Week 166

Edition 166

www.thecourier.es

Friday, April 25, 2014

LOCAL HERO Benferri boss saves suicidal Brit

By ALEX TRELINSKI A British man who tried to commit suicide had his life saved by the mayor of Benferri who took an emergency call from the Valencian Emergency Authorities.

The extraordinary chain of events in the small town north­west of Callosa de Segura started when the British resi­ dent phoned a friend back in the UK saying that he was in a suicidal mood, and that he was going to take a deadly mix of anti­depressants mixed with vodka. He is understood to have been suffering from heart problems, which meant that the mixture would have

been almost certainly have fatal for him.

The friend in Britain then put in a call to the Valencia Regional Emergency Centre, who in turn called Benferri Council to alert them of the dangerous situation. Since the incident happened on a Sunday, the local police were not rostered to be on duty, and it was the local mayor, Luis Vicente Mateo who was on call to deal with emergencies. The Mayor then turned detective in try­ ing to find out where the sui­ cidal man lived, which was on the Benfis Park develop­ ment, but it was an area with poor road signing and street numbering. He had also alerted the Guardia Civil that their help was needed in helping with the emergency.

Eventually he got the exact address after a number of phone calls, and went to the site, with the Guardia and some firefighters in tow. They managed to get some keys to get in through the main gate of the villa, with the help of a gardener who worked there, but the authorities had

to break through the main door to get into the building to rescue the man “He mumbled a few words”, said Vicente Mateo, “but I did not under­ stand anything. I believe that he’s lived for more than a decade in Benferri”.

The Mayor added that he thought that the man had not lived full­time for a year in the town and that he had been going through a “rough patch”, but is “better now”. It’s not the first time that the civic leader and local schoolteacher had been involved in a weekend res­ cue, with the Mayor having a similar circumstance a few years ago involving an elderly woman.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

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E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Alan Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

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Publication Courier South Published by TKO Media and Entertainment S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A ­ 188 ­ 2014 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low qual­ ity electronic data or inadequate instruc­ tions for text or other layout features.

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Picture of the Week

96 692 1003 679 096 309

Photo by SARAH PHILLIPS

BRITS FLEE IN DROVES End in sight

Over 20% of registered British people liv­ ing in Spain quit the country last year, as overall figures show Spain’s population down for the 2nd year in a row. The number of UK citizens officially registered as living in Spain dropped nearly 90,000, or 22.8% in 2013, according to the National Statistics Institute (INE).

The total number of Brits on Spain's town hall padrons was 385,179 on January 1st 2013, but that population had plummeted to 297,229 a year later. The actual number of UK citizens who make Spain their home could be higher according to the British Embassy in Madrid, as they may not have bothered to sign up or renew their details on the local padron. The number of foreign­ ers living in Spain fell by 545,980 or nearly

The long­running saga of the woman who killed the rapist of her teenage daugh­ ter 9 years ago continues to 10% to hit 5,000,028 in 2013.

The fall in Spain's foreign population also rumble on, with a Provincial saw the country's total population come Court in Elche ruling that 62 down for the second year in a row. While year old María del Carmen the total population of native Spaniards García Espinosa has go to inched up by 141,361 people, the depar­ jail this Wednesday April ture of foreigners saw the country's total 30th, irrespective of a sched­ population slide by 47,129,783 to uled Supreme Court ruling 46,725,164. The biggest population fall into a possible pardon. The was in the Valencia region, with just over Benejúzar woman spotted 118 thousand fewer people living in the the rapist laughing about his region last year compared to 2012, with an crime against her daughter overall reduction of 131 thousand foreign in a local bar in June 2005, residents. The Murcia region saw an over­ whilst on parole, and she all fall of just under 6 thousand people in threw petrol over him and 2013, and is second in Spain (behind the set him alight.

The Supreme Court gave Baleares) for having the largest proportion her a comparatively lenient of foreign residents.

sentence of 9 and a half years, on the basis that María del Carmen had suf­ fered from mental distress at the time of her attack on the man. She spent a year in custody after her arrest and has been free since 2006 pending a string of appeals.

The Supreme Court is scheduled to rule on June 4th, with her defence lawyer Joaquín Galant being opti­ mistic that the regional appeals process will keep her out of jail until the Supreme Court verdict.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

FESTIVAL FATALITIES GOAT IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING

32 have died on Spain's roads during the Easter and Holy Week holiday period, according to the DGT traffic authority. The statistics include 3 people that were killed in a crash on the N332 in Torrevieja, as reported in The Courier last week, and a 60 year old Malaga man who died last Monday in an accident (pictured) on the AP7 in the Elche area, which may have

been caused by a burst tyre. A total of 25 accidents have led to the deaths after Spain's Easter holiday season officially kicked off on Friday April 11th. The coun­ try's road safety campaign came to an end last Monday, with the DGT saying there were 12.5 million car journeys during the Easter holidays, the lowest figure since 2005.

Authorities are set to green light all year hunting of Barbary Sheep in Alicante Province, since the animal is wreaking havoc to crops and native wildlife.

Originally from North Africa, the sheep has found the hillier areas of region perfect for living, and farmers were prohibited from hunting them down with penalties at

PLAYING FAIR Willy Wonka of drugs

Elche police will be going high­tech in a bid to stop “out of area” taxi companies doing too many pick­ups from Alicante­ Elche airport. In the on­going row over non­local taxi firms and pirate companies under­cutting licensed operators at El Altet, local cops will be issued with palmtop and tablet com­ puters to log and check whether non­Elche firms are exceed­ ing their quota of airport jobs. The measure, welcomed by the local taxi drivers, will see an external cab limited to a maxi­ mum of 6 journeys a month from Alicante­Elche airport as of May 1st, and will also allow monitoring of unusual activity from “pirate” unlicensed operators. Elche drivers staged a 1 day strike last month to protest at what they said were unfair practices at the airport and the lack of support from the local council.

Crafty canines

Alicante City’s drug sniffing dogs haven’t had their noses put out of joint last month, as they helped their handlers catch 6 people carrying drugs. The accused men were on long dis­ tance coach journeys which stopped off or ended at the city’s bus station. A variety of drugs and tablets were seized com­ ing in from places like Málaga, Almería. Algeciras and Barcelona.

A master confectioner has been arrested in Gran Alacant for mass­producing and selling sweets and chocolates made with marijuana and magic mushrooms. He’s one of 7 people accused of making and selling the laced sweets in the shape of the Barcelona FC emblem on the street and also in bulk to dealers.

Raids on homes led to over 21 thousand Euros in cash being confiscated along with nearly a kilo of speed, half a kilo of cocaine, 22 mobile phones, two cars, four computers and over 300 grams of the Barça sweets. Bank accounts in Spain and Colombia were also frozen.

The arrested confectioner has a lifetime career behind him of manufacturing one of the best­quality and priciest versions of turrón, a traditional type of nougat made with almonds and honey which comes in 'hard' format – with the almonds whole – or 'soft', with a consistency similar to peanut butter, typically eaten in huge quantities at Christmas.

around 3 thousand Euros. The Barbary is a goat­like animal which could reach 100 kilos in weight, and can cope well with very limited water supplies. The Department of Environment is now draw­ ing up a plan for a major cull targeting an area between Alcoy, Elda, Alicante, Benidorm, and Pego.

THE NOT SO-GOOD SAMARITAN

A British man had his wallet stolen when he was suffering a seizure in a Torrevieja street. The 45 year old man was close to the Plaza de Tolosa in San Luis when he felt ill and was helped by a number of passers­by, as he lost conscious­ ness. But whilst waiting for the ambulance, somebody stole his wallet, and after being released from hospital, the victim has now filed a report with the Guardia Civil over the theft.

SEX SLAVE

A Romanian woman has been rescued by the National Police after being forced to work as a prostitute in an Alicante brothel. She had been kidnapped in her native country and smuggled into Spain to become a sex worker, and she used a social network site to engineer her rescue. Two people had read her messages, including somebody in London, which said that he had been forced into prostitution in Alicante City, and they made contact with the Spanish authorities. The police managed to free her and they arrested a 5 strong gang, all of whom were Romanian, and have charged them with a variety of offences including sexual exploitation.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

WEEVILED Carry on Clio TRAFFICKERS STOPPED

More than 600 palm trees along the River Segura between Murcia City and Guardamar are to be destroyed because of the spread of red palm weevil. Work has started in the Murcia area, with work to come between Jacarilla and Guardamar finishing off the project which mainly features the removal of the infected Phoenix canariensis palms.

An 11 year old dog has been given a life­sav­ ing pace­maker in an operation at the University of Murcia’s vet­ erinary hospital.

Clio’s heart was beating really slowly and his Malaga owners went to the hospital because of the high reputation of the medical team with a vast experi­ ence of performing this type of operation. Clio has had a real­ ly positive reaction to the operation and the pacemaker. She A ring that shipped in Dominican and Polish women into has been discharged and is already going out for walkies.

Alicante­Elche airport, and then bundled them into brothels in Almeria has been smashed by the National Police and the Guardia Civil. Six people were arrested in a major swoop on a human trafficking operation, which saw Polish women given fake promises of work in Spain, whilst the Dominicans were enlisted in Spain. Many of the women were not allowed food and water for up to 3 days to force them to “work” for the gang in clubs around Roquetas de Mar

Spain tops “gay TRIAL BY JURY friendly” list

The trial of three men accused of killing the Dutch volley­ ball player Ingrid Visser and her partner, Severein Lodewijk last May in Murcia will take place before a jury, after a ruling from the Murcia Provincial Court backed up the initial inves­ tigation of the Molina de Segura Magistrates Court.

Romanians Ion Valentin and Constantin Stan are set to face homicide charges, along with Juan Cuenca, who was the manager of the volleyball team that Visser played for.

LEMUR OF LEISURE

A stolen lemur from Benidorm’s Terra Natura park has been found safe and well on the terrace of a house in Altea.

A lock on one of the lemur cages had been broken in early March, with one of the animals having been taken, but the Guardia Civil got a call over 5 weeks later to say that the ani­ mal had been spotted in Altea. The officers kept the lemur distracted to stop it escaping until a vet arrived on the scene who scanned the microchip which confirmed that it had indeed been stolen

Mozzies zapped

Key areas of Torrevieja that are breeding grounds for mosquitoes, notably around the Lagunas de La Mata and Torrevieja have been sprayed, after the warm winter brought forward their first major appearance of the year. In a rare show of political unity, the Green Party, congratulated the rul­ ing PP administration for lis­ tening to their call to deal with the mosquitoes, which

Spanish people are the world’s most accepting of gay and lesbian people in a major international survey on morality.

The Pew poll interviewed people from 40 countries, and dis­ covered that Spain was the least homophobic. A total of 55% of Spaniards described homosexuality as "morally accept­ able," while 38% said that it was "not a moral issue." Only 6% felt that homosexuality was "morally unacceptable."

The least tolerant countries were Ghana and Russia, where 98% and 72% of those surveyed deemed homosexu­ ality "morally unacceptable". Despite its conservative Catholic background, Spain has been a progressive leader in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) rights in recent years. In 2005, it became the third country in the world to legalize same­sex marriage, and as reported in The Courier last week, it announced plans to open an old peo­ ple’s home for the gay community.

BEACH LINK

A new bus link has been launched between Elche and the beaches of La Marina which will run every Sunday and throughout the holiday period. The service will leave Elche bus station at 10.00am travelling on the CV853 and picking up at La Hoya at 10.10am and La Marina at 10.35am before dropping people off at either at the Pesqueras or Pinet beaches. The return journey pick­up from the beaches

will be from 7.00pm. Elche’s transport councillor, Justino Delgado, said that the new initiative is a response for a better beach link that people have been calling for over a long period.

DOGGIE AREA were causing problems especially to the adjoining urbanisations by the lakes.

weekend and holiday hours running from 10.00am to 1.30pm.

Almost 99% of Costa Blanca beaches have either excellent or good quality bathing water according to tests done by the Valencian Agriculture, Fisheries, Food and Water department. They say their parameters are far tighter than the national laws with Minister José Císcar saying that it was vital for the area to have the best quality bathing water to encourage tourism.

Lo Pagan death

A 14 year old boy died whilst on holiday in the San Pedro del Pinatar area last week, after he was knocked off his bicycle by a car, and flung some 14 metres by the force of the impact. The teenager, from Madrid, had gone on a cycle around Lo Pagan with his cousin when the collision happened on Avda.

Eduardo Flores close to the sports field. The car driver was treated for shock and she had not been drinking or taking drugs.

Classic brilliance

TOURIST INFO

Los Alcazares has a brand new tourist office on Avda.

Octubre 13th, with the replacement bureau offering more space and better facili­ ties. The office will be open on weekdays from 9.00am to 2.00pm, and then from 4.00pm to 6.00pm, with

GOOD TO DRINK?

Nearly 1400 Torrevieja residents have signed a petition calling for the council to let dogs onto one of the area’s beaches, after the idea was floated a few months ago by Mayor, Eduardo Dolon . The opposition Socialists say that more and more coastal towns and cities across Spain are offering a specially set aside beach area for dogs, which also acts as a boost for tourism. Torrevieja council have also received some suggestions for where a dog beach could be located.

Classic car and bike fans are in for a treat this weekend with the 2014 Antic Auto International exhi­ bition at the IFA Centre in Alicante­ Elche (off the N340 at km731). The two day event, which is the region’s best classic car show, is on this Saturday and Sunday and takes in a whole range of vehicles some of which are over 100 years old.

There’ll be a special section high­ lighting cars of the twenties, include a 1924 Ford Model T.

TOO DRY

Alicante Province is on drought alert, after a lack of rain during the last six months. Official records from the State Meteorological Agency (AEMET) show that the rainy seasons barely produced any rain, with rainfall some 65% lower than it should be across the Valencia region, with some parts of Alicante Province even worse than that, especially in the Vega Baja and Vinalopó areas.

Farmers have especially been hurt with extra dry soil dramatically slashing crop yields.

Friday, April 25, 2014

FUGITIVES NABBED

National Police agents have swooped on the homes of two East Europeans in Alcoy and Algorfa who are wanted back in their countries to face fraud charges. The police arrested a Polish man in Alcoy who lied to Polish authorities about not being able to pay legal costs in a court case as he falsely

claimed to be disabled, as well as making threats and extorting money. Meanwhile a Hungarian woman has been picked up in Algorfa on a European arrest warrant, charged with ripping off a bank in the sum of over 12 thousand Euros by faking an autho­ risation letter.

TEENAGE TRAGEDY

A 14 year old girl has died after falling from a La Manga flat last Saturday. The teenager fell from a 9th floor balcony at the Las Sirenas apartments, and was pronounced as dead on the arrival of the paramedics. No further information about her and her family was released, though the Guardia Civil were carrying out a full investigation.

ARSONIST STIKES AGAIN

Elche’s phantom firebug returned for an Easter Day visit, setting fire to a number of plastic recycling bins on the Plaza Madrid at around 4.30pm. The fire spread to 2 cars that had to be towed away with the local and National Police saying that the event was “suspicious.” The National Police recently said that they believe the arsonist is an unemployed man but have been unable to so far prove with certainty that he is the firebug responsible for a 6 month trail of incidents.

ON A HIGH

Two Chinese nationals who ran a marijuana farm in La Nucia have been arrested by the National Police. Close to a thousand plants were being cultivated in the house on an urbanisation in the town, with officers seizing lamps, an air vent system, in addition to irrigation equip­ ment. The two people in their 40’s were charged at Benidorm police station, and released on bail.

STUBBED OUT

The E­cigarette bubble seems to have burst in Spain, and that was before the recently introduced restrictions on using the electronic fags in public. Figures from the National Association of Electronic Cigarettes say that shops selling the product have fall­

en by around 30% in the last year in the Valencia region alone. The Association blames the outlet reductions on a lack of pro­ fessionalism and trained selling of the prod­ uct, along with the fact that the E­Cigarettes were being sold alongside many other items.

NIGHT SPEND

More than 49 thousand people are claimed to have dropped in on Zenia Boulevard’s first special “Shopping Night” promo­ tion last Saturday evening.

Live entertainment and

free chocolate were some of the things on offer to entice the pre­Easter cus­ tomers, along with discount vouchers and raffles involving many of the shops.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

editor@thecourier.es

COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS ...and the It’s time to sort out the men from Zen from the noise... the Moyes I LIVE in AD81 Villa Olimpia and am President of our community.

I am sitting in my lounge with both doors and windows closed, and STILL I am being annoyed by the loud music being transmitted from Zenia Boulevard, and have been for more than two hours! The time is now 20.45.

I question WHY the volume is so high? Surely this is damaging to those people standing closer than the car park! This situation is unacceptable.

I will on Tuesday be serving a denuncia against Zenia Boulevard for excess noise and a noise nuisance.

If I was a bar or restaurant owner I would not be allowed to have the music coming from my premises at such a volume; therefore I believe I am justified in mak­ ing this complaint.

DAVID S YOUNG

IT’S SHEER HELL TO BE IN PARIS!

The X-practor

DONNA GEE’s recent articles on her battle with Parkinson’s disease and back pain have raised local awareness of chiropractic ­ plus a great deal of curiosity. So we feel the following information may be of interest to many people.

Parkinson's disease is a chronic (long­last­ ing) and progressive brain disorder. The condi­ tion occurs when cells that produce a vital brain chemical called dopamine are damaged or die. Dopamine transports signals to the parts of the brain that control movement and coordination. When about 80% of dopamine­ producing cells die, Parkinson's symptoms may appear, including: shaking; stiffness; slowness of movement, and difficulty with bal­ ance and coordination.

Donna was recommended to the Algorfa Chiropractic Clinic by a friend to see if Dr Xavier Dutey­Harispe could help her. The first thing that Dr X (as she likes to refer to him) did was to send her for Skull, Axis and Upper Cervical X­rays.

A highly­qualified Chiropractor and also an Acupuncturist and a Naturopath, he concluded

Dr X with wife Josie (left) and his chiropractic assistant Catherine Estall

that to help with the Parkinson’s, he needed to concentrate on Donna’s skull and cervical area. Consequently, he has been targeting the Fontanelle (the soft parts on top of the skull) with sessions of acupuncture in addition to treatment for stress, which helps to relax the muscles and ligaments.

Having targeted these areas with acupunc­ ture, the doctor then manipulates the occipital articulation (which Donna describes as ‘clunk clicking my neck’). This helps to restore the integrity of the nervous system throughout the body, which is vital for all the organs and the neuro­physiological balance of the body.

Donna says Dr X’s treatment over the past couple of months has made noted differences.

She feels less tired after the sessions, her pos­ ture is more upright and her neck has a lot more movement which stimulates clearer thought processes and positive thinking.

CATHERINE ESTALL, Algorfa Chiropractic Clinic Donna says: One word sums up my feelings about the clinic. X­ceptional!

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LETTERS AND EMAILS WILL ONLY BE CON­ SIDERED FOR PUBLICATION ON THIS PAGE IF AN ADDRESS AND CONTACT NUMBER ARE PROVIDED IN CASE WE NEED TO CALL YOU

PARIS France has the Eiffel Tower, the River Seine, Arc de Triomphe, Champs­ Elysees, street bistros and paintings ­ and even Disneyland.

A city to savour and enjoy.

Unbeknown to most Brits here and at home there is a Paris in the UK. But, unlike the French Paris, the UK is run by Civica for the Crown services, i.e. the Government. ‘What is PARIS?’, we hear you ask.

Well, BIG Brother comes to mind. It’s a computer system used by every agency in the UK, i.e social workers, health workers, doctors, the benefit agencies, local gov­ ernment offices and local and national charity groups funded by local govern­ ment. The list goes on and on.

