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Edition 161

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Friday, March 21, 2014

USE IT OR LOSE IT

Deadline looms for Brits to get Euro ballot British ex­pats in Spain have been told that time is running out for them to make sure that they use their right to vote in May’s European elec­ tions. Every British citizen who has been regis­ tered to vote in the UK within the last 15 years is eligible to vote in UK Parliamentary general elections and European Parliamentary elec­ tions. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office have been spear­ heading a campaign to make sure that people don’t miss out on their chance to vote. Many people have already down­ loaded their registration form, but we don’t want any eligible expats to miss out.” said Samantha Mills, Head of Campaigns at the Electoral Commission. “It only takes a few minutes but time is running out. Expats need to act now to make sure they’re on the register by the deadline of Tuesday

May 6th. Estimates show that there may be as many as 5.5 million UK citizens living overseas, with around 800 thou­ sand in Spain. Many people who live overseas do not even know that they may be eligible to vote in some UK elections, so it's important that our campaign is as far­reaching as pos­ sible.” Those who were too young to register when they left the UK can still register as an overseas voter as long as their parent or guardian was registered to vote in the UK in the last 15 years. The Electoral Commission have also said that it’s important for ex­pats to think about how they are going to cast their vote. Ballot papers can be sent overseas but peo­ ple must think about whether they have time to receive and return these papers by polling day. Those who think they might not have time may want to consider voting by proxy which involves nominating a person they trust in Britain to vote on their behalf.

Potential voters have until May 6th to download, fill in and return the form, in order to be eligible to vote in the European elections. To download the form and to find out more infor­ mation about voting you can visit the website www.about­ myvote.co.uk

Our latest edition is always online at www.thecourier.es


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Friday, March 21, 2014

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Alan Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

96 692 1003 679 096 309

400 KM from space. Where are you? Photo by N.A.S.A

Smash and grab

Two people robbed an Orihuela businessman in broad daylight on Monday lunchtime and stole about 25 thousand Euros. The victim was attacked in his car after he had with­ drawn the money from a bank and his vehicle was by the roundabout on Avenida Duque de Tamames in Orihuela City. Cops say the car window was smashed by two people who went alongside on a motorbike and then they snatched the money which was in an envelope on the passenger seat. The thieves ran away with the loot, with the driver trying to ram them, but he ended up crashing into another car.

TORREVIEJA:NO BULL!

Torrevieja’s May Fair will have no bull runs or bull fights again this year. The event which runs between Wednesday May 14th and Sunday May 18th will not feature the animal, with last year’s runs being postponed at the last minute due to various problems with licenses.

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A ­ 132 ­ 2011 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low qual­ ity electronic data or inadequate instruc­ tions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non­appearance of any advertisement, although all advertise­ ments produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re­publi­ cation will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertise­ ment. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

GAS GANG SNUFFED OUT A network of fake gas inspectors has been busted by police for defrauding nearly 2,000 people, mostly pensioners, foreigners, and the disabled out of mil­ lions of Euros. Police have arrested 12 fraudsters so far, including one in Elche, who formed part of 60 false com­ panies dedicated to conning pensioners, foreigners and dis­ abled people. The con artists would call unannounced at a home, then demand money for a ‘necessary’ repair and if the owner refused they would threaten to cut the gas sup­ ply off and issue a fine. More than 4 million Euros has been officially registered as taken from victims with the police but that actual amount is likely to be much higher, as many do not go to the police. Occasionally they would obtain as much as 2,500

Euros from a single home, but usually it was between 50 and 390 Euros. There have been reports of ‘inspectors’ purposefully cut­ ting tubes before demanding a fee for replacing it. The network operated across Spain and the criminals are said to have lived luxuriously with multiple properties and cars. Besides the 12 arrests, the police have impounded 10 luxury cars, 19 computers, 12 hard

discs and 14 mobile phones. They have also shut down a total of 227 bank accounts opened at 19 different branches. Authorities say that gas equipment is inspected by law every five years and that nobody is allowed to turn up unan­ nounced to inspect gas fit­ tings.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines? What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

Friday Partly cloudy High 22 Low 12° Chance of rain 0% Monday Sunny High 19 Low 10° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Sunny High 16° Low 7° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Sunny High 22° Low 14° Chance of rain 0% Wednesday Partly cloudy High 19° Low 6° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Sunny High 18° Low 9° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 17° Low 7° Chance of rain 0%


Friday, March 21, 2014

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TRAINS TAKE OYES FOR ONO RUSSKIE SNUB THE STRAIN

The number of people in Spain travelling by train has surged by 22% over the past year. Around 1.9 million people opted to travel by rail in January, while the number taking domestic flights fell 7.3% to 1.8 million. The National Statistics Institute says it’s down to the extension of the AVE high speed train connections (including the Alicante­Madrid link), and reduced ticket prices from the rail company Renfe.

SHABU SHAKEDOWN

British mobile phone giant Vodafone has bought the Spanish cable television and Internet provider Ono for 7.2 bil­ lion Euros. Ono, which has about 1.9 million customers, has struggled to compete in Spain with Movistar, Jazztel and other firms that bundle in­home services. Vodafone mean­ while has about 14 million customers in Spain, but faces fierce competition.

DEBT DEAL

Valencian President, Alberto Fabra has cancelled a sched­ uled trip to Moscow today (Friday) which was meant to back up the region in a key tourism fair in the Russian capital. The move is in protest over the Russian actions in Ukraine and the illegal annexing of Crimea. Some 150 thousand Russians tourists are expected to visit the Costa Blanca this year, and the region’s tourist bodies say it’s business as normal for them with strong representation from their organisations at the Moscow fair, and also one in St.Petersburg. There is a fear though that the weakening value of the Russian curren­ cy, the rouble, may affect the number of visitors to Spain, in addition to those who want to buy property.

CHEAPER RENEWALS

Spanish police have arrested 42 people for selling and traf­ ficking a highly addictive and dangerous form of metham­ phetamine known on the street as shabu. The potent drug is relatively common in southeast Asia and in parts of the United States, but had not been seen in Spain until very recently. National Police began to investigate after they noticed increased flows of the drug from the Philippines into Spain, and they arrested members of two different gangs in Murcia (with 5 detentions) as well as in Madrid and Barcelona. Among the people arrested were citizens of Spain, the Philippines, Mali, Senegal, and Togo. Shabu has deadly side effects, with overdoses causing cerebral haem­ orrhage or heart failure, with users staying awake for days and can feel psychological side effects for months or even years.

Artichoke heaven The Vega Baja’s prized vegetable, the artichoke, comes under the spotlight in A l m o r a d i ’ s Constitution Square all next week from Monday in a special promotional week, branded as the second National Artichoke Congress. Local growers and officials want to make sure that the vegetable throws off its exotic image and are looking for a boost in sales at home and abroad. Talks and demonstrations from top chefs will be mixed in with a chance to sample the artichoke in various guises.

GAY POLA

Santa Pola wants to stage a gay and lesbian summer event, on the back of a recent visit to Berlin. Tourism council­ lor, Loreto Serrano has made contact with a German tour operator that organises events aimed at the gay community and they are hoping to put something together for the area.

New rules have been green­lit to help struggling business­ es cut debt and avoid bankruptcy. The Spanish government says that the move will make it harder for small creditors to veto insolvency deals, and creates a better system for credi­ tors to write off a proportion of debt. Up until now there were few rules to help companies cut their debt ahead of the formal bankruptcy process, which resulted in the majority of struggling firms going into liquida­ tion. Under the change, firms will be able to restructure their debt before they are on the verge of collapse. If 75% of cred­ itors agree to take losses, the company will be allowed to cut its debts, and even those creditors that didn’t agree to the haircut will be forced into the deal.

Call the midwife A rare toad, known as the Iberian Midwife Toad, has been found in the Murcia region. David Verdielli from Murcia University made the discovery of a species that is only found in south­eastern Spain, and is in great danger of extinction, as its tadpoles have been threatened by fish and fungal disease.

The cost of renewing your passport is going to come down, with fees for a UK passport for British citizens applying from Spain being slashed by 35% from next month. The savings have been achieved by closing down international process­ ing centres like the one at the British Embassy in Madrid, and by the making most of the operation “on­line”. James Brokenshire, Immigration and Security Minister, said that from April 7th the passport fee for customers apply­ ing for a UK passport from overseas will be reduced by £45 for adults and £28.50 for children. The changes will see 32­ page adult passports costing £83 while passports for children will cost £53. The larger 48­page passports will cost £91 for adults and children.


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Friday, March 21, 2014

SCRAP TOLL, IN THE RED TAPAS TIME SAY GREENS

Torrevieja’s Green Party is asking the city council to join the local clamour to scrap the toll charges on the heavily in debt AP7 toll route, and to write to the government in support of scrapping the levy. The motorway which has suffered a further 12% reduction in traffic last year is in effect bankrupt, and the Greens say that motorists are clogging up minor routes by avoiding the pay road. Orihuela council recently said that it wants to see the charges abandoned at La Zenia to ease the pressure on the N332, which will also improve safety around the area.

PASSPORT LOSSES

MONTE MAYOR DENOUNCED

Los Montesinos Mayor, José Manuel Butron, has been denounced by the opposition PP who accuse him of refusing them access to munici­ pal paperwork which they say is vital for them in carrying out their work. They accuse the Mayor of not letting them see documents which help scru­ tinise the work of the council, and have added that his behaviour is “an affront to

the local people”. Butron is already being investigated by the Guardia Civil over land sales and housing developments, in addition to facing charges, along with others, in regard to the town’s Urban Plan.

BEACHCOMBED

One of San Pedro del Pinatar’s most prominent beach­ es is to get an overdue clean­up, after being smoth­ ered in mud during the heavy storms of 1987! A study is being done to find out the best way of get­ ting rid of the sludge, and the San Pedro council is also look­ ing at what to do with the famous Florida Blanca restaurant. The empty structure was going to be turned into a museum, but the authority is looking at turning it back into a dining establishment, with a small museum next to it.

TAXI TALK

Elche’s taxi drivers cut short last weekend’s strike over pirate operators at Alicante­Elche airport, after a promise of action and a meeting with the local council this Monday (March 24th). The angry drivers walked out on Thursday March 13th in protest over nothing being done to stop the unlicensed cars undercutting their business at the airport. The cabbies will meet with Elche council in addition to the Transport Department and airport operator, AENA.

37 Orihuela City restau­ rants and bars are involved in the debut Orihuela Historia del Mediterráneo tapas event which finishes this Sunday(March 23rd). Each establishment will offer a tapa and a drink for €2, with the route being staged between 12pm­ 3pm and 6pm­11pm each day. Orihuela maps show­ ing all the places selling tapas are available around the city, and more events are being planned over the coming months which will take in the area’s vil­ lages and the Orihuela Costa.

Spain’s rocket­ ing public debt has now spi­ ralled up to 94% of the country’s Gross Domestic Product, despite massive cuts. Raised taxes, frozen public salaries and spending curbs on education and health failed to rein in bulging annual budget deficits and the fast­accumulating state debt. Public debt rose to 960.6 billion Euros at the end of 2013, the equivalent of 93.9% of gross domestic product for the year, the Bank of Spain said. And there’s worse to come with the government expecting the public deficit to top 100% of GDP in 2015 before stabilising at about 101% in 2016; a figure well above the European Union­agreed ceiling of 60% of GDP.

PAINTING RECOVERED

More UK passports are lost or stolen in Spain than in any other country across the world. Interpol’s Stolen and Lost Travel Documents database reveals that 5605 UK passports went missing in the country between 2012 and 2013 alone. In second place is the USA, where a significantly fewer, 1539 were lost in the same period. France, Italy, and Australia are in third, fourth and fifth place respectively.

Copper anybody?

Two men have been arrested in Almoradi for steal­ ing 200 kilos of copper cable. The Spaniard and Madagascan oper­ ated over a wide area stealing from various electrical boxes along the AP7 between Alicante and Cartagena, in addition to San Javier airport and around Almoradi and the surrounding area. All of the thefts apparent­ ly happened at night.

Brits help Brit

A gang who stole at least 300 thousand Euros from homes across Alicante and Valencia provinces has been arrested by the Guardia Civil. 8 people (Spanish, Moroccan, and Romanian) have been detained under Operation “Cross­ Stitch”, which also involved co­operation with the Romanian police, who found stolen property in their country ready to be sold on the black market. One of the star attractions recov­ ered was a painting by Juan Garcia Ripoli, as well as a Florentine altarpiece.

Arsonist returns

Elche’s phantom firebug appears to have struck again, and he’s believed to be a homeless man, yet the local police have so far been unable to “catch him in the act”, and so cannot arrest him. A car, a courier van, a motor­bike and two recycling bins were all set aflame in

the city over the space of 3 hours last Sunday afternoon.

LIDL BY LIDL

A British driver was knocked unconscious when his 4x4 vehicle rolled over on the CV906 road near Benijófar but as luck should have it, two retired British firemen were cycling on the road at the time, and came to help him. Firemen and an ambulance arrived soon afterwards, with the man being revived after a quarter of an hour.

Supermarket chain, Lidl, is spending 180 mil­ lion Euros in Spain this year opening new stores, improving existing ones, and building a new warehouse. The discounter, which is the coun­ try’s seventh largest food retailer by market share, plans to open 20 new shops over the next year, which will bring its Spanish total up to 525. It will also open its ninth warehouse, in Murcia, this summer. Lidl has already spent 260 million Euros expanding its presence in Spain over the past two years.


Friday, March 21, 2014

E-CIGS CAUSE PNEUMONIA

A Spaniard has caught pneumonia from smoking too many electronic cigarettes in the 2nd ever recorded case of lung illness caused by the devices. The patient, who is a 50 year old man had been admitted to a hospital in the north­western city of A Coruña for a separate illness and came down with the lung complaint while there. “He was diagnosed with exogenous lipoid pneumonia caused by an excessive use of electronic cigarette," said the source at the A Coruña University Hospital, who asked not be named. The disease was caused by a vegetable­ based ingredient in the replaceable car­ tridges that produce the vapour for inhala­ tion, the source added. Doctors diagnosed the pneumonia "a few days ago" and the patient has since been cured and dis­ charged, the source said. "According to the medical journals, it is the second case in the world of a breathing

complaint related to consumption of elec­ tronic cigarettes." The US specialist medical journal Chest in April 2012 recorded the case of a 42­ year­old woman who also caught pneumo­ nia from using e­cigarettes. Makers of e­ cigarettes say they are much less harmful than tobacco and can help people give up smoking. They brushed off the case in A Coruña. "There is no proof that this illness was linked to use of an electronic cigarette," said Alejandro Rodriguez, vice­president of the National Electronic Cigarette Association, which represents 500 compa­ nies active in Spain. "How many people die every day from smoking? If in the 15 years that e­cigarettes have been around only two people in the world have caught light pneumonia from this product, we should say well done to it," he told news agency AFP.

Madrid Zoo has a new attraction with the birth of a baby to Gorka the gorilla last weekend. Gorka, a member of the endangered westland low­ land gorilla species, gave birth to the 1.5kg baby, her fourth, after a complication­free eighth­month pregnancy. Zoo staff are now keeping a close eye on the pair, who will likely remain separated from the other five gorillas for the first month so that mother and child can bond. A name for the young gorilla will be chosen via the zoo's official Facebook page, once its sex has been worked out, which can only be

done once the happy mother has finally stopped cradling the baby!

HAPPY MUM

ROJALES CAR CON

A Rojales man has been arrested by the National Police on suspicion of running a bogus car sales business on the internet and conning people out of at least 3 thousand Euros. The 30 year old Spaniard, who has a stack of previous convictions, would advertise on the internet that he was selling second hand cars, but once he had taken up to 400 Euros as a deposit, the potential buyers found it impossible to contact or trace him. 7 people, most of whom are for­ eigners, are believed to have been defrauded around Spain.

COP CARS

Guardamar’s local police has two new cars to add its fleet, both of which feature an area at the back where breath tests can be taken on suspected drink­ drivers. The Town Hall says that all of the police vehi­ cles have been replaced and upgraded over the last year.

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Friday, March 21, 2014

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

Tea and trumpets time for the caring Lions... THE Torrevieja Costa Lions Club are pleased to announce their upcoming fund­raising activities in aid of those in the community most in need. The Club are holding a Fun Charity Race Night in the Stray Sod, La Fuente Commercial Centre on Thursday March 27 at 8pm. As well as enjoying the evening, everyone will know that they have contributed to help the most needy in our community. Get there early or book a table ­ and enjoy the food, drinks and hospitality before the fun starts. On Saturday April 5, the Lions cele­ brate the ninth Anniversary of their Charter with a Dinner and Dance at the Clubhouse La Marquesa Golf. For more details on menus and prices and how to book, phone Iain on 966 731 495

or go to www.torreviejacostalions.org The next event features JB Brass, pictured), the only traditionally English Brass Band here on the Costa Blanca, in association with the Barbershop Harmonisers, the largest group of Barbershop style singers in the whole of Spain. They perform in Teatro Municipal Torrevieja on Thursday April 24 at 8pm. Tickets, priced at only €5, will be available from the theatre box office or online at www.instantickets.es very shortly. For more information on what Lions do locally and Internationally, visit www.torreviejacostalions.org IAIN BENNETT Torrevieja Costa Lions Club

GAMBLING BONUS IS BETS LEFT ALONE

CASINO PIPERS

THE letter about online gambling in last week’s Courier brought back one or two painful memories for me. I had accounts with several online book­ ies and lost a consid­ erable amount of money to these peo­ ple in a relatively short space of time. I would wait until some glowing ‘Bonus for New Customers’ was offered with money which the bookies immediately doubled. I neither read nor understood the ‘rules’ surrounding the offer and after my initial

The Torrevieja Pipes & Drums have had a busy few days cele­ brating St.Patrick’s Day, taking part in the traditional Cabo Roig parade last Monday(see Page 30), and they were invited by Novelda’s International Languages and Friendship Group for their celebration of the feast on the previous day. The sun shone brightly and the band entertained a mixture of English, Scottish, Irish and Spanish people in the gardens of The Casino, situated in the centre of Novelda.

deposit of €50 was doubled by the site owners, I quickly improved the overall bal­ ance to around €170. At that point I withdrew my initial £50 deposit, believing there was now no way I could lose. Wrong! The small print had stated that I would lose my bonus and any profit if I removed money before I had turned over the bonus money 30 times.

