The Jungle Drums - August 2009

For the Locals by the Locals

AUGUST 2009 no 62 thejungledrums.com

u

The TOONplan..

this month 5 ANDREA... residencia...

9 THE TROUBLE WITH SPAIN coming to spain...

15 SCUBA DIVING trying not to die......

17 NATURE

malcolm signs in...

21 GRAN ALACANT... life on the hill..

23 LA MARINA... foul eye...

26/7 GA MAP... NEW! FREE pull out...

30/1 INLAND SPAIN... walking in spain.....

35 COMPUTERS the top experts offer advice...

37 MOTORING IN SPAIN sound advice from the best...

38/9 PUZZLES... bored games...?

40/1 LIVING LIFE... education, education...

DON’T BE A PRAWN AGAIN, CHRISTIANS… What’s that old saying…if a bear craps in the woods

Shout at the Spanish to make them understand

do you hear a tree fall? or something like that.

English and you might as well put a flashing neon

Anyway a warm (and it is bloody warm) welcome to

sign on your head that say ‘rob me’.

readers who may be here on holiday…or on the run,

I’m sorry if I’ve upset anyone here on holiday but just

either way enjoy the sun and/or keep yer head down.

take a look around will you, they’re here, the Timmy

For this month I thought it might be interesting for

Mallets – prawn flavoured…

the tourists to find out what we think when they

My final word is perhaps the most important bit of

come over to escape (pardon the pun) the usually

advice on this subject and is not to be taken lightly,

dull weather of the UK, or other climes. Firstly, and

but, never, ever wear socks with sandals it doesn’t

possibly most importantly, you the tourist, need to

attract the crooks but you do look bloody daft…are

know a few things that could make your stay that

you listening dad?

little bit more enjoyable and top of the list is that you

Check out our new contributor this month in

guys stand out like a bacon sandwich at a barmitzva.

the shape of Nigel Jardine, one of Britain’s top

This is not good. You see there are a few crooks over

motivational coaches and a Gran Alacant resident.

here, who aren’t legging it from Her Majesty’s finest,

Currently one of the final four in a competition to find

that will prey on the tourist, and you and yours

Britain’s top coach Nigel will be appearing in the JD

walking to the beach like a family of Timmy Mallets

every month until…well, until he can’t be bothered I

will do nothing to disguise the fact that you probably

s’pose…

have a wallet full of cash and credit cards and maybe a passport or two, oh and you’ll probably provide them with a getaway car courtesy of Hertz.

Seeing the Mallet family happily frolicking in the surf while everything they need to enjoy/survive/ get home again is safely locked behind a plastic

41 NIGEL JARDINE... get motivated by the best...!

zip in the beach bag 50 yards away is a bit

43 HOROSCOPES

out of the car at Windsor Safari park…with

is it in uranus...?

45 WHAT’S ON... the BEST guide around...!

48/9 BUSINESS DIRECTORY... you definitive guide to local biz...

like covering yourself in KiteKat and getting

the lions. Don’t do it. Going to the market (dressed again as an eighties children’s’ TV presenter) will attract the dippers of this world who will happily relieve you of the above mentioned items as you wander the stalls. Trust me again here because a white vest, sandals (as were all the

ore! uch much m

and m

rage in the Old Testament), shorts and a cowboy hat are not the customary dress of your typical local and the fact that you look like a two-legged prawn because you spent yesterday tempting thieves on the beach will just make you stand out that little bit more.

Scuba dooby doo!

the new FUN map for GRAN ALACANT

m www.TOONplans.copages

26-27

Page 15

Please note that our deadlines are as follows: Adverts/Editorials. 15th each month. Letters: 20th each month Any items received by The Jungle Drums after these dates cannot be guaranteed publication in the following months issue - although we will try our best! Phone: 96 669 5141 Email: ask@thejungledrums.com Website: www.thejungledrums.com Editor: Dave Bull Dep.legal: A-1068-2004 Impresora: Albagraf. Albacete

While every effort is taken to ensure that mistakes are kept to a minimum, the Jungle Drums, its publisher and staff accept no responsibility for claims made by advertisers or respondents replying to adverts. Nor can it be held responsible for any errors or inaccuracies in their advertisements. The Jungle Drums reserves the right to change, alter and update any part of this publication including adverts and pictures without the consent of the original author or source. E&0E No part of this publication, printed or online, may be used or reproduced without the written consent of the publisher

Jungle Drums - 96 669 5141 - 686 790 457 - ask@thejungledrums.com

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Fiscal help...

CanCellation of your

residenCia O

h dear, now what? More red

They applied for their residencia

tape?? Yes, I’m afraid so. The authori-

cards a few years ago and received

ties are tightening up a little, the only

the letter from the authorities for

real surprise is that it took a while.

collection of the same just as they were moving back to the UK again.

It is common knowledge that applying

The house is still in their possession

for the residencia card (no longer is-

but since the cards were never picked

sued!) used to be a rich enough exam-

up they considered themselves to be

ple of Spanish bureaucracy to live on

non-residents.

andrea burns Qualified Gestora & Qualified -Translator and Interpreter

Tax &

Legal Services SPANISH WILLS CONVEYANCES INHERITANCES CONSuLATIONS

for a while when entertaining friends or meeting newcomers in a bar.

Recently, they opened a new bank account, a non-residents’ account,

Now, hands up, how many know of

only to find out upon their return that

a resident friend, acquaintance or

the account was frozen. The banks’

neighbour who sold up, and cancelled

data base showed a discrepancy with

his residencia card before going back

the police departments’ date base (the

to his home country? Not many, I

authority that issues the residencia

am sure, you would have heard their

cards and certificates) where the ac-

story.

count holders were registered as resi-

WEALTH & INCOmE TAX DECLARATIONS N.I.E. NumbERS

dents. Hence, they froze the account However, once registered as a

until they prove to be non-residents

resident, being in the possession of a

by producing the relevant documenta-

still valid residencia card or the new

tion.

residence certificate, you remain to be considered a resident unless you no-

The reason is quite simple. In the

tify the relevant authorities otherwise.

case of residents, the bank will tax any income received from interest

It makes sense, of course, the same

payments at source. This cannot be

as you cancel or change your padrón

done if the account holder is a non-

when you move from your current

resident, this kind of income is to be

address to another, you cancel your

taxed in his country of residency. That

residencia when you leave the coun-

is the reason why the banks demand

try in which you have registered your

a new non-residents’ declaration to be

permanent residence with the authori-

signed annually…tax laws!

INTERPRETER SERVICE FISCAL REPRESENTATIVE TAX ADVICE

ties.

By opening a non-residents’ account One of my client’s encountered a

when you are officially registered as

problem I thought you would want to

a resident you are effectively trying

hear about – I got their permission to

to diddle the tax man, and he is a bit

tell!

touchy at the moment.

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After Consum turn right, continue until you find bars and dentist on your left

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The trouble with.... coming to spain.

“I bet this load of tourists aren’t gonna too happy when they get out of that little Focker”

in yourself because there wont be one

he’s strapped in firmly…in the boot.

OR…ARE THEY TAKING THE P*%$ So now Ryanair want you

of those women from the perfume

This time last year car hire was so cheap

department at Boots to take your ticket

that they almost gave you the car for

for you If you enjoy your food, i.e.

the price of a packet of cigarettes but

you’re a bit of a bloater – that’s gonna

now they seem to have realised what

cost you more soon too as the Irish

the Americans have been up to for

to carry your own bags to the plane. Yet

airline plans to tax people for excess

years, no not bombing countries, and

another of their air brained (geddit?)

weight and I’m not talking about the

that’s a shame. Ok, few the past few

ideas to save money. But before you

baggage.

years it has been ridiculously cheap and

get carried away and say that it’ll be

Flying used to be part of the holiday

all the extras were thrown in but now

good for the passenger because they’ll

but today’s ‘budget’ airlines (who seem

they’ve gone to the other extreme and

save money -forget it. Because what’s

to be the same airlines as before but

are charging more if you plan to use the

his face O’Leary who runs the airline

with a crappy name) have turned it into

indicators. The best trick they’ve got,

informs us that they need to take these

something you have to endure before

mind you, is the fuel scam. Pay for a full

measure to ‘keep prices competitive.’

you get to the fun bit.

tank (which is about the same price as

You’ll notice he doesn’t say to reduce

But, my friends, dodgy pricing doesn’t

refueling a Boeing) and they tell you to

prices but reading between the lines

stop with Ryanair – have you rented a

bring it back empty – impossible, and

it’s pretty clear that they’ll be reducing

car lately? There are now more add-

they know it but I wish that just once

costs and improving their profit margin

ons than there are parts on the bloody

someone would return their hire car to

while at the same time getting us to

vehicle you’re trying to rent. They’ll give

the airport and proceed to siphon the

work for them- for free. How long before

you a price on the net and you think

remaining fuel out of their hire car –

the pilot approaches you in your seat

‘hey, that’s not bad at all’ until you get

because they’ve paid for it…

( a seat that you’ve actually brought

here and they tell you that’s just the

yourself from the IKEA dining suite

price of the car – you now need to pay

at home because it’ll help keep prices

insurance, wheel cover, roof cover,

competitive) and, noticing that you have

extra driver cover and more.

a pile of tasty sandwiches on your lap,

‘Need a baby seat sir? There

asks if you could offer some about the

you go that’s just another four

plane? ‘and while you at it…you could

thousand Euros sir…oh you want

bring a bigger flask next time.’ Soon

two weeks…?’ it’s at this point you

it’ll cost you a quid to spend a penny

start totting up the cost and look at

(that’s a fact) and you’ll have to check

the baby and wonder if he’ll notice that

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IN ABOVE MY HEAD? Or Scuba for idiots….

