Lessons I Learned Along the Way You Just Never Know

Mrs. Sheindy Gross

At a L’chaim many months ago, I had the pleasure of speaking with a group of my Valley Torah alumni. It’s always such nachas to listen to the college courses they’re taking and the career paths they’re beginning. It makes for lively and insightful discussions whenever we get together. One girl remarked that of all the classes she took in high school, the art classes turned out to be the most beneficial for her. “How funny is it,” she commented to me, “that this was the course I thought I would benefit from the least, and it’s the one I’m most grateful for?”

While I have written and shared a lot about not letting children completely control their own narrative because, after all, they are young and need the guidance of adults, I would like to focus on the maturation of teenagers and why they so badly need those adults in their lives.

It comes as no surprise to any adult reading this article that a young graduate realized that the very thing she thought would have no purpose, ended up giving her the greatest inspiration currently. The reason it comes as no surprise to you (if you are an adult) is simple– your own life experience. You most likely have had a similar circumstance and you recognize that one does not know everything at age 15 or 17. You understand that ideas change, convictions waver, and that which seemed like such a fabulous plan fades and another more compelling or appealing option emerges.

When I was in high school I had a friend who would completely fall apart if someone changed her mind about something. I can still remember the shame I felt when I came to a new and different conclusion. As we matured and circumstances required a more enlightened point of view, she would accusingly ask me took me far too many years to figure out just how “stuck” she was. Because I had become an adult and sadly she was still a teenager.

This is the reason why teenagers rely on adults. If you have recently been overwhelmed with your thoughts, anxious and jittery, and/or feeling socially insecure, you can identify with how teenagers feel a lot of the time (they are doing nothing wrong, they are exactly the way Hashem created them to be at this age). On those uncertain days, you may likely take something minor and make it crucial, be sharp and less patient in your conversations, and view your overall circumstances as gloomier than they truly are. Would it later on. Ain’t no time like the present to begin growing it.

Many would agree that our youth figure out how I was the same person. I don’t blame her; I hardly recognized myself! Do you know why? Because I was the grown-up version of myself! you make a very important decision when you’re feeling so out of sorts? I hope not. And so back to the art class and our conversation at the L’chaim. Anecdotally speaking, to those who have gone to the schools I have, art class was the class that…maybe you didn’t actually “take.” You really liked the teacher, the sweetest lady ever, but if you were not gifted with the “art gene,” chances are you didn’t get an A for participation. As the principal, when the same scenario occurred at school, we didn’t cancel art nor did we allow students to skip class no matter how much they pleaded. Why? It’s very simple: you may very well need art in the future. You may not have the “art gene” now, but you may certainly need to sprout are very stressed nowadays. We can do our part to mitigate this by encouraging experiences over perfection. Opportunity versus achievement. When we wax eloquently about “when we were young,” a part of that is that we were children with abandon. The stakes weren’t so high and we could just have fun. Some of the stuff I did when I was young could make your hair stand up on end. I remember a friend who knew me as a teenager and then as a newly married woman, and she couldn’t

Children and especially teenagers are often overwhelmed by their own powerful thoughts and feelings. In those moments of ambivalence, teens need to be able to lean on the confident adults in their lives. Often a young child will resist taking any part, however small, in a class play. They may refuse to cooperate during the elective slot in high school. Jumping to their defense and getting them out of their immediate misery may actually be robbing them of a chance to explore and experience something that may well become their parnasa or career choice later in life. They may lose an opportunity to develop a new hobby that they would adore and cherish for many years to come.

With over 30 years in education as a teacher and a principal, Mrs. Sheindy Gross continues her passion for education by creating a new platform called TEHILA, Torah Education with Heart in LA, for women and girls to receive adult education, camaraderie, and support. In addition to TEHILA, Mrs. Gross provides a myriad of educational opportunities for the community, such as dating and relationship mentoring, Kallah classes, and leadership consulting for educators. Mrs. Gross can be reached at sheindyg@gmail.com.