I’m still not quite sure what this meant, but the moment that £50 was removed from the bookies’ grasp, my bonus money and winnings vanished as well. I no longer gamble ­ but I think it is essential that tougher rules are brought in to deter addicts from committing online suicide. COUNTING THE COSTA, La Marina

LETTERS AND EMAILS WILL ONLY BE CONSIDERED FOR THE COURIER MANAGEMENT DOES NOT PUBLICATION ON THIS PAGE IF AN ADDRESS AND CONTACT NUMBER ARE PROVIDED BY THE WRITER TO CONFIRM NECESSARILY AGREE WITH THE VIEWS AUTHENTICITY AND IN CASE WE NEED TO CALL YOU. EXPRESSED BY READERS ON THIS PAGE


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Friday, March 21, 2014

THE girl at the Easyjet bag­drop desk was anything but helpful. My boarding pass stated specifically that I should go there to organise the ‘special requirements’ I had request­ ed when I booked my flight from Alicante. But the bag­drop girl was having none of it. “You are in the wrong place,’’ she insist­ ed, pointing to an office win­ dow where several people were busy haranguing the lone occupant. I duly joined the queue and waited a few minutes, during which time the line reduced by a whole person. Becoming increasingly anxious, I looked at my boarding pass again. It clear­ ly stated I should go to the bag drop, so I wandered back to the Easyjet desk and joined the queue of people waiting to check in. By now I was becoming a little agitated. Here I was, in an extremely embarrassing position, seeking wheelchair

PARK AND RIDE TIME IS NO JOY assistance for the first time in my life. I felt so guilty, but equally relieved that I did not have to join the logjam of passengers funnelling through the crowded security checks. It was a busy Friday evening and it crossed my mind that I should forget the wheelchair and make my way to security with my hand luggage as I have always done. Then I recalled all the has­ sle of having to unzip my bag and remove my ancient lap­ top for separate checking,

I HAVE always reckoned the aches and pains of daily living affect the crotchety generation far more in the UK than in Spain. Now I know for sure because my body has been in achy­breaky mode from the moment I set foot on English soil last Friday. My back hurts, my buttocks ache, I’ve had to use my anti­angina spray for the first time in months ­ and it’s all down to the English weather. Mind you, I have eaten the equivalent of a herd of wild horses in the last week. Perhaps I just need a course in hunger management...

Not to mention shuffling and shaking along the line as young, chicos and chicas tut­ tutted at this old dear with Parkinson’s who blocked their rush to the duty­free shops. The bag­drop girl I had spoken to earlier spotted me in the check­in queue. Shaking her head at my defi­ ance of her instructions, she left her desk and strode over. “Madam, you cannot get spe­ cial assistance here. This is the bag­drop queue. I told you must go to the office I pointed out to you earlier.’’ I could feel myself falling apart and the girl sensed it too. Suddenly I felt her mood change from irritation to sym­ pathy and realised she was not the impatient misery I had first taken her for. She ushered me back towards the wheelchair office where, as luck would have it, the queue had vanished.

The next 10 minutes were an emotional time as I came to terms with old age. My frailty in such a trivial sit­ uation confirmed to me that senility and ill­health really are catching up with me and that my independence is under threat. Over the past few months I have been finding it increas­

ingly difficult to handle the rigours of air travel. Even without the limita­ tions of Parkinson’s and angina, I find it a real struggle to carry hand luggage onto a plane ­ and certainly cannot lift it into overhead racks. The problem increases dramatically when one throws in the limitations of a

dicky heart and hands that shake like a 9.7 earthquake. My ever­weakening emo­ tions welled over into tears as I realised that he prob­ lems will only increase as I wing my way towards the final horizon. Most of my flights these days are to Manchester, where I find the long walk to passport control impossible without resorting to my emer­ gency angina­relief spray. Now, for te first time, I could forget about becoming a damsel in distress. Ten minutes later I was being wheeled through a quiet area of the security department to the depart­ ment gate, feeling cool and relaxed for the first time in a generation. Mind you, I was destined to be the very last person off the plane at the other end.

Squeals on wheels en route to immortality EVER stood inside a giant ware­ house service lift as the rickety contraption creaked and squeaked its way between floors? Throw in a couple of dithering button pushers, a circuit or two of Liverpool Airport runway and a laid­back wheelchair pusher rum­ bling you through passport con­ trol, and bingo, you’ve arrived. Unfortunately you’ve missed out just a little. Because the other passengers are all long gone, and the pilot and crew who flew you

from Alicante tucked up in their hotel beds. I was in the process of discover­ ing that for disabled and frail trav­ ellers, wheelchair travel can be both a godsend and a penance. It was heaven to be the first pas­ senger aboard at Alicante ­ and promptly smothered with Air Smiles by an eager­to­please cabin crew. But when I eventually met up with my family in a near­deserted arrivals area at Liverpool, I didn’t

know whether I was coming or going. By the time the tiny wheelchair entourage reached to passport control, our fellow passengers had long since headed off into the night. Nobody in their right mind would WANT to be pushed around in a wheelchair rather than exer­ cise their pins. But as I approach the Biblical three score years and ten, the reality of existence is beginning to

hit home. I am going to need help more often than not on future flights after my latest ordeal. I don’t want to die. But imagine where we would all end up if our bodies kept going but continued to degenerate. Like Woody Allen, I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by living for ever. Or at least until I look in the mir­ ror on my 20,000th birthday.


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Friday, March 21, 2014


Friday, March 21, 2014

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Friday, March 21, 2014

RED EYES ALL ROUND

It was the worst of times last Monday. For we pub punters lost one of our long­standing members. I say long­standing but Ol' Red Eyes was more likely to be found long­sitting on a stool or long­lying on the floor. Anyway, last Monday we lost him. Ol' Red Eyes was the founder of our pub dis­ cussion group and although he grew more silent in his lat­ ter years, he was still as much a fixture and fitting of our hostelry as the watered beer and the waterer­in­chief Dave the barman. The pub was silent as the news sank in that Ol' Red Eyes had gone. The shock turned to tears as we thought of our old experienced and trusted adviser. Indeed, we were all in danger of becom­ ing red­eyed over Ol' Red Eyes. Even Fag Ash Bill, who was usually to be found standing outside the pub, smoking copiously, had entered the hostelry and was standing stunned with the

rest of us, the silence broken only by the sound of his occasional coughing. Then Dave the barman spoke. 'What am I to do about Ol' Red Eyes' drinks tab?' 'Never mind what Ol' Red Eyes owes you. YOU owe HIM so much more,' Indoor Lou snapped. 'He brought gravitas to your establish­ ment and also kept in the heat by sleeping near the crack under the door. I believe you should close your pub for one day as a sign of respect. You are the greediest, most unfeeling person I have ever met and I hate you.' 'Sorry, Lou,' mumbled Dave the barman by way of apology. 'Let me make amends by offering you a free drink.' 'Well, thank you, Dave,' said Indoor Lou. 'You're a very nice man.' All went quiet again as each of us delved into our memories and remembered the man we had looked up to ­­ or more latterly down on when he slumbered on the

floor. Fearful Phil sighed. 'I can hear Ol' Red Eyes even now reminding us that he used to be a respected teacher of English until he fell in with the likes of us.' 'Yes,' I concurred. 'He was always saying that.' 'No, you don't understand,' said Fearful Phil. 'I can actu­ ally hear him saying it NOW. Ol' Red Eyes is still in the room, I tell you!' We all shut up then and lis­ tened to the familiar yet dis­ embodied voice floating croakily across the pub. 'Please help me,' the voice implored. 'I used to be an English teacher and deserve a better class of treatment.' All of us followed the voice and there we found him. Ol' Red Eyes, clad in his ancient brown Crombie, was dan­ gling from the coat stand in the corner. 'I knew he had to be some­ where!' declared Dave the barman. 'Nobody just disap­ pears like that. But how the hell could this have hap­ pened? Which idiot would

hang up an overcoat with the wearer still in it?' We stared and glared at Daft Barry. 'Yes, it was me,' he muttered. 'But I thought it was just a garment on the floor and I didn't want anyone tripping over it. Mind you, with hindsight, it did feel a bit

heavy when I lifted it onto the coat peg.' With the discovery of Ol' Red Eyes, the mood of the pub rose and we all went as daft as Daft Barry. Starting with a selection of Abba's greatest hits to warm up our tonsils, we punters segued

into a chorus of I Belong to Glasgow, followed by London Bridge is Falling Down and concluding with Long­Haired Lover from Liverpool. Considering all of us were from Manchester, it seemed an odd choice of songs. But we were so happy and relieved to have our mentor back in our midst that nothing else mattered. So, the worst of times had turned into the best of times. Even Fag Ash Bill stayed indoors until he collapsed gasping and had to be car­ ried outside for a reviving cig­ arette. Closing time came and went (please don't tell the authorities) but in the early hours we prepared to call it a day. 'Goodnight, gentlemen,' said Dave the barman who was already counting the night's takings. 'I'm off to put these two crumpled ban­ knotes and assorted coins, buttons and tap washers into the safe. Would the last per­ son to leave please take Ol' Red Eyes down from the peg.'


Friday, March 21, 2014

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12

Friday, March 21, 2014

THE DOG THAT DISTRACTED ME!

I would love to have a Golden Retriever. I remem­ ber years ago, in one of my first jobs, a customer used to come in most days with his faithful Golden Retriever and each time she made an appearance, she always carried her favourite cuddly toy in her mouth. “Why”? Because they were originally bred to retrieve game birds from land and water, so for a Golden Retriever it sim­ ply comes naturally to carry things. It used to be the highlight of my day, seeing this dog, even though it used to annoy my boss, because rather than serve the customer, I used to spend time with his dog! The breed originated in Scotland during the 1860’s and is still used today for its original working purpose, along with other work which now includes, therapy work, which they simply excel in; a guide dog for the blind; and also detecting drugs. Around five years ago, I visited a prison in the UK where they were training the breed to sniff out drugs and the memory will stay with me forever. They go along a line of people, smelling each person in a happy and enthusiastic way. The way they tell their han­ dlers that somebody is carrying drugs, is simply to sit down in front of that person. I was in a line of five people and I was the one the officers planted the drugs on, to see if the dog would detect it. When the Golden Retriever approached me, his face was cheerful, but the moment he detected I was carrying drugs he simply sat down in front of me and gave me a look as if to say, “You silly, silly boy. Why”? I will never for­ get that look. I felt like saying to him “This is just an exercise and I don’t really carry drugs”, but he looked at me the way a disappointed Father would look at his Son! As you can imagine, this breed will make an amazing fam­ ily pet, which beggars the question, “Why are they not as

THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER AND FRIEND popular as they once were”? In America they are now down to fourth place in popularity, whereas in the UK they are now down to seventh. They have a weather resistant undercoat and they require regular grooming, as well as trimming the excess hair between the pads on their feet. They are an extremely sensitive breed, so don’t ever treat them harshly.

As with all dogs, they need understanding and guid­ ance. Their accommodating nature means that they get on very well with other dogs and animals, along with children and adults. They do need more exer­ cise than the average dog, so make sure they get plenty of walks and they love retrieving a ball. They learn very quickly, due to their amazing memory and are highly intelligent dogs. As with all large breed dogs, limit their exercise when they are young, as their bones are still forming and if exercised during this period too enthusiastical­ ly, they may develop hip­dysplasia. When they are going through puppyhood, their ears are the first to show their true adult colour. Life expectancy of this charming breed is around twelve years of age and I sincerely hope that one day, one of these dogs will be a part of my canine group. I am available for consultations throughout the Costa Blanca region, if you are having problems with your furry best friend. To book a consultation you can E­mail me at peter@thedogyouneed.com and I will contact you straight away, or you can call me on 966 847 827. We have set up an animal charity, where we help the most severely abused and injured ani­ mals in Spain. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do by PayPal, where the account details are peter@thedogy­ ouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900. IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00. BIC: NWBK GB 2L Even one Euro will help, so please, please, try and sup­ port us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? APAH is looking for a long­ term foster home for a spe­ cial dog. Born in May 2010, Leo is a lovely dog, who charms everyone who meets him. Sadly, Leo has a health issue which puts many peo­ ple off giving him the loving home he so deserves. His health has been stabilised, and to look at him you wouldn't know there was a problem. If someone would offer him a home environ­ ment, APAH will cover any future medical costs. To meet Leo, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Leo OTTO Rottweiler/Labrador cross, approx 2 years old. Very friendly house trained. Please contact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Otto

We have a litter of these pup­ pies, boys and girls, unusual colours with gorgeous eyes. About 12 weeks old. For more info about these pup­ pies or any of our other dogs needing homes please call Paradise Kennels 619 938 955 or find us on facebook. If you would like to help but can not have a dog in your home why not voulenter at one of our dog walking sessions.

Worzel had been seen run­ ning around the countryside, with piece of old rope and clip tight around his neck; He had obviously been tied up somewhere and managed to get free. He was in reasona­ ble condition although his neck was a little sore. He is a one year old, medium sized Spanish Sheepdog who is energetic, plays well with his kennel mates and likes lots of fuss; he enjoys his walks and is good on the lead. Worzel is now fully vaccina­ ted, micro chipped and cas­ trated. Please call 966710047 or email info@satanimalrescue.com

Romeo is a 2 year old Chihuahua cross and weighs just 6 kilos, he is very good Worzel with other dogs and cats, is Sebastian and Chanel were house trained and very faith­ found in a shallow canal last ful. Call: 645 469 253 week, they are approx 10 www.petsinspain.com weeks old, good with cats and other dogs and will be medium size when fully grown. Call: 645 469 253 www.petsinspain.com

Romeo

Sebastian & Chanel

Le Roy Is a young dog who has been castrated, chipped and all his vaccinations are up­to­date. He is good with all other dogs and lijes ladies, but he is extremely strong on the kead. With the correct training and patience you would have a giant of a small dog. Eleanor 610 188 349

LeRoy Vinnie is 6 years old and up until about 2 weeks ago he was a very happy dog, his owner had to return to the UK and could not take Vinnie with her. He is a lovely boy very well behaved gets on well with other Vinnie dogs but not cats even though he lived with one for 6 years. He urgently needs a new home. For more info on Vinnie please call the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcha­ rity@gmail.com

Rusty Stanley

Sasha is about 9 months old and is a small, she was found by a road in a very bad state, it has taken some time for her to be well enough to go to a good home. She is now a thriving healthy happy little dog, she gets on well with the other dogs and cats that she is being fostered with. Please call 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail .com

TESS and ZARA. These two affectionate sisters were res­ cued from a perrera only three months old. They are now 18 months old and are more than ready to find fore­ ver homes. They can be homed separately. Both are chipped, vaccinated and spayed and look like a small Labrador. Find us on face­ book – Finca La Castellana

Sasha

Tess and Zara


Friday, March 21, 2014

13

CHAIN OF OIL BUSTERS Grave mistake DECEPTION

26 people have been arrested and charged with swindling at least 700 thousand Euros from 67 companies. The Guardia Civil and the National Police staged a joint swoop on offices in Murcia and Cartagena to smash a network that defrauded companies around Spain including some in Alicante Province and Murcia, as well as half a dozen European countries. The gang would hire hauliers to trans­ port goods, creating a variety of “fronts” which meant the companies were not paid for their services, with the fraud­ sters being difficult to track down for payment because of the complex chain they had created.

A woman fell into the grave of her dead husband when she went to visit it on Wednesday on Father’s Day. The drama at Aspe Cemetary hap­ pened when she was cleaning the marble headstone, which broke, caus­ ing her to lose her footing. She then fell two metres into the deep grave, and had to be res­ cued by local police officers, with the help of a ladder. The woman was treated for shock and minor injuries, which came from the fragments of the broken gravestone hitting her head.

At least 50% of local restaurants and bars are breaking the rules on serving olive oil according to industry estimates. As of March 1st, all refillable containers with olive oil had to be replaced by either sachets or single­dose mini­bottles by law. Restaurant owners say that it’s costing them a lot more and is an inefficient way of dispensing the product, with hoteliers saying that the move will increase olive oil prices. The changes were brought in after an EU decree that diners had to know where the oil had come from, rather than be dis­ pensed from unlabelled containers.

HIGH SPEED LINK

A plan has been put forward to link Alicante­Elche airport with the high speed AVE service from Alicante City to Madrid. The rail service would loop round Torrellano and also link up to the Mediterranean Corridor line and the city’s port. A pre­ vious project was shelved in 2011 due to lack of money.

MANY VOICES

18 international choirs will take part in July’s 60th anniver­ sary Habaneras competition in Torrevieja. Details were announced in Madrid’s Cervantes Institute at a special cere­ mony with choirs set to fly in from the Phillipines, Cuba, Venezuela and Columbia, as well as European countries like Poland, Germany and the Ukraine. 5 Spanish choirs will also compete.


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Friday, March 21, 2014

EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SPECIAL

Wednesday this week saw El Dia del Padre, or Father’s Day as we would say in English, and at the end of the month in the UK, it will be Mother’s Day, with the Spanish equiva­ lent coming up on Sunday May 4th. So what do Mother´s Day, Father´s Day, and for that matter Valentine’s Day actu­ ally mean and why do we need a special day to let people know what we think of them? Surely if we have a mum or dad that is special we should be telling them every day anyway, and if you are lucky enough to be in love, then surely an impromptu display of affec­ tion would be more meaning­ ful than a day when you are being told to show your feel­ ings. Maybe the reasons for my indifference are that I don´t have a relationship with either of my parents and I don´t have anyone special to share a romantic meal with,

or maybe I´m just fed up with being told what I should be spending my money on! I have three great children and I tell them I love them when I feel like it and they do likewise. I know I won´t be getting any cards or presents on one specific day of the year but it doesn´t matter, because I have something more special than anything money could buy. I know that my daughters and my son love me, and that knowledge is the most important thing in my life, without the need for false promises or costly shows of affection. It is however hard on my son when he comes home with something each of the class have made for their dads. The other day, he left school clutching a three­ sided calendar with a picture of Superman on one side and words about a great dad on the other two, and I won­ dered as he showed me what he thought about it, but I just didn´t have the heart to

ask him. I instead just admir­ ing the colouring in and told him what a great job he did with the artwork. I remember the first year my little boy was at school, with the teacher knowing that his dad wasn´t around and when all the other children were colouring in cards for their fathers, my son´s teacher

was changing the name on the front to mummy, and so I managed to get two Mother’s Days that year, which I thought was a nice touch. This year, the new teacher is also aware that there is no dad around but there was no effort made to change anything, even though my boy can now

read exactly what is written. Then again has it affected my little man in any way? In the great scheme of things, I suppose one thing that he makes at school isn´t going to leave him with any lasting damage. I know that it is hard for him every day of the year growing up without a dad, so one day as a reminder isn´t going to influ­ ence him too much. All I can do is be the best mum possi­ ble and be there for him as well as having my friend’s husbands around for the male influence. It´s too much to try and be a mum and a dad, as I know that he will have questions that I simply cannot answer. I don´t know what it´s like to be a boy or a man, therefore I will hopeful­ ly have a male influence for

him even if that comes from a friend’s hubby. And so back to my original point, which is why do we need some name for a day when we look after those closest to us? Why can´t we just say mum, dad, today you can relax while I look after you? Why do we need a day to tell us to send a card or flowers to those who are, after all, supposed to be the closest people in our lives? As you can imagine, my Valentine’s Day passed with­ out so much as a sniff of a rose and Mother’s day will be no different. But who needs roses or candlelit din­ ners when you can lie in bed and feel a little arm around your neck holding you tight and gently patting you on the back as you snuggle close?


