmountable. What can we do? We're full of ourselves. Our brain is wired to remember the negative AND

continued on next page

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breathe through the opportunities, to receive, process, record, and share. Some of us don't know what we want. One of these days, we will take a step back and find out. Some of us knew it all along but only rediscovered it recently, with the support of our momma friends. Some of us are bravely leading the way, having clearly been mindful mamas in another life first! How and why we go about figuring out this thing called motherhood is interesting and wonderful and completely myriad. There's no onesize-fits-all approach because we're unique, our kids are unique, and our circumstances are unique. The way you do things is just as good as the way I do them. At the same time, the common, collective desire to enjoy motherhood draws us to each other. We want our Which brings me back to the question of whether we should be or even should want to be enjoying every moment of motherhood. I'd be silly to try and convince you that every moment of anything can be enjoyable; still, I wonder if this isn't just a misunderstanding based on our tendency to think in this-or-that terms. We're either enjoying every moment or whole years go by when the days are insufferable. We're either organic, crunchy mamas who post smiling photos of our ragamuffins or we're #ladybosses proclaiming the art of the hustle—work/life balance be damned. We're either good moms or we're bad moms. The thing mindfulness—which, to me, is simply being present as often as I can—has revealed to me is that no one moment is more important than another. From the high highs to the low lows, each moment offers an opportunity. What that opportunity is for me will be different than what it is for you.

motherhood experience to be great, and we want yours to be great too. I'm not one to jump on the "everybody's doing it" train—but this is a legacy that feels worthy and doable. Without ego and without judgment, we can encourage our fellow moms to experience their moments, and be grateful when they remind us to do the same. Let us lift each other up and forgive our shortcomings. I bet the enjoyment we seek will arrive when it needs to.

Some of us want to seize the proverbial opportunity and have wonderful, Instagramworthy, Enjoyable-with-a-capital-E lives. And we want that so badly that we tell other moms they should want that to. (Oops...there's that Ego again!) Some of us want to experience the opportunities, to dissect them as they're happening, to label them and file them away for safekeeping. Some of us want to T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Lee Lee Thompson is the publisher of this magazine. She mindfully and imperfectly makes her way through motherhood, laughing all the way. Photos by Lindsay Stanford, @lindsay_stanford


R E V I E W S & P H O T O by @ C A T B A L L O U 2 4

T H E L O V E O F FA MI LY

A Wrinkle in Time

Buddhism for Mothers

by Madeline L’Engle, Pub. 1963

by Sarah Napthali, Pub 2010

L'Engle's stories often are meditations on the nature

L'Engle reminds us that a strong parent/child bond

In this spiritual yet practical guidebook,

of love, and A Wrinkle in Time is no exception. Meg's

helps to give children the strength they need on their

Napthali applies Buddhist teachings

life is thrown into turmoil over the fact that her father

own journeys. This book shows us how these bonds

to the everyday challenges of raising

has left and not contacted them in a year, and from

allow us to tap into an inner strength. In the end,

children. In the midst of mothering

the beginning of the novel her challenges are related

Meg finds her own special gifts and is able to display

herself, Napthali's perspective

to this lack of present love.

the same strength she admires in her mother.

is approachable and authentic.

Resentful of her mother for being beautiful, smart,

The 2018 movie adaptation, while veering slightly

and seemingly calm, Meg feels awkward, confused,

away from several elements of the book, carries many

and lost. What she doesn’t realize is her mother is

of the same themes while highlighting the fantastical

feeling just as lost while trying to hold her family

adventure. The movie is beautifully filmed. I saw it

together. She loves her children and wants nothing

with my daughter and would highly recommend it to

more than for their father to return.

moms with kids, especially daughters.

This realistic look at motherhood acknowledges the sorrows as well as the joys of mothering and offers achievable strategies with which a mother can renew herself, thereby becoming both calmer and happier.

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


REALIZE

E M B R AC E

Memory with

Julia Grimaldi

The kitchen is a fitting place to remember, experience, and pass on what we value.

F

ood memories guide me as a cook and, more

the kitchen. The traditions I am creating in my kitchen

importantly, into the person I'm meant to

and hope to pass along are borrowed, learned—and

be: compassionate, positive, respectful, and

entirely mine.

appreciative. That is the intentional living recipe I unconditionally follow in and out of the kitchen.

Legacy is a collective experience – a common social,

Clean, simple, and satisfying food is what I remember most

past, present, and future. Abundant, reflective, and

from the cooks in my family. Their respect for fresh food,

opportunistic, we can remember it, create it, and pass

which they grew themselves or procured from producers

it along.

emotional, and spiritual thread that ties us to the

very close to home, paved the way to the imperfect yet joyful meals we shared. The thought, love, and effort that went into the meal nourished us, inside and out. Though I intend to be remembered for more than just my love of cooking, I believe my legacy will be anchored in

Julia is a food coach & personal chef. Learn more about her at CoachJuliaG.com. Photo by Markie Wheeler-Jones, @markielynne

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


REALIZE

Embrace Waiting with

Belinda Kelly

A cocktail requiring a bit more patience than the average soda + spirit reminds us that good things are worth waiting for.

Though imparting tons of flavor, a shrub cocktail requires little skill or hands-on preparation. A digestionaiding mixture of fruit and vinegars left for about 2 weeks to mature and mellow, a shrub can be mixed with nearly any liquor for a delicious cocktail, or added to club soda for a nutritious mocktail. In a world of 15-minute ready dinners and pre-made margarita mixes, spending time preparing a shrub encourages one to slow down and let time and nature mingle flavors—mimicking the time it takes to build a legacy. And just like our traditions and stories, a shrub—once developed, lasts indefinitely, its goodness preserved for seasons to come.

More Drinks! Belinda's favorite shrub recipe is on our Blog Archives at ThePerpetualYou.com/ the-blog/cocktail-shrub.

Imbibe with Belinda’s dreamy, enthusiastic cocktails @HappyCamperCocktails. Photo by Markie Wheeler-Jones, @markielynne

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Build a life you're proud to live.

P H O T O by R A C H E L R O B I N S O N @ R A C H E L R O B P H O T O G

– A N N E SW EEN EY

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


REALIZE

Embrace Meditation with

W

Jen Evanson

isdom is passed generationally from one soul to the

generations past whom you never met, feminine leaders,

next in verbal, visual, physiological, and energetic

heroines, goddesses. Feel their warmth envelop you. Take in any

forms. Within us we carry ancestral knowledge and

senses you experience: Can you see their faces? Identify with

have access to it by way of intuition and openness. The presence of loving support is reassuring, sage. Through meditation, we can call for advice from those still with us, and from generations past. We can tap into the stream of divine feminine wisdom from those whom we have loved and those we have never even met. Let's try it.

their strength? Their grace? What have they been waiting to tell you? Take a moment and listen... When you're finished listening, thank each being for attending. Trust that the answer to your question may arrive in the form of signs and synchronicities. Pay particular attention to what shows up in your daily life for the next week

Start by asking a question. What knowledge would you love

and notice how deeply you are being guided by this beautiful,

to gain access to right now in your life? Is there a pressing

maternal force.

