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Edition 60

www.thecourier.es

Friday, April 13, 2012

Laser yobs ‘playing Russian roulette with people’s lives’

BLIND STUPIDITY

A 'CRAZY' trend of shining lasers into the eyes of pilots as they are coming in to land is sweeping the UK - and putting passengers’ lives at risk.

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Yobs are using the intense light from laser pens - which can be bought easily from shops for around £8 - to target aircraft cockpits. And it has now emerged that the problem is so huge that no fewer than 93 laser incidents have been reported at Liverpool's John Lennon Airport in the last year alone. According to the Daily Mail, around 30 of these occurred in a five-week period last summer as pilots circle the city preparing to land. A spokesman for the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) said: “We are currently seeing a global surge in incidents of lasers being deliberately shone at aircraft on final approach to airports. “The aviation industry and the police are doing everything possible to combat the problem and we strongly urge anyone who sees a laser being shone in the night sky near an airport to contact the police immediately. “Since 2010 shining a laser or light at an aircraft in flight has been a criminal offence and we really need the public's help to stop these dangerous attacks happening.’’ The maximum sentence for endangering an aircraft in the UK is five years in jail. But a spokesman for the British Airline Association said they’d like to see more custodial sentences and better regulation on the sale of the devices. He said: “Pilots can easily be temporarily blinded by laser attacks. Being blinded or dazzled by these incredibly bright lasers puts everyone's life on board that aircraft at risk. People who do this maliciously are playing Russian roulette with people's lives. “The police are taking this Following the opening of his It is estimated each casino matter more and more serilatest casino complex, in Macau, building could cost the group ously, but we would like to he said on Wednesday: "We are between $2.5bn and $3bn to see custodial sentences looking at 12 integrated resorts, build. Las Vegas Sands would tar- being the norm.’’ 3,000 rooms each. A mini Las get wealthy customers from A longer-term solution is Vegas about half the size of the Western Europe and also the bur- stronger regulation over the Las Vegas strip in Spain for the geoning tourist class from the sale, import and licensing of European market." strong laser devices. Turn to Page 2

$35bn plan to bring Vegas to Spain THE glitz and glamour of Las Vegas could be coming to Spain in an audacious venture mooted by American casino mogul Sheldon Adelson. The 78-yearold billionaire wants to replicate the Nevada city's world-famous strip. And he is pre-

pared to invest $35 billion to turn his dream to reality. Mr Adelson, chairman and chief executive of casino giant Las Vegas Sands, is believed to be looking at either Barcelona or Madrid as the venue for his extraordinary venture.


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Friday, April 13, 2012

Agreed...those gloves are real stupid, limey

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96 692 1003 679 096 309 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Amanda Black Sally Bengtsson Rebecca Marks Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

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Picture of the Week

96 692 1003

RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY ELSEWHERE

From Page One

HOTELIERS in Murcia are furious with Spain’s weather forecasters whose incorrect predictions of rain caused 15 per cent of visitors to cancel bookings over the Easter weekend. And many more planning to travel to the region without bookings are thought to have changed plans at the last minute because of bad weather warnings. But despite the pessimistic forecast, the weather couldn’t have been better for those who did spend the bank holiday on the Murcian Coast. Although not as packed as they should have been, beaches were still a magnet for sun-worshippers, families and walkers out to catch a few rays of unexpected sun. Frustrated by the incorrect forecasts, the manager of Entremarest Hotel in La Manga, Alberto Ingles, launched a campaign entitled

Barcelona or Madrid set to host Spanish Las Vegas former Eastern bloc. Mr Adelson, who began his working life selling newspapers on street corners, said his vision for Spain was likely to take five to 10 years to come to fruition. Las Vegas Sands has previously hinted at expansion in Europe, although Mr Adelson's comments on Wednesday pointed to plans on a much larger scale than previously expected.

GOT A STORY? Email office@thecourier.es lowed suit, posting photos of late for many, though, and or call us on 966 921 003

By SALLY BENGTSSON En La Manga No Llueve (In La Manga It’s Not Raining). He published a photo of the sunny Mar Menor on Twitter in a bid to convince last-minute holiday makers to choose the rain-free Murcian coast for their Easter break. The next day others fol-

sunny scenes, hoping to get national news channels and weather forecasters to cover the forecast foul-up and let people know that in Murcia the sun was shining. And they got their wish as last Friday’s forecasts ended with photos of a sunny Mar Menor. The news came too

Friday Partly cloudy High 20° Low 9° Chance of rain 25% Monday Sunny High 17° Low 7° Chance of rain 8%

Tuesday Sunny High 21° Low 11° Chance of rain 0%

hotel occupation remained down on last year. Hotels saw occupation rates of between 60 and 65 per cent, with apartment rentals lower. While the forecasts have been blamed, the crisis almost certainly had something to do with people deciding to stay at home, too. Saturday Showers High 20° Low 9° Chance of rain 60% Wednesday Cloudy High 23° Low 14° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Sunny High 18° Lo 8° Chance of rain 60% Thursday Partly cloudy High 23° Lo 13° Chance of rain 2%


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Friday, April 13, 2012

THE COURIER’S No.1 FOR ADS! I CANNOT thank The Courier enough. Since I started advertising with you, my business has gone from strength to strength - The Courier has really put me on the map. I have clients calling me to put their properties on my books as they know that they will get great coverage with the ad I place with The Courier. Their design department are fantastic and change my advert weekly. They keep attention to detail and are very professional and quick. I would recommend anyone trying to sell their product to give The Courier a go. It certainly works for me. KIM CAREY, GA Property Needs

Coke killers’ Torry drugs party TWO men who came to Torrevieja to party after killing a friend in a drugfuelled stabbing are facing more than 30 years in jail. Ulises and David admit killing Jorge, stealing his credit cards and setting fire to his body in a bid to hide their crime. The murder happened in Alcalá de Henares, Madrid, while all three were high on cocaine.The capital’s Provincial Court heard how David stabbed Jorge thirty30 times before he and Ulises stole credit cards from the victim and headed to Torrevieja for a holiday. Three days later they returned to Madrid, doused Jorge’s body with gasoline and set fire to it and the apartment before heading back to Torrevieja to continue partying as if nothing had

happened. According to Ulises and David, the stabbing came after Jorge turned violent. The men claimed he suffered from a personality disorder, which made him crazy when he took drugs. The court heard that Jorge grabbed a kitchen knife and was ready to attack but that David took it from him and stabbed Jorge in self-defence. Ulises told the court: “We were chatting, drinking and taking cocaine. There was an argument under the effects of the cocaine and then Jorge came out of the kitchen with a knife and David had to defend himself. So Jorge suffered 30 stabbings including getting his throat cut.“I was paralysed. I was afraid of them.” Ulises later admitted to the court that

he had taken money from the victim’s account before heading to Torrevieja stoned. “I knew the number because he trusted me,” he said. Then he explained how the pair returned from Torrevieja because they had run out of drugs. They bought a bottle of gasoline at a petrol station and went “to burn and burn the corpse”. “David threw gasoline, went out and I heard the explosion,” Ulises said. After that they bought more drugs and returned to TorreviejaThe fire failed to remove evidence of the crime and the body was found lying partially charred on the living room floor. The prosecutor is asking that the men each receive a 31-year-prison sentence for murder, fraud and arson.

DON’T LET THE SCAMBAGS SMASH YOUR WINDOWS! BEWARE! ORIHUELA’S BOGUS GASMEN ARE STILL ON THE PROWL

By AMANDA BLACK SCAMMERS trying to dupe unsuspecting computer users into putting malware on their systems, paying for worthless help or parting with personal details, are still operating on the Costa Blanca. A number of warnings have been issued recently about these con artists and , sure enough, Courier reader Jill King received a call recently. Jill, from Benijofar, immediately saw through the scam and told the bogus caller to get lost. But she is eager to warn others about the ploy. “A man who said his name was Ryan Williams phoned our home number and told me there was something wrong with my computer,” she told us. “He said he was calling from Windows and asked me to switch my computer on so

he could fix it. “I told him ‘you must think I’m simple if you think I will believe that - Windows wouldn’t be ringing me.’” The man, who had a strong African-sounding accent, insisted he was from Windows but Jill, sensibly, hung up the phone. Although she didn’t give ‘Ryan Williams’ a chance to mess with her computer,

ORIHUELA council is warning people to be on their guard against bogus gas men who continue to prey on unsuspecting householders. The conmen, who claim they have been sent by gas companies to service gas appliances, have scammed countless people in the Orihuela area. In a bid to fight the fraud, the Municipal Office of Consumer Information (OMIC) has issued a statement explaining exactly what servicing gas appliances need and who should carry out the work. It also states that no town halls or other official bodies send gas inspectors to private homes. The statement explains that householders must get their gas appliances checked every five years for butane and Microsoft says that not every- of people called by the propane gas and every four years for natural gas. This does not have to be done by the gas supplier and the one is so clued-up. phoney techies fall for the customer can choose any company as long as it is authoAccording to the compa- scam. ny’s polls, around 15 per cent Anyone receiving a call rised by the Valencia Ministry of Industry, Trade and of Windows users say they from a person telling them Innovation. The company’s installers should also be regishave received unsolicited they have a problem with tered. The company should provide a written quote of the cost of calls from fraudsters posing their computer should do the work before starting the job and after the inspection a ceras computer support techni- exactly what Jill did…and tificate should be issued by the company. cians. And some 22 per cent hang up. Consumers should also make sure they get an invoice. WOULD Mrs Powell, who called our office recently to Importantly, the statement warns that people should never discuss a story, please call our office on 96 692 1003. use gas inspectors who turn up unannounced at their home as these are likely to be bogus. The contact number we have for her is incorrect.

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Divers find Villamartin Brit’s body GUARDIA Civil divers have recovered the lifeless body of a British man who disappeared from his Villamartin home last week. The as yet unnamed 54-year-old’s body was found half submerged in the channel of the Tagus-Segura in the municipal area of Pilar de la Horadada. All indications are that he lost his life in a tragic accident but an autopsy is being performed to establish the exact cause of death. The man is said to have lived in Villamartin for many years. His partner, who is also British, reported him missing last Friday after becoming increasingly worried when he failed to return home on the night of April 4. An extensive search was launched by the Guardia Civil, with many local residents joining in the hunt. From the beginning it was suspected that the man could have met with some kind of accident. His remains were found by police divers at 10am on Tuesday morning after a witness reported seeing a body floating in the canal.

At about 1pm, the coroner authorised the removal of the body and ordered it to be transferred to the Forensic Anatomical Institute of Alicante for tests to determine what had happened. The body was found about 10km from the man’s home and is thought to have been washed there. According to investigators, there were no signs of violence.


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Friday, April 13, 2012

BOOT THEM UP THE BACKSIDE! Dog-poo owners must clean up their act WE went to Alicante airport last week to pick up some friends and were walking along the footbridge link from the car park to the terminal. A cleaning vehicle had gone along the plastic pathway only moments before, and one half of the walkway was still wet from the vehicle. We couldn't believe what we saw next - a pile of dog's mess on the section which had just been cleaned. We walked on and in the arrivals lounge found the culprit, a dog with four 20-something girls. As we approached, they were gabbling in Spanish, so we didn't challenge them as we would have done had they been speaking English. We know how we can be back-footed in a confrontation in Spain with the natives and unable to speak fluent Spanish! Who knows how many people did not see the dog filth until it was too late and walked in it - but you can imagine. It makes my blood boil that there are people who think it wonderful to have a dog as a must-have accessory, but are not prepared to clear up what appears from the rear end of their beloved pets. I am surprised the airport authorities still allow dogs to trot around with their owners, knowing that some of these sad people are not prepared to bend down and clean up. Dogs are already banned in restaurants and bars, as well as along the beaches, thank goodness. It is totally unacceptable for people to squat and foul the streets and pavements, and anyone who did would be prosecuted. So why is it still permitted for dogs to do what human beings cannot do? After all, dogs' faeces more than probably carry more disease than humans. It's about time that allowing dogs to foul the streets and public spaces became as unacceptable to society as it already is for people to smoke in enclosed areas. If the offending owners continue to fail to clean up after their pets, despite all the pleas and warnings, I can see the day coming when dogs will not be permitted in public places. And frankly, with all the filth around in the streets, that day cannot come soon enough.

A WEE WORD ON WATER

MANY of you will by now have seen the latest promotion on the BBC for The Big Splash Mile for Sports Relief. It's the one with the diver looking like a diving aircraft. Instead of looking at him, just take a look at the appalling scum line around the swimming baths. How anyone could possibly swim in that filthy water, heaven knows. It is the very worst example of what people are swimming in when they visit the baths.

many women, who say that if the lads want to be male prostitutes, they should offer their services to all, as their female counterparts have to.

OPEN GATES TO CLEANER WATER

LAST week's Courier front page told us of the drought in East and South East England (which I warned about in my column back in February) - but it seems there is now a solution to England's water shortage. There's a new invention funded by multi-millionaire Bill Gates which aims to turn toilet waste water into drinking water. Apparently, foul water can be mixed with a cocktail of bacteria and tiny nano-particles which react together to extract hydrogen. This is, in effect, rocket fuel - and is obviously a valuable power source. The water, when filtered again, is safe enough to drink. It may not be absolutely pure, but is more than good enough to use in an emergency. It therefore could soon be possible to create a complete eco-system and to provide the answer to the water pollution problem in many parts of the world, where countless thousands die through drinking contaminated water. Not bad, eh? Just think - there's a way to solve Britain's drought problem as well as Spain's stinky sewers!

FOR STORY LINES, READ GORY LINES

I don't go near any of them. I just think of all the children weeing, or worse, in the water. It's all very well adding chlorine in it, but it doesn't make it clean - and the scum line in the baths shown on the promotion speaks volumes.

SEX PLEASE…IF YOU’RE PRETTY! HERE'S the most enterprising business plan I have ever heard. It goes something like this. You're a young lad who wants to bed as many attractive women as possible, so you place an advert on your university news boards offering a sex service to female students. The patter in the advert tries to convince the girls that having sex will help reduce stress of exams and help their grades. According to three guys (students on a business course) who placed the ads, several of the girls have responded. So, where are these enterprising lads? No, not a British university, but in Germany. And it has backfired somewhat, because the lads are not prepared to have sex with just anyone - they must be attractive. The selectivity has angered

Torrevieja’s Easter processions were as colourful as ever

IF YOU think, as I do, that something is going terribly wrong with the world, then here's proof. I went through some British newspaper headlines this week and one after another , they involved death and destruction. There was hardly a good news story anywhere. In addition to reports on the continuing violence in Syria, another gunman on the loose in France, plane crashes and avalanche deaths, other examples included: "Depraved mother encouraged her lover to rape her three young daughters in front of her because she liked to watch." “D-Day landings hero, 89, mugged for his £200 pension by thugs who followed him home.’’ “Model suffers horrific facial injuries after being hit by monkey wrench when she interrupted a friend having sex." “Spurned housewife's rape claim backfires after husband shows police a sex tape they made together.' “Sex addict postal clerk spent £400,000 on prostitutes, including £28,000 he stole from his wife's Post Office account.’’ “Have a lie-in, have sex, and eat chocolate - vicar's novel suggestions for an alternative Easter celebration.’’ And if you think there's nothing wrong with the world after that lot, then I'm sorry for you!


Friday, April 13, 2012 QUESADA resident Yvonne Garnham wrote The Visitors ‘just for fun’ one rainy February afternoon. Gloucestershire-born, she married husband Ted 40 years ago this September; they have two children and three grandchildren and have lived in Quesada for nine years. Yvonne is writing her first novel, Consequences, and would welcome advice from published writers at tednyvonne@hotmail.co.uk

THE VISITORS A Familiar Tale By YVONNE GARNHAM

FAIRY Godmother and Handy Husband have been busy preparing for ... (cue theme music from the film ‘Jaws’) ‘THE VISITORS’. This happens every summer when they spend weeks making sure their villa is spick and span, dust completely eliminated, 12 toilet rolls stacked neatly in the cupboard of the immaculate bathroom, and floaties blown up ready for the mini-visitors. They have spent a month’s housekeeping in Mercadona filling up the freezer, fridge and cupboards with goodies; the car sits on the drive full with fuel and gleaming after its wash and polish. The swimming pool is sparkling and not a leaf would dare to fall into it or indeed blow onto the jet-washed patio with sun-beds, umbrellas and towels all in place. Handy Husband leaves for the airport to collect the visitors who have been looking forward all year to their allinclusive, chauffeur driven holiday, especially the mini-visitors who know that most misdemeanours will be forgiven by Fairy Godmother. The visitors arrive and marvel at the glorious weather, for about three days, until they have sunburn or prickly heat because they have stayed in the sun too long. The visitors use up an enormous amount of toilet rolls and after about five days Fairy Godmother is often asked in a quiet voice (as if they were asking for condoms at the chemist), Are there any more toilet rolls?’. Fairy Godmother immediately leaves the sun bed where she has been allowed to lie for five minutes and places 12 more toilet rolls neatly into the cupboard. The visitors aren’t tidy people. Once, Handy Husband called Fairy Godmother to tell her they had been burgled. The mini-visitors’ bedroom door was open, revealing every drawer pulled out, the wardrobe doors wide open and their belongings strewn across the bed and floor - it was an easy mistake to make. The visitors like to use lots of towels and even though it takes only about 30 seconds for them to dry on the line in the sunshine, they prefer to leave them in a heap on the floor. After a day’s sunbathing, the visitors go off

for their shower and a nap, leaving behind towels, sun-glasses, books, half-full plastic glasses and overflowing ashtrays; Fairy Godmother runs around tidying up so that everything is ready for them the next morning. Sometimes the worst thing happens on the visitors’ holiday ....IT RAINS. Suddenly the ‘smiley’ faces turn to glum ones; then Fairy Godmother and Handy Husband have to think up things to do. The television is good because they haven’t been watching it much, then a clap of thunder and heavy rainfall removes the service from the programme they are watching and the glum faces return. A day at the beach is usually fun, so Fairy Godmother and Handy Husband get up early to prepare a picnic and load towels and toys for the mini-visitors into the boot of the car. Yvonne Just as Fairy Garnham... Godmother and Handy she wrote Husband have finished The Visitors their chores, the visitors for fun come out of their ’hiding places’, usually the bedroom or bathroom, all fresh and ready for the day. Sometimes the visitors like to help and they might decide to empty the dishwasher - but this often backfires when you are looking for the salad servers for the next three months. The visitors discuss where they might go for their holidays next year, maybe Greece or Cyprus perhaps. Handy Husband looks hopeful but Fairy Godmother knows that once they find out how much it costs, they will be telephoning to book their two-weeks stay in the summer. Before they leave, the visitors take Fairy Godmother and Handy Husband out for a slap-up meal, usually in the Chinese Restaurant... but it is the thought that counts! So off they go to the airport. Handy Husband has refuelled the car and ensured he has plenty of change for the tolls because the visitors never have change, do they? On his return Handy Husband surveys the ‘oily’ pool and his grimy sand-filled car and heads off to the bar. Fairy Godmother begins clearing up; she misses the visitors, especially the mini-visitors, but knows she won’t be lonely for long because in ten days time there will be more of the visitors coming to stay.

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THE NEXT NADAL DONNA GEE reports THE game is tennis - the name is Nicola Kuhn. Make a note of it.

Torrevieja’s Kuhn kid has all it takes to become a Spanish world beater. But he’d rather be the new Federer...