Every county in the UK is linked to it so if you have been a bad boy in Newcastle then you can be sure they know all about you in Essex.

Are you on the list? Are we on the list?

Yes, we are on the list.

How did we find out? By pure chance.

We been dealing with several agencies lately and must have ruffled a few feathers and upset some little social worker or someone, so she decided to add us to PARIS. These agencies don’t have to explain why they put you on PARIS. Is the informa­ tion they are adding correct? Your guess is as good as ours. You don’t have a chance to challenge what’s being added.

What’s next, satellite cameras in your front room or bedroom?

Remember PARIS ­ Public Authorities Reporting Information System.

This could be a great system if used cor­ rectly but Baby P comes to mind ADAM and GREIG STEWART

THE COURIER MANAGEMENT DOES NOT NECESSARILY AGREE WITH THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS PAGE

TAKE a bow, the hyp­ ocrites who run Manchester United. The club that stood by Ferguson the Flop throughout his first four pitiful years in charge has just turned history on its head.

Granted, different people run United these days, but what intrigues me is that the board which sacked David Moyes allowed his two­faced predecessor to behave like a Dictator.

Write anything Fergie didn’t like and he’d ban respected journalists from press briefings. Hardly acceptable behaviour in the goldfish bowl of mod­ ern football.

Fergie the Fuhrer did what he liked ­ and the board allowed him to. So it’s no surprise to learn that they and the little Red­ nosed Devil have kicked their Moyes out of the cot...

FLEET STREET VETERAN, Guardamar

Leading on a dog story is barking!

HOW could you possibly put the closure of a dog kennel on the front page of the Courier?

There must be lots of more important and inter­ esting subjects for "prime news". In fact quite a lot of your paper seems to be devoted to cats and dogs (not impressed).

TOM EDWARDS

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COURIER Editor Alex Trelinski replies: Our front page last week concerned a successful business with more than 1,000 customers being shut down shut by Los Montesinos council with no official reason given to the owner. The fact it hap­ pened to be a dog kennel is neither here nor there, but it is of interest that a coun­ cil is not prepared to pub­ licly say what is up! We have a weekly dog page in The Courier, and also pages on other subjects.

Some 30 news stories are featured on the our first five pages every week, which would suggest there's something there for everybody!

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Friday, April 25, 2014

THE elderly holidaymaker was clearly in need of of a nurse. “Senorita, por favor,'' whined the old man from Madrid repeatedly in increasingly des­ perate cries to the night nurses.

IIn the dark hours of Saturday evening, I had joined the occupants of the thinly­populated observation ward at Torrevieja Hospital after throwing a wobbler in an El Raso bar.

Actually, it wasn’t so much a wobbler as a daze in Rayz. Apparently I passed out as we waited for the bar quiz to begin and was unconscious for five minutes.

Amid fears that I’d had a stroke, the hospital medics decid­ ed to carry out a CT scan the following morning.

By the time they did it, the ward staff had blown my brains out with their attitude to the poor Madrileno.

I have nothing but praise for the hospital doctors, who were all knowledgeable, friendly, polite and sympa­ thetic.

Exactly the opposite, in fact, to most of the nurses, in fact.

The three girls on night duty ignored the increasingly agitated calls of the Madrileno, burying their heads in paperwork for at least 10 minutes as if to say “WE are in charge – we'll come when we have nothing better to do.''

It wasn’t as if the patient was an irritating whinger who’d been giving them unnecessary hassle. Until then, he hadn't uttered a sound all night.

The three nurses seemed to have forgotten that nursing is about caring. They gave the impression that they had on the ward. My first person­ no interest whatsoever in the al trauma came when I asked patients as people. a passing nurse, who smelt I was merely No.31, the even more of garlic than her number above my bed, as I colleagues, if I could go to was to discover several times the loo. during the 18 hours I spent ‘’No es posible,’’ spelt out

LOOK BACK IN HUNGER

Curses for nurses in the ward where food is an ali-oli smell

lighten in the know can en PERHAPS someone p liq­ dri a ter nis mi ad nurse me, but why would a ared cle en a patient who had be uid intravenously to ur? ho within the by doctors to go home fermera why this particular en ed ask ve ha ld I shou ht arm, rig my cannula from wasn’t removing the what. s ow kn n ave he h me wit rather than injecting g patient ght have got the wron I didn’t dream she mi t with­ tha ow kn do I t Bu for sure.

Not and I still don’t know ell. sw to tes my arm began in a couple of minu . ed ern nc co be to gh for me massively ­ but enou ction said nurse over, and her rea e arg ch the led cal I bottle got the ed ter who adminis it all. The enfermera nula alto­ told to remove the can the verbals and was strode to e Sh . yet n ’t quite beate gether. But she wasn ert a new ins to red pa pre d bed an the other side of the arm. cannula into my LEFT hat happened next... ing ess gu for No prizes

q

Ali Oli Breath, producing a bedpan and thrusting it into the bed beneath me.

Pardon the toilet humour but any woman who has used a bedpan will know how difficult it is to do a water­

A FLYING ELBOW AT THE AIRPORT A FEW yards from the Meeting Point at Alicante Airport’s new terminal are two adjoining bars. One is called Ars (yes, Ars) and the other Rodilla, the Spanish word for knee.

“Why on earth call the place Knee?’’ I asked the cheerful barman as I paid for my coffee and sandwich. “I really don’t know,’’ he grinned. My twisted logic reasoned that Codo, which in Spanish means elbow, would have been a better choice than Rodilla.

Then the owners could have taken a different approach to the restaurant next door and demonstrated that they DO know their Ars from their Elbow.

tight job. Ali Oli Breath didn’t even check and moments after she disappeared with the used pan, I discovered that the sheet I was lying on now had liquid assets.

For 15 minutes I wriggled about trying to park my backside on a dry bit.

Ali Oli Breath eventually condescended to change my sheets ­ her accompanying ‘tut­tut’ hardening my resolve to let my bowels explode rather than attempt to make the other stuff hit the pan.

I’d already experienced an uncomfortable ride being wheeled to and from the X­ ray department by a Morticia

Addams lookalike, an expressionless zombie whose long black tresses I found both hairy and scary.

I never got close enough to establish whether she was a member of the Ali Oli family.

But at least Thing kept his fingers out of it and didn’t pop in to lend her a hand.

The worst deprivation of all was being denied food for my entire stay.

I eventually became so hungry that I threatened to rip the cannula out of my arm and discharge myself unless I was given something to stop my innards rumbling.

“Just go and ask the doc­

tor, PLEASE! '', I barked at Ali Oli Breath (Day Staff) when she insisted I still remained on the No Food list.

Yet I'd by now been told by the doc that I could go home once my BP dropped to an acceptable level. Why on earth would I be starved when I was due to be dis­ charged within a hour or so?

There was no logic to Ali Oli Breath kicking up a stink.

She was making her own rules....and sure enough, the duty doctor took my side.

If the tortilla hadn’t tast­ ed so good, I swear it would have ended up adorning Ali Oli’s face.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

Friday, April 25, 2014

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Friday, April 25, 2014

JEST ANOTHER DAY

I have been in a nobody­ likes­me mood recently.

Even next door's usually­ friendly rabbit performed two backward somersaults and leapt onto the garage roof in order to avoid me the other morning.

Before I get a phone call from Britain's Got Talent, I should point out that I meant to say 'usually­friendly RABBI.' Blimey, the phone is ringing. Apparently, Simon Cowell is still interested in a religious leader who per­ forms acrobatics.

'There you go again,' sighed Mrs S. 'Sacrificing the truth on the altar of cheap laughs. You really ought to take life more seriously.'

'Life's too short to be taken seriously,' I said, pressing the concealed button in my pock­ et which sent my novelty dicky bow into swift rotation around my neck.

'Not too fast or you'll take off,' warned Mrs S dryly.

'What's up with Grandpa?' chorused the three children whose grandfather I am and

who had come round to our house for a visit.

'Nothing, my dears,' said Mrs S. 'It has something to do with his age. Shall we play a game now?'

All three grandchildren shook their heads as one.

'I'm worried about Grandpa.

He sure is acting peculiar,' commented the eldest, a boy aged nine.

'Maybe he's not acting,' suggested his six­year­old sister who is a precocious and perceptive young lady.

'I wanna wee,' said their cousin, a boy aged five.

All three and their nanna trooped into the garden to play with next door's pet rabbi . . . sorry, rabbit . . . while I carefully filled the bulb of my joke plastic squirty flower from the kitchen tap.

'The problem,' said Mrs S as she tickled Hugs Bunny under its furry chin, 'is that Grandpa never really grew up. But then again, he had a strange upbringing.'

'Stranger than ours?' asked the eldest grandchild.

'But we're not hav­ ing a strange child­ hood,' argued his genius sister. 'We have the same par­ ents and I am certain­ ly well­adjusted. It must be you, brother.

You're obviously crazy.'

'I still wanna wee,' said their insistent lit­ tle boy cousin.

Mrs S said: 'I'll tell you a story about your grandpa. Form a circle and sit down on the grass.' Even Hugs Bunny seemed enthralled as the next­door rabbit broke off from eating some of the green stuff and plonked itself down with the children.

'One day when your Grandpa David was young he was summoned to the library by his mother.'

'Wow, the library!' exclaimed my granddaugh­ ter. 'Did Grandpa live in a big

mansion then?'

'No, child,' said Mrs S. 'Grandpa was called to the district library to help carry home the heavy pile of nov­ els his mother had just taken out. Anyway, on the way home she broke the news that she had packed his little

suitcase and he was to be put on a train.'

'I've heard all about that,' said my grand­ daughter. 'During the Second World War, many children living in big cities and towns were moved tem­ porarily from their homes to places con­ sidered safer, usually out in the country­ side.'

'No, luv,' said Mrs S, shaking her head.

'This was in 1965, some 20 years after the war was over.

Your Grandpa David was on the far side of teenage but he still didn't know how to look after himself.

'So, when his mum and dad decided to go to Blackpool for a week they had to leave their 19­year­old son with an aunt otherwise the poor beggar would either have starved because he couldn't cook or would have collapsed with exhaustion

because he wasn't aware what time he went to bed at night. I say either happen­ stance might have indeed . . . er . . . happened but in all likelihood it would have been both.'

'So what you're saying,' said my granddaughter, 'was that Grandpa has never real­ ly grown up.'

Mrs S sighed. 'Well, he has in some ways but . . . quickly, let's change the subject because he's coming into the garden to join us.'

'Hello, everyone!' I called.

'I was going to make you kids some alphabet spaghetti for lunch but I couldn't find the instructions for the tin open­ er. Anyway, anyone want a sniff of the beautiful flower in my lapel?'

Knowing what was coming next, everyone dived for cover. Even next­door's rab­ bit hared off.

All was silent in the garden apart from the twittering of the birds until a small voice piped up from behind a bush: 'Can I do a wee now?'

Friday, April 25, 2014

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Friday, April 25, 2014

DOBERMANN GETS A RAW DEAL

Growing up in South London in the 80’s, I remember one breed of dog that people use to be most scared of ­ the Dobermann.

Looking back, why this was is because they were being used as guard dogs, rather than family pets. The Doberman originates from Germany and during the 1860’s, a tax collec­ tor, Louis Dobermann was looking to create the perfect guard dog and some may say he achieved what he set out to do. It is thought that the German Pinscher, Manchester Terrier, Weimaraner, Greyhound, Rottweiler and the Beauceron THE DOBERMANN were the major influential breeds that helped develop the WITH FRIENDS Dobermann.

It is a very versatile breed and jobs that they excel in includes police and military work, herding, hunting, search and rescue and also as a guide and therapy dog, which was not what Louis Dobermann had in mind! The breed does unfortunately fall into the wrong hands, with humans training some to be aggressive towards people or other dogs, but humans have done this to many breeds and it is not in a dog’s make up to behave like this normally. It happens only after the unwanted attention of negative humans with a dog carrying out unwanted behaviour. Believe it or not, in some places around the world people still amputate the ears of this breed to make them look more aggressive, as well as doing the same to the dogs tail. And we are supposed to be the most intelligent species! I don’t think so!

If socialised properly when young, this breed can be amaz­ ing with other animals and people.

I once knew a Dobermann, where I use to live in London and he was at least 45 kilos in weight. He was a giant. But he was best mates with Pedro Rodriguez, my tiny little Spanish Hamster!

If you are thinking of acquiring one of these beautiful dogs, mixed dog and it was Pedro believe it or not who was the leader of this unique couple. It was always so funny seeing please remember, they won’t be happy with a quick walk them play. It was like the Dobermann was playing with a around the same block every day. They love to run and exer­

cise and this is critical in keeping them stimulat­ ed, happy and balanced. In most places around the world they are known as the Dobermann Pinscher but in the UK they are simply referred to as Dobermann’s. Fashions move on and so do reputations. In the UK, since the Dobermann’s bad press days, the Rottweiler, German Shepherd and now the Staffordshire Bull Terrier is in the firing line, but please remember, it was humans who did the damage and not the breeds. People always ask me a common question ­ “What is the most danger­ ous breed”? My reply is always the same ­ “Humans”!

Our animal charity, where we help the most severely abused and injured animals in Spain is in desperate need of funding. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do by PayPal, where the account details are peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900.

If needed the other details for the bank account are: IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00.

BIC: NWBK GB 2L Even one Euro will help, so please, please, try and support us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? Otto is a beautiful Lab/ Rottie cross about 1 year old. He is also very loyal and affectio­ nate and will alert his human companions if someone is approaching the property.

Otto is fine with other dogs and cats. He follows com­ mands and is quite obedient even off the lead. Otto is used to being an indoor dog and is house trained, he is a very friendly dog who loves companionship. Please con­ tact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Marble ­ 10 weeks old and only 19cm or 7 1/2 inches to the top of his shoulder and

Marble McCartney (Marbles brother) ­ little boy 10 weeks old and only 19 cm (7 1/2 inch) to top of shoulder. Named after Paul because he has wings on his chest. Find us on facebook “Paradise Kennels” or call 619938955

Otto Cody and Barney These 12 week old pups were picked up from the countryside near Almoradi.

They will probably be small to medium sized dogs and quite slim build, they are both very gentle natured dogs.

D.O.B 18th November 2013 Please contact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Born in October 2012, Beau is one of a litter of puppies who were left abandoned in a box when they were only weeks old. Boys and girls there are seven of them still living in the APAH kennels, waiting for their first home, and all very different in cha­ racter. To meet them please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

McCartney

Cody and Barney

Beau Born in April last year, Saffron is a beautiful and friendly ginger female who was rescued as a tiny kitten.

She needs her first loving home and will be a lovely cat for someone to adopt. To visit the APAH Cattery, plea­ se contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Saffron

BABY is the mother of 8 puppies which were born at the kennels. She had been found by two water deposits that were on the side of a busy main road and was heavily pregnant. We also discovered that she was chipped but her registered owners could no longer care for her so she was signed over to us and 4 days later she gave birth to her little ones. She can now go for walks which she loves and gets lots of fuss. She has a very sweet and happy tem­ perament and is around 2 years old. She isn´t ready to go to a new home just yet but can be viewed and reserved. Before leaving the kennels she will be fully vac­ cinated (passport) and sterili­ zed. If you would like more information on Baby, please contact the kennels directly on 966710047 or email info@satanimalrescue.com

Baby

Born in June 2010, Apollo is a lovely, friendly boy and despite someone cutting his vocal chords, he still loves people. He will make a great companion, as he is friends with all dogs and people alike. To meet Apollo and the other APAH dogs, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Fluffy needs a home Urgently. She is 20 months old and was adopted when she was a puppy. She is a cross Akita, we believe her other half is husky. Fluffy is a very affectionate dog who loves her cuddles.. She has been chipped, spayed, had her injections, including rabies, and has her passport imckeown@btinternet.com

Apollo

Fluffy

Friday, April 25, 2014

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Friday, April 25, 2014

EMBRACE THE CHANGE What does the future hold for us? I don´t mean for each of us separately, since these things are in our own hands most of the time, but I am talking about the upcoming years of the world.

Let´s just suppose for a moment that the human race doesn´t kill off this beautiful planet with greed and laziness and that we are to survive for another millennium. What will our great (great) grandchildren be faced with? I began to think about this whilst reading an article about a group of children aged between 6 and 13 who were recently given a Sony Walkman cassette player and asked what they thought it was. Answers ranged between a Boombox and a walkie talkie. They were then told it was for playing music and were

handed a cassette tape and asked to put it in. Several of the youngsters gave up before they found how to get into the machine, i.e.: that the front opened and others who did man­ age it couldn´t figure out how to get the tape in. The children that did manage both feats were given foam headphones to listen to their tracks. When asked however if they preferred today´s technology to that of yesteryear, they all plumped for iPhones and iPads over Walkmans and cassette tapes.

Aside from the realisation that none of those children will experience waiting for their favourite song to come on the radio in order to record it, and that none of them will under­ stand the joy of spending hours making a tape of their favourite songs with music from vinyl records or those aforementioned radio hacks, these youngsters will face a future of more and more new technology and when they are our age and the youngsters of today are playing with their new toys, they will look back at tablets and downloads and realise the children of this future day will never experience what they did.

This is all a part of growing up and moving on, and after all without technology we would all still be riding horses and living in wooden huts. Technology is good and should be embraced and enjoyed, not feared or threatened by. Sadly an 89 year old woman ended her life recently at the Dignitas clinic in Switzerland simply because she could not or did not want to, understand modern life. She lived by the rule which was get with it or get out, and tragically she decided to get out. Ethics aside, this seems a terrible decision by the clinic although

this is a completely different point to the one in this article, which is, technology will continue! Things will continue to change and improve (or not!) well after we are all gone and we should accept it, live with it and if possible, embrace and enjoy it. And smile at these children acknowledging that they will one day be us! rather than let them make us feel old or lose hope.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

THAT’S NOT THE WAY TO DO IT

I’VE long thought that Prime Minister’s Question Time in the House of Commons is a complete and utter waste of time in many regards. I was then interested to hear a BBC interview with the Commons Speaker, John Bercow, saying that many female MPs don’t even bother going to it on a Wednesday because they find it all rather embar­ rassing.

Quite right and it’s a Punch and Judy show that puts British politics into total disrepute, and it’s no won­ der that a large number of MPs didn’t want TV cameras in the Commons back in the late eighties, because they’ve shown up Question Time to be a total farce. It’s

then amazing to my mind that a quarter of a century later, nothing has happened at all to offer some kind of

normality to what potentially could be one of the most illu­ minating pieces of politics for both the participants and

the viewers.

Progressive Commons Speakers like Betty Boothroyd and now John Bercow have done nothing about the weekly circus, which I suspect not one voter treats with any credi­ bility, and for what little good (if any?) that it does, then it might as well be scrapped.

Bercow has talked the talk about reforming the Commons and dealing with bad behaviour, but the same old boy taproom atmos­ phere prevails. It’s interest­ ing to note that when similar sessions happen in the regional administrations in Edinburgh, Stormont, and Cardiff, there is altogether a very different and much more informative mood. If they can do it, then why

can’t Westminster? Over to you Speaker Bercow!

Only in England can you get a situation where there is a situation where the Department of Education is having to investigate a whole deck of schools that have been “taken over by Muslim hard­ liners” in Birmingham. It’s not often I’ll agree with the French, but I think the time has come for religion to be separated from education.

