Wellness The Gift of Failure

Larissa Adler, LMFT

One of the most influential school assignments I ever received was in a college class when I was instructed to purposefully fail at something that coming week. The goal of the assignment was to increase awareness of how often I tried to push myself to excel or try my hardest to be perfect and to come back and share what the experience was like: to let it all go.

Trying to keep myself from doing things just right was hard, and I noticed the amount of stress I felt trying to be “perfect.” However, if I wanted to do the assignment perfectly, I had to force myself to be imperfect. What a liberating experience it was! To permit myself to be deliberately imperfect. To let go of my cerebral thinking, trust my gut instinct, and explore of intensity and seriousness every day, specifically picked for us by Hashem to help us grow in the way we need.

How do we begin to grow from our relationship with perfection? Firstly, we need to appreciate what perfection does for us. It is a good thing to have goals to strive towards and have the desire to improve. So a nod of acknowledgment to perfection for giving us the drive to grow!

But how do we know when perfection starts to take over and begins to cause more harm than good? When we feel we can’t act spontaneously, have some fun, or try something new. When flexibility becomes the enemy. When we become preoccupied with getting to the next level rather than being able to appreciate the moment possibilities with the freedom to know it is okay to make a mistake!

How many of us can admit to having a close and personal relationship with perfection? That gnawing pressure grows exponentially from inside many of us, fueled by external expectations to achieve a level of success that no one can reach. Whether it be regarding our appearance, grades, status, our homes, our parenting, or our relationships, many of us seem to be striving for a bar higher than anyone could possibly reach. Perfection does not exist.

Yet, we live in a world where we encounter messages constantly promoting the promise of perfection. Whether it be on billboards selling a perfect body or home magazines with perfectly hung drapes (that have been starched and ironed for hours to be hung just right). And of course, there is the world of Facebook, Instagram, etc. — giving us the opportunity to engage in competition with our family and friends for the perfect pic. If you think your neighbor’s kids are perfect… Well, they must just close all their windows, doors, and blinds between the hours of 4:30 p.m. - 9 p.m. everyday.

All of us are constantly being bombarded with challenges of varying degrees