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Friday, March 21, 2014

BIG BENN’S MANY FACES IN all my life, nobody got a bigger “bogeyman” label in the British press than Tony Benn, especially in the seventies and early eighties. The colourful Labour figure who died last week looked like a possible successor to Harold Wilson in the six­ ties, but after the 1970 shock election defeat, Benn suddenly got radical and left­wing (and frankly unelectable) and virtually out of control. When Labour returned to power in 1974, as Industry secretary he was threatening to nationalise anything that breathed with Wilson along with cabinet col­ leagues vetoing every one of his crackpot ideas. He was moved side­ ways to the Energy department, and when Thatcher won in 1979, he refused a shadow cabinet position, preferring to attack the Labour leader­ ship for selling socialism down the river and suggesting (wrongly) that their betrayal of values had cost them the election. It was nothing of the sort, but rather an incompetent government then led by Jim Callaghan (albeit in a Commons minority) coupled with the trade unions being out of control: ­ clearly comrades that Mr.Benn could not hold any sway over! Tony Benn then went ape trying to change Labour election rules, narrowly losing out to Denis Healey for the deputy leadership, and

splitting the party which led to the creation of the SDP and a heavy election defeat in 1983. It was suicidal stuff and when he lost his Bristol seat due to boundary changes, it looked over for Benn until he picked up Chesterfield in the 1984 by­election. That’s when I started to have some dealings with him, booking him on a regular basis for var­

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ious debates and interviews on my Derbyshire radio breakfast show. We’d often have him in conflict up against new Tory starlet Edwina Currie or Tory barrister, Ivan Lawrence, and he’d run rings around them. I began to like him, though even I (a suppos­ edly neutral interviewer) lost it once when he said that the countries of Eastern Europe

were free and with Polish parents, I started to list all of the countries under Soviet control getting angrier and angrier, whilst he calmly put me down! The best and genuinely likeable part of Tony Benn came in 2001 when he stood down from the Commons because of his dying wife, and said that he was now looking for­ ward to a career in politics. A com­ pletely different face of him appeared with far less aggression and a sense of humour, and crucially compelling arguments that people from the right wing of politics would find hard to disagree with. He was on the money over the illegal war in Iraq and he found a new middle­class audience who would be entertained by his one­man shows and his witty and incisive views on the state of domes­ tic and international politics. He would argue that his views on social­ ism had not changed a jot, but I would say that his mellow and genial pres­ entation of his philosophy won him a lot of new admirers (yours truly included), coupled with the thought that his reckless stupidity in the seventies and eighties, cost both him and Labour dearly. A real case of what might have been if Tony Benn had showed the right face all those years ago.

LÍNEA DIRECTA, THE BEST COMPANY FOR EXPATRIATES AT THE BEST PRICE Since 1998 Línea Directa, the market leader in the sale of direct car, motorbike and home insurance in Spain, has offered an exclusive telephone service entirely in English and German. This service, the first of its kind in Spain, forms part of the com­ pany’s commitment to quality and excellence, which have also made it the market leader in this business sector, due to the fact that it currently has over 63,000 foreign customers residing in Spain. As a result, services such as purchasing a policy, making enquiries, processing claims, sending documents and 24­hour assistance can all be carried out in English or German at a time which is convenient for the customer by making just one phone call.

And not only does Línea Directa offer the best, it also offers its services at the most competitive price on the market. It does this in two ways: ­ Price personalisation: behind each quote there is a sales professional who, via a quick questionnaire, will search for the best product and conditions to suit the cus­ tomer’s personal requirements and will assess him or her according to their individ­ ual circumstances. ­ Maximum competitiveness: still at the best price, this month Línea Directa is making Expats an exclusive 12x11 offer, which allows them to enjoy one year of insurance for the price of 11 months. And what is more, if the person requesting this offer already has another car insurance policy with Línea Directa, then the offer will be 12x10, which is to say two months’ free cover.

This is the result of a strategy which is permanently geared towards offering cus­ tomers the very best quality at the very best price.

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Tony

Friday, March 21, 2014

Mayes

HE ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO SHOUT ABOUT

WHY POOLS PEE ME OFF! I live, while in Spain, in a community which boasts two swimming pools, but very seldom do I venture to swim in them. Why? It has little to do with the temperature of the water, but it has everything to do with what's in the water! I look at some of the less than perfect bodies wallowing into the pool and I shudder. But worse than that, I think of the prospect of people peeing in the water and I am totally put off. And, it seems, I am more than vindicated, because in a survey, nearly one in five American adults admitted to having urinated in public swimming pools. Sadly, Olympian Michael Phelps doesn’t think a little in­pool relief is such a big deal. He said: “I think everybody pees in the pool. It’s kind of a nor­ mal thing to do for swimmers. When we’re in the water for two hours, we don’t really get out to pee. Chlorine kills it so it’s not bad.” But here's the bad news: Although chlorine might kill bacteria, it also reacts with chemicals in human urine to create harmful gases. Scientists have long­known that when urea—a com­ pound present in urine— combines with chlorine, it gives off nitrogen trichlo­ ramine (NCl3), a poisonous gas that can cause acute lung injury. Scientists moni­ toring the presence of nitro­ gen trichloramine during a national swimming competi­ tion found that it doubled after the first day, increasing by three to four times throughout the rest of the four­day event. Until now, much less has been known about chlorine’s reaction with uric acid, another chemical in urine. However, recent research indicates that uric acid is responsible not only for more nitrogen trichlo­ ramine, but also for a large share—between 24% and

68%—of another dangerous gas, cyanogen chloride, that wafts around indoor swim­ ming pools. If inhaled, the lat­ ter compound can harm the lungs, heart and central nerv­ ous system. Both nitrogen trichloramine and cyanogen chloride have been linked to acute and chronic health problems among swimmers, as well as among lifeguards and pool staff. OK, this relates to indoor pools, and ours are outside pools, but no, I don't want to swim in a urine soup, made worse when kids come out to Spain during summer holidays. Give me the sea any day. Yes, I know fish in the sea are doing what comes naturally, and people are doing it too, but the sea is vast and con­ taminates are quickly dis­ persed in the salt water. For all of you tempted to swim in pools, just remember to keep your mouths tightly closed! At long last the NHS and the government is getting into the real world ­ with life­saving medicines being fast­tracked so critically ill patients can get them years earlier. How often in the past have we heard that medicines have been denied to patients where every other medicine has failed, simply because they have not been licensed. But now drugs can be prescribed on the NHS before they are licensed. It means that from one to twelve drugs a year could qualify for early access. The only stupidity in all this is that individual doctors would still be liable if anything goes wrong. And, of course, this could easily be the stumbling block, because what doctor would be willing to take the risk? If I was a patient dying with an incurable disease, I would grasp at anything for a cure, or a way of stalling the inevitable ­ and would be will­ ing to sign an indemnity to exonerate a doctor. Let's

q

hope that this will be sufficient to put any gold­digging lawyer from trying to take a doctor to court. New drugs take many years to get the all clear so they can be prescribed by doctors, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this new NHS deal will give hope to the many patients who have been denied new drugs until all the boxes have been ticked. But just as importantly, patients will offer themselves as guinea pigs for new drugs, and, who knows, many lives can be saved, or people's lives can be extended. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt said the early access scheme, due to start next month, would boost industry by attracting investment and help patients. He said ‘This ground­break­ ing scheme will provide cut­ ting edge medicines earlier, give hope to patients and their families and save lives. And as part of our strategy for life sciences it will create more jobs and opportunities for people, helping secure a bet­ ter future for our country.’ The plan means medicines will be given to patients before the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE has decided whether to approve NHS funding. Why all this wasn't done years ago beats me? It's a win win and let's hope some real benefits come of it. And here's something else which should have been done many years ago. Better late than never, UK bailiffs could soon be called in to seize high value items, like cars, TVs and computers from benefit fraudsters under a new government drive to deter claimants from fiddling the welfare system. Damnable benefits cheats are costing taxpayers £1.2 bil­ lion a year, but soon the bailiffs will call in to seize all high value items, leaving those items deemed neces­

q

sary for life. Why on earth wasn't this done years ago? It is such a basic answer to what has become a national disgrace. Ironically, some of the worst benefit cheat offenders cited by Downing Street in a press release were immigrants. For example: Sly Malik, 49, of Barking, east London, was ordered to pay back £1,031,943 or face 5 years in prison after being found guilty of claiming jobseeker's allowance and housing bene­ fit, despite owning nine prop­ erties, running several com­ panies and having bank accounts containing more than £200,000! At long, long last some truth has emerged over the cost to Britain from immi­ gration. So many times in the past have we heard that peo­ ple coming to Britain have contributed more to the econ­ omy than they have cost. But finally, truth has dawned and it makes very sad reading. Migration Watch UK has revealed that immigrants have cost UK taxpayers more than £22 million a day for 17 years, and the public purse was £140 billion worse off between 1995 and 2011 as a result of people moving to Britain. Sadly the public and MPs have been led astray by people fudging the statistics for political purposes. For example: The Centre for Research and Analysis of Migration (Cream), an inde­ pendent research unit at University College London, last year claimed that immi­ grants had made a "substan­ tial" contribution to public finances since 2000 and those from the European Economic Area had con­ tributed 34% more in taxes than they received in benefits in the decade up to 2011. However, Migration Watch UK said it had followed the methodology used by Cream but had changed what it

q

called the "unrealistic assumptions" that had been made in that study, such as suggestions that EEA migrants are only half as likely to claim benefits or tax credits ­ something it claimed was "highly misleading". Its report states that findings about the contributions made by EEA migrants are "simply wrong" and rely "on assumptions that employees earn the same as the UK­born population". The findings have, not surprisingly been disputed by Cream, but Sir Andrew Green, chairman of Migration Watch UK, said: "Our report finally disposes of the immigration lobby's oft­ repeated claims that immigra­ tion reduces our tax burden. The total cost is high and increased dramatically between 1995 and 2011, pro­ viding no compensation for the overcrowding of the British Isles which we are experiencing, largely as a result of immigration." HOW silly are Brits ­ can't they see a good thing even when it hits them on the face? Last week there was a national survey asking the public where they think fracking should take place in the UK. The sensible 32% of people polled thought it should be where it was most viable economically. 9% voted for places away from large population centres; 23% said it should not happen near human populations or nature reserves; and sadly, 36% said nowhere. There were 33,294 people who responded to the poll. It seems so sad that people can be frightened into believing that fracking is dangerous by crazy scare campaigns. Gullible people were just as taken in by the scare tactics over genetically modified foods, or nonsense over believing that mobile phones scrambled people's brains and that organic foods were so much better than other

q

food. It's this stupidity which stacks food prices, puts a damper on progress and makes fuel prices higher than they otherwise would be.

q

The fact that Paris has had to impose alternate driving days because of acute air pollution must be of seri­ ous concern ­ not just for France but the entire world. On a local level, pollution at a level twice the permitted max­ imum, is serious enough, bringing with it a real danger to health if it persists for any length of time. Every year we hear about dreadful air pollu­ tion across much of China and we all know that pollution is getting worse across the planet with greenhouse gasses still being pumped into the atmosphere at a grossly unacceptable level. It is time for a time limit to be set for an end to the production of vehicles driven by fossil fuels. That would set in motion a determined effort to find a viable alternative ­ and save the planet too. That is the only way to end this ridiculous damage being done to the planet because, if pollution isn't brought under control and global warming checked, it's going to be grim for future generations. It seems scarcely a week goes by without hearing of another vicious attack by a dangerous dog on someone. We've heard of dogs killing babies, and the latest incident a woman was left with life­changing injuries, with her flesh ripped off of her skull. The dog was believed to have been an American pit bull. This must end. People should not be allowed to own such dogs ­ it's like owning a lethal weapon. This whole issue must be treated far more seriously. It is one thing to have a small pet, quite another to own a dog capable of killing or maiming within seconds.

q


Friday, March 21, 2014

17


18

Friday, March 21, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 114 Where is the time going? We are already half way through March and heading into spring, summer is just around the corner and how great will you feel when you are ordering your drinks and food in Spanish and having chats with your Spanish friends or neighbours. The reason I mention how fast the time is going is because the sooner you make that effort to put the time into learning Spanish the sooner you will be speaking it confi­ dently. Time flies so fast and with regular practise, including speaking practise you will be able to converse in the language in a few months, especially if you have been following my lessons for some time. Those who started out with me 113 weeks ago should be confident in their Spanish and I hope are speaking with conviction, and if not then you need to be asking yourself why, and what you can do to correct that, maybe you need more practise or even les­ sons in conversations, but whatever you decide keep with it and with work you´ll be chatting away. Last week we were dealing with the verb apetecer, which means to feel like, as in to feel like doing something, now we are going to deal with a verb that works in the same way – parecer which means to look like, appear like or seem like. First parecer conjugates in the same way as conocer: yo parezco, tú pareces, él/ella parece, nosotros parecemos, vosotros parecéis, ellos/ellas parecen. So, how do we use parecer, to say: he seems a nice man you say: él parece un buen hombre, it appears to be big – parece ser grande, he looks like you – se parece a ti. It´s also used to say phrases such as: it seems to me to be broken – me parece que está roto, and when we use no

means "opinion": In my opinion it's the best restaurant in Madrid – Es el mejor restau­ rante a mi parecer en Madrid. With regards to reflexive verbs I am going to remind you briefly which verbs are commonly used as a reflexive verb and we are going to remind ourselves how they work. Interesar – to be interesting to, molestar – to be a bother, parecer – to appear to be, doler (o:ue) –to be painful, picar – to itch, encantar – to "love" something, quedar – to be left over, remain, faltar – to be lacking something, gustar – to be pleasing to (to like). Don´t forget that the reflexive verbs work differently in Spanish to English, in English we would say – My arm itches, in Spanish we say: it itches my arm! Me pica el brazo, the rain bothers me is: me molesta la llu­ via. When we want to use a reflexive verb Me parece que el primer remember that if the noun is in the plural, e.g arms, then an ´n´ is added to the verb, ministro es mentiroso e.g. me gusta el gato, me gustan los gatos. Next week I will give you some general parecer the following verb is in the subjunctive: It doesn't look revision so if there´s anything you are unsure of make sure like it's going to rain – No parece que vaya a llover. Parecer can also have other meanings depending on what you have a good look before next week and remind yourself the meaning would be in English, it can be translated as: of whatever you aren´t clear on. Remember, if any of you are thinking of taking lessons and think, as in I think the prime minister is a liar – me parece que el primer ministro es mentiroso, or as to feel some­ are near Almoradí give me a ring and we can have a chat thing,: I feel that something isn't right – Me parece que algo about my lessons in a small group or one to one, tailored to no está bien, to think: what do you think of my new house? your level, también doy clases de inglés como la lengua extranjera. ­ ¿qué os parece mi casa nueva? Give me a call on 625437217 and take that step to making In the reflexive form, parecerse can be used to indicate that two or more persons or things are alike in some way: Spanish happen for you, with specific emphasis on good pro­ Sometimes we're like our parents – Algunas veces nos nunciation and that push you may need to be a confident parecemos a nuestros padres. As a noun, parecer usually speaker.


Friday, March 21, 2014

19


20

Friday, March 21, 2014

INACTIVITY SPEEDS UP AGING

Inaction accelerates aging. So does inactivity. To resist the forces of aging you need to do a minimum amount of exer­ cise every week. As we get older, the number and strength of our muscle fibres decrease. Starting as young as thirty, we lose an average of two to four pounds of muscles a decade. In addition, many of us gain weight as we age, and muscle atrophy is concealed by those extra pounds of fat. Eventually, though, we notice a loss of flexibility as our atro­ phying muscles tighten and lose their range of motion. You

CONSTIPATION Sometimes referred to as The Curse of the Pharaohs

may find that you can't get up from a chair as easily as you used to or that you can't bend over or crouch without feeling stiffness or pain. This is a sign that you need to rebuild your muscles. Why do our muscles age? Several factors contribute to muscle meltdown. It is partly a result of the energy drain that turns formerly active people into couch potatoes practically overnight. Men and women who used to find it possible and even refreshing to run to the gym at the end of a hectic day suddenly find that all they want to do is go home, eat dinner, and "veg out" by the tube. Clearly, these folks are not taking their "Energizers." Exercise not only strengthens muscles but stimulates the repair mechanism within the muscles so that new muscle is formed. If we don't exercise, even for a few weeks, our mus­ cles will weaken significantly. In fact, if you stop exercising for just six weeks, you will lose about 50 percent of your muscle strength. The good news here is that if you start exercising, you can quickly recover what you have lost. Muscle cells are particularly vulnerable to free radical attack. Free radicals injure cells and also make it difficult for muscle cells to repair themselves. As we lose our antioxi­ dant balance, we lose the battle against free radicals, and muscle simply disappears. A high dose of particular antioxi­ dants will restore your body's natural antioxidant defence system. This will prevent further muscle damage and stimu­ late the muscle cells to repair and heal themselves. But that is just the first step.

The way to prevent and to cure muscle loss is through exercise. If we exercise consistently, we can maintain much of our youthful musculature. You may feel surprised that regardless of age, people showed no significant difference in levels of body fat. In other words, the oldest people had the same sleek, lean bodies as the youngest people! This tells us that a decrease in muscle is not an evitable part of aging. It tells us that if we stay physically active throughout our lives, we can maximize muscle tone and minimize fat. This does not mean that you have to be an endurance athlete to maintain your muscles and enjoy the full benefits of exer­ cise. The key is to maintain a consistent level of moderate exercise.

Diverticulitis: a convenient medical diagnosis? Last week, some of those that I saw for a diagnostic scan, who had chronic abdominal discomfort, informed me that they had been previously diagnosed with diverticulitis. On fur­ ther questioning, I learnt that the diagnosis was made on the first visit to a doctor, without any confir­ examinations. It seems that constipation has been of interest in the matory Courier of late but it is actually extremely common and Needless to say, that a therefore worthy of another discussion. Constipation has lit­ diagnosis of diverticulitis erally been around since the pharaohs and this is interest­ can only be made after car­ ing as this was a time in history when man began to change rying out appropriate med­ his diet from the stone age diet of previous times to a more ical tests. Diverticulitis sim­ varied but less healthy diet including grain, and dairy. ply refers to the inflamma­ Constipation is often an indication that our diet isn’t quite tion of the diverticula ­ right for our body and it is the body’s way of alerting us to which are abnormal tiny this fact. Many people choose to ignore the symptoms pouches or sacs that grow whilst others take over the counter remedies including such out of the walls of the large things as Senna. Whilst this is fine on the odd occasion it intestines usually, but can should not become a habit as it may cause the gut to also be seen in the small become even more sluggish and compound the problems. If you find you are suffering from recurrent constipation it is a good idea to look first at your diet. Most of us don’t have enough fibre such as that found in fruit and vegetables and many of us don’t drink enough water which greatly helps to aid digestion and help constipation. Some people resort to bulking out the stools with wheat fibre but this isn’t always suitable for many of us and can cause abdominal bloating and gas and if you have IBS can make it worse. Try to find which foods are best for you and introduce them on a daily basis including at least 2 litres of water. Another good thing to prevent constipation is to add a probiotic to your diet something such as Acidophilus, available from health food shops. Make sure that it is a good one with high levels of active bacteria. The drinks containing probiotic have limited benefits as the bacteria are often so diluted by the time they have passed through the digestive tract that there are too few left to do much good. Constipation alternating with diar­ rhoea may be a sign of underlying illness and in fact after changing the diet, adding more exercise which also helps and adding probiotics, if the problem still persists you should seek medical opinion. For help with dietary changes contact us on 966 191 514 Or email us on info@slimfit­europe.com

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

intestines. When these tiny pouches are present with­ out inflammation, the condi­ tion is known as diverticulo­ sis. We are not sure why some people develop these pouches, but there is good scientific evidence linking them to a diet that is high in refined carbohydrates such as flour, and low in natural fibre. The symptoms of diverticulitis are very similar to many other digestive dis­ orders and include; abdom­ inal discomfort and pain – especially on the left side, fever, vomiting and malaise. In hospitals, diver­ ticulitis is diagnosed using

an abdominal CT scan which can pick out inflamed diverticula. At MedB clinic, our scans have revealed that those diagnosed with diverticulitis without prior examination, tend to have inflammation in their diges­ tive organs such as the liver, pancreas, gall bladder and intestines, as well as low grade bacterial infec­ tion. The best way to pro­ tect the intestines against diverticulitis is to consume a diet rich in fibres. Fruits such as prunes, figs as well as vegetables such as car­ rots, spinach and greens, are all good sources of

fibre. Contrary to popular belief, brown bread and wheat cereals are poor sources of fibre. In fact it is well known that commer­ cially available wheat can trigger diverticulitis. In any case wheat is strongly linked to inflammation, and anyone suffering from abdominal problems should eliminate it from their diet. In my experience, when people have stayed away from wheat containing foods, their abdominal symptoms always improve. For Full Body Diagnostic Scan Call Dr Machi Mannu: 965071745


Friday, March 21, 2014

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Friday, March 21, 2014

FLUSH OUT THOSE KIDNEYS Q

I have been told by my doctor after an ultrasound that I have cysts in my kidney, but that they are too small to remove. I was also told that they may grow big­ ger. What can I do about them?