Labour’s education spokesman, Tristram Hunt, said he’s against that and he blamed the problems on Michael Gove because he has centralised control. Hunt has not got his facts right, because the problems have not largely happened in the free schools and acade­

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mies, but in places run by Birmingham Council. Back to the drawing board, Tristram, and have a chat to your mates at the Labour­ run authority about their lack of monitoring.

Labour must have money to burn, despite pleading poverty, by hiring the brilliant Obama strate­ gist, David Axelrod, as a key adviser for their 2015 General Election campaign.

Axelrod is a top­notch oper­ ator, and always good value in a US TV politics show. He also knows the power of charisma and personality in winning elections, so we can safely presume that his first piece of advice will be to tell Ed Miliband to stand aside in favour of somebody else to guarantee a victory.

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LÍNEA DIRECTA ADVISES YOU HOW TO ACT IN CASE OF AN ACCIDENT Línea Directa Insurance advises you of the steps to follow in case of a road accident in Spain.

1. Call the emergency number: 112. They will co­ordinate the proce­ dure and will ask you in detail about the circumstances of the accident.

2. Remain calm at all times. Switch on the emergency lights and if the state of the vehicle permits, remove the vehicle from the road, in order to avoid delays and further accidents, to the extent possible.

3. Signal the accident location. Before stepping out of the car, put on your high­visibility jacket, which is compulsory, and place the emer­ gency triangles correctly. The first must be placed about 50 metres behind the car in the direction of the traffic, and the second about 100m.

4. If someone is seriously injured, never try to move them, except if in danger of fire or imminent explosion. Cover the injured person, keep them calm and wait for the emergency services to arrive.

5. If the circumstances of the location allow, always fill in the European accident report, which is an essential document for speed­ ing up the procedures and handling between the insurance companies.

If you have any doubt about how to do this, don’t hesitate to call your insurance company.

For more information, Call 902 123 161

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Friday, April 25, 2014

FLYING THE ORIHUELA COSTA FLAG

WHEN my wife and I retired to Spain, we never thought in all our wild imaginings that we would find ourselves represent­ ing Orihuela Costa and a charity in one of the most prestigious ceremonies of the year, and marching through the streets of Orihuela City as special guests.

But that´s just what hap­ pened to us on Saturday, as part of the special Easter cer­ emonies rounding off the Semana Santa week with a religious and historic event which started at the Colegio Santo Domingo before the march through the city. My wife, as president of the Help at Home Costa Blanca charity, was invited to this extremely formal affair, and found herself a VIP, being greeted by the clergy, mayor and other officials, as well as attending a Champagne reception and special cere­ mony. We both then joined in the march to the Town Hall.

It´s important on two levels.

The charity has been going through a major upheaval as a result of having to hold a special EGM to effectively change presidents mid­ term, and so this was official recog­ nition of the change of presi­ dency. But it´s important for the entire Costa too, because until very recently no­one from the Coast has been invited to the presti­ gious city event.

The Coast has for years been under represented on the city council, but this must be seen as a recognition that the Coast is important ­ after all we have as many people living in Orihuela Costa as in the city, but because far fewer people bother to get onto the Padron and seek the opportunity to vote, the Coast is under­represented on the council. And that means when money is going

about being politically correct they are worried about offending non­Christian chil­ dren and their parents and risk a barrage of complaints?

to be spent, it´s more likely to go inland than on the coast.

Sadly some other charities on the Coast were invited but declined. Sad, because becoming part of Spanish life is important for ex­pats and by refusing to attend such an important event is an insult to the Spanish. So, on behalf of all of them, I apologise.

New roundabouts have been appearing virtually overnight around the Orihuela Costa in recent months, in an effort to make ever­busier junctions safer.

But sadly, the white line painters have not been fol­ lowing along behind and new road markings have been done weeks later. It means that the new road layouts have taken motorists by sur­ prise and there have been many near misses. Those road painters have been sadly absent and there are now countless pedestrian crossings everywhere in the area where the white mark­ ings have turned a dull grey and quickly disappearing altogether.

Pedestrians are taking their lives in their hands using these crossings, because motorists are not immediately aware they are approaching one. Cash­ strapped councils have had to reduce maintenance in a number of ways, but this is a saving which could cost lives ­ so come on council, get busy with the paintbrushes!

And on the subject of pedes­ trian safety at crossings, there really should be a law prohibiting car parking on their approach. Obviously walkers have priority on crossings, but motorists should be given the maxi­ mum opportunity to see them

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and should not be obscured by parked vehicles.

Increasingly, people are discovering how dan­ gerous it is to use social net­ working sites to write some­ thing without first putting their brains into gear. The ultimate example of this is a stupid post on a Facebook site from a silly teenager which has cost a family £47,750. It hap­ pened when the teenager´s father won a court case over age discrimination against his former employer and was awarded damages. But the teenager couldn´t resist bragging about it and posted to her 1,200 friends that the settlement would pay for a family holiday. What the silly girl didn´t know was there was a confidentiality agree­ ment attached to the settle­ ment, and the employer took no time in acting on it and getting a court order against the father. So, it seems, the family will not be going on holiday after all, unless there is an appeal. It emphasises how ridiculous this new com­ puter age is. I have just bought a new computer and there is hardly any instruction

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to go with it ­ I am supposed to know how to use it. Even IKEA supply instructions, albeit incomprehensible at times, but computers...forget it. And it´s the same with social media sites ­ is there a do´s and don´ts on how to use it? No way, and the silly kids fall hook line and sinker into trouble because they know nothing about libel laws.

UK newspapers have been filled with stories that ultra­religious Muslims have been trying to take over schools in Birmingham. The stories revolve around 25 schools in areas of the city with large Muslim popula­ tions, and classes where the majority are Muslim. The take­over plot has been dubbed Operation Trojan Horse, and has been causing considerable concern among political groups, fearing a backlash on the lead­up to important UK elections.

Whether the "plot" is true or not is under investigation, but it raises important questions over the entire religious schools policy.

Religious schools have

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been a feature in the UK for generations. Personally, I am against them because they set children apart, and this is bad for society. Politicians and others who dislike what has happened in Britain with immigrant communities gath­ ering together to turn areas into little examples of their home countries are increas­ ingly criticising these society divisions. And religious schools start the process among children at an age when they can be easily influenced. It wasn´t so bad when there were, in the main, C of E schools and RC schools, but with so many immigrants now in the UK with differing religions, the potential for take­overs will inevitably increase. We want less differences between cul­ tures, and the breakdown of differences starts with chil­ dren of different backgrounds getting on together. But if they do not mix at school, they enter the adult world with the potential for suspi­ cion. I am totally against parts of the UK being taken over in the way they have been. Britain has been sleep­ walking into the problem for years, ever since the warn­ ings of Enoch Powell were ignored, and it cannot contin­ ue to be ignored! Religious education in schools should include knowledge of the dif­ ferences between the major world religions. This provides children with the knowledge to make an informed opinion when they are older.

During this time of the year, don’t you find it amazing that a quarter of UK children thought the Hare and the Tortoise may feature in the Easter story. In addi­ tion to the confusion over the Aesop's Fable among eight to 15 year olds, a similar pro­ portion think the Brothers Grimm tale of the Golden Goose can also be found in the Bible. And ­ according to research by YouGov for the Bible Society ­ one in three children have no idea why Christians mark Good Friday, while one in four do not know why they celebrate Easter Sunday. The study also found that 13 per cent thought Jesus Christ told his followers the Ten Commandments, and 20 per cent did not know Judas was the friend who betrayed him.

It´s amazing that teachers appear so bad at teaching the Bible story, or is it that teachers are so worried

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So, the Co­op group made a whopping £2.5bn loss for 2013 ­ a stag­ gering amount at any meas­ ure, and the worst in the group´s 150­year history. It´s a disaster for the Co­op, and it demonstrates that busi­ nesses run on Socialist lines have a hard job competing in the cut and thrust of big busi­ ness, particularly in the bank­ ing sector. Voters will have the choice of turning Britain Socialist again next year and should liken the failure of the Co­op with the Socialist fail­ ure of UK PLC. On every sin­ gle measure, the Coalition has turned Britain around from the disaster left by the last Socialist administration.

Jobs, unemployment, infla­ tion, debt, and finally wages have all turned in favour of a conservative approach to the economy. Can you imagine what a disaster we would have been in if Ed Balls had got his way in spending his way out of recession. Still on the economy, people in Britain have been ploughing big bucks into buying homes and, as a result, prices in some parts of the country have gone through the roof.

Beware, when prices go up in such a fashion there is always a fall, and the current rise is unsustainable. When they do fall, new buyers could quickly find they are in negative equity. Add to that a warning that a rise in the bank rate to a possible 1.75% could be arriving sooner rather than later and people could be caught with rising mortgage bills and negative equity too ­ a disas­ ter in any language.

And finally, in soppy Britain, an historic brass band has been forced to can­ cel its annual parade for the first time in half a century ­ because members are wor­ ried about tripping over pot­ holes on their marching route. The Hartland Town Band in Devon say the vil­ lage´s streets are so bad they cannot walk safely while playing their instruments.

Some potholes are inches deep and bandsmen could trip in them, fall over, injure themselves and damage their instruments. What an indictment on the UK! The country´s roads should never have got in this state. If they had been properly main­ tained in the country´s eco­ nomic good times, they would not be anything like as bad as they are now.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

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Friday, April 25, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 119 For the next few weeks we are going to go over some things that may have been overlooked in previous lessons or may be difficult parts to get to grips with, in the hope that this time they are a bit more simple the second time around and that you are confident with them. I never forget how difficult I found learning Spanish and how much time it takes to become confident, and how confidence comes with knowl­ edge and practise. With that in mind let´s start this weeks les­ son and we are going to talk about reflexive verbs.

I hope you remember that there are certain Spanish verbs which take a different word order than in English, one cate­ gory of these are reflexive verbs. When you look in your verb book you will see the verb endings ­er, ­ir and ­ar, then there are those verbs which have ­se on the end. Upon closer inspection you will see that there is a ­er, ­ir or ­ar before the se, all the ­se tells us is that the verb is used as a reflexive verbs. The majority of verbs can be made reflexive however those with the ­se are normally used as such.

So what is a reflexive verb and why is it called that? In technical terms a reflexive verb is one where the object and subject are the same, in laymans terms it´s one where the person is doing the action to him/herself.

When we use the verb as reflexive the subject pronouns (yo, tú, etc) are not used, rather we use the object pronouns: me = myself, te = yourself, se = him/herself, nos = our­ selves, os = yourselves, se = themselves Here are some examples of reflexive verbs: levantarse, acostarse, lavarse.

So, remember when the object and subject are the same the verb becomes reflexive, for example: I wash myself is reflexive because I and myself are the same person, howev­ er I wash the car isn´t reflexive because I and the car are dif­ ferent.

I hope you get the idea of when to make the verb reflexive, so here it is in action: me lavo = I wash myself, te llamas = you call yourself (as

in the phrase we learn when we first start to learn Spanish ­ ¿cómo te llamas? Which literally translates as ´what do you call yourself´), me acuesto a las once = I go to bed (myself) at eleven o´clock, se levanta a las siete = she gets up at seven o´clock, me ducho todas las mañanas = I shower (myself) every morning.

There are some verbs that are always used as reflexive verbs, arrepentirse (e:ie) ­ to repent, atreverse a ­ to dare,

ive the object pronoun can be put directly before the conju­ gated verb or it can be placed on the end of the infinitive. This is the same as in all occasions with a direct object pronoun and two verbs together, whether one is reflexive or not. Here are some examples of reflexive verbs in a two verb sentence: I need to wash my hair – me necesito lavar el pelo / necesito lavarme el pelo, Laura can brush her teeth now – Laura se puede cepillar los dientes ahora / Laura puede cepillarse los dientes ahora, I have just gone to bed – me acabo de acostar / acabo de acostarme.

I hope you can remember what a preposition is, they are words like, ´with´, ´without´, ´before´, etc. Whenever a verb follows a preposition directly the verb remains in the infinitive form. With reflexive verbs the ­se ending will change to agree with the subject, here are some examples to hopefully help you understand better: antes de dormirme, yo cuento ove­ jas; después de ducharte tú llevas pijama, en vez de vestirse, la chica mira la televisión.

I hope you have a good understanding now of when to use a verb in a reflexive way and you have managed to remem­ ber the object pronouns. darse cuenta de ­ to realize, jactarse de ­ to boast. que­ Next week there will be more revision on the more difficult jarse de ­ to complain about, suicidarse ­ to commit suicide. aspect of Spanish but for now here´s some translations for There are some verbs that change their meaning when you to practise that you have understood what you´ve read: Translate these following statements: they are used as a reflexive verb: 1) Laura needs to wash her hair, aburrir – to bore / aburrirse – to be bored, acordar – to 2) I prefer to wash with perfumed soap, agree / acordarse de – to remember, acostar – to put to bed 3) He needs a bath, / acostarse – to go to bed, casar – to perform a marriage 4) the children need a bath tonight, ceremony / casarse con – to marry someone, despedir – to 5) you need to brush your hair, fire / despedirse de – to say goodbye, dormir – to sleep / 6) you can sleep, dormirse – to fall asleep, ir – to go / irse – to go away: leave, 7) I need to go to bed, morir – to die (without warning as in war, accident, etc.)

8) the man needs to shave before he goes out, morirse – to die (such as from natural causes, also as a fig­ 9) Elena reads a book before going to bed, ure of speech), negar – to deny / negarse a – to refuse, 10) we read a newspaper after we get up, parecer – to seem / parecerse – to resemble, poner – to put 11) Instead of going to bed I´m going to study Spanish, / ponerse – to put on, probar – to taste: to try / probarse – 12) the family eat dinner after sitting down. to try on, quitar – to take away / quitarse – to take off.

When there is a sentence with two verbs and one is reflex­ See you next week with the answers.

Friday, April 25, 2014

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Friday, April 25, 2014

DREAM INTERPRETATION: A JUNGIAN APPROACH TO DREAMS

We all dream as we sleep, during discrete stages called REM (Rapid Eye Movement). Some dreams also occur in non­REM. Our longest REM phase is 1 1/2 hours for most people, shortly before they awake. This is why we so often have recall of a vivid dream when the alarm clock goes off.

The difficulty is being able to recall dreams. These dreams contain immensely important information about how the psy­ che is operating.

One may think of a dream as a movie about the way we are living our lives, a commentary, often in a disjointed way that tells us about our conscious world. Whenever possible, we should record and interpret our dreams. But why? There are a number of reasons: Dreams provide the most direct access to unconscious material, giving us access to the inner world of symbols or archetypal images. The contents of the unconscious compensate/complement our conscious attitudes and beliefs, giving us feedback on our lived experi­ ences, by telling the situation of the psyche 'as it is'. Dreams also may have a healing quality. Can you recall a time when a dream left you feeling peaceful and certain about a prob­ lem you were dealing with in your life?

Carl Jung saw dreams as 'snapshots' of our life as it is at that very moment. But how does one attempt a Jungian dream interpretation? Central to Jung’s approach was that the interpretation must fit the dreamer, so if someone helps you work through a dream, the final result must fit you and

not someone else. Here are some key ideas that can help you achieve an interpretation: First, keep a dream journal next to your bed. Use the jour­ nal only for writing down your dreams, and nothing else.

When you recall a dream, write it down just as you remem­ ber it, don’t edit it, or change your grammar or spelling. Often we will have strange new words in dreams — write these down because they are valuable just as they are.

Second, write down how you felt inside the dream — was I happy, anxious, sad or scared etc. Then write down how you feel now.

Third, write a short paragraph on what your conscious life involved over the past few days, what attitudes you are using, what challenges you are facing, i.e. what is troubling you over the past few days.

Fourth, underline the figures and objects in the dream text and then write a few brief associations to these. Identify the objects/figures that have strong symbolic meaning to you.

Amplify (or flesh out) these objects/figures using your own ideas.

Fifth, work out the parts or the structure of the dream.

Like all movies, dreams often have beginnings, middles, and ends. Jung used specific names for the four parts of the dream: EXPOSITION: Who is there, where did it happen?

DEVELOPMENT: How does the dream progress? What happens to the figures/objects in the dream?

CRISIS: What happens in the critical moment of the dream?

LYSIS: How does the dream end? How is a solution presented?

Finally, ask yourself what is the dream speaking about and does this relate to a con­ scious attitude or issue. This

is the last stage of the interpretation — when you know what the dream is commenting on (your conscious attitude) and know how you felt in the dream, and know what each of the dream symbols means to you, you can develop a sense of what the dream is saying about you, and may even be sug­ gesting what you need to change.

Stop nail biting in its tracks Nail biting is a common habit that many people, from all walks of life suffer from. It’s not easy to kick and can lead to serious nail infections.

Nail biting is most common amongst children and can be a sign of stress, nervousness, hunger or even bore­ dom. Adults, who suffer from nail biting, were more than likely nail biters in their youth.

Extreme nail biters not only bite off the nail, but can sometimes go as far as biting off their cuticles. This can lead to broken skin that is susceptible to germs and infections. Here are a few tips to help you stop biting those nails: * Like any habit, such as smoking etc., you need to be aware of your habit. Consciously stop yourself every time you find yourself putting your hands in your mouth or anywhere near your mouth. * Try applying a bitter nail polish to your fingernails. This way, every time you put your hands in your mouth, the horrible taste will stop you from biting. * Keep your nails short. This way you have less to chew off, and the less you have, the less you will want to put your hands in your mouth. * Keep your hands busy by investing in a stress ball. A simple instrument as an elastic band will help keep your hands occupied.

STAYING MENTALLY ALERT IN RETIREMENT Asthma, Allergies, Hay Fever?

An amazing discovery in the depths of a 2ND century abandoned mine could bring you the miraculous discovery to help with all of these conditions and give you a blissful snore free night.

NO ITS NOT POSSIBLE you may be thinking, well it is!

In 1843 a Polish doctor discovered that salt miners NEVER suffered from respiratory diseases.

Living here in Torrevieja is a great help to many sufferers of respiratory diseases but this discovery I am going to tell you about can help even more. Rock Salt is the miracle thousands of people pay huge amounts to travel to salt mines in Poland, Austria and Romania to breathe in the salty “healing “air.

Now there is a revolutionary patented Saltpipe™, the only Saltpipe™ to be granted Class lla medical status and you can now ben­ efit from the benefits of salt therapy at home. This spe­

cially crafted porcelain pip0e is easy to use and without side effects. The device is filled with Halite salt crystals formed millions of years ago and have now been mined from a Hungarian salt cave. Clinical research has shown that after a few daily uses you might be able to dispense with inhalers kiss good­ bye to allergies prevent bronchitis and chronic cough and boost your immune system.

We know that allergy prob­ lems are increasing at an alarming rate and increas­ ingly medication is being given by the medical pro­ fession but many of the medication has severe side effects. We should all be actively looking at more natural ways to help our bodies to heal them­ selves.

For more information on this and many other natural reme­ dies contact us at SlimFit on 966 191 514 / 722 219 450 or email info@slimfit­ europe.com

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

You may have misplaced your keys several times, or perhaps you have trouble coming up with the right word in conversations. How do you know when these changes are a normal part of getting old, or if they point to a health problem?

Is it true that our mental prowess takes a sharp decline after we retire?

Although there is a rela­ tionship between retire­ ment and cognitive skills, there is no evidence of an immediate decline right after retirement. In fact research has shown that being pro­active will contin­ ue to maintain adequate brain function. Promising research shows that taking very simple steps will help keep your mind sharp as you age.

Exercise: Recent research has shown that aerobic exercises not only boosts speed and sharp­

ness of thought, but also the volume of brain tissue.

As little as 50minutes of brisk walking 3 times a week was found to have this brain expanding effect.

