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COMMENT STAFF DIRECTORY PHONE: 509-325-0634 Ted S. McGregor Jr. (tedm@inlander.com) PUBLISHER

WHAT IS THE BEST OR WORST GIFT YOU’VE EVER GOTTEN?

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EDITORIAL Jacob H. Fries (x261) EDITOR

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CULTURE EDITOR

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MARTY JOHNSON My Kindle Fire is my best gift that I really enjoy. I actually use it quite a bit, and I’m not tech savvy, so it was something that I really enjoyed and still do today. Who got it for you? My husband; he gets me the best stuff.

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KIM KUTSCH The best gift I ever received was from my husband the first year we were married. I played college volleyball, and a year or two after college my letterman’s jacket was stolen from WSU, and he got ahold of the women’s athletic director down at WSU and got me another letterman’s jacket and surprised me with it. It made me cry.

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LUCAS BEECHINOR Christmas 1997: Nintendo 64. Hands down. I still can’t think of a worst gift. Maybe I just try to forget about all the worst gifts… maybe some pot holders when I moved out.

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DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 5

COMMENT | TRENDS

Peek Into Tomorrow

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hile many of us today see a disconnected society, dysfunctional governments and weakened leaders, change is inevitable. As we move from Thanksgiving to Christmas, the words of South African Bishop Desmond Tutu are instructive: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery; only today is a gift, and that’s why it’s called the present.” December is a month that provides us the opportunity for reflection — to take stock of where we’ve been this year and where we want to venture next year. The website nowandnext.com, published by Richard Watson, recently compiled “What’s Next — Top Trends in Society and Culture.” Here are its predictions for the future: SPEEDING UP. Because of the Internet, computers, technology, globalization, relatively inexpensive travel and mobile devices, there’s now 24/7 access to goods and services, so we’ll be more obsessed with speedy results and outcomes. Faxes and voice mails may already be too slow and cumbersome. ANXIETY. With wars and unrest percolating around the globe, Americans feel anxious, distrustful of governments and politicians, and uncertain about the future. With technology now ubiquitous, people will yearn more for their past, lost personal control — and less for being at the mercy of technological gadgets. DEMOGRAPHIC CHANGE. Populations everywhere are aging. Today, only 47 percent of households are traditional — two parents and two kids. In the 1950s, traditional households amounted to 80 percent. More financial burdens for society will encumber the young. LOCAL CONTROL. Globalization has been huge, but with globalization has come dependence. There’s an emerging desire for independence, and that means local control and local growth will increase as people everywhere desire to be less dependent on others, particularly for resources. HAPPINESS. Materialism has been rising as commerce developed new “stuff,” but materialism will wane. This year’s post-Thanksgiving retail sales have been disappointing. Perhaps consumers have reached a saturation point for new technologies and more material goods, instead preferring simpler pleasures. AUTHENTICITY. Recent surveys confirm that greater numbers of us don’t “trust” each other — or anyone. Obamacare troubles are part of the problem, resulting in governments and politicians ranking low on the trust scale. People everywhere want authenticity, in products, politics and government — less Botox and more reality in our lives. MEMORY. Life moves so fast that we too often lose track of what happened yesterday, because something new quickly replaces it — and it’s

forgotten. Politicians and public figures implore us to “move on,” to overlook their indiscretions or misdeeds, figuring the public will forget by election time or another judgment date. While many want things to speed up and expect instant gratification, the public sees the downside to such “progress.” Texting has replaced other, more intimate communications, especially talking — a disappointing trend. NETWORKED. The world is connected as never before, but instant news has a downside — overload. Government uses information we heretofore assumed was private and protected. Foreign eavesdropping touches many world leaders. Thousands of hacking attempts occur each hour, each day, and most are from foreign lands. Privacy is sacrificed. US AND THEM. There’s a growing trend of East vs. West and us against them. “Occupy Spokane” demonstrations in 2011 pitted the “99 percent” against the “1 percent.” Iran’s inevitable development of nuclear capability will further divide the Middle East, eventually resulting in nuclear weapons use. Egypt and Saudi Arabia will likely join the nuclear fraternity, posing more danger for the world. PERSONALIZATION. With technological advances, individualized iPod playlists, personal Christmas cards and professional-looking family photo albums can all be easily customized at home. We’ll no longer be dependent on others for many personal services. Traditional industries will therefore venture into other services. Pharmacists will one day provide basic medical needs for their customers. Bright patent lawyers will conduct “forward patenting sessions” with corporate R&D staffs to speed ahead of industry trends.

rends result from those willing to predict and shape the future. Only God really knows where society and the world are going, but man has the brainpower and ambition to predict where some aspects of culture and society will lead. Mankind has been blessed with imagination and curiosity, two qualities that make predicting the future possible; they also encourage us to dream — and strive. Until that future is reached, however, mankind needs leaders to remind us of where we’ve been historically, to be thankful for creative and trend-setting opportunities. We must recognize the future’s potential — but also be mindful that life’s stability comes from holding onto the past and never forgetting how we reached the present. 

COMMENT | PUBLISHER’S NOTE

Meet Emit Sparks BY TED S. McGREGOR JR.

hen we were kids one Fourth of July, my sister, Piper, was looking at the warning on a pack of sparklers and asked, “Who’s Emit Sparks?” We’ve had a good laugh about that for a couple decades now. But it is fitting that we crave explosions on the day we celebrate America. Like fireworks, our democracy emits sparks, too. I’ve been thinking about that as the fight at Spokane City Hall has been waged over the future of the Police Ombudsman. Right now, we’re somewhere between Super Ombudsman and Ombudsman Lite. However it shakes out, it’s progress, as these kinds of big, important debates haven’t always happened around here. Lately, the sparks have been flying, and I like it. To see a spark-free zone, check out the Spokane County Courthouse. With just three commissioners, and all of them Republican, it’s more like a cone of silence. When there are no competing viewpoints — no sparks — citizens often are left to wonder why. (And I think that played a role in the county not being able to sell its plan to buy property in the crash zone outside Fairchild in November.) Years ago, when the City of Spokane went for the strong mayor system, citizens were wanting some sparks for a change. Think of it this way: It’s like the mayor is the President, and the council president is the Speaker of the House. When they don’t agree, ideas collide, the gears grind, shooting off sparks, and — ideally — we all get better public policy. In most ways, Washington, D.C., is a bad role model: the politics have become superheated by money; the electeds represent thinner and thinner extremes of the general population; and it’s all become way too personal. Too many leaders think it’s all about them and their political party; what’s good for the nation comes second. When I was in college, there was a house across the street we pretty much were at war with. Sure, we may have allegedly put hay bales in their swimming pool — possibly more than once. And on a random snow event, some guys on a commando raid might have put snowballs in some beds over there. Again, allegedly. But on Saturdays at Husky Stadium, we stood right next to those same guys, and we all cheered for the same team. In D.C., they seem to have forgotten that “same-team” part of the deal. Here in Spokane, it falls to every elected official to emit sparks when called for (in a safe and sane manner, like the warning label says), but to always put Spokane first. Whaddya know! We’re growing up and learning how to drive this strong mayor system after all.  JEN SORENSON CARTOON

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 7

REVERSE MORTGAGE

COMMENT | DIGEST ON OUR FACEBOOK

ASK ABOUT NEW CHANGES!

Have your views on same-sex marriage changed since it became legal in Washington a year ago?

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KELLI CRAWFORD: The only thing that’s changed is my pride that my state values love over misplaced hate! BLAIN GOODING: No. Still think it’s wrong.

JACK OHMAN CARTOON

REMEMBRANCE

After the Starless Midnight The world said goodbye to Nelson Mandela on Tuesday in South Africa. He described his tireless journey in his 1995 autobiography Long Walk to Freedom by saying, “I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended.” Those words offer guidance to all who continue to be inspired by him. Mandela’s funeral happened to fall 20 years to the day after he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, Norway. Here is a selection from his remarks that day:

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Let the strivings of us all prove Martin Luther King Jr. to have been correct when he said that humanity can no longer be tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war. Let the efforts of us all, prove that he was not a mere dreamer when he spoke of the beauty of genuine brotherhood and peace being more precious than diamonds or silver or gold. Let a new age dawn!

t will not be presumptuous of us if we also add, among our predecessors, the name of another outstanding Nobel Peace Prize winAnd here are some excerpts from President Barack ner, the late African-American statesman and Obama’s eulogy at Mandela’s funeral Tuesday: internationalist, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. e will never see the likes of Nelson He, too, grappled with and died in the efMandela again. But let me say to fort to make a contribution to the just solution the young people of Africa, and of the same great issues of the day which we young people around the world — you can have had to face as South Africans. make his life’s work your own. … We speak here of the challenge of the He speaks to what is best inside us. After dichotomies of war and peace, violence and this great liberator is laid to rest; non-violence, racism and human digwhen we have returned to our cities nity, oppression and repression and and villages, and rejoined our daily liberty and human rights, poverty and Send comments to freedom from want. … editor@inlander.com. routines, let us search then for his strength — for his largeness of spirit This must be a world of democra— somewhere inside ourselves. And when the cy and respect for human rights, a world freed night grows dark, when injustice weighs heavy from the horrors of poverty, hunger, deprivaon our hearts, or our best-laid plans seem tion and ignorance, relieved of the threat and beyond our reach — think of Madiba, and the the scourge of civil wars and external aggreswords that brought him comfort within the sion and unburdened of the great tragedy of four walls of a cell: millions forced to become refugees. It matters not how strait the gate, The processes in which South Africa How charged with punishments the scroll, and Southern Africa as a whole are engaged, I am the master of my fate: beckon and urge us all that we take this tide I am the captain of my soul. at the flood and make of this region a living What a great soul it was. We will miss him example of what all people of conscience would deeply.  like the world to be. …

LETTERS

NIKKI EASTERLING: No. Still fiercely support equality, whether I know anyone utilizing same sex marriage law or not. JAMIE HEREIAM ELLIOTT: Nope! Don’t agree but also don’t care what others choose to do. BARB LEE: I think it has and is changing attitudes. My wife and I got married recently and her 92-year-old aunt in Idaho sent us a congrats card and gift. I know that was growth for her but love does conquer hate. BLAINE MATTHEW: No, but then again I’m a gay man who may some day want to get married. … To those of us who this affects, this was and is a big deal. DANI LORD-FLYNN: Nope, I’m still thankful that I was able to marry my amazing wife almost a year ago. MARK BYRD: Mt. St. Helens didn’t blow; no earthquakes in Seattle; no disasters of any kind that was suppose to occur. Guess the Christian Right lied again. Go gays! LOL! STEVEN BATEMAN: From the perspective of a grown man who’s come to terms with how wrong he was as a young guy, I can’t say this has changed my opinion, but it has given me hope that, even if everyone can’t accept our gay brothers and sisters, they can at least accept that their sexual preference is of no consequence. LISA STRONG WEINRICH: I don’t believe it’s for me or anyone else to judge. I have gay friends who I just want happiness for. Love is love, if you are lucky enough to find it. 

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 9

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10 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

COMMENT | SATIRE

Outer Space Selfies BY ANDY BOROWITZ

ASA’s Hubble Telescope, whose mission is to capture images that help scientists better understand the universe, has instead spent much of the past several weeks transmitting an annoying series of self-portraits, NASA scientists confirmed this week. NASA officials were alarmed in mid-November, when, ignoring their orders, the Hubble extended a long robotic arm in order to get a good vantage point on itself and began snapping thousands of blurry, lowresolution photos. Despite NASA’s repeated instructions to the Hubble to look for evidence of water on distant planets, the telescope continued to produce more and more self-portraits, posting them to its Instagram and Twitter accounts along with the hashtag #pimpin. Harland Dorrinson, operations manager at the Johnson Space Center, said that NASA had monitored

the images sent back by the Hubble since 1990, but that if it persists in sending back nothing but self-portraits, NASA would “probably stop following it.” “The Hubble might think it looks good in these pictures, but they’re of no interest to anyone but the Hubble itself,” he said. Elsewhere, in his latest break with Catholic orthodoxy, Pope Francis said that he was “seriously considering losing the hat,” the tall, ceremonial miter that has long been a signature of papal dress. “You expect me to believe God really cares if I wear a big pointy hat or not?” he said. “Come on.” n For more fake news from Andy Borowitz, visit borowitzreport.com.

COMMENT | EDUCATION

Exploiting the Adjuncts BY JIM HIGHTOWER

here’s a growing army of the working poor in our U.S. of A., and big contingents of it are now on the march. They’re strategizing, organizing and mobilizing against the immoral economics of inequality being hung around America’s neck by the likes of Walmart, McDonald’s and colleges. Wait a minute. Colleges? You go there to get ahead in life. More education makes you better off, right? Well, ask a college professor about that — you know, the ones who earned Ph.D.s and are now teaching America’s next generation. The sorry secret of higher education — from community colleges to brand-name universities — is that they’ve embraced the corporate culture of a contingent workforce, turning professors into part-time, low-paid, no-benefit, no-tenure, temporary teachers. Overall, more than half of America’s higher-ed faculty members today are “adjunct professors,” meaning they are attached to the school, but not essentially a part of it. It also means that these highly educated, fully credentialed

professors have become part of America’s army of the working poor. They never know until a semester starts whether they’ll teach one class, three or none — typically, this leaves them with take-home pay somewhere between zero and maybe $1,000 a month. Poverty. Adjuncts usually get no benefits, no real chance of earning full-time positions, no due process or severance pay if dismissed, no say in curriculum or school policies. Like their counterparts at Walmart and McDonald’s, adjunct college professors are not treated as valuable resources to be nurtured, but as cheap, exploitable and disposable labor. Unsurprisingly, this contingent of the low-wage army is organizing, too. For information, go to NewFacultyMajority.info. n For more from America’s populist, check out jimhightower.com.

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 11

12 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

YouthREACH’s Carletta Gaston, left, hands out gloves and toiletries at the STA Plaza. YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

HOMELESSNESS

Where are all the Children? Roaming downtown and seeking out homeless kids, YouthREACH offers more than handwarmers and hygiene packets BY DEANNA PAN

TA Plaza downtown is packed. Outside, the temperature has dipped below freezing. Inside, it’s toasty and crowded. People mill about, wearing coats and hats, hoisting bags on their hips, dragging suitcases behind them. They eat pretzels and pizza, buy lottery tickets, wait for their ride home. “Boss lady! Boss lady! Food!” A girl, no older than 15, dressed in black from head to toe with pink stripes in her hair, comes bounding down the escalator, arms wide, giggling. All the kids at the plaza have street names. Carletta

Gaston’s is “Boss Lady” and everywhere she goes, people recognize her. Gaston rummages through her bag, pulling out gloves and hand warmers, but the girl just wants water and candy. Gaston has long, auburn hair, perfect skin, a dusky voice and a certain swagger that belies her age. She’s only 20, but she could easily pass for 30. She’s at the plaza working for YouthREACH, a newly restored street outreach program that connects homeless youth with resources. In the past 10 days, Gaston and two other outreach workers from YFA Connections and

Crosswalk have served more than 140 different kids, handing out bottles of water, socks, hats, gloves, Halloween candy, snacks, deodorant, toothpaste and condoms. For years, YFA Connections and Crosswalk ran a robust street outreach program, providing resources to homeless teenagers, until they lost a federal grant in 2011. Now with new funding from United Way, they’re back roaming downtown and combing for kids in parks, alleys, under overpasses, at the mall, skate park and the bus plaza. Morgan Belveal, a case manager at YFA and one of the outreach workers, keeps a binder with multicolored tabs. He tracks the number of new kids they meet, the familiar faces, what they give away and where they do it. He charts their course in neon highlighter and maps the hot spots where they’ve met groups of kids. Their job right now is to gain the trust of these kids, build relationships and search for trends in the data. If YouthREACH is going to last, they’ll need funding, so they have to prove that what they’re doing is important. Gaston’s presence in the group gives them street cred. She knows most of these kids. She can relate to ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 13

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Carletta Gaston gets supplies for her outreach efforts. YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

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aston was 8 the first time she was homeless. Her family was evicted from their house. The front door was padlocked, but they climbed inside through a window and lived like squatters for months. They stole electricity from the neighbors using an extension cord. For running water, they had a hose. Gaston’s mom was an addict. She used needles. She got Hepatitis C. (“She told me got it from eating bad meat,” Gaston says with a laugh.) She couldn’t hold a job for longer than three months. They lived with a relative until they were kicked out, then at the Salvation Army family shelter and low-income housing in the Valley until they were evicted from there, too. Gaston was 14 when her mom told her she couldn’t take care of her anymore. While her mother took refuge in Hope House, Volunteers of America’s women’s shelter, Gaston, the youngest of her siblings, started going to Crosswalk and sleeping outside.

he path to the underside of the Maple Street Bridge is strewn with autumn leaves and twinkling shards of glass. “Watch your step,” Gaston warns. “There could be

poop.” Beneath the bridge, Gaston shines a keychain flashlight where concrete meets cold, damp soil. A man is wrapped in a sleeping bag. His face is flushed and smeared with dirt. His voice is shot from cold or whiskey. A lump of blankets rests beside him. They can’t tell if it’s a body or if it’s nothing. She asks him if he needs anything. He asks Gaston if she has a sandwich. “Have you noticed any kids hanging out around here? No?” Gaston asks. “I don’t have any sandwiches. But you want some hand warmers or something? It’s pretty cold out here.” Technically, with its grant money, YouthREACH is only allowed to serve homeless kids and teenagers. This man is in his 30s or 40s. One of the hardest parts of the job is turning away people they know they could help with a pair of gloves or some snacks. “Sorry to bug you. You have a good night, ’kay?” Gaston has slept under this bridge before — many times as a

last resort. “The bridge is freezing. You do not want to sleep under the bridge,” she says. Everywhere she goes holds a memory from her past. She points out places where she’s slept, huddled with other kids to keep warm, in a basement, on a roof, or beneath an overhang of an elevator entrance. In the winter, one of her favorite spots was inside a dumpster at Domino’s on Third. “It always just had cardboard in it,” she says. “It was a good dumpster.”

ne of the worst parts about being homeless — besides the cold, the hunger, the powerlessness, the cops who sweep your corner of the city at sunrise and kick you out halfawake with everything you’ve got strapped to your back — is the filth. Unwashed hair. Clothing that sticks to your skin and takes the shape of your body. Gaston was the “dirty girl” in school. Her classmates didn’t like her; neither did her neighbors. No one knew she was homeless. At 8, she started skipping school. At 10, she was drinking and smoking. At 12, she had moved on to harder drugs. She chopped off her hair, dyed it black, pierced her nose, told people she was 13 and ran in circles with teenagers. Her wake-up call came when she was 16. Alone and high, Gaston was hitchhiking to Spokane from Scotia, near Newport, when an elderly couple picked her up. They lectured her all the way back to Spokane, and she was bawling in the backseat. “I know people who’ve been down here for 10-plus years,” she thought. Hopeless, depressed, haggard from years of heavy drug use. “That’s not gonna be me.”

eyond the railroad bridge at Maple and Second, a young man is passed out on the sidewalk, supine, limbs outstretched, his head planted in the bushes. Near his boots, a small cardboard sign reads “HELP” in red capital letters. Gaston jogs over to him. “Dick!” she hollers. “You alright? You need anything? Are you OK, Dick?” She drops her bag and kneels down beside him. “I f---ing hate people,” he mutters through his scarf, still motionless. Cars whiz by. “What’s wrong? Come on. Get up off the ground, Dick.” As he comes to, adjusting his hat, he knocks Gaston’s 16-ounce Red Bull out of her hand. It spills on his face. Send comments to “Oh shit, Dick! I’m so sorry!” editor@inlander.com. Dick says he’s fine. Gaston offers him the rest of her Red Bull. From the sound of it, he was either knocked out or pushed around. Dick’s only a year older than Gaston. She’s known him since she was 15. Even before tonight, she worried about him. “[He] just thinks nobody gives a shit about him.” “Just wanted to make sure you were alive, dude. You scared me. Ugh,” Gaston says. She pulls a bottle of water, hand warmers, socks and bag of peanuts from her backpack and hands them to him. She gives him a hug, and he wraps his mismatched gloves around her. “Stay warm, dude.”

LETTERS

aston was 17 when she found out she was pregnant, and she knew it would change her life. By then, she’d stopped doing drugs, finished her GED at Crosswalk and was preparing to go to Spokane Community College. She wanted to take classes to work as a certified nursing assistant or in a plasma center. With a baby, she and her son’s father could get off the streets and move into a place of their own. And they did. It’s hard sometimes for Gaston to see these kids. Some nights, after tromping across broken glass and cigarette butts, through her old haunts, handing out gloves to shivering kids, asking them what they’ll do when they turn 18, Gaston goes home and cries. Her goal is to get another part-time job, so she can pay for the rest of her classes. She wants to get a bachelor’s in social work, so she can work at Crosswalk. “I like to be there for them. Just let them know somebody actually cares about them,” she says. “That’s what I remember: When you’re homeless, you just think that nobody cares about all the kids down here. But they do. I do.” n

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 15

NEWS | DIGEST

NEED TO KNOW

The Big News of the Past Week

PHOTO EYE START OF SCHOOL

World leaders gathered Tuesday for the funeral of legendary former South African president Nelson Mandela, who died last week at age 95 after a life of revolutionary struggle, imprisonment and inspirational opposition against apartheid.

Hundreds of union nurses and hospital workers launched a 24-hour strike against Deaconess and Valley hospitals last week over stalled negotiations, with dozens of Valley employees later being locked out from additional shifts as the hospital used temporary workers to continue operations.

Zachary Bisiar, a 16-year-old passenger aboard a Delta flight from Seattle to Atlanta, fell ill Saturday after suspected complications from a rare disease, forcing the plane to divert to Spokane where the teen died.

The Washington State University football team heads to a bowl game for the first time since 2003, playing against Colorado State in the Gildan New Mexico Bowl on Dec. 21.

Businessman Hoyt Larison, Mayor David Condon’s nominee for a seat on the Spokane Airport Board, withdrew his name from consideration amid questions over a $1,800 contribution to Condon’s re-election campaign.

SARAH WURTZ PHOTO

After years of hoping for a major medical school in Spokane, and lobbying for state funds to get it, Washington State University finally had a ribbon cutting last Friday for the Pharmaceutical and Biomedical Sciences Building on its Riverpoint Campus. The economic impact, one study predicted, could be as significant as that of Fairchild Air Force Base.

DIGITS

1,244

Value of gold coin wrapped in a $100 bill that an anonymous donor dropped into a Salvation Army Red Kettle at the Wandermere Fred Meyer last weekend. The donor has contributed a gold coin each year to the local fundraiser for the past five years.

50.1

ON INLANDER.com

What’s Creating Buzz Washington state’s recycling rate for 2012, which dropped from 50.7 percent in 2011, according to the Ecology Department. Officials say the national average hovers near 35 percent.

BLOG: Looking for something to read? Or watch or eat or drink? Check out our new online series, “What We’ve Been… “ where Inlander staffers share our favorite recent books, stories, TV shows and more every Monday.

Thur 12/12, Inlander

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16 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

NEWS | BRIEFS

“Having a program in place that identifies ways to improve our bicycle/pedestrian facilities is important to our growth and economic development,” Spokane Valley spokeswoman Carolbelle Branch writes in an email. — DANIEL WALTERS

Bikes, Boots and Justice Spokane approves parking changes; plus, Valley bikers hit the road BOOTS ARE COMING

Tire boots are coming to parking “scofflaws” in Spokane. In a 6-0 vote Monday (Councilman Steve Salvatori was absent), the SPOKANE CITY COUNCIL voted to change the city’s parking laws to allow booting of cars after at least four unpaid parking tickets. The change had originally also done away with four free parking holidays, like Veteran’s Day and Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, but the council struck those changes after complaints that removing the holidays was disrespectful. The city estimates more than $4 million in unpaid parking tickets are outstanding and about 3,500 people have four or more unpaid tickets, making them subject to booting. Dave Steele, who’s led the city’s recent parking overhaul in the Business and Development Services Department, says he hopes to buy between 10 and 20 boots early next year and, after a six month “amnesty period,” begin using them next summer. — HEIDI GROOVER

VALLEY OF THE BICYCLISTS

Just one week after the city of Spokane dumped its Bicycle and Pedestrian Coordinator position, its neighbor to the east — SPOKANE VALLEY — was named the No. 1 city in America for women bicyclists by the League of American Bicyclists.

Gold

num

Plati

2.A1P4R

UPGRADING JUSTICE

Due to age and increased demand, the IDAHO SUPREME COURT says the state’s computerized case management system needs to be replaced, pushing for a new $21.6 million network over the next five years. Justices voiced support for a program called Odyssey, The data for the list came from the U.S. Census by Tyler Technologies, that incorporates new online bill Bureau’s 2012 American Community Survey, which payment, electronic record filing and video conferencing samples one in every 38 households in the U.S. every services. year. Despite being a decentralized city without a defined In its recent report on legislative priorities, the court downtown, Spokane Valley has a healthy number of called on state officials to approve one-time funding of female bike commuters. $11.4 million for software and e-filing equipment along While the total bicycle commuter rate in Spokane with another $5.6 million in new computer equipment Valley is nearly twice Spokane’s rate, it’s still less than a and $4.6 million for video conferencing services. fifth the rate of Portland. Instead, the data The ongoing annual service costs were expected to relied mainly on the percentage of female be $5.9 million statewide. bicyclists: More than two-thirds of SpoSend comments to “Idahoans need and deserve a modern, efficient kane Valley bike commuters are women. editor@inlander.com. court system,” the report states. Another way to look at it: Men don’t bike Justices say developers of the current system, nearly as often as women in Spokane ISTARS, acknowledged the program was at “end of life.” Valley. The proposed Odyssey system is being used or impleOver the last three years, Spokane Valley has been mented in 10 other states, including Washington and gradually improving its bicycle infrastructure. Back in Oregon. 2011, Spokane Valley overhauled its bike plan by passing The court also recommended a salary increase for an updated Bike and Pedestrian Master Program. The district and appellate judges, saying the majority already council had been skeptical of the initial plan, opting to qualify for retirement and replacements may prove difwater down the initial language to make the plan less of a ficult to find. “Low salaries have been repeatedly cited mandate and more of a suggestion. as the primary impediment to judicial recruitment,” the Since then, however, the Valley has embarked on report states. nine separate projects to add, widen or repaint bike lanes — JACOB JONES throughout the city.

