Week 159

Edition 159

www.thecourier.es

Friday, March 7, 2014

CATERPILLARS MARCH ON Pests shut Torrevieja park

By ALEX TRELINSKI Processionary caterpillars are still on the march with the biggest number of reported problems in recent years. The pests, which are harmful to children and lethal for pets, show no sign of abating across the region, leading to the closure of a Torrevieja park this week.

The hairs of the caterpillar larvae cause harmful reactions in humans and other mammals, with the species win­ tering in nests in pine trees, and then they “process” out, protected by their hairs in search of food. They often strip down a tree and once they have cleared it out of needles, they then form a line in search of additional nour­ ishment. Their peak season for making an appearance is between February and April, with the mild winter produc­ ing more of them than normal.

The caterpillar lines make them especially of interest to young children producing allergic reactions if they make contact with them, and that also applies to some adults. Dogs may pick up the caterpillar hairs on their paws and then lick them because of an irrita­ tion, leading to swelling which is certain

to kill them, unless they are treated immediately.

The caterpillars forced Torrevieja’s Albentosa Park to shut on Tuesday, a day before hosting a school trip, with the Parks department stepping in to close the facility which is next to the Natural Park of Las Lagunas de Torrevieja and La Mata. The area had been sprayed with chemicals in December, January, and last month,

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but the insect problem continued, bol­ stered by high temperatures, and their hairs being carried by strong winds.

The Albentosa Park, with its popular picnic areas and playground, has ended up being a major breeding ground for the caterpillars over the last couple of decades, after the replanting of many pine trees. Other areas don’t

Continued on page 2

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Friday, March 7, 2014

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Alan Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

Affiliations

Picture of the Week

96 692 1003 679 096 309

San Fulgencio sunset Photo by CHRIS SMITHSON

CATERPILLARS Thieves pinned down MARCH ON

Photo taken this week in La Marina by Anne McGregor

From page 1 appear to have dealt as efficiently with the problem, with reports of some coun­ cils being slower than nor­ mal in reacting to complaints about the caterpillars.

A rare sighting of the caterpillars in a circular for­ mation in La Marina is actu­ ally good news. It’s a last resort for the insects as they have not been able to find any food, and they will con­ tinue to go round and round

until they die of starvation.

Down south on the Costa del Sol, the authorities in Estepona have been trying out a new weapon against the pest, which is to inject the pine trees with an insec­ ticide that kills the caterpil­ lars in their very early stages.

Has your local council done enough this year to deal with the processionary caterpillar? Let The Courier know.

SAN PEDRO FUN

780 people took part in last weekend’s San Pedro del Pinatar carnival parade. Amongst those taking part were rep­ resentatives from ADAPT, the San Pedro organisation that brings together the British and Spanish communities in the area.

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A ­ 132 ­ 2011 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low qual­ ity electronic data or inadequate instruc­ tions for text or other layout features.

Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non­appearance of any advertisement, although all advertise­ ments produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re­publi­ cation will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertise­ ment. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

A 2 million Euro fraud involving fake tech­ nicians stealing PIN numbers from prepaid cards used in petrol stations and shops around Spain has been uncovered by the Guardia Civil, who have arrested 5 people in Torrevieja and Benidorm.

The 4 Spanish men and Peruvian woman pretended to supply card­readers and to maintain the machines for retailers, who they visited telling them that were was a problem with their equipment. During their “maintenance”, they’d steal PIN numbers

which they would then use on various inter­ net gambling sites based in Spain and Gibraltar. After gambling with small amounts, the gang would then take large amounts to put into their bank accounts.

The Guardia raided homes on the Orihuela Costa, where they seized portable computers, tablets, mobile phones, 6 thou­ sand Euros, and various other pieces of evidence related to the on­line betting which was used to launder the stolen money.

TIC-TAC-NABBED

4 people have been arrested and charged with at least 9 robberies in Daya Nueva, Dolores, Formentera, and Rojales.

The 4 Spaniards were detained by the Guardia Civil under Operation “Mazao”, and mainly stole from slot machines in local

bars, as well as from kiosks.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

Friday Sunny High 17 Low 7° Chance of rain 0% Monday Sunny High 18 Low 7° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Sunny High 20° Low 11° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Sunny High 19° Low 8° Chance of rain 0% Wednesday Sunny High 19° Low 9° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Sunny High 19° Low 8° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 17° Low 8° Chance of rain 0%

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Friday, March 7, 2014

AT LAST

Walk this way NEW UNIT

An Alicante judge has told a pedestrian to take a hike after he tried to claim nearly 25 thou­ sand Euros in compensation for tripping over on an Alicante City pavement.

Roadworks at the junction of Salamanca Avenue (pic­ tured) and Station Avenue meant that there was an extended curb where the claimant fell over. In

throwing out his case, the judge advised him to pay An un­named British donor has helped fund the vast bulk more attention where he of a new Metabolic Therapy Unit which will help cancer suf­ walks in the future. ferers and children with neuroblastoma. The unit at Alicante’s Sant Joan Hospital, cost a total of a quarter of a million Euros, with nearly 192 thousand Euros coming from the British person, with the rest being paid for by the health authority. The four bedroom unit is on the ground floor of the hospital, and is for patients who have gone through radiolog­ ical treatment, with the area reinforced by lead bricks because of the high amounts of radiation that are used. The facilities will be available for people throughout Alicante Province, and were visited by Valencia Health Minister, Manuel Llombart on Monday.

Not in top gear

Alicante’s infamous serial robber is behind bars after his 67th arrest for burglary in the city. The 36 year old man was accused of stealing from a bar in the Benalúa area, and an Alicante judge refused him bail and ordered him to jail, ahead of a further hearing. It’s the first time that he’s had his liberty taken away from him after “lesser” cases saw a string of reg­ ular appearances before a lower police court in Alicante City.

The National Police had been busy arresting him for other alleged offences in the last fortnight including stealing from a city clothes shop on two separate occasions. His latest arrest took his total to 67 since the start of 2013, and he was on apparent good form in 2014, with 25 already under his belt, making him all set for a record breaking year until the judge stepped in to stop his run on Wednesday.

MORE JOBS

Spain’s unemployment figures had a tiny fall in February but have been seized upon by the Madrid government as a fresh sign that the labour market is stabilising. The dole fig­ ure fell by 1,949 from January’s total to give a number of 4.81 million out of work for last month. Significantly, it was the first February fall since 2007, a year before Spain's decade­long property bubble imploded, throwing millions of people out of work, flooding the nation in debt and setting it on course for a double­dip recession. Alicante Province had the 3rd largest fall in the country, with a 0.73% reduction, whilst the Murcia region was just behind in percentage terms with a 0.72% fall.

BUCH BACKS BUSY YEAR

Valencian tourist min­ ister, Max Buch, says that he expects a good year for tourism in the Costa Blanca, based on an 8% rise in passenger numbers at Alicante­ Elche airport for the first two months of 2014.

Buch made his com­ ments at ITB Berlin, which is Germany’s biggest tourist fair, where he added that he was committed to “excellence and quality” in the region. The minis­ ter repeated previous pledges that the regional government was determined to make the Costa Blanca an all­year round tourist desti­

nation, as opposed to being purely aimed at sun­seek­ ers.

Repeat after me

Spanish drivers are the second worst in Europe according to research from the French motoring foundation Vinci Autoroutes and the Europe­wide market research firm IPSO which surveyed 7,000 people. 16% of those questioned said that they felt that the Spaniards were the worst behind the wheel, but that figure could not hold a candle on the winners, Italy, where a staggering 50% said their drivers were most dangerous on the continent.

Swedish drivers were seen as the most responsible driv­ ers, with 47% naming them as the safest, followed by the Germans, who got 26%, and then the British, with 13%.

Spanish drivers are more likely to use their horns in stressful situations – 67% of motorists in Spain admitted to doing so, compared to the European average of 47%.

CHEERS!

Downing a glass of beer could be good for you, especially if you suffer from high blood pres­ sure. That’s the view of a group of Spanish med­ ical experts who say that supping some booze in moderation ought to be part of a low­salt diet for adults who need to bring down their high blood pressure. The health benefits surround beer having potassium with the doctors defining moderate consumption as one and two cañas a day for women and two to three cañas or a pint and a half for men.

Only a quarter of Spaniards claim to be able to speak and write in English, despite an extensive push in recent years to improve foreign language learning in Spain. The sur­ vey from the CIS (The Centre for Sociological Research) still puts English way in front of other foreign languages taught and used in the coun­ try. The statistics show that only 25% of Spaniards claim to be able to speak and write

in English, whilst 61.4% of them say they cannot speak, or write, or read English. The negative figure goes up to 79% for French; 92.3% for Portuguese; and 93.6% for German.

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Friday, March 7, 2014

SCAMMERS On the beach ALL FOR STUNG A BITE

Police from Spain, the UK and Serbia have arrested 110 people around Europe in a sting operation against scammers who defrauded UK investors of millions of Euros. Police say the 'boiler room' network operated fake share scams in which at least 850 British people were cheated out of £15 million in exchange for non­existent or worthless investments. Raids on illegal financial dealers in Barcelona, Madrid, Marbella and London led to the arrests. Aston Martin, Ferrari, Mercedes and Mustang cars were seized plus designer clothes and £500,000 in cash. The suspects, one of whom was believed to be paying £50,000 rent on a luxury apart­ ment, are expected to be extradited to the UK to face trial.

Torrevieja’s beach kiosks are up for tender with the new franchises ready to start over the Easter holiday. Some 13 are up for grabs including those in La Mata (pictured), Los Locos and Playa del Cura, with a four year deal on the table, which could be extended to six years. The minimum fran­ chise bid starts at 2300 Euros, and only one application for a single kiosk is being accepted.

YANKS A LOT

Pines for Pola

Part of Santa Pola is to re­ forested and kept as a “green” buffer between the city and the N332 road. The El Barrio farm area will include 200 Aleppo pine trees along with other plants with youngsters being able to sponsor a tree.

Port control

A new local police office is to be opened in Torrevieja’s port area to control traffic (including illegally parked cars) as well improving public safety and stopping the drinking of alcohol in the street. Some local control powers will switch from the Guardia Civil to the Policia Local.

LOOK NORTH

A new summer­time connection between Alicante­Elche airport and Cantabria in northern Spain is to be launched by low cost Spanish carrier, Vueling from June 23rd. The twice­ weekly service to Santander will run through to the end of September, but will also be re­instated at holiday weekends as well as next Christmas and Easter 2015. The new route is projected at seeing some 8 thousand passengers a year, with what Vueling call “affordable” prices starting at 30 Euros each way.

Representatives from top American colleges like Georgetown and the University of California paid an educa­ tional visit to Torrevieja last weekend to learn more about the city. 30 delegates from international programmes run by the Stateside colleges had been at the University Miguel Hernandez in Elche for the annual meeting of the American University Programs in Spain organisation. They were greet­ ed by Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon, as well as taken on a trip around the La Mata and Torrevieja lakes and natural park.

A Spanish Ryanair flight attendant had a sandwich he’ll never forget, after getting the sack for eating it, rather than selling it to his passengers. The drama happened in 2010 when Ryanair investigated misconduct claims over Madrid­ based Juan Francisco Montes Montesinos, after he reported­ ly ate a ham, cheese and tomato baguette, valued at €5.50, which was on the passenger menu. The rules say that staff should then inform and then pay for any food meant for pas­ sengers before actually eating it, but Montes did neither, which led to his sacking the following year.

The disgruntled flight attendant decided to take the matter further, first to Madrid’s labour court, and then to the city’s court of law. Both courts were unable to deal with the case as Montes was hired through a job agency based in Ireland and was therefore part of the company’s branch in Oslo, Norway.

Montes claimed he’d decided to file the complaint through the Spanish legal system because Ryanair has offices at Madrid’s Barajas airport but both judges dismissed his appeal on the basis that the low­cost airline operates accord­ ing to Irish law. Ryanair said in 2013 this case could only be resolved "in the European courts upholding EU regulations on the employment of mobile transport workers".

Dolores boost

Carnival fun

One of the area’s most popular carnivals and processions is being staged in Santiago de la Ribera this Sunday (March 9th). It’s the 25th anniversary for an event that has built up a fine reputation over a wide area, with the procession starting at 4.00pm. Some 3 thousand seats are being provided for spectators to position themselves en route to enjoy the floats that will dance from the seafront along the main avenue up to San Javier. Afterwards, a big party will happen in the mar­ quee on the beach front, with the live entertainment running into the small hours of Monday morning.

ZUMBA BABY

Over 600 people went Zumba crazy in Rojales in the recent Zumba Carnival event in the town’s munic­ ipal pavilion. Local teacher Davinia Cases led the extra­special large class through their paces.

The Dolores Tourist Office had 46% more visitors during 2013, a total of 1,460 visits of whom 72% were Spanish and the rest from abroad. They made 1,870 enquiries, 20% more than in 2012, and in keeping with similar rises from other offices across the region. Most of the Spaniards came from the Valencian Community, followed by those from Madrid and from Murcia. Of the international visitors, the majority were British – by more than 300 visits – followed by Dutch, French and German. Meanwhile, Dolores Council has announced some tax cuts for the new financial year, including a 5% reduction in vehicle tax, and the bus service between Dolores and the Vega Baja Hospital and the Specialist Centre in Orihuela will no longer cost anything to use.

Doctor doctor

People who live on the Pinar de C a m p o v e r d e Urbanisation in Pilar de la Horadada have a better medical service from this week. In a deal struck with the com­ pany that runs health operations in Torrevieja, an addi­ tional doctor will work in the Campoverde health centre

for two days a week, with a brief to serve an additional 500 patients.

Friday, March 7, 2014

BRIT IN KIDNAP RIDDLE

A British man is feared to have been kid­ napped in Spain by men posing as police officers. The parents of Merseyside man Francis Brennan, 25, have appealed for information about his disappearance last month. He was last seen in Javea on the Northern Costa Blanca on January 24th when he was stopped in a friend's car by several men who posed as officers. The Spanish police believe he was then taken against his will.

Mr Brennan fled the UK for Spain ahead of a sentencing date last October for an assault he committed in the Thames Valley area in 2012. His girlfriend, Sophie Staunton, went out to Javea last December to persuade him to return home before he went missing a month later. His parents, Carl and Janet, have appealed to the British ex­pat commu­ nity in Spain to come forward with any infor­ mation that could lead to his safe return.

They said they had pleaded with him not to leave the country but he did not listen. "He

told us not to worry and that he would be home after Christmas," they said. "Francis met Sophie, his lovely girlfriend, in 2012 and he seemed to start to grow up and they seemed very settled and happy.

"Sophie went out to Javea in December to try and persuade him to come home but then last month he disappeared and none of us know where. This whole thing has devastat­ ed all of us.

Detective Superintendent Richie Carr, from Merseyside Police, said: "Francis has not been seen since and this is clearly of great concern to the family and the authori­ ties in both the UK and Spain.

"Francis's disappearance is completely out of character and because of this, as well as his associations and lifestyle, ourselves and the Spanish police are extremely con­ cerned for his safety. We do however believe he has been taken against his will. He is in a country that is not his own. It is not familiar to him and has no other family over there.”

Kidnapper faces court

A man who kidnapped two children and threw them into a well is facing 65 years behind bars. Juan José Ramos allegedly approached the eight and ten­year­old siblings in 2011 and lured them to his car by offering them a free puppy.

The 55­year­old is then sus­ pected of kidnapping the kids and taking them to a plot of land in Algete in Madrid province. He threat­ ened to kill them before throwing them down a 2­ metre deep well, a court in Madrid has heard. The brother and sister are still suffering symptoms of post­

traumatic stress disorder.

Two days passed before the kids were rescued by firefighters who were alerted after passers­by heard them calling out for help. Ramos faces two counts of attempt­

ed murder, two counts of ille­ gal detention and rape. This is not his first brush with the law, as 31 years ago he was convicted of rape, and was sentenced to 23 years in jail, serving 17.

Second hand bargain

Spain is amongst the best European countries to get a bargain when buying a second­hand car. The Autoscout24 report says that buying a used vehicle in Spain can show a big difference of up 4,000 Euros com­ pared to an identical model in France or Germany. The reason for this differ­ ence is that most of the demand in Spain is found among average earn­ ers, who take home in region of 1,000 Euros a month in salary, meaning they can ill afford a new car in cash or to meet monthly hire purchase pay­ ments for a brand­new vehicle. And in fact, those on the average wage, dubbed in 2005 need to 'solve their mobility problems quickly' by buying any car they can afford

without paying much attention to its age or mileage, according to the European Price Observatory.

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Friday, March 7, 2014

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

RASCALS GIVE MARITIME A MERRY TIME...

AT a recent meeting of the Maritime Association, the members were treated to a selection of songs from the productions that the 'Rascals' stage to raise money for local charities.

Whilst members of the Maritime Association are principally interested in all things nautical, talks on a variety of subjects are not excluded.

The 'Rascals' are well into their rehearsals for their forthcoming production, The Best of Times is Now, in May and June. Watch this publication for further details.

The Maritime Association hold their meet­ ings on the first Monday of every month at 12 noon at Sackos Bar, El Liminar, Torrevieja.

For further details please call 693769110.

ANN ADAMS (Press Officer)

Picture by PHIL FRIAR

FREE CHEERS Classy Courier is more than a Mayes zing!

I WOULD like to thank Tony Mayes for his response in The Courier to my recent letter.

Time to talk out bowel problems...

WELL done both for broaching a taboo subject, Donna. (Torn Between Two Stools, Issue 156). I would com­ pare talking about bowel problems to talking about mental illness/mental health problems.

Everyone (without exception) suf­ fers from anxiety, depression, feel­ ings of anger etc ­ even if they don't acknowledge it to themselves or oth­ ers; it's part of the human condition.

But if you mention a vulnerability like this, certain people will raise their eyebrows as though they're the 'normal' ones and you're off another planet.

Each time people speak out about these vulnerabilities they perform an important service, making people feel less alone with their problems and less 'weird.'

Going back to embarrassing bodi­ ly functions, it can be very important to talk about these things as prob­ lems can be a symptom of cancer, for example.

It's important to break down the taboos. Everyone gets these prob­ lems from time to time and the fact it's not considered a subject for polite company only makes it worse for the sufferer. Off to the loo now.

EGGCUP (via Donna’s Eye on Spain blog site)

I was hoping for some reaction when originally writing and was very pleased with what I read.

Apologies if I offended in any way (though I get the sense that that was not the case). I did set out to be chal­ lenging and provocative (as is your column) in the hope that it may be published.

I think the debate was well worth the effort.

I was interested to learn of your Trades Union background and for the record, enjoyed (again) and agreed with everything you had to say this week.

Do I take it that you would in fact continue to allow unions the right to strike? Albeit I suggest that such action should only be an act of last resort and always considered respon­ sibly by the union membership involved.

On another point, you are correct in that, sadly, I do not read your column regularly. I actually live in the UK with Spain being a ’second home’ which my wife and I enjoy visiting for many months each year.

I have been told by a neighbour that she reads The Courier online. That will be of real interest to us when we go back home.

As for me, The Courier, above all the other ‘freebee papers’ is my favourite publication. Your column is usually the first page I go to, then the letters page, followed by John

Oh for a look at an e-mailed Courier...

McGregor’s football section.

Being an Evertonian, at times, the news in that section tends to be dis­ appointing.

Grumpy Gran (Donna Gee) is also entertaining but I do hope she can resolve her digestive problems soon.

One final thought. Do you think that Ryanair may have somehow qui­ etly arranged for her recent problems so as to keep her off their backs?

Thanks again and keep up the good work (all of you).

