THELEAVEN.ORG | VOL. 41, NO. 4 | AUGUST 16, 2019
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD 10 tips for a lasting marriage 1. Let the Golden Rule reign supreme. Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated. Express gratitude, pay compliments and do an act of conscious kindness every day. 2. Know that happiness is not constant, but it’s always around the corner. “Happily ever after” is the goal in marriage, but life ebbs and flows. Have realistic expectations and trust that perseverance through difficulties will be rewarded. 3. Communicate in both directions. Go beyond assuming you know your partner’s thoughts and feelings. Communicate by giving equal time to talking and listening. 4. Don’t leave pet peeves on the back burner. Small annoyances can grow into big problems if they’re not addressed. Let your partner know right away if something bothers you.
LEAVEN PHOTO BY JILL RAGAR ESFELD
Teresa and Sam Mentesana, on the deck of the home they share with the youngest of their five children, were married 80 years ago this month.
Ascension parishioners celebrate 80 years of spoiling each other By Jill Ragar Esfeld jill.esfeld@theleaven.org
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VERLAND PARK — When asked about their long marriage, Church of the Ascension parishioners Sam and Teresa Mentesana confess that in their earlier years, they argued frequently. “We’d just fight every day and make up every night,” said Sam. Five children, 22 grandchildren and 20 great-grandchildren later, they’re still together. In fact, Teresa and Sam will have been married for 80 years this month. In October, they’ll celebrate that anniversary along with Teresa’s 99th and Sam’s 100th birthdays. What’s their formula for staying together so many years? “I don’t know,” said Teresa. “I guess we just loved each other.”
Fire and ice The couple now lives with their youngest son Leo, who is also their
main caregiver. And he attributes their peppery relationship to their heritage. “She’s Italian,” he said. “And he’s Sicilian. “It’s that fire and ice.” Even when they met during high school in northeast Kansas City, Missouri, it wasn’t love at first sight. Teresa remembers seeing Sam walking home and telling her girlfriends, “Let’s cross to the other side. I don’t want to walk with that old crazy Sam.” “She didn’t like my reputation,” Sam confessed. But Sam was smitten by the pretty girl who went out of her way to steer clear of his charm. One day when he was driving to a friend’s house, he spotted Teresa leaving her father’s store. She didn’t look well. “So, I asked her, ‘Can I take you home?’” he recalled. “She really was sick, and she said, ‘Well, if you take me straight home.’ “I told her I would take her straight home and so she got in the >> See “COUPLE” on page 10
5. Know that arguments don’t have to be won. Sometimes your partner just wants to be heard and understood. Being objective and open to compromise is more important than being right. 6. Nurture a spiritual connection. Pray for your spouse and your relationship every day. Beyond attending Mass together, find time to share prayers, a Bible study or devotional readings. 7. Develop common interests to create lasting bonds. Dance, cook gourmet meals together, play a sport, volunteer — connect by sharing something that makes your relationship more personal and special. 8. Make dating a part of your marriage. Plan special nights with your spouse that exclude all distractions, including your phones. In the course of the evening, try to learn something new about each other 9. Remember that you are each other’s long-term caregivers. Take care of yourself for the sake of your spouse. Maintain your health and your physical fitness so you can care for one another in your golden years.
LEAVEN PHOTO BY JILL RAGAR ESFELD
When asked the secret to their 80-year marriage, Teresa Mentesana said, “I guess we just loved each other.”
10. Believe that marriage is sacred. Have faith in the sanctity of marriage and your vow of commitment. Work every day at making yourself and your marriage better for the glory of God.