challenge you're working through that could use some loving maternal energy? Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit and tune-in to your breath. Relax into the moment, & envision your closest

maternal figures joining you, living or beyond. Now call in

Jen Evanson is Certified Reiki Master, Energy Coach, & Spin Instructor. Connect with her on Instagram @jenforyou. Photo by Becca Brendler, @beccabrendler The W EALTH ISSU E

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REALIZE

Embrace Something New Mother's Day calls to mind flowers, leisurely brunches, and gifts that speak to the tradition of motherhood. Like wine in a can. Wait—Wine in a can? Modern Motherhood is a real life—and real time—example of the art of blending. Sure, moms love flower arrangements and bespoke cards AND they appreciate gifts that speak to the challenges and rewards of everyday mothering: jewelry that suits myriad activities, skincare for simple routines, accessories that go with the flow, and unique but useful everyday use items. (So, yes, canned wine IS a suitable gift!) The following is a selection of gifts from our 2018 Motherhood Gift Guide. Click on the title of any product to purchase or visit bit.ly/TPYmomgifts to shop all the products included in the guide. T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


From Top: UNDERWOOD CANNED WINE ( from $24) by Union Wine Company ∙ LAGOM FACIAL TONIC ($30) ∙ BIRTHSTONE/ MEANING NECKLACE ( from $42) by The Old Gray Goose ∙ HEADWRAP ($21) by Kanthabae ∙ FIVE-FREE NAIL POLISH ($12) by Odeme ∙ SUSTAINABLE MOTHER'S DAY CARD ($7.50) by TPY Marketplace

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REALIZE

Embrace Your Roots Solo traveler and photographer, Joanna Fisher, explores her biological roots in Ireland.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


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I traveled to Ireland to connect with my heritage. As an adoptee growing up, all I knew about my family of origin was that they were Irish. With no other knowledge to help form my views of my-self within the space of my adoptive family, I clung to that one fact and vowed that I would travel there one day, to see the land my ancestors called home. Traveling solo, I began in Dublin and drove up and around the southern coast, stopping in small towns. I often found myself completely welcomed by the locals as one of their own. There’s some-thing special about being in the country where “your people” came from. I felt at home there, more than any other place I have visited—like every face I saw was a potential member of a bigger family. There was familiarity there that I hadn’t experienced growing up in my adoptive family. I think if I had this trip to do again, I would stay longer in the countryside. I lived in a cottage in a farming town for a week, and those are some of my fondest memories of the trip. I felt a deep sense of belonging and of home there, and I crave that. I’m sure I will return again someday soon, and I have every intention of spending the bulk of my time there. In visiting these places that my mother and her family had lived and worked and loved, I felt connected to her, and found myself embracing the woman I had become: a product of my birth mother’s legacy and the family I was raised in. On this trip, I learned that I am resourceful and powerful and that I am the product of two different worlds, two mothers. T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


Connecticut native Joanna Fisher has visited 15 countries, 35 U.S. states, and intends on seeing 50 countries by the age of 50. Follow her on Instagram @Joanna_Fisher. The W EALTH ISSU E

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REALIZE

Embrace Laughter with

Leigh Schwab

A legacy of time spent together is one worth leaving behind.

A

s the years have passed and my life has changed –

leave with my children, though, is that I laughed and played

significantly after having children – I have come to

with them. I want us all to have permanent laugh lines.

realize that an easy beauty routine, adequate sleep,

reducing my carbon footprint, and (most of all) laughing are

What I personally remember most about my loved ones are

the matters that help me make it through the day with ease.

their senses of humor, smiles, and laughs. The moments

In terms of a beauty legacy, we often think of something bold

etched into our memories. Get out there and make those

(my grandmother wore bright red lipstick almost every day

laugh lines because you only have one life. Let’s enjoy

of her life) or a fancy cream; the legacy that I would like to

the ride!

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

we view as insignificant usually become the ones that are


1

BeYOUtiful Self-care and beauty needs are unique to each of us. Create a practice established in your true sense of self and it will be a legacy you want to pass along.

1

Honor Your Life I love a good bold lip on occasion and totally wish I could be one of those chic french girls sporting red lips all day on a Tuesday but I’m a mother and it just isn’t going to happen. I have, however, realized that a good lip balm is all I need to to make it through the day. Leigh recommends...

Henne Organics Lip Balm

2

2

Protect Your Sleep I need my sleep and I take it super seriously. Recently I purchased a silk pillowcase to help keep my hair healthy, combat wrinkles, and just to feel super cool. I love that pillowcase so much that I take it traveling with me. Leigh recommends...

Slip Silk Pillowcase

3

Respect Mother Earth I will go to the ends of the earth to find a clean product that works just as good as its conventional counterpart. I feel that it is our duty to respect our planet and keep her clean. Biodegradable face wipes are a must: I get to be lazy and the earth gets to stay pretty. #Winning

3

Leigh recommends...

Beautycounter’s One-Step Makeup Remover Wipes

Leigh Schwab uses her love for skin care to help educate women about the ingredients in their products and the need for proper skin care legislation in our country. Learn more about her passion for a healthy and simple life on Facebook and Instagram @leighschwab. Main Photo by Kate Kearns

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REALIZE

Conscious Mama You live out each day intentionally, parent consciously, and allow your future to be sewn by serendipitous adventures. Your ancestors have carried you through, and now, as you carry them within, you live with love and the understanding that your sayings and doings will be passed down by the thousands, for years to come. Your dedication and teachings are both present and future, as are your children. You have and are continuing to create legacy, in simple gestures like a kiss to their foreheads in the morning. Be full of strong love, Momma, and care for their emotional selves—they are the dream-bearers of tomorrow. Homesteading mama, artist, and soul-seeker Taylor Faria curated this extremely comfy and good-vibed look for everyday motherhood moments.

BR AND: The Bee & The Fox (thebeeandthefox.com) CREATIVE DIRECTOR / MODEL: Taylor Faria (studioontheland.com) T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

PHOTOGR APHER: Meg&Mike Photography (meganmikephotography.com)


Sleepwear for a Cause mct-usa.org

Bringing you closer to nature davinejewelry.com

ALL-NATUR AL SKINCARE ∙ BEAUT Y MARKET ∙ SPA

facefoodnaturalskincare.com facefoodnaturalskincare.com

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REALIZE

P E R SPECT I V ES from T H E PA N EL

At the end of the day, what really matters?

I hope that, in addition to unconditional love, I have instilled in my children

Love is all that really matters.

permission and encouragement

The ability to unconditionally

to be curious and never stop

The little things are truly what

love yourself—every cell &

learning. I've pursued diverse

matter most: my daughter

molecule within you—so that

and various interests over

doing a funky dance out of

love can spread from your

the years that I've primarily

the blue; my son getting so

heart to every living thing

parented them (Tae Kwon

excited when he tells me a story

around you. As we learn to

Do, Holistic Nutrition, Yoga,

about a YouTube video he just

totally and completely love

Memoir, and Shakespearean

watched; my husband laughing

ourselves, just as we are RIGHT

Studies). I hope they, similarly,

at something, loud enough to

now, we can then learn to

follow their interests

hear him all the way upstairs.

unconditionally love others —

doggedly and unabashedly.

These "small" things are so big.

just as they are, right now.