A SHORE DIVE MEANS LESS CARROTS ‘You want me to what!’ I thought it because I couldn’t shout it. The reason I couldn’t shout was due to the fact that I was sitting on the sea bed with my air supply firmly wedged in my gob and several thousand gallons of water between me and Ness, my scuba diving teacher. She wanted me to fill my goggles, sorry mask, half full of water and then breathe through my nose and the water would magically disappear - as it had when she’d demonstrated the skill moments before. My son, being a clever-arse had already completed the task successfully and now it was me. It’s certainly a weird sensation letting the water in until its just below your eyes but following Ness’s instructions I did as requested and, hey presto, a clear mask. I guess that doing this with a heavy cold may hinder the vision somewhat though.

With my mask now thankfully water (and snot) free we took a look around our underwater world and even though we were probably less than fifty feet from the shore, the abundance of marine life going about its business around us was amazing. I’d always considered scuba diving to be something you needed to spend a fair amount of time on a boat for and that is not a good idea in my case – unless you like hearing the name ‘Hughie’ shouted over and over while I decorate the Med’ with diced carrots…

We completed quite a few more of the skills that we needed to learn to gain our Open Water Diver certificate and did a little bit of theory while we dried off, at the beach bar, with a cold beer – this is what I call an education

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BIRDING with BRIAN You’re all going to miss Brian Conduit’s witty and informative column about natural history – but not as much, I can assure you, as I miss its author.

Brian and I go back to when we both retired from the rush and push of England, to live in Santa Pola. We had a lot in common.

Brian was five days older than me, we shared birding, football (both of us supporting deadbeat teams) and a sense of humour.

Subsequently, we were fellow founder-members of the Costa Blanca Bird Club – I am still its highly inadequate president!

You may have seen some of my other offerings in these pages from time to time, but my first love is nature, and I have had four books published – all about birds. Enough about me!

As a sort of homage to Brian, I want to recount some memories of an October trip we made together soon after settling here. I had a booking from four English people, a married couple, Mike and Pat, a Maths teacher, John, from Manchester, and friend, Chris, who was a solicitor from Kent. They wanted a look at Andalucía, and Brian said he’d like to come too.

After picking up my clients, we sped (wrong word, we had a

sluggish hired ‘people carrier’) down to the coast of Almería, where we had good views of lots of Shearwaters passing in a strong wind. We stopped beside the Cabo de Gata salt-pans, and immediately saw a very pale wader the size of a Redshank, with an obvious upturned bill – it was my first (and still only) Terek Sandpiper – a first-class rarity. What a start!

The number and variety of wading birds was highly impressive, and we dallied there a long time, before passing along the coast to our hotel.

Next morning, after a short interview with a Guardia Civil (Stop signs, he said, were there for a purpose) we stopped on the ‘Costa Plastica’ to count some 20 White-headed Ducks at Adra (they were still not to be found on El Hondo) – then made our way over the Alpujarras to Granada, and our splendidlyplaced hoteel at the Ruta del Purche, where Rock Bunting and Chough abounded.

Next day, I made a huge ‘blooper’ when I dismissed a black shape as a bin-liner. On being persuaded (by Brian) to go back for another look, it had turned into a

Black Stork – oh dear!

The birds in the Serrania de Ronda were fantastic, with lots of raptors everywhere, and we stayed the night in Ronda itself.

Another fine day, and we made our sedate way down to the coast at Zahara de los Atunes, near where tantalising view of a probable Imperial Eagle added to the terrific list of raptors we had compiled.

When, in coastal pines, I showed the group their first Azurewinged Magpie, a Goshawk hurtled out of nowhere and carried it off! Lack of space prevents a detailed description of the rest of the trip, but suffice to say that we totted up 132 species in the week – not bad in autumn, eh? Incidentally, if you are interested in making a trip like this, or even a 2 or 3 day-trip, I’d be glad to quote you. I’m on 96 608 24 54, or an email to malcaves@yahoo.es will find me.

Malcolm Palmer

BLACK STORK

TEREK TEREK SANDPIPER AZURE WINGED MAGGIPIE

17

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MORE THAN

20 YEARS IN SANTA POLA

Visit our office in Santa Pola - Portus Illicitanus Tel. 96 541 3076 - Monday to Friday - 09.30 - 13.30pm

Notary Deed Registration of the deed at land registry

7.-Resident Permits 8.-Spanish Wills 9.-Trademarks 10.-Repossessions ( Market Oportunities) 11.-Changes of foreign cars to Spanish Registration 12.-Traffic Accidents Avda. Escandinavia, 72, C.C. Altomar II, Local 8, Manzana E, 03130 GRAN ALACANT (Santa Pola) Telf: 966 698 796 · Fax: 966 699 570 Espana - Spain · info@jlcalawyers.com Avda. de Alicante, 24 7° 03203 - Elche (Alicante) ·Espana - Spain Telf: 966 612 816 · Fax: 965 427 800 infonacional@jlcalawyers.com London: 83 Baker Street W1U 6AJ London Tel. 0044(0)2072683937 Fax: 0207 034 7100 e-mail. londonoffice@jlcalawyers.com 19

FRANK 25/07/1951 08/07/2009 Lawrence, Jenny Mel & Families... ...would like to thank everybody for their kind words, cards and messages of condolence for our beloved Franky.

To the following for their great support: All staff and ex-staff at Flannagan’s during a sad time, Darby’s Chippy, FAB, Kings Food Supplies and Antonio Martinez and his colleagues at the Guardia Civil.

Also to steve the priest who conducted a lovely service, and to those who continue to give the family their support.

There are too many names to mention – YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Many, many thanks, Lawrence, Jenny Mel and family.

RIP Grandad, Husband…and a true friend.

Also many thanks for all the donations towards his bench.

GA

OOH..ER..MISSUS! check out the fantastic

new PuLL-ouT map of Gran Alacant! pages 26-27

gran alacant SIX-UP SAFFRON A STUNNING SUCCESS

We don’t do ‘advertorials’ here at JD but with Saffron Indian Restaurant in Plaza Mayor, Gran Alacant celebrating their sixth anniversary, I thought it’d be nice to mention one of our advertisers who’s been with us from the start…and maybe wangle a free curry out of it?

Saffron, if you didn’t know, was the first ‘Indian’ to open in GA and Santa Pola and over the years they’ve built up a great reputation for not only good food but friendly service too. Div and Ken have always got a smile on their face and welcome regulars from all over the region now. The food is second to none and the service is what you’d expect from a decent restaurant, prompt but not over-bearing, and having established themselves as the most popular Indian in the area, Saffron is also one of the best places to spoil yourselves if you’re counting the pennies - like most of the population at the moment.

I’ve spoken to them a lot over the last twelve months, mostly about the crisis, and like us they took a decision a while ago to drop prices because customers just don’t have as much money as they did right now. Now you can get a Sunday buffet and eat as much as you want for only 6.50€ which you have to admit is not only cheap, but well worth trying to stuff another Bahji down your throat for.

Well done to all the gang at Saffron and thanks from JD for some good quality, tasty and value for money grub!

Councillor for Gran Alacant & the Popular Party

LORETO CASCALES Hello dear friends, It is just a pleasure to meet you every month in this magazine to let you know about things in Gran Alacant.

First of all, I would like to speak to you about the Fiestas of Gran Alacant. We enjoyed them this year from the 23rd to the 25th of July at the Municipal Office parking area. These fiestas have been organised by the Gran Alacant association “Asociación de Residentes Europeos de Gran Alacant” (ASVEGA) together with the Town Hall. We enjoyed very different activities and events that we prepared for you. We had a lot of different activities for children, music, concerts and very good moments all together. The main aim of these fiestas was to create a meeting point for the people of Gran Alacant and enjoy them together and I think we did it. Thank you very much to all the people who came and joined us any time during the fiestas schedule and I hope you felt comfortable with us. You will find also information about the rest of the performances, shows and activities we have for the rest of the summertime at the Municipal Office or at the International Library of Gran Alacant called “Festes d’Estiu”.