DAVID DAWSON, El Raso (Full address supplied)

Letters and emails will only be considered for publication on this page if an address and contact number are provided in case we need to call you.

q

GRUMPY Gran says: I don’t want to put the wind up you, David ­ but your comments about my local strain service and Ryanair are quite timely. I’m head­ ing for Liverpool next week with Easyjet, the airline you can relax with even if you’re about to have a baby. Their advertising slogan should be: “The company that can tell Stork from Gutter’’.

By the way, my son­in­law’s fami­ ly are all Evertonians while I sup­ port Cardiff (God help me). We’re all going to the game at Goodison on the 15th. Should be fun.

DO you send out the Courier by email? If so, then I would love to have my email address added as I do not always get out.

I love Jeanette Erath's articles on the Spanish language. She makes it so easy to fol­ low.

I feel as if I am at last getting an understand­ ing of the language ­ wish she had been around years ago.

Because I do not always get out I often lose an article or so.

Thank you.

MARIE JENKINS No problem, Marie.

You can always read the current edition of TheCourier on our website, www.the­ courier.es The new edition goes on line on a Thursday after­ noon/evening.

THE COURIER MANAGEMENT DOES NOT NECESSARILY AGREE WITH THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS PAGE

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Friday, March 7, 2014

I COULDN’T wait to tell the Cambridge dieticians that I didn't need them after all.

A huge weight had been lifted ­ and I’d proved that I really could shed those excess pounds without mak­ ing myself ill.

If you have will power, you can lose weight just as rapid­ ly without emptying your purse on organised 'eating plans' and expensive artificial aids.

My three weeks on the Cambridge 800 model turned out to be a personal night­ mare because I simply could not follow the rules.

Some people drink 2.5 litres of water a day as part of their normal routine. My metabolism runs on less than one litre ­ and that’s why the Cambridge and I reached a swift parting of the weighs.

Within a couple of weeks, the concentrated nutrients in the Cambridge dietary sup­

CONFESSION OF A DROWN AND OUT

plements bound me solid. money for my sick grand­ My system dried up and I daughter but this time I sim­ went through the worst bout ply couldn't get going, even of constipation I have ever before my intestines went on experienced. their stool holidays.

Add that to the cost of Ironically, I found the moti­ Cambridge products (around vation I needed in the 30 euros a week) and you Cambridge eating plan itself. can understand why my per­ Trying to knock back copious sonal choice would have amounts of liquid was such a been simply to reduce my daunting prospect that told calorie intake as I did on last myself myself: “Don't be stu­ year’s diet. I lost around 17 pid, woman – you can avoid kilos by laying off the carbs – all this by switching to what but this time I had no motiva­ worked last year. tor to drive me on.

“There were no late­night Last year, I was raising straining sessions, no bloat­ ed tummy, no expensive WHEN I was first diagnosed with Parkinson’s, I c dietary supplements – and I oudn’t resist asking the neurologist: ‘’Does that mean lost 17 kilos.

I get my own chat show?’’

“I KNOW I can do this diet Parkinsonians and their families are invited to a coffee morning next Tuesday (11am) at Bobbie­Joe’s Diner, independently and I'm damn well going to.'' just off the square at in Los Montesinos.

So two weeks ago, I The group will meet regularly at Bobbie Joe’s but they’ll need a sense of humour. If I had my way, Shakin’ reverted to what I call Stevens would open the show.

Donna's Dopey Diet. I guz­

zled lots of fruit and fresh veg – and banished chips, rice, pasta and bread to the wilderness.

All this after I decided in January that the Cambridge 800 Eating Plan was the best weigh down.

Even if losing lots of

pounds did mean spending lots of pounds.

Two weeks ago, in the wake of a constipatory crisis of gargantuan proportions, I decided to give the Cambridge a week's rest while my local consultant Debi Winston was away in

England at a wedding.

The day I was due to revert to the diet products came all too quickly. I man­ aged to fill the breakfast gap with a Cambridge bar, then spent the rest of the morning wondering how I would top up my liquid levels to some­ thing acceptable.

I simply could not face the thought of all those bottles of water ­ so that was it.

The upshot (or rather downshot) of it all is that my weight has dropped from 88.8 kilos to 83.7 kilos at around one kilo a week.

That’s around 11lbs in English blubber jettisoned.

The last 2.2 kilos went while Debi was away but I found her bubbly enthusiasm invaluable, even if I won’t be returning to Cambridge.

Debi or not Debi ­ I’ve answered the question.

Machi is as good as his word, all write?

Dr Machi Mannu

WHEN Dr Machi Mannu talks, you listen – and not only to his views on health matters. The Courier's medical guru talks equally articu­ lately (and sometimes controver­ sially) about topics as disparate as vegetarianism, the British monarchy and tribal ethnicity in Nigeria.

All three provided a tasty postre to a riveting chinwag with Machi and his equally interesting partner Simone over a weekend curry at a local Indian restaurant.

Machi is a vegetarian, as is his other half. He is also a glutton for widening his medical horizons, particularly where the relative mer­ its of mainstream and natural remedies are involved.

In his three years writing for The Courier, he reckons he’s dis­ pensed around 100,000 words of advice to readers. “I get up very early in the morning and that’s when I do my writing,’’ he says.

“It’s something I really enjoy and I’m always coming up with new

topics.’’ Hence the imminent birth of his new project ­ a monthly MedB magazine which will be dis­ tributed free via various local out­ lets.

“The first one will focus on the use of statins, a subject that con­ cerns me a great deal,’’ he says of the initial 20­page publication, which will also be available on line.

“Statins are prescribed to mil­ lions of people to counter high cholesterol – but they can do more damage than good.’’

With ever­growing demand for his revolutionary diagnostic pro­ gramme and wide range of natural treatments, it’s a wonder Machi has time for anything else, let alone churning out thousands of words on medical matters every week.

The first thing that hits you about the Nigerian­reared son of a university professor is his quiet, caring nature. He was genuinely

Continued on Page 10

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Friday, March 7, 2014

Friday, March 7, 2014

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Friday, March 7, 2014

THE HEIGHT OF HUFFINESS

The trouble with having sleepover guests is that they tend to sleep over.

Such was the case when Mrs S invited her four American cousins to stay with us en route from their homes in New York to a holiday on the Costa Blanca.

That state of affairs meant that yours truly, usually the master of his house, would have to find alternative sleeping accommodation for the duration of their stay ­­ at least three nights.

'There are just not enough beds at Chez Silver,' I explained to the pub discus­ sion group the other evening.

'You poor thing,' commented Dave the barman. 'I bet you're not looking forward to the disruption.'

I drained my half­pint of heavily­diluted draught cider and sighed. 'I don't even have the luxury of anticipat­ ing the cousins' visit. They're already at my house. And as each of the four ladies are from the same gene pool as

Mrs S, I am getting earache five times over.'

Indoor Lou looked apathet­ ic. 'No, smarty­pants Dave Silver, I'm not being apathet­ ic,' he insisted, thus confirm­ ing my long­held suspicion that Indoor Lou was a touch telepathic. 'I was just imagin­ ing what it would be like to take in the fantastic view from the top of the Empire State Building.'

Daft Barry sniggered. 'I might be daft but I'm not geo­ graphically stupid.

The Empire State Building is not on the Costa Blanca.'

Indoor Lou shook his head in irritation. 'I didn't say it was in Spain. And, anyway, I was­ n't talking about whining Dave Silver's cousins­in­law and their vacation. I was referring to myself going on

holiday in which case I would like nothing more than to visit New York City and climb to the top of the Empire State Building.'

'Wow!' exclaimed Daft Barry. 'I'm surprised they'd let people climb to the top. What if you get your foot caught in the girders?'

'You don't climb up the OUTSIDE of the Empire State Building, Barry. You get the lift. And, anyway, any girders involved in its con­ struction are on the inside of the . . . er . . . outside. You're probably getting confused with the iron lattice work on the Eiffel Tower.'

'I know the Eiffel Tower,' said Daft Barry proudly. 'It's that statue of the tall lady holding a torch.'

'Now you are really taking

liberties with my good nature, Barry,' Indoor Lou murmured menacingly before seguing into sarcasm. 'The tall lady with the torch is actually Big Martha who used to be a cin­ ema usherette at the local Odeon. She now runs a B&B in Blackpool.

'Which reminds me,' Indoor Lou went on with a murderous glint in his eye.

'There's a tower in Blackpool, too. If ever you want to go to the top of it, Barry, I'd be only too happy to stand directly behind you, then lift you up onto your tippy­toes while pointing out the sights way, way below.'

Daft Barry sniggered. 'I might be daft but I'm no PUSHOVER.' There wasn't much left to say after that so I took it upon

myself to break the silence by exclaiming: 'Ouch!' Dave the barman looked con­ cerned. 'Are you in pain, Dave?' he asked. 'Or are you doing an impression of someone in pain?'

'It is indeed me that's suf­ fering,' I said. 'You try spend­ ing the night in the cupboard under the stairs. It's the only room I can sleep in while Mrs S's American cousins are staying with us. I reckon I've done my back in.'

'Tough,' said Dave the bar­ man. 'No, tender,' I corrected him. I lifted my shirt and with much effort managed to twist around on my bar stool. 'Just look at this. You can still see the imprint of the lawn mower handle from the position I slept in.'

Dave the barman turned

From Page 7 interested in my Parkinson's and angi­ na from the moment I first met him – and full of enthusiasm for researching new ways of treating both conditions.

So much so that when I told him about a new Parkinson's support group in Los Montesinos, he immediately offered to be

as pale as his ale as he stared at my back. 'It looks that bad, does it?' I ventured fearfully.

'No, I can't see anything untoward,' he said. 'It's just that if you don't tuck your shirt back into your trousers immediately, I'll get into trou­ ble with the authorities. This pub is not licensed for striptease.'

'But I'm so poorly,' I whinged. 'I think I might need urgent medical attention.'

'I'd forget about going to the doctor's,' said mein host.

'The GP is currently away on holiday. I believe he's gone to New York City or maybe even Spain.'

'Really?' I said. 'No, not really,' admitted a red­faced Dave the barman. 'The doc begged me to fib to you if ever you sought yet another appointment. It seems you get on his nerves.'

'In that case,' I said, 'Please take me to Accident & Emergency. I might even get a hospital bed for the night.'

their first guest speaker.

That’s not what one would expect from most doctors with busy schedules. But there is nothing conventional about the tall, handsome MedB chief, whose early medical career after graduating in Nigeria was so traumatic that he almost became suicidal.

But that, as they say, is another story.

Friday, March 7, 2014

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Friday, March 7, 2014

THE FRIENDLY BULLDOG BREED

Over the next few weeks, I thought it may be interesting to write about the many different breeds of dogs there are, as well as what working purpose they were originally bred for.

For those of you who have always wanted a Bulldog, I I thought I would start with the national dog of would urge you to try and rescue one. If you are to go Great Britain ­ the Bulldog. This breed was orig­ down the breeders route, make sure they are rep­ inally bred for bull­baiting, and during the reign utable and that they are breeding out the large headed of King Henry VIII baiting became very popular dog and are for the best interests of the breed. and people from Birmingham will be familiar The breed it seems is very popular with celebrities with a part of the city, known as The Bull Ring. and among those who own Bulldogs are Adam This used to be a large open space and was the Sandler, Brad Pitt, David Beckham, Miley Cyrus and oldest part of the city. It is here that this activity Ozzy Osbourne. Football manager, Harry Redknapp, grew in popularity in 1530, but thankfully this once convinced a player, Amdy Faye, to sign for him, distasteful pastime was abolished by Act of otherwise he would set Rosie and Buster, his two Parliament in 1835.

Bulldogs onto him! What Mr Faye did not realise, is This breed, in my opinion has been a huge that they would have licked him to death! victim of breed standards, where they wanted I am available for consultations throughout the the head to be as large as posible, and in most Costa Blanca region, if you are having problems with cases this meant that birth was by caesarian HARRY REDKNAPP WITH ROSIE AND BUSTER your furry best friend. To book a consultation you can section only. This also resulted in skin fold infec­ email me at peter@thedogyouneed.com and I will contact tions, breathing problems and a dog that was bow­legged. If that you may associate with other breeds.

Spain may not be the perfect country for this breed, as they you straight away, or you can call me on 966 847 827. We you see a photo of a Bulldog from the early part of the twen­ tieth century, you will see that their legs were straighter and can struggle in the heat, so they will need plenty of shade and have set up an animal charity, where we help the most their heads were smaller. For me, breed standards, have a somewhere cool for them to rest. Out of all the breeds, they severely abused and injured animals in Spain. If you would lot to answer for, not only for the abuse they have caused for have one of the lowest life expectancies of only six to seven be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you years. As with other breeds, it is important that the puppy can do by PayPal, where the account details are peter@the­ this breed, but sadly many others.

When it comes to Bulldogs, don’t judge a book by it’s Bulldog is not subject to over vigorous exercise, as the bones dogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where cover. They look tough but are in fact one of the most laid are still growing and forming and if pushed above their limit, the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is back and gentle breeds. They are a very loving dog and love they may go on to suffer from hip dysplasia, which I know 73754900.

IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00. BIC: NWBK GB being with you. The Bulldog is not the most energetic of from experience leads to a lot of pain and discomfort.

I have never owned a Bulldog, but if one was to join my 2L breeds, so they would be well matched to a less active per­ Even one Euro will help, so please, please, try and support son. This certainly does not mean that they do not need reg­ family, I would want to keep an eye on their weight and also ular walks ­ they do, but not the kind of strenuous workouts clean the folds of skin around their faces on a regular basis. us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? These gorgeous puppies are just 14 weeks old and will grow to a small size, we have 2 girls and 2 boys that need homes. We also have around 30 puppies currently at the kennels.

If you are interested in one of these puppies or any of our other lovely dogs please call Paradise Kennels on 619 938 955 or find us on face­ book.

These 12 week old pups Cody and Barney were found near Almoradi. Both Males They will probably be small to medium sized dogs and quite slim build, they are both very gentle natured dogs.

Please contact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Carlo was found by a lady after she heard whimpering inside a box that was inside a large green waste bin in La Marina urbanisation. He is 6 weeks old and will be small when fully grown. For more information call: 645 469 253 www.petsinspain.com

Fluffy urgently needs a home. She is 19 months old and was adopted when she was a puppy. She is a cross Akita, we believe her other half is husky. Fluffy is a very affectionate dog who loves her cuddles. She has been chipped, spayed, had her injections, including rabies, and has her passport. Ring 616655789 for more infor­ mation

Tiggs is a pretty tabby girl born about June 2013 and she has been spayed. To meet Tiggs please phone Joe (The Cat Man) on 966719272.

Many people think that all ginger cats are 'toms', but APAH has as many ginger females as males. Tanya is a lovely ginger girl who is looking for a loving home.

She is one of the many cats living in APAH's Cattery who have never known a home.

Can you help? Please con­ tact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Cody and Barney

Molly is a young Podenco pup that has been found in the campo along with her siblings, she is adorable very quick to learn, their mum is a small Podenco. Molly is still a bit nervous and needs a good home for more infor­ mation about Molly or one of her siblings, please ring the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or Email: p.e.p.a.animal­ charity@gmail.com

Teddy is a large Mastin cross dog that was found wande­ ring. He is good with other dogs and he is very friendly, he is only about 3 years old and he is looking for a new home. For more information on this lovely boy please telephone the P.E.P.A. helpli­ ne on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail .com

Tiggs Carlo Rocco is a beautiful 15 month old Poodle, he has a lovely nature, and is a friendly boy, great with other dogs and weighs just 7 kilos.

He will make a wonderful companion for any family.

For more information Call: 645 469 253 www.petsinspain.com

Fluffy Born in June 2008, Stanley is a lovely, easy to look after boy. He is very laid back with people, but doesn't like to share his space with other dogs. He will make a great companion for someone with no other family pets because he is a very undemanding dog. To visit Stanley in the APAH kennels, please con­ tact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Molly

Teddy

Rocco

Stanley

Tanya

Friday, March 7, 2014

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Friday, March 7, 2014

TOM DOES IT THE HARD WAY

When I was watching a TV singing show recently, something started to dawn on me. Listening to one girl in particular explain that if things didn´t work out on this particular programme, then that was it! It would be the end of her dream and she would end up in a dead end job that she didn´t like, and it made me wonder:­_what did people do before these so­ called talent shows hit our screens? How did people make a living as a singer before The X Factor, The Voice and all the other shows that constantly invade the TV schedules? Also, how do the likes of Adele, Ellie Goulding and Tom Odell become suc­ cessful without these talent television searches?

Tom maybe summed it up himself, quoted on Wikipedia as saying about Open Mic nights: "It was full of humilia­ tion: dragging a keyboard round, turning up to find out

I’d been taken off the bill, gangs of lads grabbing the mic off me and laughing ... I learnt to perform and learnt what songs work." This was all at the tender age of 18, showing the drive and ambi­ tion that led him to success and a 2013 Critics Choice Brit award. So what for these men and women who don´t make it through the first stages and onto instant star­ dom? Are fame and fortune, live tours and screaming fans the way to achieve inner peace and happiness and if those young people on these shows want it so bad, why aren´t they doing the rounds like Tom Odell, or knocking on doors, or is that the old fashioned way now? Is it just accepted that to be famous

all you need to do is get on the box?

What is wrong with these people having a back­up plan? Show business is a notoriously difficult profes­ sion to enter and so, with that in mind, the people chasing these dreams should be plodding the circuits doing whatever they can to achieve their goals and not see one rejection as the end of those dreams. I understand that there are people from all walks of life that go on these shows, from trainee solicitors to shop workers; and univer­ sity students to street sweep­ ers, but the one thing they have in common is the belief that instant fame via a TV tal­ ent show is the only way to achieve their goal. Of course

some singers do work hard, and I remember watching the last few weeks of last autumn’s X Factor and young Luke Friend, and how he used to spend his days busking in the streets of his hometown, Teignmouth in Devon and how he had earned his place in the show, because after all is said and done I am not against these programmes.

If I was, I wouldn´t watch them! But I do think they are entertainment, nothing more and the effect that they can have is huge, either in a positive or nega­ tive way. That said, One Direction have done pretty well from The X Factor, as have a few others such as Leona Lewis and Olly Murs,

so I´m not fundamentally against these shows. What I am against is the thought that it is the only way. That if things don´t work out on the TV, then that person is a fail­ ure, and that there is no other option. The stark reali­ ty is that for those who are talented enough and want it enough, there will always be a place. Do these singers want to sing or is it the lime­ light and adoration that they crave?

It is a sad reflection of society when young people know the names of five boy band singers but can´t name five British authors or politi­ cians. It saddens me that someone who is famous is considered more important than someone who works

healing the sick or looking after the vulnerable. A job that brings fame and money is seen as more important than a doctor or police offi­ cer. I truly believe that many of these young people aren´t in love with what they are doing, but they see it as a quick road to fame and for­ tune, and, if they have been blessed with the voice to fol­ low their dream, then it may become a reality. With the internet’s arrival, it has become easier to get noticed and become popular if you´re good enough. The problem is that there are too many good singers online, showing off their talent and always looking for the easy route, and maybe the good old fashioned road of carry­ ing a guitar in a case round venues looking for that break has gone, or, maybe, thanks to the likes of the fantastic Tom Odell, they are still there.

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Friday, March 7, 2014

MY NERVY TRIP TO THE DOCTOR

Way back in 1981, one of my first assignments as a cub radio journalist was a visit to the Station Hotel in Hull, and there was some real political excitement in the air. It was all to do with the formation of a new party called the Social Democratic Party, and one of the so­called “Gang of Four” that created it after splitting from Labour was in town for a news confer­ ence.

