Week 160

Edition 160

www.thecourier.es

Friday, March 14, 2014

“MIRACLE” DOG DIES

Sick people put puppy through torture

By ALEX TRELINSKI A dog that lost its leg and went blind after being tied up on a rail line, has lost its brave battle for life.

The dramatic case of ani­ mal cruelty saw no happy ending for Milagro (Miracle) who was found lying next to a Callosa de Segura railway

track last week, after being abused in a sick “game.”

The puppy initially beat all the odds after being rescued by the locally­based APADAC animal charity, but died on Tuesday.

Volunteers named the puppy Milagro after he miraculously survived the horrific experience of having his leg amputated and suf­ fering from multiple bruising, with APADAC suspecting that he was part of some macabre game that saw him tied to the rail tracks. A pass­ er­by spotted the puppy and used a handkerchief as a tourniquet on his leg, before calling the local police, who in turn rang APADAC. He had lost a lot of blood because of the cruel torture he had gone through, with Milagro being immediately rushed to a vet.

Amazingly Milagro’s vital signs stabilised through the 500 Euro operation but he had sadly also lost an eye, which meant that he needed 24 hour care from the volun­

teers to help his recovery as he would not have known exactly where he was and what was happening to him.

APADAC launched a Facebook page to appeal for help with the cost of keeping him alive, as well as letting people know about his progress, but he lost his fight for life on Tuesday. A German couple had already offered to adopt him if he recovered.

On their Facebook page,

APADAC said:­ “These are the most difficult words to write as the “miracle” has left us. We had hoped to have arrived in time (to res­ cue him) and we know that we have done everything possible, but it doesn’t make things easier. Milagro just couldn’t overcome the severity of the injuries”.

There’s no word over what action the Callosa police are going take in pur­ suing the matter further.

Our latest edition is always online at www.thecourier.es

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Friday, March 14, 2014

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Alan Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

96 692 1003 679 096 309

So very Torrevieja! Photo by PAM ASHTON. EL GALAN

TAXI STRIKE I’M ALL RIGHT JACK

Elche’s taxi drivers, who cover Alicante­Elche airport, have carried out their strike threat, withdrawing their all of their services from yesterday morning (Thursday) through to Monday. The 185 strong taxi association members are fed up with the lack of action against pirate taxi services that oper­ ate out of the airport.

The “La Verdad” newspaper has spot­ lighted the plight of a number of homeless people that use the international terminal at Alicante­Elche airport as their home.

One of the best known is a British man called Jack (pictured from the rear), who has slept in various hidey­holes around the airport for a number of years, and moved over to the new terminal when it opened 3 years ago.

Jack isn’t the only person living at the new terminal, with security guards saying there is at least one other permanent resi­ dent, and three or four others who come and go sporadically. A group of squatters were persuaded to leave the old terminal earlier this year.

Expensive fill MERCADONA ON TOP

Petrol pump prices in Alicante Province are amongst the most expen­ sive in Spain, according to the latest figures. The Costa Blanca region sees an average pump price figure of 1.414 Euros for a litre of 95 Octane petrol, with only the Baleares, Valladolid, Cordoba, and Leon cost­ ing more. In contrast, the January figures showed Huesca Province charging 8 cents a litre less for 95 Octane. The four cheapest

regions are Aragon, Navarre, the Basque country and La Rioja which don’t charge a regional hydrocar­ bon tax

Mercadona, Lidl and DIA were the only Spanish low price supermarkets that managed to increase the number of customers in 2013 as opposed to 2012, according to a survey from Kantar Worldpanel.

Mercadona ranked first in market share in 2013 to 22.3%, compared with 21% in 2012; DIA was 7.8% (7.7% in 2012), and Lidl achieved a 3% share as opposed to (2.8%).

Carrefour held its position with 7.7% along with Consum on 1.8%. Eroski, who are selling off a number

of their stores, dropped from 1.7% in 2012 to 1.5% in 2013.

Mercadona last week announced a 1% rise of profits for last year, adding up to 515 million Euros, with its president, Juan Roig say­ ing that the workforce has stayed stable at 74 thousand employees, with 25% of the profits being distributed as bonuses for its staff. Roig added that Mercadona opened 61 new outlets last year, and are investing 700 million Euros this year and are planning 60 new open­ ings in 2014, as well as

upgrading current stores.

Roig who also founded the company added that he thought that 2014 would be a tricky year and he’s even hinted that the store may open on Sundays if it needs to increase its profits.

“We don't want to have to open, but if need be, we'll do so,” said Roig, who has always been against Mercadona shops trading on bank holidays.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

Friday Partly cloudy High 17 Low 5° Chance of rain 0% Monday Sunny High 22 Low 9° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Sunny High 23° Low 10° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Sunny High 20° Low 8° Chance of rain 0% Wednesday Sunny High 20° Low 12° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Sunny High 21° Low 10° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 23° Low 8° Chance of rain 0%

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Friday, March 14, 2014

FRUIT OF SHAME Victims remembered Three Torrevieja­based Bulgarians are to face the music on charges of exploiting their fellow­ countrymen by illegally employing them as cheap farm labour. The Guardia Civil made their arrests last month after following the men who in turn were trailing a bus full of mainly Bulgarian farm workers who were working “on the black” for low rates.

The Guardia had got com­ plaints from a number of workers who told them that they were exploited working outside in mainly the Murcia and Almeria regions, and had been falsely lured to come to Spain via a website with promises of a proper job contract, along with

Social Security registration.

They were promised an average daily wage of around 40 Euros, depending on how much fruit and veg­ etables they picked.

The victims were crammed into Torrevieja area flats and were con­ stantly moved around, and as well as being ordered to cough up a deposit and pay rent. They also had their per­

sonal documents taken away on the grounds that they were being used to sort out their contracts, which never happened. Their work­ ing day started by tak­ ing a coach to their designated fields on journeys which would take up to two hours from Torrevieja, for which they were charged a fare of 8 Euros. After a 9 hour shift, in which they could collect between 10 and 20 baskets, they were allegedly paid 1 Euro for each basket, and so they were left with little to show for their efforts, with no money to buy food, let alone to pay for a return fare to Bulgaria.

The families of the 191 people killed in the Madrid train bombings went to a ceremony on Tuesday with King Juan Carlos to mark the 10th anniversary of the attacks.

Madrid's Archbishop, Cardinal Antonio Maria Rouco Varela, performed the Mass at Almudena Cathedral.

Flowers were laid and candles lit at the sites where bombs exploded on four commuter trains on March 11th 2004. Another 1,800 people were hurt by the blasts at the height of the rush hour. The seven suspected ringleaders in the attacks blew them­ selves up two weeks later, after police moved in on a flat in which they were hid­ ing.

King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofia met the lead­ ers of victims' associations on Tuesday before entering the cathedral for the com­ memorative Mass. A cere­ mony was also held at Madrid's Retiro Park, where 191 white balloons were

released into the air and white flowers placed into trees, in memory of a day that has become known in Spain as 11M. Many local commemorations took place on Tuesday including a ceremony in Pilar de La Horadada.

The boss of Alicante­ Elche airport has predict­ ed another record­break­ ing year with a projection of 10 million tourists using the facilities. Santiago Martínez­Cava director of the owner’s AENA said that he has made the pro­ jection based on the sum­ mer season which starts on March 30th, with 8.2 million seats for sale by companies, a rise of 2.8% over the year 2013. The airport clocked in a record 9.6 million passen­ gers last year, but though the UK market is still the largest at 45% of traffic booked for this summer, it is a fall of 2.1% compared to 2013.

Martínez­Cava predicted significant rises in the German, Russian, and Algerian markets. The facili­ ty at El Altet has fifteen addi­ tional services this summer, though in most cases they are new operators serving current destinations, with only two new ones being added which are Santander and Rome.

Thieves bar none SERB-NAPPED Record breaker?

A man who stole a car with a child in it, has been arrested in Benidorm. The 35 year old Serbian took the vehicle from a car dealership last Saturday lunchtime, whilst the parents were looking at potential new cars. The man drove off towards Altea, with a 7 year old in asleep in the back of it, with the parents and garage staff shouting and screaming in pursuit. The local police caught up with it some 200 metres away, and arrested the driver who claimed he knew nothing about the youngster.

Murcia’s top dog

A gang that stole outdoor furniture from bars across the Mar Menor has been arrested by the Guardia Civil. The Cartagena­based group of three operated in San Pedro, San Javier, and Los Alcazares, pilfering any aluminium chairs and tables they could lay their hands on. The men would use a hire van to move their stolen goods which would then be sold on the cheap, and if the furniture had been padlocked with security chains, they would use cutters to shear them off. The Guardia say at least 7 businesses were robbed and they managed to recover more than 50 chairs and tables which have been returned to their rightful owners.

5K FALL

SOUR NOTE

The boss of Spain’s Royal Academy of Language has complained that Spain’s Eurovision Song Contest entry fea­ tures lyrics in both Spanish and English. José Manuel Blecua has written to national broadcaster RTVE to show the con­ cern of his organisation and to get an explanation why Murcia’s Ruth Lorenzo will be performing “Dancing in the Rain” bi­lingually in Copenhagen in May. Ironically, the song initially had full English lyrics but Lorenzo decided to adapt some parts of it into Spanish for the contest.

HOUSE

Benidorm cops have broken up an illegal bingo session in a bar used by Brits in the area. The un­named pub was running clan­ destine games for money in the basement area, with around 30 people being caught in the act, as the police staged a raid.

Computers, screens, and game boards were seized along with 514 Euros, with details of every­ body being taken ahead of possi­ ble legal action.

Alberto Garre Lopez will be Murcia’s new President and will be sworn in at the start of April, which will see the end of Ramon Luis Varcacel’s 19 years in charge of the region.

Garre Lopez is the leader of the Partido Popular in Torre Pacheco and his nomination was approved by a PP caucus on Wednesday. The 62 year old solicitor will take over the reins from Varcacel, who is standing down to concentrate on his future career in the European Parliament.

A Torrevieja pedestrian has been awarded 5 thousand Euros in compensation after breaking his ankle when he tripped over and fell into a hole left by a traffic sign that had been knocked over. The claimant had asked for 13 thousand Euros after spending 3 days in Torrevieja Hospital after the incident which happened back in 2008 at the corner of Calle Dorotea and Calle Pascual Flores in the Nueva Torrevieja area. The judge turned down the higher claim saying that the man should have taken more care, but also blamed the coun­ cil for the state of the road and the resultant accident.

ZERO RATED

Spain’s annual rate of inflation flat­lined at zero according to February’s figures. It’s first time that’s happened in February since the current measuring system was introduced in 1961.

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Friday, March 14, 2014

HELP, IF YOU CAN EASTER BUILD UP BE BOTHERED With Semana Santa just over four weeks away, many local councils are spending more and more time publicis­ ing all the Holy Week cele­ brations by using the inter­ net. In Orihuela, a newly cre­ ated website, semanasan­ taorihuela.com has five sec­ tions with full details of the many ceremonies, as well as their history. Torrevieja coun­ cil have also launched a Semana Santa website, in addition to their 31st annual magazine which features 236 pages with the latest routes and details of the events in the city, and it also has a sec­ tion written in English.

Two rowers in a kayak in Torrevieja har­ bour were rescued by a Santa Pola fishing boat on Monday morning, after their boat capsized, apparently from waves caused by a wave from a passing vessel. The men were in the water for some 20 minutes before they were picked up, suffering from

mild hypothermia. The Guardia Civil are investigating why a number of vessels passed by, apparently ignoring their cries for help. Users of the port have told the local media that the area is too small to cope with the wide variety of craft that take advantage of it.

SANTIAGO CELEBRATES

Santiago de la Ribera’s carnival parade attracted over 2 thousand participants last weekend, with thousands of visi­ tors lining the route. The spectacular parade, which featured fifty floats and groups is one of the largest in the region.

MORE BUSES

The Alsa bus company, which is owned by National Express in the UK, has extended its services between Alicante and Murcia, with 3 extra buses being added to take the total up to 15. Besides non­stop journeys

between the 2 cities, the schedules will also include extra buses that include stops in Elche, Callosa de Segura, and Orihuela City, in addition to calling in at Alicante­Elche airport.

HISTORY SMOOTHER UNCOVERED ROADS

Bomb shelters from the Spanish Civil War including some old British fuel tanks under Balmis Square could be opened up for public view by Alicante Council.

The authority is studying and making a record of everything that is in the Serra Gross area of the city, where peo­ ple took refuge during the bombing in the conflict of the late thirties. The British tanks were also hidden under­

Guardamar motorists will be able to feel the difference after a number of roads have been resur­ faced around the town, some of which have not been touched for over 20 years. It’s all a bonus from the extension of natural gas to the area from ground to prevent the vital fuel supplies being hit by attacks. How much will be open for visitors will depend on future funding.

the Cegas company, who have resurfaced the roads completely after putting in major piping.

BRIDGE OPEN

DOLORES TAPAS Murcia end boys

Dolores is staging its fourth tapas run, 'Tapea en la Majá' over this weekend with 15 bars and restaurants taking part, with a chance to sample a beer and a tapa for €1.90. There’ll also be a chance to win prizes if you visit 8 different busi­ nesses, and hardy souls who do the whole lot will be entered for a draw which has three prizes of 100 Euros each.

Emergency stop

Alicante Province is short of driving exam­ iners, according to the area’s driving schools.

The National Confederation of Driving Schools says that 17 of the region’s 50 test centres are understaffed, resulting in big delays in pupils taking tests, with fre­ quent and last­minute changes in test sched­ ules. It’s claimed that 20 examiner vacan­ cies have not been filled in a cost­saving exercise.

The new footbridge over the N332 at La Regia was official­ ly opened on Monday by Orihuela mayor, Monserrate Guillen. He said that the council was pushing for better cross­ ing facilities for pedestrians on the highway between Playa Flamenca and Punta Prima.

The Pet Shop Boys are coming to the area to headline the SOS 4.8 Festival at La Fica de Murcia at the start of May. The duo of Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe will be at the seventh staging of the festival that takes place on May 2nd and 3rd.

They’ll feature tracks from their new album, Electric, as well as some of their most popular hits in their 30 year career.

Other top names include Blur frontman, Damon Albarn who is releasing his first solo album next month, along with The Kooks and The Prodigy.

FIGHT TRIAL

Prosecutors are calling for more than 12 years behind bars for an Indian man who killed his house­mate in Catral nearly 2 years ago. The 31 year old man’s trial started in Elche this week, following a Catral street­fight in May 2012 where the defendant brandished a kitchen knife, and the 27 year old held a broken bottle. The younger man got the worse of it and died en route to the Dolores Health centre. The prosecution have also asked for 120 thousand Euros compensation to be paid to the dead man’s family.

Friday, March 14, 2014

ANIMAL RESCUE

21 animals have been rescued from a Callosa de Segura stable, after the Guardia Civil and its Nature Protection Service (SEPRONA) moved in on the back of a court order. The hungry and thirsty horses, don­ keys and mules were removed by the offi­ cers after the owners initially refused them permission to be taken away. The animals were taken in two special vans to the Rojales­based Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre, with the donkeys set to be trans­ ferred to the Refugio del Burro association in Malaga, where they will be looked after for the rest of their lives.

The association's lawyer, Raquel López said that the owner has been charged with alleged animal mistreatment, and that they are looking into taking legal action against the authorities for allegedly not having taken action in this case until now, despite com­ plaints having been made last summer.

IBER FRIENDLY

Electricity supplier Iberdrola has opened 4 new offices as they claim they are deter­ mined to improve on their customer serv­ ice. Two new centres have opened in Alicante City, with one in Elche (pictured)

on Calle de Corredora, and the fourth in Torrevieja on Calle Ramon Gallud 12, which will open on weekdays between 9.00am and 2.00pm, and from 5.00pm to 8.00pm.

The Valencia Consumers Union is encouraging people to claim back the so­ called health cent charged on fuel that was ruled illegal by the European Court from the AEAT Tax Agency. They’ve produced a form that can be downloaded from their website

www.uniondeconsumidores.org and sup­ porting documentation including receipts need to be supplied for the period between 2008 and 2012. The Union says that the Agency has six months to sort out the claim.

CLAIM BACK TIME

China in your hand

Costa Blanca tourist chiefs have made a big pitch for the Chinese market as they entertained 8 of the country’s biggest tour companies.

It’s the first time that the Tourist Board has encouraged the growth of the Asian market in such a way with the special conference at the Marq. Over a quarter of a million Chinese tourists visited Spain last year, and Joaquín Albaladejo from the Board said:­ “We all feel that Chinese tourists will be amongst the biggest group in the world come 2020, so it is time to start working”.

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Friday, March 14, 2014

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

Town hall that sees no weevil I HANDED in a letter to the ayuntamiento in Rojales a month ago, written in Spanish, telling them that there were dozens of caterpillar nests in the pine trees near the wind­ mill.

The lady to whom I spoke, read my letter, shrugged her shoulders and told me that they would be sprayed at some time.

To date nothing, but no doubt the pine trees will be destroyed soon!

Honestly, what chance do

we have with this attitude, which seems repeated with regard to the palm weevil dam­ age., where dead trees are left rotting all over the place.

This is unfortunately what we seem to receive from the Town Hall these days, as the windmill was damaged over two years ago, and what was a tourist attraction has never been repaired...say no more.

Hope you can maybe get some action, and hope to hear of a positive result.

A M SMITH, Rojales

I’M A LOSER! My online gambling is breaking the bank

Parkinson’s chat show forges bond for future THE new Parkinson’s support group got off to a successful start at Bobbie­Jo’s Diner in Los Montesinos on Tuesday.

The chance to interact with other Parkinson’s victims and their fami­ lies in a relaxed atmos­ phere created an instant bond between those present Another Coffee and Chat morning will take place at Bobbie­Jo’s next Tuesday (March 18), at 11am when friendships will be renewed and ideas dis­ cussed for developing the group further.

All are welcome and if you would like more information on our plans, please call me or my wife Pat on 966 770 871.

WALLY WILLIAMSON, Hurchillo, near Bigastro

I HAVE a problem – and I suspect quite a few other readers are in the same sort of pickle.

The problem is that I have devel­ oped a gambling addiction.

With the advent of the internet has come a multitude of betting sites where you can play everything from Roulette to Blackjack, from Poker to Bingo – not to mention hundreds of different slot games. It is like being in Las Vegas and it is very addictive.

I was lured by the offers of free bonus plays if I opened an account – and it has mushroomed from there. I now have several accounts and whenever I have a spare moment I have a little play. And I tend to lose a lot more than I win.

One of my biggest problems is that I have a few credit and debit cards and it is so easy to set up payments. I have tried limiting thee amount I can invest each day/week but it just delays the inevitable.

Of late I have been investing up to £50 a day and it is really getting out of hand. I have closed down the accounts that allow me to do it on line. But some use devious tactics to keep you aboard – like asking you to call them if you want to close the account. I simply could not bring myself to speak to someone about it. Surely I should be able to do it by email?

I will conquer the problem, I am convinced. But it has been a costly lesson. I reckon I have lost €1,000 on these sites since Christmas. And

KING KUHN

whatever they say, the odds are loaded against the gambler from the start. Yes, you will win some­ times...but over a period of time, you can bet you'll lose out.

Spain has certain restrictions on gambling which make it more diffi­

Letters and emails will only be considered for publication on this page if an address and contact number are provided in case we need to call you.

cult for people in this country to bet on UK sites. But the problem can be bypassed relatively easily ­ a lot more easily, I might add, than wean­ ing oneself off the irresistible desire to have just one more go...when you know you won’t win.

PLAY IT AGAIN SHAM, Algorfa

THE COURIER MANAGEMENT DOES NOT NECESSARILY AGREE WITH THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS PAGE

Good to see Torrevieja’s top tennis starlet, Nicola Kuhn, getting amongst the awards again, and remember that The Courier told you all about him first. The talented teen was joined by his colleagues from the Torrevieja Tennis Club to pick up a clutch of personal and team awards at the annual Valencian Tennis Gala night, including a child champions award for Nicola.

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Friday, March 14, 2014

JUST before Christ­ mas, I wrote to a firm of Spanish lawyers on behalf of a reader whose €3,000 deposit was not returned after a planned court action was called off.