Because, make no mistake, the 12-year-old Torrevieja schoolboy has all the credentials to become Spain’s next Rafa Nadal. And on the evidence of his career so far, that looks a distinct possibility for the supremely talented Kuhn, who has never looked back since asking his dad to buy him a racket at the age of three. Certainly, Nicola’s coaches believe he can go all the way, as do the companies that sponsor all his tennis equipment bar his footwear. The superkid’s father Alfred - who runs his own exhibition company in his native Germany – tells me: “My wife Rita and I believe in Nico and try to assist him as much as we can. “He’s been hooked on tennis since he saw it on TV and asked me to buy him a racket. So I did! “Even at that age, he was able to play beach tennis with this small wooden racket and had a real feeling for it. “When he was four, he started playing at the public courts in Guardamar. I’ve played a bit at past and my wife has always been interested in women’s tennis. “At seven, Nico wanted to SIGN OF THE TIMES...Nicola, then ranked World No.1 at his age, after play in tournaments – and by the time he was 10 he had in their own countries.’’ Junior Tour event in Valencia current age. won the world championship The blond Torry tennis last month - and last week’s But the Kuhn kid in Croatia, competing tiger has run up well over 20 follow-up tournament in remains THE player to beat against kids from 36 nations tournament victories since Barcelona. Those two suc- among his Spanish peers. including six who were No.1 then, including the Nike cesses have cemented his Nicola, who speaks four place as Spain’s clear No.1 languages and is among the in his age group. And he brightest pupils in his class at intends to stay there right school, is convinced he can through to the ultimate level. make it as a professional. His latest successes also Yet ironically, it is not include the Circuito Nadal who the Austrian-born Alicantino U12 - and while ace admires most – but his studies limit his tennis Roger Federer. involvement to weekends, he “I think he’s the best player has set his heart on playing in all the Nike Junior events of all,’’ he says. He is equally clear as to this year. Nicola’s father points out which country he wants to that the period between the represent. His mum may be ages of 12 and 14 is a partic- Russian and his dad ularly difficult one for a bud- German, but Nicola insists ding tennis star. But he adds: he’s a proud Alicantino. So if you find yourself “Nico is working hard himself and it is important that we do watching Wimbledon 2022 a decade from now, don’t not try to push him.’’ As for his current status be surprised to see the nationally and internationally, name of N Kuhn (Spain) on the ranking lists become the Centre Court scoreLocal idol... Alicantino tournament champion somewhat confused at his board.

winning the Smrikwe Bowl in Croatia in 2010

CHAMPION YET AGAIN: Nicola with former Davis Cup captain Jordi Vilaro after his latest success, winning the Nike Junior Tour event in Barcelona last week

Superman, Gandalf and the crazy name game I NAME this baby Superman. Or how about Gazza. Oh, let's call the little mite Gandalf. And let’s throw in Arsenal for good measure! All the above are British children's real first names – and they have all been given official blessing by our liberal authorities. In Britain, all names, however ridiculous, are up for grabs. Hence celebrities can bestow their children with the likes of Apple, Harper Seven, Zowie and Fifi Trixibelle. The General Register Office says there are no restrictions on parents - except for

exceptional cases, such as a name which could be deemed offensive, when an official could refuse to register it. Here are some of the worst offenders that have been officially BANNED in their own countries, but that any Tombola, Dickdastardly or Haribo could call their babies in Britain. • Lucifer, V8, Christ and Messiah are among the baby names rejected by New Zealand's department of internal affairs. Disappointed parents wishing to christen their offspring with numbers (89), letters (J,

I, T) and punctuation marks (*) were also given short shrift. • Fish and Chips (twins), Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit also got the kybosh, though the New Zealand judges did allow Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence. • But the top of the NZ banned list has to be Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. • In Sweden, there is a law preventing parents from naming their children Metallica and Elvis. But in a parental fightback, a couple attempted to name their child Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb

11116. Yes, it's spelled correctly. And apparently, it's pronounced "Albin". • On the other side of the world, the Malaysian government banned the name Chow Tow. It sounds harmless enough, until you realise the translation is Smelly Head! • In China, a family wanted their baby's name short and sweet, so just called it @. • But surely top of the pile (excuse the pun) of banned baby names is from Denmark - Anus. Apparently the judges thought the baby's parents were trying to make an a**e of their offpring!


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Friday, April 13, 2012

A text maniac living on a different planet MY long-time friend Mike Thornton, who knows me better than most, delivered a few home truths the other day…and it hurt. I have a habit of going off into another world during conversations that bore me. Well, do you blame me? What would you do if the people around you were dis-

cussing the embroidery on a Bulgarian peasant dress? The moment my brain senses the approach of boredom, either human or sonic, it simply turns off. My facial muscles might still produce the vestiges of interest, but my mind is away with the fairies. Not in any particular area…just frolicking in the pastures of

fluffy nothing land. My other negative point, according to Mike (could he only find two, God bless him?) is that I am inclined to send text messages while a conversation is going on around the table. I’m afraid that’s another offshoot of the boredom gene in my DNA.

Talk about things I find interesting and I’m with you all the way. Meander off into the realms of triviality and I’m likely to go missing. Not necessarily in body, but certainly in mind. Anyway, I won’t fly off into space next time I get bored in company. In future I’ll go to the ladies room to do my texting…

ALL FRIGHT ON THE NIGHT! Day the Trapp Johannes Von Trapp... birth secret

IT probably sounds ridiculous coming from someone with half a century of journalism behind her. But when it comes to speaking in public, I’m a disaster.

Sit me in front of a computer, and I’ll rattle off news stories, features, humorous articles, you name it. But stick a microphone in front of me and I become a bundle of nerves. I stutter and stumble like a half-wit. Now everyone knows that I’m really a whole wit (well, nearly) but I can understand why so many of those unfamiliar with the public arena become shuddering oafs when instant stardom projects them into the limelight. Poor David Beckham still can’t complete an entire sentence without at least one ‘y’know’; and as for the average footballer and his boss, the pressure releases itself in such eloquent and informative news as ‘’we’ll take it one game at a time’’ and ‘’at this moment in time’’(in English, EASTER HEADACHE: It’s all about bottle (or lack of it) when I’m on parade this latter expression translates to the expansive and said yes, I am not sure – but Then complicated phrase, ‘’now’’). I suspect the words vanity there’s my Parkinson’s. No, I My public speaking experi- and challenge come into it. I haven’t got a chat show just ence amounts to a couple of also do not like letting people yet, I’m talking about the off-the-cuff ditherings at fam- down, and obviously it is flat- shakes in my left hand, ily functions plus three pre- tering to know that I still have which the neurologist says credibility as I will gradually get worse. recorded TV interviews, all some conducted within the con- approach my dotage. Well, it ain’t too bad on a The problem is that as I normal day, but subject me to fines of my own home. Which makes it all the approach Zimmer frame terri- a little stress and I could more surprising that I have tory, I tend to get the odd whisk a bucketful of eggs just agreed to talk to mem- blank spot. You know, those with my middle finger! bers of a Torrevieja Ladies’ moments when you forget Methinks my sense of Club in three weeks’ time… what you’re talking about. If humour will pull me through ostensibly about my job as that happens during my talk on the day…but if any of Editor of The Courier. Why I on May 1, it’s going to be fun. those ladies are a bit stiff and

personal my starchy, Parkinson’s Show is going to be as popular as a Syrian president. I had a taster of things to come when I was asked by the Royal British Legion’s Torrevieja branch to judge their Easter Bonnet Parade on Good Friday. Flattering indeed...but then I am honest enough to admit that I do have friends on the committee. Nevertheless, here was a chance to exorcise my stage nerves, even if I didn’t have to address the entire Legion. Or any part of it, for that matter. And it all went off without a hitch, though choosing the best titfer in both women’s and men’s categories rather did my nut in, you might say. The winners have already been congratulated – I just wish there had been more prizes because there were some topping losers among the 30-odd entries. Odd expression that. Either way, I take my hat off to them.

door opened

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MUSING over the contents at that speaking date I told you about elsewhere on this page, I realised that I am actually a goldmine of anecdotes. And at the risk of being accused of name dropping, I’m going to chuck a few of those jewels into my act on May 1. Like the time The Sun asked me to find the Von Trapp family for a ‘Where Are They Now’ feature on The Sound of Music. After a bit of research I found myself heading across the Atlantic (on a telephone line – I didn’t have Kelvin McKenzie’s expense account!) to the quaint old town of Stowe in Vermont – where the family Mria, the Captain and their family settled after escaping the Nazis in Europe. They took over an enchanting farm, with sweeping mountain views reminiscent of their beloved Austria, and converted it into a 27-room family home/lodge. By the time I came on the scene in the mid-90s (via that phone cable I mentioned), Julie Andrews’s alter ego Maria, had passed on. I didn’t get to speak to Liesl, Fredrik, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta or Gretl either – only Johannes, who didn’t quite make the silver screen. But as the man who was running the Trapp Family Lodge, he was clearly a good point of contact.? “How true to life was the film The Sound of Music’’ I asked him as an opening gambit. “Well,’’ he drawled across the Pond in pure American (he had spent all but the very first few years of his life in the States), ‘’let’s put it his way. “Had the movie been made to mirror the exact events of the time, my mother would have looked slightly different dancing over that mountain in the opening scene.’’ “Why is that?’’ I enquired naively. “She was eight months pregnant at the time…and I was the baby.’’

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Friday, April 13, 2012

Cough? Let's hear it for the chemist

SO I popped into the chemist and asked for a bottle of cough medicine. 'Expectorant?' the shop assistant asked. 'Dammit!' I said. 'I needed it now. When do you expectorate the next delivery?' 'Huh? Just hang on. I'll fetch the pharmacist.' A man in a white coat appeared from the dispensary. 'Can I help you?' 'Yeah,' I said. 'I need some cough mixture but apparently you've run out.' 'No,' he said. 'It was my assistant who ran out. She had a fit of the giggles after talking to you.' 'Oh,' I replied. 'Well, it's nice to know I can still make people laugh. I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, you know.' 'Dry? Tickly? Productive?' I scratched my head, puzzled. 'Who knows? How does one define humour?' The chemist sighed. 'Just take a breath and cough for me.' So I coughed for the chemist. 'Hmm,' he said. 'It's difficult to tell what sort of cough that is.' 'But I don't understand,' I said. 'Why did I have to cough for you? There's nothing wrong with me. I'm actually here on behalf of someone who is feeling snotty as we speak.' 'Ah,' said the relieved pharmacist. 'Now we're getting somewhere. I do believe an expectorant is required.' I heard the shop assistant giggle again behind the pile-ointment section. 'Do you want drowsy or non-drowsy?' the chemist asked. 'No problem answering that one,' I said. 'It's for Mrs S. So definitely make it drowsy. In fact, give me two bottles just in case she starts to regain full consciousness after taking the first dose.' I arrived home to find Mrs S being comforted by her best friend Phyllis. 'And where the hell

have you been?' demanded Mrs S as I plonked my purchases on the table. 'You set off for the chemist THREE hours ago. I bet you stopped off at the pub.' 'No, luv,' I said. 'The pharmacist spent some time working out how much linctus you'd need. In the end he reckoned that eight bottles of the stuff would do it. I did ask for nondrowsy but they didn't have any. I'm not lying. Honest.' I uncrossed my fingers behind my back and turned to Phyllis. 'Try not to tax Mrs S too much,' I urged. 'The chemist said that she should rest her voice for a while . . . er, maybe for a fortnight. Actually, three weeks would probably prove more beneficial.'

'You're probably right,' agreed Phyllis. 'Mrs S is sounding a bit like a bullfrog.' And then a faraway look came into Phyllis's eye. 'Sometimes,' she sighed, 'I wish my husband would croak.' 'What a terrible thing to say!' I cried. 'What? No, I didn't mean it that way. I just wish he'd rest his voice occasionally, that's all.' I quite understood. Phyllis was married to Spike, probably the most boring man in the northern hemisphere. His favourite colour was fawn and his hobby was taking photographs of telegraph poles. Believe me, Spike would be the last person you'd want to be stuck in a lift with. I am of the opinion that he had a deprived childhood. His father wasn't around much then. Indeed, it took Spike Senior three years to arrive home after World War II. He claimed he'd merely missed the last troop ship back to Blighty. But other folk claimed that between 1939-45 he'd never even left Aldershot. Go figure. Anyway, I would have felt sorry for Phyllis's hubby if he didn't drive me nuts whenever we met. I remember one occasion when Spike commented with zeal: 'Would you like me to explain to you, David, why overhead-line conductors and fittings crackle or hum in damp weather, particularly fog and rain?' I ignored his question and asked one of my own. 'When do you think the engineers will arrive? It's been hours. I reckon we're stuck between floors.' Spike smiled. 'I'm quite enjoying this, my good friend. It's not often we have the opportunity to catch up on gossip. You always seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere whenever we bump into each other. Now here we are, just the two of us.'


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SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH LESSON 15 BEFORE we move on, I will give you the answers to last week’s Spanish revision, I hope you gave it your best shot and have found you are beginning to remember some words. Don´t forget to say the answers out loud as you read them and concentrate on where the words are stressed and how each one should be said. Practise with Spanish-speaking friends and neighbours if you can, but remember as I said last week, this is fun and you are the only one who knows how you´ve done. There will be marks so you can gauge your progress, but the marks are, of course, just for you. No one else will see them so mark honestly and let’s find out your result. The first section was True or False... here are the statements followed by the correct answer only and in the case of False answers the reason why: El is the masculine form of the English word ´the´ - T; jueves is Thursday – T; Today in Spanish is ´hoy´ - T; All words are stressed on the last syllable except those ending in N or S – F (it also includes those that end in a vowel and those with an accent); Two years ago in Spanish is ´hace dos años´ - T : Mañana mañana is tomorrow morning - F (it should be mañana por la mañana); The word for Grey in Spanish is Gris – T. I hope you managed to get all those correct. Have one point for each correct answer, so out of a possible 7 you got …. Next we had filling in the blanks, have one point for each of these you got correct: Hola, ¿cómo …Estás...? Hello how are you? Son las seis ….y media..... It is half past six Hasta ….luego....... See you later Es …..primavera..... It is Spring Yo bebo.......agua I drink water La semana ….que viene...... next week Son las ...siete y...cuarto It’s quarter past seven La …...casa verde....... The green house

Ellos ….son..... mis padres They are my parents Unos........libros Some books Nosotros ….amamos..... We love ¿….hablas..... inglés? Do you speak English? ¿…...dónde estás..... tú? Where are you? There is a possible 13 points from this section, how many did you get right? …… So, the last section was the word search. There were ten words, you should have found the following - two points for each word found: ESTOY, AZUL, TARDE, HOY, TREINTA, BUENAS, DOMINGO, JUNIO, PERRO, AMARILLO So a possible 20 points from this section. You scored ……..

There was a total of 40 points for the three sections. I hope you managed a great score, and by now you will find you know where your knowledge is letting you down and which sections you need to revise. I am going to move on now but you will find more and more revision sections coming in future. There is no point moving too quickly ahead if you are just forgetting what you have learnt. I could keep giving you more and more verbs and words to absorb but it takes a long time to learn Spanish and I want to keep pace with what I consider a steady learn-

ing pace. Therefore, please keep reading and revising and you’ll soon be able to hold conversations. This week we are going to learn how to use one of the hardest working words in the Spanish language. It is a very small word but is used in a lot of situations and can be used to say four different things. The word is HAY; remember, it is pronounced EYE. So, what does it mean? As I said, it can be used to say four things, they are: THERE IS..... THERE ARE..... IS THERE....? and ARE THERE......? Examples: HAY una mosca en mi sopa – there is a fly in my soup, HAY dos casas en mi calle – there are two houses in my street, ¿HAY un médico en la casa? - Is there a doctor in the house? ¿Cuántos peces HAY en el océano? - how many fish are there in the ocean? To use HAY in the negative we just put NO before it, examples: NO HAY gasolena en el coche – there isn´t any petrol in the car, NO HAY ventanas en mi cocina there aren´t any windows in my kitchen Try to remember when a question is written in Spanish that there are two question marks used, one at the start, inverted, and one at the end as in English. So, to keep you thinking and practising HAY here is this week’s homework . Firstly, translate the following into Spanish: There is a dog in the car, Is there a bathroom in this building (edificio) ? Are there chairs in the living room? There isn´t any water in the glass (el vaso). Now translate the following Spanish into English. There will be some words you have not yet learnt, so you may need your dictionary: No hay leche en mi refrigerador ahora, mi clase de español hay más de quince estudiantes, Hay un televisor en mi dormitorio, Hay más personas en México que en la República Dominicana, ¿cuántas personas hay en Inglaterra? Try to use HAY whenever you can – it is such a useful word and hopefully easily remembered. Have a great week and get ready to learn another verb next time.

A look at the Funny, Punny, Sunny side of life

Essex Hurricane Appeal A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Tuesday with its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell". The hurricane decimated the area ...causing almost £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little ChardonnayMercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning." Apparently looting, muggings & car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far

shipped 4,000 crates of Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Ratners and Bone China from the Pound shop.

HEALTH CHECK ANYONE?

HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White stilettos White sport socks Rockport boots Any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals Tins of baked beans KFC Ice cream Cans of Special Brew. N.B. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms; £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine; £5 buys fags and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**BREAKING NEWS** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry Alco-pop and were worried she had been badly cut... "Where are you bleeding from?" they asked, "Romford" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?"

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an old lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?" "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all." "That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?" "Thirty-four," she replied.


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WHY DO THEY DO THAT? Top dog psychologist PETER SINGH writes exclusively for The Courier. Check out www.thedogyouneed.com or email Peter at peter@thedogyouneed.com

SHAME OF THE DOG DOCKERS

IT IS inconceivable that in 2012, puppies are still ending up in the hands of barbaric human beings who cut their tails off at a young age.

This savage ritual is yet another example of why the human is one of the most backward species on the planet. The term used for cutting off a dog’s tail is ‘tail docking’. It is usually performed in the first few days of the puppy’s life and is carried out with a sharp pair of scissors. The mother dog is not present when this sick deed is carried out, because the human well knows that she would act to protect her new born when she heard their screams. In some cases, the puppy dies of excess bleeding or through shock alone. So let’s take a look at why these humans like to inflict this torture on small innocent, loving puppies. One of the main reasons is the sick, vain world of ‘dog showing’. Jean, Peter’s wife, Show standards demanded that cerwith the Singh tain breeds had to have their tails family’s foster docked in order to be included in puppies and tails! competitions! More than 40 breeds of dog are involved in this ‘barbarous custom’, as it was described as long ago as 1802. The docking of dogs’ tails is now banned in some parts of Europe, but sadly not all. In the UK, the dog show world has now banned the docking of tails, but only after rosette? Besides the macabre world of years of protest. How many dogs have lost their lives, gone showing dogs, other ridiculous reasons why through excruciating pain and been humans have hacked off the main part of the maimed, all for the sake of a winner’s dog’s body, which is used for communicating

And thereby hangs a tail...

Puppies and dogs need their tails for communicating

to many different species, have been the following: In case the dog damages his tail in a fight, later in life! So that working dogs do not damage or have their tails injured during work! Because there was once a tax imposed on sporting dogs, and working dogs were exempt, the human would dock the tail to pretend the dog was a working one and avoid this ill-thought-out tax. But it all started hundreds of years ago by the Romans. In that famous scene in the film The Life of Brian, a group of dogs should have been asking that question: “What did the Romans ever do for us?” The oldest dog book in the world was written by a Roman agriculturist called Columella, who ordered that 40-day-old puppies should have their tails bitten off to protect them from rabies. Anyone who raised an eyebrow when I called the human race one of the most backward species on the planet at the beginning of this article, is hopefully starting to recognise that this is in fact the case. Even though tail docking has been banned in the UK since 2007, when was the last

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time you saw a Rottweiler with a tail? The ban still does not include working dogs, but all the Rottweilers I have met not only did not have a tail but also did not have a job. Just before the ban in the UK, it was estimated that 80,000 dogs per year had their tails docked - most of them for cosmetic reasons. And now dog magazines are advertising places where you can go and have your dog’s nails painted! The world has gone cosmetic mad, whether it be towards dogs or humans. That is why many breeds of dogs now walking the earth have great difficulty breathing. Their face is too squashed, they get skin infections because their skin folds over, or their skull is not big enough for their brain. Then there is the German Shepherd, whowalks around with disfigured hips because the show world wanted him to have a more slanted look. Since the days of the Roman Empire, humans have continually proved that they are very good at killing each other. Dogs, on the other hand, have proved (if treated correctly) that they are governed by calm, unity and contentment. And to display that mood, they need a tail!


