the madison review
What do you want to do?” “It’s not my problem,” he said. “Then why don’t you just stay out of it?” “Stop.” My father stood up, still holding his whiskey glass, though there was nothing in it. “Is that what you want, Rob? You think she should be in a hospital?” “I don’t think we should do nothing,” I said. “Maybe it would be better if we didn’t live here.” The idea had never even occurred to me before, and I knew it wasn’t going to happen. My father’s head turned. He held up a hand to shush us. I heard a rustling sound from the stairs, bare feet on wood, and a creak as the floor took my mother’s weight at the bottom. “Talking about me?” She said it mildly, pushing her hair out of her eyes, swaying a little as she came into the room, lightly touching the glassfronted bookcase that held the books my father had read as a boy. Steven stared at the carpet and shook his head. “We were,” my father said. “I was just telling them you were out cold and you’d probably sleep until noon.” “I’d like that.” “I thought it was a good plan. It’s not going to work with you down here, though.” “I’m sorry to cause everyone so much trouble.” She looked at Steven and me. She was wearing a flannel nightgown and a faded blue terrycloth robe. The robe’s belt dragged on the floor. “I understand this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” “Things happen, Esther,” my father said softly. But she didn’t seem to hear, she just kept on looking at Steven and me. “Shit happens, Dad. I think that’s the word you’re looking for.” Steven turned to my mother. “But what I want to know is, why this particular shit? Don’t you wonder that, Mom? I mean like now, when you’re maybe feeling kind of clear?” “I don’t think I was ever clear a day in my life,” she said. “Sometimes I feel good. Sometimes I’m happy. But not clear, not the kind of clear where you see all the way to the bottom. I keep looking and the images shift on me, there’s interference, like a current is bringing in other colors, other frequencies, and I can’t see through…” Her voice faded out as she realized from the looks on our faces how she sounded. “You don’t have to look at those things,” Steven said, quieter now, resigned that 62