The complainant, Carol Chalmers, had given up on the evasive abogados. But we agreed it would be worth appealing to the seasonal goodwill of the Spanish Scrooges in the hope the refund might just ghost into Carol’s bank account.

The firm's response was not what I had hoped for.

Basically they told me, in Spanish only, to clear off ­ with a threat of legal action if we didn’t.

Legal action for what? For asking polite questions which would not give the slightest concern to anyone with noth­ ing to hide?

There was no attempt in their email to justify their actions in retaining the €3,000 – only that rancid

q

THE WRONG ARM OF THE LAW

My Cash trail to a joy called sue

reply in snotty Spanish.

Carol had already com­ plained in writing to the Ilustre Colegio de Abogados de Alicante.

“I sent the letter twice but they did not respond to either,’’ she told me this week.

Carol has become used to being snubbed in her battle for justice.

She says: “The lawyers have kept all of my 3,000 euros DESPITE promising to send me a refund, DESPITE my many emails, phone calls (from Scotland),

POPULAR Welsh expat Whalley Owen, who died recently, was not averse to a bit of horsing about.

When their two daughters were growing up in Pontypridd, Whalley and wife Marion saddled up a spe­ cial present for them. A horse.

No problem, until the Owen girls came home one freezing, snowbound winter’s day ... and got the shock of their lives. Whalley had led the horse into the kitchen and was trying to thaw its hooves out...in bowls full of warm water.

sleepless nights and loss of voice due to the stress.

“DESPITE writing to the Spanish Law Society, who eventually ignored me after asking me to send my com­ plaint by letter in Spanish (for which I had to pay a transla­ tor); “DESPITE my lawyer in Spain requesting a refund and being ignored; And DESPITE my asking for help from The Judge in the Scottish Sunday Mail, who was also ignored.’’

I'll leave my readers to draw their own conclusions.

However, what sort of legal firm would offer no defence or explanation for retaining the deposit ­ and instead launch a bullying attack?

If they have a good reason for keeping Carol’s money, then why the secrecy?

Maybe a fair­minded solicitor with knowledge of legal procedure could

enlighten us because as things stand, the entire legal profession in Spain is in the dock.

I have no need to name and shame the people who are giving Carol the cold shoulder. They have already shamed themselves.

Sadly, complaints about

legal practices in Spain are rife. Not that it doesn't hap­ pen in the UK as well.

My own soliciting night­ mares have tended to involve people I thought were pals.

Things somehow change when a lawyer ‘friend’ sad­ dles you and your partner

with an £800 bill for prepar­ ing a couple of Wills.

The philosophy of this particular guy was clearly ‘Where there’s a Will there’s a pay’. What a Costa Wanca!

Will the Bill is not the only lawyer to have crossed me.

However, for sheer cheek nothing could beat the recently widowed clergy­ man’s wife’s gazumping trick in Manchester.

We offered her the full ask­ ing price because we were moving from a more expen­ sive area, only for the price to be upped 3% the following day. “I’ve had a better offer but really want you to have it,’’ she lied.

I later discovered that Widow (T)wankey’s son just happened to be her solicitor.

What a coincidence.

Let's just say a friend in greed is a friend you don't need.

Atlas please... my spinal column, Part One LIFE is a pain in the neck for me these days...as well as a pain in the back, buttocks, legs and both feet.

And the achey­breakey bit gets worse every day.

Basically I can sum it all up in two words ­ old age. There are four of us in Casa Donna now that my long­time companion Ann Jyner has shacked up with everyone’s favourite moan, Arthur Rytess.

He’ll break both Ann’s heart and mine, you wait and see.

My other permanent lodger is of

course Parkinson, who is going great shakes trying to get me my own chat show. We’ve tried to shake hands on it...but missed.

If you didn’t understand a word of the above, don’t worry. Neither did most sane people.

If it struck a chord with you, then you’re as mad as I am and need to see a doctor.

Which is precisely what I did on Wednesday...but this was no ordi­ nary doctor. It was my introduction to the X Files ­ and a chiropractor

with a capital C. Three capital C’s in fact, because French­born Dr Xavi Dutey Harispe (pictured) oozes charm, charisma and Chevalier. I found his patter instantly intoxicating ­ I closed my eyes and felt I was being serenad­ ed by a vintage Maurice Chevalier.

I’ll be seeing Dr X regularly and the initial omens are good after having the book thrown at me in an hour­long initial consultation dur­ ing which he definitely had an atlas in his hand at one point!

The €50 session included l Giving me a click start by realigning the atlas (the top verte­ bra) and the spine. l Essential acupuncture accom­ panied by 15 minutes of relaxation; l Valuable advice on oxygen intake and concentrating on my posture and stride when I walk.

I’ll be monitoring my twice­ weekly treatment at the Algorfa Chiropractic Clinic and hope to bring you regular updates. Don’t miss Donna’s spinal column...

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Friday, March 14, 2014

Friday, March 14, 2014

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Friday, March 14, 2014

WHAT’S GOING ON EAR? If folk have to talk about me, I wish they'd do so in front of my back instead of behind my face. (I think I've got that the wrong way round but I'm too troubled to go back to correct it.)

So who am I agitated about? Mrs S, that's who. I overheard her chatting with her best friend Phyllis in our living room the other day.

'My husband drives me nuts with his strange little ways,' commented my sup­ posed loyal partner. 'I’ll give you a for­instance, Phyllis.

He always dashes over to the microwave and switches it off with seconds to go before it pings. Why on earth does he do that? It's so child­ ish.'

I burst into the living room.

'I'll tell you why I do that,' I exclaimed. 'I like to pretend that I've disarmed an unex­ ploded Second World War bomb. And it's not childish. It just shows that I have a rich and fertile imagination. If you can no longer live in the shadow of my towering intel­ lect then I suggest you phone

a divorce lawyer. But in any separation settlement I demand custody of the microwave.'

'Good morning, David,' said Phyllis between sips of her tea from the sofa. 'And how are you keeping?'

'If you must know, I'm try­ ing to keep calm, Phyllis' I

responded sulkily. 'If there is one thing I resent it is being talked about behind the front of my back.'

'Huh?' said Phyllis. 'That makes absolutely no sense.

I'd correct what you just said if ever you write a column about this conversation.'

'I'm going to the pub,' I

whinged to Mrs S. 'And don't wait up for me. I might be gone for several decades.'

Mrs S tutted. 'If you don't want to hear yourself talked about, stop getting down on your knees and listening at keyholes.'

I slammed my palm down so hard on top of the side­ board that the bottom half of Phyllis's dunked ginger bis­ cuit separated and dropped into her teacup with a sodden plop. 'I was not eavesdrop­ ping,' I insisted to Mrs S. 'I was walking past the living room when your intrusive tones penetrated the thick­ ness of the closed door like an aural laser beam and practically burst my ear drums.'

I left the house but didn't go to the pub. I called in at the doctor's instead.

'Do you have an appoint­ ment?' asked the reception­ ist. 'No, of course you don't, Mr Silver,' she answered her­ self. 'So what is it this week?

Arachibutyrophobia?

Exploding Head Syndrome?

Reduplicative Paramnesia?

Boogie Fever?'

I reached into my pocket, pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and consulted it.

'No, I've already had all those. This is something new.'

'Well I'm sorry, Mr Silver, but you can't just come in here and expect to see the doctor immediately. You have to make an appointment.'

'Wow!' I responded. 'Have you seen who's coming down the path? It's George Clooney!'

The receptionist sighed.

'Do you really think I would fall for that one? You expect me to turn my head and look out of the window and, while I'm diverted, you dash into the doctor's room. Well, no chance. I don't even like modern cinema. Give me the old Hollywood stars of yes­ teryear any day.'

'Wow!' I responded. 'Have you seen who's coming down the path? It's Clark Gable!'

'Where? Where?' cried the receptionist excitedly, turning to the window, while I dived into the GP's inner sanctum.

'It's only me, doc,' I said, plonking myself down on the patient's chair. 'Your recep­ tionist told me to come straight through owing to the serious nature of my latest complaint.'

The GP sighed. 'First things first, Mr Silver. Would you please allow Mrs Greenhalgh to finish getting dressed.'

I turned in my chair and shouted to the figure in sil­ houette behind the screens: 'Hello, Irene, luv. How are the old bunions doing? Whoops, sorry. I seem to be sitting on your tights.'

Minutes later I was listing my symptoms to the doctor.

'My knees are throbbing and I have a stabbing pain in my ear. Should I rest up for the next few months?'

After carefully examining me, the GP scratched his head. 'If I didn't know how lazy you are, Mr Silver, I would suspect that you'd been kneeling for far too long on a hard floor and listening through a keyhole with the key still in it.'

Friday, March 14, 2014

11

STRANGE BUT TRUE Woman marries DOG Is this the real Hulk?

A British woman finally found the partner of her dreams ­ her pet DOG. While she can be sure they won't leave the toilet seat up or put foam round the sink... there is the chance she might get fleas.

Amanda Rodgers married her dog Sheba in a romantic ceremony in Croatia.

The unusual service in Split was attended by 200 people and nobody barked their objection.

The 46­year­old divorcee wore black stockings and suspenders for the cere­ mony while Sheba wore a more tradi­ tional white bridal frock.

The Metro reports that she said: "Sheba had been in my life for years, making me laugh and comforting me when I was feeling low. I couldn’t think of anything more I’d need from a life partner."

She married a (human) man 20 years ago but the marriage was short

lived.

While Mrs Rogers is presumably keeping her maiden name she does have the Twitter name @shebaro­ dgers.

This is the man with the biggest muscles in Brazil after Amanda organises a gothic music boasting 29 inch BICEPS. night in Brixton called Stranger than But Arlindo de Souza's monster guns could come at the Paradise which she claims is "a twisted ultimate cost after injecting himself with a lethal concoction. exotic romp of Balkan beats, gypsy The 43­year­old's colossal 29 INCH biceps are the result laments and cossack high kicks." of pumping OIL and ALCOHOL into his arms.

No funny business Police in Greater Manchester are investi­ gating a spate of crimes committed by clowns ­ and they're not joking.

Officers have dealt with 19 incidents involving people dressed as circus funny­ men.

Smiling crooks carried out bogus charity collections, vandalised property and even

carried out robberies, a Freedom of Information request revealed.

In one of the most serious incidents, recorded in Stockport last November, a man dressed as a clown threatened someone with a knife to steal their bicycle.

Other calls were received from people in Stockport to report someone dressed as a

clown spraying graffiti and a clown following children on their way to school.

In Rochdale there were reports of a clown lurking in an alleyway and sightings of a pos­ sible police suspect dressed as a clown.

In another call to police, a teenage boy in Rochdale reported a clown holding a bunch of balloons had tried to grab him.

One worried parent from Rochdale even rang police for advice after her children returned from school saying there were rumours clowns were going around the town killing people.

It was one of five calls made to GMP where callers in Rochdale, Oldham and north Manchester said they heard rumours of a gang of clowns committing crimes.

Two reports of a man dressed as a clown looking into peoples’ homes were also received in Bury.

Tony Eldridge, secretary of Clowns International, said: “The clowning profession can do without stupid people who don’t understand the profession and appreciate that it is a performing art and not a sponta­ neous jolly jape.”

12

Friday, March 14, 2014

DOG GETS A ROTT-EN PRESS The Rottweiler is a powerful and also calm breed of dog, if given the correct guidance. They originate from Rottweil in Southern Germany, hence their name.

They were used for cattle­herding and guarding, but since their original use, they have also been working in the mili­ tary and police, as well as mountain res­ cue work.

In the United Kingdom, it was sadly cus­ tomary to remove their tails that is until this act was banned in 2007. In America, dock­ ing of the tail is still common and how I PETER AND CESAR would love to sit down and have a conver­ sation with these people and ask one ques­ socialise them and if you tion ­ “Why”? Dogs need their tails to display emotions and make sure that they have also for us to read their body language. In my mind this is a seen as much of the world barbaric act and one that should be banned worldwide for all and its occupants before the dogs. socialisation window closes at The Rottweiler is one of those large chested breeds who sixteen weeks old, there is no can suffer from gastric torsion or bloat as it is more common­ reason why they cannot go on ly known. If you feed them before exercise, their stomach can to grace the world and become twisted as they run and in many cases this leads to become the best friend you death, unless you get to a vet very quickly. So as with all have ever had. breeds, not just Rottweilers, feed them after they have exer­ One of the saddest facts is cised. that they have the highest In the early part of the 20th century, this breed became occurrence of malignant bone very scarce but was thankfully revived around the middle of cancer out of all the breeds.

The Rottweiler, a the First World War. The first Rottweiler did not arrive in They thrive when they follow a Britain until 1936, but since then they have proved very pop­ calm leader who will guide them through life. ular, but some have cast them with an unfair reputation which Many are used today as guard dogs, but remember, they is not their fault. I have witnessed headlines about this breed also want to see the world from the other side of a fence, so that read, “Devil Dog”. This is absolute garbage. Devil owner good exercise is essential. They enjoy swimming, running ­ yes. Devil dog ­ certainly not. alongside a bike and retrieving a ball. When off the lead it is As with all breeds, it is about how you raise them and

very rare that they wander far from you.

For those of you who are fans of Cesar Millan, we may have never got to see him on TV if it wasn’t for Rottweilers. He once did a consul­ tation for Will Smith and his Wife, Jada Pinkett Smith and their two Rottweilers.

She was so impressed with Cesar that she helped him climb the ladder of stardom, which led to his famous TV show ­ The Dog Whisperer.

I am available for consultations throughout the Costa Blanca region, if you are having problems with your furry best friend. To book a consultation you can email me at peter@thedogyouneed.com and I will contact you straight away, or you can call me on 966 847 827.

We have set up an animal charity, where we help the most severely abused and injured animals in Spain. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do by PayPal, where the account details are faithful friend peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900. IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00. BIC: NWBK GB 2L Even one Euro will help, so please, please, try and support us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? These gorgeous puppies are just 14 weeks old and will grow to a small size, we have 2 girls and 2 boys that need homes. We also have around 30 puppies currently at the kennels.

If you are interested in one of these puppies or any of our other lovely dogs please call Paradise Kennels on 619 938 955 or find us on face­ book.

Born in October 2012, Martha is one of a litter of 9 puppies who were abando­ ned in a cardboard box. The 7 who are left are all different in temperament, so could there be one for you? They desperately need to be adop­ ted into loving homes. To meet Martha and her bro­ thers and sisters, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Martha Molly is a young Podenco pup that has been found in the campo along with her siblings, she is adorable very quick to learn, their mum is a small Podenco. Molly is still a bit nervous and needs a good home for more infor­ mation about Molly or one of her siblings, please ring the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or Email: p.e.p.a.animal­ charity@gmail.com

Nuria was the only survivor of a litter of 7 puppies. She was brought into the kennels with her mother, Nina, a beautiful Greyhound whose owner no longer wanted her for hunting. Nuria is now 10 weeks old and has the rele­ vant puppy vaccinations so is ready to be adopted. She obviously is part Greyhound, but the other part is anyone’s guess! She is a happy, play­ ful little girl who deserves to have a better start than her mother. If you would like to give Nuria a forever home then please contact the ken­ nels on 966710047 for more information or email info@satanimalrescue.com

Born in July 2012, Spice is the friendliest, little boy you could ever wish to meet. He wants to go home with every­ body and follows all the volunteers at the APAH Cattery around, hoping someone will take him with them. He is desperate for his first loving home, could it be yours? To meet Spice, plea­ se contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Missy is a beautiful black and white, long haired girl born in Spring 2013 and has been spayed. She is very loving and just loves to sit on your lap! To meet Missy ple­ ase call Joe (The Cat Man) on 966719272.

Nuria Teddy

TESS and ZARA. These two affectionate sisters were res­ cued from a perrera only three months old. They are now 18 months old and are more than ready to find fore­ ver homes. They can be homed separately. Both are chipped, vaccinated and spayed and look like a small Labrador. Find us on face­ book – Finca La Castellana

Missy Rusty is a small dog and is a Rio real cutie, he has a very loving nature and loves peo­ ple. He was thrown from a car at a great speed.

He has been in kennels since April 2013 and he needs to find someone to love him forever. He walks well on the lead Ring 616655789 for more information Cats n Dogs A.A. Registered number G54658810

Molly

Spice

Rio is a Majorcan Shepherd, He is house trained and very clean. He has a happy tem­ perament, is obedient, faith­ ful and very loving. Rio is about 11 years old. Please contact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Rusty Stanley

Tess and Zara

Friday, March 14, 2014

LIONS LIFT FOR ALPE

The Torrevieja Costa Lions club have given the Torrevieja­ based charity ALPE a massive boost with a 5 thousand Euro cheque that will be used to buy equipment for a special

multi­sensory room. ALPE helps out local disabled children and young people, and its President, Fina Sala picked up the money from Lions President, Janette Bennett at a special ceremony, witnessed by local politicians, including Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon.

The Lions got involved with fund­raising for ALPE at the start of 2013 and staged a whole series of events over the last year which led to the cheque presentation at the ALPE centre. The sensory room there will help young people with a range of disabilities, allowing them to use all their senses in a facility that can block out outside noise and change the lighting and temperature at the flick of a switch. The room will improve the educational experience for the students as well being flexible enough to be used for fun, games, and relaxation.

Mayor Eduardo Dolon praised the work of the Lions club in the community and pledged an additional 3 thousand Euros from the council towards the sensory room, with Lions President Janette Bennett emphasising that more money was needed to complete the project and that the fund­raising would continue.

13

NON-MATCH OF THE DAY

The National Police have arrested 5 people in Valencia for organ trafficking in the first case of its kind in Spain. One of those held was the potential liver recipient, a wealthy 61 year old Lebanese businessman, who is Mayor of his home city, and who had been suffering from severe liver disease.

He had travelled to Spain and was willing to shell out 40 thousand Euros for a suitable donor for himself, with 4 others helping him to make inquiries amongst financially­starved immigrants. The businessman paid some 12 thousand Euros for tests on 9 potential candidates in a Barcelona hospital to see if they were compatible, with an eventual match happen­ ing with a Romanian donor. The transplant never happened though as medical managers at the clinic found no proven family relationship between the two men, which is a require­ ment under Spanish Law. Eventually, the businessman got a liver transplant from his son in the Barcelona hospital in a legal way, but was arrested in Valencia when he had returned on a follow­up visit at the end of January, along with two of his associates who were trying to broker the deal. Two other arrests have been made involving an Alicante company where payments for the tests were funnelled, with all five people having their passports withdrawn to avoid them fleeing Spain.

14

Friday, March 14, 2014

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER I know that I´ve written before about how valuable friendship is when you´re in a foreign country, and of course it’s important wherever we are, but when we´re somewhere new, with a different lan­ guage and unknown cus­ toms, everything can be scary and it can be over­ whelming. Then some­ thing happens to knock you for six!

I am not sure how many of you have had your lives turned upside down here in Spain? I know I have, as regular readers of my col­ umn will know, and in those moments when I thought my life couldn´t get any worse something came along and knocked me even further down. However, bit by bit I managed to sort myself out, thanks to a very good friend who made sure I had food for my son and hot water in my flat. With hard work and good advice, I now find myself at a great place in

my life. I am aware of course of life´s rollercoaster, but I am content to be riding high, and working hard to keep the dream alive, and I am happy to be in a position to help my friends if they need me. Just last weekend when a friend´s car broke down, I was there to help collect her son from Alicante, but also helped give her a break by taking her four children to the Chasers play area in Dolores to give her a well­ deserved rest. I remember only too well how hard it is to cope alone with a young child, and how I would be grateful for any chance of five minutes alone that I could get!

Of course I´m not writing this to show what a great person I am! For sure, I am no better than the majority of us, but I´ve noticed kind­ ness in Spain far more than I ever did in the UK. Not from everyone of course, since there are always

those who will remain self­ ish and if that´s how they wish to live their lives, then who am I to disagree. All I know is that I can sleep at night knowing that I have helped people who I believe are good human beings that need some help, and as for those that live their lives thinking only of themselves, well, they are welcome to that lifestyle! I know that if I can help a friend and ask nothing in return but be con­ tent with the knowledge that I was there when they need­ ed me, then I went some way to help them fulfil their destiny. It is easy to think of those in need at special times of the year such as Christmas, but what about during the rest of those 364 days?