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Friday, April 13, 2012

DENTAL CLINIC “DRA. CUADRADO” The Dental Clinic of Dra. Cuadrado is located in Algorfa. You can find our professional clinic on the main road, near to the town’s unique pharmacy. We work every day and offer our patients all the best services, with the best competitive prices but without compromising the quality of materials. We attend to people of all ages, from a little child to a grandfather. You will cover all your necessities at one and the same place. We are a fully qualified and registered team.

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UNSURE ABOUT SPANISH LAWS? LÍNEA DIRECTA OFFERS LEGAL ASSISTANCE IN ENGLISH, SPECIALLY DESIGNED FOR EXPATRIATES Since January 2011, Línea Directa has provided an online Legal Assistance service which offers expatriate customers advice on Spanish legislation in English on a wide range of topics. The new product, whose price is 40% cheaper than the market average – is offered by practising lawyers and gives motorists insured by Línea Directa advice in many areas such as buying and selling vehicles, renting houses, making complaints to suppliers in consumer disputes, divorce, matrimonial property rights or labour law. In addition, if after the initial enquiries further judicial or extrajudicial action is required, Línea Directa offers the customer its wide network of lawyers throughout Spain, resulting in a discount for the customer of between 10 and 50% of their legal fees. 24 hour assistance for urgent queries The Legal Assistance service for motorists is available from Monday to Friday from 8am to 10pm. If the query is urgent, in cases such as incidents in the home, problems occurring at night time within the family unit – including partners and children – queries regarding consumption, such as having a credit card stolen declined or not returned, or damage caused by pets, Línea Directa provides a service which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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Friday, April 13, 2012

Birth of a baby in Spain FOLLOWING last week’s pleasant experience of pre-natal care, here’s how the hospital experience compared - for me at least. Arriving at the A&E department, we were greeted by a nurse who took one look at me bent over in pain before leading me straight into a room to change into a gown. I was then led into a room with two beds. The downside began when my partner was told he couldn´t go into the delivery room in shorts and sandals and was sent home to change. However, I am not convinced this was the true reason he was sent away. He hadn’t expected the arrival so soon and had been celebrating early to put it politely, he was slightly drunk. With him gone, I was all alone on my bed with another woman in labour on the other bed. She was making slight moans which paled into insignificance next to my screams of pain. I remembered having been told when I first arrived in this country that there is no gas and air in Spanish hospitals for pain relief in labour. Well, whoever told me was right! I was offered stronger pain relief but knew it was too late; my little man was ready to make his entrance. As soon as the midwife realised my baby

wasn´t going to wait any longer, everything seemed to go like clockwork. Suddenly the room xx filled - it seemed like there were people everywhere. I felt completely taken care of throughout and never in any doubt that my life, and my baby’s, were safe in these people’s hands. Apparently the speed of my labour had surprised the midwife since there was no time to take me to the actual delivery suite. The poor woman on the next bed had the joy of watching a birth before she had to go through it herself. Not that she could see

much if she had wanted to, due to the number of people around my bed. I have no idea who half of them were but was especially grateful for the nurse holding my hand and relaying instructions to me from whomever was actually delivering my baby. All this was done professionally and calmly but, most importantly for me, the nurse talking to me was friendly and always spoke gently. There was no panic from her and she kept me calm. All through the birth I felt completely at ease and I certainly look back on the birth with good memories. Once my little man made his entrance, he was taken and straight off, cleaned up, checked over and then given to me. And the only time he was taken away during the rest of the night was to be put in his little bed to have a sleep once we were up on the ward. My partner, who had made it back after the main event, was allowed to stay until morning as our baby had arrived in the early hours. Although he had to make do with a

chair, the alcohol ensured he had a better sleep than me. Once on the ward I was informed I had to stay for three days. Each ward contained two beds and as the other woman in my room went home the first day, I had the room to myself from then on. The television was cheap enough and helped to improve my Spanish - and the staff were always polite, caring and helpful, even to an English woman with limited Spanish such as me. The ward was clean, my partner could visit whenever he wanted and the food was edible…even for a vegetarian like me. All in alI, the whole process of pregnancy and birth in Spain was an eye-opening experience, and the hospital care on a par, if not better than that experienced in the UK. I would certainly not worry about going into a hospital here in future, and this was not a new one, but the old Vega Baja hospital. I am well aware that some people have received less than adequate service - and sometimes downright awful experiences. But for what it´s worth, I would tell any woman thinking of having a baby in Spain that there is NOTHING to worry about. Enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to the extremely high level of care throughout. Plus, hopefully, the same sort of beautiful views I had from my hospital bed.


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Friday, April 13, 2012

HAIRY FATTIES AND TEACHERS’ PESTS

THE Easter holidays in the UK are not just the time for guzzling lots of chocolate eggs, it’s also when the teaching unions have their annual gatherings, with the usual collection of overweight bearded sweater-wearing delegates. And that’s just the women. They seem to be some kind of weird throwback to the 60s and 70s, and I have yet to remember an occasion when they had even half a sense of being happy with any government in power. So, with the coalition in power, it was ‘bash Michael Gove’ time - with all kinds of attacks on the Education Secretary, who has had the guts to try to deal with many issues which have seen school standards go down quicker than an iceberg striking a cruise liner on a maiden voyage. The leader of the NASUWT, Chris Keates, told her Birmingham delegates that Britain had the finest education system in the world, and Gove was bent on destroying it. Ms. Keates must have been on the old Wacky Backy when she spouted that lot of nonsense, because she forgot to mention the incredible number of teenagers leaving school unable even to read and write. And the figures are rising. She said that Gove’s plans for more academies was privatisation through the back door, with no proof to back that statement up. And she claimed the governChristine ment was destroying state educaKeates tion and slashing budgets, as well as teacher pensions. Well, Ms.Keates and her left-wing PART of a novel lost when a blind woman's pen ran out without her knowing has been salvaged, with the help of a forensic police team in Dorset. Trish Vickers, from Charmouth, had written 26 pages of her first novel. But when she asked her son to read it back to her there was nothing but blank

anything on May’s plans being gently filed away over the next buddies probably have good reason to fear all the few weeks, probably in one of her many fashchanges Gove is looking to make. He wants more ion shoeboxes, as we notch power for parents and head-teachers, helping to up yet another stupid raise standards. And that means the end of the botch-up by the gravy train for many of her members, who have Government. not been good enough at their jobs even to lift a There are moments, piece of chalk or to switch on a computer albeit rare ones, when I screen. actually feel sorry for the What the hell is Home Secretary Teresa May outgoing Archbishop of up to, trying to introduce draconian measures Canterbury, Rowan for the widespread monitoring of the internet, Williams. In his last Easter including e-mails? This is all allegedly in the address before he hangs up battle against terrorism, but it his cassock and earns a smacks of dictatorship straight bucket load of cash at the out of George Orwell’s great University of Cambridge, novel, 1984. Dr.Williams made a plea for The spooks at GCHQ in secondary schools to maintain Cheltenham would have their obligation in teaching relitheir eyes on everybody, gious education. though we are being given My instant reaction was to try some guff that a warrant to work out which teachers were would have to be applied Rowan left who’d have a clue about the for. Really? This is nothWilliams subject in the first place, but then ing new as Labour tried to I had to sadly conclude that the pull this trick when they were in power, only Archbishop has once again not to back off when they knew there would be been properly briefed, as a lot of schools have dropped RE trouble getting it through. Don’t politicians realise that the terror- anyway. Even way back in the mid-70s, my school didn’t bother with ists have actually won if basic civil libersuch matters. We only had the farce of a morning assembly ties are thrown out of the window? This is hardly the stuff the where a hymn was sung very badly with the eccentric headConservative Party is made of, so stand master doing his manic impression of a cross between The by for one hell of a stink from libertari- Nutty Professor and Wackford Squeers, as he lost his temper ans like David Davis. It was also a very on a daily basis because someone was whispering someeasy full toss for Lib Dem President where. It was to Christian worship what Giant Haystacks was to Tim Farron to smash out of the ground for six, when he said his fellow Lib Dem MPs would ballet, and very funny, but I always imagined God watching destroy any such ideas in the House of Commons. I’ll bet down and going ‘tut tut’ at it all.

Police shine light on lost novel pages. They called staff in the fingerprint bureau who volunteered their time and revealed the missing words by shining a crime light on the indentations. Staff used the tool's bright light on the pages as it

enhanced the shadows left by the pen strokes. Kerry Savage, from Dorset Police, said: "Fortunately apart from one line we managed to retrieve the whole lot. "It was nice to do some-

thing good for somebody and it was nice to read the book as well." Mrs Vickers, who lost her eyesight about seven years ago as a result of diabetes, said she was "over the moon" with the force's

work. She said: "It's not as though it's a big blockbuster but as a hobby and something that is very important to me it was just wonderful that they put that time and effort in." Mrs Vickers now writes

by following elastic bands stretched across her page rather than using lines on the paper. She describes her book as a "simple" and "pleasant" story about a young girl.


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Friday, April 13, 2012

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

Misunderstanding Pedro’s passion

Pedro Mancebo

IN RESPONSE to the untrue and venomous letter last week from an anonymous CLARO ‘member’ which depicted Pedro Mancebo as nothing short of a gangster with a gang of intimidating mobsters by his side, Pedro has never disrespected, intimidated, insulted or humiliated Mr. Houliston or anybody else. Jimmy Badal, the CLARO vicepresident and well-respected executive committee member, can bear personal witness to this fact. Pedro is firm in his democratic convictions and ethical principles, many of which are contained in his electoral promises to the people of Orihuela Costa. There are those with

less integrity who see him as uncompromising and brand him as ambitious. They have misunderstood his passion for doing what is right as insulting their weaknesses, and so feel humiliated because they’ve broken all their promises to us to become ‘henchmen’ of Monica Lorente. Pedro Mancebo is a very real threat to those who follow hidden interests, personal profit and selfish power. Monica Lorente has been manipulating CLARO through Bob Houliston for at least seven months. I understand why many CLARO members feel that Pedro treated

Bob unfairly when he expelled him from the CLR-CLARO municipal group; however, this single action stopped Monica Lorente returning to power by Christmas as she had boasted. Modesto Veloso, the CLARO general secretary resigned from CLARO when he became aware of Bob Houliston’s PP intentions. Following his resignation he was vilified and ostracised by the CLARO committees. This undemocratic pattern of degradation follows all who resign from CLARO for publicly disagreeing with their leader. RAYMOND KEARNEY

AECC SWANSONG The Mayor and police v the law

AS a frequent visitor to my holiday house in Daya Vieja, I would like to know if we have the only bar in the Costas where the customers smoke freely. I find this very strange as the bar is in a children’s play area. The bar is used by the Mayor and local Police. NAME SUPPLIED IF the Mayor and the police defy the law, then what hope is there for honest citizens? - ED

l

Opinions expressed on the Letters pages are not necessarily those of The Courier

YOU very kindly carried my letter regarding the closure of the screening programmes out of the AECC office in Torrevieja (Issue 53). Irrespective of other articles which subsequently appeared, my letter was exact regarding closure, but unfortunately my timing predictions etc., were a little optimistic. The existing AECC committee, which operated out of the Calle la Calera, has been terminated following the resignation of the local President. This resignation came after pressure from the regional office to do so. Fortunately, all participants who wished to avail themselves of our offer to "tidy up" appointments have been able to complete their arrangements, and are now clear to proceed with alternative screening locations - including the option to approach the regional office direct. I have enclosed a photograph of myself in the company of two ladies. The one on the left is Jackie, owner/landlady of the Woodstock Bar in La Marina Urbanisation; the other is Annabel, who works alongside her. The piece of paper is a receipt for 310 euros, which was raised for the AECC as a result of a "non drinking month". The reason the donation has come to the AECC via the Torrevieja branch stems from the fact that volunteers from AECC Torrevieja have during the past ten years regularly conducted registration events for their screening programme for residents of the Urbanisation. (There not being a branch of AECC in that area). The outcome of those screenings has enabled many cancers to be detected, and more importantly cured or controlled. This is not the first donation to be made by the Woodstock. They have been extremely generous in the past.

HIGH AND DRY: Jackie and Annabel with Alan James Significantly this donation was to be the last official appointment for myself and my wife, also a Jackie, and although she was unable to attend we feel it is a fitting way to end some 17 years as volunteers for the Charity. May we take this opportunity to ask you to say "thank you" to all those people who have supported both of us as volunteers, fund-raisers or simply those who have seen the value of the programmes and taken part. ALAN and JACKIE JAMES.

Is your Iberdrola meter faulty? I UNDERSTAND that many of the new white electric meters fitted by the agent of Iberdrola in respect of Day and Night Electricity are made in China or Taiwan and are faulty. If you notice that your electric bills are very low or high, month after month, you should suspect something is wrong with your meter .You can approach Iberdrola for access to your meter so that you can keep a running check on it. You can also purchase a lock for the meter box only at the shop opposite Mercadona in Guardamar. The meter reader’s key fits these padlocks. The procedure for reporting faulty meters are as follows: If you suspect that your meter is over counting, then you must get a state registered engineer from Alicante to inspect the meter. They would take it away for checking after fitting a temporary meter . If the check proves negative, then you will have to foot the engineer's bill , otherwise Iberdrola is respon-

sible for the cost. Please check with your town hall for information on the location of the Alicante office of the State Registered electric engineers. If you are SURE that the meter is under reading, report the matter to Iberdrola, either by Fax or email at clientes@iberdrola.com. Do not do this by phone or they would refer you to the Alicante state electric engineers. The responsibility for checking and replacing the meter in this case is that of the agents of Iberdrola. There is no charge to you. The consumption used will be estimated and billed to you. DO NOT IGNORE FAULTY METERS THAT ARE SHOWING VERY LOW OUTPUT. These meters will eventually stop working, and the consumption will be noticed by Iberdrola sometime in the future. This could lead to a large bill somewhere down the line. NAME SUPPLIED

Playing into the hands of PP BIRDS of a feather flock together’, goes the saying - and how true it is. We have had a Town Hall councillor (now ex) parking on zebra crossings and blocking disabled access ramps, a Town Hall employee driving around on a UK registered motorbike without tax and insurance, and now a lady supposedly running a charity but not quite, according to the said charity's rules. Have these three been on the PP's beginners' course of how to become totally corrupt in three easy steps? They are certainly going in the right direction as all three are on the CLARO executive committee and playing right into the eagerly awaiting hands of the PP. Congratulations, you have all obtained your bronze badge, just silver and gold to get now. Keep up the good work - the PP will be proud to welcome such hardworking students into their fold. ALBERT BROOKE, La Zenia

Catman’s reap year THE man said, I have been fighting for many years to remove the PP party and give the people of the Costas a say - and a vote for CLARO would give the people a better chance of improving infrastructure etc etc. I open the papers to see him sitting grinningl ike a Cheshire cat, opposite Monica Lorente, forming what looks like an alliance with the PP. Well, Bob, I am sure a lot of people on the coast will think, ‘Blimey, UK Politics at its worst. Sir, you or your party will not get my vote ever again. My father once told me you reap what you sew, Bob. I truly hope you get what YOU want because this seems exactly that, not what the people on the Costas want. COLIN CAPPER


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Friday, April 13, 2012

EAT, ALREADY! Bella’s ghetto recipes bridge 150 years

IN the late 1800s, thousands of Russian and Polish Jews fled their home countries to escape persecution. Many went to Britain and, amongst other places, settled in Manchester’s Strangeways (no, not the prison - the district). They brought with them some spectacularly tasty

recipes which have lived on through their children and grandchildren. In the late 1980s, BEVERLEY BALLESTEROS, who is well known to Courier readers from her Bev's Boobs column), and her husband Andres worked and cared for an elderly Jewish brother and sister, the late Maurice and Bella Sackloff. Bev recalls: ''Every Friday was devoted to

cooking, and I had the rare privilege of practising Bella's authentic old 'Yiddish' dishes.’’. Although cooking is not my forte (eating is!!) I meticulously wrote down each recipe so that they would never be lost''. Over the next few weeks, Bev will let Courier readers into the secret world of Bella's traditional Jewish recipes, all of which were going strong 150 years ago. Try these for starters…

BRISKET BEEF

BELLA'S BRISKET GRAVY POTATOES (YUM!)

BELLA'S HOT POT

Ingredients Nice piece of brisket, with a thinnish layer of fat left on. Garlic. salt. pepper and onion.

Method Cover brisket with salt and pepper. Add one sliced onion and 4 cloves of garlic. Place in oven dish. Add about 2 centimetres of water. Bake on medium heat for about 2-3 hours. Don't let the water dry out. Baste 2 or 3 times during cooking. When done, the knife should go into the meat almost like butter. Leave to cool and slice as thin as possible. Save all juice to make the best bit which is the next recipe!!

Ingredients All the brisket juice saved from meat diluted x 2 with water 8-10 prunes 1 dessertspoon of sugar. 2-3 pounds of potatoes. A little salt and pepper

Method Add gravy to potatoes in dish. Add prunes. Sprinkle with sugar and seasoning if necessary. Bake on a low light for at least 2-3 hours, until the potatoes have gone brown. Make sure that the juice does not completely dry out. This is, by far, Andres' favourite potato dish. Try it and see.!

Ingredients 3lb lean steak cut into small pieces. 3 large onions 3lb carrots 1 small packet dried butter beans, soaked overnight. Salt and 15 shakes of pepper to each pound of meat.

Method Chop onions really small Brown with meat in a little oil. When browned, add some flour to thicken hot pot later. Slice carrots and layer in dish. Layer into the dish carrots, then meat, then butter beans. Keep layering and finish with a layer of onion on top of the beef. Add amount of stock you require. Bake on medium heat for 2-3 hours.


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Friday, April 13, 2012

TSIMMUS A traditional dish made on Fridays.

Ingredients Piece of brisket with fat left on. 6lb (yes 6lb) of carrots. 2 dessertspoons of sugar. Salt and pepper to taste. For the Helzel stuffing which goes with the dish. Mix lard or butter with flour, finely chopped onion, salt and pepper until it reaches a dumpling consistency.

Enjoy a Saharawarm welcome

New Owners Jane and Andy welcome you to La Sahara located on the middle level of La Fuente Commercial Centre. Method They invite you to try their Place sliced carrots into large oven dish. Place Helzel mix on top. delicious cheese board, Place brisket on top of helzel, fat side down, season and add sugar. with a choice of over Add water to dish, but don't cover the helzel stuffing. Cover and bake on a low light for 5-7 hours. Check that the juices don't dry out whilst cook- seven cheeses and prices starting from just three ing. euros. Wash it down with a glass SALT BEEF or two from their extensive (pickled brisket) wine collection, or some of the finest coffee or Ingredients widest selection of teas to 5lb piece brisket. be found. 6oz coarse salt. For something a little 2 level teaspoons salt petre. (can more exotic, La Sahara be bought in chemists,) offers an extensive cock3oz brown sugar. tail menu, with drinks 3 cloves garlic. expertly mixed by La 1 teaspoon mixed spice Sahara’s friendly staff. 1 level teaspoon peppercorns. This all adds up to lots of 2 bay leaves. reasons to be happy at La Sahara, but between 6pm and 8pm daily, you’ll be Method smiling all the more at the Mix sugar and salt petre together. bar’s daily happy hour. Rub into the meat and add all And, make sure you look remaining ingredients. Place meat into a large bowl and cover to the top of meat with cold water. Liquid will be out for La Sahara’s regular released from meat as days go by. Refrigerate for 7-10 days, turning the meat daily. On last party nights with Sarah day boil the brisket for 2 hours approx until cooked, not in too much water. Eat when com- Simpson when it’s happy hour all night and a little pletely cool. IMPORTANT!!! Do NOT buy the salt petre in Britain and bring over to Spain. extra Sahara warmth can Apparently it is one of the minerals used to produce dynamite! I don't think the cus- be guaranteed. toms would be too chuffed. I've never actually tried to buy it over here but since there La Sahara is open from 10am and its sunny terseem to be gun stores in every town, I assume it will be easier than in the UK.

A GREAT FRUIT CAKE RECIPIE You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still

okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.

race is the perfect place to catch up on world events with the daily newspapers available for you to browse. Relax with the paper, a coffee and brandy for just

€2.75 or tea or coffee and a pastry for only €2. And, as La Sahara has internet, printing and copying facilities, you just might find the excuse to stay all day.