A

Cysts are tiny sacs of air or fluid that form in organs. Their walls are composed of cells of the organs where they are found, although they may function in an abnormal manner. Cysts can occur in many areas of the body, espe­ cially in the breast, gall bladder, joints and ovaries and kid­ neys. Cysts are quite common and I detect them fairly reg­ ularly during a diagnostic scan. They are generally harmless and do not cause any problems, but occasionally, they may start to increase in size, causing destructive changes to the organs where they are found. Kidney cysts tend to be very common, and are certainly the commonest cysts that I find while carrying out a diagnostic scan. Kidney cysts rarely cause problems and usually resolve on their own. From my observations, cysts tend to occur more commonly in people who do not drink enough water. When asked, those in whom cysts occur admit to not drinking as which water as they should, or not drinking at all, and tend to rely on teas, coffee and fizzy drinks as a replacement. In addition, people who don´t drink enough water also suffer from kidney disorders such as pyelonephritis (Inflammation of the kidney) as well as kidney stones from calcium, phosphate and oxalate com­ pounds. In addition many people take medications that may cause inflammation and promote the growth of cysts. All drugs must be broken down into harmless compounds

before they are excreted from the body, and this process mostly takes place in the kidneys. Without drinking enough water, the kidneys become easily overwhelmed and over­ loaded with toxins, leading to chronic diseases. Ideally, you should drink at least 1.5 litres of water every day. FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

Q

I am a very active person, but have had chronic back pain for many years. I have been to many ther­ apists, and have tried many types of pain killers, but nothing seems to work. Many times I have ended up with side­effects from some of the medications. I will appreciate any advice you can give on managing and treating back pain.

A

Back pain is a very common health problem, and those most likely to suffer include people with jobs that involve heavy lifting or carrying, those that spend long periods of time sitting in one position or bending awkwardly. Nevertheless back pain can be brought on by almost any kind of physical activity such as housework and gardening. Being over­weight or smoking cigarettes can also increase the risk of developing back pain, or worsening an already existing back pain. A study involving people with herniated discs found that both current and ex­smokers were at a much higher risk of developing disc disease than non­smok­ ers. Other research studies reveal that non­smokers are less likely to suffer from disc degeneration of the lower spine than smokers. Smoking is thought to cause anti­oxidant depletion

and malnutrition of spinal discs, which in turn makes them more vulnerable to mechanical stress. Those that are finding it difficult to quit smoking should consider taking vitamin C supplements especially the slow release kind, as it offers some protection against disc degeneration. Back pain com­ monly affects the lower lumbar region of the spine due to excessive strain on the bones, muscles and ligaments of that area. In addition to the discomfort from the damaged tis­ sues, the surrounding muscles may also go into spasm, causing pain over a larger area. More severe back pain will occur if the soft, jelly­like centre of an intervertebral disc (spinal column bone) ruptures through its outer coating – a condition popularly known as a slipped disc. The ruptured disc may press on the root of a nerve to cause muscle weak­ ness, pins and needles and pain. When the sciatic nerve is affected, the resulting pain that shoots down the leg is known as sciatica. Therapeutic exercises help alleviate back pain, especially when they are performed under professional guidance. Learning proper lifting techniques may also be helpful. Correct lifting methods involve keeping an object close to the body and avoiding bending forwarding, reach­ ing, and twisting while lifting. Supplements that contain bone­building nutrients also help alleviate back pain. These include; aminoacids, and multivitamins. MSM (methyl sulphonyl methane) is the key ingredient the body needs to make collagen which is needed to build cartilage and bones. MSM is the most effective therapy that I have found for treat­ ing all kinds of arthritis. The dose that I find effective is 5­10 grams taken 3 times daily.


Friday, March 21, 2014

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Friday, March 21, 2014

Focus on

CIUDAD QUESADA

BE HAPPY WITH THE PROPERTY SHOP If you are looking to buy or sell a home, then why not try The Property Shop? It’s an independent, family run Estate Agency specialising in property in the Quesada and El Raso areas, where their excellent reputation has been built on the firm foundation of providing traditional good quality service. The Property Shop understands the importance of building solid relationships with all of their clients, and their sense of achievement comes not from selling any old property but from matching the right property to the right buyer. If you are happy in your new home, then the Property Shop team are very happy with a job well done!

ELECTRICAL STORE POWERS UP You will regret not popping into The Electrical Shop which has just arrived in Quesada which is making its presence felt. Take a look at their high quality products and speak to their helpful friendly knowledgeable assis­ tants who will not flog you anything you don't want or need!!! The Electrical shop is part of the large European Euronics Group which means thousands of appliances at competitive prices. The business prides its self on making customers happy and their excellent aftersales service which results in people returning time and time again. So what are you waiting for pop into The Electrical Shop today and see what they have to offer

IF IT’S HIGH TEC, IT’S IBERTECH! Ibertech computers have been in Quesada for over a decade and provide support from qualified technicians with life long experience in I.T. Ibertech provide new and re­fur­ bished computers, along with accessories, SIM cards for mobiles and data, as well as support for all platforms whether it be Windows, Apple or Android. Do you need a fast internet connection? Well Ibertech can also help with that from as lit­ tle as 15 Euros per month. The team also have the skills to repair your tablet or smartphone. All of their custom built computers come with a 2 year guarantee and genuine soft­ ware, and they specialise in on­site support and configura­ tion of business networks and data backup solutions. Looking for a multisite solution then Ibertech are also experts in Office 365 and SharePoint. So whatever your needs small or large, you are always given a free quotation and free diag­ nosis on all work.

ONE WAY IS MANY WAYS! One Way Services is a recently opened multi­ service business in the heart of Ciudad Quesada. They deal with all the Spanish legal requirements, including wills, tax returns, car transfers, driving l i c e n c e s , N I E ’s a n d R e s i d e n c i a s a m o n g o t h e r things. They offer a fast and reliable service at the very best prices! They also have a translation department, for all medical and legal translations, written or verbal. Pop in today for a chat and see how One Way Services can help make your life in Spain that little bit easier.

FABULOUS FLABéLOS Get the vibe with Vibra Gym’s vibration training which can do something for everybody! The trick is that the Flabélos machine gives you a range of health benefits that would take ages in a traditional gym, helping you to lose weight, pro­ mote circulation, and improve lymphatic drainage amongst many other things! If find all this hard to believe, then come along and speak to Lorrraine and she’ll let you have a free trial! Pop along to Vibra Gym and check out a range of holistic therapies ranging from Indian Head Massage to Hopi Ear Candling, along with beauty therapies, weight loss, and non­ surgical facelifts! And on Saturday April 5th between 11.00 am and 2.00pm, you can visit a special Pamper Day, which will give you a chance to sample, totally free of charge, a taster of the many therapies on offer!


Friday, March 21, 2014

Focus on

CIUDAD QUESADA

IRON ART THE WAY YOU WANT IT Iron Art is a family run business that has been running on the Costa Blanca since 1987, and is the place to go for any wrought iron products that you need. Micky Prince and his team specialise in security windows and grills; gates; railings; staircases; nameplates; and any­ thing else that you need, which of course they can make to order! Competitive prices and high quality are always guaran­ teed with all the products made by their skilled workforce and tailored to exactly what you want. A mobile repair service is also provided, and trade and community inquiries are more than welcome, with the assurance that Iron Art is a fully legal company. The strength of the busi­ ness is in the product.

BY GEORGE, IT’S A QUALITY PUB Be it a quiet drink or a bit of fun watching some sport whilst supping some top beers, The George Pub in Quesada has something for everybody. Nikki has owned this traditional English bar for over 12 years, and that means you are always guaran­ teed a warm welcome from her friendly team. The George is open from 10.00am till late with a chance to enjoy some light snacks through till 3.00pm. Beer fans are well catered for with a large range on draught including the ever­pop­ ular John Smith’s coupled with an extensive range of bottle beers. Sports fans can follow all the big events on the various TV screens including football and horse racing, which means that all sporting tastes are catered for. There’s regular entertainment and with the summer months approaching, all kinds of special fund­raising days for local charities. Just pop along to the George Pub where Nikki, Paula and their staff will make it seem like a home from home.

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED Propertybuyerspain have been selling properties in the Rojales and Quesada area for the past 10 years, and their new office which opened over 18 months ago has proved to be a great success, offering an even better service. We are pleased to put the customer first as we like to think of ourselves as we work in a totally different way from other agents. We like to think of ourselves as “Relocation Consultants” as opposed to estate agents, as we deal with a variety of partners, and we charge them rather than a potential home buyer! That means we are able to offer 100% satisfaction to our potential and existing clients. And needless to say, we are always on the look­out for good quality and keenly priced proper­ ties. Properties required in all areas, first 20 will be added to Zoopla UK

The Car Hire Professionals

OpenCar, Car Hire at Alicante and Murcia airports. Based in Ciudad Quesada since year 2000. Forget about online brokers, deal direct with a family run company. At the Airport, don´t wait in long queues after collecting your luggage, get your car within 5 minutes. If you want to enjoy our special offers and discounts, please fill in the form and book online. Register now at www.opencar.es And If you have your own vehicle, we also offer you… OPEN PARKING ALICANTE AIRPORT, THE SERVICE YOU EXPECT ALSO FOR YOUR CAR… ­ 8.000m2 parking at your service. ­ Secured and guard 24/7. CCTV. ­ Fully legal and insured. ­ Long and short term parking. ­ First class free shuttle service. ­ Other services: Cleaning, maintenance, ITV/MOT… SPECIAL OFFER GET ONE MONTH FREE ON YOUR ANNUAL PARKING SUBSCRIPTION SHOWING THIS ADVERT AT OUR OFFICE.

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Friday, March 21, 2014

All about Artichokes SPANISH TORTILLA WITH ARTICHOKES Ingredients

280g jar artichoke hearts, quartered, in oil 500g peeled weight large potatoes, chopped into 1.5cm cubes 1 small onion, peeled and chopped 6 large eggs Good handful of roughly chopped parsley

Method

1. Drain the oil from the jar of artichokes and put 2tbspo of it in the pan over a medium heat. Add the potato, onion and some salt, then cover and cook, stirring occasionally until the

potatoes are just ten­ der, for 10­12 minutes. 2. Meanwhile, beat the eggs in a large bowl and season well. Tip the onion and potato mixture into the eggs and stir in the arti­ choke hearts and parsley. Add another tablespoon of oil to the pan and, when hot, pour the egg and potato mixture back in and press it down lightly. 3 Cook over a medium heat, running a spatula around the edges every so often until the edges are set but the middle is still a little runny. 4. Place a large flat plate, upside down, over the pan and invert the tortilla. Add a little more oil to the pan, then slide the tortilla back in (cooked side up). Cook over a low heat for about 5 minutes, until it sets. Take off the heat, leave for 5 minutes, and then tip out onto a board for serving warm or cold. Cut into wedges.

POTATO AND ARTICHOKE SALAD Ingredients 500g (1lb 2oz) large British potatoes e.g. Charlotte 400g can artichoke hearts, drained well Dressing 150ml (5fl oz) low fat natural yoghurt 2tbsp lemon juice 1 clove garlic, crushed 1tsp mild mustard Large handful parsley, finely chopped Small handful basil leaves, chopped

Method

1. Cut the potatoes into 4 lengthways to make wedges, put into boiling salted water, cover and cook them 10­12 minutes or until just tender. Do not over cook or they will break up. 2. Meanwhile, put the yogurt, lemon juice, garlic and mustard

into a bowl and whisk together until smooth, stir in the herbs. 3. Place the artichoke hearts on kitchen paper to absorb any excess water then cut in half. 4. Drain the potatoes and allow to cool. Put into a serving dish with the artichokes and drizzle over the yoghurt dip.

SALMON, ASPARAGUS & ARTICHOKE TARTLET Ingredients 250g (9oz) puff pastry or 1/2 packet ready­made puff pastry Flour for dusting 250g (9oz) salmon fillet, thinly sliced 1tbsp sugar 1tbsp salt 1tbsp finely chopped fresh herbs, such as parsley, dill or chervil


Friday, March 21, 2014 and sear the salmon for 30 secs on each side. Place a slice of the salmon, then 2­3 asparagus tips, then an artichoke slice into the tartlet and serve.

CHICKEN WITH ARTICHOKES Ingredients

200g (7oz) fine asparagus tips 100g (3 1/2 oz) tinned artichoke hearts 100ml (4fl oz) oil for frying

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 190°C/370°F/gas 5. 2. Roll the pastry out onto a floured board and use to line 12 tartlet moulds. Place in the oven and cook for about 5 mins or until the pastry turns golden and starts to puff up. Remove from the oven and allow to cool. 3. Place the salmon in the freezer for 1/2hr to make it easier to slice thinly. Lay the slices out on a dish, sprinkle with sugar, salt and the herbs, cover and leave to marinate for 2hrs, turning once or twice. 4. Brush the salmon clean with a pastry brush and set aside. 5. Drop the asparagus into boiling salted water, bring back to the boil and simmer for 11/2 mins. Refresh in iced water, drain and set aside. 6. Slice the artichokes finely and fry in the oil until crisp. Heat a heavy­based frying pan

About 8 small artichokes, prepared and quartered 1.8kg good­quality chicken, cut into chunks 1 large white onion, chopped 1kg new potatoes, scrubbed and halved or cut into chunks (depending on size) 2 tsp rosemary needles, plus a few sprigs for garnish 6 tbsp olive oil salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method

Preheat the oven to 200°C/Gas Mark 6. Put the chicken pieces, artichokes, onion and potatoes into a large roasting dish. Sprinkle with the rosemary needles, drizzle with olive oil and season with salt and pep­ per. Mix well with your hands so that every piece of meat is coated well. Put into the preheated oven for 30 minutes. Take out, mix all the ingredients together well (using a spoon this time!) and return to the oven for another 30 minutes, after which the chicken should be cooked through and the potatoes should be tender. Serve immediately, finished with a few sprigs of rosemary and accompanied with a simple green salad.

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Friday, March 21, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

Cops in eye-catching demo Valencia City police brought in strippers to draw attention to what they are calling "deplorable" work­ ing conditions. Around 200 local police officers protested outside Valencia's town hall to complain about a shortage of vehicles and equipment. Also present at the demonstration were several 'go­go' dancers in under­ wear and union t­ shirts, a move designed to high­ light the city force's lack of new uniforms. One brave officer turned up in bright blue long johns, El Mundo newspaper reported. Police were using 30­year­old pistols, their

bullet­proof vests were out­of­date and safety equip­ ment for motorbike police was lacking, union officials told reporters. The protest comes after an accident which saw four officers receive light injuries when the 17­year­old van they were travelling in allegedly suffered brake problems. But Valencia's town hall has dis­ missed officers' claims, saying the driver of the van was at fault. An official said the city's local police force had "everything it needs to carry out its duty," 20 minutos newspaper report­ ed.

Ferrari fun is coming

Thrill seekers are in for a treat with the news that the luxury Italian carmaker, Ferrari will be opening a 100 million Euro theme park in 2016, which will be its first entertainment venture in Europe. Spread over 75,000 square metres within the PortAventura resort near Barcelona, Ferrari Land will feature Europe's highest and fastest "vertical accelerator", a driving simulator, restau­ rants, and a 250­room five­ star hotel. Ferrari, part of Fiat Group Automobiles, already operates another theme park in Abu Dhabi called Ferrari World which opened in 2010 and boasts a rollercoaster touted as the fastest in the world. "After the success of Ferrari World in Abu Dhabi, we received many, many requests to develop new amusement parks," Andrea Perrone, the head of Ferrari Brand, the Ferrari subsidiary company that manages the firm's brand­related activities, said in a joint statement with PortAventura. Ferrari said it chose the proposal by PortAventura's owner Investindustrial because of its expertise and the large num­

ALL IN THE FAMILY? General Franco's grandson has been charged by a court for dangerous driv­ ing and deliberately running a patrol car off the road to avoid capture following a spectacular police chase in the northern region of Aragón. Francisco Franco Martínez­Bordiú was recognised as the driver of a hired car in the name of a company owned by the family of the late dictator, who ruled Spain with an iron rod from the 1930s to 1975. Police spotted him driving in the dark two years ago, with his lights off, near Calamocha and started to follow him, signalling for him to stop. The Toyota Hilux, seeing the Guardia Civil behind him, fled the scene, jumping several stop signs and red lights and speeding through various towns in Teruel province before reaching the road to Collados where officers surrounded him and made him stop. At this point, Franco Martínez­Bordiú rammed the police car, running it off the road and fled into the mountains, with his 4x4 found aban­ doned in a village.. The Guardia Civil had recognised his face and traced the hired car's registra­ tion number to the family business. Also, a young man from Mainar rushed to the scene to help the occupants of the crashed all­terrain vehicle, but found it empty, and told the police that the driver was Franco Martínez­Bordiú. He also had the dri­ ver's telephone number recorded in his mobile under the name of 'Francis', and when he called it, a mobile inside the vehicle

rang out. This phone was found to be in the name of the Franco family firm. A judge in the court of Calamocha found these factors to be sufficient to convict the dictator's grandson of the charges, and he is now facing trial.

Becker aced in Palma ber of visitors the resort already draws. Four million people are projected to visit the park annually, half of them from outside Spain. PortAventura, located along Spain's north­ eastern coast, is one of Europe's top theme parks. "Right from the start we have always been clear about our desire to develop the resort with high­profile international brands to ensure we achieve our target of around five million visitors a year," said PortAventura executive president Sergio Feder. "Ferrari was an obvious choice for this, not merely because of what the brand itself rep­ resents but also because of its experience with the Ferrari World Park at Abu Dhabi."