I do believe in karma, and there are some people that live near me that I have no time for. They are ignorant, rude and basically nasty and I know that one day they will get what is coming

to them, and when it does, I admit that I will feel a slight sense of justice for anything they did to me.

I´ve been the victim of cruel rumours and lies, and these people do not deserve anything from me, and one by one karma is dealing with them in its own, satisfying way. Not that I normally take pleas­ ure in the misfortunes of others, which is why a few weeks ago I spent my weekend getting soaked by boiler pipes and last week­ end spent the day taking some of the strain away from my friend. The unfor­ tunate events that are befalling her now are noth­ ing that I would take any sort of pleasure from and that´s because she is a genuinely nice person who really has done nothing to deserve the hand that life is currently dealing her. This is not karma, but this is just someone going through a bad time and not being

able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, she said to me she didn´t see how anything could get worse until it did, and I reminded her that the night is always darkest before the dawn and sometimes the night lasts for a long time but eventually the sun does peep through and the light begins to fill the void.

When I finished with my son´s father, I thought my life was bad, and with each time he mentally abused me I didn´t think things could get worse, but of course it did, until one day, after he was gone, my life slowly began to turn round and the light began to shine. I tried to reassure my friend that things would get better and she, thankfully, is remaining cheerfully optimistic. She has recently lost a family member and her husband is in the UK with no chance of being able to return to Spain, at least not in the near future. But, she is

remaining strong, and if I can be there for her in any small way, because she is a good person, I am happy to do what I can. I hope those of you reading this are of the same mind­set as me. If you don´t like someone, just don´t talk to them, and remember if you are a good person you may never get a medal or lots of money but you will be able to sleep at night knowing that you didn´t make anyone feel bad and you may even have helped keep a person on track.

I read a quote which is related to animal rights but can also be used to describe each other, and it goes like this:­´if you´re not in a position to help animals, at least don´t hurt them´, the word animals can be replaced by a person, and remember that gossip hurts as much as any physical assault. Let´s just be nice to each other and if you can´t be nice, be quiet!

15

Friday, March 14, 2014

CLEGG WILL BE THE KING-MAKER

THERE’S one guaran­ teed winner in next year’s UK General Election and that will be the Lib Dem leader, Nick Clegg.

So what if his party are trailing UKIP in the opinion polls, because most of those pledges for Nigel Farage are from angry Tories ahead of the European elections, and not potential Lib Dem voters.

The bottom line is that the Lib Dems always surge dur­ ing a general election cam­ paign, and for the first time ever, Clegg will have 5 years in government to talk about.

His party will hold the bal­ ance of power once again, with Labour having to come knocking on his door to do a deal to form a majority administra­ tion, based on current sur­ veys. That’ll be

kind of deal will have to be zipped up between Labour and the Lib Dems based on the current maths. And there’s no way having had a taste of power, that Clegg would want his party prop­ ping up Labour without the fun as Ed Miliband and Clegg ment and ever since then, gled handling of the voting same level of influence that can’t stand each other, but the affable Clegg has looked referendum. And, whether they’ve had over the Tories. A trying to grab power makes more and more confident. As you agree with them or not, poll a fortnight ago suggest­ for some odd bedfellows. Of he said to party workers in at least you know where the ed that more voters are course a lot could change York last Sunday, the Lib Lib Dems stand on Europe, warming to the concept of over the next year or so (I Dems can take their share of and it’ll make for a great TV permanent coalition govern­ doubt it), but Clegg has done credit in the UK’s improving debate between him and ment in Britain, and Clegg very well to weather the economic fortunes, and can UKIP’s Nigel Farage at the can rightly claim to have rub­ storm. rightly continue to point the start of next month. I suspect bished the old view that If ever there was going to finger at Labour, who still that Clegg is banking on coalitions tend to be weak be a kick in the teeth for don’t want to admit their Farage losing his rag at and unsubstantial. Despite Clegg, it would blunders leading up to the some point, and he’ll enjoy all the flack he took for get­ have been in the recession. Clegg has also pointing out that he has real ting into bed with David Eastleigh by­ forced the Tories into big power as deputy Prime Cameron, Clegg can rightly ask about what would have election over a increases in personal tax Minister. year ago, allowances which are taking By their very nature, the 56 happened if he had not done caused by the more and more people out of Lib Dem MPs tend to be very so, as the nation teetered on resignation of paying income tax, and he’s good workers in their con­ the brink of economic col­ c o n v i c t e d promised more of the same. stituencies, shoring up their lapse back in 2010. All talk of liar, Chris There’s little talk either about base of support, irrespective anti­Clegg coups have long H u h n e . the party’s pledge over stu­ of what the national poll fig­ since vanished, and as he The voters dent loans which hurt them ures show, and so I expect said in his York speech, his­ backed his when they had to throw it nearly all of them to be re­ tory will show what a vital Lib Dem away as part of the coalition elected in May 2015. That’s part the Lib Dems played in r e p l a c e ­ agreement, or Clegg‘s bun­ why logic suggests some Britain’s recovery.

LÍNEA DIRECTA, THE BEST COMPANY FOR EXPATRIATES AT THE BEST PRICE Since 1998 Línea Directa, the market leader in the sale of direct car, motorbike and home insurance in Spain, has offered an exclusive telephone service entirely in English and German. This service, the first of its kind in Spain, forms part of the com­ pany’s commitment to quality and excellence, which have also made it the market leader in this business sector, due to the fact that it currently has over 63,000 foreign customers residing in Spain.

As a result, services such as purchasing a policy, making enquiries, processing claims, sending documents and 24­hour assistance can all be carried out in English or German at a time which is convenient for the customer by making just one phone call.

And not only does Línea Directa offer the best, it also offers its services at the most competitive price on the market. It does this in two ways: ­ Price personalisation: behind each quote there is a sales professional who, via a quick questionnaire, will search for the best product and conditions to suit the cus­ tomer’s personal requirements and will assess him or her according to their individ­ ual circumstances. ­ Maximum competitiveness: still at the best price, this month Línea Directa is making Expats an exclusive 12x11 offer, which allows them to enjoy one year of insurance for the price of 11 months. And what is more, if the person requesting this offer already has another car insurance policy with Línea Directa, then the offer will be 12x10, which is to say two months’ free cover.

This is the result of a strategy which is permanently geared towards offering cus­ tomers the very best quality at the very best price.

Call now 902.123.104

16

Tony

Friday, March 14, 2014

Mayes

HE ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO SHOUT ABOUT

SPANISH KIDS COPY THE BRITS

A story in last week's Courier caught my eye ­ that Spanish teenagers are getting just as bolshie and awkward as British kids.

They argue with their par­ ents, won't be told, show total disrespect and think they know best and every­ one else is wrong. Well Spain, you've gone the same way as Britain and not had corporal punish­ ment in schools. The ruler across the hand, the slip­ per and cane across the bum never did a child any harm, and without it, kids think they can do just what they want.

We had the perfect exam­ ple of it when we visited Granada last week. We had a good meal in the hotel and decided to return to our room to watch TV, when all hell broke loose.

Two coachloads of teenagers arrived, and the noise was worse than Concorde taking off. That didn't cause too many problems because we just turned the TV sound up.

It all went quiet again, pre­ sumably when they all went to have a meal. We went to bed and had just got to sleep when the racket started again. The kids were running riot ­ chasing each other up and down stairs, shouting at each other down the corri­ dors, banging doors and generally creating mayhem.

Finally, I could stand it no longer, got dressed and stormed out of my room and shouted at a group of about a dozen teenagers. Some thought it was funny, some apologised. I returned to my room, but within a minute the racket started again. After another 10 minutes, at about 12.30am, I stormed out again and this time three teachers were standing talk­ ing outside my room with the kids running riot around them. I don't speak Spanish,

but my language could have been clearly understood by every nation on earth. I accused them of being total­ ly incapable of controlling the brats and demanded they take control. The silly lit­ tle sods should all have had their heads banged together.

But miraculously, it seemed to have the desired effect, because very quickly it all went very quiet, and, in the morning, we didn't hear any of the little darlings until we went into the restaurant for breakfast. Needless to say, the management ate humble pie to us and offered us some compensation. Earlier, another example, was after we had visited the Alhambra.

On the return we caught the local bus, which was packed with school kids. Did any one of the little horrors stand up to offer us a seat (we are, after all, in our very late 60s).

You've guessed it ­ no. Good job we are fit! B... kids ­ who'd have 'em! Something has to change, and change fast, to teach this latest gen­ eration manners, respect and the need to consider others before themselves.

The alternative will be a soci­ ety which no­one will want to be part of.

Will bus passes for the over 60’s and disabled in Britain be a thing of the past soon? The Local Government Association is alarmed that government

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support for the concession­ ary fares scheme to councils has been slashed ­ by £261m since the coalition came to power. This reduc­ tion means councils have to make up the shortfall, by reducing support for rural bus services, school trans­ port and reducing free travel for pensioners and disabled in peak hours. And they warn that if the trend continues, the free passes system will end. The scheme has been an outstanding success since it was introduced. It has meant that buses are filled with people throughout the day and provides a huge number of jobs for bus driv­ ers. It allows people who oth­ erwise would be trapped in their homes to get out and shop, visit other places and meet people. Without a pass, the lifeline would be lost.

And in the event of passes disappearing, buses would run empty and would soon be axed. An altogether retro­ grade step. One solution may be to require a bus pass to be purchased at, say £20 per year, or pensioners' tick­ ets to be priced at say a third of the price of a normal fare.

Anything but scrap the scheme.

Scottish people sup­ porting independence have played their most important card recently ­ North Sea oil and gas wealth.

The argument is that the

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Scottish people will prosper financially if future oil and gas revenues went to Scotland, rather than be diluted within the UK. They look to Norway, where the riches of the North Sea now means that every person has a government "worth' of 100,000 pounds. The argu­ ment against is that with reserves diminishing it becomes harder and more costly to find the oil and gas fields and get them out from under the sea, and it's only with the resources of the UK will such investment be forth­ coming. As far as oil wealth is concerned, probably Scotland is about 25 years too late in seeking independ­ ence. It got me thinking what the differences would have been had Scottish independ­ ence reared its head 25 years ago. One thing for sure ­ Scotland would have been far more wealthy. It would have drawn many people to live north of the border, and unless Scotland kept out of Europe, economic migrants would have poured in. Cities and towns in Scotland would have mushroomed and the country would have all the social strains that some English cities are now suffer­ ing from. Scotland would have had the economic clout to improve its social welfare, offering a good place to live, but as fast as it improved, the country would have been even more appealing to out­ siders. That could easily have caused conflicts.

England may well have been that much poorer, and north­ ern cities would have suf­ fered greatly, more so than London which, through its financial diversity, would have survived probably as it

does now. However, northern English cities would not have been such powerful magnets for immigration. My guess is that the economic benefits from North Sea oil for an independent Scotland has long past, and that Scotland needs the financial clout of a united UK, to raise the cash needed for increasingly cost­ ly oil and gas extraction. As for now, there's a fortune underneath Englanders' feet from fracking, and once the Brits get their heads out of the sand and realise that, Britain could gain consider­ ably from it. But why should Scotland be part of that ­ they want independence, don't they?

Looks like the Lib Dems are on a slippery slope to oblivion ­ at least if a coun­ cil by­election is anything to go by. A candidate standing for the Bus Pass Elvis Party has polled more votes than the Liberal Democrats in a by­election for a seat on Nottingham City Council.

Needless to say, Labour topped the ballot in the Socialist stronghold, with the Tories second and UKIP third. But the Lib Dems were pushed into fifth place by David Bishop, who calls him­ self Lord Biro and who repre­ sents the Bus Pass Elvis Party. Is this a sign of things to come in the Euro elections and local council elections this year, and the General Election next year?

Why should animals have to suffer because of religion? I refer to what I consider the ridiculous reli­ gious customs of Muslims and Jews, who insist that their meat must be halal and kosher. It means the meat is

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created through the throat of the animal, poultry, sheep and cattle, being slit, and blood drained from their bod­ ies, resulted in at least five or six seconds of unbelievable pain and distress for the ani­ mal. This is according to John Blackwell, president­ elect of the British Veterinary Association, who has said the religious slaughter of poultry, sheep and cattle causes unnecessary suffer­ ing to animals. And he is call­ ing for a change in the law requiring the stunning of ani­ mals, rendering them uncon­ scious, before their throats are slit. Mr. Blackwell said British abattoirs could follow the example of the Danish meat industry, which bans the slaughter of animals which are not stunned prior to death. This banning was done for animal welfare rea­ sons, and I most wholeheart­ edly agree. Why virtually all religions have to blindly fol­ low traditions passed down through the centuries baffles me, and especially those which do not have a place in a modern, caring society.

And, finally, how's this for a wife getting her own back on a cheating hus­ band? She placed the follow­ ing small ad in her local newspaper in Texas. It was picked up by readers and it went viral on Facebook. It read: I would like to say con­ gratulations to Shara Cormier and Patrick Brown.

They are expecting a baby.

Hope you both are really in love and I hope it works out.

Always, Patrick’s wife, Timeshia Brown." So, watch out cheating spouses or you could be the next filling for the personal column of your local paper!

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SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 113 Hi, and a very warm welcome to all my readers both online and on paper, I enjoy writing this column very much and aim to make it as easy to understand as possible, I am no Einstein, far from it and so if I can understand what I´m writ­ ing then anyone should be able to. I have found many books are written by professors or experts in the field and being just one of the millions I hope that my explanations are simple enough for all of us to understand.

I am really enjoying teaching Spanish and English and get so much satisfaction when a student comes back with their homework all done and we can talk in Spanish, some are more advanced than others but I feel the same pride with one as another, I also feel a sense of pride in you, the reader of this column because you are taking it seriously and trying to learn this difficult language.

Keep at it, keep working, there is nothing worse than get­ ting so far and then giving up. Learning a new language is dif­ ficult, after all, if it was easy everyone would be doing it! But please stick with it, whatever your level and you will find improvements daily. I do understand that it can be difficult sometimes to find Spanish people to talk to, in these cases, when I was alone with my son I would talk to myself, walking round the house repeating the new verb, or noun or verb tense endings that I had learnt, and I am still learning. As a non­native speaker there will always be words I don´t know, that I haven´t come across before, and when one of these words come up I then have to learn it, and I find repetition is the best way for me, but we are all different. Some people like to write and repeat, others to speak and repeat, some like mind maps, some like stickers, whatever works for you is the way to do it, but I always advise, even for those who pre­ fer writing, to speak as often as you can. As you´re writing the new words or phrases say the words out loud, and be sure to practise your pronunciation. I love hearing my students and listening to the improvement, and I am so pleased that you are all making this effort to integrate and help yourselves.

So, on to this week’s lesson and first the answers to last week’s sentences, we were adding the correct word to change the sentences from two to one: 1. La mujer es anciana. La mujer compró una casa­ la mujer que es _anciana_ compró una casa, 2. tienes un libro. El libro es mío – El libro __que tienes__ es mío, 3.

Tenemos la comida. Quieres la comida – tenemos _la comida_ que tú quieres, 4. Escribes con una pluma. La pluma es azul – la pluma __con que__escribes es azul, 5. Ella cantaba una canción. La canción es de Lady Gaga – La canción que ella __cantaba__ es de Lady Gaga.

1. La chica de __quien_ habla no está, 2, La casa en _que_ estoy pensando no es nueva, 3. El hombre en _quien_ estoy pensando es guapo, 4. El es el hombre con _quien_ trabajo, 5. La mesa de __que_ hablas es grande 1. Las sillas ___las que__ son de madera, son caras, 2. _lo que__ quieres no existe (that which you want doesn´t exist), 3. _el que_ tiene diez hijos, trabaja mucho (the man who has ten children works a lot), 4. __el que_ leo es muy largo (the one ¨book¨ that I´m reading is very long, 5. _la que__ cantaba es de Elvis Presley (the one ¨song¨ that she was singing is by Elvis Presley) I hope you managed to get the majority, if not all, correct, and revise those that you may have struggled with or at least I hope you realise why you put the wrong answer.

We are now going to talk about useful verbs, and I´ll be going through a few verbs that we can use, that are used regu­ larly by the Spanish, La cancion que ella cantaba es de Lady Gaga

that you may have heard but not fully understood or that you may just require clarification of.

This week I am going to talk about the verb apetecer which means: to feel like.

If you like something I hope you remember that the verb we use is gustar – to be pleasing to, e.g. Me gusta el futbol – I like football, well, apetecer works in the same way. If the thing that you feel like is singular or is a verb we use apete­ cer in the singular, for example: me apetece un café con leche – I feel like a white coffee, if the thing you feel like is plural then you use apetecer in the plural. Me apetecen algunas cosas nuevas – I feel like some new things.

Apetecer can also be used to decline something politely, i.e. To say you don´t feel like it: ¿quieres ir a la discoteca esta noche? ­ no gracias, no me apetece.

You may also hear it used in a restaurant by a polite wait­ er: ¿qué le apetece comer señor/a? ­ what would you like to eat sir/madam?.

Thanks to Robert from Gran Alacant who wrote to The Courier regarding an error in lesson 110, where I wrote ¿dónde está el pan que compreste?, of course the word compreste doesn´t exist and it should have been com­ praste, I apologise and appreciate that spelling errors shouldn´t happen but unfortunately they do, so thanks again to Robert and I hope you continue to enjoy my articles.

As ever I hope you all have a good week and I´ll be back next Friday, or Thursday online with more learning Spanish.

Please take your time with Spanish and if any of you are thinking of taking lessons and are near Almoradí give me a ring and we can have a chat about my value for money les­ sons in a small group or one to one, tailored to your level, también doy clases de inglés como la lengua extranjera.

I also have a Saturday morning class for young English peo­ ple to improve their English grammar, reading and writing.

Give me a call on 625437217 and take that step to making Spanish happen for you, with specific emphasis on good pro­ nunciation and that push you need to be a confident speak­ er.

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Friday, March 14, 2014

HEALTH BENEFITS OF GREEN BEANS You already know that broccoli and spinach are good for you but may be less sure about the humble green bean.

Green beans often take a back seat to the “super veggies” like cruciferous vegetables and green, leafy ones. So, what’s the truth about this sometimes overlooked side dish? Are green beans good for you?

Green Bean Nutrition

Green beans are surprisingly nutritious. A single serving of green beans has a quarter of the day’s requirements of vitamin K, a fat­soluble vitamin that’s important for healthy bones and blood clotting. They’re also a good source of vitamins A and C, antioxidant vitamins that protect cells against oxidative damage. Vitamins A and C both keep the immune system healthy, while vitamin A preserves night vision and keeps skin and the cornea of the eye moist.

They’re Good for Your Heart

Green beans are a good source of heart­healthy fibre that helps to lower cholesterol levels. The vitamin C they contain helps to prevent the oxidation of cholesterol, which can lead to the dangerous accumulation of plaque in the artery walls. They also contain respectable amounts of potassium and magnesium, which help to normalise blood pressure.

Other Health Benefits

Green beans are a good source of most of the B­vita­

mins with the exception of vitamin B­12, which is found in animal products. They also contain iron to build healthy red blood cells to carry oxygen to the tissues. Pre­menopausal women may benefit from the iron found in green beans.

If you’re watching your calories, green beans are a guilt­ free side dish. A full cup of cooked green beans only has 43 calories. What’s not to love about that?

Be Careful How You Prepare Them

Of course, the health benefits of green beans vary depending upon how you cook them. Preparing them

The Bottom Line?

The humble green bean is a healthy and nutritious choice as a side dish. Enjoy this often overlooked veg­ etable — and appreciate all it has to offer.

FOOD POISONING: CAUSES, SYMPTOMS AND TREATMENT Food poisoning is a very common, yet distressing and sometimes life­threat­ ening problem for millions of people throughout the world.

Most cases of food poison­ ing occur when people eat food or drink water contain­ ing bacteria, parasites, or viruses or their toxins. Food poisoning can also occur when non­infectious poisons or heavy metals find their way into the stomach.

Illnesses due to food poison­ ing are usually mild and improve without any specific treatment.