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Friday, April 13, 2012

Y R IA D R U Y O R O F S T N TKO EVE Monday April 23rd - St. Georges Day 11am - 6pm on Playa Flamenca Boulevard. Celebrate St. George’s day with everyone from TKO and The Courier. We will be there supporting local charities in conjunction with the Orihuela Town Hall. May 6th - Fun day in aid of The Butterfly Children Charity at The George Pub in Quesada from 1 - 7pm. May 9th - European day in Torrevieja June 2nd - Animation in the streets Torrevieja - 4.30pm - 8pm June 3rd - Queens Diamond Jubilee at the Parc de Naciones (Park of Nations) Torrevieja. There will be live entertainment and lots of fun and games. August 10th,11th & 12th - Lo Crispin Fun Day For more information on these events and many more stay tuned and read this page we will keep you updated as we know more details.

TKO’s Fun Facts from April 1969 The UK Top 5 Singles from April 1969 1. I Heard It Through The Grapevine - Marvin Gaye 2. Israelites - Desmond Decke and The Aces 3. Gentle On My Mind - Dean Martin 4. Boom- Bang-A-Bang - Lulu 5. Goodbye - Mary Hopkins Marvin Gaye started his career as a member of the doo-wop group The Moonglows in the late 1950s, he ventured into a solo career after the group disbanded in 1960. In the late 60’s Gaye hooked up with Motown veteran Philadelphia-based singer Tammi Terrell, he would later say she was his "perfect partner" musically. She became ill and this put Gaye in a depression; at one point he attempted suicide and refused to acknowledge the success of his song "I Heard It Through the Grapevine". On this day, April 13th, in 1969 - Diana Ross appeared solo on Dinah Shore's NBC-TV special "Like Hep".

Find out next week what happend in 1970

Tune in all next week to hear our world famous TKO FM Power Play & TKO Gold Future Gold Track TKO FM - WEEKLY POWER PLAY

Rebecca Ferguson - Glitter & Gold Taken from Rebecca’s debut album ‘Heaven’, this new single will be issued in the UK on April 29th. The album has sold over half a million copies so far and is fast approaching double Platinum. The British singer songwriter recently completed a sold-out UK tour, and will soon depart for the USA where she will be playing her first ever shows in Los Angeles and New York.

TKO GOLD - FUTURE GOLD TRACK

Brandi Carlile - That Wasn’t Me The American folk rock singer-songwriter returns with this lead single from her forthcoming 4th studio album ‘Bear Creek’. Due on June 5th, the album was recorded at Bear Creek Studios outside of Seattle.

Let’s see if you can win yourself a meal for two and a bottle of wine at Quesada Fish & Chips POP QUIZ April 14th Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz! All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word, listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm. 1. Gene Simmons is the lead singer with this rock band. 2. Which country is Bjork from? 3. The album.... What’s Been Did And Whats Been Hid (his grammar not mine) was by which singer? 4. Lead singer with Coldplay. 5. Bill Haley & Orange Juice had hits with this song title...different songs. 6. Who do we know Elaine Bookbinder better as? 7. A Four Seasons hit in 1966 with a number in the title. 8. What sort of things was Dave Berry singing about in 1965? 9. The Jones Girls sang about Nights Over....where?


Friday, April 13, 2012

LUSCIOUS LIPS

THE wrong colour lipstick, heavy lip liner and lips that have been “drawn on” are common makeup mistakes that will ruin your overall look. Many women who are unsure of how to wear lipstick skip that step totally leaving makeup looking unbalanced. Perfect looking lips are attainable and begin with an ideal lip line. You can have lips that look like a makeup artist did them simply by following a few important steps. 1. When applying foundation continue over the lips to provide a base for lip liner and lipstick. 2. keeping your mouth closed, trace a fine line around the lips with a sharp pencil. A blunt pencil will make blending more difficult. Start at the v of the top lip and move outward to lip corners by making short strokes (rest your hand on your chin for better control). After you have pencilled in the top lip, begin from the middle of the bottom lip and move outward also. Follow the natural lip line. 3. To make lips look larger follow the outer edge of the nat-

ural lip line making sure not to go over the natural lip line. To make lips look smaller follow the inside of the natural lip line. 4. Lipstick will stay on longer if the whole lip is filled in with lip liner before lipstick is applied. If you decide to use this technique, be aware that darker lip liner will darken the look of your lipstick. And, if you are going for a light look use a light lip liner. 5. Now that lips are filled in, apply lipstick with a lipstick brush (using a lip brush will give you more control). When lipstick has been applied, with lips closed, lay a tissue across both lips to blot. You are ready to go, with perfect lips. Continue with touch ups during the day. If you are not used to wearing lipstick, it will probably take a while to get used to having your lips done and not “eating” the lipstick. The plus to having nice lips, aside from the obvious, is you will never be plagued with dry lips again an over time they become softer. That’s certainly reason enough to take care of your lips.

Be pampered at the Palace!

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WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING ON YOUR SKIN? DO YOU know that your skin absorbs water while having a shower? Just like the heart, liver, kidney and lungs, the skin is an organ of the human body. In fact, it is the largest organ of the body. We are all aware of how the skin protects us against our sometimes harsh environment, and can feel its sensitive nature through touch and pain. Furthermore, all over the world, through the ages and across diverse cultures, a flawless skin tone is cherished and valued as a sign of beauty, health and vitality especially by women who generally go to extraordinary lengths to achieve a beautiful even facial and body complexion, albeit for men. And therein lays the danger. The average woman of today uses between 10 and 25 cosmetic products on their skin every day. From shower gel, shaving cream, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, and that is just the beginning. There are toners, facial moisturising creams, body lotions, hair gels, mascaras, powders, deodorants, lip balms, lipsticks, chap sticks, and several others. Younger women tend to use more products, and with the television constantly bombarding us with advertising pictures of women with flawless skin tone, it has become fashionable for even younger girls to use a wide range of cosmetic products on a daily basis. The sad truth is that most of the images seen on the television or the internet have been digitally altered to create an illusion of a perfect unattainable skin tone. The skin is a sensitive delicate organ, as delicate as the heart or lungs, and needs as much care as we give to our other organs, perhaps more so because it is

THE Palace Salon Hair and Beauty Training Academy is a new business based in La Zenia. It opened on March 31 and is located on the ground floor of the spacious contemporary Tres Coronas building and is run by directors Latashia and Margarita, who have many years experience in the hair and beauty industry and in teaching.

For those who do not wish to take advantage of the Academy, the Palace Salon caters for the individual needs of those seeking to be pampered by a professional stylist or therapist. Many, many more courses and treatments are available. Models are always required for the training academy at subsidised rates. For more information, please call or pop down to see us. Call 966 760 133, email thepalaceacademy@gmail.com or find us at Tres Coronas, Avenida Diamante 4, La Zenia.

exposed to the environment. Just as we recognise the dangers of chemicals such as alcohol or cigarette to the liver and lungs, some of the chemicals we put on our skin are absorbed by the skin into the bloodstream. It is very easy to assume that cosmetics manufacturing is well regulated, and that it would be impossible for the industry to use dangerous chemicals to manufacture cosmetics, but the truth is that there is not enough government regulation in the industry. Surprisingly, many of the chemicals used are trade secrets and cannot be disclosed to the general public. Even when the chemicals are listed on the products, most of us will have a very hard time identifying which chemicals in a typical long list of ingredients are harmful to human health. For example, petrolatum, from petroleum is used in lipsticks and creams to soften the skin; however it is now known to cause cancer. Treithanolamine keeps lotions, shaving creams, soaps, shampoos and bath powder from clumping, but is known to cause severe facial dermatitis and rashes. There are thousands of such chemicals used in a variety of cosmetic products, and every year thousands more are added. It may not be possible to research every chemical used to make all your cosmetic products; however you can protect yourself by cutting down the number of cosmetics you use on a daily basis and seek out products made from more natural sources. Using spectrographic technology, it is now possible to test all cosmetics products and find out if they will have adverse effects on the body. If you have any questions, or to find out more about testing your cosmetics, contact Dr Mannu on 630118439, or email contact@medb.es, www.medb.es


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Friday, April 13, 2012

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RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

TOP TIP: A great tip on how to make your Google ADVICE: Brenda had lost the password for her iPad Internet searching even easier! I do many Internet searches throughout the day and I find that in a typical Google search there are usually a number of possible pages that I am interested in. I’m sure you have all experienced the same issue i.e. you click on the first page you think could be what you are looking for, only to find that it’s not what you want. You then end up clicking the back button to get back to your search and then you have to look for the next page. I don’t know about you, but the time that I send doing this daily ‘back and forward’ clicking to find what I am looking for must really mount up! I now have the answer – the centre click! It’s so simple and works in all the most common browsers. All you need is to have a mouse that has a wheel in the middle (the thing that’s usually used to scroll up and down pages). To make your searching easier, just go to your preferred search engine, do your search and then move your mouse pointer over each of the results that you are interested in and click the wheel - yes, press down on the wheel rather than using it to scroll up and down the page, it will click. No I didn’t know it did that either! Every time you click, a new window will appear at the top of your browser and the page will load in the background. This lets you “centre click” with the wheel on all the other links that you are interested in, and then when you are ready you can read each of your selections quickly and easily – so simple and so useful!

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Q A

Hi Richard, I have an Apple iPad and when I set it up I created a password, I can’t remember for the life of me what it was, is there any way that I can get it back, it’s just that it keeps asking me for it every time I try to install an app?

Hi Brenda, I assume that you are talking about your iTunes password, that’s the one that is used when you try to install a new app onto your iPad. Your iTunes password is linked to your email account so as long as you still have access to your email then it shouldn’t be too hard to get the password reset, just follow the instructions below… 1. Go to the website https://iforgot.apple.com 2. Type in your Apple ID – your email address 3. Click next and follow the steps to have your password reset

ADVICE: John wanted to convert some music files.

Q A

Hi Richard, is there any way I can convert a WMA file to a WAV file. I recorded the WMA file on the laptop sound recorder. Hope you can assist thanks, John.

Hi John, I have always liked www.zamzar.com, it pretty much allows you to convert anything to anything else, you just upload the file you want to convert, choose the format that you would like it to be converted to and let them do the rest, they will email you when it's done and you can download the converted file - simple! Hope it helps


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Friday, April 13, 2012

Panto group need female Dick OH YES THEY DO! members, and they have already chosen this year’s panto – Dick Whittington. In true panto style, Dick will of FLASHBACK course be played by a woman. So the (with the help of group is now seeking the perfect a magic lamp). female Dick. The Rojales Chorus members and backstage Pantomime crew are also needed. Group prepare If you would like to tread the boards for last winter’s with the Rojales Pantomime Group, production of the ability to sing and dance would, Aladdin they say, be an advantage – but it is not essential. What is essential is the ability to have fun on stage and enjoy raising money for local charity causes. Tickets for the Wizard of Oz are on sale now at Bargain books Torrevieja and San Miguel, San Luis Hire Centre, Quesada Fish and Chips, Halfway House Quesada, Acadamia de baile de Carmen Lorente Los Montesinos, La Marina Fancy Dress, Cards and More, and anywhere the rainbow sign is displayed. Tickets cost seven euros PAUL Cunningham Nurses representatives were invited to Imanyo café for adults if bought in bar in Daya Nueva to receive donations from the bar’s latest fundraising advance and five euros for efforts. children. The bar and its customers have spent the past few months busily raising money for the Subject to availability, nurses and were able to hand over a generous donation of €755. tickets will be available on Part of this money – €230 – was raised by just one man, Harry Goldsmith. He collected the door before the start of the money by taking part in the recent Charity Lake Challenge Walk at La Pedrera, which each performance. Imanyo supported. Now, many of Imanyo’s staff and regulars will be playing a big role in Paul Cunningham Nurses’ next walk in May. Starting in Rojales, this gentle three-mile walk will take in a bar every mile. Registration costs €5, and walkers can raise more money for the charity through sponsorship if they wish. Walkers will end up back at Imanyo where bar owner Antonio and his staff will be waiting with a special CASHING UP: From left: Susan Reader (PCN fundraising manaSunday Walkers Meal. ger), Emma (staff), fundraiser Norma and partner Antonio, the Anyone wishing to take bar owner, fundraiser Dave and PCN volunteer Anne Day part in the walk should contact Imanyo fundraiser Dave on 633 366 701, or call Sue on 639 318 526 or email sueinthesun@hotmail. THE funeral took place on March 31 of co.uk. MORE than 100 cyclists took part in this Paul Cunningham Nurses Bernard Stockwell, a long-time member of Torrevieja Royal British Legion. Croydonyear’s Bike for Life charity bike ride around offer a combination of nursing help, support, informa- born Bernard, who was 86, lived at Doña Mil Palmeras, Pilar, Torre de la Horadada. Already the money raised has reached tion and a friendly voice to Pepa, Quesada and is survived by a brothpeople suffering illness in er and sister, children Elisabeth, Elaine 1,200 euros, but the total is yet to be Spain who are in need of and Keith, eight grandchildren and one announced as money is still coming in. great grandchild. He spent all of his happy help. Organisers wish to send a big thank you Their nurses offer a free childhood in Croydon, becoming a scout to all who took part and to the event’s main service to people in the later and going on to gain a King’s Scout sponsors Family Bike Hire.com, JP's bar stages of terminal illness, Award. He joined the navy at 17½ and and restaurant, Greenwich Bar and UK Bar. providing nursing care in the served in the Atlantic and Mediterranean. Thanks also go to the Policia Local for Good fun and always laughing, Bernard patient’s own home. escorting the event and Pilar town hall for had a heart of gold and lots of friends.The For more information about the work of Paul standards were displayed in respect of his approving the route. The bike ride is now an annual event, and Cunningham Nurses visit military service and Legion membership. www.paulcunninghamnurs- Standard bearers were Rick Shiel, Ken organisers look forward to welcoming all es.com cyclists next year. Archer and David Laverick. PANTO time may be over, but the Rojales Pantomime Group is keeping busy with a recent show in aid of PAWS animal charity and rehearsals for a new production of the Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz will be staged at the Escuela de Musica, Los Montesinos on May 31 and June 1 and 2. But even with the summer weather hot upon us, Christmas is never far away from the minds of Panto Group

BAR THAT NURSES A GOOD CAUSE

Bar owner Antonio and PCN’s Sue Reader

Cliff act can almost fool the real Richard WHEN the real Cliff Richard met Cliff tribute act Cliff-asif he was so blown away by the similarities that he quipped “Pleased to meet me”. So it is hardly surprising that when Cliff-asif hits the Costa Blanca his tours are an instant sell-out with Cliff fans. The only way to make Cliff-asif’s shows even more popular is to do what Jukebox Legends has done and team him with one of the best Elvis tributes around, Elvis 2000. This winning combination played to packed houses last year, with many fans left disappointed and ticketless on the door. Luckily, Cliff and Elvis fans are to get a second chance as Jukebox Legends’ Cliff and Elvis show is making a comeback, with three dates this month - April 16 at the Emerald Isle, La Florida, April 19 at Santa Pola Life Resort, Gran Alacant and April 24 at the Lounge Bar, Torrevieja. Of course, tickets are selling fast so book yours now at www.jukeboxpromotions.co.uk, call the ticket info line

Tribute to Bernard

Life cycle


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Friday, April 13, 2012

A NEW brew called ‘The Full Monty’ could be on 'tap' this summer - thanks to Los Montesinos resident Andrew Atkinson. Andrew's great-grandfather John Herbert was a ginger beer and mineral water manufacturer in Preston, Lancashire. And Alicante based Andrew is appealing to both English and Spanish brewers (not ruling out home-brew' enthusiasts to produce more tipples.

Andrew drinks to great-grandad " John Herbert brewed 'Owd Dad's Britannic Beer, bottled in a stoneware Flagon," says Andrew , who is himself partial to a tipple (or two) himself! An Independent Brewery are interested in launching new beers linking John Herbert's connection - in the Guild year

(Preston Guild being celebrated every 20 years). "With it also being the Queen's Jubilee this year, a brew named 'Rule Britannia' would be apt," says Preston-born Andrew. "But I want to go further and link-in my

Spanish roots. And hopefully 'The Full Monty' - after Los Montesinos - can be launched. "I would love to be in the sun in the Veja Baja this summer, suppin' 'Owd Dad's Britannic beer; 'The Full Monty' and 'Rule Britannia'."

NICE FOR A DAY

Radio station’s appeal broadcasts a happy vibe to charities across Costas Give us a home!

BAYRADIO wants everyone to be nice - even if it is just for one day. And to get us all being that little bit extra good to each other, the radio station is holding Be Nice Day next month. On May 6, BayRadio will be helping local charities to stage what they hope will be the biggest charity event ever held on the Costas. The idea is for local charities to sign up to Be Nice Day and organise local sponsored walks for their supporters. Already more than 20 charities have joined Be Nice Day and are now busy

organising charity walks up and down the coast. But if the day is to be a real success, all these charities need lots of people to don walking shoes, get a few sponsors and enjoy an easy walk while soaking up the ‘nice’ vibes BayRadio will be spreading throughout the day. Among the charities that have already organised walks for Be Nice Day are Help at Home Costa Blanca, Help Mar Menor, Paul Cunningham Nurses, Help Vega Baja and Torrevieja Lions Club. But there is still plenty of time for other charities to sign up. Any interested charities should email BayRadio at charity@bayradio.fm There will be plenty of opportunities for bars, clubs and associations to be nice for the day, too. Any interested clubs and businesses can also email BayRadio at charity@bayradio.fm for details. The business raising the most money will get a prize of free advertising from BayRadio. To make things a little more interesting and competitive - while still of course sticking to the ‘be nice’ ethos - BayRadio is offering lots more prizes for the best events and fundraisers. Categories include the largest amount raised by an individual, the largest amount raised by team, most sponsors from an individual, most sponsors from a team, best costume, and best overall event raising the most for its cause. Anyone wishing to join a walk can see the list of participating charities on BayRadio’s website at www.bayradio.fm. Just choose the walk you want to join and get in touch with the charity.

Torry bonnet Legion takes some topping!

COURIER editor Donna Gee had the challenging task of judging the Easter Bonnet competition for the Torrevieja Royal British Legion. More than 30 beautiful bonnets were donned by both male and female Legion members last Friday at Casa Ventura, La Siesta. After a lot of deliberation, Gillian Burden was announced as the winner of the ladies’ bonnets, while Allan Budd received the prize for best men’s bonnet. Gillian was presented with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and Allan received an Easter egg. The Legion also gave Donna a bottle of champagne in recognition of the tough task she faced choosing from the dazzling display of decorated headgear. The Torrevieja Royal British Legion will be celebrating the Queen’s 60th year on the throne with a four-course lunch at El Alto, Dolores on June 5. Tickets 20 euros from Allan or Dianne on 966 716 931. The Legion also arranges excursions

The winners! Gillian Burden and Allan Budd with judge Donna Gee (centre) to various parts of Spain and has a newly formed bowls club that meets every Tuesday and Saturday at 1.30 at La Siesta Bowls Club. Membership to the Royal British Legion is open to ex-military and non-military. Meetings are held on the second Friday of every month at Casa Ventura, San Luis 6.30pm. For further information contact Pauline on 966 704 146.

XENA is an eight-year-old pedigree Shar-Pei. Her owners could no longer care for her, but she gets on well with other dogs and is a lovely little girl. Poppy is 12 weeks old.She and her brothers and sisters were being given away at the Sunday Market in Pinar de Campoverde. Two young boys had been given the job of finding them homes. They were all very frightened, it was a hot day and they had no water or shade, just a cardboard box to sit in. APAH took all four to care for and rehome. APAH currently has 14 other puppies looking for homes. Visit www.apahrescue.org or e-mail apahrescue@hotmail.co.uk for more information. Do you have a few spare hours a week? APAH is looking for people to work in its shops in San Pedro and Pilar de la Horadada. If you are interested contact Natasha on 616 210 850.

