Parent Parent 2

Chani Heyman

Dear Chani, Getting my kids ages nine, six, and four to bed at night has turned into a nightmare, pun intended!

Do you have any tips on how I can get them into bed in a calm, loving manner?

Please help, Thank you!

Tired Mom

Dear Tired, Thank you for writing. Bedtime can be very challenging in many homes. There are a few different angles that can be addressed when dealing with bedtime, but I would like to discuss the different aspects of a bedtime routine that will Iy’H turn your daily nightmare into wonderous unicorns and rainbows.

1. Create a bedtime routine: Write down the basic routine that your child should do every night before going to bed. This routine is crucial. It tells the brain, which then signals to the body, that it is almost time for bed and that it’s time to start releasing hormones that will make your child tired. An example of a bedtime routine might be bath/shower, pajamas, last snack/fruit/ drink, brush teeth, read a book, and say Shema. Good night, turn out the light! Any routine that suits your lifestyle will do. This is just an example.

2. Set bedtime by counting backward: The way you calculate what time you need to start your bedtime routine is by counting backward. For example, if you want your nine-year-old to be in bed at 8 pm: saying Shema takes 5 minutes, now we are at 7:55, reading a book takes 10 minutes, now we are at 7:45, last snack takes 5 minutes, 7:40, pajamas takes 5 minutes, 7:35, bath/ shower takes another 15 minutes 7:20. Now you know your bedtime routine should begin at around 7:15/7:20 pm in order to be able to get your child into bed without being rushed. This creates the desired calm atmosphere befitting bedtime.

3. Bedtime is not a marathon: If you are running late one night don’t marathon through your bedtime routine. That would give the body the opposite message. You want to trigger relaxation. If you are coaching, “shower, shower, go, go teeth, hurry, run run!” it will be very hard for the body to then take a deep breath and “ahh sleep!” The body and mind will think there is a race and want to continue jumping all over the bed! If you are running late, as can sometimes happen, a better solution would be to take something out of the routine, such as the shower, and then you can still have a calm routine before bedtime.

4. Figure out the correct bedtime: You can look up the general pediatric guidelines for different ages to go to sleep, or ask other moms in the class, if this is your oldest child. You want to put your child to bed when they are

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tired but not overtired. Some kids need more sleep, and some kids need less, much to the disdain of their parents. You can look up the general guidelines for what time your four-year-old should be going to bed and practice trial and error from there. Let’s say you try 6:30 pm, and you see she is tantruming and falling apart at Shema-time. This would be an indication that she is probably overtired and you should try to start the routine 15 minutes earlier. Or the opposite: if you put her to bed at 6:30 and, after two weeks, she is not able to fall asleep by 7 pm (half an hour later) and I mean actively trying to sleep, not doing gymnastics on her bed, then you might be putting her in too early (I’m sorry!). Then you can try to start the routine 15 minutes later for another two-week trial.

Even if you are not a rigid person by nature, a bedtime routine is a very helpful tool to signal to the body that it is bedtime. You don’t have to have a very strict routine. You make it work for your personality. It can be a more loose and more relaxed routine, but the consistency should still be there. When you do the same things every night, the body will get the hint, and bedtime should begin to get easier and smoother. If you are a more rigid person then remember to try not to be a drill sergeant. This is your child’s bedtime routine, not the army.

As always, enjoy these detailed bedtime routine days. They grow up so fast, that soon you’ll be missing giving the chills and singing rock a bye baby. Next issue, I will address getting your children to follow said bedtime routine that you have created, in a pleasant, delightful manner.