LETTERS

“NEW”

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Say hello to 2.14% APR* when you transfer your balance to a Numerica Visa® Platinum or Gold card. Only at our downtown Spokane branch (502 W. Riverside). *Here’s the legal stuff. Offer good December 10-31, 2013 and at the Numerica downtown Spokane branch (502 W. Riverside Avenue) only. Promotional 2.14% APR (Annual Percentage Rate) on balance transfers to a Numerica Platinum or Gold card through December 31, 2014 (promotional period). Good for a new or existing Numerica Visa credit card. The special rate only applies to the amount transferred. After promotion period, or when the balance is paid off, your purchase APR will be the purchase rate as stated in the cardholder agreement. As of 12/9/13, the variable purchase rate for our Platinum card is 5.25% - 12.25% APR and for our Gold card, the non-variable purchase rate is 8.90% - 17.90% depending on credit worthiness. Cash advance rates are higher. Rates subject to change. Offer not available on Business Visa or to pay off existing Numerica loans or lines of credit. Account must be in good standing. $20 membership fee for new members. Federally Insured by NCUA.

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 17

NEWS | PRIVACY

“I do love to dance.” – Elnora

Investigators video-surveilled Leonel Vargas’ home without a warrant for a month before capturing these images. KENNEWICK POLICE DEPARTMENT PHOTOS

For more information, call STA Paratransit at 328 -1552.

Meet Elnora, a people person who has lived in Spokane her entire life. Now, at 87, Elnora is visually impaired and rides Paratransit to the Spokane Eye Clinic nearly every week. She also frequently joins a group of seniors who meet for ballroom dancing. “I may not be able to see well,” she says.

An Eastern Washington firearms case tests the limits of police surveillance BY JACOB JONES

“But I do love to dance.”

Spokane Transit. Providing more than 1,500 Paratransit trips each weekday.

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Who’s Watching? I

magine having a video camera trained on the front of your house 24 hours a day. It records each time you leave or return home. It monitors your daily routines and visitors. It can see when you adjust the curtains or turn out the lights. Every time you step outside, the camera’s rolling, following you as you check the mail, take out the trash or unload your groceries. Now imagine you didn’t know it was there. What do you think someone could learn about you? How would you feel when you found out? And would you have anything to hide? An ongoing federal firearms case out of Eastern Washington, United States v. Vargas, may test the limits of police surveillance of private residences, pitting rapid advances in law enforcement technology against constitutional privacy rights. Hanni Fakhoury, a staff attorney with the San Francisco-based Electronic Frontier Foundation, says investigative technology has increasingly chipped away at citizens’ privacy protections. Police now have access to cellphone data, GPS tracking, wiretapping and in some cases drones. The Vargas case serves as just one recent conflict. “It’s really troubling,” Fakhoury says. “The implications go beyond just video cameras.”

arlier this year, Leonel M. Vargas, 36, learned Tri-Cities area gang investigators had placed a video camera on a telephone pole near his rural Pasco home without a warrant, filming his house and yard around the clock for more than a month. His home sits well outside the city amid irrigated fields and orchards along the Snake River, east of town. Court records show the Tri-Cities Violent Gang Task Force suspected Vargas may have ties to a Mexican drug trafficking operation. They also believed him to be an undocumented immigrant. Investigators did not offer additional probable cause to support installing the camera. Starting on April 4, detectives monitored live and recorded

footage of Vargas’ front door, carport and yard. They could zoom and pan the camera remotely, taping and scrutinizing the Vargas house from the police station 12 miles away. On May 6, the camera recorded Vargas and two other men allegedly shooting pistols and a .22 rifle at beer bottles in the adjacent yard. Based on that footage, investigators obtained a search warrant, seizing four firearms and three “small baggies” of methamphetamine from the home. Vargas was indicted on suspicion of unlawful possession of a firearm by an illegal immigrant and one count of possession of methamphetamine with intent to distribute. He remains in custody in the Benton County Jail, facing more than five years in prison and potential deportation if convicted. Investigators argue they can video-record anything typically visible from the street, any space that could be seen by a passing car or jogger. But Fakhoury and other privacy advocates argue to throw out the video evidence, saying continuous, long-term surveillance is much more invasive and should require a warrant. “Any other rule,” Fakhoury writes, “would allow the police free reign to silently watch and record those they dislike, waiting for someone to inevitably commit one of the myriad federal crimes.”

.S. District Court Judge Edward Shea, presiding over the Vargas case, issued an order earlier this fall asking the Electronic Frontier Foundation to weigh in on the privacy concerns involved. The foundation submitted its brief last week. The U.S. Attorney’s Office must file a response next week, prior to a pretrial review hearing set for Feb. 11. The assistant U.S. attorney prosecuting the case could not be reached for comment. Fakhoury argues that other forms of long-term surveillance, such as wiretaps or GPS trackers, not only require warrants, but police must also show they have tried less invasive methods and failed to get the information they seek. Those warrants also often include restrictions on what can be monitored and time limitations. “Secretly video recording an individual in his home is one of the most invasive forms of electronic surveillance possible,” Fakhoury writes. “With video surveillance, officers can capture the details of a person’s life, whether big or small, in high definition.” Other civil liberty advocates have voiced similar concerns, with the ACLU of Washington warning: “This type of long-term, persistent video surveillance without a warrant threatens privacy and speech rights. It needs to be restricted to ensure that innocent people are not arbitrarily targeted.” On a related issue, the Seattle Police Department was recently pressured into shutting down a Wi-Fi tracking network after The Stranger newspaper ran a long story on the secret system. In Spokane, the City Council adopted a new ordinance this past summer requiring their approval of any new police surveillance technology. The Spokane Police Department has also postponed a proposed plan to install several permanent surveillance cameras in high-traffic areas of downtown. “We are going to re-examine it in 2014,” a Spokane police statement says. “As of now, we put this on hold due to budget constraints.”  jacobj@inlander.com

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Gift e Guid

YOUNG KWAK PHOTO | JESSIE SPACCIA ILLUSTRATIONS

INSIDE GIFT GUIDE ORGANIZATIONS MAKING A DIFFERENCE

FOODIES

PEOPLE COOLER THAN YOU ARE

LONG DISTANCE LOVERS

OUTDOORSY TYPES

FAMILIES

THE NEWLY INSURED

TECHIES 32 TEA PARTIERS

Gifts for

New

s t n e r a P A

little bundle of joy is here. Or impending. Below are some suggestions on how to help your anxious, sleep-deprived, suddenly beleaguered friends or family deal with the smallest biggest change in their lives. — E.J. IANNELLI

WITHINGS BABY MONITOR (A)

The most pressing question on new parents’ minds: What’s junior doing when we’re not looking? Is he awake? Asleep? How about now? Now? What about now? This handy app-enabled Wi-Fi camera puts round-the-clock audio and video surveillance into mom or dad’s pocket by turning an iPhone or Android phone into a remote monitor, complete with motion alerts and temperature and humidity readouts. There’s even the possibility to pipe in a soothing lullaby on command, or thanks to the infrared camera, keep an eye on junior through the night. This way, they can coo from afar when he’s sleeping like an angel. And catch him before he paints his crib with the contents of his diaper. $250 • Radio Shack (via ship-to-store) • 4750 N. Division

MOMMA GOOSE BALTIC AMBER TEETHING NECKLACE (B)

As stylish as it is functional, this teething necklace outfits baby in New Age fashion long before he can say “healing energy vortex” — all while deriving a palliative benefit. Amber contains succinic acid, which is supposed to have natural anti-inflammatory and analgesic properties that can help soothe tender areas when worn against the skin. Around $20 and up • Bella Cova • 905 N. Washington

PACIFIER THERMOMETER (C)

Time becomes an increasingly precious commodity when the stork arrives. Imagine if it were possible to provide a baby with the most tried-and-tested form of oral comfort while taking her temperature

STRANGERS

PRETEENS WHO HATE YOU

FITNESS FANATICS

TEA PARTIERS

at the very same time? The pacifier thermometer makes that almost inconceivable scenario a reality, ultimately saving parents seconds — nay, entire minutes — over the course of a baby’s infancy. $8 • Babies “R” Us • 6104 N. Division

YOGA & MASSAGE TRAINING (D)

The days of new or soon-to-be parents turning to laudanum to help them relax are pretty much at an end. Fortunately, you can book them a joint session in pre- or postnatal yoga and massage training for a morphine-free alternative. Mom will learn comforting poses to help ease the pain before, during and after labor, and her partner will learn how to appear a little less helpless. $25; other classes (such as breastfeeding) free • Bella Cova • 905 N. Washington

MOBY WRAP (E)

Experts know there’s no better way to lug your child around than tightly bound to your chest in a sweltering cocoon of parental love. Hence the ultratrendy Moby Wrap. This designer strip of fabric can be folded origami-like to accommodate a variety of carrying positions. If Dad fears for his masculinity, they even come in Major League Baseball varieties. Around $50 • Mother’s Haven • 2112 N. Government Way, Coeur d’Alene

THE WHEEL OF RESPONSIBILITY (F)

How many marriages have been brought to the brink over a soiled diaper? How many relationships threatened by whose turn it is to read Goodnight Moon? The Wheel of Responsibility turns every interrupted slumber, every bottle feed into a night in Vegas, leaving parental responsibilities to the blind justice of Lady Luck. If a 50/50 chance is still too risky, there are Sanity Checks, which can be cashed for a one-time reprieve from chores. $11 • perpetualkid.com 

DOGS & THEIR PEOPLE

HOMEBODIES

MINIMALISTS 41 LOCALISTAS 42

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 21

Gifts for

Organizations Making a Difference

t’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and warm nostalgia of Christmastime, forgetting to look past the mall Santas and fake greenery to the underlying meaning of the season — giving to those who have so little. Instead of stressing over how to budget

all the big-ticket items for everyone on your list, consider a gift to a nonprofit in a loved one’s name. Or, make the leap and nix gifts for your family altogether in lieu of a group donation to a local charitable organization. It can be really fun and personally fulfilling to

CROSSWALK TEEN SHELTER

Head to a local craft supply store (perhaps Spokane Art Supply, 1303 N. Monroe) and load up a shopping basket full of acrylic paint, canvases, pastels, watercolors, drawing pencils and art paper. Serving more than a thousand teens each year, the downtown Spokane drop-in shelter Crosswalk offers basic support and services, along with activities to encourage creativity and to serve as an escape from the harsh realities of homelessness, abuse and other life-altering conflicts its teens face. Crosswalk, operated by Volunteers of America, hosts art classes at least once a month, and largely relies on donated supplies in order to do so. Crosswalk Teen Shelter • 525 W. Second • voaspokane.org • 624-2275

CATHOLIC CHARITIES SPOKANE

Serving more than 77,000 people across the region every year, Catholic Charities is one of the largest social service nonprofits in the area, offering a dozen programs that aid the homeless, seniors, families and anyone else in need. Development officer Dennis Hake says a donation — he suggests one made in the name of a loved one — to its annual Christmas Collection campaign is the best way to help, aside from volunteering one’s time. Funds are also dangerously low for Catholic Charities’ Emergency Services Fund, which helps people on the brink of having their heating or water shut off, losing transportation to a job, or in need of basic shelter. Catholic Charities Spokane • 12 E. Fifth • catholiccharitiesspokane.org • 358-4250

HOSPICE OF SPOKANE

Hospice of Spokane provides end-of-life care and support to patients of all ages with a terminal condition and their families. During the holidays, development director Tamitha Anderson suggests contacting the organization to participate in its Adopt a Family program, which supports patients and families facing financial hardships and who are consumed with caring for their sick loved one. Donated, handmade quilts and blankets are also used at the Hospice House to provide some cheer and comfort to its patients. Hospice of Spokane • 121 S. Arthur • hospiceofspokane.org • 456-0438

SPOKANE HUMANE SOCIETY

For those with a soft spot in their hearts for all the animals waiting for homes in the Inland Northwest’s several animal shelters, a gift of pet supplies, food or bedding can make the holidays a little cozier for a homeless kitty or pup. It’s a great way to say thanks to the shelter where you adopted your own furry friend, too. The Spokane Humane Society has a detailed wish list on its website, along with an Amazon.com wish list of preselected items the shelter would put to good use — shop online and have your gifts shipped directly there. Spokane Humane Society • 6607 N. Havana • spokanehumanesociety.org • 467-5235

THE SALVATION ARMY

If you want to do more than dropping your pocket change or $5 into one of the Salvation Army’s iconic red kettles, consider buying Christmas gifts for a family staying at the organization’s Spokane campus. Each Christmas, the local arm of the national nonprofit hosts its Adopt a Family program, asking for specific requests from the families it serves. Call the main office to find out what’s left on this year’s wish list. Salvation Army Spokane • 222 E. Indiana • salvationarmyspokane.org • 329-2732

22 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

go on a shopping spree knowing the people you’re buying for really need, rather than want, what you’re getting. Here’s just some of the items on local nonprofits’ wish lists this year. — CHEY SCOTT

THE ARC OF SPOKANE

This local nonprofit offers a long list of programs and services to improve the quality of life for developmentally disabled individuals and their families across the Inland Northwest. As you’re out shopping for the rest of your giftees, consider picking up a few fun things for the Arc’s Community Center, which offers daily activities such as crafts, games, classes and field trips to the developmentally disabled adults it serves. The center currently is in need of a new DVD or Blu-ray player, Wii remotes, pool sticks and balls, puzzles and family-friendly DVDs. The Arc of Spokane • 320 E. Second • arc-spokane.org • 328-6326

HUTTON SETTLEMENT

Founded nearly a century ago, the Hutton Settlement sits on a picturesque 300 acres in Spokane Valley, providing a stable home for children needing long-term care. Community relations director Kelly Green says an ideal gift for the Hutton’s residents is a group activity for a cottage of eight children to enjoy together. Tickets to Silverwood, a local bowling alley or the Mobius Science Center all offer an opportunity for cottage residents (ages 5-18) to get out and bond together. Hutton Settlement • 9907 E. Wellesley • huttonsettlement.org • 838-2789

TRANSITIONS FOR WOMEN

Offering job training, housing and life skills programs, Transitions helps Spokane’s homeless and impoverished women and their children attain happier and more sustainable lives. Development director Mary Tracey says bedding sets of any size are ideal gift items the organization can give to women and children moving into transitional housing. “When they move into housing, they go to us to turn their house into a home,” Tracey says. Bus passes and thumb drives are also always needed for women going back to school or looking for employment. Transitions • 3104 W. Fort George Wright Dr. • help4women.org • 325-9877

YMCA/YWCA OF THE INLAND NORTHWEST

The Central Spokane YMCA’s Teen Center serves as a safe haven for many teens in Spokane’s West Central neighborhood. “Things they need are even some of the most basic — toiletries and bus passes” says Julie Banks, the Y’s community development director. Gift cards would also brighten these kids’ Christmases, to spend on healthy food (sandwich shops or cafes instead of fast food), popular young adult books and even clothing. Banks says the center regularly receives new, donated clothing for teen boys, but not as much for girls. Zip-up hooded sweatshirts, super-popular infinity scarves, nail polish and socks are ideal gift items for teen girls. Central YMCA • 930 N. Monroe • ymcaspokane. org • 777-9622

BOY & GIRLS CLUBS OF SPOKANE COUNTY

The three branches of the Boys & Girls Clubs serve disadvantaged youth across Spokane County, providing educational support and programs, recreation, arts activities, and simply a safe place kids can hang out after school. Some enrichment items the clubs have on their wish lists this year include Xbox game consoles and controllers, a foosball table, butcher paper, poster frames, pool cues and balls and any kind of sports balls — rubber, basketballs, soccer — you name it. Boys & Girls Clubs of Spokane County • three branches: Mead, Northtown and East Central • bgcspokanecounty.org • 489-0741 

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 23

Foodies

Gifts for

K, I’m going to be honest with you: I’m totally writing this category for myself. While I hate the term “foodie,” I am an absolute slave to food, food gadgets, food reality

SPICEOLOGIST STARTER BLOCK

Any home cook worth their salt has a ridiculous cabinet of spices — jars of exotic flavors from places far from here, pouches of pungent leaves and roots and dried berries, tins of salts in every color of the rainbow. For a while, it was tough to find any spices that weren’t oregano and celery salt in local stores, but one guy has changed that. You might have seen Pete Taylor — who calls himself the Spiceologist — at local farmer’s markets, passing out tins of his spice blends for people to sniff. Recently, Taylor dreamed up a cool device for avid home cooks to store and artfully display the finest tools of their trade: the Spiceologist Block is part knife block, part spice holder. The starter block comes packed with 22 spices — and there’s even a 44-spice block for the real home cooking freaks. $139.95 • savorx.com

CHEMEX HAND BLOWN 3-CUP BREWER

We don’t know anyone into food who doesn’t totally geek out over their coffee too. And at a place like Revel 77, getting totally nerdy about beans, grinds, water temperatures and latte art is completely acceptable. Kaiti Blom, one of the rock-star baristas there, says Chemex brewers are true works of art and science, “[combining] beauty and craftsmanship to create a beautiful cup of coffee.” Pro tip: Blom says she’ll share her brewing recipes with any fellow coffee freak who wants one. $38 • Revel 77 • 3223 E. 57th

television and conversations about food. I recently asked a chef friend at a party, “What’s your favorite lentil?” So, yeah, I’m being real with you here: If you get any of the following pieces of gad-

CHARLES VIANCIN LILYPAD LIDS

getry for the foodie in your life, you’re going to be the recipient of some serious love and probably a lot of awesome home-cooked meals. — LEAH SOTTILE

THE MIGHTY YOLK HERO EGG SEPARATOR

When it comes to things local foodies want, Eric Frickle, one of the Kitchen Engine’s owners, said it’s Charles Viancin Lilypad Lids — all the way. He says his store sells thousands of them. The heat-resistant silicone lids are little champs in the kitchen, and can be used as a lid over a casserole pan, as a microwave cover or even over a tin can. They’re the kind of thing that food nerds and complete cooking idiots can both find a use for. $8.99$18.99 • The Kitchen Engine • 621 W. Mallon (inside the Flour Mill)

Here’s a weird little tool for the baker or protein freak in your life: the Mighty Yolk Hero Egg Separator. Without using your hands, you can easily separate the yolk from the white without making a big ol’ mess. And it’ll hold up to three unbroken yolks in there! Amazing! And kind of like those things parents use to suck snot out of their baby’s nose, it’s just plain fun to play with. $7.95 • Atticus Coffee & Gifts • 222 N. Howard

HOPS CLUB AND VINO CLUB MEMBERSHIPS

NUTRIMILL GRAIN MILL

If you’re looking for something that will excite the foodies in your life all year long, check out the Hops Club and Vino Club memberships offered by the Valley’s center of all things flavorful, Spice Traders Mercantile. A Hops Club membership, $25 per month, includes two 22-oz. bottles of craft beer, a bottle of aged balsamic vinegar and a bottle of infused olive oil, plus extra monthly surprises. For $30, the Vino Club rotates red and white wines, plus the same vinegar and olive oil as the Hops Club. You can pay as you go or subscribe to a whole year of baskets — all available for pick-up only each month. $24.99 & $29.99 • Spice Traders Mercantile • 15614 E. Sprague, Spokane Valley

GIVE & GET Holiday Gift Cards Buy a $25 card and get $5 for yourself

Stumped by what to get a home chef or aspiring baker? I can almost guarantee you they’ll be pleased as punch when they open a Nutrimill Grain Mill — a device that will raise an amateur home baker to new levels, allowing them to grind their own grains and make their own flour. And for people who are gluten-free or celiac, grinding their own flours at home will save them serious cash. Bonus locavore points if you fill their stocking with locally sourced wheatberries they can grind up for a fresh Christmas morning loaf. $239.99 • The Kitchen Engine • 621 W. Mallon (inside the Flour Mill) 

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Dr. Thomas has been a licensed, practicing veterinarian for over 30 years. For more than a decade he has focused on alternative modalities to address pet health care.

Gifts for

People Cooler Than You Are I

t’s not like it’s the middle school lunch table anymore, but we all still know it — that friend is just cooler than you are. They go to more things and wear better stuff, and you know you’re not just imagining it because of all their effortlessly artful Instagram photos. They already know all the awesome things you know about, because they told you in the first place. So you could go safe-and-boring with a gift card, or you can channel their cool-person confidence and take a risk on something a little more unique. — LISA WAANANEN

CARDBOARD BUCK TROPHY

The whole fake taxidermy and buck motif is maybe a little played out at this point. But this makes an excellent gift because 1) no person with a sense of humor wouldn’t enjoy having one, and 2) no person can respectably purchase one for their own home now that they’re sold at Urban Outfitters. And, not saying this is necessarily a good party idea, but has anyone tried spray-painting one of these? Maybe red or silver? Toss a can of spray paint into the gift bag and find out. No one is so cool they don’t get giddy about spray-painting stuff. $30 • Wojo Works • 824 W. Sprague

BEARDBRAND BEARD OIL

If your cooler friend is of the hirsute male variety, chances are he’s got some luscious facial hair (or at least he’s confident he does, following Movember). Make sure he falls on the right side of hipster-or-homeless with product created by local beard guru Eric Bandholz for the “urban woodsman.” The lightweight oil keeps beards conditioned, shiny and well-scented with three varieties: Tea Tree, Tree Ranger and Spiced Citrus. $25 • Weldon Barber • 2021 E. 29th and other locations

VINTAGE-STYLE HAT

Your cooler friend obviously has the panache to pull off the fashion trends that make you look like you’re trying too hard. Case in point: vintagestyle hats. Only the lucky few can pull it off without looking like they accidentally walked out of the house while playing dress-up. If shopping actual vintage sounds intimidating, go for vintage-inspired like a charming cloche or this violet fedora by Ducks in a Row. $42 • Artemis • 1021 W. First

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A lager? In a can? It seems to go against everything that defines the craft beer movement — except that now cans are in vogue (especially 16-oz. cans), and the recently expanded Airways Heights brewery puts out an impressive and enjoyable product. This is a perfect choice if you’re not sure your friend is getting you anything, or even remembers your name, because you can always rip off the bow real quick and just play it cool, like, “Hey, uh, some beer for the thing.” $8 • Total Wine & More • 9980 N. Newport Hwy., 13802 E. Indiana 

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Gifts for

Long Distance Lovers

he phrase “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” is a steaming pile made up by those who never had to traverse the high wire of long distance loving. In a far-away relationship, you cannot physically be in the same space as the one you love on a daily basis, meaning nothing is fonder, just more

difficult. But like any couple, it’s possible if you work at it. This makes Christmas gift giving all the more important as a way to show you listen, care and see your coupling going somewhere. Here’s how you can get it right. — LAURA JOHNSON

HANDWRITTEN NOTES

QUALITY WEBCAM

Hear me on this: The written word, not typed, actual symbols scrawled iin a person’s own hand, is something your boo can treasure forever. Every person’s handwriting is distinctly their own. Pair that with playful, loving and exceedingly personal sentiments and your significant other may very well choke up at the sight of it all. If you’re looking for an outsidethe-box idea, buy a toy-size mailbox and stuff it with as many sweet nothings/hopes for the future as you have within you. Your lover can reach inside for a note whenever things get super lonely. 69 cents and up • Fifty Percent Off Card Shop • 7503 N. Division; 2927 E. 27th

Most computers come outfitted with webcams these days, but in case yours doesn’t, and you don’t have a smartphone or a tablet, you must get yourself and your honey pie a web camera, specifically one with high resolution. It’s the wave of the future, and the only way to make sure the other human you like most on this planet still exists. Connect on a significant level with a Rosewill camera. Large megapixel numbers mean you’ll be able to see the other person’s pores sufficiently enough. It’s certainly not the real thing, but seeing that smile on-screen makes it worth the extra effort. $39.95 • Recycle Techs • 3601 N. Nevada; 6810 Appleway Blvd., Spokane Valley

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26 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

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TICKETS TO SOMEWHERE

The obvious option would be Las Vegas. Not to get hitched, as your parents may hope for, but to simply meet for a whirlwind weekend. There also are tropical destinations, or wintry ones — whatever you and your sweetie are into. Surprise her/him with reservations to an awesome location or even tickets to a favorite band’s concert you both desperately want to see in NYC. A word of caution: Make sure said tickets are dated enough months in advance that your significant other can get the time off of work; otherwise it’ll be for naught. To make it even more special, enlist a travel agent’s help to help create an unforgettable itinerary. Cost: unlimited • Travel Leaders • 27 E. Augusta

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A PIECE OF WHERE YOU ARE

In this case, that equates to items a person can find only in the Inland Northwest. Think back to all the places and events you two have experienced during Spokane visits. Assemble a fun package that would help walk your guy/ gal down memory lane. Nothing is too off the wall here. Maybe you two enjoyed a Dick’s Whammy together. Why not freeze-dry one? Or use a greasy bag from the drive-in as wrapping paper? $1.95 • Dick’s Hamburgers • 10 E. Third Maybe you had a romantic stroll along the Spokane River. Go ahead and dip a small, clear, recycled shampoo bottle in and fill with water so your love can have some of it with them forever. Decorate accordingly with a Sharpie. Free • Riverfront Park • 507 N. Howard Perhaps you watch Good Will Hunting every time your paths cross. Send a box of the best caramels in town from Spokandy Chocolatier. The recipe has been the same since 1900. It doesn’t get more delicious. $12.95 for a 15-piece assortment of sea salt caramels • Spokandy Chocolatier • 1412 W. Third

RIDICULOUS BRACELET

Maybe the next step will be a ring, maybe it won’t. But for now, stick with a bracelet from lovingfromadistance.com, a website that has championed long-distance relationships. The bracelets look very similar to those silicone Livestrong bands that were cool back in the early aughts. They come in pink and brown, and the saying “Love knows no distance” is imprinted on them. Keep your boyfriend/girlfriend close daily when both of you wear one. $2.39, make it into a keychain for 50 cents more • lovingfromadistance.com

Whitworth University

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Welcome, All Wonders Dec. 14 W 8 p.m. Dec. 15 W 3 p.m. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox 1001 W. Sprague Ave., Spokane

$18 regular admission $15 student/senior (62-plus) Tickets available at www.martinwoldsontheater.com or by calling the Fox box office at 509.624.1200.