It’s game, set, and match for former tennis star Boris Becker, who’s had his Majorca villa con­ fiscated by a judge for not paying his builder close to 400 thousand Euros for the work that he did on it. The six­time Grand Slam champion was served an unreturnable ace by a Palma judge that his nine­ bedroom property would be auctioned off for 7 mil­ lion Euros. Becker’s lawyer's claim that it was the real estate agent who sold the villa to the ex­tennis star and was therefore accountable for the bills, was rejected by the

judge. The heavily indebted Becker, who now coaches world number 2 Novak Djokovic, bought the villa 17 years ago, and it nearly went under the hammer in 2012 in a similar case where 270 thousand Euros was owed to a gardener. Becker volleyed back by coughing up the sum to keep hold of his holiday home, but he’s suffered a straight sets defeat in his final battle. The German will also have to pay an extra 24,000 Euros in court fees and interest.


Friday, March 21, 2014

Happy Birthday Sarah's Curtain & Bedding Store!

Sarah's Curtain & Bedding Store has just passed its first birthday in their shop premis­ es at Los Dolses and what a difference a year makes!!! Having purchased this ongo­ ing business due to the ill health of the pre­ vious owner, Sarah Turley has enhanced the textile ranges and services considerably and not only offers superior readymade curtains and bedding, but also a full sewing service which now includes made to measure cur­ tains, loose covers and clothing repairs and alterations. As the longest trading home textiles store on the Orihuela Costa they continue to wel­ come loyal customers year after year who have moved with them.... from the original shop on the N332 at Cabo Roig to the cur­ rent store at the top part of Los Dolses Commercial Centre they continue to offer the most up to date textiles and continue to have the biggest selection of readymade curtains, bedding and accessories in the area! With direct access to a number of the UK's most well­known home textile manufacturers the choice is endless! This is reflected in their

prices which simply cannot be beaten. By concentrating the business on one shop, you will find everything you want under one roof! They also sell awnings/toldos, mosquito, roller and vertical blinds, solar tint­ ing, stair mats and have a new range of rugs arriving soon! Also available is a convenient and competitively priced UK shopping serv­ ice so you can have your shopping shipped with them ... this service is weekly and they can ship anything from a kettle to a sofa! Huge thanks are also due to their regular customers. Sarah said "We have met so many wonderful people over the past year. I am thoroughly enjoying the challenge of tak­ ing on this business and trying out new ideas. I cannot thank our regular customers enough, your support has been wonderful". With exciting brand new stock ranges arriv­ ing every week, you certainly won't be disap­ pointed by Sarah's Curtain & Bedding Store. Sarah's Curtain & Bedding Store is situat­ ed facing the road above El Greco Restaurant in CC Los Dolses, Villamartin, next to Cardmania near the canal.

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DING DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD

A husband locked his wife in their shed because she wouldn't stop singing "ding dong, the witch is dead" after his mother died. Andrew Salmon, 42, packed up his wife Beverley's belongings and refused to let her into their home in Cornwall, Truro Magistrates' Court heard. Furious Andrew told her: "It is my house now ­ you are not getting in." When she took refuge in the garden shed he locked her inside but she managed to climb out of a window. The defendant told magistrates he locked her in the shed after she kept saying: "Ding dong, the witch is dead." She then let herself into their house, but Salmon tried to drag her out by her feet, city magistrates heard.

Mrs Salmon managed to fight her way upstairs and began throwing her husband's clothes out of the window, according to West Briton. He responded by holding her down by her throat on the bed, then punching her, the court were told. Mr Salmon suspected his wife was having an affair and regretted everything he did, reports say. He also told police he was depressed and unhappy that his wife had not been support­ ive enough over the death of his mother. Salmon, who had no previous convictions, admitted assaulting Mrs Salmon on February 6. Sentencing was adjourned for a probation report.


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Friday, March 21, 2014

A SEA OF GREEN AND FUN The sun shined down on Monday’s St. Patrick’s Day parade in Cabo Roig, with visitors from all around the area making their way to the coast for an enjoyable celebration of all things Irish! The Courier thanks Richard O’Rourke of ORPICS for capturing the atmosphere of a great day.


Friday, March 21, 2014

GIVE ME THE NIGHT The legendary performer, composer, and producer George Benson is going to be one of the headline acts at the 17th San Javier International Jazz Festival which starts on July 5th. Benson will be making a return to the festival to open up the 2014 event fea­ turing tracks from his new album which pays tribute to Nat King Cole. Cole’s brother, Freddy, will also perform a headline gig during the month­long fes­ tival, which will also have a night in the company of Booker T.Jones, of Booker T and the MG’s fame. Tickets for the Benson concert can be reserved at the Festival Office on 968 191 568, with the full official programme being announced in mid­April.

Hallelujah everybody!

The San Miguel­based Vivace choir is get­ ting ready for one of their highlights of the year with three performances of Handel’s famous oratorio, The Messiah. The evenings are timed perfectly in the lead up to Easter, with all the money raised going to charity. The first concert will be in San Miguel’s Casa de Cultura on Thursday April 3rd, with pro­ ceeds split between local animal charity,

Finca la Castellana as well as helping the needy of San Miguel. The second event is at Torrevieja’s La Siesta Church the following night, with the money going to the Arco Iris’s Children’s Home in Mozambique, with the final benefit evening, in aid of Manos Unidos, being staged in the church of the Colegio de Santo Domingo in Orihuela. For more details call 620 618 069

BARKING BRILLIANT

Santiago de La Ribera went barking mad last Sunday, with the Esplanada Barnuevo featuring dogs and owners of all shapes and sizes taking part in Cruz Azul Murcia’s “Walk on the Barkside”. Perfect weather greeted everybody for the 3km stroll on the prome­ nade. First over the finish line was Ella, an enthusiastic Beagle, who ran all the way with her young owner, Liam Taylor (pic­ tured). Each of the participants received a ‘doggy bag’ containing treats, dog waste bags,

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CATRAL BOOST Needy families got a recent lift from the fund­raising ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ group who raised 500 Euros for the Care in Catral charity(Grupo Parroquial de Misiones de Catral). The donation will help 32 families around Catral who are having to live below the poverty line. The money was used to buy essen­ tial food items, and the Care team guar­ antee that every penny that they get goes directly towards the needs of the families. The fun­raising continues, and they are always after non­perishable foods, second­hand clothing, and household items which you can take to the Religiosa Charity

Shop at Calle Cruz 1, near Village Inn, Catral. Or if you wish to get involved in fund raising for the charity please contact Helen Davis on heldavis@lineone.net.

The Courier raises a glass of cheer to Gordy and Wendy White who are today (Friday) celebrating their Golden Wedding anniversary. They’ve lived in Spain for the last dozen years, making loads of friends and enjoying the relaxed lifestyle, but they enjoy a bit of travelling, having done a bit of international back­packing in their early 50’s for some 7 months around Asia and

the Pacific, before the money ran out Gordy and Wendy first set eyes upon each other at the Chelmsford Carnival back in 1961, and have had an eventful life together. These days, Gordy enjoys a cou­ ple of rounds of golf every week, whilst Wendy goes to yoga classes, and we must admit that they both look very good on it all!

FIFTY NOT OUT

water with bowl and a special medal, with water stations provided at various points along the route. “We’re delighted to see so many people for our first major event” said Cruz Azul President, Lyn Baines. “The suc­ cess of this annual event is down to the great work by the Cruz Azul team, the help from our Spanish friends, San Javier’s Local drama group Studio 32 is taking a Voluntariado BT, and all our lovely support­ break from rehearsals for June’s production ers.” Sponsorship money is still coming in and Cruz Azul anticipates a total fundraising of Sweet Charity by promoting a fund­rais­ ing night for the AFA Alzheimer’s effort of around 750 Euros. Association on Tuesday April 1st. Popular rock n’rollers Woody and The Peckers will

A rocking good night

be providing the entertainment at the El Alto La Dolores Restaurant, Guardamar, with tickets on sale there as well as from the Post Room, Benijofar and the Card Place in Benimar. For more details, phone 966 318 019.

ALL ON BOARD STAGE STRIKES GOLD The Torrevieja branch of the Royal Naval Association will next get together on Wednesday April 2nd for their monthly meeting at the Restaurante El Paraiso, Urb. Jardin del Mar 3,

(behind Carrefour), Torrevieja. The Association brings together not only ex­naval personnel but anyone who has an affinity to the Royal Navy, with a full pro­ gramme of social events, as well as

supporting the other local ex­ser­ vice associations and charities. The meeting starts at 5.00pm and new members are more than welcome, and for more details, phone Mike Wright on 966 722 895

The Stagestruck team handed over a cheque for 1 thousand Euros to San Fulgencio Town Hall, for the Emergency Services Volunteers (SEM). The ama­ teur dramatics group raised the money as part of a near 3 thousand Euro wind­ fall thanks to their November pan­ tomime, Jack and the Beanstalk, which was staged at the Cardenal Belluga Theatre in San Fulgencio.


32

Friday, March 21, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 Your heart is longing for a romantic encounter tonight, Aries, and the partner in your life is more than willing to accom­ modate you. Nonetheless, circumstances beyond your control could interfere with your plans, and you might not be able to make contact tonight. This could bring frustration, dissatisfaction, and maybe even a little friction between you. Don't panic, though.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 Conflict between your responsibilities at home and career obligations, particularly those involving partners, could pose a prob­ lem today, Taurus. The problem isn't insur­ mountable, but does call for honest, open communication among all parties involved. You won't be happy at having to make a choice, and may find the two duties difficult to balance right now.

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 Communication problems might arise on the job. Perhaps a co­worker is in a bad mood and unreceptive to anything you say. Or perhaps the phones are out or the computers down. This could prove frus­ trating, Gemini, and might interfere with relations among staff members. A phone call from a close friend or lover could go astray but reach you at the last minute.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 A project that you've worked on for a long time could bring some money your way, Cancer. Don't be too disappointed if you don't have it in your hands today. There might be a short delay of some kind, per­ haps due to problems with the mail serv­ ice. You might be turning your thoughts now to new projects. While you have a lot of ideas, you aren't likely to make firm decisions today.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Relationships with others are important to you, Leo. As a result, you've learned to be polite and congenial. Social engagements today could give you a chance to use your people skills. You could not only make some new friends but also valuable con­ tacts. These activities could keep you away from home and family longer than you'd like, but you'll end the day with a strong sense of accomplishment.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 A powerful sense of inspiration could come from within today, Virgo. You might want to write down your thoughts or draw the pictures that pop into your head. However, social obli­ gations, possibly parties or visits, could inter­ fere with putting your ideas on paper. You could also feel especially attuned to the thoughts and feelings of others, although you might not like what you're picking up!

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 Group activities could take up a lot of your time and energy today, perhaps too much. Your career concerns are very much on your mind, and you don't like being distracted from them. Nonetheless, these activities, not to mention your fam­ ily, are important to you, Libra, and you'll find a way to squeeze them in even though it's frustrating.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 Work could be a real drag today, Scorpio. You might be expected to put in more hours than normal. Your heart isn't in it right now. You have interests of your own that you'd rather pursue, plus you could be planning to get together with friends or your partner later. It's best to finish everything quickly, perhaps post­ poning nonessential tasks, and then go and enjoy yourself.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 Body and soul might seem out of balance today. A part of you may long to break from society and live a more spiritual life, but worldly responsibilities and an attachment to your current lifestyle could get in your way. These things don't happen overnight, Sagittarius. You have to let them develop in their own way, in their own time. Right now, find balance between the spiritual and the material.

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 Strain within a group that you're associat­ ed with could be traced to money prob­ lems. Perhaps people are disagreeing over what needs to be done regarding fundraising or budgetary limitations. It's best to divorce yourself from this sort of thing if possible, Capricorn. It's draining. Strange, vivid dreams might haunt your sleep tonight, but don't read too much into them.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 You may get a chance to make some extra money today, perhaps by working over­ time. However, this might interfere with a social event that you've committed to, and could cause disappointment among your friends and family members. It could also give rise to a little trouble with your part­ ner. However, remind yourself that this disappointment will pass, and the money will be more than welcome. Hang in there!

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 Although it looks as if the next few months should shape up to be a great time for your career, Pisces, unfortunately, today it might appear hopeless. Mundane, routine, unrewarding tasks could take up a lot of your time on the job today. Nevertheless, don't let the frustration interfere with your outlook for the future. You're due for advancement in some way!


33

Friday, March 21, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: David wanted to know how to copy and paste ADVICE: Mary was having problems in Skype Dear Richard, I am wondering if you would from a website to his email be kind enough to help me with something

Hello Richard, I have just read the article in this week’s Courier paper, where Mike wanted to know how to send pictures with his windows live mail system as you can see I am not very good with computers. I am operating on Windows 7, Internet Explorer and using Hotmail. I wanted a part to be delivered to my friend in the UK (for him to bring it out with him). I saw the item I wanted on Amazon and described it to him; I was in the screen on another tab. I right clicked on it and pressed ­ copy, went back to the email and clicked paste. Nothing happened obviously I was doing something wrong, but what? Thanks, David

Q

Hi David, although it’s pretty easy to copy and paste from the Internet to your com­ puter, its pretty difficult to copy and paste from one place on the Internet to another and that’s what you are trying to do here. In this instance because you are using Amazon (a website) and also Hotmail (essen­ tially simply a website) then you are trying to copy from one website to another and that isn’t easily done; what you should do is copy from Amazon to your computer by right clicking the image and clicking “Save Image As”, you can then save the picture to your computer some­ where (desktop for example) and then you simply go into your Hotmail and attach the picture just as you would any other file from your computer. Don’t forget that Microsoft will be phasing out Hotmail this year so it’s probably best if you get used to Outlook.Com where your email will live in the future. Hope this helps.

A

ADVICE: William was having problems printing a .pdf manual that had really small text.

Q

which occurs repeatedly when I log into Skype. A message appears as follows:­ It is headed “Web Browser” and below reads … “One or more ActiveX controls could not be displayed because either : Your current security settings prohibit running ActiveX controls on this page, or You have blocked a publisher of one of the controls. As a result the page might not display correctly”. The page appears to display correctly and this mes­ sage may mean nothing. But if you have any informa­ tion about it I should be interested to hear from you. I look forward to hearing from you. Regards ­ Mary

A

Hi Mary, I think that the reason you are receiving the message in Skype is because you either don’t have Adobe Flash player installed for your default browser, you can do this by going to http://get.adobe.com/flashplayer/otherversions and selecting your operat­ ing system and version, downloading and installing it and then restarting Skype.

ADVICE: Brian was having problems getting the text size correct with Internet Explorer

Q A

Hi Rich, every time I go into a website on my new laptop the text appears really small, is there anything I can do about it, I’ve found and tried to change the text size function but that doesn’t seem to make any difference – any ideas? Brian Hi Brian, I think that you have found half the problem, Internet Explorer’s text size is determined by what is selected in the “View”, “Text Size” menu option, however it’s also determined by the “Zoom” function in the same menu item, have a look at that, it should be set to 100% for normal operation.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Q

Hi Richard, I recently downloaded a user manual for a Samsung GT­ E2530 mobile phone, this comes on 2 sheets of A4, and of course is too small to read, when I increase the size and press print it still prints out as original very small. If this is the case then you need to try to enlarge the print, not the actual file as it is viewed on the screen (which is what I am assuming is going on here). To do this open up the file you are trying to print (the manual in this case) and then click File, Print and then have a play with the setting “custom scale”. From here you will be able to easily double the size of the thing you are printing – of course depending on how the document is formatted you may have to print it a couple of times to get everything but with a bit of playing around you should be able to get it all printed out at a decent size. Hope this helps.

A

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200


34

Friday, March 21, 2014

NEW F1 CARS' ENGINES ‘SOUND LIKE GOLF CARTS’ The “bone­shaking” sound of cars speeding around the circuit has long been key to the Grand Prix experience. But fans fear Formula One is being dulled down after a package of reforms brought in quieter engines that "sound like golf carts". Formula One supremo Bernie Ecclestone is facing a global "petrolheads' revolt" over the latest breed of cars, which spectators say are too quiet. The organisers of yester­ day's season­opening Australian Grand Prix are already threatening legal action because, they say, the "sotto voce" sound of the new V6­engine turbo cars drained excitement out of the event. It came as Formula One authorities were facing a legal battle over a disqualifi­ cation in the race, at the Albert Park circuit in

organisers, a judicial review hearing is expected to take place in Paris within a fort­ night after Red Bull driver Daniel Ricciardo, who fin­

Melbourne. After the event, which was won by German Nico Rosberg, fans posted scathing criticism of the new cars. Former Australian Test cricketer Dean Jones said in a tweet: "They sounded like golf carts." Another spectator, Jack Zasiewski, said: "Am I watching Formula 1 cars or a Toyota Prius Grand Prix practice?" Australian Grand Prix chairman Ron Walker, who is a close friend of Ecclestone, said the tycoon was "horrified" about what had happened.