Do not drink too much alcohol: Studies have shown that the more alco­ hol a person drinks, the smaller his or her total brain volume becomes.

The link between drinking and total brain volume was found to be even stronger in women. Men should drink no more than 2 serv­ ings per day, while women should limit theirs to one per day.

Solve puzzles and play card and board games: A university of Alabama study has shown that older peo­ ple, who participated in brain­boosting exercises, sharpened their mental abilities so much that their brains performed like those of people more than

10years younger. Start small with basic cross word puzzles or anagrams.

Switch between game types to avoid routine.

Meditate: A new study has shown that participants in meditation experienced growth in the brain cortex.

The cortex is an area of the brain that controls memory, language and sensory pro­ cessing. Start by doing 15minutes of meditation a day and aim for up to 40minutes to achieve maxi­ mum benefit. Sit upright, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing.

Creating a mentally fit lifestyle in retirement will allow you to keep your brain functions running well in your golden years.

FOR FULL BODY DIAG­ NOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965 071 745

Friday, April 25, 2014

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Friday, April 25, 2014

JUST THE MULTI-VITAMIN TICKET! Q

I want to start taking vitamins and minerals, but I am confused because there are so many different types avail­ able. What should I take?

A

In an ideal world, you will get all your nutrients form your diet, but unfortu­ nately, the food we eat today does not deliv­ er as many nutrients as it did years ago, and so we need to take supplements for optimal health. Supplements are an easy way to ensure that your body gets all the essential nutrients it needs on a daily basis. Some critics will tell you otherwise, but they are very wrong. Several studies have shown that the foods we eat no longer contain as many nutrients as they did years ago.

Supplements include – vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, phytonutrients, amino acids, essential fatty acids as well as numerous others. With such a list, it is very easy to get confused about what to take. Your best bet is to start with a really comprehensive multi­ vitamin, one that contains more or less all essential nutrients. Finding a good multivita­ min isn’t an easy task. When I started look­ ing into vitamins and supplement, it took me a while of analysing many brands using our advanced computerised system­ Sensitiv Imago­ before I settled for the brand we know use exclusively in our clinic­ Ultrapreventive X from Douglas Laboratories. This award winning multi­vita­ min is on a class of its own, mainly because

it is packed with so many essential nutrients, and also due to the exceptional quality and purity of its ingredients. Supplements differ mainly in the type of active ingredient they contain, as well as the way they are formu­ lated. Good quality supplements will usually contain the best form of the active ingredi­ ent, which is usually the form in which that ingredient is best absorbed into the body.

High quality supplement makers will also avoid the synthetic forms of nutrients prefer­ ring to use the natural forms, which are not only better for the body, but in some cases can be radically different with the synthetic forms causing unwanted health problems.

Other differences lie in the other ingredients used to make supplements such as fillers, binders and expedients. High quality nutri­ ents such as those from Douglas laborato­ ries tend to avoid these where possible, and if not use the tiniest amounts. What’s also important to remember is that taking single nutrient vitamins such as taking only Vitamin A or Vitamin B12 or Zinc is not such a good idea because one can easily overdose on certain nutrients that way. Furthermore, nutrients are better absorbed when taken as a combination of nutrients, like in natural foods, and not as single nutrients.

Ultrapreventive X is available from MedB health store: 90 tablets for 53.11 Euros. The recommended dose is between 2 and 4 tablets daily. Delivery is free to Spain. Call

965071745

Q

I have always believed that omega­3 essential oils are very beneficial to the body, but I came across a recent arti­ cle that said it could cause prostate can­ cer. I’ll be glad to hear your opinion.

A

You are right, Omega­3 essential fatty acids has been shown to benefit the body in so many ways. They are the build­ ing blocks for making cell membranes – the outer covering of every cell in the body. They are also raw materials for the body to make sex hormones, and hormone­like chemicals (prostaglandins) which are found in all your body tissues. When you do not get enough Omega­3’s from your diet, your body makes do with the best available fatty acids ( those derived from saturated fats) but these lead to the formation of weak structured cell membranes and low quality hormones.

When Omega­3’s are in short supply, you are more likely to experience dry, itchy skin, flare­ups of chronic inflammatory disease (arthritis, psoriasis, and asthma) and women are likely to suffer from period pains and cyclical breast pain. The deficiency of Omega’s during childhood has been associ­ ated with an increased risk of allergies, such as eczema, asthma and hay fever later in life. Omega­3 fatty acids are also vital in pregnancy because they are needed for the development of a baby’s eyes and brain. As

you can see, taking Omega­3 supplements is beneficial to health, but that depends on your source of Omega­3, which can be either from plants or animals. What has been associated with prostate cancer is the animal based omega­3 fatty acids such as those from fish oil and not plant based Omega­3 supplements. In any case, critics have condemned the research criticizing animal based omega­3, as inadequate and flawed. Plant based Omega­3 fatty acids contain ALA (Alpha Linolenic Acid), which is then converted in the body to DHA (Docosahexaenoic acid) and EPA (Eicosapentaenoic acid). In contrast, animal based omega­3 supplements contain straight DHA and EPA, and it is these that have been linked to prostate cancer. What is possible is that animal based supplements provide the body with too much EPA and DHA. Obviously it is best for the body to pro­ duce the exact amount of EPA and DHA it needs by converting from plant based sources. So the best sources of omega ­3 are plant based sources. For now it is advis­ able to avoid the animal based products until the research is clarified. At our clinic we have always preferred the plant based sources, as it is well known that fish oil is easily oxidised into harmful metabolites as soon as it is exposed to air.

FOR FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

Friday, April 25, 2014

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Friday, April 25, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

Real deal for fake flogger A Spanish art dealer who made world headlines through earning millions of dollars by allegedly producing and selling fake art­ works by major artists has been arrested during Easter celebrations in southern Spain.

Entrepreneur José Carlos Bergantiños Díaz was arrested on Good Friday at a hotel in Sevilla after months on the run.

Wanted for allegedly selling fake paintings by big name artists including Jackson Pollock and Mark Rothko, the Galician suf­ fered a panic attack after being detained, and had to briefly hospitalize. Bergantiños, from Galicia's Lugo province, is expected to face extradition hearings.

US federal prosecutors and the FBI believe the art expert and philanthropist and his girlfriend Glafira Rosales over 15 years ran an art scam that saw them rake in 58 mil­ lion Euros by selling off dozens of fake art­ works by renowned artists. Rosales pleaded guilty to participating to the scheme in 2013 and has been participating with authorities since that time, the New York Times report­ ed.

The paintings sold by the pair were actual­ ly produced by a Chinese immigrant working

A young child got two bungling Barcelona burglars arrest­ ed after she recorded their illegal entry on her mobile phone! Two men had broken into the property in Sant Andreu de la Barca and, when they realised the child had spotted them, they quickly fled the scene in a getaway car.

As well as videoing the two crooks, the girl was able to give the police video footage of their vehicle, which showed the registration number. Five days later, after tracing the car to El Prat de Llobregat just a few miles from the attempted burglary, police arrested two men as they were getting into the vehicle.

Searching the men and the car, officers seized a plastic bag containing jewellery which they had stolen in two break­ins in nearby Cornellà de Llobregat on the same night as they had been filmed. The car's owner, who is said to have been connected to the burglaries, was arrested hours later. out of a basement in the New York neigh­ bourhood of Queens and aged artificially, US authorities said. These pieces of art were then presented as genuine with the signa­ tures of the famous artists also forged, authorities added.

Bergantiños is "an autodidact with a good nose (for art)," as well as being a "great escapist and storyteller", sources close to the man told Spain's ABC newspaper.

FAKE TERRORIST JAILED

A man who pretended to be a member of the Basque terrorist group ETA and who threatened 100 Spanish businessmen, has started a 25 year jail stretch.

Madrid’s Supreme Court found the man guilty on 10 counts of extortion and one of attempted extortion after he blamed the businessmen for “causing the conflict between the Basque Country and the Spanish State”, demanding that they each pay him 50 thousand Euros as extor­ tion money.

Jorge G.V. pretended to be a member of Basque separatists ETA in all his written threats, alleging that if the business owners didn't pay up they would be the target “of his armed response with all the consequences it entailed”. He included a phone number in all his correspondence under the pretence that his victims would receive instructions from ETA members, a trick to get a hold of their mobile numbers.

On the 15th of January 2008, Spanish police were able to arrest Jorge G.V. and two of his accomplices during a money handover

SMILE PLEASE!

planned with one of their victims. His extor­ tion methods, commonly known as revolu­ tionary tax, were actually employed by ETA to fund their terrorist organization with up to 1.5 million Euros a year. Up to 1 thousand businessmen and politicians in the Basque Country and Navarre were extorted by ETA until the ceasefire of 2011. Since 1968, the separatist group has been held responsible for killing 829 people, injuring thousands and undertaking dozens of kidnappings. Some businessmen who refused to pay the revolu­ tionary tax also ended up as ETA victims, as in the case of businessman Ignacio Uría Mendizábal, shot dead in 2008.

That’s the way to hold it

The Guardia Civil has been slammed for letting children handle some of their weapons on a school visit in the northern region of Navarra. Youngsters at the Otero de Navascués School in the town of Cintruénigo were taught how to hold, shoot and load the guns during the police visit, causing outcry among parents and some teachers, as well as on social networks.

A flood of complaints was published on the school's website, calling the situation 'horri­ ble', 'shameful' and 'disgusting', whilst one teachers said that 'teaching children to play with firearms' was something which 'went against every school curriculum'. Another criticism on the website referred to how the Guardia Civil 'could afford to land at the school in a helicopter, full of pomp and cir­ cumstance' whilst at the same time the State was cutting back on spending in education, making teachers redundant and class sizes larger, and reducing material available in the classroom.

The summary of the Guardia Civil visit on the school's website said all the pupils had been able to 'see and touch riot gear, breathalysers, weapons, bullet­proof vests, handcuffs and other equipment', and a num­ ber of photos of the day's activities have been uploaded. The Guardia Civil for the Navarra region said several parents also joined in the exhibition and 'rather enjoyed it'.

A vet gave the kiss of life to a stillborn jaguar cub after it stopped breathing. Dr Patricia Garrido gave the cub emergency mouth­to­mouth resuscitation after a cae­ sarean birth at the El Bosque Veterinary Hospital in Madrid. The rare operation was deemed necessary as the mother, Xena, had previously killed two cubs shortly after giving birth.

It took a team of 12 vets, nurses and assistants to deliver the cub, christened Ali, but the dramatic operation descended into a frantic search for a heartbeat. When it was

found the cub wasn’t breathing, the team had to perform CPR to kickstart the animal’s heart. They then used a pump to attempt to force air into its lungs, but neither treatment worked. In desperation, Dr Garrido came to the rescue with the emergency mouth­to­ mouth. After a tense eight minutes, the team finally felt a tiny heartbeat.

Antonio Rodriguez, a fellow vet who wit­ nessed the birth, said: “The experience of seeing an animal start living and breathing after out help is really amazing. It is inde­ scribable.”

KISS SAVES ALI

Friday, April 25, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

CARRY ON CABBY?

Spanish taxi drivers are fuming over a mobile phone application which puts ordi­ nary motorists in touch with each other for paid lifts. Angry cabbies have called for the app to be banned. The 'App', known as Über, also provides a way for passengers to pay drivers online.

Effectively, it allows those offering illegal 'airport runs' and more local transport to get in touch with potential customers more quickly and efficiently. Taxi firms throughout Spain say if the App, which comes from the USA, is not withdrawn, they will stage coun­

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IDIOTS DESTORY HISTORY

A 5,000 year­old rock painting in southern Spain has been destroyed by thieves who tried to steal the UNESCO World Heritage­listed artwork by chipping it off the cave wall where it was housed.

Residents of the Santa Elena in Spain's southern Jaén province are reeling after news of the damage.

Local mayor Juan Caminero said the painting was now "irreparable" and condemned the act of van­ dalism as "heartless".

News of the attempted theft first emerged last Saturday after visitors to the Los Escolares Cave noticed the damage to the anthropomorphic painting of a swallow. After noticing what looked like evidence of some­ one having tried to chip away at the image with a pick, they spotted fine dust and rock chippings on the floor. Jaén province is home to 42 sites with UNESCO­listed rock trywide protest marches, claiming using ordi­ paintings, many of them freely accessible to nary motorists for a paid car­pooling service leaves the customer open to risks and could put 100,000 cabbies out of a job.

The Commercial Court in Brussels, part of the European Union, has already ordered the company Über to cease its car­pooling­ Burglars who targeted for­cash activities. This decision by the Court luxury villas on the Costa was criticised by European Commissioner del Sol, and who were not for Digital Services, Neelie Kroes, who said afraid to resort to violence, Brussels was 'clearly not out to protect pas­ have been arrested by the sengers' but to 'create a lucrative monopoly' National Police in a nation­ for taxi companies. wide dragnet which saw 4 properties raided across Spain, with 7 people of Albanian, Romanian, and Spanish nationalities being America's 8.2. taken into custody.

This becomes even more impressive The gang are believed bearing in mind the complex process that to be linked to 20 break­ins needs to take place before a transplant oper­ on homes, which they kept ation can even begin. There are 181 hospi­ under surveillance to check when the own­ tals in Spain authorised to take organ dona­ ers or tenants would be out, although if they tions and each of these has a coordinator came face to face with them they would who has to speak to the donor's family and a often threaten them or employ violence. judge before organ extraction can take They used sophisticated electronic devices place. This has to be done following the cor­ which allowed them to spy on the occupants rect procedure regarding X­rays and analy­ and take a virtual tour of the villas via the sis before the coordinator gets in contact existing CCTV security cameras. Police with the National Transplant Organization in found a video camera frequency scanner Madrid. The coordination centre at the ONT and an inhibitor designed to prevent images has a list of people who need organs and being captured, meaning they would not be they look for an appropriate match for the caught on film when they burgled the proper­ organ. This substantial logistics operation ties. has to take place in a maximum of five or six The thieves mainly targeted small, hours to ensure the organ does not begin to portable valuables, such as jewellery and deteriorate. money in cash, of which officers have recov­

the public and without adequate protection, according to the Speleology Federation of Andalusia.

These paintings are part of a group of sev­ eral hundred sites along Spain's Mediterranean seaboard, and are the largest group of rock sites in Europe, according to UNESCO. "Here the way of life during a critical phase of human development is vividly and graphi­ cally depicted in paintings whose style and subject matter are unique," the United Nations says on its website.

HIGH-END HEISTS

Spain’s an organ leader

Despite cutbacks in many areas of the health service, there is one area in which Spain remains a leader and the Spanish people set an example of solidarity for the rest of the world: Organ donation and trans­ plantation. In the 25 years since its creation in 1989, the Spanish National Transplant Organisation (ONT) has overseen more than 90,500 organ transplant operations, includ­ ing over 57,000 kidney transplants, 21,576 liver transplants, 7,024 heart transplants, more than 3,200 lung transplants and over 1,500 pancreas transplant operations. This is in part due to the fact that Spain has the highest rate of organ donors in the world. In 2013, a total of 1,655 people in Spain donat­ ed their organs, with an average of 35.1 donors per million people, well above that of the European Union's 19.2, the United States 25.8, and even four times of the Latin

ered 16 thousand Euros, together with watches, top designer handbags, computer equipment and mobile telephones, as well as accessories made of gold or platinum, some with diamonds and other precious stones.

In total, the stolen goods and money recovered are worth over 200,000 Euros, although the burglars took around 300,000 Euros' worth of valuables overall To avoid capture, the gang travelled around Spain, renting temporary accommodation on the Costa del Sol, Costa Blanca, Madrid and the province of Tarragona. They also travelled periodically to Greece and Portugal to keep the police off their trail.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

5 INGREDIENTS OR LESS SALMON WITH A CHEESY CRUNCH CRUST Ingredients 4 x 175g salmon fillets 50g softened butter 4 tbsp slivered or flaked almonds 4 tbsp chopped fresh parsley 50g Gruyère or emmental, coarsely grated

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 190C/Gas 5/fan oven 170C. Season the salmon steaks all over. Liberally butter a shallow oven­ proof dish big enough to take the fish in one layer.

Smear the salmon with the remaining butter.

2. Mix the almonds, pars­ ley and the gruyère or emmental, then press on to the top of the steaks.

3. Bake for 15­20 min­ utes, until the topping is

crisp and golden and the salmon cooked. Serve with pota­ toes and a green salad or broccoli.

STEAK & CHIPS SALAD Ingredients 750g bag frozen potato wedges 1 tbsp olive oil 2 pieces sirloin steak, about 350g/12oz in total 120g bag herb salad 6 tbsp honey and mustard salad dessing, bought or home­ made

Method

1. Cook the potatoes: Scatter the frozen wedges in a single layer on a large baking sheet and bake until golden and crunchy, according to packet instructions.

2. Cook the steaks: While the potatoes are in the oven, heat the oil in a frying pan until hot, and fry the steaks for 2­3 min­ utes on each side. Remove the steaks from the pan and leave to rest for a few minutes before slicing into thin strips.

3. Assemble the dish: When the potatoes are done, sprinkle them with a little salt and black pepper. Tip the salad leaves into a bowl and toss with 4 tablespoons of the dressing.

Divide the salad between 4 plates, top with potatoes and then the steak. Drizzle over the remaining dressing and serve immediately.

SLOW-COOKED LAMB WITH ONIONS & THYME Ingredients

half a leg of lamb (about 1¼kg/2lb 12oz) 1kg onions (about 4 large ones) handful of thyme sprigs 300ml red wine

large handful parsley

Method

1. Firstly, prepare the lamb. Heat oven to 160C/fan140C/gas 3.

Wipe the meat all over and season well. Heat 3 tbsp of olive oil in a large heavy flameproof casse­ role, add the meat and fry all over on a fairly high heat for about 8 mins, turning until it is evenly well browned.

Remove to a plate.

2. Thinly slice the onions. Add to the pan and fry for about 10 mins, until softened and tinged with brown. Add a few of the thyme sprigs and cook for a further minute or so. Season with salt and pepper.

3. Sit the lamb on top of the onions, then add the wine. Cover tightly. Bake for 3 hrs. You can make to this stage up to 2 days in advance, then reheat for 45 mins.

4. To finish off, strip the leaves from 2 thyme sprigs and chop them with the parsley. Scatter over before serving.

SUMMER TRAYBAKE CHICKEN Ingredients 4 chicken breasts 1 tbsp olive oil 250g cherry tomatoes 4 tbsp pesto

Method

Put the chicken breasts in a large, shallow roasting tray and drizzle with olive oil.

Friday, April 25, 2014 Grill for 10 mins, then add cherry tomatoes and grill for anoth­ er 5 mins until chicken is cooked. Drizzle pesto over the top and serve.

EASY RISOTTO WITH BACON & PEAS Ingredients 1 onion 6 rashers streaky bacon, chopped 300g risotto rice 1l hot vegetable stock 100g frozen peas

ASPARAGUS CREAM PASTA Ingredients 1 bunch asparagus 142ml tub double cream 2 garlic cloves, peeled, but left whole 50g parmesan, half grated, half shaved 250g tagliatelle

Method

1. Finely chop the onion. Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil and a knob of butter in a pan, add the onions and fry until lightly browned (about 7 minutes). Add the bacon and fry for a fur­ ther 5 minutes, until it starts to crisp.

2. Add the rice and stock, and bring to the boil. Stir well, then reduce the heat and cook, covered, for 15­20 minutes until the rice is almost tender.