Diane

Laura

Alyson

Poet, Scholar

Counselor, Art Therapist

Energy Medicine Yoga Teacher

@DiLo922

@forwardemotion forwardemotion.com

@healthscalling healthscalling.com

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


P H O T O by L I Z Z I E T I L L E S @ L I Z Z I E . T I L L E S

At the end of the day, I hope that my loved ones live a life In my home, I want my kids to

filled with passion, adventure,

know they are loved and wanted.

compassion, and a strong desire

I want them to understand

to leave the world better than

That my children know that they

I dreamed of their giggles,

when they arrived. I hope they

have everything they need inside

tantrums, and hugs. I always

stand up for what they believe

themselves to navigate through

wanted them in my life. I truly

in and live with conviction.

life, even if it seems difficult

believe that we have the children

Along the way, I hope that

to access. It's there. They

we are meant to have. These

they build connections and

will always have the compass

beautiful children are my family.

strengthen their community.

of intuition.

Julie

Jen

Cara

Counselor, Art Therapist

Yoga Teacher

Art Therapist, Counselor

@ChartreuseCenter ChartreuseCenter.com

@joyfuljenyoga joyfuljenyoga.com

@cara.m.czarnecki

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REALIZE

May Self-Care Gather. Increase longevity and maintain curiosity by getting together with family and friends for a sumptuous meal and to share stories.

Play. Bringing play into your life creates space for more fun, less seriousness, and more laughter. Having fun can also lead to the creation of new traditions to carry on.

E M BRA CE YO U R A N CES T O RS

Embracing legacy is about honoring the family stories, traditions, and ways of being with which we grew up AND creating new memories with family and friends. Take time to appreciate the women that came before us by fashioning an ancestor altar. Ancestor altars can be made using crystals, candles, photos, and any trinkets that remind us of our loved ones. Diffuse some Frankincense, place a Bloodstone in a prominent place to bring grounding and love to your space. Look to guidance from the Goddess Brigid, light a candle, and consciously spend time honoring past legacies, even while creating a tradition of your own.

E S S E N T I A L O IL

C RYSTAL

GODDES S

PRACT IC E

Frankincense

Bloodstone

Brigid

Ancestor Altar

BENEFITS

BENEFITS

BENEFIT S

BENEFIT S

Brings satisfaction, peace, and overall wellness

Purifies the body; grounds negative energy

Honors hearth and home, childbirth, and unity

Creates a space to mindfully honor ancestors

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

T O O L K I T curated by @ LY D I A M A N D E L L , P H O T O by A M A N D A L U I S A


to align your physical space with your ever-evolving self

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A R T W O R K by @ M S D D E S I G N

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


Recipe Card /' res pē kärd / noun e

A written legacy of traditional methods, timeless flavors, and tested results

A R T by @ A M A N D A L U I S A A R T

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DWELL

Remember + Release with

Erin Mahollitz

A dedicated corner invites a legacy of words. Quietly she sits in her writing nook, a space dedicated

purpose and goals. With a favorite pen in hand, she

to the telling of stories. The uncluttered surface,

scribes her own aspirations and struggles. Her truth

nearby pens, and curated memorabilia are invitations

takes form in the mundane details and occasional

summoning her voice. Pen in hand, she carves out her place in life as caregiver, matriarch, and storyteller. She strikes the singing bowl and connects with breath, with spirit.

insight found in wholehearted expression. Perpetually falling in love with the new and letting go of the old, her words are a compromise between the

Reviewing photos of her children, she holds space for

past and the present, between hope and acceptance.

their dreams, challenges, and quirks. Rather than cling,

Light floods her writing space from the open window,

she releases to allow for change. She is the archivist

fully illuminating—and dispersing—her gratitude.

of their passions and wonders, knowing one day these stories will help them find their way back to their childish origins. She rearranges the trinkets on her desk, symbols of what she holds most dear, and aligns herself with her

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

See how Erin embraces the act of homemaking as sacred and feminist on Instagram @magicalhomemaking. Photo by Erin, @magicalhomemaking


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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


DWELL

Values-Forward Designing with

LaToya Burton

Use your home to instill your values into your reality.

I

magine home as a container for the vision we pass on to the next generation. What memories and legacy are we creating in how we set up our

homes? How can we involve our kids along the way? By involving our kids, we're passing along valuable skills along with practical application of the values we treasure. To Instill Curiosity... Pick beautiful yet durable items so you can let go of the mantra, "Be careful!" or "Don't touch that!" Take the pressure off by choosing fun furniture and upholstery (or create your own with fabric paint!) that are easy to clean and can handle a grubby hand or an impromptu bouncing session. Look to nature for inspiration by creating a nature table for displaying collections found on outdoor adventures. Rotating this each season allows for a discussion, too. Incorporate a kitchen garden into an outdoor space or a small herb garden in a window sill. Let your child do the potting in a container they make or paint.

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To Instill Creativity... Put children's creations on display like you would any other prized artwork or let them have a say in your next art purchase. Rotate every few months and get their input on which ones they love seeing. Cut your toddler's scribbles and doodles into circles or squares and collage them together under one frame.

station with a kid-sized (yet sturdy) broom and dust pan. For food prep, look for utensils in bright colors and safe materials that the kids can access to help prepare their own snacks. Organize your child's room so they can access their own clothes and toys. Use low drawers, baskets, or hanging rods so they can begin to take responsibility for these items. As a mom, I like to sort by type so items are easier to find (and

Let your child choose a paint color. My parents let me do this

returned to the right spot!) As your children get older, they

as a child; I chose a lavender/purple color for my bedroom

can make their own sorting decisions.

and I remember being proud of my choice. On some level, making this decision early on gave me confidence to make

We can pass on heirlooms and other physical forms of

creative decisions later in life.

inheritance; however, the values, hopes, and dreams these objects hold are what truly constitute the wealth we seek. In

To Instill Helpfulness...

this way, the decisions we make about arranging, organizing,

Provide toddlers with furniture and tools made to scale and

and moving within the rooms of our homes are the foundation

located in an accessible way. In your kitchen create a cleanup

of the legacy we will pass on.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


Dwell on This Even if there are no children at home you can still use legacy as a concept to explore how you want to live and what values you are committed to expressing in your home. It will surely ripple out into the larger community of which you are a part.

1

Define. Get really clear with yourself on what you want and need in a home; write it out if you like. Ask each family member or housemate what they think of the home. What they would change. What they love. Find ways to let their personality have a place to shine through – display achievements, memorabilia, or a portrait.

2

Dream. Think back to your childhood home. What did you love? What was your favorite spot? A big comfy reading chair...A garden swing? Were there aspects you could have done without? Now imagine your current home containing a similar spot, where you can honor and benefit from childhood joys.

3

Declare. Write out your values or core beliefs on a big piece of butcher paper and decorate with colorful markers or paint. Putting your manifesto up in a prominent space in your home serves as an uplifting reminder AND a personable piece of art.

LaToya is a mama / imaginer / gypsy nomad who explores life through the lens of interiors imagination and inspiration. She lives on a bus with her husband and son exploring the Australian landscape. For more inspiration, follow her @latoyaburton_musing. Photos are courtesy of the author.