The “gang” member was the former Foreign Secretary, Dr. David Owen who was to launch the party in the Humberside region at a news con­ ference. The room that was hired at the hotel was packed to the rafters with local hacks for the briefing, and I (because the BBC carried a lot of clout) along with three other journal­ ists had been prom­ ised a personal five minute interview with

Owen afterwards.

There was a genuine amount of anticipation in the air, and the SDP had target­ ed Hull because it really was a strong Labour fiefdom where their votes at elections were always weighed rather than counted. For the fledg­ ling SDP to make any kind of

progress, they would have to make big inroads into tradi­ tional socialist heartlands like Hull. Owen gave an impres­ sive performance which I clearly remember to this very day, though most of it was about how Labour had been hijacked by left­wing extrem­ ists and was unelectable

under the leadership of Michael Foot, whilst the mili­ tants were running amok behind the scenes.

When I talked to Owen, he was unsurprisingly as smooth as silk, plus he could tell that as a rookie, I could barely hold my microphone still due to my terrible nerves.

It was the first big political radio inter­ view I had done, and I didn’t have the heart to even tell him afterwards that I had campaigned vigor­ ously at the 1979 election to make sure that Labour were kicked out of power! I wasn’t sure how he would have taken that, though it would have been

nice to have shown that not everybody that worked for the BBC was some kind of rabid leftie at the time. In fact I learnt from that moment that the best way of building up local and national political contacts over the years was to let everybody believe that you actually supported and voted for them!

But back to Dr.Owen, and 33 years on, we have come full circle with the news that he’s back in the Labour fold.

Lord Owen, as he has been for the last few years, has symbolically handed over seven and a half thousand pounds as a donation to Labour, because Ed Miliband has fought for one member, one vote in leadership elec­ tions, meaning the unions have lost their ancient block

voting rights. At the start of 1981, Owen and his future SDP colleagues failed to curb the block vote at a spe­ cial Labour conference, and so they quit the party. Full cir­ cle, indeed!

Owen says he’ll be back­ ing them all the way to win next year’s General Election, adding that Labour would rescue the National Health Service, which “would be completely destroyed with­ out a change of govern­ ment”. I’m not quite sure where Owen has his evi­ dence for that especially as NHS spending has risen in real terms, and also more than what Labour had planned if they had won in 2010. But that aside, Owen’ endorsement of Miliband’s reforms, which were over­ whelmingly passed last weekend, is a ringing endorsement and a huge credit to Miliband who has managed to achieve what Tony Blair ran away from doing. He deserves huge credit for that.

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Tony

Friday, March 7, 2014

HE ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO SHOUT ABOUT

Mayes “NO” TO ONE MAN RULE The situation in Ukraine is, arguably, the most seri­ ous since the Cold War, with the potential to draw the super­powers deeper and deeper into conflict. But what has Ukraine, Syria, North Korea and many other places where there is conflict, have in common?

Answer ­ they are all run by presidents (i.e. dictators) and the result is minefields of conflict, all of which have the ability to cause huge loss of life. Look at Syria (pic­ tured), where the most appalling situation has devel­ oped, causing tens if not hundreds of thousands of people to be killed or injured, and even more dis­ placed, starving in ghettos. North Korea is an appalling place, where millions of people have been brain­ washed into believing that their dictator is a virtual god.

Ukraine was ruled by a president who decided to cosy up to another dictator, Putin of Russia, despite the majority wanting to forge closer ties with, if not membership of the EU. When there was an uprising, he thought nothing of ordering in riot police, armed to the teeth, with orders to shoot to kill. Eventually these troops had enough of killing their own people and put down their arms. The wretched president fled, leaving all of his accumulated ill­gotten wealth behind. But once he was safely in Russia, he began to cause trouble again by demanding he was still the rightful president, ignoring the wishes of the majority. Britain has had its fair share of pres­ idents (dictators), but instead, they were called Kings and Queens, and many of them were a pretty unsavoury lot. But gradually, Britain stripped the Monarchy of its powers, until today the Queen is no more than a figurehead. What's fun­ damentally wrong is humanity's desire to put someone onto a pedestal, thinking that somehow it's right to have some person with power and authority to rule. That's fine all the time that person has the virtue of a saint. Sadly, power cor­ rupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, and we see it in all its glory in the sorry countries around the world where a president is allowed to rule supreme.

It even causes trouble in America, where the president can cause problems when he disagrees with the elected assembly.

Power should not rest with one person, but by a group of people, and the larger that group the less chance there is for an extreme action to take place. It's far less likely for a government of 600 plus people to declare war on another country than if one person had that decision. Humanity will not really become civilised until every country is a true democracy, with power vested in its people through a prop­ erly elected government.

It's the same sorry tale in Spain, with presidents of com­ munities having far more power for their own good and the good of the community. It often attracts the wrong sort of person to offer himself or herself for election, and then lord it over the community rather than seek advice of others.

Dictators come in all shapes and sizes, and in many differ­ ent places ­ in countries, firms, communities, charities, even religious groups. It's up to society to walk another path and to stop putting people on pedestals and then having to go through hell to get them knocked off their perches.

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths some demented women will go to cause the utmost distress and anguish against a man they must have once loved and

q

being legitimate targets, and nothing will remain between them and ISIS other than the sword," the statement from ISIS said. What an appalling situation!

When you consider all this, which side is in the right in Syria? Is it beleaguered Assad government, accused of using chemical weapons against its citizens? Or the rebels, capable of declaring war on Christians and seeking to create an Islamic state, with all the horrors that brings against women and people who oppose it?

The number of people sleeping rough in UK cities has got a fair amount of newspaper coverage and it was interesting to see how different publications han­ dled the story. The Labour­supporting Mirror, not sur­ prisingly, blamed the Coalition and Cameron in particu­ lar hitting out at the government for allowing the home­ less to increase by a third to 2,414 since the Coalition took over. The paper then urged that much more should be done to use public money to get those rough sleepers off the streets. Quite laudable you might think.

But the right wing Mail put a completely different slant on the story, pointing out that almost a third of the rough sleepers were immigrants, mainly from Eastern Europe. Now do you want to open up the public coffers to house wave after wave of chancers who pour across the Channel in the hope of finding work and ending up on the streets instead? Probably not! This is just one example, albeit a good one, of how people can so easily be swayed one way or another simply by what they read in newspa­ pers. It is so important for people to read and understand both sides of an argument. On the subject of homelessness, it is quite appalling that there are so many empty properties here in Spain that the entire homeless population of Europe could be accommodated in them. It's a sobering thought isn't it? It's also quite ridiculous that we are seeing even more house building in Spain regardless of all the empty and half­built homes already in the country!

Take a walk along Playa Flamenca promenade and you will see the worst painting job in the world. Along the seafront are many streetlamps, the posts of which have all been painted a bright blue for the summer. The problem is that the job has been done so badly, it is an eyesore. Around most of the posts are drips of paint ­ some are up to a metre away from what was supposed to have been painted, spoiling the tiled pavement.

Here's a painter I wouldn't have anywhere near my home!

And to top it all, notices have been stuck on most of the lampposts warning against people sticking advertising posters on them! Pots and kettles come to mind!

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which has turned to utter hatred. I refer to a wretched woman who made up a dreadful story that her ex­partner had been sexually assaulting their one­year­old daughter.

She sent Facebook messages to around 100 people saying that she had caught him "fidding with her baby" In addition she had claimed that she had found "incest porn on his phone more than once." The allegations finally went to the Family Division of the High Court in London, and the judge concluded the allegations were a complete fabrication and completely exonerated the father. The judge said the woman "has conclusively demonstrated that the potential for her to try to cause him harm is very extensive indeed."

What this father has gone through must have been sheer hell. It seems more and more women with problems are try­ ing to play this sex card against men they have a problem with. Seldom a week goes by without such a case and if it goes on, women in general won't be believed even when those allegations are genuine. That's how serious this crazy nonsense is and it's about time that women who make up false allegations such as these have the book thrown at them, regardless of the fact they are not the full shilling.

And now back to Syria, and this story must be of deep concern to every Christian in the western world. An extreme Muslim group called the Islamic State in Iraq (ISIS) is in control of the northern city of Raqqa and has told Christians living there, that they have to pay a levy in gold and accept curbs on their faith, or face death.

Apparently ISIS is trying to implement an extreme inter­ pretation of Islamic law in areas it controls, with Raqqa being the first provincial capital to fall into ISIS hands. The directive from ISIS, citing the Islamic concept of "dhimma", requires Christians in the city to pay tax of around half an ounce (14g) of pure gold in exchange for their safety. It says Christians must not make renovations to churches, display crosses or other religious symbols outside churches, ring church bells or pray in public. Christians must not carry arms, and must follow other rules imposed by ISIS on their daily lives. ISIS has offered them three choices ­ they could convert to Islam, accept ISIS' conditions, or reject their con­ trol and risk being killed. "If they reject, they are subject to

q

q

q

There was a serious knicker crisis in the Mayes house­ hold last week. "Where on earth have all my knickers gone," Mrs M demanded. "Have you got them in your under­ wear drawer?" No, not guilty! Did they blow off the line and land in someone's garden in the high winds? Or have we got a knicker thief climbing over our balconies? It was a drama worthy of Sherlock or Jonathan Creek. Finally the mystery was solved, when I spotted a small piece of one of Mrs M's knickers disappearing between the drum and side of the washing machine. Goodness knows how many there are in the hidden depths of the washing machine. So, it seems not all missing undies are left in men's cars!

Friday, March 7, 2014

17

18

Friday, March 7, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 112 Hola, I hope your Spanish is coming along nicely and you are getting out and about and putting it into practice, there is no substitute for speaking when you are learning a language and whether you´re talking to yourself or to other Spanish speakers, the most important thing is that you are doing it. It is always a good idea to revise and sometimes you may want to go completely back to basics, maybe reminding yourself of one tense verb endings, or some prepositions or conjunc­ tions, those are the little important words that join or make sense of sentences.

So we are carrying on with relative pronouns, if you are aware of them use these lessons to revise and refresh, if not take your time and make sure you are fully aware of what they are and when to use them. First we will look at the answers to last weeks translations: 1. Visitamos la ciudad el año pasado. La ciudad es bella. La ciudad que visitamos el año pasado es bella.

The city we visited last year is beautiful.

2. La niña canta. La niña es mi prima. La niña que canta es mi prima. The girl who is singing is my cousin.

3. La señora es anciana. La señora compró una casa.

La señora que es anciana compró una casa. The lady who is old bought a house.

4. La señorita habla. La señorita es mexicana. La señorita que habla es mexicana. The young lady who is speaking is Mexican.

5. Hice una paella. Era deliciosa. La paella que hice era deliciosa. The paella that I made was delicious.

1. The girl who is singing is my cousin. La niña que está cantando es mi prima. La niña quien está cantando es mi prima.

2. The girls you saw are my sisters. Las chicas que usted vio son mis hermanas. Las chicas a quienes usted vio son mis hermanas.

3. The man you met last night is an author. El hombre que

conociste anoche es autor. El hombre a quien conociste anoche es autor.

4. The man whom I admire is a professor. El hombre a quien admiro es profesor. El hombre que admiro es pro­ fesor.

5. The doctor that you called came immediately. El médico a quien llamó vino en seguida. El médico que llamó vino en seguida.

1. Mi tía, la que es profesora, viene a visitarme hoy día.

My aunt, who is a profesor, is coming to visit me today.

2. Las mesas, los que son de madera, son caras. The tables, which are made of wood, are expensive.

sentences into one: 1. La mujer es anciana. La mujer compró una casa­ la mujer que es _____________ compró una casa.

2. Tienes un libro. El libro es mío – El libro ________________es mío.

3. Tenemos la comida. Quieres la comida – tenemos __________________ que tú quieres.

4. Escribes con una pluma. La pluma es azul – la pluma ________________escribes es azul.

5. Ella cantaba una canción. La canción es de Lady Gaga – La canción que ella ______________ es de Lady Gaga.

Now, chose the correct relative pronoun ´que´ or ´quien´: 1. La chica de _________ habla no está.

2. La casa en _________ estoy pensando no es nueva.

3. El hombre en __________ estoy pensando es guapo.

4. El es el hombre con ________ trabajo.

5. La mesa de _________ hablas es grande.

El libro que leo es muy largo 3. Mi tío,el que es cocinero, llegará pronto. My uncle, the one who is a cook, will arrive soon.

4. Mis libros, los que son viejos, son preciosos. My books, which are old, are valuable.

5. La mujer, la que es de España, tiene noventa años.

The woman, who is from Spain, is ninety years old.

Now we are going to do some more translations, please translate the following into Spanish, and be sure to say the words out loud and practise your pronunciation: Firstly chose the correct word or words to make the two

Choose the correct answer from: el que, la que, los que, las que, lo que 1. Las sillas _______________ son de madera, son caras.

2. ____________ quieres no existen (that which you want doesn´t exist) 3. ____________ tiene diez hijos, trabaja mucho (the man who has ten children works a lot) 4. ______________ leo es muy largo (the one ¨book¨ that I´m reading is very long 5. _________________ cantaba es de Elvis Presley (the one ¨song¨ that she was singing is by Elvis Presley.

I hope that you manage to complete those translations, take your time and I´ll give you the answers next Friday.

Have a great week!

Friday, March 7, 2014

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Friday, March 7, 2014

The reflexology technique Reflexology is one of the most popular and unique forms of alternative healing available today.

The term reflexology refers to the application of pressure, movement and stretching to the feet and hands. These pressure points on the extremities in turn effect the corresponding parts of the body. To reflexologists, the feet and hands are a mirror of the body, and these professionals can use their knowledge to break down patterns of stress and pain throughout the body.

There are many theories for how and why reflex­ ology works, but the best approach is often to look at how the nervous system works. When pressure is applied to the feet, this pressure generates a sig­ nal which travels through the peripheral nervous system. From there, it enters the central nervous system, and it is then processed in various regions of the brain. After that, the sensation is relayed to the organs of the body, where the necessary adjustments in allocation of resources are made. After all this has occurred, a response is made and sent out to the motor system. That message is then sent forward and used to adjust overall tension level or tone of the body. When applied properly, that tone will reset to a lower level, reducing in a lessening of stress and less strain on the body’s vital immune system.

The reflexology technique is applied to the feet and hands, as every pressure point on the feet and hands is thought to correspond to some part of the body, including organ systems, limbs and torso.

The most obvious benefit of reflexology is the reduction of stress, with all its attendant benefits. Since the feet and hands set the level of tension for the entire body, reflexology uses the feet and hands to interrupt that stress level and reset it. Stress reduction is a vital part of good health, since high stress levels play a role in a number of serious diseases and chronic conditions, among them heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure.

In addition to its usefulness as a stress reliever, reflexolo­ gy is also being studied as a possible way to treat and pre­ vent other forms of illness. While the usefulness of reflexol­

Running for Weight Loss Good old fashion running is a great way to lose weight.

Running is also a great way to increase your level of fitness and improve your overall quality of life.

Now bear in mind, there is running and then there is run­ ning for weight loss. A lot of runners, although they may not have slim and toned bodies, enjoy running for the experi­ ence, the fitness or perhaps, for how it makes them feel.

Running can also be used as a great method to lose weight, but you will need to incorporate it into a weight loss plan in order to reap the rewards.

As with any other successful weight loss program, what you eat accounts for eighty percent of your weight loss suc­ cess. That said, don’t expect to lose weight because you run five kilometres every day, and unless you’ve made a con­ scious effort to improve your daily eating regime your running won’t impact your weight loss.

At the end of the day, the way to lose weight is to take in less calories than what you burn on a daily basis. So, to lose weight, you need to ensure that you are eating less calories than how many you burn during your run. The best way to monitor this is to get yourself a heart rate monitor with a built in calorie counter, which will determine how many calories you have burnt during your run.

Be careful of energy drinks, which runners often use to help them run for longer, especially if your goal is to lose weight. Energy drinks are packed with extra calories, so if your goal is weight loss, stick to drinking water during your runs.

ogy in treating and preventing disease is still being studied, its stress relieving techniques alone provide value to any health care plan.

Reflexology is an excellent adjunct to standard medical treatment, and it should never be used as a substitute for the advice of a health care preventative. It is best to use reflex­ ology as a complementary procedure to standard health care screenings.

While it is possible to study the charts and learn to do reflexology on oneself, most people prefer to have regular

sessions with a professional reflexologist. Even for those who attend regular professional ses­ sions, however, it is a good idea to learn to do some reflexology on their own. For instance, using this technique on oneself, say at your desk or in the office, is a great way to relieve the stress of a particularly challenging day.

The typical professional reflexology session will last from 30 minutes to one hour, and only the removal of the shoes and socks is required. Some reflexologists use a chair, while others use a table. While some practitioners use oil, most do not.

The reflexologist uses pressure, stretching and movement techniques to work through the foot in a methodical manner. The entire surface of both feet is generally worked in a single reflexology session.

The reflexologist will work within the comfort zone of the patient, as applying too much pressure could be harmful or lead to an injury. It is important for the patient to communi­ cate with the reflexology therapist about the amount of pres­ sure that is desired.

A quality reflexology session should leave one feeling relaxed and well. The effectiveness of a reflexology session can often be measured by how long that feeling of wellness and relaxation lasts.

How to Manage Tiredness and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome As the name suggests, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, also known as myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), causes extreme fatigue, weakness and loss of ener­ gy. A diagnosis is usually made when the lack of energy persists for 4 months in the absence of other likely causes. In addi­ tion to tiredness, there may be other associating prob­ lems such as; joint pain, headache, sore throat, lymph nodes in the neck, confusion, extreme exhaus­ tion after any physical or mental activity, and depres­ sion. Current research now points to disorders in ener­ gy generation as the pri­ mary cause of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

Diagnostic Scan results from MedB clinic shows that people suffering from tired­ ness, as well as those pre­ viously diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome have very high levels of tox­ ins such as heavy metals – mercury, lead, cadmium, pesticides, solvents, and mycotoxins. These toxins are known to affect energy production in the body. In addition, the immune sys­ tem of such individuals may also be inflamed and unable to function properly.

An underactive immune system exposes the body to viruses such as

cytomegalovirus which is known to trigger chronic fatigue syndrome.

Unsurprisingly, another name for Chronic Fatigue syndrome is Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome. Nutrient deficiencies have also been linked to Chronic Fatigue syndrome, not because the sufferer is unable to eat a balanced diet, but because their digestive system is unable to absorb nutrients properly. Researchers in Belgium recently found that 80% of people suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome benefited from high doses of Omega­3 oils

and Evening Primrose oil.

CoQ10 – the nutrient behind energy production in the body ­ has been found to be most beneficial for combating tiredness, and MitoQ is the most potent source of Co­enzyme Q10.

MitoQ is effective because it delivers CoQ10 directly into the energy generating unit of our cells – the Mitochondria. MitoQ is only available from MedB Clinic.

For more information visit: www.mitoq.com FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTICS, CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965 071 745

Friday, March 7, 2014

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Friday, March 7, 2014

STUB OUT AND CLEAR OUT Q

I am a 62 year old retired man, and in fairly good health even though I spoke half a pack of cigarettes a day. Other than quitting, which I don’t see myself doing in the near future, what can I do to improve my health?

A

The most important thing for you to do right now is to detoxify your body. By that I mean helping your body get rid of toxins that would have accumulated from smoking ciga­ rettes. It has been estimated that the smoke from cigarettes contains over 4000 different chemicals, many of which are extremely toxic and have been linked to cancer. These toxic chemicals are the reason why cigarettes are harmful to our health. Many people are aware of Carbon monoxide as a toxic by­product of cigarette smoking. Carbon monoxide displaces oxygen in haemoglobin – the red pigment that transports oxy­ gen. A lack of oxygen equates to a lack of energy in cells.