3. Stir in the peas, add a little salt and pepper and cook for a further 3 minutes, until the peas are cooked. Serve sprinkled with freshly grated parmesan and freshly ground black pep­ per.

WARM CHICKPEA, CHORIZO & PEPPER SALAD Ingredients 200g chorizo 1 tbsp olive oil 410g can chickpeas, drained and rinsed 250g jar roasted mixed pep­ pers, drained and roughly chopped handful coriander leaves, chopped 2 tbsp natural yogurt

Method

1. Cut the chorizo into 3cm thick slices. Heat the oil in a large frying pan over a high heat. Cook the chorizo for 4­5 minutes, turning occasionally until the edges start to crisp and it has released its red oil.

2. Tip the chickpeas into the pan and cook for a couple of minutes until hot. Add the peppers and cook for a few min­ utes until everything's juicy. Remove from the heat, stir in the coriander, ladle into two bowls and top each with a spoonful of yogurt.

Method 1. To prepare the asparagus, cut off and discard the woody ends, then neatly cut the tips away from the stalks. Keep the tips and stalks separate.

In a small saucepan bring the cream and garlic to the boil.

Take off the heat, remove the garlic, then set the pan aside.

2. Cook the stalks in boiling salted water for about 4­5 mins until tender, drain, then tip into the cream with the grated parmesan. Blitz with a hand blender until smooth.

Cook the pasta according to pack instructions, then throw in the tips 2 mins before the end of cooking time. Gently reheat the cream, drain pasta, then tip into a bowl with the cream.

Toss, divide into pasta bowls, top with parmesan shavings and serve.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

HERE COMES THE SUN! As summer approaches we are now starting to prepare to keep cool! Sarahs Curtain & Bedding Store can help you transform your home and garden in preparation for this.

Outdoor seating areas can be let down by faded cushions and covers... why not have these recovered? With prices that cannot be beaten and fantastic fabrics all aspects of outdoor furniture can be refurbished from seat pads to swing chairs. All fabrics used for outdoor furnishings are UV and water resistant. All recovering is performed in the shop. As well as fabric, we also supply foam in all depths and densi­ ties.

As part of the new sea­ sons prod­ ucts, practi­ cal awnings / toldos are also avail­ able in store ­ there are hundreds of colours and styles to choose from. With sturdy aluminium frames and easy to use mechanisms an awning can give you valuable extra space or just a lovely shady area to sit and relax. From small door awnings to large car ports there is a solution for any space and at great prices you just can't go wrong.

Exposure to direct sunlight can cause many coloured or painted materials to fade. Damage due to fading is caused

by UV light, visible light, heat (including infra­red light) artifi­ cial lighting indoors, humidity and poor dye anchorage ­ but the first three account for 90% of fading. Ultraviolet, visible light and heat all pass through ordi­ nary glass and can cause dam­ age to goods, fabrics or furnish­ ings in your home or business.

Offering fade protection window films or solar control films are specifically designed to filter out at least 98% of harmful UV rays

and reject infra­red heat but still leave a pleasantly lit living environment. Whilst no film can completely eliminate the effects of fading due to the solar spectrum, over 80% of UV rays, infra­red and visible light can be rejected with our extensive range of fade protection films. This film is ultra­ clear and once installed is virtually undetectable, you can also have tinted film or a fabulous reflective privacy film if you are overlooked.

Also in store for the summer season you will find fabulous home textiles....... Lightweight lined curtains, a vast selection of fantastic voiles, vibrant towels, stunning duvet sets, cool bed sheets and pillow cases (these can be made to your specification) and so much more! With new stock arriving every week you won't be disappointed!

Sarah's Curtain & Bedding Store can be found at CC Los Dolses, Villamartin, next to Cardmania near the canal. For information on any of the amazing products and services above, please call Sarah on 966 848 980.

Friday, April 25, 2014

The Vista Card is gathering apace across the Costa Blanca, and if you don’t have one, then you’re going to miss out on a bumper collection of offers and promotions across a whole range of shops and businesses in the area.

When you go to a participating business, ask them what the Vista Card can do for you with the current special deals. The Vista Card logo will be on display on the doors and windows of the ever increasing list of participating venues, which will also include discounts on dining out.

Ask about getting a card at the various businesses, and you can start to spend and save!

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Friday, April 25, 2014

UK HEADLINES

BARKING UP THE WRONG BEE A beekeeping dog has been trained to sniff out a killer dis­ ease which wipes out hives and even has his own suit to protect him from stings.

Bazz the black labrador was specially trained by beekeep­ er Josh Kennett to detect by smell a killer bee disease called American foulbrood.

But Mr Kennett was forced to design him his own bee­ keepers suit after he kept getting stung while saving the buzzing insects.

Now, the dog has to suit up every time he goes out to the hives.

The beekeeper, from Tintinara in South Australia, created the incredible suit after a long process of trial and error.

Mr Kennett said: 'The process of training Bazz and devel­ oping the suit has been an attempt to find a better way of controlling American foulbrood disease.

'There is no cure for the disease.

'Detection and quarantine processes are essential to save our bees.

'I realised that Bazz was able to sniff out the disease, and

save thousands of bees ­ but he didn’t like being around them too much when he was getting stung.

'So I’ve tried to develop a suit the dog can wear and hope­ fully avoid being stung.'

The suit is created to protect the dog as it attempts to detect the devastating disease which wipes out thousands of beehives every year.

The fatal Paenibacillus larvae caused by the infection are usually only visible under high­magnification microscope, but thanks to Bazz’s mesh protected nose, that’s not neces­ sary.

The dare­devil dog is protected from bee attack to let him get close enough to sniff out the hives.

After a lengthy training regime Bazz was ready to take on the challenge and began detecting the disease.

Mr Kennett said: 'We’ve now proven the concept, he can find the infected hives.

'The only challenge now is getting the dog comfortable with the suit. It’s hard to change a dog’s habits overnight.

'To fully cover a dog up and expect it to do the same thing, it takes time to change how he behaves and to get used to that suit.

'But he’s a quick learner and he’s never let us down before.'

GARDEN SHED ZEN Madeleine McCann police

THE garden, the bath­ room and the pub were yes­ terday named among a list of men’s favourite places.

But the most popular spot to escape and gather their thoughts was the bedroom.

The car also made the top 10 in a poll of 2,000 blokes.

The report found three out of four frequently went to a favourite place to escape hectic daily routines and enjoy a bit of man time.

Men were most content when pottering in their shed or tinkering in the garage.

Each spell undisturbed in the “man cave” typically lasted an hour.

Peace and quiet or trying to avoid an argument were the biggest reasons for a man’s retreat, while a sneaky nap, avoiding the mother­in­law and secretly following a sports event also made the list.

The research was commissioned by shelving firm BiGDUG, and a spokesman said: “There’s a clear trend for men nipping away to places to get a bit of time alone.”

Top 10 happiest places for fellas 1. Bedroom 2. Garden 3. Bathroom 4. Pub

probing sex assaults

5. The park 6. Study 7. Shed 8. Car 9. Garage 10. Spare room Top 10 reasons guys escape 1. Peace and quiet 2. To avoid arguments 3. Do my own thing 4. A place to think 5. To calm down 6. I like my own company 7. Get some rest 8. Listen to or watch sport 9. Avoid being nagged 10. A quick nap

Detectives investigating the disappearance of Madeleine McCann are probing cases of sexual assault against British girls in the Algarve.

Investigators from Scotland Yard are waiting for an official agreement later this week to begin "operational activity" linked to the girl's disap­ pearance in the near future.

Police revealed they are now looking at a fur­ ther five cases in which young British girls were sexually assaulted during holiday home break­ ins by a lone intruder in the Algarve.

It takes the total of sexual assault cases being considered by officers to nine, as well as three "near misses". They all involve attacks or attempted attacks on British girls aged six to 12 between 2004 and 2006.

One of these was in 2005 on a ten­year­old girl in Praia da Luz, where Madeleine, then three, vanished two years later.

Scotland Yard made public appeals to try to trace the paedophile in March, and so far more than 500 people have made contact with infor­ mation.

The team revealed at the time that they were looking at a series of break­ins, including two burglaries in the town where Madeleine, whose father Gerry is from Glasgow, disappeared.

Detective chief inspector Andy Redwood said on Wednesday: "As a result of those 500 calls, we have now identified a further five sexual assaults and one near miss. None of those six matters we were aware of prior to our appeal.

"In this new tranche of information we have got one crime which is very clearly in the heart of Praia da Luz in 2005, on a young, white, ten­

year­old girl.

"Clearly the fact that we've now got an assault that is in the heart of Praia da Luz, very close to where a previous matter had been reported, means that we are even more interested in this as part of the inquiry."

British detectives launched a fresh investiga­ tion into Madeleine's disappearance in July last year ­ two years into a review of the case.

After shelving their inquiry into Madeleine's disappearance in 2008, Portuguese authorities said last October that a review had uncovered enough new information to justify reopening it.

Portugal has declined to set up an official joint investigation with the Met. Mr Hewitt said Prime Minister David Cameron and Home Secretary Theresa May have expressed a personal interest in the case, and stand ready to intervene to press the Portuguese authorities for help if necessary.

British investigators are looking at 18 poten­ tially­linked break­ins in the area, where little or nothing was stolen.

This includes the nine sexual assaults, three near­misses and six incidents where the intruder was disturbed before anything happened.

In the previous appeal, the suspect was described as a tanned, dark­haired man who spoke English slowly, with a foreign accent and possibly slurred speech, had unkempt hair and was unshaven, and smelt strange.

Some witnesses said he had a pot belly.

There is a £20,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and prosecution of those responsible for Madeleine's disappearance.

Friday, April 25, 2014

31

Stephanie sings again SPICE UP YOUR LIFE The hundreds of people who missed out on hear­ ing a talented 15­year­old singer, will have two more chances soon. Over 300 potential audience mem­ bers missed out on a recent sell­out event starring the Los Montesinos teenager, Stephanie Lohse, who has performed at many charity events and other paid­for concerts, and her reputation is spreading fast. She’ll be giving two concerts on Sunday May 11th, in the Auditorium Escuela Musica y Cultura in Los Montesinos and on Sunday May 25th, in the Cardenal Belluga Theatre, San Fulgencio.

“The Power of Music” will feature famous West End musical tunes and power ballads, and Stephanie will be accompanied by the Touch­of­ Class dancers. Doors open at 6:30pm, with the con­ cert starting at 7:30pm, with tickets priced at just 5 Euros. Her last concert sold out 10 days in advance and a further 350 people who wanted to come were disappointed, so early booking is advised. The prof­ its of the concerts, in conjunction with Social Services of the respective Ayuntamiento, will be used to buy food and other essentials for needy people in the area. Tickets can be ordered on 633 019 041.

BLOWS AND BEATS

The popular Torrevieja Pipes and Drums linked up with the Costa Blanca Help at Homes Charity for a fund­ raising day at the Playa Flamenca Beach Commercial Centre last Good Friday. The musicians are always interested in sup­ porting local charities as well as getting new members, who can be absolute begin­ ners. For more details, call Barry on 626 839 951 or send an E­mail to wadding­ tonjoan@gmail.com.

There’s a nice way of getting hot and not so bothered in aid of the Elche Children’s Home with a special session telling you all about Spices and Rices at the Quesada Country Club’s “Complete Woman Day” on Thursday May 22nd. Pushpa Khimji will be giving away a few secrets of what makes top quality Indian food, and then on the fol­ lowing lunchtime (May 23rd) from noon,

she’s organised a special Bollywood event in aid of the Elche Home at the Spice Hut restaurant in Quesada. There’ll be Bangra entertainment and you can eat as much as like in a lunch that has been priced at just €8.90. Other fund­raising events coming up for the Home, include a Music and Magic night, and a Murder Mystery Evening.

ANYTHING GOES

On the ocean wave Torrevieja Maritime Association got the chance recently to check out a cruise liner, "Grand Celebration" when it docked in Valancia.

After a guided tour of the ship and a sumptuous lunch the Maritime Association Committee presented a plaque to a member of the ship's company as a memen­ to. If you would want to join the Maritime Association please contact Mike on 693 769 110 or E­mail bristolch­ esterred@live.co.uk.

SUMMER HARMONY The popular local chamber choir, In Harmony, are gear­ ing up for a special concert at La Zenia church on Sunday May 4th. And with the excel­ lent weather, the choir has sensibly called their pro­ gramme, ”Songs for a Summer Evening”, with a variety of music for all tastes.

Tickets are priced at 5 Euros, with all proceeds going to local charities, and are on sale from La Ponderosa at La Zenia Island or on the night itself.

If there’s something that you don’t have any use for, then don’t throw it away! Help Murcia Mar Menor might find it just the ticket for their regular Sunday Car Boot sale. The HMMM team need any kind of Bric­a­Brac for their weekly session in the Autocine, Los Narejos. Anything from cutlery to clothing and from bags to bedding will be greatly

appreciated, with the sale providing a vital source of regular income for the charity that helps local people with all kinds of problems.

At their recent AGM, the group gave away 10 thousand Euros to worthy local causes including 4 thousand Euros to 3 local branches of the Cartitas charity. For more details call the HMMM office on 968 570 059

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Friday, April 25, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 If you find yourself second­guessing plans you made earlier, Aries, perhaps for a plane trip, try to look objectively at your concerns.

You don't have to cancel everything if you have money worries. Your fears will proba­ bly turn out to be unfounded. This could be a good time to look into learning more about modern technology, either by enrolling in a class or attending a lecture. Evaluate vaca­ tion plans or a class with an analytical eye.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 You might find yourself wrestling some ongoing, unresolved issues that could interfere with your ability to do your job.

Be mindful that you're a bit brittle today, particularly if you're working on financial matters, Taurus. The last thing you want is a major battle with those around you, so do your best to keep a cool head. Don't let uncontrolled emotions rule the day.

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 There is a possibility that you'll fall into a bit of a regression today as old feelings of anx­ iety or inadequacy surface. Although you've reached a good place in terms of self­confi­ dence, some old childhood fears could resurface. The old emotions that bubble up could impede your interactions with your co­ workers or friends today, so be mindful of what lies under the surface for you, Gemini.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 OK, up and at 'em, Cancer! You might feel like you're walking through sand today, but you really need to shake your booty and get the blood flowing. If you don't get up and do something, you'll be a slug all day. You need to clear your head and cast off that bloated feeling. Most importantly, you want to get a good start to the day so you can accomplish everything that awaits you.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 You could be startled to find that your artis­ tic talents, although dormant for a while, are called into service today. A particular undertaking of those around you could benefit from your gift in this area. Don't panic, Leo, you won't be expected to do this alone. Others will pitch in and help.

One thing to be careful of today is not let your emotions run away with you. It could spoil everything.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 This could be a tough day for you emo­ tionally. It might surprise you to find that some very old, deep­seated feelings get churned up in the course of investigating a subject of keen interest to you. It might be difficult to process these feelings. Don't try to intellectualize them too much, Virgo. At the same time, be wary of situations that could trigger an emotional cyclone. Some words can be brutally painful.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 Things could be up and down for you today, Libra. You might experience some confusion as a result of communication snafus or computer glitches that affect financial issues you're trying to solve.

Persevere and you'll succeed. Don't be surprised if you're recruited to join a proj­ ect that is totally new to you. You may be apprehensive at first, but you'll do just fine.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 You might be feeling a little tense because you and your partner are grappling with some thorny financial issues right now, Scorpio. You could be frustrated because you need to postpone some purchases or investments until the cash starts flowing more freely again. The good news is that this is a fine time to work out such a conflict to a satisfactory resolution.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 This will be an exciting day for you intellec­ tually, Sagittarius. A number of intriguing concepts will catch your fancy, and you'll be hungry to learn more about them right away. Your research could take you to a library or onto the Internet. The topics might relate to social or political issues. As irre­ sistible as these new ideas are, don't forget to tend to the business of everyday life.

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 You'll want to respond to your creative juices, which will be flowing freely today, Capricorn. Don't suppress the urge to sing, compose, paint, or write. You'll be in the full flower of creativity, so make the most of it. You'll be able to take care of your daily obligations and still make room for your creative expression. Listen to the messages you receive in your heart and let them burst forth.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 Tugs on the home front could be pulling you away from attending an event with friends that you've been looking forward to for some time. Try to be reasonable and sort out the needs of those at home with kind­ ness in your heart. You might be able to address those issues and still have time to be with your friends later. Just remember to keep your priorities straight, Aquarius.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 Cool heads will be needed today, Pisces, as tempers may flare at work because of frustration with ongoing problems. You might need to take the lead in keeping everyone calm by facilitating clear and open communication. It will be important to keep emotions in check or words will fly that people may regret. This is a temporary situation.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Jacqueline wanted to know how to move photo’s ADVICE: Morag wanted to know what she could do to into an album using Facebook. secure Windows XP now that Microsoft have ended supI have photos on my timeline that I have downloaded from other sites. Is it possible port to transfer them into different albums? Thanks

Q

A

Q

Dear Richard, as I have windows XP there is now no virus protection I have been told. Is it really not safe now? What do you suggest I can do? Yours sincerely Morag

A

Hi Morag, have a look at the article I have written on the subject, you can see it at… http://www.bluemoonsolutions.es/armageddon­coming­to­a­windows­xp­machine­ near­you/ …it’s also in last month’s Jungle Drums if you can find a copy locally.

Hi Jacqueline, you can move photo’s into an album from your timeline by opening the post in question, click on the photo and then click ”options” (at the bottom) and select “move to other album”.

ADVICE: Neil wanted to know how he could control use of his iPad

Q

Is there some way I can restrict the time spent on my apple computer by my grand­ son when he arrives on Sunday other than having a fight. Then be able to turn it back when his gone. Niel

Don’t forget you can follow me on twit­ ter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page. office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es

A

Hi Niel, the following link will give you all the parental control options available for your iPad. http://support.apple.com/kb/ht4213

Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Friday, April 25, 2014

GLOW IN THE DARK ROAD UNVEILED Glow in the dark road markings have been unveiled on a 500m stretch of high­ way in the Netherlands.

The paint contains a "photo­luminis­ ing" powder that charges up in the day­ time and slowly releases a green glow at night, doing away with the need for streetlights.

Interactive artist Daan Roosegaarde teamed up with Dutch civil engineering firm Heijmans to work on the idea.

The technology is being tested with an official launch due later this month.

It is the first time "glowing lines" tech­ nology has been piloted on the road and can be seen on the N329 in Oss, approximately 100km south east of Amsterdam.

Once the paint has absorbed daylight it can glow for up to eight hours in the dark.

Speaking to the BBC last year about his plans Mr Roosegaarde said: "The govern­ ment is shutting down streetlights at night to save money, energy is becoming much more important than we could have imag­ ined 50 years ago. This road is about safety and envisaging a more self­sustainable and more interactive world."

Mr Roosegaarde's projects aim to help people and technology to interact. His past projects have included a dance floor with built­in disco lights powered by dancers' foot movements, and a dress that becomes see­ through when the wearer is aroused.

"I was completely amazed that we some­

how spend billions on the design and R&D of cars but somehow the roads ­ which actu­ ally determine the way our landscape looks ­ are completely immune to that process," Mr Roosegaarde said.

Heijmans was already working on projects involving energy­neutral streetlights when Mr Roosegaarde teamed up with the com­ pany.

"I thought that was updating an old idea, and I forced them to look at movies of jelly­ fish. How does a jellyfish give light? It has no solar panel, it has no energy bill.

"And then we went back to the drawing board and came up with these paints which charge up in the daytime and give light at night," he said.