He said: "I was not too happy with the sound. We are resolving that with Bernie. It's clearly in breach of our contract. I was talking to him last night and it's not what we paid for. "He's horrified about it. It will be an issue for all pro­ moters. If you sat in the grandstand you could hard­ ly hear them coming down the straight." He said the change could make the races less popu­ lar, adding: "When you take the excitement away, you have trouble selling tickets. "You have to create demand, and part of that demand is people liking the noise of the race cars." The new 1.6­litre "power units" replaced the old 2.4­ litre V8 engines as part of rule changes designed, in part, to give Formula One a greener image. The characteristic screaming sound of the old V8 engine could reach 140 decibels, just below the level at which permanent hearing loss is caused. The new engine noise is described as "huskier". Australian Grand Prix chief executive Andrew Westacott told Melbourne radio station 3AW: "What was lacking was the sexi­ ness and the appeal of the noise... Previously, it shakes the bones." In further trouble for

ished second in his debut, was stripped of his position because he breached rules on fuel flow. Red Bull has confirmed it

is going to appeal the dis­ qualification, which meant McLaren star Jenson Button was promoted to third


Friday, March 21, 2014

35


36

Friday, March 21, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 14 represents G and 17 represents F, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Total (3) 3 Never­ending (9) 8 Conditions (5) 9 Dry up (7) 10 Definite article (3) 11 South American rodent (5) 12 Unsmiling (7) 13 Holy (6) 15 Russian beetroot soup (6) 19 Italian astronomer and mathematician (7) 21 Expect (5) 23 Rodent (3) 24 Entertainment industry (4,3) 25 Likeness (5) 26 Preoccupation (9)

27 Cease (3)

Down 1 Assaults (7) 2 Filthy (5) 3 Attire (7) 4 Evaluate (6) 5 Mistake (5) 6 Covetous (7) 7 Retails (5) 14 Heartless (7) 16 Prolonged applause (7) 17 Tearaway (7) 18 Large Russian wolfhound (6) 19 Gadget (5) 20 Parts of the brain (5) 22 Come alive (5)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Recall, 4 Escape, 9 Surpass, 10 Odour, 11 Lead, 12 Relaxed, 15 Seldom, 16 Sample, 19 Flatter, 21 Bore, 24 Again, 25 Soldier, 26 Sonnet, 27 Serene. Down: 1 Restless, 2 Curtail, 3 Leap, 5 Stowaway, 6 Abode, 7 Earn, 8 Asset, 13 Continue, 14 Rehearse, 17 Provide, 18 Tease, 20 Learn, 22 Bars, 23 Flee.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Sell love­in­a­mist (4) 4 Seaside performer is a great hit (5) 9 Enduring the French bite (7) 10 Stave off a match (5) 11 Could break cover (5) 12 Quite handsome, but in a hurry (7) 13 Rewrote resort sched­ ule (6) 15 Underpants for dogs (6) 19 Some tea Cherry poured for a coach (7) 21 Latest propaganda con­ tains the name of the infi­ del (5) 23 Filling decoration (5) 24 Ship’s cooking pot (7) 25 Alcoholic drinks dam­ aged sinew (5) 26 Shake hands and admit false alarm (4)

Down 2 Catch the girl with noth­ ing on (5) 3 The key to the puzzle is a cooking utensil (7) 4 Temple where father is filled with a divine spirit (6) 5 One visitor takes in West Indian island (5) 6 Posh ice mixture for nursing home (7) 7 Relics possibly found in cutting machine (6) 8 Prohibition? Gee, a blow! (4) 14 Devour a small bird (7) 16 Classical musician composing her opus (7) 17 Dispatched with railway guard (6) 18 Snatches some short breaks after the start of work (6) 19 Grind? Put right finally with lubrication (4) 20 Composer tryin’ to be invisible, we hear (5) 22 Greek letter about magma (5) 3 Flat iron plate used for cooking (7) 4 Asian temple (6) 5 One of the Leeward Islands (5) 6 Monastery lodging (7) 7 Cutting machine (6) 8 Explosion sound (4) 14 Small, long­winged songbird (7) 16 Mythical Greek musician (7) 17 Lookout (6) 18 Forcibly pulls from a per­ son’s grasp (6) 19 Work hard (4) 20 Austrian composer (5) 22 Third letter of Greek alphabet (5)

STANDARD CLUES Across 1 Beat with a whip (4) 4 Deliver a quick blow to (5) 9 Enduring (7) 10 Roman goddess of the hearth (5) 11 Make less visible or unclear (5) 12 Lively and spirited (7) 13 List of names (6) 15 Pugilists (6) 19 Educator (7) 21 Heathen (5) 23 Decorative work (5) 24 Cooking apparatus (7) 25 Alcoholic drinks (5) 26 Make airtight (4) Down 2 Long rope (5) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Achilles heel, 8 Creche, 9 Oscars, 10 Misspent, 11 Lace, 12 Learn, 14 Trick, 18 Acid, 20 Spitfire, 22 Divine, 23 Haunch, 24 Nightingales. Down: 2 Carbine, 3 Incas, 4 Lieges, 5 Shorts, 6 Escolar, 7 Lyric, 13 Ridding, 15 Coracle, 16 Aspect, 17 Nigh on, 19 Cairn, 21 Fauna.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ado Ash Dew Fan Gag Lea Ram Rap Red Uke 4 letter words Akin Area Bole Debt

Derv Elms Else Ergs Erst Esse Ewes Lamb Made Mill Mops Need Omit Ores Otto Pave Pert Post

Pupa Safe Soar Span Stud Teal Tome Tots Urns What 5 letter words Adore Darts Elves Event Gland Loath

Muggy Nadir Nasty Nudge Other Semis Stare Stunt Swish Tatty Vague Wails 6 letter words Aerate Pappas Roasts Sallow

Supine Yuppie 7 letter words Drawers Epistle Estates Payable Pleased Powwows Savanna Teashop Yardarm Yardman 8 letter words Earphone Heraldry

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Potato (6) 4 Head (part of body) (6) 9 Match (for lighting) (7) 10 Tormenta (5) 11 Un (3) 12 Europeo (8) 14 Grúas (6) 15 Tuesday (6) 18 Cupboards (free standing) (8) 20 River (3) 23 So much (5) 24 Dummy (for baby) (7) 25 Resistir (6) 26 Ensaladas (6)

Down 1 Chest (5) 2 Card (greetings card, visiting card etc) (7) 3 Conversación (4) 5 Tan pronto como (2,4,2) 6 Fugarse para casarse (5) 7 Almendras (7) 8 Health (5) 13 Dormitorios (8) 14 Capítulo (de libro) (7) 16 Third (f) (7) 17 Fuerza (5) 19 Less (5) 21 Hornos (5) 22 Escape (from deten­ tion) (4)


37

Friday, March 21, 2014 Across 7 Republic in south­west­ ern Africa on the south Atlantic coast, formerly called South West Africa (7) 8 Non­medical name for the mandible (7) 10 Surname of British com­ edy performer who is best known for a series of come­ dy films produced between 1953 and 1966 featuring his hapless on­screen char­ acter Norman Pitkin (6) 11 Title that follows the names of the English foot­ ball league clubs Charlton, Oldham and Wigan (8) 12/22 Title of a 1991 American psychological thriller film directed by Martin Scorsese and a remake of the 1962 film of the same name. It stars Robert De Niro, Nick Nolte, Jessica Lange and Juliette Lewis and features cameos

from Gregory Peck, Robert Mitchum and Martin Balsam, who all appeared in the 1962 original film (4,4) 13 Surname of father and son actors Donald and Kiefer (10) 14 1985 American comedy­ drama film directed by Susan Seidelman and star­ ring Rosanna Arquette and Madonna: ­­­­­­­­­­­ Seeking Susan (11) 19 Contest between gun dogs to determine their pro­ ficiency in pointing and retrieving (5,5) 22 See 12 23 In mathematics, the number obtained by divi­ sion (8) 24 Straight sword with a narrow blade and two edges (6) 25 Novel by Daphne du Maurier first published in

SUDOKU (Very Easy)

Quiz Word

1938, remembered for the character Mrs Danvers and the fictional estate Manderley (7)

26 Disease or condition regularly found among par­ ticular people or in a certain area (7)

Down 1 Retailer of household fur­ nishings founded in 1964 by Terence Conran (7) 2 Clarence ­­­­­­­­ (1886 – 1956) American inventor, entrepreneur and naturalist considered to be the founder of the modern frozen food industry (8) 3 Dye obtained from cer­ tain lichens that is red under acid conditions and blue under alkaline condi­ tions (6) 4 Capital of Uzbekistan (8) 5 In mountaineering, a descent of a vertical cliff or wall made by using a dou­ bled rope that is fixed to a higher point and wrapped around the body (6) 6 State in mid­western US nicknamed the Hoosier State (7)

9 Fictional character creat­ ed by James Thurber who daydreams about his adventures and triumphs (6,5) 15 Card game for one play­ er, the object of which is to use up all one’s cards by forming particular arrange­ ments and sequences (8) 16 Nobleman whose title cannot be inherited (4,4) 17 Black viscous mixture of hydrocarbons used for road surfacing and roofing (7) 18 Light spear designed primarily to be thrown, his­ torically as a ranged weapon, but today predom­ inantly for sport. (7) 20 Conveyance consisting of a chair or bed carried on two poles by bearers (6) 21 Medical name for the ‘voice box’ (6)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Expresiones con colores Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

chiste verde

ponerse rojo

dar luz verde

prensa amarilla

dinero negro

prensa rosa

media naranja

Príncipe azul

números rojos

quedarse en blanco

ponerse morado

un marron

ponerse negro

viejo verde

general QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. Agatha Christie 2. Margaret Mitchell 3. Dental Caries 4. Michigan 5. Alcoholics Anonymous 6. Whats The Story Morning Glory 7. A) Fast Car 8. Saints 9. Taiwan's 10. Britain ­ Boer war 11. Minority Report 12. Love Me Do 13. Polio

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Tracy, 4 Classmate, 9 Pan, 10 Leo, 11 Beacons, 12 Rash, 13 Peer review, 15 Chase, 16 Acetylene, 17 Night owls, 21 Eagle, 23 Travelogue, 24 Blip, 27 Busy bee, 28 Boo, 29 Won, 30 Esplanade, 31 Scree. Down: 1 Tapir, 2 Amnesia, 3 Yale, 4 Cholera, 5 Auberge, 6 Spare tyres, 7 Aconite, 8 Elsewhere, 14 Feather boa, 15 Constable, 18 Gears up, 19 Woomera, 20 Stubble, 22 Gulf War, 25 Penne, 26 Boss.

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz. 1.chiste verde, 2.dar luz verde,

12.quedarse en blanco,

i.sensationalist press,

3.dinero negro, 4.media naranja,

13.un marron, 14.viejo verde.

j.a problem, k.to go dark,

5.números rojos,

a.Give the greeen light to some­

l.to make a pig of oneself,

6.ponerse morado,

thing, b.to go blank,

m.black money,

7.ponerse negro,

c.to go red with embarrassment,

n.to be in the red (overdrawn).

8.ponerse rojo,

d.Prince Charming,

9.prensa amarilla,

e.a dirty joke, f.a dirty old man,

10.prensa rosa,

g.your (perfect) other half,

11.príncipe azul,

h.celebrity magazines,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1e, 2a, 3m, 4g, 5n, 6l, 7k, 8c, 9i, 10h, 11d, 12b, 13j, 14f.

1. Mary Westmacott is better known as which famous author?? 2. Who wrote 'Gone with the Wind'? 3. What is the most common disease in the world? 4. Chicago stands on the banks of which lake? 5. Which Support Group Were Founded In Ohio In 1935? 6. Hello, Hey Now & Wonderwall Are Tracks Of Which Best Selling Album? 7. Tracy Chapman Had A Hit With Which Of These Songs A) Fast Car, B) Train Of Thought, C) Leaving On A Jet Plane? 8. New Orleans USA and Southampton Great Britain both have teams football with what name? 9. What country's people spend the most private money on recreation? 10. Which country concieved the concentration camp? 11. Which 2002 Film Was Set In The Year 2054 And Featured The character John Anderton? 12. What Was The Beatles First Hit Single? 13. The Salk vaccine is used against what disease?

Fill It In


38

Friday, March 21, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY MCCHAT NEEDS DIRECTION

does look like he’s having a good time, and I score all of that highly. The problem comes with the “chat” ele­ A trip through the grave­ ment of the show, where his yard of failed UK TV chat lack of experience comes through. On the first two out­ show hosts would find ings, you could spot many tombstones with the edits during his interviews, diverse names of Derek and McIntyre would seem to Jameson, Davina McCall, have no structure plan as to Gaby Roslin, Antony what he was going to ask his Cotton, Fern Britton, and guests. Any conversation Sharon Osbourne, to men­ tion but a few. Most didn’t have their careers blunted but it shows what a difficult field it is to crack, so I went in with low expectations of the latest effort, namely The Michael McIntyre Chat Show on a BBC1 Monday night. Here’s the good news. It’s not a total dud, but let’s be kind and say that it is a work in progress as I score it as a hopeful six out of ten. I’m a McIntyre fan and what the show has going for it is his fun level and enthusi­ asm. He’s great at bantering with the audience and he

with ALEX TRELINSKI

seemed to last five minutes, and you almost wondered what the point of it all was. Having personally been there and done it in the safety of a radio studio over a few

decades, I can say that this is all down to experience, and I hope McIntyre’s production team and the Beeb bosses are giving him some con­ structive feedback. What else do you expect from somebody who has never interviewed anybody else before? It’s a tough thing to do, but he has personality and given good direction, this show just might have a future.

q

Top marks to Sky One’s heart­warming comedy drama, Stella, for producing the best laughs of the year in a side­splitting scene involv­ ing an over­sized coffin struggling to be taken into church. It was hilarious and had me on the floor in tears of laughter, even after count­ less viewings. It’s a wonder­ ful creation by the talented

Ruth Jones, who has got a talented team of writers to script most of the episodes, most notably Steve Spiers, who plays big Alan. The cof­ fin episode and the previous week’s story were written by him and were the best two of the current enjoyable run. The BBC and ITV would kill for this show which easily gets over a 1 million viewers on a Friday night on a sub­ scription channel. Sky, of course, has already ordered series four.

Good Wife (which I lauded recently) has just been picked up for another run alongside UK and Spanish TV favourites like NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles; Blue Bloods; Hawaii Five­0; CSI; Elementary; Person of Interest; and Criminal Minds. Anybody can run a success­ ful channel with that lot in their armoury, but of course the real ability comes from commissioning these “win­ ners” in the first place.

q

Line of Duty finished on BBC2 on Wednesday and what a terrific series it has been. No spoilers though in case you have yet to see the final episode, but this easily joins Sherlock as the best British drama of 2014 so far.

And talking of renewals, as I was last week, wouldn’t you like to own the CBS network in the States? It largely trounces all­comers with a slate of programming that the other networks just cannot match, and I’m delighted to say that The

q

Friday March 21 00:35 This Week 01:20 Skiing Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Rip Off Britain: Food 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Sport Relief Does Glee Club 18:15 Pointless Celebrities 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 Sport Relief 2014 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 Sport Relief 2014

00:20 Weather 00:25 The Restaurant Man 01:25 Panorama 01:55 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off 02:55 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ Poets in Person 05:30 Schools ­ Simon Armitage, Writing Poems 06:00 Schools ­ Once Upon a Time 06:40 Schools ­ The Big Wheel 06:55 Wonders of Nature: Stoat ­

Play 07:05 Tom Kerridge's Proper Pub Food 07:35 Homes Under the Hammer 08:35 Rip Off Britain: Food 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 The Great Interior Design Challenge 11:05 Pound Shop Wars 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:20 War Walks 14:50 The Nature of Britain 15:40 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 'Allo 'Allo! 17:45 'Allo 'Allo! 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 A Very British Renaissance 23:00 Sport Relief 2014 23:40 Newsnight

00:35 The Last Word 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Student Nurses: Bedpans and Bandages 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Edge of Heaven 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Duplicity

SPORT RELIEF 2014 Leading lights in the worlds of sport, music and entertainment join forces for the biennial fundrais­ er, an evening of entertainment with one aim ­ to raise money for charity projects in Britain and other countries.

00:05 One Born Every Minute 01:05 Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, I'm Gay 02:00 Random Acts 02:05 First Dates 03:00 Katie: My Beautiful Friends 03:55 Dispatches 04:25 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade 04:55 Location, Location, Location 05:50 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 A Place in the Sun 12:00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News 13:05 Coach Trip 13:35 River Cottage Bites 13:45 The Man from Colorado 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 The Last Leg 23:50 8 Out of 10 Cats

00:00 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away! 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Soho Blues 05:00 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away! 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:20 Jane Doe: Ties that Bind 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 Soho Blues 23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles


39

Saturday March 22 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Tom Kerridge's Proper Pub 02:00 EastEnders 03:30 Weatherview 03:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:00 Football Focus 13:45 Sportsday 14:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 14:15 Bargain Hunt 14:45 Escape to the Country 15:45 Davina: Beyond Breaking Point 16:45 Reflex 17:30 Final Score 18:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:25 Sport Relief 2014 19:45 The Voice UK 21:40 The National Lottery Live 21:50 The Voice UK 22:25 Casualty

Food 07:45 10:15 11:10 12:00 12:30 13:00 13:30 14:00 14:05 14:35 16:25 17:00 18:40 19:40 Story 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:30 23:15 23:45

01:55 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Sport Relief's Top Dog 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Dino Dan Life on Earth 07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles The Nature of Britain 07:45 Canimals Fred Dibnah's Made in Britain 08:10 Om Nom Stories Great British Railway Journeys 08:20 Sooty James Martin: Home Comforts 08:30 Scrambled! 10:25 ITV News Mary Berry Cooks 10:30 Dinner Date 11:25 Murder, She Wrote Nigel Slater's Simple Suppers 12:20 ITV News and Weather Talking Pictures 12:29 ITV Meridian Weather Spellbound 12:30 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 13:00 The Chase Talking Pictures 14:00 The Unforgettable Notorious 14:30 Midsomer Murders Flog It! Trade Secrets 16:30 Kindergarten Cop 18:35 ITV Meridian Weather Don't Panic! The Dad's Army 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 You've Been Framed! Dad's Army 20:00 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night The Perfect Morecambe & Wise Takeaway 21:25 The Cube The Plantagenets 22:25 The Americans QI XL 23:20 ITV News and Weather Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle 23:34 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Bridget Jones: the Edge of Glasgow: Big Night Out Reason

00:35 01:05 02:45 02:50 03:15 03:55 04:35 05:20 06:15 07:00 07:10 08:00 09:00 10:00 10:25 10:55 11:45 12:45 13:40 14:40 17:10 19:45 20:05 21:00 22:00 23:40

Brooklyn Nine­Nine Juno Random Acts The Simpsons Happy Endings Franklin & Bash The Good Wife SuperScrimpers Deal or No Deal Close The Hoobs Trans World Sport The Morning Line Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier The Big Bang Theory How I Met Your Mother The Simpsons Undercover Boss USA Channel 4 Racing Come Dine with Me Channel 4 News Marvel's Agents of SHIELD Hostages Rush Hour 3 Daredevil

RUSH HOUR 3

23:15 BBC News; Weather 23:30 National Lottery Update 23:30 Match of the Day

00:10 Revolutionary Road

Action comedy sequel starring Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan as a pair of mismatched cops. After an assassin takes aim at the Chinese ambassador in Los Angeles, Chief Inspector Lee and Detective Carter's investigation leads them all the way to Paris.

02:05 Question Time 03:05 Wild Brazil 04:05 This Is BBC Two

00:00 CSI: NY 00:55 Access 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Dangerous Drivers' School 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 The Dog Rescuers 11:30 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 12:30 Police Interceptors 13:30 Ice Road Truckers 14:30 The Bridge at Remagen 16:45 Stone Cold 18:30 Columbo: Old Fashioned Murder 19:50 Death Came in like Thunder 20:40 NCIS 22:25 5 News Weekend 22:30 Live International Boxing

Sunday March 23 04:15 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Angels One Five 01:05 The Football League Show 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 08:25 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:15 MOTD2 Extra 14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 14:15 The Sport Relief Games Show 16:15 Alex Against the Rock 16:45 Deadly 60 on a Mission 17:15 Escape to the Country 17:45 Songs of Praise 18:20 Pointless Celebrities 19:05 Blandings 19:35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 The Musketeers 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:45 Savage Grace 02:15 The Secret in Their Eyes

08:35 Mountain 09:35 Weather for the Week Ahead 09:35 Countryfile 10:30 Gardeners' World 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:15 Michel Roux's Service 14:15 Michel Roux's Service 15:15 Ex­S 15:45 I Know Where I'm Going! 17:15 Flog It! 18:00 Collectaholics 19:00 The Hairy Bikers: Restoration Road Trip 20:00 Wild Burma: Nature's Lost Kingdom 21:00 Lambing Live 22:00 Louis Theroux's LA Stories 23:00 Mock the Week Looks Back 23:30 Line of Duty

01:35 04:00 04:40 07:00 07:25 07:45 08:10 08:20 08:30 10:25 10:30 11:30 12:25 12:34 12:35 13:05 15:00 15:25 16:10 17:15 19:35 19:35 19:45 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:14 23:15

Jackpot247 In Plain Sight ITV Nightscreen Dino Dan Matt Hatter Chronicles Canimals Om Nom Stories Sooty Scrambled! ITV News Murder, She Wrote Dickinson's Real Deal ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather The Unforgettable Agatha Christie's Marple The Crocodile Hunter Diaries All Star Family Fortunes River Monsters The Spy Who Loved Me ITV Meridian Weather ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Catchphrase Harry's South Pole Heroes Mr Selfridge ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather You Saw Them Here First

THE TOURIST Thriller starring Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. While on a train to Venice, American Frank Tupelo meets the beautiful and enigmatic Elise Clifton­ Ward. But this seemingly chance encounter turns into something more sinister as Frank is drawn into a dangerous game of deception.