It is very important for me also to speak about all the building sites that we have at the moment in Gran Alacant. As I promised you in old editions of this magazine, you can see the new trees that we have planted in Avenida Noruega and how the ones that we had in Avenida Mediterraneo have been moved to the other areas. You can also see the new trees we have planted along Avenida Mediterraneo and how they are growing little by little. In a very short period of time, you will see also that we will start the new municipal park that we are going to build at the junction of Avenida Mediterráneo and Avenida Escandinavia.

This is going to have around 5.000 m2 and it will be a very nice place to walk and relax.

The new pavement at Avenida Mediterráneo will be painted and you will see also it will be very similar to the one we have now going to the beach area (to Los Arenales) from Panorama.

2ND SCHOOL FOR GRAN ALACANT

The town hall has announced plans for a second infant/primary school to be built on the land opposite the closed Dunbar’s bar. the new school will have six classes for infants and twelve for primary children with a maximum of 300 pupils.

DESTINATIONS

Bar & Grill

Moreover, you have seen also we have already opened the new playground for children and the petanca area around the Municipal Office and I hope you like them and you enjoy them as well.

There are going to be also more doctors at the public Health centre during the summer time for them to be able to give a good service to all the people living in Gran Alacant and the people who will visit us during the summer.

And this is all for the moment. I will give you more information next month. Have a very good month of August and speak to you again in September.

watch out...

MAUREEN’S ABOUT! : Hi I would like to say how sad I was to hear of franks death. He was a character whenever I went into Flanagan’s he always came and spent time talking to me. And if I wanted something for the charity he would always help out, nothing was to much trouble to him and Lawrence. I would like to offer my sincere condolences to his wife and family.

‘On your marks’ by Maggie Ingall Exercise is good for you, or so the experts say, It keeps our bodies fighting fit,and keeps old age at bay.

Yet though the wisdom in those words is plainly to be found, I know of other workouts which I‘m sure are just as sound.

So exercise your patience, practise kindness and restraint, and exercise forebearance-dont rush in with loud complaint.

For exercise is excellent-don’t wait to be cajoled -if we should practise daily, then we all would win the GOLD Just thought I would share these wise words with you. see ya around

MO

The Royal British Legion - Gran Alacant Branch.

It is perhaps a poignant time after the recent sad and regrettable loss of the members of our Armed Forces in Afghanistan to give some information about The Royal British Legion (TRBL).

Whilst repatriation of those killed receive, quite rightly, a high profile in the media, perhaps some media attention is needed to also remember those who are left behind and those injured physically, mentally and emotionally.

TRBL, founded in 1921, is not just about those who fought in the 2 World Wars but also about those involved in the many conflicts since 1945. TRBL provides financial, social and emotional support to millions who have served or are currently serving in the UK Armed Forces, and their dependants. Nearly 10.5 million people are eligible for Legion help - that’s 1 in 6 of the UK population.

TRBL is the UK’s largest membership organisation, with over 400,000 members nationwide and a further 11,000 overseas. It welcomes men and women of all ages, whether or not they have served in the Armed Forces. The Legion is a major voice for the Service and ex-Service, lobbying and campaigning throughout the year. TRBL is the Nations Custodian of Remembrance, ensuring those who gave their lives are always remembered.

Here in Gran Alacant a branch was formed last September with 17 members signing up on the night and a committee formed.

After a nomadic start our monthly meetings were kindly offered the Norwegian Club and hope to continue there from September this year. We currently have a membership of 32, but we are very keen to increase on this and welcome new members.

We have a trained Welfare Caseworker, Robert who can be contacted via the dedicated Welfare line for District North Spain on 676 451 780. There is an active social scene with raffles, quizzes and games after the formal meetings. Last April we held a successful Dinner Dance with the majority of the money raised to be donated to this years Poppy Appeal. As a Branch we are governed by the Royal Charter and all our business is carried out in accordance with that Charter. In the future we hope to purchase a Branch Standard to enable us to hold local Remembrance services.

Further information from the Committee: Barbara (Secretary) Joan (Treasurer) Brian (Chairman)

96 669 9828 96 669 8539 ferdyh@hotmail.co.uk

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Talking of

LaMarina Dear Sirs,

A letter in response to Fouleye’s comments last month…oh dear…

Whilst most responsible pet owners would agree that allowing ones dog to

FOULEYE SAYS….

the snide, not to say peurile remarks about the new animal ambulance in the

The Centre of the Universe has moved…..

area of La Marina.

I’ve lived here so long I can remember the

My understanding is that it will used to convey ill or injured animals to the

halcyon days when the ‘Satellite Roundabout’

vets (cats etc., as well as dogs), to round up strays and to deliver animals

was a huge landmark in these parts; you

to foster homes. To suggest that it is to take dogs to new locations where

navigated your way around La Marina by it,

they can relieve themselves is too silly for words! Likewise,the comment that

and used it as a meeting point. After all, it

animals cannot ring the 112 number.

was just about the only place you could get

Perhaps this was meant to be humourous and I am not equal to the

your telly from, and we Brits have proved

intellectual thrust of the article, but try as I may, I cannot detect this. Satire?,

recently how emphatically we need our

irony? I don’t think so!

regular dose of UKTV, whether its football for

This service I believe, is to be manned by volunteers and your columist may

t’ lads, soaps for t’lasses, or Panorama for

wish to consider that writing crap in magazines could be thought of as almost

the geeks

as distasteful as dog crap in public places!

(Sorry, Panors, just my joke!) Now ( sigh

p.s. In the adjacent article “Neighbours-everybody needs good neighbours”,

), it’s quite a sad place, an empty shell,

reference is made to a Terradactyl. I looked up this fabulous creature in

as even the little units and internet cafes

Encyclopaedia Britannica but was unable to find it. There is mention of a

have shut up shop, although the nearby

Pterodactyl but don’t worry, it’s extinct!

good old Sports Centre is still going strong,

Fouleye replies…

with all its meetings, clubs, bowls, food and

Dear SOHBP (Sense of Humour by Pass!)

entertainment. With the demise of Telmicro

Before I comment on the actual content of this communication, I

we have a million dishes across the urb of

would like to make the observation that before SOHBP attempts to

our own now, adorning and weighing down

criticise other people’s spelling, he or she should go back to school

our roofs, some weighing ‘em with their size,

and learn to spell themselves! ‘Peurile’ is spelt ‘puerile’, ‘humourous’

and lots of us praying to the great new God

is spelt ‘humorous’ and the word is ‘columnist’ – as in column – not

Torresat for continued watching !

‘columist’ ! Incidentally, and not wishing to defend anyone else,

So where has the Centre of the Universe

but if one ‘Googles’ the word Terradactyl, it shows many references

swung to? Why, Consum square of course!

to flying birds from the dinosaur period, the word can be spelt

This squared-off commercial area got off

either way. So, if I were you SOHBP, I’d chuck my ‘prehistoric’

to a bad start several years when some

Encyclopaedia Britannica out and buy a good dictionary – and use it!

wazzocks set fire to an adjacent mobile

defecate indiscriminately is an extremely anti-social act, I take issue with

home, and Consum supermarket itself burnt With regard to the content, I would modestly describe the article as a light-

to the ground. This caused much grumbling

hearted look at La Marina, at times touching on some serious subjects. As a

amongst the smaller shops and bars, who

‘responsible pet owner’ myself, I can actually understand the uses of a pet

relied on grocery shoppers to bring ‘em in,

ambulance - the ringing 112 reference was a joke - and SOHBP nearly got

and these unfortunates then had to wait nine

it! The deadly serious issue, however, was the continual defecating of dogs

months before they re-built the store. Now

on La Marina urbanization pavements, verdes and parques which has been

it is semi-flourishing, some of those smaller

going on for years, is still going on just as badly, and the malodorous issue

units still changing hands, but gradually

is – whose dogs are doing it ? There are very few, indeed they’re shouldn’t

increasing in popularity, so much so that

be any dogs wandering about not on leads, so those owners - and now

it now can be used as a central spot for

we’re getting to the point - see and know that their dogs are doing it ! So if

functions such as…fiestas!!!!

all those NIMBY owners who currently take their dogs conveniently (get it

Yes, we hear the end-of-July La Marina

SOHBP – conveniently?) onto Parque del Mosa and let them defecate there

festivities will be held on Consum Square,

and don’t clear it up – and there are many, if you don’t believe me, come and

well, 2 days of them, the last day moving

watch from my patio, where you will get a ringside seat – where will these

up to what was once the busiest area of

irresponsible owners take their dogs in the future, now that Christmas is

LM, Plaza de Castilla. I’m sure the residents

coming and Parque del Mosa is being turned into a real park - if indeed it is?

around Consum square will be overjoyed

Who knows, we locals who live there certainly don’t. So go and ‘take issue’

to see and hear (!) The traditional foam

with those animal owners SOHBP, berate them, and let the rest of us enjoy

parties will kick off at 2 am, what fun it all

ourselves in a sweet-smelling ‘humorous’ way!

sounds! Glad I don’t live close nearby, 2 am is the middle of the night for me, but, hey…

when there are many busy roads on the Urb crying out for them, just waiting for accidents to happen ? My timing is good, as the summer holiday makers are arriving by the speeding people carrier, and the weather vane has just turned to blistering – loud holidaymakers, hot tempers, speeding, road rage, and yes summer’s here! I live on a nice long road, but not particularly wide with a blind hilltop in the middle, and it’s terrifying at this time of year as cars, scooters, bikes, 4 x 4s ( god quad bikes – don’t they look dangerous ! ), trucks, and other moving contraptions all belt along it far too fast.