Without energy, cells cannot get rid of toxic waste mostly from cigarettes, thus creating a vicious cycle. Cigarette smoking is recognised as the biggest source of cadmium contamination in the body. Cadmium is a highly toxic heavy metal. In my expe­ rience with performing diagnostic scans, I have observed that nearly all smokers and even ex­smokers are heavily contami­ nated with cadmium. A number of international agencies have recognised cadmium as a cancer causing chemical. Cadmium has clearly been documented to decrease attention span and memory in people. In men, it reduces sperm count and libido, and has also been linked to disorders of the prostate gland.

Arsenic, Cyanide and lead are known poisons, and are found in cigarette smoke. In addition, cigarette smoke is known to contain other deadly substances such as Polonium­ a cancer causing radioactive metal, Formaldehyde – used to preserve dead bodies, Methoprene – an insecticide, Benzene – used in making dyes and rubbers, among many other toxic sub­

stances. You can see that the most useful advice for any smoker is to undergo a complete detoxification process to rid the body of these toxins. First, it is important to make the dis­ tinction between a ‘Metabolic Detoxification’ and a ‘Colonic Irrigation’. Metabolic detoxification eliminates toxins from inside the cells, while a colonic irrigation is more of an external process, to clean out the intestines. The difference between them can be likened to the difference between having your car cleaned out in a car wash, and having it cleaned out in a garage. Properly done detox usually takes several weeks. In my experience, the most effective products for eliminating tox­ ins from the body are ‘Metabolic Cleanse’ and ‘Pectasol’. I usu­ ally use both products together for a more complete cleanse.

Metabolic cleanse is a special formulation by Douglas labora­ tories. It contains special nutrients required by the liver and intestines to remove toxic substances from the body. These special nutrients include: N­acetyl Cysteine, Inositol, and many amino acids required for the body’s detoxification processes.

Pectasol is one of the most effective agents for removing from the body heavy metals such as mercury, cadmium, lead and arsenic. Research has shown that Pectasol increases the uri­ nary excretion of heavy metals a hundred fold. Smoking is also known to destroy Vitamin C from the body, and so smokers are better off taking lots of vitamin C. Vitamin C is extremely useful to the body as a powerful antioxidant. Vitamin C is quickly used by the body and the best form for smokers to take is ‘Slow release vitamin C’. In summary to improve your health as a smoker you should consider having a complete detox to eliminate toxins from your body, and also supplementing with slow release Vitamin C supplements. You can call MedB Health Shop on 965071745 for high quality supplements.

WHY YOU NEED SELENIUM

Selenium is considered by many to be the most important trace elements in our diet. Trace elements or minerals are needed in very small quantities, and also include; zinc, copper, man­ ganese. Selenium is said to be the only mineral that is coded by our genes. This is because it is a component of proteins which are directly controlled by our genes. Selenium is needed for normal growth of cells and also for developing a powerful immune system. It helps the body protect against many degen­ erative diseases such as emphysema, liver cirrhosis, cataracts, arthritis, stroke and heart attack. It is also required to repair damaged genes. In parts of the world were the soil is poor in selenium, the risk of contracting cancer increases up to 6 times.

And those with the lowest soil levels of selenium have the high­ est risk of developing cancers of the colon, rectum, breast, pan­ creas, skin, prostate and lungs. In the laboratory, selenium has been shown to reduce the growth of cancer cells. The best food sources of selenium are ­ Brazil nuts, fish, poultry, mushrooms, onions, garlic, broccoli and cabbage. Although food sources are always better for all minerals and vitamins, the lack of sele­ nium in the soil is of growing concern to many experts. The min­ eral content of crops depends on the soil in which they are grown. Researchers have shown that the selenium intake in Europe fell dramatically between 1978 and 1994 from 60 mcg per day to 34 mcg per day due to poor soils. The selenium lev­ els in UK were also shown to have fallen by 50% about the same time period. Selenium stimulates the production of natu­ ral killer cells which fight viruses and cancer. Selenium also has powerful anti­oxidant properties that protect the brain and heart against diseases. The daily requirement for selenium is about 100­200 mcg daily. Doses above 800 mcg may cause side effects such as dizziness, nausea and hair loss.

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Just search for us in the App Store and Google Play!

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Friday, March 7, 2014

Focus on LA ZENIA

Lying at the very heart of the Orihuela Costa, La Zenia is a thriving area offer­ ing something for everybody from a fine beach through to top class shop­ ping with a variety of stores, plus a wealth of popular bars and restaurants that are open all year round.

La Zenia beach is one of the best in the region, which acts as a magnet for thousands of visitors every year, and it’s a great place to work on your tan, with a number of stylish beach bars and cafes nearby to help you really make a day of it. Meanwhile, if you pre­

RENT AGAIN AND AGAIN There’s nothing worse than renting a car and then discover­ ing a whole of hidden costs that you know nothing about! Rest assured that Rentagain give you all the details up front with a friendly and professional service that gives you basic insurance for no added cost, and an extra insurance that gives you added security at just 35 Euros for a full month!

The list of standard features from Rentagain is comprehen­ sive when you hire a car from them, including unlimited mileage; a free home delivery service; a free baby seat and boosters; free additional drivers allowed under your contract; and a car that has everything you need including air condition­ ing, electric windows, central locking and a radio/CD player.

There’s no way that you’re going to be fobbed off with an old crock, as you get your pick of a top fleet of cars!

Give Rentagain a try, and as our name suggests, you’ll be so impressed with what we do, that you’ll be back with us again!

EVEN THE TILL WORKS! Open All Hours is the convenience store with more in La Zenia, named after the famous TV comedy, which stores a wide range of British and Irish brands, including those that are always tricky to get hold of in Spain. For example, buy and enjoy some gorgeous Irish soda bread, or white pudding, as well the full Olde English range of traditional jars of sweets that will bring back the memories!

Gill, who owns the shop has lived in Spain for 12 years, and took in over in 2012, and she’s been joined by Dave, whose nickname is “Arky”, after the shopkeeper, Arkwright, from Open All Hours.

They promise friendly service and no short­changing in the old Arkwright style, with a comprehensive stock of familiar UK prod­ ucts, as well as cards, wines, and spirits. Weekly specials are avail­ able every Monday and if they don't have what you are looking for the will always do their best to get it for you They’re also an authorised dealer of totally Wicked E Cigarettes including the new Totally herbal e­Liquid which has been expertly blended and is 100% natural and organic and totally unique which you can try before you buy. They are also part of a reliable courier service to take care of all you international postal needs.

PADDY MAKES A POINT

Raise a glass to some great cheer and company at Paddy’s Point which is in the heart of La Zenia, and has become a well­ established local landmark. Rory and Hazel, bought the pub back in September, having worked for the business for a long time, which means they know exactly what the customers want.

The high standards are still there, and they’ve also expanded Paddy’s Point to make it an even better experience, including a new kitchen, which has helped Rory and Hazel to launch an excit­ ing new menu, which customers have given the big thumbs up to!

Whether it’s an Irish breakfast; a leisurely lunch; a snack and a cool drink on the sunny terrace; or an enjoyable evening meal, Paddy’s Point has something to suit everyone. While Paddy´s is fast becoming one of the most popular places for casual dining in the area, the pub also continues to boast great evening entertain­ ment, with live music every night of the week. If you’re a sports fan, then you can watch all the big events on the screens, and that helps to create a real buzz and a lovely friendly atmosphere. And of course, Monday March 17th is a must­do on St.Patrick’s Day!

fer a cooler way to explore the area, La Zenia Boulevard provides the perfect shopping experience along with our featured businesses that have every­ thing from the perfect beauty pamper to the right kind of paint for your home.

Friday, March 7, 2014

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Focus on LA ZENIA STAY BEAUTIFUL FROM HEAD TO TOE

It’s a busy time for Head to Toe as they’ll be moving next month to their brand spanking new salon right next to Paddy’s Point. You name it, they do it, with hairdressing taking in a range of styles, colours, and cuts; as well as an extensive range of beauty and nail treatments, including Gel, Arcillic and Shellac massage in addition to semi­ permanent makeup.

Head to Toe will look after your feet with a chiropodist, and you can get some false eyelashes, and get your ears pierced as well.

Pamper packages are available as well, as you get your those stains out of your teeth with a special whitening course on sale for just 99 Euros, but you can save big time, with the whitening costing just 149 Euros for two of you!

The salon also has a highly qualified new Scandinavian beau­ tician, and can speak English, Russian, Spanish, German, and Polish as well as the Nordic languages. Perhaps she should be working for the United Nations! Look out for some very special opening offers for the new salon, and Head to Toe also on the lookout for some additional fully qualified stylists and staff as they expand still further. Give them a call on 966 773 216

AWASH IN COLOUR

If you want to make a bit of splash with the right kind of paint, then visit the family­run company that is DIY Ferreton. They’ve a large selection of paints for your indoor and outdoor needs, as well as for treating wood, and they can sort out the exact colour that you want!

DIY Ferreton have all the machines to mix and match the colour you want, and if you bring in a particular sample, they’ll do all the work out to come up with the same colour! If you live on the urbanisations from Punta Prima to Campoamor, they mix most of required colours that you need for any work on your com­ munity, as the team have a file with all the details of the commu­ nity colours that will give you the right blend.

It’s a family run business that really does pride itself on their personal service, which means that customers return time and again. They’ve been in La Zenia for the last 7 years, and before that were based in Torrevieja from 2001.

DIY Ferreton also do key cutting and offer a full range of key and locksmith services, as well as selling a wide range of hard­ ware items.

A BONANZA OF GIFTS La Ponderosa is your specialist gift shop with all the lead­ ing designer brands under one roof!

The new exclusive Karma range by Thomas Sabo is now in store for the Ladies and Gents along with plenty of neck­ laces, bracelets and earrings. La Ponderosa stocks the largest range of Pandora jewellery in the area and you are more than welcome to find out the next date of the latest Pandora launch party, which is an event not to be missed!

The shop is at La Zenia roundabout with free and convenient parking at the Consum supermarket, with the opening hours on Monday to Saturday between 10 am and 7 pm. Tel: ­ 966 730 425 or look at the website, www.la­ponderosa.es You can find the team on

La Ponderosa ­ La Zenia

BETTER Z’SSS WITH BEDS AND SOFAS Beds and Sofas have been in business on the Orihuela Costa for over 11 years, and can offer you great prices and fast delivery, as they’re a factory outlet. Despite the reces­ sion, the company has still been able to offer the key prod­ ucts that everybody wants as Beds and Sofas focus on giv­ ing you excellent prices on a big range of living and bedroom furniture; blinds and curtains; as well as a foam cutting serv­ ice.

If you’re after the perfect night’s sleep, then check out the wide range of mattresses direct from the factory, with a com­ prehensive stock of popular storage bases and headboards available in over 30 colours. You’re more than welcome to drop in and try out the comfy leather or fabric sofas, along with corner units; chasie long sofas and sofa beds that are available in a wide range of colours.

CHECK OUT BROWSERS

Browsers is a one­stop shop that bring you something for everybody under one roof, from internet surfing and printing, through to low cost phones, a gaming area, plus all the station­ ary you need along with jewellery and bags to suit all tastes!

Mairead from the Browsers team gives you the perfect admin service that has proved to work with local businesses, with colour or monochrome printing; scanning; laminating; as well as faxing and copying. You can use the reliable postal service to the UK and Ireland, along with every other country, and Browsers will help you with your passport applications, as well as that all important photo. The extensive stationery section includes business and jiffy envelopes, wrapping paper, coloured paper, notebooks, pens, and a selection of greeting cards. Ear piercing is offered with a wide selection of starter earrings which are sterilised and anti­allergenic, with sterling silver earrings.

The guys are not forgotten either with a selection of leather wal­ lets and belts on offer, and you can buy some refreshments as well with drinks, sweets and chocolates on sale!

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Friday, March 7, 2014

GET SAUCY WITH CHICKEN

Give your cut of chicken a new lease of life with these delicious homemade sauces. ring all the time. Reduce the heat and simmer for 5­6 mins, browned. Remove from the pan with a slotted spoon and set CHICKEN IN CHEESE stirring, until you have a smooth thick sauce. Stir in the aside.

AND MUSTARD SAUCE cheese and mustard and season to taste with salt and freshly 2. Add the onion and red pepper to the pan and fry over a medium heat for 5 mins to soften. Add the garlic, chilli pow­ ground black pepper.

Ingredients

4 skinless chicken breast fillets 25g butter 25g plain flour 600ml milk 100g mature Cheddar cheese, grated 1tbsp wholegrain mustard Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method 1. Preheat the oven the 190°C/375°F/Fan 170°C/Gas Mark 5. Place the chicken fillets in a shallow ovenproof dish, cover and bake the chicken for 20 mins.

2. Meanwhile, make the cheese sauce. Melt the butter in a pan. Stir in the flour and cook for 1­2 mins. Remove the pan from the heat and gradually stir in the milk.

3. Return the pan to the heat and slowly bring to the boil, stir­

4. Uncover the chicken and pour over the sauce. Return the dish to the oven and bake, uncovered, for a further 25­30 mins until the sauce is bubbling and golden.

CHICKEN WITH CHILLI AND CHOCOLATE Ingredients 2tbsp olive oil 500g skinless chicken breast fillets, cut into bite­size pieces 1 onion, chopped 1 red pepper, deseeded and cut into chunks 2 garlic cloves, crushed 1tsp chilli powder 1tsp ground cumin

der, cumin, cinnamon and passata and season with salt and freshly ground pepper.

3. Return the chicken to the pan and bring to the boil, stirring.

Reduce the heat and simmer for 10 mins, stirring occasion­ ally until the chicken is cooked through.

4. Add the chocolate and stir until melted. Taste and add a lit­ tle extra chilli powder, if liked. Serve with rice and garnish with parsley, if using.

CHICKEN CACCIATORE Ingredients

1/2tsp ground cinnamon 500g passata 25g dark chocolate (70% cocoa solids), broken into squares Rice, to serve Parsley, to garnish (optional)

Method

1. Heat the oil in a pan, add the chicken and fry over a high heat for 3­4 mins until

1tbsp vegetable oil 4 skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite­sized chunks 1 pepper, diced 1 clove garlic, crushed 1tbsp tomato puree 400g tin chopped tomatoes

Method

1. Heat the oil in a pan and brown the chicken chunks for a couple of minutes. Set aside.

2. Add the pepper, garlic and tomato puree to the pan and soften for a couple of minutes.

3. Return the chicken to the pan with the tinned tomatoes and 300ml water.

4. Bring to a boil, then simmer for 20 mins.

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Friday, March 7, 2014

CHICKEN IN BALSAMIC BBQ SAUCE Ingredients 4 chicken breasts For the marinade: 1 small onion, peeled and finely chopped 2 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed 1 chicken stock pot (like Knorr) 1 level tsp dry mustard 2tbsp brown sugar 1½tbsp Worcestershire sauce 3tbsp olive oil 4tbsp tomato ketchup 8tbsp balsamic vinegar Tabasco sauce, to taste, optional

Method

1. Mix ingredients for the marinade in a large non­metallic dish, adding some freshly ground black pepper.

Add the chicken breasts, coat them well and leave, covered, at least 4 hours at room temperature, or overnight, in the fridge.

2. When ready to serve, take the chicken out of the marinade and grill (line the tray with foil), barbecue, or pan­fry for 10­ 15 minutes, over a medium heat, depending on their size, adding more marinade halfway through cooking. Take the meat out. Set aside while you bring the marinade to the boil and cook for about 5 minutes. Spoon over the meat for serv­ ing hot, or cold, with salad.

PIRI-PIRI SAUCE Ingredients 6 whole fresh red chillies 2 whole cloves of garlic 1 quartered and deseeded red pep­ per 1 tsp salt flakes ½ tsp fresh oregano 2 tsp ground paprika 3 tbs red wine vinegar 6 tbs olive oil 1 spatchcocked chicken 8 chicken joints or 12 chicken wings

Method 1. Set oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas Mark 4. Put chillies, unpeeled cloves of garlic and red pepper in a roasting tin.

Roast for 30 mins.

2. Put them all in a polybag and leave to cool for 10 mins.

Squeeze the chillies out of their skins; remove seeds.

3. Remove skin from the garlic and pepper. Roughly chop them all and put in a pan with salt flakes, dried oregano or fresh oregano, ground paprika, red wine vinegar and olive oil.

Simmer for 2­3 mins. Cool, then blend with a stick blender to make a smooth sauce.

4. Keep the Piri Piri in a jar in the fridge. Use within 1 month.

Use to make Piri Piri Chicken: Spread half the sauce over a spatchcocked chicken, chicken joints or chicken wings.

Marinate for 1 hr. Cook on a griddle, a barbecue or in the oven.

CHICKEN WITH WHITE WINE SAUCE Ingredients 2tbsp olive oil 1 onion, chopped 4 skinless boneless chicken breasts, cubed 250g (9oz) button mushrooms, wiped and halved 120ml (4fl oz) dry white wine

500g jar of white sauce 2tbsp freshly chopped mixed herbs

Method

1. Heat the oil in a large pan, add the onion and cook for 5 mins or until softened.

Add the chicken and cook until it's browned on all sides.

2. Stir in the mushrooms and wine and cook over a high heat for a further 3 mins, or until the wine is reduced by half. Stir in the white sauce and simmer for about 15 mins, or accord­ ing to jar instructions, until the chicken is cooked.

Stir in the herbs and season with salt and pepper. You can serve this casserole with saffron­flavoured white rice.

CHICKEN ESCALOPES WITH OLIVE BUTTER Ingredients 4 chicken breasts, skinned 2 tbsp olive oil

Continued on pg 28

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Friday, March 7, 2014

1 tbsp fresh chopped tarragon leaves Finely grated zest of 1 lemon, plus 2 tbsp juice Salt and freshly ground black pepper For the olive butter: 60g (2oz) butter 1 tbsp chopped fresh tarragon leaves 6 small green olives, stoned and finely diced New potatoes, sliced, and green beans, to serve

Method

1. Remove any sinews and the fillets from the chicken. Put each piece of meat between 2 sheets of cling film. Use a rolling pin to beat the meat into thin escalopes.

2. Mix the oil, tar­ ragon, lemon zest and juice in a large, shallow bowl. Add some black pepper and the chicken, coat­ ing pieces well in the marinade. Leave for 30 mins.

3. To make the olive butter: Soften the but­

ter, then add the tarragon and olives. Spoon on to grease­ proof paper and make into a rough sausage shape about 5cm (2in) long. Roll up and chill.

4. To serve: Heat a grill pan on medium­high. Add 2 of the escalopes and grill for 2­3 mins on each side, pressing the meat down to enhance the griddle marking. Set aside, in a warm oven. Cook the other 2 escalopes. Cut each escalope into 3 and serve on potatoes with green beans. Place slices of olive butter on top to melt.

CHICKEN BREAST WITH LEMON AND TARRAGON SAUCE Ingredients 2 lemons 4 boneless chicken breasts, skin on 8 sprigs fresh tarragon 2tbsp extra­virgin olive oil 1tsp salt flakes 1tsp mixed peppercorns, roughly ground 250ml Alpro soya cream alternative

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 200ْºC/fan180ْºC/gas 6

2. Cut 7 slices from the middle of 1 lemon and juice the remain­ der along with the other lemon and set aside.

3. Insert 1 slice of lemon under the skin of each chicken breast along with a sprig of tarragon and put in a roasting tin.