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Memory-Telling HOW PRINTED PHOTOS R E I N F O R C E O U R FA M I LY S T O R I E S

Words & Photos by Allie Siarto

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


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DWELL

By experiencing printed photos on a daily basis, the stories become more than tiny fragmented memories—they are an integral part of who we are.

W

e almost didn’t buy our 1970s house. We had a hard time seeing past the gobs of wallpaper, the flickering fluorescent lighting, and other

quirky 70's style elements that didn’t fit our tastes. We passed it over after our first look, but after looking at a dozen other houses, we kept coming back to it, imagining how we could transform a house with good bones and retro styling into a home that reflected our own story.

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


Photos are our autobiography, a way of telling who we are. – JAN PHILLIPS

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Over the past six years, we’ve painstakingly ripped out every square inch of wallpaper, completely remodeled our kitchen, replaced almost every light in the house, and updated the flooring on the entire first floor. It’s been a family effort—my sister was our realtor, my architect cousin helped with the new design, and my brother-in-law did the actual remodeling for us. I’ve spent countless hours picking out the perfect furnishings, from the coffee table that we use to tuck away toys to the custom open bookshelf that holds the stories of our most cherished memories. My mother is a librarian, and her mother was a librarian before her, so I grew up with a strong appreciation for stories.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


I’ve always loved that words and images can transport me

memories from the past decade are so scattered that I can’t

to another place. I remember snuggling up on my parents’

imagine trying to look at them in any cohesive way!

bed with my three siblings as a small kid as my mom read us books before bed. We found ourselves engrossed in the stories, and storytelling became a favorite part of

Rather than restricting the stories of our travels to the grids of Instagram, we’ve had our travel photos blown up

my childhood.

into twelve 20x20 canvases that stretch across a two-story

Telling your own stories is so much easier when your

than restricting our memories to Facebook, where we may

photos are hanging on your walls or at your fingertips in an

see a reminder pop up every now and then, we’ve turned

album—rather than languishing in digital form. Though the

some of our favorite family photos into huge black and

digital age has led many of us to abandon tangible prints,

white prints that span across our living room.

grid that greets our guests in our entryway. And rather

it’s been shown that we actually have a greater emotional connection to printed images and words than we do with the same images and words in digital form. Our digital

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Walking up our stairs, my daughters point out various

Sometimes we’ll stop to talk about the time that they

memories along the way. Like the time we visited Hawaii

wore matching dresses to my Grandma’s 90th birthday—

when our four-year-old was barely walking. We went

we spent a sun-soaked fourth of July holiday reuniting

with friends who somehow convinced us that both

with family from around the country before gathering

families should brave ten hours of flying with one-year-

at Lake Michigan to sing “Happy Birthday,” swing on

olds in tow, and it ended up being an amazing ten days

hammocks, and eat a barbequed meal.

hopping from island to island, seeing the sights, hiking with babies on our backs, swimming in the ocean, and

Framed photos give us a chance to tell the girls stories

learning to surf for the first time.

about the adventures that we’ve been on as a family, or

Sometimes the girls will point out a photo from the time

The professional photos we had taken when we visited

to tell them what we were like before they were born.

that we rented a lake house and spent the whole week running around barefoot and swimming in the lake.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


Curating Memories Paris before the girls were born hang in our bedroom;

One of the differences between curating digital memories

they ask about those, and the photos from our

and printing your memories for display is that the latter

wedding in Mexico.

takes a little bit more planning and—often—a little We also have an album from our wedding that sits

bit more money. Start small and stay in budget, and

in a gorgeous wooden box on the open bookshelf in

you won't regret a minute you spend on printed photos,

our living room. The same bookshelf holds our yearly

though! These are my five favorite hassle-free tools for

memory boxes with prints of our favorite photos,

keeping family memories:

a few drawings from the girls, and tiny trinkets to represent each year.

1

My hope is that these small, simple boxes will become

Go Big. If you’re intimidated by the idea of designing a complex wall gallery, go for a set of oversized black and white framed prints or large canvases across

a piece of our legacy. Each one is a love letter to our future, a time capsule of our favorite stories to look back on later. I imagine myself sitting down with

your largest wall. Don’t be afraid to go big—too many people try to fill their walls with tiny prints that don’t fill the space. The bigger the prints, the more impact they’ll have.

my grandchildren one day and flipping through the photos as I tell them about the year we decided to move to Washington DC on a whim or the year that we bought an old sailboat to kick off a new family tradition.

2

I love sitting down with my husband’s Nana as we flip

Keep Track. Every year, I choose my favorite photos to turn into 5x7” prints for a small memory box. I also pick out a few small pieces of artwork from the girls (things like handprints and a few favorite drawings that we pull down from a pin board in the kitchen) and other small trinkets from the year. The boxes are small enough to line up on a bookshelf, so we have easy access to our favorite memories in one place.

through an album of photos from her days working on Broadway in New York and listening to her stories about the people she met along the way. I love sitting down with my parents and looking through old prints of myself as a two-year-old and marveling at how much my daughters look like I did then. Prints give us an easy way to pass on our stories. We’re so much more likely to share those stories when we can hold the photos in our hands or point to them

3

I keep a five-year journal called “One Line Everyday” in my bedroom. It gives me enough space to record a few sentences every single day, so I can remember quick points around what our family was doing or how I was feeling at any point in our lives. It was especially nice to have when we had our second daughter, and I could go back to remember exactly what the newborn stage looked like the first time around.

on the walls. A printed photo becomes an heirloom. A hard drive is likely to fail after a certain number of years! The sparkling new countertops and carefully selected paint colors aren’t the things that make this house special, or that bring smiles to the faces of our daughters each day. Nor are they the things that impress our friends. Our home is special because of the stories it tells about our family—and our commitment to passing those stories down. This is how our family legacy is being made.

Allie Siarto runs a team of portrait and wedding photographers out of East Lansing, Michigan, along with the Photo Field Notes Podcast, an educational resource for photographers. When she's not running the business, you'll find Allie sailing Lake Michigan, chasing after her two tiny daughters, and tasting every dessert in sight.

Journal.

4

Get the “1 Second Everyday” App. As much as I believe in beautiful printed photographs and journals to look back on and pass down to younger generations, I still leave room for the digital memories. I have an app on my phone called “1 Second Everyday” that's a video diary—I take a short video of whatever we’re doing each day, and the app compiles these into a single video. It's a fun and easy way to remember each year.

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Shop the Look Open bookshelves provide plenty of space to display your favorite family keepsakes. Create a look with balance and style while incorporating your personality and sentimental pieces. Include any or all of the following: a vertical frame, vase, plant, jar, stack of books, a set of taller books and personal, beloved accessories—like a memory box, other decorative box, small tray or small plant.