Food poisoning also occurs when contaminated food or water is ingested.

Cross­contamination is often the cause, especially with raw foods, such as sal­ ads. Because these foods are not cooked, harmful organisms are not destroyed before eating and can cause food poisoning.

Almost all forms of food poisoning produce nausea,

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

vomiting, abdominal cramps, and diarrhea. The bacterial causes of food poi­ soning tend to cause these symptoms as well as fever and headache. Symptoms can start within hours to days after eating the con­ taminated food and last from a day to a week. Food poi­ soning can affect the central nervous system and cause symptoms typical of nerve poisons. Eating shellfish contaminated with saxitoxin, for example, will produce weakness or paralysis around the mouth in a few minutes, which slowly spreads to the rest of the body. Mushroom and insec­ ticide poisoning also attacks the nervous system.

The treatment of food poi­ soning depends on the cause and on its severity.

For most people, food poi­

At the cutting edge of hair and beauty Razorsedge Hair and Beauty in Torrevieja’s San Luis area (near the Chicken Shack) has been In business for over 6 years, with the dedicated professional team bringing cus­ tomers a comprehensive range of Hair, Health and Beauty services for both men and women.

The Razorsedge founder, Lisa, has over 30 years’ experi­ ence in all aspects of Hair and Beauty, with a self­evident pas­ sion and dedication in the way that she’s put together her highly qualified team that all add to the experience and friend­ ly atmosphere in the stylish and comfortable salon.

Davin is the senior stylist with over 18 years in the business, specialising in cutting, colouring and perming hair and also Put Ups for that special occasion! Becca is a qualified stylist in all hairdressing techniques who has been at the salon for over 2 years whilst Ian is a very experienced barber special­ ising in both traditional and modern men’s hairdressing.

Annette is the nail technician and beauty therapist that can do anything from body massages to manicures and shellac nails including nail art. Julie has been qualified as a chi­ ropodist for 17 years, and offers a full range of treatment, holding clinics every Wednesday and Friday, whilst qualified

Southern­style with ham or bacon or cooking them with tons of butter raises their calorie content and reduces some of their heart­healthy benefits. Overcooking also lowers their nutritional value as some of the vitamins and minerals are lost. Try roasting or lightly sautéing them to bring out their flavour without reducing their health benefits.

beautician Lisa gives you the chance to pamper yourself with a non­surgical face lift every Tuesday!

Razorsedge now offer free no obligation consultations on all of the above services and provide exceptional value and a professional service to all their clients. They are open Monday to Saturday from 10.00am. For appointments and more details, phone. 966 788 904.

soning resolves quickly with­ out treatment. Those with mild diarrhoea lasting less than 24 hours should drink lots of clear fluids such as oral replacement solutions that contain the right bal­ ance of water, salts and glu­ cose. People with severe symptoms or severe dehy­ dration may need to be admitted to the hospital for intravenous rehydration.

More severe cases of food poisoning may require

admission into an intensive care unit. The best step you can take to minimise your risk is to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water for at least 20 seconds before and after handling food, after using the bathroom, changing dia­ pers, or touching animals.

FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

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Getting to grips with gout Q

I have suffered from recurring gout for many years.

The pain affects both my knees and big toes.

Colchicine has been very helpful for managing the pain, but I am now worried that it may be suppressing my immunity. I never used to suffer from colds, but I get one a few times a year now. What else can I use to man­ age gout?

A

Gout is a common cause of arthritic pain due to increased uric acid levels in bodily fluids. The elevated uric acid precipitates into crystals that are deposited around the joints of the toes, cartilage, subcutaneous tissue and bone leading to inflammation and damage to the surround­ ing areas. These crystals can also lead to the formation of kidney stones. 90% of all cases of gout (primary gout) are of unknown origin and has been linked to gene defects. The remaining 10% (secondary gout) occurs when the raised uric acid is caused by some other factor such as kidney dis­ ease, and medications such as aspirin. Primary gout occurs when the body produces a lot of uric acid, or is unable to excrete the uric acid it produces. The drug colchicine has no effect on uric acid levels, but reduces the inflammation it causes by suppressing the activities of white blood cells. It is very effective for managing acute gout pain, but has many side effects such as; lowered immunity, hair loss, depres­ sion, and liver damage.

Uric acid is produced when a compound known as purine is broken down in the liver. High levels of purine is found in foods rich in proteins such as organ meats, shellfish, yeast, herring, sardines and also spinach, asparagus and legumes.

Cutting down on foods rich in protein especially red meat and organ meat is key to reducing uric acid levels. Alcohol

increases the production of uric acid, and often initiates gouty attacks. In some cases, abstinence may be the only way to prevent such attacks. Obesity and weight gain increases uric acid levels, and in such cases losing weight reduces uric acid levels as well as associated symptoms.

Refined carbohydrate especially wheat also increases uric acid levels in the body. An ideal diet for anyone suffering from gout is a diet low in animal protein, low in fats and high in fibres and complex carbohydrates. Proteins are essential for survival, and should never be avoided but curtailed.

Many people do not drink the required amount of water ­ 1.5 – 2 litres daily, which is essential for excreting waste from the body. Drinking adequate amounts of water promotes the excretion of uric acid, and prevents the formation of kidney stones. Cherries and red­blue berries are very effective in lowering uric acid levels. These fruits (cherries, blueberries, hawthorn berries) are rich sources of anti­oxidants – flavonoids that give them their deep red­blue colours.

Eating a quarter kilo of cherries is known to reduce uric acid levels significantly after 3 hours. Folic acid blocks the enzyme that produces uric acid, working on the same princi­ ple as allopurinol (the drug of choice for treating gout). If you consume vitamin C in high doses ( Over 3000mgs daily) to maintain your health, it is important to realise that this may lead to increased production of uric acid and its crystals.

Avoid high dose Vitamin C if you suffer from gout.

Q

I went to see my GP for a yearly check­up, and after a blood test he noticed some problems with my thy­ roid gland and sent me for an Ultrasound Scan. They found 3 small nodules, but did not tell me very much about it. I feel very healthy, and from what I read from the internet, I do not think I have any problems with my

thyroid. I will be glad for your opinion.

A

The thyroid gland is located in front of the neck just below the Adam’s apple. It is shaped like a butterfly, and wraps around the trachea or windpipes. Thyroid hormone abnormalities like those detected by your doctor are usually due to a problem with the thyroid gland itself. Normally, the pituitary gland located in the brain produces a protein called thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) which stimulates the thy­ roid gland to produce thyroid hormones­Thyroxine (T4) and Triiodothyronine (T3). Thyroid nodules are lumps that com­ monly occur in any part of the thyroid gland. Some can be large and felt quite easily, while others like yours can be hid­ den deep inside the thyroid tissue. Most thyroid nodules, up to 90% are benign, and do not cause any physical symp­ toms. In 10% of cases, nodules can be malignant and cause cancer. Since you mentioned that you feel healthy, it is most likely that the nodules detected in your case are benign tumours, which are commonly found in women. Even though benign thyroid nodules may not cause physical symptoms such as difficulty swallowing or shortness of breath, they nevertheless cause disruptions in the production of thyroid hormones. Thyroid nodules have been linked to a deficiency of iodine in the diet, and this problem can easily be remedied by using iodized cooking salt available from health shops.

The most common way of determining the type of nodule you have is by fine needle aspiration, and your GP may have to perform this procedure in order to collect cell samples for the lab. It is performed by the insertion of very fine needles into the thyroid gland in the neck usually under anaesthesia.

I presume you have another appointment with your doctor, and if not, make an appointment to see him, and discuss the scan report.

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Friday, March 14, 2014

HAPPY ST. PAT St. Patrick of Ireland is one of the world's most popular saints.

Apostle of Ireland, born at Kilpatrick, near Dumbarton, in Scotland, in the year 387余 died at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland, 17 March, 461.

Along with St. Nicholas and St. Valentine, the secu足 lar world shares our love of these saints. This is also a day when everyone's Irish.

There are many legends and stories of St. Patrick, but this is his story.

Patrick was born around

385 in Scotland, probably Kilpatrick. His parents were Calpurnius and Conchessa, who were Romans living in Britian in charge of the colonies.

As a boy of fourteen or so, he was captured during a raiding party and taken to Ireland as a slave to herd and tend sheep. Ireland at this time was a land of Druids and pagans. He learned the language and practices of the people who held him.

During his captivity, he

turned to God in prayer. He wrote "The love of God and his fear grew in me more and more, as did the faith, and my soul was rosed, so that, in a single day, I have said as many as a hundred prayers and in the night, nearly the same." "I prayed in the woods and on the mountain, even before dawn. I felt no hurt from the snow or ice or rain."

Patrick's captivity lasted until he was twenty, when he escaped after having a

dream from God in which he was told to leave Ireland by going to the coast. There he found some sailors who took him back to Britian, where he reunited with his family.

He had another dream in which the people of Ireland were calling out to him "We beg you, holy youth, to come and walk among us once more."

He began his studies for the priesthood. He was ordained by St. Germanus, the Bishop of Auxerre, whom he had studied under

Friday, March 14, 2014

RICK’S DAY for years.

Later, Patrick was ordained a bishop, and was sent to take the Gospel to Ireland. He arrived in Ireland March 25, 433, at Slane.

One legend says that he met a chieftain of one of the tribes, who tried to kill Patrick. Patrick converted Dichu (the chieftain) after he was unable to move his arm until he became friendly to Patrick.

Patrick began preaching the Gospel throughout Ireland, converting many. He

and his disciples preached and converted thousands and began building church­ es all over the country.

Kings, their families, and entire kingdoms convert­ ed to Christianity when hearing Patrick's mes­ sage.

Patrick by now had many disciples, among them Beningnus, Auxilius, Iserninus, and Fiaac, (all later canonized as well).

Patrick preached and con­ verted all of Ireland for 40 years. He worked many mir­

acles and wrote of his love for God in Confessions. After years of living in poverty, traveling and enduring much suffering he died March 17, 461.

He died at Saul, where he had built the first church.

Why a shamrock?

Patrick used the sham­ rock to explain the Trinity, and has been associated with him and the Irish since that time.

In His Footsteps:

Patrick was a humble, pious, gentle man, whose love and total devotion to and trust in God should be a shining example to each of us. He feared nothing, not even death, so complete was his trust in God, and of the importance of his mis­ sion.

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ST PATRICK’S RECIPES Celebrate in style with these traditional Irish recipes!

CHEESY, OATY IRISH SODA BREAD Ingredients

275g plain flour, plus extra for kneading 1 rounded tsp bicarbon­ ate of soda 1tsp salt 250g stoneground whole­ meal flour 25g Irish porridge oats, plus extra for sprinkling (try Flahavan's) 125g Irish farmhouse cheese such as Adrahan or Carrigaline, coarsely grated Approximately 500ml buttermilk

Method 1. Preheat the oven to 230°C/gas mark 8.

2. Sift the plain flour, salt and bicarbonate of soda into a large mixing bowl and stir in the wholemeal flour, 25g of the oats and 75g of the grated cheese. Make a well in the centre, add 450ml of the buttermilk and mix together to make a soft but

not too sticky dough. Add a little more buttermilk or milk if the mixture seems a little dry.

3. Turn the mixture out onto a lightly floured surface and knead very lightly and briefly into a round. Flip the dough over and gently flatten it into a disc about 4cm thick.

4. Lightly dust a baking sheet with flour and place the dough on it and sprinkle over the remaining cheese and a few more oats. Then using a large, sharp knife, cut a large cross into the top of the loaf, almost all the way through the dough.

5. Bake the loaf on the middle shelf of the oven for 15 mins.

Then lower the oven temperature to 200°C/gas mark 6 and bake for a further 20­25 mins, until it sounds hollow when you tap the base. Leave to cool before serving.

SPRING CHICKEN WITH CHAMP MASH Ingredients 4 chicken breasts, skinned 6 chicken thighs, skinned and trimmed of fat 2tbsp seasoned flour 2tbsp olive oil 16 shallots, peeled 400g (14oz) baby Chantenay carrots 2­3 sticks celery, chopped 600ml (1 pint) chicken stock A few sprigs of fresh thyme Salt and freshly ground black pepper 200g (7oz) frozen peas A little cornflour, optional For the champ mash:

2kg potatoes 500g Savoy cab­ bage 150ml milk Knob of butter 2 chopped spring onions Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method

1. Cut each chicken breast into 4 pieces and each thigh into 3 or 4 pieces. Toss the meat in the seasoned flour. Heat 1tbsp of the oil in a large pan and cook the chicken in 2 batches, for a few mins, until browned all over. Spoon into a flameproof casserole.

2. Heat the rest of the oil in the pan, add the shallots and car­ rots, and brown them for 5 mins. Add the celery and cook for another couple of mins.

3. Pour in the stock, bring to the boil and transfer the mixture into the casserole. Add the chicken and some thyme sprigs, and season well. Simmer, covered, for about an hour, stirring occasionally.

4. Add the peas and cook for another 5 mins.

5. Thicken with cornflour­and­water paste, if you like a thicker sauce. Take out thyme sprigs. Serve garnished with chopped celery leaves, if you like.

6. FOR THE CHAMP MASH: Peel potatoes, cut into chunks and boil until just tender. Steam shredded Savoy cabbage on top of the cooking potatoes for 5 mins. Dry the potatoes back in the pan, and add the milk. Bring to the boil, add a good knob of butter and season well. Mash until smooth. Stir in the cabbage and some chopped spring onions.

Friday, March 14, 2014

IRISH LAMB STEW Ingredients 80g trimmed diced lamb shoulder 45ml water 20g thick­cut onion slices 10g sliced celery 20g carrots, large chunks 30g new potatoes Pinch of salt and pepper Chopped rosemary and thyme

Method

1. Add all the ingredients, except for the lamb, to a thick­bot­ tomed pan and bring to the boil.

2. Carefully add the lamb, bring quickly back to a rolling boil and remove any impurities from the surface of the mix.

3. Reduce the heat and simmer slowly for approximately 1 hr until the meat is tender but vegetables are still intact with the potato starting to thicken the sauce.

4. Remove from heat and check seasoning to taste.

CHEESY SHAMROCK BISCUITS Ingredients 300g mature Irish farmhouse cheese such as Ardrahan or Carrigaline, finely grated 200g plain flour ½ tsp cayenne pep­ per 200g butter, diced 2 free­range egg yolks Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C/gas mark 5. Lightly grease 2­3 baking sheets with butter and line with non­stick baking paper.

2. Mix the grated cheese, flour, cayenne pepper, ½ tsp salt and some black pepper together in a large mixing bowl. Add the butter and rub together until the mixture looks like fine breadcrumbs.

3. Stir in the egg yolks with a kitchen knife until the mixture comes together in a ball. Tip out onto a work surface and

knead briefly until smooth. Roll out on a lightly floured sur­ face to 5mm thick.

4. Using a shamrock­shaped biscuit cutter, cut out the bis­ cuits and place them spaced a little apart on the prepared baking sheets. Re­knead and roll the trimmings once or twice to make more biscuits. Chill for at least 30 mins.

5. Bake for approximately 10 mins or until richly golden around the edges. Remove and leave to cool on the baking tray. Store in an airtight tin once cold.

CREAMY IRISH LIQUEUR FUDGE Ingredients 397g can condensed milk 150ml/ π pint Irish Cream Liqueur 450g/1lb Demerara sugar 125g/4oz Butter 2 tbsp Irish Whiskey

Method

1. Grease a 7inch/18cm square tin.

2. Place all the ingredients, except the whiskey, into a large non stick saucepan and heat gently stirring until the sugar has dissolved.

3. Bring the mixture to the boil and simmer for 10 minutes stirring continuously until the temperature reaches 116*/240*C on a sugar ther­ mometer (make sure you stir continuously scraping into the sides of the saucepan or the cream and butter will burn and give you brown specks in your fudge) ­ don't worry if you don't have a sugar thermometer fill a small bowl with cold water and drop a teaspoon­ ful of the mixture into the water ­ roll it between your fingers it should form a soft ball. If not simmer and stir for a little longer and try again until a soft ball is formed.

4. Remove the pan from the heat and beat for 5 minutes with a wooden spoon until thickened and slightly grainy. Stir in the whiskey and pour into the prepared tin. Allow to cool. When cold cut into squares. Store in an airtight container for 1 month if it lasts that long!

5. Flavour variations: Fruit and nut ­ make up as above and stir in 75g/3oz mixed fruits and chopped nuts.

Chocolate Orange ­ Make up as above and stir in the grated rind of 1 large orange and 175g/6oz roughly chopped dark, milk or white chocolate.

Kiddies favourite ­ Use milk instead of cream liqueur and omit the whiskey. Pour into the tin and scatter the surface with mini marshmal­ lows , chocolate chips or Smarties.

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Friday, March 14, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS A shocking figure of just 4 per cent of drivers in Spain know how to fill in a motor claim form at the scene of an accident. The claims handling agency ARAG and the motor insurer Pons Foundation handed out 50,000 forms and a mobile phone applica­ tion with instructions, and issued surveys to 452 people in Madrid, Barcelona and Sevilla.

They found that 60 per cent thought they still needed to carry a receipt from their bank in their car showing their insurance premium was paid up to date, when this has not been a legal requirement for three years. And 74 per cent thought they had to complete the claim form at the scene of the crash, when in fact they have seven days by law to report it to their insurance compa­ ny – and completing the form without firstly consulting the insurer means they may prej­ udice their position in terms of liability.

6 in 10 thought they only had to complete

the section on 'victims' if the accident involved serious injuries that involved the emergency services – but in practice, even a cut, bruise, knock or minor whiplash should always be mentioned as this may become worse or turn out to be something more serious, such as a broken bone or torn muscle, and it would be difficult to add this to a claim further down the line.

One of the two insurance groups' biggest concerns was that 15 per cent of respon­ dents would not think twice about changing the name of the driver if that person was not covered by the policy – for example, the passenger putting his or her name down as the driver because the person behind the wheel was not named on the insurance pol­ icy schedule.

ARAG and the Pons Foundation have set up a campaign to include a 'legal guide' for motorists in the event of a crash, detailing their rights and duties.

Daddy doesn’t know best Many years,

A father who smacked his 8­year­old son for not doing his homework has had the book thrown at him by a judge in Spain’s Navarra region. The father got hot under the collar and was in “a state of maximum irritation", as his son hadn't done his maths homework in a day and a half.

"He smacked him over the head, grabbed him by the arm, lifted him up from the chair he was sitting on, threw him on the bed and spanked him several times on his backside", the court heard. As a result of his actions, the young boy suf­ fered bruising to his arm and lip.

The only witness was the victim’s five­year­old sister, with the man now having to cough up 213 Euros in compensation to his son for the injuries he suffered. He was also given a six­month restraining order and 56 days of community serv­ ice. The judge said that the man's disciplinary measures as a father were "flagrantly excessive".

SPAIN’S BREAKS BAD WIND

The chief of Europe’s top wind energy asso­ ciation has blown the wind out of Spain’s sails over their energy policies. Thomas Becker of the European Wind Energy Association (EWEA) has rubbished the Spanish govern­ ment’s views on wind power as “quite disas­ trous” and “nothing to do with rational policy”.

"Spain has been a generational leader in wind power," but now risked "losing its leader­ ship position" the wind association president told reporters in Barcelona at the start of the EWEA conference.

Wind energy provided Spain with 21 percent of its total power in 2013, making it the coun­ try's major power source, but last year the gov­ ernment introduced what it called urgent measures to slim down an accumulated 26 bil­ lion Euro gap between energy production costs and what end consumers pay for power.

Cost­cutting measures touted included retroactive billion­euro cuts to subsidies for wind and solar projects.

Becker said that Spain was setting "a bad example to other European countries".

a slave

An unemployed father has told a judge that he wants to become his ex­wife's 'slave' as he can no longer afford to pay the monthly 1,600 Euros child support payments which were legally agreed after their divorce. After three and a half years without work, Alejandro Sánchez Vázquez is desper­ ate to find a solution to a financial burden he can no longer afford.