There are other big roads like Londres, Europa, Monaco ( I knew they shouldn’t have given it that name !) and many more where brightly-coloured humps in the road might – just might – slow some of ‘em down, and cut accidents !

Couldn’t go without mentioning my favourite nearby Parque del Mosa, still with a few furtive dog walkers/excrement ‘dumpers’, but thinning in numbers perhaps ? Some large boulders and dead trees have been strangely dumped in one corner, standing by what looks like an old fashioned red combine ‘arvester ( are the Worzels coming ?). Some of the ‘scrub’ on the verde has been hacked away, and is being fed into yon harvester, where it is shredded, and fired out of the other end into the air – good, eh ? The lads standing about catch some of it, and put it on the back of small wagons for transportation elsewhere – let’s hope it does someone, some good, somewhere ! Now not all that goes up comes down, and it gets breezy on el Parque, so the rest is distributed around to be breathed or deposited around the locals and their gardens, swimming pool filters in overdrive Two years ago I needed a new motor on mine when the industrial dumpers were here, and the air was thick – who cares ?

Elsewhere some green shoots in the form of little marker pegs have appeared - exciting, eh? No, no idea, have you? If you’re computer literate and curious you can find a small ‘artists impression’ of the finished

Please note I have refrained from using the four letter c**p word that SOHBP

we’re not all the same, are we? Thing is, if it

uses twice - again demonstrating a lack of basic English, in struggling to

STARTS at 2 – what time does it finish?

park on one website, showing what look

facetious ( facetious - bit deep that one, SOHBP, what ? ). Isn’t it a pity we

You know that bottom road leading to Iceland

of trees, but how will they handle the near

have to show ourselves up publicly in such banal terms when attempting to

and Lidl, and the other end to nowhere? You

describe something, or when foolishly risking using big words like puerile

know the dead straight one with at least 30

without actually being able to spell the word? Fortunately there are some

houses on one side only and a few regular

people out there who actually get my ‘silly’ sense of humour, and from many

right-angle junctions? Can someone explain

positive comments I have received, the ‘intellectual thrust’ referred to by

to me why that fairly wide, fairly quiet road

SOHBP does not go over everybody’s head, and appears well-received by

deserves huge ‘sleeping policeman’ humps in

people who enjoy a laugh – so lighten up, SOHBP !

the road,

compare writing in magazines to canine excrement in an attempt to be

Fouleye

like concrete sports/football pitches and lots vertical slope which forms the bottom half of the Parque ? Issue crampons? Now there’s an idea, training mountain climbers - I’ll suggest it to the council, bound to be a vote-winner that one! It could tie in with the mini exercise centre on Calle del Bosque - if you can find it….

FOULEYE

23

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The pleasure(?) of WALKING IN SPAIN

by Spike

D

id you know that the Alicante province is the most mountainous in mainland Spain? No? Neither did I until recently…if you did know then well done, and stop going on about it.

But it appears that the mountains in our region are largely forgotten because the vast majority of tourists in Spain spend their time on the coast. I mean, come on…are you going to spend two weeks chilling out on the beach or round the pool; sipping vast quantities of alcohol and observing the younger specimens of the opposite success a bit like a fox looks at a fluffy bunny? Or two weeks wearing the latest from Millets and eating beans from a can. But still, I’m assured that these areas are beautiful and well worth looking a pratt for.

Officially known as La muntanya d’Alacant” in the Valencian language they have also been called the Costa Blanca Mountains but usually only in guide books and not austere publications such as this…er…one… but unusually they don’t have a generic name so we’ll just have to stick to the

unimaginative Alicante Mountains.

Some of the best places to hike are apparently up and around the Hondon Valley, Albatera and in land to Pinoso and La Romana and although they’re not exactly the highest peaks in the world (about 1600m) they do provide good terrain for walkers and hikers (is there a difference?) and winter rock climbing venues which are now beginning to get popular and bring people here from all over the world. But the scenery is what it’s all about (isn’t it?) and in these hills you’ll find rugged peaks, ravines, gorges, ridges and wide valleys dotted with villages that look untouched by time…or very backward… secrets of Spain’s roman past can be found in these ranges too and of the Moorish history of this country and its Iberian past.

The thing you will notice, if you are a walker/hiker/dog is the lack of people you’ll see although I’m told that’s good because it feels more like the wilderness (even though there is probably a Maccy D within a 5 mile

radius).

If it’s not the scenery then it must be the nature that will drag you up one of these mountains and during the spring they are full of wild flowers in bloom including many rare species.

I must admit that seeing an eagle or two gliding around would be pretty impressive as would the Griffin vultures that arrive during the autumn migration.

If you really must walk in Spain…as a lot of readers have said they do…then here’s a bit more info on well, walking in Spain I suppose…

Spain is a veritable treasure chest when it comes to walking holidays, having something for everyone. Spain has the third largest territory in Europe after the Ukraine and France respectively) and the 2nd most mountainous (Switzerland being the most mountainous). There are hundreds of opportunities for walking holidays: from the Pyrenees Mountain ranges in Northern Spain throughout the entire mainland to Andalusia in

southern Spain. Walking enthusiasts should also consider the Balearic and Canary Islands, which also offer some great locations for walking holidays‌ but get a bus there.

Pyrenees.

The Spanish Pyrenees offer something for most outdoor/active sports enthusiasts: rock climbing, mountaineering and other adventure sports are very well catered for in many parts of this sometimes extreme terrain. Walking holidays are also hugely popular in this part of Spain, the best times of the year for which being the summer months (April through to September).

The Picos de Europa (European Peaks) are also situated in the northern part of Spain (falling between Asturias and Cantabria). The Picos are stunningly beautiful comprising mountainous peaks, gorges, lush green valleys and canyons.

Walkingde theSantiago Camino Perhaps the most well-known walking trail in Spain is the Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James). The Camino de Santiago is a journey that has been made by Christian pilgrims for over a thousand years. Although there is not a single starting point for the route, all routes begin in the north of Spain with the destination being the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela (in Galicia - northwest Spain), where there is a shrine dedicated to Santiago (St. James).

Castile Leon.Andalusia tends to be a good destination for walkers in the wintertime: the summer in Andalusia can be extremely hot but winter temperatures rarely drop lower than 14C. The Alpujarras mountains in Andalusia offer some of the most dramatic and spectacular vistas in the region.

More experienced walkers looking for a walking holiday in Spain might consider walking the Camino de Santiago throughout one of the longer routes - starting at the Roncesvalles pass in the Pyrenees passing through the Spanish regions of Aragon, Navarra, la Rioja and

31

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34

your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com

“for all your home and business computer needs”

“BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca. We aim to provide high quality computer services at realistic prices - we specialise in providing services to small businesses and home users”

Welcome to this month’s computer article written by Richard from BlueMoon Solutions Do you wish you could have broadband but cannot justify the annual cost? This month we investigate shared Internet connections, their benefits and pitfalls and what to watch out for if you are either currently using a shared Internet connection or considering setting one up.

Broadband Setup

You share the use of your neighbour’s wireless Internet connection and they

addresses of any computers that you want to

New Computers & Laptops in English

share the cost, it’s a simple “win win” solution - you both get cheaper broadband

has a unique MAC address and by adding it

and with today’s high speed connections ( unless you are doing some serious downloading) neither of you are likely to notice

of other people being able to use your net-

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2. Make sure you turn off your computer when

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share access. Each computer (in the world) into your router you drastically reduce the risk work.

you’re not using it - there is no way that your computer’s security can be compromised if it is not turned on.

BlueMoon have set up a number of shared wireless connections for our customers and we have even been asked to propose Internet solutions for whole urbanisations.

Most of them, as an afterthought ask the question “is it secure?” And the honest answer is “no, not really.”

3. Ensure that you have a firewall on your computer – Microsoft Windows comes with one of these as an integral part, so there is no excuse not to use it!