4. Drizzle with the olive oil and sprinkle over the salt and ground pepper. Roast for 35 mins.

5. Transfer the chicken to a plate and keep warm. Put the roasting tin over a low heat on the hob and add the lemon juice. Stir with a wooden spatula, scraping up any bits stuck to the bottom of the tin. Add the soya cream and stir well to heat the mixture through.

6. Return the chicken to the tin and spoon over the sauce.

Garnish with the remaining tarragon and lemon slices, and serve.

Friday, March 7, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

DEADLY DROP A Moroccan man has died and his friends taken to hospital, after drinking out of a whiskey bottle they found in an Almeria rubbish bin. The tragedy happened last Friday morning, with ambulances rushing to the city centre after one of the men affected called for assistance for a friend. Six men were subsequently

treated in hospital. Shortly after, two other men were found in a nearby street, including the 30 year old dead Moroccan.

Several bottles of alcohol were found near the vic­ tims, and according to inquiries, six men found a bottle in a trash bin and drank from it. Preliminary investigation indicated that

there may have been a toxic substance mixed with the alcohol, with the inci­ dent occurring at the start of the Andalusia Day holiday.

Emergency services said that a passer­by called around 2.20am Friday to report that several individu­ als were lying on the ground on Trajano Street in the city, looking highly inebriated.

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MAN IN A SUITCASE

EXCEEDINGLY GOOD CAKE

A group of Mallorca pensioners got a cake with a kick recently, after eating one that was made with cannabis. The Guardia Civil have charged two of them, including the 78 year old cake maker, for baking the marijuana­laced treat. At least 10 pension­ ers, mainly in their 80s, had gone to their usual daily bar in Artà, where they take it in turns to bake a cake and bring it in for everyone to share. One of the group, the charged 78 year old man, who claimed to have used ingredients given to him by other people, saw a number of his friends rushed to the local health centre and even A&E in nearby Manacor. None of them realised what was in the cake until they had finished their slices, said one of the group. He revealed that one man tried to climb the stairs to his apartment afterwards and kept saying 'squares' were appearing in front of him, then stopped halfway and sat down – at which point, he claimed he was strapped down to a hospital bed, much to the confusion of his family.

Another man went to plough his fields after eating the cake, and told his family and friends that 'clouds were falling down on him all afternoon'. A third went to the local health centre, feeling off­colour, and was surprised and confused when a nurse saw him and shouted, “doctor, we've got another druggie in here!” A fourth affected pensioner went to feed his pigs after eating the cake and was found there much later clinging onto a fig tree, which they were unable to pull him away from, and claiming he was surrounded by hundreds of sheep.

A slice of cake had been given to one of the women behind the bar who is said to have been laughing and crying non­stop for ages and then ended up off sick for several days, whilst another bartender, who ate some the next morn­ ing and took a slice home for his wife at lunchtime fell asleep and could not be woken up in time to return to the bar for evening opening

PACO BAKED OFF

One of Spain’s most famous celebrity chefs and bak­ ers has gone bust. Francisco Torreblanca, who is based in Alicante, 10 years ago created the extravagant wed­ ding cake for Prince Felipe’s royal wedding and three years ago Pope Benedict was treated to his sweet treats on flights to and from Madrid.

Torreblanca, also known as Paco, was forced to file for voluntary bankruptcy for his firm Pasteleria Totel SL and a judge in Alicante ruled last week that it should be liqui­ dated.

Paco, 63, has long been hailed as an extraordinary baker but achieved national recognition with his royal dessert in 2004. He had stores in Alicante and Valencia, as well as a factory in Monovar, but the firm was unable to rise to a profit.

At the wedding ceremony in 2004, in Madrid’s Almudena Cathedral, all 1,800 guests were given an individually hand­made dessert, made of sweet choco­ late and olive oil biscuits and dark chocolate­ the Prince’s favourite.

A North African being smuggled across the border into the Spanish enclave of Melilla has been caught after trying to get over in a suitcase. The Guardia Civil between Melilla and the Moroccan town of Beni Ansar noticed last Sunday how a man struggled to pull a large suitcase with unevenly distributed weight. The suspect, a Moroccan national who lives in Spain, continued to drag the heavy case with haste despite being pursued by the border control guards.

Once the officers caught up with the man, they were able to arrest him and reveal the contents of the suitcase. Inside they found a contorted 19­year­old would­be migrant from Mali. Both men have been remanded in police custody until further notice. Tensions at the borders have been high since at least 14 migrants drowned in Moroccan waters on February 6th while trying to enter Ceuta. Spanish security forces were slammed by human rights groups and witnesses after firing rubber bullets at the immigrants, sparking a heat­ ed debate in Spain.

NAUGHTY NIÑOS

Spanish chil­ dren are getting more and more a b u s i v e towards their p a r e n t s , according to legal profes­ s i o n a l s .

Prosecutors working in juve­ nile courts say­ ing that many parents are losing control of their youngsters aged between 14 and 16 because they have never been set proper boundaries, and they say that girls are just as abu­ sive and aggressive as boys.

One 16­year­old girl was returned to a detention cen­

tre days after her release because she immediately began insulting and threat­ ening her parents. Social workers agree with the pros­ ecutors adding that early misbehaviour by children has to be stopped straight away by their parents before it gets worse.

30

Friday, March 7, 2014

UK HEADLINES

'I need help' admits CorriesMichael Le Vell In an emotional showdown on Tuesday, Michael Le Vell confessed to Corrie chiefs about his boozy nights snorting coke – and admitted “I need help”.

He was sensationally dropped from the soap after he told bosses during 90 min­ utes of crisis talks that he had been gripped by his demons.

But executives said they hoped that Michael, who earns an annual salary of around £200,000 on the show, would return this year once he gets clean.

He is expected to start treatment in the coming days, with rehab the most likely option.

The crisis talks, which included execu­ tive producer Stuart Blackburn, were held after Michael admitted in the Sunday Mirror at the weekend that he had taken the Class A drug.

The 49­year­old said he first snorted coke in the traumatic weeks leading up to his child abuse trial last year. He was recently cleared of all charges.

A Corrie source said yesterday: “We are giving him the time to get the help he wants but he has not decided whether that involves rehab.

“That will be his personal choice. There are lots of options. It is about what he feels is right for his situation. This is someone who has been through a hell of an experi­

ence.”

Friends say the actor has previously resis­ ted their suggestions to spend time in rehab but they now believe it is the only sensible option.

An ITV spokesman said: “Coronation

Street and Michael Le Vell have mutually agreed he will take a break from the pro­ gramme while he seeks professional help for personal issues.”

After the not guilty verdicts in September, Michael started filming again six weeks ago.

The motormouth presenter had a dig at the country's famous car industry and joked England would lose all homeless people if Scotland separated from the UK. Talking on Sunday night's Top Gear, the 53­year­old host said: "We have heard a lot of talk in recent weeks about what Scotland would lose if you choose to go on your own.

"But nobody is talking about what England would lose. It is quite a lot ­ North Sea oil, the sub base at Faslane. All tramps."

To which co­host Richard Hammond gasped: "Oh God!" But outraged Twitter users did not find the funny side and took to the social media site to vent their anger.

One riled­up Scot posted: "Just r e m e m b e r @JeremyClarkson it was a Scot that invented the TV, so you wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for us…"

Another said: "Not many of us Tramps in Scotland will be watching TG again."

And a third added: "One thing Scotland would gain if they became independent is ditching dull t******* like Jeremy Clarkson."

Clarkson continued to add fuel to the fire

by laying into Scotland's prestigious motor indus­ try.

He said that Britain would lose a "signifi­ cant chunk" of its driving her­

He will return on screen on March 21 as mechanic Kevin Webster.

He will feature in episodes until the end of April, but bosses started work Monday on writing him out of future scripts.

The Corrie insider said: “Everything that Michael has filmed will be seen on screen. He will be coming back as planned. As of this week he will be writ­ ten out to accommodate him getting the help that he wants to get.

“It is easy to explain someone’s absence. They can go anywhere so that is not an issue.

“He was the one who said ‘can you please let me get on with this now, give me a break, I need help’. This isn’t a sto­ ryline, this is about a human being that wants to get help for some issues so we are going to honour that.”

Michael left his home in Hale, Cheshire, just after 10am Monday in a red Volkswagen. The car arrived 20 min­ utes later at the Corrie studios in Manchester. After the crisis talks, Michael was seen leaving the show’s HQ at 12.20pm in a £27,000 black Mercedes. And he arrived back in the top­of­the­range car, which he is thought to be leasing, at 1.35pm.

He was cleared of a number of child sex abuse charges, including rape.

Clarkson sparks Twitter outrage after Scottish 'tramps' joke

itage.

"I am talking about the mighty Argyll, Scotland's finest," he said.

But the chatterbox hit out at the electric car, the Scamp.

"A rather tragic story made of aluminium

and wood it was going to be sold through electricity board showrooms.

"When they took it to a government test centre to get roadworthiness certificate there was a bit of a problem.

"In one test when the inspector noted the speedo broke, the electric motor stopped working, a back door flew open, the spare wheel fell out, steering went wrong and sus­ pension snapped. That was the end of that."

Handfuls of complaints from viewers came in claiming the presenter had over­ stepped the mark.

But a BBC spokeswoman said Clarkson's remarks were said with "tongue partially in cheek."

31

Friday, March 7, 2014

BUTTERFLY SMILE MABS BOOST

The DEBRA Butterfly Children’s charity is better off to the tune of a thousand Euros after the latest efforts of the Smile Charity Group, as they promoted a musical fund­raising night.

Smile’s next beneficiary will be the Benijofar Crisis Appeal, and Woody and the Peckers will be doing anoth­

er Rock and Roll night at the El Alto La Dolores Restaurant in Guardamar on Wednesday March 19th.

Tickets will be just 10 Euros, which include a meal, and you can buy those from the restaurant as well as the Post Room in Benijofar and the Card Place in Benimar.

The Smile Charity Group

The MABS Mar Menor Cancer Support Group has a brand new support centre. The new facility is a converted bungalow, which is on the main road between San Javier and Santiago de la Ribera, on the corner of Avenida Mar Menor and Calle Cabo de Cresus. Volunteers, sponsors and patients witnessed the opening ribbon being cut by Maria Angeles Martinez, Principal of the Official School of Languages in San Javier,

is also getting ready to tread the boards for their next stage production with an original comedy based on a St Trinian's reunion, and will be performed at The Emerald Isle in La Florida on the Orihuela Costa; The Club in Quesada; and El Alto Help Murcia Mar Menor La Dolores Restaurant in spent an enjoyable night May. trying to work out who killed the captain of the cruise liner, Magnifica, and just for a change there wasn’t a single butler in the frame for the crime! The Murder Mystery event at the Olympia Restaurant in Mil Palmeras had close to 100 people trying to unmask the killer, raising over 500 Euros into the bargain for Help MMM. Pictured are land­lubbers Doreen and David Sykes arriving for the “Cruise of Death”. The next event for

assisted by MABS President, Jacqui Phillips and area co­ordinator, Janet Bell.

The centre is open on weekdays between 10.00am and 2.00pm and provides a place for anyone affected by cancer to drop in for information, a coffee and chat, or just a shoulder to cry on. It also provides a treat­ ment room for lymphatic drainage, and a room for counselling or complimentary ther­ apies. The phone number is 634 328 401.

The butler didn’t do it

WINGED INSIGHT

The doors of the San Javier Air Academy were flung open recently to over 60 mem­ bers and friends of the Orihuela Costa Branch of the Royal British Legion. The “behind the scenes” visit allowed everyone to learn more about the history of the airbase as well the modern facilities that it provides

for both military and civilian traffic. The base is Spain’s leading training centre for national air force pilots as well as being the head­ quarters for the Eagle Patrol, which is the Spanish equivalent of the Red Arrows. The RBL members also had a chance to enthuse over a fine collection of old and new aircraft.

Help MMM is a Quiz Night next Thursday evening (March 13th) at Lui’s Lounge at the San Javier Caravan

Club, starting at 7.00pm for 7.30, with a 10 Euro Chicken and Chips supper, as well as a raffle.

CARITAS CHEQUE

Ancient Grease is the word

Back by public demand is the Stagestruck take on the classic musical, Grease: ­ namely, Ancient Grease. A new script features a cast of new charac­ ters, with Jim Speakman doing the John Travolta role of Danny; Kate Farmer playing Sandy, and Janie Van Rootselenar taking on Rizzo.

San Fulgencio’s Cardenal Belluga Theatre will host the performances between Thursday May 29th and Saturday May 31st, with tickets on sale for just 6 Euros. For more details and reservations call Stella on 965 076 700 or 693 231 472.

The San Miguel de Salinas branch of the Caritas charity got a lift last week thanks to 250 Euros from the Campoverde Theatre Group, who raised the money during their recent presentation of Robinson Crusoe at the town’s Casa de Cultura. Parish priest, Jose Maria, received the cheque at his church which will go to the local needy. The group’s next production is a fun musical based on the TV comedy, Are You Being

Served. Called I’m Free, the Campoverde team are still looking for cast members, notably somebody to assume the mantle of Mr.Humphries, who was played with such gusto in the original series by John Inman.

For more details, call Tony Kelly on 966 182 415 or come along to the Community Centre, Blue Lagoon on Monday March 24th at 2pm.

32

Friday, March 7, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 Sudden events that come to you via TV, newspapers, or the Internet, could shake up long­cherished belief systems today, Aries. This could have you feeling momentarily disconcerted and a bit disil­ lusioned. At the same time, this informa­ tion could open up new doors for you.

Your natural curiosity will eventually win out, and you're likely to want to read all you can about whatever is on your mind.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 A task that you've been working on for a long time could come to a standstill today due to circumstances beyond your control. You're likely to feel quite frustrated, Taurus, as there seems to be nothing you can do to speed things up. Don't agonize over this, however; it will get going again. The best thing you can do is find something else to work on until the blockages have been released.

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 Be prepared today, Gemini. A longtime dream regarding your career may finally become a reality. At first you might not believe it, fighting the news in order to avoid possible disappointment. Don't fall into this trap; it creates negative energy, which can get in your way. You've worked hard to be where you are, and you aren't likely to stop advancing. Accept your acco­ lades, thank everyone, and then move on.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 You tend to be your own worst critic, Cancer, and today you're more likely to be that way.

Recent setbacks on the job might find you harboring doubts about your own capabili­ ties. Be objective about the situation.

Whatever happened was probably above and beyond your control, so it isn't fair to doubt yourself because of it. Work hard, continue to do the best you can, and don't let outside events sap your belief in yourself.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Today could be a strange day where money is concerned, Leo. You might not be sure exactly where you stand financial­ ly, so it might be a good idea to get all your records together and go over them careful­ ly. This isn't a good day for gambling or making investments of any kind. Instead, get whatever information you can on investments that interest you, study them, and make appropriate decisions later.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 Unsafe conditions could exist around the house, Virgo, which may result in accidents if they aren't rectified. Some may not be readily apparent, so warn family members to be careful. This isn't a good day to do any heavy work around the home. If you're planning major repairs, it might be a good idea to postpone them. This is, however, a good day for planning such repairs, as you can be especially methodical right now.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 Libra, one or more of your co­workers could appear to be rather upset or depressed on the job today, and this is likely to affect your own efficiency. Your colleagues in question aren't going to be very much into communi­ cating, so it's best just to turn a blind eye and keep on working in spite of the situa­ tion. It's going to be tougher than usual, but it's nothing you can't handle.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 Profligate spending in the past may come back to haunt you now with regard to money, Scorpio. There could be blocks in receiving funds you were expecting or an unexpected but necessary expense could come up. It's going to take all your talent for careful planning to work your way around this situation, but take heart. The situation can turn to a positive one in the blink of an eye, and probably will.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 Boredom and restlessness may plague you today, Sagittarius. You could feel the need to break loose from the ties that bind you to mundane affairs, to run away and seek adventure, although you aren't certain what kind of adventure! The walls may be closing around you at home and on the job. You might want to plan some kind of outing for an upcoming weekend in order to give your­ self a needed break.

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 Your concentration should be high today, Capricorn. You're likely to be more observant than usual. Don't be surprised if you find yourself noticing people and sensing their thoughts and feelings even more than usual.

This is a good day to read, study, attend a class, or otherwise acquire new information.

You may discover something new about a subject that really interests you, and you might want to spend the day reading about it.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 Worries about money could be uppermost in your mind today, Aquarius. You may have suffered some financial setbacks and won­ der how you can muster enough funds to get over the hump. However, help is on the way.

An outside source could provide funds to tide you over. Whatever other problems you may have will all be straightened out later. Your own ingenuity and a little help from your friends will probably see you through.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 Setbacks on the job might have you a little depressed and worried. Don't worry, Pisces; all will be well. Think of this as a challenge to overcome. Your natural practi­ cality and efficiency will see you through.

Someone isn't being totally honest with you. Encourage people around you to open up and communicate a little. What they say may not be all that agreeable, but at least you'll be better able to assess the situation.

33

Friday, March 7, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Ralph was having some issues stopping a demo ADVICE: Ken was having some trouble with his Spanish video showing when he started his tablet. keyboard

Q

Hi Richard, when I switch on the tablet, the words DEMO MODE written in the bot­ tom left hand corner then in the centre of the screen appears ICONIA / A1. Then continues to show demo video complete with repetitive tune which I cannot get rid of. Hope you can help, Ralph

Q

Can you please solve my problem? I have an E­machines notebook, a handy portable machine but it has a Spanish keyboard and is driving me nuts I have tried numerous combinations to get the forward slash without any luck, the forward slash is on the same button as 7 but I cannot get it on the screen. Thanks for your help

Ken

A

HI Ralph, I managed to find an article that should help, about half way down seem to be the instructions you need… http://community.acer.com/t5/Android­Tablets/How­can­I­get­out­from­ Iconia­A1­810­DEMO­Mode/td­p/128827

ADVICE: Ian was wondering about upgrading to Windows 8.1 from Windows XP

Hi Ken, it depends, do you have the English keyboard loaded in Windows or the Spanish keyboard loaded. I know you physically have a Spanish keyboard but which language does Windows think the keyboard is in?

Could you check by pressing SHIFT and the number 7 please, if you get a forward slash then great it’s a Spanish keyboard loaded, if you get an ampersand sign ­ & ­ then you have an English keyboard loaded. To get a forward slash on an English keyboard, you need to press the key immediately to the left of the right shift key ­ on a Spanish keyboard it looks like a minus and underscore key.

Hope this helps.

A

Hi Richard, can you advise about upgrading XP to 8.1 as lots of views fly­ ing about? Regards Ian

Q

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Ian, if your current machine is running Windows XP then it may not be able to support Windows 8, you can check by using the upgrade advisor here...

A

http://windows.microsoft.com/en­gb/windows­8/upgrade­assistant­download­online­ faq ...if you meet the requirements then it's pretty straight forward to upgrade, but you might want to have a read of my article on Windows 8 before you commit. www.bluemoonsolutions.es/windows­8­its­almost­not­terrible

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

34

Friday, March 7, 2014

UK 'Car of the Year' 2014 revealed...

The BMW i3 has lifted the top prize at the first­ever UK Car of the Year Awards.

It triumphed in the Best Supermini catego­ ry before going on to scoop the title of UK Car of the Year 2014.

The awards, which include 11 categories and one overall prize, are voted for by 27 of the most respected motoring journalists in the UK. Each is an expert in their field to ensure UK consumers get the best advice possible, whichever type of car they are con­ sidering buying.

In the overall vote, which featured the likes of the Porsche Cayman, Range Rover Sport, BMW 5 Series, Citroen C4 Grand Picasso and Audi A3, almost half of the 27­ strong judging panel chose the i3.