01:40 03:25 04:15 06:15 07:10 07:35 08:00 08:30 09:00 09:30 10:00 10:30 13:35 14:35 15:05 15:35 16:05 16:35 17:05 17:35 18:40 19:10 21:00 Inside 22:00 23:55

Election The Good Wife Hollyoaks Deal or No Deal The Hoobs The Hoobs Freesports on 4 Triathlon Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Frasier Sunday Brunch Secret Eaters The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory How I Met Your Mother How I Met Your Mother The Simpsons The Simpsons Deal or No Deal Channel 4 News Rio The Million Pound Necklace: Boodles The Tourist Dogma

01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Born to Kill? 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Hana's Helpline 06:50 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 City of Friends 08:50 Mio Mao 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 Milkshake! Monkey 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:50 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:35 Access 11:50 Arthur and the Invisibles 13:30 Hoodwinked 15:05 Zoom 16:50 The Witches 18:35 5 News Weekend 18:40 The Great Escape 22:00 The First Great Escape 23:00 Revealed


40

Monday March 24 00:25 01:55 02:00 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 Small 17:15 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35 Show

Butterfly on a Wheel Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer Rip Off Britain: Food Watchdog Test House Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Perfection Escape to the Country More Creatures Great and

00:30 01:55 02:50 03:50

London River Countryfile Holby City Silk

Flog It! Trade Secrets Pointless BBC News BBC London News The One Show Bang Goes the Theory EastEnders Panorama Silk BBC News Regional News and Weather The Michael McIntyre Chat

04:50 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 08:20 Mountain 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 The Restaurant Man 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:45 The Nature of Britain 15:35 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 'Allo 'Allo! 17:45 'Allo 'Allo! 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 The Voice: Louder on Two 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Mary Berry Cooks 22:00 The Plantagenets 23:00 Rev 23:30 Newsnight

00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 01:15 The Store 03:15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 I Never Knew That About Britain 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 The Widower 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Agenda

02:20 The Good Wife 03:05 The Hotel 04:00 Secret Removers 05:00 SuperScrimpers 05:55 Deal or No Deal 06:50 River Cottage Bites 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12:00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Coach Trip 13:35 River Cottage 14:00 The Man behind the Gun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 23:50 Gogglebox

MY SPIRAL INTO DEBT HELL Documentary examining the lives of four people who have suffered financial disaster. Debra from Co Durham borrowed £500 from a loan shark and ended up owing £88,000 and losing her house, while Justyn had secret debts of £70,000 that even­ tually cost him his career and his family. Single mum Candice moved home four times to try to dodge the bailiffs, but is now facing up to her debt and trying to rebuild her life.

00:00 A Bridge Too Far 03:25 SuperCasino 04:10 Dangerous Drivers' School 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Hana's Helpline 06:50 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Ties That Bind 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Police Interceptors 22:00 My Spiral into Debt Hell 23:00 Born to Kill?

Tuesday March 25 00:20 00:50 01:35 01:40 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 Small 17:15 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

Late Kick Off Live at the Apollo Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer Rip Off Britain: Food Watchdog Test House Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Perfection Escape to the Country More Creatures Great and Flog It! Trade Secrets Pointless BBC News BBC London News The One Show EastEnders Holby City Shetland BBC News Regional News and Weather Keeping Britain Safe 24/7

00:20 Louis Theroux's LA Stories 01:20 The Culture Show 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ The Imagineers 05:30 Coding: The Future Is Creative 05:55 Schools ­ Absolute Genius

with Dick and Dom 06:55 Wonders of Nature: Garden Life ­ Wildlife Around Us 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:25 Homes Under the Hammer 08:25 Mountain 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 Great British Garden Revival 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The Super League Show 14:45 Coast 14:55 South Africa Walks 15:25 Himalaya with Michael Palin 16:25 Cagney & Lacey 17:15 'Allo 'Allo! 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 The Voice: Louder on Two 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Lambing Live 22:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 23:00 The Culture Show 23:30 Newsnight

00:10 The Secret Mediterranean with Trevor McDonald 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 River Monsters 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Sports Life Stories

LAMBING LIVE Kate Humble and Adam Henson are in the Scottish Borders with the Dykes as they prepare to deliver and rear a flock of newborn lambs. Kate has been learning over the past six months that having a few sheep at home is very different to managing over a thousand on the hills, while Adam shares his findings after travelling round the UK to explore the secret life of sheep. Continues tomor­ row

00:50 Troy 01:50 Random Acts 01:55 Scandal 02:45 Hostages 03:35 The Good Wife 04:20 Secret Removers 05:15 SuperScrimpers 05:45 Deal or No Deal 06:40 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12:00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Coach Trip 13:35 River Cottage Bites 13:50 On the Fiddle 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 Kirstie's Best of Both Worlds 22:00 Food Prices: The Shocking Truth 23:00 The Missing

00:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 SuperCasino 04:05 Born to Kill? 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Hotel Inspector 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Back to You and Me 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 21:00 Benidorm ER 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit


41

Wednesday March 26 00:35 Swansea: Living on the Streets 01:05 Weatherview 01:10 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Rip Off Britain: Food 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 More Creatures Great and Small 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Political Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Holiday Hit Squad 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 01:20 02:20 05:00

A Very British Renaissance Royal Cousins at War This Is BBC Two Schools

07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Homes Under the Hammer 08:15 Mountain 09:15 Wanted Down Under 10:00 Horizon 11:00 Food & Drink 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:05 South Africa Walks 14:35 The Nature of Britain 15:25 Himalaya with Michael Palin 16:25 Cagney & Lacey 17:15 'Allo 'Allo! 17:45 'Allo 'Allo! 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 18:55 Party Political Broadcast 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 The Voice: Louder on Two 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Lambing Live 22:00 The Greatest Knight: William Marshal 23:00 W1A 23:30 Weather

00:35 01:00 04:00 04:45 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:25 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:35

The Crocodile Hunter Diaries Jackpot247 Loose Women ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Auf Wiedersehen My Pet The Alan Titchmarsh Show ITV Meridian Weather Tipping Point The Chase ITV News Meridian Party Political Broadcast ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street Big Star's Little Star Law & Order: UK ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Exposure

MASTERCHEF

00:00 01:00 01:05 02:00 02:30 03:25 04:15 04:45 05:10 06:05 07:00 07:45 08:35 10:00 11:00 Away 12:00 Under 13:00 13:05 13:30 14:00 15:40 16:30 17:30 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:55 21:00 22:00 23:00

Secrets of the Vatican Random Acts Poker KOTV Boxing Weekly Trans World Sport Beach Volleyball Freesports on 4 Triathlon SuperScrimpers Deal or No Deal Countdown Will & Grace Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier A Place in the Sun: Home or Phil: Secret Agent Down Channel 4 News Coach Trip River Cottage Gun Fury Countdown Deal or No Deal Four in a Bed Come Dine with Me The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News The Political Slot Secret Eaters Dead Famous DNA First Dates

New series. John Torode and Gregg Wallace return to put more keen cooks to the test. The first six hopefuls take on a new challenge in which they prepare their Calling Card, a dish that represents who they are and showcases their tal­ ent. This is followed by the infamous Invention Test, in which there is now a choice of two boxes of ingredients, and the stakes are high because after that, two of the amateurs will be going home.

00:00 Body of Proof 00:55 Body of Proof 01:50 Police 5 02:15 SuperCasino 04:15 The Travellers' Secret Cash Stash 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play! 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Gadget Show 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:20 Murder on the 13th Floor 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Dangerous Drivers' School 21:00 Killing Spree 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Castle 23:30 Newsnight

Thursday March 27 00:05 Show 00:50 01:20 01:25 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 Small 17:15 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

00:20 01:20 01:50 05:00

The Michael McIntyre Chat Blandings Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer Rip Off Britain: Food Watchdog Test House Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Perfection Escape to the Country More Creatures Great and Flog It! Trade Secrets Pointless BBC News BBC London News The One Show EastEnders Room 101 EastEnders MasterChef BBC News Regional News and Weather Question Time

The Restaurant Man See Hear This Is BBC Two A Question of Faith

06:00 06:15 06:30 07:00 07:20 08:20 09:20 10:05 11:05 11:35 12:00 12:30 13:00 14:00 14:05 14:35 15:25 16:25 17:15 17:45 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:30

Schools ­ Found Schools ­ The Big Wheel What Makes Me, Me This Is BBC Two Homes Under the Hammer Mountain Wanted Down Under Fake or Fortune? Gardeners' World HARDtalk BBC News BBC World News Daily Politics Coast South Africa Walks The Nature of Britain Himalaya with Michael Palin Cagney & Lacey 'Allo 'Allo! 'Allo 'Allo! Antiques Roadshow Revenge of the Egghead The Voice: Louder on Two Antiques Road Trip Lambing Live The Worricker Trilogy Newsnight

00:35 Harry's South Pole Heroes 01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo: Rest in Peace, Mrs Columbo 05:40 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Ade at Sea 22:00 Dangerous Dogs 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Edge of Heaven

IT TAKES A THIEF TO CATCH A THIEF Richard Taylor and Will Davies visit a north London charity shop where thieves cost the good cause it supports £80,000 a year, advising staff on methods to deter criminals. The duo then visit a Glasgow off­licence, where Will sets to work kit­ ting out the store with the latest security devices and Richard puts the manager to the test by pos­ ing as a drunken crook.

00:00 Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 00:55 Random Acts 01:00 Vicky Cristina Barcelona 02:45 A Good Year 04:45 River Cottage Bites 05:00 SuperScrimpers 05:55 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 A Place in the Sun 12:00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News 13:05 Coach Trip 13:35 River Cottage Bites 13:50 The Cross of Lorraine 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 The Hoarder Next Door 22:00 Mayday: The Passenger Who Landed a Plane 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

00:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 00:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 SuperCasino 04:05 Botched Up Bodies 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play! 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:10 My Neighbor's Keeper 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 22:00 The Hotel Inspector 23:00 Person of Interest 23:55 CSI: NY


42

Friday, March 21, 2014

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more. We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES Bar for traspaso Well established, 9 year old, beach front terrace on the Mar Menor, with a good mix of both British and Spanish clientele. Hard working bar. For more information con­ tact 637 362 863 (157)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276. Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada. Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

Worship Home groups meet during the week. All wel­ come from any church back­ ground or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806. Reg No:2009­SG/A The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597. The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness. Meets in the function room at sackos bar el liminar just off the cv 905 rojales to torrevieja road We have a divine service on Sundays 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoyance at 7.30pm Also on Wednesdays there is an open circle at 5.45 pm for those who wishing to devel­ op there mediumistic skills. Healing is available by trained and certificated heal­

CATERING

ers after each meeting. A warm welcome to friends old and new. The mediums for march are Sun 2nd Debbie Blevins wed 5th Trish Doherty & Jaqueline Holland hunt flowercentience ( bring a flower that no one else has touched ) Sun 9th Belinda Bradley and Sandra Galley wed 12th David Darnbourgh Sun 16th Sammy Fitzimmons wed 19th Suzy Hilton, ( visiting from the uk ) sun 23rd Suzy Hilton, who is being ordained as a minister at this service Wed 26th Morag Bullock, sun 30th Trish Doherty ( mother’s day service ) For further informa­ tion call Trish on 966 844 795 or email therainbowcen­ trecostablanca@gmail.com

CARS FOR SALE

Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party! Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

BARBER

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral. Policies available in English and German. Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PERSONAL NEW: Elegant and Seductive Mature (40) Busty (40DD) in Torrevieja. Engl. Sp. Tel: 642 651 686 11am to 7pm looking for col­ league. (162)

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

CARPENTER

ALARMS

Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­ nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals. Call us on 96 692 3963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ground Floor Duplex, on the Monte y Mar estate of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Fully furnished, Private Parking, Communal pool Ref. GA0094 NOw only 83.000e Tel. 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000. Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool. Garage to side of house. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2

cars and communal pool. Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros. Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views. Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS


43

Friday, March 21, 2014 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant. Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods. Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155

Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant. Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005. Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg. Tel. 680333242 Corner Plot Property in the lower end of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Under build, Roof top Solarium Being sold Fully Furnished including White goods. Walking distance to all local amenities. 139.950e Ref. GA0087 Tel. 680333242

CAR BREAKERS

Gran Alacant Town House with a difference. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons. Greenland Views and all local amenities close by. Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath­ roomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interi­ or furnishings are top quali­ ty, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and grav­ eled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in show­ er units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English

TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €72,000. Two bed­ room apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed­in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large commu­ nal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good

DRAINAGE

central location. Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking. The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242

Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­ dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref. L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more. 125.000 Euros Ref No. K23. Tel. 627 711 155

PETS


44

Friday, March 21, 2014

Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Limited Edition Fortaleze in Gran Alacant Exceptionally Large Plot. 4 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Private Pool with Decorative Garden, Private Parking, Electric Gates, Glazed in Porch, Solarium, Under build. Quiet sought after area. Very tastefully fur­ nished and all included 370.000e Ref. K52 Tel. 627711155 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantas­ tic communal pool situated

PLUMBERS

in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever con­ structed­ Very large 5 bed­ rooms, 4 bathroom(2 en­ suit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room. Front porch area leading

POOL TABLES

into large well established gardens with irrigation sys­ tem and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref. K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Large 4 Bedroom, 4 Bathroom, 2 Kitchens, 2 Lounges, 600m2+ plot Large Retractable Glazed in Pool for all year swimming, Private Parking for 4 cars, Very low­maintenance, Fully Furnished. 330.000e but Negotiable. Very different to the other properties in Gran Alacant and is disabled friendly Ref: L80 Tel. 680333242 Mid Terraced Townhouse on Avda Polognia, Gran Alacant Furnished to a very high standard and includes White Goods. 3 Bed, 2 Bath, Lounge Diner, Fully convert­ ed Under build offering a second lounge and large storage area. Roof top Solarium, Glazed in galleria with extended worktops. Front Garden with BBQ, Communal Pool with Gardens. 132.000e Ref. K16 Tel. 627711155 Semi­Detached Villa with Open Greenland Views to

the Rear and Alicante Views to the Front, means this property in Gran Alacant would appeal to anybody looking for a quiet location. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge diner, with working Fire place, Porch, Solarium, Established Gardens and Private Pool, Private Parking on a large plot. 265.000e Ref. L95 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gar­ dens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished. Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached villa with 3 double bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge­diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solarium, 400 m2 Plot, with established low mainte­ nance very private gardens with irrigation system, elec­ tronic gates, private parking, outside wc, sink & shower, terraces, air con ( h & c ), mosquito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section. Within easy walking dis­ tance to Gran Alacant com­ mercial centre and close to local bus and tram route. Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria,

REMOVALS

Solarium, Under build. Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass. Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155 Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras. Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring. Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155. Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­ um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views. Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential. Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com OP Group Spain are seek­ ing 2 enthusiastic people to join their expanding team. Position 1 is for an experi­ enced office administrator at their La Finca Golf office. Position 2 is for an experi­ enced sales negotiator for their La Marina office. The ideal candidates will speak English and at least one other language and will have good knowledge of the local real estate market. Both positions are full time with contracts and competi­ tive rates of pay. Please send your CV’s into Stuart o n stuart.markham@opgroup­ spain.com or call 966729653 Chef required. Must have at least 5 years experience and health / hygiene certifi­ cate. Have flare for new menus and able to work on own initiative. Guardamar area. 672929585

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars. Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated

POOLS

SURVEYOR

VAN HIRE

WANTED


Friday, March 21, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

MONEY IS ROOT OF GOLFING GREED At last the simmering pot over some of the world’s top players chasing money rather than appearing in showpiece events at last began to boil, and some may ask “Why did it take so long”? HSBC’s global sponsorship boss, Giles Morgan, had some choice words to say recently about some of the best golfers on the planet, giving them some serious stick for pulling out of some of the World Golf Championship events like the WGC­HSBC Champions tournament in Shanghai this November, in favour of pocketing big appearance fees to play else­ where. Most agree that they cannot force player’s to play in major events but players should be more respectful of these events which are the life blood of the game, although Tiger Woods was not singled out, although there was a reference to, “playing in meaningless money making opportunities”, who had missed the last two HSBC Championships to play in exhibition games in Asia. The point is really bigger than one golfer and one tourna­ ment; this is a world of corporate happy talk that becomes the background music to most sporting events. The HSBC man’s outspokenness did raise a few eyebrows but did get some applause in his speech in Singapore, as he voiced the frustrations of sponsors who stump up eight fig­ ure sums only to have those big names say thanks but no­ thanks. Sports marketing people will always keep asking “Why can’t we get Tiger or any of the other high profile world top golfers?” It’s really big money these corporations are spending and they are coughing up to 20 million dollars to sponsor these tournaments and when the high profile golfers don’t turn up, they’re frankly well and truly stuffed! And to add more insult to injury, there is nothing the sponsor can do. Let’s face it, there should be no appearance money and while there may be some wriggle room on prize money, the respective Tours should put up rules regarding prize money to keep bidding wars from breaking out. These high profile golfers get all the trimmings like the very best courtesy cars, as well as top notch activities for wives and girlfriends with very little effect. The top 2 or 3 per cent of the PGA Tour players luxuriate in riches that would make some oil rich sheiks gasp, so an extra 100 thousand dollars in purse and limo service to and

from the golf course isn’t going to lure them out. Because money is no longer an issue, the top players are building their schedules around performing well in the Majors. These are also the feelings of prominent sports management executives. “Who can blame them?” As business people and given the importance of winning one or more majors, why wouldn’t they work their schedules that way? There are some prominent events outside the Majors, especially in the States. For example, few miss the Players Championship and practically no one turns down an invitation from Jack Nicklaus to The Memorial and if you say no to Arnold Palmer you’ll hear about it for months. You can include FED­EX play offs, the Ryder Cup and Presidents Cups and the events where a title sponsor also pays a core group of players, like Royal Bank of Canada does with Ernie Els, Luke Donald and Graeme McDowell and suddenly events like the Accenture Match Play and HSBC Championships no longer fit in the plans, even if they have WGC in their names. The Tiger effect has been a doubled edged sword. Because of him, these players are loaded with money and the game reaches a bigger audi­ ence. But sponsors have lost the pull with some who might have played in their events in the old days and would go into the hospitality tent for a €2,600 appearance fee. They don’t do that anymore more because they do not need the money. Certainly there are more tournaments and that is something the Tours have to adjust to, as not every golfer can play every event, but having said that, the Tours need to build favoured named recognition with more of the players. The Tours should look at raising the profile of the players so that every event has stars in it. There has to be some pushing and shoving in the Tour HQs in the hope that players will rearrange their schedules to keep the sponsors like HSBC happy. That is the only way to fund the private­jet lifestyle that so many of today’s top golfers enjoy. If you have got sponsors investing the sort of money they currently do, then the players should respect the calendar. Putting it another way, the gravy train has a brake, it’s just a question of when the driver applies it!

showing some typical inspirational American entrepreneur­ ship in almost a rags to riches story, as he started as a hotel porter at the Waldorf Astoria and moved into owning winning horses, as well as kick­starting industries around the world, through to building one of Europe’s foremost golf resorts! He opened La Manga Club in 1972, two years after he first began work on the ground­breaking project in Murcia, laying the foundations for the venue to be at the forefront of sports and leisure destinations in Europe. The renowned golf course architect Robert Putman designed two 18­hole championship courses and a five­star tennis centre was opened. Gary Player was the resort’s first director of golf and La Manga Club hosted the Spanish Open from 1973 to 1977. Spanish golfing legend Severiano Ballesteros was the resort’s touring pro from 1980 to 1984 while top Spanish player and ex­Wimbledon champion, Manolo Santana was the first director of its tennis centre. A third golf course, the West Course, opened in 1986 and La Manga Club also fea­ tured a four­star hotel and many properties when Peters sold the resort in the mid­1980s. In his later years, he returned to America. Jose Asenjo, general manager at La Manga Club, said. “Gregory Peters was a true visionary and he will never be forgotten at La Manga Club”. Now in its fifth decade, La Manga continues to be a top attraction for celebrities from the world of sport and show business. It’s set in an area three times the size of Monaco and boasts unrivalled facilities as a sport and leisure venue that includes three 18­Hole championship courses, a 28 court tennis centre, eight full size football pitches and they plan to have cricket pitches, they used to have one where the current driving range is and the club house was the pavil­ ion. The role Peters played in establishing the resort as a household name across Europe was essential to the suc­ cess that La Manga Club continues to enjoy today, and it’s fair to say that he provided the blueprint for modern­day resorts.