Suggested products for a Similar look: GR ADVIS VASE ($9.99) via IKEA ∙ ARTIFICIAL SUCCULENT IN WHITE POT ($5.99) via Target ∙ VINTAGE T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU CAMER A BOOK ENDS ( from $95) by Light and Time Art ∙ METAL ELEPHANT SCULPTURE ( from $95) via Bits & Pieces


Aperture corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2120-70

Vintage Sophistication corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2134-50

Pop of Realism corresponds to Benjamin Moore 539

MO D ERN , YET T I MEL ES S

Photographer's Muse corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2014-30

Pops of color in furniture and textiles serve as the perfect contrast to a sophisticated gallery wall of framed Black and White prints. No matter the era of your design aesthetic, mixing playful prints with a black and white palette constitutes a timeless style. The cool, comforting hues of gray can bring that palette into the 21st century. Interested in trying it out? Here are a couple of ideas for mixing colorful prints with black & white staples:

Gallery Frame corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2120-20

Browsing Space

Lounging Corner

Turn your hallway into a gallery-esque space

Keep furniture low and surround it by different

with oversized black and white portraits on

sized colorful art. Use matching black frames

canvas or in simple black frames. Keep walls &

to bring a cohesive look to the space. To go

flooring neutral, but add in modern, colorful

ultra-modern paint the walls a glossy black,

sculpture (if you have the room!); or paint the

too; to keep it fresh but clean, provide a neutral

walls a vibrant shade against which the B+W

backdrop in a warm-hued gray.

images will stand out.

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We learn about trying and failing in our homes. Taking risks. Reinventing our notions of home. Mastery. P H O T O by A L L I E S I A R T O

– CAR R O L L STO N ER


to align your life story with your ever-evolving sense of self


A R T W O R K by @ M S D D E S I G N


As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. – MA RIANNE WILLIAM SO N

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Remarkable Legacy EXPERIENCING, PRESERVING, AND DOCUMENTING OUR LIVES

with Betty & Maggie Mudd

Words by Marie Levey-Pabst Photos by Jacqui DePas

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Being both a mother and a daughter myself I was very excited to meet Betty and Maggie Mudd, a mother/daughter photography team in the Washington D.C. area. I spend a lot of my time thinking about the role of “mother” and what that bond with my children means. But the idea of working with my mother (or my daughter?!). Well that seemed like an interesting situation to learn about!

Over the next hour, I got to know Maggie and Betty through their stories, values, and relationship with each other. From their tales of elaborate family halloween costumes to their shared moments and memories in which they learned from and leaned on each other, I saw that the preservation of legacies isn’t just for their couples—but an integral part of their own lives as mother and daughter.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


E S TA B L I S H I N G L E G A C Y Betty and Maggie both had an affinity for photography

What I realized early in our interview was that, in order to

and a creative spark before they started their photography

understand what makes the Birds of a Feather photography

business in La Plata, MD. When life put the two of them in very

business work, I had to understand what made Betty and

different circumstances at the same time, they turned each of

Maggie work – separately and together. Both women share

their creative skills and their combined love of photography

a deep love and respect for each other that shined through...

into a business.

sometimes through a few grateful tears in our interview.

Betty’s father had been ill, and after taking a year off to

Yet they also have their differences. Describing the ins and

spend time with him, Betty was ready to go “back to work”

outs of photography timelines, Maggie felt like my Type A soul

after his passing. But there were no leads. no offers. Just lots

sister; she always has a “back up plan” for make-up and hair

of searching. At the same time Maggie, who was 6 months

prep and any other wedding day surprises. Laidback Betty,

pregnant with her first child, was struggling with the idea of

on the other hand, had an air of calm that I could see would

being a mother who worked outside of the home.

sooth all parties on a wedding day (including, occasionally, her

After taking photos as favors for friends for years it was their

own daughter!).

husbands who urged them to realize that they were on the cusp of something big. So, as Betty and Maggie say, they “took a leap” and started a photography business. As a practical person, and a business owner myself, when I hear “we just took a leap,” I know there must be more to the story.

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CAPTURING LEGACY Maggie and Betty are clearly the kind of people who

away each other’s tears. The were just the happiest people

are comfortable in a wide range of settings. As wedding

in that moment.” For Maggie and Betty, the “spectacular”

photographers, they feel comfortable among the heights of

is in the emotions of the moment as much or more as

elegance, including a wedding they photographed that was

the production.

later published. Though this wedding was full of elaborate decor and design, the part that Maggie and Betty shared had

In a similar vein Betty shared the hilarious details from a

nothing to do with the fancy trimmings and trappings.

rock-and-roll style themed wedding held in a barn, where

Reliving a moment of exquisite tenderness between the bride

changed her dress for gym shorts during the reception.

and groom, Maggie recounted how the couple had chosen the locale of one of their first dates as their “first look” moment. A production with quite the dress and the camera

the groomsmen all wore Conway West socks and the bride

On the surface these weddings seem to have little in common. The common piece, though, is what matters to

setup, this moment captured a spectacular show of love.

this sentimental mom & daughter duo. “The theme that tied

Says Maggie, “You could almost see the bubble around them.

that the bride and groom truly loved each other,” says Betty.

He ran to her in open arms. They are both crying and wiping

“That is the similarity that matters to us.”

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

these weddings – and all of our best weddings – together is


DOCUMENTING LEGACY As Betty and Maggie shared stories of these wide variety

Integral to this business philosophy is their ability to work

of weddings, another common thread became clear. Every

as a unified team to meet everyone’s needs. Being a duo

couple was “their couple.” Maggie and Betty aren’t just

expands what they have to offer. Maggie and Betty are in two

wedding photographers; they are the documentarians of

different stages of life—Maggie can connect with the bride

"Day Zero" of a couple's love story.

in a “big sister” type of role, and Betty can connect from a

For them, the bind that ties all their weddings together, from

“motherly” role.

the fanciest to the simplest, is the love between the couples.

“There’s rarely a time during a wedding day where one of us

Betty and Maggie experience their business as more than a

can’t come to the rescue,” says Maggie. Adds Betty, “While

service to couples; their sacred responsibility and privilege is

we photograph with a very similar eye that gives a level

recording the legacy of love and family.

of consistency in our photos, our differences also make

In the same way, Betty and Maggie see their work as more

working together such a blessing.”

than just capturing images from a single, spectacular day. They don’t just photograph couples and families, they become a part of those families for that period of time.

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

P H O T O S BY B I R D S O F A F E AT H E R


Start Your Legacy Legacy is the space where the past, present, and future meet. Betty and Maggie's story encourages us to think about our current moments of joy, laughter, and love as more than just "ours." These moments create the legacy of love for our families and future generations, whether they learn of it through us or the memories captured in photos. The good news? Every moment provides an opportunity to start your legacy. If you're interested in building your legacy daily, here are few ideas:

1

Think Small. Monumental events compel us to redefine our legacy, and yet the simple tasks of our day-to-day (and our reaction to them) can leave a much greater message behind. Treating others with kindness, prioritizing family and friends...even turning off the TV and going for a walk can add up to a more robust, intentional legacy. Invite your partner or child for a walk; have a friend over to finish up that bottle of wine. These "minor" moments will add up to a wonderful legacy.

2

Think Outside the Box. Everyday moments are ripe for legacy-building and, provided we're being intentional in our interactions, we don't have to "plan" them. Another way to bring about daily legacy is to institute off-the-wall ideas within or in addition to your daily routine. One day a week, take a different route home; have a gallery wall in your home that changes with your moods or the seasons. The unexpected can be a fun way to widen your legacy.