In 2008, a Magistrates Court in the Andalusian town of Coría del Río ruled that the then real estate agent would have to pay his ex­wife 1,600 Euros per month to cover the mortgage of the family home as well as food costs for their children. The sum was fixed on the understanding that the man had "sufficient financial means" to cover such costs, having told the court he was "the joint head of a company and managing director of another".

But when Spain's housing bubble burst, Sánchez Vázquez lost all business and "had to move in with his moth­ er", according to the local paper, El Diario de Sevilla.

"I receive financial help from my current partner as I've been blacklisted for loan applications, mortgages, bank accounts, everything. Many fathers are suffering the very same torment, that's why they're committing suicide."

Sánchez Vázquez has tried to have the clauses of the divorce sentence amended but on both occasions the judges have dismissed his claims of impoverishment.

"I have no earnings and I'm so desperate that I have to offer myself to be my ex­wife’s slave," he told the court.

Sánchez Vázquez's ex­wife, who is in work, "owns her own personal villa and is enriching herself at my expense", he added.

Friday, March 14, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

29

U TURN ON BULLETS Out of the closet Spain's interior minister has admitted police should not have fired rubber bullets at migrants trying to reach its North African territory last month. At least 15 migrants drowned on February 6th as hundreds tried to swim to the enclave of Ceuta from Morocco.

The police were criticised by the EU and human rights groups who said the bullets could have played a role in the deaths. This is the first time the Spanish government has admitted that police should not have used rubber bullets.

Interior Minister Jorge Fernandez Diaz said that rubber bul­ lets were unlikely to deter the sub­Saharan migrants. At the time he insisted that coast guards had not shot directly at the migrants and that the rubber bullets did not cause the deaths of any of those who drowned.

Together with Melilla, a second Spanish enclave, Ceuta is the European Union's only land border with Africa. The two cities, both located on the Mediterranean coast at the north­ ern tip of Morocco, have become a magnet for migrants try­ ing to get to Europe.

The latest attempt by migrants to force their way into Spanish territory came at the weekend, when about 150 people tried to break into Melilla. Local police said it was the second attempt in less than 24 hours and 15 made it into the city before being arrested.

Meanwhile, the Guardia Civil have released a photo after having found two illegal immigrants hidden in the false bot­

tom of a car, with the two men needing medical treatment after being discovered squeezed into the tiny space beneath the boot of a car crossing from Morocco into Melilla. The two men, aged 22 and 26 from Mali, were curled beneath the car, which had its petrol tank specially adapted to contain them, The Moroccan driver has been detained and faces charges for people trafficking and abusing the rights of foreign citi­ zens, a crime that carries a minimum four year custodial sentence.

He may have died nearly 400 years ago, but the city of Madrid is to pay for a search to find the final resting place of Don Quixote’s creator, Miguel de Cervantes.

He was buried in April 1616 in the church of the red­brick Convent of Trinitarians in cen­ tral Madrid, but the exact site of his final resting place is a mys­ tery, however, with the precise location lost over the centuries during which the con­ vent and church build­ ings were expanded.

The convent is still inhabited by nuns and has been designated part of Madrid's cultural heritage since 1921, complicating any effort to excavate in blind pursuit of Cervantes' remains. Yet the Spanish capital feels it has a duty to find the remains of the author, who was born in 1547 in the university city of Alcala de Henares near Madrid but spent his final years in the capital.

"Finding the tomb of Cervantes would mean paying a very

important debt to the Prince of Letters in Spain, to the Spaniard who has perhaps left the greatest mark in the history of humani­ ty," said Jose Francisco Garcia, Madrid city hall's director of cultural her­ itage.

"For the city of Madrid it would be one of the most important cultural projects imag­ inable at the moment," he added.

Despite the difficul­ ties, Madrid's authori­ ties believe a search for the author's remains is now feasi­ ble.

"The technology has advanced enough to enable us to interpret a ground­penetrating radar study and determine with sufficient confidence where human remains have been buried," Garcia said.

Madrid city hall has allocated a budget of up to 14 thou­ sand Euros for the first stage of a historical analysis, and then a radar study, which would begin "within weeks".

Quest for Quixote’s creator

Protests against the planned new anti­abortion law got a surprise boost last weekend as members of a key Spanish Freemason order publically declared their membership for the very first time. More than 120 years after Spain's Mixed Masonic Order was founded, The Human Right Federation, marched through the streets of Madrid on Saturday wearing their sky­blue Masonic sashes.

They walked side by side with other protesters wishing to voice their discontent against the ruling Popular Party’s deci­ sion to only allow abortion in Spain in cases of rape and severe malformation of the foetus.

"We believe the new law diminishes women's rights and have therefore decided to participate in the protest to defend them," said Ana Valet, president of Spain's Mixed Masonic Order. "Working for mankind’s progress is our slogan," Valet added.

Founded in Spain in 1893, The Human Right Federation has allowed mixed membership from its very beginnings and affiliates across the world now number 30,000 in 60 coun­ tries.

The Spanish branch's decision to reveal members' identi­ ties on the occasion of International Women's Day would never have been possible in Franco's time, as Spain's former dictator was staunchly against the secret society. The move­ ment was banned during his rule, with members put in prison, tortured and forced into exile. It was not until 1979 with the arrival of democracy in Spain that the ban on Freemasonry was lifted.

Dead at the wheel

A man’s dead mother was used as a foil by a Barcelona couple to avoid paying traffic fines. The married duo has been charged for claiming that the h u s b a n d ’ s deceased mother was behind the wheel of their cars when they committed numerous speeding offenses. Both husband and wife accumulated a total of ten hefty fines over the course of two years.

In a bid to escape payment, they told Catalonia's traffic agency it was the husband’s mother who was responsible for the reckless driving in both their vehicles. But when authori­ ties looked the woman up, they realized she had passed away prior to the fines being given. The couple have had to pay the full amount of the fines and have also lost points off their driving license.

30

Friday, March 14, 2014

UK HEADLINES

PIONEERING 3D PRINTING RESHAPES PATIENT'S FACE A survivor of a serious motorbike accident has had pioneering surgery to reconstruct his face using a series of 3D printed parts.

Stephen Power from Cardiff is thought to be one of the first trauma patients in the world to have 3D printing used at every stage of the procedure.

Doctors at Morriston Hospital, Swansea, had to break his cheekbones again before rebuilding his face.

Mr Power said the operation had been "life changing".

The UK has become one of the world's pio­ neers in using 3D technology in surgery, with advances also being made by teams in London and Newcastle.

While printed implants have previously been used to help correct congenital condi­ tions, this operation used custom printed models, guides, plates and implants to repair impact injuries months after they were sus­ tained.

Despite wearing a crash helmet Mr Power, 29, suffered multiple trauma injuries in an accident in 2012, which left him in hospital for four months.

"I broke both cheek bones, top jaw, my nose and fractured my skull," he said.

"I can't remember the accident ­ I remember five minutes before and then waking up in the hospital a few months later."

In order to try and restore the symmetry of his face, the surgical team used CT scans to create and print a symmet­ rical 3D model of Mr Power's skull, followed by cutting

guides and plates printed to match.

Maxillofacial surgeon Adrian Sugar says the 3D printing took away the guesswork that can be problematic in recon­ structive work.

"I think it's incomparable ­ the results are in a different league from anything we've done before," he said.

"What this does it allows us to be much more precise.

Everybody now is starting to think in this way ­ guesswork is not good enough."

The procedure took eight hours to complete, with the team first having to re­fracture the cheek bones with the cutting guides before remodelling the face.

A medical­grade titanium implant, printed in Belgium, was

then used to hold the bones in their new shape.

Looking at the results of the surgery, Mr Power says he feels transformed ­ with his face now much closer in shape to how it was before the accident.

"It is totally life changing," he said.

"I could see the difference straight away the day I woke up from the surgery."

Having used a hat and glasses to mask his injuries before the operation, Mr Power has said he already feels more confident.

"I'm hoping I won't have to disguise myself ­ I won't have to hide away," he said.

"I'll be able to do day­to­day things, go and see people, walk in the street, even go to any public areas."

The project was the work of the Centre of Applied Reconstructive Technologies in Surgery (Cartis), which is a collaboration between the team in Swansea and scien­ tists at Cardiff Metropolitan University.

Design engineer Sean Peel has said the latest advance should encourage greater use of 3D printing within the NHS. "It tends to be used for individual really complicated cases as it stands ­ in quite a convoluted, long­winded design process," he said.

"The next victory will be to get this process and technique used more widely as the costs fall and as the design tools improve."

Mr Power's operation is currently being featured in an exhibition at the Science Museum in London, called 3D Printing: The Future.

FRENCH COMPANY TO PUT 3,000 ELECTRIC ‘BORIS CARS’ ON THE STREETS OF LONDON

A French company on Wednesday announced plans to put 3,000 electric rental cars onto London’s streets.

Londoners will be able to hire the cars and drop them off at any one of thousands of charg­ ing points in a system billed as the automotive equivalent of the “Boris bike” scheme.

Drivers will typically be charged £5 for a half­hour jour­ ney plus a £5 per month mem­

bership. The first 100 vehicles will be on the streets next March and they will have a range of 150 miles.

Bolloré, the French battery experts behind Paris’ Autolib car hire scheme, pledged to extend the existing London network of 1,300 charging points to 6,000 by 2018.

Company president Vincent Bolloré said the first priority was to unify the existing

Source London system of 1,300 charging points which have had poor take­up, with three quarters unused last year. He said: “I believe that London could be the world’s most advanced sustainable trans­ port city and our announce­ ment today is another step on the path to this goal.

“The number of electric cars in the capital will only increase if the people of London can rely

on a charging infrastructure which is in place across London and its boroughs.

“Electric car sharing has been tremendously popular in Paris and we believe it could be as equally successful in London, offering people a convenient and low­cost form of environ­ mentally­friendly transport.”

Mayor Boris Johnson said: “We’re going to see more charging points popping up

across London, which will drive the take­up of these cleaner, greener machines and help to reduce air pollution too.”

Critics say the Mayor has wast­ ed years and millions of pounds on the Source London scheme. Liberal Democrat Assembly member Stephen Knight said: “The adoption of electric cars is proving to be painfully slow.”

Friday, March 14, 2014

31

LA ZENIA REFURB LA SIESTA HANDOUT The La Siesta Ladies Friendship group in Torrevieja was recently pleased to help out two very deserving causes. The group, which is affiliated to La Siesta church, donated 500 Euros to Torrevieja’s AFA (Alzheimer’s Association), which was gratefully received by their treasurer, Judy Ferris(pictured). 500 Euros also went to La Siesta Evangelical Church. And in a good example of forward planning, the group have declared Saturday November 29th as the date of their fund­raising Christmas Fayre. All ladies are welcome to join the group, as they meet on the 1st Monday of each month.

E­mail:­ joewallacetrombone@gmail.com for more details.

The Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre’s charity shop in La Zenia has gone through an early spring clean, and it’s now open for business on Calle Maestro Torralba. The largest of the charity’s five shops has gone through a major refurbishment with more floor space, more stock and a changing room to try on those bargain clothes in priva­ cy. The experienced and knowledgeable vol­ unteer staff are offering superb value for money donated furniture along with a large selection of clothes and footwear available

at low prices, with daily changes in stock.

The EHCRC is a registered Spanish char­ ity and every cent spent in any of their 5 charity shops goes towards the upkeep and care of all their guests at their Rojales sanc­ tuary. If you have any quality saleable used or new furniture or any other items that you wish to donate to this or any other of their charity shops located in Guardamar, Quesada, La Siesta or Los Montesinos please call the donation hotline on 636 062 000.

GREAT DANES SET TO SING

Danish choir, Lyngby Kammerkor, are staging three concerts in the Torrevieja and San Miguel areas at the end of the month.

The 26 strong group of amateur singers from the Copenhagen region have sung in Berlin and Paris in recent years, and 2 of their members spend a warmer winter on the Costa Blanca, linking up with local choirs.

Lyngby Kammerkor will perform a joint

concert with the Vivace Classical Choir in San Miguel on Friday March 28th in the Casa del Cultura at 8.00pm; followed by a joint Saturday evening performance with the Crescendo International Choir in Torrevieja’s Palacio de la Musica in Torrevieja starting at 7.30pm; and then the singing Danes are on their own on the Sunday afternoon at La Siesta Church, Torrevieja, starting at 3.00pm.

Seven up for age concern

Local support continues to keep the work of Age Concern, Costa Blanca South going, with their President, Maureen Payne, dropping into Black House 7 in Los Montesinos to pick up a much appreciated cheque of 200 Euros. Age Concern is staging their Easter Fair at the Asturias Restaurant, Playa Flamenca on Saturday March 29th between 11.00am and 3.00pm which will feature a variety of stalls as well as an Easter Bonnet competition.

GOING, GOING….

Help Murcia Mar Menor are bringing the big gavel down on an auction next Friday (March 21st) in Los Alcazares, with the fees going to the group, and the sellers taking home the prof­ its! The event is being staged at La Zona bar and restaurant, with viewing between 2.00 and 3.00pm, with items to be sold to be brought in between 11.00 am and 1.00pm. Each lot will cost 4 Euros to sell, with a special deal of 3 lots for 10 Euros available. The auction starts at 4.00pm, and more details are available from the HMMM office on 968 570 059.

MEN WANTED!

Gents of all shapes, sizes, and ages are urgently wanted by the Cardenal Belluga Theatre Group to help out with their shows, on stage or back­stage! They meet every Monday at the La Marina Social Centre at 1.00pm or you can ring Maria on 966 715 891 to find out more, or look at their website:­ thecardenalbellugatheatregroup.com

32

Friday, March 14, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 Your mind isn't likely to be on the job today. That could cause a number of problems. You might be feeling especially romantic. You're thinking about the evening when you can be alone with your romantic partner or at least luxuriate in racy novels or sexy movies. At lunch, buy some clothes you feel are especially flat­ tering and then enjoy your evening!

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 A renewed sense of physical vigor could have you plunging with determination into whatever projects you need to do today.

However, your mind won't really be on them, Taurus, as you could be feeling especially passionate now. Your own intellectual and philosophical interests might be uppermost in your mind, right up there with sex and romance!

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 You're in a romantic mood today, Gemini.

You're more likely to notice attractive strangers you pass on the street, and attract admiring glances from them! Racy novels and movies could seem more appealing than usual, and you might do some window­shopping for sensual prod­ ucts. This is definitely an evening to spend with that special person in your life.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 An evening at home with your sweetheart could seem very appealing today, Cancer.

Sex and romance are very much on your mind, and you might surprise yourself with how Earthy you feel. You could decide to pick up a romantic novel or see a sexy movie. You could learn to commu­ nicate better with your partner today, both verbally and physically. Make sure you look your best, and go for it!

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Communication with a significant other might hit a brick wall, and you may not be able to get through. Money could be com­ ing in the mail, Leo, but probably won't arrive today. This could be a day full of frustrations, but the evening should make up for it. Love and romance look great right now. This is a wonderful day to schedule an evening with your partner ­ or to look for one.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 You are passionate by nature, Virgo, but the strength of your desires might surprise even you today. You're feeling especially romantic and even sexier than usual. You'll want to spend time alone with your lover.

Don't be surprised if you attract admiring glances from others, even strangers.

Communication on all levels should be clear and forthright. Enjoy a great evening!

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 Communications with family members and others should be clear, honest, and loving.

Although your physical passions may be surging beneath the surface today, Libra, they're still very much present. You're likely to be feeling particularly romantic, and might want to read racy novels or go to a sexy movie. This is the night to be alone with that special person.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 A phone call from your sweetheart might bring out your passionate, romantic side today, Scorpio. You'll probably have a lot to do, and therefore not be able to meet with him or her until late. All signs indicate that the encounter will be worth the wait. You should be especial­ ly attuned to your partner right now. You might know instinctively what they need from you now.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 As someone who tends to operate through your intellect, Sagittarius, you might be surprised by the surge of romantic passion that comes your way at this time. For today at least, your values might shift from the intellectual to the physical. You'll prob­ ably want to plan a romantic evening with someone special. You might even want to get out and spend some money on clothes.

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 You're a born romantic by nature, Capricorn, but today you're likely to think more in terms of physical passion than idealized romance. You're likely to be especially concerned with your appear­ ance, and might want to go for a profes­ sional makeover or buy some new clothes. The color blue might seem espe­ cially appealing right now, but don't forget to add some red for passion!

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 Even if you aren't romantically involved, Aquarius, you're likely to feel especially passionate today and anxious to schedule an intimate evening with someone who's caught your eye. You may not gallop off into the sunset right away, but you could dream of faraway lands. You might want to plan a trip. Be patient and don't over­ whelm this person with too much passion too soon. Wait and see how things go.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 While you are Earthy by nature and enjoy physical passion, Pisces, this might seem even more pronounced today. Racy nov­ els and movies could be especially appealing. You may want to plan a roman­ tic evening with a lover. If you don't have one, don't be surprised if an old friend sud­ denly looks very sexy! This is a great day to shop for clothes. You're more likely to pick the most becoming items.

33

Friday, March 14, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

ADVICE: If you get locked out of your Hotmail account, it’s not Microsoft’s fault…really.

Hi Richard. After reading the letter from Ken to you in this week’s Courier, I won­ dered if you could help me.

Up until a few days ago, I had a Hotmail account, which I started seven years ago, I tried to check my e­mails the other day, when I got a message saying my account has been compromised and Microsoft was blocking it, until I could verify that I was the owner I typed my address into the space provided, as I was asked then pressed con­ tinue, it then said that they would send me a code number so I could get my address back. But if I could not access my account, how could I receive this code number?

I then decided to go on their chat site, where upon I explained my situation. They told me to present a re­claim account form, stating my address and enter the last few e­ mails I had sent to people. However without my list of people in front of me, I could not remember any of the addresses at that time. They then asked me to provide another address so that they could send me this code number, which I did, again the answer came back, you have not given enough information to convince us that you are the owner of this account. I then went back onto chat to explain that I can’t remember addresses and pass­ words I used when I opened the account.

I am so angry with Microsoft that I cannot access all my contacts and they also must be wondering what has hap­ pened to me.

Is there a way that I can retrieve these contacts? Also I saw one of my contacts this week and he asked if I had sent him an e­mail, I said that I had not, he said he did not open it because he thought it seemed suspicious. So something I feel is wrong somewhere. I look forward to hearing what you have to say about it. Regards Trevor

Q

A

Hi Trevor, I’m afraid it’s not really fair to be angry with Microsoft, they are simply try­ ing to protect your account – unfortunately in this instance it seems that you don’t know enough about your account to prove you are who you say you are.

Talking generally now and not specifically about your account, let’s review some of the security options available for Hotmail (and Outlook) users, you can add this security to your account to ensure that you are able to regain control of it in the event of you forgetting your password or having the account hacked.

Alternative email address – this will enable you to send a code to another address that you

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

have access to in order to regain control of your account.

Mobile phone number – this will enable you to send a text message with a recovery code to your mobile phone in order to regain access to your account.

Landline number – this will enable you to receive a voice message with a recovery code to your landline or mobile number in order to regain access to your locked account.

All of these options need to be set up whilst you have access to your account – it’s your responsibility to ensure that you have the relevant security set up, not Microsoft’s (they are giving you a free account, and you’re getting a pretty good service for the money that you are paying – i.e.

0€ plus having to put up with a few adverts).

If you decide not to set up, or keep up to date, any of these security fall back options and still lose access to your account then you have the final option of completing a form with some personal information (i.e. previous passwords used on the account, subject lines of emails recently sent, email addresses in your contact list, names of any email folders set up) and Microsoft will make a call on whether you are the rightful owner – I find that most people are able to provide enough information to get their account back with a little help from me. However if you are unable to pro­ vide at least this basic level of information then you have nothing more than anyone out there on the Internet and Microsoft just can’t go unlocking accounts on the basis of “it’s me guv, honest!”

Now, with regards to your specific account issue, if you can provide the majority of the infor­ mation that Microsoft need (i.e. previous passwords used on the account, subject lines of emails recently sent, email addresses in your contact list, names of any email folders set up) then I can help you get your account back. Yes I realise that will involve some effort on your part (maybe calling people you sent emails to and asking them for their email address and the name of the subject line etc.), but if you want to get your account back then you need to help Microsoft to help you.