ONE IN FIVE drivers from the UK risks being fined when travelling in Europe due to not carrying the correct travel kit. Laws in Europe vary between countries but most demand every car has a warning triangle in case of a breakdown.

In a survey by the AA, it found a third (37%) of British drivers did not know they needed to carry a high visibility jacket to comply with French law. More than half (55%) of drivers were also unaware French law demands they carry a disposable breathalyser.

By not carrying the required car kit, driv­ ers risk fines from €15 up to €135. Other essentials that are either needed by law or are desirable to have when travelling abroad include spare light bulbs, a first aid kit and a GB plate attached to the rear of the car.

Another essential item often forgotten by UK drivers are headlight beam convertors to

prevent the headlights in right­hand drive cars dazzling drivers on the Continent.Rosie Sanderson, Head of European Motoring at the AA said, ‘Not having the correct equip­ ment in an emergency when on the Continent can leave you having to deal with on the spot fines on top of whatever the original emergency was. It is important to remember that different regulations apply to the countries you are driving through not just the country of your destination.’

The AA also reminds drivers that some European countries require drivers to carry the car’s original registration document.

Edmund King, AA President, said, ‘The rules and regulations on the Continent can be confusing and it is imperative that drivers heading over to Europe should check before they travel. It is not just safety equipment but also knowing the correct speed limits in whichever countries you are visiting can help avoid speeding fines.’

Encourage innovation

UK drivers risk Euro fines

Heijmans says that the glow in the dark technology is also "a sustainable alternative to places where no conventional lighting is present".

Pilot project

Innovation on roads needs to be encour­ aged said Professor Pete Thomas, from Loughborough University's Transport Safety Research Centre but new technologies need to prove themselves.

"We have some high visibility markings already on roads in the UK, plus cats­eye technology etc. So the question is how much better than these is this alternative?

"If we put this technology on all unlit roads

that would be a lot of kilometres and it would be a big investment so if safety improvement is the target then we need hard evidence about how this compares to what we already have and to back up any safety claims," he said.

The UK Highways Agency said it was watching the trial in the Netherlands with interest but said that previous studies had shown that "luminescent road paint would be unsuitable for use in this country".

It said it would take several things in to account when deciding whether to include luminescent road markings in its design standards. These would be include how far in advance road markings could be seen, how skid resistant they were, how visible they were during the day and how they would perform in winter when there are fewer hours of daylight.

Initially the team also had plans to devel­ op weather symbols that appeared on the road once the temperature reached a cer­ tain level. A temperature­sensitive paint mix­ ture would be used to create giant snow flake­shaped symbols on the tarmac to warn users that the road may be icy.

The current stretch of glow in the dark road in Oss does not include this tempera­ ture sensitive technology.

It is a pilot project at this stage and is expected to expand internationally later this year. Dutch media report that Heijmans is keen to use the paint on other roads but has not yet negotiated any contracts.

Friday, April 25, 2014

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Friday, April 25, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 6 represents L and 16 represents V, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Mollycoddle (6) 4 Squash (5) 9 Later on (9) 10 Imitate (3) 11 Garish (5) 12 Farthest (7) 14 Overtake (4) 16 Nuisance (4) 21 Authorise (7) 23 Soar upwards (5) 24 Steal from (3) 25 Pomegranate syrup (9) 26 Religious belief (5) 27 Hinge on (6)

1 Alter (6) 2 Variety of mandarin orange (7) 3 Ahead of time (5) 5 Shaft (3) 6 Humiliation (5) 7 Keen (5) 8 High temperature (5) 13 Gratuity (3) 15 Fix (3) 17 Infer (7) 18 Find out (5) 19 Discourage (5) 20 Myth (6) 22 Shinbone (5) 23 Condition (5) 25 Acquire (3)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1/6 Hit man, 3 Brass, 8 Earnest, 9 Loves, 10 Amass, 11 Concede, 12 Deepen, 14 Belong, 17 Austere, 19 Child, 21 Okapi, 22 Leading, 23 Due, 24 Gowns, 25 Eat. Down: 1 Hyena, 2 Terrace, 3 Bless, 4 Attack, 5 Silence, 6 Movie, 7 Nest egg, 12 Diamond, 13 Evening, 15 Orifice, 16 Bellow, 18 Share, 19 Class, 20 Digit.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Looked forward to Ted finishing the former PE col­ lege (8) 5 A request to leap around!

(4) 9 Give a warning to the left prior to conclusion (7) 10 Hero­worship promo­ tion mineral (5) 11 Take Enid out to eat (4) 12 Hold a rally in favour of an experiment (7) 15 One examining a canopy (6) 16 Riddle resolved in game (6) 19 Telly or silly thing to put your shopping in (7) 21 Bland apartment (4) 24 Oasis and Nirvana dropping Ecstasy (5) 25 Rebuild old Escort into a two­wheeled vehicle (7) 26 Quietly unwell, so take a tablet (4) 27 Forgave Dicky and Pedro (8)

Down 1 Speed up different, deep exit (8) 2 Father lets out mother and himself (7) 3 Hands in screwdriver (4) 4 Affected Leeds regi­ ment’s senior figures (6) 6 They have pride in their families (5) 7 Stunned when American gets married (4) 8 Telling on an old country pursuit (7) 13 Story giving can be so revealing (7) 14 Damaged by dreadful debt rate (8) 17 Made up tag line for jelly (7) 18 Body of water that could be erased (3,3) 20 Celebration in the back bar (5) 22 Man’s hard hat outside (4) 23 Brave, we hear he’s out in cricket (4)

STANDARD CLUES Down Across 1 Speed the progress of (8) 1 Considered likely to hap­ 2 Mum and Dad (7) pen (8) 3 Ship’s personnel (4) 5 Heartfelt request (4) 4 Church leaders (6) 9 Be an indicator of (7) 6 Big cats (5) 10 Love intensely (5) 7 Astounded (4) 11 Eat (4) 8 Selling out (7) 12 Object formally (7) 13 Powerfully persuasive 15 Examiner (6) (7) 16 Mystery (6) 14 Damaged by blows (8) 19 Tea cart (7) 17 Glutinous substance (7) 21 Apartment (4) 18 Long arm of the Indian 24 Safe place (5) Ocean (3,3) 25 Child’s two­wheeled 20 Take great delight (5) vehicle (7) 22 Boy or man (4) 26 Tablet (4) 23 Fearless and daring (4) 27 Forgave formally (8) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Reagan, 4 Locum, 8 Avast, 9 Remarks, 10 Hue, 11 Sedge, 12 Talc, 13 Minus, 15 Ruby, 17 Hair, 18 Yarra, 20 Also, 21 Cubic, 24 CIA, 25 Frisbee, 26 Cease, 27 Skint, 28 Facets.

Down: 1 Reassure, 2 Award, 3 Anthem, 4 Limits, 5 Corella, 6 Mesh, 7 Greengrocer, 14 Crackers, 16 Bellini, 18 You bet, 19 Acacia, 22 Brace, 23 Efts.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Den Gen Nor Orc 4 letter words Ammo Arks Arms Auto Bead Blab Blot Crag Dane Dram

Earl Ease Eggs Euro Ever Gnat Hank Iced Icon Ides Iris Lady Lame Lulu Mace Need Noon Oval

Ring Rota Side Some Star Tend Vent Yore 5 letter words Alert Alien Allis Aloha Banes Canoe Cedar Colon

Cored Resent Dodgy Reuses Elope 8 letter Erose words Giros Cuisines Gunge Derelict Inure Destined Nacre Eternity Niece Listless Synod Seafarer Trust 9 letter Verso words 6 letter Centenary words Ephemerae Beamed 10 letter Canned words Reheel Minefields Reseed Scrutinies

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Cajas fuertes (5) 3 Actress (6) 6 Árbitro (boxeo, fútbol) (7) 8 Anchor (5) 10 Because of (3) 11 Absent (not present) (7) 12 Sidra (5) 13 Tartas (pasteles) (5) 18 Monthly (publication, salary, rainfall) (7) 20 Aunt (3) 21 Cansado (5) 22 Happiness (cheerful­ ness) (7)

23 Andrew (6) 24 Barcos (de grandes tamaños) (5) Down 1 Raya (en tela, diseño) (6) 2 Raro (extraño) (7) 3 Bees (insects) (6) 4 Equipos (deportes) (5) 5 Panadero (5) 7 Extranjero (9) 9 To answer (reply) (9) 14 Dirección (7) 15 Vacío (5) 16 Limpia (6) 17 Ensaladas (6) 19 Debajo de (5)

37

Friday, April 25, 2014 Across 1 Republic in Central America whose name literal­ ly means 'rich coast' (5,4) 6 Dutch rock band found­ ed in 1969 by classically­ trained organist/flautist Thijs van Leer, best known for the instrumental pieces Hocus Pocus and Sylvia (5) 9 Cheese melted with ale or beer served over toast (7) 10 Bitter alkaloid extract­ ed from chinchona bark that is used in malaria therapy (7) 11 Derogatory term for a well­paid young middle­ class professional who works in a city job and has a luxurious lifestyle (6) 12 Someone who uses force to take over a vehicle, especially an aeroplane, in order to reach an alternative destination (8) 14 German industrialist (1871­1948) who was the first in Germany to use an assembly line in manufactur­ ing automobiles: Wilhelm

von ­­­­ (4) 15 English essayist, nov­ elist, and critic (1874–1936) whose novels include The Napoleon of Notting Hill (1904) and a series of detec­ tive stories featuring Father Brown, a priest with a talent for crime detection (10) 18 Structures of stone or brick built against a wall to strengthen or support it (10) 20 Social winged insect that has a narrow waist and a sting and is typically yellow with black stripes (4) 23 Island country off the southeast coast of India for­ merly known as Ceylon (3,5) 24 Plausible glib talk, especially useful to a sales­ person (6) 26 Washing machine with one drum for washing and one drum for spin drying (4,3) 27 Stage name of singer Stuart Goddard (4,3) 28 Resort city in Crimea in the southern Ukraine on the Black Sea, the site of the

SUDOKU (Easy)

Quiz Word

Allied conference between Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill in February 1945 (5)

29 Centres of the targets in sports such as archery, shooting and darts (5,4)

Down 1 Metal device with ser­ rated ridges, used for removing dirt from a body brush with which a horse is being groomed (9) 2 Unit of apothecary weight equal to 20 grains (7) 3 Even though (6) 4 Ninth letter of the Greek alphabet (4) 5 Accepted something reluctantly but without protest (10) 6 Warships smaller than destroyers, typically equipped with some form of missile or used in anti­sub­ marine activities (8) 7 Sport principally associ­ ated with Jack Hobbs, Wally Hammond and Herbert Sutcliffe (7) 8 Large edge tool that cuts sheet metal by passing a blade through it (5) 13 Dish of pieces of mari­ nated meat and vegetables cooked and served on skew­ ers (5,5) 16 Inflammation of the

kidneys, also known as Bright's disease (9) 17 Meal taken in the after­ noon consisting of a drink with scones, jam, etc (5,3) 19 Board game in which progress is determined by a player's ability to answer general knowledge and pop­ ular culture questions: ­­­­­­­ Pursuit (7) 21 Person who compiles and analyses statistics and uses them to calculate insur­ ance risks and premiums (7) 22 Spanish cellist, con­ ductor, and composer, noted especially for his perform­ ances of Bach suites and the Dvorák Cello Concerto: Pablo ­­­­­­ (6) 23 Indonesian and Malaysian dish consisting of small pieces of meat grilled on a skewer and served with a spiced sauce that typically contains peanuts (5) 25 English ventriloquist (1926–2007) who worked with his puppet, Lenny the Lion: Terry ­­­­ (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

Acciones del cuerpo humano Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

digerir

retorcerse

estornudar

roncar

latir

saltar

masticar

sonreir

orinar

sudar

parpadear

temblar

rascar

toser

respirar

tragar

movies / tv QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. Tara 2. As Good as it Gets 3. Psycho 4. Sharks and Jets 5. Tom Cruise 6. Porky Pig 7. Midnight Cowboy 8. Rock Hudson 9. Mickey Rooney 10. Marlene Dietrich 11. Wyatt Earp 12. Robin (Batman and Robin) 13. Joan Crawford

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Gasket, 4 Herschel, 10 Air bags, 11 Bromine, 12 Dawn, 13 Wendy House, 15 Anorak, 16 Legally, 20 Platoon, 21 Fedora, 23 Shearwater, 25 Dent, 27 Burrito, 28 Eternal, 29 Residual, 30 Cassis.

Down: 1 Guardian, 2 Straw poll, 3 Esau, 5 Embedded, 6 Soothsayer, 7 Haiku, 8 Liege, 9 Usher, 14 Mastermind, 17 Loose Ends, 18 Coca­Cola, 19 Nautilus, 22 Fever, 23 Sober, 24 Euros, 26 Vega.

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz. l.to tremble, m.to urinate,

1.digerir, 2.estornudar, 3.latir, 4.masticar, 5.orinar,

a.to breathe, b.to snore,

n.to scratch, o.to twitch,

6.parpadear, 7.rascar, 8.respirar,

c.to cough, d.to sneeze,

p.to chew.

9.retorcerse, 10.roncar,

e.to jump, f.to digest, g.to blink,

11.saltar, 12.sonreir, 13.sudar,

h.to smile, i.to sweat,

14.temblar, 15.toser, 16.tragar.

j.to swallow, k.to beat,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Answers: 1f, 2d, 3k, 4p, 5m, 6g, 7n, 8ª, 9º, 10b, 11e, 12h, 13i, 14l, 15c, 16j.

1. What was the name of the plantation in movie 'Gone with the Wind'?

2. Mr. Cat Poop was the Chinese translation of which Jack Nicholson film?

3. In what film was the first flushing toilet seen?

4. Name both of the gangs, in the musical 'West Side Story'?

5. Whose first box office film was called 'Risky Business'?

6. Who is Warner Brothers' oldest cartoon character?

7. Which X rated movie won an Oscar?

8. Roy Scherer Jr became famous using what name?

9. Joe Yule is better known as which famous actor?

10. Maria Magdelana Von Losch Beyyer is better known as who?

11. Hugh O'Brian played the lead in which old western series?

12. Who is Dick Grayson better known as?

13. Lucille Le Sueur became famous as which actress?

Quizword

Fill It In

38

Friday, April 25, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY TWO’S COMPANY

with ALEX TRELINSKI There was a lot of excite­ ment in my household back in 1965. After a horri­ ble fortnight without televi­ sion as the set had given up the ghost after 5 years of solid service, it was time for my father to bite the bullet and get a brand new one.

He took the plunge for a rental set from DER and it was an all singing and danc­ ing one with some pushbut­ tons on it, alongside the tra­ ditional turret switches. It was a dual­standard TV, which meant it could pick up the established BBC and ITV channels on 405 lines VHF, but also the brand new BBC 2 service on 625 lines UHF: ­ an extra TV channel….gosh!

It meant witnessing amidst great hilarity the sight of the old man going into the loft (with much Polish profanity) and putting up a new TV aer­

ial for the new service. At least there would be some extra programmes to watch, which was largely irrelevant for me as my bedtime coin­ cided with the startup time for BBC2’s programmes, short of watching the Test Card as well as Play School during the school holidays!

We missed the launch of BBC2 in the Midlands by only a week as my father dithered over which set he was going to rent (arguing over a couple of old pennies) but once the new receiver was up and running (He got rid of it after the one year contract fin­ ished), he and my mum got firmly hooked on the new service, based on all the pen­ cil marks they had circled around most of the BBC2 schedules in the Radio Times! As a kiddie, I loved

the very un­BBC like publicity revolving around two kanga­ roos Hullabaloo and Custard who promoted the new chan­ nel, which was largely more highbrow than BBC1 and certainly ITV, but the service, which launched in London 50 years ago this week, suffered from many problems in the first couple of years. You needed a new set; a new aerial; and the BBC slowly rolled out the service across the country region by region, plus reception was nowhere as easy in fringe areas because of the higher fre­ quencies used, compared to the other two established channels. There were many areas where you just could not pick it up (well into the next decade!).

Because of all those fac­

tors, BBC2 was pretty much a niche channel in the early days with very low viewing fingers, in contrast much later to the nationwide starts for Channel Four and Channel Five. But, especially under its 2nd controller, David Attenborough, it dared to be different and was not scared to take a few risks, because millions would not witness any failures.

Attenborough started to com­ mission all kinds of strands and series that would make a mark like Civilisation and a 26 part adaptation of The Forsyte Saga, both of which have gone into television his­ tory. Extended sports cover­ age and colour helped to make a name for the service which also in the first 5 years introduced us to The Likely Lads; was the first proper

BBC vehicle for Morecambe and Wise as well as for Marty Feldman; and documentary strands like Man Alive and The World About Us appeared in addition to the nightly Late Night Line Up, which had Joan Bakewell as one of the presenters.

Fast forward 50 years, and BBC2 is at a crossroads in the “zillions of channels to watch” era. It needs to redis­ cover some of the innovation and daring from those pio­ neering days of the sixties, rather than cramming the schedules full of gardening, cookery, and cheap makeover shows. BBC 2 is

better than that and has shown it in the last year with great dramas that I have writ­ ten about in this column, and it now needs to do that across the board. The fact that the new boss Kim Shillinglaw comes from run­ ning the Beeb’s science and natural history department is a promising sign. It’s the only mainstream British channel that can innovate (sadly Channel Four threw in the towel years ago), and Shillinglaw must be allowed to do that without some idiot thrusting daily ratings reports under her nose.

Friday April 25 00:35 Two for the Money 02:30 Holiday Weatherview 02:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Saints and Scroungers 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Perfection 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 17:15 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 MasterChef 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Outnumbered 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship

01:10 Snooker: World Championship Extra 03:10 Border Country: The Story of Britain's Lost Middleland 04:10 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 09:30 The Great Interior Design Challenge 10:30 Mary Berry Cooks 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 13:00 The Great British Bake Off 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:00 Great British Menu 20:30 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Natural World 23:00 The Trip 23:30 Newsnight

00:40 Harbour Lives 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Storage Hoarders 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Weekend Escapes with Warwick Davis 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Lewis 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Bourne Ultimatum

UNREPORTED WORLD Mary­Ann Ochota is in Thailand to document the lives of children as young as seven who take part in the brutal combat sport of Muay Thai. Gambling on these unpredictable fights is big business and the fighters face pressure from their families to win. Nat Thanarak, 11, is one of the best child box­ ers in the north of the country. He prepares for the biggest match of his career so far.