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 27

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Gifts for

Outdoorsy Types

Come on out for some great food.

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pokane’s “Near Nature” can never be near enough for some. For the tree-huggers, hermits and Ron Swansons among us, nothing brings solace like the

MSR REACTOR 1.7L STOVE SYSTEM

Great Outdoors. Whether headed to a state park or the rugged backcountry, check out these essential gifts for escaping civilization. — JACOB JONES

FOUR-TOOL SURVIVAL WHISTLE

Campfires are great — the flickering glow, the smoky warmth, the rocky ring around which to tell ghost stories and roast marshmallows. But they’re also a huge hassle. You’ve got to mind fire restrictions, haul firewood and constantly move your seat out of the smoke. For a lightweight, versatile and efficient cooking alternative, MSR makes a formidable line of reactor camp stoves. The 1.7-liter model comes with an interlocking white gas stove and pot that can boil water in about three minutes. Regardless of weather or burn bans, the stove can be used to boil hot dogs, heat soup or brew coffee. It can also melt snow for water during winter outings. $160 • Mountain Goat Outﬁtters • 12 W. Sprague

Not that your favorite woodsman would ever get lost, but this four-tool survival whistle offers a little insurance. Obviously, the whistle can summon help and a small compass can point them in the right direction. But it also has a built-in thermometer and a magnifying glass, which a resourceful person could probably use to start a fire. It’s easy to pack and at least one of those tools may prove handy. $9 • Cabela’s Post Falls • 101 N. Cabela Way

SMITH’S TRI-HONE SHARPENING SYSTEM

CLASSIC DOG PACK

Taking on the outdoors often requires a wellmaintained blade. Most seasoned backpackers and lumberjacks will already have a trusty pocket knife or hatchet, but you can help them keep their edge. Smith’s three-stone kit hones a variety of knives, tools and even arrowheads. $20 • The General Store • 2424 N. Division

Obviously, they have a dog, right? Outdoorsy types love dogs. Well, Fido can finally start pulling his weight out on the trail with help from a saddlebag-like dog pack. Several stores offer such packs, but the REI Classic has a breathable mesh harness in several sizes to match your canine companion. Now he can haul his own damn Kibble up the mountain. $55 • REI • 1125 N. Monroe

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Fly fishing seems to be about 90 percent tying knots. Your family’s intrepid angler can use all the help he or she can get. This stainless steel pocket tool has a leverless snipper for cutting lines and loose ends. A needle on one end clears out hook eyes and a flip-out “nail knot” tool helps wind those tricky bastards just right. $12 • Swede’s Fly Shop • 1611 N. Ash

Even the most outgoing of outdoorsmen still have their modern vices. They pack along cellphones, iPods, GoPro cameras or GPS. And they’re going to want to Instagram the view from Mt. Spokane. So give them the recharging power of the sun with this trail-worthy solar panel. It charges a variety of devices via USB and 12V hookups. It can also mount to their packs to charge on the go. $80 • Mountain Gear • 2002 N. Division 

Gifts for

The Whole

Family S

ally, Joey, Christa, Tom, Raleigh, Mary and Bella — and those are just the little ones. Sometimes all the members of one family can make your Christmas list grow by a mile, so why not simplify it with one really great gift? Let Santa take care of the rest, and use these suggestions to inspire you to go simpler this year. — KATELYN SMITH

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Schweitzer’s Gift Cards A great holiday gift idea, Schweitzer’s Gift Cards can be used to purchase lift tickets, food, souvenirs and equipment rentals - anything we sell at resort-owned properties - even lodging!

GARLAND THEATER TICKETS

Good for families of all sizes and ages, movies outings are a holiday tradition for many, especially since no one’s required to talk much and theater food is calorie-laden enough to hold over even the most ravenous teenager. There’s also usually enough variety to select a film everyone can enjoy. The locally owned Garland’s discounted prices means everyone can come. There isn’t much else that boasts family togetherness like sitting in a row and laughing at a screen for two and a half hours. $4.50 each • Garland Theater • 924 W. Garland

MOBIUS MEMBERSHIP

It’s hard entertaining any number of kids during the long days of winter or summer break. Before letting the family you know plop their children in front of a television, consider buying them a Mobius Kids Children’s Museum or Mobius Science Center membership. Both learning centers are right downtown and offer a full day’s worth of fun and educational activities. $75-$150/year • Mobius Kids Children’s Museum • 808 W. Main

Ski-in Ski-Out Lodging

4th Night Free Stay 3 nights in the Selkirk Lodge or the White Pine Lodge and your fourth night is on us. *Lowest nightly rate of the four night stay is free. Not available during Holiday Seasons: (12/26/13 - 12/31/13) (2/14/14 - 2/16/14)

MYSTERY DATE GAME

This classic board game from the ’60s can still be found today. It’ll be sure to brighten up the faces of grandparents who remember playing it in their youth, and the younger generation should also take a liking to it as well. Matching outfits is great learning for little ones, and preteens are sure to get a kick out of what comprises an old-school date. The table isn’t just for dinner — gather ’round with two to four family members to play. $25 • Whiz Kids • 808 W. Main

schweitzer.com | 877.487.4643

Give the Healthy Gift of Taste! Stock up on Stocking Stuffers

TENT

Give the gift of the outdoors with a rugged tent. The right-sized one can fit a number of family members and eventually will hold lots of memories. Your newly outdoorsy family can use it for all kinds of camping around the Pacific Northwest wilderness, or for a super-fun campout right in the backyard. A camo one would be perfect for the family’s little hunters. Check out a dome style that’s tall enough to stand in and features extras like a small canopy and tarp porch. Prices average $40 • White Elephant • 1730 N. Division 

Buy 3 Get 1 Free

Applies to spices, teas and sampler size oil & vinegar Must present coupon. Limit one per customer, per visit. Not to be combined with other offers. Valid through Dec 18, 2013

15614 E. Sprague, Spokane Valley • 509-315-4036 www.SpiceTradersMercantile.com

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 29

Gifts for

Newly A ﬂat surface for transporting all those things you don’t want to spill!

hanks to recent legislation that — depending on which cable news you consume — may be the first sign of a socialist apocalypse, many people you know now have health insurance. Knowing that they now won’t lose everything they own if they end up in the hospital, the newly insured friend on your shopping list is now able to

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Here’s a discussion that happened sometime long ago: “So, I was thinking. You know how we’ve been looking for something affluent white people could do during the winter? I think I’ve got an answer. How about we strap pieces of wood to their feet and send them down a sheet of ice at speeds that our old-timey minds can’t quite comprehend. We’ll call it Death Sliding! ”They ended up changing the name to “skiing” and it’s not that dangerous. Unless you’re an idiot, which your friend might be. Whatever. Give him or her a pass to one of the several picturesque Inland Northwest ski resorts and let ’em go wild. $25-$489 depending on age • Mt. Spokane Ski & Snowboard Park; $49-$999 depending on age and usage days • Schweitzer Mountain Resort • schweitzer.com; $25-$725 depending on age • 49° North Mountain Resort • ski49n.com

WHITEWATER KAYAKING

Your uninsured friend has spent years gazing at the majestic waters of the Spokane River, hoping to someday get all up in those rapids. Maybe get a little wet. Maybe pull some real Lewis and Clark shit. Give him a chance to try it out with whitewater kayaking lessons from Spokane-based Flow Adventures. The six-hour course should get him primed for his new life as an adventurer. $150 • Flow Adventures • 242-8699 • flow-adventures.com

Insured engage in the sort of activities that very well might land them in the hospital. Like, as you see on the cover of this issue, adopt a freaking snake. Don’t judge. That insurance card might as well be an Ironman suit for this individual; let them enjoy this ill-advised notion while they can. — MIKE BOOKEY

5-POUND PIZZA

Dude has health insurance — he can eat whatever he wants! And however much he wants! No consequences, either — at least none that can’t be solved at the hospital! One of the most sizable food items in the Inland Northwest fit for single-person consumption is the five-pound pizza at Pizza Rita. If he eats the whole thing himself in 30 minutes, it’s free. But that might not happen, so get him some Rita Bucks. That way, he won’t be left on the hook if he hurls three pounds in. Pizza Rita • 502 W. Indiana; 5511 N. Wall; 201 N. Pines • pizzarita.net

SKYDIVING

The ultimate test of invincibility? Just get in a plane, wait for it to reach an appropriately terrifying elevation and then jump out of said plane for no good reason other than the fact that you paid to do so. It’s called skydiving, and it’s probably the best way to get acquainted with the greater Spokane area — seeing as how you’ll see it rapidly approaching from below and all. You uninsured pal will have a professional tied to her back, so she’ll have an extra sense of invincibility. Like Superman — if Superman had a guy strapped to his back. $225 for a tandem jump, plus $1 per pound over 190 pounds • West Plains Skydiving • skydivewestplains.com 

NK I H

LO C AL

•

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BECAUSE WHAT WE HAVE IS GREAT Have you tried our local brews? Browsed

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a locally made jewelry selection? Tasted a locally sourced meal at a locally owned restaurant? Spokane and the Inland Northwest are full of talented chefs, artisans and entrepreneurs. Not only are there local

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DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 31

Gifts for

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Techies

he wants that thing that whirs and beeps and boots up and cost hundreds of dollars. She wants it the night it’s released and she wants version 4.3SE, mind you (so much better than version 4.1). By the time you wrap it, she already has it. The techie, in other words, is tough to shop for. Instead of the direct approach, buy her things to support her current arsenal of gadgets and her geeky lifestyle. — DANIEL WALTERS

REVOLT DUO DUAL PORT USB CAR CHARGER

Nearly all the techie’s wonderful gizmos and gadgets come with a fatal flaw. Once the battery runs out, the magic machines — like Cinderella’s carriage — turn back to hunks of uselessness. Fix that by giving your techie a car charger that allows drivers to simultaneously charge two USB devices — an iPad and a Droid phone, for example — from the same cigarette lighter port. Let them never be without the warm embrace of technology protecting them from the cold, boring world. $25 • Strong Solutions • 1718 E. Sprague

AMAZON PRIME SUBSCRIPTION

The problem with buying for a techie is that early adopters tend to adopt early. They’re on the 37th iteration of the iPod, and you just bought them a Zune. So instead of trying to out-tech the techie, give them a gift to make the tech-buying process quicker and cheaper: Amazon Prime. A Prime membership makes two-day shipping free on most products, and comes with free access to the wouldbe-Netflix-competitor Amazon Instant Videos. Before the eventual onslaught of Amazon drone deliveries, give them a chance to better know our future retail overlords. $79 • amazon.com/giftprime

GORILLAPOD SLR TRIPOD

In an age where the human experience comes overlaid with an Instagram filter and “selfie” has been dubbed word of the year, camera tech has become quite important for a techie’s personal brand. (Also, we have “personal brands.”) The GorillaPod tripod for SLR cameras is not only a portable camera platform, it’s built to wrap around tree branches, balcony rails and lampposts, opening up whole new angles. Perfect for the more professional, impressive on-the-go selfie. $79.95 • Huppin’s • 8016 N. Division

SPACE INVADER ICE CUBE TRAY

Whether a techie is hosting a LAN party, a launch party, or a Mario Party party, nerd etiquette requires guests be provided top-shelf beverages — like Mountain Dew Code Red — and fancy hors d’oeuvres, like handfuls of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Give the party a retro feel by adding ice cubes shaped like the space invaders from Space Invaders. This tray makes that dream possible. $10.95 • Boo Radley’s • 232 N. Howard 

32 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

Gifts for

Tea Partiers T

hey’re unabashedly patriotic, morally indignant, and full of conservative rage. Make the next three years more bearable for the small-government, anti-tax, big-on-religion rebel in your life with a very merry, all-American Christmas gift. (That’s right, no “happy holidays” here). — DEANNA PAN

PATRIOTIC COLOGNE

They say there’s no better way to support the troops than to smell like them. Or something. Either way, American Line colognes will leave your patriotic friend reeking of servicemen musk. These made-in-theUSA fragrances are inspired by each of the branches of the military. For example, “Liberty” pays homage to the Navy and, according to maker Parfumologie, is an “invigorating fragrance that knows no boundaries” and purportedly smells of “cool green leaf” and “hints of wood amber.” Or perhaps he’d enjoy the masculine scent of “Stealth,” a “confident blend of sage, bergamot and cedar” that “elicit[s] feelings of majestic woodlands and endless horizons.” The best part? When you buy American Line cologne, a portion of the proceeds are donated to the Veterans Administration. $25 • Uncle Sam’s Flag and Gift • NorthTown Mall, 4750 N. Division

DECK THE HALLS NOW THRU DEC. 31

ALL FURNITURE

ATLAS SHRUGGED T-SHIRT

He’s read Ayn Rand’s magnum opus half a dozen times. Objectivism describes his personal philosophy. He knows the answer to “Who is John Galt?” You could say he wears his love for laissez-faire capitalism on his sleeve, so why not emblazoned on his chest in a fitted T? Paired with subtly distressed denim, he’ll be the best dressed guy at his next young conservatives meeting — other than the kid wearing a bow tie. $26 • Auntie’s Bookstore • 402 W. Main

CONCEALED CARRY HANDBAG

She packs heat everywhere she goes and wants to look stylish, with a Smith and Wesson locked and loaded on her hip. For a lady who exercises her Second Amendment rights, a Gun Tote’n Mamas leather handbag is the ultimate accessory. Both fashionable and functional, these durable purses contain a padded compartment to stow her firearm, which she can quickly unzip from three different angles. The shoulder straps are even slash-resistant and reinforced with wire. $75-$165 • Black Sheep Sporting Goods • 308 W. Seale Ave., Coeur d’Alene

ALL ACCESSORIES

ON SALE

60 75 SELECT PIECES UP TO

OFF

SELECT PIECES UP TO

OFF

GET YOUR HOME READY AT ALL THREE SHOWROOMS OPEN THIS WEEKEND!

POCKET CONSTITUTION

He’s an expert on the Federalist Papers, Austrian economics, United Nations conspiracies and Barack Obama’s litany of crimes. But when he’s not railing about the welfare state, Agenda 21, or Benghazi, he’s passionately defending the U.S. Constitution. Since he already has a framed copy of the sacred document hanging somewhere in his house, what he needs is a pocket-sized version, so he can quote from the Bill of Rights verbatim and on the spot. $4.95 • Cato Institute • store.cato.org 

1727 E Sprague Ave 509-535-1111

401 W 1st Ave 509-413-1185

1702 E Riverside Ave 509-209-3954 Tuesday & Thursday 10am - 5pm

www.TheHanleyCollection.com

& OPEN EVERY 2ND WEEKEND OF THE MONTH Saturday 10am - 5pm & Sunday 12pm - 4pm

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 33 48748-12 Dec 5-Home for the Holidays-12V.indd 1

12/9/13 9:50 AM

Holiday Pulse Nightlife Give a round of applause to OVATIONS (901 W. Sprague • bingcrosbytheater.com/ovations), the elegant new wine bar on the third ﬂoor of the Bing Crosby Theater. Here revelers can sip, socialize and take in views of downtown Spokane through its 100 feet of windowlined walls. “I guess you could say it’s ultramodern,” which is surprising given the traditional design of the theater, says concessions manager Karyn Christner. “You enter through these dramatic curving staircases with

Events

ENTERTAINMENT OPTIONS

LED lights. And there’s bench seating along the windows with tables interspersed.” She describes the setting as “comfortable and intimate,” ideal for pre-show meet-and-greet events or private parties. Ovations is only open on event days, though, so you’ll have to time your visit with a show like Christmas at The Bing on Dec. 21. The unique high-energy entertainment of GIBLIANO BROTHERS (718 W. Riverside • giblianobrothers.com) is unlike anything you’ll ﬁnd in Spokane.

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, DOWNTOWN SPOKANE IS THE PLACE TO BE. COME VISIT THE INLAND NORTHWEST’S MOST EXCITING DESTINATION.

As the region’s only dueling piano bar, you’ll get to enjoy affordable drinks, ﬂatbread pizzas and appetizer-style items while being dazzled and amused by these keyboard maestros. If you prefer to get up and cut a rug, there’s probably no better place than THE BIG CITY SALOON (321 W. Sprague), where you can line dance the night away to pop and countrywestern music. When you’ve got your courage up, you can even try your luck on their mechanical bull.

ICE SKATING

Now Open - Riverfront Park’s Ice Palace is now open through March 2, Tue-Sun from 11 am-5 pm, and also Tue-Thu from 7-8:30 pm and Fri-Sat from 7-10 pm. Extended holiday hours TBA. Adults $4.50; kids age 3-12, military and seniors (62+) $3.50. Skate rental $3.50. (Free admission coupons available from participating downtown retailers, good from Nov. 22-Dec. 19, excludes skate rental.) spokaneriverfrontpark.com (625-6601)

THE CHRISTMAS SCHOONER

Runs through Dec. 22 - A holiday musical telling the true story of the ships that transported Christmas trees across the Great Lakes. Performances held weekly Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm and Sun at 2 p m. $22-$30. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard St. spokanecivictheatre.com (325-2507)

DASHING THROUGH DOWNTOWN

Through Dec. 24 - Enjoy downtown Spokane by horse and carriage, sponsored by Spokane Teachers Credit Union. Nov. 29-Dec. 24, Fri from 3-8 pm; Sat-Sun from noon-5 pm; and Mon, Dec. 24, from noon-3 pm. Free. Corner of N. Wall St. and W. Main Ave. downtownspokane.org

CHRISTMAS TREE ELEGANCE

Through Dec. 15 - Eighteen elaborately decorated holiday trees are displayed and available to win as part of a fundraiser raffle benefiting the Spokane Symphony. Trees are located on the mezzanine of the Davenport Hotel, 10 S. Post St., Dec. 3-14 from 10 am-9 pm, and at River Park Square, 808 W. Main Ave., on the second floor, Dec. 3-15, from 10 am-mall closing each day. Cost: Free to view, raffle tickets $1 each. spokanesymphonyassoc.org

MILLION DOLLAR QUARTET

Dec. 12-15, show times vary - See the Tony award-winning Broadway musical that tells the story of a famed recording collaboration between rock ‘n’ roll icons Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis and Carl Perkins. $32.50-$72.50. INB Performing Arts Center, 334 W. Spokane Falls Blvd. inbpac.com (325-7328)

HOSPICE TREE

Dec. 14-23 - Hospice of Spokane displays its Memorial Tree for community members to honor loved ones by purchasing a dove ornament to hang on the tree, with proceeds beneﬁting Hospice of Spokane. River Park Square, Third Level, 808 W. Main Ave. hospiceofspokane.org (456-0438)

GINGERBREAD BUILD-OFF

Dec. 15 at 10 am - Decorate a miniature gingerbread house and view elaborate creations by local chef teams, voting for your favorite, with proceeds beneﬁting Christ Kitchen. The pros’ houses will be displayed through Christmas Day. Cost: $7 to decorate your own, $1 per vote. Davenport Hotel, 10 S. Post St. christkitchen.org (3254343)

ELF AT THE BING

Dec. 18 at 7 pm - The Inlander’s Give Guide, the paper’s annual local philanthropy issue, hosts a screening of the holiday family ﬁlm Elf with all proceeds beneﬁting Catholic Charities Spokane. Admission is a $5 suggested donation. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. bingcrosbytheater.com (227-7638)

AWAY IN A BASEMENT

OVATIONS

SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

Dec. 19-Jan. 5 - A holiday-themed musical comedy starring the lovable Church Basement Ladies. Thu-Fri at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $12-$28. Interplayers Theatre, 174 S. Howard St. interplayerstheatre. org (455-7529)

Food

For the better part of four decades, CLINKERDAGGER (The Flour Mill • clinkerdagger. com) has been synonymous with ﬁne dining, whether it’s a romantic night out, a business lunch or just time to enjoy a culinary treat. This top-notch steakhouse serves inspired, amply portioned surf-and-turf dishes in a picturesque setting above the Spokane River — and the prime rib in particular has beguiled many a diner. General Manager Debi Moon says the holiday season

Unique Gifts & Fine Crafts Made Locally

FINE DINING

at Clinkerdagger is something to savor. “For 39 years, we’ve really decked the halls. We go over the top with our holiday decorations. We have 14 trees, and between the booths there are… I wouldn’t call them villages, but very ornate decorations.” The chef also selects seasonal items for the holiday menu, which often features a variation on a lobster, prime rib and crab leg combo. Don’t let the quaintness of HERBAL ESSENCE (115 N. Washington • herbalessence-

Christmas Classics

Dec. 14 at 11 am and Dec. 15 at 12:30 pm The 8th Annual Bing Crosby Holiday Film Festival expands to two days this year to squeeze in even more screenings of the cinematic classics starring our favorite hometown boy, including the beloved White Christmas. To further celebrate the Spokane-raised star, this year’s festival includes a new event, the “On the Bus With Bing” motor coach tour, highlighting places across the city Crosby frequented. Hosted by the Advocates for the Bing Crosby Theater, the Sunday tour has limited seating, and tickets are $20, separate from festival admission. In between festival screenings, see historic photos of Crosby, get your own Bing swag and catch a tribute performance by Howard Crosby, Bing’s nephew. Film times and titles differ each day — check out the schedule online to ﬁnd out when you can catch Holiday Inn, High Society, Going My Way and, of course, White Christmas. $8, good both days; kids under 12 free • Bing Crosby Theater • 901 W. Sprague • bingcrosbytheater.com • 227-7638

CLINKERDAGGER

cafe.com) deceive you. This café is a powerhouse of haute cuisine. The proof is in the crab melt with cheddar and garlic aioli or the succulent Beef Wellington. Take a significant other and it’s guaranteed that you’ll fall in love all over again — with the food. MIZUNA (214 N. Howard • mizuna.com) changes with the seasons. And that’s a good thing. Their menu relies on the freshest locally sourced organic ingredients, ensuring a fine-dining experience that’s as flavorful as it is healthy. Meat eaters will swoon over the rack of lamb; vegans will delight in the stuffed

Delicata squash. Devotees will queue up by the dozen to tell you that MILFORD’S (719 N Monroe St • milfordsfishhouse.com) is the best seafood restaurant in Spokane. Not only is the food firstrate and amply portioned, the upscale early 20th century flair of the atmosphere — now decked out for the holidays — only accentuates your dining pleasure. For the seafood-averse, there are delicious chicken, beef and lamb dishes on the menu. Check their Facebook page for secret specials. SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

PotteryPlacePlus.com 509.327.6920 North of Auntieʼs in the Liberty Building

JAN, THE TOY LADY, AND COOKIE MONSTER HAVE SIMILAR TASTES:

Christmas Cookies! Yum!

River Park Square (509) 456-TOYS

Shopping CONCEPT HOME (401 W 1st • concepthomefurniture.com) is soft contemporary furniture and home décor. It’s what you see in a lot of lifestyle magazines. It’s not a hardline cool; it’s warm, approachable with cleaner and simpler lines to the furniture,” says owner Heather Hanley, who also runs the more traditional Tin Roof showroom. That makes this one of the few — if not the only — places in Spokane where style-conscious city dwellers can ﬁnd mid-century modern, minimalist and industrial furnishings and accents for their home or apartment. Even though it has

HOME DECOR

attracted renowned local interior designers like Tammie Ladd, Concept Home is for anyone who’s downsizing and “ready to live a downtown urban lifestyle,” says Hanley. “The furniture they need is smaller, more functional, although we do have a lot of pieces that are really artistic — where it’s not just an entry table, it’s a statement.” She and her staff are happy to help with topto-bottom overhauls or simply choosing key pieces to revitalize an outdated look. The co-op vendors at ROOST VINTAGE HOME (7 W. Main • http://bit.ly/ROOST) source

the best thrift-store ﬁnds so you don’t have to. They use their keen eye for design to seek out furniture, art, knickknacks and rarities in a variety of sought-after styles, then “upcycle” them in creative ways for you and your home. Located in the historic Grand Coulee Building, TWO WOMEN VINTAGE GOODS (112 S. Cedar • twowomenvintagegoods. com) has been featured in many design magazines for its affordability and wide-ranging selection of unique vintage goods, antiques, artwork, and much more.