Frightened wanderer KATIE is a 12-monthold Lurcher, found in Calpe, traumatised and frightened, wandering in the orange groves. With care and love from shelter volunteers, Katie has come out of her shell and is ready for a new home. Contact Eleanor on 677 381 111 if you can give Katie a home. Finca La Castellana Animal Welfare Centre has many different dogs in its care. All have their own unique personalities and stories, but all one thing in common, they are looking for a loving home.

Busy holiday for Legion THE Orihuela Costa and District Branch of The Royal British Legion had a busy Easter weekend. On Easter Sunday member attended the Help for Heroes fun day at Rays Bar in Campoverde. On Easter Monday they were at Rockys Arena in Playa Flamenca for Reach Out Torrevieja who give support to the homeless.

They were able to promote the work of the Legion and raise money for the 2012 Poppy Appeal. The Orihuela Costa and District Branch of the Royal British Legion meet at The Olympia Restaurant Mil Palmeras every third Thursday of the month at 7pm. Everyone welcome. You don’t have to be ex-services to join. Details at www.orihuelacostarbl.com


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Friday, April 13, 2012

WHAT THE UK

TEEN ARREST ENDS IN DEATH PLUNGE A TEENAGER plunged to her death from the bedroom window of a 17thfloor tower block on Tuesday, moments after police arrived to arrest her.

The Sun

the flat at 9.30am to arrest the teenager, but within moments of entering the propNeighbours told of being woken by the 18- erty the young woman fell some 155ft to year-old screaming “Get off me, let me go” her death from a bedroom window. shortly before she fell. Her lifeless body was found on a Last night, Scotland Yard said officers bank of grass behind the block of flats. were not in the room when the girl, a convictOne neighbour, who did not wish to ed robber, fell from the window of the high- be named, said the area was full of police cars and ambulances during the rise in Woolwich, South East London. Two plain-clothes police officers arrived at morning. She said: “We saw hundreds of officers runThe Sun ning in and out of the block. But then we saw her boyfriend being dragged out of the building. He was screaming ‘No! No! No!’. I think he must have AN 87-year-old woman has been slapped with an seen her fall. “They put him in a police ASBO for playing Glenn Miller and Frank Sinatra hits car and drove him up the on her radio too loudly and banging her walking stick road a little bit, then one of on the wall. Neighbours complained they endured 13 months of the neighbours’ sons who hell at the hands of widow Georgina Sims, from knows him came and got him and they walked away. Gosport in Hampshire “We didn’t see anyone getThe pensioner was handed the anti-social behavting arrested or being ioural order after neighbours com- brought out of the building by police, only him and they let plained. She was initially him go again.” Another neighbour said given a noise abatement notice by that the woman who died Gosport Borough and her boyfriend were a Council in August “friendly” couple.

Torture by Glenn Miller lands gran ASBO slap

2010 but after failing to comply she was given an interim ASBO in October last year. Neighbours Chris and Tony Adams kept a record of the problems. Mrs Adams, 54, said: “It was absolute hell. It made us ill. We have been let down every step of the way.” Sims was also given a six-month conditional discharge and told to pay £500 costs after admitting two charges of flouting the noise abatement order at Fareham Magistrates’ Court. The council then withdrew its application for a full ASBO when she moved house.

The woman plunged to the ground from a window on the 17th floor of this tower block

Jail at last for thief with 207 convictions A WOMAN thief who preyed on the elderly was finally locked up on Tuesday – after amassing 207 convictions. Despite her extraordinary criminal record, Caroline Pattinson, 34, had been spared prison on countless occasions. But after targeting a 72-year-old grandmother in her home, the heroin addict was at last sentenced to two-and-ahalf years in jail. Pattinson, however, laughed it off. As she was led away from the dock she turned to the court and shouted: “Cushty, easily done.” The serial offender, who has at least one child in care, began offending when she was just 14. In another illustration of soft justice, the one-woman crime wave was repeatedly handed community orders and suspended sentences, instead of time behind bars.

Mugabe fights for life in hospital

ZIMBABWEAN tyrant Robert Mugabe is fighting for life in a Singapore hospital, it was reported on Monday. The 88-year-old is said to be having intensive treatment for a mystery illness. It follows reports he is to hand power to feared Defence Minister Emmerson Mnangagwa. Mugabe was flown to Singapore last week after collapsing at home. It was claimed he had gone to see his daughter enrol

The Sun at university, which does not start until September. Officials say he will be home tomorrow following his “Easter holidays”. A British-based analyst said: “Mugabe’s health impacts on Zimbabwe’s political landscape. Everything revolves around his health and his age.” A leaked 2008 US diplomatic cable suggested he has prostate cancer.

Boy, 4, stabbed in street - man arrested Daily Mirror A BOY aged four is in a serious condition in hospital after he was found stabbed in the street. Dad David Blythe, 44, had left four-year-old Toby playing with kittens at a neighbour’s while he popped out to buy them lunch. Minutes later residents spotted the lad soaked in blood and sobbing loudly. Toby had been slashed in the head, neck and twice in his stomach. He was taken to hospital where his family was last night holding a round-the-clock vigil. Police have arrested a 51-year-old man. David said: “I’d only been gone 10 minutes. As I was walking home police cars and an ambulance came rushing down the street. A neighbour told me something had happened to Toby. “There was a wheelsized pool of blood on the ground. “Doctors say my boy’s going to be OK. He’s got loads of stitches.” “I’ve no idea why Toby was attacked. I’ve only lived here seven weeks. I’m living a nightmare. I love my boy so much.” Detectives were waiting to question a man, named locally as Steven Frogg, on suspicion of assault.


Friday, April 13, 2012

TABLOIDS SAY

HATEFUL HAMZA HOOKED BY USA Extradition is not a breach of human rights

Daily Mail HOOK-HANDED hate preacher Abu Hamza and four other Muslim fanatics will be sent to the US to face trial after they lost their appeals against extradition this week. Judges in Strasbourg dramatically ruled on Tuesday that Hamza must be extradited to the US where he could face the rest of his life behind bars. Four other fanatics also lost their appeals against extradition. The ruling stated that the five men would not be subject to “illtreatment” in the US. The European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg rejected the men’s claims that their human rights would be breached by leaving the UK. The men had complained that prison conditions and jail terms would expose them to “torture or inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” in breach of the European human rights code. Prime Minister David Cameron said he was “very pleased” that Hamza’s extradition to the US can go ahead following today’s ruling. Speaking during a trade mission to South East Asia, Mr

Hook-handed Abu Hamza lost appeal

Cameron said: “It is quite right that we have proper legal processes, although sometimes one can get frustrated with how long they take. “I think it is very important that the deportation and expulsion arrangements (work) promptly and properly, particularly when people are accused of very serious crimes.” Home Secretary Theresa May said the Government “will work to ensure that the suspects are handed over to the US authorities as quickly as possible”. She added: “I welcome the decision of the European Court of Human Rights.”

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British firms shunned as Olympic souvenirs are made in China

JUST one in six official souvenirs for the Olympics are made in Britain, a Sun investigation has found. Out of nearly 900 items being sold on the London 2012 website, a measly 138 are produced in the UK. The Sun discovered a total of 717 gifts (84 per cent) are made abroad — findings that risked fury among snubbed British firms. Olympic mascots Wenlock, Mandeville and Pride the Lion are among 627 items made in China. The country also produced models of London buses and taxis emblazoned with the Union Jack. T-shirts featuring landmarks from the capital are made in Pakistan, Team GB gym bags in Vietnam and Union Jack photo frames in Poland. When London was awarded the

The Sun

Olympics, manufacturing and textiles industries were promised a huge boost. Instead the Games committee is hoping to pocket £1BILLION from sales — and UK firms look set to miss out. Birmingham-based Vaughtons, which made medals for the 1908 London Games, lost out to a Chinese firm for a lapel badge contract. Sales director Nick Hobbis said: “We couldn’t believe it. Normally it is the host country that makes the bulk of the goods. The amount of badges being made could have been shared out among a string of British firms.” John Walker of the Federation of Small Businesses called it “very disappointing”.

ste a w in s n o li il b p u g in Mobiles r ers waste MOBILE phone us cause they £5BILLION a year be g tariff, on wr are on the ed this ow sh s ult res ch resear week. each The blunder costs averon 4 person an annual £19 age. users Nearly half of 2,034 data ir the ow quizzed did not kn e. us et ern int for allowance numNor did they know the texts d an tes nu ber of free mi

te downwithin a one megaby load limit. which Carphone Warehouse, m. the ve ga said act y, ntr rve their co carried out the su of the et ern int About £173million h Smartphones wit additional ity lex waste was down to mp co the access add to data charges. lled po se tho for customers. of e fiv Four in rphone a g vin ha Chief exec of Ca did not know that Harrison phone can Warehouse Andrew Twitter app on your t no is are so it en said: “When finances run up costs even wh t £5biltha zy in use. tight it seems cra a just ide no d ha y ls.” bil the And lion is wasted on y could get how many songs the

The Sun

Granny Tax II - more anger over pensioner tax proposals ADVISERS to George Osborne are calling for a new ‘granny tax’ that will fuel anger at the Government’s treatment of the elderly. The Chancellor (pictured) will be presented with plans to tax the basic state pension at source, which could leave many pensioners with a cash flow problem. Some six million pensioners

Daily Mail pay tax. But the state pension, which has just risen from £102.15 to £107.45 a week, is currently paid before tax is deducted. The Office of Tax Simplification (OTS), which advises the Treasury on tax matters, is calling on the Government to take tax

when the state pension is paid. That would reduce it for those paying basic rate tax to £85.96 a week and to £64.47 for those on the 40 per cent rate. While pensioners would not remain out of pocket, removing the money upfront could plunge some into cash flow difficulties. The proposals were branded

‘Granny Tax II’ following the Budget decision to freeze pensioners’ age-related tax allowance. John Whiting, tax director of the OTS, said bringing the state pension into the pay-as-you-earn system could reduce bureaucracy and would remove the need for around 1.6million pensioners to fill in self-assessment tax forms.


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Friday, April 13, 2012

THE SPANISH PRESS

KING’S GRANDSON SHOT IN THE FOOT THE eldest grandson of the Spanish king shot himself in the foot during target practice on Monday, and his father could now face charges for allowing a minor to handle a shotgun. Felipe Juan Froilán Marichalar y Borbón, 13, was with his father, Jaime de Marichalar, when the accident happened at the family’s estate in the province of Soria, northern Spain. The weapon, a small calibre shotgun, was discharged at point-blank range and the bullet travelled clean through Felipe’s right foot. Felipe was taken to hospital in Soria before being transferred to a private clinic outside of Madrid. His mother, the King’s eldest daughter Princess Elena, who is divorced from Felipe’s father, stayed at her son’s bedside on Monday night. Queen Sofia visited her grandson on Tuesday. and later told waiting press: “These things happen with children.” She added that her grandson was calm and playing with his mobile phone. According to sources from the Royal Household, Felipe is likely to remain in the clinic for several days but is expected to make a full recovery. The incident has caused embarrassment to the royal family as under Spanish law children under the age of 14 are not allowed to use firearms. Felipe’s father could face a fine of up to 3,000 euros. The accident was described on Tuesday by sources from the Civil Guard, which handles firearm cases, as a “thunderous infringement of the law”. However, the Civil Guard has yet to open an investigation into the case and will not do so without instruction from a Soria court judge. The accident is a painful reminder for King Juan Carlos of a shooting incident 56 years ago that left his younger brother Alfonso dead at 14. The shooting in a bedroom at the Spanish Royal Family’s home in exile in Portugal was hushed up under the Franco regime but it is believed a pistol handled by the then 18-yearold Juan Carlos went off accidentally, killing his younger brother.

King Juan Carlos with Felipe

THE European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg has ordered Spain to pay compensation of 8,000 euros to a Nigerian living in Barcelona after expelling his partner from Spain and putting his son up for adoption without his consent. The court found that the Spanish authorities incurred “serious failures of care” and violated Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights, which establishes the “right to respect for private and family life”. The man, identified only as KAB, was born in 1996 and immigrated to Spain in 2001 with his partner and his son, who was born in 2000. In October 2001, the mother was expelled from Spanish territory and banned from returning for a period of ten years. Friends of the couple took over the care of the child because the father was working away in Barcelona. After coming into contact COMMENTS about homosexuals and abortion made by with child protection services a priest during a church service and broadcast live by in 2003, the child was sent to a TV station that is part of the RTVE state broadcasting live with a foster family and corporation are to be examined by the organisation’s then adopted in 2007 without board of directors, reports El Pais. his father’s consent. In the sermon, shown on TVE’s La 2 on Good Friday, The father told the the Bishop of Alcalá de Henares, Juan Antonio Reig European court that he was Pla, spoke of people today who “end up lacking guid- deprived of all contact with ance about what human sexuality is; already from his son and that neither he childhood they think they are attracted to partners of nor the child’s mother was the same sex. informed of the proposed “Sometimes to check on this they corrupt and pros- adoption. titute themselves - or go to men’s clubs. I assure you He also denounced the they will find hell,” he said. inaction of the Spanish Reig Pla also referred to abortion in his homily: administration over the “Women who have aborted carry the suffering in their expulsion of his partner and hearts and many of them cannot sleep because the sin his attempts to demonstrate always carries the destruction of a person.” his paternity – which he was The RTVE board will now debate whether to present only able to prove in March a complaint against the Episcopal Conference over the 2005 thanks to the financial support of an association. sermon, say sources. The man invoked Articles 6 “We are not questioning the format, but we do ask that constitutional values be respected and in this case - right to a fair trial - and 8 they have been violated,” said the Socialist-chosen right to respect for private and family life. board member Miguel Ángel Sacaluga.

Gays will find hell, priest tells state TV viewers

The controversial bishop

Postman jailed for mail dump y 7100 A MADRID postman who threw awa d to a Christmas cards has been sentence s. euro 600 fined and n priso year in was Twenty-eight-year-old Sergio A.P. in the working as a casual postman Rey Madrid district of Arganda del mber when the offences took place in Dece 2006. police The mail was found by local

Spain fined for adoption without dad’s permission

a field dumped by the side of a road and in delivbeen have ld shou it close to where ered. from Although the man, originally and-aValencia, faced a maximum of tworeduced half years in prison, this was e and crim the to d esse conf because he ing to because the case took so long com t. cour


29

Friday, April 13, 2012

THE SPANISH PRESS

Choose me or end up like Spain, Sarkozy tells voters NICOLAS Sarkozy has upset the Spanish government by telling French voters they should reelect him as president to pursue his cost-cutting plans, or face the kind of debt crises that have gripped Greece and Spain. Speaking at the launch of his manifesto, just 17 days before the first round of voting, Sarkozy said France faced a “historic choice” between his austerity measures or a disastrous return to uncontrolled spending. “Certain countries in Europe are today on the edge of a precipice,” he warned, promising that under his continued leadership France could rediscover “competitiveness, innovation, investment, reduced spending.” Sarkozy accused his Socialist challenger Francois Hollande of promising “a festival of new spending that no-one knows how to pay for, as if the world did not exist, Europe did not exist, the crisis did not exist. “The situation today that our Spanish friends are going through, that our Greek friends have gone through, reminds us of reality. Look at the situation in Spain, after seven years of Socialist rule,” he said. Sarkozy said he had printed millions of copies of a ‘Letter to the French’ outlining their stark choice.

Billions slashed off health and schools El País

Mariano Rajoy: making the tough choices

MARIANO Rajoy on Monday announced sweeping cuts to both education and the public health system with the aim of saving 10 billion euros this year. The prime minister divulged the information in a press release after a meeting economic advisors heads of the two affected ministries. PSOE, the main opposition party, called for Rajoy to appear in parliament to lay out the details of the cuts, arguing that a press release was not a suitable channel for such an announcement. The release spoke of privatisation, changes in education and healthcare and also of “better rationalisation and the elimination of duplication and greater efficiency in the running of large public services, which will be put into place this month.” The 10-billion-euro cutback is equivalent to some 10 per cent of total government

expenditure on healthcare. However, traders on Tuesday ignored the government’s latest efforts to convince the investment community that it can meet its ambitious budget deficit target for this year in a shrinking economy as Spain’s risk premium widened and stock prices fell. With a careful eye on the markets and ballooning risk premium, PSOE leader Alfredo Pérez Rubalcaba offered his party’s support for

aspects of the government’s plans for reform. “We are willing to recoup some consensus with the government,” said Rubalcaba However, a notion earlier put forward by economy minister Luis de Guindos that rich people should pay for public health services was described by Rubalcaba as “deplorable”. The PP party secretary, Carlos Floriano, later denied the government was entertaining such a plan

and said De Guindos’ words were a “personal reflection”. Neither is Rubalcaba enamoured by government plans for a fiscal amnesty for tax evaders. “It is true that we have differences and we will try to ensure that the line is not crossed in education and healthcare,” he said. The release also said Rajoy and his team had discussed the stability plan to be presented to the European Commission later this month. Chief among its aims will be to meet the deficit-reduction target of three per cent of GDP at the end of 2013 and to “reaffirm the promise of a deficit reduction in the regions to 1.5 per cent of GDP in 2012.” In the next few days the regions will be required to adapt spending forecasts to the central government 2012 budget and to marry economic-financial plans to the national macroeconomic model. The government also announced plans to speed up the sale of savings banks that are part publicly owned.

Bilbao fan’s death to be investigated after rubber bullet link El País AN investigation is to be launched following the death of a 28-year-old man in clashes that followed last week’s Europa League match between Athletic and Schalke 04 in Bilbao. Iñigo Cabacas was injured in disturbances between soccer fans and the Ertzaintza, the Basque police force, after the game last Thursday. He died in hospital on Monday from head injuries sustained during the confrontations near San Mamés stadium. The regional interior department said police became the target of bottles and other objects, prompting them to charge the crowd. Doctors believe the man was struck by a rubber bullet fired by police or fatally injured in the melee. A post mortem will confirm cause of death.

TENNIS STARS PITCH IN TO SET A NEW RECORD TWO of the world’s top tennis players, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic, are to go head-to-head in a charity match at Real Madrid’s Santiago Bernabeu stadium this summer. The grass match with a difference will take place on July 14 to raise funds for child and teenage poverty foundations. It is expected to draw an 80,000strong crowd, according to Real Madrid’s website, shattering spec-

tator records for the sport. Serena Williams and Kim Clijsters currently hold the record for the biggest tennis crowd, with 35,681 fans turning out for their 2010 exhibition match in Brussels. The match is being organised by the Realmadrid Foundation and the Rafa Nadal Foundation, with proceeds to be split between the two. Nadal is an avid Real Madrid supporter and attends as many matches as his schedule allows.


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Friday, April 13,16, 2012 Friday, December 2011

New York: Top five

The New York Motor Show is growing to become a major event on the annual show calendar - the number of important launches and announcements from the show floor are testament to that. Here are the top five New York highlights. 1. SRT Viper What’s not to like about the new SRT (not Dodge anymore) Viper? There’s 631bhp from an 8.4-litre V10 with carbon-fibre bodywork, luxury interior and seats from the same company that supplies Ferrari – this is a real American muscle car, with just a little bit of help from Dodge’s parent company Fiat. Zero to 62mph might have to be measured in gallons rather than seconds.

third row is still tight. Hyundai surprised show goers with a long-wheelbase version which has even more space.

3. BMW M6 Convertible While the SRT Viper takes a more old-school approach to performance, the new M6 Convertible is all hi-tech with a 552bhp twin turbo engine (which even features a stop-start system) and a seven-speed double-clutch gearbox. It has a 0-62mph time of 4.3 seconds, while the ugly duckling looks of the old car have been replaced with something altogether more glamorous.

2. Hyundai Santa Fe The existing Santa Fe is still a big seller, which makes replacing it a very tricky. The signs are good, though – the new model is a great looker with more space, more kit and a super efficient 2.2-litre diesel engine. There will still be a seven-seat option, although space in the

4. Jaguar F-Type This must be a first – a car that wasn’t even revealed at the show making it into the top five list. But such was the hype surrounding the reveal of the F-type name, plus the release of images of a disguised prototype, that the no-show Jaguar almost became star of the show. The most exciting part wasn’t the clever camouflage, but the sound of the engine in the preview video – spine tingling doesn’t do it justice. Even Martin Brundle was impressed.