LA MANGA CREATOR’S LASTING LEGACY La Manga Club has not surprisingly led the tributes to Gregory Peters, the driving force behind getting it off the ground over 40 years ago, who has died at the age of 86 in Las Vegas. Peters was the original owner of the resort,

KNOW YOUR RULES TITTER ON THE TEE

QUESTION Malcolm’s ball has landed on some fresh paint that has been used to mark lines on the ground for defining Ground Under Repair (GUR) and some paint has stuck to the ball. Can Malcolm remove the paint from his ball? A: Yes, no problem. B: Yes, but it is a one stroke penalty. C: No, unless the ball is in a position from which it may be lifted under the rules. ANSWER C: Only under Rule 21/1, in which case the player may attempt to remove the paint without penalty.

A golfer was just waking up from anaesthesia after knee surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and said, "You're cute!" The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." "What happened to 'beautiful'?" He replied "The drugs are wearing off!" He’s now back in surgery


46

Friday, March 21, 2014

EASY FOR REAL REAL MADRID 3 SCHALKE 1 (agg 9-2)

BOTTOM BETIS HOLD ILICITANOS ELCHE 0 REAL BETIS 0

Cristiano Ronaldo scored twice as Real Madrid beat Schalke 3­1 on Tuesday night and 9­2 on aggregate in the Champions League. Real were already all but assured of a quarter­final berth after winning the first leg of their last­16 tie with Schalke 6­1 in Gelsenkirchen. Gareth Bale, on as a substitute for the injured Jese, crossed from the right for Ronaldo to tap home(pictured) and

extend Real's advantage in the tie even further in the 22nd minute. Tim Hoogland equalised for Schalke just after the half­ hour mark, but two quick Real goals in the second half ­ Ronaldo netting his 41st of the season, and then Alvaro Morata get­ ting on the scoresheet ­ ensured Carlo Ancelotti's side won the second leg as well. The quarter­final draw takes place today (Friday).

REAL STILL ON TOP MALAGA 0 REAL MADRID 1

Real Betis, who prop up the La Liga table, held Elche to a goalless draw in last Sunday’s lunchtime encounter at the Martinez Valero stadium. Fran Escriba's side had the better of the opportunities to force an opener in the first half but the vis­ itors gave as good as they got. But with strugglers Almeria and Valladolid both los­ ing, Elche have a 4 point cushion between themselves and the drop zone. Both sides took a while to get going and it was Elche that had the first real chance of the game as Ruben Perez powered a great shot from just outside the box ­ forc­ ing Antonio Adan to punch the ball to safe­ ty. It was not until just after the half­hour mark that the visitors had their first chance to get on the score sheet but Ruben Castro's weak effort was comfortably caught by Elche goalkeeper Manu Herrera. Castro almost handed the away side the lead as the game approached

half­time but his long­range effort sailed over the bar before Salva Sevilla's free­ kick was punched to safety by Herrera. Elche came out stronger for the second half and Coro could have broken the dead­ lock, but Amaya was quick to block. Javi Marquez was next to have a go at the Betis goal before he sent his long­range volley over the crossbar as Elche continued to press forward, including a Herrera close­ range attempt that flew over the bar. Perez almost stole victory for Elche in the final minutes but he failed to make a proper connection with the ball from the left of the penalty box and sent it wide of the target. Then in the dying seconds, Coro’s legs gave way in the penalty area and the home side were incensed that the referee didn’t give them a spot kick, with Coro getting booked into the bargain. Elche are away to old rivals Granada this Saturday after­ noon.

NO MESSING WITH LIONEL BARCELONA 7 OSASUNA 0

Cristiano Ronaldo's first­half score was the only difference between Real Madrid and Malaga as Carlo Ancelotti's side claimed a 1­0 win at Estadio La Rosaleda, to keep their 3 point advantage over 2nd placed Atletico Madrid. It was a pretty mediocre performance

from the La Liga leaders, but they got all 3 points from a bit of Ronaldo magic who hit a low strike after beating three Malaga defenders in the 23rd minute. It’s El Clasico time this Sunday night as Real entertain Barcelona with a 9.00pm kick off.

An excellent second half goal from Guillem Behbahani Ortolá who had only come on as a Torry substitute a couple of minutes earlier, secured the side’s first home victory since December 22nd at the Vicente Garcia stadium, and there was the added novelty of Guillem’s 19 year old twin brother, Pau, coming on in the closing minutes of the match. Torrevieja were well in charge but let countless chances slip away, with a mixture of stout defence from the visitors coupled with a series of hapless missed chances for the home side. An excellent cross though from Vicent Boix set up Carrasco to head in the opener in the 13th minute, but the high­ light of the game came in the 2nd half, and that was after Torry suffered the blow of Obele having to leave the field in the 51st minute with a damaged rib. Guillem got his first goal for the club in the 65th minute, as from a central position on the edge of the penalty area, he showed

some quick control, and turned around to smash a powerful shot which whizzed into the top corner of the net. Torry though seemed to ease things on the pedal, and paid the penalty as Jairo pulled one back for Pinoso, though the ending was not as nervy as it might have been, as Torry dominated, and Guillem missed a chance to double his tally. The result puts Torrevieja 9th in the table, and 5 points off the play­offs, with that final spot being occupied by Paterna who they travel to in a must­win match this Sunday.

GUILLEM GEM WINS IT

Lionel Messi hit a hat­trick to become Barcelona's all­time top scorer as the Catalan club cruised to a commanding 7­0 win over Osasuna. The 26­year­old opened the scoring after 19 minutes to equal Paulino Alcantara's record of 369 goals in all competitions ­ including friendlies ­ for Barcelona. Alexis Sanchez and Andres Iniesta increased the hosts' advantage before the break. Messi struck again in the second half to move onto 370 goals and become the

club's undisputed top marksman, and then completed his treble with a simple finish in the 87th minute, after substitute Cristian Tello had rammed in the fifth goal. There was still time for a seventh goal, however, Messi adding an assist to his goal haul by teeing up Pedro. Barca are third in the table and four points behind leaders Real Madrid despite the win, but will have the chance to cut the gap with their arch rivals at the Bernabeu on Sunday.


47

Friday, March 21, 2014

UNITED WE STAND… It’s official: Old Trafford is in crisis. How can a team that won the prestigious Premier League title last season by eleven points, losing only five games all season suddenly lose their way this year, and begin to look really ordinary when compared to that same opposition? After all, the players are the same, and even include a few more very expensive signings. There’s really only one new factor to take into account: the manager. The new man, on paper the perfect choice, is a younger version of the previously suc­ cessful incumbent, a tough, experi­ enced Scot. What could go wrong? Well, a lot actually. Like an unheard of only 14 wins in 29 games so far, 6 draws but 9 defeats, of which 5 were at fortress Old Trafford ­ normally an inhibiting venue to terrify the opposition where visitors tra­ ditionally get noth­ ing. Some defeats have come from unex­ pected quarters, like West Bromwich Albion and teams have begun to half­ expect a result against the now­ vulnerable Red Devils. True, fero­ cious lions like Roy Keane and Paul Scholes have gone, but so they had last season when United bounced back from the previ­ ous season’s massive disappointment of losing the title on goal difference on the last day to nasty­neighbours Manchester City. Last Sunday’s comprehensive 3 ­

0 home defeat at the hands of the most­hated local rivals Liverpool has really made everyone concerned with football sit up in real amazement, so overwhelming were Liverpool in every department. Poor, beleaguered manag­ er David Moyes looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights in interviews, as he vainly tries to explain why United sud­ denly look so ordinary. However, in this hysterical context it is worth consider­ ing and noting that United are still seventh in the league with rea­ sonable statistics, a position many smaller clubs would die for. But counting against the most famous team in the country, it is their previous accom­ plishments and the height of the bar United have person­ ally set they cannot now rise to – where others are – that make it all so diffi­ cult for everyone, especially those at the club to under­ stand. But wait… Before sentence is passed, that is the Premier League, the bread­and­ butter of UK foot­ ball. All is not lost, there is light, albeit a little dimmed on the continent. (Mighty) Manchester United are still in the Champions League competition along­ side Chelsea, and stand out in direct contrast to those other nasty neighbours Man City and old foes Arsenal, who were both miserably knocked

out last week. On Wednesday evening at Old Trafford, United were staring down the gun barrel of joining the others booted out of Europe after being 2 – 0 down from the first leg against the Greek champions Olympiakos ­ with just about everyone (oh yes we were) predicting another sad defeat. The buzzards were circling. But in one of those great, unforgettable nights of European football – the competition that all top Premier clubs crave for, and fight every year to enter ­ Manchester United stormed back to sensationally win 3 – 0 with a superb Robin van Persie hat trick. A penalty, a free kick and a Ryan Giggs/Wayne Rooney supplied rocket reminded we doubters of the quality and bravery of the Dutch striker, the man whose golden goals last season brought the title back home for United. But this was no one­man­band result, no sir. Towering performances from the amazing, evergreen 40 year old Giggs, Rooney and Spanish goalkeeper David de Gea contributed to this superb victory, and in the end this was a true team effort in vintage, heart­warming Manchester United tradition. Now the Red Devils go into the last eight of the European competition with such illustrious household names as Real Madrid, Barcelona, PSG, Bayern Munich…and Chelsea. We are into the stages where the Champions ‘League’ becomes a straight knock­out competition, and everyone has a chance in a cup. When Chelsea won two years ago they were distinct outsiders, but beat Barcelona and Bayern Munich on the way. Everyone at United will be aware that there is virtually no chance of qualification for next season’s Champions League by dint of this year’s Premier League position, so European glory represents United’s one and only chance of successful silverware, and showing us all that the current crisis is merely a blip as David Moyes gets to grip with his new position at Old Trafford. The place may, after all the disappointments of this season be rightly named the Theatre of Dreams. But coming back down to Planet Earth and its every week of relentlessly­pressing domestic problems, United are at Upton Park on Saturday afternoon to play a resurgent West Ham. Oh, and then in a no­rest­for­the­weary huge test of character, guts and local pride it’s the other nasty neigh­ bours Manchester City next Tuesday ­ with a huge amount at stake. Will the European success turn United’s season round? Or has the unlikely (and unexpected) Olympiakos win merely provided temporary escapism from the real busi­ ness of the cauldron of UK league football and the immense pressure on the shoulders of David Moyes? We will know before the week’s out.

Velocity Racing is back SHARKS SHOCKED and better than ever! After a fantastic season last year, we have decided to shake things up a bit and intro­ duce an exciting new point system… below are the placement points that will be award­ ed in each of the Rookie Rod and Lighting Rod races:

In Rugby Union, the 2nd division regional leaders, the San Javier Sharks (Squalos) lost at second­placed Cartagena B last Saturday by 33 points to 18. It was a 2nd successive defeat for the Sharks, having gone under to an ITV Orihuela side crammed full of 1st team players the previ­ ous weekend. The Sharks still lead the 2nd division but by only point ahead of

Cartagena who do have a game in hand. ITV Orihuela are one point further behind but have a played an extra game, as they some­ what surprisingly handed out a 65­7 thrash­ ing away to Totana. In the Cadete league, ITV Orihuela(pictured), despite having only 13 players, had an exciting 36­29 win at Lorca, which keeps them 2 points behind the leaders UCAM Murcia.

Placement 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th 10th

Points 25 18 15 12 10 8 6 4 2 1

Watch as our racing drivers get more com­ petitive than ever, trying to secure that cru­ cial first place! Regular spectators will also notice another change this year – the roof colour of each driver’s car will now be, either white, yellow,

blue or red … reflecting the performance and the points the driver accumulated last year. In addition, our 2013 Champions, Caroline Capel for the Rookies and Nick Kelly for the Lightnings, will both have a silver roof which they are guaranteed to retain until the end of the season… marking them out as the ones to beat! To give you a better idea of how your favourite drivers are performing, set out below are the points they need to achieve for each of the colours. Roof Colour White Yellow Blue Red

Points Needed 0 150 350 550

The first race night of the season will be held this Saturday 22 March. The action on the track will take place between 7 and 9pm and the gate price for adults is just €2 (kids go free). For full details and directions please visit www.velocityracing.eu


Friday, March 21, 2014

48

RED IS THE COLOUR! Vidic, Willian, Ramires and even Mourinho keep bad Kompany

Red cards? Faces? Shirts? Post Olympiakos, Scottish blood on the Old Trafford carpet from Liverpudlian daggers might be premature, but it was a right Red weekend all right with card­carry­ ing officials ‘orrrified by oiks’ offences. Want yer captain and centre­back stupidly sent off, mate? It’s all the rage both sides of Mancunia as United’s Nemanja Vidic managed it again – that’s 4 times against Liverpool – but this time Old Trafford is in turmoil. Never in the field of football conflict have ex­champi­ ons been humbled so quickly and effectively in their own back yard by so many – and this time by their worst enemies. Nasty neighbours weren’t in it as the Red Devils capitulated 3 – 0, and it could have been much worse. The rampant, resurgent, relentless Red Army from Liverpool stormed down the East Lancs Road to turn the United ground into the Theatre of Nightmares. This 2014, Liverpool are irresistible cur­ rently, and there’s more to come… both leaders Chelsea and third­place Man City have to visit fortress Anfield soon (N.B. City Blues have two games in hand). Mathematicians may mention that Liverpool could be champions, the first time since 1990, and the Mersey Reds have got some serious catching up with you­know­who Prem title­wise. In a dramatic mid­week Euro break Man United (see over) proved they could still do it, coming back from 2 ­0 down in the first leg to swarm all over Olympiakos 3 – 0 at Old Trafford in a Robin van Persie­inspired thriller. The Red Devils go into the quarter­final draw with Chelsea with renewed hopes… but will not be contesting this season’s Premier League title.

John McGregor reports

Who got the Blues, then? Well, don’t wanna gloat (much) but I did sort of predict Chelsea might get theirs at Villa, the place is Jose’s hoodoo and that deft Delph goal was delicious in front of the Holt End. Bad Brazilian day: although Willian’s sending off was sus­ pect, Ramires’ tackle was an appalling leg­breaker as the Blues’ bottle went, with Mourinho then showing a fine example to his men of how not to behave – and that after being nauseatingly chummy throughout with Villains boss Paul Lambert. Mou’s now in trouble with the FA after coming on the pitch and trying vainly to ref­bother: tee hee… Blue Boys done well against Drogba’s Druids, though. The run­in for the title is now perfectly set­up as solid­ Silva­starred Man City took the non­Tigerish *HULL CITY apart 2 – 0, t’other Blues Boys playing with ten men for over an hour following the early correct red card for tunnel­kicking captain Vincent Kompany, aping United’s Vidic for captain calamities. Hey Joe ­ watch the Hart­attack over­reaction after the George Boyd dive: they all do it, mate… *HULL CITY’s owner Assem Allam has threatened to sell if he is not allowed to change the 110­year­old club name to Hull Tigers. Good: go with our blessing, Smart Ass. Red’s also a Big Issue at Cardiff ­ Vincent Tan says its lucky. How’s that then, Vinny­the­Ninny, if you’re next­ bottom? Blue is more apt currently, there was more bad luck at Everton after the confused Red Bluebirds agonisingly lost again, but not before equalising against a top­challenging Toffees side, only to be amazingly beaten 2 – 1 adding insult to injury time. Oh and hey, it never rains in the valleys – United­bashers Liverpool are coming on Saturday. Red was also strangely the colour at Swansea as West Brom supporters showed what they’re made of, sport­ ing Spanish flags to support their beleaguered jefe Pepe Mel – and it worked ­ eventually! The Anelka­

annexed Baggies blokes bathed all in red came back from an under­fire 1 – 0 down first half, to win 2 ­1 right at the death. Sessegnon’s sensational strike was fol­ lowed by Mulumbu magic ­ and Pepe’s English is get­ ting a leetle better ­ hope it’s worth the lessons, though. Flip me, Felix’s Fulham finally flourished! The man­ agement­by­phone Magpies were mown down by the riverside to give the Cottagers something to smile about, but the future still looks very bleak. Could Nervy Norwich be finally facing fatality? That big Liverpudlian Ricky Lambert scored 66 seconds after coming on as sub for the now­settled Saints who crushed the Canaries 4 – 2. In super scouse sentence Ricky was ’made oop’ about everything in his post­ match interview. Unlike persisting Pepe, p’raps Pochettino’s poot off learning da lingo by the lan­ guages in his dressing room ­ he still needs a transla­ tor. The Hammers Handy Andy’s back and scored after only four minutes at Stoke. But Mark my words, Hughesie has sparked life back into the Potters, with ex­problem boy Peter Odemwingie behaving himself these days to score two (he nicked one off Peter Crouch) in the 3 ­1 win, Stoke now respectably mid­ table. Anything for the weekend, sir? Try Chelsea v Arsenal early doors, then Cardiff v Liverpool, Everton v Swansea, Hull v West Brom, Man City v Fulham, Newcastle v Crystal Palace, Norwich v Sunderland, and for tea West Ham v Man United. Super Sunday sees Spurs v Southampton and then Aston Villa v Stoke. Don’t forget there’s more midweek mayhem as Tuesday, it’s Arsenal v Swansea and….don’t miss Man United v Man City, followed by West Ham v Hull and Liverpool v Sunderland on Wednesday – bring it (all) on!


Week 161