"Alternative vehicles have made a big impression on UK car buyers in recent years, and the i3 takes things to the next level," said John Challen, Managing Director of UK Car of the Year Awards, and Editor of ukcoty.co.uk. "It might be a new direction for BMW, but the i3 successfully retains the driving characteristics from BMW's more established models."

Uwe Dreher, BMW UK Marketing Director, commented on the win: "For the BMW i3 to be voted as the first­ever UK Car of the Year is real testament to the years of research and development that have gone into mak­

ing BMW's first electric production car. The BMW i3 has pushed the boundaries in every way from sustainable production, to its unique construction and revolutionary own­ ership proposition. The judging panel clearly recognised this and we are delighted to be given such an independent accolade."

Elsewhere, praise came from BBC Top Gear's Tom Ford, who commented: "i3 moves the game on for urban and inter­ urban transport. It is clever, exciting, useful and desirable."

Tim Pollard, from MSN, said that i3 "shows that small cars can be at the cutting edge of technology – and that EVs can be desirable". Press Association's Matt Joy added that the new BMW "makes the funda­ mental leap for the electric car, namely that it is desirable for reasons other than its eco credentials".

Runner­up to the BMW i3 for the UK Car of the Year 2014 prize was the Ford Fiesta ST, which won the Best Performance Car category. Joint third place went to the Skoda Octavia Estate and Jaguar F­TYPE, which topped the Best Estate and Best Open Top Car categories respectively.

Full list of UK Car of the Year Awards 2014 winners: Best Supermini – BMW i3 Best Small Hatch – Audi A3

Best Family Car – Skoda Octavia Best Executive Car – BMW 5 Series Best Luxury Car – Mercedes­Benz S­ Class Best Estate Car – Skoda Octavia Estate

Best Best Best Best Best

MPV – Citroen C4 Grand Picasso 4x4 – Range Rover Sport Coupe – Porsche Cayman Open Top Car – Jaguar F­TYPE Performance Car – Ford Fiesta ST

Friday, March 7, 2014

35

36

Friday, March 7, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 2 represents B and 3 represents C, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1/3 Exceptionally able peo­ ple (3,5) 6 Space (3) 8 Ahead (7) 9 Monarch (5) 10 Long (5) 11 Memory loss (7) 12 Expel (6) 14 Against (6) 17 Glorious (7) 19 Tremble (5) 21 Fake (5) 22 Messenger (7) 23 Put (3) 24 Frock (5) 25 Whatsoever (3)

1 Large and heavy (5) 2 Land (7) 3 European monarchy (5) 4 Trial (6) 5 Odd (7) 6 Strong winds (5) 7 Maybe (7) 12 Shy (7) 13 Regular payment (7) 15 Staying power (7) 16 Salvage (6) 18 Substantial (5) 19 Rebuffs (5) 20 Ahead of time (5)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Sane, 3 Genius, 9 Order, 10 Alter, 11 Dregs, 12 Issue, 14 Elope, 15 Stable, 16 Mix­ups, 19 Bream, 22 Bleep, 23 Alibi, 24 Glory, 25 Balti, 27/26 Lie low, 28 Settee, 29 Twig.

Down: 1 Stories, 2/7A Nod off, 4 Erase, 5 Introduce, 6 Serve, 7 Ordeal, 8 Feed, 13 Scapegoat, 17 Imbibe, 18 Sapling, 19 Bogus, 20 Maybe, 21 Bill.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Down 2 Mean simply missing Across 1 Ascend headless mem­ school (5) 3 Duo Ben and I formed for ber (4) 4 Swine go off alcoholic desert people (7) 4 Laundress, perhaps, drinks (5) 9 Stands in the way ­ I’m used to be female (6) before the improper speed 5 Crashed plane in Asian country (5) (7) 6 Make music outside the 10 Blow mixed drink (5) pub, that’s being immoral 11 University degree you (7) got in a lagoon (5) 7 Recast, as I rub Big Bird 12 Cakes mix­up is clear (6) (7) 8 Units of electrical resist­ 13 Helper, but for a short ance allow none aboard a time (6) Royal Navy vessel (4) 15 Overlooked in Comic 14 Greek city ­ in the Relief or Gothic romance Adriatic or in Thessaly (7) (6) 16 Love street with rich 19 One scornful of French bird (7) equestrian (7) 17 Badly looted Spanish 21 Test the Tory leader and city (6) the liar somehow (5) 18 Privileged convict 23 Left one recipe for a rebuilt rusty Ford (6) solitary sole (5) 19 Guy’s girlfriend, a play­ 24 Fit it out in the shed and thing (4) have it moved (7) 20 Ruder revolutionary is a 25 Thomas is enduring (5) German artist (5) 26 Laugh at round ends? 22 Bury them in the middle of the hinterland (5) It’s tough (4) STANDARD CLUES Down 2 Suggest (5) Across 3 Nomadic Arab (7) 1 Appendage (4) 4 Tap seal (6) 4 Alcoholic drinks (5) 5 Asian kingdom (5) 9 Obstructs (7) 10 Deliver a quick blow to 6 Transgressing (7) 7 Subsonic jet airliner (6) (5) 8 Units of electrical resist­ 11 Marshy lake outlet (5) ance (4) 12 Chocolate pastries (7) 13 Boxer’s attendant (6) 14 Greek port (7) 15 Failed to recall (6) 16 Largest living bird (7) 19 One who ridicules (7) 17 Spanish city 21 Test (5) 18 Dependable (6) 23 Individualist (5) 19 Plaything (4) 24 Moved (7) 20 German Renaissance 25 Rugged (5) artist (5) 26 Not easy (4) 22 Bury (5) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Flog, 4 Punch, 9 Lasting, 10 Vesta, 11 Cloud, 12 Dashing, 13 Roster, 15 Boxers, 19 Teacher, 21 Pagan, 23 Inlay, 24 Steamer, 25 Wines, 26 Seal.

Down: 2 Lasso, 3 Griddle, 4 Pagoda, 5 Nevis, 6 Hospice, 7 Slicer, 8 Bang, 14 Swallow, 16 Orpheus, 17 Sentry, 18 Wrests, 19 Toil, 20 Haydn, 22 Gamma.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ass Bee Cha Chi Foe Led Lee Pad Tor Wee 4 letter words Alar Awls Chap Daks

Dolt Egad Elmy Exam Fade Frau Heat Kiwi Lawn Maul Mete Nile Obit Olio Oops Pier Reel Rome

Sago Seem Side Some Stoa Suet Taxi Toms Utah Warm 5 letter words Aisle Alarm Aloes Asset Cabal Coati

Cobra Cocoa Emeer Error Krill Oasis Offer Opium Sores Tiara Tithe Yearn 6 letter words Afield Degree Euchre Gimlet

Hassle Orator 7 letter words Glasses Lucidly Minster Ratchet Reliant Sapient Sonnets Tacitly Trinket Unscrew 8 letter words Reliance Stashing

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Tornillos (en punta) (6) 4 Uvas (6) 7 Espárrago (9) 9 Deber (obligación) (4) 10 Tía (4) 11 Cielos (5) 13 Sábanas (de camas) (6) 14 To jump (leap) (6) 15 Inteligente (6) 17 Lagarto (6) 19 Perdedor (5) 20 También (4) 22 Izquierdo (4) 23 Sobres (para cartas) (9) 24 Worker (agriculture, industry) (6) 25 Cucharas (6)

Down 1 Paths (6) 2 Fácil (sencillo) (4) 3 Tiburones (6) 4 Categorías (6) 5 Water (4) 6 To feel (6) 7 To dare (9) 8 Maletas (para equipa­ je) (9) 11 Acero (5) 12 To leave (5) 15 Painting (6) 16 Rosemary (6) 17 Limones (6) 18 At the back (6) 21 Una vez (4) 22 Log (4)

37

Friday, March 7, 2014 Across 1 Small North American lynx with a barred and spot­ ted coat and a short tail (6) 4 Sliced veal knuckle or shin bone cooked with olive oil and wine and tomatoes and served with rice or veg­ etables (4,4) 9 County in south­east­ ern England on the Thames (6) 10 Unit of energy equal to 3,600 joules (4­4) 12 Plucked stringed instrument with a long neck bearing frets and a rounded body with a flat front, rather like a halved egg in shape (4) 13 Instrument for beheading people with a descending heavy angled blade, adopted during the French Revolution (10) 15 Port and resort in northern Spain, situated on

the Bay of Biscay close to the border with France (3,9) 18 Craft of making fire­ works (12) 21 Free from creases, especially of fabric or the skin (10) 22 Tool with movable jaws for gripping an object that is being worked on (4) 24 Large Eurasian sand­ piper with long red legs and brown, grey, or blackish plumage (8) 25 Large, fairly docile wasp that is typically red and yellow or red and black and usually nests in hollow trees (6) 26 Habitual or character­ istic mental attitudes that determine how you will interpret and respond to sit­ uations (8) 27 Of or contained in or performing the function of the veins (6)

SUDOKU (Hard)

Quiz Word

Down 1 Mythical reptile with a lethal gaze or breath, hatched by a serpent from

a cock's egg (8) 2 Second lowest adult male singing voice (8) 3 Second son of Adam

and Eve, murdered by his brother Cain (4) 5 Acute communicable disease, usually in children, characterised by a high temperature and a red rash (7,5) 6 Therapy based on the assumption that restoring health is best accomplished by manipulating the skele­ ton and muscles (10) 7 First used as the title of a 1516 book by Sir Thomas More, an imagined place or state of things in which everything is perfect (6) 8 Surname of an Irish novelist and short­story writer, noted especially for her novel The Country Girls (6) 11 Colloquial British term meaning 'be quiet, stop talking' (3,1,4,2,2) 14 Flares fired into the air

from a pistol for signalling or for temporary illumina­ tion, named after an early 20th century American naval officer (4,6) 16 Fully ripened sweet red pepper, usually cooked (8) 17 Highly heat­resistant fibrous silicate mineral that can be woven into fabrics, and used in brake linings, fire­resistant and insulating materials 19 Minimum number of members of an assembly or society that must be pres­ ent at any of its meetings to make the proceedings of that meeting valid (6) 20 Country occupying the eastern part of the Scandinavian peninsula (6) 23 Mary Tudor, Queen of France, sister of King Henry VIII of England, was known as Mary ­­­­ (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

Expresiones con IR

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

ir a la cama

ir de paseo

ir al cine

ir de pesca

ir al extranjero

ir de vacaciones

ir al grano

ir lejos

ir de camping

ir muy lejos

ir de compras

ir para arriba

ir de excursión

ir tirando

ir de marcha

ir y venir

movies/tv QUIZ

ANSEWRS :1. Dusty 2. Chief Electrician 3. Hit Gong 4. Andrew 5. In the heat of the night 6. Douglas Fairbanks 7. Tallulah Bankhead 8. Mr. Ed 9. Happy Rabbit 10. Bob Geldorf 11.

Bogart 12. The Lost Weekend 13. Organ

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Danish pastry, 9 Javelin, 10 Red tape, 11 Verrazano, 12 Omega, 13 Speaker, 15 Stooge, 18 Eclair, 20 Meccano, 24 Tiara, 25 Possessed, 27 Profile, 28 Le Havre, 29 Pennsylvania.

Down: 1 Déjà vu, 2 Never, 3 Sultana, 4 Pancakes, 5 Sermon, 6 Redcoat, 7 Cape Town, 8 Felafel, 14 Polka dot, 16 Gestapo, 17 Weaselly, 19 Imagine, 21 Chekhov, 22 Spleen, 23 Adnexa, 26 Seven.

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.ir a la cama, 2.ir al cine,

13.ir y venir, 14.ir para arriba,

j.to go to bed,

3.ir al extranjero, 4.ir al grano,

15.ir tirando,

k.to go out on the town,

5.ir de camping,

a.to be on the up,

l.to go on a trip, m.to go abroad,

6.ir de compras,

b.to go camping,

n.to go to the cinema,

7.ir de excursión,

c.to come and go,

o.to go for a walk.

8.ir de marcha, 9.ir de paseo,

d.to get to the point, e.to go far,

10.ir de pesca,

f.to go fishing, g.to to shopping,

11.ir de vacaciones, 12.ir lejos,

h.to get by, i.to go on holiday,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1j, 2n, 3m, 4d, 5b, 6g, 7l, 8k, 9o, 10f, 11i, 12e, 13c, 14a, 15h.

1. What was the name of the horse before Silver in the Lone Ranger?

2. What job does the Gaffer do in the film industry?

3. Bombardier Billy Wells was seen on many Rank films ­ why?

4. What was James Bond's father's name?

5. What film won the best picture Oscar in 1967?

6. Who wrote and starred in the 1922 version of Robin Hood?

7. In the Hitchcock film, Lifeboat (1944) who played the part of Connie Porter?

8. Bamboo harvester was the real name of what TV character?

9. What was Bugs Bunny's original name?

10. Who played 'Pink' in the movie 'The Wall'?

11. Who won an Oscar for their part in the movie 'African Queen'?

12. What 1945 film won best picture, actor and director Oscars?

13. What instrument does Grumpy play in Disney's Snow White?

Fill It In

38

Friday, March 7, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY with ALEX TRELINSKI Legal dramas have always been part of the staple TV diet since Perry Mason became a massive interna­ tional hit in the late fifties, and there are many more such shows that spring to mind over the decades.

I was a fan of Crown Court, Rumpole of the Bailey, and more recently the much­ missed Judge John Deed and the original US version of Law and Order. There’s something about courtroom drama and the behind the scenes manoeuvres that makes for good TV, and we have two great examples running right now.

Silk and The Good Wife are both very different dra­ mas, and not just that one is British and the other American. They have styles of their own, but both have good casts and excellent writing. Silk, which runs on

LEGAL EAGLES WIN ME OVER

BBC 1 on a Monday night, is in the middle of a woefully short third season of just six episodes, but it certainly has­ n’t wasted much time in hit­ ting the ground running, and we had a good yarn this week of a football player being tried for assaulting

another player on the pitch.

The fun was seeing the two QC’s played by Maxine Peake and Rupert Penry­ Jones, besides being mem­ bers of the same practice and having the hots for each, having to oppose each other in the courtroom. There’s a

nice twist as well seeing the practice’s puppet­master, Billy, besides having to fight cancer, now having to answer to a female boss, after his dubious behaviour in the last series. It’s a joy to watch, but as I wrote last year, why can’t something of such quality get a longer stab at say at least a dozen episodes a year, or even longer? The only long­form dramas that we get on UK TV are the soaps, of which I include Casualty and Holby City in the mix, but there’s nothing high­end, let alone mid­end. The Yanks can teach us something in that regard.

The Good Wife, airing on More 4, has over 20 episodes a season to play with and its fifth run is so far the best of a brilliant bunch. I

don’t know of a contempo­ rary drama that can offer belly laughs one minute, and tension and emotion in the next breath. Set in Chicago, the show has re­booted with a split in the featured legal practice, and a nasty one at that, led by the star, Julianna Margulies as the lawyer, Alicia Florrick. Get some box sets or downloads to play catch up from the very begin­ ning, and just enjoy some cracking American and British actors romping their way through some of the paciest scripts around. Into a fifth year, it is better than ever, with US critics rightly saying it has hit new heights and there are still guest appearances to come from “regular” guests like Michael J Fox as an entertaining lawyer who milks everything

out of his disability.

Thank you great British viewing public. The awful Friday night ITV comedy drama, Edge of Heaven, couldn’t even manage 2 mil­ lion viewers, and was beaten by the funny 8 out of 10 Cats Do Countdown on Channel 4. ITV chief executive, Adam Crozier, last week beamed about the channel’s profits of close to £600m, promising shareholders a special divi­ dend. That’s fine and dandy, but he did say that daytime programming needs to be improved, which I wouldn’t disagree with. But on the evi­ dence of Edge of Heaven, Mr Crozier has some more urgent fish to fry, trying to clear up the mess after one of ITV’s biggest ever peak­ time drama flops.

Friday March 7 00:35 This Week 01:20 Skiing Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin: Home Comforts 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Room 101 22:00 Jonathan Creek 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Proposal BBC2 00:20 01:20 01:50 02:50 05:00 05:30

The Restaurant Man Panorama Horizon This Is BBC Two Schools ­ How to Write Schools ­ Regency Life: 3

Lives in 1 Day 05:55 Schools ­ Bringing Books to Life 2 06:55 Wonders of Nature: Underwater World ­ Environment 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Countryside 999 08:50 Helicopter Heroes 09:35 The Travel Show 10:00 Live Athletics 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Gardening 14:10 War Walks 14:40 The First Eden 15:40 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 Are You Being Served?

17:45 'Allo 'Allo!

18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Live Athletics 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 37 Days 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Student Nurses: Bedpans and Bandages 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Edge of Heaven 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Americans 23:30 Weather

SOHO BLUES Police officers in London's West End raid the lux­ ury penthouse flat of a suspected fraudster, a methadone user's belongings are stolen and the `booze bus' ­ an ambulance that deals solely with drunk people ­ patrols the streets looking for rev­ ellers who have partied a little too hard.

00:05 The CCTV Traffic Wardens: Caught on Camera 01:05 One Born Every Minute 02:00 Random Acts 02:05 First Dates 03:00 Scandimania 03:55 Food Unwrapped 04:20 Dispatches 04:50 Hugh's Fish Fight 05:45 Paralympic Winter Games ­ The Countdown 05:50 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 06:15 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:35 Countdown 07:20 Countdown 08:05 Paralympic Winter Games ­ The Countdown 08:10 Will & Grace 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:30 Frasier 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Four in a Bed 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Paralympic Winter Games Opening Ceremony 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Crufts 2014 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 The Last Leg 23:45 8 Out of 10 Cats

00:00 Extraordinary People 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Lost Orphan: A Home for Mirela 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Nora Roberts' High Noon 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 Soho Blues 23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles

39

Saturday March 8 02:35 Hidden Kingdoms 01:20 EastEnders 03:15 Weatherview 03:20 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Mary Berry Cooks 13:00 Football Focus 13:45 Sportsday 14:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 14:15 Bargain Hunt 15:00 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 17:25 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 17:40 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 20:00 The Voice UK 22:10 The National Lottery Live 22:20 Casualty 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 National Lottery Update 23:30 Match of the Day

08/03 00:05 BBC2 00:05 The Best of Men 01:35 Question Time

03:35 This Is BBC Two

00:35 The Chase 01:25 Jackpot247 04:00 The Land That Time Forgot Sport Relief's Top Dog 05:30 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Dino Dan Sport Relief's Top Dog 07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles Sport Relief's Top Dog 07:45 Canimals 08:10 Om Nom Stories Sport Relief's Top Dog 08:20 Sooty 08:30 Scrambled!

Sport Relief's Top Dog 10:25 ITV News Live Athletics 10:30 Dinner Date 11:25 Murder, She Wrote Escape to the Country 12:25 ITV News and Weather 12:29 ITV Meridian Weather Talking Pictures 12:30 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries The Trouble with Harry 13:00 Live FA Cup Football The Man Who Knew Too Much 16:00 The Illusionists 17:05 The Chase Final Score 18:05 Off Their Rockers 18:35 ITV News Meridian Live Athletics 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 You've Been Framed!