CONCEPT HOME

Get some serious HELP FOR PARENTS shopping done as your kids enjoy some holiday fun at Mobius Kids. Drop the kids off for a

showing of the classic holiday movie, playtime, snacks, crafts and snow science on Friday, Dec. 20 from 1-4 pm and another session from 5:30-8:30 pm. Cost: $15 per event. Mobius Kids, River Park Square. Visit: mobiusspokane.org Call: 624-5437 Kids 4-12 can find nice, affordable gifts at Santa Express. Proceeds from this annual fundraiser benefit the Vanessa Behan Crisis Nursery. Santa Express is located in the skywalk level of the Crescent Court and is open seven days a week, through Dec. 23, Mon-Sat, 10 am-8 pm & Sun, 11 am-6 pm. Call 535-3155

JUST FOR KIDS

is brought to you by the HOLIDAY PULSE Downtown Spokane Partnership and the Business Improvement District in conjunction with the Inlander. For more info go to DowntownSpokane.net FOOD - Guzzles and Grub

NEXT WEEK

SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

uying a present for someone you hardly know can be dangerous. You can end up looking like a moron if you’re not careful — i.e., guessing the person’s ethnicity wrong and buying them a gift based on that. Yeah, don’t do that. How about just steering clear of any assumptions and sticking with these gift ideas that most people would like — or at least get a laugh out of. — JO MILLER

Gifts for

Strangers NARWHAL SCREWDRIVER

Getting your neighbor, distant relative or elusive co-worker a funny gift will surely mask the fact that you don’t know the person at all. And since the stranger probably doesn’t know you either, you don’t want to seem like a total dud. Nothing says, “I’m boring, don’t be friends with me,” like socks or boxed chocolates. Instead, get them this perfectly useful screwdriver that just happens to be an Arctic sea animal that every dense person seems to think is a mythical creature. Great for White Elephant or Secret Santa exchanges, too. $13.95 • Boo Radley’s • 232 N. Howard

GIFT BASKET

Everyone eats. That’s probably the best assumption you can make when buying for the stranger in your life. Main Market has prepackaged gift bags and baskets with things like wine, caramels, pasta and sauce, maple syrup, coffee and even bath salts. This gift would be an elegant and safe bet for people such as your significant other’s parents. $15-$75 • Main Market • 44 W. Main

PADDLEBOARDING

Everyone tends to lunge at the gift-card option when faced with the buying-for-a-stranger challenge. Resist. Instead of giving them a superstore gift card they’ll probably just use to buy deodorant, opt for a gift certificate that brings the everlasting happiness of paddleboarding across a beautiful lake. $60 for two people for two hours • Coeur d’Alene Paddleboard Company • 512 E. Sherman Ave., Coeur d’Alene

BONSAI TREE

Gifting plants is so late-1990s. But gifting bonsai trees is totally en vogue. OK, I just made that up. But seriously, it’s a majestic-looking tree that never grows bigger than a squirrel. Who wouldn’t want one? Not to mention the Zen-like serenity and possible Karate Kid powers it brings. $29-$150 • Ritter’s Garden & Gift • 10120 N. Division St. 

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 37

Gifts for

Preteens Who Hate You

t’s probably true, you know. They turned 12, and all of a sudden the sweet little girl or boy you once knew has been reduced to a pile of snarling, almost-teenage angst, listening to One Direction at ridiculously high volumes. Winning them back with a gift — or a bribe? — has never been easier. — EMERA L. RILEY

THE NIGHT CIRCUS

CUSTOM JEWELRY

Being original and standing out is the focal point of a generation that spends pretty much all of its time on Twitter and Facebook updating statuses, trying to be cleverly amusing. A custom-made necklace is not only one-of-kind, but super chic, especially when she takes a million selfies wearing it. (#oneofakind, and you’re all set.) Varying from completely gothic to glitzy-girly, options include glittering gems, cute birds, massive roses, and creepy skulls — all in the name of high fashion, of course. $28-$49 • Veda Lux Boutique • 1106 S. Perry

You’ve heard it blaring from their stereo and blasting from their iPods as the British boy-band invasion has consumed your preteen’s life. To add fuel to the obsession, bring home a life-sized cardboard cutout of their favorite band member. Yes, it may be a little bit creepy to hear them talking to a 2D Harry Styles as they go to bed, but their absolute joy at having their pop idols in their lives probably outweighs the psychological scarring you’ll get from his flat, lifeless eyes. $30 • Pink Cadillac • NorthTown Mall, 4750 N. Division

KENDAMA

FRISBEE GOLF SUPPLIES

IMPROV ACTING CLASSES

Running away to the circus might seem like a good idea to your almost-teenager, but they probably won’t make it past the park. Erin Morgenstern’s The Night Circus has all the magic and mystery of a circus, minus the effort of getting off the couch. Illusionists are tied to a game they’ve been trained to play since childhood, although neither knows the rules. The novel introduces a diverse cast of characters and a fairytale-like quality of forbidden romance, future seers and patrons, all in love with a circus that rolls in with no announcement and features fantastical acts that seem impossible. An added bonus: The book is cool enough that your preteen might actually like it. $15 • Auntie’s Bookstore • 402 W. Main

The epitome of preteen existence is playing with this little ball on a stick, otherwise known as a kendama. Not only can preteens learn to do some amazing tricks with this thing, it also comes in multiple fun colors and styles. Customizing their own kendama will be the highlight of their Christmas season, and the kendama competitions they’ll have at school will make their days. $16-$39 • Boo Radley’s • 232 N. Howard

The affliction that is preteen-ism is very different for each gender. Girls get snarky; boys get off-the wall, boundless energy that never seems to fade. Working off your hyper 12-year-old may seem like an impossible challenge, but the sport of Frisbee golf is here to help. As they chuck Frisbees at little baskets in a quest for the most points, the house will be a lot quieter, and your head will hurt a lot less. $10 • The General Store • 2424 N. Division

Ever need a really good eraser? Also in Coeur d’Alene

Creative Element 210 W. Sunset 38 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

ONE DIRECTION CUTOUT

They’ll tell you that you don’t understand them, and that one day when they grow up to be famous, you’ll regret grounding them. Get their foot in the door of millionaire movie-star success by having someone else teach them how to be funny. (At this point, knock-knock jokes are past their prime.) These improv workshops range from environment creation to character development as students work together to tell a cognitive, hilarious story through the use of their bodies. $25 • Blue Door Theatre • 815 W. Garland 

CLIMBING LESSONS/PASS

This is the perfect gift for runners. These fancy watches track mileage, heart rate, pace and even tell the time (I think). While you’re at Runners Soul, you can check out their shoes and apparel. If you really feel like encouraging your fitness fiend, grab them a Race Rag. These handy-dandy (and free) pamphlets are full of registration information for all upcoming area races. That’ll make it easy for your fanatic to set goals and train even harder. $130-$400 • Runners Soul • 221 N. Wall

Climbing is a fun and challenging athletic endeavor. It requires physical strength, flexibility and mental toughness. So give your health nut a safe, natural high with a one-month membership. If they’ve never climbed before, don’t worry: Lessons are available. $45-$60/ month • Wild Walls Climbing Gym • 202 W. Second

HIKE STEVENS CREEK

A MONTH OF YOGA

GO JUICING

GET A MASSAGE

GPS WATCH (AND MORE)

Gifts for

Fitness Fanatics Y ou’re unlucky enough to have a fitness fanatic friend/lover/ acquaintance. Still, there is one perk to knowing one of us: It’s easy — like, really easy — to buy us gifts. And we’ll probably forget to get you a gift, what with all the push-ups we need to get done before now and Christmas, so no pressure. — ELI FRANCOVICH

Push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups — ever heard of repetitive strain injuries? Mix it up a little and get your lovely fitness hunk onto a yoga mat. This Ashtanga yoga studio will give them a great workout, while centering the mind and lengthening the body. $15/drop-in $100/month unlimited • Spokane Yoga Shala • 731 S. Garfield

Juicing is good for performance. No, not the Lance Armstrong type of juicing. I’m talking about good, old-fashioned, grindup-the-carrots-andbananas. Method Juice Cafe serves all types of organic smoothies and food and is a great spot to rejuvenate after a workout. $6/16 oz. • Method Juice Cafe • 718 W. Riverside

The cheapest gift you’ll ever give, but potentially the most meaningful. Go for a hike. Sure, it’s cold, but there are still plenty of sunny days. Bundle up, grab a thermos of coffee/hot chocolate and get outside. Free • Stevens Creek Trailhead • 8901-9399 S. Stevens Creek Rd.

Calm those muscles down and get a full body massage. This Post Falls spa has gorgeous views and a calm, relaxing interior. If you want more than just a massage, it’s a full service spa, so never fear. $55/55 minutes $75/90 minutes • The Highlands Day Spa • 4365 Inverness Dr., Post Falls 

Ana Hopkins Photography

Offer ends 1/9/2014. While supplies last. Activ. Fee: $36/line. Sprint One Up SM: Smartphones only. Req. installment agmt, 24 monthly payments, 0% APR on approved credit & qualifying service plan. Sales taxes due at sale on full purchase price. If you cancel wireless service, remaining balance on device becomes due. Annual upgrade: Req. new device installment agmt, min. 12 consecutive installment payments, acct. in good standing, & give back of current eligible device in good & functional condition. After upgrade, remaining unbilled installment payments are waived. Details at sprint.com/oneup. $15 One Up Service Discount: Monthly discount available for devices financed under installment agmt & subscription to Unlimited, My Way. Discount will appear on invoice with the first installment payment (within 1-3 invoices) and will expire when installment agmt balance is paid in full. Unlimited Guarantee: Available while line of service is activated on the Unlimited, My Way SM plan or My All-in SM plan. Applies to unlimited features only. Price and phone selection subject to change. Account must remain in good standing and non-payment may void guarantee. Non-transferrable. Plan: No plan discounts apply for talk or messaging. Premium content/downloads are add’l charge. Text to 3rd parties to participate in promotions or other may result in add’l charges. Int’l svcs are not included. Includes select e-mail. Amount of data depends on option selected. Usage Limitations: Other plans may receive prioritized bandwidth availability. Streaming video speeds may be limited to 1 Mbps. Sprint may terminate service if off-network roaming usage in a month exceeds: (1) 800 min. or a majority of min.; or (2) 100 MB or a majority of KB. Prohibited network use rules apply. See sprint.com/termsandconditions. $45 Comparison: Unlimited, My Way vs. Verizon Share Everything with 4GB of data and AT&T Mobile Share with 4GB of data, each for $110/mo. as of 9/27/13. Additional data options available. Competitor plans include tethering/mobile hotspot and may include device insurance. Sprint offers 1GB Mobile Hotspot add-on for $10/mo. and insurance for an add’l charge. Other Terms: Offers and coverage not available everywhere or for all phones/networks. Available only in select channels/states. Nationwide Sprint Network reaches over 278 million people. Sprint 4G LTE network reaches over 225 markets, on select devices. Visit www.sprint.com/coverage. May not be combinable with other offers. Sprint reserves the right to modify, extend or cancel offers at any time. This is a limited time offer. Restrictions apply. See store for details. ©2013 Sprint. All rights reserved. Sprint and the logo are trademarks of Sprint. Other marks are the property of their respective owners.

3318 W Northwest Blvd 509-327-8277 www.theﬂyinggoat.com FlyingGoatPub The Flying Goat

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 39

Gifts for

Dogs & Their People Y

DOG IQ PUZZLE

You love your Fido, but sometimes you wonder how all that toilet paper and rabbit poop in his diet is affecting his peanut brain. Challenge your pup’s mental acumen with a Seek-A-Treat dog puzzle. Bury pieces of his favorite doggie biscuits in each of the toy’s hidden compartments and watch your pooch sniff and paw his way to the prizes inside. $22.99 • The Urban Canine • 2915 E. 29th

Gifts for

P WINE TASTING

RAW MEAT

Take your pampered pooch back to his primal roots with a feast of succulent mammal flesh. Raw Advantage, a certified organic processor in Kettle Falls, Wash., specializes in minimally processed meat and bones. Yum! Throw your pup a juicy beef bone during your next holiday dinner. He’ll tear his prey to a pulp. $35 • GoodDog • 3115 N. Government Way, Coeur d’Alene

WHISTLE MONITOR

Do you ever wonder what your dog does all day when you’re at work? With the Whistle Monitor you can spy on your pooch NSA-style and gather data on minute-by-minute behavior. Billed as Fitbit or FuelBand for dogs, it’s a wireless, on-collar device that will track your pup’s daily activity — how often he sleeps, walks, plays, runs — and send updates to app on your smartphone. $99.95 • Whistle • store.whistle.com

PROFESSIONAL PHOTOSHOOT

Your dog has already left his mark on your carpet, your kitchen floor, your favorite slippers, and your bedsheet. Your living room sofa and all of your clothes are covered in his hair. At this point, your dog is basically a decorating scheme, so why not go for the full monty and accessorize your entire home with his adorable, slobbery face? Book an appointment with local pet photographer Clarissa Blum of Risky Canine Photography. She’ll shoot gorgeous pictures of your pooch in up to two locations around and outside the city. Then Risky Canine can print those images on household items, like mugs, mouse pads, coasters and even a museum-quality canvas to hang above your mantel. $75 and up • Risky Canine Photography • Call Clarissa Blum at (509) 263-4773 to book an appointment 

Homebodies

eople who don’t get out much — we all know them. Whether it’s because they don’t enjoy sharing in the warm heart of humanity, or someone sealed up all of their doors and windows, we’re not likely to bump into them on the

Getting out of the house can be a little daunting when you have to plan everything yourself, like where to go, what to do, and how much it’s going to cost. A gift certificate to Arbor Crest Wine Cellars take care of all those little details. The Cliff House tasting room features truly romantic views, and winery tours are available. The longtime local winery also has a tasting room at River Park Square, where you can enjoy tasty appetizers while you sip. Tastings and bottles for purchase are available at both locations. $5/tasting, $20/bottles • Arbor Crest Wine Cellars • 808 W. Main

40 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

our dog is your best friend, bunk buddy, personal vacuum sweeper and sock annihilator. Because you haven’t spent enough money on your pooch already, here’s how you can make his holiday special. — DEANNA PAN

RICKI’S CHEESEMAKING KIT

Cheese. It’s a holiday necessity. And even if frequent grocery-store trips faze the true stayat-home someone you know, get them this cheesemaking kit. It eliminates walking into the dairy section, making time away from home shorter, and there are even some different flavors to pick from. The reasonably priced kit makes approximately 40 one-pound batches. $25 • Sun People Dry Goods Co. • 32 W. Second

street. To make their isolation more comfortable, or to encourage them out of it, we suggest one of these gifts delivered to their doorstep. — KATELYN SMITH

SMARTWOOL SOCKS

An icy kitchen or bathroom floor is a good reminder of how cold one’s feet can get being comfortably bare all day, but a pair of thick wool socks will keep toes extra toasty and super fashionable. Choose from a whole wall of ’em at the Walk Shoppe, including short and tall ones, those silly stretchy ones for flats, jogger-friendly socks, and patterns to suit every closet fashionista you know. $13-$24 • The Walk Shoppe • 3707 S. Grand Blvd.

THE PERFECT COFFEE MUG

Staying home means making coffee at home, which means no paper cup and cardboard sleeve. A mug will have to do, and there’s nothing better than having a favorite coffee mug. Any of the wide varieties of mugs at Atticus will make a good candidate, with everything from vintage and humorous styles to those with Spokane flair. $5-$10 • Atticus Coffee & Gifts • 222 N. Howard 

inimalists don’t want a fancy blender, a new decorative wine rack or those fuzzy slippers with their favorite sports team logo (no matter how cute you think they are). Say it with me: They don’t want stuff. Resistance is futile; embrace it and find them what they do want. — HEIDI GROOVER

Gifts for

Minimalists THE EXPERIENCE GIFT

Even without being able to gift things, you’ve got plenty of options. Instead of giving an item, give an experience: tickets to a concert, a play, the symphony, a movie, a sporting event. Or think longer-term: MAC annual memberships are a cool $35 ($50 for a couple or $75 for a household) and get members into exhibits, special events and the museum’s archives. Spokane Art School’s adult classes, like painting from a photograph and figure drawing, run around $100. Zipcar, a car rental service with a branch at Gonzaga, offers annual memberships starting at $60 for people who only need a car every now and then. $8-126 • Start with: The Bartlett, Knitting Factory, The Civic, Martin Woldson Theater at the Fox, Bing Crosby Theater, Magic Lantern, Spokane Shock, Spokane Chiefs, Spokane Indians, Northwest Museum of Arts and Culture, Spokane Art School, Zipcar

i F yO u w A n T TO S TAy A C T i v E , LiE dOwn.

MANNERS ROASTING COFFEE

Consumable gifts are almost always a win here. They’re not permanent, and if you do it right, you’ll give something that rises above the traditional fudge or fruit basket. Think Pleasant Blends tea, Bruttles peanut brittle or treats from Coeur d’Alene Chocolates. We recommend a blend from Manners, a new local smallbatch coffee roaster with a focus on quality beans and beautiful minimalist product design. $15-18 • Coeur Coffee • 701 N. Monroe

A.K.A. CHARLES ABBOTT KINDLE SINGLE

Of course it’s not just minimalists eschewing oldfashioned books for e-books. But now, they’re becoming a way to support local authors. Fulllength books from Sherman Alexie, Shawn Vestal and Jess Walter are all available in Kindle form (readable on a Kindle device or the Kindle web app). We suggest starting with a brand new single from Vestal about his criminal father: A.K.A. Charles Abbott. $1.99 • amazon.com

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UMBRA INVISIBLE BOOKSHELF

Then again, for the real books they already have, we’re betting these shelves are as minimal as it gets. With two quick screws in the wall and a few books on top, these shelves vanish to make way for the beauty of books. They’re clean, modern and let the owner show off how well-read they are without a clunky bookshelf in the way. $15 • Wojo Works • 824 W. Sprague 

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DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 41

Gifts for

Localistas S

hop local, shop local — here at the Inlander we preach it all year long. But that’s because we make some great stuff in the Inland Northwest, and it’s more than just stuff if it comes with a story and a connection to the community. For people who appreciate what we’ve got in this little corner of the world, a local gift combines the charm of something you made yourself with the quality of something made by an actual professional. - LISA WAANANEN

42 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

“TRANSCEND THE BULLSHIT” MUG

GONZAGA BASKETBALL T-SHIRT

One of Spokane’s best open secrets is that if you climb to the top of the concrete Harold Balazs tower sculpture in Riverfront Park, “Transcend the bullshit” is inscribed at the very top. It’s a necessary sentiment for those days when Spokane feels like one big mess of meth and potholes and stuff getting stolen from your car. You can find a whole variety of items that pay tribute, but the mugs are appropriate — what’s closer to daily transcendence than a moment to sit and savor a warm drink? (The pint glasses are appropriate, too.) Tip: Use the Jeers section from the Inlander as wrapping paper. $10 • Boo Radley’s • 232 N. Howard

Nothing brings out local pride more than sports. Zome Design, based in Spokane Valley, makes an array of screen-printed and embroidered fan apparel for pretty much every college team in the region, plus Spokane Shock jerseys and more. Every casual sports fan in Spokane should be prepared for this season’s bandwagon with at least one Gonzaga basketball T-shirt. $20 • Sport Town • 511 W. Main • estoresbyzome.com

SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER COFFEE

NO-LI IMPERIAL FOUR-PACK

This year a slew of big-city food publications have discovered there’s excellent coffee being made in Idaho, of all places, at Doma Coffee Roasting Company in Post Falls. Other local roasters are doing great work, too — also try the Working Elf’s Blend from Roast House — but Doma really outdid themselves this year for the annual Santa’s Little Helper with detailed six-color letterpress art by Spokane artist Chris Dreyer. $15 • Pilgrim’s Market • 1316 N. 4th St., CdA

The brewery formerly known as Northern Lights steadily has been building a presence outside Spokane in far-flung beer havens like Sweden and Washington, D.C. But No-Li’s sticking with its hometown — this year, the company even had “Spokane Style” formally recognized as a style of beer made with all-local ingredients. Its attractive new four-packs are a milestone in portability and shareability, making it the perfect ready-made casual gift. $10.30 • Rosauers • multiple locations

THE GREAT PNW BEANIE

Last year, Spokane’s Joel and Tori Barbour decided to make the clothing that represents our corner of the country, and their Kickstarter campaign brought in more than three times the original goal. The hip, understated line of shirts, hoodies, hats and more look right at home in the Northwest, whether that’s out on the ski hills or hiking through downtown. In multiple colors, the “Shoreline” beanie from the fall collection is quintessential Northwest headwear. $18 • shop.thegreatpnw.com

MT. SPOKANE PRINT

The first one was Mt. Spokane, which he sees every day on his way to work. Then came Grand Coulee Dam, Finch Arboretum and Ming Wah Restaurant. These stylish regional landmark prints are the work of Chris Bovey, who also has a full-time job as art director here at the Inlander. (We have no idea how he has the time.) Wear your love of the region on your walls, or send one to someone who no longer lives here. $20 • Atticus Coffee & Gifts • 222 N. Howard 

LITERATURE

Spokane novelist Sharma Sheilds is one of several writers presenting work at the first-ever Anthology.

Out of the Dark

Writers and their audience get better acquainted at RiverLit’s literary variety show BY MIKE BOOKEY

he writer sits in a dimly lit room, agonizing over each word, each sentence, until the piece is finished. He or she is alone. The reader takes that piece into a different dimly lit room and reads it. He or

she is also alone. This is how we’re supposed to produce and consume literature, and it can be as isolating as it is inspiring. The people at the regional literary magazine RiverLit

acknowledge this, which is why they’d like to see Spokane’s writers all gather in a dimly lit room and experience literature together. “For writers who are publishing, it’s important to have people see your work and get feedback that’s really immediate,” says Sharma Shields, a Spokane-based fiction writer who recently published a collection of short stories and has a novel on the way. She’s one of many writers slated to read at Anthology, a cross-discipline showcase of writers, on Saturday night at the Bartlett, a freshly unveiled music venue in downtown Spokane. “[Reading to audiences] can bring me out of a funk writing-wise — it’s easy to start getting down, wondering ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 43

CULTURE | LITERATURE

Shawn Vestal, a critically acclaimed fiction writer, is set to read at Anthology.

“OUT OF THE DARK,” CONTINUED...

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44 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

if anyone is reading anything I’m writing,” says Shields. RiverLit, now in its third year, publishes fiction, poetry, visual artworks and other items four times per year, but Saturday’s Anthology event — a fundraiser for the magazine — is the first time it has publicly engaged with its readership and the literary community. RiverLit editor Keely Honeywell says the event is essentially a literary variety show. She wanted Anthology to be more than writers reading from their published or soon-to-be-published works, as is the norm at a literary event. Instead, Anthology features poets, novelists, storytellers, comics, improvisational actors and musicians. “We wanted to expand it to the arts that involve words. Comedy has its own wordplay and music is essentially poetry,” says Honeywell. Some of the participants include fiction writers Shawn Vestal, Bruce Holbert, Kevin Taylor and Shields, and poets Brooke Matson, Mark Anderson, Luke Roe, Cara Lorello, Travis Naught and Kathryn Smith. The event is emceed by RiverLit’s writer-in-residence Luke Baumgarten, a former Inlander staff writer. His work — the first fiction he’s published — is set to appear in four issues of RiverLit. Baumgarten says there’s a value in having such a diverse range of artists at Anthology, in that it gets people out of their creative comfort

zones. “I think all artists are in danger of being on their islands. That’s true of all groups,” he says. “You find the groups of people that really share the same values. It’s not a prejudice or anything, but bringing those groups together is important and that’s what we’re doing here.” Anthology’s variety show structure features musical interludes from the event’s house band, The Rustics, and Baumgarten will act as the glue binding seemingly divergent worlds; for example, emotional poetry and stand-up comedy. The latter — from about a half-dozen local comedians — will in turn inspire a group of improvisational actors, who will use anecdotes from the comedic performances to inspire on-the-fly scenes. Adding even more levity to the evening is a bad poetry session headed up by the city’s poet laureate Thom Caraway. It’s intentionally bad poetry — it’s OK to laugh. Shields says events like this showcase a Spokane literary community stronger than most realize, mostly thanks to its communal nature. “It’s small enough to be not too intimidating. You can have writers at all different levels of their careers hanging out together. I love it.”  Anthology • Sat, Dec. 14, at 7 pm • The Bartlett • 228 W. Sprague • $8/advance, $12/ door • thebartlettspokane.com

CULTURE | DIGEST

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Patty Duke (center) plays the role of Mrs. Clause alongside Mike Pierce as Santa in Traditions of Christmas, the Laura Little-produced play at the Kroc Center in Coeur d’Alene. Traditions of Christmas features more than 80 performers (seen in 400 different costumes) singing a long list of holiday classics and runs through December 23. Visit lauralittletheatricals.com for tickets and showtimes.

Shook Twins The

For Your Consideration BY MIKE BOOKEY

w/ Morning Ritual Dec 14 | 8PM | $10 - $12

e Extrem Show Science S

BLOG | You probably aren’t going to Antarctica anytime soon, and that’s a damn shame, at least from what poet Jynne Dilling Martin has to say about the place. Martin was selected as the Antarctic Artist in Residence by the National Science Foundation and is down on the frozen continent right now, filing dispatches to her blog, simply titled ANTARCTICA (jynnne.tumblr.com). It reads very much like the work of someone who has spent her entire life pining to get to Antarctica, which is exactly how Martin grew up. As a poet, her insight and language takes you to the bottom of the world, revealing the weirdness of life among, as she puts it, 29 million penguins and 800 scientists.

BEER | I’ve quite never been able to get down with the super-sweet winter beers Northwest breweries are so keen on pumping out this time of year. Most of them give me a weird headache after half a pint. It’s like a drill spiraling its way through the middle of my forehead. But I’m a fan of ABOMINABLE WINTER ALE from Portland’s Hopworks Urban Brewery. Unlike the sugary nose on most winter ales, this beer hits you with a floral hop kick right off the bat, packing a follow-up punch of hearty malts on the back end. It’s not overpowering and you’d never know it rings in at 7.3 percent alcohol by volume. And it doesn’t drill a head in my forehead, which is nice.

BOOK | In September, we told you about the staggering amount of talent flowing out of the creative writing programs at Eastern Washington University. Now there’s more evidence in the form of the creative writing MFA program’s founder John Keeble, now professor emeritus, who has released THE SHADOWS OF OWLS. The novel features the same sort of environmental detail present in Keeble’s fiction and nonfiction over the years. In it, a scientific researcher working in North Idaho finds herself and her work in the middle of a proposed pipeline and environmental extremists, setting the stage for a surprisingly thrilling tale.

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DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 45

CULTURE | VISUAL ART

An installation by Rose Bond on a building in the United Kingdom.