4. Share your Internet only with people that you trust.

You see, what you are doing is not only sharing the Internet, but you are sharing the same local area network (LAN). Think of it like living in an apartment block. You all use the same entrance and exit but you have your own rooms. When you enter and leave the building you have to use

common

Of course, there are secure ways to share your Internet connection, but because they cost more, most people decide not to go down this route but as long as you are sensible, sharing your internet connection with your trusted neighbour carries very little risk.

areas

and in these areas you are visible to everyone else that also lives in the same building. When you share your Internet connection by giving your neighbour your WEP key (the big long code on the bottom of your router) you are also inviting them to share your network. This doesn’t mean that everything that you type on your computer is instantly viewable by the person that you are sharing your Internet with, but what I am saying is that it’s not totally secure either. There is the possibility that your data could be intercepted, and so it is sensible

That brings me on to the security of your data if you are using an open Internet connection in a cafe or bar. If they let everyone use their wireless Internet connection they have a duty of care to their customers. If they have simply ‘opened’ their network then they could be putting their customers’ data and security at risk i.e. someone sitting at another table could be accessing your data while they sip their coffee. Of course, there are products available to secure an open wireless network and protect people when they are using the Internet why would people not use them?

to take these reasonable precautions: If you use an open wireless connection secured - not just with a WEP key, but also

regularly, ask the proprietor whether they know how secure their Internet connection

by entering the MAC (Media Access Control)

is, my guess is that they will have no idea!

1. Make sure that your wireless network is

35

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Our years of Spanish experience, in all motoring matters, are available to you via, telephone, fax, e-mail, our website, or why not call and see us in our comfortable office, in La Marina village, or at our Workshop facility in La Hoya, (opposite the Petronar petrol station), where a warm welcome is assured.

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CROSSWORD 1 ACROSS 1. Covers 5. Felix’s fastidious roommate 10. American Beauty, e.g.

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37. Father’s favorite bug 42. Living room item 43. _-dovey 44. Sexy 47. Lip-_ 48. It’s said to have a long arm 51. Father’s favorite garden 53. Sioux tribe 55. The two 56. Father’s favorite field 58. Timely tautonym 61. Palindromic detector 63. Capital of Yemen 64. Sorrowful word 65. Not hidden 66. Ball supporters 67. Remove 68. Salamanders 69. Swirl DOWN 1. Went over

38

answers page 48

2. Old Chevy model 3. Scatter 4. Cook, in a way 5. Seal’s nemesis 6. Turfs 7. Tramp, e.g.

8. Old marketplace 9. Neglectful 10. The clothing biz 11. Lode’s load 12. Trespass 13. End fast 21. Say ‘uncle’ 23. Baseball Hall of Famer Mel 25. Father’s favorite native child 26. Excited 27. _ hall 28. Verb suffix 31. Top, for example 32. Zero 35. Begrudge 37. “David Copperfield” heroine 38. _ effort 39. Where survey results probably end up 40. Between fam. and sp.

41. Yahoo competitor 42. Apart, abbr.

45. Swear words?

46. Lime 48. Glorified 49. Acquiesced 50. Eensy-_ 52. What skinheads do 54. Express 56. Headline?

57. Liberal 58. Hip joint?

59. Tavern tonic 60. Pen 62. Early drops

CROSSWORD 2

Across 1. 70’s hairdo 5. Brother of Osiris 9. Deli offerings 14. Bungle 15. Correct 16. Not in port 17. “Mommie Dearest” et al 20. Caulks again 21. City associated with Joan of Arc 22. Legal document 24. Hair product 25. Tricked 29. Selves 31. Spoil 34. Old computers 35. Fathers of 52 Down 36. Pear-shaped instrument 37. They’re kept under wraps in May 40. Security grp.

41. A terrible guy 42. Turn a granny into a sheepshank 43. Babe’s hang-out 44. Vipers 45. Order 46. Wonder 47. Top-notch 50. Say 54. Languages 59. Many a Mom is 61. Correct 62. Bar on a neck 63. It’s parallel to the radius 64. Features found in the southwestern US 65. What 35 Across do 66. Thailand, formerly Down 1. Not nigh 2. Smoky passage

3. Wheels make them 4. Double-reeded instrument 5. Fencer’s steps?

6. Jagged 7. Kind of boat 8. Spiderman, e.g.

9. They’re found in a sugarbush 10. A Barrymore 11. __ Minor 12. “__ Angel,” Mark Dinning classic 13. Lip 18. Antagonist, informally 19. Large merchant ship 23. __ doornail 25. Curses 26. Ship without windows 27. Famous Duke 28. Come again?

30. Friday was one 31. Soldier’s civvies 32. Storage space 33. Button on a computer 35. Invitation abbreviation 36. Made a canard 38. __ the occasion 39. Graham in “Dances With Wolves” 44. Edgar and Cleo 46. Action scene 48. Aquatic fur-bearer 49. Opposite of south, south of the border 50. Part of a list 51. What a lectern might support 52. Ram’s fans 53. There’s two in a life raft 55. Antelopes 56. Tangerine/grapefruit hybrid 57. Sicilian hot spot 58. Fraud 60. __ Lanka

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Famous Names Anagram

MORE STRANGE STUFF

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GIMKGCE RJA

GJIAKRC GEM A ONELY J Answers

A person at rest generates as much heat as a 100watt lightbulb A group of owls is called a parliament.

A Penny whistle has six finger holes.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove.

A quarter of Russia is covered by forest.

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champange will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

Mick Jagger Mick Jagger Jay LenoRobin Williams

1 4

Wordoku (or word sudoku) is much like tradi-

tional Sudoku, except that here you must place letters from a given 9 letter word into each of

Wordsearch 1 clues British rivers Severn thames trent great ouse wye ure Tay spey clyde tweed avon nene Eden dee witham teme don bann Ribble tyne aire tees medway mersey Humber

the blank spaces. Every row of the puzzle must contain one of each letter in the word, as must every column and every 3x3 square. key word: CERTAINLY

2

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Wordsearch 2 clues

Bicycle car lorry tanker train boat yacht Motorbike skateboard scooter moped tricycle aeroplane aircraft Ferry taxi minibus coach tram tractor submarine Balloon glider

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39

LIFE IS TOO SHORT....so if you fancy doing something different.. just do it!

LivingLI

‘The Coach on the Couch’

Introducing Nigel Jardine your resident Coach

Hello and welcome to your all new interactive Coach on

mind and language, and how we use them to influence

mentor who can give advice and guidance on situations

the Coach feature – well, not completely interactive, as

our thoughts and actions – sounds very complicated

which you are too close to, too attached. I see life is like

those who know me will recognise my currently ‘limited’

I know, but then the human mind is an amazing thing!

we’re born in a box and the instructions are on the outside,

IT skills. My aim each month is to

So for a dyslexic kid who

but of course we can’t see them. So we need other

support readers in whatever way I

was at the bottom of every

people, separate from ourselves, to read the information

can, with business development,

class – you could say

and guide us out – parents, friends, and often, a coach,

relationships,

&

“The boy done good!” I

as he/she is emotionally detached from the situation…..

professional, communication and all

am living proof that things

And please, don’t lock yourself in any boxes to test me!

the things termed as ‘soft-skills’. I work

don’t have to turn out the

What I would really love is if you get in touch with some

on a 1:1 and group basis, including

way you think they will.

specific questions or situations, so we can interact.

phobia cures! I say ‘soft-skills’,

One of the things I’m most

Your issues are real and my response may be useful to

as it’s concerned with developing

proud of at the moment

others. Let me give you a quick tip to help get the ball

an awareness and a willingness to

is that I am in the FINAL

rolling. You may have noticed at the opening of this piece

change, not simply fix things with a

of Britain’s Next Top

I wrote “my currently ‘limited’ IT skills.” I did not simply

new piece of equipment or hardware.

Coach, I hope you will

say “I’m hopeless at IT.” That would have closed down

I have developed my coaching skills

vote for me via my website

all possibilities of ever changing. If I say “Currently I am

over 18 years ago. My childhood was

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limited,” I can improve. In fact, I’m very impressed by my

what I term ‘interesting’, not exactly

reads this votes; when I

ability to open emails and surf the net – believe me, I was

what I call safe and supportive. As

win, you will be able to say

afraid of doing that 6 months ago! So you see, what we

a result, when I became a lecturer I

“I know him! He writes for

say, even to ourselves, can have a huge effect on our

related to the students with ‘issues’

Jungle Drums in Spain.”

thoughts and behaviours.

personal

and so began the path to supporting others. I am now a

For those who don’t recognise the term ‘coach’ in relation

I look forward to hearing from you and building a great

qualified counsellor, Performance Coach and NLP Master,

to business and relationships, I do not play football or

relationship. www.nigeljardine.com

which included training with Paul McKenna. NLP stands

tennis, (although I am passionate about cycling!) A coach

email : nigel@coachonthecouch.co.uk

for ‘Neuro-Linguistic Programming’ and explores the

is a person who can be your outside eyes and ears, a

The Art of Racing in the Rain

by Garth Stein

I can honestly say that this is the first book I’ve read about a racing driver, narrated by a dog!