00:35 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 01:30 Random Acts 01:35 One Born Every Minute 02:30 Food Unwrapped 03:25 Dead Famous DNA 04:20 Unreported World 04:50 SuperScrimpers 05:45 River Cottage Bites 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:30 The King of Queens 08:50 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:50 Frasier 10:50 Undercover Boss USA 11:50 Come Dine with Me 12:50 Channel 4 News Summary 12:55 Come Dine with Me 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

00:00 Law & Disorder: Catching Crims Live 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 05:00 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:15 The Good Mother 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 NCIS 23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles

39

Saturday April 26 02:00 Snooker: World Championship Extra 00:25 Bad Education

04:00 Fast and Fearless: Britain's

00:55 EastEnders

Banger Racers

02:50 Weatherview

05:00 This Is BBC Two

02:55 BBC News

07:05 Caught

07:00 Breakfast

08:30 Great British Menu

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live

11:00 Snooker: The World

12:30 Nigellissima

Championship

13:00 Football Focus

13:00 Spring Kitchen with Tom

13:45 Sportsday

Kerridge

14:00 BBC News; Weather

13:45 Spring Kitchen with Tom

14:15 Snooker: The World

Kerridge

Championship

14:30 Escape to the Country

15:00 Live Challenge Cup Rugby

15:00 Snooker: The World

League

Championship

17:30 Final Score

18:30 Mountain Gorilla

18:20 Madagascar

19:30 Flog It! Trade Secrets

19:40 BBC News; Regional News

20:00 Snooker: The World

and Weather

Championship

20:00 Pointless Celebrities

21:00 Porridge

20:50 The National Lottery: In It to

21:30 Mozart in Prague: Rolando

Win It

Villazon on Don Giovanni

21:40 Casualty

22:30 Generation War

23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day

00:00 Weather 00:05 Later ­ with Jools Holland 01:10 Snooker: The World

00:05 01:05 01:30 03:20 03:25 03:45 04:10 04:50 05:45 06:40 07:00 07:15 08:10 08:40 08:55 10:00 11:00 11:30 11:55 12:25 12:50 13:20 13:45 14:45 17:10 17:40 18:10 18:40 19:15 19:45 20:15 21:15

Rude Tube Brooklyn Nine­Nine Lucky Number Slevin Random Acts Happy Endings Happy Endings Desperate Housewives SuperScrimpers Deal or No Deal River Cottage Bites River Cottage Bites Trans World Sport The Grid A Day at the Races The Morning Line Weekend Kitchen The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory How I Met Your Mother How I Met Your Mother The Simpsons The Simpsons Marvel's Agents of SHIELD Channel 4 Racing Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Channel 4 News Grand Designs Avatar

AVATAR

22:30 The Guess List 23:30 National Lottery Update

01:40 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Dino Dan 07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles 07:50 Canimals 08:05 Sooty 08:20 Digimon Fusion 08:45 Horrid Henry 09:00 Adventure Time 09:25 ITV News 09:30 Weekend 10:25 Murder, She Wrote: South by Southwest 12:10 Dinner Date 13:15 ITV News and Weather 13:24 ITV Meridian Weather 13:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 14:20 The Unforgettable 14:50 Tipping Point 15:50 All Star Family Fortunes 16:35 A Touch of Frost 18:35 ITV Meridian Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Let Me Entertain You 19:30 New You've Been Framed!

20:00 Britain's Got Talent 21:15 Amazing Greys 22:15 Law & Order: UK 23:15 The Americans

James Cameron's epic science­fiction fantasy, star­ ring Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver and Zoë Saldana. Paraplegic marine Jake Sully takes over his dead brother's mission on the distant planet of Pandora, where, by fusing his mind with a geneti­ cally engineered native body, he is required to infil­ trate and gather intelligence about the local popu­ lation.

Championship

00:00 Britain's Crime Capitals 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Police Interceptors 05:00 HouseBusters 05:20 HouseBusters 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Access 11:05 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 12:00 Benidorm ER 13:00 Cowboy Builders 14:00 Columbo: Ashes to Ashes 15:55 Private Benjamin 18:00 Jesse Stone: Sea Change 19:40 Dog Soldier 20:30 NCIS 21:15 NCIS 22:05 5 News Weekend 22:15 Britain's Funniest Comedy Characters

Sunday April 27 01:20 Snooker: World Championship Extra 00:50 The Football League Show

03:20 This Is BBC Two

02:10 Weatherview

07:00 This Is BBC Two

02:15 BBC News

07:25 Cornered

07:00 Breakfast

09:05 Countryfile

08:35 Match of the Day

10:00 Gardeners' World

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

10:30 The Beechgrove Garden

11:00 The Big Questions

11:00 Snooker: The World

12:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

Championship

13:15 MOTD2 Extra

13:15 Spring Kitchen with Tom

14:00 BBC News

Kerridge

14:10 Weather for the Week

14:00 Spring Kitchen with Tom

Ahead

Kerridge

14:15 Bargain Hunt

14:45 Coast

15:15 Perfection

15:30 Snooker: The World

16:00 Escape to the Country

Championship

16:45 Monkey Planet

19:00 50 Golden Years of Sport on

17:45 Points of View

BBC Two

18:00 Songs of Praise

20:00 Snooker: The World

18:45 Pointless Celebrities

Championship

19:35 BBC News; Regional News

21:00 Natural World

and Weather

22:00 The Artist

20:00 Countryfile

23:35 QI XL

21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 The Crimson Field 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 00:30 Snooker: The World Championship

00:15 00:29 00:30 01:30 04:00 04:45 07:00 07:25 07:50 08:05 08:20 08:45 09:00 09:25 09:30 10:25 11:25 13:20 13:29 13:30 14:30 15:00 16:20 16:50 19:20 19:30 19:45 20:30 21:00 23:00

ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Through the Keyhole Jackpot247 Dinner Date: Australia ITV Nightscreen Dino Dan Matt Hatter Chronicles Canimals Sooty Digimon Fusion Horrid Henry Victorious ITV News Weekend Dickinson's Real Deal Columbo: Agenda for Murder ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Big Star's Little Star The Unforgettable Britain's Got Talent Let Me Entertain You The Living Daylights ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Catchphrase Off Their Rockers Vera Perspectives

POSH PAWN An insight into the world of high­end pawnbroking, going behind the scenes at a Surrey­based firm dealing in luxurious and exclusive objects. In last year's one­off documentary, the asset experts at Prestige Pawnbrokers saw everything from a £25,000 designer handbag to a £1million helicopter, and in the first edition of this series, they're amazed by two diamond necklaces owned by very different clients.

00:25 02:50 03:35 04:15 06:25 07:20 07:45 08:10 08:35 09:00 09:30 10:00 10:30 13:30 14:35 15:00 15:30 16:00 16:30 17:30 Rules 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:10

Showgirls The Good Wife Desperate Housewives Hollyoaks SuperScrimpers Freesports on 4 Freesports on 4 British GT Championship How I Met Your Mother How I Met Your Mother Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Sunday Brunch Secret Eaters The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons The Simpsons Deal or No Deal Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Channel 4 News Posh Pawn For the Love of Cars Fargo The Haunting in Connecticut

01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Classic Car Rescue 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:15 Milkshake! Monkey 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:35 Power Rangers Megaforce 12:00 Access 12:15 The Dog Rescuers 12:45 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 13:40 The Land before Time 15:10 Homeward Bound: the Incredible Journey 16:45 Lilo & Stitch 18:30 Freaky Friday 20:10 5 News 20:15 Rush Hour 2 22:00 The Other Guys

40

Monday April 28 00:40 Reggie Yates: Extreme South Africa 01:40 Weatherview 01:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 Bang Goes the Theory 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Crimewatch 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Crimewatch Update 23:45 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

00:20 Snooker: The World

Championship 01:10 Snooker: World Championship Extra 03:10 Countryfile 04:05 Holby City 05:05 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Saints and Scroungers 09:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 10:00 The Planners 11:00 Great British Railway Journeys 11:30 Triathlon 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 Restaurant Wars: The Battle for Manchester 22:00 Vets in the Disaster Zone 23:00 Rev 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:19 ITV Meridian Weather 00:20 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 01:15 The Store 03:45 Motorsport UK 04:35 British Superbike Championship Highlights 05:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Gino's Italian Escape 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Prey 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Smokin' Aces

01:10 Sunshine 03:00 The Good Wife 03:45 The Hotel 04:40 SuperScrimpers 05:40 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 05:55 Deal or No Deal 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Britain's Most Extreme Weather 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 Love for Sale with Rupert Everett

VETS IN THE DISASTER ZONE Michael Mosley travels to the Philippines in the aftermath of last November's Typhoon Haiyan to explore the disaster from the perspective of the ani­ mals caught up in the crisis and a specialist team of vets sent to save their lives and help those peo­ ple who depend on them. Michael learns how the experts not only provide immediate veterinary care, but also implement pioneering technology that could help save millions of animals.

00:10 Bad Boys 02:20 SuperCasino 04:05 Britain's Crime Capitals 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Gadget Show 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 A Decent Proposal 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 World's Busiest 21:00 Classic Car Rescue 22:00 Secret History of UFOs 23:00 Aliens: Are We Alone?

Tuesday April 29 00:25 Late Kick Off 00:55 The Graham Norton Show 01:45 Weatherview 01:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Happy Valley 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Over to Bill

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker: World Championship Extra 03:10 Louis Theroux's LA Stories

04:10 This Is BBC Two 04:55 How God Made the English 05:30 The Time Traveller's Guide to Elizabethan England 06:30 i.am.Will Shakespeare 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Homes Under the Hammer 08:15 First Time on the Front Line 08:45 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 09:30 Collectaholics 10:30 Great British Railway Journeys 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 The Big Allotment Challenge 22:00 Watermen: A Dirty Business 23:00 Later Live ­ with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather

01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

HAPPY VALLEY New series. Drama from the pen of Sally Wainwright. Catherine Cawood is the sergeant on duty when accountant Kevin Weatherill enters her police station to report a crime ­ the kidnapping of his boss's daughter. Although he originally came up with the plan as a way of paying for his own children's private education, he eventually backed out. However, his partner is dangerous local drug kingpin Ashley Cowgill ­ and he has gone ahead with the plot anyway.

00:00 Gogglebox 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Fargo 02:05 New Worlds 03:15 Scandal 04:00 Secret Removers 04:55 SuperScrimpers 05:50 River Cottage Bites 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 22:00 Mr Drew's School for Boys 23:00 The Last Chance School

00:00 Did We Land on the Moon?

01:00 Soho Blues 01:55 Access 02:05 SuperCasino 04:05 Harold Shipman 05:00 HouseBusters 05:50 Great Scientists 06:15 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Classic Car Rescue 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Goodnight for Justice: Queen of Hearts 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 21:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 22:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 23:00 The Mentalist

41

Wednesday April 30 00:05 Comedy Playhouse: Where It All Began 00:40 The Guess List 01:20 Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 Panorama 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker: World Championship Extra 03:10 The Super League Show 03:55 Monkey Planet 05:00 The Plantagenets 05:30 Fit to Rule: How Royal Illness

Changed History 06:00 The Last Days of Anne Boleyn 06:20 Schools ­ Roman Voices 06:50 Schools ­ In My Shoes: Rotterdam 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Homes Under the Hammer 08:15 First Time on the Front Line 08:45 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 09:30 Antiques Roadshow 10:30 Bang Goes the Theory 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 Under Offer: Estate Agents on the Job 22:00 The Birth of Empire: The East India Company 23:00 Mock the Week Looks Back at 23:30 Weather

00:35 Wild Britain with Ray Mears 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Big Star's Little Star 22:00 Law & Order: UK 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 On Assignment

00:00 01:00 01:05 02:05 02:35 03:30 04:25 04:55 05:10 06:05 07:00 07:45 08:10 08:35 09:00 10:00 11:00 12:00 13:00 13:05 14:40 Away 15:40 16:30 17:30 18:30 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30

Coppers Random Acts Poker KOTV Boxing Weekly Trans World Sport Freesports on 4 British GT Championship A Day at the Races SuperScrimpers Deal or No Deal Countdown Will & Grace According to Jim The King of Queens Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Undercover Boss USA Come Dine with Me Channel 4 News Midday Come Dine with Me A Place in the Sun: Home or Countdown Deal or No Deal Fifteen to One Come Dine with Me The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News Secret Eaters How to Get a Council House Derek Cardinal Burns

BENIDORM ER Clinica Benidorm staff treat a man who risks los­ ing his leg to a thrombosis, a gravedigger whose livelihood is threatened by osteoarthritis and newly arrived Cecil, who receives little sympathy from his friends after breaking his ankle.

Meanwhile, Patrick Welter stresses the dangers of the Spanish sun, and pensioners Barbara and Nora cruise the town on mobility scooters.

00:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:00 Body of Proof 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 SuperCasino 04:05 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 05:00 HouseBusters 05:50 Great Artists 06:15 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Monkey 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Monkey 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 McBride: Tune in for Murder 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 Benidorm ER 21:00 Killing Spree 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Castle

Thursday May 1 00:05 Room 101 ­ Extra Storage 00:45 A Bronx Tale 02:40 Weatherview 02:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 Parking Mad 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker: World Championship Extra 03:10 Kim Philby ­ His Most Intimate Betrayal

04:10 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ Making Media 05:30 Schools: Music, Mud and Making Money 06:00 Schools ­ Spark 06:55 Wonders of Nature: Mandarin Duck ­ First Flight 07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 08:30 First Time on the Front Line 08:50 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 09:35 Horizon 10:35 Gardeners' World 11:05 Animal Park 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 22:00 Protecting Our Parents 23:00 QI 23:30 Weather

00:10 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 British Touring Car Championship Highlights 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs 22:00 Wanted: A Family of My Own 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Births, Deaths and Marriages

FOR THE LOVE OF DOGS A heavily pregnant Chihuahua­cross arrives at Battersea Dogs & Cats Home, and an X­ray shows four puppies ­ too many for such a small dog ­ so head vet Shaun decides a Caesarean section is the best option. Elsewhere, the comedian visits Crufts, where he is called on to be a handler in a Staffie agility display.

00:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Music on 4: Music Nation 01:35 Bol 04:15 All That Heaven Allows 05:45 SuperScrimpers 06:10 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Posh Pawn 22:00 Heston's Great British Food 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

00:00 Castle 01:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 SuperCasino 04:05 Law & Disorder: Catching Crims Live 05:00 HouseBusters 05:50 Great Artists 06:15 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:15 Stealing Paradise 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Cowboy Builders 22:00 Family Massacre: The Jersey Slayer 23:00 Person of Interest

42

Friday, April 25, 2014

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

For more information con­ tact 637 362 863 (157) BUSINESS OPPORTUNI­ TY, two clothing shops for sale either as a pair or sep­ arate, both trading, sold fully equipped and stocked, a great opportunity for some­ one wanting their own busi­ ness, for more comprehen­ sive information contact Glen on 606926437 (164)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting

BLINDS BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES Bar for traspaso Well established, 9 year old, beach front terrace on the Mar Menor, with a good mix of both British and Spanish clientele. Hard working bar.

CATERING

Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any Church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806.

Easter Services, Good Friday at 11 am with Holy Communion, and Easter Sunday at 11 am.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness We meet in the function room at sacos bar, el liminar, just off the cv905 rojales to torrevieja road We have a divine serv­ ice every Sunday at 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoy­ ance at 7.30 pm Also on Wednesdays there is an open circle at 5.45 pm for those wishing to develop their mediumistic skills heal­ ing is available by trained and certified healers after

PERSONAL each meeting a warm wel­ come to friends old and new The mediums for April 2014 are Wed 2nd Debbie Blevins Sun 6th Debbie Blevins wed 9th Morag bullock Sun 13th David darnbourgh wed 16th Barbara almond (from UK) Sun 20th Trish Doherty wed 23rd David darnbourgh Sun 27th Sammy Fitzsimons wed 30th Sammy Fitzsimons

CARS FOR SALE Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

BARBER

ALARMS

SALMA, 29, PASSIONATED MASSEUSSE. LOTS of FANTASIES .LA ZENIA, OPPOSITTE ZENIA BOULEVARD 15. TURQUE­ SA St Behind MERCADONA S BACK Gate.www.sensual­ spain.net 656 314 941 MATURE PASSIONATED WOMAN 40, GENEROUS and CARING BUSTY .TURQUESA St Behind MERCADONA s BACK Gate opposite NEW white houses www.sensualspain.net 656 314 941 KAREN! NEW in. LA ZENIA BEAUTIFUL BODY? Biggest breast, biggest bot­ tom NICE figure.....Close to Consum supermarket HOUSE 77 www.sensual­ spain.net 627 203 147

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Santiago de la Ribera 2 bed­ room townhouse close to beach and shops with com­ munal pool €350 monthly short or long term lease Call 0044 7890996330 ­

CARPENTER

968570645 (162) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­ nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

43

Friday, April 25, 2014

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

GARDENER

Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms,

CAR BREAKERS

Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial

centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Corner Plot Property in the lower end of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Under build, Roof top Solarium Being sold Fully Furnished including White

DRAINAGE

goods. Walking distance to all local amenities. 139.950e Ref. GA0087 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath­ roomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interi­ or furnishings are top quali­ ty, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and grav­ eled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in show­ er units, instant hot water,

water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €72,000. Two bed­ room apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed­in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large commu­ nal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Limited Edition Fortaleze in Gran Alacant Exceptionally Large Plot. 4 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Private Pool with Decorative Garden, Private Parking, Electric Gates, Glazed in Porch, Solarium, Under build. Quiet sought after area. Very tastefully fur­ nished and all included 370.000e Ref. K52 Tel. 627711155

PETS

44

Friday, April 25, 2014

Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or

626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­ dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantas­ tic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge

RAG AND BONE

diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever con­ structed­ Very large 5 bed­ rooms, 4 bathroom(2 en­ suit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room.

Front porch area leading into large well established gardens with irrigation sys­ tem and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref.

K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155

Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass.

Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155 Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­ um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

REMOVALS

PLUMBERS

POOL TABLES

Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com OP Group Spain are seek­ ing 2 enthusiastic people to join their expanding team.

Position 1 is for an experi­ enced office administrator at their La Finca Golf office.

Position 2 is for an experi­ enced sales negotiator for their La Marina office. The ideal candidates will speak English and at least one other language and will have good knowledge of the local real estate market.

Both positions are full time with contracts and competi­ tive rates of pay. Please send your CV’s into Stuart on stuart.markham @opgroupspain.com or call 966729653 Chef required. Must have at least 5 years experience and health / hygiene certifi­ cate. Have flare for new menus and able to work on own initiative. Guardamar area. 672929585 English / Russian translator required by book publisher.

Call 618 715 998 for more info.

SITUATIONS WANTED Gardening, property mainte­ nance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

WINDOW CLEANER

POOLS

SURVEYOR

VAN HIRE

WANTED

Friday, April 25, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

GOLF’S GREATEST PULL OUTS

Aussie Adam Scott carded a 10­under 62 in the first round of last month’s Arnold Palmer Invitational, tying Bay Hill's course record. In total contrast, Bubba Watson, soon to win a 2nd green jacket at Augusta, carded a round of 11 over­par, with a triple bogey on the 18th, to back up a sextuple­bogey on the 6th!

Bubba quit after the round and said his poor play was down to an allergy, which made me wonder about some of the oddest excuses for withdrawing during a tour­ nament, some of which you may or may not buy into!

Rory McIlroy's Toothache.

After shooting 7­over­par through eight holes in the second round of the 2013 Honda Classic, McIlroy walked off the course. He cited a toothache for his with­ drawal. Whether or not that was true – he was spotted eating a sandwich earlier that day – it became clear that mental issues were creeping in. That was just the start of arguably the worst season of McIlroy's young career.

Sergio Garcia's acne

The Spaniard was just 19 years old when he was set to compete in the 1999 St. Jude Classic. But instead of play­ ing, he underwent surgery to take out an abscess above his left eye. The growth was apparently a result of acne buildup.

Lucas Glover's paddle boarding

The 2009 U.S. Open champ was in Hawaii early in 2012 and all set to take part in the season­opening Tournament of Champions. Then he went paddle boarding in the ocean, got his foot caught on the side of the board, and sprained ligaments in his

right knee. He withdrew from the event, marking the sec­ ond straight year someone withdrew in Kapalua after injuring themselves in the ocean; Geoff Ogilvy cut a fin­ ger on coral the previous year.

Jim Furyk's Teeth Brushing

In 2006, Furyk finished brushing his teeth and tossed his head back to pop in a pill. That move tweaked his back and neck, and made it tough to turn his head to the left – a sort of crucial aspect when you're a right­ handed golfer wanting to look down the course. The injury forced Furyk to with­ drawal from the Barclays Classic the following week.