3

Think in Present Tense. We love recording our days on Instagram—but how often do we really experience those moments as they are happening? Try taking a day off from being family historian, leave the camera (and your phone) at home, and live life as it happens. Stop to admire things. Have lunch with an old friend. Institute weekly tech-free dinners. Chances are you'll remember as much (or more) without the camera as you would have with it in hand.

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Though my own wedding day is many years behind me, Betty and Maggie reminded me that, just like their couples, my legacy is ongoing. The photos they take aren’t just for the couple getting married; the photos are for the future generations of children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. The idea that legacy is past, present, and future is what propelled Betty and Maggie into their business , and what continues to inspire their determination and dedication. I, too, am eager to embrace this truth: Just

RE-FRAMING LEGACY Pre-interview, I was of the mindset that legacy is about considering the past— thinking about where and what legacies have brought us (no matter where we are in our life, work and family journeys). However, the more Maggie and Betty and I talked, the more they helped me refame this idea of legacy. At one point in our interview Betty shared a story that had all three of us in tears — the good kind. She shared the story of a family with whom they’d photographed the wedding of all four daughters. After the last wedding Betty and Maggie had a large canvas print made – of all four daughters, all four spouses, the mother and father of the bride and the grandchildren thus far. Betty sent that canvas print to the mother and father with a note “Without the love between you two, none of this love would have ever happened.“ In this moment of the interview, everything Maggie and Betty were teaching me about legacy clicked. Yes, legacy is about the past and what has come before us AND legacy is what we are building now.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

like Maggie and Betty’s precious photos may outlast the people in them, the love and memories we create each day, with the people we love, is the legacy that will continue long after we are gone.

Marie Levey-Pabst is a parent educator and founder of Create Balance. She uses the very practical Create Balance Method to teach parents how to create balance between family, work, and personal fulfillment. Read more at the Create Balance Blog, and join the Create Balance Community on Facebook to get lots of inspiration, tools and support to help create balance in your life. You can also follow Marie on Facebook and Twitter. All Photos by Jacqui De Pas Schlosser, @byjacquiphoto except those on pages 68 & 69, which are courtesy of Maggie & Betty


Connect with Betty + Maggie  @BirdsofaFeatherPhotos  @BirdsofaFeatherPhotos birdsofafeatherphotos.com

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Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. – MAYA AN G EL O U

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


to align your innermost thoughts with your ever-evolving perspective


A R T W O R K by @ M S D D E S I G N


Roses

The flower of poets and lovers, roses are also a gardener's delight. While they appear delicate, roses are actually hardy (when tended to) and thorny (when not paid attention to). Available in as many varieties as humanity itself, the rose bush reminds us that consciously taking care of what you love has the tremendous benefit of that love returning back to you.

I L L U S T R AT I O N by ANN MAR IE DR URY @ A N N M A R I E D R U R Y _ A R T I S T

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I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. –

MAYA ANGELOU

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


LIVE

Authentic Legacy with

Heather Vickery

Leaving behind a legacy of truth requires honesty and authenticity—even in the challenging times.

W

hen my youngest daughter was first learning to

Parenting is crazy! We hold in our palms these tiny humans,

talk she would answer “sure” whenever anyone

hoping that they do more, achieve more, and are happier than

asked her a question. “Sure” was her “yes.” I

we ever could imagine. I remember my own mother saying, “I

thought it was adorable but I couldn’t figure out where she

want you to be so much better than me.” I thought that was

had learned it. One evening I commented on it to a friend who

silly because she was pretty awesome; now, I get it. We want

looked at me, shocked, and said, “That’s what you say instead

more for our children no matter how much success we’ve had

of responding yes!” What? I do?! I had no idea.

in our own lives.

It was in that moment that I realized how my daily, often

I hope to leave behind a legacy of courage and truth for my

unconscious, behaviors affected and shaped my girls. My baby

daughters. When I made the painful decision to get a divorce,

responding “sure” rather than “yes” wasn’t a big deal — but

it was so they would see me not settle for a loveless marriage.

what else were they picking up from me?

I want them to seek a full partner in life. When I came out

I am fairly self-aware. I know that my big scale decisions and behaviors are leaving impressions on my kids and will be a major part of the legacy I will leave behind. But it is more than that, more than them seeing me speak on a big stage or have

(yeah, that was hard), I wanted them to see me embrace my authentic self and know that whoever they were, whoever they wanted to be, was enough and they would be loved and accepted for it.

an article published in a magazine and thinking their mother

When I marched in the Women’s March and dragged those

is “cool” (I am pleased to say that as of now, they do still think

little ladies with me, I wanted them to know they are powerful

I’m cool).

and that their voices make a difference. When I set firm

What type of women do I want them to become? What type of friend do I want them to be?

boundaries around my office hours allowing me to be fully present with them during family time, I wanted them to know they are valued and worthy.

What kind of partner do I want them to look for and be themselves?

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I am, by no means, perfect. In fact, I am far from perfect and

straight from school. They both screamed and cried until I

I’m quick to admit it. There are countless stories of me being

finally snapped.

on my phone and one of my girls having to call my name multiple times to get my attention. Or having a toddler walk up to my laptop and simply shut it and say “play with me!” Stories like that are a dime a dozen for all of us. One story still haunts me from time to time. My kids are not into sports (neither am I so this works out fine for me) but I put my two oldest in soccer when they were young. I mean,

I mean I really, really snapped. I screamed at the top of my lungs “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” I am not much of a yeller, so they immediately got quiet. Then, in my most stern mommy voice I said, “Sit down. Get buckled and DO NOT SPEAK until I tell you to!” We drove home in complete silence. We got out of the car, still in complete silence, and walked up the steps to the front door. Standing on my front porch

that is what you are supposed to do as a parent, right? Put

with my terrified and silent children it hit me that I had acted

your kids in soccer?? (hint: that is not a parenting rule!)

exactly like they had. I felt terribly guilty AND I was still really

From day one, the girls hated soccer. They would cry and

mad about the entire situation.

beg not to go but “we were not quitters” and “I had paid good

After standing there for a minute or so, with the girls waiting

money for that class!” So, each week, we went. One afternoon

patiently for me to unlock the door, I got down on their level

the girls had to change in the car because we had come

and looked them both in the eyes. “I shouldn’t have said

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


shut up. Those are not nice words and if you said them to

I practice gratitude daily, as often as possible, and we have

me you would be in really big trouble. I’m sorry for yelling.”

a family gratitude share at dinner each night. I do these

I also told them why I had been so upset and explained that we needed to find better ways to get what we wanted and needed. I told them we’re going to get mad and yell, and the best we can do is own it and apologize. As it turns out, I apologize to my children a lot. We all make mistakes and I want them to know it is safe to make mistakes with me. We will love each other through it. What counts is what we do after the mistake has happened. I strive, everyday, to be the same person in public that I am in private. I look homeless people in the eye, even if I am not in a position to give them anything— treat them like the human beings they are. I speak up for those that cannot do so themselves. I fight for justice. I offer help to my friends and loved ones, when I see they need it. I say “please” and “thank you.”

things when my children are watching and when they aren’t. Because it is the right thing to do. That’s the legacy I want to leave my children. In the end, I hope these four little girls will go out into the world as powerful forces of nature and as they breathe their essence into everyone and everything they encounter, I hope their souls think, “my mother would be proud” because I will be. I already am.