5. Lincoln MKZ Ford’s luxury brand Lincoln revealed its latest model, the sleek new MKZ complete with a Porsche 911 Targa-style glass roof. But it wasn’t the car that caught our attention, more Lincoln’s attempts to reinvent the sales process. There’ll be a 24/7 online concierge service to help you choose and build your car, and smooth the transition from Internet to dealer. We rather like the idea of a 48 hour test drive, with Lincoln throwing in dinner for two at the same time!


Friday, April 13, 2012

31

2,000HP FORD GT SETS ACCELERATION RECORD American racing driver Sean Kennedy has broken the world acceleration record for the standing mile, reaching 257.7mph over the distance in a highly modified Ford GT supercar. A 7.6mph increase over the previous 250.1mpg record doesn’t sound like much – but at these speeds it takes a massive amount of extra power to make any gains at all. The new record was achieved during the bi-annual Texas Mile Event last month. American tuning outfit Hennessey built the record-breaking Ford GT for team owner Mark Heidaker. By replacing the standard supercharger with a pair of massive turbos, the tuner has enhanced the GT’s 5.4-litre V8 from a mere 550hp as standard to a “conservatively estimated” 2,000hp. To achieve this requires 34psi of boost and 117 octane racing fuel – not to mention some exceptionally strong engine and transmission components to withstand the resulting forces.

Just for a laugh How To Recognise A Company Car: ● They accelerate at a phenomenal rate ● They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse ● They enjoy a much shorter braking distance ● They can take bumps at twice the speed as private cars ● Oil, battery, tyre pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so much as a private car ● They have a much tighter turning radius ● The floor is shaped like an ashtray ● They do not have to be garaged at night ● They can be driven up to 150 miles with the oil warning light on ● They need cleaning less often, especially inside ● They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still in forward motion ● The tyre side walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs ● The bumpers can be used to gauge the length of the car ● Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the radio volume control

Kennedy broke the 200mph barrier from stationary by the half-mile mark – meaning it took the remaining half-mile to add that further 57.7mph. Giving you some idea how challenging additional performance becomes at these velocities. That said, the team will be looking to go faster at the next Texas Mile in October, and Kennedy is confident the Ford offers even more: “I was impressed with how hard it pulled in fourth and fifth gears on that run. I think I can do better in the lower gears next time and we can run an even better speed. “We’re coming back in October for sure. We want to go 260!” Despite being twice as powerful as a 1,001hp Bugatti Veyron, the fettled Ford cost £275,000 – just over a quarter of the Veyron’s £1 million price tag.

VW Up! wins World Car of the Year 2012

The Volkswagen Up! has been declared winner of the 2012 World Car of the Year award. The announcement was made at the 2012 New York International Auto Show. The award is voted for by an international panel of 64 motoring journalists from 25 countries. From a full-list of 34 entrants, the Up! was proclaimed the winner ahead of a final shortlist that also included the latest Porsche 911 and BMW 3 Series. It is the third time that Volkswagen has won the award. At the same time, the Porsche 911 has been named the 2012 World Performance Car of the Year, the Range Rover Evoque crowned 2012 World Car Design of the Year, and the Mercedes S250 CDI BlueEfficiency the 2012 World Green Car of the Year.


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Friday, April 13, 2012

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 11 represents V and 22 represents W, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Point to (6) 4 Stringent (6) 9 Excite (7) 10 Unfamiliar (5) 11 Large humped bovid (5) 12 Steep waterfall (7) 13 Home of Buckingham Palace (11) 18 Desert (7) 20 Social class (5) 22 Spin around (5) 23 Let go (7) 24 Ballroom dance (6) 25 Impassioned (6)

Down 1 Old and worn out (6) 2 Crossword diagrams (5) 3 Versus (7) 5 Snares (5) 6 Mimic (7) 7 Affectionate (6) 8 Extremely conservative (11) 14 Dodging (7) 15 Worldly (7) 16 Small domestic bird (6) 17 Respectable (6) 19 Dig into (5) 21 Agitate (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Mostly, 4 Laptop, 9 Syringe, 10 Recur, 11 Aisle, 12 Passive, 13 Poltergeist, 18 Attract, 20 Mecca, 22 Evoke, 23 Observe, 24 Sprite, 25 Detest. Down: 1 Mishap, 2 Sorts, 3 Lenient, 5 Acres, 6 Tactics, 7 Parcel, 8 Desperation, 14 Outdoor, 15 En masse, 16 Camels, 17 Lament, 19 Adept, 21 Curve.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Skit etc about coupons (7) 5 Search for public relations award (5) 8 Admire crumpled doilies (7) 9 Like a made up uniform (5) 10 Some bullfrog natterjacks return for a dance (5) 11 Pass four middlemen looking really laid-back (7) 12 Peter’s agitated badger (6) 14 Sir, get feral animals (6) 17 A French king, a saint and a British royal celebrate wildly (7) 19 Panto’s gone wrong; where’s the draught beer? (2,3) 22 Repatriated partly back to Wick (5) 23 Demand a rum and cola, mixed (7) 24 A way to obtain uncooked corn stalks (5) 25 Picturesque views of stage setting (7)

Down 1 Oliver’s favourite dance? (5) 2 Emblem of sovereignty that was a quarterpounder (5) 3 I depose wrong part of a serial (7) 4 Stop-start the French records for rests (6) 5 Fruit that comes in twos, by the sound of it (5) 6 An opening for funny, suntanless functionaries (7) 7 Teams of one against one (7) 12 Commandeers plagiarists (7) 13 The team captain’s butterfly (7) 15 Set apart from one very much behind time (7) 16 A scarf spoilt a row (6) 18 Cast of varying worth (5) 20 Treasure discovered in a controversial place (5) 21 Do for the politicians? (5)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Change (5) 2 Coronet (5) 3 Instalment (7) 4 Snoozes (6) 5 Edible fruits (5) 6 Opening (7) 7 Cricket teams (7) 12 Buccaneers (7) 13 Captain (7) 15 Set apart (7) 16 Disturbance (6) 18 Hurl (5) 20 Store of valuable things (5) 21 Celebration (5)

Across 1 Tokens (7) 5 Investigate (5) 8 Hero-worship (7) 9 Similar (5) 10 Ballroom dance (5) 11 Docile (7) 12 Harass (6) 14 Large feline (6) 17 Carouse (7) 19 Available for immediate use (2,3) 22 Become narrow (5) 23 Uproar (7) 24 Stalk of corn (5) 25 Landscape (7)

Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Habits, 8 Ocelot, 9 Ague, 10 American, 11 Broader, 13 Deter, 15 Begin, 17 Portray, 20 Managers, 21 Agog, 22 Recede, 23 Erased. Down: 1 Banger, 2 Aide, 3 Ashamed, 4 Coped, 5 Penitent, 6 Solace, 12 Animated, 14 Moisten, 16 Evades, 18 Anodes, 19 Level, 21 Afar.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words Pus Ibex Thereat At Rat Lest 8 letter words It Red Loom Creamery Ma Rev Lord Embossed To Tor Lost Lawgiver 3 letter words Via More Loiterer Aid 4 letter words Robe Overtime Bib Alee Sera Platelet Cob Arcs Were Scrabble Den Aver 5 letter words Sextants Doc Blip Amirs 9 letter words Duo Cert Depth Chronicle Eat Clad Steal Redheaded Eel Disc Trent Roleplays End Ears 7 letter words Spearhead Ens Emit Bedevil Pea Etch Clothes Pen Halo Grandad

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 8 El más grande (7) 9 Bone (of human, animal) (5) 10 Maíz dulce (9) 11 Ojo (3) 12 Phase (4) 13 Hijastro (7) 16 To excuse (7) 19 Which (4) 22 Grape (3) 23 Artichoke (9) 24 Neumáticos (of car, bus, bicycle) (5) 25 Oraciones (7)

Down 1 Unhurt (5) 2 Proof (evidence) (6) 3 Plumas (8) 4 Taburetes (6) 5 Delgado (flaco) (4) 6 Fiebres (6) 7 Alguien (7) 14 To listen to (8) 15 Resultados (datos resultantes) (7) 17 Four (6) 18 Receta (de cocina) (6) 20 To take in (receive) (6) 21 Goose (domestic) (5) 23 También (4)


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Friday, April 13, 2012 Across 1 What name is applied to terrestrial ecosystems characterised by poor drainage and the consequent presence most or all of the time of sluggishly moving or standing water saturating the soil? (8) 7 Which unit of electrical energy is equal to the work done when a current of one ampere passes through a resistance of one ohm for one second? (5) 8 What is the name of the arm of the North Pacific lying between NE Siberia and Alaska, bounded to the south by the Aleutian Islands? (6,3) 9 What was the first name of actress Ms Gardner, whose films include The Snows of Kilimanjaro (1952), The Barefoot Contessa (1954) Mogambo (1953) and Bhowani Junction (1956)? (3) 10 What name is given to a small stream or a shallow channel cut in the surface of soil or rocks by running water? (4) 11 According to legend, what collective name was given to the three daughters of Zeus and Hera, Aglaia (Brightness), Euphrosyne (Joyfulness), and Thalia (Bloom)? (6) 13 What name is given to the remains or impression of a prehistoric plant or animal preserved in petrified form or as a mould or cast in rock? (6) 14 See 4 Down 17 Ronald Wilson were the first names of which US president? (6) 18 What is the name of the vehicle mounted on runners and pulled by horses or dogs, for transportation over snow? (4) 20 On which river does the city of Exeter stand? (3) 22 What is the state capital and largest city of Iowa? (3,6)

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

23/21 Which Swindon-born actress once described herself as ‘the only sex symbol Britain (had) produced since Lady Godiva’? (5,4) 24 Da Doo Ron Ron and Then He Kissed Me were both British top 10 hit singles for which American girl group? (8)

Down 1 Named after a 19th century German physicist, what is the SI unit of magnetic flux? (5) 2 She’d Rather Be With Me and Elenore were both British top 10 hit singles for which US group? (7) 3 Which river in central Italy rises in the Apennines and flows through Florence and Pisa to the Ligurian Sea? (4) 4/14/19 By the Sleepy Lagoon is the theme music of which long-running radio programme? (6,6,5) 5 George who was the director of the Star Wars series of films? (5) 6 What name is given to liquid treated by having air passed or bubbled through it for purification? (7) 7 What was the title of the celebrated article on the Dreyfus affair by the French novelist, critic, and political activist Émile Zola? (7) 12 Named after the daughter of Prospero in Shakespeare’s The Tempest, which satellite of Uranus was discovered in 1948? (7) 13 Which popular American television series that ran from 1994 to 2004, featured the characters Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Ross? (7) 15 In which city were the 1996 summer Olympic Games held? (7) 16 What title was given to Roman emperors, especially those from Augustus to Hadrian? (6) 17 What was the title of Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s first British hit single, which topped the charts for five weeks in 1984? (5) 19 See 4 21 See 23 Across

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH La Vivienda – Housing

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

1. Which Boxer Of Yesteryear Was Nicknamed The Manassa Mauler? 2. If an umpire in cricket crosses his arms across his body with his hands pointing downwards, what is being signalled? 3. What Does A Black Flag Signify In Motor Racing? 4. Which Football Team Were Originally Nicknamed The Biscuitmen? 5. In 1994 Which West Indian Batsman Scored 501 Not Out In One Innings? 6. Which Boxer Had His Jaw Broken By Ken Norton In 1973? 7. Sergei Bubka From The Ukraine Is Often Regarded As The Greatest Ever Athlete In Which Field Event? 8. At which sport was Fred Perry crowned world champion in 1929? 9. What Is The Name Of The White Ball In A Game Of Bowls? 10. In American Football What Name Is Given To The Player Who Directs The Attacking Moves Of A Team? 11. On which cricket ground was the first test match in England played? 1. Jack Dempsey 2. Dead Ball 3. Driver Disqualified 4. Reading 5. Brian Lara 6. Muhammad Ali 7. Pole Vault 8. Table Tennis 9. The Jack 10. The Quarterback 11. The Oval

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Berceuse, 7 Eliza, 8 Ambergris, 9 Aft, 10 Serf, 11/14 Harold pinter, 13 Austin, 17 Bianca, 18 Kiss, 22 Chorister, 23 Anode, 24 Psaltery. Down: 1 Brass, 2 Roberts, 3 Earl, 4 Surtax, 5 Jihad, 6 Pasteur, 7 Estonia, 12 Finance, 13 Anthrax, 15 Thistle, 16 McCoys, 17 Byron, 19 Sorry, 21/20 Will Hay.

afueras

inmueble

alquilar

inquilino

arrendar

manzana

barrio

piso

chabola

piloto

chale

propietario

deber-el-alqui-

rascacielos

ler

reparar

derrumbar

vecindad

domicilio

vecinos

hipoteca

Match the English and Spanish names of fruit and vegetables. You will find the answers at the bottom of the page. l. the mortgage, 15. la chabola, 16. barrio, 1. la vecindad, 17. reparar, 18. derrumbar, m. to demolish, 2. los vecinos, n. the neighbours, 19. las afueras. 3. la manzana, o. the show home, 4. el inmueble, p. to rent out, q. the block, a. the hovel, 5. el rascacielos, r. to owe the rent, b. the address, 6. el chale, s. the owner. c. the skyscraper, 7. el piso piloto, d. the outskirts, 8. el propietario, e. the neighbourhood, 9. el inquilino, f. the district, g. to rent, 10. el domicilio, h. the detached house, 11. alquilar, 12. arrendar, i. to repair, j. the property, 13. deber-el-alquiler, k. the tenant, 14. la hipoteca, Soduko Span - Eng Quizword Fill It In Answers: 1e, 2n, 3q, 4j, 5c, 6h, 7o, 8s, 9k, 10b, 11g, 12p, 13r, 14l, 15a, 16f, 17i, 18m, 19d.

sports QUIZ

o o l h x a k r p t k u f y d n s i a v r c i e a t j d e i i o o r h e l e l p b w b a n l n s k a o c q t q a e b f m i i i h t t u i o o r r d u u u c p o e i e i n e p l a e e q e v p l l l i l d r i m r b n v u a v i a a p l a s h a l i b r p c n l h w o l d r s e j y g i a q l v c n r y e k t n a m z u o i r r a b p j n n m o n i s o l e i c a c s a r d a l d e r r u m b a r e a s m e q h g r a d n e r r a o k r c h a b o l a v y c t l e b


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Friday, April 13, 2012

Journalism student ROSIE STINSON is spending the summer in the Costa Blanca sampling the Spanish way of life - and has found a distinct difference in the way young Brits and Spaniards behave on a night out. Rosie, from Manchester, says her Spanish friends laugh at the antics of the booze-mad Brits, some of whose sole aim seems to be to drink themselves stupid, and then knock someone’s brains out. Rosie has seen it all in just a few weeks here...these are her views on the Costa Blanca night scene

IT’S PLAIN IN SPAIN - BRITS ARE INSANE I HAVE only been in Spain a few weeks and already I’ve seen multiple drunken brawls, dangerous street fights and girls who can’t even see straight. Why is it that as soon as we leave England, we feel we are invincible? I am a 21-year-old journalism student and am typically fond of a good night out. I like to go to town late, have a few drinks and a bit of a boogie. A night out in Manchester is always a good laugh but after years of going to the same places, sampling somewhere new seemed a refreshing idea. I’ve decided to spend my summer here, hoping for lots of sunshine and good nights out. I enjoy staying out till the early hours but I’m not fond of drinking until I am sick or acting like an animal. I go out, have a dance, meet new people and then head for home... I don’t like any trouble and I don’t put myself in dangerous situations. A typical night in Manchester sees girls dressed in barely anything, drinking too much and attempting to dance in sixinch heels. The majority of the men have come out for a good time with the boys - and to drink as much as they can. Some say it is the younger generations, students like us, who cause all the problems. Maybe sometimes it is, but from what I have seen the oldies are no better! You cannot go out in Manchester until you have drunk at least a bottle of wine at home so that you’re already half way there. Then, once in the club, you’re straight to the bar to spend a fortune on a round of drinks. People being sick on street corners is a regular occurrence; however, you rarely see anything dangerous. The majority get thrown into a taxi and go home. Spain is a little different... when I first arrived four weeks ago I soon became friends with a group of Spanish boys. Their idea of a good night out was completely different to mine. Firstly, their night doesn’t start until around 1am (for some reason the Spanish go out very late). They arrive at the club and go straight to the dance floor, where they laugh and joke with each other and dance together. You may catch one of them with a bottle of water in their hand...and on a special occasion, maybe even a coke. When the club closes at 4,

Battle stations: It’s the boot-iful game

THE LADY SPANISHES: Rosie chills out with some of the local boys in Cabo Roig

When we’re on holiday it’s as though we leave all our morals behind

they will be outside, still in the same state as when they arrived, and ready to go somewhere else - normally with a lady they have picked up inside. Meanwhile, the English boys are falling around the bar with their pitchers of booze before stumbling outside looking for a fight.

My Spanish friends always laugh at the English blokes who feel it necessary to try to start fights with them. They joke about the girls who are falling all over the dance floor and shouting outside. One of the boys told me he finds it hilarious how English people come out purely to get legless. He couldn’t understand why we have to drink until we are sick. I’m sure you get some Spanish who like a drink, but from what I have seen...they know when to stop and we don’t! However, I don’t think we behave the same at home as we do here. When we’re on holiday it’s as though we leave all our morals behind! Us girls are drinking even more and wearing even less... no wonder the Spanish boys come to the English bars! They know that going there means they will find a girl who won’t even need buying a drink.