Dad's Army 20:00 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night The Perfect Morecambe & Wise Takeaway 21:20 The Cube 37 Days 22:20 The Jonathan Ross Show Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle 23:20 ITV News and Weather 23:34 ITV Meridian Weather QI XL 23:35 FA Cup Highlights

06:55 This Is BBC Two 07:30 08:00 08:30 09:00 09:30 10:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 15:35 17:30 18:10 21:15 21:45 22:15 23:15 23:45

00:35 Brooklyn Nine­Nine 01:05 Brüno 02:30 The Simpsons 02:55 Random Acts 03:00 Happy Endings 03:45 Franklin & Bash 04:25 The Good Wife 05:10 Deal or No Deal 06:00 Countdown 06:45 Live Paralympic Winter Games 12:30 The Morning Line 13:30 Deal or No Deal 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 17:40 Come Dine with Me 18:10 Come Dine with Me 18:40 Come Dine with Me 19:10 Channel 4 News 19:30 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights 20:00 Crufts 2014 22:00 Hostages 23:00 X­Men ­ the Last Stand

ANT & DEC'S SATURDAY NIGHT TAKEAWAY The Geordie duo go undercover to give antiques expert David Dickinson the surprise of his life, voy­ age into the unknown in another round of Ant v Dec and give one lucky member of the studio audience the chance to win the contents of a commercial break.

00:00 CSI: NY 00:55 Access 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Left for Dead by the Yorkshire Ripper 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:35 LazyTown 11:05 Zathura: a Space Adventure 13:00 The Fifth Element 15:25 Wimbledon 17:10 Columbo: the Greenhouse Jungle 18:45 Columbo: Double Shock 20:00 NCIS 21:00 NCIS 21:55 5 News Weekend 22:00 UFC

Sunday March 9 02:30 Nemesis 04:00 This Is BBC Two 00:45 The Football League Show 02:05 Weatherview 02:10 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 08:40 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:15 Wanted Down Under 14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 14:15 Bargain Hunt 14:45 Escape to the Country 15:30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 18:00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 18:30 Songs of Praise 19:05 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:30 Blandings 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Call the Midwife 22:00 The Musketeers 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Bruce Almighty

09/03 00:30 BBC2 00:30 Milk

07:15 Son of Kong 08:15 Monty Don's Italian Gardens 09:15 Countryfile 10:15 Gardeners' World 10:45 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:15 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:00 Michel Roux's Service 14:00 Michel Roux's Service 15:00 Live Athletics 19:00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 19:30 Mystery of the Moor 20:00 Wild Burma: Nature's Lost Kingdom 21:00 Top Gear 22:00 Fast and Fearless: Britain's Banger Racers 23:00 Mock the Week Looks Back 23:35 Line of Duty

00:25 01:20 04:00 04:45 07:00 07:25 07:45 08:10 08:20 08:30 10:25 11:25 12:25 12:29 12:30 13:30 14:30 17:20 19:35 19:45 20:00 22:00 23:00 23:14 23:15 23:45

All You Can Eat Jackpot247 In Plain Sight ITV Nightscreen Dino Dan Matt Hatter Chronicles Canimals Om Nom Stories Sooty Scrambled!

Murder, She Wrote Dickinson's Real Deal ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather The Crocodile Hunter Diaries River Monsters Live FA Cup Football Live and Let Die ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Dancing on Ice Mr Selfridge ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Birds of a Feather FA Cup Highlights

WILD BURMA: NATURE'S LOST KINGDOM ilm­makers from the BBC's Natural History Unit and scientists from America's Smithsonian Institution venture into Burma's jungles to catalogue its species in the hope of getting protected status for the area. The team sets out to discover whether the mountains in the west are home to a population of Asian elephants that could prove critical to the sur­ vival of the species.

01:00 Cloverfield 02:35 Blackout 03:55 Hollyoaks 06:05 Trans World Sport 07:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 12:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 15:30 The Big Bang Theory 16:00 The Big Bang Theory 16:30 How I Met Your Mother 17:00 The Simpsons 17:30 The Simpsons 18:00 Deal or No Deal 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:30 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights 20:00 Crufts 2014 22:00 One Day

01:05 SuperCasino 04:10 Benidorm ER 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:05 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Milkshake! Monkey 08:40 City of Friends 08:50 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:35 Power Rangers Megaforce 12:00 Access 12:05 Police Interceptors 13:05 Ice Road Truckers 14:00 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

15:00 The Hotel Inspector 16:00 Forever Young 18:05 5 News Weekend 18:10 Big Momma's: Like Father, like Son 20:10 Hancock 22:00 Blade: Trinity

40

Monday March 10 01:00 Forget Me Not 02:30 Weatherview 02:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Bang Goes the Theory 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Silk 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show 10/03 00:35 BBC2 00:35 The Killing Fields 02:50 Countryfile 03:45 Holby City 04:45 Silk 05:45 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer

08:05 Countryside 999 08:50 Caught Red Handed 09:20 Helicopter Heroes 10:05 The Restaurant Man 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:10 War Walks 14:40 British Isles: A Natural History 15:40 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 Are You Being Served?

17:45 'Allo 'Allo!

18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Mary Berry Cooks 22:00 Mind the Gap: London vs the Rest 23:00 The Culture Show 23:30 Newsnight

00:45 Anglo­Welsh Cup Rugby Union 01:40 The Store 03:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 I Never Knew That About Britain 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 DCI Banks 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Agenda

00:05 Working Girl 02:15 The Good Wife 03:00 One Born Every Minute 03:55 Supernanny US 04:35 Location, Location, Location 05:30 River Cottage Bites 05:50 Freesports on 4 06:15 Arenacross 06:45 Live Paralympic Winter Games 12:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 13:30 Channel 4 News Summary 13:35 Live Paralympic Winter Games 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights 21:00 Food Unwrapped 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 23:50 Gogglebox

FOOD UNWRAPPED Kate Quilton, Jimmy Doherty and Matt Tebbutt have travelled the world to reveal fascinating stories about the food people eat, and in this special edi­ tion they take another look at some of their favourite discoveries from the series.

00:00 Beowulf 02:10 SuperCasino 04:05 The Lost Orphan: A Home for Mirela 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:05 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Monkey 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 A Time to Remember 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Police Interceptors 22:00 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

23:00 Criminals: Caught on Camera 23:30 Weather

Tuesday March 11 00:20 Late Kick Off 00:50 Live at the Apollo 01:35 Weatherview 01:40 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Shetland 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Insane Fight Club 11/03 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Fast and Fearless: Britain's Banger Racers 01:20 Film 2014 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ One Hundred Years of the Women's Movement 05:30 Schools ­ Divine Women 06:00 Schools ­ True Stories

07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Countryside 999 08:50 Watchdog Test House 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 Great British Garden Revival 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The Super League Show 14:45 British Isles: A Natural History 15:35 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 Are You Being Served?

17:45 'Allo 'Allo!

18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Permission Impossible: Britain's Planners 21:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 22:00 An Hour to Save Your Life 23:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

00:05 The Secret Mediterranean with Trevor McDonald 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

BENIDORM ER ensioner Dennis is brought in by his two older sis­ ters when he becomes severely bloated. Medical staff pump eight litres of fluid from his stomach and he is rushed to the intensive care unit.

Barmaid Janice suffers a panic attack after com­ ing in to the hospital with a sore throat and a lump in her neck, while tourist Margaret arrives in the ER with a severe fever and acute pains in her stomach and back.

00:50 Troy 01:50 Random Acts 01:55 Scandal 02:40 Hostages 03:30 The Good Wife 04:15 One Born Every Minute 05:10 River Cottage Bites 05:20 Location, Location, Location 06:15 Kirstie's Homemade Home 06:30 Live Paralympic Winter Games 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 12:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 13:30 Channel 4 News Summary 13:35 Channel 4 Racing 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights 21:00 Kirstie's Best of Both Worlds 22:00 The Taste 23:00 Strippers

00:00 Lock Up 02:05 SuperCasino 04:05 Left for Dead by the Yorkshire Ripper 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Monkey 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Hotel Inspector 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 McBride: Murder Past Midnight 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Highland Emergency 20:30 5 News Update 20:30 Police 5 21:00 Benidorm ER 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 Body of Proof

41

Wednesday March 12 00:35 Swansea: Living on the Streets 01:10 Weatherview 01:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Political Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 Famous, Rich & Hungry 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 A Question of Sport 12/03 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Mind the Gap: London vs the Rest 01:20 Britain's Great War 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ Regency Life: 3 Lives in 1 Day 05:30 Schools ­ Pompeii: The Mystery of the People Frozen in Time

06:00 06:10 06:20 06:55 07:00 08:00 08:45 09:15 10:00 11:00 11:30 12:00 12:30 14:00 14:20 14:50 15:40 16:25 17:15 17:45 18:15 18:55 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:30

Schools ­ William Whiskerson Schools ­ William Whiskerson Schools ­ Vikings Wonders of Nature Homes Under the Hammer Countryside 999 Watchdog Test House Wanted Down Under Inside the Animal Mind An Island Parish See Hear BBC News Daily Politics The A to Z of TV Cooking War Walks British Isles: A Natural History Cagney & Lacey Bergerac Are You Being Served?

'Allo 'Allo!

Antiques Roadshow Party Political Broadcast Revenge of the Egghead Sport Relief's Top Dog Antiques Road Trip Collectaholics Line of Duty Inside No 9 Newsnight Weather

00:35 01:30 04:00 04:45 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:25 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:35

The Crocodile Hunter Diaries Jackpot247 Loose Women ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV News Meridian Dickinson's Real Deal The Alan Titchmarsh Show ITV Meridian Weather Tipping Point The Chase ITV News Meridian Party Political Broadcast ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street You Saw Them Here First Law & Order: UK ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV News Meridian The Miners' Strike and Me

LAW & ORDER: UK

00:00 Three Wives, One Husband 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:55 Poker 02:50 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:20 Trans World Sport 04:20 Volleyball 05:15 Arenacross 05:40 Freesports on 4 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 12:00 Undercover Boss Canada 13:00 River Cottage 13:30 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:35 Channel 4 Racing 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights 21:00 Secret Eaters 22:00 Live from Space 23:00 First Dates

New series. Return of the detective drama star­ ring Bradley Walsh. Ronnie and new partner Joe lead the investigation into the death of jeweller Harry Bernstein, who has been found with his hands and teeth missing. His wife, her lover and a former business associate are all possible sus­ pects, but the case takes a surprising turn when the victim's sister receives a gruesome delivery.

00:55 Body of Proof 01:50 SuperCasino 04:05 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Monkey 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Gadget Show 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 McBride: The Chameleon Murder 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Dangerous Drivers' School 21:00 Born to Kill?

22:00 NCIS 23:00 Suspects

Thursday March 13 00:05 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show 00:55 Blandings 01:25 Weatherview 01:30 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 17:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holiday Hit Squad 22:00 Famous, Rich & Hungry 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time 13/03 00:20 BBC2 00:20 An Hour to Save Your Life 01:20 See Hear 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ The Code 05:30 Who Needs Maths?

06:00 Schools: 3, 2, 1 Go! ­ Key Stage 2

06:55 Wonders of Nature: Mandarin Duck ­ First Flight 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Countryside 999 08:50 Watchdog Test House 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 Bible Hunters 11:05 An Island Parish 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:20 War Walks 14:50 British Isles: A Natural History 15:40 Cagney & Lacey 16:25 Bergerac 17:15 Are You Being Served?

17:45 'Allo 'Allo!

18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Revenge of the Egghead 19:30 Sport Relief's Top Dog 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 The Hairy Bikers' Asian Adventure 22:00 My Week with Marilyn 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

00:40 The Jonathan Ross Show 01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo: Strange Bedfellows 05:35 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:45 Emmerdale 20:45 Live UEFA Europa League Football 23:10 ITV News and Weather 23:40 ITV News Meridianer 23:45 Edge of Heaven

MY WEEK WITH MARILYN

Drama based on a true story, starring Michelle Williams and Eddie Redmayne. In 1956, Hollywood sex symbol Marilyn Monroe arrives in Britain to co­star with Laurence Olivier in his film adaptation of The Prince and the Showgirl. But as the behaviour of the notoriously mercurial Monroe begins to drive Olivier to distraction, she's befriended by young production runner Colin Clark and the two become confidantes.

00:00 Strippers 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:50 The Sea Inside 04:00 Niagara 05:30 Location, Location, Location 06:25 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 06:45 River Cottage Bites 07:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 12:00 Live Paralympic Winter Games 13:30 Channel 4 News Summary 13:35 Channel 4 Racing 17:30 Four in a Bed 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights 21:00 The Hoarder Next Door 22:00 Live from Space 23:00 How to Be a Billionaire

00:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 00:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:50 SuperCasino 04:05 70­Stone and Almost Dead 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 HouseBusters 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Monkey 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Lying to Be Perfect 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Truth About Travellers 21:00 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 22:00 The Hotel Inspector 23:00 Botched Up Bodies

42

Friday, March 7, 2014

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES Bar for traspaso Well established, 9 year old, beach front terrace on the Mar Menor, with a good mix of both British and Spanish clientele. Hard working bar.

For more information contact 637 362 863 (157)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship Home groups meet during the week. All wel­

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

come from any church back­ ground or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityCh urch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806.

Reg No:2009­SG/A The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness. Meets in the function room at sackos bar el liminar just off the cv 905 rojales to torrevieja road We have a divine service on Sundays 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoyance at 7.30pm Also on Wednesdays there is an open circle at 5.45 pm for those who wishing to devel­ op there mediumistic skills.

Healing is available by trained and certificated heal­ ers after each meeting. A warm welcome to friends old and new. The mediums for

CATERING

march are Sun 2nd Debbie Blevins wed 5th Trish Doherty & Jaqueline Holland hunt flowercentience ( bring a flower that no one else has touched ) Sun 9th Belinda Bradley and Sandra Galley wed 12th David Darnbourgh Sun 16th Sammy Fitzimmons wed 19th Suzy Hilton, ( visiting from the uk ) sun 23rd Suzy Hilton, who is being ordained as a minister at this service Wed 26th Morag Bullock, sun 30th Trish Doherty ( mother’s day service ) For further informa­ tion call Trish on 966 844 795 or email therainbowcen­ trecostablanca@gmail.com

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PERSONAL

CARS FOR SALE

Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

BARBER

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apartments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool & solarium, video entry system. Available for short or long term rent from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 616 493 487. (148)

CARPENTER

Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­ nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS

Private Parking, Communal pool Ref. GA0094 NOw only 83.000e Tel. 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large commu­ nal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros. Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immedi­ ate viewing Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­

CAR HIRE

WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ground Floor Duplex, on the Monte y Mar estate of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Fully furnished,

ALARMS

CLEANERS

43

Friday, March 7, 2014 munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­

by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped

CAR BREAKERS

Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg. Tel. 680333242 Corner Plot Property in the lower end of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Under build, Roof top Solarium Being sold Fully Furnished including White goods. Walking distance to all local amenities. 139.950e Ref. GA0087 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath­ roomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interi­

or furnishings are top quality, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and grav­ eled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in show­ er units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toi­ let and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €72,000. Two bed­ room apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed­in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large commu­

DRAINAGE

nal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­

ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­ dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium.

3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155

PETS

44

Friday, March 7, 2014

Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Limited Edition Fortaleze in Gran Alacant Exceptionally Large Plot. 4 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Private Pool with Decorative Garden, Private Parking, Electric Gates, Glazed in Porch, Solarium, Under build. Quiet sought after area. Very tastefully fur­ nished and all included 370.000e Ref. K52 Tel. 627711155

PLUMBERS

Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantas­ tic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever con­ structed­ Very large 5 bed­ rooms, 4 bathroom(2 en­ suit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge­diner with

POOL TABLES

working fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room.

Front porch area leading into large well established gar­ dens with irrigation system and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walk­ ing distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref. K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create anoth­ er room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Large 4 Bedroom, 4 Bathroom, 2 Kitchens, 2 Lounges, 600m2+ plot Large Retractable Glazed in Pool for all year swimming, Private Parking for 4 cars, Very low­maintenance, Fully Furnished. 330.000e but Negotiable. Very different to the other properties in Gran Alacant and is disabled friendly Ref: L80 Tel. 680333242 Mid Terraced Townhouse on Avda Polognia, Gran Alacant Furnished to a very high standard and includes White Goods. 3 Bed, 2 Bath, Lounge Diner, Fully convert­ ed Under build offering a second lounge and large storage area. Roof top Solarium, Glazed in galleria with extended worktops.

Front Garden with BBQ, Communal Pool with Gardens. 132.000e Ref. K16

Tel. 627711155 Semi­Detached Villa with Open Greenland Views to the Rear and Alicante Views to the Front, means this property in Gran Alacant would appeal to anybody looking for a quiet location.

Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge diner, with working Fire place, Porch, Solarium, Established Gardens and Private Pool, Private Parking on a large plot. 265.000e Ref. L95 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, estab­ lished irrigated gardens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a con­ verted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished. Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached villa with 3 double bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge­ diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solari­ um, 400 m2 Plot, with estab­ lished low maintenance very private gardens with irriga­ tion system, electronic gates, private parking, out­ side wc, sink & shower, ter­ races, air con ( h & c ), mos­ quito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section. Within easy walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and close to local bus and tram route. Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms,

REMOVALS

POOLS

SURVEYOR

Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass. Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155 Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solarium with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods,

WANTED

large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of outside parking also. Due to its ori­ entation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars. Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com Chef required. Must have at least 5 years experience and health / hygiene certificate.

Have flare for new menus and able to work on own ini­ tiative. Guardamar area.

672929585

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

VAN HIRE

Friday, March 7, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

EIGHT OF THE VERY WORST!!!

Over the past few weeks I have been going on about the mistakes our golfing icons make including some of the same “cock ups” that we do! So it got me think­ ing (again) on how we as amateurs make mistakes, and I’ve compiled a top 8 list of shame that in my opinion, most amateur hackers tend to make either before they play, practicing or during play out on the course. So how many of these blunders ring true to you?

1. Not checking the equipment before playing

distance over control. Not only are they cheaper to replace when you lose them, but they offer a tad more distance with every shot you play. Only when you reach a level where you have the skill to control a golf ball when it lands on the green, should you con­ sider switching to a softer and more expen­ sive ball. Using an expensive golf ball, if you don’t have the skills to use it, just makes replacing them more costly and won’t help your game or bank balance. If you’re envi­ ronmentally conscious too, then you should really consider switching to eco­friendly golf balls.

3. Overestimating how far you can hit a club

We may all marvel at Rory McIlroy or Tiger Woods hitting a 5­iron 220 yards, but when you are stood over a shot of similar distance, don’t assume that because they took that club, you should too! Many amateur golfers wrongly assume that because they hit one drive on the range 270 yards, that they will hit the ball this far on every shot. They filter out the other 99 shots that travelled between 0 and 220 yards, and simply focus on the one long shot they hit. A good rule of thumb that I use, is to judge the distance to the hole and depending on weather and course con­ ditions, either play a club more, or even 2­ clubs more if the wind is against me, or I am hitting uphill. I’ve found since doing this that I hit more greens, and still very rarely hit my approach through the green.

Life generally runs smoothly and most of the time we get to the course and take our bags out of the car, trundle down to the putting green to begin our warm up without even thinking to check our clubs. Even the great­ est caddies in the world, as Ian Woosnam found out in the 2001 Open, sometimes fail to check if they have the right things in the bag. If the kids have been playing with your clubs, or they’ve been under the stairs for several months or the shaft on your driver looked slightly suspect towards the end of last year, the time to discover this is at home when you can resolve it. Not when you are stood at the first tee of the first medal of the year, realising that you are going to be put­ ting on the green with your 3 iron as your putter is still in your son’s bedroom or gath­ ering dust in a cupboard!

2. Using the wrong ball

I’ve seen many a high­handicapper losing 40 Euros worth of ProV1x balls on a typical round. As a beginner and high handicapper, you really need a ball that offers distance, so use a more durable ball that offers additional

4. Keeping the grooves on your clubs clean and effective

One of the biggest frustrations for amateur golfers is when they do hit the ball cleanly onto the green, they see it race on through the green without any spin being applied.