Hope this helps.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

ADVICE: Jackie was having problems with people not hearing her on Skype.

Q A

Hi I went to Moncayo market today to find that you no longer go there. I have a problem with my laptop, it’s to do with my Skype it has been working fine. For some reason the sound has gone wrong, we can hear the other people but no one can hear us. Please can you advise?

Hi Jackie, it sounds to me like you have some configuration issues relating to your microphone (or that it’s set to mute), have a look in the section Tools > Options > Audio Settings within Skype and ensure that your microphone is selected and not muted.

We are no longer at the Moncayo market on Saturday mornings but we are still very much available by email or phone on the usual contact details.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Friday, March 14, 2014

Fold-up and one-seater cars are coming to a city near you A new car recently made an inconspicuous debut, not in Detroit but in Jena, Germany. With zero CO2 emissions and low energy consumption, the Colibri will be the greenest car on the market when it goes into commercial production this year, its makers say.

"But we don't market the Colibri as a green vehicle,"adds Thomas delos Santos, CEO of Innovative Mobility Automobile, the com­ pany behind the car. "Who wants to buy a vehicle just because it's green? Cost effi­ ciency is what people care about."

At €10,000 (£8,270) plus a monthly battery fee, the Colibri is inexpensive. But perhaps more importantly, its design turns city driving on its head. What started out as "basically a three­wheel bike", as delos Santos describes it, now has a motor and a chas­ sis. But though it seats a tall man and has space for shop­ ping bags in the boot, the

Colibri still measures just 2.75 x 1.30 metres. The seat func­ tions much the same way as race­car seat: it raises itself when the driver gets in and out of the car, then lowers itself when she or he starts driving.

"It doesn't fulfil everyone's needs, but it provides safety and comfort," delos Santos explains. "It's perfect for well­ defined one­person city trips like delivery services, utility companies, and home­care services." He has a point: many cars clogging city streets belong not to families, who might need the addition­ al space for other trips, but to businesses dispatching one employee plus equipment.

Innovative Mobility Automobile is marketing the Colibri – named after the world's smallest bird – to such firms as well as to car­sharing companies.

Early next year, the Colibri will be joined by the Hiriko, another zero­emissions one­ seater. And the equally tiny

(2.5 x 1.5 metre) car, devel­ oped by researchers at the City Science Intiative at MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) and manufac­ tured by a Basque consor­ tium, has an even more unorthodox feature: it can be folded, buggy­style, when parked. "People in the auto industry say, 'Why would you want to fold a car? It's more expensive,' " reports Dr Ryan Chin, one of the MIT team's leaders. "But it allows you to use less space for parking, and parking plays a huge role in cities today. Cars like the Hiriko can help cities reclaim parking space and use it for things like bikes, parks and sidewalk cafés."

Three folded Hirikos fit into one parking space, but Chin's team isn't stopping at small: it's envisioning a system where the Hirikos are parked at charging stations around the city and available to any­ one in much the same way as city­run bike schemes. "The market for shared vehicles is very small right now, less than 1% of the total market, so auto­makers don't see a financial reason to develop shared cars," notes Chin.

"But as the world grows denser, we have to have a new model for shared vehi­ cles."

According to Andrew Farah, chief engineer for Chevrolet Volt, GM's popular electric car, the market is see­ ing the rebirth of the electric car: "We had them in the past, but they died out because gasoline was so cheap. Now they're being brought back, but the ques­ tion is, how do you gain cus­ tomer acceptance?" The Volt with its backup petrol option, he says, is a "perfect bridging strategy. We're building a market." GM plans to expand

its range of electric vehicles and is working with utility companies to build a recharg­ ing system. VW, meanwhile, recently unveiled Nils, a zero­

emission one­seater similar to the Hiriko.

The paradox, of course, is that the new, tiny, environ­ mentally virtuous vehicles

can easily lead to city streets being even more clogged.

Cities will not just need new charging stations but also new policies.

Friday, March 14, 2014

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Friday, March 14, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 26 represents Q and 21 represents Z, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Remember (6) 4 Get away (6) 9 Exceed (7) 10 Smell (5) 11 Guide (4) 12 At ease (7) 15 Rarely (6) 16 Specimen (6) 19 Lavish praise (7) 21 Make weary by being dull (4) 24 Once more (5) 25 Person of military skill (7) 26 Poem of 14 lines (6) 27 Calm (6)

1 Fidgety (8) 2 Restrict (7) 3 Jump over (4) 5 Illegal passenger (8) 6 Dwelling (5) 7 Make (4) 8 Strength (5) 13 Go on (8) 14 Practice (8) 17 Supply (7) 18 Taunt (5) 20 Find out (5) 22 Blocks (4) 23 Run away (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1/3 Hot shots, 6 Gap, 8 Forward, 9 Ruler, 10 Yearn, 11 Amnesia, 12 Banish, 14 Versus, 17 Sublime, 19 Shake, 21 False, 22 Courier, 23 Lay, 24 Dress, 25 Any. Down: 1 Hefty, 2 Terrain, 3 Spain, 4 Ordeal, 5 Strange, 6 Gales, 7 Perhaps, 12 Bashful, 13 Stipend, 15 Stamina, 16 Rescue, 18 Bulky, 19 Snubs, 20 Early.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Greek leg­end of Greek legend? (8,4) 8 Two hundred here about the day nursery (6) 9 ‘Cars’, so unusual to get Academy Award (6) 10 It’s time wasted, having imps sent out (8) 11 The French church tie (4) 12 Not exactly real name, so commit it to memory (5) 14 A practical joke from humourist Ricky Gervais (5) 18 Drug account I’d creat­ ed (4) 20 Cooked first pie for air­ craft (8) 22 Search for water that’s excellent (6) 23 Suspicion about a body part (6) 24 Birds nearly stealing nuts (12) STANDARD CLUES Across 1 Weak spot (8,4) 8 Day care centre (6) 9 Academy Awards (6) 10 Squandered (8) 11 Fine open fabric (4) 12 Gain knowledge (5) 14 Deception (5) 18 Caustic substance (4) 20 Battle of Britain fighter plane (8) 22 Godlike (6) 23 Animal’s hindquarter (6) 24 Nocturnal European songbirds (12)

Down 2 Rifle around about cabin (7) 3 Peruvian group are in with accountants (5) 4 Is ‘Glee’ made for mas­ ters (6) 5 Grade, including H for films (6) 6 Coral Sea, perhaps, without a fish (7) 7 Poor Cyril produces a musical (5) 13 Getting shot of many in part of Yorkshire (7) 15 It’s a boat care of motoring organisation’s trainee engineer (7) 16 Just one facet of the view (6) 17 Almost honing, perhaps (4,2) 19 Terrier in car is ill (5) 21 Order a fun year for ani­ mal life (5) Down 2 Light automatic rifle (7) 3 South American natives (5) 4 Feudal lords (6) 5 Underpants (6) 6 Large snake mackerel (7) 7 Song text (5) 13 Relieving from (7) 15 Small boat made of wickerwork (7) 16 Facet of an issue (6) 17 Almost (4,2) 19 Conical heap of stones (5) 21 Animals of a region (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Limb, 4 Wines, 9 Impedes, 10 Punch, 11 Bayou, 12 Eclairs, 13 Second, 15 Forgot, 19 Derider, 21 Trial, 23 Loner, 24 Shifted, 25 Hardy, 26 Hard.

Down: 2 Imply, 3 Bedouin, 4 Washer, 5 Nepal, 6 Sinning, 7 Airbus, 8 Ohms, 14 Corinth, 16 Ostrich, 17 Toledo, 18 Trusty, 19 Doll, 20 Durer, 22 Inter.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ate Eel Lei Nor 4 letter words Alee Aloe Arts Bail Bolt Calm Cane Ciao Cool Deco

Deli Disc Drip Echo Else Hale Icon Lens Lies Lieu Lore Meet Neap Neep None Onto OPEC Oral

Pare Rail Seed Shot Sloe Slue Ties Undo 5 letter words Agree Annul Drear Flats Greed Heirs Inapt Lapse

Metre Welted Norse Wrasse Oboes 8 letter Ogled words Ollas Colossus Phone Derelict Salad Heirloom Sears Palpable Shirt Sessions Sneer Stonking Unite 9 letter Woods words 6 letter Detectors words Peaceable Eldest 10 letter Sussed words Unhook Candelabra Wafted Telescopic

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Soltero (6) 4 Paquete (grande) (6) 9 Tortoise (7) 10 Sombra (zona sin sol) (5) 11 Hijo (3) 12 Defender (8) 14 Carnation (6) 15 Playing cards (6) 18 Waitress (8) 20 To give (3) 23 Artículos (5) 24 Spicy pork sausage (7) 25 Balloons (6) 26 Canoes (6)

Down 1 Mushrooms (flat­ topped) (5) 2 Orange (7) 3 Fuerte (explosión, voz, ruido) (4) 5 Anxiety (8) 6 Garras (de animal) (5) 7 Hares (7) 8 Cuevas (5) 13 Soft drink (8) 14 Ciclismo (7) 16 Godfather (7) 17 Crossroads (5) 19 Fear (terror) (5) 21 Habitaciones (cuar­ tos) (5) 22 Mouth (of person, ani­ mal, bottle) (4)

37

Friday, March 14, 2014 Across 1 Surname of American actor who won two Academy Awards for Best Actor, Captains Courageous (1938) and Boys Town (1939) (5) 4 Acquaintance that you go to school with (9) 9 Greek god of flocks and herds, typically repre­ sented with the horns, ears, and legs of a goat on a man’s body (3) 10 Fifth sign of the zodi­ ac; the sun is in this sign from about July 23 to August 22 (3) 11 Fires or lights set up in high or prominent positions as warnings, signals or cel­ ebrations (7) 12 Area of redness and spots on a person’s skin, appearing especially as a result of illness (4) 13 Evaluation of scientif­ ic, academic or professional work by others working in the same field (4,6) 15 Award­winning British game show broadcast on ITV and hosted by Bradley

Walsh: The ­­­­­ (5) 16 Colourless flammable gas used chiefly in welding and in organic synthesis (9) 17 People who like to be active during the hours of darkness (5,4) 21 Score of two strokes less than par on a hole at golf (5) 23 Film, book or illustrat­ ed lecture about the places visited by or experiences of a ‘globetrotter’ (10) 24 Unexpected, minor and typically temporary deviation from a general trend or a very short high­ pitched sound made by an electronic device (4) 27 Informal term for an alert and energetic person (4,3) 28 Title of a UK Top Five hit single by Lobo: Me and You and a Dog Named ­­­ (3) 29 Basic unit of currency in North and South Korea (3) 30 Long, open, level area, typically beside the sea, along which people

SUDOKU (Very Easy)

Quiz Word

may walk for pleasure (9) 31 Mass of small loose stones that form or cover a slope on a mountain (5)

Down 1 Large inoffensive chiefly nocturnal ungulate of tropical America and south­ east Asia having a heavy

body and fleshy snout (5) 2 Partial or total loss of memory (7) 3 Founded in 1701, a pri­ vate Ivy League research university located in New Haven, Connecticut (4) 4 Acute intestinal infec­ tion caused by ingestion of contaminated water or food (7) 5 Hotel providing overnight lodging for trav­ ellers (7) 6 Informal name for rolls of fat round a person’s waist (5,5) 7 Poisonous plant of the buttercup family, bearing hooded pink or purple flow­ ers and found in temperate regions of the northern hemisphere (7) 8 American medical drama television series that originally ran on NBC from October 1982 to May 1988, St ­­­­­­­­­ (9) 14 Fashion accessory that is usually worn wrapped around the neck like a scarf (7,3)

15 Surname of English painter whose works include Flatford Mill (1817) and The Hay Wain (1821), inspired by the landscape of his native Suffolk (9) 18 Makes ready or suit­ able or equips in advance for a particular purpose or for some use, event, etc (5,2) 19 Australian Aboriginal spear thrower consisting of a stick with a hooked end (7) 20 Short stiff hairs grow­ ing on a man’s face when he has not shaved for a few days (7) 22 Conflict fought between Iraq and a coalition led by the United States that freed Kuwait from Iraqi invaders (1990­1991) (4,3) 25 Pasta in short tubes with diagonally cut ends (5) 26 Nickname of the greedy, unethical commis­ sioner of Hazzard County, J D Hogg, who featured in the American television series The Dukes of Hazzard (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH EXPRESIONES CON ‘POR’ Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

sports QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. Robin Cousins 2. Newmarket 3. Tennis 4. Croquet 5.

Tiger Woods 6. A Type Of Jump In Show Jumping 7. Sir Gordon Richards 8. They Both Ended Up With Movie Careers 9. Hit by Lightning 10. Mike Tyson 11. Womens Tennis 12. Bob Champion

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Bobcat, 4 Osso buco, 9 Surrey, 10 Watt­hour, 12 Lute, 13 Guillotine, 15 San Sebastian, 18 Pyrotechnics, 21 Unwrinkled, 22 Vice, 24 Redshank, 25 Hornet, 26 Mindsets, 27 Venous.

Down: 1 Basilisk, 2 Baritone, 3 Abel, 5 Scarlet fever, 6 Osteopathy, 7 Utopia, 8 O'Brien, 11 Put a sock in it, 14 Very lights, 16 Pimiento, 17 Asbestos, 19 Quorum, 20 Sweden, 23 Rose.

por fin

por ahora

por lo menos

por aquí

por lo tanto

por ciento

por lo visto

por cierto

por otra parte

por desgracia

por primera vez

por ejemplo

por suerte

por eso

por supuesto

por favor

por último

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.por adelantado, 2.por ahora,

15.por primera vez,

k.around here, l.for now,

3.por aquí, 4.por ciento,

16.por suerte, 17.por supuesto,

m.consequently, n.for example,

5.por cierto, 6.por desgracia,

18.por último.

o.at least, p.on the other hand, q.therefore, r.apparently,

7.por ejemplo, 8.por eso, 9.por favor, 10.por fin,

a.for the first time, b.certainly,

11.por lo menos, 12.por lo tanto,

c.of course, d.unfortunately,

13.por lo visto,

e.in advance, f.percent, g.finally,

14.por otra parte,

h.luckily, i.please, j.lastly,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1e, 2l, 3k, 4f, 5b, 6d, 7n, 8q, 9i, 10g, 11o, 12m, 13r, 14p, 15a, 16h, 17c, 18j.

1. Who won the men's gold medal for ice­figure skating at the 1980 Winter Olympics?

2. At Which English Course Is The 1000 Guineas Horse Race Run? 3. For Which Sport Is Andy Murray Well Known?

4. Which Game Makes Use Of Hoops?

5. Which Golfer Won Over $9 Million Prize Money In 2000?

6. What Is An Oxer?

7. Who Was The First Jockey To Receive A Knighthood?

8. Apart From Being Gold Medalists What Did American Swimmers Johnny Weissmuller & Buster Crabbe Have In Common?

9. What happened to golfer Lee Travino, on 27th June 1975?

10. In 1986 Which Boxer Became The Youngest Ever World Heavyweight Champion?

11. In Which Sport Would Win The Federation Cup? 12. Which Jockey Did John Hurt Portray In The Film Champions?

por adelantado

Fill It In

38

Friday, March 14, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY with ALEX TRELINSKI TV companies on both sides of the Atlantic have been busy renewing shows for the autumn and next winter, and so far there haven’t been any surprise cancellations.

Many of the picks are no­ brainers, with the only sur­ prise being that the lateness of some of the announce­ m e n t s , notably from the UK. Take I T V ’ s revival of Birds of a Feather which

RENEWALS ABOUND proved to be an instant hit, and crucially kept its ratings, comfortably beating the more expensively produced Benidorm into the bargain. A Xmas special and a new series for 2015 have been ordered, and I suspect that ITV have sent over a bottle of

bubbly to the BBC executive who stupidly passed on the revival. Over at Benidorm by the way, it’s a question of just waiting for the announce­ ment that Johnny Vegas will be back after a 6­year gap (doesn’t time fly!). He con­ firmed back in December that he was in talks to return, and Elsie Kelly, who plays his mum Doreen (and who had to miss the last series due to other commit­ ments) is definite­ ly returning. A much­needed shot in the arm for t h e

show, I think.

q

I’m delighted that ITV have ordered a third series of Mr.Selfridge, a deci­ sion that was taken months ago especially as shooting starts in a few weeks time.

I’ve much preferred this sec­ ond series to the first, yet curiously it has lost close to 2 million viewers this time round. It’s neck and neck with The Musketeers with around 4 and a half million viewers on a Sunday night, which only makes me won­ der why so many people are passing on two very enter­ taining dramas. By the way, because the Selfridge renew­ al was done some time ago, the big driving force behind that move was that ITV actu­ ally make the show along with backing from public broadcaster PBS in the

drama. It’s such an obvious priority.

q

States. In other words, ITV have a useful cash cow that is selling to many countries, and so the UK viewing fig­ ures are actually not that important!

q

Over at the Beeb, there’s hardly any sur­ prise that their two ratings juggernauts Call the Midwife and Death in Paradise will be back next year, and in an about­turn, now that funding from Amazon’s Video on Demand service has appeared, Ripper Street will also be back; so much for the Press Office blurb about the BBC wanting to “re­fresh” their output! It was all about the money, and I by the way strongly endorse the news about the closure of BBC3, with some 30 million pounds being diverted into BBC1

In the States, The Kevin Bacon­thriller, The Following has been booked

by Fox for a third series, and is my guilty pleasure of the week courtesy of Sky Atlantic. The programme is stark raving bonkers with the most inept and useless FBI agents I’ve seen, who make The Keystone Cops look competent. I had no intention of watching it after a disap­ pointing first series, but I’ve been hooked by how hilari­ ously bad and outrageous it is, and I keep returning to it week after week, as Bacon’s character continues his obsessive quest in catching the laid back cult killer, played by James Purefoy. It’s total, yet addictive nonsense with every cliché in the book, and I can’t not watch it! Other US renewals include the award­winning cop comedy, Brooklyn Nine Nine (shown on Channel 4 and E4: ­ I love it); and a planned 2015 return for Heroes in a 2015 mini­series, after being pulled 5 years ago having totally lost the plot. It’s nice to know that occasionally the world of TV offers a chance to clear up a mess!

Friday March 14 00:35 This Week 01:20 Skiing Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Room 101 22:00 Jonathan Creek 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 New Tricks 14/03 00:20 BBC2 00:20 The Restaurant Man 01:20 Panorama 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools: 3, 2, 1 Go! 06:00 Schools ­ Counting with Rodd 2 07:00 This Is BBC Two

07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Countryside 999 08:50 Watchdog Test House 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 The Great Interior Design Challenge 11:05 Pound Shop Wars 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:20 War Walks 14:50 British Isles: A Natural History 15:40 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 Are You Being Served?

17:45 'Allo 'Allo!

18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 I Was There: The Great War Interviews 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:45 The Cube 01:45 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Student Nurses: Bedpans and Bandages 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Edge of Heaven 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Americans

THE GADGET SHOW The team goes in search of the ultimate home cin­ ema set­up, with Jon Bentley checking out the best big­screen TVs alongside Capital FM DJ Dominic Byrne, and Jason Bradbury taking care of the audio equipment systems. Rachel Riley and Jason create trousers that can roll themselves up into shorts and a pair of high heels that transform into flats at the touch of a button.

00:05 Arkle: The Legend Lives On 01:05 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:50 Random Acts 01:55 One Born Every Minute 02:55 First Dates 03:50 Secret Removers 04:45 Location, Location, Location 05:40 River Cottage Bites 05:50 SuperScrimpers 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 Will & Grace 08:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Frasierr 11:30 Undercover Boss Canada 12:25 Live Paralympic Winter Games 13:30 Channel 4 News Summary 13:35 Channel 4 Racing 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 The Last Leg 23:50 8 Out of 10 Cats

00:00 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Soho Blues 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Wildlife SOSS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Monkey 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Dangerous Drivers' School 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:15 Desperate Escape 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 Soho Blues 23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles

39

Saturday March 15 07:10 Sport Relief's Top Dog 00:35 Would I Lie to You? 01:05 EastEnders 03:00 Weatherview 03:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Football Focus 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 15:30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 17:35 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 20:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:15 The Voice UK 21:35 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins 22:25 Casualty 23:15 BBC News; Weather

07:40 Sport Relief's Top Dog 00:35 The Americans 01:25 Jackpot247 Sport Relief's Top Dog 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen Sport Relief's Top Dog 07:00 Dino Dan Life on Earth 07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles 07:45 Canimals Life on Earth 08:10 Om Nom Stories Fred Dibnah's Made in Britain 08:20 Sooty Great British Railway Journeys 08:30 Scrambled!