Public Exposure

Portland artist and filmmaker Rose Bond is rethinking what public art means BY LEAH SOTTILE

46 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

f the Ridpath Hotel could talk, imagine the stories it would tell: of massive fires, of Elvis Presley, of debauchery and loss. Or the Spokane County Courthouse: it would tell tales of public hangings, stories of love and death and tragedy. They’re histories most will never know, buildings that are only recognized for what they are right now. The Ridpath is decrepit. The Courthouse is where you go to pay parking tickets. That’s what Rose Bond, a Portland animation artist, was thinking when she had the idea to project her films in the windows of old buildings. Not through them, mind you. But into them: the windows serving as tiny, individual movie screens, almost as if the building were broadcasting its thoughts to anyone who happened to look up. Bond, who had been making animations and films for years, held her first building installation in 2002 in Portland’s historic Seamen’s Bethel Building “at the request of someone who wanted to bring to life the stories of this building,” she says. “She felt that the story really wasn’t being told, and more than that, probably manipulated for city commercial reasons — that the real story was in the names and the historic record.” And so Bond researched what made the building special, then created one 12-minute film split over several screens to tell its story: one of sailors, Japantown, Chinatown and derelicts. It didn’t take long for Bond to realize that she had truly stumbled upon something big. “We were doing a tech check. It got dark, we turned on the projectors inside, and I went out. And there were my images in the windows of this building moving,” she says. “When you edit, you see the material. I saw them a million times. And when I stood on the street, there was this sensation that it wasn’t really mine anymore. That it was emanating from the building.” She was hooked and started doing building installations around the world: from Portland to Toronto, across the pond to a castle in England and a city hall building in Holland. Through her multi-screen films, horses would gallop across the windows, birds would fly. Old buildings would suddenly spring to life.

What she didn’t realize until that first building installation was that the idea of buildings telling their own stories could change the entire concept of public art. Much like the buildings she was using as her medium, works of public art — such as sculptures and fountains — are passed by unnoticed every day. But by manipulating those canvases that everyone is so used to seeing with her animated images, Bond realized she might be able to command the attention of those people who wouldn’t usually stop to look. “What I see when people are on the street and these windows are lighting up, they really can’t see everything that’s going on. They can’t take it all in,” she says. “ And so their heads are moving, they’re talking to each other. They say ‘Oh! I get this! I get how this is linked to that.’ I think it’s kind of an active viewing. They’re standing up, they’re free to move. “It becomes a little bit more of a communal experience.” People gather in crowds to look at what’s happening, pulling out cellphone cameras to document the experience and share it with their friends on Facebook and Instagram. And that’s what Bond loves: That people are not only seeing art, but they’re having a shared experience with the people around them. “It’s a public experience. It’s like who sees my work is a mix of people. Sometimes it’s people who’ve heard about the art event, sometimes it’s people who live in that neighborhood, sometimes it’s people going out to dinner,” Bond says. “It’s bringing those people together and they take it in, they do videos on their cellphones. They talk, they look. I think for a lot of people… especially if they encounter this, they’re like ‘Whoa, I go past this building every day. I didn’t notice this.’” n leahs@inlander.com Rose Bond’s Poetics & Public Projection: Layered History - Redrawn Memory • On display through Feb. 7, 2014 • Whitworth University, Bryan Oliver Gallery • 300 W. Hawthorne Rd. • Open Mon-Fri, 10 am-6 pm; Sat, 10 am-2 pm (Gallery closed Dec. 18-Jan. 5, Jan. 18-20) • rosebond.com • 777-3258

Stay up to date on conditions & news all season long. IN THE INLANDER December 19 January 16 February 13 TO ADVERTISE IN THE SNOWLANDER SERIES: SALES@INLANDER.COM • 509.325.0634 EXT. 216

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DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 47

HOLIDAYS

Every Christmas No-Li Brewhouse Chef Branden Moreau grabs a gas station hotdog. YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

Traditions at the Table Inland Northwest chefs share their family’s holiday dining traditions BY CHEY SCOTT

very family has some special holiday dish — a grease-speckled, faded cookie recipe passed down through the generations that’s only referenced in the days leading up to Christmas. Others prepare culturally significant dishes, like French-born chef Laurent Zirotti, of Post Falls’ Fleur de Sel restaurant. The bûche de Noël, or Yule Log cake, remains one of Zirotti’s favorite French holiday traditions. However varied these timeless traditions, from sugar cookies to latkes, Yule Log cakes to Christmas hams, these meals and rituals are what make the holidays for some families. And for several local chefs whose lives revolve around food year-round, Christmas staples range from simple to elaborate, and everything in between.

BRANDEN MOREAU, EXECUTIVE CHEF AT NO-LI BREWHOUSE

On a brisk Christmas morning 14 years ago, Branden Moreau and his father Terry were making the drive from Spokane Valley to his grandmother’s house in the Mead area. Though they’d been saving their appetites for Christmas dinner, Moreau recalls their hunger pangs called for a snack to sate them until dinner. “Of course, nobody was open. We ended up stopping at a gas station and picking up a couple of hot dogs,”

48 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

Moreau remembers. “I thought it was so funny to be eating hot dogs on Christmas.” Now, a gas station hot dog is one of Moreau’s holiday traditions. “It’s something I enjoy, and that makes me smile at Christmas. I hope to continue the tradition with my boys as well,” he adds. And while Moreau’s grandmother, Nonie Moreau, passed away in 2007, another important tradition he’s carried on in the family is to make her no-bake cookies, a treat he fondly remembers devouring each year.

BETHE BOWMAN, CO-OWNER OF ITALIA TRATTORIA

On Christmas Day, Bethe Bowman and her partner Anna Vogel, the chef at their Browne’s Addition restaurant Italia Trattoria, meld their distinct heritages together to create a Swiss and Latin-inspired feast. Christmas morning starts off with a brunch of tamales, a tradition that goes back to Bowman’s Mexican grandmother. “Traditionally, we like to do something simple with chicken, spicy mole sauce, olives and green onions, or vegetarian with roasted poblano peppers and fresh feta,” Bowman says. Christmas dinner is prepared in the tradition of

Vogel’s Swiss family, and usually includes an appetizer of gravlax, raw spiced salmon, along with other seafood such as shellfish and crab. “We love to do different things with it, so it varies with how it’s prepared each year,” Bowman says. The Bowman-Vogel household’s three dogs aren’t forgotten on the holiday. A newer family tradition is the special Christmas dinner Vogel prepares for their dogs Wanda, Luc and Milou — a chicken stew with rice, peas and carrots, topped with a demi gravy.

LAURENT ZIROTTI, CHEF AND OWNER OF FLEUR DE SEL

Growing up in southern France, Laurent Zirotti’s family’s Christmas cuisine traditions were elaborate and decadent. He’s carried on many of these traditions since coming to the U.S. 15 years ago, and some of the dishes are incorporated into the seasonal menu at Fleur de Sel, the Post Falls restaurant he owns with his wife Patricia. In France, Zirotti says Christmas is largely centered around eating, and he likens it in many ways to the foodcentric Thanksgiving holiday. Before midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, most French Catholic families prepare a simple dinner, served cold at around 9 o’clock, of dishes like oysters, snail, foie gras, shrimp and scallops. “Then we’d go to Mass and come back, and after mass was when you do all the desserts, including the bûche de Noël,” Zirotti says. The filled sponge cake is rolled into a cylindrical shape, then decorated to look like a log. For a French Christmas dinner, the main course is usually goose or a large roasted chicken stuffed with chestnuts, accompanied by a long list of side dishes including more shellfish and foie gras. “It was a long day of being at the table, and as a child I remember it not being that fun,” he recalls. “You wanted to play with the gifts, of course, but you had to sit at the table with the family, and it was a lot of food.” n

FOOD | OPENING

Heart in a Bowl

The thom gai kai from Soul Soup.

Soul Soup and Coffee House hopes to fill a void in Coeur d’Alene

$17.Salad9Entrée5 Dessert

NEW 3-Course Dinner Menu 3-6 pm daily

NEW MENU SELECTIONS SALAD Caesar or Garden ENTRÉE Braised Short Ribs • Coconut Prawns • Herb Grilled Wild Salmon Creole Chicken Pot Pie • Pan Roasted Chicken Penne Pasta DESSERT Signature Davenport Cheese Cake

BY CARRIE SCOZZARO

oul Soup and Coffee House is a feel-good kind of place, filling a cozy niche in the Coeur d’Alene dining scene. Located off of Northwest Boulevard across from one of the newer entrances to North Idaho College, Soul caters to the weekday college and business crowd. The eatery is a collaboration between sisters Susan Coby and Sara Bigelow. It’s Bigelow who handles the coffee end of the business, along with fresh-baked goods (banana bread, pumpkin muffins, scones from Spirit Lake Books & Coffee) and Cravens coffee. Coby dishes up her hearty soups, fresh salads and plenty of smiles, chatting with customers like they’re old friends. There are plenty of sandwich places in the area, explains Coby, but no soup places. “Soup is sexy!” laughs Coby, adding that it also allows her to be healthful and creative every day. Using organic and local ingredients whenever possible — like smoked turkey from Tim’s Special Cut Meats — Coby prepares two daily soups, one vegetarian, and two salads. Soup fills you up without making you feel stuffed, she says. Coby draws on an eclectic background. As a former lawyer, she has well-developed people skills and a strong business sense, reasoning that filling a niche and starting small make sense in a tough economy. Teaching cooking classes and extensive travel to France, Italy, London, New York City and Chicago honed her palate. When we visited prior to Thanksgiving, Coby put her spin on turkey soup with Thai-inspired Tom Ka Gai over coconut rice. Tunisian harissa featured in a recent Moroccan lentil soup, while Southwestern flavors appeared in spicy chili verde. Prices are reasonable: $7.50/small, $9.50 large, or a soup/salad combo for $10.50. Salads get a similar multiethnic treatment, ranging from Mediterranean (Feta, cucumber, olives) to South American (quinoa with kale). Coby points to the motto painted in foot-high letters along one wall of the brightly lit eatery: “I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all of my heart.” She wants Soul to be a place where you can feel good about what you’re eating. n Soul Soup and Coffee House • 610 W. Hubbard St., Coeur d’Alene • Open Mon-Fri, 8 am–4 pm • 208-446-3959

Herb Grilled Wild Salmon

509 789 6848 • palmcourtgrill.com Historic Davenport Hotel 10 S. Post St., Downtown Spokane

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 49

The Middle Part The Desolation of Smaug makes up for the slow start to The Hobbit trilogy BY ED SYMKUS

espite its convoluted story line and endless stream of exposition concerning meeting character after character, last year’s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey took in more than a billion dollars at the box office. If the ecstatic reaction last week from Tolkien geeks and cloak- and beard-wearing fans of the book and the first movie at the world premiere of part two of Peter Jackson’s trilogy is any indication, it’s all going to happen again. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug — Smaug being the dragon that decimated the Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor and now calmly sleeps inside Erebor’s Lonely Mountain, beneath the remains of the biggest treasure of gold since the days of Ali Baba — picks up right where the first film left off. Thirteen Dwarves, led by their future king Thorin (Richard Armitage), along with the wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellen) and the Hobbit Bilbo (Martin Freeman) are here; it’s a Tolkien adventure, a journey, this one heading back to Lonely Mountain to reclaim Erebor from the dragon.

50 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

Fortunately they don’t all have to be introduced again. The action can just begin, and there’s plenty of it, compliments of Jackson and his extraordinary grasp of how to merge live actors with CGI effects. Along with his writing team, he can tell a thrilling story THE HOBBIT: THE while giving some DESOLATION OF SMAUG depth to the characRated PG-13 ters who populate it. Directed by Peter Jackson There’s still a bit Starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, of a problem with all Evangeline Lilly, Benedict Cumberbatch of those characters; unless you’re one of those aforementioned geeks, you’re going to have some trouble keeping track of them, and their names, and who’s related to whom. That’s OK. Just go with the energetic flow. You’ll figure out that the Dwarves and the Hobbit and the wizard are the good guys, that the hideous Orcs who are hunting them down because they have “a taste for Dwarf blood” are the bad guys, and the

Gandalf is back and this time it’s kinda personal. Wood-elves — Orlando Bloom returns as Prince Legolas, and Evangeline Lilly (Lost) is introduced as Captain of Guards Tauriel — are somewhere in between. A side note: Legolas only appeared in The Lord of the Rings books, not The Hobbit, and Tauriel is a newly invented character, but they’re incorporated without a hitch, and fans aren’t complaining.) The energy comes from a few truly fantastic set pieces that regularly place our little heroes in peril. Arachnophobes might have some trouble watching the Dwarves’ encounter with the huge, hungry spiders of Mirkwood Forest. Yet scary sequences are balanced with wild comedy, exemplified by the group’s barrel ride down some roaring rapids. The film’s high point occurs near the end when the titular psychotic dragon (mellifluously, malevolently voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch) makes his appearance in conversation with Bilbo and turns out to be the greatest flying, fire-breathing dragon in cinematic history. The pairing of Cumberbatch and Freeman in the scene is 180 degrees from the equally wonderful work they do as Sherlock Holmes and John Watson on the BBC series Sherlock. The film is by no means for everyone. It’s extremely violent (arrows through heads and decapitations) and though the visual effects are astounding, the much-ballyhooed 48-frames-per-second projection makes some of it look like a soap opera (try to catch it in IMAX 3D). The finale, The Hobbit: There and Back Again, hits theaters on Dec. 17, 2014. 

FILM | SHORTS

OTHER OPENING FILMS PRESENTS Bring The

Blue is the Warmest Color

TYLER PERRY MADEA CHRISTMAS

Tyler Perry’s Madea takes on Christmas when she is asked by her niece Eileen (Anna Maria Horsford) to spend the holiday in her daughter Lacey’s small town. Lacey (Tika Sumpter) is afraid that her mother will resent her decision to secretly marry a white boy (Eric Connor) and, instead of confessing the marriage, tells her that Connor is just a simple farmhand. When the farmhand’s folks come to visit, comedic misunderstandings follow, as Madea attempts to clear things up with advice and her usual threats of violence. After all, nothing says “Christmas” like falling into cow poop and threatening to strangle someone repeatedly. (ER) PG-13

THE ARMSTRONG LIE

Few athletes have accomplished the sort of career faceplant performed by Lance Armstrong over the course of the past decade. The Texan went from winning seven consecutive Tour de Frances, convincing most of America to wear yellow rubber bracelets for a cause they didn’t necessarily understand, to essentially becoming Voldemort on a bicycle. Director Alex Gibney began following Armstrong in 2008 when he was mounting a comeback and got rare access. Along the way, Armstrong tells lie after lie about his performance-enhancing drug use, fooling a public that — as Gibney points

NEBRASKA

Finding a Publishers Clearing House envelope stating that he’s won a million bucks, Woody Grant, a reckless, lonely boozer played by 77-year-old Bruce Dern, heads out from Montana to Nebraska to claim his fortune. He takes along his skeptical son (a post-SNL Will Forte), who’s humoring him, as Woody tells everyone he knows that he’s become a millionaire, gathering clingy new money-hungry friends along the way. Payne (Sideways, The Descendants, Election) shot the film in black and white, adding its already present sense of despair. (MB) R

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR

At 15, Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos) is hungry for something more. Her voracious appetite mirrors an emptiness in her heart as she desperately craves a first love that is unfulfilled by handsome male classmates. Falling in with older, blue haired Emma (Léa Seydoux) is as easy as breathing, as the film chronicles their decade together. Intense and complicated as first love often is, Adèle finds herself lost in Abdel Kechiche’s epic three-hour drama about the tragedies and triumphs of romance. At Magic Lantern. (ER) NC-17

NOW PLAYING 12 YEARS A SLAVE

Based on his autobiography, this film tells the story of Solomon Northup, the free man turned slave in pre-Civil War U.S. It’s a heart wrenchingly amazing story about a man conned into slavery despite being a free citizen and his desperate fight for freedom. Chitewel Ejiofor finally gets center stage, but the film also features an all-star cast including Brad Pitt and Paul Giamatti. Definitely a powerfully artsy take on an old subject. (KS) Rated R

ALL IS LOST

We never learn the name of the grizzled yachtsman (Robert Redford) whose eightday fight to survive on the open sea is chronicled in J.C. Chandor’s magnificently primal All Is Lost. After all, how in the world are we supposed to sympathize with our soggy protagonist if we don’t know details about a rift with his daughter, or a childhood trauma he needs to overcome, or even why he’s sailing alone in the middle of nowhere? At Magic Lantern (SR) Rated PG-13

Whole Family!

out — may have wanted to be fooled all along. (MB) R

at the

BING CROSBY THEATER

THE BOOK THIEF

When the Markus Zusak bestseller The Book Thief came on the scene in 2005, it was only a matter of time before a movie studio gobbled it up. Told from the perspective of the young girl Liesel (Sophie Nélisse) who goes to live with a foster family during WWII (Emily Watson, Geoffrey Rush), the film depicts one family’s fight to stand up against the Nazis. (LJ) Rated PG-13

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS

The true story of the Vermont cargo ship captain who delivers food and water to Africa, and whose ship is hijacked by Somali pirates is both a nail-biter and a fascinating character study, mostly centering on the relationship between the cool, calm captain (Tom Hanks) and the determined but unsure pirate leader Muse (newcomer Barkhad Abdi). The adventure parts are thrilling, the attack and takeover is unnerving, the lifeboat sequences are claustrophobic. (ES) Rated PG-13 ...continued on next page

WED, DEC. 18th, 2013 PRE SHOW: 6:30pm | SHOW STARTS: 7:00pm

AN ALL-AGES EVENT

TICKETS $5

Suggested Donation

Benefiting DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 51

FILM FILM||SHORTS SHORTS

Sunday, Dec 15th

NOW PLAYING

Oh Ye of Little Faith:

A Human Interpretation of Jesus’ Miracles Rev. Dr. Todd Eklof, UUCS Minister

Unitarian Universalist Church of Spokane

4340 W. Ft. Wright Drive 509-325-6383 www.uuspokane.org

Sunday Services

Religious Ed & Childcare

9:15 & 11am

START A NEW TRADITION THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG [CC,DV] (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1140 100 320) 700 930 1040 MET OPERA: FALSTAFF (NR)

Sat.955 AM

THE HOBBIT: SMAUG IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1210 350) 445 730 1110 TYLER PERRY'S A MADEA CHRISTMAS [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1245 330) 715 1000 THE HOBBIT: SMAUG IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] HFR (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1110 250) 630 1010 OUT OF THE FURNACE [CC] (R) Fri. - Sun.(1200 300) 640 940 FROZEN [CC,DV] (PG) Fri.(1100 140 230) 420 505 735 755 Sat.(230) 420 505 735 755 Sun.(1100 140 230) 420 505 735 755 HOMEFRONT [CC,DV] (R) Fri. - Sun.1050 PM FROZEN IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] (PG) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1150 AM) 1030 PM THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1120 1230 240 345) 650 745 1020 1100 DELIVERY MAN [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1220 310) 710 950 THOR: THE DARK WORLD [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1130 220) 455 805 1115

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB

It’s 1985, and Ron Woodroof (Matthew McConaughey), an occasional bull-rider and full time electrician, lives his life between the sheets of stranger’s beds on a noxious combination of alcohol and cocaine, sheltered in a haze of his own homophobic, red-neck stereotype. When he’s diagnosed with HIV Woodroof decides to live anyway. Across the border, he discovers drugs that could prolong lives of HIV victims but that are not FDA approved. Smuggling them across the border, and teaming up with transvestite Rayon (Jared Leto,) the two work to sell drugs to a community that is quickly dying off. (ER) Rated R

ENDER’S GAME

Decades after Earth repelled an invasion by insect-like aliens who killed tens of millions of humans, the planet is preparing for another invasion by the “Formics” that may or may not come by training all kids in tactics and strategy. Andrew “Ender” Wiggin (Asa Butterfield) is plucked from his regular school to attend the orbiting Battle School, because Colonel Graff (Harrison Ford) and Major Anderson (Viola Davis) think he could be the legendary-scale genius they’re looking for. (MJ) PG-13

ENOUGH SAID

Give HOME

for the

HOLIDAYS

Check out why we build & why you should too. Sign up at:

Habitat-Spokane.org

509.534.2552

THE HOBBIT: SMAUG IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1100 200 300) 700 945 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG [CC,DV] (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sat.(1000 1030 230 330 345) 600 630 930 1015 Sun.(1000 1030 230 330 345) 600 630 930 THE HOBBIT: SMAUG IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] HFR (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sat.(1045 245) 645 1030 Sun.(1045 AM 245 PM) 645 PM OUT OF THE FURNACE [CC] (R) Fri. - Sun.(1230) 400 715 1005 FROZEN [CC,DV] (PG) Fri. - Sun.(1215 245 315) 530 615 HOMEFRONT [CC,DV] (R) Fri. - Sun.1035 PM FROZEN IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] (PG) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1145 AM) 930 PM THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri.(1200 315) 620 655 940 1020 Sat.(1115 1200 245 315) 620 655 940 1020 Sun.(1115 1200 245 315) 620 800 940 DELIVERY MAN [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1005 1230) 720 950 THE CHRISTMAS CANDLE (PG) Fri. - Sun.(115 PM) 655 PM THOR: THE DARK WORLD [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1245 345) 625 915 LAST VEGAS [CC] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1035 AM) 935 PM

Big Screen: THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG [CC,DV] (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1130 AM 305 PM) 700 PM THE HOBBIT: SMAUG IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sat.(1100 AM 235 PM) 630 PM Sun.(1100 AM 330 PM) MET OPERA: FALSTAFF (NR) Times For 12/13 - 12/15

52 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

Sat.955 AM

Eva (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), a divorcee, is facing the possibility of an empty nest, as her daughter goes off to college. As she bonds with similarly situated Albert (James Gandolfini) and the two click, it seems like the perfect romance. Eva also befriends Marianne (Catherine Keener), whose only flaw is her tendency to rag on and on about her ex-husband. (ER) Rated R

FROZEN

Frozen is a princess story; Disney is doubling down on the princesses — there’s two of ’em here. But Disney is also doubling down on the hints of nascent feminism Brave hinted at, the sort of bare-bones feminism which accepts that girls and women might possibly want more out of life than to get married. The princesses are sisters — the elder Elsa (the voice of Idina Menzel) and the younger Anna (the voice of Kristen Bell) — and this is mostly the story of their troubled relationship because Elsa is known to turn things into ice with her magical powers. (MJ) Rated PG

GRAVITY

Astronauts Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) and Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) perform extra-vehicular repairs on the Hubble space telescope and then all hell breaks loose when pieces of a destroyed satellite come their way. Thus begins a series of domino effect crises: Will they have enough air and/ or jetpack life to make it to the station alive? Director Alfonso Cuarón (Children of Men) uses crazy effects that dazzle, while also sometimes distracting from the story. (SR) Rated PG-13

THE GREAT BEAUTY

There is great beauty in The Great Beauty. You just have to know where to find it, in the hidden corners and secret rooms of Rome. That’s what once-successful novelist Jep Gambardella (Toni Servillo) wants to do, while pondering where life has led him at age 65. He sees and feels emptiness where he craves that beauty.

Director Paolo Sorrentino’s lavish love note to Rome guides Jep and all of us watching him, to a place, make that an attitude, where we’d all like to be. A lovely movie about life and death and pretty much everything in between. At Magic Lantern (ES) Unrated.

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMOG

Opens Thursday, Dec. 12 Splitting up a novel into three movies might seem like a bad idea, but most audience members will be still trying to keep track of all the names in this fantasy flick based on the Tolkien classic. (Smaug? Biblo? Erebor? Come on, now.) This second chunk features the majority of the action as Biblo Baggins (Martin Freeman) journeys with Wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellan) and 13 dwarves to save the dwarf kingdom of Erebor. Biblo has a magical ring, and we finally get to see our favorite Sherlock (Benedict Cumberbatch) voice the dragon. (ER) PG-13

HOMEFRONT

This is a wildly ridiculous action flick in which Jason Statham plays a former DEA agent now living in Louisiana with his preteen daughter Maddy (Izabela Vidovic). After being burned on an undercover drugs op in New Orleans, Broker’s now just lying low, hanging out, not looking for any trouble. But then trouble comes his way when his daughter gets in a fight at school, enraging a local redneck (Kate Bosworth) and her brother (James Franco). (MJ) Rated R

KILL YOUR DARLINGS

If you needed evidence that Daniel Radcliffe could survive a decade as Harry Potter you should really check out the actor as legendary poet Allen Ginsberg in this film about the early days of the beat movement. Here, we see Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac (Jack Huston) and William Burroughs brought together by the murder of David Kammerer by a mutual friend. It’s a seminal moment in American literature, but one most people haven’t heard of. At Magic Lantern (MB) Rated R

OUT OF THE FURNACE

Can two brothers be any more different? Good boy Russell (Christian Bale),

resigned to working in a small-town mill, tries to keep a protective eye on his loose cannon younger brother Rodney (Casey Affleck) and Iraq war vet who would rather pummel opponents in bareknuckle street fights to pay off his debts than get a job. Willem Dafoe plays a good-hearted bad guy, Woody Harrelson plays a purely evil one, everyone owes everyone else big money, brutal violence is an everyday thing, vengeance and/or revenge is on the minds of many. It’s a nasty little movie with fine acting and a lot of promise, but without the writing and directing expertise to pull it off. (ES) Rated R

PHILOMENA

Philomena Lee, an elderly British woman, confides in her daughter that she gave birth to a son in Ireland 50 years earlier. Unwed at the time, she was forced to give him up for adoption. Martin, a former government adviser and journalist out of a job, is looking for a story idea to bring to his editor. At a party, he hears of Philomena. Together, he and Philomena investigate the life of her lost son and find themselves exploring America looking for answers. (KS) Rated R

THOR: THE DARK WORLD

After the events of The Avengers, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) battles and brings peace to the ethereal nine realms. Back on Earth, his love, astrophysicist Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), waits and continues to research with her quip-happy assistant Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings). Unfortunately, the nine realms are coming into alignment for the first time in millennia, causing invisible interdimensional portals to appear, threatening to destroy the universe. (SS) Rated PG-13

WADJDA

Directed and written by Haifaa Al-Mansour, the first ever Saudi Arabian female filmmaker, this film gives us the life of rebellious Wadjda (Waad Mohammed) who discovers a bicycle in a store that she must have. Her mother, preoccupied with the fact that her husband may take on a second wife, dismisses the notion. Precocious Wadjda refuses to give up, though, and begins to earn money using her wits and entrepreneurship skills. At Magic Lantern. (ER) Rated PG 

CRITICS’ SCORECARD THE NEW YORK INLANDER TIMES

VARIETY

(LOS ANGELES)

METACRITIC.COM (OUT OF 100)

12 Years a Slave

Gravity

All is Lost

The Great Beauty

Frozen

Hunger Games 2

The Hobbit 2

DON’T MISS IT

WORTH $10

WATCH IT AT HOME

SKIP IT

FILM | REVIEW

THE MAGIC LANTERN FRI DEC 13TH - THUR DEC 19TH REEL SPOKANE one night only! Fri: 8:30

THE GREAT BEAUTY (142 MIN- R)

Fri: 6:00, Sat: 1:15, 6:00, Sun: 3:30, Tues-Thurs: 5:00

ALL IS LOST (106 MIN)

Fri: 4:00, Sat:4:00, 8:30, Sun:1:30, Tues-Thurs: 7:30

ENOUGH SAID (96 MIN PG 13) Sat/Sun: 2:15

Starts Wednesday, December 18th

WADJDA (96 MIN PG)

Fri-Sun: 4:15, Weds/Thurs: 3:00

KILL YOUR DARLINGS (104 MIN -R)

Fri-Sun: 6:15, Weds/Thurs: 4:15

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR (179 MIN NC-17) Fri/Sat: 8:15, Sun: 6:00, Tues-Thurs: 6:15 25 W Main Ave • 509-209-2383 • All Shows $8 www.magiclanternspokane.com

WEEK OF DECEMBER 13th THRU DECEMBER 19th

WEDNESDAYS

$ 50 BEER & DINNER IN THEATER!