Often they may blame their ball or poor tech­ nique for this, but often it is simply a case that the grooves on their clubs need redoing.

Clean, crisp grooves help grip the golf ball when the head hits the ball. This helps impart more spin on the ball, especially with lofted clubs, so get used to cleaning the grooves on your clubs after every shot and every round and get them re­grooved at your local pro­shop when you feel performance starting to fall.

5. Teeing the ball up in front of the tee box.

One of the most common mistakes is play­ ers who tee their ball up just in front of the imaginary line between the two tee boxes.

This is a penalty stroke and in strokeplay is a two­shot penalty and the player must retake the shot

behind the tee box (if they continue to play and fail to rectify this, that player should be disqualified). In matchplay, the rules are slightly different however. If a player tees off in front of the tee box then their opponent can ask them to play the ball again, or accept the shot. So, if a player hits the tee shot from in front of the tee box in matchplay and hits the middle of the fairway, his oppo­ nent can ask them to take it again. However, if they smash the ball into the trees, they can accept that shot and let the player continue.

6. Dropping a lost or unplayable ball from the rough.

If your ball is unplayable or lost, do you just drop a ball from your bag on the fairway and play from there? Many amateurs do but this is wrong. If your ball is unplayable, then you have three options. You can either go back to where the ball was originally played and play the shot again (penalty one stroke); play the ball from a position two club lengths from where it lies but no nearer the hole (penalty one

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION What is the ruling if on a windy day when, on a relatively fast or sloping putting surface after marking, lifting and per­ haps giving your ball a good cleaning, you attempt to replace it, but it will not stay in place?

A: Try to putt the ball while it is moving.

B: Play the ball where it comes to rest C: Try again to replace the ball on its original spot from which you could putt out.

ANSWER C: Should your ball still move away from the spot when you go to putt, there is no penalty. However, should you replace it several times without it remaining on the spot then Rule 20­ 3d comes into force unless the provisions of other rules apply.

stroke); or take a line from the hole to where the ball lay unplayable and drop the ball on this line two club lengths or more behind where the ball was unplayable (again for a one shot penalty).

7. Grounding your club in a hazard

Many amateurs will unintentionally ground their club in a bunker or water hazard when considering their shot and this is actually a penalty. Grounding the club in a hazard is not allowed and players must not do this.

8. Lack of Etiquette

Good manners are vital on a golf course, so it is crucial for amateurs to remember some key rules. Play at a decent speed; let quicker groups behind you play through; and if you lose a ball only spend five minutes maximum looking for it (and wave the group behind through). Don’t talk or have your phone on loudly while on the course, especially when others are taking shots and don’t walk on the line of others putts.

TITTER ON THE TEE

One of the lady members sits at the clubhouse bar and orders Champagne just as the club captain, who hap­ pens to be a farmer, walks in and orders some Champagne as well.

“That’s a coincidence” says the lady member, “I have just ordered Champagne, are you celebrating some­ thing?”

The Club Captain replies, “Yes. I have been trying to get my chickens to lay eggs for quite some time, and this morning they have started”.

“Well that is a coincidence I have been trying to get preg­ nant for a few years and today I have had it confirmed that I am.” replies the lady member.

“How did you get them to lay eggs?” she asks.

The Club Captain said, “It was quite easy really, I got a new cock” “Well that is a coincidence. Cheers!”

46

Friday, March 7, 2014

REAL STAY TOP ATLETICO MADRID 2 REAL MADRID 2

Cristiano Ronaldo's strike eight min­ utes from time secured Real Madrid a 2­ 2 draw with Atletico Madrid at Estadio Vicente Calderon to remain three points clear of their fierce city rivals at the top of the Primera Division, and a one point advantage over second­placed Barcelona.

Atletico looked on course for the derby bragging rights after first­half strikes from

BARCELONA 4 ALMERIA 1

sumptuous fourth. Barcelona are away to Valladolid this Saturday afternoon.

VAZTASTIC! GRUPO CALICHE 0 CD MONTESINOS 5

The incredible form of the CD Montesinos striker, Vaz, continued at the weekend as he netted his fourth hat­trick of the season in a romp at Grupo Caliche, which keeps Monte’s unbeaten 2014 record going.

After a scrappy start, Monte got into gear with Paredes making his full debut on the wing, causing all kinds of problems, and set up Vaz for his first in the 20th minute. He doubled the tally 5 minutes later, with the woes for Grupo increasing as one of their men got his marching orders for dissent. 10 minutes before the break, the match high­ light saw Orouker smashing the ball into the back of the net courtesy of an overhead kick.

Orouker got his 2nd and made it 4­nil with a second half header, and when Edu was fouled in the penalty area, Vaz did the hon­ ours with the spot kick to get his hat­trick.

The only negative was Dimitry getting his second yellow card on the stroke of full­time, which meant that both sides finished with 10 men. Montesinos entertain CD Thader B this Sunday afternoon.

ELCHE 1 CELTA VIGO 0

Koke and Gabi had put them ahead fol­ lowing Karim Benzema's early opener for Real. But Ronaldo lashed home in the 82nd minute to the relief of boss Carlo Ancelotti and deny Atletico's hopes of completing a league double over their more celebrated rivals for the first time since 1951, having beaten them at the Bernabeu 1­0 earlier in the season. Real entertain Levante this Sunday evening.

Barca make up ground Barcelona closed to within a point of Primera Division leaders Real Madrid after an emphatic, if not always totally convincing, 4­1 victory over Almeria at the Nou Camp.

After Real and Atletico Madrid played out a 2­2 draw earlier in the day, Sunday's late contest afforded Barcelona the chance to get right back in the title mix after their costly defeat at Real Sociedad last weekend.

Alexis Sanchez set the hosts on their way in the 10th minute before a superb Lionel Messi free­kick made it 2­0 inside 25 min­ utes.

A moment's sloppiness in the Barca back­ line allowed Angel Trujillo to pull one back for Almeria and at 2­1 Barca endured more than one or two nervy moments as the visitors probed for a leveller. It took until the 83rd minute for Barcelona to finally put the con­ test to bed, Carles Puyol following up with a smart finish after Messi's header had come back off the bar, while there was still time for Xavi to inflate the scoreline further with a

GIL-T EDGE WINNER

A magnificent late strike by Carles Gil saw Elche claim a 1­0 victory over Celta Vigo having spent most of the game trying to keep their opponents at bay. The mid­ fielder came off the bench in the second half and combined with Coro before tucking the ball into the net with six minutes remaining to take the Ilicitanos 6 points clear of the relegation zone and up to 13th in the Primera Division table.

Elche came out of the blocks quickest and created three openings in the first 10 minutes, the best of which fell to Manu del Moral, whose header struck a post after he connected with a cross from Javi Marquez.

Albacar then hit the crossbar with a well­ struck effort from distance.

It took the visitors half an hour to work Manu Herrera, young striker Santi Mina controlling a cross with his chest before shooting straight at the Elche goalkeeper. It was the first of a number of chances they created before the break. Augusto Fernandez then fluffed a free shot at goal, an effort from Fabian Orellana whizzed past the far post and then Fernandez head­

ed wide of the near post. But it was Elche who squandered the clearest chance, Cristian Herrera heading over from six yards out.

Celta's superiority continued in the sec­ ond half, and Manu Herrera came to the hosts' aid by making a tremendous double save, keeping out a free­kick from Orellana and then the follow­up from Andreu Fontas.

And Celta should have grabbed a winner in the closing stages, but Charles was unable to divert a free­kick from Rafinha between the posts.

Less than a minute later, Elche went up the other end to punish their opponents. Gil played in Coro down the left hand side then kept pace with his team­mate, who returned the pass just as Gil was entering the area. The substitute then turned Rafinha in the box and fired a low shot into the bottom corner with his other foot. Celta forced two late corners but were unable to create anything with either, and Fran Escriba's side took all the points. Elche are away this Sunday lunchtime to another mid­table side, Espanyol.

HIGH NOON FLOP FC TORREVIEJA 0 VILLARREAL C 1

Torrevieja’s hopes of getting into the end of season play­off’s took a dent in last Sunday’s lunchtime encounter with Villarreal, as they dominated large parts of the match but failed to make their posses­ sion tell in what was largely an uninspiring game.

Obele missed a great chance to put Torry in front after just a few minutes in a one on one with the Villarreal keeper. The visitors took the lead with what turned out to be the only goal of the game, with Aranda putting the ball into the net in the 23rd minute, with the defence noticeable by their absence. Pastor proved to be live­ ly for Torry, but the Villarreal defence was tough to break down, along with Torry’s inability to make a crucial final telling pass.

One of the first half highlights was an exciting run from Carrasco (pictured left), which Pastor could not make the most of to score, and a Meseguer shot rattling the crossbar just before half time. There was a parade of half­chances for the home side in the 2nd half, but Villarreal stood firm, as Torry were left frustrated, with Pastor squan­ dering the best opportunity 20 minutes into the half.

Torry are 6 points adrift of the play­off zone, but 7 teams are head of them in the chase, including Jove Espanol who they travel to this Sunday for another midday kick­off.

47

Friday, March 7, 2014

BUTT…. A WORD FOR THE DEFENCE, M’LORD THE pressures of football club manage­ ment always fasci­ nates me. My take is that the job is an unenviable no­win sit­ uation, unless your name’s Alex Ferguson, of course!

On that subject, as I’m too tight to buy his recent book, inspirationally­named ‘The Autobiography’ at a mere £25, (no paperback as we speak), you’ll be pleased to hear that a kind soul has recently lent me a copy. I’ve

started reading it, in order that I can then also become a successful football club manager (yeah, right). Early doors I’ve just read the sec­ tion about how you deal with defeat, and how it makes you come back stronger – wonder if Moyes has read that bit? Poor old Prince David’s crown has slipped a bit and United’s new Great Scot is under massive pres­ sure currently to sort out United’s poor form.

Butt ­ he isn’t in as much trouble as his beleaguered fellow­manager Alan Pardew, is he now? In case you’re on planet Zog, last Saturday the hapless Newcastle manager ‘gently’ head­butted a Hull player who went to retrieve the ball for a throw­in. Quick shove, sharp­words­ nose­to­nose and Pardew’s nodding forehead did the rest, witnessed by millions.

Nice one Al ­ so far £100,000 fine, severe repri­ mand

from the club, and more importantly the FA have stepped in. I doubt some­ how they will live up to their initials this time.

Hmm…pause for thought: Pardew is the Prem’s sec­ ond­longest serving manag­ er after Arsene Wenger, the diligent Daddy of them all, i/c Arsenal since 1995.

There is only the similarly­ soldiering­on­servant, smil­ ing­lately Sam Allardyce, currently retained and respected by Prem strug­ glers West Ham, who has also lasted more than two years in the cauldron that Premiership managers sweat and squirm in whilst, straining to retain their per­ sonal dignity. Big Sam, and all his managerial mates have their testing moments ongoing every week: goes with the job, dunnit, mate?

Of course, everyone’s an expert and a critic. Read the papers, watch the news and MOTD. Pardew has form, doncha’know? He’s clashed with old Arsene (so did Fergie, actually…), shoved an official (hey, a few need shoving) and got a two­ match ban, sworn at Manuel Pellegrini ­ gosh, no ­ heav­ en forbid, etc, whatever. The mealy­mouthed media is dutifully horrified, even out­ raged and there’s loud calls for sackings, hang­ ing’s too good, at least termination­of­career.

The chief witnesses, jury and judges are who ex­players have either briefly tried and Hansenly­ failed their hand at foot­ ball club manage­ ment, or

ELCHE RUN The world’s longest running half­marathon is back on Sunday March 30th, with the 42nd staging of the Elche Half Marathon.

Organisers are hoping to get a record num­ ber of entries with a target of 3 and a half thousand runners, which will be some 800 more than the record high in 2011. Many local and national charities will benefit from the event including the AECC Contra el Cancer group; the AFA Alzheimer’s Association, and the Red Cross in Elche.

More details are available via www.media­ maratonelche.com in addition to leaflets in stores around the area. There’s a prize pot

have never ever risked it all, too much hassle, man. Man­ management in any work­ place is an art and a skill which few succeed at with­ out studying this vital opera­ tion intensely. Punditry and writing about it is much eas­ ier and much less risk. Such ‘experts’ usually have form themselves on the field, to be Savage about it: hypocrisy rules, ko, espe­ cially on Saturday nights.

Somehow, surmounting some seriously­stupid sen­ ior management structures at St James Park, Alan Pardew has manfully ‘man­ aged’ to keep Newcastle up there in the upper echelons of one of the world’s great soccer leagues. The man is not from them there parts himself, as perhaps could be expected. He’s not even a native northerner. No, Pardew is a supposedly­soft southerner in charge of the most famous Geordie club of all in the North East, with history and tradition as long as football has been the nation’s favourite sport. And on the field, is the club’s playing staff stuffed with wall­to­wall local Tynesiders? Is it heck! St

James Park is one of the most cosmo­ politan clubs in the country, staffed by Africans with strange­sounding names, alongside talented and tem­ peramentally­chal­ lenged Gallic stars from the continent.

Many more foreign players have also played well for Pardew under his hugely­experienced management, manful­ ly outlasting such obvious baggage as the laughable Joe Kinnear episode and the threatening director of scouting.

Somehow Newcastle are still up there, in a position envied by over half the Prem ­ which is all down to Pardew’s skill as a football manager. Yes, he tilted his head forward when he shouldn’t but he’s already paid for that with his club: no violent damage or injury was inflicted. It wasn’t a real Glasgow kiss, more an Eskimo friendship one.

Pardew’s human, and big enough to immediately

regret it and apologise. But that’s never going to be enough for the inconsistent FA is it, whose three­man committee can’t make their own minds up half the time (see Yaya Toure’s let­off last week). Nah, it’ll be a lynch job, this one – so what price ability, apology, regret?

Pardew deserves another chance, perhaps a lengthy ban from the ‘technical area’, and/or the bench. Butt let’s get real, eh? This is – or was a man’s game.

PUYOL TO GO

Barcelona captain Carles Puyol will leave the La Liga champions at the end of the cur­ rent season. The 35­year­old Spain defend­ er was contracted until 2016, but reached an agreement with the club to rescind his con­ tract early. Puyol has made almost 400 league appearances for the reigning La Liga champions since his debut in 1999. He has won six league titles, three Champions League titles and two Spanish Cups.

Puyol, who made the last of his 100 appearances for Spain in a friendly against Uruguay in February 2013, said he planned to take a break from football once he leaves Barcelona.

"I don't know what I will do after June 30th, but I'm sure that in the summer I will rest," he

said. "I would like to have a news conference at the end of the season to say a proper goodbye after a total of 19 years at the club."

NO MESSING

Four Torre Pacheco youngsters hit the medals last weekend at the Spanish National Taekwondo Championshps which were staged in Cáceres, Extremadura.

Maria Isabel Sánchez struck gold which takes her into ultimate Olympic shortlist contention, and there was also success for Roland Young in what was an outstanding of 5 thousand Euros as well as 58 trophies to weekend of the Murcia Taekwondo the top runners in all of the different cate­ Federation in grabbing their first senior gories. level medals.

Friday, March 7, 2014

48

HEAD CASES!

NO TAN-TRUMS, NO IFS OR BUTTS

Hey, Roy Hodgson must have seen Kevin Nolan’s recent interview when the Hammers captain said he’d been helped by the club psy­ chiatrist with his recent heady problems. Now Roy’s taking one to Brazil to deal with the nuts. Maybe Roy’s shrink could sort out poor old Alan Pardew? ‘Ood be a man­ ager then? (N.B. see over for guid­ ance). There he was, showing his lads how to stand up to big ugly Hull defenders … Funny thing was, his Newcastle lads were actually doing him proud 3 – 1 on the pitch at the time. Why aye man, it can happen to anyone – rush of blood, Glasgow kiss and FA won’t be what hap­ pens to Alan. Still, the majestic Magpies have a rest now until 15th March – but will they have a manager by then, hopefully one who can get near the ground on match days?

Talking of nuts, Ole Vincent Tan’s in trouble again.

Doctor No­bother out­Gunnared his manager and talked straight to the Cardiff team before the Spurs game: ‘Shh lads, but here’s £3.7m to share amongst you if you can keep us up. Only condition is we stay Red, not Blue. Oh, and shoot more, OK, boyos?’ It don’t work like that Vince, and it didn’t work at all at Spurs as the Red Bluebirds lost 1 ­ 0 to an overdue Roberto Soldado goal. So it’s on to the boracic Battle of the Bottom on Saturday as Felix’s fighting Fulham visit the Swalian capital: it’s a can’t­lose situation for

John McGregor reports

both.

Early doors at The Hawthorns on Saturday sees the halo­slipping champions Man United visit Mel United ­ and everyone’s getting trigger­twitchy. The Baggies still haven’t Pepped up with a win, and United could do with one too. Large, hungry­looking birds were spotted circling high­up round Old Trafford. Hey, I thought Cap’n Vidic was retiring – Inter Milan, eh? Re­arrange the following: ship/deserting/rats/sinking. Hmm… Wembley Wednesday saw half the Liverpool team kick off for England, inc Agger against ‘em. Good job Sturridge eventually did what he does for the Anfield army, phew… Post­professionally polishing off the Saints 3 – 0 at St Marys, the Reds moved ominously into second place. Also in the red, but financially the Merseysiders posted a £50m loss last year. Hey, youse, don’t sell super Suarez to balance the books though, he scored the opener, shock horror his first for six games. Ooh­er, guess who’s next up March 16th in a real belting blood­red battle? It’s only despised nasty­ neighbours United at Old Trafford: that’ll sort out the men from the boys!

Can suffering Southampton stop the rot at Pulis Palace? Saints results haven’t been good lately, despite playing some great stuff. Terrific Tony has taught the Eagles to fly again, he’s gottem off the bot­ tom up to 16th, three points above the Dreaded Drop Department. Arsenal savagers Stoke visit Carrow Road where the Canaries are chirping nervously, the Potters two points and two places above ‘em ­ serious six­pointer? N.B. would you Adam­and­Eve it, Potty Charlie got found out at last, the TV cameras spotted

him treading nastily on Olivier Giroud’s leg. Good call by the FA’s Three Wise Men, three game ban now.

Stamp it out, Charlie, or you’ll need anger manage­ ment.

That Cottagers’ keeper was crap first half, but Chelsea weren’t much better either. Mourinho maintained he said nothing at half time (yeah, right…), but the Hazard warning lights came on second­half as hat­trick Schurrle seized on Eden’s superb supply, right royal result, 3 – 0. Did you spot that classy reverse chip from the byline that Hazard hoisted over, only for Torres to toss it away? N.B, BTW, Spanish inquisition: Fernando and Juan Mata were both dropped by Spain for the ‘friendly’ against Italy. Que? *** Also­Rans Cup Alert*** Saturday also sees the FA Cup sixth­round, where The Big Issue is angst­ridden Arsenal v effervescent Everton. Last week at Goodison Park, lucky Lukako returned from injury to score the late winner against resurgent West Ham, bodes well.

Capital Cup losers Sunderland have another chance against Steve Bruce’s Tigerish Hull: more North East angst, butt remember lads, keep it clean. The rank out­ siders tie brings together unlikely Sheffield United and chancy Charlton: there’s always two, isn’t there?

Post­Potters­punished­by­penalty the Gunners still have a dimming chance of the Prem title, but the Toffees haven’t really. Winning the Cup again, this time for blue Everton would show Martinez has a silver spoon in his mouth. Funny thing, though, the cup. In t’other game you­couldn’t make­it­up as new Capital One Cup winners Man City are playing – FA Cup win­ ners Wigan: déjà vu?