For anyone who reads the blurb to this book and is tempted to dismiss it as just another sentimental dog tale, please stop and give it a chance. This book is beautifully written and told by Enzo the dog. Enzo is an amazingly articulate dog that wants nothing more than to be reincarnated as a man.

He knows this is possible because he’s seen it on TV - he watches an awful lot of TV and thinks that if only he had a keyboard the same as Stephen Hawking he would be able to communicate with his owner, Denny, an amateur racing driver. Denny’s life is then beset by trauma and tragedy, and throughout it all Enzo makes some very astute and often

40

witty observations. We first meet Enzo as a puppy and we come to love him as if he were our own. My only criticism is that the ending was just a little too perfect, but I did like the final twist, even if it was a touch `happy ever afterish’. This is both heartbreaking and uplifting in equal measures. Enzo’s take on human beings and the good and bad they are capable of is unique, and his beliefs in the big question of why we are all here is truly heartwarming. Now I keep looking at my own dogs, wondering……

If you are not a racing fan, do not let the motorsport focus put you off, as the racing scenes are exhilirating, and in fact it is the philosophy which comes from motorsport that is important.

Ultimately, this story is one of hope and I am quite sure that

few people will be able to read the end of this novel without a tear in their eye.

It is not a story about a dog, it is a story of human lives struck by joy, tragedy, failure, success, setbacks and ultimate triumph over adversity. It is a story of life and death, and how the two are inextricably linked together in all our lives.

Although you will probably shed a tear, I guarantee you’ll also laugh out loud!

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IFE Kids

time it is born. It continues to develop throughout its infancy. It is influenced not just by biological factors, but also by environmental and experiential factors. We know that high levels of unmitigated stress (either pre or postnatal) can cause the release of chemicals which impair the growth and maturation of the brain.

There is a strong link between emotional and cognitive development. Babies and children need to feel safe, loved and trusting in order to be able to focus their attentions on intellectual pursuits. When a child has to spend all of its time and energy working to establish a sense of trust in the world, there isn’t energy left over for the important hands-on exploration and discovery so important to the development of intelligence.

in Spain

The first three years of life are extremely important in a child’s development. So much physical brain development is happening during these years, as is the

Suzanne Lockwood

development of a child’s sense of being a capable learner.

We must not forgetter that a variety of disorders can interfere with a child’s ability to

Age versus Ability ????

I am asked so many times “why is my child not doing the same activities/ worksheets as other children of the same age?” well………

Young children are active learners who use all their senses to build concepts and ideas from their experiences.

We need to understand that children learn the same thing in different ways and that progression in their learning happens at different times and at different rates.

In order to look at a child’s capacity for learning, we need to take into consideration a complex set of factors. We know that an infant’s brain is not fully developed by the

The Swedes are coming

appear in childhood and often persist into adulthood. Children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may not be able to sit still long enough to focus on specific tasks. Children with autism typically have difficulty speaking, understanding language, and interacting with people. Children with learning or developmental disorders often need an education plan tailored to their individual needs and abilities.

When it comes to studying and learning, some adults believe it’s too late for them to learn new things. They think there is an inevitable decline in the learning ability with age (as in the saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”). Is it really that the brain has deteriorated or simply that the curiosity to learn has reduced??

Suzanne Lockwood Foundation Degree NNEB, NVQ3 TEFL Email soemg@hotmail.co.uk

Construction of Alicante Ikea could start in 2011

An agreement signed by the Mayor of Alicante this week will allow the Swedish company, Ikea, to start construction of a new store in the Rabasa area in 2011. The agreement must be ratified by a council meeting, but Diario Información reports that in it, the Town Hall agrees to push through planning changes to allow construction to go ahead under the Rabasa Zoning Plan. The procedure for these modifications would normally take a year, but the paper said the Town Hall plans to get them all through by the end of October. It’s understood Mayor Sonia Castedo has promised approval of Rabasa’s land sub-divisions and detailed planning by the

“Interesting Body Facts” It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.

learn new skills and behaviours. Learning and developmental disorders usually first

end of 2010, to allow Ikea to start construction at the beginning of the following year, once planning permission is granted.The site chosen

by Ikea is on Avenida de la Universidad, between the military barracks and the motorway roundabout.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s..

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men who read this are still busy checking their thumbs...

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YOUR STARS

Aries

Leo

Sagittarius

Travel is set to come under the direct influence of a niggled Pluto and its ‘moons’ this month. Traffic lights, rail crossing lights and road crossing lights are set to act in an erratic fashion as Pluto attempts to prove it has the powers of a real planet and not just a cluster of large rocks. If Pluto is a real planet it could cause absolute chaos this month, beware.

Going out and coming home again are well starred for all of the month (this also includes for medium sized pets and smallish hand held plants).

Fashionably out of control manly hairstyles, a ripped chest and a deep voice are well starred this month; as are tight thighs, firm large breasts and a healthy tan for women.

Saturn, and one of Mercury’s undiscovered moons, are in cahoots to bring to an end a conflict or a micro war you have been having with someone who deserves a good kicking (a micro war is when two or three people feud and fight). The offering of a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates are probably the best signs of contrition and should be accepted before the person offering them realizes what he/she has done.

Straw hats and sun tan lotion may provide the solution to a riddle involving sandy beaches and a towel around the 5th or 8th.

Mar 20 - Apr 19

July 23rd - August 23rd

Moonwalking, but not disco dancing in which you point at things during the ‘performance’, are well starred especially in any Michael Jackson tribute or celebration of his life.

Taurus

.

Apr 20 - May 19

November 23rd - December 21st

Cartwheels, hand stands, head stands single arm pressups, sit ups and sand castles the shape of gymnasiums are all enthusiastically starred.

Capricorn

December 22nd - January 20th

Long words that end in ‘ick’ or ‘ia’ are well starred this month, as are your chances of success if you were to enter any spelling competitions. This, of course, doesn’t mean you will win a spelling competition, it just means that you have a 1-3% better chance than you normally would have done.

That means if you suck bad normally then you will continue to suck bad because 1-3% less sucking bad doesn’t make a much of a difference, but if you are border line sucking bad to bad then it could shift you up to the bad category.

Of course if you are in the borderline brilliant to genius bracket then an extra 1-3% could make all the difference.

Gemini

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sept 21

You know how it is when strange, inexplicable, things happen when you do something you always do, and then the exact same thing you do another day leads to nothing strange and inexplicable happening? Welcome to our world of planetary mayhem...

Jupiter has recently borrowed a book out of the library on witchcraft and has chosen Virgo as the star sign to try it’s experiments out on. Beware straw effigies dressed like you, hand drawn pictures of you with strange characters or diagrams on it and Latin passages with what looks clearly like your name in it... p.s. Charlie has shut the factory...shame that...

Libra

May 22nd - June 21st

September 23rd - October 23rd

Corporate finance is well starred this month in all of its sinister hues. (If you want to put in an expenses claim do it by the 10th of the month while Jupiter’s aspersions are widely cast.)

History, geography but not physics are high school subjects that will offer intellectual solace in an otherwise humdrum month.

Verbs and nouns but not adjectives are well starred when used in sentences especially on posters or on the Internet on any site other than twitter.com, facebook.com and myspace.com.

The Okie Kokie, and indeed any dance that requires grown straight men to hold each others hands are well starred - especially when putting your left leg in and shaking it all about.

Trees and flowers are well starred especially on Tuesdays and Sundays.

When setting off on long to middling walks Pluto suggests starting off on the left leg. Do this and the planet promises rewards aplenty.

Scorpio

October 24th - November 22nd

Cancer

June 22nd - July 22nd Your discovery of a popular Australian television show for pre schoolers involving talking bananas in their pajamas, is set to answer a riddle or maybe explain a dream you have been having recently.

Banana custard is well starred for any dessert at meal times, as too is any comedy skit in which people unexpectedly skid about on improbably placed banana skins.

Your concerns for the environment will be put into second place to your need to organize a smoky barbecue on the 18th. This could herald a violent end to a fish, a sausage or possibly a beef burger.

The planets will be paying their own individual tributes to pop legend Michael Jackson this month (even though putting the word ‘pop’ in front of the word ‘legend’ somehow seems to downgrade the ‘legend’ bit to all but Neptune). The immediate upshot of this, this month, up until dusk on the 19th, is that moonwalking will become childishly easy in the front, back and sideways directions.

However, a warning, plastic surgery will continue to be badly starred especially nose jobs that have a 56% chance of going wonky until mid November.

A hostage situation, or maybe you have locked yourself out again, is in prospect this month.

Worries about things you have no direct control over will increase once again this month as you continue to blame yourself for the death of king of pop Michael Jackson. (From your prediction last month: “A... new ending... is in prospect this month”).