HIGH E FRAM RATE

ALL SHOWS ALL TIMES

Free Birds Fri 5:00 Sat-Sun 1:00 3:00 5:00 Mon-Thurs 5:00

Buddy found his way into our hearts over the course of the last decade.

I Know Him!

It’s been 10 years since Elf and it already feels like a holiday classic

Prisoners Fri-Sat 7:00 Mon 7:00 Wed 7:00

carrie Fri-Sat 9:55pm Mon-Wed 9:55pm Thurs 9:30pm

Airway Heights 10117 W State Rt 2 • 509-232-0444 THE HOBBIT: THE DESTOLATION OF SMAUG PG-13 Daily (2:15) (5:30) 8:45 Sat-Sun (11:00) In 2D Daily (2:50) (3:30) 6:10 6:50 9:25 10:00 Sat-Sun (11:40) (12:15)

OUT OF THE FURNACE

R Daily (4:20) 7:10 9:40 Sat-Sun (11:00) (1:40)

FROZEN

PG Daily 6:15 Sat-Sun (11:00) In 2D Daily (2:10) (3:50) (4:30) 6:45 8:35 9:10 Sat-Sun (11:45) (1:30)

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE PG-13 Daily (3:00) 6:20 9:20 Sat-Sun (12:00)

HOMEFRONT

R Daily (2:15) (4:45) 7:15 9:45 Sat-Sun (11:45)

DELIVERY MAN

PG-13 Daily (2:00) (4:20) 6:50 9:15 Sat-Sun (11:40)

THOR: THE DARK WORLD

PG-13 Daily (2:00) (4:30) 7:00 9:30 Sat-Sun (11:30)

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES

BY MIKE BOOKEY

t’s been a decade since Will Ferrell reluctantly tugged on a pair of tights and poured syrup on a plate of spaghetti, thus giving us Buddy the Elf. Before its release, some of us will remember the saccharine box-office-pandering with which Elf was marketed. If the film was a total disaster, no one would have been surprised. Ferrell, just a year separated from his career-launching SNL stint, was recognizable, but hardly the sort of comedic vehicle he is today. There was no sign that this thing was going to work. It not only worked, it managed to become a holiday classic — one that that no film since, and just a few before, have been able to match in popularity. Ten years later, the film is part of the holiday viewing canon, right alongside Christmas Vacation, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, A Christmas Story and — dare we say it? — It’s a Wonderful Life. It’s never easy to call anything that’s originated during your adulthood a “classic,” but it’s becoming an increasingly easier argument to make as the years slip by. If you brave the mall this week and go stand within 10 yards of Santa and his line of admirers for 10 minutes, you’ll undoubtedly hear someone yell, “Santa! I know him!” And those Elf-themed Christmas parties —

some of which actually serve the sugary spaghetti — may someday put the ugly sweater industry out of business. The film itself holds up. Hell, it features performances by Ed Asner, James Caan, Bob Newhart, Mary Steenburgen and a doe-eyed young woman named Zooey Deschanel. And it’s directed by Jon Favreau, who five years later would find a gold mine in the form of Iron Man and is now one of the top names in action films. The story was gold from the start — a guy grows up thinking he’s one of Santa’s elves only to find that he has a family in the real world, forcing him to rethink everything he knows about family, food and the world’s best cup of coffee. Don’t forget, too, that you only had to look at Ferrell in those tights and that hat to get a laugh. There hasn’t been another true holiday classic since Elf, and it could be a while before we see another one — it’s not like Tyler Perry’s effort this year is something anyone will remember. n

Christmas Sing Along Wed 7:15

Starts Wednesday, December 18th PG-13 Daily (4:25) 7:00 9:30

Wandermere

12622 N Division • 509-232-7727

THE HOBBIT: THE DESTOLATION OF SMAUG

924 W. GARLAND • 509.327.1050 WWW.GARLANDTHEATER.COM

PG-13 HIGH FRAME RATE Daily (2:15) (5:30) 8:45 Fri-Sun (11:00) Daily (2:50) 6:10 In 2D Daily (12:15) (3:30) (4:00) 6:50 7:30 9:25 10:00 Fri-Sun (11:40)

A MADEA CHRISTMAS

PG-13 Daily (12:20) (2:45) (5:00) 7:15 9:30

OUT OF THE FURNACE

R Daily (1:40) (4:20) 7:10 9:40 Fri-Sun (11:00)

FROZEN

PG Daily 6:15 Fri-Sun (11:00) In 2D Daily (1:30) (2:10) (3:50) (4:30) 6:45 8:35 9:10 Fri-Sun (11:45)

12 YEARS A SLAVE

R Daily (1:00) (3:45) 6:30 9:15

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE

PG-13 Daily (1:00) (3:00) (4:00) 6:20 7:00 9:20 9:50 Fri-Sun (12:00)

DELIVERY MAN

PG-13 Daily (2:00) (4:20) 6:50 9:15 Fri-Sun (11:40)

HOMEFRONT

R Daily (4:00) 8:50 Fri-Sun (11:30)

THOR: THE DARK WORLD

PG-13 Daily (2:00) (4:30) 7:00 9:30 Fri-Sun (11:30)

LAST VEGAS

PG-13 Daily (1:45) 6:20

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS

PG-13 Daily (1:30) Fri-Sun (11:00)

The Inlander Give Guide presents: Elf • Wed, Dec. 18, at 7 pm • Bing Crosby Theater • 901 W. Sprague • $5 suggested donation • All proceeds beneﬁt Catholic Charities

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES

Starts Wednesday, December 18th PG-13 Daily (1:50) (4:25) 7:00 9:30 Showtimes in ( ) are at bargain price. Special Attraction — No Passes Showtimes Effective 12/13/13-12/19/13

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 53

Dec 12 - 18 ON THE BLOCK

SAT

FRI

THURS

412 W. Sprague Ave. 509.747.2302

SHOTS POWER HOURS 9P-11P

Any Drink $

THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

FIREBALL FRIDAY $3 POWER HOUR

11PM-12AM

Any drink -

90’s Costume Dance Party

WED

TUES

MON

SUN

w/ DJ BRUSKY

LIVE MUSIC 5-10

Cocktails & Food | NFL Football

HOSPITALITY NIGHT

Industry Specials All Night Long / DJ ONE

MARTINI MADNESS $5 Doubles NFL FOOTBALL

TWINTINI TUESDAY

$5 Doubles

TRIVIA

Starts at 7

NEW YEAR’S EVE

NEW YEAR’S EVE MASQUERADE

Ball

DRESS TO IMPRESS & RING IN THE NEW YEAR

WITH US AT CLUB 412!

A N IGH T OF MYS T ERY A N D GI V EAWAYS S HOTS A N D C H A M PAGN E

3 DJ’S | TWO DANCE FLOORS | FOUR BARS

54 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

Progress Report Last year we made resolutions for the Spokane music scene — here’s how we did BY LEAH SOTTILE AND LAURA JOHNSON

eez, apparently the Spokane music scene takes goal-setting seriously. Around this time last year, we nagged local music people for a list of New Year’s resolutions that we could hold the Spokane scene to, published their ideas and then took notes all year long to see how things were going. For the most part, it looks like the local scene took heed and got some shit done, with the Spokane scene a little stronger, a little more confident and a little more creative than it was the year before. Keep checking out the music section in the next few weeks, where we’ll publish a list of goals for 2014. (LEAH SOTTILE)

RESOLUTION #1: MAKE HOUSES COUNT

In January, local organizer Taylor Weech, a driving force in creating a house show culture in Spokane’s Peaceful Valley, told readers to put stock in the underground house-show scene. She noted that house shows are a viable alternative to venues and could fill a void “left open by a dip in the boom and bust cycle of Spokane all-ages venues.” Now, Weech says the scene has “held steady. I am almost sure, though not scientifically, that [the scene] expanded to more diverse locations.” Reconsidering the places where music is held should be a continued goal, she says. (LS)

RESOLUTION #2: BRING PEARL JAM

This was a surprise. When the announcement was made in July that Pearl Jam would appear in November, it seemed like we had something to do with it — Inlander Culture Editor Mike Bookey had proposed the Spokane Arena attract Pearl Jam, or at least an “amazing arena-sized rock band that wasn’t Nickelback.” The show itself was pure magic, completely selling out, proving Spokane a viable location for big names to stop and play. Nine Inch Nails, Bon Jovi and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis also saw excellent turnouts this year. Hopefully this means even bigger things for 2014’s Arena lineup. (LAURA JOHNSON) ...continued on next page

SETH MEAD PHOTO

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 55

MUSIC | SCENE “PROGRESS REPORT,” CONTINUED...

RESOLUTION #3: BRING CLASSICAL AND ROCK MUSICIANS TOGETHER

Genre-bending collaborations within a local scene not only enlighten a community, they can bring a wide age span of music lovers together. Karli Ingersoll, local artist and co-owner of the Bartlett, thought rockers and classical musicians uniting was something the local scene was lacking. This month, Ingersoll says she has been in conversation with musicians from the Spokane Symphony. “I’m sure now that [the Bartlett] is through the opening process, we can move on to actually organizing cool events and collaborations,” she says. (LJ)

RESOLUTION #4: RETHINK THE VENUES

After reporting on the constant opening-and-closing cycle of Spokane’s music scene for a big part of the past decade, I challenged locals to tap into alternative spaces — i.e., not bars. In my mind, doing so would provide more all-ages options, and not make the scene beholden to business owners’ standards of what patrons want to hear. Sure, Terrain did its usual thing at the Music City Building, and some wineries and stores held one-off music events. But for the most part, I didn’t hear about an influx of new alternative spaces opening their doors to music. That’s not entirely bad news: 2013 was a great year for the music scene keeping a steady heartbeat, sustaining good venues and seeing even more bars hosting shows. (LS)

RESOLUTION #5: EXPERIMENT WITH VARIETY

One cool resolution we got last year from Jordan Hilker of the local band Odyssey was to see more shows with

56 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

a variety of genres planned — like hip-hop headliner, electronic DJ and metal band openers. While festivals like Elkfest and the Garland Block Party seemed to do that, club bills stuck with one genre per bill in 2013. Hilker, who says even his band played just metal and rock shows, thinks this is one goal hat can carry over into 2014. (LS)

RESOLUTION #6: MUSIC FIRST, SALES LATER

This resolution went hand in hand with ideas touched on in resolutions #1 and #4. See above for more.

RESOLUTION #7: BE A SUPERFAN

This resolution talked about the power “super-fandom” can have in a small city like ours. On one hand, that definitely happened: more people started personally booking shows and bringing their favorite bands to venues like Carr’s Corner, the Checkerboard and the Baby Bar. On the other hand, more bookers and more shows puts a strain on a small population of music fans, says Chris Peterson, local promoter and drummer in hardcore band Losing Skin — and that can mean empty rooms. Peterson notes that Spokane’s music scene is a constant “work in progress.” (LS)

RESOLUTION #8: PLAN A FESTIVAL

It was Alex Davis, formerly of local cassette label Leftist Nautical Antiques, who maintained Spokane should put on a music festival downtown that would celebrate our awesome regional talent — “Not something commercially sick like Sasquatch! or South By Southwest.” This year,

the Inlander’s own Volume was expanded to two days and took place in a myriad of venues throughout the city. Gleason Fest shut down Division and Main Streets. Elkfest took over Browne’s Addition, and Pig Out in the Park, Terrain, KYRS Music Fest and Garland Block Party were in the mix too. (LJ)

RESOLUTION #9: USE THE BING

Local promoter John Blakesley suggested the Bing Crosby Theater be utilized more to showcase music. And with the installation of a brand-new sound system, as theater manager Michael Smith explained, the venue has become much more attractive to those wanting to put on shows. “We’re really starting to become a one-stop-shop,” Smith says. In the past year, multiple local bands have held album release parties there and America’s Got Talent finalist Cami Bradley even sold out two shows. Smith says he wants to continue and expand this trend next year. (LJ)

RESOLUTION #10: CHALLENGE THE RULES

There’s no bigger bummer than when a show gets shut down by the fire department or the cops, and last year local artist Chris Dreyer challenged Spokane music people to find some middle ground with the city. When we checked in with Shannon Roach Halberstadt, executive director of the Spokane Arts Fund and someone who bridged the gap between city officials and punks in her days in Seattle’s music scene, she responded “Yes! Let’s make it easier to have shows and arts events in Spokane!” Halberstadt, who took the reins of the Arts Fund in October, says this is a priority for 2014. (LS) 

MUSIC | ROCK

THUR

Dec 12 - Dec 18 Whitey Tight Party w/ DJ Prophesy at Club Red @ 10pm

KARAOKE W/ Live Wire

Fresh off a tour in France, Portland-based Sallie Ford and The Sound Outside liven up Spokane next Wednesday.

the time.” After moving from Asheville, N.C., to Portland when she was 18, the original plan wasn’t music; she had her sights set on art school. But taking to her guitar, Ford started playing basement house shows, then later open mic nights, which led to meeting Alaska-bred Tyler Tornfelt on bass, piano and organ, Ford Tennis on drums and Jeff Munger on guitar. The Sound Outside was born, but Portland wasn’t quick to pay attention to Ford’s concoction of retro rock ‘n’ roll, quirky vocals and confrontational lyrics. Then Seth Avett heard them and invited the act to open for the Avett Brothers in the summer of 2009. “It took someone from outside of the scene to get Portland to notice us,” Ford says. Now 26, with two full-length albums out, Ford will be back in the studio in the new year working on a new album. In the meantime, the band is releasing the Summer EP at next Wednesday’s show, but only on vinyl and MP3. “I hate CDs,” Ford says. “In general, I don’t like technology — but I’m also a hypocrite; I would like to experience life without all of these modern amenities and see what it would be like.” n lauraj@inlander.com

at Club Red 6pm-10pm

KARAOKE W/ LIVE WIRE at Irv’s 9pm-2am

MON

n tour in France last month, Sallie Ford’s voice was breaking like a pubescent teenage boy’s. She found herself unable to sing more than one octave. Laryngitis had settled in. Her band, Sallie Ford and The Sound Outside, was forced to cancel three dates while she recuperated with drugs and bed rest. “That was the first time I ever had laryngitis,” Ford says over the phone after landing in Portland earlier this week. The illness also happened to hit during Thanksgiving. “I Skyped with my family back home but I couldn’t even talk, which sucked, so I just kind of pointed and smiled,” she recalls with a laugh. Back in full form, Ford is ready to take on Spokane for the band’s first show stateside since Europe. But to find her voice in the beginning of her career, Ford had to experiment. That raw, raging vocal prowess she now possesses was and is an ever-changing work of art. “At first I was doing a lot of mimicking,” Ford confesses. A mash-up of Regina Spektor, Feist and Billie Holiday inspired Ford, and she admits it was hard to uncover her own expression. “I’ve tried to just go with it and I’ve tried to audibly change it,” she says. “From listening to that first EP to the second album, I can definitely hear changes. It’s kind of in general like changing the way you dress depending what you’re into at

KARAOKE W/ MATTY

TUES

BY LAURA JOHNSON

Dance your ASS off until 4am all weekend!

KARAOKE W/ MATTY

WED

Sallie Ford’s vocal sweet spot is hitting its stride

SUN

New Retro Voice

SAT & FRI

at Irv’s @ 9pm

Nova Kaine Presents

at Irv’s 8pm-2am at Irv’s 8pm-2am

LE GIRLS FEMALE IMPERSONATOR

at Club Red @ 10pm 415 W. Sprague Ave.

509.624.4450

Thursday Dec 12th

SIX STRINGS N’ PEARLS Friday Dec 13th

OOOB & ZEROX MACHINE Saturday Dec 14th

HIGH TREASON AMMUNITION

Sunday Dec 15th

HAPPY TIME ALL NIGHT Monday Dec 16th

TRIVIA NIGHT - at 7! Tuesday Dec 17th

DRINK SLANGIN’ & REGULARS HANGIN’

Wednesday Dec 18th

SALLY BOP JAZZ & WHISKEY WEDNESDAY

25 Craft Beers & Craft Cocktails 120 E. Sprague Ave.

Sallie Ford and The Sound Outside with And the Kids, Runaway Symphony • Wed, Dec. 18, at 8 pm • The Bartlett • 228 W. Sprague • All-ages • $10 advance/$12 day of show • thebartlettspokane.com

THE COUNTRY CLUB BAR AND GRILL

PRESENTS

Great Music, Great Flavor, No Bull!

Start a new career now! Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) Course Course Start Date: January 7, 2014 Application required – available online Cost: $951 + lab fee and book Class will be held at the Health Training Facility 1610 N. Rebecca, Spokane, WA 99217 For more information call (509) 242-4264

www.healthtraining.inhs.org DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 57

MUSIC | SOUND ADVICE

INDIE MORNING RITUAL

TRIBUTE BLISTERED EARTH

tarting out the year, the Shook Twins got together with Portland composer Ben Darwish to form the musical project Morning Ritual. Guitarist William Seiji Marsh and drummer Russ Kleiner came along for the ride too. The group describes themselves as “fantasy folkstep,” but an element of jazz also rings through their sound. As it’s a collaboration and not simply a band, the Portland-based Scroggins Sisters sometimes sit in for the Shook Twins. But in the case of Saturday’s show, the Shooks, twins originally from Sandpoint, will serve as the female vocalists. Expect to hear much from the jazzy-folk May release The Clear Blue Pearl, a 10-track story album. — LAURA JOHNSON

Morning Ritual with the Shook Twins • Sat, Dec. 14, at 8 pm • Bing Crosby Theater • 901 W. Sprague • $10-$12 • All-ages • ticketswest.com

ome of us were still poopin’ our diapers when Metallica’s debut album Kill ’Em All was released. That’s why it’s exciting that Blistered Earth, a Metallica tribute act, lives right here in Spokane. If, when you think of Metallica, you hear that Lou Reed collaboration in your head and see images of the band sitting in group therapy (from the hilarious Some Kind of Monster doc), you’re neglecting to remember what made the band awesome way back when. Alongside Megadeth, Slayer and Anthrax, Metallica brought thrash to the national stage and solidified metal’s place in the American mainstream. Blistered Earth remembers the band’s stellar first decade, playing songs from its first days up through 1991’s The Black Album. Horns up. — LEAH SOTTILE Blistered Earth with Helldorado and In Denial • Sat, Dec. 14, at 8 pm • Knitting Factory • 919 W. Sprague • $10 • All-ages • ticketweb.com • 244-3279

J = THE INLANDER RECOMMENDS THIS SHOW J = ALL AGES SHOW

Thursday, 12/12

J THE BARTLETT, People Get Ready BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn BOOMERS CLASSIC ROCK BAR & GRILL, DJ Yasmine BUCKHORN INN, Texas Twister CARR’S CORNER, Xingaia, Dimeland, Clvsterfvck THE CELLAR, Eric Neuhausser GIBLIANO BROTHERS, Dueling Pianos GRANDE RONDE CELLARS, Old Time Music J THE HOP!, EDM Generation JOHN’S ALLEY, Lorin Walker Madsen JONES RADIATOR, Six-Strings n’ Pearls J KNITTING FACTORY, Metalachi with Milonga J LAGUNA CAFÉ, Just Plain Darin LEFTBANK WINE BAR, Nick Grow J LUXE COFFEEHOUSE, Dirk Lind MOON TIME (208-667-2331), The Monarch Mountain Band J MOSCOW FOOD CO-OP, LewisClark State College Saxophone Quartet NYNE, Liz Rognes, Eric Himan O’SHAY’S, Open mic J THE PHAT HOUSE, The Tone Collaborative, Moksha World Fusion, Bodhi Drip RICO’S, Palouse Subterranean Blues

58 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

Band ROADHOUSE COUNTRY ROCK BAR, Justin Jurkovac Band SPLASH, Steve Denny THE VAULT SOCIAL CLUB AND EATERY, DJ Seli ZOLA, Fus Bol

Friday, 12/13

BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn THE BLIND BUCK (290-6229), DJ Mayhem BOLO’S, Scorpius BOOMERS CLASSIC ROCK BAR & GRILL, Johnny Qlueless J CARR’S CORNER, 2PIECE, Roulette Delgato, Cordell Drake, Jay Cope THE CELLAR, Fur Traders J CHAIRS COFFEE, Open Mic of Open-ness J CHAPS, Just Plain Darin COEUR D’ALENE CASINO, The Hitman, Cris Lucas THE COUNTRY CLUB, Mustang CURLEY’S, Torino Drive FIZZIE MULLIGANS, Sucker Punch GIBLIANO BROTHERS, Dueling Pianos GRANDE RONDE CELLARS, Kosher Red Hots THE HOP!, Ravemas IDAHO POUR AUTHORITY (208-2902280), Charley Packard

IRON HORSE BAR, Bad Monkey IRV’S, DJ Prophesy JOHN’S ALLEY, Scott Pemberton Band JONES RADIATOR, Oooooob and Zerox Machine KING’S BAR & GRILL (208-4480134), Usual Suspects J KNITTING FACTORY, Will Hoge, Red Wanting Blue LAGUNA CAFÉ, Pamela Benton J THE LANTERN TAP HOUSE, Holiday Round feat. Liz Rognes, Mama Doll, Hannah Reader, Tyler Aker LEFTBANK WINE BAR, Carey Brazil LUCKY’S IRISH PUB, Likes Girls J LUXE COFFEEHOUSE, Dirk Lind MEZZO PAZZO WINE BAR, Spare Parts J MOOTSY’S, Marshall McLean Band, The Holy Broke, Kori Eagle NYNE, DJ C-Mad PEND D’OREILLE WINERY, Ninjazz J THE PHAT HOUSE, One Phat House Band THE ROCK BAR AND LOUNGE (443-3796), DJ JWC, Armed & Dangerous SEASONS OF COEUR D’ALENE, Eric Neuhesser TWELVE STRING BREWING COMPANY (241-3697), Pamela Benton WEBSTER’S RANCH HOUSE SALOON (474-9040), Nic Vigic Trio

WHITESTONE WINERY (838-2427), Mark Lee ZOLA, Bakin Phat

Saturday, 12/14

BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn J BING CROSBY THEATER, The Shook Twins with Morning Ritual (See story above) THE BLIND BUCK (290-6229), DJ Daethstar BOLO’S, Scorpius BOOMERS CLASSIC ROCK BAR & GRILL, Johnny Qlueless CARR’S CORNER, KeyBoy, Grade Aye, ThizzLatin Yakima, Jay Cope, Lei Majors, EpiK, Royal Flush THE CELLAR, Fur Traders J CHAPS, Just Plain Darin CLOVER (487-2937), Nick Grow COEUR D’ALENE CASINO, The Hitman, Cris Lucas COLDWATER CREEK WINE BAR, Devon Wade THE COUNTRY CLUB, Mustang CURLEY’S, Torino Drive DALEY’S CHEAP SHOTS, Sidetrack FEDORA PUB, Mike Morris GIBLIANO BROTHERS, Dueling Pianos J THE HOP!, The Nightmare Before Christmas Day 1 featuring Skies Burn Black, Jedediah The Pilot

What Wings Once Held, The Drip, The Persevering Promise, High Regard, Outlier, A Cryptic Ending, Cold Blooded IRON HORSE BAR, Bad Monkey IRV’S, DJ Prophesy JOHN’S ALLEY, Scott Pemberton Band J JONES RADIATOR, High Treason Ammunition J KNITTING FACTORY, Blistered Earth (See story above) with Helldorado, In Denial LA ROSA CLUB, Bright Moments J THE LANTERN TAP HOUSE, Olive and Adam, The Holy Broke, Teen Blonde LEFTBANK WINE BAR, Son of Brad LOUNGE FLY (208-758-0603), Flying Mammals LUCKY’S IRISH PUB, Likes Girls J LUXE COFFEEHOUSE, Capsoul NYNE, The Divine Jewels J THE PHAT HOUSE, Paul Abner THE PHAT HOUSE, Guitarist Paul Abner J REVEL 77 (280-0518), Gardening Angel, Lauren Haas, Naomi Dull THE ROCK BAR AND LOUNGE (4433796), Armed & Dangerous SEASONS OF COEUR D’ALENE, Eric Neuhesser WEBSTER’S RANCH HOUSE SALOON

Sunday, 12/15

THE CELLAR, Pat Coast DALEY’S CHEAP SHOTS, Jam Night with VooDoo Church  THE HOP!, The Nightmare Before Christmas Day 2 featuring Straight To Our Enemies, The Ongoing Concept, Ashylus, Verbera, Losing Skin, Beatboxing by Sampson, Annie Sails Sorrow, Resverie, T-180, Shadow of Heaven, Elements MOOSE LOUNGE (208-664-7901), Michael’s Music Technology Circus ZOLA, Bill Bozly

Monday, 12/16

BOWL’Z BITEZ AND SPIRITZ (3217480), Open mic  CALYPSOS (208-665-0591), Open Mic COLDWATER CREEK WINE BAR, Roxy Fuller  THE HOP!, Lorin Walker Madsen, The Revision Scheme, Upbeat for Sundown, Weary Traveler, Outpost

GET LISTED!

