Worthy burgers

What is it about a burger that invokes our inner child? It doesn’t matter if you’re eight or eighty, there’s something special about locking your laughing gear around a bun filled with anything from beef to fish to chicken, or even halloumi or mushrooms if you’re that way inclined.

It does take a special place, though, to take you down burger memory lane and send you into a food daydream. Because the standout burger requires all the elements to come together: a fresh bun, a juicy centrepiece, wholesome fillings and crispy fries on the side.

I venture out into the wild that is our corner of the Coast to look for the standouts and I have to say there are some real stunners. To keep it simple I’m opting for the beef burger on the menu (I fear that if I write a review, as a South African, about a fish or chicken burger, I may see an exodus of friends from Facebook!). I want a burger that’s dripping with goodness and makes an embarrassment of me with the plethora of napkins I use to mop up the trail of destruction.

In total, I tried five burgers, my stretchy pants working overtime. Here are my three favourites.

Northern Union

23 Wainui Road, Silverdale

The burger itself is fairly rustic (but to be fair I’m not looking for Cinderella). The chips are skin-on and crispy and there is an aioli on the side, which is a great reprieve from the usual squirt of Wattie’s to be honest. It parades crispy bacon, fried egg, caramelised onion, lettuce, tomato and beetroot relish. The cheese is tasty and the patty has a great depth of flavour although it’s slightly on the well-done side, but the kitchen gets a free pass as the restaurant is absolutely heaving! Respectable burger at $25.50 and three napkins.

Joe’s Garage

1 Alberto Lane, Silverdale

I expect Joe’s to rustle up a bangin’ burger. I don’t know why, but it just has that burger vibe to it. I order Joe’s beef burger and the menu makes it sound great already.

Streaky bacon, Swiss cheese, caramelised onions, pickle, lettuce, mustard and aioli. Yum! The burger doesn’t disappoint. The bun is fresh, the fillings are delicious (the cheese is my favourite), the chips are crispy and there are a lot of them. The patty is a little bland, but the cheese and mustard make up for it. What’s more, this burger is Burj Khalifa tall and needs some serious squeezage before I can grapple it into my mouth. Slightly pricey but sharable at $27 and four napkins.

Coast Bites and Brews

342 Hibiscus Coast Highway, Orewa

I’ve been to Bites and Brews a couple of times and the food has always been good, so I choose this as one of the spots to take my burger craving for a whirl. It has the bougiest meat patty, which claims to be homemade of 210-gram wagyu beef. That’s exciting! The burger is served with bacon, red onion, lettuce, tomato and smoked cheese. The bun is a dark toasted sesame brioche and it is superb. The patty is fantastic and the filling on the burger is nice too with a flamboyant fan of cos lettuce and the cheese really compliments the patty. The fries are my least favourite of the three restaurants as they’re slightly limp and not seasoned at all, but man oh man, the burger really is fantastic. An impress-your-girlfriend type of ooh lah-lah burger at $25 and four napkins.

I’ve decided not to score these reviews using my traditional scoring scale as the burgers really were neck on neck with each offering their own victories. The fillings and patty at the Union, the cheese and chips at Joe’s and the bun, patty and cheese at Coast. All three worthy of a visit.

With the elastic on my stretchy pants and my wife’s judgy eyes both at maximum width, I ease into an armchair contemplating what to review next. Supermarket lettuce comes to mind, but who am I kidding? It’s been a big year for reviews and I can honestly say that I’ve enjoyed putting my body on the line for you all! I can feel an Indian curry or fish and chips review coming on, so why don’t you reach out and provide me with your favourite go-tos? Until next month.

Rudi Hefer