Last week on the Strip south of Torrevieja, I saw one girl getting close with four different guys within a few hours. She had obviously been enjoying the cheap drinks and ended up leaving with a man she had only just met. This week it was fight time. Once the place shut it

English but having been on many nights out in England, I have never seen anything like this. So this leads me on to thinking the problems get worse when we are away. Perhaps it’s the sunshine or maybe the fact that alcohol is much cheaper. The measures here are much bigger seemed everyone wanted to and I suppose you just don’t get involved with a punch-up. realise how much you are Two boys even stripped off drinking. Having said all that, the their t-shirts for a bout of fisticuffs. Blood was flying as atmosphere in a bar in Spain they hit each other, whilst is still friendly and fun and their friends stood and although there may be fights laughed. One man even later on and people drinking thought it was fun to act as too much, I still keep going. And I always have a good referee. time! All the guys involved were

Out on the town in Manchester


35

Friday, April 13, 2012

TRELI ON THE TELLY Benidorm fun flame needs to be Litten! BENIDORM wrapped up series five last Friday with the well-trodden tale of mistaking who the hotel inspector might be. We’ve been there before, of course - Fawlty Towers played that particular card to hysterical effect 40 years ago! But the fun in ITV1’s Benidorm was Kate O’Mara playing a novelist who’s mistaken for the inspector and steals the show with her deadpan expressions amid the chaos all around her. It’s the highlight of what was sadly a mediocre hour, penned by the creator Derren Litten. It’s been a very uneven series, with poor episodes mixed in with some good ones - notably those written by Steve Pemberton, who should be asked to script the

with ALEX TRELINSKI whole of the next series. Bringing in Sherrie Hewson as hotel manager Joyce was a very good move, and Sheila Reid as Madge has always been great value. There’s no doubt that Benidorm will be back with its big ratings, and the viewers, including yours truly, are very loyal to it. But it can be so much better and funnier with

Sherrie Hewson: Very good move to bring her into Benidorm cast

“THE Decoy Bride” is a romantic comedy, and as with most such films, what it lacks in breaking new ground is made up for in humour, warmth, and the charm of the actors, all of whom have decent onscreen chemistry. Two characters are established during their own opening segments. The first is Katie Nic Aodh (Kelly MacDonald). She returns to her home village, the isolated island of Hegg, after a disastrous breakup with her fiancé. The second character is James Arber (David Tennant), who has never been to Hegg but has somehow written a best-

a consistent standard of writing and, dare I say it, a return to the old half-hour format. A belated mention of an early-evening treat which finished last week. For 45 years, the panel show Just a Minute has been a regular fixture on Radio 4 - and for a fortnight, BBC2 ran a TV version hosted by Nicholas Parsons. Parsons, who unbelievably is aged 88, was in terrific form holding it all together, and Paul Merton, as the panel regular, was miles funnier than in his appearances on Have I Got News for You. It also showed that you can a run a panel game with intelligent guests and no Zlist celebrities, and produce a sparking 30 minutes of entertainment. The BBC would be crazy not to order another run. Just as crazy is why Des O’Connor, a spring chicken at 80, has no regular TV slot. At least ITV 1 gave him a primetime special on Easter Day to celebrate his half century in show-business, and it was very enjoyable. The guy is still at the top of his game bring back his chat show with Mel Sykes, I say! Perhaps I’m just getting old in the tooth, but ITV seem to prefer using talentless fodder like Leigh Francis as his irritating character Keith Lemon. Up he popped on Saturday to front a new piece of amateurish twaddle called Lemonaid. I do happily concede, though, that Lemon is an acquired taste. A vile one. Meanwhile, I question Cilla

Black’s mental state for agreeing to appear on the first show. Our Cilla can’t be that desperate for money, surely? A bit of sad television history tomorrow as the BBC televises the Grand National for the last time, ending a 53-year run since TV cameras were first allowed at Aintree in 1960. I’m sure the ever-professional Clare Balding will anchor the broadcast brilliantly, but from next year, the BBC will have no more horse racing. A new contract takes everything, including The Derby and Royal Ascot, to Channel Four (and probably Clare Balding as well!). This news is just another devastating blow to the BBC’s beleaguered Sports Department, who are still fuming over their ridiculous move to Salford from Television Centre in London. The Beeb is losing events left, right and centre. This is the last season of live Championship and Carling Cup football, and no decision has yet been made over the Football League Show. The Paralympics in September will be on Channel Four, and not on the BBC, which also didn’t have the World Athletics Championships this year. A new golf contract means that barring The Open, and just two days of the Masters, there’s no other live action from the greens of

THE DECOY BRIDE 12 selling book about it – one that the locals hate for its glaring inaccuracies. He’s engaged to Lara Tyler (Alice Eve), the world’s most famous actress. Her dreams of settling down with James are repeatedly thwarted by the paparazzi, especially Marco Bellani (Frederico Castelluccio),

who’s a bit on the obsessive side. Every time James and Lara try to have a wedding ceremony, the press always gets wind of it and turns it into a media spectacle. Desperate to marry in peace, the couple travel to Hegg, which is remote enough that no one, not even Bellani,

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should be able to find them. Of course, it wouldn’t be a comedy if everything went smoothly. For some inexplicable reason, Bellani tracks Lara down, who then goes into hiding. This sends her publicity and makeup teams into a frenzy. Her sassy, high strung agent, Steve (Michael Urie), devises a plan: Hire a decoy bride and make the press think the wedding has taken place. When they leave, the real ceremony can be performed. Here enters Katie, who has been recruited to

Keith Lemon: Amateurish twaddle

Europe and the World. The BBC only screened truncated coverage of the Australian Open Tennis in January, and has lost the rights to next month’s French Open in Paris. It also has no Davis Cup matches these days. Formula One live transmissions have been slashed, and the BBC’s access to live Rugby League Challenge Cup games halved in a new contract with the game’s authorities. There’s a lot more I could mention, but what’s really annoyed me is that viewers have belatedly started to complain to the BBC in their droves, notably over F1, and blaming them for everything. But they’ve missed the whole point. It’s the fault of the government. They gave the be Lara’s standin. Needless to say, neither she nor James is thrilled with the idea. It doesn’t take a great leap of imagination to see where this is going. But even the most predictable films can work with a likeable cast. “The Decoy Bride” is by no means original, but I have to give it credit. It works well with what little it has.

world’s greatest public broadcaster such a pathetic and politically motivated licence fee settlement that the chickens are now coming home to roost with, surprise, surprise, Rupert Murdoch and BSKYB the main winner. Wasn’t Pudsey the dog an absolute star on Britain’s Got Talent on ITV1? Is it me, but after the choir and the young opera singer on the first show, we’ve had little to get the pulses racing - until Pudsey made his appearance. The viewers might be thinking the same, as The Voice achieved the unthinkable last Saturday by easily beating BGT in the direct head-to-head ratings… by some four million households!


36

Friday April 13 00:20 The Story of the Turban 01:00 View from the Top 02:25 Holiday Weatherview 02:30 Countryfile 03:30 Antiques Roadshow 04:30 Antiques Road Trip 05:15 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Animal 24:7 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Horrible Histories 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 All Over the Place 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Would I Lie to You? 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Not Going Out 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 01:20 02:05 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:15

Modern Spies Medium Medium Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Close

07:00 Harry and Toto 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:25 Dipdap 11:40 64 Zoo Lane 11:55 Waybuloo 12:15 In the Night Garden 12:45 The Big Sky 14:45 Racing from Aintree 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Brick by Brick: Rebuilding Our Past 23:00 Twenty Twelve 23:30 Newsnight

01:00 The Zone 03:00 Tonight 03:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 The Great British Taste Tour 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Poms in Paradise 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Charlie Wilson's War

00:05 The Inbetweeners 00:40 Random Acts 00:45 Embarrassing Bodies 01:45 The Undateables 02:45 One Born Every Minute 03:40 Damien Hirst: Thoughts, Work, Life 04:25 The Bible: A History 05:20 Time Team 06:15 Countdown 07:00 Sali Mali 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 11:30 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Undercover Boss USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Quick Bakes with Eric Lanlard 13:25 Topaz 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:35 Rude Tube

PIERS MORGANS LIFE STORIES New series. The Coronation Street star discusses his TV character Ken Barlow, a role that has made him the longest-serving soap actor in history, and reveals to Piers that his personal life has been just as dramatic as his on-screen storylines. He talks about his womanising and drinking, the court case that made him bankrupt and the deaths of his baby daughter and his second wife.

Horoscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 xChanging your lifestyle and underwear are always a good start. Wake up, wash your face, change your pants. Life needs a good "start" routine, make this YOURS. Jumping up and down is great fun and encouraging others to do so is a fine way to make friends and see wobbling breasts. Act daft today, help people close to you smile, and feel the healing power of laughter.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Hair can be red. Hair can be blue. You have some hair. And I have some too. The perceived wisdom of freaks will today begin to all-of-a-sudden make a great deal of sense. There a lots of sweet delights in the air today, especially if a trip to the sweet shop is in the offing. And if not, well, it might not be quite so true.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 The words you use to describe yourself may have to be revised today, after suffering what can only be described as "hell". All for which you have fought will be lost if you cannot control your anger. Wise words which may be applicable. It probably seems unreal right now, but you are likely to meet a long-lost relative over the coming month or so.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Open all boxes with caution today. Some boxes may contain deadly surprises and traps. Opportunity is waiting round every corner. All you've got to do is catch up with him, put him in a big box and beat him with big sticks. If you think you've got problems today, just wait until tomorrow! Ensure your blood stays within your system today.

00:30 Nature Shock: The Seal Ripper 01:35 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Nick's Quest 06:35 Nick's Quest 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Monkey 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Rory and Paddy's Even Greater British Adventure 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Trial by Fire 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Castle 23:55 Law & Order: Criminal Intent

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 Please remember today that most of your god-like powers have been taken from you in order to make you a better demigod. And this was what was written in a sandwich in Mexico. Strangeness, huh? You might feel "world weary", but the truth of it is that you don't do anything worthwhile. This week may be a good opportunity for you to change that.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Cysts are a sign of overworking as much as anything else. Relax today whilst a loved one lances your soppiest boils. In other countries, how you'll feel about this afternoon could get you arrested and shot... at dawn, without a blindfold, and with a stinging sensation in the groin especially if your name is Kim.

Libra September 23 - October 22 If some things start to appear impossible, it may be time to invent robots. Although danger is never far away, you may have an exhilirating time in the coming days. Although you have been getting gradually more and more tired over the last few days, you'll find new energy this weekend.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Homeopathic treatments are not generally carried out by psychopathic people. I'm not entirely sure you know that the 'pathic' part of those two words doesn't mean that they're related. You may think later this month that your computer has been hacked by some 12 year old American girl. However, you will soon come to realise that actually a family pet has chewed through the cord of your mouse.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 There are definitely drawbacks to all your best laid plans. Be aware that today might not be your lucky day. The randomness of the universe may affect you today as you search for meaning in a cornflake that looks like your nose. Speeling mestakes are'nt god. The only conspiracy theory you need to worry about is the one that involves you. You knew about that conspiracy, right? Oh....dear...God.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Your choice of reading material is starting to swerve dangerously into the "blue" section. Destiny is more like a buzz-word than something you'll ever have to think about. Beware of people offering free screensavers. Bread, lightly cooked, buttered. This horoscope was sponsored by Toast.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 If you don't claim that free holiday, you'll never win it. Today will seem like a good day for disregarding advice concerning things that are generally considered to be bad for you. Drunken idiots are usually a good way of entertaining yourself whilst you're waiting for public transport. All the best plans go awry, so please make sure you're ready for any surprises.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Cats are your "animal of the day", which is a new one on us. We always thought cats were the evil creatures who sit on other people's doorsteps and hiss at you when you walk past. I mean, don't get us wrong, we like cats but there are some that just "ain't right" - you know, the ones that stare at you as though staring at fourth-rate scum on an armadillo's backside.


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Saturday April 14 00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 The Matt Lucas Awards 01:05 EastEnders 03:00 Weatherview 03:05 Natural World 04:05 Ken Russell: A Bit of a Devil 04:55 Britain's First Photo Album 05:25 On the Road With 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Formula One 09:30 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 The Grand National 18:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:25 WALL-E 20:00 The Voice UK 21:20 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 22:10 Casualty 23:00 BBC News; Weather 23:20 National Lottery Update 23:20 Match of the Day

00:00 00:45 00:50 02:35 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:30

The Review Show Weather Down in the Valley Yella BBC News Click Newswatch BBC News Close

07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Extreme Animals 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:40 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:05 Diddy Dick & Dom 09:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 10:00 The Slammer 10:30 The Ministry of Curious Stuff 11:00 Animals at Work 11:35 Splatalot 12:00 Copycats 12:25 OOglies 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 Escape to the Country 14:00 Formula One 15:15 PT 109 17:30 Final Score 18:15 Live Challenge Cup Rugby League 20:30 Flog It! 21:00 Dad's Army 21:30 Titanic: A Commemoration in Music and Film 23:00 QI XL 23:45 The Sarah Millican Television Programme

01:25 The Zone 01:25 ITV News Headlines 03:30 A Home at the End of the World 05:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 Saturday Cookbook 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12:20 The Real Housewives of New York City 13:15 Murder, She Wrote 14:15 ITV News and Weather 14:24 Meridian Weather 14:25 Curly Sue 16:20 Nim's Island 18:05 Meridian News and Weather 18:15 ITV News and Weather 18:30 FA Cup Football Highlights 19:15 Keith Lemon's LemonAid 20:00 All Star Family Fortunes 21:00 Britain's Got Talent 22:15 The Cube 23:15 Fast & Furious

00:35 The Mad Bad Ad Show 01:25 The Beach 03:25 Random Acts 03:30 Mesh 03:35 Stonehouse Reunion 03:40 My Name Is Earl 04:00 Franklin & Bash 04:45 St Elsewhere 05:30 Privileged 06:10 Countdown 06:55 Sali Mali 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 The Grid 08:30 British F3 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 The TV Book Club 10:30 Koko Pop 11:00 Made in Chelsea 12:00 Charlie's Angels 12:55 The Big Bang Theory 13:25 The Big Bang Theory 13:55 The Big Bang Theory 14:25 The Simpsons 14:55 Channel 4 Racing 16:35 Channel 4 Presents Danielle Brown 2012 16:40 The Addams Family 18:45 Come Dine with Me 19:45 Channel 4 News 20:15 4thought.tv 20:20 Deal or No Deal 21:15 The Sinking of the Concordia: Caught on Camera 22:15 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:50 Walk the Line

THE CUBE Paramedic Alan and fitness expert Jodie take part in the game show, aiming to complete tasks within the confines of the cube to win a jackpot of ÂŁ250,000. Each player has nine lives and must complete up to seven challenges, ranging from agility tests to skill trials. Phillip Schofield presents.

00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Motorsport Mundial 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Nick's Quest 06:35 Nick's Quest 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 City of Friends 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Igam Ogam 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Family! 08:35 Make Way for Noddy 08:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:55 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:50 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Battleship: Movie Special 11:30 Ultimate Police Interceptors 12:30 The True Story 13:30 The Perfect Storm 15:55 Titanic 19:15 5 News Weekend 19:20 NCIS 20:10 NCIS 21:00 CSI: Miami 22:00 CSI: NY 23:00 Live International Boxing

Celebrate St Georges Day at Moncayo The popular Moncayo International market is hosting another 2 day extravaganza to celebrate the often forgotten about British St Georges day. Preparations are well underway to make this day extra special and there will be entertainment for all ages throughout the 2 days. The plans include a horse and carriage display, Spanish Dancing Horses, live music and much much more. Vibe FM will be providing music together with live artists and there will also be a Craft fair held alongside the normal market and the resale market. The organisers are looking to provide a medieval theme to the event and are therefore, looking for entertainers and organisations who can provide assistance with this such as Morris Dancers,

Medieval Stocks, and Court Jesters etc. Charity organisations are also invited to take part if they wish to join in the fun and at the same time raise funds for their causes. There is ample free parking and plenty of watering holes for when you want to sit and soak up

the ambience of the day and of course the Procomobel Home Centre including the Iron Art Factory Outlet garden furniture display will be open on both days providing you with the whole shopping experience. Put the date in your diary and come along and support what promises to be a fun packed celebration and don’t forget your St Georges day flags. Anyone requiring any further information should contact Paul on 660 249 876.


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Sunday April 15 00:25 The Football League Show 01:45 Weatherview 01:50 Reporters 02:00 BBC News 02:30 The Bottom Line 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Dateline London 04:00 BBC News 04:30 British Olympic Dreams 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 08:00 Formula One 11:15 The Big Questions 12:15 Escape to the Country 13:00 Sunday Politics 14:05 Bargain Hunt 14:50 Human Planet 15:50 Formula One 17:50 A Question of Sport 18:20 Songs of Praise 19:05 Titanic with Len Goodman

00:15 TOTP2 01:15 Grand National Highlights 01:45 Homicide 03:25 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Extreme Animals 08:30 The Scooby-Doo Show 08:50 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 Flog It! 13:15 Great British Menu 13:45 The Magnificent Showman 16:00 A Night to Remember 18:00 Sandhurst 19:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 20:00 Formula One 21:00 Top Gear 22:00 This World 23:00 Match of the Day 2 23:50 Football Focus Special: When Noel Met Mario

00:05 00:19 00:20 01:30 04:00 04:45 06:30 07:00 08:25 09:25 10:25 10:30 11:25 12:25 13:25 13:34 13:35 14:50 15:05 15:35 17:30 18:00 18:15 18:30 21:00 Essex 22:00 23:00

ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather Fast & Furious ITV News Headlines In Plain Sight ITV Nightscreen ITV Morning News Mini CITV CITV Dinner Date ITV News Ade in Britain May the Best House Win Long Lost Family ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather Britain's Got Talent The Planet's Funniest Animals The Planet's Funniest Animals Columbo: Undercover You've Been Framed! Meridian News and Weather ITV News and Weather Live FA Cup Football The Big Quiz - Benidorm v Titanic Words of the Titanic

MARLEY AND ME

19:35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

Comedy drama based on a true story, starring Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson. Following their wedding, John Grogan buys his wife Jenny a cute, but irrepressible labrador puppy called Marley, little realising that their lives will never be quite the same again...

02:20 William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet 04:15 Atlantic 04:20 Franklin & Bash 05:05 St Elsewhere 05:50 Privileged 06:30 Countdown 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Road to London 2012: That Paralympic Show 08:35 Channel 4 Presents 08:40 Sailing 09:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Sunday Brunch 13:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:30 The Big Bang Theory 14:00 The Simpsons 14:30 The Simpsons 15:05 Love Happens 17:10 Saving the Titanic 19:10 Channel 4 News 19:40 4thought.tv 19:45 Marley & Me 22:00 Homeland 23:00 The Last Exorcism

00:30 World Title MMA: Kong v Ninja 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Great Scientists 05:20 Great Artists 05:45 Rough Guide to Journeys 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 City of Friends 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Igam Ogam 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:15 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Family! 08:35 Make Way for Noddy 08:45 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:50 Olivia 09:05 Little Princess 09:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 09:55 Milkshake! Monkey 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Making the Magic: Disneyland Paris - 20th Anniversary 11:30 Animal Rescue Squad 11:45 Grey's Anatomy 12:40 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 13:40 Inside the Titanic 15:45 Pooh's Heffalump Movie 17:00 Toy Story 2 18:55 5 News Weekend 19:00 Practical Magic 21:00 Once Upon a Time 22:00 The Patriot


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Monday April 16 00:10 Witness to Auschwitz 00:40 Lady in the Water 02:20 Weatherview 02:25 Empire 03:25 Holby City 04:25 Nature's Weirdest Events 05:25 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Incredible Edibles 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 All Over the Place 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 00:50 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:30 07:00 07:10 07:20 07:35

Twenty Twelve Lone Star Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Close Wibbly Pig Lunar Jim Timmy Time Chuggington

07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Nature's Top 40 14:30 Instant Restaurant 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Chaplains: Angels of Mersey 21:30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 22:00 The 70s 23:00 Sounds of the 70s 2 23:30 Weather

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:14 Meridian Weather 00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 01:10 ITV News Headlines 03:15 British Superbike Championship Highlights 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 The Great British Taste Tour 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Dales 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Scott & Bailey 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Agenda

RAMSAY’S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES USA Chef Gordon Ramsay visits family-run Luigi's in Orange County, California, where lazy shortcuts following the retirement of the owner's father have led the business to suffer. Ramsay faces the daunting task of reuniting a feuding family, before turning around the struggling restaurant, which currently has 126 dishes on the menu.

00:45 The Hills Have Eyes 02:45 Facejacker 03:10 Hit the Road Jack 03:55 Comedy Lab 04:25 Hollyoaks 06:30 Countdown 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss 11:00 Mary Portas: Secret Shopper 12:00 Secret Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 River Cottage 13:35 The Food Hospital 14:35 20 Million Miles to Earth 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Inside Nature's Giants 22:00 Embarrassing Bodies 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

01:05 America's Planned War on Britain: Revealed 02:05 SuperCasino 05:00 The FBI Files 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:55 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Rory and Paddy's Even Greater British Adventure 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Mentalist 16:15 At Risk 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cowboy Traders 21:00 Police Interceptors 22:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 23:00 10 Things I Hate About


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Tuesday April 17 00:05 Late Kick Off 00:35 The Graham Norton Show 01:20 Weatherview 01:25 The Culture Show 02:25 Britain's Favourite Supermarket Foods 03:25 To Boldly Go 04:25 Antiques Road Trip 05:10 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Incredible Edibles 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 All Over the Place 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Syndicate 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Matt Lucas Awards

00:20 01:20 01:30 02:00 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 06:00 07:00 07:10

This World BBC News HARDtalk Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Schools - Your Paintings Schools - Counting with Rodd Wibbly Pig Lunar Jim

07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Nature's Top 40 14:30 Instant Restaurant 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 22:00 Meet the Romans with Mary Beard 23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather

00:05 The Mighty Mississippi with Trevor McDonald 01:05 The Zone 03:15 Champions League Weekly 03:45 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 The Great British Taste Tour 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Countrywise Kitchen 21:00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Celebrity 22:00 The Mighty Mississippi with Trevor McDonald 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Big Quiz - Benidorm v Essex

MEET THE ROMANS WITH MARY BEARD Professor Mary Beard takes a fresh look at the history of the ancient city, putting aside the bloody stories of emperors and armies to learn about the ordinary Roman on the street. Her travels take her from the Via Appia roadway, originally built in 312 BC, to the Colosseum and Monte Testaccio, an artificial hill made of broken crockery.