Get your event listed in the paper and online by emailing getlisted@inlander. com. We need the details one week prior to our publication date. JOHN’S ALLEY, Andy Frasco & the UN  THE PHAT HOUSE, Kenny Sager Jazz Band PJ’S BAR & GRILL, Acoustic Jam with One Man Train Wreck  RICO’S, Open mic ZOLA, Nate Ostrander Trio

Tuesday, 12/17

 THE BARTLETT, Jamestown Revival, Jesse Morrow, Cedar & Boyer BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn THE CELLAR, Max Daniels COLDWATER CREEK WINE BAR, Roxy Fuller FEDORA PUB, Tuesday Night Jam with Truck Mills JOHN’S ALLEY, Andy Frasco & the UN KELLY’S IRISH PUB, The Powell Brothers LION’S LAIR (456-5678), DJs Nobe and MJ  MOSCOW FOOD CO-OP, Musaiique  RED ROOSTER COFFEE CO. 3217935, Open mic RICO’S, WSU School of Music Jazz Band THE ROCK BAR AND LOUNGE (4433796), Open mic with Frank Clark SPLASH, Bill Bozly THE VAULT SOCIAL CLUB AND EATERY, DJ Q ZOLA, Dan Conrad

Wednesday, 12/18  THE BARTLETT, Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside (See story on page 57), And The Kids, Runaway Symphony BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn CAFE BODEGA (208-263-5911), Five Minutes of Fame

THE CELLAR, Riverboat Dave  CHAPS, Land of Voices with Dirk Swartz EICHARDT’S, Charley Packard FIZZIE MULLIGANS, Kicho  THE HOP!, Allegaeon, Silence The Messenger, Extortionist, Ashes of Yesterday, The Horror Within IRV’S, DJ Prophesy JOHN’S ALLEY, Left Coast Country JONES RADIATOR, Sally Bob Jazz LA ROSA CLUB, Jazz Jam with the Bob Beadling Group  LUXE COFFEEHOUSE, Dario Re MEZZO PAZZO WINE BAR, Kevin Gardner  THE PHAT HOUSE, Be Open Mic with Mike Bethely RICO’S, WSU School of Music Jazz Band ROADHOUSE COUNTRY ROCK BAR, Dustin Lynch with Kristy Lee Cook SOULFUL SOUPS AND SPIRITS, Open mic SUKI YAKI INN (624-0022), One Man Train Wreck THE VAULT SOCIAL CLUB AND EATERY, DJs Freaky Fred and MC Squared ZOLA, The Bucket List

Coming Up ...

THE HOP!, Nukevana (Nirvana Tribute), Nuke Venus, Gardening Angel, Lust for Glory, Jared Munson, Dec. 19 JONES RADIATOR, Six Foot Swing, Dec. 19 MOSCOW FOOD CO-OP, Celebration Strings, Dec. 19 CARR’S CORNER, Nukevana (Nirvana Tribute), Nuke Venus, Jordan Collins, Lust for Glory, Jared Munson, Gardening Angel, Dec. 20 JONES RADIATOR, Feral Anthem, John Blakesley, Dec. 20 THE BARTLETT, Like Lions, Bristol, Kevin Long, Dec. 20 CARR’S CORNER, “A Very Merry Christmas Acoustic Tour” feat. Best of Friends, Josh Withenshaw, Dylan Jakobsen, Dec. 20 JONES RADIATOR, Nukevana (Nirvana Tribute), Nuke Venus, Gardening Angel, Jordan Collins, Jona Gallegos, Dec. 21 LA ROSA CLUB, Miah Kohal Band, Dec. 21 LUXE COFFEEHOUSE, Solstice Celebration feat. Real Life Rockaz, B Radicals, The Tone Collaborative, Bodhi Drip, Soul Symmetry, Moksha, Andy Rumsey, Dirk Lind and more, Dec. 21 THE SHOP, Sea Giant, Black Beacon, Dec. 21 THE BARTLETT, Garage Voice, Scott Ryan, Dec. 21 CHATEAU RIVE, A Cowboy Christmas with Sam Platts & The Kootenai Three, Acuff & Sherfey, Dec. 21 KNITTING FACTORY, Blue Christmas feat. Sammy Eubanks, Bakin’ Phat, Dec. 21 NORTHERN QUEST CASINO, LeAnn Rimes, Dec. 22 NYNE, Hey! Is for Horses, Dec. 27 CARR’S CORNER, The Almost New Year’s Party, Dec. 27

MUSIC | VENUES

(474-9040), Nic Vigic Trio ZOLA, Bakin Phat

Sewing Boutique • Fabric • Notions Janome Sales • Service • Repairs www.facebook.com/charminglulusewingboutique 1300 N Mullan • Spokane Valley, WA • 509.340.9256

315 MARTINIS • 315 E. Wallace, CdA • 208667-9660 BABY BAR • 827 W. First Ave. • 847-1234 THE BARTLETT • 228 W. Sprague Ave. BEVERLY’S • 115 S. 2nd St., CdA • 208-765-4000 BIGFOOT PUB • 9115 N. Division St. • 467-9638 BING CROSBY THEATER • 901 W. Sprague Ave. • 227-7638 BOLO’S • 116 S. Best Rd. • 891-8995 BOOMERS • 18219 E. Appleway Ave. • 755-7486 BOOTS BAKERY & LOUNGE • 24 W. Main Ave. • 703-7223 BUCER’S • 201 S. Main, Moscow • 208-882-5216 BUCKHORN INN • 13311 Sunset Hwy.• 244-3991 CARR’S CORNER • 230 S. Washington St. • 474-1731 THE CELLAR • 317 E. Sherman, CdA • 208664-9463 CHAPS • 4237 Cheney-Spokane Rd. • 624-4182 CHECKERBOARD BAR • 1716 E. Sprague • 535-4007 COEUR D’ALENE CASINO • 37914 S. Nukwalqw Rd., Worley • 800-523-2467 COLDWATER CREEK WINE BAR • 311 N. 1st Ave., Sandpoint • 208-263-6971 THE COUNTRY CLUB • 216 E. Coeur d’Alene Ave. • 208-676-2582 CURLEY’S • 26433 W. Hwy. 53 • 208-773-5816 DALEY’S CHEAP SHOTS • 6412 E. Trent • 535-9309 EICHARDT’S • 212 Cedar St., Sandpoint • 208263-4005 FEDORA PUB • 1726 W. Kathleen, CdA • 208765-8888 FIRST STREET BAR • 122 E. First St., Deer Park • 276-2320 FIZZIE MULLIGANS • 331 W. Hastings Rd. • 466-5354 THE FLAME • 2401 E. Sprague Ave. • 534-9121 FOX THEATER • 1001 W. Sprague • 624-1200 GIBLIANO BROS. • 718 W. Riverside • 315-8765 THE GRAIL • 4720 E. Seltice Way, CdA • 208665-5882 GRANDE RONDE CELLARS • 906 W. 2nd • 455-8161 THE HOP! • 706 N. Monroe St. • 368-4077 IRON HORSE • 407 E. Sherman Ave., CdA • 208-667-7314 IRV’S BAR • 415 W. Sprague Ave. • 624-4450 JOHN’S ALLEY • 114 E. 6th, Moscow • 208883-7662 JONES RADIATOR • 120 E. Sprague • 747-6005 KELLY’S IRISH PUB • 726 N. Fourth St., CdA • 208-667-1717 KNITTING FACTORY • 911 W. Sprague Ave. • 244-3279 LAGUNA CAFÉ • 4302 S. Regal St. • 448-0887 LA ROSA CLUB • 105 S. First Ave., Sandpoint • 208-255-2100 LATAH BISTRO • 4241 Cheney-Spokane Rd. • 838-8338 LEFTBANK WINE BAR • 108 N. Washington • 315-8623 LUCKY’S IRISH PUB • 408 W. Sprague Ave. • 747-2605 LUXE COFFEEHOUSE • 1017 W. First Ave. • 642-5514 MAX AT MIRABEAU • 1100 N. Sullivan Rd. • 924-9000 MEZZO PAZZO WINE BAR • 2718 E. 57th • 863-9313 MOOTSY’S • 406 W. Sprague • 838-1570 MOSCOW FOOD CO-OP • 121 E. Fifth St. • 208882-8537 NORTHERN QUEST • 100 N. Hayford • 242-7000 NYNE • 232 W. Sprague Ave. • 474-1621 THE SHOP • 924 S. Perry St. • 534-1647 O’SHAY’S • 313 E. CdA Lake Dr. • 208-667-4666 PACIFIC AVENUE PIZZA • 2001 W. Pacific Ave. • 624-0236 PEND D’OREILLE WINERY • 220 Cedar St., Sandpoint • 208-265-8545 THE PHAT HOUSE • 417 S. Browne • 443-4103 PJ’S BAR & GRILL • 1717 N. Monroe St. • 328-2153 RED LION RIVER INN • 700 N. Division St. • 326-5577 RED ROOM LOUNGE • 521 W. Sprague Ave. • 838-7613 REPUBLIC BREWING • 26 Clark Ave. • 775-2700 RICO’S PUB • 200 E. Main, Pullman • 332-6566 THE ROADHOUSE • 20 N. Raymond • 413-1894 SEASONS OF COEUR D’ALENE • 209 E. Lakeside Ave. • 208-664-8008 THE SHOP • 924 S. Perry St. • 534-1647 SOULFUL SOUPS & SPIRITS • 117 N. Howard St. • 459-1190 SPOKANE ARENA • 720 W. Mallon • 279-7000 SPLASH • 115 S. 2nd St., CdA • 208-765-4000 STUDIO K• 2810 E. 29th Ave. • 534-9317 THE SWAMP • 1904 W. Fifth Ave. • 458-2337 THE VAULT • 120 N. Wall St. • 863-9597 THE VIKING • 1221 N. Stevens St. • 315-4547 THE WAVE • 525 W. First Ave. • 747-2023 ZOLA • 22 W. Main Ave. • 624-2416

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 59

TV PINKIES OUT

Unless you’ve been snooping around the Internet to find loopholes in the system (there are ways other than pirating, people) to watch the acclaimed British costume drama Downton Abbey, you’re going to have to sit tight. The awardwinning series’ fourth season doesn’t officially begin airing stateside on PBS until Jan. 5. But wait — KSPS has a surprise in store for all those impatient Downton junkies. See the first hour of season four’s premiere episode on the big screen as you sip some tea and enjoy tea-time refreshments at a special preview party this weekend. Better practice your best British accent and memorize a few witticisms from Maggie Smith’s Dowager Countess of Grantham. — CHEY SCOTT Downton Abbey Preview Party • Sun, Dec. 15 from 2-4 pm • Free, but tickets required • The Lincoln Center • 1316 N. Lincoln • ksps.org/da4-party • (800) 735-2377

MORE EVENTS

Visit Inlander.com for complete listings of local events.

60 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

DRINKING GET JOLLY

HIKE OUTDOOR ENCHANTMENT

SantaCon Spokane • Sat, Dec. 14 at 4 pm • Begins at Red Lion BBQ & Pub • 126 N. Division • facebook.com/santaconspokane

Winter Wonderland • Thu, Dec. 12-Sun, Dec. 15, from 6-8 pm • $5 • Riverside State Park, Bowl & Pitcher area • 4427 N. Aubrey L. White Pkwy. • RiversideStatePark.org • 465-5064

To people who like to visit bars while dressed as Santa Claus: you can do just that at this weekend’s SantaCon, a St. Nick-themed bar crawl through downtown Spokane. To everyone else: this is why there are so many drunken Santas stumbling their way through Spokane. SantaCon first started in 1994 with a get-together in San Francisco. Today, there are more than 300 SantaCons around the world, and this is the second year it’s going down in Spokane. So to recap: bars, Santa costumes, and yes, this is a real event. — MIKE BOOKEY

In the rush of the holiday season — the shopping, the travel, the search for tiny mittens — we often don’t have time to slow down for a genuine sense of wonder. Remember what’s magical about the season during the evening at Riverside State Park, where the Bowl and Pitcher area is transformed into a wonderland of lights, campfires and hay rides. Cross the illuminated bridge and pretend you’re in your favorite holiday book. Yes, adults, even you. No Discover pass required for parking, and children 3 and under are free. — LISA WAANANEN

GET LISTED!

Email getlisted@inlander.com to get your event listed in the paper and online. We need the details one week prior to our publication date.

FILM WHITE CHRISTMAS WEEKEND

After seven years of showing some of the most cherished holiday films featuring one of Spokane’s most beloved locals, the 8th Annual Bing Crosby Holiday Film Festival is expanding to a second day. The fest also hosts a bus tour of Bing’s favorite Spokane spots for early ticket buyers (Dec. 15, $20). Screenings include White Christmas along with other holiday favorites like Holiday Inn and Going My Way. A new pick this year is Bing’s High Society; although it’s not a Christmas flick, it’s Grace Kelly’s last film appearance and also features Frank Sinatra and Louis Armstrong. As a special treat, Bing’s nephew Howard Crosby performs some of his uncle’s holiday favorites. — KATELYN SMITH Bing Crosby Holiday Film Festival • Dec. 14-15, show times vary • $8, children under 12 free • Bing Crosby Theater • 901 W. Sprague • bingcrosbytheater.com • 227-7638

THEATER HELLO, HOOLIGANS

The Herdman kids are monstrous little tykes who dole out mischief and misery on a daily basis. A couple struggling to put on a church Christmas pageant has no choice but to cast them as their stars, despite their reputations for causing mayhem, and hilarity ensues as the neighborhood gossips are horrified that such little sinners get to take on the big role of saints. Determined to make it work, the pageant begins to represent more than just a Sunday school production, as seemingly incorrigible children are redeemed and a whole town of people are reminded of the true meaning of Christmas. The JACC’s rendition promises to be a production the whole family can enjoy. — EMERA L. RILEY The Best Little Christmas Pageant Ever • Dec. 12-22, Thu-Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 2 pm • $10-$15 • Jacklin Arts & Cultural Center • 405 N. William St., Post Falls • thejacklincenter.org • (208) 457-8950

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 61

EVENTS | CALENDAR

BENEFIT

CHRISTMAS TREE ELEGANCE 18 holiday trees on display and available to win as part of a fundraiser raffle benefiting the Spokane Symphony. Trees are located on the mezzanine of the Davenport (Dec. 3-14 from 10 am-9 pm) and on the 2nd floor of River Park Square (Dec. 3-15, from 10 am-mall closing). Free to view, $1/raffle ticket. spokanesymphonyassoc.org (800-899-1482) GINGERBREAD BUILD-OFF The annual fundraiser features gingerbread houses decorated by local culinary teams with the public voting for their favorites. Kids can also make their own gingerbread houses in a hands-on event. Dec. 15, 10 am. $1-$7. Davenport Hotel, 10 S. Post. christkitchen.org (325-4343) SPOKANE TRIBAL COLLEGE FUNDRASIER Dinner, dancing, fine art auction and more, benefiting the Spokane Tribal College. Dec. 15, 6 pm. $30. Lincoln Center, 1316 N. Lincoln. (326-1700)

LET US CATER YOUR HOLIDAY PARTY

OR BOOK YOUR PARTY AT THE BAR!

COMEDY

Voted Best New Sports Bar & Restaurant

JAY WENDEL WALKER Live stand-up comedy. Dec. 13-14 at 8 pm. $12. Uncle D’s Comedy, 2721 N. Market. (483-7300) SEASONS GREETINGS Live comedy improv show using holiday cards and messages for inspiration. Through Dec. 27, Fridays at 8 pm. $7-$9. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland. (747-7045) REMIX HALF SCRIPTED, HALF IMPROVISED Live comedy show featuring a series of two-character scenes; one actor plays a character from a pre-written script, paired with an improviser who

All Ages

LARRY H. MILLER DOWNTOWN TOYOTA

has no knowledge of that script. Dec. 14, 7 pm. $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland. (747-7045) CHRISTOPHER TITUS & RACHEL BRADLEY “The Angry Pursuit of Happiness” live comedy show featuring the Comedy Central comedian. Ages 18+. Dec. 15, 8 pm. $25. Knitting Factory, 919 W. Sprague. (244-3279)

COMMUNITY

FREEZIN’ FOR A REASON Ferris HS ASB officers host a food drive for Second Harvest Food Bank. Dec. 12-15. Ferris HS, 3020 E. 37th Ave. spokaneschools.org/ferris (354-6092) JOURNEY TO THE NORTH POLE 40-minute family lake cruises with a visit to Santa, during which he reads children’s names from the “nice list.” Cruises depart daily at 5:30 pm, 6:30 pm and 7:30 pm through Jan. 1. $5-$20. Coeur d’Alene Resort, 115 S. 2nd. cdalakecruises.com (208-664-7268) POLICE OVERSIGHT TOWN HALL Conducted by Mayor David Condon to discuss the newly proposed Police Ombudsman Ordinance Dec. 12, 6 pm. West Central Comm. Center, 1603 N. Belt St. (323-7497) WINTER WONDERLAND Holiday event featuring a visit from Santa Claus, hay rides, holiday lights displays, hot drinks and cookies and more. No Discover Pass required. Dec. 12-15 from 6-8 pm each evening. $5; ages 3 and under free. Riverside State Park, Bowl & Pitcher, 4427 N. Aubrey L. White Pkwy. (465-5064) GAISER CONSERVATORY HOLIDAY LIGHTS The annual holiday lights display showcases the greenhouse deco-

TOYOTATHON

rated in thousands of lights. Best viewing after 4 pm. Hosted by the Friends of Manito. Dec. 13-22, 8 am-730 pm. Free, donations accepted. Manito Park, 1800 S. Grand Blvd. (456-8038) HOSPICE TREE Hospice of Spokane hosts the Community Memorial Tree throughout the holiday season for community members to honor their loved ones by decorating a paper dove in their memory. Dec. 13-22, Mon-Sat from 11 am-7 pm and Sun from 12:30-4:30 pm. Third floor. Dec. 13-22. Free. River Park Square, 808 W. Main. (444-1058) CHRISTMAS LIGHTS WALK A sanctioned volksswalk (5K or 10K) to view holiday lights displays. Flashlights recommended, homemade soups and bread served at the conclusion. Dec. 14, 5 pm. Free. Spokane Friends Church, 1612 W. Dalke. lilaccityvolks.com (326-3575) FRIENDS OF MANITO OPEN HOUSE The organization is selling calendars and locally-grown Poinsettia plants. Held at the Manito Meeting Rm, east of the Gaiser Conservatory. Dec. 14-15 from 4:30-7:30 pm. Free. Manito Park, 1800 S. Grand Blvd. (456-8038) NORTH POLE EXPRESS Train rides through Riverfront Park with a stop at the North Pole to visit Santa, with hot chocolate, cookies, crafts, and more. Reservations recommended. Children ages 5 or younger free with adult. Dec. 14-15 and Dec. 21-22. Departs at noon, 2 pm, 4 pm (also at 6 pm Saturday only). $12. Riverfront Park, 705 N. Howard St. (625-6600) ODYSSEY YOUTH OPEN HOUSE Meet new staff and learn about Odyssey’s Safe Schools and homeless youth prevention

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programs. Tags from OYC’s Giving Tree also available for pick-up. Dec. 15, 1:30 pm. Donations accepted. Odyssey Youth Center, 1121 S. Perry. odysseyyouth.org (325-3627) THE GARLAND’S CHRISTMAS SING-ALONG Christmas sing-a-long on the theater’s big screen. More details TBA. Dec. 17. Garland Theater, 924 W. Garland Ave. garlandtheater.com/ (509-327-1050) SANTA AT AVISTA STADIUM Photos with Santa and Spokane Indians’ mascot Otto; holiday refreshments and more. Dec. 17 and Dec. 19 from 4-6 pm. Free. Avista Stadium, 602 N. Havana St. (343-6813) INSURANCE EXCHANGE WORKSHOP Learn about the new Washington Healthfinder insurance exchange, including how to compare health plans, determine financial assistance eligibility and more. Dec. 18 and Feb. 19 from 6-8 pm. Free. Spokane Valley Library, 12004 E. Main Ave. (893-8400)

FILM

BING CROSBY HOLIDAY FILM FEST 8th annual holiday film festival feat. screenings of classic Bing Crosby films, and a motor coach tour “On the Bus with Bing” of places in Spokane where Crosby lived and played (Dec. 15 from 1-4 pm, $20). Dec. 14 at 11 am and Dec. 15 at 12:30 pm. $8, includes both days. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague Ave. (227-7404) DOWNTOWN ABBEY PREVIEW PARTY See the first episode of the hit show’s fourth season before it airs in the US. Prizes for best costumes, refreshments, activities and more. Dec. 15, 2-4 pm. Free, reservations required. Lincoln Center, 1316 N. Lincoln. ksps.org (800-735-2377)

DOUBLE CREATURE FEATURE Screening of “Homeward Bound” (4 pm) and “Best in Show” (6:30 pm) as a fundraiser for SpokAnimal. $4-$15. Dec. 16, 4 pm. $4-$15. Magic Lantern, 25 W. Main. spokanimal.org (534-8133) INLANDER GIVE GUIDE PRESENTS “ELF” The Inlander’s Give Guide, the paper’s annual local philanthropy issue, hosts a screening of the holiday film “Elf” with all proceeds benefiting Catholic Charities of Spokane. Dec. 18, 7 pm. $5 suggested donation. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. (227-7404)

FOOD

SMALL VINEYARDS OF SPAIN Wine tasting class featuring imported Spanish wines. Dec. 13 and 14 at 7 pm. $20, reservations required. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd Ave. (343-2253) VINO! WINE TASTING Friday features Powers Winery and Saturday features Airfield Estates Winery. Tastings include cheese and crackers. Dec. 13, 3-6:30 pm and Dec. 14, 2-4:30 pm. $10/each tasting. Vino!, 222 S. Washington. (838-1229) PORT WINE & CHOCOLATE TASTING Sample several decadent port wines paired with chocolate. Dec. 14, 1 pm. $10. Spice Traders Mercantile, 15614 E. Sprague. (315-4036) INLAND NW VEGAN SOCIETY POTLUCK Bring a plant-based dish to share along with an ingredient list and the recipe. Dinner is followed by a guest speaker. Third Sun. (Dec. 15) of every month, 5 pm. Donations accepted. Community Bldg, 35 W. Main. (315-2852)

MUSIC

A CELTIC CHRISTMAS Holiday-themed dinner theater concert. Dec. 12 and 13-14, dinner at 6:30 pm and show at 7:30 pm. $10-$25. Circle Moon Theater, Hwy 211 off Hwy 2. npainc.org (208-448-1294) TRADITIONS OF CHRISTMAS Musicalstyle performance featuring dancing and singing of traditional Christmas songs from around the world. Dec. 12-23, Thurs-Sat at 7 pm, also Sat at 3 pm, Sun at 3 pm and Mon, Dec. 23 at 1 pm. $20-$33. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. traditionsofchristmasnw.com (208-391-2867) CANDLELIGHT CHRISTMAS CONCERT The Gonzaga Choirs’ annual holiday concert. Dec. 13, 7:30 pm and Dec. 14, 2 pm. St. Aloysius Church, 330 E. Boone. stalschurch. org (313-6733) I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS Holiday musical/drama inspired by the nostalgia of WWII, performed in a dessert-theater format. Dec. 13 at 7 pm, Dec. 14 at 2 pm and 7 pm. $5. First Church of Nazarene, 9004 N. Country Homes Blvd. (467-8986) UNIVERSITY OF IDAHO JAZZ CHOIRS Holiday concert featuring the University’s Jazz Choirs and 700 local public school choir members. Dec. 13, 8 pm. Free, donations requested. Kibbie Activity Center, 1000 Stadium Dr., Moscow. (208-885-6259) SOUNDS OF CHRISTMAS Concert featuring the NIC Wind Symphony, Cardinal Chorale and Chamber Singers and Cardinal Vocal Jazz. Dec. 14, 7:30 pm and Dec. 15, 2 pm. North Idaho College, 1000 W. Garden Ave. (208-665-2759)