10:25 ITV News James Martin: Home Comforts 10:30 Dinner Date 11:25 Murder, She Wrote Mary Berry Cooks 12:25 ITV News and Weather Talking Pictures 12:34 ITV Meridian Weather Rope 12:35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 13:05 The Unforgettable Formula 1 13:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Final Score 14:30 Midsomer Murders 16:25 Zookeeper Llanelly House Restored 18:30 ITV News Flog It! 18:40 ITV News and Weather 19:00 You've Been Framed!

Dad's Army 20:00 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night The Perfect Morecambe & Wise Takeaway 21:20 The Cube The Culture Show 22:20 The Americans QI 23:15 ITV News and Weather Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle 23:29 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 The Return Page Eight

08:10 Sport Relief's Top Dog 08:40 09:10 09:40 10:35 11:30 12:00 12:30 13:15 13:45 14:35 15:55 17:25 18:30 19:30 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:30 23:00 23:30

00:35 Brooklyn Nine­Nine 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:55 Drillbit Taylor 03:35 The Simpsons 04:00 Happy Endings 04:20 Franklin & Bash 05:05 The Good Wife 05:50 Deal or No Deal 06:45 Live Paralympic Winter Games 12:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 17:40 Come Dine with Me 18:10 Come Dine with Me 18:45 Come Dine with Me 19:10 Channel 4 News 19:35 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights 20:05 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 21:00 Hostages 22:00 Limitless

LIMITLESS

23:30 National Lottery Update 23:30 Match of the Day 15/03 00:00 BBC2 00:00 Weather 00:05 The Last Station 01:50 Question Time

Sci­fi thriller starring Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro. One of life's losers is transformed into a high­achieving dynamo thanks to a mysterious new drug, but his overnight success attracts the wrong kind of attention from those keen to profit from the discovery.

02:50 Wild Brazil 03:50 This Is BBC Two

00:00 CSI: NY 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Botched Up Bodies 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:30 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:35 City of Friends 08:50 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Angelina Ballerina 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Access 11:15 Police 5 11:45 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 12:45 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

13:45 The Hotel Inspector 14:45 Kate & Leopold 16:55 Columbo: Publish or Perish 18:25 Columbo: Prescription Murder 20:05 NCIS 22:55 5 News Weekend 23:00 Live Boxing

Sunday March 16 07:00 I Know Where I'm Going!

08:30 Monty Don's Italian Gardens 01:05 The Football League Show 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 08:25 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:15 MOTD2 Extra 14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 14:15 Bargain Hunt 15:00 Formula 1 17:00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 17:35 Lifeline 17:45 Escape to the Country 18:15 Songs of Praise 18:50 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:15 Blandings 19:45 Countryfile 20:45 The Voice UK 22:00 The Musketeers 23:00 BBC News; Regional News

09:30 Countryfile 10:25 Gardeners' World 10:55 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:25 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:10 Michel Roux's Service 14:10 Michel Roux's Service 15:10 Rear Window 17:00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 17:30 Collectaholics 18:30 The End of the Pier Show 19:00 The Hairy Bikers: Restoration Road Trip 20:00 Wild Burma: Nature's Lost Kingdom 21:00 Top Gear 22:00 Fast and Fearless: Britain's Banger Racers 23:00 Mock the Week Looks Back 23:35 Line of Duty

01:00 04:00 04:45 07:00 07:25 07:45 08:10 08:20 08:30 10:25 10:30 11:25 12:20 12:29 12:30 13:30 14:35 15:20 17:15 19:35 19:45 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:14 23:15

Jackpot247 In Plain Sight ITV Nightscreen Dino Dan Matt Hatter Chronicles Canimals Om Nom Stories Sooty Scrambled!

ITV News Murder, She Wrote Dickinson's Real Deal ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather River Monsters The Crocodile Hunter Diaries All Star Family Fortunes Agatha Christie's Marple The Man with the Golden Gun ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Catchphrase Harry's South Pole Heroes Mr Selfridge ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather You Saw Them Here First

HARRY'S SOUTH POLE HEROES

and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2 16/03 01:10 BBC2 01:10 Unrelated 02:50 Battle beyond the Stars 04:25 This Is BBC Two

Prince Harry joins four injured British soldiers on an expedition in the Antarctic as part of the Walking with the Wounded South Pole Allied Challenge 2013. In the first of two parts, Guy Disney, Duncan Slater, Ibrar Ali and Kate Philp undertake intensive training as they prepare to take on teams from the US and the Commonwealth in the 125­mile race.

00:05 The Rum Diary 02:20 The Good Wife 03:05 Hollyoaks 05:10 Trans World Sport 06:05 Mobil 1 06:30 Live Paralympic Winter Games 11:30 Sunday Brunch 14:25 The Big Bang Theory 14:50 The Simpsons 15:20 The Simpsons 15:50 Deal or No Deal 16:45 Paralympic Winter Games: Closing Ceremony 18:55 Channel 4 News 19:30 The Floods That Foiled New Year: Caught on Camera 20:30 Live from Space 23:05 Terminator: Salvation

01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Benidorm ER 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 City of Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:50 Little Princess 09:00 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:15 Mio Mao 09:20 Angelina Ballerina 09:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:40 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:35 Power Rangers Megaforce 12:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 12:25 Big Momma's: Like Father, like Son 14:30 Dr Dolittle 3 16:20 Arthur and the Invisibles 18:05 The Haunted Mansion 19:45 5 News Weekend 19:50 Hellboy II: the Golden Army 22:00 Killer Elite

40

Monday March 17 00:25 Minority Report 02:45 Weatherview 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Rip Off Britain: Food 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 Bang Goes the Theory 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Silk 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show 17/03 00:35 BBC2 00:35 The Shooting Party 02:10 Countryfile 03:05 Holby City 04:05 Silk 05:05 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Tom Kerridge's Proper Pub

Food 07:35 Homes Under the Hammer 08:35 Countryside 999 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 The Restaurant Man 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:20 War Walks 14:50 British Isles: A Natural History 15:40 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 Are You Being Served?

17:45 'Allo 'Allo!

18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Mary Berry Cooks 22:00 The Plantagenets 23:00 The Culture Show 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:15 Anglo­Welsh Cup Rugby Union 01:15 The Store 03:15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 I Never Knew That About Britain 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 The Widower 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Agenda

01:15 Memento 03:10 The Good Wife 03:55 One Born Every Minute 04:45 Location, Location, Location 05:40 Deal or No Deal 06:35 Freesports on 4 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12:00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Coach Trip 13:40 River Cottage Bites 13:50 Ride the High Country 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 23:50 Gogglebox

THE WIDOWER New series. Factual drama based on the crimes of convicted murderer Malcolm Webster, co­written by Bafta winner Jeff Pope (Philomena). When mild­ mannered nurse Malcolm (Reece Shearsmith) is confronted by his new wife over his wild spending, he starts to drug her to keep her quiet. However, a medical check­up then threatens to expose him, so he decides to silence his spouse once and for all.

Three years on, he has a new bride ­ and history appears to be repeating itself.

00:15 On Deadly Ground 02:15 SuperCasino 04:10 Dangerous Drivers' School 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 The Accidental Witness 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Police Interceptors 22:00 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

23:00 The Big 'Can't Pay' Debt Debate

Tuesday March 18 00:20 Late Kick Off 00:50 Live at the Apollo 01:35 Weatherview 01:40 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Rip Off Britain: Food 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Shetland 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Keeping Britain Safe 24/7 18/03 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Fast and Fearless: Britain's Banger Racers 01:20 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ Acting Around Words 05:30 Schools ­ Writing for Walford 06:00 Schools ­ Play On! 06:30 i.am.Will Shakespeare

06:55 Wonders of Nature: Birds of Paradise 07:05 Tom Kerridge's Proper Pub Food 07:35 Homes Under the Hammer 08:35 Rip Off Britain: Food 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 Great British Garden Revival 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The Super League Show 14:45 British Isles: A Natural History 15:35 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 'Allo 'Allo!

18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 22:00 An Hour to Save Your Life 23:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

00:05 The Secret Mediterranean with Trevor McDonald 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

FOOD PRICES: THE SHOCKING TRUTH Jimmy Doherty goes on a global journey exploring the rising cost of food. Focusing on weekly­shop essentials, he discovers that prices reflect some of the big challenges of the 21st century, from a growing population to volatile weather. In the first of two programmes, he reveals the world events that have affected how much people pay for British favourites such as rice, beef and bread ­ and finds out why chocolate bars are shrinking.

00:50 Troy 01:50 Random Acts 01:55 Scandal 02:40 Hostages 03:30 The Good Wife 04:15 One Born Every Minute 05:10 Location, Location, Location 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12:00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Coach Trip 13:35 Hugh's 3 Good Things 13:50 Bend of the River 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 Kirstie's Best of Both Worlds 22:00 Food Prices: The Shocking Truth 23:00 Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, I'm Gay

00:00 Talladega Nights: the Ballad of Ricky Bobby 02:05 SuperCasino 04:10 Born to Kill?

05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Hotel Inspector 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Cries in the Dark 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 The Big 'Can't Pay' Debt Debate 20:00 Highland Emergency 20:30 5 News Update 20:30 Police 5 21:00 Benidorm ER 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 Body of Proof

41

Wednesday March 19 00:35 Swansea: Living on the Streets 01:10 Weatherview 01:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Rip Off Britain: Food 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 DIY SOS 22:00 Crimewatch 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Crimewatch Update 23:45 A Question of Sport 19/03 00:20 BBC2 00:20 The Culture Show 01:20 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off 02:20 This Is BBC Two

05:00 05:30 06:00 07:00 Food 07:30 08:30 09:15 10:00 11:00 11:30 12:00 12:30 16:00 16:25 17:15 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:30

Schools ­ Love Hurts Schools ­ Coping Schools ­ Same but Different Tom Kerridge's Proper Pub Homes Under the Hammer Rip Off Britain: Food Wanted Down Under Inside the Animal Mind Food & Drink See Hear BBC News The Budget 2014 Coast Bergerac 'Allo 'Allo!

Antiques Roadshow Revenge of the Egghead Sport Relief's Top Dog Antiques Road Trip Collectaholics Line of Duty W1A Weather Newsnight

00:35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:15 Budget 2014 ­ An ITV News Special 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 You Saw Them Here First 22:00 Law & Order: UK 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 On Assignment

00:00 Coppers 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Poker 02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:30 Trans World Sport 03:25 Volleyball 04:20 Freesports on 4 04:45 Mobil 1 05:10 Secret Removers 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 A Place in the SunAway 12:00 Phil: Secret Agent 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Coach Trip 13:35 River Cottage Bites 14:00 The Badlanders 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 Secret Eaters 22:00 Peter Kay Live at the Bolton Albert Halls 23:00 First Dates 23:55 Embarrassing Bodies

DANGEROUS DRIVERS' SCHOOL Instructor Karen Parker goes out for a spin with TV presenter Kate Walsh, who is far too aggres­ sive behind the wheel according to boyfriend and fellow former Apprentice contestant Philip Taylor.

Ashley Grigg tries to help a 24­year­old carework­ er from Rotherham lacking confidence whenever he gets near a motorway, while Sarah Dean attempts to change the ways of a 21­year­old trainee accountant who habitually speeds.

00:55 Body of Proof 01:50 SuperCasino 04:10 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Gadget Show 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Virtual Lies 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Dangerous Drivers' School 21:00 Born to Kill?

22:00 NCIS 23:00 Castle 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Thursday March 20 00:15 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show 01:00 Blandings 01:30 Weatherview 01:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Rip Off Britain: Food 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holiday Hit Squad 22:00 Davina: Beyond Breaking Point 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

20/03 00:20 BBC2 00:20 An Hour to Save Your Life 01:20 See Hear 01:50 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Science Britannica 06:00 Schools ­ Life on Planet Ant

06:30 Schools: Virtually There ­ Spain 06:55 Schools ­ Wonders of Nature: Caterpillar to Butterfly ­ Change 07:05 Tom Kerridge's Proper Pub Food 07:35 Homes Under the Hammer 08:35 Rip Off Britain: Food 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 Fake or Fortune?

11:05 Gardeners' World 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Lifeline 14:10 War Walks 14:40 British Isles: A Natural History 15:40 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 'Allo 'Allo!

18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 The Hairy Bikers' Asian Adventure 22:00 Turks & Caicos 23:35 Newsnight

00:10 Harry's South Pole Heroes 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo: Negative Reaction 05:35 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Ade at Sea 22:00 Dangerous Dogs 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weatherr 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Edge of Heaven

ADE AT SEA New series. Adrian Edmondson sets sail to explore Britain's maritime past and meet people whose lives are influenced by the sea today. He begins in Brixham, Devon, where he joins the crew of one of the fishing town's oldest trawlers and investigates the area's connection to a well­ known hymn. He then takes a helicopter ride out to Eddystone Lighthouse, the first of its kind to be built on a rock at sea.

01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Brokeback Mountain 03:20 Bigger than Life 05:00 Location, Location, Location 05:55 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12:00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Coach Trip 13:35 Hugh's 3 Good Things: Best Bites 13:50 Sea Devils 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 The Hoarder Next Door 22:00 Inside Rolls­Royce 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

00:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:50 SuperCasino 04:10 Botched Up Bodies 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 Rosamunde Pilcher's Four Seasons 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Travellers' Secret Cash Stash 21:00 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 22:00 The Hotel Inspector 23:00 Botched Up Bodies

42

Friday, March 14, 2014

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES Bar for traspaso Well established, 9 year old, beach front terrace on the Mar Menor, with a good mix of both British and Spanish clientele. Hard working bar.

For more information con­

CHURCH SERVICES tact 637 362 863 (157) International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

Worship Home groups meet during the week. All wel­ come from any church back­ ground or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806.

Reg No:2009­SG/A The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness. Meets in the function room at sackos bar el liminar just off the cv 905 rojales to torrevieja road We have a divine service on Sundays 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoyance at 7.30pm Also on Wednesdays there is an open circle at 5.45 pm for those who wishing to devel­ op there mediumistic skills.

Healing is available by trained and certificated heal­

CATERING

ers after each meeting. A warm welcome to friends old and new. The mediums for march are Sun 2nd Debbie Blevins wed 5th Trish Doherty & Jaqueline Holland hunt flowercentience ( bring a flower that no one else has touched ) Sun 9th Belinda Bradley and Sandra Galley wed 12th David Darnbourgh Sun 16th Sammy Fitzimmons wed 19th Suzy Hilton, ( visiting from the uk ) sun 23rd Suzy Hilton, who is being ordained as a minister at this service Wed 26th Morag Bullock, sun 30th Trish Doherty ( mother’s day service ) For further informa­ tion call Trish on 966 844 795 or email therainbowcen­ trecostablanca@gmail.com

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PERSONAL

CARS FOR SALE

Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

BARBER

NEW: Elegant and Seductive Mature (40) Busty (40DD) in Torrevieja. Engl.

Sp. Tel: 642 651 686 11am to 7pm looking for col­ league. (162)

CARPENTER

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apart­ ments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool & solarium, video entry sys­ tem. Available for short or long term rent from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 616 493 487. (148) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963 Ground Floor Duplex, on the Monte y Mar estate of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Fully furnished, Private Parking, Communal pool Ref. GA0094 NOw only 83.000e Tel. 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155

CAR HIRE

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­

ALARMS

CLEANERS

43

Friday, March 14, 2014 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000

euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155

CAR BREAKERS

Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg. Tel. 680333242 Corner Plot Property in the lower end of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Under build, Roof top Solarium Being sold Fully Furnished including White goods. Walking distance to all local amenities. 139.950e Ref. GA0087 Tel. 680333242

Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath­ roomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interi­ or furnishings are top quali­ ty, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and grav­ eled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in show­ er units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines,

DRAINAGE

fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €72,000. Two bed­ room apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed­in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large commu­ nal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from

Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com

PETS

44

Friday, March 14, 2014

Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­ dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5

PLUMBERS

minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Limited Edition Fortaleze in Gran Alacant Exceptionally Large Plot. 4 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Private Pool with Decorative Garden, Private Parking, Electric Gates, Glazed in Porch, Solarium, Under build. Quiet sought after area. Very tastefully fur­ nished and all included 370.000e Ref. K52 Tel. 627711155 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantas­ tic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bed­

POOL TABLES

rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever con­ structed­ Very large 5 bed­ rooms, 4 bathroom(2 en­ suit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room.

Front porch area leading into large well established gardens with irrigation sys­ tem and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref.

K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Large 4 Bedroom, 4 Bathroom, 2 Kitchens, 2 Lounges, 600m2+ plot Large Retractable Glazed in Pool for all year swimming,

Private Parking for 4 cars, Very low­maintenance, Fully Furnished. 330.000e but Negotiable. Very different to the other properties in Gran Alacant and is disabled friendly Ref: L80 Tel. 680333242 Mid Terraced Townhouse on Avda Polognia, Gran Alacant Furnished to a very high standard and includes White Goods. 3 Bed, 2 Bath, Lounge Diner, Fully convert­ ed Under build offering a second lounge and large storage area. Roof top Solarium, Glazed in galleria with extended worktops.

Front Garden with BBQ, Communal Pool with Gardens. 132.000e Ref. K16 Tel. 627711155 Semi­Detached Villa with Open Greenland Views to the Rear and Alicante Views to the Front, means this property in Gran Alacant would appeal to anybody looking for a quiet location.

Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge diner, with working Fire place, Porch, Solarium, Established Gardens and Private Pool, Private Parking on a large plot.

265.000e Ref. L95 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gar­ dens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished.

Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached villa with 3 double bed­

REMOVALS

POOLS

SURVEYOR

rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge­diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solarium, 400 m2 Plot, with established low mainte­ nance very private gardens with irrigation system, elec­ tronic gates, private parking, outside wc, sink & shower, terraces, air con ( h & c ), mosquito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section.

Within easy walking dis­ tance to Gran Alacant com­ mercial centre and close to local bus and tram route.

Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass.

Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155 Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­ um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch,

solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com Chef required. Must have at least 5 years experience and health / hygiene certifi­ cate. Have flare for new menus and able to work on own initiative. Guardamar area. 672929585

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

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VAN HIRE

WANTED

Friday, March 14, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

MEASURE FOR MEASURE

The R&A Championship Committee has decided to allow the use of distance measuring devices in their amateur events this year, but the ban will contin­ ue when it comes to the Open and the various qualifying events for the cham­ pionship.

As is well known, there has been an option­ al local rule available under the Rules of Golf since 2006 the R&A is taking up the option for 2014. The governing body are stressing that the move is not a recommen­ dation to follow suit and that it remains a matter for individual committees and clubs to decide whether or not they want to use such devices in their competitions.

The Ladies Golf Union came to their deci­ sion to allow Distance Measuring Devices (DMD) in their amateur com­ petitions late last year but not in the Ricoh Women’s British Open. The LGU decided they were fighting an uphill battle by not allowing them, and as much as anything they were concerned at the confusion arising from a situation in which no two amateur bodies seemed to be taking the same stance.

Last year’s Vagliano Trophy was used as an example in which GB&I played their European counterparts at Chantilly, France. Since the European Golf Association (EGA) had decided some time before that the devices were legal, their officials sug­ gested it made sense for the GB&I side to follow suit for the week. This was refuted by the LGU since they believed that the mat­ ter should have been dis­ cussed in advance, the upshot was that DMD’s were banned for both par­ ties.

The LGU were also influ­ enced by what happened at the 2013 British Ladies Amateur championship on the Machhynys Peninsula in Wales, which saw two useful Irish players, Marie Dunne and Aedon Murphy, being disqualified for using their measuring devices in the first of the qualifying rounds. The girls said that they were allowed to use them in the Irish champi­ onship, but the LGU referred them to a rules card that had been issued at the time of registration, which made it clear

always prided himself on being able to bring an extra dimen­ sion to his game, one which has him feeling one up on his fellow opponents.