Heather is an award-winning entrepreneur, business owner, and transformational life and business coach. But Heather isn’t just a savvy businesswoman − she’s an inspiration. The founder of Vickery and Co., Heather is a featured expert on achieving an authentic and meaningful life and designing your own roadmap for balance and success. Connect with her on Instagram at @VickeryandCo. Photos by Paula Athans, @crash3328

Shop at legacyleatherbooks.com

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LIVE

The True Wealth of Legacy with

Sarah Bachelder

Our lives are not insignificant; just by living them, we will leave a mark—the most lasting of which, I believe, will be on our loved ones.

I

had never thought much about leaving a legacy until recently. At least not in a conscious way. I’ve heard it described as “... planting seeds in a

garden you never get to see.” An evocative thought and I love garden analogies. Still, I prefer to think of it as us beginning a garden that others will add on to, just as I am adding on to the garden my parents started. These past few years, I’ve begun being more intentional in how I live and love. I’m still not anywhere near where I want to be. Taking the time to ponder what kind of legacy I want to leave for my sons has been eye opening: I must face the reality of our now, so that I can start shaping the reality for our future.

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By tempering my reaction to their destruction of my possessions, I hope they will recognize that I taught them to take care of their belongings, because I valued them most of all. And because it’s just good sense. Most importantly, people (and their feelings) will always be more valuable than material objects.

L E G A C Y 3 : R E L AT I O N S H I P S The other night my two oldest were struggling over a toy bunny. They both wanted to sleep with it. My oldest got very aggressive. Even though I wanted to yell and walk away, I knew he needed me to lean in. I pulled him onto my lap and calmly acknowledged his feelings then While my initial thoughts were of financial legacies, it was obvious there was much more to it. As I thought about this topic, I began to see how legacy encompasses attitudes, beliefs, values, and so much more. Following are a few areas in which I want to begin building a legacy for my children.

explained why I had taken the bunny away. I reminded him that brothers are more important than any toy. As I watch them interact with one another, I’m eager to help these brothers develop

L E G A C Y 1 : W E A LT H

a deep love for each other. The best way

Wanting to be secure is fine, and we can do good with our money. Acting with

by modeling it in my relationships. To

integrity in the pursuit of money means being willing to make sacrifices and

let them see me reach out, show acts of

to get creative. Just don’t break the law or take unfair advantage of others. Be

love, and involve them in that. By giving

responsible in your spending because possessions will not bring you fulfillment

them opportunities to think of others and

on their own.

discover ways love can be shown.

In a practical sense, teaching these values requires honesty. We are honest with our boys about what we can afford. We talk about the need for a budget, which is something my husband and I are always improving. And we teach them to be grateful for what they do have rather than lament what they don’t.

I can think of to foster that closeness is

LEGACY 4: RESILIENCE Resilience isn’t about being unmoved by the storms of life—it’s about being able to lean into them. Growing deep roots that

LEGACY 2: RESPONSIBILITY

can’t be broken while discovering a depth

My boys destroy things. Sometimes it’s not a big deal; Sometimes it’s costly. It’s

asking for help without shame.

to ourselves we hadn’t seen before. Also,

easy to focus on the frustration of something being broken, rather than taking time to teach them the need to care for the things we have. At the same time, I

My son, Liam, loves building with Lego

want to ensure that they don’t feel that we value objects over them.

bricks. When his plans aren’t working

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU


he can get very frustrated. In my good moments I will remind him to take deep breaths. Then I remind him that he’s learning and maybe he needs to find another way. I sometimes have him say out loud, “I’m learning and that’s okay.”

L E G A C Y 5 : E M PAT H Y While my son was going through chemotherapy, I was surrounded by the suffering of other families. I had the choice to close myself off to it or to open my heart to empathy. I chose empathy and I have no regrets. My life is richer for it and I want the same for my children. I hope they learn that empathy, compassion, and nurturing of others are not gender specific traits. They are the traits of decent human beings. Choosing to be vulnerable is an act of courage and strength. If we seek growth in the

In the end, I want my sons to be good men who live meaningful and fulfilling

process, we will be stronger, wiser, and

lives. I hope they will love deeply, stand up for truth, defend the defenseless, and

more empathetic.

see the worth in themselves and others. I hope they claim their space in this world with integrity, grace, and dignity. I hope they can respect others without

L E G A C Y 6 : FA I T H My anchor in all things is my faith in God. I want my sons to have that same steadiness in their lives. I know that they will have to find their own path of faith. I also know that by sharing mine, they will have more

compromising their values. I’d like to teach them to acknowledge their feelings; how expressing them staves off overwhelm. Fear is just a feeling and doesn’t mean there’s anything to actually be afraid of. I hope they grow up willing to be uncomfortable, so important conversations and changes can happen. That they know their dreams can be grandiose or simple. And so much more.

confidence to seek theirs. God will always

Writing these hopes for my sons, one unrelenting truth stands out. I must live

be watching over them.

the legacy now. While living these values takes energy and resolve, I’ll also have

We pray together as family. I pray for them when they ask me to. We talk about God

fewer regrets. Taking small steps every day keeps the end goal from being so overwhelming. All I must do is start: and let my boys take it from there.

and we go to church almost every Sunday. While this is an expectation in our home while the boys are young, I also tell them that when they are older it’s a choice that they make for themselves. I won’t force my faith on them.

A self-proclaimed 'dysfunctional perfectionist', Sarah is learning to accept and embrace life as is. She seeks the beauty and vulnerability of living in daring imperfection. After watching her oldest son battle Leukemia, Sarah believes passionately that we are capable of thriving in all circumstances. Photos by Becky Noblet, @photographytangerine

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S K EL ET O N S O N G by Kate Kearns

The sea is a hole where the moon

Little nautilus, the sea is a hole

once lived. If we could see its floor,

the moon left behind,

we’d find the dip of her cheekbone

but she didn’t go far, considering.

imprinted her pillow, smell

She left her voice in the tides,

her mineral perfume in our skin.

her whalebone-white in my dad’s Newport Lights,

Cast into whalebone-blue space

and the pout of her lip in a cavern

and orbed in orbit, she still commands

no light has reached ever since.

elemental rhythms from way out

I’m trying to tell you there is no right way

beyond our hearing. If you could see

to live on the Earth, and it’s not enough

the ocean floor, my little galaxy girl,

to write about the sea, and though the moon

you’d find the mirror that fell

with its ancient rhythms doesn’t care

from her purse, missing for millennia,

for romantic metaphors, we wouldn’t

salt-crusted as a crustacean.

be here if she hadn’t gone.

Little tail fin, there are atoms in your body

The sea is a hole where the moon

older than all of us combined,

once lived, a puddle full of clouds

shook loose from the sky

that crowded so close they became water,

to come to you. We will always

which pressed eons of sediments into bones.

be made of the sea. Made of it and to it return—this is not new.

Little anemone, if you could see

I’m trying to tell you the ear bones

the ocean floor, you’d find something

of whales, simple and dense, are all

I could never imagine alone.

that remain whole in the sediment grounds,

If the moon were really gone,

and the last time I spoke to my dad

the nautilus wouldn’t have known

you were the ear bone of the whale,

to shape itself like a galaxy.

and I was the ground up shells and stones.