01:05 Good Morning, Vietnam 03:20 Franklin & Bash 04:00 A Walk in the Clouds 05:40 St Elsewhere 06:30 Privileged 07:10 Sali Mali 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss 11:00 Mary Portas: Secret Shopper 12:00 Secret Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday 13:05 River Cottage 13:35 The Food Hospital 14:30 Gun Fury 16:05 Channel 4 Presents 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 22:00 The Undateables 23:00 Facejacker 23:30 Hit the Road Jack 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 22:00 Meet the Romans with Mary Beard 23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather

00:00 Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Nick's Quest 06:35 Great Scientists 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:55 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Rory and Paddy's Even Greater British Adventure 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 Mystery Woman: Game Time 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 21:00 Rory McGrath's Pub Dig 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY


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Wednesday April 18 00:10 Kevin Bridges: What's the Story? 00:40 The Estate 01:10 Underclassman 02:40 Weatherview 02:45 The Apprentice 03:45 Antiques Road Trip 04:30 Britain's First Photo Album 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Incredible Edibles 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 All Over the Place 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 2012 Olympic Games - 100 Days to Go

00:20 01:20 01:30 02:00 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45

The 70s BBC News HARDtalk Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today

05:00 Schools - Curious Cat: Wool, Glass Paper 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 See Hear 14:30 Instant Restaurant 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Our Food 22:00 Divine Women 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 23:30 Weather

00:35 Ladette to Lady: Australia 01:30 ITV News Headlines 04:00 Crossing Jordan 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 The Great British Taste Tour 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

ELIZABETH TAYLOR: AUCTION OF A LIFETIME An exploration of the actress's life through some of her most treasured possessions as they are sold at auction in London and New York, in some cases for 50 times their pre-sale estimates. The documentary provides an insight into the star's love of jewellery and diamonds and her tumultuous lifestyle offscreen.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Desperate Housewives 01:05 Poker 02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:30 Sailing 03:00 British F3 03:25 FIA GT Championship 04:20 That Paralympic Show 04:45 Road to London 2012: Paralympics Extra 05:40 Brief Encounters of the Sporting Mind: Kickboxing 05:50 Freesports on 4 06:15 Full Metal Challenge 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss USA 11:00 SuperScrimpers 12:00 Secret Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 River Cottage 13:35 The Food Hospital 14:35 7th Cavalry 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Four Rooms 22:00 Elizabeth Taylor: Auction of a Lifetime 23:35 The Big Bang Theory

00:00 CSI: Miami 00:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Great Scientists 06:35 Great Scientists 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Rory and Paddy's Even Greater British Adventure 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:20 The Front 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Cowboy Traders 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit


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Thursday April 19 00:45 01:50 02:20 03:20 04:20 05:05 05:30 06:00 06:30 06:45 07:00 10:15 11:00 11:58 12:00 12:45 13:13 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:05 16:35 17:00 17:30 18:00 18:15 19:00 19:30 19:55 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

The Syndicate See Hear Watchdog Nature's Weirdest Events Antiques Road Trip Newsday Panorama BBC News World Business Report BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer BBC News; Weather Don't Get Done, Get Dom Cash in the Attic BBC News; Weather Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Escape to the Country BBC News; Weather Incredible Edibles Diddy Dick & Dom All Over the Place The Owl Newsround Pointless BBC News Regional News Programmes Party Election Broadcast The One Show BBC News; Regional News Watchdog New Tricks BBC News Regional News and Weather Question Time

00:20 Storyville 02:10 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Schools - Make a Musical 06:00 Schools - Music, Mud and Making Money 06:30 Schools - Making Media 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim

07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Nature's Top 40 14:30 Instant Restaurant 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Two Greedy Italians 22:00 Louis Theroux: Extreme Love 23:00 Grandma's House 23:30 Weather

00:35 Total Emergency 01:30 ITV News Headlines 03:30 British Touring Car Championship 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 The Great British Taste Tour 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Long Lost Family 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight r 23:35 Piers Morgan's Life Stories

TWO GREEDY ITALIANS Antonio Carluccio and Gennaro Contaldo return to Italy, where they continue their culinary journey. They begin in the southern region of Calabria, where they reminisce about their favourite childhood meals. Antonio reveals the secret of his hot packed-lunches while Gennaro shares his memories of the ritual pig kill. Featuring recipes for orzotto - a pork and pearl barley risotto - fish stew, and rice cake flavoured with orange.

00:05 The Big Bang Theory 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:20 Florence and the Machine: The Ceremonial Live from Hackney Empire 01:55 The Album Chart Show 02:10 4Play 02:25 Spiritualized 02:40 4Play 02:45 Ibiza Rocks 03:10 Live from Abbey Road 03:55 Concrete Circus 05:20 The Silent City 05:30 Mesh: The Wrong Turn 05:35 Privileged 06:15 Countdown 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Channel 4 Presents 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss USA 11:00 SuperScrimpers 12:00 Secret Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 River Cottage 13:35 Location, Location, Location 14:35 The Lavender Hill Mob 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Get Your House in Order 22:00 9/11: The Lost Tapes 23:00 Extreme A&E

00:55 Poker: The Big Game 01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:40 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:05 Great Scientists 06:35 Great Scientists 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Extreme Fishing with Robson Green 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Amish Grace 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 19:55 Holiday Heaven on Earth 20:25 5 News Update 20:25 Ultimate Police Interceptors 20:55 Live UEFA Europa League Football 23:05 Inferno


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Friday, April 13, 2012

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46

Friday, April 13, 2012

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

UNBELIEVABLE BUBBA SWINGS NEW TUNE

IT WAS being billed as the most eagerly anticipated Masters for years.

PLANNED MASTER: Watson tames Augusta

The form of the top contenders as they prepared to drive down Magnolia Lane pointed to an enthralling shoot-out between the biggest names in golf, but it never got that close, even the hype around Tiger Woods ended as nothing more than a whimper. The 2012 Masters has a new champion we can associate with. Well, as some of our swings and errant ball trajectory are concerned, the biggest difference is that we can never find our ball, let alone hook it to within 12 feet of the pin from a lie that is more suited to goat grazing than golf. The thing that stood out for question was when Bubba Watson hit his ball into the trees; he did it in normal play as well as on the 10th in the play-off, so why did Louis Oosthuizen do the same instead of capitalising on the error? Oosthuizen came across as a real gentleman, it was nice to see him smiling and enjoying himself. Nothing irritates me more than sportsman, the envy of so many people, looking miserable at their work. They should spend a couple of days as refuse collectors or bus drivers and realise how lucky they are, even when they don't win! Of course, with Bubba winning the Masters in such a fashion, golf coaches will now be inundated with requests for them to teach a ‘Bubba Swing’. But what did it take to win the 2012 Masters? ‘Bubba’ golf is what the new champ calls his unique approach. Watson left the Augusta National with no need to break into his prize money to pay a coach because, famously, he claims never to have received a golf lesson. “My caddie has always called it Bubba golf,’’ he explained. “I just play the game, the game that I love.’’ And truthfully, it's like the game Seve Ballesteros played. He hit shots that were unbelievable. “Phil Mickelson goes for broke and that's why he wins so many times,’’ Watson added, explaining the philosophy that enabled him to hook a wedge 40 yards right from the trees to win the sec-

FITTING FINISH: Bubba Watson receives his Green Jacket from last year’s winner Charl Schwartzel

ond sudden-death hole against Oosthuizen. A green jacket adorns Watson's shoulders because we can now say with certainty that Golf is good enough to win major titles. The American left hander's philosophy goes against the more scientific approach so many of the leading professionals follow. Each to their own, of course, but when you think world No.1 Luke Donald has a coach in Dave Alred who specialises in teaching his pupils how to practise - never mind play - and you can see the other end of the spectrum. Donald was part of a disappointing UK contingent that failed to live up to the pre-tournament hype their early season form had warranted. He, along with No.2

ranked Rory McIlroy, had a Masters to forget. The Englishman will wonder what more he has to do to ensure he peaks for the majors because he has yet to find a way to make ‘Donald Golf’ capable of challenging for the game's biggest prizes. McIlroy's policy of taking three weeks off beforehand also looks questionable. Yes, it worked last year because he made a flying start to the Masters but he looked rusty when he tried it again for the 2011 Open. Rory was firmly in contention at the halfway stage at Augusta but his thirdround capitulation suggested something was lacking in his preparation and that may have been too little competitive golf in the run-up to the

year's first major. But the home player who intrigues more than any other is Lee Westwood. Yet another top three Major finish shows that he can compete as well as anyone. But he left the Masters probably more frustrated than any other player taking part. If he could have putted even reasonably well he would have won the tournament by a street. He finished tied third, only two strokes out of the play-off, yet only three other players took more putts than the Englishman over the full 72 holes. “The story of the week is you have got to putt well to win the Masters and I haven't putted well," Westwood said after coming home in 32 for a

TITTER ON THE TEE I WAS at the golf shop the other week, when a lady walked in and started to compare different kinds of golf balls. She said she was unhappy with the women's type she had been using. After browsing for several minutes, she was

approached by one of the good-looking young gentlemen who works at the shop. He asked if he could help. Without thinking, she looked at him and said, “I think I like playing with men's balls.’’

closing round of 68. Of course he is correct, but only to an extent. The danger Westwood faces going forward is the fear that only excellent putting can win you a Major, thereby loading yet more pressure on the most fallible part of his game. If he goes down that path, it could finish his chances of ever lifting a Major - and there is no need for him to think in that way. Different players have different strengths and Westwood’s lies in his golf from tee to green. That's where he beats the field and it means that actually pretty ordinary putting can suffice. At this Masters, he had four three-putts. During the third round he missed from 14 inches on the ninth green and in the final round, missed from two feet at the third. Eliminating those two errors would have put him in the play-off. He hit 58 out of 72 greens in regulation - only Matt Kuchar matched the European Ryder Cup star in this regard. So Westwood has to play to his strengths and accept that a fair proportion of the birdie chances he creates will miss. Instead of letting himself think that his opponents are all sinking such chances (they aren't) and allowing his confidence to be undermined, he needs to take a different approach. He has to believe that his strengths are good enough. I suspect that if he can do that, the silly misses that killed him at Augusta would be eliminated. Certainly his assets are best suited to the US Open and he has been tipped for success at the next Major at the Olympic Club in San Francisco. I agree because, even though the Englishman was the most disappointed figure leaving the Masters, he has to believe that ‘Westwood Golf’ is good enough to win a Major. Then he can end his wait at the 57th attempt.

And now no word from our sponsors

THE 2011 English Open was cancelled amid growing concerns over the viability of professional golf tournaments in England. Organisers were unable to raise the £2m sponsorship needed to hold last August’s event at St Mellion. Over the past two years £20m has been invested in upgrading the St Mellion course and facilities. But Stephen Towers, resort director at St Mellion, says: “We'd needed a headline sponsor to bring in over £1m to stage this event. So going out there and finding sponsorship, we're looking at the high-end blue-chip companies. But a lot are involved in Olympic sponsorship and many others are curtailing their spending with the current economic times.’’ The economic benefits of staging a pro golf tournament are substantial – the 2010 Ryder Cup at Celtic Manor brought in £84.5m to the Welsh economy. But sponsors are unwilling to take the initial step, despite the potential rewards. It’s a reflection of the trend we're seeing in European golf at the moment. I personally have experienced this in trying to get the PGA EuroPro Tour to Spain. I was requested by the PGA of Europe to arrange a Winter Series Tour here - but although courses are interested, sponsors were not. It's not going to turn around until companies recognise that golf can provide the impetus through sponsorship to grow their business.


47

Friday, April 13, 2012

WIG WHAM BAM! United derailed by load of Maloney – but bank on City to blow it again

SOME people thought it was all over. Well, it may still be but the latest round of results in the Premier League at least means the title race remains alive for a bit longer yet. I just wonder which referee or assistant will be held Brom. While that other bad boy Mario responsible for making or not making the decision that deter- Balotelli looked on from a private box high mines where the title will end up. in the stands, Tevez did a lot to redeem Everyone from players, managers and now even com- himself for his mentators seems to want to be the referee and can't wait to m i s d e point out or highlight where they went wrong. meanours Not a match goes by now without some poor official being by pulling brought to book over something that might have been. Why the strings can't people accept that the referShaun Maloney...invaluable goal ee is the only one who makes for Wigan against Man United the decisions and, right or wrong, we have to abide by them. That's what the game is all about. If we didn't and demanded replays for every wrong call made, the season would be never ending and nobody would win anything or be promoted or relegated. Manchester City took full advantage of Manchester and scorUnited's surprising defeat by Roberto Martinez’s Wigan to ing a goal in hammer West Brom and give themselves a new glimmer of the emphatic 4-0 hope. But City are City and they will be beaten again, prob- victory. ably at Norwich this weekend and again by Newcastle The question has United. Meanwhile, United must guard against complacency already been asked. What and get back on the winning trail if they are to avoid a win- would have happened if ner-takes-all confrontation with their neighbours at the Tevez had behaved himself Etihad at the end of the month. and not tried to hold the club to No excuses for United at Wigan, where a lone goal from ransom? We will never know but Shaun Maloney decided it. No, not even the two alleged one thing is for sure, he is going to penalties they were denied. They were beaten by a better have a big say in whether City can team on the night and deserved what they got. Nothing. go on to loosen United's grip on the They should have gone for the jugular and laid even Premier League trophy and bring that stronger claims to that 20th title. Now they must dig deep long-awaited success to the other half into their reserves of experience and ability to make sure it of Manchester. doesn't happen again and avoid an end-of-season embarCity manager Roberto Mancini rassment that would have their noisy neighbours laughing seems to think it is still all over. He long and loud at their demise. claims he didn't even know that United Carlos Tevez was the key to City's annihilation of West were playing on Wednesday night and

says the title is theirs. Methinks he is taking a leaf out of his cross-city rival's book and attempting some subtle mind games in a bid to undermine Fergie and United. They do need all the help they can get and City definitely needs to be singing off the same songsheet for these vital last few games. That's why I don't think we will see Balotelli playing a major part, if any, from here on in unless City run into serious injury and suspension problems. Elsewhere, Liverpool revived themselves at the right time for their FA Cup semi-final and a bid to land a second trophy in what has been a season of failure in many people's eyes for them. Arsenal continue to shine but it's going to be a case of too little too late for them and they will have to settle for a Champions League place. Tottenham's preparations for their semi-final against Chelsea, and a bid for a Champions League spot, were dealt a big blow with that 2-1 home defeat to Norwich while Newcastle continued to turn the screw as they saw off relegation-threatened Bolton's challenge with a 2-0 win. QPR gave themselves some hope as they claimed three precious points and took the shine off Swansea's earlier run of outstanding form with a 3-0 win. But the Swans and Norwich can be proud of the fact that only one of the newlypromoted teams is involved in the relegation battle this season. And while Wigan's recent revival has won them many plaudits with victories over Liverpool and Man United, plus a close-run affair with Chelsea, there is no escaping the fact that they are once again involved in a relegation scrap and their luck has got to run out sometime. Looking round the empty seats at the DW Stadium on Wednesday night, I couldn't help thinking that the Wigan public do not deserve a Premier League team anyway. The United contingent filled their stand but there were big gaps elsewhere in the stadium and if you can't fill your ground against a team like Manchester United, you never will. Let's face it, the DW only holds just over 25,000 anyway! A poor effort indeed with the official attendance just over 18,000.

DAMIEN COMOLLI has left his role as Liverpool`s director of football by mutual consent. The Frenchman joined Liverpool as a director of football strategy in November 2010, with his role redefined in March last year. During that time he has overseen a number of high-profile signings, including the club-record £35million acquisition of Andy Carroll from Newcastle, while he also survived a

tionship with Damien since he came here. It is disappointing but I suppose there is not much in football which comes as a surprise.’’ As well as playing a part in the signing of Carroll, Comolli also contributed to one of the most dramatic days in the history of the Premier League by helping along the deal that took Fernando Torres to Chelsea for £50million late on the same day. Other signings to have headed to Anfield while Comolli has been in office include the likes of Luis Suarez, Jordan Henderson, Charlie Adam, Stewart Downing and Jose Enrique who, between them, were purchased for a total touching £90 million. They have not all been universally popular additions to the Liverpool squad, though, with some fans questioning the merits of paying such high prices for players who have yet to make a consistent impact at Anfield.

Damien Comolli leaves Liverpool change of manager when Kenny Dalglish returned to the club to replace Roy Hodgson. A club statement from principal owner John Henry read: “We are grateful for all of Damien's efforts on behalf of Liverpool and wish him all the best for the future.’’ Chairman Tom Werner added: “The club needs to move forward and we now have a huge game on Saturday. It is important that everyone joins us in supporting the manager and gets behind Kenny and the team and focuses on a strong finish to the season.’’ Comolli himself, who has also worked for Arsenal and Tottenham, said: “I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to work at Liverpool and am happy to move on from the club and back to France for family reasons. I wish the club all the best for the future.’’ Dalglish said: “I had a fantastic working and personal rela-


Friday, April 13, 2012

48

RED, WHITE AND BLUES A daunting FA Cup challenge awaits (from left) Fernando Torres, Andy Carroll and Brad Jones

Move over, Liverpool and Spurs – it’s an Everton v Chelsea final IT is somewhat appropriate that a week after one of England's footballing legends, Tom Finney, celebrated his 90th birthday and was honoured by Preston North End, we should have four Premier League clubs seeking to revive the country's famous old FA Cup competition. Liverpool, Everton, Tottenham and Chelsea are the teams contesting the semi-finals. It is a shame that while we seek to boost a contest reduced to an also run by the Champions and Premier Leagues, it has been further devalued by the very people who run it by staging the semis at the hallowed national stadium. Until recent years, Wembley was reserved for the final alone to make it a special occasion. Sadly, the FA has been influenced to rethink by its greed to rake in more cash from ticket sales, programmes and merchandising of every description to help fill their coffers and pay off the massive £900m cost of building the new stadium. Hopefully, the four teams will simply concentrate on

STEVE BOTT reports

winning and giving of their very best as they strive to do so. I am going for Everton and Chelsea to win through to the final as David Moyes and Roberto di Matteo have got their teams in gear at the right time as far as the FA Cup is concerned, while Liverpool and Tottenham are struggling to hit any sort of consistently good form at the moment. Kenny Dalglish is also hampered by his goalkeepers' apparent overwhelming desire to get into the dressing room before the rest of their team-mates during matches. He is forced to play a third choice stopper in the semi-final after the dismissals of Pepe Reina and Alexander Doni in Premier League games against Newcastle and Blackburn. Brad Jones gets the chance to fill the gap between the sticks and maybe chalk up an unwanted hat-trick and possible record for the number of keepers dismissed for one club in the shortest time. Liverpool got a much-needed win at Blackburn and much-maligned £35m striker Andy Carroll did his chances of playing in that semi no harm at all with his winning goal at Ewood. But it is the Reds’ city and cross-park rivals Everton who have been winning well recently and manager Moyes has a bit of a selection headache, albeit a nice

one, after his reserves dished out a 4-0 thrashing to Sunderland after he had rested several players in their last Premier League game. Steven Pienaar shone in that one with a goal and an all-round sterling performance. He is cup-tied and will not be able to play in the semi, thanks to his short and not so sweet spell at one of those other semi-finalists, Tottenham. But Everton are firing on more than one cylinder at the moment and once Moyes decides on his line-up, I take them to do the business and pile the pressure on Dalglish and Liverpool. Chelsea will overcome Tottenham. Di Matteo has won praise from all quarters, not least Frank Lampard, who is a consistent whinger when not getting his own way. If Di Matteo can keep him happy then he can keep ANYONE happy. I hope Didier Drogba plays a part but I agree with Mr Ancelotti that Drogba and Fernando Torres cannot play in the same team and I reckon Fernando Torres will get the vote against Spurs. Both sides have a wealth of talent - Luka Modric, Juan Mata, Gareth Bale and Gary Cahill to name but a few. But it's a clash of the Blues for me in next month’s final fling.

The Courier Week 60  

The Courier Week 60

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