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RELATIONSHIPS

Advice Goddess FLESH PRINCE

My boyfriend of two years has always disparaged gentlemen’s clubs. I truly believed him until he visited his family and I searched Google Maps on his computer for something in his hometown. The text box predicted “strip clubs” there. I confronted him, and looking to prove me wrong, he showed me his “places” history. Various searches for strip clubs showed up. (I don’t think he understood that Google keeps track of that AMY ALKON stuff.) He claimed he didn’t do these searches and suggested that his brother or someone who borrowed his computer did. We have sex regularly, and he is loving and treats me very well, so I put aside his lying and gave him another chance. I should say that I understand men’s interest in these clubs; I just don’t feel it’s right for guys in relationships to go because of the possibility of cheating happening. Disturbingly, I just found some Hooters coupons with his stuff. I think that the fact that he may go to these places doesn’t bother me as much as the fact that he’s lying about it —Worried A woman wants to believe a man when he claims he hates those nasty “gentlemen’s clubs.” Yeah, the last thing any man wants to see is a totally hot 21-year-old with enormous breasts doing upside-down splits on a pole. There’s that line from politics: “It isn’t the crime; it’s the cover-up.” Not only did your boyfriend pre-lie, laying out the above bed of lies like lettuce on a cottage cheese plate, but he followed up with the obvious honker that it had to be somebody else searching for nudie bars on his computer. Yes, it was probably Granny, who, like many women her age, loves to go to strip clubs and make it rain Social Security checks. As for why he lied, consider that there’s a notion that men are pigs — simply for being men. Men evolved to be highly visual and variety-driven in their sexual desire, while women evolved to be more emotion- and commitment-driven. Male sexuality isn’t wrong; it’s just different. But men are so used to being under attack for what turns them on that many default to denying it. They keep mum to avoid conflict in their relationships, in part because they think they could never explain male desire in a way that wouldn’t make a woman’s head fly off and chase them around the room. The truth is, we all lie, all day long, and often think nothing of it. If you cram your muffin-top into Spanx or put goop on your eyebags, you’re lying about what you really look like. And frankly, if people could read our thoughts, most of us wouldn’t make it to lunchtime without a co-worker’s bludgeoning us with a stapler. But because we alone know what we’re thinking, a person can say sweet, relationship-enhancing things to his partner — “You’re the only woman for me!” — while entertaining less palatable fantasies: “If only I could have you, your sister, the Swedish women’s bobsled team, and that girl from The Weather Channel in a swimming pool of butterscotch pudding!” Still, fantasizing and cheating are two different things. Sure, some guys who go to strip clubs are looking to get some on the side, but a guy can do that at the office or the corner bar without breaking out a wad of Benjamins. And Hooters? Naughty in concept, but in reality, a place to eat heavily battered chicken strips while having platonic conversations with a married waitress in gym clothes and 1980s pantyhose. As for those coupons your boyfriend had, nothing helps a guy seduce a waitress like whipping out a voucher for 10 percent off. (“Hey, big spender!”) Another woman may turn your man’s head (or make it swivel like a turbo lazy Susan), but that doesn’t mean she turns his ethics, too. If you have reason to believe your boyfriend is a good guy, driven by ethical standards instead of what he can get away with, chances are he’s just looking at strippers from time to time instead of looking to get some strange. Relationships are built on trust, but they’re also built on white lies about who we really are and having the wisdom to look the other way at stuff that doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. You and your boyfriend have heat in the bedroom, and he is loving and treats you well. Sounds like he’s happy. That’s probably the single best motivator for a guy to make visiting strip clubs nothing more than an occasional form of sightseeing — as much a threat to your relationship as a visit to the Grand Tetons (on one of those days they’re decked out in flaming nipple tassels and 5-inch Lucite heels). n ©2013, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)

64 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

EVENTS | CALENDAR SPIRIT OF SPOKANE CHORUS “The Secret of Christmas” concert, featuring members of the chorus, guest soloists, ensembles and instrumentalists. Dec. 14, 7 pm. $10. Opportunity Presbyterian, 202 N. Pines. spiritofspokanechorus.org (208-659-7346) WHITWORTH CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL The annual concert features more than 120 students performering choral works, readings and traditional carols. Dec. 14 at 8 pm, Dec. 15 at 3 pm. $15-$18. The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. (624-1200) SPOKANE AREA YOUTH CHOIRS “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like SAYChoirs” holiday concert, featuring all four children’s choirs. Dec. 15, 3 pm. $5$8. Westminster Congregational, 411 S. Washington. SAYChoirs.org (624-7992) SPOKANE BRITISH BRASS BAND “Yuletide Brass” holiday concert. Dec. 15, 3 pm. $10; students free. SFCC Music Bldg., 3410 W. Ft. George Wright Dr. sbbb.org (533-3500) CLARION BRASS “This is What Christmas Sounds Like” holiday concert. Dec. 16, 7:30 pm. $16-$18. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd, CdA. Also performing Dec. 17 and 18 at 7:30 pm. $18. St. John’s Cathedral, 127 E. 12th. (325-7328) JACC RISING STARS: COLBY & JUSTIN Concert featuring local young musicians Colby Acuff and Justin Sherfey. Dec. 18, 7 pm. $5. The JACC, 405 N. William St., Post Falls. (208-457-8950)

PERFORMANCE

MOBIUS EXREME SCIENCE SHOW Live science demonstratios. Dec. 13, 7 pm. $8. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. (227-7404) ALLEGRO DANCE CHRISTMAS RECITAL “Twas the Night Before Christmas” annual holiday recital. Dec. 13-14, 7 pm. Panida Theater, 300 N. First, Sandpoint. (208-263-9191) MILLWOOD BALLET’S THE NUTCRACKER Children of the ballet school present the classic holiday story. Dec. 14, 7 pm and Dec. 15, 2 pm. $12. SCC, 1810 N. Greene St. companyballetspokane.com (869-5573) SUN FIRE, SOUL FIRE Dance performance by Moondance Productions, featuring the Gypsy Diva Dance Troupe, live musicians and more. Dec. 15, 4 pm. $8-$20. Sandpoint Events Center, 515 Pine St. (208-304-3143) EUGENE BALLET’S THE NUTCRACKER Performance of the classic holiday ballet. Dec. 16, 7 pm. $10-$25. Panida Theater, 300 N. First, Sandpoint. panida. org (208-263-9191)

SPORTS

SCHWEITZER’S 50TH ANNIVERSARY For Community Day on Fri, all lift tickets are $10, with proceeds benefiting local nonprofits. Founders Day on Sat features $19.63 lift tickets, live music and more. Sun afternoon lift tickets are $25. Dec. 13-15. Schweitzer, 10000 Schweitzer Mountain Rd. (877-487-4643) BENEFIT YOGA CLASS Free yoga class with a non-perishable or monetary donation to benefit the Moscow Food Bank. Dec. 14 at 10:45 am and Dec. 21 at 10 am. By donation. Moscow Yoga Center, 525 S. Main St. (208-883-8315) FBC SPOKANE VALLEY CHAPTER The Spokane Valley Chapter’s First Fiasco/ Festivus/Toys For Tots Toy Run. Dec. 17, meet at 7 pm, ride at 8 pm, including

a toy drop-off. $1; toy donation also requested. Statz Blue Keg, 12303 E. Trent Ave. See event page on facebook.com.

THEATER

BEST LITTLE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER Holiday musical performed by the JACC’s Theatre Troupe. Dec. 12-15 at 7:30 pm, Dec. 15 and 22 at 2 pm. $15$20. The JACC, 405 N. William St., Post Falls. (208-457-8950) A CHRISTMAS CAROL Collaboration between the U. of Idaho Theatre Dept. and the Idaho Repertory Theatre. Dec. 11-14 at 7:30 pm, Dec. 14-15 at 2 pm. $6$8. U. of Idaho Hartung Theater, 709 Deakin Ave. (208-885-6111) A CHRISTMAS CABARET Featuring Ellen Travolta, Mark Cotter and Jack Bannon. Through Dec. 21, Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 5 pm. $20-$25. Coeur d’Alene Resort, 115 S. 2nd. achristmascabaret.com (208-435-4000) THE CHRISTMAS SCHOONER Holiday family musical. Through Dec. 22, ThuSat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Dec. 1215 performances benefit SpokAnimal; tickets are $11 with a donated pet item Regular price $22-$30. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard. (325-2507) MILLION DOLLAR QUARTET Broadway rock musical. Dec. 12-15. $33-$73. INB Performing Arts Center, 334 W. Spokane Falls Blvd. inbpac.com (279-7000) OUR TOWN Updated adaptation of the classic play by Thornton Wilder. Through Dec. 14, Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm, $12-$28. Interplayers, 174 S. Howard St. (455-7529) THE SANTALAND DIARIES Comedy by David Sedaris. Through Dec. 22, ThursSat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $11-$17. Lake City Playhouse, 1320 E. Garden Ave. (208-667-1323) TINY TIM’S CHRISTMAS Holidaythemed comedy/mystery. Through Dec. 15, Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. $12. Liberty Lake Community Theatre, 22910 E. Appleway. (342-2055) A CHRISTMAS CAROL Performed in the style of a live radio broadcast by StageWest Theatre. Through Dec. 15, Fri-Sat at 7 pm, Dec. 8 at 3 pm, holiday dinner theater ($25) on Dec. 14 at 6 pm. $10-$12. Emmanuel Lutheran Church, 639 Elm, Cheney. (235-2441) A DICKENS OF A DINNER Originallyadapted production of “A Christmas Carol” with a Victorian-style dinner. Dec. 13-14 at 6 pm. Reservations encouraged. $40-$45. The Lion’s Share, 1627 N. Atlantic. (327-1113) THE LION, THE WITCH & THE WARDROBE Stage adaptation of the classic children’s fantasy. Dec. 13-22, Fri-Sat at 7 pm, Sat at 4 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $8-$10. Theater Arts for Children, 2114 N. Pines. (995-6718) THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER Performed by students in the Civic’s Academy, for the theater’s 6th annual scholarship benefit performance. Dec. 14 at 1 pm and 4 pm, Dec. 15 at 7 pm. $5-$15. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard. (325-2507)

VISUAL ARTS

ARTWALK Monthly art showcase throughout downtown galleries and businesses. Dec. 13 from 5-8 pm. Free. Downtown CdA. (208-292-1629) SUE SEGOTA Oil paintings by the Moscow-based artist depicting local scenes.

Runs through Jan. 8. Opening reception Dec. 13 from 5:30-7 pm. Free. Moscow Food Co-op, 121 E. 5th. (208-882-8537) HOLIDAY ART SHOW “Functional Art & Gifts” featuring handmade items by more than 40 local artists, a hot chocolate bar, cookies and more. Dec. 14, 12-8 pm. Manic Moon & More, 1007 W. Augusta Ave. (413-9101) WEST CENTRAL FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS Gallery showcase featuring a variety of Spokane artists including paintings, wood crafts, pottery, jewelry, photography, quilts and more. Through Dec. 20, dates and hours vary. Free. Salem Lutheran Church, 1428 W. Broadway Ave. (328-6260)

WORDS

AUTHOR KEVIN DECKER Reading, discussion and book signing of the author’s book “Who is Who?” a philosophical look into the TV show “Doctor Who.” Dec. 12, 7 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main. (838-0206) ANTHOLOGY Show featuring Spokane’s best poets and authors, comedy and improv. Proceeds from the event benefit RiverLit, a quarterly magazine Dec. 14, 7 pm. $8-$12. The Bartlett, 228 W. Sprague Ave. facebook.com/ events/576241205767886 MARY FARRELL & KAY LECLAIRE Reading, discussion and book signing with the author of “Journey to the Top of the World,” a book about Kay LeClaire’s journey to climb the world’s tallest mountains. Dec. 14, 2 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main. (838-0206) THE WORDWRIGHT’S WORKSHOP Themed poetry-writing workshops focus on writing, performance quality, and more. Second Sat. of every month (Dec. 14), 4:30 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main. spokanepoetryslam.org (838-0206) AUTHOR STEPHEN SHEPPARD Reading, discussion and signing of “Hydromania A History of the Diamond Cup” about the CdA hydroplane race. Dec. 15, 1 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main. (838-0206) SPOKANE POETRY SLAM Competitive performance poetry, open to all who sign up. Ages 21+. Dec. 15, 9 pm. $5 to compete; $5 suggested donation for audience. The Lantern Tap House, 1004 S. Perry. (315-9531)

ETC.

EAGLE WATCH CRUISE View the 100s of bald eagles that stop at Lake CdA for their annual migration. Sat-Sun at 1 pm through Dec. 22; daily from Dec. 26-Jan. 1 at 1 pm. $15-$23. Coeur d’Alene Resort. cdacruises.com (208664-7268) SANTACON Second annual holiday pub crawl. Starts at the Red Lion Barbecue. Ages 21+, participants are encouraged to dress as Santa or Mrs. Claus. Dec. 14, 4 pm. Free. Downtown Spokane. santacon.info (206-310-4164) COORDINATED HEALTH CARE SEMINAR Informational session on the Affordable Care Act, Medicaid Expansion and the Health Insurance Marketplace. Dec. 16 at 3 pm and Dec. 17 at 530 pm. Dec. 16, 3 pm and Dec. 17, 530 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main. (690-3572) n

MORE EVENTS

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Landlords: Equal Housing Opportunity All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Law which makes it illegal to advertise any preference to, limitation or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination. This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for our real estate which is in violation of the law. Our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain on discrimination call HUD free at 1-800-669-9777. The toll free telephone number for the hearing impaired is 1-800-927-9275.

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Clouds of Vapor I was trying juice at Sublime Vapor the other day and saw you across the bar. Our eyes met, and I kept glancing over at you, but was too shy to ask for your name. So to the blonde girl with the VTR and the cinnamon candy Midas juice, wanna meet up and vape sometime? Email me @ james.john151990@hotmail.com

grey pants, and cool tats on my arms. Yep, you totally caught me staring. I wasn’t exactly trying to hide it. Now, I’m not sure what an “alt girl” is but I hope that’s not what stopped you from coming up to say hello. Regardless of whether or not it would work, I’d like to meet you and maybe see what sort of epic failings we can make happen. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for ya next time I’m up. Email me pinktopgraypants@gmail.com

Mother is heartbroken and I am lost without you. We have no idea what you are thinking or doing. Are you safe or ill? What makes a child divest themselves from their family, without a word And now your son is asking about you. What will we say to him? What can we say? His Dad is trying to “Find himself”? Really, are you that lost that you can’t call home? You do have a home you know. HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY son, we love you! Same address and phone number as always.

law and now I have the hassle of cancelling all of my credit cards, getting new ID, and changing all of my auto-bill payment. Totally not cool.

Yo girl. I saw you and you saw me, for sure. Me and my bros were downing some jaeger bomb blasters at the table next to you and you interrupted us while we were comparing our spray tans to tell me that I had the dopest tan and I was all like, You know it girl. You liked that, so I got you a vodka cranberry and we took some sick selfies with my phone and made all my boys super jealous because you are hot and they never get to meet hot chicks. And I was all like, you like that bitches! to my bros and they were all like, whatevs and went to that other bar ‘cause they heard it was ladies night there. We had some more drinks, which I put on my company card and you thought that was cool then we talked about my bench pressing stats (275, 3 reps baby! -- I’m sure you didn’t forget that) and I let you wear my REAL SILVER ENCRUSTED eagle medallion while I did 78 push ups in the middle of the bar until that d-bag bartender told me to stop. What was up with that guy? Anyway, we took those dope tequila shots and then I’m sorry that I puked all over you. That ain’t my style, girl. I think my protein shake had some bad milk in it or something. The bartender made me leave because I took my pukey shirt off and I think he was jealous of my sick ass body and I never got your name or number. But let’s hook it up. What we have is magic, girl, and I’m like Criss Angel, baby. Hookups like this are why I read the I SAW YOU section of the Inlander every week. I love the stories of missed connections that could have been amazing. The people who are bordering stalkers (it’s a fine line). Those people who pay it forward! and the people who have nothing better to do than make up a fake I saw you ad just to get your attention. If you have any amazing stories from the I SAW YOU section, send them to ChrisB@inlander.com because we are going to be doing a story about them. Thanks!

You Saw Me

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A Lodging Thought While the safe drive to the mountain may not entail all things epic, rest assured that the combined memories spent loosing myself to the mountain as we became one is the very reason why it is my favorite place to be. Each time I arrive home safely, I am grateful for the experience of

TO CONNECT

Put a non-identifying email address in your message, like “petals327@yahoo.com” — not “j.smith@comcast.net.”

Happy Birthday Buddy! 2-12-13.. Have a Awesome Day!!! Thinking of You. LU!!!!! Me! Smoochie Bear Here I am, finally writing one of these for you to find. I’m not looking for a response, I just figured that this was the best way to finally say goodbye to you. You were everything to me, and I will miss everything about you. You were the best thing that walked into my life. This is me letting go. I will love you forever. Stay beautiful. p.s. HAPPY birthday

Jeers the new day as I anticipate the next. I am in for the ride of my life, be it safe or full of risk. There are no guarantees in life, nor life in guarantee.

Spokane Police Dept. “Not long ago, I very suddenly found myself in a dangerous situation which could’ve ended very badly. I called and you came and saved me... for this, I will be forever grateful. From your dispatch, to all who responded, I am so grateful for all of your service. I believe that you are one of the best things about Spokane! Lord knows, you’ve got your work cut out for you here! Again, thank you for all you do, and for keeping the good guys safe. Safe and Happy Holidays to you all! From E. in B.A.”

Squeaky Clean Dear neighbor dude, While I appreciate your quest for cleanliness, I do not appreciate your twice daily showers that consist of one or (most of the time) all of the following- Singing loudly (showtunes, I believe? That’s just weird-you’re a dude. A married dude). Blowing your nose (exactly how much snot do you have up there? Or maybe you’re opening your sinuses to aid in your singing career?). Slamming the shower door when you get in and out. Having your nightly chat session with the wife at midnight while you shower for 30-60 minutes. Dropping something that sounds oddly like a razor. Do you shave your legs??? Here’s the thing neighbor dude- I should not know any of the above about you but you are so loud, that there is simply no way for me to not only know your most intimate of affairs (yes, I am serious when I say intimate-catch my drift?) that I feel as though we have shared in your daily showering together. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy; take your neighbors into consideration from the moment that you step into that shower and don’t slam the door to when you get out and also do not slam the door.

JCW Where are you? What’s happening with you? It has been 13 years since you decided to live your life without the ones that love you most. Thirteen Christmas’, Thanksgivings, birthdays, life changing events, that family’s share. Life and death in your family that you don’t know about. Your

was a gift from my mother-in-

Cheers RE: RE: Time Cannot Erase I couldn’t have dreamt of getting a better reply to my cheers. Sadly, I’m pretty sure I’m not the person, you think you’re replying too. We had a lot of goofy nicknames involved but.. SM Potatoe pie is not ringing any bells. Especially in response to the one I used, on the original cheers. Best of luck to you!

Greedy To the gym that charges parents to watch their children play ball, shame on you! When you charged a buck it was petty considering you provide not enough parking, crappy seating, and no supplies for injuries (like your competitors). Now you up it to five bucks which becomes financially hard on some parents/ grandparents to support and encourage their kids. I did the math and you had to rake in over 9K for the weekend and we all know that this was under the table cash. Charge enough for the tournament so that fans can attend without feeling ripped off. Support a strong community and stop taking advantage of the situation! Our team has already made it clear to our coach that we will not attend your tournaments or summer league if things do not change. It’s Called Walking - Not Driving Your Dog! Walking your dog does not involve endangering him by holding his leash out the driver’s side window and driving your car down the street. I actually thought you were going to hit him as he was very close to your front tire. If you can’t get off your lazy rear and walk him properly, don’t have a dog and rehome him/her with someone who actually has a brain and cares about the safety of the pet. Anything could have happened to him – injury, maiming, death. You are a complete idiot and don’t deserve to own this dog; he is no doubt smarter than you are. If I hadn’t been so horrified, I would have gotten your license plate number and reported you to both the police and animal control for animal endangerment. If I see you doing this again, I will definitely snag that plate number and report it. I encourage those living on the lower South Hill between Maple and Monroe to be on the lookout for this idiot who thinks this is an appropriate and safe to walk his dog. Get his plate number and report him to the police and animal

WINNER!!

Nena B. is this week’s winner of the “Say it Sweet” promotion! My Wallet - Not Yours Jeers Send in your CHEERS so to whoever decided that it was a good idea to unzip my you too can be encoat pockets in the Numerica Club tered to win 1 dozen at the Spokane Arena last Saturday “Cheers” cupcakes at during the Pearl Jam concert and Celebrations Sweet steal my wallet and throw my coat Boutique. on the ground. Not cool. The wallet

“I Saw You” is for adults 18 or older. The Inlander reserves the right to edit or reject any advertisement at any time at its sole discretion and assumes no responsibility for the content.

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Jeers

control. If brains were bones, moron, you would be a jellyfish. BTW, if you are ever interested in getting some exercise, I’d be more than happy to put a collar and leash on you, hold them out the car window, and take you for a little jog-- you had better hope that you don’t slip or trip, that I don’t have to stop suddenly, or that someone doesn’t come careening around a corner. On second thought, those would all be an eye opening learning experience so you can see just what jeopardy you put your dog in. You were then, and still are, the south end of a north bound donkey.

living my life blissfully unaware that your twiggish frame was more “desireable”. Next time you feel the need to relieve yourself in public I’d at least reccommend picking a building that wasn’t directly in sight of the freeway. I hope you enjoy being in a group of people including hobo bob and the hookers of spokane, only they are classy enough to drop their drawers in these parts. Sincerely yours, The fattest chick you’ll ever have the honor of flipping off.

They cut the sound level 20dB and you can actually hear conversations better. Trust me; I’m an engineer.

Pee and Run To the girl I caught pissing in the parking lot tonight: you madame are a rare and wondrous creature. I’d even go as far as brilliant. You popped a squat in the most well lit portion of our parking lot directly outside of the back door while cars were still in the lot, then proceded to act shocked when I mean mugged you and encouraged you to move along. If this act of genius was not enough to prove your higher intelligence, well calling me and my friends/coworkers fat definitely did. Never in a million years could I have dreamt of a more original insult! I’m so glad you were there to tell me my marhmallow on toothpicks frame is less then desireable, I would have gone on

Sound Check Here’s a vexed jeer to club owners, arenas, and fitness classes. The volumes are permanently damaging your patrons hearing but everyone seems fine with that including patrons. A few weeks ago with my sound meter in hand, I visited a popular club on Main and the average level was 98dB (decibels). We interviewed 43 people; it was too loud for 16, OK for 26, and too soft for 1. Here’s the science: 85dB = 8 hours OK, 88dB = 4 hours OK, 91dB = 2 hours, 94dB = 1 hour, 97 db = 1/2 hour, 100db = 1/4 hour, and 103dB = 1/8 hour (8 minutes). It was 103dB on the dance floor where the club owner and the band like it. Chain saws are 105dB. Your ears probably ring when you get home and goes away but maybe keeps ringing longer?....someday sooner than you think, they will ring forever. Please wear ear plugs.

Thieves For whoever broke windows out of our delivery van, and our Mom and Pop florist shop, stole from us, and forged our checks, we wonder how much sustained pleasure and enduring benefit they can really take from doing that? After all, we are just elderly pensioners, with most of our lives behind us, and we made little more than enough profit, from our shop, to be able to stay in business so far. It was, mostly, the feeling of bringing some cheer, and creative art, to our neighborhood, and the larger community, that sustained and encouraged us, over nearly 17 years, but we wonder how much longer we can continue, if whoever now takes exception, continues to, indefinitely, punish us at the same unrelenting pace we’ve suffered over the past month and a half? While we’ll try to persevere, of course, we are not rich with unllimited resources. Perhaps the real question comes down to whether our neighborhood is better off without us, and only time will tell.

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DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 69

The scene last week at River Park Square.

Wish Lists American families will spend on average $801 on gifts this holiday season — a lot of it on toys for their kids. What’s at the top of their list? We investigate BY DEANNA PAN

mma Fiala is 6, and she’s scared. She’s waiting in straightens Emma’s wavy blonde bob for the photo. the back of the line to see Santa at the River Park Emma has blue eyes, white, chiclet teeth, black patent Square atrium. The queue is about a dozen kids Mary Janes and sequins on her sweater. Her parents have deep, curving around the base of the tree to the front taken her to this mall to see this Santa every year since door. The giant, gilded evergreen dazzles above their she was born. Emma is breathless, rattling off her Christheads. Santa looks regal in his velvety green mas list: A Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer mini chair, flanked by oversized candy canes and his pillow pet, a Littlest Pet Shop Tree House and teddy bear sentry. a Furby Boom (“that’s pink with white polka Send comments to Emma’s scared because she and Mom got editor@inlander.com. dots”) which, this reporter has learned, is an in a fight over her gloves before they came. interactive stuffed animal that lays eggs in iPads Emma said she didn’t need gloves. Mom said and hatches virtual “Furbling” babies. she wasn’t listening and Santa, undoubtedly, was watch“You get the app and then, then you can like, make it ing. take a shower,” Emma says. Emma’s mom pulls a comb from her purse and Gage and Serenity Churchill, siblings, 10 and 8,

LETTERS

70 INLANDER DECEMBER 12, 2013

YOUNG KWAK PHOTOS

bespectacled and toothy, meanwhile are at the front of the line. They’ve come prepared with colored paper letters, which they read to Santa, sitting on his lap. They don’t want toys; their tastes are more adult. Gage asks for a Surface 2, Microsoft’s latest tablet because “you can multitask.” Serenity, meanwhile, requests a Kindle Fire and an mp3 player, so she can play games and listen to “Call Me Maybe, Justin Bieber and Pink.” Serenity, says her brother, “has Beiber fever.” When their turn finally arrives, Emma and her little brother Jack and big sister Morgan avoid eye contact with Santa as they recite their lists from memory. Mom says they can ask Santa for three things each. Morgan, who’s 8, is dressed identically to her sister. She also requests a Furby Boom and a Kurio, “a mini tablet for kids.” (“It has over 50 games already downloaded on it!”) Jack, a spritely redhead, sucks a lollipop and contorts a plastic Buzz Lightyear in his left hand. He asks for “a creeper, a Minecraft set with a creeper and egg and TNT, a stuffed animal creeper and a Kurio.” On Santa’s cue, Jack, Emma and Morgan smile and say “chicken nuggets” for the camera. They hop off his lap, suckers in a hand, while children still in line pace in anticipation, with their lists in their heads or crumpled in their fists, waiting to catch up with Santa. 

DECEMBER 12, 2013 INLANDER 71

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