I am making art out of knowing

To me you were still an abstraction,

nothing at all. I’m sorry, littlest,

to him you were wholly in the world.

but if poems aren’t meant to be

There is time and space in the universe

understood, then neither are poets,

for only pieces of us.

but if terrestrial fragments made it to space and back to you, then flecks of my father may find their way, too. We’ll never know for sure.

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P H O T O by R A C H E L R O B I N S O N @ R A C H E L R O B P H O T O G

You are the designer of your destiny; you are the author of your story. – LISA NICH O LS

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You Are Who You Are H O W T O C R E AT E A L E G A C Y BY BEING YOURSELF

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LIVE

Practice being who you are and your legacy will create itself.

W

hen I was in college, someone came to visit

and brother. Next, I would remember magical Christmas

our class who had participated in the civil

mornings in candlelight – not the gifts, but the music

rights marches and stood next to Martin

playing in the darkness, the glimmer of light from the

Luther King, Jr. The stories he told were not of the

sun coming up, and the smiles of my dad, stepmom

people in the spotlight. The stories were of the people

and siblings.

behind the scenes: the women who made everything run smoothly, the people who stood by his side, the

Next, I might remember being curled up in my step

“little” people.

father's lap – as a very big child, mind you – attempting to put his mustache hairs up his nose and watching

The humans who stood out in his mind and in his

birds from the window. I might then remember my step-

memory were the people who showed up day after

brother letting me chase him around the house, letting

day, merely being themselves, and standing for what

me win and my other step brother always being so blunt,

they believed in. In the same way my family members

always being nothing but himself and loving me fiercely.

have each created a legacy in me with their presence throughout my life, and by sharing the gift of who they are.

Now, things were not always perfect. I came from a big combined family with our fair share of tears, shouting matches, and even secrets and shame. I believe,

If you were to ask me what I remember most from my

though, that leaving a legacy is not about never making

own childhood, one of the first things that would come

mistakes. Leaving a legacy is about what happens after

to mind is dancing barefoot in the kitchen with my mom

the mistakes.

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We all face challenges. We all struggle. We all experience trauma. Life happens. While all of those hard and ugly things make us who we are, who we choose to be again and again and again – in the face of the challenges and struggles and trauma – determines our true legacy. I am not yet a parent myself, but I think often about what I want to pass on – to my students, to my clients, to my nephews, and yes, someday, to my future kids. What do I want them to remember? What are they receiving from me on a day-to-day basis? Yes, as a teacher I think of curriculum. Yes, as a healer I think of healing tools that made a difference in my life that may make a difference in their lives. Yes, I think of routines and mantras and wisdom I want to impart. And all of these things have great value,

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Still, I have learned that what matters most is not the things

We are told that in order to create a legacy we must create

that I pass on, but the feeling people have when they are with

something beyond ourselves – share memorable works or

me. My presence, my being, my showing up for them and for

lead giant movements. In all of my relationships and all of my

myself. These are my legacy.

experience, I know this for sure: Whatever we desire in the

Our kids see how we treat ourselves, hear the comments we

world begins with us.

make when we look in the mirror or at pictures of ourselves, and feel when we are ignoring our feelings or hiding from our shame. Our kids – the kids of the world, the actual children, and the kid within each of us – are looking for models. Thus, I do my best to practice all the things I preach and show up for myself as much as I show up for others.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Kelsey Fox Bennett, M.Ed., is an educator, healer, and self-love and mindfulness coach. Her unique skillset helps her clients accelerate healing, restore inner alignment and claim their most abundant life. Connect with her at KelseyFoxBennett.com. Photos by Markie Wheeler-Jones, @markielynne


Legacy 101 Because creating a legacy by being is an idea so deep and different from what we are told, it's a lifelong process and daily practice. What follows are a few of the things I preach, from my life and continued learning as a daughter, sister, aunt, educator, healer, and coach: Be You. If you are pretending to be someone you’re not, then your kids and others around you looking up to you will only wear masks as well. Take off the masks, look in the mirror, say hello to you. That’s where all the deliciousness of you can start to shine through.

Stay Present. I have so many tools to help me stay present because it is SO easy to get derailed. To leave our bodies and get stuck in our heads in the past or the future. A very simple one is to wear jewelry – malas, healing stones or charms – that remind me of who I am and who I desire to be. I touch them, take a deep breath, and come back.

Face the Mistakes. If I make a mistake, I do my best to own what’s mine. I also do my best to let go of what isn’t my responsibility so I’m not carrying other people’s mistakes! When we take responsibility in front of a child, we remind kids that we are human so that they know it’s okay to be human, too.

family can do this together, the stronger they’ll be. I was blessed to have a family willing to do just this. So even when everything gets wonky, we still find each other on the other side.

Continue to Heal. Whatever you desire for your kids starts in your own heart. Sure, you could give them tools and wisdom without practicing what you preach, but they are following your actions closely! Everything they do is going to shine a bright mirror on your own issues, so might as well get ahead of it and keep showing up for your own healing.

Play More. The most fun your kids will have is with you. My mom loved to sing and dance – and eat; so much of our time was spent in the kitchen, laughing hysterically. She provided nourishment—good food and good energy. Even when I momentarily thought I was too cool for her, getting over myself didn’t take long because it FELT SO GOOD to play with her.

Return to Love. Grow Together. The people I want to stand next to forever are the people who are willing to grow with me. To learn, to expand, to heal. The more a

Love is a choice. Interrupt the patterns. Take a deep breath. Remember that we’re all doing our best. Forgive yourself and others. Return to love. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

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fertilenest.com T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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CRA F T I N G L EG A CY

In each generation, we find storytellers. Keepers of our history, memories, and traditions... scribes who record our deepest hopes and our truest selves. They remind us to preserve details, to celebrate important rituals and milestones, allowing the richness of our past to create a legacy as we shape our own futures. All of life is—at its core—a story. Precious sagas to journal or journeys to document; new chronicles to create. Stamp your spirit on the future and leave behind something bigger than yourself.

Toni Gatlin Legacy Notebook Creator See more & purchase @RedPenTravelers

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@CHARTREUSECENTER

@RAWFOODJO

@ASWAPPINGGOODTIME

@PRIMANDPROPAH

@MRSP825

@JENFORYOU

@HOPEANDHARBOR

@SARAHANNF_11

@CRAFTIVATECT

G EN ERAT I O N S

Legacy is always happening, whether passed down through physical similarities from one generation to the next, or through character qualities, traditions, and an abundance of family stories. The best part? What makes your family special is also what makes you special. Name it, claim it, and Embrace it.

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MAY MA N T RA

How I consciously choose to show up to today creates my legacy for tomorrow.

M A N T R A b y K R Y S TA L B R A N D T PHOTO by LIZZIE TILLES @LIZZIE.TILLES


Embrace Legacy

PHOTO by MEG&MIKE PHOTOGRAPHY

Profile for The Perpetual You

The Perpetual You_Wealth through Legacy  

May 2018 issue, featuring Betty and Maggie Mudd of Birds Of a Feather Photography

The Perpetual You_Wealth through Legacy  

May 2018 issue, featuring Betty and Maggie Mudd of Birds Of a Feather Photography

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