He says “I feel the wind in my face and I think about the tem­ perature, Is it hot is it cold? Then I go with my instincts”.

The debate goes on!!

SON OF A GREAT FATHER

that DMD’s could be used in practice but not in the event proper. The only lighter side to this sorry tale came when someone got in touch with the club to say that the Irish girls had been the victims of racism, and had it come from anywhere else in the world other than Ireland, no one would have been complaining!

Andrew Coltart, the Sky Sports pundit and former Ryder Cup player who also works with Scotland’s amateur squads, is just one to think that up­and­coming players are getting too much help for their own good on virtually every front. At last year’s Lytham Trophy, for instance he raised his eyebrows at the way in which so many of the UK play­ ers who had been sent for winter training in warmer climes were shivering wrecks when teeing up for the early season tournaments.

In such things as Strokesaver booklets and DMD’s, Coltart said they should be working things out for themselves in the first instance. There are plenty that say that DMD’s should be used purely as a training aid, and that by making their own assess­ ment after making a shot and checking if it marries to the information on the DMD, a player can sharpen his/her judgement and be better placed to cope if anything goes wrong with the device.

All of which is not too different to how pro­ fessional caddies go about their business.

They all buy the yardage books which are available before the start of a tournament week and they will all make use of DMD’s, in addition the top notch caddies will go out on the course and introduce their own home work to the equation.

Fanny Sunesson, who helped Nick Faldo to his collection of majors, was just one who would be up and about at first light to check out the course and things for herself.

When it comes to professionals, there is nothing more illumi­ nating than watching the 50 year old Miguel Angel Jimenez at work, the last of the Spaniards to come up through the caddie ranks. He went totally by feel in his early days as a caddie and player and used yardage books when they became available and never scoffed at DMD’s and or failed to listen to his caddie. However, this great competitor has

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION A player is in a fairway bunker and hits his shot but does not get out of the bunker and moves it only a few yards. He then proceeds to rake the bunker from where he hit his last shot. Does he get:­ A: No penalty.

B: Two stroke penalty for improving Lie. C: A one stroke penalty and replace the ball.

ANSWER A: Under Rule 13­4/2: At any time the player may smooth sand or soil in a hazard provided this is for the sole purpose of caring for the course and not in breach of Rule 13­2 Improving Lie

Emotion was thick in the desert air a few weeks ago, when the son of Severiano Ballesteros took his father’s place in the roll call of Dubai champions. Javier Ballesteros teed it up alongside the likes of Tiger Woods, Rory McIlroy and Ernie Els as the Desert Classic celebrated its 25th anniversary with an 18­hole challenge involving its past winners. Every one of the tournament’s champions played in both of the Tuesday shootouts ahead of the main event, except, of course, Severiano, who died from a brain tumor in 2011. Yet the organisers honoured the great Spaniard by inviting his eldest son to represent the five­time major champion.

“My family and I really appreciate the gesture,” Ballesteros Jnr said. “With so many big names playing in the Champions Challenge it will be so exciting for me.”

This was more than just a ceremonial hit and giggle, howev­ er. There was a £180,000 first prize on offer to the winner.

As he is still an amateur, Ballesteros was not eligible for the purse. But having won the 2012 Madrid Amateur and impressed in a couple of professional events, this was a fine opportunity for the 23­year­old to gauge if he is good enough to join the paid ranks when he finishes his law degree in Madrid.

It says much about his father’s enduring popularity that even with Woods and McIlroy in the challenge – the former play­ ing alongside Fred Couples and Stephen Gallacher; the lat­ ter with Eamonn Darcy and Richard Green – Javier’s group commanded so much attention. How apt it was that he part­ nered José Maria Olazábal, his father’s Ryder Cup com­ padre and best friend, and Miguel Ángel Jiménez, another of Spain’s golfing hierarchy who was Seve’s assistant captain at the 1997 Ryder Cup. It was said that Seve’s image in his son was so great that “Chema” was in tears.

Mohamed Juna Buamain, the chief executive of Golf in Dubai which runs the event said that he was sure that Javier’s presence will help keep alive ‘Seve’s spirit.’ The Desert Classic organisers opened their wallet to ensure it was a memorable week, with Woods receiving $3 million. and the appearance fees which apparently totalled up to $5 million.

TITTER ON THE TEE A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter­words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!

46

Friday, March 14, 2014

ONE WAY TRAFFIC MESSI KILLS IT ESPANYOL 3

Elche were never in this match which has now left the Ilicitanos three points above the relegation zone, and they suffered an early blow when they went behind after just two minutes. An early strike from Sergio Garcia was deflected out for a corner, and Simao Sabrosa's accurate cross found the unmarked Lopez, who headed straight past Manu Herrera. Herrera later blocked a shot from Cristian Stuani but could do nothing about Espanyol's second goal, which arrived when Colotto side­footed another cross into the box from Simao into the net from inside the six yard box.

Pizzi hit the third goal of the afternoon, turning a defender in the box and then shooting at goal, the ball taking a deflection of Alberto Botia which took it beyond Herrera.

Espanyol stopper Kiko Casilla was forced to make a rare save when Carlos Sanchez (pictured right) tried his luck from the edge of the area, but was unable to stop Elche from scoring in the closing stages.

With 88 minutes on the clock, Fuentes tried to prevent Coro from getting on the end

ELCHE 1

BARCELONA 2 MANCHESTER CITY 1 (agg 4-1)

Barcelona ended Manchester City's slim Champions League hopes after a 2­1 victory at the Nou Camp sealed a 4­1 aggre­ gate win. Lionel Messi set Barcelona on their way with the opener in the second half to fin­ ish off any chance of City produc­ ing an heroic comeback from the 2­0 defeat in the first leg at the Etihad Stadium.

To compound City's misery Pablo Zabaleta was sent off late on for dissent after confronting the referee over his failure to award the visitors a penalty.

Vincent Kompany pulled a goal back for the 10 men in the final minute, but there was still time for Dani Alves to grab the winner for Barcelona in the closing sec­ onds.

So easy for the leaders

of a corner at the far post but instead divert­ ed the ball into his own net. It was a late Elche consolation but at least they have the chance to give themselves some extra dis­ tance between themselves and the relega­ tion zone this Sunday lunchtime when they entertain bottom side, Real Betis.

A REAL SHOCK REAL VALLADOLID 1 BARCELONA 0

Relegation­battling Real Valladolid caused one of the upsets of the Primera Division season after inflicting a 1­0 defeat on reigning champions Barcelona. The clubs were separated by 40 points and 16 places coming into the match but it was third­bottom Valladolid who emerged victorious thanks to Fausto Rossi’s (pictured celebrating) first­half strike.

Second­placed Barcelona had several chances to get back into the match but could find no way past Valladolid keeper Diego Marino, and Gerardo Martino's men are now four points adrift of leaders Real Madrid. They’re at home to Osasuna this Sunday afternoon.

REAL MADRID 3 LEVANTE 0 Real Madrid kept their three point lead at the top of the Primera Division after a 3­0 win over Levante on Sunday. The visitors were barely in it, with a Ronaldo header from a corner putting the home side ahead in the 11th minute, as the defenders just looked at him.

Totally dominating possession, Real continued to go forward and made it 2­0 after the break as Marcelo (pictured celebrating) cut in from the left to finish with 49 minutes gone. Levante's cause was not helped by David Navarro getting his marching orders in the 64th minute, his crude lunge on Ronaldo from behind not going unnoticed.

Benzema then headed against the bar

before being denied on three separate occa­ sions by Navas, although Marcelo's 81st­ minute cross was inexplicably swept into his own goal by Nikos, with no player around him at the back post. Real’s next match is at Malaga this Saturday evening.

Torry see late reds JOVE ESPANOL 1 FC TORREVIEJA 1

Another Monte win CD MONTESINOS 2 THADER B 0

Montesinos continued their unbeaten run in 2014 by carving out a solid performance against a Thader side that were determined to stop the attacking threat of Vaz and Edu. The visitors offered little if anything up front, being happy to try and soak up the Monte pressure, including some pretty tough tack­ ling, especially on the dangerous Vaz. The home side only scored once in the first half, with a fine piece of skill from Edu

An injury hit Torrevieja side came away from their Sunday visit to San Vicente del setting up Marcos to smash in an unstop­ Raspeig with an excellent point but the pable bullet­like shot. The second half was table shows them now 8 points adrift from fairly non­descript as a spectacle, though the play­off placings. Jove Espanol domi­ Monte continued to dominate, as the for­ nated the first 10 minutes of the match but wards struck with Edu crossing in the ball for Torrevieja got themselves more into it, Vaz to make it 2­nil. Many other chances with Alberto hitting the woodwork on the were not taken, but the three points were quarter hour mark. Their pressure didn’t happily taken, as Monte take a breather tell, and somewhat against the run of play, before their next match next weekend away Edu Serrano put the hosts ahead on the half­hour mark. Torry felt aggrieved to to CD Murada.

have seen two good penalty appeals turned down but it was third time lucky in the 68th minute, when Quique Granados went down in the area, with Alberto con­ verting the spot kick. There was drama in added time when Torry coach, Anselmo Serrano was sent off for complaining about a foul that was not given on Alberto, who was also given his marching orders for arguing over the incident. Torry enter­ tain Pinoso this Sunday with a 5.00pm kick­off.

47

Friday, March 14, 2014

A TALE OF TWO CITYS

Causes for concern at differing ends of the Prem FROM Cardiff in trouble near the bottom to topsy­turvy Man City riding high, both City’s anticipate a very chal­ lenging finish to the season. Seemingly five minutes ago capable­then Cardiff stormed the ramparts of The Championship, like Leicester are currently and were deservedly promoted as champions after several huge­ ly­disappointing seasons.

Those were the days my friend, but sadly they soon had to end. I’m not Welsh, but I do have real identification with the fans of a club who’ve known years of heartbreak and dis­ appointment who finally at last make the grade to the Promised Land, and then…

Cardiff came up with all guns blazing with a competent, respected manager, and ‘some’ play­ ers who could compete in the fiery furnace of the no­prisoners­taken Premier League ­ but also need­ ing a few class players to accli­ matise themselves to the dizzy heights. One source of irritation to the long­suffering fans was the actions of the eccentric Far Eastern billionaire owner (whose money had got them there, to be fair), changing the club colours from traditional blue – Cardiff are known as the Bluebirds – to red, a lucky colour in Asia. Nobody told him (or he would­ n’t listen), you just don’t do that in British football!

Behind the scenes, there was soon trouble as the manager spent heavily, and it seems not always wisely in retrospect. Poor results ensued and from a rea­ sonable starting posi­

tion the Welsh club began to steadily slide down the table.

Nerdy neutral know­alls (we know who we are) nodded sagely, and were overheard saying ‘I told you so…’. Soon the row erupted, and owner nailed manager publicly. Now Cardiff arms were chanced with a new young foreign man­ ager, untried in the white­hot seat of the Premiership, where there is just nowhere to hide With time running out last weekend, the Welsh boyos played rock­bottom club Fulham, already on their third man­ ager this season. Druid defeat was unthinkable, and in front of a modest 26,000 the Red Bluebirds didn’t lose, winning 3 – 1 to provide a lifeline with nine games to go. But to my jaundiced eye it seemed as though some heads are already down ­ where’s the fight, the Welsh passion you see in the nation’s rugby? The goal celebrations were muted, not all­ embracing team­sharing stuff we expect, as club captain Caulker earned a pat on the back from the two or three near­ est him. Surely a win was a matter of life or death – or even more important, as Bill Shankly once said.

"We've got to stick together to get the points we need," said manager Solskjaer. Indeed, Ole, but to demonstrate how really split the club is, boos echoed around City’s Stadium when controversial owner Vincent Tan walked onto the pitch afterwards to celebrate the vital victory. Sorry lads, but everyone is beating Fulham, and if you can’t – well. The next few crucial games will tell, beginning at Everton.

Oh, and btw – if it comes down to it, what’s Cardiff’s last game of the season? Only Chelsea away.

As for Manchester City further north, their fans must be tearing their hair out this week with frus­ tration. Just when their new expensively­assem­ bled super side, put together to terrify teams around them – especially certain nearby, nervy, nasty neighbours – get going, it somehow keeps going wrong. Last Sunday’s lightning­ striking­twice defeat by relegated­since old­ boy Uwe­Rosler­led Wigan will hurt hard, this defeat coming only a week after the Blues actually won the Capital One Cup; City looking poised then to deliver on four fronts. But first Wigan, then just three days later at mighty Barcelona, Wednesday’s predictable defeat in the Champions League meant two more silver­ studded opportunities have gone. As the postponed

CAPED CRUS-ASIER SHOWS HIS METTLE

Shooting the Bull – you can take the boy out of the Bullring, but…£24m Real Madrid midfielder Asier Illarramendi has apolo­ gised after running in front of a bull dressed as Batman at a festival in his native Basque Country. The grainy footage

shows a masked figure in a cape, and local media claimed it was Illarramendi, darting in front of the beast, although at no time did he seem to be in danger from its horns.

Is it in the jeans for young Spaniards?

Cojones!

matches due to the cups running over are piling up, then so is the pressure on worried­looking Manuel Pellegrini and his management men. There is evidence of real backbench confusion shown by the striker set­up in particular, with form and injuries compounding selection. No­one seems to know which is the best Blues attack, as the substitutes pour on with little effect, usually too late. That once­feared never­ say­die City spirit, and their amazing habit of scoring late, crucial goals seemed to have evaporated.

The management pressure has spread onto the field, and cracks have started to show there. Club talisman and scorer of vital goals Yaya Toure was nearly sent off at the weekend against Wigan, and only just got away with a ban for an off­ the­ball incident seen on TV recently when reviewed by a lenient FA panel. On Wednesday, just four days after Wigangate and losing the crucial must­win Champions League game, the discipline went as Pablo Zabaleta was rightly sent off when fiercely and stupidly over­contesting a decision. At the final whistle, Fernandinho, Kolarov and oth­ ers were seen remonstrating with the referee, a massively pointless exercise which summed up the City situation per­ fectly – a Messi end, you might say…

Knocked out of two cups in three days, it’s now all down to the Premier League as City visit FA Cup­happy Hull, the Blues nine points behind Chelsea with three games in hand.

Given the brittle form City are in, that Is real pressure at The Etihad,, and you have to say on current form it’s doubtful they can pull it off. But it is in their own hands to lose it – surely not again?

WILD IN BENIJOFAR

Over 700 runners took part in the 3rd Benijofar Fun Run last Sunday, in sunny and warm conditions. The 7.5km event attracted the Running Wild team to take part and though they didn’t pick up any trophies, they still posted some good times. Paul Bell led the team home in 37 minutes and 19 sec­

onds followed by Julia Skinner, who had competed in the Seville Marathon two weeks earlier, in 44.03. Next was Shirley Crandon in 47.37, closely followed by Lin Gossage in 49.13 and then, finishing almost together, Maureen Lockey in 54.32 and Yvonne Sherrington in 54.42.

Friday, March 14, 2014

48

OLE MEN RULE, OK?

It was the week of the Oldie as ‘how old?’ Samuel Eto scored the opener for the Chelsea Pensioners to tank Tim’s Tottenham 4 – 0.

After Torres was strangely injured in the warm up, the Blues woke up old man Sam, who duly opened the scoring while strangely sprinting like a young gazelle – then wasting no time putting on the style to demonstrate his bad back for his goal celebration: even miserable Mourinho smiled (well, nearly…).

After missing a sitter that preco­ cious youngster (what do they know) Eden Hazard then rolled in a penalty for his 15th of his super sea­ son. N.B. Kaboul’s sending­off has now been rescind­ ed ­ how does that work then, FA? The sending­off and penalty changed the game. Just to smooth salt into Spurs smarting sores, on came yesterday’s man Demba Ba humbug to score two late goals. Dad’s army at the once­vulnerable Chelsea rear showed another clean sheet. Four conceded in thirteen games tells its own Champions­elect story ­ though miserable Mou’s mutterings maintain the Blues still aren’t favourites: Portuguese speak with forked­tongue.

Tottenham’s teeth­grinding Tim tried to tame his tem­ per, but was interviewed muttering dark stuff like his side lacking ‘gut’ and questioning their ‘character’.

Seemed such a nice lad, too. Sets up the North London derby against Arsenal perfectly for Sunday tea­time (neutral rubs hands with glee, see further down re Sunday lunch arrangements). Chelski visit volatile Villa who look safe­ish this year on 31 points, but the Midlanders are unpredictable ­ that Agbonlahor/Benteke/Weimann forward line, plus a few others can do anyone on their day: Chelsea?

John McGregor reports

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer at last got happy with a 3 – 1 win (without big bribes apparently…), but does it really count against floundering Fulham? OK then boyos, it does give Caulkified Cardiff a sporting chance for the final nine­game sprint to stay above the ‘R’ word fin­ ishing line. Now it’s FA Cup 6th round losers Everton away on Saturday for the Red Bluebirds: interesting.

Fulham’s fuming Felix Magath looks like a hapless, hopeless headmaster with unruly pupils. The German fuhrer played an unknown strange­looking striker, Mitroglou is a Greek who didn’t bear gifts in another thwarted throw of the dice while Darren Bent gets woodworm on the bench. Now Fulham go to nutty Newcastle whose own headmaster Alan Pardew’s just got seven of the best – that’s three stadium bans and four touchlines, plus £60,000 fine: not too Savage, eh Alan?

Will Pepe Mel last til the end of the season? It’s boding badly as the Baggies bit the dust courtesy of revenge­ ful Man United 3 – 0, making up for the earlier Old Trafford defeat. West Brom are showing grave cause for concern in the fight sitting uneasily just above the DDD, a reasonable chance of a win at Swansea Saturday. Mel must Pep ‘em up and save himself as the ghost of poor old Steve Clarke hovers over The Hawthorns. Conversely the result caused great delight for the Red Devils ­ but, per say, what’s the real SP on yellow­carded Robin van Persie, that was nearly red. Hey, RVP’s substitute Danny Welbeck’s clincher was a star­studded team effort, though – who’s next for the red revival?

Funny you should say that ­ keeping it ancient, ‘Old’ Trafford early doors is the place for the East Lancs Road derby. Get your Sunday lunch­timing sorted out lads (and lasses, whatever). High­flying, high­scoring and higher­than­United Liverpool are coming, and they’re the team to beat at the mo ­ a win against their

bitterest rivals would be Scouse Utopia, but United will need no motivating for this one. N’other nice neu­ tral one to savour, pre the London mafia at the Emirates – stupendous Sunday!

Despite the constant racket at Selhurst Park ­ I mean the deafening encouragement the fans keep up every game, can Tony Pulis still keep Palace up? Saturday’s 1 – 0 defeat by reviving Southampton was worrying, the Eagles are the lowest Prem scorers with 21 (and the last two were penalties). Palace are fifth­from­ bottom but only three points above second­lowest Sunderland who have two games in hand. Fixture fun you want? Guess where the Eagles are flying to on Saturday? Yep, that’s right, the flickering Stadium of Light.

Norwich face another do­or­die day at Southampton, whose captain Adam Lallana just gets better all the time: there’s even talk of him starting for England in Brazil; he deserves it as he’s everywhere for those Saints, 75 touches against Palace (who counts?). With Luke Shaw, Jay Rodriguez and another old man Ricky Lambert, this is turning out to be a great season at St Mary’s where the new chairman Ralph Krueger has arrived and is not selling. Now the Saints can really go marching in! After the euphoria of beating the Black Cats in the coop, it’s back to basics for semi­finalists Hull, as Barca­bashed Man City wearily try to tame the Tigers. City must keep winning, but the Tigers tails are up.

Finally on Oldies Tribute Day, a fitting salute to one of Barcelona’s greats. Hairy old Carlos Puyol is calling it a day at the end of the season aged 36 (he looks more like 46, after years in a heavy metal band), armed with a wonderfully inspirational era behind him as the King of Catalonia, a captain courageous whose done and won everything in the game as Barca ruled Spain, and Spain ruled the football world. Adios, Carlos!