Praying to the sun and barking at the moon will continue to be problematic at times, especially when it is cloudy and you aren’t sure where the moon is at night. p.s. DMM say ‘see ya when ya bigga!’

Aquarius

January 21st - February 18th A cliché involving money will serve you well this month at least until the third Tuesday of the month up to bank closing time.

Jupiter is planning to invite all Aquarius to celebrate its upcoming 5 billionth birthday with a party. It’s all pretty vague at the moment as is the exact date of its birth, but pencil in a party give or take a couple of million years from this month.

Wearing athletic clothing (including sporty shoes) to give the appearance that you are actually a fit sporty person may present confusion at the supermarket or park this month when an elderly person may look to you to use your supposed athletic abilities telegraphed by your clothing to perform some kind of catching or running jumping throwing activity.

Pisces

February 19th - March 20th Bar brawling, insult hurling and projectile spitting are just some of the highly starred activities this month to affect all Pisces.

Mars is feeling a little lairy, a little irksome, pesky even, and will leave no interplanetary stone unturned until something kicks off and someone gets a bruising. If you are normally of a gentle disposition you will have to keep a close eye on your violent impulses all month and remember you are on your own if you decide to go down the punching route... Mars is millions of miles away and it may take months before it can send any interplanetary help your way... p.s. someone wishes you a happy future, wherever and however you get there... .

aUGUST 2009

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39

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WHAT’S ON ? GUIDE FIESTAS

Fiestas de Els Poblets del 31 de Julio al 6 de Agosto, Fiestas de Gata de Gorgos del 31 de Julio al 7 de Agosto, Fiestas de Pinoso 2009 del 1 al 8 de Agosto, Fiestas de Calpe 2009 del 3 al 9 de Agosto,

Vaca 2009 en Castalla del 13 al 16 de Agosto, La Asunción, San Roque, Cristo del Amparo y la Virgen de la Cueva en Beniarrés del 14 al 18 de Agosto, Beniarrés Virgen de la Asunción en El Castell de Guadalest 15 de Agosto,

Virgen de las Nieves en Aspe - 5 de Agosto , Nuestra Señora del Remedio en Alicante 5 de Agosto,

Purísima Concepción en La Nucia 15 de Agosto,

Virgen de las Nieves en El Fondó de les Neus 5 de Agosto,

San Roque en Agost 16 de Agosto,

Feria 2009 en San Miguel de Salinas del 5 al 9 de Agosto, Bous al Carrer 2009 en Calpe del 6 al 14 de Agosto, Fiestas de Elche 2009 del 8 al 15 de Agosto, San Lorenzo en Busot 10 de Agosto,

El Porrat en Polop 15 de Agosto,

Virgen del Rosario en Benferri 16 de Agosto, San Joaquín en Bigastro 16 de Agosto,

GUARDAMAR UNVEILS ITS AUGUST PROGRAMME Guardamar recently unveiled its August programme of activities – a mix of cinema, concerts , theatre and art. The town, winding down after its hectic – but spectacular - Moors and Christians festivities, now offers residents and visitors a more relaxing programme of cinema and concerts in the Reina Sofia Park. The Casa de Cultura is also involved in art exhibitions and theatrical presentations – as is the local public library, which offers a cinema programme for adults and children. All of the events in August are free to the public – and offer everyone the opportunity

Fiestas de Verano en Monforte del Cid 16 de Agosto, Fiestas del Barrio Plà de Sarrió en El Campello 17 de Agosto, Moros y Cristianos del barrio de Jose Antonio en Alicante del 24 al 28 de Agosto, San Bartolomé en Finestrat 24 de Agosto, San Ramón en Agost 31 de Agosto, Virgen de la Soledad, Moros y Cristianos en Castalla del 1 al 4 de Septiembre, Fiestas del Ravalet en Mutxamel 6 de Septiembre, Moros y Cristianos en Redován del 6 al 8 de Septiembre,

San Roque en Callosa de Segura 16 de Agosto,

Mare de Déu de Loreto en Mutxamel 8 de Septiembre,

Sant Roc en Denia 16 de Agosto,

Virgen de las Virtudes en Villena 8 de Septiembre,

San Lorenzo en Parcent 10 de Agosto,

San Miguel y San Roque en Formentera del Segura 16 de Agosto,

Moros y Cristianos de Altozano en Alicante del 12 al 16 de Agosto,

Fiestas Patronales en La Romana 16 de Agosto,

LA MARINA CHURCH Fiestas in honour of Or Lady of Peace 9th august - 12.00pm Solemn Mass 15th August - 10.00am Solemn Mass

Ntra. Sra. la Virgen de Montserrate en Daya Vieja 8 de Septiembre, Fiestas Mayores en Elda del 8 al 9 de Septiembre,

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS August 5th Our Lady of the Snows La Palma (Canary I.)

Nightshift Entertainment in G.A. Phoenix Nights every Thursday Phoenix Nights every Saturday London Tavern every Sunday

August 15th Assumption Spain September 2nd Day of Ceuta Ceuta September 8th Day of the Communities Gran Canaria Asturias Estremadura

to enjoy the long and warm August summer evenings. The concerts in the park this year include the annual Anti Cancer concert which takes place on the 8 August at 10 p.m. (all funds raised via ticket sales are donated to the Charity).

This month also includes the ‘Culture Stage’ a mobile show for both adults and children organised by the Provincial Government in Alicante in partnership with Guardamar Town Hall. For more information on events in August, please contact Guardamar’s Tourist Information Office in the town square or give them a call on 96 572 44 88.

Summer Events

Themed Evenings

Salinas Pop Fest 7th August San Pedro del Pinatar, in Murcia, hosts the new Salinas Pop Festival on Friday 7 August, with a powerful line-up featuring three of the most outstanding Spanish bands of the year. The aim is to consolidate the fest as an un-missable musical event in the summertime musical schedule.

Gremio DC will open the night launching and the next group to perform will be Vetusta Morla, the most prominent band in the Spanish music scene of the last year. The festival will close with Krakovia, a new musical experiment served by the producer David Kano Tickets will cost 22 euros and are available on Tick Tack Ticket, Fnac stores, Carrefour and other points of sale.

They can also be purchased at the box office of the TheatreCinema Moderno in San Pedro del Pinatar.

Friday 7th August Italian Evening 3 course Menu with Wine 12€ Saturday 15th August An Evening with ‘Kane” guitarist and singer inc.

Mexican Menu 10€ Friday 21st August Music Quiz with Zodiacs Special BBQ.10€ Friday 28th August An Evening with popular singer ‘ Shona’ inc. Greek Menu 10€ Tickets available for all the above events

MARKETS AND LOTS OF ‘EM MONDAY

Agres, Callosa d’en Sarrià, Cox, Dènia, Elche, Formentera, Granja de Rocamora, Ibi, La Nucia, Monovar, Penáguila, Petrer, San Pedro del Pinatar, Santa Pola, Sax

TUESDAY Altea, Aspe, Beniarbeig, Benijofar, Campo de Mirra, Castalla, Elda, Jalón, Orihuela, Relleu, Sella, San Fulgencio, Tibi

WEDNESDAY

Albatera, Alcoy, Alqueries, Bañeres, Benejamar, Beniarrés, Benidorm, Benilloba, Benitachell, Biar, Callosa sel Segura, El Campello, Elda,

Guardamar, Monforte del Cid, Muchamiel, Ondara, Novelda, Orba, Petrer, Polop, San Miguel de Salinas, Sella, Teulada

THURSDAY Agres, Agost, Alpe, Albatera, Algeña, Alicante, Benidoleig, Cocentaina, Hondon de los Frailes, Gran Alacant Jávea, Jijona, Pego, Rojales, Villajoyosa, Villena,

FRIDAY

Albatera, Bañeres, Benejuzar, Beniarrés, Benidoleig, Crevillente, Dènia, El Pilar de la Horadada, Finestrat, Gata, Granja de Rocamora, L’Alfas del Pi, Moraira, Monforte del Cid, Montesinos, Muro de Alcoy, Onil,

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Petrer, Rafal, Sella, Tibi, Torrevieja, Vergel

SATURDAY Alcoy, Alicante, Almoradi, Alquerias, Benissa, Bañeres, Calpe, Callosa d’en Sar, Castalla, Catral, Castell de Caste Elche, Elda, Gaianes, Hondon de las La Romana, Novelda, Pedreguer, Playa Flemenca, Relleu, Salinas, Santa Pola, San Vicente

SUNDAY

Aigües de Busot, Algueña, Alfafara, Benidorm, Busot, Benferri, Elche, Guardamar, La Marina La Murada, Torremanzana

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Call:

677 876 371

SECOND HAND FURNITURE

BEST PRICES PAID GOLD & COSTUME JEWELLRY BOUGHT & SOLD

WE COLLECT CALL 625 985 491 - 665 662 078

LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS SAX

The

TRANSLATOR

WANTED

- long /short term stays, - collection & delivery service, - english owned, vet 24 / 7 - walked 3 times daily, - 25mins alicante, 121 care.