The Englishman was avoid­ ing a "deadly snowball" and slipped in the snow (obvious­ ly before he arrived in Dubai). The injury kept him out of golf for six weeks. "If I'd known I'd get injured at home, might as well have gone skiing!" he tweeted.

Makes our hangovers on the first tee look a pretty solid good reason doesn’t it!

COURSES FOR COURSES Often we criticise golf cours­ es for not being up to scratch, but do we really know what we are talking about, I have served as a Greens Chairman (that’s nothing to do with the ecolog­ ical group) for Badgemore Park Golf Club in Henley on Thames and was fascinated

Oliver Wilson's Snowball

Early in 2013, Oliver Wilson broke his wrist and had to withdrawal from the Dubai Desert Classic. The reason?

ties, the state of some of the football pitches, bare patches in the goal mouth and centre circle, with some games called off due to a water­ logged pitch. The best pitch then was at Wembley by the amount of knowledge Stadium! Today, you rarely a Green keeper, now rightly see a bad playing surface called Course Manager, has even in deepest winter. to know.

There are the course archi­ When I presented Golfer’s tecture of the likes of Alicante Choice on radio over here, I set in the middle of a housing have had the opportunity to complex and Roman ruins, have a long chat with Course Hacienda del Alamo, Valle de Managers both here and Este and Desert Springs with from the UK. Here are some spaghetti western type land­ of the things that I have scape. Golfers who have gleaned along the way, so been living in Spain for some that the next time you decide time, have the view that the to have a go at green keep­ golf courses are in a “bad ers we will do it from good condition”, but why? Spain expert information has perfect climate etc, year Sometimes you get the round golf and all that! Many impression all golfers were factors can contribute to a green keepers! Well they course in “bad condition” like always seem to know more dirty water, drought, disease, about gardening and “grass bad design, bad green keep­ cutting”, you only have to lis­ ing practices, and the worst ten in the club bar after a of all, the “selfish golfer”. round of golf or dare I say, So what is a selfish golfer? bad round of golf. You know Well we have all seen them, the sort of thing, “there is no they are the ones who never sand in the bunkers”, “the rake bunkers, they disregard roughs too long, the roughs roped off areas, never too short”, “the greens need replace divots, never repair cutting”, “the fairways are in pitch­marks, never keep to a state”, the grass on the fair­ cart paths, skid and wheel ways is brown and dead, spin when using a buggy, etc,etc. and they trample around in Green keeping has come a ground under repair. They long way in the past twenty are the ones who usually years:­ new technology to complain about the state of aerate the turf, satellite irriga­ the course! For those who tion systems, new materials are really interested in how to for drainage, deluxe repair a Pitch Mark or any­ machines for cutting and one else’s for that matter, scarification, research into then here is a link to show it new grass cultivars and not on You Tube. All you have to forgetting ecology. There are do is copy all the link into approximately twenty­five your web browser or open green keeper training col­ YouTube and copy it directly leges in the U.K and some­ into it, and you will see how thing similar in Spain. Gone repair that golfers putting are the days of having the old obstacle. local boy out there with his tractor cutting grass, with Repairing a Pitch mark: green keepers now highly https://www.youtube.com/ qualified professionals. watch?v=x1UWnpv3woU Many of you I’m sure will So don’t you be a selfish remember back in the seven­ golfer!

TITTER ON THE TEE KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION In stroke play, a competitor, whose ball lies in a bunker, makes a practice swing and touches the ground in the bunker with his club. His fellow­competitor advises him that his action may be a breach of the Rules. The competitor dis­ agrees and makes several more practice swings prior to making his stroke, touching the sand each time. What is the penalty?

ANSWER The competitor was correctly advised that touching the ground in the bunker with his club during a practice swing was a breach of the Rules (Rule 13­4b). Therefore, the com­ petitor is penalised four strokes – two strokes for the initial breach and two strokes for all subsequent breaches when the additional practice swings were made.

A golfer walks into the bar of his club and orders ten pints of lager and then twelve vodka and tonics. The club steward watches in amazement as he downs them one after the other.

Recovering; the golfer says:­ “With what I’ve got I shouldn’t have done that” The steward asks:­ “What have you got?”

Guiltily the man replies, “Oh about a Euro”

46

Friday, April 25, 2014

ALL TO PLAY FOR REAL MADRID 1 BAYERN MUNICH 0

NERVY CHAMPS WIN BARCELONA 2 ATHLETIC BILBAO 1

Real Madrid will take a narrow lead to Germany on Tuesday for the second leg of their Champions League semi­final thanks to a first­half goal from Karim Benzema in the first match on Wednesday.

Benzema scored against the run of play as Madrid extended their unbeaten home record in the competition to 18 games. No side has successfully defended the

Champions League title and Bayern have work to do to end that record after failing to threaten an away goal.

Pep Guardiola's side had most of the ball but Real spurned several chances. Cristiano Ronaldo was among those who missed potentially vital opportunities for Real, who had lost four of their five previous semi­finals against Bayern.

NAIL-BITING RUN IN ATLETICO MADRID 2 ELCHE 1

Two goals in three minutes saw Barcelona come from behind to end a run of three straight defeats, but a 2­1 win over Athletic Bilbao could only paper over so many cracks at the Nou Camp. A crowd of barely more than 30,000 suggested the locals had already made their mind up about the under­ pressure Gerardo Martino, and his players did not do much to make his case as they struggled to muster their usual cutting edge until they had fallen behind.

Aritz Aduriz had already missed two out­ standing chances to score before he put Bilbao ahead in the 50th minute, and it was not until the 72nd that Barca found a some­ what fortunate equaliser through Pedro.

Having done that, they needed only two min­ utes for Lionel Messi to give them the lead.

Cristian Tello had a late chance to add a third after a fine run, but after riding one chal­ lenge, his shot was weak and was stopped short of the line by a defender. If that was a wasted chance to put the game to bed, it almost proved very costly, with Mascherano making a crucial block to deny Mikel Rico at point­blank range.

It was a reminder of how fragile this Barca side still looks right now. The win keeps them alive in the title race, but on this showing their four­point gap to leaders Atletico looks massive, with Barcelona away to Villarreal this Sunday.

TORRY’S LATE CHARGE FC TORREVIEJA 2 ACERO 1

Elche battled bravely last Friday night at the La Liga leaders, but the bottom line for the Ilicitanos is that they are now 3 points clear of the relegation zone, with four matches remaining, starting off with a home fixture this evening(Friday) against Levante.

Diego Costa went close for Madrid with a 3rd minute effort before Koke saw a 20­yard effort blocked by Elche defender Alberto Botia in the eighth. Atletico goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois showed just why he is such hot property when he backed up a comfortable take from Javi Marquez with another in the 25th minute to stop the Elche midfielder, before keeping out Sapunaru's header with a fantastic save.

Atleti then had a golden chance to take the lead from the penalty spot in the 50th minute when Sapunaru brought down Raul Garcia in the box. David Villa stepped up to take the spot­kick and directed it towards the bottom right, and could only watch as Elche keeper Manu guessed the right way

and made the save.

The clash started to get a bit feisty, with goal threat Costa bundled to the ground by two strong challenges in succession only to receive a yellow card himself due to his reaction to Alberto Rivera's foul. The Spain striker tried his luck with a weak effort as Atletico struggled to break down the visi­ tors' defence, but the breakthrough finally came for Diego Simeone's side in the 72nd minute.

Atletico winger Jose Sosa delivered an outswinging corner to the far post, where Miranda rose highest and headed a power­ ful ball into the top right hand corner to give the league leaders a valuable goal. Costa had the chance to seal the win in the 88th minute when he burst into the box, but Manu raced off his line to thwart the striker.

However the Atletico man was not to be denied from the penalty spot after he was brought down by Sapunaru, who was red­ carded, and he then converted from the spot in the 90th minute.

Barcelona can buy and sell players this summer after FIFA suspended its transfer ban on the club. The La Liga champions were given the 14 month ban after being found to have breached rules on signing international players under the age of 18.

However, the suspension is now on hold pending an appeal. Barca have been linked with Borussia Monchengladbach keeper Marc­Andre ter Stegen and also have a deal in place to sign Croatia midfielder Alen Halilovic.

BARCA BONUS

Torrevieja are refusing to give up on the slim prospect of getting into the play­off’s after beating Acero over the Easter period in a bruising contest that saw eleven cautions.

Torry will have to rely on mistakes from other sides to get a play­off slot, but they seem to have got into the winning habit.

They cruised into a two goal lead at the interval through Dani Meseguer and Obele, only to allow Acero an early response after the restart, making it a tense nail biting cli­

max.

The returning Pastor received his second caution and was sent off when clearly the victim of a bad tackle and now misses the crucial game this weekend at Saguntino.

Burguillos will also be out, collecting his fifth caution. With Rafa and Alexis nursing injuries, the back four for this match will cer­ tainly be tested this Sunday, and it now remains for Torrevieja to win their final three fixtures and see how it all unfolds.

Friday, April 25, 2014

47

ALL THE FUN OF THE FAIR – AND UNFAIR! At the Big Top, the Prem circus will be leaving town soon. Leaders Liverpool looked like champions as they put away nervy Norwich, who at least put up a fight going down 3 – 2. But the Red Army stormed out of their blocks as usual to be two up in twenty minutes, again courtesy of super Sterling (N.B. England, Brazil…), but this time supplemented by scourge of the Canaries, super Suarez (N.B. Uruguay, Brazil…).

Liverpool’s lively Luis is leading the league by miles to join the elite band of 30 goal­a­season Prem strikers. Mutterings were mumbled Monday night as Man City mildly kept up the Prem title pressure while wearying still­worried West Brom. But the Blues blew it at Anfield and they know it.

Still, won the Capital One Cup. Possibly the penultimate piece of the Prem prize sees choked chokers Chelsea visiting fortress Anfield on Sunday. What a wearying week for Mourinho’s men, but he psyched ‘em up good again midweek, PSG­ style to nullify La Liga leaders Atletico Madrid in the goalless draw at the mighty Vicente Calderon in the Champions League first leg semi­final: Bridge of Sighs next week for somebody in the second leg next Wednesday. Mou says he wants the Champions League title more than the Prem – well, he would, wouldn’t he after last Saturday’s season­sealing defeat by Sunderland, see below*.

Arsenal and Everton kept up the battle for who’ll­be­fourth­and­in­Europe by both win­ ning, the Gunners firing well, and as the Toffees – well, we all know whose demoyes they engineered. Silly question perhaps, but… in the Blue corner of Liverpool would the local lads feel compassion for sacked David Moyes?

Genuine people, Evertonians.

There’s certain teams in the Prem who can’t wait for this season to finish: stand up Newcastle, Aston Villa and West Ham. Assuming they all stay in the top league it’ll be a toss up if the managers stay, and many fans wouldn’t give one if they don’t. At St James Park ‘ TAXI FOR PARDEW’ signs were seen, while Villa fans are unhappy again with Paul Lambert as their season’s ending badly ­ and as for those ungrateful gits at Upton Park, where t’management unfashionably stood by stalwart Sam when

the Hammers were in big bovver ­ and somehow the man got them out of it.

Shurrup, Sherwood: Tottenham’s Tim con­ tinues to cause concern as to his ‘suitability’ for the job: collar, jacket and tie on the bench this week looked out of place, then tempted to trade Tweets with one of his out­of­favour stars was both stupid and unprofessional.

Not a good time also to point out the blind­ ingly­obvious ‘Spurs­would­be­in­the­top­ four­if­the­Welsh­wizard­hadn’t­Baled­out’… yawn. (Mind you, did you catch galloping Gareth’s wonderful winner in the Copa del Rey final? If not, Youtube it ­ Wow!!!)

Now then… the Dreaded Drop Department ­ who’s favourite this week?

Well, Felix’s Fulham failed at White Hart Lane 3 – 1 to look dodgy again: you can’t miss penalties in the Cottagers’ crisis.

Another draw, albeit a feisty one kept Cardiff in massive trouble ­ what little credibility the Tanned Red/Bluebirds retain this season is being finally eroded over the ridiculous ‘Spygate’ fiasco with Pulis’ Palace. The final curtain should fall for one or t’other on Saturday as Cardiff visit the flickering Stadium of Light, where losing is not an option for either club. Last week, the Black Cats were about to face Man City, then Chelsea four days later. I said ‘Sunderland: Gus Poyet says miracles are needed. He’s right.’ Well, I should know better, you should never assume ANYTHING in football. Firstly the Black Cats drew 2 – 2 at the Coliseum called the Etihad after being a goal down, and then 2 – 1 up with minutes to go. *Then,

unbelievably in Jose Mourinho’s first home defeat in 70 matches at Stamford Bridge, Sunderland came back from behind, again, to beat the Blues 2 – 1 and virtually end Chelsea’s bid for the title. Big bother brewing ‘cos of Mou’s idiot­ ic assistant Rui Faria‘s referee­threat­ ening actions, plus temperamental Ramires once again lashing out vio­ lently, now trial by TV. Jose’s four­ point no­discussion statement after­ wards was bizarre even by his own weird standards. For once the super jefe refused to take questions, instead seemingly congratulating referee Mike Dean.”His perform­ ance was unbelievable”, and com­ plementing referees' boss Mike Riley.

Straight­faced sarcasm?

Controversy.com again this season, Mou, como en Espana?

In the Sunday papers after Sunderland’s Super Saturday we read ‘UNHAPPY POYET SET FOR EXIT’. Hang on, haven’t we (neutrals) been somewhere like this before, Wearside way? Yanks/hire­fire/mis­ management ­ Martin O’Neill, Paolo di Canio comedy act… Then Gus arrived from under dark­cloud Brighton (nobody saying nowt) but the Uruguayan soon turned up the wick at the Stadium of Light. Soon Sunderland beat marauding Man City when no­one else was, followed by brilliant, blood­ pumping runs in both the FA Cup and particularly the Capital One Cup where the Black Cats only lost in the final to said Man City. Is Gus going too? Watch this space!

OFF THEY GO!

SAILING BY

The Mar Menor Sailing Association will be taking to the water again this Sunday (April 27th), with new com­ petitors always welcome to join in. There’s more informa­ tion via their website www.sailingmarmenor.com.

In the last set of two races, Don Clarke’s crew took the first contest with the Sailfish 18 ‘Mistral’(pictured) with Rob Hudson on the helm and Terry Chapman as crew, romping to a 2nd race victory.

The Murcia­based Ford­Dunn brothers are revving up for the start of the new Spanish Supermoto Championships, which get underway this Sunday(April 27th) at the Chicharra Karting circuit in Villena. Ant and Mac will be competing in both in the Open and Master championship classes on a cir­ cuit which features a variety of both high and low speed corners before the riders fire themselves off one of the faster curves into the off road section with high speed jumps and turns before rejoining the circuit

to complete the lap.

Mat and Anthony Ford­Dunn have been busy already this season with both brothers taking a double win each, in their respec­ tive classes at the first round of the Catalan championship held back in March. Racing starts this Sunday morning at 10.00 am with the circuit easy to find on the CV­81 road from Villena to Yecla. More informa­ tion and directions can be found at www.chicharrakarts.es and www.supermo­ toland.com

Friday, April 25, 2014

48

DEMOYES OF DAVID!

Old Trafford Glazes Over As United Unrest Erupts…

Question quote, who was it wrote: ‘There was unanimous agreement – David Moyes was the man… The Glazers liked David… they were impressed by him… he is a straight talker… a fine judge of character… marvellous football at Everton…’.

Answer? Why, it was none other than Sir Alex Ferguson himself, less than a year ago, on pages 7 and 8 of his recent book ‘My Autobiography’ *.

Oh dear, even the great Manchester United can get it horri­ bly wrong. One of the first football club names you would hear anywhere in the world today would be ‘Manchester United’. But this time their household name is a curse because right now there is lunatic laughter from Liverpool, Leeds, London, and many other anti­Red Devil quarters, at the embarrassing cur­ rent plight of last year’s Premier League Champions.

From reigning supreme in English football a mere ten months ago to a modest seventh place having lost credibility as well as key games – and all­important European qualification ­ is seen and acutely felt as complete failure by Old Trafford’s own meteoric stan­ dards.

The real top men at United, far away financiers have seen fit to humiliate their ‘Chosen One’ club manager by booting him out, even before their silly season has finished. That factor, with only a few games to go is undignified, unworthy and downright deplorable for a club with the illustrious history of Manchester United.

Shudder in your grave Sir Matt, wince in public Sir Bobby­ and see you, Jimmy – sorry, hey Sir Alex –

John McGregor reports

you’ve got some explaining to do, pal ­ your hands are dirty too.

An old hand in the selling world once said to me: ‘It’s tough taking over from someone who’s done really well. It’s always best to take over when things are bad, then the only way is up…’ Having experienced both scenarios I would heartily agree. In this case taking over Manchester United after the great Sir Alex Ferguson retired was always going to be a mammoth task. Having just regained the Premier League title by a country mile, continuing the success was a massive task for anyone, let alone a man from just down the road in United’s shadow, someone who had actually hardly won anything, but looked and sounded the part.

With the God­given gift of hindsight the choice of David Moyes to succeed Fergie was always going to be a gargantuan gamble – one which has backfired so spectacularly in the eyes of the world, even non­foot­ ball people are in amazement. So what did go wrong?

Failure to move in time/correctly/at all (delete where applicable) in the transfer market; ageing squad not good enough to compete (they did up to last May…); existing player­power problems/dressing room unrest (did Sir Alex rule completely effectively through fear – ask Roy Keane, David Beckham and lesser mortals, and wayward Wayne Rooney might’ve been on his way… Does/did David do it differently, and maybe mis­ managed the extravagant egos? Is reliant Robin van Persie rusting under Moyes? What was the Mata in midfield, where the financially­acquired Fellaini fellow failed? Who knows the answer to these questions ­ and more?

Davis Moyes’ summary dismissal smacks of poor old Chris Hughton’s panicky, dangerous sacking at Norwich ­ but United are stratospheric compared to

homespun East Anglia. ‘IF’ we agree that it was harsh­ but­necessary long­term, yes, OK, but one out of ten for timing. Anyone think the man deserved more time?

And with only four games left, what’s supposed to hap­ pen in the meantime? So rookie Ryan Giggs wins all four, will United’s hire/fire brigade Yank him into the job? That policy rarely works, Spurs and Sherwood are shifting uneasily. Surely it would have been better to wait, until at least the end of the season? Official Press conference called, dignified­for­all ‘it didn’t work out, thanks etc…’ statement and explanation. Let the man Moyes down gently and respectably in a Manchester United traditionally­expected way, so the proud Scot is not unnecessarily humiliated ­ as he clearly is, with club enemies lining up to poke fun.

Now the 64,000 dollar question: who’s now going to be paid 64,000 dollars a minute for managing Manchester United? Louis van who? Surely Mourinho wouldn’t risk it – or would he, the man has the necessary testicular equipment ­ but leave his beloved Chelsea? Another curly question: if you are a top­flight footballer, and want to ‘broaden your horizons’ and further swell your already­swollen bank balance would you want to go to Old Trafford ­ or would it amount to a massive career risk, probably best missed? Perhaps Cesc Fabregas, Leighton Baines and a few more are glad they didn’t come aboard, who could have foreseen this fiasco?

David Moyes has been summarily fired for the first time in a decent career with classic American hire­fire impatience. Now where have we seen that here before?

Sadly, never at Manchester United ­ get the green and yellow scarves out, lads. *Sir Alex Ferguson ‘My Autobiography’ Hodder & Stoughton 2013.