- large kennels, - visits welcome Tel: Sonia

96 112 0244 677 343 653

NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 686 790 457

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BUSINESS DIRECTORY AIR CONDITIONING DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel 660 631 380 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

FWR CARS El Altet Tel. 96 568 7976 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 CAR SERVICE CENTRE La Marina Tel. 650 821 082 RE-REGISTRATION SPECIALISTS La Marina Tel. 650 821 082

ANIMAL RESCUE LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 112 0244 ALBERGUE Bacarot Tel 96 596 0224

CAR TRANSFERS HEADLAMP EXCHANGE La Marina Tel. 96 610 8938

BARS

COMPUTERS

FURNITURE

CONVEYANCING

SECOND HAND FURNITURE La Marina Tel. 96 644 3370

ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 8796

HAIRDRESSERS FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 SAMSARA Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8141

DENTAL BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 DENTURES DIRECT Gran alacant Tel. 619 185 122

BUILDING / MAINTENANCE ALTOMAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9353 CLIVE COOMBER Gran Alacant Tel 669 593 212 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 670 260 684 RAY CROSS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5087

HEALTH & BEAUTY BEFORE & AFTER All Areas Tel. 96 619 6798 BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 SAMSARA Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8141

DIVING SANTA POLA DIVE ACADEMY Santa Pola Tel. 677 670 468

DOCTORS

HEARING

CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 7411 EMERGENCY Tel 608 666 455 OLIVER PACK Santa Pola Tel. 96 541 3364

CAR HIRE XTRA RENT A CAR Santa Pola Tel 607 850 664

CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 802

EURONICS Gran Alacant

Tel 609 755 237

DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel: 660 631 380 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

Tel. 96 669 5365

ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC

Tel 665 063 228

CCW ELECTRICAL Gran Alacant Tel 617 872 405 DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel 660 631 380 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 670 260 684

Tel 670 260 684

CAR REPAIRS RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 JOHN O’DONNELL All Areas Tel. 638 461 690 PERFORMANCE & DIESEL Guardamar Tel. 96 610 7606

HOUSEHOLD SERVICES MOZISTOP All Areas

Tel. 659 259 319

INSURANCE ROWLAND INSURANCE Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3076 ALMARCHA INSURANCE La Marina Tel. 96 572 9747

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KENNELS LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 965 475 463

LOCKSMITHS SAFEGUARD LOCKSMITHS All Areas Covered 965888681 or 626891453

MOBILITY SUNSHINE MOBILITY Benejuzar Tel. 96 677 7985

MOTORBIKES SOLO MOTOS Santa Pola Tel. 96 541 4242

MORTGAGES JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796

NATURE Malcolm Palmer Santa Pola Tel 96 608 2454

OPTICIANS CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel 966 698 802 SPECSAVERS Torrevieja Tel. 96 692 7249

OSTEOPATH CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel 667 919 277

PAINTERS / DECORATORS

HEATING

DOMESTIC APPLIANCES

CARPENTRY

MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684 CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 2328

PETS LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax Tel 96 547 5463

PHYSIOTHERAPY CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7411

How’dyado?

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soluti

from page 38

FISCAL ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MICHELLE Gran Alacant Tel 669 791 201

BLUE MOON SOLUTIONS All Areas Tel. 655 044 970

LA MARINA ANIMAL WELFARE La Marina Tel 96 679 5593 MALVINA BOOKS La Romana Tel. 96 569 6656

ESTATE AGENTS GA PROPERTY NEEDS Gran Alacant Tel. 627 711 155 TOP ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7357

FARMACIAS

MONTE MAR BOWLS CLUB Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 8676

BOOKS

FLAMENCO - LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 PRO-ACTS All Areas Tel. 96 679 5058

FARMACIA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7471

CLUBS / SOCIETIES

EL PARIPE Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9641 FRANK’S MUSIC BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 637 355 570 PHOENIX BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8364 SUNSET BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 664 277 986 TOSCANA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9957 VILLAGE INN La Romana Tel. 628 077 007

D JOINER Gran Alacant MAYO Gran Alacant REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant

ENTERTAINMENT

CAR SALES

Wordsearch BEACH: The hidden message is: SANDCASTLE

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SPRING: The hidden sentence is: APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY

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your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com

DMF PLUMBING All Areas Tel. 96 679 9740 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

REMOVALS HELEN’S TRUCKS All Areas Tel. 96 540 0616 MISTER VAN All Areas Tel. 697 775 588 COCOA’S Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8509

RESTAURANTS DARBY’S FISH & CHIPS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7070 EL PARIPE Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9641 JUST DESSERTS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9624 LA TOMATA GranAlacant Tel. 630 912 276 LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 MARCO POLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5408 PHOENIX BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8364 RINCON MONTE MAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7483 SAFFRON Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8098 SUNSET BAR gran Alacant Tel. 664 277 986

SIGNS / SIGN WRITING CORTES SIGNS Santa Pola Tel. 686 464 076

SOLICITORS JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796

SUNBLINDS TOLDOS PENALVER Santa Pola Tel. 96 543 2350

SUPERMARKETS AJ’S Hondon Nieves Tel. 96 548 0718 BH STORES Catral Tel. 96 678 7891

Tel 619 501 657

SWIMMING POOL (CONSTRUCTION)

REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

TAX ADVICE ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796

TRANSLATORS ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 JOHN TRANSLATOR Gran Alacant Tel. 677 876 371 MICHELLE Gran Alacant Tel 669 791 201 MITCH BULL Gran Alacant Tel. 686 790 457

TRANSPORT GA COACHES Gran Alacant Tel. 610 611 619 TAXI Santa Pola Tel 609 959 408

TRAVEL AGENTS GETAWAY TOURS Santa Pola Tel. 96 669 6269

TV DIGINOVA Santa Pola SIMULSAT Santa Pola

Tel 660 631 380 Tel. 677 878 210

VETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 8463

WATER FILTERS PUREFLO Gran Alacant

Tel. 656 649 221

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VISA & MASTERCARD SPAIN: 915 192 100 HEALTH Elche Hospital 96 667 9000 Alicante Hospital 96 593 8300 96 524 4200 Hospital Vega Baja 96 677 6187 96 677 6183 96 677 6166 Torrevieja 965721000 WELFARE Gran Alacant office 96 669 7749 Fire Service 085 Local Police 092 LEISURE La Marina Aqua Park 96 679 7792 La Marina Library 96 679 4201 Guardamar Museum 96 572 8610 Rojales Museum 96 671 3273 SERVICES British Consulate Alicante 96 521 6022 Butano gas 96 541 3473 Consumer Advice 96 373 7109 Electricity company 90 120 2020 Post Office 90 219 7197 Telefonica Information 1004 Water Company 96 541 4124 TRAVEL & TRANSPORT Alicante Airport 96 691 9000 Alicante Bus Station 96 513 0700 RENFE (trains) info 90 224 0202 Elche Bus Station 96 545 5050 Road Information 90 012 3505 Radio Taxis 90 240 4095 British Airways 90 211 1333 Iberia

96 691 9188

SHOPPING CENTRE - on the hour Avda Mediterraneo (hill)

- 5 mins past

POST OFFICE - 10 mins past

12 6 12 6 12 6

LiFE RESORT

12

- 15 mins past

6

Don Pueblo

MARCO POLO

12

JLCA & AS - Lawyers

- 25 mins past HEALTH CENTRE

6 12

& LIBRARY

- 30 mins past PHARMACY

6 12

Mon – Sun 10.00 am – 2 pm & 5 pm – 01.00 am

PLUMBERS

Tel 628 030 184

TRAM SUMMER TIMETABLE

!

Tel. 96 672 0959

EMERGENCIES

& MARKET

- 35 mins past

6

BEACH (Avda Carabassi) - 40 mins past

12

PHOENIX RESTAURANT (Costa Hispana complex)

12

- 45 mins past SCHOOL - 50 mins past MASA COMPLEX (roundabout)

- 55 mins past

6

6 12 6

SUMMER TIMETABLE

SWIMMING POOL (MAINTAINANCE)

GA Pools Gran Alacant PJ’s Gran Alacant

W E

POSTAL OFFEX All Areas

N

BUSINESS DIRECTORY

12 6

49

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No.1for MOTORBIKES

SOLO

MOTO’S

Mini-Bike’s Accessories

We Collect & Deliver Workshops ITV Servicing

SPECIAL OFFERS!!

on ds, Bikes, Mope Buggies, etc

We Speak English Spares Find us at: Santa Pola Ind. Est Santa Pola - Elche Road C/Mecanicos, 57 - Polg Ind.2 Santa Pola

96 541 4281

Showroom

Tel. Email: minimotos01@terra.es www.mini-motos.com

THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 606 540 408

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